I know its probably not intentional but sometimes it seems like limerents go out of their way to behave in the most unattractive and repulsive ways around their limerent object. A normal crush will often show their affection by getting to know you and showing you that they care about you. A limerent on the other hand feels like a blood sucking leech. A lot of needy, dependant and childish behaviour. The stalking, resentment, vindictiveness and inability to take no for an answer.
@@marybell2002 not everyone experiencing limerence acts this way. Some people become distant from their object of affection because knowing the reality of a relationship can disrupt the fantasy that the person have created in their mind. It can depend on the attachment style
I’ve been on both sides of the limerence coin as well. Whenever I’m the LO I always try to approach the situation with as much compassion as possible because I know how much it hurts and I wasn’t shown any compassion at all when it happened to me.
I feel this. I tried to handle the situation with kid gloves, still didn't go perfectly. Because as we both know, the limerant person is so so sensitive that there's hardly anything you can do other than profess your undying love that they will find satisfying
Anna, thank you for this. My husband was the initial LO of a coworker; when she confessed and propositioned him (twice) he ended contact, and she moved away. It was upsetting for both of us especially since we had a baby at the time, but we moved on both figuratively and literally. Thirty years later we found out that she is still obsessed with him, claims to be married to someone in his line of work (she’s actually divorced) and had been reproducing my social media posts as if they were her own experiences. We were both alarmed at first but now just feel really sorry for her and wish she could have gotten help in order to live a life based in reality. She’s never tried to contact us and we’re not afraid of her, but it is upsetting that someone could take ordinary interactions and spin it out into a lifetime of obsessive focus. Thank you for giving voice to the LO. I want to bring no shame to anyone; just a reality check that what you may be doing is not harmless to others.
@@di3486 I agree with taking precautions (Marie-Ange is not my real name, for instance). I am no longer on social media and live thousands of miles away from the limerent woman. She did make a trip to our state two years ago, even stayed in the same town where we reside, but made no attempt to contact us. Nothing that she’s done is against the law, but if that line is ever crossed we will take immediate steps.
This is a really lovely, mature take. Thank you for having empathy for her rather than attacking her. I too was the subject of something similar with my pregnancy journey. I initially freaked out when I saw accounts pretending to be living my life. (Though I do believe most of it was fetish based) Now I’m trying to have more empathy for those people.
@@kaylamburris It is all thanks to the Crappy Childhood Fairy that I have empathy in this situation! Anna explains things with such straightforward honesty and compassion. Other advice I’d read about similar situations came from places of fear, loathing, hate. I don’t want any part of that, I just want peace and clarity, and I want peace and clarity for people who have suffered from terrible childhoods especially. 💕
I remember reading somewhere that it's not uncommon for people who experience PTSD to pursue endeavors like caregiving professions and religious service. As an example, after I donated a kidney to my abusive father I went and worked as a CNA in hospice for 4 years. I don't remember where I read it, but I have always felt it resonated.
Yes, I have experience the wrath from the bruised egos of those who have carried limerance towards me. It is NOT fun! Stalkers are what happens to the extreme of this. I am afraid of this as have experienced it several times. I never give false hope to men I am NOT interested in.. in fact quite the opposite. I have always gently and kindly told it straight that I was not looking for someone yet... it happens... It is scary and NOT fun as I said before. It makes one scared to even have platonic relationships because there are many lonely clingy obsessive men out there.
I've felt alone and isolated and hurt with being this person. I've been guilty of it, but healed and grew: I wish them the same. And to leave me alone...
Thanks for this Anna. Part of my recovery from limerence is trying to put myself in the shoes of my limerent object. I went no contact with my LO a couple of months ago with no warning after the last of many transgressions. She was very gracious, all things considered, in addressing the symptoms of my limerence but I could tell I was putting her through a lot of discomfort. In committing to no contact, I finally decided that I couldn't bear the thought of transgressing once again and subjecting her to further upset. The love I have for my LO may not be real, but I can at least demonstrate some basic human compassion in setting her free.
This is the type of self control and discipline that is needed if one wants to heal from limerence tendencies. One recognizes what it is and consciously makes the effort to stop it and move on.
As long as I let them know , don't ignore and go no contact just because of your issues, be an adult and end things right explain yourself to understand and more forward,! I find it so disgusting that people get butt hurt about something n just leave or go no contact... Be an adult and end it ... Then u can go do be and fuxk who ever u want ... It's so simple
My friend's husband was just murdered by an old friend who was obsessed with her for years and she had no idea. They had barely dated once like ten years prior.
I have felt my needs not met and ignored by my husband. I think I picked him due to him ignoring me. Then throw in LO on my end with alcoholism. What a mess. I wish everyone healing including myself.
I’m in a situation where I’m crushing on a guy and I can’t avoid him due to my job. I’m so terrified that he can tell my feelings. I’m doing my best not to show my feelings. Limerance sucks.
Repeat to yourself everyday that what are you feeling is the consequence of your emotional issues and not real love and make a conscious effort to stop feeling this at least in that intense way. You have to consciously make this and I promise that it will start going away as long as you promise to yourself to stay your ground.
I have been struggling with limerence all my life and since I thankfully have never had stalking tendencies, I always just let it happen and it go away at some point. I always wonder and struggle to realise the difference between a "healthy" crush and limerence? Are there even healthy crushes? Fairy you're saving my life with your lessons, thank you ❤️
Yes, a healthy crush might get us feeling excited to go out, have us dressing better and looking better and trying harder to connect. A little distraction is not a bad thing. But living in delusion is always a bad thing and life sucking. -Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve been the object of limerence and it triggers my flight response. I left a church community because a guy I was volunteering with freaked me out and became enraged when I said we didn’t have that kind of relationship.
I felt the LO vibe, and could’ve “milked” it, like it felt good to be fancied and aren’t I so special? Having been treated this way myself, I thought no, that’s selfish. So I directly addressed it, and brought it to a decision (as you’ve said) and put forth a firm boundary. Then it got tricky. To pop the bubble as a LO is hard. I’ll say it’s a pride injury, but it’s also a control issue, and apparently I went off script. It feels complicated, where I feel he wants to be right as the man, and as a women I should’ve been the passive recipient of his objectifications and projections, so he could have a harmless love buzz off of me. His reality is so bizarre, it’s gotten into this loopy gaslighting energy that is amazingly manipulative- almost hard to see, so I go with my gut to not feel tricked. I eventually pulled back on the community where I knew this person. I tell myself there’s nothing wrong with saying no, but my inner child is freaked out, like I should let the angry man get his way (my trauma response). So this is more on how it feels to be a LO - not flattering at all, invasive, deceptive, creepy, and a guilt tripping sneaky weird mess. YUCK 🤬🤬
Thank you for sharing that, it sounds like you were put in a very uncomfortable position. I'm so glad you were able to leave that community and cut off contact with him, sometimes fighting that trauma response is really hard and it's great you were able to! -Calista@TeamFairy
It's very yucky energy, esp when a circle/group that you thought were of like minds/goals is blinded to & involved in their manipulation, instead of supporting you.
I didn't know the term limerance when I was experiencing it myself. At first we were both over the top intense in our affections but when she wanted to end things I found myself pushing harder to keep things going. When I started to Google both my feelings and her behavior I quickly began to see how MY limerant behavior and outlook on our relationship was more similar to a drug addiction than a romantic relationship. It was not until I experienced the withdrawals and did the research that I recognized the pressure I was putting on her and also how out of control I was in terms of my emotions. It was only recently that I discovered the term limerance but I immediately knew I had a propensity towards it before I had that revelation about my last most serious relationship. All this to say, I had several similar situations where I was the object of the limerance and I felt even more aware of just how much pressure I put on my past partner. We live and we learn (hopefully) and it helps us at the very least see our own patterns and maybe even try and step out of them.
Being the object of limerence and narcissistic abuse while living with the person (my ex-roommate/friend) was a special kind of hell on Earth that still haunts me after going no-contact almost 3 years ago. It’s really hard talking about it because the few people who’ve listened think I’m making it up or being egotistical by even suggesting that someone could be obsessed with me. It’s also tough existing as a former object at the intersection of limerence and narcissism because I don’t feel like I fit in fully with either group. On one side, limerence conversations are often largely comprised of people who’ve been on both sides and whose obsessions weren’t nearly as dangerous and relentless as my abuser’s. One the other side, NPD conversations usually cater to victims who actually *wanted* to be in a romantic relationship with the narc (even if that was the result of love bombing). If anyone reading this can relate and wants to team up to form a support group or virtual MeetUp group, please let me know!
I have celebrity limerance right now. It’s really awful. I never ever even liked celebrities. It’s been 9 months I’m tearing myself away from Social media stalking. It’s really hard though.
Please start daily practice twice as anna says. It will be helpful. I had something like that where i was obssed reading certain novels but after reading them i wouldn't feel good about myself and i struggle with it for 6 months. during this period i was on-off daily practice but then i started twice a day and wrote down everything how i feel and started realizing reason behind it. I'm out of it now cannot realite to them anymore and trust me once u pass this phase, you will accelerate your progress in terms of healing.
I simply try to have friends and be a friend, but the guys become limerant and destroy everything then get super bitter, even scary, toward me when im not interested in romance. I'm always VERY clear and direct that I'm not their girlfriend we wouldn't make a good couple and exactly why. I think I have a friend, but,nope, just one person being honest and wanting the best life for her friend and one person being a limerant jerk usually sabatoging things in my life (like good job or romantic interest) because it would fulfill their limerant objectives. So now, I don't have friends at all. I try for female friends but I've never been married & can't have children (which is why I didn't ever marry) & that's all women talk about, husbands & kids. They also don't trust a single woman, constantly nervous I'm after their husband (its always the women with the obese toddler husbands who are most convinced I'm trying to steal them. Maybe it's displaced hope on their part.) Needed to dump that all here, apparently. Thx for the space.
We are glad that you're here- you can get out of this cycle, there are great women friends out there without kids or who would love to NOT talk about their kids. We get together all the time via zoom in membership and there are great friendships blossoming :) bit.ly/CCF-Membership -Cara@TeamFairy
Just be careful with “male friendships”. I have yet to see a normal pure friends between men and women. It’s almost impossible. Always keep your distance with men if you don’t want to pursue romantic relationship. Never be too warm or too close.
I had what I thought was a pleasant platonic friendship with a guy who was 10-15 years older than me. Turned out he felt he was in love with me, and when he confessed that and I didn't reciprocate (reminding him I was living with my BF and he knew it), this guy got angry and accused me of leading him on. It was scary and such a surprise.
I don’t think I ever experienced someone being limerent about me, more like narcissists performing their love bombing which I don’t consider limerence. Looking back, it felt like being scammed but I am glad I saw it for what it was and run away the opposite direction.
It's interesting because IME, they can look really similar. But an anxious or fearful avoidant person is doing it unconsciously / non-maliciously as a strategy to get attention, whereas the narcissist is performing deliberate manipulation
In 2019, I went out on a few dates with my now former pastor and became enmeshed emotionally pretty quickly. It didn't go far because I put the breaks on it before a physical relationship developed. I confided in him that I had C-PTSD and was working on dealing with my childhood trauma. He was abandoned by his teen mother, so I thought we could bond over our shared trauma--but I felt as though he just wanted sex. Consequently, I decided to pull back, and then he began to breadcrumb me while in quarantine. I finally decided 9 months ago and ended my affiliation with him and the church. It was in my best interest as I felt he was secretive about our interaction--which in turn made me feel shameful. I feel relieved that I stopped all contact with him, but I am angry with myself that I permitted such a precarious boundary to be crossed in the first place!!! 😐😔😐😔
Your PASTOR wanted sex?!?! What?? That man is a serpent and you were manipulated to feel shame. You did the right thing to get the heck out of there. Good for you!!
Anna, do you have any advice for ptsd from being the person the limerant person was obsessed with? I wake up from night sweats from the nightmares. Thank you for everything you do to help all of us heal. ❤️
It is awful. It is disgusting and makes me depressed to be the object of limerence of someone else. It is ABUSE. If you harass people, know you are an abuser and God will take care of this.
Maybe they don't do it on purpose? Autistic people for example can get high fixiation even on people I read. But they don't do it ob purpose. Only If you make clear you don't want this in what ever way (crying, getting angry, explaining it isn't benefitial for your health and you CLEARLY suffer) then it's harrasing and abusing. And If you can't help yourself, the people around you need to help you. If not and they let you suffer it's neglectet support. So what about the poeple who know about it and actually help those crazy and harmful people by encouraging their obsession and more? Those flying monkeys are even more dangerous in my opinion.
Where I am from . obsession is a big issue. I think it could be extreme in some cultures. And I read everyday a guy killed a girl because she said no to him or killed his girl friend or wife.
I've had issues with this since I've been a teenager. Often been stalked. Had coworker issues. 🤷♀️ I just never understood what the attraction was. Why were these people always running after me all the time? My milkshakes weren't so great or anything. Seriously. I just don't get it. It really upset me & upended my life. It's not fun being stalked over & over again. And love letters are only fun if you like the person you're getting them from. Anna do you have any answers about the constant repetition of this?
Same, I've always had the same issue. Even avoiding eye contact and never speaking to them doesn't work. They even got people to help them stalk. It's honestly affecting my mental health.
The thing is that adults who go to their priest for advice could still be wounded little children on the inside. Which would make them vulnerable to abuse by someone who’s prone to limerence with an unaddressed s*x addiction. That’s a situation which could cause lasting harm.
Yeah well I not only disclosed to tell them stay away, I also later insisted TWICE that we go no contact. They insist we stay friends and WON'T GO AWAY.
@Wendy Lee Connelly they're not the limerent one - *I* am. But still they won't take my request to stay apart as they 'like me as a friend too much' but I can't shake the attraction I have. But they insist they don't see me that way. Fine. Then let me move on. So bizarre, really.
@@kimlarso no, it's not but if you have this issue I feel your pain. Mine still has not gone away, but I admit I'm less caring about him staying/going/whatever as I have worked on myself. Can't believe it's been seven months since I wrote that and this person is still insisting on being in my life.
I had an experience this past year that I'm pretty sure was mutually limerant, even though they ended it. However in 2019 to 2020 someone was highly limerant for me. Hugely informative experience, and I didn't know it was possible for me to feel so avoidant. It is a really.. crowded feeling. And I'm a nice person, and it felt especially when ending things with them like it was impossible to do anything that didn't do massive damage.
Never let a man make you chase him. Recognize what is happening in the moment & be more resistant. Be resistant to these men. If they don’t want to do right by you & they wanna be a hater and a misogynist then you have to resist! Resist their charms and manipulation. Resist them trying to push their responsibilities onto you. If something is their responsibility make them do their job!!
is limerence always wrong though? I kinda fell in love with a celebrity at a very dark time of my life and it changed my feras and resentment into a very powerful feeling of love and wanting to do things when I was very depressed. I know this is part of the dynamic, but if it's a person who is that far from you mentally and physically and they don't even know you, when is it likely to fall into the unhealthy spectrum?
Is not right or wrong, it’s just the manifestation of an illusion, a distortion of reality. It is simply a coping mechanism. In the long run, to grow as a person you want coping mechanisms that are rooted in reality.
I got limmerent once, with a partner. With time, your videos, and therapy I became aware of my dellusional behaviour and I realized how disfunctional I was at that time in that relationship. But now, after 2 years after the breakup, my ex partner seems to not be able to forget me. He broke up with me because of my limmerence/obsession, but nowadays he keeps stalking my social media and keeps tracking what I do and the people in my life now (friends). I never contacted him again since this was his desire! Is it possible that he became somehow "addicted" to the pleasant personality I had with him at that time? Did I make such an impact on him? Or maybe he has disfunctional behaviours of his own?
Maybe he’s looking for evidence that you’re still hung up on him? Maybe he’s paranoid that you’re just getting better at hiding your obsession? There was a guy I dated who did some weird stalker things with me and I still check in on him (from a distance) 2 years later to be sure I’m safe
Yep amanda is in that position. She doesn't want to share her feelings because I'll shut her down and reject her. She wants to keep her fantasy alive. She probably thinks if she waits long enough I'll feel the same or she's just stuck and can't let this limerence go. She's probably chased fantasies her whole life due to her trauma. Maybe she will just stay stuck in it for a few years.
I’ve been trying to connect with my LO and I feel like I annoy him. Its upsetting and annoying because its harmless right? This has given me a new perspective and its hard(
It's the obsessive part that makes the difference. When you are in limerence, your entire being is sucked into this obsession. It almost becomes your oxygen. You always find a way to create new reasons to think about your limerent object even when you haven't seen it in days/months/years. There's almost no present tense when you are in limerence!
WHat is sit calle when you want to be with someone and they want to be with you but life circumstances don't allow for it at this time and may never allow for it and yuet one keeps holding on to th e hope that it will happen beause you both want it. The main circumstance is medical, but family issues are also, so they are genuine issues that mean he just isn't in the right place to start a relationship even though he would ike to.
Someone from high school got in touch with me, drunk, crying and asking why I wouldn't date him. We were in our 40's and hadn't seen each other since then. It was really awkward.
@@TheMakeupMavenn I was. But I am absolutely under no obligation to caretake anyone else's emotions and it is never okay to get drunk and unload that on another person. I was going through PLENTY in my own life at the time and someone else's issues were absolutely not my problem.
Want to know something sad I had limerence towards another person. I imagine they can empathize with the emotion because they did everything to feed my delusions but offered nothing to bring me back to reality. There were many red flags in our relationship but nothing concrete to help me wake up. They eventually ghosted me so I suffered a while with my limerence making excuses for the ghosting. Imagine knowing a mental illness seeing someone suffering from it and using it against them.
I'm discovering what is limerence. We are in a crazy world. If you don't have the chance your crush loves you too, you are sick. wow!
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It's definitely not the same thing as an unrequited crush (which of course is normal and in itself not at all unhealthy), and some more research will clarify that for you.
@ You're right. It's not clear. It's hard enough, we don't need to be shamed, blamed, and depreciated by confused psychology theories. I guess people who enjoy the pretty privilege are less affected by this "disease". It's a double penalty. What do you feel when someone makes you the object of their obsession? She says it at the beginning of the video. Most of the time you don't even know it. My crush doesn't know. I'm not a stalker. It's sad for me. He's not afraid or in pain.
I feel the responsibility to point out a couple of things. 1. As people suffering from the same problem as this person (limerance) I think we should be compassionate towards him rather than judge him or treat him like a disgusting piece of trash. 2. The person made certainly an unconfortable confession (I bet it was also unconfortable to him) and I believe that the compassionate thing to do would be to address the issue, and tell him to seek out for help (as his confession might as well be a cry for help). I do not believe right to damage his reputation since he did not treaten or damaged the other person in any way. It feels to me as if a patient would confide in his/her therapist his/her feelings toward the therapist and therapist instead of adressing this as transference would rather do the completely unethical thing of destroying the client's reputation with other people. For no reason other tha beinf honest! I would never trust a priest who spreads confessions to the air. Unless the confession was a an admision of a crime! Also, regarding the sexual addiction. I think we all know that traumatized people often exagerate their own flaws. Sexual addiction could be something as comon as masturbation. But for religious people masturbation is a sin. I really, really believe that before ruining this guy's reputation she would rather talk to hum, be clear in the fact that he is limerant towards her and that she does not feel the same and that he should seek out for help!
I think I caught myself recently in the early stages of limerence. I recognised similarities in my thoughts to how I developed it the last time. There is a point early on where you can cut it off & leave it go.
Being the object of limerace is an odd concept. I would have to be attractive to others. The thought has crossed my mind recently, now that I have some emotions back. It must be awful for someone in love with a person who is completely oblivious and unresponsive to emotion.
Doesn't limerence also refer to the first stage of being in live in general? By definition it's not limited to live that isn't mutual. Just that it eventually Fades when you enter a relationship, if it is one sided it may not.
Is it limerence if you love your therapist in a romantic way and continue to think of them everyday after therapy has ended?When I hear romantic music I think of her and want to be intimate. I can’t say im obsessed with her but think of her daily..I completed therapy 6 months ago, was in therapy for a year and a half. I ended therapy because I had to move out of state. I am now with a new therapist and I do not feel this way for my new therapist. Am I limerent?
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Sounds like it, but also very common - have a look into "transference".
She needs to be honest and tell him you're not interested and if he cannot accept it .. End the friendship and find another church to practice your religion... A nunnery may be the way to go if you're not interested in a relationship...
Ok, I had LO episode, it has passed, but now I have another situation. I'm the object of another person interst, and I like this guy enough to talk with him or text as long as it's during the work day, at work. Theres nothing wrong with my husband or or relationship, but I do get a high off the attention of the office guy.and so I've permitted and allow this situation at work to develop. Also I work in a corporate job which is a little unexciting and ordinary so this guy is a wonderful distraction from that. For him, he's clearly in a longterm unhappy marriage, he has already made disparaging remarks about his wife. I don't like it, but I don't know what to say to him about that.. We're both in our 50s. I'm emotional immature but I've been through alot of therapy to know what and why this happening. like i said the dopamine hit I get from this guy's attention to me is too much for me to resist. He texts, I will respond, and not talking about sex, we talk about work, politics, life, news, science etc. I know it's micrcheating, but I also think actions and deeds are important so I don't believe that thought crimes should be condemned. Since I show up for my family night after night, and weekends, holidays. It's just when I go to work I engage with this guy who wants to connect with me obviously he likes me. I also turn 50 this year and feeling real insecure about my attractiveness declining rapidly and to have a male attention from someone that is smart and financially successful (the guy at work is in a much higher economic and academic status then me.) Anyway, I know I'm in a delicate situation. It's cause me some anxiety, but on the other hand my job can be boring sometimes, and 'stress'/excitement like this kind of keeps me going. I have 5 years before I'm eliigible to retire. I'm trying to hang on to my job for this much longer.
I’m not sure how to process the normality of how some people are commenting on this limerence behaviour, there is a line in the sand to draw here for me, it’s understandable in the context of CPTSD, yet unacceptable for anyone at anytime to do what this guy has done to Grace, I would be taking the advice from crappy childhood fairy on board 100% and act accordingly to seek advice from the eldership of this institution, I hear a few more red flags then said here publicly and would seek wise counsel, I would rule out a catastrophic fear factor and reaction but also would be aware and cautious that this guy is in a position to not only take advantage of Grace which he already has, but others also, putting himself in a position of authority that he’s pursuing as a priest and now openly showing his ability to entrap Grace is showing his clear intentions What is his motive behind him being blatant about his sex addiction and quick attachment to Grace is a rhetorical question? He’s already shown the answer in his actions, the answer being in my honest appraisal, dangerous to be in a leadership position as a priest to give counsel of sound mind or sober judgment to anyone seeking comfort, support and safety 😮
I'm literally wondering if most of these ppl in the chat are narcs. If limerent and narc are highly correlated. Can barely find comments that aren't limerent friendly or from former limrents. Looking for more solutions and pov of objects only who have never been obsessed with anybody m ❤
Would love to see more comments from people who have been solely the object Any suggestions on breaking contact with a limerant person from us who haven't been limerants? The comments are focused on past limerants sharing their story. It's irritating that limerants (narcs?) are dominating the chat, having compassion for themselves as a limerant. Any stories of protecting yourself from limerent acting out after you refuse contact? Looking for ppl who have only been the vulnerable object? Not advice from ppl who care for the limerent they once were. Looking for shared experience of ppl who never had limerence? Annoying 😂
Lots of religions have female priests these days, here is a timeline on wikipedia about that ; en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_women%27s_ordination
Nothing opens your eyes to your own limerence like having someone being limerent over you. I kept asking myself "Jesus, was I like that?"
Same!
Yup ❤😂
I know its probably not intentional but sometimes it seems like limerents go out of their way to behave in the most unattractive and repulsive ways around their limerent object. A normal crush will often show their affection by getting to know you and showing you that they care about you. A limerent on the other hand feels like a blood sucking leech. A lot of needy, dependant and childish behaviour. The stalking, resentment, vindictiveness and inability to take no for an answer.
Exactly it’s crazy I was beyond annoyed idk how anyone put up with me in the past 😂
@@marybell2002 not everyone experiencing limerence acts this way. Some people become distant from their object of affection because knowing the reality of a relationship can disrupt the fantasy that the person have created in their mind. It can depend on the attachment style
I’ve been on both sides of the limerence coin as well. Whenever I’m the LO I always try to approach the situation with as much compassion as possible because I know how much it hurts and I wasn’t shown any compassion at all when it happened to me.
I feel this. I tried to handle the situation with kid gloves, still didn't go perfectly. Because as we both know, the limerant person is so so sensitive that there's hardly anything you can do other than profess your undying love that they will find satisfying
Anna, thank you for this. My husband was the initial LO of a coworker; when she confessed and propositioned him (twice) he ended contact, and she moved away. It was upsetting for both of us especially since we had a baby at the time, but we moved on both figuratively and literally. Thirty years later we found out that she is still obsessed with him, claims to be married to someone in his line of work (she’s actually divorced) and had been reproducing my social media posts as if they were her own experiences. We were both alarmed at first but now just feel really sorry for her and wish she could have gotten help in order to live a life based in reality. She’s never tried to contact us and we’re not afraid of her, but it is upsetting that someone could take ordinary interactions and spin it out into a lifetime of obsessive focus. Thank you for giving voice to the LO. I want to bring no shame to anyone; just a reality check that what you may be doing is not harmless to others.
Great to have this perspective, thanks so much!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I would be concerned since you never know how dark someone could be. This is why all my social media is extra private.
@@di3486 I agree with taking precautions (Marie-Ange is not my real name, for instance). I am no longer on social media and live thousands of miles away from the limerent woman. She did make a trip to our state two years ago, even stayed in the same town where we reside, but made no attempt to contact us. Nothing that she’s done is against the law, but if that line is ever crossed we will take immediate steps.
This is a really lovely, mature take. Thank you for having empathy for her rather than attacking her. I too was the subject of something similar with my pregnancy journey. I initially freaked out when I saw accounts pretending to be living my life. (Though I do believe most of it was fetish based) Now I’m trying to have more empathy for those people.
@@kaylamburris It is all thanks to the Crappy Childhood Fairy that I have empathy in this situation! Anna explains things with such straightforward honesty and compassion. Other advice I’d read about similar situations came from places of fear, loathing, hate. I don’t want any part of that, I just want peace and clarity, and I want peace and clarity for people who have suffered from terrible childhoods especially. 💕
Not disclosing feelings to protect the fantasy… yup that sounds like me
I’ve been on both sides multiple times. It’s HELL either way. Straight up.
I remember reading somewhere that it's not uncommon for people who experience PTSD to pursue endeavors like caregiving professions and religious service. As an example, after I donated a kidney to my abusive father I went and worked as a CNA in hospice for 4 years. I don't remember where I read it, but I have always felt it resonated.
Yes. This is accurate. The term is the "Wounded Healer".
Yes, I have experience the wrath from the bruised egos of those who have carried limerance towards me. It is NOT fun! Stalkers are what happens to the extreme of this. I am afraid of this as have experienced it several times. I never give false hope to men I am NOT interested in.. in fact quite the opposite. I have always gently and kindly told it straight that I was not looking for someone yet... it happens... It is scary and NOT fun as I said before. It makes one scared to even have platonic relationships because there are many lonely clingy obsessive men out there.
So sorry to hear that, that must have been very difficult and scary. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. -Calista@TeamFairy
@lovearttherapyalways: and creepy obsessive women too.dont forget that.
I agree with what you're saying. I had one guy (whom I thought was my friend) stalk me for a year.
I’ve had similar experiences with men (plural) who turned into stalkers. Not fun.
I've felt alone and isolated and hurt with being this person. I've been guilty of it, but healed and grew: I wish them the same. And to leave me alone...
Thanks for this Anna. Part of my recovery from limerence is trying to put myself in the shoes of my limerent object. I went no contact with my LO a couple of months ago with no warning after the last of many transgressions. She was very gracious, all things considered, in addressing the symptoms of my limerence but I could tell I was putting her through a lot of discomfort. In committing to no contact, I finally decided that I couldn't bear the thought of transgressing once again and subjecting her to further upset. The love I have for my LO may not be real, but I can at least demonstrate some basic human compassion in setting her free.
This is the type of self control and discipline that is needed if one wants to heal from limerence tendencies. One recognizes what it is and consciously makes the effort to stop it and move on.
As long as I let them know , don't ignore and go no contact just because of your issues, be an adult and end things right explain yourself to understand and more forward,! I find it so disgusting that people get butt hurt about something n just leave or go no contact... Be an adult and end it ... Then u can go do be and fuxk who ever u want ... It's so simple
My friend's husband was just murdered by an old friend who was obsessed with her for years and she had no idea. They had barely dated once like ten years prior.
People are unpredictable you never know what is in their heads. I'm so sorry they went through that.
Oh, that is quite extreme and terrible to hear about.
-Cara@TeamFairy
My mom's old friend's sister was killed by an ex. People are weird.
I have felt my needs not met and ignored by my husband. I think I picked him due to him ignoring me. Then throw in LO on my end with alcoholism. What a mess. I wish everyone healing including myself.
Wishing you a great healing experience!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for showing the other side ! I'd like to see more letters like this one
More to come!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m in a situation where I’m crushing on a guy and I can’t avoid him due to my job. I’m so terrified that he can tell my feelings. I’m doing my best not to show my feelings. Limerance sucks.
He probably can't tell, try this technique to move on. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you! I can’t wait to get started!
Repeat to yourself everyday that what are you feeling is the consequence of your emotional issues and not real love and make a conscious effort to stop feeling this at least in that intense way. You have to consciously make this and I promise that it will start going away as long as you promise to yourself to stay your ground.
I have been struggling with limerence all my life and since I thankfully have never had stalking tendencies, I always just let it happen and it go away at some point.
I always wonder and struggle to realise the difference between a "healthy" crush and limerence?
Are there even healthy crushes?
Fairy you're saving my life with your lessons, thank you ❤️
Yes, a healthy crush might get us feeling excited to go out, have us dressing better and looking better and trying harder to connect. A little distraction is not a bad thing. But living in delusion is always a bad thing and life sucking.
-Cara@TeamFairy
It’s healthy when you have both feet on the ground and can differentiate when it is an impossible person and you move on out of self respect.
Thank you so much for answering!!!
I’ve been the object of limerence and it triggers my flight response. I left a church community because a guy I was volunteering with freaked me out and became enraged when I said we didn’t have that kind of relationship.
That’s creepy my stalker was obsessed with me and how I looked. He said he would do something to because I ignored him.
@@Notme811_you scary... stay safe.
They frequently do become enraged when they feel rejected.
I felt the LO vibe, and could’ve “milked” it, like it felt good to be fancied and aren’t I so special? Having been treated this way myself, I thought no, that’s selfish. So I directly addressed it, and brought it to a decision (as you’ve said) and put forth a firm boundary. Then it got tricky. To pop the bubble as a LO is hard. I’ll say it’s a pride injury, but it’s also a control issue, and apparently I went off script. It feels complicated, where I feel he wants to be right as the man, and as a women I should’ve been the passive recipient of his objectifications and projections, so he could have a harmless love buzz off of me. His reality is so bizarre, it’s gotten into this loopy gaslighting energy that is amazingly manipulative- almost hard to see, so I go with my gut to not feel tricked. I eventually pulled back on the community where I knew this person. I tell myself there’s nothing wrong with saying no, but my inner child is freaked out, like I should let the angry man get his way (my trauma response). So this is more on how it feels to be a LO - not flattering at all, invasive, deceptive, creepy, and a guilt tripping sneaky weird mess. YUCK 🤬🤬
Thank you for sharing that, it sounds like you were put in a very uncomfortable position. I'm so glad you were able to leave that community and cut off contact with him, sometimes fighting that trauma response is really hard and it's great you were able to! -Calista@TeamFairy
It's very yucky energy, esp when a circle/group that you thought were of like minds/goals is blinded to & involved in their manipulation, instead of supporting you.
I didn't know the term limerance when I was experiencing it myself. At first we were both over the top intense in our affections but when she wanted to end things I found myself pushing harder to keep things going. When I started to Google both my feelings and her behavior I quickly began to see how MY limerant behavior and outlook on our relationship was more similar to a drug addiction than a romantic relationship. It was not until I experienced the withdrawals and did the research that I recognized the pressure I was putting on her and also how out of control I was in terms of my emotions. It was only recently that I discovered the term limerance but I immediately knew I had a propensity towards it before I had that revelation about my last most serious relationship. All this to say, I had several similar situations where I was the object of the limerance and I felt even more aware of just how much pressure I put on my past partner. We live and we learn (hopefully) and it helps us at the very least see our own patterns and maybe even try and step out of them.
Being the object of limerence and narcissistic abuse while living with the person (my ex-roommate/friend) was a special kind of hell on Earth that still haunts me after going no-contact almost 3 years ago. It’s really hard talking about it because the few people who’ve listened think I’m making it up or being egotistical by even suggesting that someone could be obsessed with me. It’s also tough existing as a former object at the intersection of limerence and narcissism because I don’t feel like I fit in fully with either group. On one side, limerence conversations are often largely comprised of people who’ve been on both sides and whose obsessions weren’t nearly as dangerous and relentless as my abuser’s. One the other side, NPD conversations usually cater to victims who actually *wanted* to be in a romantic relationship with the narc (even if that was the result of love bombing). If anyone reading this can relate and wants to team up to form a support group or virtual MeetUp group, please let me know!
is limerence always romantic though? i feel like i've been on both sides of this coin in friendships as well.
I was the object of an alcoholic's limerance. It's also known as "Othello's Syndrome". I was so afraid, I relocated to a city far away.
This is a good reminder spiritual leaders are no better than their flock or.church members and often way more crazy.
I have celebrity limerance right now. It’s really awful. I never ever even liked celebrities. It’s been 9 months I’m tearing myself away from Social media stalking. It’s really hard though.
Please start daily practice twice as anna says. It will be helpful. I had something like that where i was obssed reading certain novels but after reading them i wouldn't feel good about myself and i struggle with it for 6 months. during this period i was on-off daily practice but then i started twice a day and wrote down everything how i feel and started realizing reason behind it. I'm out of it now cannot realite to them anymore and trust me once u pass this phase, you will accelerate your progress in terms of healing.
I simply try to have friends and be a friend, but the guys become limerant and destroy everything then get super bitter, even scary, toward me when im not interested in romance. I'm always VERY clear and direct that I'm not their girlfriend we wouldn't make a good couple and exactly why. I think I have a friend, but,nope, just one person being honest and wanting the best life for her friend and one person being a limerant jerk usually sabatoging things in my life (like good job or romantic interest) because it would fulfill their limerant objectives. So now, I don't have friends at all. I try for female friends but I've never been married & can't have children (which is why I didn't ever marry) & that's all women talk about, husbands & kids. They also don't trust a single woman, constantly nervous I'm after their husband (its always the women with the obese toddler husbands who are most convinced I'm trying to steal them. Maybe it's displaced hope on their part.) Needed to dump that all here, apparently. Thx for the space.
We are glad that you're here- you can get out of this cycle, there are great women friends out there without kids or who would love to NOT talk about their kids. We get together all the time via zoom in membership and there are great friendships blossoming :) bit.ly/CCF-Membership
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I appreciate the suggestion. Thank you
I feel this on so many levels
Many people believe adult men and women can't be friends without underlying sexual expectations. It sounds like you have lived this.
Just be careful with “male friendships”. I have yet to see a normal pure friends between men and women. It’s almost impossible.
Always keep your distance with men if you don’t want to pursue romantic relationship. Never be too warm or too close.
I had what I thought was a pleasant platonic friendship with a guy who was 10-15 years older than me. Turned out he felt he was in love with me, and when he confessed that and I didn't reciprocate (reminding him I was living with my BF and he knew it), this guy got angry and accused me of leading him on. It was scary and such a surprise.
It’s very unlikely to have a true friendship between woman and a man. I have seen and experienced this myself over and over.
I don’t think I ever experienced someone being limerent about me, more like narcissists performing their love bombing which I don’t consider limerence. Looking back, it felt like being scammed but I am glad I saw it for what it was and run away the opposite direction.
It's interesting because IME, they can look really similar. But an anxious or fearful avoidant person is doing it unconsciously / non-maliciously as a strategy to get attention, whereas the narcissist is performing deliberate manipulation
It’s actually terrifying and triggers ptsd bigtime .
In 2019, I went out on a few dates with my now former pastor and became enmeshed emotionally pretty quickly. It didn't go far because I put the breaks on it before a physical relationship developed. I confided in him that I had C-PTSD and was working on dealing with my childhood trauma. He was abandoned by his teen mother, so I thought we could bond over our shared trauma--but I felt as though he just wanted sex. Consequently, I decided to pull back, and then he began to breadcrumb me while in quarantine. I finally decided 9 months ago and ended my affiliation with him and the church. It was in my best interest as I felt he was secretive about our interaction--which in turn made me feel shameful. I feel relieved that I stopped all contact with him, but I am angry with myself that I permitted such a precarious boundary to be crossed in the first place!!! 😐😔😐😔
Your PASTOR wanted sex?!?! What?? That man is a serpent and you were manipulated to feel shame. You did the right thing to get the heck out of there. Good for you!!
@@AMcDub0708 Yep! Wolf in sheep's clothing. I can't serve under a pastor like that! 😕😒😑
Anna, do you have any advice for ptsd from being the person the limerant person was obsessed with? I wake up from night sweats from the nightmares. Thank you for everything you do to help all of us heal. ❤️
I can’t speak for Anna but for myself, I did EMDR therapy to redirect the shock and creepy feeling of being the object of obsessions. Best wishes!
@@HaggisIsGross thank you for the suggestion! I will look into it!!
Daily Practice and healthy connections! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
It is awful. It is disgusting and makes me depressed to be the object of limerence of someone else. It is ABUSE. If you harass people, know you are an abuser and God will take care of this.
I understand, it can be so disturbing to be on the object of limerence.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yes. It is disturbing.
Don’t confuse it with harassment or stalking. If it’s in your face, it’s gone waaaayyyy beyond limerance.
@@lizziebkennedy7505 Nope, you guys are abusive
Maybe they don't do it on purpose? Autistic people for example can get high fixiation even on people I read. But they don't do it ob purpose. Only If you make clear you don't want this in what ever way (crying, getting angry, explaining it isn't benefitial for your health and you CLEARLY suffer) then it's harrasing and abusing. And If you can't help yourself, the people around you need to help you.
If not and they let you suffer it's neglectet support.
So what about the poeple who know about it and actually help those crazy and harmful people by encouraging their obsession and more? Those flying monkeys are even more dangerous in my opinion.
Where I am from . obsession is a big issue. I think it could be extreme in some cultures. And I read everyday a guy killed a girl because she said no to him or killed his girl friend or wife.
Could there be more perfect time for this video ! Thankkkkk yooou
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've had issues with this since I've been a teenager. Often been stalked. Had coworker issues. 🤷♀️ I just never understood what the attraction was. Why were these people always running after me all the time? My milkshakes weren't so great or anything. Seriously. I just don't get it. It really upset me & upended my life. It's not fun being stalked over & over again. And love letters are only fun if you like the person you're getting them from. Anna do you have any answers about the constant repetition of this?
I need advice too. Limerents are dominating the chat. And I have never been one
Same, I've always had the same issue. Even avoiding eye contact and never speaking to them doesn't work. They even got people to help them stalk. It's honestly affecting my mental health.
The thing is that adults who go to their priest for advice could still be wounded little children on the inside. Which would make them vulnerable to abuse by someone who’s prone to limerence with an unaddressed s*x addiction. That’s a situation which could cause lasting harm.
This is the sad truth about many spiritual leaders and I wish it wasn't that way. Many who go for help end up even more traumatized...
Yeah well I not only disclosed to tell them stay away, I also later insisted TWICE that we go no contact. They insist we stay friends and WON'T GO AWAY.
That's becoming harassment
@Wendy Lee Connelly they're not the limerent one - *I* am. But still they won't take my request to stay apart as they 'like me as a friend too much' but I can't shake the attraction I have. But they insist they don't see me that way. Fine. Then let me move on. So bizarre, really.
You are doing the absolute right thing, their "hanging on" is not your problem and not good for you.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@kingskand is his name Sean?
@@kimlarso no, it's not but if you have this issue I feel your pain.
Mine still has not gone away, but I admit I'm less caring about him staying/going/whatever as I have worked on myself. Can't believe it's been seven months since I wrote that and this person is still insisting on being in my life.
I had an experience this past year that I'm pretty sure was mutually limerant, even though they ended it. However in 2019 to 2020 someone was highly limerant for me. Hugely informative experience, and I didn't know it was possible for me to feel so avoidant. It is a really.. crowded feeling. And I'm a nice person, and it felt especially when ending things with them like it was impossible to do anything that didn't do massive damage.
Never let a man make you chase him. Recognize what is happening in the moment & be more resistant. Be resistant to these men. If they don’t want to do right by you & they wanna be a hater and a misogynist then you have to resist! Resist their charms and manipulation. Resist them trying to push their responsibilities onto you. If something is their responsibility make them do their job!!
Thank you for this!!! Not much material out there when the role is reversed!!!
Hmm... it's interesting that limerence can quickly turn to stalking if left unchecked...
Excellent advice!
So glad! Thanks for watching. -Calista@TeamFairy
is limerence always wrong though? I kinda fell in love with a celebrity at a very dark time of my life and it changed my feras and resentment into a very powerful feeling of love and wanting to do things when I was very depressed. I know this is part of the dynamic, but if it's a person who is that far from you mentally and physically and they don't even know you, when is it likely to fall into the unhealthy spectrum?
Is not right or wrong, it’s just the manifestation of an illusion, a distortion of reality. It is simply a coping mechanism. In the long run, to grow as a person you want coping mechanisms that are rooted in reality.
I got limmerent once, with a partner. With time, your videos, and therapy I became aware of my dellusional behaviour and I realized how disfunctional I was at that time in that relationship. But now, after 2 years after the breakup, my ex partner seems to not be able to forget me. He broke up with me because of my limmerence/obsession, but nowadays he keeps stalking my social media and keeps tracking what I do and the people in my life now (friends). I never contacted him again since this was his desire! Is it possible that he became somehow "addicted" to the pleasant personality I had with him at that time? Did I make such an impact on him? Or maybe he has disfunctional behaviours of his own?
absolutely he fell in love with the attention.
Maybe he’s looking for evidence that you’re still hung up on him? Maybe he’s paranoid that you’re just getting better at hiding your obsession? There was a guy I dated who did some weird stalker things with me and I still check in on him (from a distance) 2 years later to be sure I’m safe
I blocked them. They can no longer stalk me.
I think they should report it also definitely could lead to others getting abused
Yep amanda is in that position. She doesn't want to share her feelings because I'll shut her down and reject her. She wants to keep her fantasy alive. She probably thinks if she waits long enough I'll feel the same or she's just stuck and can't let this limerence go. She's probably chased fantasies her whole life due to her trauma. Maybe she will just stay stuck in it for a few years.
I’ve been trying to connect with my LO and I feel like I annoy him. Its upsetting and annoying because its harmless right? This has given me a new perspective and its hard(
6:44, or dangerous, like, they knew they were leading the person on and made it worse and would be able to make it worse than that.
In what way is limerence different to a crush?
It's the obsessive part that makes the difference. When you are in limerence, your entire being is sucked into this obsession. It almost becomes your oxygen. You always find a way to create new reasons to think about your limerent object even when you haven't seen it in days/months/years. There's almost no present tense when you are in limerence!
Good question and good answers. A crush is really not harmful, to you or to the other person and it isn't delusional.
-Cara@TeamFairy
My professor who I am limerent about said he loves me today. What do we do when the person we are limerent about loves us back?
I finished blocked that people, those guys I said I’m married and still bother me they said that in love with me even I say I’m married
WHat is sit calle when you want to be with someone and they want to be with you but life circumstances don't allow for it at this time and may never allow for it and yuet one keeps holding on to th e hope that it will happen beause you both want it. The main circumstance is medical, but family issues are also, so they are genuine issues that mean he just isn't in the right place to start a relationship even though he would ike to.
Someone from high school got in touch with me, drunk, crying and asking why I wouldn't date him. We were in our 40's and hadn't seen each other since then. It was really awkward.
Be kind.
@@TheMakeupMavenn I was. But I am absolutely under no obligation to caretake anyone else's emotions and it is never okay to get drunk and unload that on another person. I was going through PLENTY in my own life at the time and someone else's issues were absolutely not my problem.
Want to know something sad I had limerence towards another person. I imagine they can empathize with the emotion because they did everything to feed my delusions but offered nothing to bring me back to reality. There were many red flags in our relationship but nothing concrete to help me wake up. They eventually ghosted me so I suffered a while with my limerence making excuses for the ghosting. Imagine knowing a mental illness seeing someone suffering from it and using it against them.
Thank you for sharing your experience of limerence. Glad to hear this is over. Stay strong!
Nika@TeamFairy
A strange coinage "Limerance". Sounds harmless enough. Apparently it isn't.
I'm discovering what is limerence. We are in a crazy world. If you don't have the chance your crush loves you too, you are sick. wow!
It's definitely not the same thing as an unrequited crush (which of course is normal and in itself not at all unhealthy), and some more research will clarify that for you.
@ You're right. It's not clear. It's hard enough, we don't need to be shamed, blamed, and depreciated by confused psychology theories. I guess people who enjoy the pretty privilege are less affected by this "disease". It's a double penalty. What do you feel when someone makes you the object of their obsession? She says it at the beginning of the video. Most of the time you don't even know it. My crush doesn't know. I'm not a stalker. It's sad for me. He's not afraid or in pain.
I feel the responsibility to point out a couple of things. 1. As people suffering from the same problem as this person (limerance) I think we should be compassionate towards him rather than judge him or treat him like a disgusting piece of trash. 2. The person made certainly an unconfortable confession (I bet it was also unconfortable to him) and I believe that the compassionate thing to do would be to address the issue, and tell him to seek out for help (as his confession might as well be a cry for help). I do not believe right to damage his reputation since he did not treaten or damaged the other person in any way. It feels to me as if a patient would confide in his/her therapist his/her feelings toward the therapist and therapist instead of adressing this as transference would rather do the completely unethical thing of destroying the client's reputation with other people. For no reason other tha beinf honest! I would never trust a priest who spreads confessions to the air. Unless the confession was a an admision of a crime!
Also, regarding the sexual addiction. I think we all know that traumatized people often exagerate their own flaws. Sexual addiction could be something as comon as masturbation. But for religious people masturbation is a sin. I really, really believe that before ruining this guy's reputation she would rather talk to hum, be clear in the fact that he is limerant towards her and that she does not feel the same and that he should seek out for help!
Imagine having a limerant mother.
These are the mothers that look at their children and say that the children are their world
I do. She is also a malignant psychopath. Guess why I chose to live 4000 km away from her.
Never again
I think I caught myself recently in the early stages of limerence. I recognised similarities in my thoughts to how I developed it the last time. There is a point early on where you can cut it off & leave it go.
@@jamesmccarthy6764 for me the obsessions still gets there I am just aware of it now but still learning
Sex addiction is nothing more than misplacement of sexuality. It is nothing more than the abuse of something that should be considered sacred
Yes
Being the object of limerace is an odd concept. I would have to be attractive to others. The thought has crossed my mind recently, now that I have some emotions back. It must be awful for someone in love with a person who is completely oblivious and unresponsive to emotion.
Ha! Exactly. I would have to be attractive to someone, but I experienced narcissists love bombing which is even more fake and scary.
Omg he did this fouble life traums o.g theres me. Omg fantacy land
Doesn't limerence also refer to the first stage of being in live in general? By definition it's not limited to live that isn't mutual. Just that it eventually Fades when you enter a relationship, if it is one sided it may not.
Is it limerence if you love your therapist in a romantic way and continue to think of them everyday after therapy has ended?When I hear romantic music I think of her and want to be intimate. I can’t say im obsessed with her but think of her daily..I completed therapy 6 months ago, was in therapy for a year and a half. I ended therapy because I had to move out of state. I am now with a new therapist and I do not feel this way for my new therapist. Am I limerent?
Sounds like it, but also very common - have a look into "transference".
Maybe its a buddhistic tempel
🙏🏽
She needs to be honest and tell him you're not interested and if he cannot accept it .. End the friendship and find another church to practice your religion... A nunnery may be the way to go if you're not interested in a relationship...
He may need to be institutionalized....
Ok, I had LO episode, it has passed, but now I have another situation. I'm the object of another person interst, and I like this guy enough to talk with him or text as long as it's during the work day, at work. Theres nothing wrong with my husband or or relationship, but I do get a high off the attention of the office guy.and so I've permitted and allow this situation at work to develop. Also I work in a corporate job which is a little unexciting and ordinary so this guy is a wonderful distraction from that. For him, he's clearly in a longterm unhappy marriage, he has already made disparaging remarks about his wife. I don't like it, but I don't know what to say to him about that.. We're both in our 50s. I'm emotional immature but I've been through alot of therapy to know what and why this happening. like i said the dopamine hit I get from this guy's attention to me is too much for me to resist. He texts, I will respond, and not talking about sex, we talk about work, politics, life, news, science etc. I know it's micrcheating, but I also think actions and deeds are important so I don't believe that thought crimes should be condemned. Since I show up for my family night after night, and weekends, holidays. It's just when I go to work I engage with this guy who wants to connect with me obviously he likes me. I also turn 50 this year and feeling real insecure about my attractiveness declining rapidly and to have a male attention from someone that is smart and financially successful (the guy at work is in a much higher economic and academic status then me.) Anyway, I know I'm in a delicate situation. It's cause me some anxiety, but on the other hand my job can be boring sometimes, and 'stress'/excitement like this kind of keeps me going. I have 5 years before I'm eliigible to retire. I'm trying to hang on to my job for this much longer.
Limerence.....SUCKS!!
Or maybe he should leave the church if he cannot handle it... And get into a 12 step group for sexual addiction...
I’m not sure how to process the normality of how some people are commenting on this limerence behaviour, there is a line in the sand to draw here for me, it’s understandable in the context of CPTSD, yet unacceptable for anyone at anytime to do what this guy has done to Grace, I would be taking the advice from crappy childhood fairy on board 100% and act accordingly to seek advice from the eldership of this institution, I hear a few more red flags then said here publicly and would seek wise counsel, I would rule out a catastrophic fear factor and reaction but also would be aware and cautious that this guy is in a position to not only take advantage of Grace which he already has, but others also, putting himself in a position of authority that he’s pursuing as a priest and now openly showing his ability to entrap Grace is showing his clear intentions
What is his motive behind him being blatant about his sex addiction and quick attachment to Grace is a rhetorical question?
He’s already shown the answer in his actions, the answer being in my honest appraisal, dangerous to be in a leadership position as a priest to give counsel of sound mind or sober judgment to anyone seeking comfort, support and safety 😮
I'm literally wondering if most of these ppl in the chat are narcs. If limerent and narc are highly correlated. Can barely find comments that aren't limerent friendly or from former limrents. Looking for more solutions and pov of objects only who have never been obsessed with anybody m ❤
💙
Would love to see more comments from people who have been solely the object Any suggestions on breaking contact with a limerant person from us who haven't been limerants? The comments are focused on past limerants sharing their story. It's irritating that limerants (narcs?) are dominating the chat, having compassion for themselves as a limerant. Any stories of protecting yourself from limerent acting out after you refuse contact? Looking for ppl who have only been the vulnerable object? Not advice from ppl who care for the limerent they once were. Looking for shared experience of ppl who never had limerence? Annoying 😂
Good grief.
Woman becoming a Priest? Dang it 2023!
Lots of religions have female priests these days, here is a timeline on wikipedia about that ; en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_women%27s_ordination
I’ve been on both sides and I’m trying SO hard to be healthy ❤️🩹 I don’t want anyone to feel like this.
We know how hard it is to heal and stop that kind of thinking, but you're in the right place and we're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy