The Only Three Things a Woman Can Expect from a Man - Trevor Noah Presents: Josh Johnson #(Hashtag)

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  • Опубликовано: 1 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 996

  • @mis7289
    @mis7289 3 года назад +6465

    I am obsessed with how Josh Johnson looks different every time. Some days we get hobo, other days we get gentleman, today he is the 6th member of the Jackson 5

  • @ryynerwicked2762
    @ryynerwicked2762 3 года назад +5029

    This ain't even a joke its just highly accurate

  • @Djwunmoshen
    @Djwunmoshen 3 года назад +5006

    Josh looks like a forgotten Jackson........ like he was the one who choreographed all the dance moves but sat in the back ground.

    • @ghbvc
      @ghbvc 3 года назад +112

      Damn bro why did you have to do him like that 😂😂😂

    • @chelleholmes1012
      @chelleholmes1012 3 года назад +24

      I agree 😂😍

    • @specialwhenlit8435
      @specialwhenlit8435 3 года назад +62

      The colloquial term for that is, "the blackground"

    • @spych0367
      @spych0367 3 года назад +23

      @@ghbvc his fault for wearing that sgt peppers bullshit

    • @vanessamillwood9710
      @vanessamillwood9710 3 года назад +2

      😂😂😂😂

  • @Vintage_geek
    @Vintage_geek 3 года назад +4047

    His delivery keeps improving... he'll be doing perfect deadpan soon. Really one of the best young comedians we are seeing evolve right now.

    • @jessm9520
      @jessm9520 3 года назад +1

      💯

    • @anastasiavasilyeva5116
      @anastasiavasilyeva5116 3 года назад +2

      who are some of the other ones?

    • @Vintage_geek
      @Vintage_geek 3 года назад +31

      @@anastasiavasilyeva5116 The one on top at this moment, for me, is Bo Burnham, but he's not really a stand up comedian. Sam Morrill and Mark Normand come to mind.

    • @ungoyone
      @ungoyone 3 года назад +1

      This is deadpan?

    • @Vintage_geek
      @Vintage_geek 3 года назад +6

      @@ungoyone He's getting there, i think.

  • @AMactor
    @AMactor 3 года назад +4593

    Give
    Josh
    Johnson
    A
    Netflix
    Stand up
    Special

    • @Grahh777
      @Grahh777 3 года назад +30

      Already!

    • @sobegurl18
      @sobegurl18 3 года назад +26

      Yes! Would 100% watch!

    • @leobustos740
      @leobustos740 3 года назад +12

      jesus PUHLEASE

    • @Ceares
      @Ceares 3 года назад +8

      yes! have watch two clips and hell, yes!

    • @zyloe2585
      @zyloe2585 3 года назад +2

      Ya plz

  • @javierluna5235
    @javierluna5235 3 года назад +2816

    This dude gets funnier every time

  • @DanGolag
    @DanGolag 3 года назад +492

    The way he delivers "I hate that for you", my god.

  • @TheGuniverse2k
    @TheGuniverse2k 3 года назад +892

    This was actually a college lecture.

  • @co0ki3M0NstAr
    @co0ki3M0NstAr 3 года назад +892

    When he said make a mold and leave I screamed laughing 🤣🤣 "no one ever says my dildo forgot my birthday" 🤣🤣🤣 FACTs

    • @navi3430
      @navi3430 3 года назад +19

      I WHEEZED WHEN HE SAID THAT 😂😂😂

    • @cockeyedoptimista
      @cockeyedoptimista Год назад +2

      Yeah, that part really broke me up, the dildo and the birthday.

  • @LeesaDeAndrea
    @LeesaDeAndrea 3 года назад +1799

    Worse than ending up with a one, is ending up with a zero.

    • @elliecee8114
      @elliecee8114 3 года назад +40

      This is completely untrue.

    • @juicychips
      @juicychips 3 года назад +141

      you could get a negative

    • @bebopman5
      @bebopman5 3 года назад +74

      Seemingly, ending up with all 3 is a death sentence, so it's really diminishing returns.

    • @beatrizdelaportilla988
      @beatrizdelaportilla988 3 года назад +112

      Sometimes you can even get with a two, and after a couple of years, they've diminished to a zero

    • @coachtouden
      @coachtouden 3 года назад +85

      Yes but this is why so many folk end up miserable in a relationship because they would rather have someone than no one. That's a recipe for disaster.

  • @vawkie
    @vawkie 3 года назад +420

    "you have a great job?" had me BURSTING with laughter good lord

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops 3 года назад +21

      Best part about this that it still leaves uncertainty about which of the three he lacks.

  • @NicoleKada
    @NicoleKada 3 года назад +1220

    It’s only a little scary how accurate this is. Also, I can’t decide on my 2 lmao

    • @carmagurl317
      @carmagurl317 3 года назад +25

      Same girl !

    • @100kOsiel91
      @100kOsiel91 3 года назад +5

      😂

    • @carmagurl317
      @carmagurl317 3 года назад +7

      @Mass Debater Your user name suggests not ! KIDDING KIDDING ! 😜

    • @taraloker6045
      @taraloker6045 3 года назад +31

      It's a tough choice no matter how you spin it, but I believe he's right. 😂

    • @LisaEverette
      @LisaEverette 3 года назад +2

      Same

  • @jbmp1390
    @jbmp1390 3 года назад +427

    My boy Josh not even telling jokes in this one. He's just speaking FACTS.

    • @MissJoy16
      @MissJoy16 Год назад +3

      This is a secular sermon if I've ever heard one

  • @alex_dragon
    @alex_dragon 2 года назад +96

    He has grown so much in his confidence. He never really struggled with it, but you can really see him coming into his own here and truly savoring those moments.

  • @samuelyoung1236
    @samuelyoung1236 3 года назад +784

    I would pay money for a stand up special I hope he writes more great jokes. He’s going places!

    • @aisherwasher6959
      @aisherwasher6959 3 года назад +9

      He performed a great set in my college town. Hilarious and worth every penny!

    • @christihester7234
      @christihester7234 3 года назад +11

      He just posted a list of upcoming live shows on his Instagram! Very affordable tickets.

    • @19581958bostonguy
      @19581958bostonguy 3 года назад +5

      He is currently a writer on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

  • @sarahfoley2746
    @sarahfoley2746 3 года назад +654

    This dude is hilarious 🤣 I will forever use the 1, 2 or 3 system now 👏👏👏

    • @humanity9158
      @humanity9158 3 года назад +9

      Hahahhaah....me too...I really have learnt this...Ooh My God!!!

    • @Sarachouska
      @Sarachouska 3 года назад +1

      I guess you can also pick one and lower your standard in the 2 others

    • @emilyraley9410
      @emilyraley9410 Год назад

      Never choose just 1 , 3 is near impossible, you have to choose 2

  • @auspicioustoot
    @auspicioustoot 3 года назад +944

    He’s dressed like he’s ready for African Mortal Kombat.

  • @Kbigwayne
    @Kbigwayne 3 года назад +397

    He’s Honestly the goat 🐐…can’t wait for his special, movies, etc

    • @alexandercanella4479
      @alexandercanella4479 3 года назад +8

      GOAT is losing his meaning.

    • @alexandercanella4479
      @alexandercanella4479 3 года назад +2

      its*

    • @clumsiii
      @clumsiii 3 года назад +1

      His delivery has always been there and now? Now he's sitting on a stool w one leg (*foot goddammit i meant foot ** just looks like he has more attitude now.. like that's some Ali Siddiq stance idk) on the floor? He's gonna be lifer and we will remember these early years

    • @malcolmexxx2109
      @malcolmexxx2109 3 года назад +2

      yea definitely not the “goat” but an incredibly poised comic.

    • @nickpagano7134
      @nickpagano7134 3 года назад +1

      Lol @ the goat

  • @alianofann
    @alianofann 3 года назад +365

    Thank you. Finally, after many years of frustration having to talk to all of my girl-friends about this, now I know exactly how to explain to them.

    • @youtubename7819
      @youtubename7819 3 года назад +28

      I’m one of the upset ones. Noooooo...it’s not fair women have to be all three....noooooo.

    • @kaddiloc1
      @kaddiloc1 3 года назад +10

      @@youtubename7819 except women aren't all 3 either lol

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops 3 года назад +30

      @@youtubename7819 I think you underestimate how demanding women are. A lot of women want some idealized guy that is goldilocks just right for her. Basically it goes both ways. People just idealize romantic relationship and put unrealistic expectations on their partner (and themselves) until they learn from experience that nobody's perfect and if someone has to completely adapt to their partners desires it would obliterate the personality they had that attracted them in the first place.
      One of my exes literally wanted me to be polar opposite things at the same time. She wanted a sensitive tough guy, who was independent but listened to her, had ambitions but also wanted to spend lots of time together. I'm like are you sure you want a monogamous relationship, cause it sounds like you want 3 different guys intermitently and I'm stuck every time trying to guess which I'm supposed to be at any given moment. A big part of learning how to have a healthy relationship is learning the boundaries of adaptation. It's great to try and make eachother happy, and there will always have to be some compromises. But if you don't draw the line somewhere, then one day you're gonna wake up staring in the mirror like you just came off a rollercoaster, thinking "What was I like again, before all this started?"
      So in the end you gotta love yourself enough to say "Of course I'll sincerely try my best, but if that's not good enough for you then that's just as far as we can go."

    • @youtubename7819
      @youtubename7819 3 года назад +5

      @@NLTops ahhahahahahah the ten pounds of salt you have provided me will last me months, thank you so much!

    • @NLTops
      @NLTops 3 года назад +3

      ​@@youtubename7819 Lol nah just making a point. What's with this overreaction? :P

  • @nikkievans5285
    @nikkievans5285 3 года назад +209

    my god! where was he 6 years ago...he summed up my ex so well. would have saved me a lot of time. Friend box checked!

    • @alexandercanella4479
      @alexandercanella4479 3 года назад +10

      6 years ago? I believe he was working on a farm and having mental breakdowns.

  • @gabsnarwhal4687
    @gabsnarwhal4687 3 года назад +213

    his pacing is always SO good. love his stand up. fantastic

  • @shannonwilliams2777
    @shannonwilliams2777 3 года назад +130

    I screamed at the part when he said "Nobody puts their vibrator back in the drawer and says, "He forgot my birthday" "

  • @bluebutterfly5684
    @bluebutterfly5684 3 года назад +117

    The accuracy. Having this perfectly summed up advice would have saved me a lot of time.

  • @RamonLopez-tp7hi
    @RamonLopez-tp7hi 3 года назад +198

    Every time I see this dude his outfit gets more and more eccentric

  • @flamingsword7341
    @flamingsword7341 3 года назад +92

    Bruh when he said he didn’t know which two he was I was relieved cuz the whole time I was watching I was tryna figure out which two I was

    • @tomdavies9662
      @tomdavies9662 Месяц назад

      I'm not sure i have even one. I like to think i maybe have 1 but the evidence is against me.
      Regards from a Tom :)

  • @missclayman5180
    @missclayman5180 3 года назад +64

    My friend, who is happily engaged, is listening in and when he said the three things she went “…true.” LOL

  • @miapdx503
    @miapdx503 3 года назад +99

    I just need to take a minute and say...his natural and his outfit are straight fire.😏
    At 4:35...that smile was everything...🌺

  • @PlanetMint
    @PlanetMint 3 года назад +86

    The Set? Killed! The Outfit? Dripped!

  • @karikasumi888
    @karikasumi888 3 года назад +14

    'I hate it for you. I really do. Sincerely.' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @Jesse__H
    @Jesse__H 3 года назад +84

    This is oldschool Josh Johnson. That hair is 🔥

  • @Chuckknotts2000
    @Chuckknotts2000 3 года назад +133

    Man, teenage Michael Jackson's pretty funny.

    • @kguerr197
      @kguerr197 3 года назад +5

      Except he's 29 yrs. old. Proceed to be shocked.

  • @Iamrightyouarewrong
    @Iamrightyouarewrong 3 года назад +142

    He's F-ing Hilarious.

  • @SCSilk
    @SCSilk 3 года назад +79

    I love this man. I set an alarm for this special.

  • @preciousbrown7962
    @preciousbrown7962 3 года назад +35

    Brilliant! I’ve never heard him do a bad set tbh. This man has me in tears 😭

  • @landenwest8114
    @landenwest8114 3 года назад +95

    I love Josh johnson wish he had more comedy posted need more childhood craigslist stories

    • @bennief2038
      @bennief2038 3 года назад

      Check out his podcast. It's a great JJ fix

  • @sechabatheletsane9784
    @sechabatheletsane9784 3 года назад +45

    I'm not kidding when I say he's one of only 2 comedians that got me hollering at my phone😂😂😂

    • @ThatRedhedd
      @ThatRedhedd 5 месяцев назад

      Who was the other one?

  • @xaviermccreary4670
    @xaviermccreary4670 3 года назад +62

    He needs to do more stand up💯💯💯💯💯💯

  • @Mikeyc2k6
    @Mikeyc2k6 3 года назад +51

    This guy smashes it EVERY TIME! Looking forward to his future moves, man. I wish him luck

  • @danyellerobinson5940
    @danyellerobinson5940 3 года назад +46

    This kid is always hilarious and right on point.

  • @gamagoori
    @gamagoori 3 года назад +29

    the "noooo" pout was so fucking funny and kind of cute

  • @xpogosam9690
    @xpogosam9690 3 года назад +30

    This is one of the best bits I’ve seen all year

  • @nemesisbreakz
    @nemesisbreakz 3 года назад +121

    Ted Bundy reference got me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @goregoyles
    @goregoyles 3 года назад +74

    he has friends

  • @elizabethsampson2794
    @elizabethsampson2794 3 года назад +10

    The structure of the jokes and the delivery is just so so good.

  • @Barbarossa-heir
    @Barbarossa-heir 2 года назад +5

    He is natural and deep , i re-watched this sequence like more than six times and still discover new subtle details

  • @senayrogers
    @senayrogers Год назад +2

    This man just opened my eyes.
    Glad he popped up in my suggestions. What a gem!

  • @laerica3362
    @laerica3362 Год назад +4

    I think about this joke once everyday. Genius!

  • @glendawells6778
    @glendawells6778 3 года назад +29

    I fell in love with him when he said I don't know which two I am

  • @tessfromtheu.s256
    @tessfromtheu.s256 3 года назад +45

    Best advice I ever heard in my life I can't breath 🤣🤣🤣 and send to all my friends. Good D, good person. I got the rest! Yes preach!!!!

  • @AK-jt7kh
    @AK-jt7kh 3 года назад +15

    I wish I heard this in my early 20s. This is some spot on life advice.

  • @THMILLER
    @THMILLER 3 года назад +23

    🤣 yep! Let the 1's go ladies.

  • @archibaldthejester42069
    @archibaldthejester42069 3 года назад +16

    YES! MORE JOSH JOHNSON

  • @Sofia-xy4me
    @Sofia-xy4me 3 года назад +9

    He's unlike any comedian I've ever seen, he's an actor, the way he narrates the story, the pauses, his delivery is incredible, I'm speechless

  • @sewilotrio
    @sewilotrio 3 года назад +27

    Who wouldn't appreciate an hour an a half stand up special? i am waiting patiently, but just so you know, put it out on your website on your youtube or whereever you want, i am going to watch the hell out of it

  • @galaxylucia1898
    @galaxylucia1898 3 года назад +7

    I could listen to him talk all day! 😂😂😂He really is becoming better with each year. Wish him all the best in life and I will support him at a live show if he’s ever local.

  • @growingindividuals9604
    @growingindividuals9604 3 года назад +10

    I have been waiting an entire year for another one of his specials

  • @laurenl3474
    @laurenl3474 3 года назад +27

    I love him!

    • @champ1159
      @champ1159 3 года назад +2

      Me too!

    • @laurenl3474
      @laurenl3474 3 года назад

      @@champ1159 sir, get off of your own videos 😂

  • @ninajavier2534
    @ninajavier2534 2 года назад +11

    A good person with good equipment sounds like a himbo and I'd be okay with that

  • @MHO999999
    @MHO999999 3 года назад +96

    This sounds like a mixture of Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle, probably influenced by both.

    • @ungoyone
      @ungoyone 3 года назад +11

      If you're a comedian that hasn't been influenced by both of those guys... I don't know if I wanna hear what you got to say haha.

    • @MHO999999
      @MHO999999 3 года назад +2

      @@ungoyone Of course artists influence one another. I just wish I couldn't see the influence in his voice, delivery and attitude. Every artist needs to find their own voice, eventually.

    • @beonka84
      @beonka84 3 года назад +5

      I was getting Donald Glover vibes, but I see what you mean 😂

    • @fatherofizynzay248
      @fatherofizynzay248 3 года назад +1

      I want him to do a skit called young Paul Mooney

  • @losso6418
    @losso6418 3 года назад +40

    Now that’s how you tell a good joke 😂

  • @joshdarren8554
    @joshdarren8554 3 года назад +34

    "and if he has one, leave" *me with nothing*

  • @Highpriestess_888
    @Highpriestess_888 3 года назад +12

    Bruh I been waiting for another video of this guy to drop. Love him💘💘💘

  • @lonitoyosi8006
    @lonitoyosi8006 3 года назад +58

    He adopted a Chappelle storytelling stance in this

    • @thelostcosmonaut5555
      @thelostcosmonaut5555 3 года назад +8

      Seems like he took some pointers on delivery from Dave as well.

  • @ladykatnip7698
    @ladykatnip7698 2 года назад +2

    This is one of my favorite comedy specials.

  • @carlofine3037
    @carlofine3037 3 года назад +11

    I think Josh is easily the best of the newer generation. His story telling is amazing, his punchlines always hit, his delivery is flawless, I feel like I know him and he is incredibly likable/relatable. Someone like marc normand is likable and has good punchlines but his stories aren’t as personal and I feel disconnected from. Sculz doesn’t have as good punchlines, sam moril isn’t as likable or relatable and so on. Josh doesn’t abuse the one liner and has the perfect balance in how long his jokes go. Super talented guy that I think is hugely underrated.

  • @thestormlscoming
    @thestormlscoming 3 года назад +7

    He really just gets better and better. This is so true

  • @Peppermon22
    @Peppermon22 3 года назад +5

    Been thinking about this all week. It’s actually so true.

  • @fulltruth
    @fulltruth 3 года назад +16

    You're the best, Josh! Keep it weird!

  • @champ1159
    @champ1159 3 года назад +8

    I love this guy!

  • @rinrocha9342
    @rinrocha9342 3 года назад +12

    As an asexual I think the choice between the two things in a guy should be easy 😂😂

  • @cupcakesimulation
    @cupcakesimulation 3 года назад +10

    As an Ace, all I need are the last two and I'm good.

  • @sharebeartay
    @sharebeartay 3 года назад +6

    This made me reevaluate my past relationships...most of these guys didn't even have one!

  • @2Thessalonians1_7
    @2Thessalonians1_7 3 года назад +18

    That Ted Bundy stuff is gold

  • @matthewwilson3305
    @matthewwilson3305 2 года назад +2

    Epic. Insightful and brilliant

  • @JustMeJH
    @JustMeJH 3 года назад +7

    He is so freakin funny! Witty and well paced jokes.

  • @evylange2888
    @evylange2888 2 года назад +1

    2:55 had me ON THE FLOOR I got noise complaints from my neighbors

  • @gabycaramanli
    @gabycaramanli 3 года назад +4

    This guy is going places, he's got it all. Looking forward the Netflix Special. x

  • @ChinaDoll305
    @ChinaDoll305 3 года назад +2

    His delivery is Everything!

  • @lexic.7942
    @lexic.7942 2 года назад +3

    I effing love Josh ❤️ 😍 💖

  • @ericgaudette4309
    @ericgaudette4309 3 года назад +22

    This is the weirdest Power Ranger I've ever seen but he's funny!

  • @bagjuicemami
    @bagjuicemami 3 года назад +6

    He’s funnier each time I see him, love it ❤️

  • @siberiaswan4060
    @siberiaswan4060 3 года назад +14

    This rule is about to save me a ton of headache and heart break because it's all making WAY too much sense rn...

  • @nicola-5551
    @nicola-5551 3 года назад +3

    I didn't know I needed this...So funny🤣🤣 Thank you YT algorithm.

  • @d.t.6072
    @d.t.6072 Год назад +2

    I thought he was going for original Michael Jackson when I saw the thumbnail picture.
    Wish we had specials with him that were longer, because he definitely has a lot of talent.
    Even Trevor Noah saw it in him. 😁

  • @zydhas2838
    @zydhas2838 2 года назад +6

    As a psychopath, I gotta say the part about all 3 is pretty damn spot on.

  • @javierelizalde4653
    @javierelizalde4653 2 года назад +1

    I really just had fun listening to this one.

  • @44RisingSun44
    @44RisingSun44 3 года назад +3

    The whole time I was thinking "idk which 2 I am" & then he said that lmao

  • @extinctparadise363
    @extinctparadise363 3 года назад +3

    This guy has got to be one of my favorite random finds on this channel. What a great comedian! 👏🏽👏🏽

  • @narcisoanasui246
    @narcisoanasui246 3 года назад +22

    This was more like a humorous Ted talk

  • @thulanintlabati825
    @thulanintlabati825 3 года назад +37

    I feel like him and Jaden Smith would be great friends. They're the wierd black kids Sam Jay spoke about in her Netflix special.

  • @TimpossibleOne
    @TimpossibleOne Год назад +3

    Josh has all of these "friends", that means he's a good person.

  • @lakehurley3066
    @lakehurley3066 2 года назад +2

    Good comedy is truth in disguise, and Josh Johnson has a different disguise everytime.

  • @addie1496
    @addie1496 Год назад +8

    This bit has no fat on it. Everything serves a purpose, every caveat is strategically placed. I've re-watched multiple times. Genius.

  • @LaineeDeats
    @LaineeDeats 26 дней назад

    I am obsessed! One of my fav “new” comedians!

  • @brianacherry776
    @brianacherry776 3 года назад +4

    This guy is pure gold man 😂

  • @bennui42
    @bennui42 3 года назад +3

    Best advice ever. Wish I knew this sooner... I'm telling both my nieces this valuable information!

  • @1feloniouspunk
    @1feloniouspunk 3 года назад +4

    Dude!!! THIS ROCKED!!!!!

  • @BMDNERD
    @BMDNERD 3 года назад +10

    This gave me Paul Mooney vibes.

  • @ChristopherPausz
    @ChristopherPausz 3 года назад +3

    This guy has improved so much. Great set!

  • @neosoulove
    @neosoulove 5 месяцев назад +1

    This needs way more views