STORYTIME: The Last Time I Used a Girl's Bathroom
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- Опубликовано: 25 фев 2017
- When I was 17, I was kicked out of a bathroom at a Tegan and Sara concert. It terrified me. It's not about bathrooms. It's about our ability to exist.
For helpful resources: ACLU, GLAAD, GLSEN (please comment and link more below)
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Skylar Kergil, P.O. Box 301563, Jamaica Plain, MA 02130
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Less human, more being. Keep being. I love you. 
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GENDER NEUTRAL BATHROOMS. How hard can it be? In my school we have these toilet "rooms" with sinks. No big, gender specific room with several booths, just many small rooms where you go in, do your business and no one can comment on it.
It doesnt exist in my country lmao people are butthurt af
At dawson college, the toilets are gender neutral.
This reminds me of the time when my mom forced me to buy feminine-looking clothes(I'm not out) because we had this extended family beach vacation and my mom didn't want me to look so masc. I went to buy some clothes with my sister and had to try on a few things. I went into the fitting room a few times and people gave me weird looks. I assumed I was passing, but since of my situation I tried to act more feminine. My sister left to go to another store and then this old lady working there came up to me. She screamed, "You know this is the girls section, why are you here?". I replied with a faint, "I know." and ran out of the section. When I got home I cried because I knew if I was cis I wouldn't be forced to live a double life. I didn't want to be trans and hated everyone wanted to force me into these two boxes at the same time. At that time I wasn't out to anyone, but now I have 6 friends and have not bought clothes I didn't want since.
I love how you totally exposed all those dudes who don't wash their hands. :D
This video is perfect. The story was great and the overall meaning behind it was gold. I truly hope people can open their minds one day. Thanks for sharing this dude
Thank you so much Sky. As a pre-everything trans guy, I completely get what you're saying. I do not pass at all as either gender. And I'm rarely home, so I'm basically always in public situations. I can't use the men's or women's bathroom because I've been yelled at in both. But it's not just bathrooms. My clothes, my style, the way I walk and talk; it's all criticized and overanalyzed to the point that I can't even be seen by someone I don't know and not be asked a million questions or be harassed. What I want to know is why everyone thinks someone's life should be dictated by pink or blue. Venus or Mars. Vagina or penis. Why does it matter? Because you're right. It's not just about bathrooms anymore. It is about existing and flowing through daily life. It is about always being bothered with questions like "How will people think of you if they don't know how?". And then having people ask us "Why do you care about what people think of you?". It's not just that. Other people's opinions matter, believe it or not, because they influence action and speech. And those are key things to existing as a human being. So if we can't exist as human beings--which we are--how can we expect to be treated as such. Gender (of any kind) = Human. I don't understand why that is so hard to understand.
xX_DarkLightBoi_Xx other people don't need to know what you are, what matters is that you know. Just be true to yourself and live who you are no matter what other people say
try adult diapers
xX_DarkLightBoi_Xx i'm blessed with a gender neutral bathroom at my college but it's on the first floor and my studio is on the third so I gotta really go for me to feel it's worth it haha
Every time I watch a video of yours I always think: "damn, he's handsome!"
I absolutely agree with all of this. As a guy who passes really well (not to be arrogant) I find it pretty difficult to feel comfortable using public toilets because it makes me scared someone is going to clock me and that feels like a huge risk (compared to when I was pre-T) as I now have a beard and a low pitched voice etc. but still have my original plumbing if you know what I mean. Sometimes it makes me feel exactly as you described, Sky: as if I'm unable to exist in society. Of course the older I get and the more comfortable I become in my body these feelings subside a fair bit, although there are still many experiences like this which I'd rather not have been through at all. I feel like people honestly seem to care far too much who's going into which bathroom. Likelihood is that they're gonna do their business and get out so I wish it just wasn't half as much of an issue for some :/
The men not washing their hands thing. I KNEW IT!
I absolutely love this video! I mean, I don't love that there was a need for it to be made--because really?! Why is this even an issue?! Aaggggh, society!--but you totally hit the nail on the head with this. And I think it was important that you made the point about how it's not just about bathrooms, it's about simply existing and so much more, and I think that made the message even more powerful. Also, YES, I have ALWAYS noticed that so many guys do not wash their hands, and it is just GROSS!!! You're so right: maybe THAT is something people should be making more of a fuss over, instead of spending all their time harassing innocent, inconspicuous, hand-washing and therfore non-disease-spreading and lower-public-health-risk trans people...And as I think someone else here in the comments might've said, it's not just trans people, either: it's anyone who doesn't fit neatly into a preconceived box. I worked at a day camp this summer with 4 and 5 year olds, and there was this little boy with long hair whom the other little boys would mercilessly yell at whenever he went into the boys' bathroom, because "they have long hair! There's a girl in the bathroom!!!" And during a few different instances this reduced this poor little kid to tears, and it broke my heart. I really felt for the kid, because in a way I've sort of been him--getting yelled at for being in whatever bathroom has pretty much been the story of my entire life! And of course we tried to talk to the kids and explain that he could be in there and there are many different ways boys and girls and all people can be and it really shouldn't even matter anyways... but even at 4 years old they already had such binary and harmful biases. :( Anyway, thank you for this video. Very well done and a perspective that I'm glad has been shared. :)
im sorry that happened to you. you dont deserve that. thank you for continuing the fight. ♡ you can move forward from the pain.
You're amazing. I'm a pretty negative person and any downs that the LGBT+ community receives makes me sink into an even more negative perspective, but your strength and your words and your faith in change makes me feel like I could be hopeful too. And it gives me a little of relieve and warmth. Thank you so much for your videos and your words and for sharing parts of your life with us. You're truly amazing and beautiful such a great human bean 💖
I love you, this hit me so hard in the feels. You're an incredible person.
Another great video Skylar! Thank you so much for sharing, for caring, for representing, and supporting, your videos are an inspiration
You always give me an extra dose of hope, Sky
Man, what a moving video. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your story.
FWIW, the location of the place where the concert was is usually the one in charge of hiring the security. They typically either higher an independent security organization, OR, they some times have their own security. Perhaps Tegan and Sara should have taken it upon themselves to make sure the security organization at the venues they go to were more educated about their fans.
Your such an inspiration! Any time I get down on myself I just watch your videos and know I can do it and no matter the bumps in the road I'll make it eventually. Thank you for making your videos!:)
sky you are an inspiration to many humans, much love.
I got yelled at maybe a month ago for going into the female locker room at work. I havent switched yet because I want top surgery before I do (which is why I am trying to hurry and get that done) and Ive been on T for a little over 9 mo. But I can definitely relate to having all of these words rolling in your head but unable to voice them because that was what had happpened when all I could do was tell the lady "thank you, I know"
I know that I am by no means the only person that tries not to use public restrooms, but it sucks that for many people that is how it is. the only place that I dont use a male bathroom is at work, and even though I pass I still get freaked out, especually when running into situations where there are issues with the stalls.
I LOVE THE PALLADIUM and your stories so much your an amazing influence thank you for being you
thanks for this great video, Sky!
Hey Sky! Your beaming positivity and sweet vibes always brighten my day. I've been following you here on youtube for about 5 years now...(dang, has it really been that long?) I have to say, I can't wait to read your book!! I also have to ask- where did you get that rad cap you're wearing?
you're amazing. thank you for sharing this story.
Thank you for sharing this with us it's something many have faced. I go through this all the time to this day
That's incredible that that happened to you at a Tegan & Sara concert.
Last year I went into NYC to see the musical Fun Home. This is a musical where the main character is a butch lesbian and I myself am a masculine female. Well, when I was waiting in line to go to the bathroom before the show, of course the line for the women's restroom was out the door and there was no line for the men's restroom. I was standing in the line for the women's restroom because I am female and use that restroom, and I heard the two girls (around my same age-mid 20's) behind me whispering how they would just use the men's room. As in, they were gesturing to me, the masculine female, and saying how if they looked like that they would use the men's restroom. It was just so odd to me that people would say something like that at a Broadway musical where the main character is a masculine female.
I still think it's gross for anyone not to wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Seriously, why wouldn't you?
MewWolf5 ASEXUAL PRIDE
right? who are all of these people that aren't washing their hands?
This was like one of the best speeches I've heard in a little while
This was such a great video. Thank you.
Hey Sky...
I've been going through a lot lately and trying to figure out my gender identity. It's been about 3 years since I first started questioning on and off. A few weeks ago I came to terms with the fact that I am infact FTM and I've just been repressing a lot of stuff for the last 3 years instead of genuinely being myself. As I've been coming to terms with that and understanding who I am, I've been watching a lot of FTM youtubers in an attempt to find some answers to how I'm feeling and find others like me.
Your videos have seriously helped me out a lot these last few weeks. I don't think words can really express how thankful I am. These videos have seriously been so helpful.
So, thank you. Keep being amazing, keep being you, and keep making videos.
Much love,
Lucas
I love you man, this video really hit home..
Literally had exactly the same experience at a Tegan and Sarah concert in Edinburgh,2010 I think. Security and all. Amongst 7500 lesbians, gender queer/fluid and trans guys and girls I never thought it would be an issue....apparently it was. I hate public bathrooms for the soul reason of being made to feel uncomfortable with who I am through others perspective and closed mindedness. Tooo many time have I been told I have been in the wrong bathroom.
Great message!
You are very inspirational I love watching your videos
You are an inspiration . . . for us All!
The snapback look is looking great on you 😍
Thank you for making this video, Sky. I identify as genderqueer and I have no intention of transitioning. It really sucks to feel unwelcome in the Ladies restroom and get all these looks and stares and questions from strangers when all I want to do is pee and wash my hands in peace. I don't want to pass as one thing or the other. I'm just non-binary and existing in a public space. And I too find myself not wanting to use the bathroom when I'm out in public for this reason. So I just want to say thanks for sharing some of that hope throughout the years. Even though I haven't transitioned, you've helped me through so much. And I hope that one day we both won't have this anxiety over something as simple as using the restroom.
Tegan and Sara are literally my favs!!!
beautiful human being! kisses from Brazil
you're amazing!
More and more often the "bathroom situation" is in public discussion. How about age bathroom instead of gender bathroom. I often hear many arguments about assaults and rapes, but if people are in a same range of age, wouldn't it be more safe and non gender related?
🤔🤔
Hard to say. Honestly, if someone is going into a bathroom with malicious intent, they're not going to give a heck if they're "allowed" to be in there or not. Laws prohibiting trans people (or anyone) from using specific washrooms really do nothing to protect anyone.
Kikyo4815 pretty much!! I doubt that this law will do anything to prevent this kind of thing from happening
Kikyo4815 I totally agree with you. And just to clear something, I'm not referring to any law. Even here in europe this kind of situations are becoming more often and people are just ignorant and stupid about it. For example, at a company party there were trans people and they were using the bathroom they wanted and a co-worker called the security because she wasn't feeling safe. Does this makes any sense? These people work for the same company. I went to speak with that co-worker because I didn't see any safety issue there and they made me look like a bad person... Either way, I totally agree with you, if someone has bad intentions it's all it takes. Sometimes I wonder if people are so ignorant, to fear everything they don't know, even without giving a chance to know...
Shteinshtein Jewbacca Shekelburg I was asking, not assuming. I'm also putting a possible solution not just criticising others opinion. The reason why I asked about age being the criteria was as possible answer. Usually people with the same age have some similar aspects, like strength, for example a person who's 16 years old won't have the same strength as someone who's 27 years old. I know that I lack more arguments but my knowledge in English won't allow me to make much sense 😅
You can search how we created the actual bathroom system and see how it started, it wasn't for reasons like safety.
Nah. I don't think that will work.
This guy is so goals I can't wait to get on T. Can you make a video on your story about coming out and dealing with all the pressure on your shoulders
Men's rooms are tricky. When I go to New York and I always have to awkwardly wait for a stall since there's always only one stall available
I love the people like you, i like you because you are the type of people we need in this world, people who would stand up for their rights and others, cheers to that. Ps. you are extremely attractive
it's the creepy heterosexual male predators (i'm not persecuting all males, just the creeps) thats ruin the bathroom situation for everyone. i'm a cis female and a man that had been watching me from a distance all night at a bowling alley, followed me into the empty female restroom and went into the stall next to mine. i didn't see him follow me in initially, he waited till i was in a stall, but i looked down and saw his hairy leg and ran out and had security remove him (yes, i know some women have hairy legs but i knew this was the guy that had been watching me). because of that situation i'm a little on guard now in public restrooms. and that's really unfortunate because i have no problem with trans people using the restroom they feel comfortable in, it's just because of the males that have done inappropriate things, a lot of women feel like they have to be on guard in there.
Thank you, I love you x
I am 39 yrs old. Rooms are genderless. None of the rooms in my house have a gender. People need to grow up. If you have to go pee...you have to go pee.
you're amazing
Sky, ILYSM
You are so blessed to have passed as a man! Always remember that. Gospel of Thomas 114.
Thank You!
ME ENCANTAS, Me fascinas. Sigue viviendo hasta que te pueda ver.
Awesome video Sky. You're awesome. Wash your hands guys! lol
I'm very concerned about when I will need to switch bathrooms for my safety but I'm also grateful for people in my life like my father and my male friends and my husband who will walk me in and make sure I'm safe.
this is art. this video is poetry. all i keep thinking is you wrot this down pieces this word for word trying find the lost words that are traped down inside but all you really are is a person with a camera and a story.(all typos will be left)
Can you please do a video on
Everything that happened before and after your top surgery
I'm looking forward to your book Sky. Although I am not transgender, I enjoy your story and the way you tell it. With honesty. And of course, your strength and the huge example you are to others on their journeys. Thank you for stepping up and being who you are. On a funny note, I asked my sister what bathroom people should use in this small town where the local theater changed its' name to Trans Texas! Not making light of a serious issue, just figured it fit that day!
Very important video.
I wanted to let you know that thanks to your inspiration of being out and proud I've finally started dating someone. They are very special to me and I hope to share more with you about them and how we met and such in the future. I'll be making videos about me and them. I don't want to say much about them right now because it's still new but in pertaining to this video. They accepted me for who I am transgendered and all from the start. They accepted and stood up for me in places that make me feel safe with them at my side. I have you to thank for making your videos like this one in support of others around the world. I may not be a youth but your a great inspiration and role model to me. Please be safe happy and keep up your amazing life.
I love Tegan and Sara!
I like the stalls in the girl's bathroom because of the privacy and they're always cleaner. But I prefer the men's room. Or just waiting til I get home
thank you
And yes I hate the bathroom issues too I had security called on my before
i really admire you man, like as a pretty non-passing transmasc person of color i steer clear of public bathrooms as much as i can and i genuinely fear public bathrooms, but this made me feel like there is some hope out there. trans kids matter and we just want to feel safe. i hope there will come a day when cis people will stop this ridiculousness and let trans kids exist.
Thanks for this video Skylar! I am gender fluid and was stopped while entering the female bathroom while on a cruise. All that came out of my mouth was "Boobs". The lady blamed not having her contacts in, so she couldn't see exactly. I've been stopped quite a few times now. So frustrating, and I avoid public bathrooms as much as I can. I really appreciate you making this video! =)
I appreciate you posting this video. I just started hormones (testosterone) and I am very nervous about eventually using the men's room. I'm not sure what I will do, all I hope is that there will be stalls in the mens room and that no one goes in there too much and that I'll be able to pass better. But it will still make me nervous about any harassment I may get, but I love this video. Thank you.
This happens to me every time I use a public bathroom. I'm not trans, just an androgynous 34 year old gay girl. I never use the men's. When I get confronted (10% of the time) or stared at (90% of the time) I just smile and act like everything is ok. But it kills me a little bit. Just avoid public toilets all together 🤓
Worcester palladium! i saw Underoath there in 2008 xD lol so long ago.
that bathroom scenario is ridiculous, ugh, ppl are jerks. you should write Tegan & Sara about this story. maybe its changed since 2008..? do u think it was that much different back then..? thats crazy. like even if u were more masculine looking, ur a smaller guy, not super threatening especially if ur with a friend whos a girl in the girls bathroom.
wow "its not about the bathrooms, its about being able to exist in this world", i love that.
Great video.
on another note: I mean come on, 50% don't wash their hands? Come on yo it's just basic hygiene!
I don't see myself as an androgynous person but to many I am. It is so hard for me to use the bathroom. I honestly have to make so many observations just to figure out when is the best time to use the restroom. It shouldn't be so difficult and cause so much anxiety for anyone just to go take care of business.
I’m still like 13 and I’m a girl and I’m ftm and i look nothing like a girl at all and when I started going in the men’s bathroom a month or two ago there was a big sigh of relief I could use the bathroom again. I have tought myself to hold if for over 12 hours from not being able to use one in public and school. But it is always weird because I’m used to people staring at me and whispering to them self’s and every time I go in the bathroom I wonder why people aren’t people staring I’m just so use to being stared at I can’t get over it
my hearttttttttt
That bit about most men not washing their hands is so true. It's disgusting!
It's why I never want to shake hands when I meet a man. Sorry- not sorry! >.
Hi Sky ❤
I'm MtF Transfeminine, and I feel this video on a deep level. I'm not passable enough yet to use the lady's, but I also get yelled at for using the men's or, at least, men look around to make sure they're in the right place. They don't wash their hands because they're gross. I don't wash mine, because I'm too busy running out of there before I am screamed at for using the bathroom transphobes want me to use in the first place. But, in reality, they don't want me to use a public restroom, let alone be in public to begin with.
It would sure be helpful if more single toilet restrooms were available.This helps people with disabilities, nursing mothers and families with small children as well as trans identifying ppl.
@@Gingerblaze For sure. As a disabled person, I totally get that. I'm post-transition now and don't have a problem using public restrooms but it's still scary considering the current climate. I feel we should shift towards more inclusive mult-stall public restrooms as well but some days, when I'm having a bad voice day or my outfit is more androgynous, it would be nice to have the option of a gender neutral, single toilet bathroom would be great.
Men's rooms I find to sometimes be absolutely disgusting, and I'm not sure if it's neater on the other side (in my adult life, I've only been a lady's room once, and it was dorm lobby where my friend needed a pain relief pill and couldn't leave her post at the security desk). In the standing vs. sitting divide, I usually sit when I pee. Standing up, it feels like my bladder is less likely to flow out, and even less likely when at a place so exposed as a urinal. I aim down, and hold the rest of my junk up so that it doesn't get splashed by the toilet water, a piece of TP on each side of the seat. But it can still be disgusting. When you walk in there and the toilet isn't flushed. When there's urine clearly on the front edge of the seat. When it's on the seat.... Ew. Last weekend, I had to use a stall at the Prudential center (and there's a line inside the restroom). About 65% of the floor around the toilet (handicapped stall) was wet, and I didn't want to know if it was water or not. I kick the seat up with my foot (I've gotten used to flushing public toilets with the toe of my shoe), and fortunately my bladder was fine with me going standing up. The tricky thing was that it was like playing a game of Horse (the basketball game) when it came to aim, control, and pressure. The closest dry spot surrounding the toilet was about a foot away, and BESIDE the toilet. It was like trying to get a basket from the corner of the court. It was so awkward. Done, kick the flusher, unlock the door, and wash hands. Then (and this is sort of OCD), but whenever I use that restroom, I open the door using the steel frame of the maintenance checklist. Seeing how often men don't wash their hands, I don't want to grab the handle (and it's a heavy door).
The fact it was at a Tegan and Sarah concert is a coincidence; it's the venue that is sending that security in. ;) Tegan and Sarah have no control over it.
I'm very androgynous with a short haircut and every time I walk into a woman's bathroom I feel out of place because I often get weird looks or over hear kids asking their mums what that man's doing in the bathroom. Lots of people assume I'm male in everyday life and I wish they wouldn't.
Hairy armpits 👌🏼🙃 and the "i peed everywhere" lol
👏👏👏👏👏👏💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛. You give hope.
I love this video. It made me feel better and gave me a chunk of hope. A chunk of hope I very much needed. I myself am also a trans man but, I'm sadly unaccepted and this makes me feel a bit better.
I'm a closeted ftm and I look pretty androgynes and I kid u not, the same thing happened to me 3 years ago in a restaurant bathroom.. haven't used the women's room ( or any public bathroom for that matter) since then.. unless I'm with my cousin nick.. it's weird to think I'm so terrified to do something that literally everyone does
Honestly that would have freaked me out so bad haha, I would have felt decently happy to have passed so well that someone called me out on it tho... at a tegan and sara concert of all placesXD
Can definitly relate. When i was a little trans youth before i even knew what trans was, i wore big baggy clothes. Particularly around my chest. I went to use the bathroom at a store and a women yelled at me saying "you cant come in here" i said im using the bathroom. she shoved me hard pushing my chest out the halfway opened door. She screamed "get out"! I never understood what i did wrong, i didnt know what trans was. I was a 12-13 year old kid dressing to try to be comfortable in my skin. Now i know i was trans, but i never forgot how scary just using the bathroom could be.
I deal with this everyday at work ): it's awful bexcuse I feel awkward going into the womans bathroom because of all the comments I always get it. I try to avoid public bathrooms at all costs. Unless they have a family bathroom or unisex bath room people don't realize how big of an issue it is until they have to go through it themselves or they see someone they care and love go through it.
same observations concerning men washing their hands ... or rather not washing their hands...
That's why I use a paper towle to open the bathroom door.
Gotta love the Worcester Palladium, tiny, hot, awful and beautiful at the same time
I've been struggling with going to the bathroom in public for 3 years now. I've always identified myself as cis male, but I just don't know anymore, and using the bathroom is always a struggle for me, so I only go when I really need to but I haven't gone once for 6 months now, so...
yes this has happen to me and it wasn't fun and I had no clue what say but it has never happen to me in the mens room but I do understand about the stalls in men rooms, it's a pain in the butt.
before I was out as trans masc, I used the women's bathroom at an LGBTQ+ party of all places. There was a huge line and at one point, I heard a security guard calling me out of the line! Everyone in the line supported me and I stayed in the line, it was completely ridiculous.
Sorry you went through that non-sense.
You would think that in that particular environment, would be the last place to experience that situation.
You talking about peeing, reminded me of using a restroom on a cross country Greyhound bus.
Talk about peeing everywhere, going 80 mph and trying to pee. :-)
Is that ok that i can't stop laughing?? XDDD
btw. i love you nose
I did the same exact thing
Thanks for standing for us. I stand with you all too. I am thankful for my friends who took me to the men's when I was so anxiety ridden to go in yet in absolute desperation to pee. I am fortunate enough to 'pass' and always use the men's so long as there is a stall. However, I am still constantly worried when I pee it sounds not like a cis man peeing or the fact that if they can see my feet they'll know I'm sitting not standing and peeing or they'll hear me getting toilet paper after peeing or the stall door when the lock doesn't work will be busted open despite me peeing whilst holding it. I hate the judgemental looks when I use the disabled/all access toilets because I just look like a young entitled kid using a space meant for other people. But Im one of the lucky ones I don't forget that.
As a cis man, I can say that I don't pay the slightest bit of attention to what men are doing in the stalls. It's not like I'm going in there to conduct espionage; I'm there to pee too.
Is it a thing in America to have gendered bathrooms? I live in Europe and I've rarely come across them anywhere but in airports and older public buildings. Never in any of my prior schools or workplaces
HedwigExploded Yup. Most public places have a women's bathroom and a men's bathroom, but every now and then they're neutral.
Thank u for sharing this story it is quite scary and distressing for trans ppl and non binary ppl.
We should use the toilet we feel comfortable not the one we seem more passable in
I stand with you, and all Trans people.
I get so nervous going into women's bathrooms when I'm presenting very masculine because I get scared women will be uncomfortable with me there. I don't pass well enough to go in the men's room though.
At school I have to use the disabled toilets because I would get yelled at in the women's bathroom and the stalls in the men's aren't clean enough to be able to sit on the seats. The other thing is that neither disabled or men's has a place where I can dispose of my pads. Like why is there no where in the disabled toilets, that doesn't make much sense.
you shouldn't sit on the seats of bathrooms at all.. especially if a lot of people use them
I'm so sorry. The toilet police need to be reined in. It's no one's business who's peeing in the next stall or at the next urinal.