May Allah protect innocent Muslim Balochistan family😔 and other innocent Muslim family😔 too in Pakistan Pakistan stop kidnapped and killed innocebnt family😔
What are we meant to do to our parents ali dawah know it all. Put them in a home. I live with my parents my wife and 2 children Alhamdulillah. I have 2 brothers and we argued over who wants to take care and live with mum and dad me being the youngest my mum dad decided to live with me and I happily accepted. I don't tell my wife to look after my parents she happily does it. its my farz to look after my parents. So wat if couples are newly married you have ur own bedroom. My mum and dad are 80 plus bro take this video down you cause fitnah with it. You giving a wrong msg to the youth stating that don't live with them. Strongly disagree with this video shame on you Ali wallahi I follow you alot on this matter disagree with you keep saying the hadith regarding mother in islam mother mother mother then father.
I'll take all that back cos Ali wat you said at the end summarised it all. Sorry Ali bro wallhi I follow you and love ur videos I'm sorry 4 getting emotional on the matter love you my brother Ali ❤️ ♥️
If you don't want to live with in laws first establish this, second don't ask for £30-50k wedding. That's 4 years worth of rent. Don't ask for glamourous wedding and be a princess one day and prisoner for rest of life
You should be on the podcast as well, well said sir. To be fair, sometimes its the parents who force the Glamorous wedding to fit there status, that's another story anyway.
If like me, your father becomes very ill, your mother is tired and old and you KNOW in your heart (like me) than he will likely not live more than 3 to 5 years. Will you let your own parents live alone because your queen selfish wife wants to be alone in her castle ? Let me tell you something, someone who marry such a woman and accepts the "condition" you mentioned, is worse than an animal !
The good ol "make zina cheap and what's halal expensive" enforced by people trying to impress strangers who dont give a damn about them. People and culture always get in the way
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
@@Blaze0071 I agree but most people cannot find their own place generally unless they have enough to move out rent etc my thing is that sisters shouldn't ask for 10k+ Mehr and expect big wedding if they don't want to live with in laws unless the brother is super rich then go for it it's your life lol
The problem is the mother in law has had an unromantic marriage herself due to the joint family system, where hugging your spouse, holding hands, giving a light kiss on the forehead while departing, complimenting each other on small things was a taboo and out of question. Love was nothing but creating children in the darkness of bedroom and there was no genuine love and romance. She would be covered from head to toe in front of her husband all day long. They could not share a laugh or joke or giggle. So her life revolved around her children whom she loved, hugged, kissed and cared for every moment. The love that she lacked in her life, she tried to locate in and associate with her children. This leads to 3 things: 1. Same expectations from daughter in law, who belongs to a whole new generation and has different expectations from married life 2. Mother being as jealous of daughter in law as she would be of a co-wife because in her eyes, her daughter in law has 'snatched' her son from her. 3. Son expecting her wife to behave and adjust to joint family system just like her mother was doing. There is a saying, bad mother in laws make bad mother in laws but I think bad marriages make bad mother in laws. This then becomes a vicious cycle. If the parents in laws themselves enjoyed a healthy romantic life, they would tell their sons and daughter in laws to go and enjoy themselves.
You hit the nail on the head. I grew up with parents who loved and adored one another. I always witnessed affection and love between them growing up and now that my mother is a mother in law she really could care less and doesn't get involved. She doesn't want anyone living in her house because she likes having her own space and my parents are always traveling and enjoying one another's company mashaAllah. Opposite of my mother in law who attached to her sons instead of her husband and didn't have the best marriage. The dynamics are very different.
This is very true. The whole concept of wife snatching son away from mother is a concept based on emotional incest. It is unhealthy and frankly unislamic. But many desis dont care. They keep saying "mother over wife" as if the 2 are co wives.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. With that said, living with your wife and brothers in the same house is a complete no, and I would rather stay unmarried if that were the case. I myself live with my parents only and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
We all should be conscious of Allah swt in whose name we ask each other our rights. Let no one complain to Allah swt about us. Regarding marriage we should try to put all efforts into it making it beautiful and stable. Small compliments, kind words, words of praise, assurance and encouraging each other to sabr
If you live with male siblings, imagine your wife having to cover up in her own house outside her bedroom, imagine not being able to be intimate and comfortable in your own space because your parents are sleeping in the next room. Nah, sounds like a headache and detrimental to your intimate life. Hard pass
Some of these guys who keep whining about women not living with their in-laws must be lowkey dayyuth. Are they really okay with their wives living in such close proximity with any brothers they might have? Even worse if there's an extended family living together and now she's around HIS male cousins. No thanks.
My brother and his wife and his baby are living in our crib we got 3 brothers here. I’d say i love my sister in law and this only increased out relationship all around. And ofc this is a short term thing
@@mizbrob7703 Kids are so unaware at Night i can tell you. Also Kids go to School and Kindergarden so there is always Space for beeing Loud and free. Also Parents in Law get very Jealous of the Sons Sex Life( Believe me i had experienced it) a Kid doesnt walk around his Parents Bedroom if you give them clear Rules.
@@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564 Lets not forget how many Skandals happen in such Familys where Affairs with the Brother in Law happens! Doesnt mean always but it is very dangerous. And for those who say its like your Brother, in the Past when a Husband died the Wife married his Brother. Far away from beeing equal like a Blood Brother.
Those who are insulating sister Naznin should fear Allah swt! All our sisters who come to the show should be shown utmost respect even if you differ with her. She made some very key and valid points and I agreed with most of the things she said which is true.
This whole conversation is a very very controversial issue to be honest until this day!!? Here and in every country especially with Asians., sorry not to disturb brother zeeshan but it is the truth!! I seen happening still now!!
@@Abuzahid150580 if it happens you should ask the question why did she choose him Instead of all the other loving, caring men. Women need to forget the looks and just deal with good traits.
@@almurabitun He DID state a fact. You must SEE outside. Even TODAY, people ( in Ind, Pak and Bgl) cannot afford their own houses, let alone get separate properties for both the parents or the spouse. Having said that, it is also true that, troubles do happen a lot in joint families, pressure does build up and there are pretty tough times too. If only all are rich like Arabs or other middle eastern people. :)
@@rbmrbm-gx3st you see. I am not against staying alone. But why is it so difficult for you to comprehend the fact that, in South asian countries, people cannot AFFORD houses. That's 90% of the time.
The guy in the white shirt made so many valid points as to why people live with in-laws and actually brought the other side of the arguement on his own, so well done to him! Maybe a more diverse panel in future? So beforehand you know there are three people arguing for and three people arguing against ?
Everybody's situation and family is different. When I got married 17 years ago, we lived with my mum for two years until we could afford our own place. Then we lived on our own for 14 years. Now my wife's mother lives with us due to changed circumstances. Such is life, there is no one way of doing such things, as life is a test and we all go through different phases in our lives.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
your wife's mother living with you and you got 100 + like but you would tell the same thing that your mother lives with you due to situation you maybe hate comments from women
Do you know that here in the subcontinent hijabis/niqabis are finding it more difficult to get married, most of the parents aren't getting their son married with a religious woman because they know she'll need her own space, she'll avoid contact with males etc. Most of the women who live with in laws are forced to free mix with male relatives such as husband's brother, his sister's husband, and when she refuse she's being told " if you have to live in OUR home then follow our rules otherwise you can go to your parents house" Just imagine how it feels like when you leave your parents home to live with your husband but you're being told " it's not your home" Many women even sacrifice their religious values just for the sake of " fitting with inlaws" because she don't want to make her parents sad.
The reason these in laws don't want hijabis and nikabis is because these girls maybe studied Islam and don't believe in culture so these girls will have a voice and shut the in laws up if they cross the line 😂 so the cultural in laws are too scared they won't be able to treat these types of humans as slaves in their homes.
When i got married all of my husbands siblings lived with us and his married sister. His mom left two weeks after with her husband. She told my brother in laws they have to use our bathroom because the other bathrooms are reserved for the sisters. My mother in law then called me and told me her other sons are my sons as well So there’s no hijab with them. I was suppose to baby them and I did while Being pregnant otherwise my husband would hear crap. Where I was suppose to be up at 8 in morning their daughters slept till 12 or 3pm. Asking for cooked food. We eventually moved out after 3 years. My in-laws were mad. In-laws and especially Asian ones say you are their daughter only to abuse you. There’s a stark difference between how they treat their daughters and others.
@@Musaiftekhar lies. Don't lie on Islam. A woman is not required by obedience to do things for her inlaws. It is in fact sadaqah and if she does it she will be rewarded. If she doesn't cook and clean for her mother in law she will not be sinful.
My husband had a room in his parents house and suggested that I come and live with them. I refused, because how can I live with strangers and non mahrams and share the kitchen and bathroom with them? That means, the only place I don't need a hijab is in the bedroom. Islamically, I'm not even allowed to eat with a brother in law at the same table. How could I cook my food when the living room is connected to the kitchen? In that case, I wouldn't of left my room. My husband wouldn't have enjoyed the nice hot meals after work. What about intimacy between husband and wife, knowing the in laws are in the next room? Also ghusl. There's no privacy at all and everybody would know your business. Imagine washing your night clothes that only your husband is meant to see and hanging them in front of your in laws 😂 We rented a small flat and everything was fine. Nowadays, people think they need to "own" a house, they're too ashamed to rent. I believe living separately helped our marriage be where it is now
your right most people in this comment section are just brainwashed by their culture tbh as a brother i could never let my wife live in the same house as other people
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
These discussions are so important and necessary! Thank you for developing this show- may Allah give this project barakah and support those who need to hear these talks the most 🤲🏽 ameen
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
In laws should live close enough so you can go every day and within walking distance but not same house. Lived with in laws and then in laws lived with us. Was a disaster. Never had any privacy day or night. Always people over. Always judged. Constantly making food and tea. Cleaning house always a mess. People popping in kids staying over. Nowhere was off limits including the bedroom.
True, here in some cultures the women aren't allowed to even close the door of her bedroom all day except at night. Anyone comes inn any time and don't even bother to knock.
I would never defend my son or daughter if I saw them oppressing their spouse. I could never be dishonest to myself and also teach my child that it’s ok to oppress… Never…
@@12gmkk29 well I would never keep quiet if I saw my kids being oppressive… Allah says we should be, just even if it’s against our family… Sura nisa 135: O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allāh, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allāh is more worthy of both.1 So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allāh is ever, of what you do, Aware.
Too true wallahi. I've lived in an extended family all my life and all I see is clashes and blame games. Not to say there isn't those moments of affection, but living in a nuclear family definitely minimises all those problems a whole lot.
Will living on your own make life a paradise? Unless you married a 40 year old you is now well off, life on your own will mean being financially tight for a loooong time. Is it worth it?
I think it is important for husband and wife to live separately and have their own space to get to know one another and build a strong foundation for marriage and also bringing up children. When living with in-laws you are not only getting to know your husband and learning about each other, you also have the added pressure to get to know the in-laws too. In-laws may interfere etc and that's not healthly for the married couple.
You are 100% correct. That is exactly why I live separately from my family. But it is not always possible due to certain circumstances e.g., finances, elderly parents.
While I do agree, it's almost important to mention that every situation is different too. When my and my husband got married almost 9 years ago. We was young and my husband wasn't in the financial position for us to live separately and comfortably at the beginning and I knew going into the marriage I would have to live with my husbands sister and brother in law and their 2 children temporarily Atleast for a year or a couple of years. I compromised and move in and alhamdulilah it worked out good for us, they let us live our own life, at points their was disagreements and misunderstandings like with any family but me and my husband moved out happily after 2 years by choice when we was able to afford our own house,but my first child was born whilst living with my sister in law and it brought me very close to her and we bonded and have had a very strong relationship since that point and as my family live far away it was amazing having her their as a first time mum and helping with my new baby and it made us have a strong relationship and we are still close to this day we are together almost every weekend if not every weekend every other weekend as a family so I actually found it helped and benefitted me alot. I also am close family friends with one family who live with the mother and father in law and they have done so for years and live happily. Every situation is different and some times living with in laws does work out as long as the in laws are willing to give the couple space, don't get too involved and let them do what they want to do it can work and can be a happy living situation.
@@zaynabdaniyal The key thing you mentioned was that 'Your husband could not afford to move out'. A lot of women these days suggest that a man who can't afford to move out should not even consider getting married. In-spite of the fact that over 50% of the population in London probably could not afford to rent a 1 bed property let alone buy one. Men who can't afford to move out are considered immature and not ready for marriage. It's good that your life with in-laws went well. It is not the same for everyone as you have mentioned. But a man not moving out due to practical reasons is considered un acceptable these days.
As an Arab dude, we kinda have something similar in villages and farm areas but nothing close to what south Asians do… I feel like people are being judgmental on this… Zeeshan is being unfairly judged here… at the heart of it it comes from necessity, maybe because of land… but personally in my family my mother has a room in every sons house or apartment… she knows she is welcomed everywhere. This is very important especially when the father passes away… my mom has one in my house and she comes and stays… she usually sides with my wife on everything tho lol
That's so nice.She visits and stays at each son's place , I'm wondering does she stay at her own place alone or with a son's family? No offense just wondering
I noticed a lot of Asians talk about the housing market being so expensive for rent or buying so they are suggesting wives live with the family. Yet this is the same demographic that will casually spent £50,000 for a wedding! A single night! That’s several years of rent or a downpayment. So clearly it’s not money that is your concern. It’s having the wrong priorities. You would rathe have a couple extra bands a month to spend on traveling and useless posessions than giving their wife the DIGNITY of her own space where she can let her hair down.
Absolutely correct. There are people with money and they have enough to buy or rent their own property. Yet, they will still expect the wife to live with the husbands parents cause its "traditional" culturally. There are so many problems I have heard from this and its insane. The only time I feel this would be feasible is if the husband father or mother are terminally ill and need to be looked after. But if they are healthy and fine then there is no need for this living with in laws. Allhumdulliah Islam gives women the right to choose, and discussing these matters before marriage is important.
I used to live that life and its a nightmare. Its worse when you wear a niqab. You can't eat with everyone else. Cover face all the time. Wear abaya 24/7. Adult brother in laws in the house. Couldnt even have long showers or do ablution peacefully because people were always waiting or i was waiting for others to come out of toilet. Embarrasing but once I couldn't hold it...thank Allah I left that slavery
Same here sister it was just horrible especially when they lied to me that my brother in laws new wife will live with us too but she lived separate. They tried to fool me and made me a maid in the house because his mom was bored. As her daughter left her now I had to look after her. She wasn't sick or anything like that just bored at home. And I had to entertain her. I spent 2 years caged at home because she didn't like to go out entertaining her and I also lived with my brothers in law once they by mistake entered room and saw me without hijab and many other things happened when my privacy was invaded it was hell for me and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. If a man wants to live with his parents and they don't really need assistance he is just lazy and stingy. He shouldn't be allowed to get married at all because he will abuse and oppress the woman he marries .
@@razamughal9095 yes I did and don't regret it as I found someone who made me happy and also takes care of his parents too. I didn't have unrealistic expectations we lived in studio flat and had very small wedding just Nikah. And went out to eat. If a woman is willing to live like that I believe you can live separate and my husband doesn't earn a lot. But we are happy as it is. And bare in mind in my first marriage I was looking after his mom which had 4 kids while my mom was alone in a foreign country no one cared for her! As I'm the only daughter! So yeah I find some men selfish and hiding behind taking care of their parents while it's actually their wives who cook clean and take care of husbands parents while neglecting their own parents !!!!
Imagine starting a new relationship with little to no privacy...and having to wear hijab inside your own home due to annoying brother inlaws hanging about everywhere. Just nope! I could not live like that. Hopefully the new generation of desi Kids will abolish this Hindu tradition of joint-family system...
Alhamdulilah I didn’t have to ask my husband already knew and we established this before marriage . I have a great relationship with in laws . My MIL in fact wanted him to get his own place . As she always said in marriage one shouldn’t feel like one is living in prison . And I wouldn’t be able to be free of be able to walk around even in my pjs in the current situation . My mother also was happy with this. I know of women who are literally stuck in their bedrooms . Some don’t even eat or skip meals cause they can’t face Anyone . So sad However I am aware people can’t afford to get a place .
If a Muslim man foolishly decides to move his wife into his parents’ house where his brother(s) live, then he does so at his own RISK! A man once asked the prophet SAW about his brother living or visiting or being around his wife in his absence, and our Prophet’s advice was: Your brother is like DEATH! Meaning, don’t trust ANY man even your brother near your wife in your absence. So, having your wife live under the same roof as your brother or even father, is RECKLESS & DUMB as hell! Too many affairs happen under the roofs where extended families live. Sisters, marry a man who can afford to buy or rent his own house, even if it means marrying a more older, mature BUT financially stable man where you are not required to work as well 🙏
It is good that paternity tests are not mandatory, else it would be found than even in Muslim societies, quite a few kids were fathered by their father's brothers if they stayed ina a joint family.
Interesting topic, i think in an ideal world having your parents or inlaws within walking distance is the best option, maintain privacy and also close enough to be able to come over and help if needed
my mum is very elderly and relay on me alot, I have no other men living in my house, Alhamdullilah my wife, children, sister and my mother we all live together, dont get me wrong the a good times and rough times but its down to me to keep a fair balance, if these new modern muslimahs telling me to duck out and leave my mum they can jog on mate, InshaAllah i will do service for my mother for the sake of Allah.
Nobody is telling you to duck out. People are just getting emotional here and conflating different scenarios with each other. Some women are okay with that arrangement, and others are not, and depending on given circumstances, neither one is in the wrong.
Of course we should take care of the elderly parents. But it doesn’t mean you have to live with the in-laws from the wedding until they die. Newlyweds especially need their own space and time to get to know each other. You can live close to them or temporarily live with them, but you also need to establish yourselves as a married couple. I have lived with the in-laws for many years, and went in with open mind. But it is complicated and you will need patience.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with only my parents after having lived abroad and worked alone and now help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common and quick to come, and it takes an emotional toll on the man having to experience rejection repeatedly for years from the opposite gender, shoving under the carpet his aspirations and goals over and over again whilst being aware of people who are married and have wives and children around you, but all is easily brushed aside because you are a man - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
@@tsr1903 May Allah reward you for taking care of your parents. I know how it is in the West. Me and my husband started with nothing and we both had to work, and at times we were living with his relatives or had them live with us. It is not ideal, especially since some of them were not mahram to me. Sacrifices have to be made, and it is unreasonable to expect to have everything ready for you. Women have such high expectations these days. I married my husband when he had nothing and would still be here if he lost everything. Inshallah you will find a humble Muslim lady who will stand by you.
Just to add to brother Zeeshan’s point about where the culture is changing, it’s changing amongst the next generation who are born and raised in the English culture and whilst we may maintain some aspects of the Asian culture, we also adopt some positive aspects of the English culture too, education helps enormously in this regard. So the mindset towards marriage and in laws is changing amongst the Asian community
As a Paksitani and living in a joint family.. and living in this society since birth..living with inlaws has alot of bad effects on the marriage... no privacy..living with brother inlaws and their wives together.... people having hatred in their hearts toward each other.. children getting caught in the family politics..
Salam brothers and sisters I got married young and we lived with parents happy privacy was a issue but we made it work May Allah grant my mother the highest rank jannah tul firdos My mother said (To my wife) "you are my daughter now and forever" She made these words true. I felt like my mother was on my wife's side all the time 😅 every discussion and argument. My mother supported my wife like a real daughter and it showed. Before my mother passed My wife cared for my mother more than my own sister. ❤ May Allah give My wife all she deserves and may Allah give me enough to provide this. The stereotypical view is inlaws treating the person very badly. I hope this isn't common as these brothers and sisters have made me think it is.
That's good but imagine the wife's mother is also ill. Why must she live her mother in law and not her own mother, heaven is at her mothers feet not mother in laws feet. She has an islamic duty to her parents also which is always overlooked in favor of the husbands parents.
I think that your Mother was so kind to her made it easy for your Wife to take care of her as she made it also out of Love and Respect for you Mother. It is so Important that we dont see the Person just as Daughter or Mother but as an Individual with an Personality, hobbys, likes and dislikes so there can be also Friendship.
@@n.m.9121 I think that applies if the wife doesn’t have any brother who can take care of their mom. It falls on the son. When wife gets married, her heaven is under husband feet and his heaven is under his parents feet. So her in laws become her new parents basically.
I'm a man and from the south Asian background and all those points raised about problems with inlaws is a fact!. Hope ali dawah you do more series on this topic alone
Remember guys none of the Sahabah’s when they got married ever lived with their parents. This is definitely a cultural thing and personally it’s not healthy, the only way my parents will move into my family is if she is severely ill or financially unstable. But I will try to get her into her own home because I can never feel comfortable and be intimate with my wife if I know my parents are in the home haha
This is issue in some cultures but not soemthing i have to worry about. In our somali community newly married couple are given so much space and encouraged to move to their own home so they can be quick with that grandbabies😂 traditionally after a baby is born then the mother of the wife will come to stay for a month to help with newborn ,thats how it was for me..plus i didnt have a wedding just nikkah and lunch for the whole community and we used the money for furniture and a comfortable house❤ i think it's really decision for both wife and husband to make on whether to live with in laws or have own space before getting married. More wives need to raise their voices on issues effecting them beforehand to save themselves from headache later😢 i see alot of sisters in the muslim community are in unhappy or abusive homes here in Australia walah😢
Unfortunately some brothers lie or their families go shaitan mode - causes the daughter in law hell and sadness. It’s true in South Asian homes they do treat the daughter in laws bad and inhumane
Nowadays a shift has happened where it's almost opposite the daughter-in-law is or bad and humane and the in-laws themselves are actually trying to make it work
(Male, Convert) Interesting points made on both sides, Ideally yes I believe in seperate accomodation. However in the real world, this costs far more than it used to. I'm weighing up the option to get married, as my cost of living will go up 10 fold if I do. I'm weighing up the cost to benefit and I'm failing to see it, especially as its seen as a right. Not much appreciation is given to rights, but I believe my window is closing. Personally I blame the british government, banks, inflated workforce and our culture, seeing housing as a commodity. I imagine many brothers would have no issue providing good accomodation. If it wasnt for excessive costs for the basic staples of life.
Same here im no convert and living with in laws is not a thing in Somali cultures but alhamdulillah I know my mother will not cause me issues so if I do get married im asking my husband to move in so we don't have to rent and suffer this crazy inflation. My energy bill alone is a musibah. End of the day the way I see it. It all comes down to your manners and boundaries, you can make it work if people are understanding and respectful of each other. The problems arise when culture takes presidency over Islam. Anywho nothing wrong with living with your in laws if they are sane lol
Brother Zeeshan spoke really well. It's important to know why the problem is in order to better understand it. With all due respect, it went over the head of the sister and could see the aggression in her voice even though he already clearly mentioned his viewpoint. Have more of brother Zeeshan he is an excellent speaker.
A lot of South Asians become rich or poor depending on the circumstances They have money for buying endless property back home, they have money for grand weddings, they have money for investments here and there , they have money for extended families in the home country, but they suddenly become poor when it comes to renting a small apartment for a new couple near the parents home. As someone whose home broke apart because of squabbling mother in law and wife, I regret not spending on a small apartment for my wife instead of living with my family, though even that was my property as well.
Naaa just rent why do we need to buy an actual home in the dunya and unfortunately many Muslims in the West get mortgages 🤦🏾♂️. We are here only temporarily but because we have become poisoned money money it seems we need a big home with a big garden with big cars etc
@@MohamedShou I agree with you. This dunya ain;t worth the enslavement towards a mortgage. + you'd be making war with Allah by taking out these riba home loans. However woman's hypergamy tends to differ.
@@MohamedShou ain’t nobody tryna be stuck living check to check,it’s better to b financially free before getting married get money until 25 get married and do you.modern days it’s hard to find a good lady like r mothers
@@RaeesJacobsMost women are average and not working amazing jobs to have high standards. Also women’s value decreases every year the older they get and there’s been too many examples of older women in the 35-45 range who have made this mistake of being too choosy and finding that their options have decreased dramatically. They are regretting their past choices because when it comes down to it, you can’t change biology, once the window of fertility goes away it’s very hard to get it back. Women need to be more realistic and drop the high standards before it’s too late, or they will end up in the same predicament as these older women, find a good compatible brother who is responsible and hard working and who fears Allah, and you are at least somewhat physically and mentally attracted to because good hearted men are just as rare as rich men. Then learn to compromise and grow with that person because who how do you know you will find a good person again. Foregoing hypergamy is a smarter choice than holding onto it waiting forever and then missing out on the boat later on. There is nothing desirable about being single. The market is fierce after 35-38 for most women. You want to be alone forever or do you want to get your head straight and learn to cooperate with an average man? The choice is theirs.
With all do respect, the pakistani brother is not completely accurate as I have india and pakistani family background....it comes from the Hindu culture not from British.
I’m a revert from Brazil, when I heard Muslims in South Asia and Middle East still live with their parents and siblings after marrying I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, lol.
Yeah that is the biggest factor of asian girls going for non-asian guys, they want to be with an asian man but their parents ruin it. Another reason is the girl having problems with her own family too like her dad or mum and thar causes her to not be close to ethnicity and culture. Most times that's what I hear and rarely because of reasons like they don't find them attractive or stuff like that. I know one asian girl who abandoned Islam astagfirullah because she had issues with her dad aka daddy issues and now she's dating and pregnant with a black guy but this black guy isn't a good guy since he's a drug dealer
I am not Asian but even I am still forced to live with in-laws…..and living with in-laws was 1 of my 2 deal breakers for marriage. But here I am, 11 years married. Having spent almost all of those years with in-laws. And will spend many more years like this, until they die, I die, or my husband dies. My husband tells me “What can I do?” And why do parents find it acceptable to force themselves onto their kids? Male sons in particular??? My in-laws did not have to live with their parents. My husbands sisters do not live with in-laws. And I am literally the only person I know who lives with in-laws. Does it make me happy? No. I hate it. Makes me feel miserable to be in my own home most days. No privacy. No space. And a whole host of other issues.
@@Therebelliousprince001 I believe every mother would not want their children are exposed to any sort of abuse from their abuser hence why they take that decision
I personally believe that if you are a guy then you need to get your own place before even marriage. You need to provide your wife with a space where she can freely move and for you to build a healthy relationship.
Zeeshan is totally in denial about reality and defensive about his culture/background. We have economically disadvantaged immigrants in The Netherlands as well (Moroccans, Turks, Somalies, Iraqies, etc) but none of them make a habit of living with their in-laws. You can't correct something crooked if you're not willing acknowledge it's crooked in the first place. Also, living in different storeys? That's still way too close. If you got the money why not live a couple blocks away? It's because it's ingrained in the culture and you're still trying to hold onto it.
That's y a lot of those men are immature. They never grow up into strong independent men and their mothers become too attached to them and compete with their daughter in law and get jealous.
I am second generation in the UK and its odd how those parents left their own parents in another country and lived a life with their spouse thousands of miles away from their own parents.
I think it's what someone said at the beginning. It's not one size fits all. There's positives and negatives to both. Whatever works for you. Obv if in laws are getting involved in the marriage then it's an issue or if they are abusive/toxic. There have to be lines, understanding and boundaries. Thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. Very interesting and important discussion. Just to add to this if there are siblings in the house and it's a full house then it is best to move out.
Imagine having to walk on egg shells, have intimacy with your in laws next door AND wear hijab in your own house 🤨. Every girl that has brothers has experienced having to wear hijab at home bc your brother had friends over or something, it’s annoying. Now imagine having to do that everyday? It’s suffocating. If you’re struggling financially you should probably get that sorted out before you decide to take a woman away from her comfortable living situation with her family. The least you can give her is a property, she can roam comfortably in. It’s not even about disliking your in-laws or not, they could be lovely people. It’s about boundaries. Living with in-laws feels too invasive. Also If your husband has a brother, he might be your brother in law, but he is not your mahram!That means you’re living with a non mahram, you’re free mixing. How is that appropriate?
The least you can give her is a property? she didn't marry a prince. this is why people fall into adultery because women expect the world which in today's economic environment isn't possible for a man to provide as a result they stay single too, Why would you wear hijab next to your mother and father-in-law
Women with your mentality deserve to be in a prison once you get married. You the type to make a man pick u over his mother. Never wife a thort like this lads. And ur name is naima u toxic *****
Asking a man to provide a house or even rent his own place in London today is what's absurd... We have got to this point in time where most couples before us did live with laws... And there are many from them who are successfully married still with years of experience... What happens when the couple has kids... They still continue being intimate outside their own room and wearing whatever they want etc?
@@mizbrob7703 well put! people are on such high horse these days w.r.t living standards.. would they accept a basic one room place where they have to work and take care of it like the Ummahat-ul-mumineen did. I'm not saying that Islamic boundaries of pardah, free mixing etc should be neglected but people have streched the definition of 'providing for a wife to marry'
@@mizbrob7703 Okay, then move out of London. See if you want to be a dayooth and let your brothers see her roaming the house or being limited with intimacy then go ahead
I guess this is why speaking before marriage is important. It's difficult to foresee how things in life will unravel, especially with health and finances. There should be some space in the marriage to adapt to change. Life, health and finances never stay the exact same therefore I think it's unreasonable to expect a marriage of 10 years to be identical to day 1 of marriage. Young couples need to be aware that parents may need more of their time when parents are unwell, old or if a disaster has happened.
As-salamu alaykum Ali Dawah, In Islam, the decision of whether or not brides should live with in-laws is not a black and white issue. There are various factors that need to be considered, and the decision should be made based on the specific circumstances of each family. The Quran and Sunnah emphasize the importance of maintaining good relations with in-laws and treating them with kindness and respect. Allah (SWT) says in Surah An-Nisa, verse 36: "Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful." The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also advised Muslims to be kind to their in-laws and treat them as their own family members. He said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives. Treat your women well, and be kind to your in-laws" (Tirmidhi). However, Islam also recognizes the importance of privacy and maintaining a separate household. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The best houses are those that are spacious and ample, and the worst houses are those that are cramped and confining" (Muslim). There is some expert evidence and statistical data that suggests that living with in-laws can have both positive and negative effects on marital satisfaction. Some studies have shown that living with in-laws can lead to increased conflict and stress, while other studies have shown that it can increase social support and reduce financial strain. In conclusion, the decision of whether or not brides should live with in-laws in Islam is not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. It depends on a variety of factors, including cultural traditions, personal preferences, individual circumstances, and the ability to maintain good relations and privacy. Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining good relations with in-laws, while also recognizing the importance of privacy and maintaining a separate household. Ultimately, the decision should be made based on what is best for all parties involved.
Well said! There is no one-size fits all solution. Every married couple is different. The focus is to make the marriage happy and peaceful. For some this means having your own home & for others it means sharing your home with an extended family.
I wouldn’t want to live with my in laws, simply because I want my future husband to able to be the leader in our household and establish the tone for how he wants things to run and the environment he wants to create. Unfortunately his leadership would undermined if we were living under his fathers roof, because you have to respect the rules and customs of another person’s home. I don’t see this as a positive thing for a newly married couple, especially not in my generation (gen z).
In that culture the men do not become leaders of the household until the parents are very old / passed away 😂, at which point you will likely be grandparents.
Women are abit too angry about it considering its a choice that they have. If you didn't have a choice then the person who's restricting you isn't worthy of you. Forget his raw good looks think about the long run. 🤷♂️
Brother zeeshans point on historical reasons has changed now the elder generations from the asian community seem to have this notion that the daughter in law should 'serve' her inlaws that's why they choose to keep them living in their home. I am from this community and I have first hand experience
What you need to understand is the wife is marrying the man not his family. I am my wife companion as she chose me and I chose her. We consult amongst each other and don’t need our elders to dictate our life (this is where the problem starts)
Zeshan was talking in a way that went over the sister's heads with the earrings, he was talking about how the culture came over to the UK and it was about financial stability, but in this day of age there is not much of that needed now, therefore, you can live separated from your in-laws and mindsets has changed explain is the sister in the earings. Asians are now selling their lands back home and splitting them also making individual homes.,
The brother sitting bw zeeshan and Ali D has given so many valid points. The cost of living is very high. If the inlaws are nice people, then there are benefits in remaining in mil, fil home. There's no right and wrong. Every family is different. Zeeshan, once again showing his deeper level of wisdom.. My husband never was a 'mummy's boy' but he had a huge amount of respect and level of obedience to elders (he was the youngest) and he has always maintained a balance, in dealing with matters. Alhamdullillah.
Nothing wrong with being mummy's boy. Buy if our mum's told us to go hit our wives we shouldn't do it. If my mum was alive today than I would love to be mummy's boy everyday.
Very good discussion and I think it depends based on each couples circumstances. Some parents are elderly need assistance etc. However, the benefit of having parents around when having children is so beneficial.
If a daughter in law even talks about getting a new place they will be considered as evil and " son snatcher" in the sub continent ( i belong to one) people don't want their sons to marry women who are hafiza etc because they know their rights. I heard an Islamic teachings lecturer say that they don't speak about girl rights in college and schools because if they do and girls find out their rights , they won't be able to get married. A boy will obviously want to live with their parents especially if they are old but remember that your parents are also humans as your wife and can make mistakes too. So have guts to point it out to your mom or dad if they are wrong just as you do to your wife. Because men in many cases say their wife to tolerate their parents behavior because they are old and are mostly blind to their parents faults. If my son is to get married may Allah give me strength to let them live in a different place.
I live with my husbands parents and grandparents. Alhamdulillah I say alhamdulillah for that. Allaah has given me an opportunity to in shaa Allaah gain rewards by doing any sort of little but of khidmah that I can. It's absurd the way women speak about in laws... In fact it's quite hurtful. As a daughter of a single mother who only has 1 daughter and 1 son... If my brother was to move out what's my mum meant to do? She's old... She lives by herself? We put her in an old people's home? It's crazy. Besides, proof of the wife doing khidmah of in laws is proven by the Hadith where Jabir radhiyallahu anhu got married to an elderly woman and when nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم asked him why he didn't marry someone younger, he said it was so that the elder wife would look after and teach his little sisters.... If this was wrong Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم would have said it... But he didn't. Our Deen is a Deen of compassion... If the in laws are nice people then why not do their khidmah? What about when we get old? Would we want all our children to leave us whilst we continue getting older and weaker and yet we have to do everything ourselves? Obviously it's a different story if the in laws are not nice people or there's genuine problems with hijab and brother in laws.. I've got 2 brother in laws and they respect my niqab... I don't even have to wear a niqab around the house because they don't enter if they know I'm somehwere and I don't go where they are... When there's a will, there's a way If someone wants to make something happen they can And its crazy how people say I wanna be free with my wife/husband and not have anyone seeing etc... What about when you have kids?? What's happening to the Ummah bruh
Heaven is under the feet of the mother. As a woman living with her in law how are you supposed to support you own mother? Why would it fall to her daughter in law? Neglecting your own parents and the responsibility you have towards them to look after the parents of your husband is unacceptable and frankly despicable. Another thing is the wife deserves privacy especially if there are men in the house that are not part of her Muharram. Free mixing is forbidden.
And what happens when the mother in law doesn't have her own daughters? After marriage a woman's priority is her husband, not her parents. And a husband is meant to allow the wife to see her family at least once a week... And exceptions are to be made in circumstances when there are none to look after her parents also... Like I said our Deen is a Deen of compassion... Alhamdulillah I see my mother many times and when I do, I do as much as I can for her... I'd be careful about making comments about things being despicable especially if they are permissible in the Deen... It is not haram or even makrooh to do khidmah of one's in laws... If we accept that the man's job is to provide income and the woman's job is to look after the home, then that includes looking after those who reside in the home.. If she doesn't want to do that she needs to make it clear from beforehand But that doesn't mean our Deen says a woman shouldn't... Like I said...nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم didn't say anything when Jabir radhiyallahu anhu married so that his wife could teach HIS sisters...
It doesn't fall on the daughter in law It falls on the son, to find a wife who will help support his mother the way every daughter would want to support her own mother...And he will also help support ... If a woman lives far from her own family how is she meant to support them? What kind of world have we turned into لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله
I was craving for a conversation like this between Muslims. Thank you for it but I think the conversation ended up being more problen oriented rather than solution oriented, if that makes sense. I really wanna see a part two where, since there's Muslims from all the different backgrounds, they discuss how they do it in their particular culture. Because of course, they have economic problems too, but how do Malaysians, Turks, Kurds, Afghanis, Iranis, Arabs and others manage it. Because surely in Muslim countries we don't have a culture of abandoning parents. So, living with them can't be the only solution. I think that kind of a discussion will be very fruitful IA
Live separately within walking distance. If parents need frailcare then they could live on the same property with a dedicated helper to assist with cleaning, bathing, etc and son/daughter and dil/bil can both check in everyday when they get off work to ensure they're fine and can help with whatever they can. If one spouse is at home, then a helper can still assist because it's very difficult to do elder care especially if a dil has small kids and her own parents to also check up on then there should be understanding. If elder parents have their own daughter then it wud be ideal to live with their daughter rather than their sons. The sons can pay for their sister to stay home and she can care for their parents instead so that her husband and their wives are not placed in difficult situation. Of course if the bils and dils are willing than that is honourable and a big sadaqa but it should never be something that is forced upon someone as u want ur parent to b taken care of well and not by someone who will resent them.
Its common to live nearby your families so you can visit whenever you like - and care for them if needed. The married brothers and sisters, I know, live in their own homes, some are home owners, others rent. Parents are well into their 60s and 70s. I don't actually know anybody who requires caretaking or assistance. From the comments it seems the problem is specific to certain cultures and communities and it benefits solely the husbands/sons, and it is, as if the second the son gets married, the parents become sick, disabled or extremely dependent. Honestly makes no sense. Wives are daughters too, have parents too and that relationship doesn't stop or vanish onto thin air post marriage. On one hand such guys are unwilling to leave their parents home after marriage, but on the other hand they expect their wives to leave their families and only visit like once a week or so?? You can love, maintain ties with your family, care for them without living with them. If needed, of course you care for your parents but don't expect wives to do it as it is the duty of the children, sons and daughters. It wouldn't matter whether it's the wife's parents or the husband who need looking after. Having inlaws work both ways, but in the comments the inlaws of the women are given superiority and preference, which makes no sense. This is not islam.
My wife has lived with myself and my family for 5 years now in Sydney Australia Alhamdulillah, and now she has such a strong strong bond with my sisters, parents and even extended family that she herself said she wouldn’t have that bond of she didn’t live with them. We don’t live on seperate levels or in different sections. We are now looking for another place, but not because of any hatred or disputes, but we just need more room for a growing family now Alhamdulillah. Her friends have always tried to convince her it’s bad for her, and that living with in laws is unfair and she should exercise her right, but whenever they made a point on why it was unfair, she told me she didn’t feel like those issues applied to her. @AliDawah I really wish I was on this podcast to share why it happened, and what was done to make it work. It’s a really interesting story. It is first and foremost because of the mercy of Allah, then, In a nutshell, it was just a lot of patience, communication, wisdom and show of support and understanding of all parties. I agree, it’s not something I would recommend for others, but I think it would have been a massive eye opener to share how it can work.
Being a kashmiri, I can tell you what happens here. Kashmiri women don't even think of living in a seperate accommodation or living in privacy because it's considered as selfishness and talking about maher , you are labelled as a goldgigger and if you live in a village you are labelled as shameless if u ask for ur share in the property and in cities women are forced to give their golden jewelries to their in-laws. And in case you want khula you have to pay this man who never payed ur maher... And if this is not happening in her life then she still has to face her in-laws who make her do chores to the extent that it becomes difficult for her to look fresh and clean and it becomes difficult to give attention to the husband and work on the marriage...And men here justify this by saying "women have to make their husbands happy and if this makes him happy then she should do it...." In case you justify you desire to live seperately in an islamic way, you are taunted and compared withe the female companions of the PROPERTY (SAW)... there are no islam rights for a women in Kashmir... THE SADDEST PART IS THAT EVEN SOME AULAMA HERE TRY TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS...
It's more than just living with your in laws sometimes its about taking care of them and taking care of parents while taking care of children is not easy but the children get to enjoy the company of their grandparents and some in laws are actually kind and help with tarbiyah.
Well I was talking about the perspective of a women moving in with her in laws her parents have also haqq on her just like his parent has haqq on him. I believe that they should encourage each other to care of them within their capacity and with the help of their other family members. Maybe taking turn to care for them and work for that hasanat and show good examples to your own childrens.
I really liked the points that Zeeshan made and he is absolutely right, the history part was important. This is one of the main reason in my country that some sons live with their parents after marriage because of poverty and not enough money to move out. Jazakallah khair to zeeshan and brother Jibril too for making fair points on both sides. It’s not always a black and white matter
Yes, absolutely the British controlled, looted and colonised the Indian subcontinent for 190 years reducing the World GDP from 27% in 1750s to 3% in 1947 when leaving. People were taxed 80% and that's why lived with extended family then and that poverty mentality continued when migrating. Majority do not know this and this history is important!!
50% elders moved out when they married cuz they move or migrated to another country allowing total freedom learning to respect appreciate and support there marriage And give there children a better future 50% were forced or not willing to move out either financially they did not want full responsibility of looking after a wife Or they were blackmailed by there parents to stay with them forever Ending in the moms become slaves maids to his family No shame no privacy just a bitter abusive marriage with no mercy happy or blessings till death
@@Musaiftekhar agree! it’s all down to fear of abandonment and also financial issues since they were forced to give there lifesaving and retirement funds to their sides of the families So they expect their children to financially support them
The lady in the gray head scarfs right around the 26:00 onwards mark I think. The in laws even if well off will expect the daughter in law to live with them coz that’s all they know about how a family should be. My personal experience is the same. I actually get emotional blackmailed every time we visit my in laws that we ain’t living there. We are a combined family of 16 and my parents in law expect us to live in the same house without any conflict. 3 brothers their wives and two of these brothers have 3 kids each and one has two, two of these kids are now in their teens and the others are 5 and below. This is not practical and if all the women of the house enter the tiny kitchen it becomes suffocating at times. One daughter in law of the house pretends to be a victim that she has to clean everyone else’s mess when in reality there isn’t one but 3 women actually fully contributing which includes the mother in law in the work but one of them thinks that she’s the only one and accuses the others of not doing anything, when in reality only one daughter in law isn’t contributing but the one contributing is now actually being accused of being lazy and sitting in her room with her husband when in reality she had to spend time with her husband and work on her relationship with her husband, which this particular ‘victim’ can’t do for herself so she out of jealousy has to constantly make the lives of the other daughter in laws hell by lying to the parents in laws. Like this is not a healthy environment. I don’t agree with the guy in the white dress shirt coz the majority still wants to force the young kids to live in a joint family. I know a family where a mother wants a daughter in law so she takes over her job of cooking and cleaning!
I’m European revert, living with my in-laws. Mixed marriage. Struggling to keep my boundaries and respect here. It affects me personally, mentally and eventually it affects our marriage. :-( I pay half rent to his parents and I contribute to food (everything that I need for myself and gifts for my husband) I love him so much, he is generally peaceful beautiful person, because he still study we stay in here but I don’t know how long will I be able to take the stress and pressure and guild. I’m not sure how long will he survive it either… and our marriage… it’s been 4 years and I feel like I’m changing as a person or a women…
There are absolutely no boundaries. If you tell our elders that this isn't islamic, their response, you are bringing in a new practice into our culture. This is what are fathers have been doing for generations. Thats their argument.
If my husband can’t provide me something as basic as a living space, then Id book it to the marriage court immediately. Your wife deserves her own house, period. Not only is living with in-laws uncomfortable, it’s also inhumane. Subhanallah, is this not your wife? Do you not have any Shame? She deserves her own living space with her husband, kid’s and herself. If her husband cannot provide something as simple as that, than maybe reconsider getting married in the first place.
Can we have brother Zeeshan more often as he covers multiple grounds when discussing a topic in a very articulate fashion. One should also think that the same husband who would like to serve his parents and maybe labelled "mummy's boy" he is gaining reward and serving his mother. His wife who may insist/pressure/force him to live separately needs to understand that she may one day too have a very loving and caring son attached to her, hence not force/pressure her husband to live separately. Although, taking the current situation into consideration (holistically with all potential influencing mediums) one should try to attain as much privacy as they can when they live with parents and set clear guidlines/boundaries to uphold the right of the wife i.e (separate stories etc). But it is clear that when the marriage is new a solid foundation needs to be laid and that takes time, it will only take longer and potentially be weaker with third party interferences. Hence, if the husband can afford then the newly wed couple should attain privacy by moving out.
Good episode. Everyone was respectful. There was no talking over one another. Everyone could bring their point across. I enjoyed listening to sister Naznin. She was clear and stayed on topic. Please have her on again.
The things are changing Alhamdulillah. But the problem is in law's family want to impose every duty to the bride, especially the bride of first son. And if they are unwilling to help, the life of the bride becomes miserable.
Not every culture is used to this. Mine certainly isn’t.. we look after our parents of course, and if they are sick, elderly, alone we wouldn’t hesitate to live with them. But alhamdulilah there is no pressure or even desire from them or us to live with them before that. The understanding that newly weds and married couples in general, need privacy, is just incomprehensible to some. Very weird..
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
@@MS-dc2tt Married Couple should go to a Motel? Are you ok? And why should Parents leave when the Couple wants Intimicy? Just let the Parents stay at their Home and the unmarried Siblings can take care of them.
@@MS-dc2tt there isn’t.. when you want to have the total freedom to be intimate with ur spouse no matter how much privacy you get it still is not the same as when you are living seperate
Don't judge every family is different . I will be looking to move my wife into my room . It Is spacious and big. So spacious my youngest brother will be in the same room .
Brother Zeeshan couldn't be more wrong in this regard. I live in Pakistan, and I have family in the US. No Pakistani is just doing it for financial reasons. Even if they had the means (which many do, BTW), they would expect the women to live with the in-laws and be basically a full time maid for free. Not all but most families exploit their daughters-in-law. They, including the husband, become one unit and view this girl as a threat to their family dynamics. I have seen and know loaded people who stigmatize moving out and expect the DIL to live with in-laws for good. Daughters-in-law are treated like crap in such families while sons-in-law are given the utmost protocol. This mindset hails from the Hindu culture. Many of our ancestors were reverts. They rejected the Hindu culture, but we are sadly going back to what they left. This includes multiple parties during a wedding, dowries, beating women, believing it is incumbent on a woman to take care of her in-laws and ask for their permission in every little thing. It wouldn't be wrong to say that these girls are prisoners of their in-laws. I was one of them for years until Allah took me out of that situation, Alhumdulillah. It may have been adopted from the Hindus, but now it has become a part of Pakistani culture, and sadly, they follow it like religion, Aodhubillah. One of my friends is married to a mufti, but even she is stuck in this joint family system despite her parents giving her a house of her own. Most girls tolerate such non-sense either for their parents' honor or for their kids. Neither of which is healthy. May Allah ease life for these women, Aameen.
@AlDawah on topics like this, giving out information on how people could get help would be great. The brother at the end did a good thing by suggesting people reach out if they are being abused.
From what I have seen in my community I think it's better to live separately. Majority of in laws in my country especially the parents see their daughter in law as their property. The way these parents in law even treat daughter in laws is very toxic and bad. And they use Islam to justify their abusive behaviour. In Islam it says that children should serve their parents. But in Islam of these abusive parents it is daughter in law who should serve. Funny thing is the Son is not even in the picture. And if the son tries to defend his wife from the psychological abuse of his parents Islam is used to shut the son up. Even the Imams and scholars who give long speech during Walima send the message that daughter in law should treat her in laws as her own parents and should serve them.
Let’s not forget, a lot of Pakistanis marry their own cousins, so therefore the bride is actually moving in to her uncle or auntie’s house, so she’s basically moving in to her family lol
I’m from USA my hubby is from PK i absolutely LOVE the house they all live in it’s all connected and there is always someone to talk to you never feel alone . Each family has their own space but it’s all within a communal home
In my experience pros and cons for both. Sabr and sincerity is key. As newly weds we are too obsessed in wanting privacy and our mental health. Yes it’s important of course but then when we have our children and there’s no extensive family support or help, we need to not complain and understand we made that choice. It works both ways. You’ve got to give respect often before you get it back. Relationships take time. In my opinion-your husbands family very important. Be sincere and it’s a lot easier in the long run.
this is one of the first intelligent and nuanced comments I've seen on this video. completely agree. all you hear is privacy privacy privacy me me me me it seems like People nowadays are so selfish and only think about themselves
I think this is one of the best comments on this topic, and I completely agree. While I don't want to repeat what has already been said, I would like to add my perspective as an "Asian" from Kashmir. In our community, it's not common to have multi-story buildings with rented flats. When a couple gets married, they don't move into a rented flat. Instead, if they want to live separately, they need to buy new land or inherit land and build a new house. This is followed by the cost of maintenance, and if they want to have children in the second year of marriage, there is an added financial burden. This burden is mostly borne by the son, whose salary, or if he is just a laborer, is the primary source of income for the family. This is why in the "Asian" community, a son usually stays with his family until he becomes independent. This allows the husband and wife to have the support of their family, both emotionally and financially, and helps to strengthen the family system. This is one reason why the Asian family system is stronger than that of the West.
@@susanneal6063 in Islam, both families are equally as important of course. Both husband and wife as children have the obligations towards their parents. Allah is all knowing, he doesn’t burden the more than he knows best. Therefore after marriage, the husband and wife also have new obligations towards each other. In islam, man has roles and responsibilities. Would he be able to fulfil his duties and responsibilities living at his wife’s family home? Would be be more able to fulfill his obligations to his wife and children in his own family home? These are all things to consider. Young couples to avoid haraam, get married Alhamdulillaah. But this may mean that the man initially leans on his family in the sort term to save for a long term better vision. Which is more safe for the wife and children? Is it safer to reside in a family home whilst a couple save or both young couple can study? Or it safer to NOT lean on family, rent in an area which isn’t safe at night whilst your man goes out day and night to work to sustain the price that privacy gets and come home to beans and toast because nutritious ingredients are too expensive or there’s no time to cook or can’t or won’t cook. I think that’s enough to spark an argument when you’ve got privacy. Or…..wait don’t get married, stay in limits, don’t commit haraam, both save and both wait…do things the right way if you think you know it all. Young couples think in laws are a burden, nowadays the mum in laws want to chill and don’t want the headaches of an immature princess. Women can either break or make a home. Men are too busy and practical to get involved.
@@user-fk7sk9ut1t pretty much true. Keyword is selfish yet so many expectations on others. When you love your husband, you should have an automatic affinity and love for his family. Love and good etiquettes always wins and melts hearts. This is how islam spread, through friendly business transactions, social and moral etiquettes. Through compassion and love.
They are benefits to both: living with in-laws reduces loneliness (I am talking about if your husband is at work all day etc), it allows you to have help managing household and managing kids, allows you to save money and creates a bond with your husbands family that you otherwise wouldn’t get. Alternatively, you have to have A LOT more patience as your living with many new people instead of just one new person. Ultimately its upto the individuals and what they want. It isnt always a problem, its what you make of it. Im saying this as someone who has never lived with in-laws, but would love to!
😂😂 nope. Thanx. I have the best in laws but never want to live with them. My rooms, my kitchen my life. I have a very good relationship with them and I want to keep this good. Living with in laws under the roof means less privacy, less freedom to do things which you can not do If your in laws are 24 hours a day wit you at home. I do not care having a expensive Wedding. I prefer living in a small appartement rather than live in a palace with in laws.
@@zaze8376 All I see is women complaining and not giving any solutions. What’s the alternative to living with in laws? Either get a mortgage, which is haram or rent, which is very difficult in this economy and a large portion of your income is gone without owning anything. So unless you marry a very wealthy man in the 1% bracket, what exactly do you advocate for? A lot of women have high expectations when they don’t even have the responsibility of providing or paying for anything. If a man is paying then it’s his decision where the money goes, either rent and money down the drain or stay with his parents and save money.
@@nancyjones5971 exactly 💯 that's 1 of the biggest advantage, atleast u can go too loo relaxingly knowing the kids r with their grandparents lol 😆 jokes apart plus the children get lot of love n bond with their grandparents too which again is advantage to yourself as u know ther in good hands❤
My in-laws take care my kids everyday and I don’t live with them I drop the kids at my in-laws home and leave them until I come back to pick them up and they are loved and took good care of them and I love my in-laws and they love me too but I will never live with them because I need to have my space and my privacy
I am 100% against it, worse thing ever. Causes many arguments, the women becomes like a child in her home. She can’t parent her kids correctly, or the way she wants to. No privacy, Andy many more negative things if you live with in-laws.
Absolutely. I lived with my in laws for 4 months and my kid turned into a nightmare because they are the type to spoil kids rotten and my mother in law constantly undermined me or brushed me off. And you can't put your foot down because it would be considered disrespectful so you bottle it all up. Thankfully it was a short term thing so it was easy to be patient but I can't imagine having to live like that for years.
USE DISCOUNT CODE: TRUTH10
BUY YOUR PREMUIM BLACKSEED OIL & SHILAJIT NOW @ www.naturesblends.com
BROTHER PEOPLE ARE WITH THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE OF ECONOMIC WOES BECAUSE MUSLIMS DONT TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF INFLATION AND RISE OF COSTS
May Allah protect innocent Muslim Balochistan family😔
and other innocent Muslim family😔 too in Pakistan
Pakistan stop kidnapped and killed innocebnt family😔
What are we meant to do to our parents ali dawah know it all. Put them in a home. I live with my parents my wife and 2 children Alhamdulillah. I have 2 brothers and we argued over who wants to take care and live with mum and dad me being the youngest my mum dad decided to live with me and I happily accepted. I don't tell my wife to look after my parents she happily does it. its my farz to look after my parents. So wat if couples are newly married you have ur own bedroom. My mum and dad are 80 plus bro take this video down you cause fitnah with it. You giving a wrong msg to the youth stating that don't live with them. Strongly disagree with this video shame on you Ali wallahi I follow you alot on this matter disagree with you keep saying the hadith regarding mother in islam mother mother mother then father.
I'll take all that back cos Ali wat you said at the end summarised it all. Sorry Ali bro wallhi I follow you and love ur videos I'm sorry 4 getting emotional on the matter love you my brother Ali ❤️ ♥️
@@samhadiliya Its Ok Bro. Everyone gets emotional. Ali Dawah is a good man and so are you.
If you don't want to live with in laws first establish this, second don't ask for £30-50k wedding. That's 4 years worth of rent. Don't ask for glamourous wedding and be a princess one day and prisoner for rest of life
You should be on the podcast as well, well said sir. To be fair, sometimes its the parents who force the Glamorous wedding to fit there status, that's another story anyway.
If like me, your father becomes very ill, your mother is tired and old and you KNOW in your heart (like me) than he will likely not live more than 3 to 5 years. Will you let your own parents live alone because your queen selfish wife wants to be alone in her castle ? Let me tell you something, someone who marry such a woman and accepts the "condition" you mentioned, is worse than an animal !
The good ol "make zina cheap and what's halal expensive" enforced by people trying to impress strangers who dont give a damn about them. People and culture always get in the way
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
@@Blaze0071 I agree but most people cannot find their own place generally unless they have enough to move out rent etc my thing is that sisters shouldn't ask for 10k+ Mehr and expect big wedding if they don't want to live with in laws unless the brother is super rich then go for it it's your life lol
The problem is the mother in law has had an unromantic marriage herself due to the joint family system, where hugging your spouse, holding hands, giving a light kiss on the forehead while departing, complimenting each other on small things was a taboo and out of question. Love was nothing but creating children in the darkness of bedroom and there was no genuine love and romance. She would be covered from head to toe in front of her husband all day long. They could not share a laugh or joke or giggle.
So her life revolved around her children whom she loved, hugged, kissed and cared for every moment. The love that she lacked in her life, she tried to locate in and associate with her children.
This leads to 3 things:
1. Same expectations from daughter in law, who belongs to a whole new generation and has different expectations from married life
2. Mother being as jealous of daughter in law as she would be of a co-wife because in her eyes, her daughter in law has 'snatched' her son from her.
3. Son expecting her wife to behave and adjust to joint family system just like her mother was doing.
There is a saying, bad mother in laws make bad mother in laws but I think bad marriages make bad mother in laws. This then becomes a vicious cycle.
If the parents in laws themselves enjoyed a healthy romantic life, they would tell their sons and daughter in laws to go and enjoy themselves.
You hit the nail on the head. I grew up with parents who loved and adored one another. I always witnessed affection and love between them growing up and now that my mother is a mother in law she really could care less and doesn't get involved. She doesn't want anyone living in her house because she likes having her own space and my parents are always traveling and enjoying one another's company mashaAllah. Opposite of my mother in law who attached to her sons instead of her husband and didn't have the best marriage. The dynamics are very different.
This is very true. The whole concept of wife snatching son away from mother is a concept based on emotional incest. It is unhealthy and frankly unislamic. But many desis dont care. They keep saying "mother over wife" as if the 2 are co wives.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes.
Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world;
● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible.
● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive).
In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally.
With that said, living with your wife and brothers in the same house is a complete no, and I would rather stay unmarried if that were the case.
I myself live with my parents only and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do?
● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not?
● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth?
There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas.
Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
We all should be conscious of Allah swt in whose name we ask each other our rights. Let no one complain to Allah swt about us.
Regarding marriage we should try to put all efforts into it making it beautiful and stable. Small compliments, kind words, words of praise, assurance and encouraging each other to sabr
Wow very profound . Best comment I've seen
If you live with male siblings, imagine your wife having to cover up in her own house outside her bedroom, imagine not being able to be intimate and comfortable in your own space because your parents are sleeping in the next room. Nah, sounds like a headache and detrimental to your intimate life. Hard pass
Some of these guys who keep whining about women not living with their in-laws must be lowkey dayyuth. Are they really okay with their wives living in such close proximity with any brothers they might have? Even worse if there's an extended family living together and now she's around HIS male cousins. No thanks.
My brother and his wife and his baby are living in our crib we got 3 brothers here. I’d say i love my sister in law and this only increased out relationship all around.
And ofc this is a short term thing
So what happens when kids come along? Are they still gonna be intimate outside of the bedroom? Are they still gonna be loud etc?
@@mizbrob7703 Kids are so unaware at Night i can tell you. Also Kids go to School and Kindergarden so there is always Space for beeing Loud and free. Also Parents in Law get very Jealous of the Sons Sex Life( Believe me i had experienced it) a Kid doesnt walk around his Parents Bedroom if you give them clear Rules.
@@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564 Lets not forget how many Skandals happen in such Familys where Affairs with the Brother in Law happens! Doesnt mean always but it is very dangerous. And for those who say its like your Brother, in the Past when a Husband died the Wife married his Brother. Far away from beeing equal like a Blood Brother.
Those who are insulating sister Naznin should fear Allah swt! All our sisters who come to the show should be shown utmost respect even if you differ with her. She made some very key and valid points and I agreed with most of the things she said which is true.
@@jacob4114 Yh cold
Turn off the comments. it's all fitnah.
This whole conversation is a very very controversial issue to be honest until this day!!? Here and in every country especially with Asians., sorry not to disturb brother zeeshan but it is the truth!! I seen happening still now!!
Do not insult anyone brothers and sisters.
May Allah guide us all and bless us.
Allahumma Sali ala Muhammad
@@Abuzahid150580 if it happens you should ask the question why did she choose him Instead of all the other loving, caring men. Women need to forget the looks and just deal with good traits.
Brother Zeeshan is so damn articulate and historically adept. Great insights from him 100%.
I agree totally, he knows his stuff
@@almurabitun idk what white people have to do with it, they don’t even have it in their culture
@@almurabitun you clearly need education smh. It’s not about the culture cos if that’s the case then follow the Islamic position which is to move out?
@@almurabitun He DID state a fact. You must SEE outside. Even TODAY, people ( in Ind, Pak and Bgl) cannot afford their own houses, let alone get separate properties for both the parents or the spouse. Having said that, it is also true that, troubles do happen a lot in joint families, pressure does build up and there are pretty tough times too. If only all are rich like Arabs or other middle eastern people. :)
@@rbmrbm-gx3st you see. I am not against staying alone. But why is it so difficult for you to comprehend the fact that, in South asian countries, people cannot AFFORD houses. That's 90% of the time.
The guy in the white shirt made so many valid points as to why people live with in-laws and actually brought the other side of the arguement on his own, so well done to him! Maybe a more diverse panel in future? So beforehand you know there are three people arguing for and three people arguing against ?
True. And the women on the far right was obsessed with men following sunnah yet she ain't even following the fardh of wearing proper hijab.
@@sayeeed1303 Fear Allah. Do you really think you're going to pull people to the religion by speaking in such a way.
pull up skkrrr he was 1 man army
@@royalhehe yes. I do fear Allah. That is why I am calling out a hypocrite as I should. It seems like you don't fear Allah as you hate the truth.
@@sayeeed1303 Giving someone the Name of Hypocrite is Dangerous. You cant call People Names as you wish.
Everybody's situation and family is different. When I got married 17 years ago, we lived with my mum for two years until we could afford our own place. Then we lived on our own for 14 years. Now my wife's mother lives with us due to changed circumstances. Such is life, there is no one way of doing such things, as life is a test and we all go through different phases in our lives.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes.
Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world;
● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible.
● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive).
In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally.
I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do?
● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not?
● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth?
There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas.
Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
your wife's mother lives with you that's okay but if your mother lives with you that's not okay that's the point of this feminist.
your wife's mother living with you and you got 100 + like but you would tell the same thing that your mother lives with you due to situation you maybe hate comments from women
Do you know that here in the subcontinent hijabis/niqabis are finding it more difficult to get married, most of the parents aren't getting their son married with a religious woman because they know she'll need her own space, she'll avoid contact with males etc. Most of the women who live with in laws are forced to free mix with male relatives such as husband's brother, his sister's husband, and when she refuse she's being told " if you have to live in OUR home then follow our rules otherwise you can go to your parents house"
Just imagine how it feels like when you leave your parents home to live with your husband but you're being told " it's not your home"
Many women even sacrifice their religious values just for the sake of " fitting with inlaws" because she don't want to make her parents sad.
Exactly that and more.
Extremely valid point
Madness. And then they wonder why these cow worshippers are giving them trouble.
The reason these in laws don't want hijabis and nikabis is because these girls maybe studied Islam and don't believe in culture so these girls will have a voice and shut the in laws up if they cross the line 😂 so the cultural in laws are too scared they won't be able to treat these types of humans as slaves in their homes.
Personally went through this. 100% true.
Mashallah to brother Zeeshan may Allah bless you for explaining the Asian culture in such an articulate way and mashallah to all guests
When i got married all of my husbands siblings lived with us and his married sister. His mom left two weeks after with her husband. She told my brother in laws they have to use our bathroom because the other bathrooms are reserved for the sisters. My mother in law then called me and told me her other sons are my sons as well
So there’s no hijab with them. I was suppose to baby them and I did while
Being pregnant otherwise my husband would hear crap. Where I was suppose to be up at 8 in morning their daughters slept till 12 or 3pm. Asking for cooked food. We eventually moved out after 3 years. My in-laws were mad. In-laws and especially Asian ones say you are their daughter only to abuse you. There’s a stark difference between how they treat their daughters and others.
@@Musaiftekharlies! There's no obedience for in laws. Only obedience for husband!
@@Musaiftekhar lies. Don't lie on Islam. A woman is not required by obedience to do things for her inlaws. It is in fact sadaqah and if she does it she will be rewarded. If she doesn't cook and clean for her mother in law she will not be sinful.
@@Musaiftekharfalse
@@Musaiftekhar I think you need read about Islam your are totally wrong subhanallah may Allah guide you
@@Musaiftekhar first understand what obedience is from a fiqh point of view.
My husband had a room in his parents house and suggested that I come and live with them. I refused, because how can I live with strangers and non mahrams and share the kitchen and bathroom with them? That means, the only place I don't need a hijab is in the bedroom. Islamically, I'm not even allowed to eat with a brother in law at the same table. How could I cook my food when the living room is connected to the kitchen? In that case, I wouldn't of left my room. My husband wouldn't have enjoyed the nice hot meals after work. What about intimacy between husband and wife, knowing the in laws are in the next room? Also ghusl. There's no privacy at all and everybody would know your business. Imagine washing your night clothes that only your husband is meant to see and hanging them in front of your in laws 😂
We rented a small flat and everything was fine. Nowadays, people think they need to "own" a house, they're too ashamed to rent. I believe living separately helped our marriage be where it is now
your right most people in this comment section are just brainwashed by their culture tbh
as a brother i could never let my wife live in the same house as other people
All excuses to be a treacherous wife who wants to distance the husband from his family
@@awrjkf what husband wants to live with his family instead of his wife?
he must be gay
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes.
Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world;
● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible.
● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive).
In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally.
I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do?
● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not?
● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth?
There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas.
Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
@@tsr1903 Your third option was correct. You should never get married
These discussions are so important and necessary! Thank you for developing this show- may Allah give this project barakah and support those who need to hear these talks the most 🤲🏽 ameen
please upload the documentary Ep 2. I am really excited can't wait, may Allah bless you 🙏
I don't really know what's wrong with the guy?!!
Wait till 2050
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
Salah Abas 😁 innallaha ma'as sabireen!😊
In laws should live close enough so you can go every day and within walking distance but not same house.
Lived with in laws and then in laws lived with us. Was a disaster. Never had any privacy day or night. Always people over. Always judged. Constantly making food and tea. Cleaning house always a mess. People popping in kids staying over. Nowhere was off limits including the bedroom.
True.
True, here in some cultures the women aren't allowed to even close the door of her bedroom all day except at night. Anyone comes inn any time and don't even bother to knock.
@@youtubeuser9168That's one place where you should definitely have your privacy... IT'S YOUR ROOM
@@youtubeuser9168 as an introvert I find this horrible!
@@zaze8376 it's just one of the small things of what happens in a joint family, there's a huge listt!!
I would never defend my son or daughter if I saw them oppressing their spouse. I could never be dishonest to myself and also teach my child that it’s ok to oppress… Never…
I would
@@12gmkk29 well I would never keep quiet if I saw my kids being oppressive… Allah says we should be, just even if it’s against our family…
Sura nisa 135:
O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allāh, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allāh is more worthy of both.1 So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allāh is ever, of what you do, Aware.
@M💎 Djouamaa ameen
May Allah bless you with happainess in this dunya and akhirah Aameen@@anitaannie6957
The people who haven't lived in the joint family cannot understand the problems it brings.
Too true wallahi. I've lived in an extended family all my life and all I see is clashes and blame games. Not to say there isn't those moments of affection, but living in a nuclear family definitely minimises all those problems a whole lot.
Will living on your own make life a paradise? Unless you married a 40 year old you is now well off, life on your own will mean being financially tight for a loooong time. Is it worth it?
Those who live alone, especially young, loose their culture and values.
How do you deal with the noise making at night? It sounds like a nightmare.
I don't say Asia how to live with join family.
I think it is important for husband and wife to live separately and have their own space to get to know one another and build a strong foundation for marriage and also bringing up children. When living with in-laws you are not only getting to know your husband and learning about each other, you also have the added pressure to get to know the in-laws too. In-laws may interfere etc and that's not healthly for the married couple.
You are 100% correct. That is exactly why I live separately from my family. But it is not always possible due to certain circumstances e.g., finances, elderly parents.
Unfortunately it aint that easy nowadays with the high prices. Not many people can afford to live seperstely
What if you don't want to know her? This dunya is temporary, as long as she is loyal and does her duty.
While I do agree, it's almost important to mention that every situation is different too. When my and my husband got married almost 9 years ago. We was young and my husband wasn't in the financial position for us to live separately and comfortably at the beginning and I knew going into the marriage I would have to live with my husbands sister and brother in law and their 2 children temporarily Atleast for a year or a couple of years. I compromised and move in and alhamdulilah it worked out good for us, they let us live our own life, at points their was disagreements and misunderstandings like with any family but me and my husband moved out happily after 2 years by choice when we was able to afford our own house,but my first child was born whilst living with my sister in law and it brought me very close to her and we bonded and have had a very strong relationship since that point and as my family live far away it was amazing having her their as a first time mum and helping with my new baby and it made us have a strong relationship and we are still close to this day we are together almost every weekend if not every weekend every other weekend as a family so I actually found it helped and benefitted me alot. I also am close family friends with one family who live with the mother and father in law and they have done so for years and live happily. Every situation is different and some times living with in laws does work out as long as the in laws are willing to give the couple space, don't get too involved and let them do what they want to do it can work and can be a happy living situation.
@@zaynabdaniyal The key thing you mentioned was that 'Your husband could not afford to move out'. A lot of women these days suggest that a man who can't afford to move out should not even consider getting married. In-spite of the fact that over 50% of the population in London probably could not afford to rent a 1 bed property let alone buy one. Men who can't afford to move out are considered immature and not ready for marriage.
It's good that your life with in-laws went well. It is not the same for everyone as you have mentioned. But a man not moving out due to practical reasons is considered un acceptable these days.
As an Arab dude, we kinda have something similar in villages and farm areas but nothing close to what south Asians do… I feel like people are being judgmental on this… Zeeshan is being unfairly judged here… at the heart of it it comes from necessity, maybe because of land… but personally in my family my mother has a room in every sons house or apartment… she knows she is welcomed everywhere. This is very important especially when the father passes away… my mom has one in my house and she comes and stays… she usually sides with my wife on everything tho lol
That's so nice.She visits and stays at each son's place , I'm wondering does she stay at her own place alone or with a son's family? No offense just wondering
اتفق مع كلامك وعنا حتى الامهات ما يحبون يثقلون على ولادهم المتزوجين يعني يعرفون حدودهم مدري احسهم بالغوا شوي
@@ramshahere2225 Every house is hers lol… she usually stays a month in each house..
@Mafia_Valor ameen
@@Theo-fc7et I am curious, I thoughts Arabs do the same thing as South Asians where the wife moves into her in laws home.
I noticed a lot of Asians talk about the housing market being so expensive for rent or buying so they are suggesting wives live with the family. Yet this is the same demographic that will casually spent £50,000 for a wedding! A single night! That’s several years of rent or a downpayment. So clearly it’s not money that is your concern. It’s having the wrong priorities. You would rathe have a couple extra bands a month to spend on traveling and useless posessions than giving their wife the DIGNITY of her own space where she can let her hair down.
@f3mcell ur a femcel, silence femoid...
Great observation
Absolutely correct. There are people with money and they have enough to buy or rent their own property. Yet, they will still expect the wife to live with the husbands parents cause its "traditional" culturally. There are so many problems I have heard from this and its insane. The only time I feel this would be feasible is if the husband father or mother are terminally ill and need to be looked after. But if they are healthy and fine then there is no need for this living with in laws. Allhumdulliah Islam gives women the right to choose, and discussing these matters before marriage is important.
I used to live that life and its a nightmare. Its worse when you wear a niqab. You can't eat with everyone else. Cover face all the time. Wear abaya 24/7. Adult brother in laws in the house. Couldnt even have long showers or do ablution peacefully because people were always waiting or i was waiting for others to come out of toilet. Embarrasing but once I couldn't hold it...thank Allah I left that slavery
Same here sister it was just horrible especially when they lied to me that my brother in laws new wife will live with us too but she lived separate. They tried to fool me and made me a maid in the house because his mom was bored. As her daughter left her now I had to look after her. She wasn't sick or anything like that just bored at home. And I had to entertain her. I spent 2 years caged at home because she didn't like to go out entertaining her and I also lived with my brothers in law once they by mistake entered room and saw me without hijab and many other things happened when my privacy was invaded it was hell for me and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. If a man wants to live with his parents and they don't really need assistance he is just lazy and stingy. He shouldn't be allowed to get married at all because he will abuse and oppress the woman he marries .
@@Lullabyforbabies000 so did you get a divorce?
@@razamughal9095 yes I did and don't regret it as I found someone who made me happy and also takes care of his parents too. I didn't have unrealistic expectations we lived in studio flat and had very small wedding just Nikah. And went out to eat. If a woman is willing to live like that I believe you can live separate and my husband doesn't earn a lot. But we are happy as it is. And bare in mind in my first marriage I was looking after his mom which had 4 kids while my mom was alone in a foreign country no one cared for her! As I'm the only daughter! So yeah I find some men selfish and hiding behind taking care of their parents while it's actually their wives who cook clean and take care of husbands parents while neglecting their own parents !!!!
@@Lullabyforbabies000 so what you are saying is that you are a secret wife. to an already maried man.
@@razamughal9095 why did you assume that ? It's your own conspiracies.
Imagine starting a new relationship with little to no privacy...and having to wear hijab inside your own home due to annoying brother inlaws hanging about everywhere. Just nope! I could not live like that. Hopefully the new generation of desi Kids will abolish this Hindu tradition of joint-family system...
Their low test levels probably render that first problem irrelevant
Alhamdulilah I didn’t have to ask my husband already knew and we established this before marriage . I have a great relationship with in laws . My MIL in fact wanted him to get his own place .
As she always said in marriage one shouldn’t feel like one is living in prison . And I wouldn’t be able to be free of be able to walk around even in my pjs in the current situation . My mother also was happy with this.
I know of women who are literally stuck in their bedrooms . Some don’t even eat or skip meals cause they can’t face Anyone . So sad
However I am aware people can’t afford to get a place .
If a Muslim man foolishly decides to move his wife into his parents’ house where his brother(s) live, then he does so at his own RISK! A man once asked the prophet SAW about his brother living or visiting or being around his wife in his absence, and our Prophet’s advice was: Your brother is like DEATH! Meaning, don’t trust ANY man even your brother near your wife in your absence. So, having your wife live under the same roof as your brother or even father, is RECKLESS & DUMB as hell! Too many affairs happen under the roofs where extended families live. Sisters, marry a man who can afford to buy or rent his own house, even if it means marrying a more older, mature BUT financially stable man where you are not required to work as well 🙏
It is good that paternity tests are not mandatory, else it would be found than even in Muslim societies, quite a few kids were fathered by their father's brothers if they stayed ina a joint family.
Interesting topic, i think in an ideal world having your parents or inlaws within walking distance is the best option, maintain privacy and also close enough to be able to come over and help if needed
Yes that's right
True
my mum is very elderly and relay on me alot, I have no other men living in my house, Alhamdullilah my wife, children, sister and my mother we all live together, dont get me wrong the a good times and rough times but its down to me to keep a fair balance, if these new modern muslimahs telling me to duck out and leave my mum they can jog on mate, InshaAllah i will do service for my mother for the sake of Allah.
No one is denying you live with ur older mother who relies on u
Nobody is telling you to duck out. People are just getting emotional here and conflating different scenarios with each other. Some women are okay with that arrangement, and others are not, and depending on given circumstances, neither one is in the wrong.
It’s nothing to do with “modern Muslimah” it’s their God given right to have their own space.
If your mother is older or sick that’s fine, we are talking about living with the full shibang, sibilings, parents ect…
@@ladan3208 they have their own bedroom
Of course we should take care of the elderly parents. But it doesn’t mean you have to live with the in-laws from the wedding until they die. Newlyweds especially need their own space and time to get to know each other.
You can live close to them or temporarily live with them, but you also need to establish yourselves as a married couple.
I have lived with the in-laws for many years, and went in with open mind. But it is complicated and you will need patience.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes.
Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world;
● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible.
● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive).
In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally.
I myself live with only my parents after having lived abroad and worked alone and now help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common and quick to come, and it takes an emotional toll on the man having to experience rejection repeatedly for years from the opposite gender, shoving under the carpet his aspirations and goals over and over again whilst being aware of people who are married and have wives and children around you, but all is easily brushed aside because you are a man - so what am I supposed to do?
● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not?
● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth?
There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas.
Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
@@tsr1903 May Allah reward you for taking care of your parents.
I know how it is in the West. Me and my husband started with nothing and we both had to work, and at times we were living with his relatives or had them live with us. It is not ideal, especially since some of them were not mahram to me.
Sacrifices have to be made, and it is unreasonable to expect to have everything ready for you.
Women have such high expectations these days.
I married my husband when he had nothing and would still be here if he lost everything.
Inshallah you will find a humble Muslim lady who will stand by you.
@@hm8489 Ameen.
@@tsr1903mashAllah may Allah reward you bro with a good spouse and accept your parents duas for you and your future spouse and kids Aameen.
Just to add to brother Zeeshan’s point about where the culture is changing, it’s changing amongst the next generation who are born and raised in the English culture and whilst we may maintain some aspects of the Asian culture, we also adopt some positive aspects of the English culture too, education helps enormously in this regard. So the mindset towards marriage and in laws is changing amongst the Asian community
@Numair Khan His point is that positive change is taking place.
Let me summarise the podcast:
NEwlyWEDS DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH THEIR INLAWS BUT . BROTHERS ARE TOO SHOOK TO ADDRESS THIS WITH THEIR PARENTS. MANUP !
As a Paksitani and living in a joint family.. and living in this society since birth..living with inlaws has alot of bad effects on the marriage... no privacy..living with brother inlaws and their wives together.... people having hatred in their hearts toward each other.. children getting caught in the family politics..
Never live with the in laws you'll never get on. You'll get on better when yr not living together
And what about the in laws wanting a maid in the name of daughter in law?? It's not also rare in south asian houses
Bro, it's 21 century. That doesn't happen anymore.
And if it does. I don't know what to say
Mashallah some serious discussion, and much needed for the whole ummah. You all made some very good points. Keep up the great work Inshallah. Wasalaam
Salam brothers and sisters
I got married young and we lived with parents happy privacy was a issue but we made it work
May Allah grant my mother the highest rank jannah tul firdos
My mother said (To my wife) "you are my daughter now and forever"
She made these words true. I felt like my mother was on my wife's side all the time 😅 every discussion and argument. My mother supported my wife like a real daughter and it showed.
Before my mother passed My wife cared for my mother more than my own sister. ❤
May Allah give My wife all she deserves and may Allah give me enough to provide this.
The stereotypical view is inlaws treating the person very badly. I hope this isn't common as these brothers and sisters have made me think it is.
That's good but imagine the wife's mother is also ill. Why must she live her mother in law and not her own mother, heaven is at her mothers feet not mother in laws feet. She has an islamic duty to her parents also which is always overlooked in favor of the husbands parents.
@N. M. if her mother is ill she will go pakistan she will look after her mother and I will sent her funds as much as I can
I think that your Mother was so kind to her made it easy for your Wife to take care of her as she made it also out of Love and Respect for you Mother. It is so Important that we dont see the Person just as Daughter or Mother but as an Individual with an Personality, hobbys, likes and dislikes so there can be also Friendship.
@@n.m.9121 I think that applies if the wife doesn’t have any brother who can take care of their mom. It falls on the son. When wife gets married, her heaven is under husband feet and his heaven is under his parents feet. So her in laws become her new parents basically.
@@n.m.9121 this all depends on circumstances and if the wife has no brothers to look after her parents
I pray for all the men and women dealing with in-laws. Some of them can really destroy a household. My grandmother did an excellent job on that.
Well it depends how dey been raised 🤷🏾♂️
Hi son…..lol
😔 May Allah swt heal your heart and grand you paradise!
let's also not forget how some women can destroy a sons relationship with his parents
@@user-fk7sk9ut1t well never seen a (man) his life or relationship destroyed by women or wife
I'm a man and from the south Asian background and all those points raised about problems with inlaws is a fact!. Hope ali dawah you do more series on this topic alone
Remember guys none of the Sahabah’s when they got married ever lived with their parents. This is definitely a cultural thing and personally it’s not healthy, the only way my parents will move into my family is if she is severely ill or financially unstable. But I will try to get her into her own home because I can never feel comfortable and be intimate with my wife if I know my parents are in the home haha
This is issue in some cultures but not soemthing i have to worry about. In our somali community newly married couple are given so much space and encouraged to move to their own home so they can be quick with that grandbabies😂 traditionally after a baby is born then the mother of the wife will come to stay for a month to help with newborn ,thats how it was for me..plus i didnt have a wedding just nikkah and lunch for the whole community and we used the money for furniture and a comfortable house❤ i think it's really decision for both wife and husband to make on whether to live with in laws or have own space before getting married. More wives need to raise their voices on issues effecting them beforehand to save themselves from headache later😢 i see alot of sisters in the muslim community are in unhappy or abusive homes here in Australia walah😢
great! Never knew the somali community is rather much more mature in these aspects
Yep everyone is different so even outside of culture it just depends what you want and you look for a partner that wants the same things as you
Since there's even non muslims living with their partner's family too
@@bablu9002 hhhhh
Unfortunately some brothers lie or their families go shaitan mode - causes the daughter in law hell and sadness. It’s true in South Asian homes they do treat the daughter in laws bad and inhumane
Nowadays a shift has happened where it's almost opposite the daughter-in-law is or bad and humane and the in-laws themselves are actually trying to make it work
@@user-fk7sk9ut1t True. This happens in the west.
The way ali dawah try say anyways after he violated the Pakistani guy saying this is a big problem in your country and ur subcontinent🤣🤣🤣he violated
(Male, Convert) Interesting points made on both sides, Ideally yes I believe in seperate accomodation. However in the real world, this costs far more than it used to. I'm weighing up the option to get married, as my cost of living will go up 10 fold if I do. I'm weighing up the cost to benefit and I'm failing to see it, especially as its seen as a right. Not much appreciation is given to rights, but I believe my window is closing. Personally I blame the british government, banks, inflated workforce and our culture, seeing housing as a commodity. I imagine many brothers would have no issue providing good accomodation. If it wasnt for excessive costs for the basic staples of life.
Same here im no convert and living with in laws is not a thing in Somali cultures but alhamdulillah I know my mother will not cause me issues so if I do get married im asking my husband to move in so we don't have to rent and suffer this crazy inflation. My energy bill alone is a musibah. End of the day the way I see it. It all comes down to your manners and boundaries, you can make it work if people are understanding and respectful of each other. The problems arise when culture takes presidency over Islam. Anywho nothing wrong with living with your in laws if they are sane lol
Brother Zeeshan spoke really well. It's important to know why the problem is in order to better understand it. With all due respect, it went over the head of the sister and could see the aggression in her voice even though he already clearly mentioned his viewpoint. Have more of brother Zeeshan he is an excellent speaker.
This only applies to South Asian community. In my community, we are encouraged to move out for privacy sake and plus is much better.
Where you from?
And that is why South Asians are so successful while other communities are all messed up
Brother zeeshan speaked sooo well !
Alot of support and love from india brother
Jazak allah khairan !
A lot of South Asians become rich or poor depending on the circumstances They have money for buying endless property back home, they have money for grand weddings, they have money for investments here and there , they have money for extended families in the home country, but they suddenly become poor when it comes to renting a small apartment for a new couple near the parents home. As someone whose home broke apart because of squabbling mother in law and wife, I regret not spending on a small apartment for my wife instead of living with my family, though even that was my property as well.
I agree with Zeeshan. It is incredibly difficult for young people even now to provide a roof over their heads.
Naaa just rent why do we need to buy an actual home in the dunya and unfortunately many Muslims in the West get mortgages 🤦🏾♂️. We are here only temporarily but because we have become poisoned money money it seems we need a big home with a big garden with big cars etc
@@MohamedShou I agree with you. This dunya ain;t worth the enslavement towards a mortgage. + you'd be making war with Allah by taking out these riba home loans. However woman's hypergamy tends to differ.
@@MohamedShou ain’t nobody tryna be stuck living check to check,it’s better to b financially free before getting married get money until 25 get married and do you.modern days it’s hard to find a good lady like r mothers
@@RaeesJacobsMost women are average and not working amazing jobs to have high standards. Also women’s value decreases every year the older they get and there’s been too many examples of older women in the 35-45 range who have made this mistake of being too choosy and finding that their options have decreased dramatically. They are regretting their past choices because when it comes down to it, you can’t change biology, once the window of fertility goes away it’s very hard to get it back. Women need to be more realistic and drop the high standards before it’s too late, or they will end up in the same predicament as these older women, find a good compatible brother who is responsible and hard working and who fears Allah, and you are at least somewhat physically and mentally attracted to because good hearted men are just as rare as rich men. Then learn to compromise and grow with that person because who how do you know you will find a good person again. Foregoing hypergamy is a smarter choice than holding onto it waiting forever and then missing out on the boat later on. There is nothing desirable about being single. The market is fierce after 35-38 for most women. You want to be alone forever or do you want to get your head straight and learn to cooperate with an average man? The choice is theirs.
With all do respect, the pakistani brother is not completely accurate as I have india and pakistani family background....it comes from the Hindu culture not from British.
This issue is unfortunately still super prevalent in India and pakistani culture. The brother is Sugar coating it.
Because of this in laws issue alot of asian women want to marry revert brothers or boys from a totally different continent and culture.
I’m a revert from Brazil, when I heard Muslims in South Asia and Middle East still live with their parents and siblings after marrying I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, lol.
funny thing is all girls from backhome want to get married and stay with inlaws, so jus marry them i guess
@@DSJWIX not much the middle East. It's mostly South Asia. It's a Hindu custom that has persisted even after they became Muslim centuries ago
Yeah that is the biggest factor of asian girls going for non-asian guys, they want to be with an asian man but their parents ruin it. Another reason is the girl having problems with her own family too like her dad or mum and thar causes her to not be close to ethnicity and culture. Most times that's what I hear and rarely because of reasons like they don't find them attractive or stuff like that. I know one asian girl who abandoned Islam astagfirullah because she had issues with her dad aka daddy issues and now she's dating and pregnant with a black guy but this black guy isn't a good guy since he's a drug dealer
Agree with Sister Naznin 110%. Mashallah her opinions made perfect sense.
I am not Asian but even I am still forced to live with in-laws…..and living with in-laws was 1 of my 2 deal breakers for marriage. But here I am, 11 years married. Having spent almost all of those years with in-laws. And will spend many more years like this, until they die, I die, or my husband dies. My husband tells me “What can I do?”
And why do parents find it acceptable to force themselves onto their kids? Male sons in particular??? My in-laws did not have to live with their parents. My husbands sisters do not live with in-laws. And I am literally the only person I know who lives with in-laws. Does it make me happy? No. I hate it. Makes me feel miserable to be in my own home most days. No privacy. No space. And a whole host of other issues.
Please release the Bitter Truth Episode which talks about mothers denying children access to their fathers.
This issue needs to be addressed urgently
Yeah, Mahdi made a vid about that recently.
very true!
@@naviifra2374 Yes, so if a wmn abuses her husband by taking his kids away from him, she should take accountability.
All our beloved "f'em'i'n'is't muslim" sisters wouldn't like that....
@@Therebelliousprince001 I believe every mother would not want their children are exposed to any sort of abuse from their abuser hence why they take that decision
I personally believe that if you are a guy then you need to get your own place before even marriage. You need to provide your wife with a space where she can freely move and for you to build a healthy relationship.
Zeeshan is totally in denial about reality and defensive about his culture/background. We have economically disadvantaged immigrants in The Netherlands as well (Moroccans, Turks, Somalies, Iraqies, etc) but none of them make a habit of living with their in-laws. You can't correct something crooked if you're not willing acknowledge it's crooked in the first place. Also, living in different storeys? That's still way too close. If you got the money why not live a couple blocks away? It's because it's ingrained in the culture and you're still trying to hold onto it.
That's y a lot of those men are immature. They never grow up into strong independent men and their mothers become too attached to them and compete with their daughter in law and get jealous.
Its the first time i am watching this site, so good for all speakers to always introduce themselves.
I am second generation in the UK and its odd how those parents left their own parents in another country and lived a life with their spouse thousands of miles away from their own parents.
I think it's what someone said at the beginning. It's not one size fits all. There's positives and negatives to both. Whatever works for you. Obv if in laws are getting involved in the marriage then it's an issue or if they are abusive/toxic. There have to be lines, understanding and boundaries. Thoroughly enjoyed this conversation. Very interesting and important discussion.
Just to add to this if there are siblings in the house and it's a full house then it is best to move out.
@Mafia_Valorthats just stupidity from the husband but then again thats another topic
Imagine having to walk on egg shells, have intimacy with your in laws next door AND wear hijab in your own house 🤨. Every girl that has brothers has experienced having to wear hijab at home bc your brother had friends over or something, it’s annoying. Now imagine having to do that everyday? It’s suffocating. If you’re struggling financially you should probably get that sorted out before you decide to take a woman away from her comfortable living situation with her family. The least you can give her is a property, she can roam comfortably in. It’s not even about disliking your in-laws or not, they could be lovely people. It’s about boundaries. Living with in-laws feels too invasive. Also If your husband has a brother, he might be your brother in law, but he is not your mahram!That means you’re living with a non mahram, you’re free mixing. How is that appropriate?
The least you can give her is a property? she didn't marry a prince. this is why people fall into adultery because women expect the world which in today's economic environment isn't possible for a man to provide as a result they stay single too, Why would you wear hijab next to your mother and father-in-law
Women with your mentality deserve to be in a prison once you get married. You the type to make a man pick u over his mother. Never wife a thort like this lads. And ur name is naima u toxic *****
Asking a man to provide a house or even rent his own place in London today is what's absurd...
We have got to this point in time where most couples before us did live with laws... And there are many from them who are successfully married still with years of experience...
What happens when the couple has kids... They still continue being intimate outside their own room and wearing whatever they want etc?
@@mizbrob7703 well put! people are on such high horse these days w.r.t living standards.. would they accept a basic one room place where they have to work and take care of it like the Ummahat-ul-mumineen did. I'm not saying that Islamic boundaries of pardah, free mixing etc should be neglected but people have streched the definition of 'providing for a wife to marry'
@@mizbrob7703 Okay, then move out of London. See if you want to be a dayooth and let your brothers see her roaming the house or being limited with intimacy then go ahead
I guess this is why speaking before marriage is important. It's difficult to foresee how things in life will unravel, especially with health and finances. There should be some space in the marriage to adapt to change. Life, health and finances never stay the exact same therefore I think it's unreasonable to expect a marriage of 10 years to be identical to day 1 of marriage.
Young couples need to be aware that parents may need more of their time when parents are unwell, old or if a disaster has happened.
As-salamu alaykum Ali Dawah,
In Islam, the decision of whether or not brides should live with in-laws is not a black and white issue. There are various factors that need to be considered, and the decision should be made based on the specific circumstances of each family.
The Quran and Sunnah emphasize the importance of maintaining good relations with in-laws and treating them with kindness and respect. Allah (SWT) says in Surah An-Nisa, verse 36: "Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful." The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also advised Muslims to be kind to their in-laws and treat them as their own family members. He said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives. Treat your women well, and be kind to your in-laws" (Tirmidhi).
However, Islam also recognizes the importance of privacy and maintaining a separate household. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The best houses are those that are spacious and ample, and the worst houses are those that are cramped and confining" (Muslim).
There is some expert evidence and statistical data that suggests that living with in-laws can have both positive and negative effects on marital satisfaction. Some studies have shown that living with in-laws can lead to increased conflict and stress, while other studies have shown that it can increase social support and reduce financial strain.
In conclusion, the decision of whether or not brides should live with in-laws in Islam is not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. It depends on a variety of factors, including cultural traditions, personal preferences, individual circumstances, and the ability to maintain good relations and privacy. Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining good relations with in-laws, while also recognizing the importance of privacy and maintaining a separate household. Ultimately, the decision should be made based on what is best for all parties involved.
Well said! There is no one-size fits all solution. Every married couple is different. The focus is to make the marriage happy and peaceful. For some this means having your own home & for others it means sharing your home with an extended family.
Jazzah Kallah
Very well said. This comment should be pinned
❤
HAHAHA you used chat GPT didn’t you? 😂😂
I wouldn’t want to live with my in laws, simply because I want my future husband to able to be the leader in our household and establish the tone for how he wants things to run and the environment he wants to create. Unfortunately his leadership would undermined if we were living under his fathers roof, because you have to respect the rules and customs of another person’s home. I don’t see this as a positive thing for a newly married couple, especially not in my generation (gen z).
Especially if the in laws aren't practicing and you want to establish your house upon taqwa and emaan
In that culture the men do not become leaders of the household until the parents are very old / passed away 😂, at which point you will likely be grandparents.
Another one 🙏🏽always excited to see Ali and his guests 😊😊
Women are abit too angry about it considering its a choice that they have. If you didn't have a choice then the person who's restricting you isn't worthy of you. Forget his raw good looks think about the long run. 🤷♂️
Brother zeeshans point on historical reasons has changed now the elder generations from the asian community seem to have this notion that the daughter in law should 'serve' her inlaws that's why they choose to keep them living in their home. I am from this community and I have first hand experience
What you need to understand is the wife is marrying the man not his family. I am my wife companion as she chose me and I chose her. We consult amongst each other and don’t need our elders to dictate our life (this is where the problem starts)
Zeshan was talking in a way that went over the sister's heads with the earrings, he was talking about how the culture came over to the UK and it was about financial stability, but in this day of age there is not much of that needed now, therefore, you can live separated from your in-laws and mindsets has changed explain is the sister in the earings. Asians are now selling their lands back home and splitting them also making individual homes.,
The brother sitting bw zeeshan and Ali D has given so many valid points. The cost of living is very high. If the inlaws are nice people, then there are benefits in remaining in mil, fil home. There's no right and wrong. Every family is different. Zeeshan, once again showing his deeper level of wisdom.. My husband never was a 'mummy's boy' but he had a huge amount of respect and level of obedience to elders (he was the youngest) and he has always maintained a balance, in dealing with matters. Alhamdullillah.
Nothing wrong with being mummy's boy. Buy if our mum's told us to go hit our wives we shouldn't do it. If my mum was alive today than I would love to be mummy's boy everyday.
Your point is correct
Very good discussion and I think it depends based on each couples circumstances. Some parents are elderly need assistance etc. However, the benefit of having parents around when having children is so beneficial.
If a daughter in law even talks about getting a new place they will be considered as evil and " son snatcher" in the sub continent ( i belong to one) people don't want their sons to marry women who are hafiza etc because they know their rights. I heard an Islamic teachings lecturer say that they don't speak about girl rights in college and schools because if they do and girls find out their rights , they won't be able to get married. A boy will obviously want to live with their parents especially if they are old but remember that your parents are also humans as your wife and can make mistakes too. So have guts to point it out to your mom or dad if they are wrong just as you do to your wife. Because men in many cases say their wife to tolerate their parents behavior because they are old and are mostly blind to their parents faults. If my son is to get married may Allah give me strength to let them live in a different place.
Salaam wa lakum ,It's good to hear these conversations between Muslims it's So much needed to talk about ,teach this Deen Inshallah.
I live with my husbands parents and grandparents. Alhamdulillah I say alhamdulillah for that. Allaah has given me an opportunity to in shaa Allaah gain rewards by doing any sort of little but of khidmah that I can.
It's absurd the way women speak about in laws... In fact it's quite hurtful. As a daughter of a single mother who only has 1 daughter and 1 son... If my brother was to move out what's my mum meant to do? She's old... She lives by herself? We put her in an old people's home? It's crazy.
Besides, proof of the wife doing khidmah of in laws is proven by the Hadith where Jabir radhiyallahu anhu got married to an elderly woman and when nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم asked him why he didn't marry someone younger, he said it was so that the elder wife would look after and teach his little sisters.... If this was wrong Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم would have said it... But he didn't.
Our Deen is a Deen of compassion... If the in laws are nice people then why not do their khidmah? What about when we get old? Would we want all our children to leave us whilst we continue getting older and weaker and yet we have to do everything ourselves?
Obviously it's a different story if the in laws are not nice people or there's genuine problems with hijab and brother in laws.. I've got 2 brother in laws and they respect my niqab... I don't even have to wear a niqab around the house because they don't enter if they know I'm somehwere and I don't go where they are...
When there's a will, there's a way
If someone wants to make something happen they can
And its crazy how people say I wanna be free with my wife/husband and not have anyone seeing etc... What about when you have kids??
What's happening to the Ummah bruh
Asian
Alhamdulillah
True
Heaven is under the feet of the mother. As a woman living with her in law how are you supposed to support you own mother? Why would it fall to her daughter in law? Neglecting your own parents and the responsibility you have towards them to look after the parents of your husband is unacceptable and frankly despicable. Another thing is the wife deserves privacy especially if there are men in the house that are not part of her Muharram. Free mixing is forbidden.
And what happens when the mother in law doesn't have her own daughters?
After marriage a woman's priority is her husband, not her parents. And a husband is meant to allow the wife to see her family at least once a week... And exceptions are to be made in circumstances when there are none to look after her parents also... Like I said our Deen is a Deen of compassion...
Alhamdulillah I see my mother many times and when I do, I do as much as I can for her...
I'd be careful about making comments about things being despicable especially if they are permissible in the Deen...
It is not haram or even makrooh to do khidmah of one's in laws... If we accept that the man's job is to provide income and the woman's job is to look after the home, then that includes looking after those who reside in the home..
If she doesn't want to do that she needs to make it clear from beforehand
But that doesn't mean our Deen says a woman shouldn't... Like I said...nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم didn't say anything when Jabir radhiyallahu anhu married so that his wife could teach HIS sisters...
It doesn't fall on the daughter in law
It falls on the son, to find a wife who will help support his mother the way every daughter would want to support her own mother...And he will also help support ...
If a woman lives far from her own family how is she meant to support them?
What kind of world have we turned into
لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله
I was craving for a conversation like this between Muslims. Thank you for it but I think the conversation ended up being more problen oriented rather than solution oriented, if that makes sense. I really wanna see a part two where, since there's Muslims from all the different backgrounds, they discuss how they do it in their particular culture. Because of course, they have economic problems too, but how do Malaysians, Turks, Kurds, Afghanis, Iranis, Arabs and others manage it. Because surely in Muslim countries we don't have a culture of abandoning parents. So, living with them can't be the only solution. I think that kind of a discussion will be very fruitful IA
Live separately within walking distance. If parents need frailcare then they could live on the same property with a dedicated helper to assist with cleaning, bathing, etc and son/daughter and dil/bil can both check in everyday when they get off work to ensure they're fine and can help with whatever they can. If one spouse is at home, then a helper can still assist because it's very difficult to do elder care especially if a dil has small kids and her own parents to also check up on then there should be understanding. If elder parents have their own daughter then it wud be ideal to live with their daughter rather than their sons. The sons can pay for their sister to stay home and she can care for their parents instead so that her husband and their wives are not placed in difficult situation. Of course if the bils and dils are willing than that is honourable and a big sadaqa but it should never be something that is forced upon someone as u want ur parent to b taken care of well and not by someone who will resent them.
Its common to live nearby your families so you can visit whenever you like - and care for them if needed. The married brothers and sisters, I know, live in their own homes, some are home owners, others rent. Parents are well into their 60s and 70s. I don't actually know anybody who requires caretaking or assistance. From the comments it seems the problem is specific to certain cultures and communities and it benefits solely the husbands/sons, and it is, as if the second the son gets married, the parents become sick, disabled or extremely dependent. Honestly makes no sense. Wives are daughters too, have parents too and that relationship doesn't stop or vanish onto thin air post marriage. On one hand such guys are unwilling to leave their parents home after marriage, but on the other hand they expect their wives to leave their families and only visit like once a week or so?? You can love, maintain ties with your family, care for them without living with them. If needed, of course you care for your parents but don't expect wives to do it as it is the duty of the children, sons and daughters. It wouldn't matter whether it's the wife's parents or the husband who need looking after. Having inlaws work both ways, but in the comments the inlaws of the women are given superiority and preference, which makes no sense. This is not islam.
We need Zeeshan Bhai in all of these sessions!
Yeah very smart brother walahi love him for the sake of Allah
Do watch his channel @smiletojannah.
My wife has lived with myself and my family for 5 years now in Sydney Australia Alhamdulillah, and now she has such a strong strong bond with my sisters, parents and even extended family that she herself said she wouldn’t have that bond of she didn’t live with them. We don’t live on seperate levels or in different sections. We are now looking for another place, but not because of any hatred or disputes, but we just need more room for a growing family now Alhamdulillah.
Her friends have always tried to convince her it’s bad for her, and that living with in laws is unfair and she should exercise her right, but whenever they made a point on why it was unfair, she told me she didn’t feel like those issues applied to her.
@AliDawah I really wish I was on this podcast to share why it happened, and what was done to make it work. It’s a really interesting story. It is first and foremost because of the mercy of Allah, then, In a nutshell, it was just a lot of patience, communication, wisdom and show of support and understanding of all parties.
I agree, it’s not something I would recommend for others, but I think it would have been a massive eye opener to share how it can work.
Well said.
Being a kashmiri, I can tell you what happens here. Kashmiri women don't even think of living in a seperate accommodation or living in privacy because it's considered as selfishness and talking about maher , you are labelled as a goldgigger and if you live in a village you are labelled as shameless if u ask for ur share in the property and in cities women are forced to give their golden jewelries to their in-laws. And in case you want khula you have to pay this man who never payed ur maher... And if this is not happening in her life then she still has to face her in-laws who make her do chores to the extent that it becomes difficult for her to look fresh and clean and it becomes difficult to give attention to the husband and work on the marriage...And men here justify this by saying "women have to make their husbands happy and if this makes him happy then she should do it...." In case you justify you desire to live seperately in an islamic way, you are taunted and compared withe the female companions of the PROPERTY (SAW)...
there are no islam rights for a women in Kashmir...
THE SADDEST PART IS THAT EVEN SOME AULAMA HERE TRY TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS...
It's more than just living with your in laws sometimes its about taking care of them and taking care of parents while taking care of children is not easy but the children get to enjoy the company of their grandparents and some in laws are actually kind and help with tarbiyah.
Who's taking care of the woman's family
And who takes care of the women's family???
Well I was talking about the perspective of a women moving in with her in laws her parents have also haqq on her just like his parent has haqq on him. I believe that they should encourage each other to care of them within their capacity and with the help of their other family members. Maybe taking turn to care for them and work for that hasanat and show good examples to your own childrens.
I really liked the points that Zeeshan made and he is absolutely right, the history part was important. This is one of the main reason in my country that some sons live with their parents after marriage because of poverty and not enough money to move out. Jazakallah khair to zeeshan and brother Jibril too for making fair points on both sides. It’s not always a black and white matter
Yes, absolutely the British controlled, looted and colonised the Indian subcontinent for 190 years reducing the World GDP from 27% in 1750s to 3% in 1947 when leaving.
People were taxed 80% and that's why lived with extended family then and that poverty mentality continued when migrating.
Majority do not know this and this history is important!!
50% elders moved out when they married cuz they move or migrated to another country allowing total freedom learning to respect appreciate and support there marriage
And give there children a better future
50% were forced or not willing to move out either financially they did not want full responsibility of looking after a wife
Or they were blackmailed by there parents to stay with them forever
Ending in the moms become slaves maids to his family
No shame no privacy just a bitter abusive marriage with no mercy happy or blessings till death
@@Musaiftekhar agree! it’s all down to fear of abandonment and also financial issues since they were forced to give there lifesaving and retirement funds to their sides of the families
So they expect their children to financially support them
The lady in the gray head scarfs right around the 26:00 onwards mark I think. The in laws even if well off will expect the daughter in law to live with them coz that’s all they know about how a family should be. My personal experience is the same. I actually get emotional blackmailed every time we visit my in laws that we ain’t living there. We are a combined family of 16 and my parents in law expect us to live in the same house without any conflict. 3 brothers their wives and two of these brothers have 3 kids each and one has two, two of these kids are now in their teens and the others are 5 and below. This is not practical and if all the women of the house enter the tiny kitchen it becomes suffocating at times. One daughter in law of the house pretends to be a victim that she has to clean everyone else’s mess when in reality there isn’t one but 3 women actually fully contributing which includes the mother in law in the work but one of them thinks that she’s the only one and accuses the others of not doing anything, when in reality only one daughter in law isn’t contributing but the one contributing is now actually being accused of being lazy and sitting in her room with her husband when in reality she had to spend time with her husband and work on her relationship with her husband, which this particular ‘victim’ can’t do for herself so she out of jealousy has to constantly make the lives of the other daughter in laws hell by lying to the parents in laws. Like this is not a healthy environment.
I don’t agree with the guy in the white dress shirt coz the majority still wants to force the young kids to live in a joint family. I know a family where a mother wants a daughter in law so she takes over her job of cooking and cleaning!
I’m European revert, living with my in-laws. Mixed marriage. Struggling to keep my boundaries and respect here. It affects me personally, mentally and eventually it affects our marriage. :-( I pay half rent to his parents and I contribute to food (everything that I need for myself and gifts for my husband) I love him so much, he is generally peaceful beautiful person, because he still study we stay in here but I don’t know how long will I be able to take the stress and pressure and guild. I’m not sure how long will he survive it either… and our marriage… it’s been 4 years and I feel like I’m changing as a person or a women…
There are absolutely no boundaries. If you tell our elders that this isn't islamic, their response, you are bringing in a new practice into our culture. This is what are fathers have been doing for generations. Thats their argument.
If my husband can’t provide me something as basic as a living space, then Id book it to the marriage court immediately. Your wife deserves her own house, period. Not only is living with in-laws uncomfortable, it’s also inhumane. Subhanallah, is this not your wife? Do you not have any Shame? She deserves her own living space with her husband, kid’s and herself. If her husband cannot provide something as simple as that, than maybe reconsider getting married in the first place.
Brother Zeeshan was the Most Balanced One. 🎉🎉🎉 We want him and Brother Hijab in every episode.
The revert brother was very fair and balanced even more so I would say despite not being from the SA community but he had good knowledge mA
Can we have brother Zeeshan more often as he covers multiple grounds when discussing a topic in a very articulate fashion.
One should also think that the same husband who would like to serve his parents and maybe labelled "mummy's boy" he is gaining reward and serving his mother. His wife who may insist/pressure/force him to live separately needs to understand that she may one day too have a very loving and caring son attached to her, hence not force/pressure her husband to live separately.
Although, taking the current situation into consideration (holistically with all potential influencing mediums) one should try to attain as much privacy as they can when they live with parents and set clear guidlines/boundaries to uphold the right of the wife i.e (separate stories etc).
But it is clear that when the marriage is new a solid foundation needs to be laid and that takes time, it will only take longer and potentially be weaker with third party interferences. Hence, if the husband can afford then the newly wed couple should attain privacy by moving out.
Good episode. Everyone was respectful. There was no talking over one another. Everyone could bring their point across.
I enjoyed listening to sister Naznin. She was clear and stayed on topic. Please have her on again.
The things are changing Alhamdulillah. But the problem is in law's family want to impose every duty to the bride, especially the bride of first son. And if they are unwilling to help, the life of the bride becomes miserable.
Not every culture is used to this. Mine certainly isn’t.. we look after our parents of course, and if they are sick, elderly, alone we wouldn’t hesitate to live with them. But alhamdulilah there is no pressure or even desire from them or us to live with them before that.
The understanding that newly weds and married couples in general, need privacy, is just incomprehensible to some. Very weird..
Those are probably the people that believe that babies are dropped from storks. 😂
@M💎 Djouamaa North Africa
@M💎 Djouamaa 🇲🇦
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
Just go to the motel or something lol. Or have your parents live with your siblings during that timeframe. There are workarounds.
@@MS-dc2tt Married Couple should go to a Motel? Are you ok? And why should Parents leave when the Couple wants Intimicy? Just let the Parents stay at their Home and the unmarried Siblings can take care of them.
@@MS-dc2tt there isn’t.. when you want to have the total freedom to be intimate with ur spouse no matter how much privacy you get it still is not the same as when you are living seperate
Don't judge every family is different . I will be looking to move my wife into my room . It Is spacious and big. So spacious my youngest brother will be in the same room .
@@shahee6579 bruh you had me 🤣🤣🤣
Brother Zeeshan couldn't be more wrong in this regard. I live in Pakistan, and I have family in the US. No Pakistani is just doing it for financial reasons. Even if they had the means (which many do, BTW), they would expect the women to live with the in-laws and be basically a full time maid for free. Not all but most families exploit their daughters-in-law. They, including the husband, become one unit and view this girl as a threat to their family dynamics. I have seen and know loaded people who stigmatize moving out and expect the DIL to live with in-laws for good. Daughters-in-law are treated like crap in such families while sons-in-law are given the utmost protocol.
This mindset hails from the Hindu culture. Many of our ancestors were reverts. They rejected the Hindu culture, but we are sadly going back to what they left. This includes multiple parties during a wedding, dowries, beating women, believing it is incumbent on a woman to take care of her in-laws and ask for their permission in every little thing. It wouldn't be wrong to say that these girls are prisoners of their in-laws.
I was one of them for years until Allah took me out of that situation, Alhumdulillah.
It may have been adopted from the Hindus, but now it has become a part of Pakistani culture, and sadly, they follow it like religion, Aodhubillah.
One of my friends is married to a mufti, but even she is stuck in this joint family system despite her parents giving her a house of her own. Most girls tolerate such non-sense either for their parents' honor or for their kids. Neither of which is healthy. May Allah ease life for these women, Aameen.
Anecdotal.
Stop being a feminist.
Ok, no one is being a slave, we all have responsibilities
Naznin. It was very rude to cut off brother Zeeshan. He was telling facts.
@AlDawah on topics like this, giving out information on how people could get help would be great. The brother at the end did a good thing by suggesting people reach out if they are being abused.
From what I have seen in my community I think it's better to live separately. Majority of in laws in my country especially the parents see their daughter in law as their property. The way these parents in law even treat daughter in laws is very toxic and bad. And they use Islam to justify their abusive behaviour. In Islam it says that children should serve their parents. But in Islam of these abusive parents it is daughter in law who should serve. Funny thing is the Son is not even in the picture. And if the son tries to defend his wife from the psychological abuse of his parents Islam is used to shut the son up. Even the Imams and scholars who give long speech during Walima send the message that daughter in law should treat her in laws as her own parents and should serve them.
These same parents want their own daughters to live separately
@@Musaiftekhar so true. This is the trend.
Let’s not forget, a lot of Pakistanis marry their own cousins, so therefore the bride is actually moving in to her uncle or auntie’s house, so she’s basically moving in to her family lol
The sister in university has said it all walahi ...its better for the new couples to live far away from thier families period ...
I’m from USA my hubby is from PK i absolutely LOVE the house they all live in it’s all connected and there is always someone to talk to you never feel alone . Each family has their own space but it’s all within a communal home
In my experience pros and cons for both. Sabr and sincerity is key.
As newly weds we are too obsessed in wanting privacy and our mental health. Yes it’s important of course but then when we have our children and there’s no extensive family support or help, we need to not complain and understand we made that choice. It works both ways. You’ve got to give respect often before you get it back. Relationships take time. In my opinion-your husbands family very important. Be sincere and it’s a lot easier in the long run.
this is one of the first intelligent and nuanced comments I've seen on this video. completely agree. all you hear is privacy privacy privacy me me me me it seems like People nowadays are so selfish and only think about themselves
I think this is one of the best comments on this topic, and I completely agree. While I don't want to repeat what has already been said, I would like to add my perspective as an "Asian" from Kashmir.
In our community, it's not common to have multi-story buildings with rented flats. When a couple gets married, they don't move into a rented flat. Instead, if they want to live separately, they need to buy new land or inherit land and build a new house. This is followed by the cost of maintenance, and if they want to have children in the second year of marriage, there is an added financial burden. This burden is mostly borne by the son, whose salary, or if he is just a laborer, is the primary source of income for the family.
This is why in the "Asian" community, a son usually stays with his family until he becomes independent. This allows the husband and wife to have the support of their family, both emotionally and financially, and helps to strengthen the family system. This is one reason why the Asian family system is stronger than that of the West.
Is the Wifes Family also Important or not so much?
@@susanneal6063 in Islam, both families are equally as important of course. Both husband and wife as children have the obligations towards their parents.
Allah is all knowing, he doesn’t burden the more than he knows best. Therefore after marriage, the husband and wife also have new obligations towards each other.
In islam, man has roles and responsibilities. Would he be able to fulfil his duties and responsibilities living at his wife’s family home?
Would be be more able to fulfill his obligations to his wife and children in his own family home?
These are all things to consider.
Young couples to avoid haraam, get married Alhamdulillaah.
But this may mean that the man initially leans on his family in the sort term to save for a long term better vision.
Which is more safe for the wife and children? Is it safer to reside in a family home whilst a couple save or both young couple can study? Or it safer to NOT lean on family, rent in an area which isn’t safe at night whilst your man goes out day and night to work to sustain the price that privacy gets and come home to beans and toast because nutritious ingredients are too expensive or there’s no time to cook or can’t or won’t cook. I think that’s enough to spark an argument when you’ve got privacy.
Or…..wait don’t get married, stay in limits, don’t commit haraam, both save and both wait…do things the right way if you think you know it all.
Young couples think in laws are a burden, nowadays the mum in laws want to chill and don’t want the headaches of an immature princess.
Women can either break or make a home. Men are too busy and practical to get involved.
@@user-fk7sk9ut1t pretty much true. Keyword is selfish yet so many expectations on others. When you love your husband, you should have an automatic affinity and love for his family. Love and good etiquettes always wins and melts hearts. This is how islam spread, through friendly business transactions, social and moral etiquettes. Through compassion and love.
I love brother Zeeshan. He is very articulate
They are benefits to both: living with in-laws reduces loneliness (I am talking about if your husband is at work all day etc), it allows you to have help managing household and managing kids, allows you to save money and creates a bond with your husbands family that you otherwise wouldn’t get. Alternatively, you have to have A LOT more patience as your living with many new people instead of just one new person. Ultimately its upto the individuals and what they want. It isnt always a problem, its what you make of it. Im saying this as someone who has never lived with in-laws, but would love to!
😂😂 nope. Thanx. I have the best in laws but never want to live with them. My rooms, my kitchen my life. I have a very good relationship with them and I want to keep this good. Living with in laws under the roof means less privacy, less freedom to do things which you can not do If your in laws are 24 hours a day wit you at home.
I do not care having a expensive Wedding. I prefer living in a small appartement rather than live in a palace with in laws.
I’d love to live in a palace with in-laws
Trust me they’ll probably want their privacy too
& I’d get free babysitters!
@@zaze8376 All I see is women complaining and not giving any solutions. What’s the alternative to living with in laws? Either get a mortgage, which is haram or rent, which is very difficult in this economy and a large portion of your income is gone without owning anything. So unless you marry a very wealthy man in the 1% bracket, what exactly do you advocate for? A lot of women have high expectations when they don’t even have the responsibility of providing or paying for anything. If a man is paying then it’s his decision where the money goes, either rent and money down the drain or stay with his parents and save money.
@@nancyjones5971 exactly 💯 that's 1 of the biggest advantage, atleast u can go too loo relaxingly knowing the kids r with their grandparents lol 😆 jokes apart plus the children get lot of love n bond with their grandparents too which again is advantage to yourself as u know ther in good hands❤
My in-laws take care my kids everyday and I don’t live with them I drop the kids at my in-laws home and leave them until I come back to pick them up and they are loved and took good care of them and I love my in-laws and they love me too but I will never live with them because I need to have my space and my privacy
Sr. Naznin, may Allah SWT bless you. Nailed it. 10:27. Honestly the show should have ended after her comment. No need for more talk.
I am 100% against it, worse thing ever. Causes many arguments, the women becomes like a child in her home. She can’t parent her kids correctly, or the way she wants to. No privacy, Andy many more negative things if you live with in-laws.
Absolutely. I lived with my in laws for 4 months and my kid turned into a nightmare because they are the type to spoil kids rotten and my mother in law constantly undermined me or brushed me off. And you can't put your foot down because it would be considered disrespectful so you bottle it all up. Thankfully it was a short term thing so it was easy to be patient but I can't imagine having to live like that for years.
Great discussion. Much needed