My wife and I started off in an interfaith relationship: she was an Anglican and I was a Roman Catholic. Now, we share the same beliefs - we are both atheists.
I became a Christian as an adult, my wife was apatheist, she is now a Christian working for the church. Our kids learn about God/Jesus/Bible, Creation, Evolution (and science in general), etc...
Personally, I think Zeus is better suited for worship. He is, in fact, King of the gods, and therefore Yahweh's king too. I have never seen or heard anything to prove otherwise.
Am a hindu and im in love with a christian girl since long time...soon we are planing to marry...Your tips are really an inspiration nd awareness to all inter religious couples...Thank you sir..
Good for you! I have a Jewish boyfriend (I'm Christian) and we don't have a problem with each other's religions. We respect each other's religious views and we don't tell eachother otherwise. My bf is the best 😁
Good questions. We actually have two children now. My wife has never been overbearing when it comes to religion, and coincidentally is now atheist. However, the first few years of our first child's life she was religious. The big things I have issues with are telling kids that they will go to hell if they do something wrong, or even the notion of hell in general, and she has always agreed with me on that. She was more focused on exposing them to the positive aspects of Jesus's message, and I'm cool with that. She has never been anti-science and has always accepted evolution, etc.. I think the over arching theme though is that we have always worked well together and didn't take our views to the extreme, i.e. legalistic christian or militant atheist. Hopefully that answers your question somewhat. I'm more than happy to answer any more that you might have.
I know this video is meant to be about "serious" or at least potentially serious relationships, but most of it can also be applied to getting along with other members of a diverse society in general. The more people learn to get along in such ways, the safer our world becomes.
Fantastic, Hemant! I was commenting about this just last month... great vid! I am Atheist and my wife is Christian. We just passed our 10-year mark and are growing stronger every day as a couple. We have already followed a lot of what you touched on and I think it is sound advise for any interfaith couples.
I am in almost the same boat. One of the problems I have is that my wife views me as me as a "non-believer" instead of agnostic or atheist. How did you get through that? Also, if you have kids, how did you address the indoctrination thing? My wife basically told me to stay out of the way and that caused a few fights. I still don't think it's resolved and I'm not sure how she feels about it.
When my wife and I (already married for 2 years) had a good sit-down-and-chat about the whole deal, it took her back.. but being the amazing woman that she is, she knew that was just a part of me. (no, it wasn't as pretty as that, she was steamed for a bit, but we are really good at make-up sex). I am a hard-core see-it-to-believe-it and I think her knowing this was a big part. I support her and even go to church when Mothers' day comes, or when it's a holiday... and she listens to me when I geek-out on whatever new multi-verse/life on other planets tidbit I want to share with her. As far as our kids, they go to church with my wife. They also are engrossed in learning about the big-bang, astronomy, and science in general... so we sit down in front of many space/science learning shows and love sci-fi flicks. I want them to be as well-rounded as possible so educating them is the best thing I can do. It is NOT my right to tell them what they should believe in but I hope with a broad spectrum of education they can make the best choice for them. I am pretty book-smart and exercise my math skills, love of the stars, and all things worldly as often as I can. This, combined with a job where I spend time solo, being introverted, and travel a lot makes me the perfect parent who flexes my kids' minds. My wife, who is a complete polar opposite... is kind, heart-smart, crafty, and extroverted... does a fantastic job of flexing our kids' heart. At the end of the day though, it really does not matter. If they want to follow religion, fine. If they want to follow science, fine. I was dragged to church 2+ times a week when I was growing up (with nightly prayers, meal prayers, and many God-is-Watching-You lectures). I made a choice for myself, and if my kids are 1/2 as smart as I think they are/will be... they can sort this out when they are ready :) (sorry for the novel)
Joe, I can't give you advise bud.. your woman is not mine... but if I would say anything it would be this: the same thing that I am going to do, which is what Hemant said; have a good sit-down and hash out her beliefs. Not for any other purpose than to learn more about her. Good luck!
Regarding the thing about "Oh, your spouse is a nonbeliever, they need to be fixed". My retort to that would be something that would be considered childish, "no, it is YOU (referring to the relative) who needs to be fixed".
I was raised Baptist Christian but turned agnostic in college, until I met my husband and got back into Christianity. A year after we married I fell out of faith and realized I was more of a pagan spiritual. It took him some time to accept but I also accept his beliefs. I think as long as we encourage one another towards being happy, it'll all be okay.
Where children are concerned, this is where I would have to draw the line. I could not abide an under developed mind being indoctrinated. Not my child. I also would not force atheism, but I would explain what the beliefs are and stress my 'agnosticism' - I would not ever say "no, God does not exist, mum is nuts"; but rather, "I do not know, I do not think so, but mum thinks so"... But I think church should be for older youths only.
That is something I am going through at the moment. I love and respect my wife and if I want my 3 kids to make an informed decision for themselves, I must let them be taught the beliefs and let them see the issues or themselves. To not allow that would make me a hypocrite. This is a rather sensitive topic for my marriage but I do need to show my wife's ideals respect if I want her to respect mine.
Joe Smith Just by your marriage you're teaching your kids respect, acceptance of ideas that you don't agree with, open mindedness and communication. Regardless of whether they choose religion or athesim etc. those things are invaluable things to teach your kids, and will make them become good people regardless of their beliefs
***** I would say it all depends on how he is doing it. I do think that atheism could actually be indoctrinated if the parent treats it like a religion. I however, try to teach my kids how to think,not what to think. I don't tell them the bible and it's claims are crap. If they ask me about it, I ask them what they think and then we do some digging so they can see for themselves that these people are deluded. I want to arm them with a sound epistemology. The religion will fall away on it's own. I don't have to do anything.
My wife and I both married as Christians, and held that faith in common for 17 years. 3 years ago, I became an Atheist, and she is still a Christian. We've gone through some really rough times in the last three years that have shone a glaring light on our religious/philosophical differences (primarily the attempted suicide of our daughter, and her struggles with mental illness). I've had to learn the hard way that I need to hold back when discussing religion...religious folks really don't like it when an Atheist present a coherent argument as to why a particular belief is ridiculous. But we still love each other, and somehow find a way to make it work. I'd love to hear some testimonies from people who no longer hold a common faith but have found a way to make it work.
jesus beltran What a mature argument of you. No better way to get your message across that someone is rude than to be rude yourself. See what i did there?
jesus beltran She may be rude (I think not) but to call her ugly is just straw-man. Btw she is defiantly not stupid either. You need a better argument to be taken seriously.
I got married almost three years ago and we have known each other for four. Two years in to marriage my many doubts finally reached a point where I seriously because to consider that I didn't believe in Christianity any longer. I broached the subject with my husband in a roundabout way, asking him things like, "What would you have done if I hadn't been a Christian even though we really hit it off?" His response was so quick and sharp. "I would never have dated you and definitely wouldn't have married you. I wanted to marry a Christian woman." This was hard to hear because we had talked many times about our doubts and struggles with faith, we weren't the kind of people who prayed or did Bible studies together, and he hadn't attended church in years, yet he was so clear on this. So I went through my deconversion alone. When I finally told him last August, his response was basically the same, with an added bit of No True Scotsman mixed in. After all, if I am an atheist now then maybe I was never a Christian to begin with...maybe I was lying all along to trick him into marrying me. Devastating. He assures me that he would never divorce me over something like this, but he is clearly having a very hard time with it and his reassurances are heavy with accusation. My deconversion has also driven him further into faith. He now informs me that nothing I have researched or found could possibly sway him from his belief when just six months ago he told me he had serious doubts. I am trying to give him space because I realize that I kind of dropped a bomb on him and from his perspective this was all very sudden. But it has been a lonely journey to say the least.
+Venus Bradley That has to be really tough to go through (for him yes, but even more so for you). Over time, I've found that I have more atheist/agnostic/free thinker friends than I knew. Of course, they are much easier to find online -- as you have already done... :)
Yes, exchristian.net has been a fantastic resource as well as many of these youtube channels. I think my husband is starting to get more comfortable with my deconversion and has even started talking about it out loud as just a fact rather than some big elephant in the room.
@@dolly20ify We eventually found an equilibrium and middle ground. Although he still holds some resentment towards my deconstruction. He struggles with not falling prey to the No True Scotsman fallacy. He is convinced that if I had already come to terms about my faith (as I said when we were first dating) that I never would have lost my faith. He cannot accept that I DID really look into my faith and believed it, but there was a point where the house of cards came crashing down. We don't talk about it very often because he is clearly still upset by it. I have moved on. This is who I am now. Love me how I am or move on. He has chosen to love me for who I am.
I am catholic and i am marrying a muslim.we made it clear already that we will respect each other's belief.our kids will be raised as muslim as it is what their culture dictates.
I want to thank you for this very informative video. My boyfriend is a muslim (a hard ccore muslim) and ...well, i consider myself as a catholic (birthcontrol, tattoo, God has no religion Catholic) Althogh this video has definitely lots of good points i do think you could make it better by speaking about examples for Muslims, Jews, Hindu, Sick etc. :) Thank you very much! I will be sharing this video with my boyfriend tonight :D
I worry about my son on this topic. I love his girlfriend to death, but she's Catholic and I get the impression her father is pretty heavily so. Knowing her as I do, it wouldn't really bother me but for a little remark she made once about them having a certain understanding. I suspect they'll wind up married, and I'm concerned my son will betray himself or disrespect the traditions of others to see that happen. When I mention disrespect, consider that although I attended youth group and by extension church as a teen I was honest about the whole thing. I told the pastor I didn't believe the bible when I joined the group, and declined to participate in their rituals. I challenged him to give me reason to believe. I felt faking it would be more disrespectful than anything else.
I think the best thing you can hope for is that your son is upfront and honest with his view of the world. As you stated, there is a possibility that he could try to change his belief system from nonreligious to religious, but that is only done by people who do not understand fully the secular viewpoint. Even if your son does take up a catholic perspective, it will not last long because sooner or later, he will have to realize that what he is doing, is at best, faking who he really is, and will come back naturally to adopt a view point that is natural to him. You seem like a good parent and a logical person, so I think you may have taught your son the importance of following the facts and only supporting ideas that have proof behind them. On top of that, acknowledging other's beliefs and respectfully turning them down if you don't believe them yourself should have made a huge impact on your son. These lessons, regardless of anything else, will offer your son the things he needs to be himself regardless of the fact that he is marrying someone with a different religious view.
You have no clue of how significant this video has been in my life. I am an atheist and have been dating this wonderful Christian woman. And it's such a relief to find some support and advice. Thank you very much.
my mom and dad talk very differently about religion my mom is catholic but never really talked about religon, i'm not 100% sure my dad's atheist but he's not religous or god fearing and they get along pretty well and the marriage is strong enough to survive a crowbar to the head specificily my dad's head
I became a Christian as a late teenager and young adult, I wouldn't be ready to marry an atheist because I was seriously bullied by my mates and "friends" for having religious beliefs ( their intention was probably converting me or may be just having fun) . She would always remind me those people being mean and intolerant just because of my views on life. Although I know that all atheist are not like that but in the back of my mind it would always come up. I would have a bizarre feeling that not agreeing on religious issues would mean that she's still hoping deep inside that I'll change my views
hey man I'm a man i would totally date a religious girl maybe even marry one but when it comes to raising kids i don't think i could do it the majority of us don't wish in the back of our minds that you deconvert mostly we just wish that withing your religion you will make the wise decision to not listen to the bible verses that say things that are obviously not right if you want to stick to things like the sermon on the mount great that's beautiful but not to one man can not lay by another man in Deuteronomy so we mainly hope you have common sense and great cherry picking skills and not take the bible literary instead take it metaphorically and allegorically and another thing we wish is you accept scientific theories that don't go with your religion like the earth is round, the earth goes around the sun, and evolution.
I have the exact opposite situation as you. I was religious until I was about 14 and stopped believing. I have been with my wife for a little over 11 years in total but only 6 years actually married. She is religious and we have had honest discussions on what I think and I was terrified of her reaction at first but it ended up working out. She has been very understanding of where I come from and I respect her enough that I don't try and change her even though I would welcome it. My wife believes not because of any truth to the claim but because it makes her feel better..........mainly the prospect of seeing her deceased family members again. We just keep things open and don't make it into a confrontational argument. I wouldn't write off who you would date based on belief or lack thereof. My wife has made me a better person and I have had the same effect on her. Just keep in mind that what other people think doesn't matter as long as what you think or do doesn't negatively impact anyone else.
Hemant! You have really helped a lot of people. I have always been an atheist, but often talking to theists. Thanks to you I have learned new ways to explain my thought in a much better way. You have helped me a lot, but I'm sure you have helped others even more. I really mean it: Thank you!
Number 8 is a catch. Good luck trying to get most religious people to teach their children about all the other religious ideas and beliefs and atheism, and let them decide for themselves. Religion is about spreading the faith, and every time I have brought up teaching everything we can to children or to people in general, I see the hair on peoples backs rise and they throw a fit because they don't want children to know, and they don't want to learn about other beliefs, they are afraid of learning and losing their faith as a result. I really like the people who blame Satan for knowledge and other beliefs, makes me giggle, but at the same time, makes me cry knowing how many people think like that....
I come from Portugal, a country where people are mostly catholic . My mom is a catholic, but she doesnt go to church. My dad is an atheist, a nice one i promise :-). Until like 6th grade i was catholic as well. Why?just because everyone around me was. Like seriously it is rare in portugal for not to believe god, we are like spain and italy, very religious. In 7th grade i started to think for myself, not only in religious matters, but i started to form a personality, my own person. I realized that i only believed in Him because so. I became an atheist, an no, not an agnostic. People always tell me: well u are still veery young and u have time do think about it. I dont need time to think about it. I already did. Im very young but i know what i believe (or in this case, dont believe). And guess what, i only "found out" my dad was an atheist when i asked him in 7th grade. My parents never told me anything, never pushed me anywhere. I found out what i had to for myself. They have a good relationship with civilized discussions about their beliefs. They just dont bring it up that much, cuz its not that big of a deal. They love each other, the good and bad, they are great people that make me proud to be their daughter. So, in my opinion, parents shouldnt tell their kids anything, or at least anything too specifif, they should let them live and form an opinion on the subject by themselves. In my case, my parents dont talk that much about religion, my dad doesnt care (but he is aware of many religions and what happens, he is an intelligent and interested atheist) and my mom isnt catholic to the point of going to church and pray everyday. But when parents are more "intense" than mine, like go to church or somethin, they should explain their kids what they think only if their child asks them. Then, let the kid decide or perhaps, not even decide anything for now.
You seem to be confused about agnosticism. Atheism is a lack of belief, while agnosticism is the position that is is unknowable. It is perfectly possible to be religious agnostic or agnostic atheist.
@@daisychain3007 Theism or atheism is an answer to the question of whether you believe in gods. Gnosticism or agnosticism is an answer to the question of who you believe it it possible to know if gods exist. They don’t answer the same question.
I'm Wiccan, and in the part of Wisconsin I live in is about 95% Christian and about 70% are church goers, so statistically interfaith relationships are inevitable for me, I'm pursuing one right now actually, and this video was very helpful. Thanks!
Excellent video. I am an atheist who is also married to a christian for over 10 years and I agree with him 100%. I am guilty of not doing a couple of these suggestions and I can tell anyone that addressing this topic quickly WILL help you in the long run one way or another. Very good advice.
This was helpful. Thank you. I am a Christian woman dating a non-practicing jevovahs witness and at first, I wasn’t sure. I chose to find the similarities in that we pray to the same God and we both know about Jesus. We just don’t agree on who Jesus is. We already have our kids from previous relationships (his are grown and moved out already) and don’t plan on having more. When I am having a hard time, he encourages me to pray and, if anything, has brought me even closer to God. This vid solidified what I already felt in my heart.
I have a friend who recently went from atheist to christain. I didn't judge him I just accepted asked him some questions and moved past. And he didn't really change, he just believes in something different but didn't change morals or personality. He doesn't talk bad about Christians or god now but he still a person.
This is by far my favorite vid from "The Atheist Voice". I'm an Atheist, and my wife is a Muslim. We've been together for 9 years and have two Kids. I've been an Atheist for apprx 5 years and I broke the news to her two months ago. She wasn't too happy about it, but when I point out that she's only a Muslim out of fear of her father...she calmed down a little. She hates dressing with her head tied...but when her father comes around she puts it on. She tried to call it respect, but I convinced her it was fear. And on top of that I know more about Islam than she does.
I could have a relationship with a non-religious religiously affiliated spouse/partner, that is if they didn't take religion to seriously, then I could have a viable relationship with them. I think that is how the vast majority of these "interfaith" couples are
Payne M True, marriage is a weird scenario though. For example, a lot of cousins never took religion very seriously until marriage came around, and they took it as an action of 'growing up'. Of course I think this is quite the opposite of 'growing up', but it unfortunately happens. Most people don't take their religion seriously, nor will they ever genuinely, but pest parents will hold some sort of enforcing grip.
And people like you aren't who this video is for lol. As a Christian myself, I could possibly see a relationship with an Atheist working...just depends what type of Atheist. Somebody like Hemat who doesn't resort to name calling and insults in every discussion or debate...yeah that could work. However if she was like a lot of posters on these videos...probably not. I had a friend who was a Christian and her husband is an Atheist. They get along perfectly fine, and really you'd be hard pressed to notice there was any type of difference like that between them. They debate all the time...as Hemat said...behind closed doors, but as her husband (also a friend of mine) said to me "I love the person she is, and if her beliefs make her who she is, why would I try to change that". She argues for Creationism all the time, and I know he doesn't agree with her but whenever they're in public they are always supporting each other.
Brett Daley It's much harder for the other side actually in my opinion. The atheist in the relationship has to deal with the other person believing that they are deserving of eternal, everlasting torture, *yet they somehow love them.* Either the Christian has to be very secular and liberal in their views of religion, or the atheist *has to be extremely reserved and essentially be an enslaved weakling, especially if kids are in the question.* It's okay though, many relationships are like that with and without their religious connotations.
Mr. Mentha, thank you for this video and advice :) I actually feel a bit more encouraged in maybe going for someone with a different belief than me! But it does help that alot of people I know don't exactly make it a big deal.
Back when I was a Christian, my mother would constantly tell me not to ever marry someone who had a different religion (which always seemed odd to me because it sounded like don't marry someone with a different opinion) Granted she also told me not to marry someone from a different culture (IE someone with a Middle Eastern descent) because they won't ever treat me right. So, needless say, I'm glad I never listened to her on things like this.
I dated a restorationist christian as someone leaning athiest from non religous. We stuck to our common religous ground whenever our beliefs came up: Interfaith relations, The teachings of Jesus, scriptural selective hearing, humanitarian work, and others. Although in all of these topics we ultimately greatly disagreed, neither of us pursued an offensive. That's where our resolve to understand the others worldview was most used. I would say that was the backbone of our entire relationship, letting each other be their own person and understanding them as they are and not as we want them to be. Understanding without undermining was what let us see past our differences and be a healthy mixed faith couple.
I think, like many here, I could not be in a relationship with a theist, and that is my problem. I just wish religion wasn't a factor or wasn't even around all together, because I am picky enough as it is, as a gay and atheist male, I don't think there will be many opportunities.
i honestly don't know if i should still consider myself a baptist, but i was baptized as one, and i believe in prayer, but i don't go to church much anymore. my boyfriend is an atheist, but we are just fine together. my dad did question me about why my boyfriend doesn't go to church. i told him that hes a grown man, and its not up me to change his mind about anything, and it only matters that hes a decent person, without religion.
My boyfriend is a Agnostic Theist (If that's even a thing) and I'm an Atheist. Usually we just kind of avoid talking about it and sometimes we talk about it but I usually find him getting argumentative but we usually settle it by me just saying "you have your opinion and I have mines and that's not going to change so let's just let it go." Works every time.
I come from an atheist family. My boyfriend is religious. Somehow I feel insecure about it and I don’t like telling people about his religion. I feel so bad but most people I know judge religious people and some even mock religious people. I feel so bad for feeling embarrassed for him. But your videos give me confidence and hope. Thank you for that.
My parents come from two different backgrounds of religion, my mom - she says her part about her religion and hopes I will choose hers. And my dad hasn't said anything in particular but only at times and WANTS me to choose his without any hesitation. He also says words which hurt me, like your choice will show up whom you love more.. your choice shows me who is the best parent. It's been going since my childhood. And I'm 20 now I'm like fed up, I want to say him I don't believe anything anymore just leave me for godsake. But my dad is reacting in a negative way, which is so unpleasing for me to receive. To be precise, my dad is not understanding that it's ok to have different taste and choices, I tried talking calmly. Nothing seems to work, my dad is rubbing his choices on me and I'm feeling so suffocation already? Please suggest me! I need some advice.
It is sad, Lion, that you are forced to take sides with which parent's religion you will follow. It is sadder still that your father says that the choice that you will make will show which parent you love more. Even at your adult age, the love for both your parents should be unconditional, not a tug-of-war fight. No parent should think that the religion that his or her child has chosen is a reflection of which parent the child really loves more. Perhaps the best way of dealing with this dilemma is to have a calm, polite conversation with your father and tell him what your religious beliefs really are.
Hermant I'm a big fan of yours. You are doing the videos that I wanted to do. I find a lot of atheists mock religion. Atheists enjoy these videos but I doubt they are effective in helping believers to look at the facts. I believe that being respectful to believers and nonbelievers is the best way to communicate. Keep up the great work, Hermant.
As an agnostic turned antitheist who's been dating a christian guy for almost 3 years, I can attest to the truth of these statements. It's possible to discuss without arguing, and it's possible to separate the relationship from beliefs if both parties want to.
This video was very informative. I am a Pagan witch and my fiance is Jewish. We've been dating since we both came out as trans (I'm a masc leaning non-binary, he's an FTM) which is why we pretty much ride or die. We've decided to wait to get married because first of all, we're both still in college, second of all we're trying to figure out HOW we're gonna get married.
I'm really happy about this video, I'm an atheist and I'm dating a young earth creationist christian, I love her and she feels the same but our faith/doubt kinda conflict at times. So thankfully this lets me get a better grasps on what I should do.
This is BY FAR the most helpful video I've seen this month (and considering it's the 30th, that says a lot :P ). I'm an atheist too and these are very real and very serious issues that one runs into. Compromise, sincerity and respect are crucial here. So thank you for the excellent advice; these were 11 minutes that won't be labeled as wasted ;)
I think in order for in interfaith relationship to work both people just have to be open minded and not dogmatic. They would also both need to have beliefs and world views that aren't very specific, chances are a relationship between an atheist and jehovahs witness isn't going to work...but a christian who realizes that they could be wrong and that it ultimately doesn't matter and an atheist who realizes that they could be wrong and that ultimately it doesn't matter should get along just fine.
Sorry to say but I recently ended a long 6+ yrs with a heavily dedicated Christian woman. The main problem was that 'Christianity is truth', no ifs or buts. No reasoning for anything, as she was taught its un Christian to do so. I think a Buddhists would be most likely of the religions to be able to understand other views, and not constantly their own. But idk. Btw this relationship produced the famous quote when asked if it were undeniably 100% proven that god never existed would she stop believing in religion? "No, I'll was taught god is real by my parents and I'll always believe in God"
True enough. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and they teach that you are supposed to constantly attempt to convert your spouse. Gently, to be sure, but never give up. It caused my grandparents to divorce after 44 years of marriage. Oh, and I'm an atheist now. :)
I definitely agree with discussing religious beliefs reasonably early in a relationship. A marriage can be an uphill battle if one partner wants to dedicate their life (time, money, career, family/how they raise their kids, etc.) to God- while their spouse doesn’t believe in any gods. If one person believes that a god talks to them, prayer works, and religion is comforting during hard times- it’s hard when the other person sees no use in any of those things. I could see a marriage between 2 people who :aren’t very into their religions/lack of religions and don’t care much either way, but it would add to the difficulty of marriage if both were very passionate about their beliefs. I personally wouldn’t date someone with very different views.
Interfaith relationships can mean many things to many people. I think it depends on the whole spectrum of faith. For instance, I'm an agnostic with unofficial Zen Buddhist leanings and I've had a girlfriend who was a nonpracticing Catholic, so both of us were in the "spiritual but nonreligious" crowd.
I am extremely confident that working with believers and non-believers to stand up and stomp out poverty by 3 generations will be recorded by the 4th genrrstion.
I’m agnostic I believe there is something higher possibly but also I didn’t agree with what my parents were telling me (they’re divorced, Catholic and Christian) but I agree with how they raised me, that someone’s religion shouldn’t matter to you if you want to be their friend that you should just be a kind person regardless of someone’s religion. My boyfriend is Muslim and he initially waited to tell me (even though I put it together before he told me I just didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my thing to bring up) because he said he doesn’t care who believes in what (he’s very respectful of other’s beliefs) and I didn’t either so it wasn’t a big deal but if someone just randomly asks me to join them in a prayer just because they want me involved I’d gladly join them plus I’m just a very curious person and like learning. Recently he told me his cousin is getting married and how they do things regarding that and asked me if when we get married, because we’ve talked about marriage a lot, if I would like to participate in doing one knowing I’m agnostic and saying I don’t have to if I don’t want to and I’ve told him I’m very open minded when it comes to religions and things just don’t change me and he understands and respects that but I told him that since, even though we’re laidback when it comes to religions things, it’s important to him I’d be happy to participate. I love this man so much he understands me more than most people. We also have a lot of the same morals and values of just wanting to be nice and kind people regardless who they are or where they’re from.
In the specific part of India that I come from, there are frequent inter-religious marriages.. That could be a Hindu-Christian, Hindu- Muslim or Muslim- Christian marriage.. Atheists generally side by their religion of birth for cultural compatibility with their spouses..And if you are an atheist with Hindu background, relatively easy to get along with your religious Hindu spouse..
Thanks for the vid.i myself is dealing with this issue and didnt know where to turn for help. Thanks alot,this channel has help me and others like me feel better about how i live life without religion. Being strong and questioning teachings that we all know are false. Again thanks bro. -Montrez
My girlfriend was kind of christian when we started going out, I didn't push her to becoming an atheist, we just shared our opinions and she has started to define herself as agnostic and I think she's going to call herself atheist at the rate she's going at. I don't push it on her she just agrees with me, she just hasn't spent much time around atheists
You could invite her to go with you to an atheist community meetup. Many areas have something available to look into, ranging from Free-Thinker, secular, atheists/agnostic and humanists groups. There is even this Sunday Assembly thing that is spreading around. You can meet a variety of atheists at these events, most of whom are extremely welcoming. The only thing is these events often include anti-theistic/secular jokes and debate, which can also irk some people. A joke at a recent charitable event we did is that it's a good thing we are here helping to feed people, instead of eating babies. My spouse doesn't think the joke is that funny, and but I thought it was hilarious. So many christians think we are really satan worshippers, and even Satanists don't eat babies, haha.
When a great majority of people in one large geographical area share a belief you normally will encounter different levels of commitment inside that religion. There is, for example, very little practical difference between a disinterested non-practicing Catholic and a non-committed atheist or agnostic (by non-committed I mean someone who does not normally talks about it). Differences are not seen as differences between faiths. People get used and expects different levels of commitments. This to say that at the beginning of my relationship with my wife we didn't care. Furthermore I was still nominally Catholic despise I was philosophically agnostic and non-theistic. So after 17 years of being together and 13 of being married, two kids (the older being preparing for his first communion) and almost one year from my formal apostasy (which I posted in my blog) I finally told my wife I am not a Catholic any more. (BTW, I haven't yet come out with my kids)
My mother was a Roman Catholic and my father was Jewish. Although later in the marriage, there was lots of fighting and eventually they got divorced, religion never negatively affected the marriage. They decided to raise me Catholic simply because my mother was much more devout than my father.
There's a lot of religions out there that hold equal merit between men and women, though they're generally the more obscure ones. Additionally, just because their denomination supposedly is in favour or is against something, doesn't necessarily mean they are. The example in the video cited the fact that Catholics don't listen to the Pope - which is demonstrably true. Catholics have a very high divorce rate (higher than atheists), the majority under the age of 40 use birth control, the majority in the US seem to be in favour of the typical gay rights platforms, and so on. I mean, this is point number seven in the video. This is why you discuss things somewhat early in the relationship, not just religion, but philosophy and ideology in general. I've dated a Christian boy, myself an atheist, and we never had a problem (we just lacked enough chemistry to last), while I've had a fair bit of fights with a girlfriend who was an atheist who've I had a *lot* of fights with, sometimes just off of seemingly miniscule and irrelevant things. Sometimes there are simply irreconcilable differences, but its rather defeatist to assume those differences exist in another.
QwertyCaesar As you said, the non sexist religions are very obscure, the absolute majority of religions is inherently sexist. I am very happy to hear that young catholics are becoming more liberal. Still, however, if a person unquestionably accepts that the omnipotent being that created the universe is male (a ridiculous notion in itself in my opinion) and that only men are chosen to have right to preach about god, they, possibly unwittingly, accept that men are the superior beings. Perhaps they would never consciously admit it, but this notion would still be there, hidden alongside their basic beliefs about the world. Will it arise in time, or during a conflict, or will it subconsciously influence their actions? I'm not planning to be there to find out. This may sound a bit paranoid, but as I was raised and lived in a catholic community, I saw this come true far too many times.
youshimimi Ugh, no. Not all religions are sexists, and besides most gender roles were based off of biological functions and not religion. Most Catholics are very open and very liberal about the subject for a matter of fact and I have never felt any pressure from my school (catholic) or my church to be a little house wife or a baby machine. The fact that we have priests that are male is based off tradition which most Catholics I know disagree with...
Sarah Epton I heard the _"most Catholics disagree with"_ argument on several issues and it still doesn't change the fact that even though they disagree, they don't mind supporting the church which is unwilling to budge in it the slightest. Yes, religions were based in times where women suffered unequal treatment because of weaker physique and the physical disadvantage of childbirth. But we know better know and there is no need to blindly follow the ideas that belong to the past. So it's nice that they don't agree, but if they still agree with preaching bible, bible which says that god is a male and women are less than men, it does not change a single thing.
Thank you for this video, see as a catholic I was really worried about marrying an Atheist guy but I am glad that what we've been talking about lately about faith and stuff is normal and hearing this from another atheist kinda helps too and that it can work out in the long run. Also I really like your comment on how not Catholics agree with the Pope, I love the man but in all honesty I can't stand the rules sometimes. They should try having a uterus for a month and see how they like it.
This video was great! I always wonder how an interfaith relationship would go. I hope you can make more videos about this topic, because just being an atheist isn't enough for me. I want to get along with people with different beliefs.
LOL. You are probably a new atheist. In the beginning people are more passionate. My boyfriend has been an atheist for 25 years and when we met I was a Muslim Creationist (Not only that, I hated biology altogether). He had a bit of problems with my Ramadan, because I almost didn't have time for him at all. Otherwise he was fine with everything... even when I was trying to convert him... Very peacefully answering and using logical arguments and science. It worked pretty well for us. I secretly started reading stuff... I didn't tell him immediately, until I was convinced, but after some time I "came out" as nonbeliever as well. I don't think I would have ever thought about questioning my belief if he had started fighting me since the first moment.
I've been an agnostic-atheist since 2011. I'm not exactly "new" to being a free thinker, per se. Back in early 2013, I had made a tumblr blog for the purpose of exposing religious absurdities and for sharing scientific information. Because of that, I had started to do some research, and I ultimately came across a whole ton of stuff I didn't know about regarding the atrocities attributed to religion and its abhorrently violent and hateful history. I had known its history was bad, but I didn't know just *how* bad. So if I were to marry a religious person, I would tell her a lot of the stuff I learned and certainly she will be resistant. I just can't spend the rest of my life with a person who accepts tenets and "moral" guidelines from an archaic text demanding people to hate and kill gays, children, women, etc., and thinks I'm broken and in need of saving.
FullmetalChunibyo Hahahahahahaha... I actually used to think that my boyfriend needed saving. But, the part about somebody deriving their moral values from religious books is just wrong. Those who do are like the Phelps or Bin Laden. Most so called religious people just imprint their own values on their religious text of choice and pretend to follow that. The rest of those books, the parts they don't like, they are just anecdotes, stories, stuff written later, not so believable...
RainbowEagle Indeed. The ironic thing about them saying their morals come from their religious texts is the fact that they cherry-pick the holy book like crazy. This implies that they are invoking their own moral compass to decide for themselves what's right and wrong from the text, indicating a secular morality despite their god's word. If you were to ask a religious theist if they would kill their children if god told them to, and they say no, they've just proven to themselves that they have a sense of morality in spite of god's commands, and if they say yes, then they are beyond help and only care about obedience to authority, which in turn, is not moral.
RainbowEagle I disagree that it has something to do with being new to Atheism. I have been agnostic/atheist since 2001, and just recently got into the community aspect of it. Many atheists I know are the same and when you find a community, you no longer have to lose enthusiasm for what you care about. I dream of a more secular America where an Atheist could be president or hold public office in any state. I feel it's wrong that there are still laws that prevent that, as well as ignorance that stops it from happening in other states. I have other atheist concerns and dreams as well, but that is pretty important to me. I know it is somewhat important to my spouse too. as he believes in equality and fairness, though he doesn't label himself anything.
A lot of the tips that Hement mentions are certainly good, but shouldn't these things be discussed before the relationship? I'd *want* to know these things before getting serious, and the answers would determine if I wanted to be in that relationship to begin with. I don't see myself even getting as far as having an intimate interpersonal relationship with a religious person. The divide between how we think reality works would just be too great.
right! I bring up the aliens and alternative theories once or twice and they cry, run or laugh...I got one that laughed and that was the end of religious discussions between us :)
I agree. I was friends with my spouse first when we were learning about each other like that, and that made me feel comfortable pursuing something more. Though I remember in High school that wasn't so important but those relationships weren't serious anyways. Religion had nothing to do with having someone to make out with and take to dances, haha. Now if we were risking having kids by having hetero intercourse, that might be important since we could be raising kids together if the condom breaks or whatever. I couldn't imagine raising a child with a bible creationist. Sickens me just imagining it.
People need to stop saying that homosexuality or even just sex for that matter is love, I love my brother, my mother, and my friends but that doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with them. A father lover his daughter but he is not going to have sex with her. A man is not a husband to a wife just because he can have sex with her. There are husbands who have wives who are physically disabled in some way that they can't have sex
What you said makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The fact you love people and straight couples get married doesn't mean two men or two women can't experience romantic love towards one another. Not that you'd know... You're a typical homophobe.
I am christian, my husband is muslim. I went back to Christianity as I was pressured into conversion. I never wanted to convert to Islam. I love my husband and I know God chose him for me.
Do you know how it is in the Roman Catholic Church? I heard that they allow interfaith marriages but partners need to sign some document that children will be raised in the Catholic faith. Is it a 'must' condition to get such marriage by a Roman catholic? Cannot children simply be raised in both traditions and later decide by their own if they want to be baptized? What are your experiences?
Personally, I would reject that ideal. As an Asatru my Christian fiancee has some family that believes raising kids with faith is an absolute. We both however, do not. No child should be indoctrinated
My husband considers himself a Christian. (I'm an atheist). We can't really have discussions about religion, as he tends to get very defensive and angry. I remember once, we were talking about something and he mentioned casually that he things the story of Noah and the ark was real, and I had to just bite my tongue.
I actually broke up with a girlfriend a couple of years ago because of our different beliefs, but we are still good friends. It's a shame because she was a great person, but our discussions on religion always ended in anger on both sides.
Do not ever say "evolution as a proper way that life formed on Earth". The Theory of Evolution by Natural selection is a proven fact, and we should leave no room for pseudo-science or blind irrational faith. Creationism is on most a hypothesis. Of course, you are free to criticize evolution (if you have evidence supporting your claims), question and exploring alternatives to the natural processes some thinks are behind the Abiogenesis (as it's not proven how life on Earth was formed), but we shouldn't give room to religious nuts. The Theory of Evolution only deals with the evolution of life, not how it was created. Opening doors to anti-science, anti-acceptance to other people and fear is something we must avoid.
J. B. M Correct. There's other forms of evolution and selection processes, but when scientists talk about how life evolved and changed over a long period of time they mainly mean evolution by natural selection. Most scientists also agree that natural selection is the main process which drives evolution forwards.
My parents remain married but they never did well with respectful, accepting interfaith marriage. It was a holy war, so to speak. As kids, church was an argument, silence, anger. As important as the parents thought religion was they ended up two pagans and an atheist.
Yeah don't generalize. You could have conversations and still believe what you want. If it consumes you then maybe that's not for you, but if you look past the religion and find a compromise it should not be a problem. Not every couple shares the same ideas.
9 лет назад+2
You know, my girlfriend and I enjoy to visit churches in some places because we both love their architecture and quiet atmosphere. I don't consider myself a believer, and she does believe somehow, but we both found that design is proof that humans can create beautiful places that actually have an enjoyable psychological effect on us. So yes, we both manage to find common values despite our differences regarding belief.
8 лет назад
Well, when we travel, we love to see the churches from the architectural point of view. That is something we share. Faith, on the other side, we prefer not to discuss it to much.
hard core Christian to atheist? yeah, they are changing a big part of who they are and i can understand how that can make the marriage very tense. the whole point of Christianity is that you need to "save" people, it's a core part of the religion. it's not the same as finding out your atheist wife is a Christian. yeah the frustration might be there, but the anxiety and fear and worry, trauma and stress? first of all, hell is a very real place to many Christians. there may be a lot o fear and personal conflict when you realize your partner isn't converting and there's nothing you can do about it. i was a Christian once so i can relate to what it would feel like. im not married but i do have family. you can't just tell a Christian not to try to convert somebody, especially if that person is their partner, it's more than just does and donts, it's a duty and a responsibility to convert them because you care about them and because you love them. there's nothing worse than imagining a family member burning up forever. so if you're not the kind of person who would marry an atheist in the beginning...there's going to be problems. i don't see any relationship where a Christian will be able to follow some of those rules! but they are good rules and who knows, maybe there are a good few like that now, times are changing
My wife and I met 16 years ago in church youth group. Since we married 4 years ago, I left Christianity 3 years ago, and she has become progressively deist, though she holds on to her Christian title. Though we rarely bring religion up, as she becomes visibly uncomfortable at the topic, she is respectful of my beliefs, and we have a healthy relationship. We agree on most everything beyond God and Jesus, and will be teaching our future children science and to have open minds.
_«We agree on most everything beyond God and Jesus, and will be teaching our future children science»_ I don't know how exactly to think about this. Not on the fact that you are teaching your children science, but the fact you have to mention it.
rataflechera My parents are becoming fundementalist, and quickly turning into creationists (damn you, Fox News). So, not for the sake of her beliefs or mine, but for those of my relatives and people we have known throughout our lives, teaching our children science is actually an important distinction. Such is life in the USA. :(
My wife and I started off in an interfaith relationship: she was an Anglican and I was a Roman Catholic. Now, we share the same beliefs - we are both atheists.
Haha, way to go buddy!
That is actually refreshing to hear!
I became a Christian as an adult, my wife was apatheist, she is now a Christian working for the church.
Our kids learn about God/Jesus/Bible, Creation, Evolution (and science in general), etc...
nice-new Sorry but Creation has nothing to do with science.
Personally, I think Zeus is better suited for worship. He is, in fact, King of the gods, and therefore Yahweh's king too. I have never seen or heard anything to prove otherwise.
I'm Catholic and I don't agree with everything my church says. But I have so much respect for this guy.
Am a hindu and im in love with a christian girl since long time...soon we are planing to marry...Your tips are really an inspiration nd awareness to all inter religious couples...Thank you sir..
Good for you! I have a Jewish boyfriend (I'm Christian) and we don't have a problem with each other's religions. We respect each other's religious views and we don't tell eachother otherwise. My bf is the best 😁
I'm Catholic and I'm with a Muslim and I hope we get married .. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻... Due to my parents😞😞😞💔
@@lyfofams3040 stay safe.
@@Amda-xm2uk u boy or girl
I am An Atheist and loves atheist other 😍😍😍😍
What a great video. I'm an atheist and my wife is a Christian. It's nice to see a humble approach to this.
If you decided to have kids, how would you two agree to raise them? I'm an atheist and my girlfriend is Christian
Good questions. We actually have two children now. My wife has never been overbearing when it comes to religion, and coincidentally is now atheist. However, the first few years of our first child's life she was religious. The big things I have issues with are telling kids that they will go to hell if they do something wrong, or even the notion of hell in general, and she has always agreed with me on that. She was more focused on exposing them to the positive aspects of Jesus's message, and I'm cool with that. She has never been anti-science and has always accepted evolution, etc.. I think the over arching theme though is that we have always worked well together and didn't take our views to the extreme, i.e. legalistic christian or militant atheist. Hopefully that answers your question somewhat. I'm more than happy to answer any more that you might have.
I know this video is meant to be about "serious" or at least potentially serious relationships, but most of it can also be applied to getting along with other members of a diverse society in general. The more people learn to get along in such ways, the safer our world becomes.
Fantastic, Hemant! I was commenting about this just last month... great vid! I am Atheist and my wife is Christian. We just passed our 10-year mark and are growing stronger every day as a couple. We have already followed a lot of what you touched on and I think it is sound advise for any interfaith couples.
I am in almost the same boat. One of the problems I have is that my wife views me as me as a "non-believer" instead of agnostic or atheist. How did you get through that? Also, if you have kids, how did you address the indoctrination thing? My wife basically told me to stay out of the way and that caused a few fights. I still don't think it's resolved and I'm not sure how she feels about it.
When my wife and I (already married for 2 years) had a good sit-down-and-chat about the whole deal, it took her back.. but being the amazing woman that she is, she knew that was just a part of me. (no, it wasn't as pretty as that, she was steamed for a bit, but we are really good at make-up sex). I am a hard-core see-it-to-believe-it and I think her knowing this was a big part. I support her and even go to church when Mothers' day comes, or when it's a holiday... and she listens to me when I geek-out on whatever new multi-verse/life on other planets tidbit I want to share with her.
As far as our kids, they go to church with my wife. They also are engrossed in learning about the big-bang, astronomy, and science in general... so we sit down in front of many space/science learning shows and love sci-fi flicks. I want them to be as well-rounded as possible so educating them is the best thing I can do. It is NOT my right to tell them what they should believe in but I hope with a broad spectrum of education they can make the best choice for them.
I am pretty book-smart and exercise my math skills, love of the stars, and all things worldly as often as I can. This, combined with a job where I spend time solo, being introverted, and travel a lot makes me the perfect parent who flexes my kids' minds. My wife, who is a complete polar opposite... is kind, heart-smart, crafty, and extroverted... does a fantastic job of flexing our kids' heart.
At the end of the day though, it really does not matter. If they want to follow religion, fine. If they want to follow science, fine. I was dragged to church 2+ times a week when I was growing up (with nightly prayers, meal prayers, and many God-is-Watching-You lectures). I made a choice for myself, and if my kids are 1/2 as smart as I think they are/will be... they can sort this out when they are ready :)
(sorry for the novel)
Joe, I can't give you advise bud.. your woman is not mine... but if I would say anything it would be this: the same thing that I am going to do, which is what Hemant said; have a good sit-down and hash out her beliefs. Not for any other purpose than to learn more about her. Good luck!
J Woodard Thanks. I like to see what other's experiences were/are. I liked the novel.
Thanks Hement, This video came at a perfect time. I'm an atheist and my wife is a Christian and we're expecting our first baby soon. Great advice!!!
Everything you say about Christian and Atheist relationships really gives me hope. You helped me become an out of the closet atheist. Thank you
Thank you so much for your wisdom! I am Christian and my girlfriend is Hindu, so it’s great to gain some insight on this topic.
Regarding the thing about "Oh, your spouse is a nonbeliever, they need to be fixed".
My retort to that would be something that would be considered childish, "no, it is YOU (referring to the relative) who needs to be fixed".
Lesson number one. Don't be fanatic.
That goes for both sides.
I was raised Baptist Christian but turned agnostic in college, until I met my husband and got back into Christianity. A year after we married I fell out of faith and realized I was more of a pagan spiritual. It took him some time to accept but I also accept his beliefs. I think as long as we encourage one another towards being happy, it'll all be okay.
Where children are concerned, this is where I would have to draw the line. I could not abide an under developed mind being indoctrinated. Not my child. I also would not force atheism, but I would explain what the beliefs are and stress my 'agnosticism' - I would not ever say "no, God does not exist, mum is nuts"; but rather, "I do not know, I do not think so, but mum thinks so"... But I think church should be for older youths only.
That is something I am going through at the moment. I love and respect my wife and if I want my 3 kids to make an informed decision for themselves, I must let them be taught the beliefs and let them see the issues or themselves. To not allow that would make me a hypocrite. This is a rather sensitive topic for my marriage but I do need to show my wife's ideals respect if I want her to respect mine.
Joe Smith
Just by your marriage you're teaching your kids respect, acceptance of ideas that you don't agree with, open mindedness and communication. Regardless of whether they choose religion or athesim etc. those things are invaluable things to teach your kids, and will make them become good people regardless of their beliefs
Ironic. Having no faith would lead to atheism. So that means you ARE forcing atheism.
*****
I would say it all depends on how he is doing it. I do think that atheism could actually be indoctrinated if the parent treats it like a religion. I however, try to teach my kids how to think,not what to think. I don't tell them the bible and it's claims are crap. If they ask me about it, I ask them what they think and then we do some digging so they can see for themselves that these people are deluded. I want to arm them with a sound epistemology. The religion will fall away on it's own. I don't have to do anything.
My wife and I both married as Christians, and held that faith in common for 17 years. 3 years ago, I became an Atheist, and she is still a Christian. We've gone through some really rough times in the last three years that have shone a glaring light on our religious/philosophical differences (primarily the attempted suicide of our daughter, and her struggles with mental illness). I've had to learn the hard way that I need to hold back when discussing religion...religious folks really don't like it when an Atheist present a coherent argument as to why a particular belief is ridiculous. But we still love each other, and somehow find a way to make it work. I'd love to hear some testimonies from people who no longer hold a common faith but have found a way to make it work.
I'm watching this 8 years later, and it's still extremely helpful. Incredible speaker
thank you so much. I tried to contact Jaclyn to do a video like this but she never responded so I'm so grateful 😄
Well Jaclyn doesnt agree with him on all of this but it would be nice if she decided to make a similar video
its because shes a stupid rude ugly bitch
jesus beltran What a mature argument of you. No better way to get your message across that someone is rude than to be rude yourself. See what i did there?
jesus beltran She may be rude (I think not) but to call her ugly is just straw-man. Btw she is defiantly not stupid either. You need a better argument to be taken seriously.
I got married almost three years ago and we have known each other for four. Two years in to marriage my many doubts finally reached a point where I seriously because to consider that I didn't believe in Christianity any longer. I broached the subject with my husband in a roundabout way, asking him things like, "What would you have done if I hadn't been a Christian even though we really hit it off?" His response was so quick and sharp. "I would never have dated you and definitely wouldn't have married you. I wanted to marry a Christian woman." This was hard to hear because we had talked many times about our doubts and struggles with faith, we weren't the kind of people who prayed or did Bible studies together, and he hadn't attended church in years, yet he was so clear on this. So I went through my deconversion alone. When I finally told him last August, his response was basically the same, with an added bit of No True Scotsman mixed in. After all, if I am an atheist now then maybe I was never a Christian to begin with...maybe I was lying all along to trick him into marrying me. Devastating. He assures me that he would never divorce me over something like this, but he is clearly having a very hard time with it and his reassurances are heavy with accusation. My deconversion has also driven him further into faith. He now informs me that nothing I have researched or found could possibly sway him from his belief when just six months ago he told me he had serious doubts. I am trying to give him space because I realize that I kind of dropped a bomb on him and from his perspective this was all very sudden. But it has been a lonely journey to say the least.
+Venus Bradley That has to be really tough to go through (for him yes, but even more so for you). Over time, I've found that I have more atheist/agnostic/free thinker friends than I knew. Of course, they are much easier to find online -- as you have already done... :)
Yes, exchristian.net has been a fantastic resource as well as many of these youtube channels. I think my husband is starting to get more comfortable with my deconversion and has even started talking about it out loud as just a fact rather than some big elephant in the room.
Awesome! I'm glad to hear it is starting to work out.
How are you guys doing now :)
@@dolly20ify We eventually found an equilibrium and middle ground. Although he still holds some resentment towards my deconstruction. He struggles with not falling prey to the No True Scotsman fallacy. He is convinced that if I had already come to terms about my faith (as I said when we were first dating) that I never would have lost my faith. He cannot accept that I DID really look into my faith and believed it, but there was a point where the house of cards came crashing down. We don't talk about it very often because he is clearly still upset by it. I have moved on. This is who I am now. Love me how I am or move on. He has chosen to love me for who I am.
There's no way I would date a fundi.
That I agree with.
I am catholic and i am marrying a muslim.we made it clear already that we will respect each other's belief.our kids will be raised as muslim as it is what their culture dictates.
I want to thank you for this very informative video. My boyfriend is a muslim (a hard ccore muslim) and ...well, i consider myself as a catholic (birthcontrol, tattoo, God has no religion Catholic) Althogh this video has definitely lots of good points i do think you could make it better by speaking about examples for Muslims, Jews, Hindu, Sick etc. :) Thank you very much! I will be sharing this video with my boyfriend tonight :D
I worry about my son on this topic. I love his girlfriend to death, but she's Catholic and I get the impression her father is pretty heavily so. Knowing her as I do, it wouldn't really bother me but for a little remark she made once about them having a certain understanding. I suspect they'll wind up married, and I'm concerned my son will betray himself or disrespect the traditions of others to see that happen. When I mention disrespect, consider that although I attended youth group and by extension church as a teen I was honest about the whole thing. I told the pastor I didn't believe the bible when I joined the group, and declined to participate in their rituals. I challenged him to give me reason to believe. I felt faking it would be more disrespectful than anything else.
I think the best thing you can hope for is that your son is upfront and honest with his view of the world. As you stated, there is a possibility that he could try to change his belief system from nonreligious to religious, but that is only done by people who do not understand fully the secular viewpoint. Even if your son does take up a catholic perspective, it will not last long because sooner or later, he will have to realize that what he is doing, is at best, faking who he really is, and will come back naturally to adopt a view point that is natural to him.
You seem like a good parent and a logical person, so I think you may have taught your son the importance of following the facts and only supporting ideas that have proof behind them. On top of that, acknowledging other's beliefs and respectfully turning them down if you don't believe them yourself should have made a huge impact on your son. These lessons, regardless of anything else, will offer your son the things he needs to be himself regardless of the fact that he is marrying someone with a different religious view.
What a beautiful speech.
On Number 3, neither. Give the kids the chance to form their own beliefs, not impose yours onto them.
You have no clue of how significant this video has been in my life. I am an atheist and have been dating this wonderful Christian woman. And it's such a relief to find some support and advice. Thank you very much.
my mom and dad talk very differently about religion my mom is catholic but never really talked about religon, i'm not 100% sure my dad's atheist but he's not religous or god fearing and they get along pretty well and the marriage is strong enough to survive a crowbar to the head
specificily my dad's head
I became a Christian as a late teenager and young adult, I wouldn't be ready to marry an atheist because I was seriously bullied by my mates and "friends" for having religious beliefs ( their intention was probably converting me or may be just having fun) . She would always remind me those people being mean and intolerant just because of my views on life. Although I know that all atheist are not like that but in the back of my mind it would always come up. I would have a bizarre feeling that not agreeing on religious issues would mean that she's still hoping deep inside that I'll change my views
hey man I'm a man i would totally date a religious girl maybe even marry one but when it comes to raising kids i don't think i could do it the majority of us don't wish in the back of our minds that you deconvert mostly we just wish that withing your religion you will make the wise decision to not listen to the bible verses that say things that are obviously not right if you want to stick to things like the sermon on the mount great that's beautiful but not to one man can not lay by another man in Deuteronomy so we mainly hope you have common sense and great cherry picking skills and not take the bible literary instead take it metaphorically and allegorically and another thing we wish is you accept scientific theories that don't go with your religion like the earth is round, the earth goes around the sun, and evolution.
I have the exact opposite situation as you. I was religious until I was about 14 and stopped believing. I have been with my wife for a little over 11 years in total but only 6 years actually married. She is religious and we have had honest discussions on what I think and I was terrified of her reaction at first but it ended up working out. She has been very understanding of where I come from and I respect her enough that I don't try and change her even though I would welcome it. My wife believes not because of any truth to the claim but because it makes her feel better..........mainly the prospect of seeing her deceased family members again. We just keep things open and don't make it into a confrontational argument. I wouldn't write off who you would date based on belief or lack thereof. My wife has made me a better person and I have had the same effect on her. Just keep in mind that what other people think doesn't matter as long as what you think or do doesn't negatively impact anyone else.
Hemant! You have really helped a lot of people. I have always been an atheist, but often talking to theists. Thanks to you I have learned new ways to explain my thought in a much better way. You have helped me a lot, but I'm sure you have helped others even more.
I really mean it: Thank you!
Dido!
Thank you! :)
I think it's wonderful that you and your wife have made things work despite your different beliefs! And these tips are very helpful!
Number 8 is a catch. Good luck trying to get most religious people to teach their children about all the other religious ideas and beliefs and atheism, and let them decide for themselves. Religion is about spreading the faith, and every time I have brought up teaching everything we can to children or to people in general, I see the hair on peoples backs rise and they throw a fit because they don't want children to know, and they don't want to learn about other beliefs, they are afraid of learning and losing their faith as a result. I really like the people who blame Satan for knowledge and other beliefs, makes me giggle, but at the same time, makes me cry knowing how many people think like that....
This channel is like atheist tonic to The Amazing Atheists' vodka.
I can't watch him. Too loud. I'm already a stress-ball.
I come from Portugal, a country where people are mostly catholic . My mom is a catholic, but she doesnt go to church. My dad is an atheist, a nice one i promise :-). Until like 6th grade i was catholic as well. Why?just because everyone around me was. Like seriously it is rare in portugal for not to believe god, we are like spain and italy, very religious. In 7th grade i started to think for myself, not only in religious matters, but i started to form a personality, my own person. I realized that i only believed in Him because so. I became an atheist, an no, not an agnostic. People always tell me: well u are still veery young and u have time do think about it. I dont need time to think about it. I already did. Im very young but i know what i believe (or in this case, dont believe). And guess what, i only "found out" my dad was an atheist when i asked him in 7th grade. My parents never told me anything, never pushed me anywhere. I found out what i had to for myself. They have a good relationship with civilized discussions about their beliefs. They just dont bring it up that much, cuz its not that big of a deal. They love each other, the good and bad, they are great people that make me proud to be their daughter. So, in my opinion, parents shouldnt tell their kids anything, or at least anything too specifif, they should let them live and form an opinion on the subject by themselves. In my case, my parents dont talk that much about religion, my dad doesnt care (but he is aware of many religions and what happens, he is an intelligent and interested atheist) and my mom isnt catholic to the point of going to church and pray everyday. But when parents are more "intense" than mine, like go to church or somethin, they should explain their kids what they think only if their child asks them. Then, let the kid decide or perhaps, not even decide anything for now.
You seem to be confused about agnosticism. Atheism is a lack of belief, while agnosticism is the position that is is unknowable. It is perfectly possible to be religious agnostic or agnostic atheist.
@@Story_Map_LF How can you be agnostic atheist?
@@daisychain3007 Theism or atheism is an answer to the question of whether you believe in gods. Gnosticism or agnosticism is an answer to the question of who you believe it it possible to know if gods exist. They don’t answer the same question.
I'm Wiccan, and in the part of Wisconsin I live in is about 95% Christian and about 70% are church goers, so statistically interfaith relationships are inevitable for me, I'm pursuing one right now actually, and this video was very helpful. Thanks!
Still Wiccan?
Thanks for the tips! My girlfriend and I have opposite views, she's Mormon and I am atheist so I find this useful.
You are right. Separate yourselves. Oil and water cannot mix.
Excellent video. I am an atheist who is also married to a christian for over 10 years and I agree with him 100%. I am guilty of not doing a couple of these suggestions and I can tell anyone that addressing this topic quickly WILL help you in the long run one way or another. Very good advice.
This was helpful. Thank you. I am a Christian woman dating a non-practicing jevovahs witness and at first, I wasn’t sure. I chose to find the similarities in that we pray to the same God and we both know about Jesus. We just don’t agree on who Jesus is. We already have our kids from previous relationships (his are grown and moved out already) and don’t plan on having more. When I am having a hard time, he encourages me to pray and, if anything, has brought me even closer to God. This vid solidified what I already felt in my heart.
I have a friend who recently went from atheist to christain. I didn't judge him I just accepted asked him some questions and moved past. And he didn't really change, he just believes in something different but didn't change morals or personality. He doesn't talk bad about Christians or god now but he still a person.
2:29-2:33 you’re confusing Evolution with Abiogenesis
This is by far my favorite vid from "The Atheist Voice". I'm an Atheist, and my wife is a Muslim. We've been together for 9 years and have two Kids. I've been an Atheist for apprx 5 years and I broke the news to her two months ago. She wasn't too happy about it, but when I point out that she's only a Muslim out of fear of her father...she calmed down a little. She hates dressing with her head tied...but when her father comes around she puts it on. She tried to call it respect, but I convinced her it was fear. And on top of that I know more about Islam than she does.
Personally, I think I couldn't stand having a religious spouse.
Agreed. I don't think two opposing, mutually exclusive belief systems could exist n a healthy relationship.
I could have a relationship with a non-religious religiously affiliated spouse/partner, that is if they didn't take religion to seriously, then I could have a viable relationship with them. I think that is how the vast majority of these "interfaith" couples are
Payne M True, marriage is a weird scenario though. For example, a lot of cousins never took religion very seriously until marriage came around, and they took it as an action of 'growing up'. Of course I think this is quite the opposite of 'growing up', but it unfortunately happens. Most people don't take their religion seriously, nor will they ever genuinely, but pest parents will hold some sort of enforcing grip.
And people like you aren't who this video is for lol. As a Christian myself, I could possibly see a relationship with an Atheist working...just depends what type of Atheist. Somebody like Hemat who doesn't resort to name calling and insults in every discussion or debate...yeah that could work. However if she was like a lot of posters on these videos...probably not.
I had a friend who was a Christian and her husband is an Atheist. They get along perfectly fine, and really you'd be hard pressed to notice there was any type of difference like that between them. They debate all the time...as Hemat said...behind closed doors, but as her husband (also a friend of mine) said to me "I love the person she is, and if her beliefs make her who she is, why would I try to change that". She argues for Creationism all the time, and I know he doesn't agree with her but whenever they're in public they are always supporting each other.
Brett Daley It's much harder for the other side actually in my opinion. The atheist in the relationship has to deal with the other person believing that they are deserving of eternal, everlasting torture, *yet they somehow love them.* Either the Christian has to be very secular and liberal in their views of religion, or the atheist *has to be extremely reserved and essentially be an enslaved weakling, especially if kids are in the question.* It's okay though, many relationships are like that with and without their religious connotations.
Mr. Mentha, thank you for this video and advice :) I actually feel a bit more encouraged in maybe going for someone with a different belief than me! But it does help that alot of people I know don't exactly make it a big deal.
Back when I was a Christian, my mother would constantly tell me not to ever marry someone who had a different religion (which always seemed odd to me because it sounded like don't marry someone with a different opinion) Granted she also told me not to marry someone from a different culture (IE someone with a Middle Eastern descent) because they won't ever treat me right. So, needless say, I'm glad I never listened to her on things like this.
Did you marry someone from a different religion?
@@alejandraroto9084 No I didn't, but I did marry someone of the same gender XD
I dated a restorationist christian as someone leaning athiest from non religous.
We stuck to our common religous ground whenever our beliefs came up:
Interfaith relations, The teachings of Jesus, scriptural selective hearing, humanitarian work, and others. Although in all of these topics we ultimately greatly disagreed, neither of us pursued an offensive.
That's where our resolve to understand the others worldview was most used. I would say that was the backbone of our entire relationship, letting each other be their own person and understanding them as they are and not as we want them to be.
Understanding without undermining was what let us see past our differences and be a healthy mixed faith couple.
I think, like many here, I could not be in a relationship with a theist, and that is my problem. I just wish religion wasn't a factor or wasn't even around all together, because I am picky enough as it is, as a gay and atheist male, I don't think there will be many opportunities.
i honestly don't know if i should still consider myself a baptist, but i was baptized as one, and i believe in prayer, but i don't go to church much anymore. my boyfriend is an atheist, but we are just fine together. my dad did question me about why my boyfriend doesn't go to church. i told him that hes a grown man, and its not up me to change his mind about anything, and it only matters that hes a decent person, without religion.
My boyfriend is a Agnostic Theist (If that's even a thing) and I'm an Atheist. Usually we just kind of avoid talking about it and sometimes we talk about it but I usually find him getting argumentative but we usually settle it by me just saying "you have your opinion and I have mines and that's not going to change so let's just let it go." Works every time.
I come from an atheist family. My boyfriend is religious. Somehow I feel insecure about it and I don’t like telling people about his religion. I feel so bad but most people I know judge religious people and some even mock religious people. I feel so bad for feeling embarrassed for him.
But your videos give me confidence and hope. Thank you for that.
I would just stay neutral and let them choose in do time. They can choose for themselves.
My parents come from two different backgrounds of religion, my mom - she says her part about her religion and hopes I will choose hers. And my dad hasn't said anything in particular but only at times and WANTS me to choose his without any hesitation. He also says words which hurt me, like your choice will show up whom you love more.. your choice shows me who is the best parent. It's been going since my childhood. And I'm 20 now I'm like fed up, I want to say him I don't believe anything anymore just leave me for godsake. But my dad is reacting in a negative way, which is so unpleasing for me to receive. To be precise, my dad is not understanding that it's ok to have different taste and choices, I tried talking calmly. Nothing seems to work, my dad is rubbing his choices on me and I'm feeling so suffocation already? Please suggest me! I need some advice.
It is sad, Lion, that you are forced to take sides with which parent's religion you will follow. It is sadder still that your father says that the choice that you will make will show which parent you love more. Even at your adult age, the love for both your parents should be unconditional, not a tug-of-war fight. No parent should think that the religion that his or her child has chosen is a reflection of which parent the child really loves more.
Perhaps the best way of dealing with this dilemma is to have a calm, polite conversation with your father and tell him what your religious beliefs really are.
Hermant I'm a big fan of yours. You are doing the videos that I wanted to do. I find a lot of atheists mock religion. Atheists enjoy these videos but I doubt they are effective in helping believers to look at the facts. I believe that being respectful to believers and nonbelievers is the best way to communicate. Keep up the great work, Hermant.
This is a really nice presentation! Thank you for sharing Mr. Mehta! We really can bridge the caps even if there are differences in belief!
As an agnostic turned antitheist who's been dating a christian guy for almost 3 years, I can attest to the truth of these statements. It's possible to discuss without arguing, and it's possible to separate the relationship from beliefs if both parties want to.
This video was very informative. I am a Pagan witch and my fiance is Jewish. We've been dating since we both came out as trans (I'm a masc leaning non-binary, he's an FTM) which is why we pretty much ride or die. We've decided to wait to get married because first of all, we're both still in college, second of all we're trying to figure out HOW we're gonna get married.
I'm really happy about this video, I'm an atheist and I'm dating a young earth creationist christian, I love her and she feels the same but our faith/doubt kinda conflict at times. So thankfully this lets me get a better grasps on what I should do.
This is BY FAR the most helpful video I've seen this month (and considering it's the 30th, that says a lot :P ). I'm an atheist too and these are very real and very serious issues that one runs into. Compromise, sincerity and respect are crucial here. So thank you for the excellent advice; these were 11 minutes that won't be labeled as wasted ;)
I am a Tradition Catholic but I always enjoy your videos and your Outlook on things.
I think in order for in interfaith relationship to work both people just have to be open minded and not dogmatic. They would also both need to have beliefs and world views that aren't very specific, chances are a relationship between an atheist and jehovahs witness isn't going to work...but a christian who realizes that they could be wrong and that it ultimately doesn't matter and an atheist who realizes that they could be wrong and that ultimately it doesn't matter should get along just fine.
If you want to know the truth.
Bill Nye VS Kent Hovind - Short Creation Debate
Sorry to say but I recently ended a long 6+ yrs with a heavily dedicated Christian woman. The main problem was that 'Christianity is truth', no ifs or buts. No reasoning for anything, as she was taught its un Christian to do so. I think a Buddhists would be most likely of the religions to be able to understand other views, and not constantly their own. But idk. Btw this relationship produced the famous quote when asked if it were undeniably 100% proven that god never existed would she stop believing in religion? "No, I'll was taught god is real by my parents and I'll always believe in God"
True enough. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and they teach that you are supposed to constantly attempt to convert your spouse. Gently, to be sure, but never give up. It caused my grandparents to divorce after 44 years of marriage. Oh, and I'm an atheist now. :)
I definitely agree with discussing religious beliefs reasonably early in a relationship. A marriage can be an uphill battle if one partner wants to dedicate their life (time, money, career, family/how they raise their kids, etc.) to God- while their spouse doesn’t believe in any gods. If one person believes that a god talks to them, prayer works, and religion is comforting during hard times- it’s hard when the other person sees no use in any of those things. I could see a marriage between 2 people who :aren’t very into their religions/lack of religions and don’t care much either way, but it would add to the difficulty of marriage if both were very passionate about their beliefs.
I personally wouldn’t date someone with very different views.
Very sound advice. Applies just as well to politics...
Interfaith relationships can mean many things to many people. I think it depends on the whole spectrum of faith. For instance, I'm an agnostic with unofficial Zen Buddhist leanings and I've had a girlfriend who was a nonpracticing Catholic, so both of us were in the "spiritual but nonreligious" crowd.
I am extremely confident that working with believers and non-believers to stand up and stomp out poverty by 3 generations will be recorded by the 4th genrrstion.
I’m agnostic I believe there is something higher possibly but also I didn’t agree with what my parents were telling me (they’re divorced, Catholic and Christian) but I agree with how they raised me, that someone’s religion shouldn’t matter to you if you want to be their friend that you should just be a kind person regardless of someone’s religion. My boyfriend is Muslim and he initially waited to tell me (even though I put it together before he told me I just didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my thing to bring up) because he said he doesn’t care who believes in what (he’s very respectful of other’s beliefs) and I didn’t either so it wasn’t a big deal but if someone just randomly asks me to join them in a prayer just because they want me involved I’d gladly join them plus I’m just a very curious person and like learning.
Recently he told me his cousin is getting married and how they do things regarding that and asked me if when we get married, because we’ve talked about marriage a lot, if I would like to participate in doing one knowing I’m agnostic and saying I don’t have to if I don’t want to and I’ve told him I’m very open minded when it comes to religions and things just don’t change me and he understands and respects that but I told him that since, even though we’re laidback when it comes to religions things, it’s important to him I’d be happy to participate. I love this man so much he understands me more than most people. We also have a lot of the same morals and values of just wanting to be nice and kind people regardless who they are or where they’re from.
In the specific part of India that I come from, there are frequent inter-religious marriages.. That could be a Hindu-Christian, Hindu- Muslim or Muslim- Christian marriage.. Atheists generally side by their religion of birth for cultural compatibility with their spouses..And if you are an atheist with Hindu background, relatively easy to get along with your religious Hindu spouse..
I really wish more people understood the world as well as you do because you sir are brilliant!
i like this guy, He make being an Atheists alot more easier with his knowledge and tips that he shares with his Viewers.
Thanks for the vid.i myself is dealing with this issue and didnt know where to turn for help. Thanks alot,this channel has help me and others like me feel better about how i live life without religion. Being strong and questioning teachings that we all know are false. Again thanks bro.
-Montrez
3: Tell both, but don't teach one as ultimate inarguable truth.
My girlfriend was kind of christian when we started going out, I didn't push her to becoming an atheist, we just shared our opinions and she has started to define herself as agnostic and I think she's going to call herself atheist at the rate she's going at. I don't push it on her she just agrees with me, she just hasn't spent much time around atheists
You could invite her to go with you to an atheist community meetup. Many areas have something available to look into, ranging from Free-Thinker, secular, atheists/agnostic and humanists groups. There is even this Sunday Assembly thing that is spreading around. You can meet a variety of atheists at these events, most of whom are extremely welcoming. The only thing is these events often include anti-theistic/secular jokes and debate, which can also irk some people.
A joke at a recent charitable event we did is that it's a good thing we are here helping to feed people, instead of eating babies. My spouse doesn't think the joke is that funny, and but I thought it was hilarious. So many christians think we are really satan worshippers, and even Satanists don't eat babies, haha.
Lily T I've been looking for one (not very hard though) and I haven't found one, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind coming with me
When a great majority of people in one large geographical area share a belief you normally will encounter different levels of commitment inside that religion. There is, for example, very little practical difference between a disinterested non-practicing Catholic and a non-committed atheist or agnostic (by non-committed I mean someone who does not normally talks about it). Differences are not seen as differences between faiths. People get used and expects different levels of commitments.
This to say that at the beginning of my relationship with my wife we didn't care. Furthermore I was still nominally Catholic despise I was philosophically agnostic and non-theistic. So after 17 years of being together and 13 of being married, two kids (the older being preparing for his first communion) and almost one year from my formal apostasy (which I posted in my blog) I finally told my wife I am not a Catholic any more.
(BTW, I haven't yet come out with my kids)
i have actually waited for a video like this
This is why I subscribed your channel. So much wise speech.
My mother was a Roman Catholic and my father was Jewish. Although later in the marriage, there was lots of fighting and eventually they got divorced, religion never negatively affected the marriage. They decided to raise me Catholic simply because my mother was much more devout than my father.
I'm pretty sure I could never end up in a relationship with a religious person. I tend to stay away from sexist people.
There's a lot of religions out there that hold equal merit between men and women, though they're generally the more obscure ones. Additionally, just because their denomination supposedly is in favour or is against something, doesn't necessarily mean they are. The example in the video cited the fact that Catholics don't listen to the Pope - which is demonstrably true. Catholics have a very high divorce rate (higher than atheists), the majority under the age of 40 use birth control, the majority in the US seem to be in favour of the typical gay rights platforms, and so on. I mean, this is point number seven in the video. This is why you discuss things somewhat early in the relationship, not just religion, but philosophy and ideology in general. I've dated a Christian boy, myself an atheist, and we never had a problem (we just lacked enough chemistry to last), while I've had a fair bit of fights with a girlfriend who was an atheist who've I had a *lot* of fights with, sometimes just off of seemingly miniscule and irrelevant things. Sometimes there are simply irreconcilable differences, but its rather defeatist to assume those differences exist in another.
QwertyCaesar As you said, the non sexist religions are very obscure, the absolute majority of religions is inherently sexist.
I am very happy to hear that young catholics are becoming more liberal. Still, however, if a person unquestionably accepts that the omnipotent being that created the universe is male (a ridiculous notion in itself in my opinion) and that only men are chosen to have right to preach about god, they, possibly unwittingly, accept that men are the superior beings. Perhaps they would never consciously admit it, but this notion would still be there, hidden alongside their basic beliefs about the world. Will it arise in time, or during a conflict, or will it subconsciously influence their actions? I'm not planning to be there to find out.
This may sound a bit paranoid, but as I was raised and lived in a catholic community, I saw this come true far too many times.
Ouch XD
youshimimi Ugh, no. Not all religions are sexists, and besides most gender roles were based off of biological functions and not religion. Most Catholics are very open and very liberal about the subject for a matter of fact and I have never felt any pressure from my school (catholic) or my church to be a little house wife or a baby machine. The fact that we have priests that are male is based off tradition which most Catholics I know disagree with...
Sarah Epton I heard the _"most Catholics disagree with"_ argument on several issues and it still doesn't change the fact that even though they disagree, they don't mind supporting the church which is unwilling to budge in it the slightest.
Yes, religions were based in times where women suffered unequal treatment because of weaker physique and the physical disadvantage of childbirth. But we know better know and there is no need to blindly follow the ideas that belong to the past.
So it's nice that they don't agree, but if they still agree with preaching bible, bible which says that god is a male and women are less than men, it does not change a single thing.
This is probably the best video I've seen on the topic of interfaith relationships!
Thank you for making this, really appreciated.
Thank you for this video, see as a catholic I was really worried about marrying an Atheist guy but I am glad that what we've been talking about lately about faith and stuff is normal and hearing this from another atheist kinda helps too and that it can work out in the long run. Also I really like your comment on how not Catholics agree with the Pope, I love the man but in all honesty I can't stand the rules sometimes. They should try having a uterus for a month and see how they like it.
60k subs. Great!
This video was great! I always wonder how an interfaith relationship would go.
I hope you can make more videos about this topic, because just being an atheist isn't enough for me. I want to get along with people with different beliefs.
Absolutely great video. I think alot of people can learn from this.
I don't think I could ever marry a religious theist. I'd probably get in an argument with her daily...
LOL. You are probably a new atheist. In the beginning people are more passionate. My boyfriend has been an atheist for 25 years and when we met I was a Muslim Creationist (Not only that, I hated biology altogether). He had a bit of problems with my Ramadan, because I almost didn't have time for him at all. Otherwise he was fine with everything... even when I was trying to convert him... Very peacefully answering and using logical arguments and science. It worked pretty well for us. I secretly started reading stuff... I didn't tell him immediately, until I was convinced, but after some time I "came out" as nonbeliever as well. I don't think I would have ever thought about questioning my belief if he had started fighting me since the first moment.
I've been an agnostic-atheist since 2011. I'm not exactly "new" to being a free thinker, per se. Back in early 2013, I had made a tumblr blog for the purpose of exposing religious absurdities and for sharing scientific information. Because of that, I had started to do some research, and I ultimately came across a whole ton of stuff I didn't know about regarding the atrocities attributed to religion and its abhorrently violent and hateful history. I had known its history was bad, but I didn't know just *how* bad. So if I were to marry a religious person, I would tell her a lot of the stuff I learned and certainly she will be resistant. I just can't spend the rest of my life with a person who accepts tenets and "moral" guidelines from an archaic text demanding people to hate and kill gays, children, women, etc., and thinks I'm broken and in need of saving.
FullmetalChunibyo Hahahahahahaha... I actually used to think that my boyfriend needed saving. But, the part about somebody deriving their moral values from religious books is just wrong. Those who do are like the Phelps or Bin Laden. Most so called religious people just imprint their own values on their religious text of choice and pretend to follow that. The rest of those books, the parts they don't like, they are just anecdotes, stories, stuff written later, not so believable...
RainbowEagle
Indeed. The ironic thing about them saying their morals come from their religious texts is the fact that they cherry-pick the holy book like crazy. This implies that they are invoking their own moral compass to decide for themselves what's right and wrong from the text, indicating a secular morality despite their god's word. If you were to ask a religious theist if they would kill their children if god told them to, and they say no, they've just proven to themselves that they have a sense of morality in spite of god's commands, and if they say yes, then they are beyond help and only care about obedience to authority, which in turn, is not moral.
RainbowEagle I disagree that it has something to do with being new to Atheism. I have been agnostic/atheist since 2001, and just recently got into the community aspect of it. Many atheists I know are the same and when you find a community, you no longer have to lose enthusiasm for what you care about. I dream of a more secular America where an Atheist could be president or hold public office in any state. I feel it's wrong that there are still laws that prevent that, as well as ignorance that stops it from happening in other states. I have other atheist concerns and dreams as well, but that is pretty important to me. I know it is somewhat important to my spouse too. as he believes in equality and fairness, though he doesn't label himself anything.
A lot of the tips that Hement mentions are certainly good, but shouldn't these things be discussed before the relationship? I'd *want* to know these things before getting serious, and the answers would determine if I wanted to be in that relationship to begin with.
I don't see myself even getting as far as having an intimate interpersonal relationship with a religious person. The divide between how we think reality works would just be too great.
right! I bring up the aliens and alternative theories once or twice and they cry, run or laugh...I got one that laughed and that was the end of religious discussions between us :)
I agree. I was friends with my spouse first when we were learning about each other like that, and that made me feel comfortable pursuing something more.
Though I remember in High school that wasn't so important but those relationships weren't serious anyways. Religion had nothing to do with having someone to make out with and take to dances, haha.
Now if we were risking having kids by having hetero intercourse, that might be important since we could be raising kids together if the condom breaks or whatever. I couldn't imagine raising a child with a bible creationist. Sickens me just imagining it.
man.. your the most awaken person I have met :D
People need to stop saying that homosexuality or even just sex for that matter is love, I love my brother, my mother, and my friends but that doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with them. A father lover his daughter but he is not going to have sex with her. A man is not a husband to a wife just because he can have sex with her. There are husbands who have wives who are physically disabled in some way that they can't have sex
What you said makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The fact you love people and straight couples get married doesn't mean two men or two women can't experience romantic love towards one another. Not that you'd know... You're a typical homophobe.
I am christian, my husband is muslim. I went back to Christianity as I was pressured into conversion. I never wanted to convert to Islam. I love my husband and I know God chose him for me.
This is some excellent advice! Thank you for sharing.
This was so good to see. Thank you.
Do you know how it is in the Roman Catholic Church? I heard that they allow interfaith marriages but partners need to sign some document that children will be raised in the Catholic faith. Is it a 'must' condition to get such marriage by a Roman catholic? Cannot children simply be raised in both traditions and later decide by their own if they want to be baptized? What are your experiences?
Personally, I would reject that ideal.
As an Asatru my Christian fiancee has some family that believes raising kids with faith is an absolute.
We both however, do not.
No child should be indoctrinated
My husband considers himself a Christian. (I'm an atheist). We can't really have discussions about religion, as he tends to get very defensive and angry. I remember once, we were talking about something and he mentioned casually that he things the story of Noah and the ark was real, and I had to just bite my tongue.
THANK YOU... this can help me a lot in my decision-making!
I actually broke up with a girlfriend a couple of years ago because of our different beliefs, but we are still good friends. It's a shame because she was a great person, but our discussions on religion always ended in anger on both sides.
It is good that you did break up, Brandon, otherwise you would have fought like animals if you had married her.
Do not ever say "evolution as a proper way that life formed on Earth". The Theory of Evolution by Natural selection is a proven fact, and we should leave no room for pseudo-science or blind irrational faith. Creationism is on most a hypothesis. Of course, you are free to criticize evolution (if you have evidence supporting your claims), question and exploring alternatives to the natural processes some thinks are behind the Abiogenesis (as it's not proven how life on Earth was formed), but we shouldn't give room to religious nuts. The Theory of Evolution only deals with the evolution of life, not how it was created. Opening doors to anti-science, anti-acceptance to other people and fear is something we must avoid.
Wrong! FSM has created us humans in his holy image! Teach the controversy!
BOSSDONMAN there is no holly, just things WE don't understand
BOSSDONMAN Teach the controversy, Teach astrology and alchemy!.
Truth about evolution
Bill Nye VS Kent Hovind - Short Creation Debate
J. B. M Correct. There's other forms of evolution and selection processes, but when scientists talk about how life evolved and changed over a long period of time they mainly mean evolution by natural selection.
Most scientists also agree that natural selection is the main process which drives evolution forwards.
Worked for my parents. Mom's a catholic, Dad's a southern baptist.
Don't have to worry about relationship, if you can't get in a relationship
My parents remain married but they never did well with respectful, accepting interfaith marriage. It was a holy war, so to speak. As kids, church was an argument, silence, anger. As important as the parents thought religion was they ended up two pagans and an atheist.
The fact that you feel you have to say all this demonstrates how backward american culture is. Good job though. You are a good ambassador for peace.
Shutup.
Yeah don't generalize. You could have conversations and still believe what you want. If it consumes you then maybe that's not for you, but if you look past the religion and find a compromise it should not be a problem. Not every couple shares the same ideas.
You know, my girlfriend and I enjoy to visit churches in some places because we both love their architecture and quiet atmosphere. I don't consider myself a believer, and she does believe somehow, but we both found that design is proof that humans can create beautiful places that actually have an enjoyable psychological effect on us. So yes, we both manage to find common values despite our differences regarding belief.
Well, when we travel, we love to see the churches from the architectural point of view. That is something we share. Faith, on the other side, we prefer not to discuss it to much.
hard core Christian to atheist? yeah, they are changing a big part of who they are and i can understand how that can make the marriage very tense. the whole point of Christianity is that you need to "save" people, it's a core part of the religion. it's not the same as finding out your atheist wife is a Christian. yeah the frustration might be there, but the anxiety and fear and worry, trauma and stress? first of all, hell is a very real place to many Christians. there may be a lot o fear and personal conflict when you realize your partner isn't converting and there's nothing you can do about it. i was a Christian once so i can relate to what it would feel like. im not married but i do have family. you can't just tell a Christian not to try to convert somebody, especially if that person is their partner, it's more than just does and donts, it's a duty and a responsibility to convert them because you care about them and because you love them. there's nothing worse than imagining a family member burning up forever. so if you're not the kind of person who would marry an atheist in the beginning...there's going to be problems. i don't see any relationship where a Christian will be able to follow some of those rules! but they are good rules and who knows, maybe there are a good few like that now, times are changing
***** i was a Christian
***** it doesn't imply otherwise
***** aren't Christians supposed to be non-judgemental or something?
***** maybe you should go look up the definition of straw man, cause i don't see one
I am a Catholic and my Girlfriend is Atheist
My wife and I met 16 years ago in church youth group. Since we married 4 years ago, I left Christianity 3 years ago, and she has become progressively deist, though she holds on to her Christian title. Though we rarely bring religion up, as she becomes visibly uncomfortable at the topic, she is respectful of my beliefs, and we have a healthy relationship. We agree on most everything beyond God and Jesus, and will be teaching our future children science and to have open minds.
_«We agree on most everything beyond God and Jesus, and will be teaching our future children science»_
I don't know how exactly to think about this. Not on the fact that you are teaching your children science, but the fact you have to mention it.
rataflechera My parents are becoming fundementalist, and quickly turning into creationists (damn you, Fox News). So, not for the sake of her beliefs or mine, but for those of my relatives and people we have known throughout our lives, teaching our children science is actually an important distinction. Such is life in the USA. :(