That, and please don’t trash talk the other parent, then retort with “you’re just like your (other parent)” when you’re angry. Because that “selfish son of a bitch that isn’t worth shit” is now what you just called your child.
My mom aften does this. She tells me :you used to be nice but then you grew up and decided to act only on your rebel hormones and also "this way you are going to end up like your brother (who may i say is fine but doesnt talk to my mum). I can conclude this is a bad thing to do. 0/10 would not recomend going through.
As a parent, I watched this and realized I do some of these things. I’m going to need to make some daily reminders. It’s hard knowing how to be a good parent, especially when I didn’t have good parents to learn that from. But, I’m trying and learning, and at least admitting to my kid when I mess up. Anyway, time to go make those notes.
A couple more I'd add to the list: don't be excessively strict with your children, strict parents create good liars or create learned helplessness. Also, don't blame the child for any problems between the parents. Whether it's the child's fault or not, it's so unfair to the child. The parents are adults, if they're letting problems with the child get between them, that's their issue to sort out, not the child's responsibility.
i really agree with you here. i grew up with neglectful parents who read a book then became helicopter parents. im not even allowed to have youtube yet here i am. they made me long for attention, but they took it too far. they made me a excellent liar, which often makes me feel guilty and lying is honestly my first instinct is too lie. my parents arent the only one to blame but they could’ve done a better job.
@@KENI42 Yes, parents really need to be taught to choose their battles. If you want truthfulness, you can't then punish the truth even if it was something bad. You have to let one or the other slide so the child can feel comfortable owning up to something bad they did. We all mess up. There isn't a single parent who can claim they never messed up because to err is human. Actually, this goes for any relationship. I hope you can eventually improve your relationship with yourself and your parents.
@@Chrysaetos3 grew up with helicopter and mild narcissist mother, my dad didn't know because she was hiding it until when he's gone. Now I can see her true nature, I remember breaking her to nuts and got kicked out of the house. Was it that bad? No, totally worth it and I wish to live myself and learn more about life and having decent life. Oh probably going with wealthy as well since I'm a huge fan of singing, writing light novel and wanting to become an voice actor. My mom can suffer the financial all by herself and her golden children, even though I still live under her roof which is annoying lol (not kidding though I went back to her house and she's probably guilty all of that but I don't find it guilty if she isn't truly sorry for her behavior. If she is and sending me with tons of bullshit stuff, then I am completely sorry) This is lesson whether you want to break your parents mind or not. I'm actually an super empath so of course it's easy for me to break someone's mind (for narcissistic people)
Being parent is a lot like doing art you don’t need a degree to be considered professional just like you don’t need a kid of your own to know how to treat them
@@asomeoneperson4608 most parent treat their kids how their parents treated them, and most Children end up raised by a single parent in the home mostly a woman, so you can do all the things right but still missing the other part.
As an older sibling who had to take care of her sibling frequently, I can't help agreeing with this. Im something of a middle child between my older surrogate sisters and my younger sibling. Expecting "big" siblings to take care of their younger siblings when they're not ready for it causes a sense of responsibility for another's life that is something a 10-14 year old older sibling shouldn't have pushed on them until they're ready to instead of when the parents decide the kid is "mature" enough for it.
Seeing that my parents followed all these rules make me so much more grateful for my childhood. I hope that anyone out there whose parents doesn't follow one or more of these rules will realize what they are doing and make up for it. ❤
Lucky ducky...i wish my parents had the time to hang out with me. The only time we actually have fun together is when my dad takes my mom and i out to dinner or when we go to the theatre. I'm always at home listening to depressing music and starving myself because i really don't wanna eat. I complain about it and my mom be like, "WE ARE NOT! WE'RE DOING ALL THIS FOR YOU!" ok i see that. My point is WE NEVER EVER and i mean EVER hang out together in like this invisible dark shadow. They wonder why I'm always grumpy around them. I feel like i was so much happier when my bff was around. She moved away when we were 12 I'm 17 now. No one else makes me happy like she did. She always took me far FAR away from them so we could talk about everything and get a coffee.
@@Killua_Zoldyck3407 I feel so bad for you... That is probably the worst thing a child can go through. I hope you one day will be able to make then understand what they did. Until then, imagine I'm giving you a hug each time you're sad.
As an adult child of emotionally immature parents, you have focused on so many helpful topics. I never want to have my son experience what I did. Much love! ❤️
Another thing a parent should never do: Yell at their kid when their kid is trying to tell them about a problem that they're having. My mom did that to me while I was growing up, and it really messed up my self esteem. Now I don't feel comfortable telling anybody anything.
Im also 15. I lobe and hate my parents. They give me affection and advice. But that comes with no respect, no privacy. I feel so trapped. But i feel bad for complaining cus i dont have it bad
Hooray! My parents did all 7 of these things when I was a child. Now there’s no doubt in my mind as to why I have the mental health problems I do. Thanks!
going through my family traumas growing up taught me how to NOT raise my kids. No physical violence and unstructured time, and i treat them like humans
@@donaldoehl7690 Seconded. That works too. I've never understood why anyone would stand at the school gates sobbing because it's their "baby's" first day of school. Or final day of school. Or any other milestone!
One part that a parent shouldn’t do is to complain or vent at their kids whenever something bad has already happened and that it’s not their kids problem
My mother still does some of these even now after years and it's the main reason I'm not as close to her as my sister is - another thing that has an impact is not letting go when they make mistakes, she still brings up things from over a decade ago and it's frustrating even in my late 20s to feel like I stopped developing in her eyes at the age of 14/15
Same I'm almost 18 yet in her eyes I'm still a kid who can't decide for themselves what they really want and needs to be looked after My parents control almost every aspect of my life and give me 0 privacy They decide what kind of clothes I'm allowed to wear What to do with my body or hair life ect It's very pressuring and annoying I can't wait to be able to move out hopefully soon
@Marty Gray the situation isn't like that Their controlling and abusive actually Ofc there is some level of respect that i keep but they also need to return that respect to some extant in simple basic ways like giving me a bit of privacy or not force their ideas and beliefs on me Like for example i wanna dye my hair or wear clothes such as a crop top The financial side of things is not the issue here And when punishing me they should actually try to communicate with me about the issue and not your standard "give me your phone" punishment Cause that's useless
THANK YOU!! I’m a older brother and my mother usually doesn’t have time to raise my sister, and if she does it, she only does everything incorrectly: like threatening her to hurt her, judging her appearance (Even tho she’s 3 y/o), etc…. So I try my best to “parent her” but is difficult since I’m always tired, but I really love this videos so I can learn how to raise my little sister
You are a great brother then! Wish you good luck, i hope that you and your family will overcome this and everything will be fine to your little sister, cuz she has a cool brother like you =)
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are a really good person and im proud of you (in case you dont hear that enough). Remember to take care of yourself.
Hey, Big Brother, from a baby sister-- you will be the most important person in her life for the rest of your lives. Not only big brother but raising her, too. Teaching her what's good, kissing her boo-boos. Steering her down a good path by setting a good example. You are EVERYTHING to her and bless you forever for being the wonderful, generous and loving brother you are. I'm 64 and was raised by my 3 much older sisters.
When I'm angry or stressed I go exercise. I go run at the park near my house or around my block. And I cry as I run and also when I lift my weights at home I cry a lot. When we're around people, especially as men, we hide our emotions we hold in the tears the pain because we have to be "men". Those emotions need to expressed not supressed. They happened for a reason, our eyes got watery for a reason. You're denying your body the chance to heal from a stressor. That's why I run and that's why I cry as well. I let it all out Then I feel peace. We all need healthy outlets to channel the negativity and disappointments in life. I tried for a long time to heal with alcohol, but I never healed it only made it worse. Healing is so important after a break up, after the loss of a loved one, dealing with childhood trauma or any serious traumatic event in your life. "Of all the battles a man can face, the war against himself is the hardest to win"
My mom meditates but just to assure herself that she isnt a bad person and that everyone around her is ungrateful. All her anger is channeled into me anyway(because im the older sibling, plus ive pointed out a few things she could improve here and there that she takes as personal attacks, while she does this literally once an hour minimum)
@@doom-driveneap4569 wow.. you lift weights while crying..? That's actually cool because if I did that... I would more crying because I accidently hurt myself in the process haha I agree with the toxic masc bs because men are humans too and the least that can anyone can do is provide a welcoming space
Easier said than done. It is very, very hard to do that, so the best thing to do is to deal with it and have empathy. The only thing you can change is yourself.
I am currently raising all four of my little siblings (I'm 13 😬) because my mom doesn't want us and my dad is too busy for us, and this is extremely helpful with what not do to with them. I don't want them to turn out like me.
My dad pointing out my acne: "Eww, why does your skin look like that?" "You used to have smooth skin before, you know." "You were so pretty when you were small but now look at you." "You waited until you got older to get ugly?" And then when I cry at the rude remarks he makes he responds with: "Can I not tell you anything now? Simone (my mom), I told her a little thing and she's crying. You've got nothing to cry about. Dry those tears, girl." OR "The real world is a cold place, you know. If you're ugly, people will publicly tell you about it." They (my mom does it too) say rude things about my skin but yet they won't buy me soaps and creams to treat the acne. You think water and bar soap is gonna make this go away? I've been doing that for two years, now!
It's also hormones, you are growing your skin is going to be a pain in the behind, but all I can recommend is if you can maybe get those products yourself with your money, it's an option, and I do know how expensive they are it's insane honestly we can't control this and yet we have to deal with the insults in your case its even at home some teens are just not as fortunate enough to have clear skin and I'm sorry you have to go through that. Just know there is nothing wrong with having acne, this really isn't your fault and I can see that you are trying your best with what you have especially with how you described your story. Wishing you all the best 🌼
0:37 Ignoring your child 0:57 Compare them to others 1:15 Invade their privacy 1:55 Be overly permissive (and overly strict, if I may add) 2:25 Be quick to point out their flaws 2:39 Ignore their mental health 2:55 Ignore your mental health
Another one: Say you have full right of controlling your offspring's life because you're the parent. It's not cool when your parents say, in a very "hidden" way that if they one day decided to kill you, it isn't wrong because "they gave life to you" Along the same line, going about s if your child owes you something because you raised them. That's not a favor, that's a responsibility. You can appreciate someone being responsible, but that doesn't mean you have to owe everything to that. And last one along these lines: Labeling yourself more important because you gave your child life and raised them. Again, you were the one that got the meat in the pot, not your child. Your child didn't ask you to have unprotected sex. You had your child, your responsibility is to be a good parent. And no "I do my best" isn't an excuse.
@@Reiblaster Ugh, that really sucks. Yeah, that's a reason why I don't do ANY sort of business or money related stuff with family, specially parents. If you want to waste money just borrow them some, then they will just take it as a payment to an evergrowing loan you're not expected to pay but still owe...
My parents were never like that. They encourage me, never ignore me, and are great parents. If I don’t do well on a test, they’ll comfort me, and help me to improve, so that I do better next time. They take me seriously, and would never dream of hurting me. I get bullied at school a lot, and even though I’m getting better at defending myself, I still cry sometimes. Yet they always make me feel better. I love them lots and will always love them
Another toxic behaviour that many parents have is trying to control your life or trying to manipulate you by saying things like "if you don't follow my advice or don't do what i say, you will be a failure and you will never achieve anything", as if you were still a kid.
The one about comparing your child is so relatable to most of my childhood. Every time I did something wrong my parents will compare me to my friends or other child , because of that I’ve been insecure a lot
Same and my mum said "Would you do that to your teachers!?" Like igcouse I wouldn't but I do it to you because you do it to me. Like I would get in trouble if I compared her to other parents so why is she aloud to?
First and foremost is making sure my little girl is happy. She has the freedom to explore things herself and if she needs help or advice I'll help her as best I can. She's 3 next week and is already gaining a fiercely independent spirit but that doesn't mean her bad behaviour is glossed over or that she can do anything and everything. I approach that calmly and firmly without raising my voice as that will only make her afraid and more likely to act aggressively in future. Not babying them and giving them space to explore things themselves (in my daughter's case, music and reading) goes a very long way to forming their personality and building the basis of who they will become when they are older. I'm learning all this as I go along but there's no greater joy or honor I could dream of than being her dad. It has changed me in so many ways that I never would have imagined possible if she wasn't in my life. Have a great new year folks!
I remember developing a weariness from all adults because most of the ones I came across were always hypocrites, they say they love you but you do one thing that they don't approve of and suddenly you are a terrible child. I've been working on it, but I still feel that most of the time.
I have grown up having experienced all of the things listed here, but taking care of my mental health and communicating these things with my mother has enabled her to do the same for herself, and BOTH of us have been able to forgive, seek forgiveness and collectively heal. So I would like to extend a bit of grace, forgiveness, and gratitude for all of the parents doing their best for their children, whose hearts are in the right place, even though mistakes may get made. Lets all, no matter our station, work at being kind and gracious to one another.
Your comment has been the most positive yet because if it wasn't for our parents we would not be here to complain about them or try to put them down. Thank you for the positivity I give you 10 👍🏿
@@jennifergarrett4574 I agree. But one of the hardest things I had to learn for myself, is that my parents were once children too. The more I grow, the more grace I have for them. They grew up a time where there weren't places like this, there wasn't so much available mental health care or information, or in some instances, none at all. In fact, the fact that we can collectively learn, grow (and complain) is in itself a blessing. A blessing that they, as children, did not have. Thank you for your kind and AMAZING response as well
One other thing about comparison issues: If you have a gifted child, *never* compare them to the ones you see on TV. Their gifts may be different, their weaknesses too. Just because they're gifted in an unconventional way, a gift is a gift nonetheless, and should be nurtured, not compared to others. And let us not forget, you can't predict the others' lives, just because they're on TV taking the spotlight, being apparently happy, doesn't mean that off the spotlight they are in a far worse situation than thought.
And don't compare them in general Being told "you're smart, it shouldn't have happend that way", "you should have succeeded this, you just didn't make any effort", "even the others can do it" makes the child think the meaning of gift is in german rather than in english (it means poison.) Sometimes I feel like it's more like a curse. You get a different way of thinking in a world that isn't adapted to it, way higher expectations, a harder time working and sometimes undiagnosed stuff like autism or ADHD...
“Ultimately, the greatest gift you can give your child regarding purpose is to be living a real purpose yourself, to be demonstrating a purpose yourself. In fact, all four of these things We have mentioned-Knowledge, wisdom, discernment and purpose-are best taught through demonstration. If a child grows up in an environment where his or her parents are engaged in real purposeful work, well, that is worth more than all the words in the world. That says more than words can convey.” *The New Message from God*
Well Donald Trump is a living example of what happens when your kids follow you and you're purpose. This message ain't from God because God knows all kids are not raised with both parents
As the youngest of 3 children, I’m male and one day I lost it, full blown rage in my early teens. I was bullied at school and had family members take their bad days out on me because it was considered “acceptable” as I was the youngest after I finished school and arrived home. I was ignored whenever I got upset or felt down and on the receiving ends of shouting and violence. it still haunts me to this day in my mid 30’s
"invade their privacy" Bruh, there's a thing called privacy and I want it respected. I also want to have social media but stupid parental controls exist and I'm literally 16, I don't need that anymore, I can put myself sleep and also be safe online and not download sketchy looking apps that could have a virus on it. And I also want a computer in my room but my dad won't allow me because he won't know what I would do on it, like, it's none of your business what I do on my electronics, so stay out of it "Ignore their mental health" Me with ADHD: *Can't focus on anything school related cuz I can never force myself to do that* My dad: *yells at me for not getting school work done* Me: *wants to go to my room and cry it out cuz I literally get distracted by nothingness* Other issues may include me not being able to be organized even though I want to, and I still get yelled at for barely doing anything to clean my room in an hour when I just lack motivation, literally nobody helps improve my mental health and how to cope with this disorder I never chose to have and it makes me miserable
I understand you bro hang in there. I'm trying to move out but lt's not easy and l don't have a job yet sadly to live on my own. it sucks and they're abusive af always controlling me 😔😖 l just wanna get out of here.
Another thing that is damaging for children especially older siblings is when your parents push every responsibility to the older one. I am 14 at the moment I feel like I have been raising my little brother for the past 5 years. In the beginning, it wasn't bad but as I got older it started getting worse. Now I have to make food for him, clean him up, help him with my studies and I also have another brother and they also tell me to help him study (he is 11). I also help my mum sometimes in the kitchen and cleaning the house. I also help my parents mostly with the documents since they don't know how to speak English much so I help them with it but sometimes it gets overwhelming for me. I also have my studies and they also expect high marks from me. I told them once that it's a bit too much for me but they always say that all older siblings do that. I get compared to others with my studies which hurts me a lot but they say it's nothing. I sometimes feel like I am a bad daughter to them. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi! I normally don't comment on anything, but this made me do it. I was an only child until I was 19, so I can't give you any advice based on my experience, but I've seen this happen with my cousins. Have you tried talking to another member of your family? Maybe (if they understand you) they can act as an intermediary without making it seem like you're complaining. Maybe even a teacher. I hope you're okay :)
@@raquelvicente3054 awww don't worry, I am fine. I just sometimes feel overwhelmed. I did tell my grandma but they tend to not understand much about how I feel but I do share things with my friends when I feel too overwhelmed.
Oh my gosh. Number 5 really hit home. My parents used to take me to a lot of parties and outings to make me more sociable. Every time we were in the car driving home they told me any mistakes I made while we were at a birthday party or near friend and family. I remember they knew I hated it when they criticized me but they did it anyway. When I was 12 I asked my dad how he taught me manners when I was younger and this was his exact response.
Got !OFFICIALLY! diagnosed with ADD at the age of 10. I've been told it shouldn't be taken so seriously, and that it can't be used for certain arrangements. 10 years later I finally received some help long after it was too late. Had to drop out of university because of a burn-out and mental breakdown of which I still feel the effects roughly a year later.
One time I asked my mother 'If I have children will you be lenient and kind to them all the time?' and she was like 'yes' Mother are you saying you care more about my nonexistent children than me?!
Permissive parents do not control or regulate their children's behavior. So their children are less aware of the limits of acceptable behavior. They also exhibit worse impulse control and have more behavioral problems. When facing stressful situations, they are more likely to resort to using aggression.🥺🥺🥺✌✌✌
My mom raised me alone and totally forgot about herself. Didn't took care of her mind, didn't went out with friends or people she cared about. I'm nearly 16 now and I can see the toll it has taken on her. She has some issues with self-esteem and constantly says "she's not giving me enough". I'm nearly an adult and don't want to relly on her forever, or see her like that. I don't know how to help her.
Maybe talk to her. She sounds like she needs you to talk. Being a single parent is taxing, I have a mom like yours. I'm over twenty, but dang. You and her need to talk. Bad. If she's feeling like she's not doing enough, please just sit down, and ask her: 'Mom, you are doing enough. Do you think you should mentally hurt yourself for my well being?'
"You are the parent so you have control over your child." No, that's wrong. Your child needs to have their own choices and not be watched 24/7. Your child needs to be able to have the freedom of choosing their own path or making their own choices in life - as a child too, not just an adult. - it helps them learn for the future. If they make a mistake or a bad choice you can help them through it, don't discipline them - unless it was a really bad decision/choice. Though you do have control over your child, give them some freedom. Another thing is when parents say/think: "A child's social life (Mainly online, on ex. Discord, Snapchat, Instagram...etc.) should be monitored." Yes and no, a child should have their own privacy, a child should be able to do what they want to (With boundaries of course.) "But it's my child, I chose!" while it is your child, you need to give them some freedom in life. "You did bad on a test?! You're grounded! No phone for a month." Woah, I've never seen something more unreasonable than this. Your child tried their hardest on a test, and failed, and your mad? "You didn't study!" Although sometimes that's not the case, parents will blame 'not studying' or 'not paying attention in class' although the education system is f***ed up currently, that's not the case. You should set aside time to help your child study or help them understand something, lots of kids are too scared to talk to their teacher due to anxiety. "Stop being a baby and talk to your teacher, I'm busy." 1, your child may be suffering from social anxiety or is scared to ask them or to publicly speak. 2, are you busy all the time? set aside at least 15 to 30 minutes to help your child with school, or try and get them a tutor of some sort. "No, you can't have _____. NO, you can't do ________ No, you can't ______-" One thing I noticed growing up is kids with parents who restricted things more, just made the kids want to do that more/want that more. For example, my mom was never strict with food or sleepovers, so I never really bothered about it too much. For example, I never was dying for candy as a kid because we had some in a jar in the pantry that I could open whenever. Sleepovers? My mom really never cared, as long as it was someone she knew, so I never was dying to have sleepovers. But other kids whose parents restricted candy, the kid wanted it more desperately. Other kids' parents who restricted sleepovers more, they wanted to have them more desperately. Growing up my parents restricted swearing a lot and due to that I wanted to swear more, I regret swearing because it now makes me look unprofessional when in meetings or more, it's something I got addicted to because my parents restricted it more. Last one, for heaven's sakes parents, PLEASE right now go check on your child and ask if they even had suicidal thoughts or have hurt themselves in some way before due to these thoughts. I c*t myself as a child and was very suicidal only at the age of eleven. And whatever you do, don't say "But you have such a privileged life, why would you want to die?" I was afraid my mom would say that, though if she did I would respond with "I'm just tired." (Sorry this is a lot, lol.)
I’ll never forget both of the times I asked my parents if I could get therapy, I switch between households, my mother said no, my father agreed to my surprise but has completely forgotten about it. They wonder why I don’t talk to them much or want to hang out. My mother ignores me all the time and is a conspiracy theorist who thinks those are more important than me. My father simply has no sense of boundaries or knows how to show emotional connection
I FEEL so guilty.. Im glad you shared this. I love my son to death and I made a promise to him that when hes around me and we are spending time im not gonna be on my phone... Parenting is tough. Growing up My mother never showed me empathy.. Still dont. 😥 its always about her.
You should also add this: Let kids wear what they want. Just because your a girl doesn’t mean you should always wear skirts, makeup and other things that make you look fancy. Some kids prefer comfort over style, and might be insecure about wearing skirts and dresses. Forcing someone to wear a dress, would not be the best idea. I have a mom who forces me to wear makeup,dresses, etc It makes me really uncomfortable wearing it. Because I really don’t like wearing revealing things. So yeah- don’t force ur child to wear things they don’t want. Another thing is treat your child like there age. If you 10 and being treated like a teenager it must be rough. I remember when I was 10 my mom kept telling me that I’m gonna be a teenager soon, so I should wear teenager things. It really upset me. Because I was gonna be a teenager in 3 years! So like seriously don’t treat a kid like a teenager. It messes up there life.
My parents just care about money, I just sit in a locked room all day. They don't have time to waste on me because of their work and other things. I have been compared to other kids in my class since I was a kid, even if I used to come 2nd in class, still they compared me with the child who came first. My parents are like cctv cameras around me, I can do anything or go anywhere without telling them. They need to know everything I do every second. They never appreciated me for what I was good at, now I have lost interest in everything I do, because it's of no use now. Now I am not ready to face anyone because I am too ashamed of my insecurities. I have depression and anxiety, I get panic attacks just speaking my name for attendance in class. I totally don't deserve to be happy now. People don't stop giving me false hope, if something could change, it could have changed longer ago, now it won't💜
Girl i know how you feel but dont stop believing in yourself, with time everyone can change, or at least be a better version of himself. Keep going on your dreams or if you dont have them, simply try to reach something that makes you happy, you dont have the absolute need of acceptation by someone or other things like this, just search what makes you happy and get it. I'm cheering on you girl 👍
I really appreciate how this channel helps out all sort of people 😊 It's great that we could find out how to act with children properly not to hurt them and ourselves💜
I feel sorry for older siblings that get scolded whenever their younger sibling is the one in the wrong. I have been in that situation before (it mostly happened when I was younger. My parents stopped doing that nowadays) and because of it I always feel like I've done something wrong, even if they stopped getting me involved with drama between them and my younger sibling.
The visuals on display here do a really good job on helping with the lessons their trying to teach. Don't bother calling your parents out on these, they're impossible to reason with.
1,2,5,6 definitely my parents are guilty with these. Anyway no one is perfect and I will just keep these concepts in mind, so if one day I become a parent then history won't repeat itself. These are great steps to have a closer and truthful relation with my future as well as their future.
I am not a parent, but I am an older sibling of six younger siblings who are just starting life, and this video might've helped me out a bit. Your videos are really helpful and obliging.
My stepmom pointed out my flaws, so now, I expect myself to get things right the first time. And I’m always self-conscious about what I do, and I try to not make any mistakes. She also did kind of ignore my mental health, but she made it more worse than what it should be. For example, if I told her that I felt a certain way about myself, she had to make it like I was crazy and needed help from a psych hospital or a shrink. She also invaded my privacy a lot, even when I was at my mom’s house, and I wasn’t at my dad and stepmom’s house, she’d listen to my cassette tapes that I recorded on with my tape recorder. My mom doesn’t do that. My mom does look through my text history, but she does this when I tell her that I feel unsafe by somebody’s words or actions, and she asks my permission if she can look through my texts just to be sure. And I say that it’s totally ok for her to do that.
As an expecting mom at 33 years old with my first child; I tend to think about how I was raised and treated growing up. My “dad” (use that loosely) was in and out my life even in adulthood. He’s the reason i started to self harm myself cause I felt unloved, mind you he was 10 min away from me growing up. I always thought my mom took care of me and my grandparents played a HUGE role with helping out. Until it dawned on me that my grandma did EVERYTHING wake me up for school, fix each meal a day, take me to and from school until 7th/8th grade i took the bus, pick out my clothes, went to Muffins with Mom, went to back to school night, school events like the school choir, helped me with my homework. My mom worked and took care of my sister when i was about 6 (when she was born). My mom said she wasn’t a morning person. It’s crazy how it took my pregnancy to realize she wasn’t there. GOD BLESS MY GRANDMA’S SOUL (she passed in April 2020) she was always a second mother to me and I’m grateful for her and miss her dearly. My mom can be narcissistic and always always put her feelings before anyone and thinks her feelings are more valid when a family member or someone dies. I went to the ER for my mental health. I said I’m depressed. She said you act like you’re the only one depressed, MY MOTHER died I’m depressed every day (I was the MAIN person that took care of my grandma while she sick until her unexpected passing 24/7. My moms 2 min away). My mom dismissed me saying I went to the hospital for my mental health (first time i did) and made it about her. I also self harmed again, i haven’t in 8 years. I’m doing okay everyone! I lost my close friend that’s like my cousin almost a year ago unexpectedly, I said you didn’t even check on me after to see how I’m doing, she said i told you in person she died, she was MY niece first. I told her, I was literally drinking myself to death every day and went to be with her family so i wouldn’t spiral. My mom acts like no one else can grieve or feel a way about losing someone close to them. She’s also been the common denominator with arguing with everyone in the family and won’t talk to people for months and years. Even when she’s WRONG you have to apologize first. Early last year she was screaming and cursing at me. I usually cry cause I’m very sensitive and emotional. This time I was meditating and thinking she looks crazy. I kindly said, “Mom can you please stop yelling at me like I’m a child and talk to me like an adult”, she screamed “im not talking to an adult im talking to a stupid ass bitch! Im talking to simple ass bitch!”, i said okay, she yelled, “say something again imma put you through the fuckin wall!”, i said “okay”. Then she put her hands around my throat trying to choke me. I lightly pushed her off and said don’t put your hands on me”. My grandpa was telling my mom to stop! I did nothing wrong. She took my phone and my card cause I’m under her name. (Not the first time she’s taken my phone and she went through my phone reading my texts). She’s tried to control my entire life, even now that I’m pregnant and 33. She used my name to get food stamps, all sorts of stuff. She always brings up my “dad” saying “you should’ve been told him how you felt about being in and out your life and self harming”. It’s my decision.. I wrote him a letter about how he treated me during my teen and my twenties. I was told he got my letter and never read it cause it was too long. Some “parents” i have. Can’t forget the verbal, mental and emotional abuse I’ve dealt with from my mom. I asked my dad” when I was in my teens and early 20s why he wasn’t there and he flips out on me and blames my mom. Or when i try and express myself he automatically cuts me off and doesn’t let me talk. Besides my “dad” leaving me all the time or “there’s no room in his Expedition truck that can fit 15 ppl with the seats down” cause he put my younger siblings and track kids before me. Or would say he’ll pick me up from my job and leave me stranded or left finding a way. My mom left me once; my grandma was helping me with my homework i had 3 questions left, she said if you don’t hurry up I’m leaving to my Aunt’s and cousins. I said I’m almost done please don’t leave me, my grandma told her don’t leave and she did. I bawled my eyes out. I was 9 years old. She’s even brought clothes for me and wear them, give them back years later and i cant fit them. She took my senior prom dress away close before my prom but gave it back. The jewelry she brought for prom she took it back after it was over. I can go on and on. This goes to show I NEVER want to be anything like them. I always said when i have kids I’m treating them SO much better than I was treated. Due in May 2022.
I'm going to pray for you and your baby sis! I have a mother just like this but I had a child at 19! 23 now but god bless you for waiting I wish everyday I would have!
Fun fact: my mom wants me to open up, and I know she’s trying to make it clear I can talk to her, but there have been instances that make it difficult for me, like: -she always tells me to tell her EVERYTHING , or else she will get upset with me and stuff. I don’t want to tell her everything I do, like, want and feel. It is extremely uncomfortable -so I’m trans masc, and once after an argument she went “well I’m sure there’s something on your mind, so come on, tell me” and, there where a lot of things on my mind, like mental health issues (like d*pression, insomnia and self h*rm) or sexuality and gender identity, and I didn’t feel safe talking about ant of these with her. So she kept nagging and pressuring me to tell her (which made me really uncomfortable) so I just yelled out the first thing on my mind, which was ‘how am I supposed to say I don’t feel like a woman’ and she was confused, and after going back and forth, she got it. And she said, and I quote “no you’re not, I know trans people and if you where you would’ve told me in pre school or so. Everyone has ‘that’ feeling at your age. And no I’m not saying it’s just a phase and I’m not transphobic and you’re way to young to know that and make that decision”…..ok so first, you pressured me into telling you, second, that’s kinda your fault- ok to explain that: I grew up basically gender less because my parents thought I will learn in pre school and figure it out myself. But in pre school nobody explained that, so for me, everyone was just human and nothing else. I loved dresses and pink ( like a ‘typical girl’) because they didn’t mean anything to me like that. I loved wearing a mix between pink dresses and my brothers old clothes. Everyone could love, dress and be them like they wanted, and things like ‘boys shouldn’t do that’ or ‘that’s not appropriate for girls’ always where confusing for me. I learned what gender is around 4. Or 5. Grade, and that was just from the girls in my class. And as I learned more, the weirder it felt. Soooo I started dressing in only my brothers old clothes because it felt right and I liked dressing up as a boy to ‘fool’ others because I’ve got that weird but great feeling when someone called me a boy. I first heard of the lgbtq+ in 7. Grade and about trans in 8. Grade -so tell me mother, HOW THE HECK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO?! Soo yea she still referrers to me at her daughter and I’ve got trust issues and I’m scared to come out Also every time i cry, she tells me to ‘stop playing victim’ when SHE is the one that has a reason to cry
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I can understand how much it sucks when a parent pressures you to talk, then get upset by what you said. I cannot relate to anything else, but I wish things get better for you.
...bruh, your mom has issues. Get out as soon as possible and never look back The saddest part about this is that random strangers on the internet are being more supportive than your ACTUAL MOTHER
There comes a time when you may have to leave a toxic person behind and move on into a positive life without them, or with them at a distance. I wish you the best! Hugs from a mom in Oregon!
I would say I can relate to the opening up part , it's very stressful which I can agree on. I have a hard time opening up to my mom so I open up to my friends and they listen and understand. I hope you get through all of this I feel your suffering ❤️ one of my friends , we have technically the same life story so I'm glad I can relate to everything with him. We both don't like our family because they always had a favorite sibling and we were just left in the dust.
Honestly, I'm glad my parents do not look through my stuff, but they have been leaning towards it because I have been embarrassed to show them, and it really stresses me out. Also, please do not be afraid to reach out to someone you trust and tell them how you feel, whether it's your friends, teacher, parents, etc.
Great video!! I was a very young mother and I tried my best, she is 20 years old and in college our relationship is not what it once was. I have made mistakes and I can own up to them. It has helped me be a better mother to my other 4 children. I wish I can go back in time and do things differently not for me but for her. ❤❤
Don't cut them any slack, if they were bad parents acknowledge it. They brought you into this world and you had no say or choice lol Hold people accountable for their actions and we will live in a better society. The truth, no matter how painful, is necessary otherwise there's no growth. Veritas
i disagree with the other comment. It isn't worth to be too direct in things like this unless you have so much pent up resentment. People don't like being told when they are wrong and probably will become defensive and dismissive. There are more subtle and effective ways.
I agree with everything on the list and especially number three, unless you think they're up to something bad or you think they're in danger. But otherwise I definitely agree because you should definitely try talking to them so they can feel comfortable talking to you if they have a problem or something.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people only want to have children to either be accepted within a small local community (generally religious) or to be eligible for government funds. Or heck sometimes children can be born aftet a rape. Rarely do any parents value good dynamics with their children.
Very few parents do! Luckily, we have this information and we ourselves can surpass them as parents! Break the cycles of abuse and improve our culture!
I can relate with the comparison thing, and man.. that hurts. Like when my mother used to scold me I’d never cry, but when she compared me with other children.. yeah
Comparing, invading privacy, telling me I'm fine even though I say I'm NOT, telling me I'm just gonna be like one of my cousin brothers who couldn't really do anything much with his life and telling me I'm talking back and being disrespectful when I try to explain something they blamed me for and other such things are SO common in my life that it feels like it's a normal and non-toxic thing to me now
I'm watching this to see what my parents have done to me that I can not repeat on my future family; and they are um, very bad parents, really helpful to find proper advices to not do their mistakes !
When I’d get upset about how my siblings were treated I’d look at my mom and say “Or just hurt their feelings. Great job, mom” and she’d be like “Don’t you dare tell me how to parent”. Pretty ironic that it’s coming from your child lmao but okay
I extremely relate to the comparing to others, being overly strict and ignoring the childs mental health. like you cant create the perfect child, no one can.
another thing to add as a child myself, it to not set up so many boundaries that its overwhelming to the child. putting time limits, limits, or having underaccsesableity, on too many things can make them stressed. take it from someone whos Ex-Father went nuts on time limits on literally everything, dispite knowing about her tiktok and her need to get videos out every day, only put 15 mins a day on all apps.
“ why are you scrolling on my socials and reading my messages?” “It’s because I have to control you and your behavior, and see what you’re hiding from me”
I know how that feel, my mother even controls when I can get on my devices. She's even using this app called Bark so she can see my search history, what I watch, what I read, what music I listen to (which I don't like people knowing what I listen to), what games I play ,even email's I get, ETC. She does the same thing.
@@Zero.X nah ah that wont work. my dad would beat my ass off to know the password and he said: "i gave birth to you so you dont have anything called privacy to me"
You should never force your child upon your own education. Teaching children stuff around your job is fine. But if you force your child into school and professions that they have little to none intrest to, will make their growth stagnate for a long time. It might even end them being hostile to you.
After watching this video and reviewing my childhood. I can conclude that Tarzan was lucky to have been raised by apes
Agreed same here.
That is very sad I hope nothing to traumatic happend to you
same
😭😍
Same
"Anyone can be a mother or father, but not everyone should be a parent."
@Kilfa Nara begone anyong bot
dam top comment really copied u
@@lythd ikr
@Inconsistent Weirdo Yeah same
This is true.
*A parent should never say* “you're gonna be just like your ___” to their child when they're angry, that's one of the worst things to say to someone.
That, and please don’t trash talk the other parent, then retort with “you’re just like your (other parent)” when you’re angry. Because that “selfish son of a bitch that isn’t worth shit” is now what you just called your child.
My mom aften does this. She tells me :you used to be nice but then you grew up and decided to act only on your rebel hormones and also "this way you are going to end up like your brother (who may i say is fine but doesnt talk to my mum). I can conclude this is a bad thing to do. 0/10 would not recomend going through.
What is done is done.
Knowing a lot, I don't desire peace.
@@fumetsu4323 hey. Are you ok?
@@ireneqq2300 Affairs goes well.
I love how there are more children than parents watching this video and relating to it, wishing their parents had watched and understood this.
Yep I completely agree with you😐
Yep
i watch this not relating to anything
Doesn't matter .. kids always whine. You can never be a good enough parent and they will tell you how awful you were. Screw it!
As a parent, I watched this and realized I do some of these things. I’m going to need to make some daily reminders. It’s hard knowing how to be a good parent, especially when I didn’t have good parents to learn that from.
But, I’m trying and learning, and at least admitting to my kid when I mess up.
Anyway, time to go make those notes.
I think the worse time of my life was when I was younger and thought that everything my parents said or did had to be right.
A couple more I'd add to the list: don't be excessively strict with your children, strict parents create good liars or create learned helplessness.
Also, don't blame the child for any problems between the parents. Whether it's the child's fault or not, it's so unfair to the child. The parents are adults, if they're letting problems with the child get between them, that's their issue to sort out, not the child's responsibility.
i really agree with you here. i grew up with neglectful parents who read a book then became helicopter parents. im not even allowed to have youtube yet here i am. they made me long for attention, but they took it too far. they made me a excellent liar, which often makes me feel guilty and lying is honestly my first instinct is too lie. my parents arent the only one to blame but they could’ve done a better job.
@@KENI42 Yes, parents really need to be taught to choose their battles. If you want truthfulness, you can't then punish the truth even if it was something bad. You have to let one or the other slide so the child can feel comfortable owning up to something bad they did. We all mess up. There isn't a single parent who can claim they never messed up because to err is human. Actually, this goes for any relationship.
I hope you can eventually improve your relationship with yourself and your parents.
@@KENI42 so true lol I'm a god liar, I can lie to litterally anyone's face on the spot
@@Chrysaetos3 grew up with helicopter and mild narcissist mother, my dad didn't know because she was hiding it until when he's gone. Now I can see her true nature, I remember breaking her to nuts and got kicked out of the house. Was it that bad? No, totally worth it and I wish to live myself and learn more about life and having decent life. Oh probably going with wealthy as well since I'm a huge fan of singing, writing light novel and wanting to become an voice actor. My mom can suffer the financial all by herself and her golden children, even though I still live under her roof which is annoying lol (not kidding though I went back to her house and she's probably guilty all of that but I don't find it guilty if she isn't truly sorry for her behavior. If she is and sending me with tons of bullshit stuff, then I am completely sorry)
This is lesson whether you want to break your parents mind or not. I'm actually an super empath so of course it's easy for me to break someone's mind (for narcissistic people)
Ya I have strict black parents
Or do I I don’t they are strict but we’re middle eastern so I can say what this person said Is true
Most parents don’t want to be told how to be a parent 😫
Being parent is a lot like doing art you don’t need a degree to be considered professional just like you don’t need a kid of your own to know how to treat them
@@asomeoneperson4608 most parent treat their kids how their parents treated them, and most Children end up raised by a single parent in the home mostly a woman, so you can do all the things right but still missing the other part.
What’s funny is they want people to listen and to side with them after the kid grows up and learns how toxic they were.
Then they shouldn't be parents lol
They get mad and will hit their kids lol they do the same mistake their terrible parents did and cant raise them well.
Never delegate the discipline of a younger child to an older sibling. It's unfair to both.
Yeah, it's literally turning the older sibling into a parent. That's gonna cause a lot of mental damage down the line 😔
Facts
So true
@Riverz Wyte girl what on earth is a voodoo priest y’all seriously need Jesus in your life
As an older sibling who had to take care of her sibling frequently, I can't help agreeing with this. Im something of a middle child between my older surrogate sisters and my younger sibling.
Expecting "big" siblings to take care of their younger siblings when they're not ready for it causes a sense of responsibility for another's life that is something a 10-14 year old older sibling shouldn't have pushed on them until they're ready to instead of when the parents decide the kid is "mature" enough for it.
Seeing that my parents followed all these rules make me so much more grateful for my childhood.
I hope that anyone out there whose parents doesn't follow one or more of these rules will realize what they are doing and make up for it. ❤
You’re one of the lucky ones and that’s great, wish you the best friend
Lucky ducky...i wish my parents had the time to hang out with me. The only time we actually have fun together is when my dad takes my mom and i out to dinner or when we go to the theatre. I'm always at home listening to depressing music and starving myself because i really don't wanna eat. I complain about it and my mom be like, "WE ARE NOT! WE'RE DOING ALL THIS FOR YOU!" ok i see that. My point is WE NEVER EVER and i mean EVER hang out together in like this invisible dark shadow. They wonder why I'm always grumpy around them. I feel like i was so much happier when my bff was around. She moved away when we were 12 I'm 17 now. No one else makes me happy like she did. She always took me far FAR away from them so we could talk about everything and get a coffee.
@@Killua_Zoldyck3407 I feel so bad for you... That is probably the worst thing a child can go through. I hope you one day will be able to make then understand what they did. Until then, imagine I'm giving you a hug each time you're sad.
@@LydiaLove49 awww you're so sweet thank you so much 🤗🥺🥺
@@Killua_Zoldyck3407 Anytime 🤗
"Don't do this to your child"
My parents: *I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that*
And that sucks...
As an adult child of emotionally immature parents, you have focused on so many helpful topics. I never want to have my son experience what I did. Much love! ❤️
Same. I never want my children who I don't have now to be passed on the toxicity. These generational curses have to stop
I vowed never to make my child feel the way my parent's words made me feel. He says I succeeded, too.
The fact that some Children are a lot mature than their parents scares me
@Riverz Wyte prayer does nothing, I prayed all my life and my parents haven't changed lol
Same here :/
Another thing a parent should never do: Yell at their kid when their kid is trying to tell them about a problem that they're having. My mom did that to me while I was growing up, and it really messed up my self esteem. Now I don't feel comfortable telling anybody anything.
My mom did/does the same thing to me
@@samwich9498 I'm sorry to hear that, and I know exactly how it feels.
Same.. she starts lecturing and I'm like "...."
@@haneenasad I hate that!
@@nancyharabedian7293 SAME! 😐
As a 15 year old teen who feels emotionally parentless, I am listening
I hate how this sounds so familiar... I am basically living with 2 narcissistic strangers :)
@@Kichimeza空虚 same...
@@Kichimeza空虚 oof honestly same
@@Kichimeza空虚 same-
Im also 15. I lobe and hate my parents. They give me affection and advice. But that comes with no respect, no privacy. I feel so trapped. But i feel bad for complaining cus i dont have it bad
Hooray! My parents did all 7 of these things when I was a child. Now there’s no doubt in my mind as to why I have the mental health problems I do. Thanks!
May God bless you 😥
my mom does ALL of these things. Especially ignoring me and comparing me to others.
going through my family traumas growing up taught me how to NOT raise my kids. No physical violence and unstructured time, and i treat them like humans
And it works, doesn't it? ♥♥♥
Raise your kids to become adults instead of treating your grown kids like children.
@@donaldoehl7690 Seconded. That works too. I've never understood why anyone would stand at the school gates sobbing because it's their "baby's" first day of school.
Or final day of school. Or any other milestone!
One part that a parent shouldn’t do is to complain or vent at their kids whenever something bad has already happened and that it’s not their kids problem
My mother still does some of these even now after years and it's the main reason I'm not as close to her as my sister is - another thing that has an impact is not letting go when they make mistakes, she still brings up things from over a decade ago and it's frustrating even in my late 20s to feel like I stopped developing in her eyes at the age of 14/15
most mothers will still look at you as their baby even when you are 30+ years old
Same
I'm almost 18 yet in her eyes I'm still a kid who can't decide for themselves what they really want and needs to be looked after
My parents control almost every aspect of my life and give me 0 privacy
They decide what kind of clothes I'm allowed to wear
What to do with my body or hair life ect
It's very pressuring and annoying
I can't wait to be able to move out hopefully soon
@Marty Gray the situation isn't like that
Their controlling and abusive actually
Ofc there is some level of respect that i keep but they also need to return that respect to some extant in simple basic ways like giving me a bit of privacy or not force their ideas and beliefs on me
Like for example i wanna dye my hair or wear clothes such as a crop top
The financial side of things is not the issue here
And when punishing me they should actually try to communicate with me about the issue and not your standard "give me your phone" punishment
Cause that's useless
@Marty Gray not that I'm aware of, far as I know nothing like that but I've not lived with her for years so who knows what goes on behind closed doors
M'gard, when I was in my thirties, my mother found a fifth-grade workbook where I had flunked a spelling test and started to ream me out over it.
i love that there are just genuine videos on youtube that are just here for helping our lives for free just for kindness. faith in humanity, people!
Her voice is so gentle
THANK YOU!! I’m a older brother and my mother usually doesn’t have time to raise my sister, and if she does it, she only does everything incorrectly: like threatening her to hurt her, judging her appearance (Even tho she’s 3 y/o), etc…. So I try my best to “parent her” but is difficult since I’m always tired, but I really love this videos so I can learn how to raise my little sister
She'll worship the ground you walk on!
You are a great brother then! Wish you good luck, i hope that you and your family will overcome this and everything will be fine to your little sister, cuz she has a cool brother like you =)
Broo, take care of your sister with love. I believe you'll be such a great brother
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are a really good person and im proud of you (in case you dont hear that enough). Remember to take care of yourself.
Hey, Big Brother, from a baby sister-- you will be the most important person in her life for the rest of your lives. Not only big brother but raising her, too. Teaching her what's good, kissing her boo-boos. Steering her down a good path by setting a good example. You are EVERYTHING to her and bless you forever for being the wonderful, generous and loving brother you are. I'm 64 and was raised by my 3 much older sisters.
Appreciate your child will also keep away from depression and be friendly so he she will discuss everything with you 🌹
He there are girls with depression to Incase you didn't know
@Kilfa Nara
Stop it , these things creates more depression speacially in Girls
If can't do any thing good then please don't do bad too
@e yes they
@@keiron.4612 Read it once more...
If parents channeled their negative emotions out through meditation and actions that raise them up we would all have a different world and upbringing.
When I'm angry or stressed I go exercise. I go run at the park near my house or around my block. And I cry as I run and also when I lift my weights at home I cry a lot. When we're around people, especially as men, we hide our emotions we hold in the tears the pain because we have to be "men". Those emotions need to expressed not supressed. They happened for a reason, our eyes got watery for a reason. You're denying your body the chance to heal from a stressor. That's why I run and that's why I cry as well. I let it all out
Then I feel peace. We all need healthy outlets to channel the negativity and disappointments in life. I tried for a long time to heal with alcohol, but I never healed it only made it worse. Healing is so important after a break up, after the loss of a loved one, dealing with childhood trauma or any serious traumatic event in your life.
"Of all the battles a man can face, the war against himself is the hardest to win"
My mom meditates but just to assure herself that she isnt a bad person and that everyone around her is ungrateful. All her anger is channeled into me anyway(because im the older sibling, plus ive pointed out a few things she could improve here and there that she takes as personal attacks, while she does this literally once an hour minimum)
@@doom-driveneap4569 wow.. you lift weights while crying..? That's actually cool because if I did that... I would more crying because I accidently hurt myself in the process haha
I agree with the toxic masc bs because men are humans too and the least that can anyone can do is provide a welcoming space
I grew up with negative people in my family. They still are sometimes. It affects me still.
Easier said than done. It is very, very hard to do that, so the best thing to do is to deal with it and have empathy. The only thing you can change is yourself.
being compared is relatable it really hurts my feelings
I am currently raising all four of my little siblings (I'm 13 😬) because my mom doesn't want us and my dad is too busy for us, and this is extremely helpful with what not do to with them.
I don't want them to turn out like me.
My dad pointing out my acne: "Eww, why does your skin look like that?" "You used to have smooth skin before, you know." "You were so pretty when you were small but now look at you." "You waited until you got older to get ugly?"
And then when I cry at the rude remarks he makes he responds with: "Can I not tell you anything now? Simone (my mom), I told her a little thing and she's crying. You've got nothing to cry about. Dry those tears, girl." OR "The real world is a cold place, you know. If you're ugly, people will publicly tell you about it."
They (my mom does it too) say rude things about my skin but yet they won't buy me soaps and creams to treat the acne. You think water and bar soap is gonna make this go away? I've been doing that for two years, now!
It's also hormones, you are growing your skin is going to be a pain in the behind, but all I can recommend is if you can maybe get those products yourself with your money, it's an option, and I do know how expensive they are it's insane honestly we can't control this and yet we have to deal with the insults in your case its even at home some teens are just not as fortunate enough to have clear skin and I'm sorry you have to go through that. Just know there is nothing wrong with having acne, this really isn't your fault and I can see that you are trying your best with what you have especially with how you described your story. Wishing you all the best 🌼
I wish you the best, if I could I would literally buy you any cleaning product you needed
WTF. I would literally ask them photos from where they were teens and make remarks about them tbh tho.
0:37 Ignoring your child
0:57 Compare them to others
1:15 Invade their privacy
1:55 Be overly permissive (and overly strict, if I may add)
2:25 Be quick to point out their flaws
2:39 Ignore their mental health
2:55 Ignore your mental health
Thank you list hero ❤
@@gargwinvinesnake6961 😂💕
At your service 🙋
My mum is all of this SHE PUT A CAMERA IN MY ROOM
My parents did all of these and more.
@@Pozibly0706 What??!
Another one: Say you have full right of controlling your offspring's life because you're the parent.
It's not cool when your parents say, in a very "hidden" way that if they one day decided to kill you, it isn't wrong because "they gave life to you"
Along the same line, going about s if your child owes you something because you raised them. That's not a favor, that's a responsibility. You can appreciate someone being responsible, but that doesn't mean you have to owe everything to that.
And last one along these lines: Labeling yourself more important because you gave your child life and raised them. Again, you were the one that got the meat in the pot, not your child. Your child didn't ask you to have unprotected sex. You had your child, your responsibility is to be a good parent. And no "I do my best" isn't an excuse.
yeah you are right.
I asked my dad if i owed him anything and then that MF said,
"You owe me a lot *Laugh."
LIKE DUD-
@@Reiblaster Ugh, that really sucks. Yeah, that's a reason why I don't do ANY sort of business or money related stuff with family, specially parents. If you want to waste money just borrow them some, then they will just take it as a payment to an evergrowing loan you're not expected to pay but still owe...
My parents were never like that. They encourage me, never ignore me, and are great parents. If I don’t do well on a test, they’ll comfort me, and help me to improve, so that I do better next time. They take me seriously, and would never dream of hurting me. I get bullied at school a lot, and even though I’m getting better at defending myself, I still cry sometimes. Yet they always make me feel better. I love them lots and will always love them
I realised they do all the things to me and say "What we are doing is always for your good"
Another toxic behaviour that many parents have is trying to control your life or trying to manipulate you by saying things like "if you don't follow my advice or don't do what i say, you will be a failure and you will never achieve anything", as if you were still a kid.
The one about comparing your child is so relatable to most of my childhood. Every time I did something wrong my parents will compare me to my friends or other child , because of that I’ve been insecure a lot
I have never been compared to my friends but my parents compared me to themselves
literally same
Same and my mum said "Would you do that to your teachers!?" Like igcouse I wouldn't but I do it to you because you do it to me. Like I would get in trouble if I compared her to other parents so why is she aloud to?
@@bootifulmidge5301THISSSS
My mom said I gained weight and told me my friend is fit than me so I was really sad I even cried
First and foremost is making sure my little girl is happy. She has the freedom to explore things herself and if she needs help or advice I'll help her as best I can. She's 3 next week and is already gaining a fiercely independent spirit but that doesn't mean her bad behaviour is glossed over or that she can do anything and everything. I approach that calmly and firmly without raising my voice as that will only make her afraid and more likely to act aggressively in future. Not babying them and giving them space to explore things themselves (in my daughter's case, music and reading) goes a very long way to forming their personality and building the basis of who they will become when they are older. I'm learning all this as I go along but there's no greater joy or honor I could dream of than being her dad. It has changed me in so many ways that I never would have imagined possible if she wasn't in my life. Have a great new year folks!
Respect, wish my parents gave me that sense of respect and understanding that I’m a human as well
I remember developing a weariness from all adults because most of the ones I came across were always hypocrites, they say they love you but you do one thing that they don't approve of and suddenly you are a terrible child.
I've been working on it, but I still feel that most of the time.
same tbh
my mother failed as a parent and I won’t even define my dad he was always absent
I have grown up having experienced all of the things listed here, but taking care of my mental health and communicating these things with my mother has enabled her to do the same for herself, and BOTH of us have been able to forgive, seek forgiveness and collectively heal.
So I would like to extend a bit of grace, forgiveness, and gratitude for all of the parents doing their best for their children, whose hearts are in the right place, even though mistakes may get made. Lets all, no matter our station, work at being kind and gracious to one another.
Your comment has been the most positive yet because if it wasn't for our parents we would not be here to complain about them or try to put them down. Thank you for the positivity I give you 10 👍🏿
@@jennifergarrett4574 I agree. But one of the hardest things I had to learn for myself, is that my parents were once children too. The more I grow, the more grace I have for them. They grew up a time where there weren't places like this, there wasn't so much available mental health care or information, or in some instances, none at all. In fact, the fact that we can collectively learn, grow (and complain) is in itself a blessing. A blessing that they, as children, did not have.
Thank you for your kind and AMAZING response as well
I love this comment
One other thing about comparison issues: If you have a gifted child, *never* compare them to the ones you see on TV. Their gifts may be different, their weaknesses too. Just because they're gifted in an unconventional way, a gift is a gift nonetheless, and should be nurtured, not compared to others. And let us not forget, you can't predict the others' lives, just because they're on TV taking the spotlight, being apparently happy, doesn't mean that off the spotlight they are in a far worse situation than thought.
And don't compare them in general
Being told "you're smart, it shouldn't have happend that way", "you should have succeeded this, you just didn't make any effort", "even the others can do it" makes the child think the meaning of gift is in german rather than in english (it means poison.) Sometimes I feel like it's more like a curse. You get a different way of thinking in a world that isn't adapted to it, way higher expectations, a harder time working and sometimes undiagnosed stuff like autism or ADHD...
“Ultimately, the greatest gift you can give your child regarding purpose is to be living a real purpose yourself, to be demonstrating a purpose yourself. In fact, all four of these things We have mentioned-Knowledge, wisdom, discernment and purpose-are best taught through demonstration. If a child grows up in an environment where his or her parents are engaged in real purposeful work, well, that is worth more than all the words in the world. That says more than words can convey.”
*The New Message from God*
Well Donald Trump is a living example of what happens when your kids follow you and you're purpose. This message ain't from God because God knows all kids are not raised with both parents
🤩🤩🤩🤩
Thank you, Ivan.
Thank you for sharing this
As the youngest of 3 children, I’m male and one day I lost it, full blown rage in my early teens. I was bullied at school and had family members take their bad days out on me because it was considered “acceptable” as I was the youngest after I finished school and arrived home. I was ignored whenever I got upset or felt down and on the receiving ends of shouting and violence. it still haunts me to this day in my mid 30’s
I feel that I can relate a lot. I do understand my parents can be busy but I do feel like they don't care about my mental health sometimes.
"invade their privacy"
Bruh, there's a thing called privacy and I want it respected. I also want to have social media but stupid parental controls exist and I'm literally 16, I don't need that anymore, I can put myself sleep and also be safe online and not download sketchy looking apps that could have a virus on it. And I also want a computer in my room but my dad won't allow me because he won't know what I would do on it, like, it's none of your business what I do on my electronics, so stay out of it
"Ignore their mental health"
Me with ADHD: *Can't focus on anything school related cuz I can never force myself to do that*
My dad: *yells at me for not getting school work done*
Me: *wants to go to my room and cry it out cuz I literally get distracted by nothingness*
Other issues may include me not being able to be organized even though I want to, and I still get yelled at for barely doing anything to clean my room in an hour when I just lack motivation, literally nobody helps improve my mental health and how to cope with this disorder I never chose to have and it makes me miserable
I understand you bro hang in there. I'm trying to move out but lt's not easy and l don't have a job yet sadly to live on my own. it sucks and they're abusive af always controlling me 😔😖 l just wanna get out of here.
My sibling has ADHD we think, they have lots of traits & have done research. However our parents don't want to get them an official diagnosis
@@sorreldislikespotatoes9882 why
@@KAESISCOOL idk
You have to do school work and go to school he could help you when you have homework and if it takes a while take breaks and do something active.
Another thing that is damaging for children especially older siblings is when your parents push every responsibility to the older one. I am 14 at the moment I feel like I have been raising my little brother for the past 5 years. In the beginning, it wasn't bad but as I got older it started getting worse. Now I have to make food for him, clean him up, help him with my studies and I also have another brother and they also tell me to help him study (he is 11). I also help my mum sometimes in the kitchen and cleaning the house. I also help my parents mostly with the documents since they don't know how to speak English much so I help them with it but sometimes it gets overwhelming for me. I also have my studies and they also expect high marks from me. I told them once that it's a bit too much for me but they always say that all older siblings do that. I get compared to others with my studies which hurts me a lot but they say it's nothing. I sometimes feel like I am a bad daughter to them. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi! I normally don't comment on anything, but this made me do it. I was an only child until I was 19, so I can't give you any advice based on my experience, but I've seen this happen with my cousins. Have you tried talking to another member of your family? Maybe (if they understand you) they can act as an intermediary without making it seem like you're complaining. Maybe even a teacher. I hope you're okay :)
@@raquelvicente3054 awww don't worry, I am fine. I just sometimes feel overwhelmed. I did tell my grandma but they tend to not understand much about how I feel but I do share things with my friends when I feel too overwhelmed.
Okay, that's perfect :) keep doing that 😘😘 all the best!
@@raquelvicente3054 thank you
@@taestea8971 virtual hug from me :)
Yep. The mental health thing. I can tell my parents are a bit….traditional with it. Just get over it is the norm. So I’ve dealt with a lot on my own
Sad to know my parents do pretty much all of these except the third and seventh point.
Oh my gosh. Number 5 really hit home. My parents used to take me to a lot of parties and outings to make me more sociable. Every time we were in the car driving home they told me any mistakes I made while we were at a birthday party or near friend and family. I remember they knew I hated it when they criticized me but they did it anyway. When I was 12 I asked my dad how he taught me manners when I was younger and this was his exact response.
Got !OFFICIALLY! diagnosed with ADD at the age of 10. I've been told it shouldn't be taken so seriously, and that it can't be used for certain arrangements. 10 years later I finally received some help long after it was too late. Had to drop out of university because of a burn-out and mental breakdown of which I still feel the effects roughly a year later.
One time I asked my mother 'If I have children will you be lenient and kind to them all the time?' and she was like 'yes'
Mother are you saying you care more about my nonexistent children than me?!
FELT THO
Permissive parents do not control or regulate their children's behavior. So their children are less aware of the limits of acceptable behavior. They also exhibit worse impulse control and have more behavioral problems. When facing stressful situations, they are more likely to resort to using aggression.🥺🥺🥺✌✌✌
No boundaries, that is a problem as they get older and in the world.
After I saw this it changed my life my parents don’t ignore me anymore nor do they compare me and now I feel better then ever thanks you
My mom always invades my privacy and ignores my mental health.
These kind of vids usually make me cry, even a lot sometimes. This one. Was like any other video but still made me a little emotional on the inside.
Same here
You are not alone
My mom raised me alone and totally forgot about herself. Didn't took care of her mind, didn't went out with friends or people she cared about. I'm nearly 16 now and I can see the toll it has taken on her. She has some issues with self-esteem and constantly says "she's not giving me enough". I'm nearly an adult and don't want to relly on her forever, or see her like that. I don't know how to help her.
Maybe talk to her. She sounds like she needs you to talk. Being a single parent is taxing, I have a mom like yours. I'm over twenty, but dang. You and her need to talk. Bad. If she's feeling like she's not doing enough, please just sit down, and ask her: 'Mom, you are doing enough. Do you think you should mentally hurt yourself for my well being?'
"You are the parent so you have control over your child." No, that's wrong. Your child needs to have their own choices and not be watched 24/7. Your child needs to be able to have the freedom of choosing their own path or making their own choices in life - as a child too, not just an adult. - it helps them learn for the future. If they make a mistake or a bad choice you can help them through it, don't discipline them - unless it was a really bad decision/choice. Though you do have control over your child, give them some freedom.
Another thing is when parents say/think: "A child's social life (Mainly online, on ex. Discord, Snapchat, Instagram...etc.) should be monitored."
Yes and no, a child should have their own privacy, a child should be able to do what they want to (With boundaries of course.) "But it's my child, I chose!" while it is your child, you need to give them some freedom in life.
"You did bad on a test?! You're grounded! No phone for a month." Woah, I've never seen something more unreasonable than this. Your child tried their hardest on a test, and failed, and your mad? "You didn't study!" Although sometimes that's not the case, parents will blame 'not studying' or 'not paying attention in class' although the education system is f***ed up currently, that's not the case. You should set aside time to help your child study or help them understand something, lots of kids are too scared to talk to their teacher due to anxiety. "Stop being a baby and talk to your teacher, I'm busy." 1, your child may be suffering from social anxiety or is scared to ask them or to publicly speak. 2, are you busy all the time? set aside at least 15 to 30 minutes to help your child with school, or try and get them a tutor of some sort.
"No, you can't have _____. NO, you can't do ________ No, you can't ______-" One thing I noticed growing up is kids with parents who restricted things more, just made the kids want to do that more/want that more. For example, my mom was never strict with food or sleepovers, so I never really bothered about it too much. For example, I never was dying for candy as a kid because we had some in a jar in the pantry that I could open whenever. Sleepovers? My mom really never cared, as long as it was someone she knew, so I never was dying to have sleepovers. But other kids whose parents restricted candy, the kid wanted it more desperately. Other kids' parents who restricted sleepovers more, they wanted to have them more desperately. Growing up my parents restricted swearing a lot and due to that I wanted to swear more, I regret swearing because it now makes me look unprofessional when in meetings or more, it's something I got addicted to because my parents restricted it more.
Last one, for heaven's sakes parents, PLEASE right now go check on your child and ask if they even had suicidal thoughts or have hurt themselves in some way before due to these thoughts. I c*t myself as a child and was very suicidal only at the age of eleven. And whatever you do, don't say "But you have such a privileged life, why would you want to die?" I was afraid my mom would say that, though if she did I would respond with "I'm just tired."
(Sorry this is a lot, lol.)
I’ll never forget both of the times I asked my parents if I could get therapy, I switch between households, my mother said no, my father agreed to my surprise but has completely forgotten about it. They wonder why I don’t talk to them much or want to hang out. My mother ignores me all the time and is a conspiracy theorist who thinks those are more important than me. My father simply has no sense of boundaries or knows how to show emotional connection
I FEEL so guilty.. Im glad you shared this. I love my son to death and I made a promise to him that when hes around me and we are spending time im not gonna be on my phone... Parenting is tough. Growing up My mother never showed me empathy.. Still dont. 😥 its always about her.
If you feel like I do that your parent(s) aren't great then just choose to be a better parent than they were.
Be your children's best friend so they can confide in you about everything
Not respecting your child's privacy sets them up for failure, they'll pick partners that also don't respect their boundaries and privacy.
i really wanna show this to my parents but i doubt they would care
You should also add this: Let kids wear what they want. Just because your a girl doesn’t mean you should always wear skirts, makeup and other things that make you look fancy. Some kids prefer comfort over style, and might be insecure about wearing skirts and dresses. Forcing someone to wear a dress, would not be the best idea. I have a mom who forces me to wear makeup,dresses, etc It makes me really uncomfortable wearing it. Because I really don’t like wearing revealing things. So yeah- don’t force ur child to wear things they don’t want.
Another thing is treat your child like there age. If you 10 and being treated like a teenager it must be rough. I remember when I was 10 my mom kept telling me that I’m gonna be a teenager soon, so I should wear teenager things. It really upset me. Because I was gonna be a teenager in 3 years! So like seriously don’t treat a kid like a teenager. It messes up there life.
it's so bizarre to have had experienced each one of those nearly on a daily basis.
Thank you so much for spreading this kind of awareness ❤️❤️
I agree, I really love their vidoes, they're so thought provoking!
Np! Hope this video could be of help to you!
My parents just care about money, I just sit in a locked room all day. They don't have time to waste on me because of their work and other things. I have been compared to other kids in my class since I was a kid, even if I used to come 2nd in class, still they compared me with the child who came first. My parents are like cctv cameras around me, I can do anything or go anywhere without telling them. They need to know everything I do every second. They never appreciated me for what I was good at, now I have lost interest in everything I do, because it's of no use now. Now I am not ready to face anyone because I am too ashamed of my insecurities. I have depression and anxiety, I get panic attacks just speaking my name for attendance in class. I totally don't deserve to be happy now. People don't stop giving me false hope, if something could change, it could have changed longer ago, now it won't💜
Girl i know how you feel but dont stop believing in yourself, with time everyone can change, or at least be a better version of himself. Keep going on your dreams or if you dont have them, simply try to reach something that makes you happy, you dont have the absolute need of acceptation by someone or other things like this, just search what makes you happy and get it. I'm cheering on you girl 👍
I grew up like this but after a while taught myself to stay positive no matter what
U already had me crying at the comparing the child to others cuz my mom does it ALL THE TIME,and I told her to stop but she starts it again
As a soon-to-be parent, thanks for reminding me of how important these are!
I really appreciate how this channel helps out all sort of people 😊 It's great that we could find out how to act with children properly not to hurt them and ourselves💜
Exactly, it's best to recognise the signs of abuse before it can even start.
Hey
@@trinaq right, it could literally prevent us from that
@Kilfa Nara Leave weirdo 🙄
@Riverz Wyte nobody needs your help fake troll
I one, put your phone down, when walking you child to school don’t take your phone, hold their hand and get into a conversation with them
My parents were only a bit nosy, but that's the worst. I was never compared or pointed out, ignored, and they always took care of themselves.
I feel sorry for older siblings that get scolded whenever their younger sibling is the one in the wrong. I have been in that situation before (it mostly happened when I was younger. My parents stopped doing that nowadays) and because of it I always feel like I've done something wrong, even if they stopped getting me involved with drama between them and my younger sibling.
The visuals on display here do a really good job on helping with the lessons their trying to teach.
Don't bother calling your parents out on these, they're impossible to reason with.
"There are no perfect parents, and there are not perfect children. But there are plenty of perfect moments along the way" - Peppa Pig
More like Peppa Salami
I'm stealing that one bro, lol
Holdup PEPPA THE PIG SAID THAT, I am watching every single episode to find that quote
when did that pig get common sence
1,2,5,6 definitely my parents are guilty with these. Anyway no one is perfect and I will just keep these concepts in mind, so if one day I become a parent then history won't repeat itself. These are great steps to have a closer and truthful relation with my future as well as their future.
Every child deserves a parent but not all parents deserve children
I am not a parent, but I am an older sibling of six younger siblings who are just starting life, and this video might've helped me out a bit. Your videos are really helpful and obliging.
My stepmom pointed out my flaws, so now, I expect myself to get things right the first time. And I’m always self-conscious about what I do, and I try to not make any mistakes. She also did kind of ignore my mental health, but she made it more worse than what it should be. For example, if I told her that I felt a certain way about myself, she had to make it like I was crazy and needed help from a psych hospital or a shrink. She also invaded my privacy a lot, even when I was at my mom’s house, and I wasn’t at my dad and stepmom’s house, she’d listen to my cassette tapes that I recorded on with my tape recorder. My mom doesn’t do that. My mom does look through my text history, but she does this when I tell her that I feel unsafe by somebody’s words or actions, and she asks my permission if she can look through my texts just to be sure. And I say that it’s totally ok for her to do that.
My parents were hyper critical too. Then they were surprised when we grew up and didn't GAF!
As an expecting mom at 33 years old with my first child; I tend to think about how I was raised and treated growing up. My “dad” (use that loosely) was in and out my life even in adulthood. He’s the reason i started to self harm myself cause I felt unloved, mind you he was 10 min away from me growing up. I always thought my mom took care of me and my grandparents played a HUGE role with helping out. Until it dawned on me that my grandma did EVERYTHING wake me up for school, fix each meal a day, take me to and from school until 7th/8th grade i took the bus, pick out my clothes, went to Muffins with Mom, went to back to school night, school events like the school choir, helped me with my homework.
My mom worked and took care of my sister when i was about 6 (when she was born). My mom said she wasn’t a morning person. It’s crazy how it took my pregnancy to realize she wasn’t there. GOD BLESS MY GRANDMA’S SOUL (she passed in April 2020) she was always a second mother to me and I’m grateful for her and miss her dearly.
My mom can be narcissistic and always always put her feelings before anyone and thinks her feelings are more valid when a family member or someone dies.
I went to the ER for my mental health. I said I’m depressed. She said you act like you’re the only one depressed, MY MOTHER died I’m depressed every day (I was the MAIN person that took care of my grandma while she sick until her unexpected passing 24/7. My moms 2 min away). My mom dismissed me saying I went to the hospital for my mental health (first time i did) and made it about her. I also self harmed again, i haven’t in 8 years. I’m doing okay everyone!
I lost my close friend that’s like my cousin almost a year ago unexpectedly, I said you didn’t even check on me after to see how I’m doing, she said i told you in person she died, she was MY niece first. I told her, I was literally drinking myself to death every day and went to be with her family so i wouldn’t spiral.
My mom acts like no one else can grieve or feel a way about losing someone close to them. She’s also been the common denominator with arguing with everyone in the family and won’t talk to people for months and years. Even when she’s WRONG you have to apologize first.
Early last year she was screaming and cursing at me. I usually cry cause I’m very sensitive and emotional. This time I was meditating and thinking she looks crazy. I kindly said, “Mom can you please stop yelling at me like I’m a child and talk to me like an adult”, she screamed “im not talking to an adult im talking to a stupid ass bitch! Im talking to simple ass bitch!”, i said okay, she yelled, “say something again imma put you through the fuckin wall!”, i said “okay”. Then she put her hands around my throat trying to choke me. I lightly pushed her off and said don’t put your hands on me”. My grandpa was telling my mom to stop! I did nothing wrong. She took my phone and my card cause I’m under her name. (Not the first time she’s taken my phone and she went through my phone reading my texts). She’s tried to control my entire life, even now that I’m pregnant and 33. She used my name to get food stamps, all sorts of stuff.
She always brings up my “dad” saying “you should’ve been told him how you felt about being in and out your life and self harming”. It’s my decision..
I wrote him a letter about how he treated me during my teen and my twenties. I was told he got my letter and never read it cause it was too long.
Some “parents” i have. Can’t forget the verbal, mental and emotional abuse I’ve dealt with from my mom. I asked my dad” when I was in my teens and early 20s why he wasn’t there and he flips out on me and blames my mom. Or when i try and express myself he automatically cuts me off and doesn’t let me talk.
Besides my “dad” leaving me all the time or “there’s no room in his Expedition truck that can fit 15 ppl with the seats down” cause he put my younger siblings and track kids before me. Or would say he’ll pick me up from my job and leave me stranded or left finding a way.
My mom left me once; my grandma was helping me with my homework i had 3 questions left, she said if you don’t hurry up I’m leaving to my Aunt’s and cousins. I said I’m almost done please don’t leave me, my grandma told her don’t leave and she did. I bawled my eyes out. I was 9 years old. She’s even brought clothes for me and wear them, give them back years later and i cant fit them. She took my senior prom dress away close before my prom but gave it back. The jewelry she brought for prom she took it back after it was over. I can go on and on.
This goes to show I NEVER want to be anything like them. I always said when i have kids I’m treating them SO much better than I was treated. Due in May 2022.
I'm going to pray for you and your baby sis! I have a mother just like this but I had a child at 19! 23 now but god bless you for waiting I wish everyday I would have!
Fun fact: my mom wants me to open up, and I know she’s trying to make it clear I can talk to her, but there have been instances that make it difficult for me, like:
-she always tells me to tell her EVERYTHING , or else she will get upset with me and stuff. I don’t want to tell her everything I do, like, want and feel. It is extremely uncomfortable
-so I’m trans masc, and once after an argument she went “well I’m sure there’s something on your mind, so come on, tell me” and, there where a lot of things on my mind, like mental health issues (like d*pression, insomnia and self h*rm) or sexuality and gender identity, and I didn’t feel safe talking about ant of these with her. So she kept nagging and pressuring me to tell her (which made me really uncomfortable) so I just yelled out the first thing on my mind, which was ‘how am I supposed to say I don’t feel like a woman’ and she was confused, and after going back and forth, she got it. And she said, and I quote “no you’re not, I know trans people and if you where you would’ve told me in pre school or so. Everyone has ‘that’ feeling at your age. And no I’m not saying it’s just a phase and I’m not transphobic and you’re way to young to know that and make that decision”…..ok so first, you pressured me into telling you, second, that’s kinda your fault-
ok to explain that: I grew up basically gender less because my parents thought I will learn in pre school and figure it out myself. But in pre school nobody explained that, so for me, everyone was just human and nothing else. I loved dresses and pink ( like a ‘typical girl’) because they didn’t mean anything to me like that. I loved wearing a mix between pink dresses and my brothers old clothes. Everyone could love, dress and be them like they wanted, and things like ‘boys shouldn’t do that’ or ‘that’s not appropriate for girls’ always where confusing for me. I learned what gender is around 4. Or 5. Grade, and that was just from the girls in my class. And as I learned more, the weirder it felt. Soooo I started dressing in only my brothers old clothes because it felt right and I liked dressing up as a boy to ‘fool’ others because I’ve got that weird but great feeling when someone called me a boy. I first heard of the lgbtq+ in 7. Grade and about trans in 8. Grade
-so tell me mother, HOW THE HECK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO?! Soo yea she still referrers to me at her daughter and I’ve got trust issues and I’m scared to come out
Also every time i cry, she tells me to ‘stop playing victim’ when SHE is the one that has a reason to cry
I'm really sorry you're going through this.
I can understand how much it sucks when a parent pressures you to talk, then get upset by what you said.
I cannot relate to anything else, but I wish things get better for you.
...bruh, your mom has issues. Get out as soon as possible and never look back
The saddest part about this is that random strangers on the internet are being more supportive than your ACTUAL MOTHER
Parents should never pressure you to open up.
There comes a time when you may have to leave a toxic person behind and move on into a positive life without them, or with them at a distance. I wish you the best! Hugs from a mom in Oregon!
I would say I can relate to the opening up part , it's very stressful which I can agree on. I have a hard time opening up to my mom so I open up to my friends and they listen and understand. I hope you get through all of this I feel your suffering ❤️ one of my friends , we have technically the same life story so I'm glad I can relate to everything with him. We both don't like our family because they always had a favorite sibling and we were just left in the dust.
Honestly, I'm glad my parents do not look through my stuff, but they have been leaning towards it because I have been embarrassed to show them, and it really stresses me out. Also, please do not be afraid to reach out to someone you trust and tell them how you feel, whether it's your friends, teacher, parents, etc.
I’m having a baby right now and now I know how to be a parent because of you! Thanks, really!
Great video!! I was a very young mother and I tried my best, she is 20 years old and in college our relationship is not what it once was. I have made mistakes and I can own up to them. It has helped me be a better mother to my other 4 children. I wish I can go back in time and do things differently not for me but for her. ❤❤
i wish i could send this to my parents without making them think that they did bad on being a parent
Don't cut them any slack, if they were bad parents acknowledge it. They brought you into this world and you had no say or choice lol Hold people accountable for their actions and we will live in a better society. The truth, no matter how painful, is necessary otherwise there's no growth. Veritas
i disagree with the other comment. It isn't worth to be too direct in things like this unless you have so much pent up resentment. People don't like being told when they are wrong and probably will become defensive and dismissive. There are more subtle and effective ways.
They would give a damn shit to this, it's my experience with similar video, but on my native language.
Me sees this: *a tear dropping sliding against my cheek* the dear, dear, dear, truth
I can relate to most of these- especially mental health.
I told my dad that I needed a therapist but he said "you're fine." but obviously I'm not.
Thank you for sharing. We hope this video helped you in some way. How do you feel after this realization?
when you said #2, i immediately started crying all the way through #7.
"Never compare your child with another person/thing"
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS OMGOSH
I agree with everything on the list and especially number three, unless you think they're up to something bad or you think they're in danger. But otherwise I definitely agree because you should definitely try talking to them so they can feel comfortable talking to you if they have a problem or something.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people only want to have children to either be accepted within a small local community (generally religious) or to be eligible for government funds. Or heck sometimes children can be born aftet a rape. Rarely do any parents value good dynamics with their children.
Nice to know my mother doesn’t fulfill any of these basic good parenting rules!
my father doesn't fulfill any either!!
Very few parents do! Luckily, we have this information and we ourselves can surpass them as parents! Break the cycles of abuse and improve our culture!
I can relate with the comparison thing, and man.. that hurts.
Like when my mother used to scold me I’d never cry, but when she compared me with other children.. yeah
every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child
All 6 points hit my parents on what they did to me. I worry about my nieces if they are with their grandparents
Comparing, invading privacy, telling me I'm fine even though I say I'm NOT, telling me I'm just gonna be like one of my cousin brothers who couldn't really do anything much with his life and telling me I'm talking back and being disrespectful when I try to explain something they blamed me for and other such things are SO common in my life that it feels like it's a normal and non-toxic thing to me now
I'm watching this to see what my parents have done to me that I can not repeat on my future family; and they are um, very bad parents, really helpful to find proper advices to not do their mistakes !
My dad followed these rules and defiantly I’m thankful for it.
My mom unintentionally failed and overly sheltered me and my sister.
Yeah...my mom does this all the time and my father is just a fly on the wall and he only jumps in when I retaliate.
Same 🙃*crying from inside*
@Kilfa Nara don't fall for him!
@Kilfa Nara WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THESE?!
When I’d get upset about how my siblings were treated I’d look at my mom and say “Or just hurt their feelings. Great job, mom” and she’d be like “Don’t you dare tell me how to parent”. Pretty ironic that it’s coming from your child lmao but okay
Sharing; wish I’d seen it when I was a young mom… hope it can be helpful for current young parents…❤️🙏🌹
Thank you
I extremely relate to the comparing to others, being overly strict and ignoring the childs mental health. like you cant create the perfect child, no one can.
another thing to add as a child myself, it to not set up so many boundaries that its overwhelming to the child. putting time limits, limits, or having underaccsesableity, on too many things can make them stressed. take it from someone whos Ex-Father went nuts on time limits on literally everything, dispite knowing about her tiktok and her need to get videos out every day, only put 15 mins a day on all apps.
“ why are you scrolling on my socials and reading my messages?”
“It’s because I have to control you and your behavior, and see what you’re hiding from me”
I know how that feel, my mother even controls when I can get on my devices. She's even using this app called Bark so she can see my search history, what I watch, what I read, what music I listen to (which I don't like people knowing what I listen to), what games I play ,even email's I get, ETC. She does the same thing.
I such a case
Passwort lock your devices and tell them that you have right of privacy
@@Zero.X nah ah that wont work. my dad would beat my ass off to know the password and he said: "i gave birth to you so you dont have anything called privacy to me"
You should never force your child upon your own education. Teaching children stuff around your job is fine. But if you force your child into school and professions that they have little to none intrest to, will make their growth stagnate for a long time. It might even end them being hostile to you.
And then they say THIS FOR YOUR GOOD AND MY GOOD
Look mom dad I COULD NOT CARE LESS POLITICS