I am an autistic adult who is fully capable of suppressing my stims unless I'm in a meltdown. Before I knew I was autistic, I repressed my stims 24/7. Even when I was alone in my bedroom, I didn't feel safe allowing myself to stim because my family may walk past and make fun of me. It actually made me physically unwell to repress my stims. I had crippling anxiety, severe chronic fatigue, high levels of constant stress, was deeply self-conscious, etc. Even just allowing myself to do loud, ugly, childish stims in the privacy and comfort of my home caused both my physical and mental wellbeing to skyrocket. I know a lot of allistics mistake stims for misbehaving or think they are unnecessary, but studies have proven that allowing an autistic individual to stim when stressed lowers their heartrate at a far more rapid rate than using neurotypical methods of stress relief. I don't think it's fair to ask us to make ourselves sicker so that we are less strange looking to people who aren't accepting of people who are different than them. I'd rather die an old, happy freak than young, stressed, and with friends who love a fake, forced version of myself that made me sick.
As soon as you have learned to control your stimming perfectly, people will then find something else to nag on. So just spare yourself the time. It's not important what they think.
Very, very true. Don't let the sh*t in their heads dictate your day. They will never stop, because the problem is not you, it is within them. They love to live in misery and hate it when someone is happy. Ignore them. They don't deserve anyone's attention
Toren I think it’s very mature of you to understand that your stimming may negatively affect others and you try to mask at those times or move to another area. If YOU can be that accommodating and thoughtful for others, then it’s only fair that others try to be understanding and supportive of YOU! You’re a great kid; your parents have raised a wonderful young man and I’m sure they’re very proud!
Agree but thing is being "annoyed" at someone isn't a negative impact, it'sa negative attitude, and it would be better if Toren didn't have to be worried about people getting annoyed when he is himself. Outside of situations where a person needs not to be distracted, acting annoyed just because someone near you is stimming is a harmful, negative behaviour.
Neurotypical discourse regarding stimming is rather revealing: In their privilege they still expect that we do the work to make them comfortable rather than they should have to learn to understand (and at least tolerate) difference. At the very least they ought to be ashamed by how intellectually lazy is their sense of entitlement.
It's not your responsibility to make others comfortable, nor should you adjust your behavior to accommodate others. You be you and be the best you that you can be 😊
it's not just neurotypicals. you're making up a them vs you scenario because it probably feels good for you. I always had high functioning depression and am bi-sexual muslim heritage. In school I got harassed by jews, trans, gays that seemed like they had ADHD. Normies mostly ignored and shunned me but most divergents always thought I was an easy target because I've always been a lone wolf. They probably thought they could try and treat me like they were treated. They always had a problem with me not smiling, not being feminine enough but having good grades and doing very well in sports.
Sweetie... I am a 70 year old Mimi. My daughter is autistic. She was diagnosed at about 30. I am raising her son who is 13 and autistic. During my lifetime the one word used by anyone anywhere to describe me overall was "quirky" and adding "but I like her." 🤔 I have all kinds of physical little coping mechanisms that are minute and can be hidden from the sight of others. I'm just a funky little old lady weirdo who survived the 60s by using various masks I've worn over the years in order to survive in this harsh world. Shout-out to your Mom btw. ❤
I feel inspired by the rhythmic freedom of your stimming as it looks so natural. Somehow your stimming supports my own comfort! As a late-diagnosed autistic woman, I’ve found what I’ve seen on your channel so liberating and healing in supporting my own journey. Thank you for your courage to be authentic -and your mom too!
Please don’t control your stimming. I have recently been working on unmasking my stimming because I figured out that I could either stim in public or self harm and be suicidal in private (something I struggled with for 15 years). If people are annoyed by your stimming then they need to learn to deal with it because you are not hurting them. If you were hitting someone or pulling their hair as a stim then that would need to be adjusted, but you aren’t doing that. There are many RUclips channels made by autistic creators, but yours is one of the only ones that I would consider to be completely unmasked. The world needs more of the type of content that you are creating!!!! Stim on!!!!
I thought I wasn't stimming. Then I looked back. When I was told to not bite off my nails and the skin around them, I moved to ripping the dead skin on my lips. I played with my hair a lot, as a kid/teen, I spent hours braiding and unbraiding my hair. Now something I do a loooot is rolling and unrolling the hem of my shirts, the end of a belt, the cover on the table we are sitting at, ... I realised when I'm standing somewhere, I'm never still, always rocking from one foot to another. So I actually might be stimming. I like the videos where we have your mum insights. I just realised in January that I might be autistic (I'm 39 now) and even if somehow, it explains my whole life, it's also super frustrating to realise all the missed opportunities, all the misunderstandings, all what could have been avoided if I had known before that my brain doesn't function quite the same way as most people. I'm glad you have a supportive family and you can be your authentic self.
I rip the dead skin off my lips too. My family hates it but they stopped complaining once I was diagnosed. I don't think for me personally it's stimming though. I do it because I hate the feeling of the dead skin on my lips. I can constantly feel it, like an itch. And the only relief is peeling it off. I started using lip masks and lip oil to moisturize my lips and it heals my lips and makes the process safer.
Same! I still go after my nails (what little I have)and keep nail polish on to kinda curb. It doesn't always work, last night was a struggle for me. So, gonna have to fix them today. I also play w/ my hair, it's way past my shoulder and it's so consuming, that at times I've got to actually stop myself. Because I'm literally wearing myself out! I know, sounds weird! I'm 55, and I believe I'm autistic. Im sure there's other things I do. My sister also believes she is autistic, she just turned 50. When we were coming up it was only thought Boys had autism. Even now, it still seems, uneven.
Its very mature of you to realize that in certain situations (during tests or imp meetings) some stims could be distracting. But other than that, us allistics just need to be more accepting!!!
Thank you for this. I'm working on learning how to unmask and stop suppressing my stims in most situations. I'm 37 and am not formally diagnosed, but I can relate so much and watching channels like yours has really helped me gain self confidence that I never thought was possible. Thank you so much to you, Toren, and your mother, Serenity
I'll never forget how I was hanging out with someone who told me they had ADHD, only for them to later ask me to stop shaking my leg (my lifelong stim). I very rarely got told to stop my stim but to have someone neurodivergent tell me to stop confused me.
I'm sorry that happened. I do notice sometimes though that different ND people can have such specific needs that they can sometimes conflict. I get super overwhelmed by sound, but my brother needs to walk to stim, so we had to have rooms far apart as kids. Sometimes if someone is doing a stim, it can be distracting to me or I'm struggling with sensory overload. I couldn't study with other people when I was in school because I couldn't focus with all the tiny noises they made, like the rustle of paper or the squeak of their chair if they shifted, or even breathing. I try not to ask others to stop stimming, but sometimes I have to put on headphones or leave the situation because the way they need to regulate and the way I need to regulate/focus are at odds. And, sometimes people have had to ask me to stop rocking if they're trying to focus, because sometimes it can be distracting to them. I know if someone did a lot of loud vocal stims, that would be a huge problem. I'd feel guilty, but either they would have to not do that around me, or I couldn't be around them, because loud unexpected or constant sounds will push me into a meltdown so fast. And I know that I definitely couldn't work in an office setting, because the ways I need to spin and rock and stim in other ways while trying to focus would be incredibly disruptive to other people. All this isn't to say that you shouldn't stim. It's so so important. But that person may have been having an off day or really been struggling to focus, or may have incompatible sensory needs than you. No one should be rude to someone else for stimming, or cut down the stim or make the person feel bad about themselves for it, but sometimes stims don't mesh.
@@ninjabgwriter I have a similar experience. I am very sensitive to noises so I can get anxious around people who use noises to stim, especially if they're loud and unexpected. I usually try my best to not say anything and if I'm feeling too overwhelmed, I try finding somewhere quiet to decompress.
I don't understand a lot of people & why they have to be so mean. I've just found your channel today & have watched a few of the videos. I think you guys are so brave for sharing your story! You gently tell your viewers why you do the things you do. I love you guys!!!
People who try and control someone else’s every minutia are the ones with problems. You are aware of how it may affect others, but realize that stimming is perfectly normal and healthy. Wonderful message to share. Stim away, you are perfect! 🥰
I was a music teacher for 20+ years and taught several students on the spectrum. There were TWO universals I can report: No two students on the spectrum are ever alike! and Teachers need a LOT MORE TRAINING to effectively teach children on the spectrum. The ONLY "training" I received was having a specialist come visit me ONCE OR TWICE to give me some ideas to try for a couple of students. I also took advice from a child's classroom teacher that turned out to be BAD advice for music class. When I stopped using her suggestions and used my own ideas I found greater success with the autistic child. So, it's not teachers' fault that they don't handle autism very well. Most don't know how and haven't had adequate training. I think modern training is probably a LOT better, but because no two students are ever alike, teachers have to try many things until they find what works for each individual student. The toughest part is the breakdown in communication with autistic students who don't have the words or understanding to explain why they are having a hard time and what they need from adults to do better. And teachers don't know how to ask them these questions.
Love this! I’m late (self) diagnosed and I’ve been adding stimming into my day- especially when I’m anxious, but also when I’m happy- it’s made a huge difference!
Repressing leads to medication cos we start to forget who we are. Important message is education and understanding is far better than trying to 'fit in' to people's expectations. Love all these videos, they have helped so much 😊
You are so right. People have no manners and are so out of touch with actually dealing with people in person. This leads to them being harmful and petty. being an empath I pick up on what people are feeling through their gestures. Hoping you have a wonder life.
Thank you ever so much for sharing & explaining. My son & husband (diagnosed in his 60th) both have ADHD. I had no idea what stimming was but bought a Koosh ball for my son quite a while ago because during discussions with his teachers we found out that it seems to help him concentrate in school when playing with something all the time. Your videos do not only open up my horizon, but my husband stimms quite a a bit himself (but had no idea that it actually is stimmimg) and now also has a better understanding for our son. You made our life a little better! Thank you for being so incredibly brave! ♥
Thank you. Well put. You're very articulate. I'm self discovered at 35. I have multiple chronic health concerns and crushing anxiety. If my family would have excepted me and I could have just been me.. I know I would be having a much healthier, happier life now. I truly wish that someone would have supported me being me. I've exhausted myself trying to meet others demands. Spoiler alert, they always find Something else to criticize. So do yourself right and Just Be You.
Thank you for making all the videos that you do! It’s really helpful to hear when you explain things and your thoughts about things. People need to hear what you have to say because those of us with disabilities or disorders deserve to have a voice and be treated well. l have high functioning autism so I was always pretty good at hiding it. But it was extremely difficult and affected me negatively and physically. I was embarrassed that I was “different” so I didn’t get want anyone to know that I was autistic. And if I did do anything a little strange I’d come up with an excuse to make it seem like it was “normal”. I also have been depressed and anxious my whole life so I’ve always tried to hide that too. I’m in my 30s now and have work Red really hard to get to where I am now. I try to be a little more open about my struggles because it’s such a burden otherwise to hide it and not be able to talk about it. People are a lot more tolerant or at least aware of different mental disabilities and disorders but there’s still so many people who don’t understand or are unkind. I’ve had many people tell me that I’m being a baby or that I’m lazy or scoff at me when I try to explain why I do certain things or can’t do certain things. It’s very hurtful. 😢 I’m hoping that one day I won’t be made to feel ashamed of who I am or what I’m like!
So I was physically punished when I was stimming so I started doing very discreet forms of stimming. Unfortunately one of them was grinding my teeth which after several decades made my teeth... shorter. I didn't even realize this until last year 😅 Why do people have the need to control other people is truly beside me. I am glad there is much better awareness now, partially thanks to influencers like you and your mom, Toren, so thank you!
Thank you so much for all of your (and your mums) videos, they are super helpful to me and make me smile a lot 😊I've just found you yesterday, but I'm here to stay. Wishing you a great day and many happy stims!
Hey Toren, remember your unique, there will never be another Toren! I like you and and the videos you make, you also have a wry sense of humour! I dont see your stimming, I see past that, your creative and some of your descriptions of food are priceless and funny and are another part of what makes you a unique content creator......Autism just gives you a different way ay looking at life and all that goes with it. You have a LOT of subs who really like you for just being you..thats why Ive just subscribed as well! Keep being Toren!😊
Toren, i would say; keep stimming as much as you need/want to. I'm also autistic and still learning about myself and different types of dissabilities, and just how everyone's brain is diffferent in general. Everybody is different, and what is 'good/normal' for one person, doesn't mean it's the same for the other. You do you. Keep being yourself!😊👋
I think your stimming is often actually pretty cool and fun and I think neurotypical people can learn from neurodivers people to give themselves room for what they actually wanna do and act out. Just because they can supress it better doesnt mean its good for them either - I have ADHD among others and today I am totally fine with my special way of looking at things and reacting and I made the very healing experience that people do actually often feel inspired by me acting out my needs in a playfull concious way. I really wish more people will learn to see it that way ❤❤ best wishes!
Thanks for Sharing 😇 I'm so glad to have found your channel 😇 My eldest son's safe food is also peanut butter 😊 he is a year younger than you. I'm hoping that showing your videos to my family will help them understand him better😇
I try to be understanding. Especially since I'm pretty sure I stim as well. When there's lots of screaming or loud vocal noises it causes me lots of anxiety, but that includes any humans making those noises regardless of the reason. Other than that I find some of it really sweet, sometimes it looks like unbridled joy.
I used to work as a camp counselor and we would often get kids with special needs, including autism. There was one little boy who spent most of his time there stimming, which included spinning outside during recess. He was quite literally the most low maintenance, easy to supervise kid there. We would just call him inside after recess was over and he’s spin his way back inside. 🤷🏼♀️
Since I found you I've been having a lot of AHA moments, thinking about my son when he was younger. He's 18 now and sometimes is more functional than me. I relate to your Mom alot also, I have a lot of guilt about how I handled some things. My son tells me I'm a great Mother and I didn't do anything wrong. I never made fun of his stiming but I used to tell him "doing that at home is fine, but not in public". Im sure that hurt him Toren and NOW actually I miss the stiming! Your food aversions and so many other things you have taught me...more than any specialst or Dr has ever done. Thank you! Im sure your Momma is so proud of you! My son is actually going to college to give back to his community as a behavioral specialist! I am beyond proud. Please keep up with teaching us... because like I said I've learned more from you than any specialst we went to. 👍🙂
Stim on Toren. You are perfect just the way you are. People who have an issue with your stimming can look away or mind their own business. You are educating people all over the world about autism & ADHD. You are a Superhero. Super Toren Wolf.
This! I was forced to stop any and all stimming even before I could walk. I started waking at 4 and then shortly after I started talking, skipped the babbling and one/few words at a time and just went straight into full sentences. I now, after being diagnosed at 27 (I’m 30 now), am unlearning the repression/suppression and relearning how to regulate myself with my stims. Really, I’m relearning what I envision in my head. Most of it is rocking like in a rocking chair, swaying, pacing, etc. I would shake and flap my hands and arms but I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which causes all collagen/connective tissue to be loose; I would dislocate things all the time. It’s unfortunate because I really really think doing such stims would regulate me more but we’ll see
If they’re asking you to make adjustments to make them comfortable, it’s only fair that you can ask them to do the same and to ask them to recognize that stimming is important for you to feel comfortable.
To me, as a neurodivergent individual myself, asking us to stop stimming is like asking a depressed person to smile and suck it up. Like we cannot control the factors we need to stimulate, if only people understood. By the way fun fact I love the animals wolves so it’s really cool your last name is one of my favorite animals ❤
I really don't get what's so bothersome about stimming. Whenever i see someone stimming, for me it just feels so normal i don't pay much attention to it. It's just how they are and i accept that. It blows my mind that some people think that "extra" movements can be deemed as "not normal", who would want to sit perfectly still for half an hour for example. And also stimming is just expressing oneself and isn't there like this joy that affects you too when someone else is happy? I dunno. Neurotypicals are the weird ones to me.
I've been embracing my stims and taking off the mask more often. I notice a huge improvement in my mental and physical health when I honor my own needs. I cannot afford to care if others "don't like it" or are annoyed by it. I don't make an effort to be around people so if they're around me, I'm not changing for their comfort level. I won't compromise my health for someone else's insecurities or ignorance.
I’ve started unmasking, I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I stopped. To be fair it was hard for me to mask as a kid and I didn’t do a very good job at it but I still did mask a bit, including not stimming as much in public. When I started stimming again in public and started to stop masking I became so much happier. Obviously sometimes I still need to mask and I can’t just say what I want when I want because I make people uncomfortable because I’m so open, so sometimes masking is needed in situations like that but whenever people look at me weird in public cause I’m stimming I just shrug because I’m not hurting anyone and I’m happier
Some times I find certain stimming cute and quirky. Like when people on the spectrum can twirl something endlessly without missing a beat. I'm quite impressed by that.
Would it be O.K. to join in with your stimming ? Or not? It seems like a natural way to release extra energy...or frustrations....it might do us all good....could be a song ?......We're all stimming....stim to the left to the left to the left......stim to the right to the right to the right....if we all learn to do it together it's not different....its just expanding our possibilities.❤ you are helping us to understand so much better, thank you....you are a perfect ambassador for this....So glad you are sharing secrets too long hidden from us....a lot of the stares are because we havent seen it before.....I Love the red coat and hat ..and your Mom is so talented...You are enlightening so many people.
There are copyright laws for songs so if you do a song it would have to be different. But love your way of explaining what's going on inside and behind the mask.....Hard to be the phantom of the opera all the time...Thanks.
As someone who cant control their happy hands i just accept that people will just view me as werid when i stim. I stim a lot when happy or excited and it does happen in public. I mostly get viewed as being childish by the other adults but i don't care. Im not harming anyone or anybody with my hands flapping. Thats why i call them my happy hands.
We all are well train to suppress our emotional and now most of us expect from autistic people do it even better. There is limitation how far you can go with suppressing. It require energy to do that and I can imagine that it is even not possible to do that all the time and be focused enough to do sth else.
if stimming allows the neurodivergent people to relax and helps them to collect their selves in stressful situations, then by all means stim. Don't worry about what others think, take care of yourself first.
For me personally I just try to do harm reduction; like for example if my stim is hurting myself I find a different stim to replace it. If my stim is annoying someone then I find a different stim or go someplace else, but if the stim isn’t harming anyone in anyways I think it’s fine and people can hate away but that isn’t going to change me. Autistic people deserve to be in public just as much as everyone else. ❤
When I'm anxious I stim a lot but if my husband notices he presses the issue. Its really annoying to have to be open about every singe stress when I know most of them are illogical, which he will just point out. So when I get stressed I have to sit on my hands if he's around otherwise it's husband therapy hour.
Stimming is never harmfull to others. They only feel the need and wish to be asses because of their bad mental health. Please do not take comments like that in as if they were constructive.Cause they are not. They never are. Stay golden, and just the way you are😍😘
I tried to repress mine in public situations, but it makes my meltdowns come on quicker 😢 I just don't care what people think of me when I tap dance or flap arms
I think it's absurdly cruel for people to expect you to fit into their little box of self-hatred since they feel lonely there. They think the whole world owes them and don't even make an attempt to accommodate you. Don't accommodate them at the cost of who you are. They don't deserve it. Let them wallow in their self-hatred. If they don't like your stimming, they can just ignore it and move on, like they do with all the abuse going on around us
Repression of your stimming can also turn into much more unhealthy but for some reason much more socially acceptable stims like drinking or smoking, just for a few examples. Dance those happy feet! It's good exercise!
I've said this before, I will say it again, and again, and again. Trying to make a person stop stimming is like trying to make a cat stop purring. Cats purr when they're happy and comfortable, but there are many times where they may purr because they're in pain and it soothes and comforts them. You would be punishing them for expressing happiness, or for trying to make themselves feel better when not doing well. We don't stim just because. Our stimming is because we have a lot of energy inside us that overflows into external manifestations, whether that energy is positive and our good vibes are leaking out, or negative and we're doing it to try to soothe our senses. It is not a cat's responsibility to change the fundamental way a cat works just because you're not comfortable with the way a cat works.
If i have to wait in line in a public place surrounded by people i dont know you can bet your ass im gonna sway and shake my head... what i do in my own bubble is my business i wont tell anyone what to do in theirs! 😂 as long as im not hurting or impeding someone ima do me i hope everyone else feels free to do the same
Can stimming ever be something other than physical? I have what I think is sever adhd, I was diagnosed sort of by a councilor years ago but not really in an official medical capacity. I have noticed that when I am heading toward a meltdown I seem to need someone I really trust unconditionally and who is not irritated by me to be right there and listen to a stream of consciousness from me and unfortunately right now that is not possible. My husband is also neurodivergent and unfortunately for him he gets very overwhelmed when I do that and there’s not really another adult in my life who even understands the concept of neurdivergence let alone that I feel close enough to in order to do that around. I suppress it as much as I possibly can around my children who are all under six cause I don’t want them to be negatively impacted by my intrusive thoughts, but I have been spiraling a lot lately and then Ijust end up on my back on the floor in a “panic attack” which is also obviously not good for them to see. Any one in the comments who has insight, please offer suggestions. I feel like a terrible mom lately, I’m trying so hard and it’s just not enough.
I am an autistic adult who is fully capable of suppressing my stims unless I'm in a meltdown. Before I knew I was autistic, I repressed my stims 24/7. Even when I was alone in my bedroom, I didn't feel safe allowing myself to stim because my family may walk past and make fun of me.
It actually made me physically unwell to repress my stims. I had crippling anxiety, severe chronic fatigue, high levels of constant stress, was deeply self-conscious, etc. Even just allowing myself to do loud, ugly, childish stims in the privacy and comfort of my home caused both my physical and mental wellbeing to skyrocket.
I know a lot of allistics mistake stims for misbehaving or think they are unnecessary, but studies have proven that allowing an autistic individual to stim when stressed lowers their heartrate at a far more rapid rate than using neurotypical methods of stress relief. I don't think it's fair to ask us to make ourselves sicker so that we are less strange looking to people who aren't accepting of people who are different than them. I'd rather die an old, happy freak than young, stressed, and with friends who love a fake, forced version of myself that made me sick.
I hope you're in a much better place now where you can be yourself. ❤
And you deserve the best life you can have!
As soon as you have learned to control your stimming perfectly, people will then find something else to nag on. So just spare yourself the time. It's not important what they think.
Very, very true. Don't let the sh*t in their heads dictate your day. They will never stop, because the problem is not you, it is within them. They love to live in misery and hate it when someone is happy.
Ignore them. They don't deserve anyone's attention
Toren I think it’s very mature of you to understand that your stimming may negatively affect others and you try to mask at those times or move to another area. If YOU can be that accommodating and thoughtful for others, then it’s only fair that others try to be understanding and supportive of YOU! You’re a great kid; your parents have raised a wonderful young man and I’m sure they’re very proud!
Agree but thing is being "annoyed" at someone isn't a negative impact, it'sa negative attitude, and it would be better if Toren didn't have to be worried about people getting annoyed when he is himself. Outside of situations where a person needs not to be distracted, acting annoyed just because someone near you is stimming is a harmful, negative behaviour.
Neurotypical discourse regarding stimming is rather revealing: In their privilege they still expect that we do the work to make them comfortable rather than they should have to learn to understand (and at least tolerate) difference. At the very least they ought to be ashamed by how intellectually lazy is their sense of entitlement.
It's not your responsibility to make others comfortable, nor should you adjust your behavior to accommodate others. You be you and be the best you that you can be 😊
it's not just neurotypicals. you're making up a them vs you scenario because it probably feels good for you.
I always had high functioning depression and am bi-sexual muslim heritage. In school I got harassed by jews, trans, gays that seemed like they had ADHD. Normies mostly ignored and shunned me but most divergents always thought I was an easy target because I've always been a lone wolf. They probably thought they could try and treat me like they were treated.
They always had a problem with me not smiling, not being feminine enough but having good grades and doing very well in sports.
Sweetie... I am a 70 year old Mimi. My daughter is autistic. She was diagnosed at about 30. I am raising her son who is 13 and autistic. During my lifetime the one word used by anyone anywhere to describe me overall was "quirky" and adding "but I like her." 🤔 I have all kinds of physical little coping mechanisms that are minute and can be hidden from the sight of others. I'm just a funky little old lady weirdo who survived the 60s by using various masks I've worn over the years in order to survive in this harsh world.
Shout-out to your Mom btw. ❤
I see you, Toren. I have a friend who stims a lot, and it took years for me to understand. On behalf of the world. We apologize. We need to do better.
I appreciate it when you stim in your videos. It helps me normalize and learn to be okay with my own stimmig behavior. Thank you. 😊
I feel inspired by the rhythmic freedom of your stimming as it looks so natural. Somehow your stimming supports my own comfort! As a late-diagnosed autistic woman, I’ve found what I’ve seen on your channel so liberating and healing in supporting my own journey. Thank you for your courage to be authentic -and your mom too!
Please don’t control your stimming. I have recently been working on unmasking my stimming because I figured out that I could either stim in public or self harm and be suicidal in private (something I struggled with for 15 years). If people are annoyed by your stimming then they need to learn to deal with it because you are not hurting them. If you were hitting someone or pulling their hair as a stim then that would need to be adjusted, but you aren’t doing that. There are many RUclips channels made by autistic creators, but yours is one of the only ones that I would consider to be completely unmasked. The world needs more of the type of content that you are creating!!!! Stim on!!!!
👏👏👏
I thought I wasn't stimming. Then I looked back. When I was told to not bite off my nails and the skin around them, I moved to ripping the dead skin on my lips. I played with my hair a lot, as a kid/teen, I spent hours braiding and unbraiding my hair.
Now something I do a loooot is rolling and unrolling the hem of my shirts, the end of a belt, the cover on the table we are sitting at, ... I realised when I'm standing somewhere, I'm never still, always rocking from one foot to another.
So I actually might be stimming.
I like the videos where we have your mum insights. I just realised in January that I might be autistic (I'm 39 now) and even if somehow, it explains my whole life, it's also super frustrating to realise all the missed opportunities, all the misunderstandings, all what could have been avoided if I had known before that my brain doesn't function quite the same way as most people.
I'm glad you have a supportive family and you can be your authentic self.
I rip the dead skin off my lips too. My family hates it but they stopped complaining once I was diagnosed. I don't think for me personally it's stimming though. I do it because I hate the feeling of the dead skin on my lips. I can constantly feel it, like an itch. And the only relief is peeling it off. I started using lip masks and lip oil to moisturize my lips and it heals my lips and makes the process safer.
Same
Same! I still go after my nails (what little I have)and keep nail polish on to kinda curb. It doesn't always work, last night was a struggle for me. So, gonna have to fix them today. I also play w/ my hair, it's way past my shoulder and it's so consuming, that at times I've got to actually stop myself. Because I'm literally wearing myself out! I know, sounds weird! I'm 55, and I believe I'm autistic.
Im sure there's other things I do. My sister also believes she is autistic, she just turned 50.
When we were coming up it was only thought Boys had autism. Even now, it still seems, uneven.
You aren't responsible for other people's comfort other than not being offensive. Be you. That's the best person you can be
Its very mature of you to realize that in certain situations (during tests or imp meetings) some stims could be distracting. But other than that, us allistics just need to be more accepting!!!
Don't give "those" people a second thought. Fly butterfly, fly.
You are very understanding and kind, an example for all people I would say.
We aren’t responsible for other people’s discomfort, stims are a valid self soothing behaviour
Thank you for this. I'm working on learning how to unmask and stop suppressing my stims in most situations. I'm 37 and am not formally diagnosed, but I can relate so much and watching channels like yours has really helped me gain self confidence that I never thought was possible. Thank you so much to you, Toren, and your mother, Serenity
I'll never forget how I was hanging out with someone who told me they had ADHD, only for them to later ask me to stop shaking my leg (my lifelong stim). I very rarely got told to stop my stim but to have someone neurodivergent tell me to stop confused me.
I'm sorry that happened. I do notice sometimes though that different ND people can have such specific needs that they can sometimes conflict. I get super overwhelmed by sound, but my brother needs to walk to stim, so we had to have rooms far apart as kids. Sometimes if someone is doing a stim, it can be distracting to me or I'm struggling with sensory overload. I couldn't study with other people when I was in school because I couldn't focus with all the tiny noises they made, like the rustle of paper or the squeak of their chair if they shifted, or even breathing.
I try not to ask others to stop stimming, but sometimes I have to put on headphones or leave the situation because the way they need to regulate and the way I need to regulate/focus are at odds. And, sometimes people have had to ask me to stop rocking if they're trying to focus, because sometimes it can be distracting to them.
I know if someone did a lot of loud vocal stims, that would be a huge problem. I'd feel guilty, but either they would have to not do that around me, or I couldn't be around them, because loud unexpected or constant sounds will push me into a meltdown so fast. And I know that I definitely couldn't work in an office setting, because the ways I need to spin and rock and stim in other ways while trying to focus would be incredibly disruptive to other people. All this isn't to say that you shouldn't stim. It's so so important. But that person may have been having an off day or really been struggling to focus, or may have incompatible sensory needs than you. No one should be rude to someone else for stimming, or cut down the stim or make the person feel bad about themselves for it, but sometimes stims don't mesh.
@@ninjabgwriter I have a similar experience. I am very sensitive to noises so I can get anxious around people who use noises to stim, especially if they're loud and unexpected. I usually try my best to not say anything and if I'm feeling too overwhelmed, I try finding somewhere quiet to decompress.
Happens to me all the time because no matter how careful I try to be, I’m distracting. I always have fidgeted so silent movement. I don’t like noise
I don't understand a lot of people & why they have to be so mean. I've just found your channel today & have watched a few of the videos. I think you guys are so brave for sharing your story! You gently tell your viewers why you do the things you do. I love you guys!!!
People who try and control someone else’s every minutia are the ones with problems. You are aware of how it may affect others, but realize that stimming is perfectly normal and healthy. Wonderful message to share. Stim away, you are perfect! 🥰
I was a music teacher for 20+ years and taught several students on the spectrum. There were TWO universals I can report: No two students on the spectrum are ever alike! and Teachers need a LOT MORE TRAINING to effectively teach children on the spectrum. The ONLY "training" I received was having a specialist come visit me ONCE OR TWICE to give me some ideas to try for a couple of students. I also took advice from a child's classroom teacher that turned out to be BAD advice for music class. When I stopped using her suggestions and used my own ideas I found greater success with the autistic child. So, it's not teachers' fault that they don't handle autism very well. Most don't know how and haven't had adequate training. I think modern training is probably a LOT better, but because no two students are ever alike, teachers have to try many things until they find what works for each individual student. The toughest part is the breakdown in communication with autistic students who don't have the words or understanding to explain why they are having a hard time and what they need from adults to do better. And teachers don't know how to ask them these questions.
he's giving me some peaceful vibes omg bro i like your page!🫶
Kindness matters. Not sure why people judge things they don't experience or understand. Many blessings young man.
You makes me feel comfortable 💛
Couldn’t agree more! You are helping so many people! Thank you!
You spoke really well about this. Good job. 🩷
People are critical because they don't understand or have a clue. Thank you for explaining that well to others. ❤
What a wonderful ambassador you are for kindness, compassion,and understanding!! 💕❤️
I love the way you explain things! You are a beautiful human! ❤
LOVE HOW CLEARLY YOU SAY IT ❤ I've gotten kicked out of many stores and shops because if my stimming it is not nice and it affects my mental health
Love this! I’m late (self) diagnosed and I’ve been adding stimming into my day- especially when I’m anxious, but also when I’m happy- it’s made a huge difference!
Repressing leads to medication cos we start to forget who we are.
Important message is education and understanding is far better than trying to 'fit in' to people's expectations.
Love all these videos, they have helped so much 😊
You are so right. People have no manners and are so out of touch with actually dealing with people in person. This leads to them being harmful and petty. being an empath I pick up on what people are feeling through their gestures. Hoping you have a wonder life.
Thank you ever so much for sharing & explaining. My son & husband (diagnosed in his 60th) both have ADHD. I had no idea what stimming was but bought a Koosh ball for my son quite a while ago because during discussions with his teachers we found out that it seems to help him concentrate in school when playing with something all the time. Your videos do not only open up my horizon, but my husband stimms quite a a bit himself (but had no idea that it actually is stimmimg) and now also has a better understanding for our son.
You made our life a little better!
Thank you for being so incredibly brave!
♥
Thank you. Well put. You're very articulate. I'm self discovered at 35. I have multiple chronic health concerns and crushing anxiety. If my family would have excepted me and I could have just been me.. I know I would be having a much healthier, happier life now. I truly wish that someone would have supported me being me. I've exhausted myself trying to meet others demands. Spoiler alert, they always find Something else to criticize. So do yourself right and Just Be You.
They are such sweet souls 🙏💗 Thank yall for making this channel, feel less alone!
Really love your thoughtful, playful and informative sharings. Be well, family Wolf.
Thank you for making all the videos that you do! It’s really helpful to hear when you explain things and your thoughts about things. People need to hear what you have to say because those of us with disabilities or disorders deserve to have a voice and be treated well. l have high functioning autism so I was always pretty good at hiding it. But it was extremely difficult and affected me negatively and physically. I was embarrassed that I was “different” so I didn’t get want anyone to know that I was autistic. And if I did do anything a little strange I’d come up with an excuse to make it seem like it was “normal”.
I also have been depressed and anxious my whole life so I’ve always tried to hide that too. I’m in my 30s now and have work Red really hard to get to where I am now. I try to be a little more open about my struggles because it’s such a burden otherwise to hide it and not be able to talk about it. People are a lot more tolerant or at least aware of different mental disabilities and disorders but there’s still so many people who don’t understand or are unkind. I’ve had many people tell me that I’m being a baby or that I’m lazy or scoff at me when I try to explain why I do certain things or can’t do certain things. It’s very hurtful. 😢 I’m hoping that one day I won’t be made to feel ashamed of who I am or what I’m like!
So I was physically punished when I was stimming so I started doing very discreet forms of stimming. Unfortunately one of them was grinding my teeth which after several decades made my teeth... shorter. I didn't even realize this until last year 😅 Why do people have the need to control other people is truly beside me. I am glad there is much better awareness now, partially thanks to influencers like you and your mom, Toren, so thank you!
I see stimming as someone's unique attractive personality❤ it does not bother me❤
Thank you so much for all of your (and your mums) videos, they are super helpful to me and make me smile a lot 😊I've just found you yesterday, but I'm here to stay. Wishing you a great day and many happy stims!
You make great points in this video! Thank you for teaching us, Toren.
Hey Toren, remember your unique, there will never be another Toren!
I like you and and the videos you make, you also have a wry sense of humour!
I dont see your stimming, I see past that, your creative and some of your descriptions of food are priceless and funny and are another part of what makes you a unique content creator......Autism just gives you a different way ay looking at life and all that goes with it.
You have a LOT of subs who really like you for just being you..thats why Ive just subscribed as well!
Keep being Toren!😊
Toren, you are awesome. Thank you!
Toren, i would say; keep stimming as much as you need/want to. I'm also autistic and still learning about myself and different types of dissabilities, and just how everyone's brain is diffferent in general. Everybody is different, and what is 'good/normal' for one person, doesn't mean it's the same for the other.
You do you. Keep being yourself!😊👋
You have taught me so much with your videos. Thank you❤
I think your stimming is often actually pretty cool and fun and I think neurotypical people can learn from neurodivers people to give themselves room for what they actually wanna do and act out. Just because they can supress it better doesnt mean its good for them either - I have ADHD among others and today I am totally fine with my special way of looking at things and reacting and I made the very healing experience that people do actually often feel inspired by me acting out my needs in a playfull concious way. I really wish more people will learn to see it that way ❤❤ best wishes!
Thanks for Sharing 😇 I'm so glad to have found your channel 😇 My eldest son's safe food is also peanut butter 😊 he is a year younger than you. I'm hoping that showing your videos to my family will help them understand him better😇
I also use my feet a lot kdkdkdkdk so I get it, sometimes I just... pace around as stimming ksksk
I try to be understanding. Especially since I'm pretty sure I stim as well. When there's lots of screaming or loud vocal noises it causes me lots of anxiety, but that includes any humans making those noises regardless of the reason. Other than that I find some of it really sweet, sometimes it looks like unbridled joy.
I used to work as a camp counselor and we would often get kids with special needs, including autism. There was one little boy who spent most of his time there stimming, which included spinning outside during recess. He was quite literally the most low maintenance, easy to supervise kid there. We would just call him inside after recess was over and he’s spin his way back inside. 🤷🏼♀️
Since I found you I've been having a lot of AHA moments, thinking about my son when he was younger. He's 18 now and sometimes is more functional than me. I relate to your Mom alot also, I have a lot of guilt about how I handled some things. My son tells me I'm a great Mother and I didn't do anything wrong. I never made fun of his stiming but I used to tell him "doing that at home is fine, but not in public". Im sure that hurt him Toren and NOW actually I miss the stiming! Your food aversions and so many other things you have taught me...more than any specialst or Dr has ever done. Thank you! Im sure your Momma is so proud of you! My son is actually going to college to give back to his community as a behavioral specialist! I am beyond proud. Please keep up with teaching us... because like I said I've learned more from you than any specialst we went to. 👍🙂
Great points here. Thank you❤😊
Stim on Toren. You are perfect just the way you are. People who have an issue with your stimming can look away or mind their own business. You are educating people all over the world about autism & ADHD. You are a Superhero. Super Toren Wolf.
Yes be kind to Toren!!!
For me I can usually repress stimming unless I’m really exited or for other bigger emotions and breakdowns
You are lovely Toren, i cant repress some of my stims either, keep stimming
This!
I was forced to stop any and all stimming even before I could walk. I started waking at 4 and then shortly after I started talking, skipped the babbling and one/few words at a time and just went straight into full sentences.
I now, after being diagnosed at 27 (I’m 30 now), am unlearning the repression/suppression and relearning how to regulate myself with my stims.
Really, I’m relearning what I envision in my head. Most of it is rocking like in a rocking chair, swaying, pacing, etc.
I would shake and flap my hands and arms but I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which causes all collagen/connective tissue to be loose; I would dislocate things all the time. It’s unfortunate because I really really think doing such stims would regulate me more but we’ll see
I actually feel happy and content when I stim, so I try to not feel ashamed of it. It's simply me being happy :)
If they’re asking you to make adjustments to make them comfortable, it’s only fair that you can ask them to do the same and to ask them to recognize that stimming is important for you to feel comfortable.
Great video! Thank you, you seem very kind and sweet
I let my son stim as much as he needs to and i make sure he doesnt harm himself or others :) stimming makes them feel better and happy so stim on!!
Hope your days and nights are simply glorious.
To me, as a neurodivergent individual myself, asking us to stop stimming is like asking a depressed person to smile and suck it up. Like we cannot control the factors we need to stimulate, if only people understood.
By the way fun fact I love the animals wolves so it’s really cool your last name is one of my favorite animals ❤
I really don't get what's so bothersome about stimming. Whenever i see someone stimming, for me it just feels so normal i don't pay much attention to it. It's just how they are and i accept that. It blows my mind that some people think that "extra" movements can be deemed as "not normal", who would want to sit perfectly still for half an hour for example. And also stimming is just expressing oneself and isn't there like this joy that affects you too when someone else is happy? I dunno. Neurotypicals are the weird ones to me.
I've been embracing my stims and taking off the mask more often. I notice a huge improvement in my mental and physical health when I honor my own needs. I cannot afford to care if others "don't like it" or are annoyed by it. I don't make an effort to be around people so if they're around me, I'm not changing for their comfort level. I won't compromise my health for someone else's insecurities or ignorance.
My mom directed me to these videos, she's great and by the looks of it, your great
The grey cat plush is Marvelously Magnificent
I’ve started unmasking, I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I stopped. To be fair it was hard for me to mask as a kid and I didn’t do a very good job at it but I still did mask a bit, including not stimming as much in public. When I started stimming again in public and started to stop masking I became so much happier. Obviously sometimes I still need to mask and I can’t just say what I want when I want because I make people uncomfortable because I’m so open, so sometimes masking is needed in situations like that but whenever people look at me weird in public cause I’m stimming I just shrug because I’m not hurting anyone and I’m happier
Some times I find certain stimming cute and quirky. Like when people on the spectrum can twirl something endlessly without missing a beat. I'm quite impressed by that.
Thats so important
Would it be O.K. to join in with your stimming ? Or not? It seems like a natural way to release extra energy...or frustrations....it might do us all good....could be a song ?......We're all stimming....stim to the left to the left to the left......stim to the right to the right to the right....if we all learn to do it together it's not different....its just expanding our possibilities.❤ you are helping us to understand so much better, thank you....you are a perfect ambassador for this....So glad you are sharing secrets too long hidden from us....a lot of the stares are because we havent seen it before.....I Love the red coat and hat ..and your Mom is so talented...You are enlightening so many people.
There are copyright laws for songs so if you do a song it would have to be different. But love your way of explaining what's going on inside and behind the mask.....Hard to be the phantom of the opera all the time...Thanks.
It's sad how many people demand that others fit into their idea of what is normal.
As someone who cant control their happy hands i just accept that people will just view me as werid when i stim. I stim a lot when happy or excited and it does happen in public. I mostly get viewed as being childish by the other adults but i don't care. Im not harming anyone or anybody with my hands flapping. Thats why i call them my happy hands.
Why would anyone try to stop someone dancing?
It's fun! And it makes others smile!
My son does these things but I didn't know there was a word for it. 🤔♥️
very well spoken 😀
We all are well train to suppress our emotional and now most of us expect from autistic people do it even better. There is limitation how far you can go with suppressing. It require energy to do that and I can imagine that it is even not possible to do that all the time and be focused enough to do sth else.
If you and your mom ever needed to stim around me please know you have free range to do so. 1:02
if stimming allows the neurodivergent people to relax and helps them to collect their selves in stressful situations, then by all means stim. Don't worry about what others think, take care of yourself first.
My daughter while autistic has a verbal noise stimming, when she represses it she complains of severe stomach pain
Well, I'm autistic too!
Normies need to concern themselves with actual problems.
💚💚💚
For me personally I just try to do harm reduction; like for example if my stim is hurting myself I find a different stim to replace it. If my stim is annoying someone then I find a different stim or go someplace else, but if the stim isn’t harming anyone in anyways I think it’s fine and people can hate away but that isn’t going to change me. Autistic people deserve to be in public just as much as everyone else. ❤
When I'm anxious I stim a lot but if my husband notices he presses the issue. Its really annoying to have to be open about every singe stress when I know most of them are illogical, which he will just point out. So when I get stressed I have to sit on my hands if he's around otherwise it's husband therapy hour.
Stimming is never harmfull to others. They only feel the need and wish to be asses because of their bad mental health. Please do not take comments like that in as if they were constructive.Cause they are not. They never are.
Stay golden, and just the way you are😍😘
I think that's referring to self-hurting stims (like head banging, or plucking out hairs).
I was forced to repress my stimming and I can attest to the mental and physical consequences that my parents deny.
❤
You’re so handsome😊
I tried to repress mine in public situations, but it makes my meltdowns come on quicker 😢 I just don't care what people think of me when I tap dance or flap arms
I think it's absurdly cruel for people to expect you to fit into their little box of self-hatred since they feel lonely there. They think the whole world owes them and don't even make an attempt to accommodate you. Don't accommodate them at the cost of who you are. They don't deserve it. Let them wallow in their self-hatred.
If they don't like your stimming, they can just ignore it and move on, like they do with all the abuse going on around us
💜💜💜💜
I was watching this and I realized that my hand was under my chin and I was lightly rolling my thumb across my fingertips…
1:11 It's okay, love, I'll say it for you. "You itches can go eff yourselves!!!!"
Repression of your stimming can also turn into much more unhealthy but for some reason much more socially acceptable stims like drinking or smoking, just for a few examples. Dance those happy feet! It's good exercise!
I thought the title of the video was "control your swimming". I absolutely refuse! I live at the beach for a reason, and I'll swim whenever I please.
I've said this before, I will say it again, and again, and again. Trying to make a person stop stimming is like trying to make a cat stop purring.
Cats purr when they're happy and comfortable, but there are many times where they may purr because they're in pain and it soothes and comforts them. You would be punishing them for expressing happiness, or for trying to make themselves feel better when not doing well.
We don't stim just because. Our stimming is because we have a lot of energy inside us that overflows into external manifestations, whether that energy is positive and our good vibes are leaking out, or negative and we're doing it to try to soothe our senses.
It is not a cat's responsibility to change the fundamental way a cat works just because you're not comfortable with the way a cat works.
If i have to wait in line in a public place surrounded by people i dont know you can bet your ass im gonna sway and shake my head... what i do in my own bubble is my business i wont tell anyone what to do in theirs! 😂 as long as im not hurting or impeding someone ima do me i hope everyone else feels free to do the same
Sorry i said a** lol!!!!!!
Can stimming ever be something other than physical? I have what I think is sever adhd, I was diagnosed sort of by a councilor years ago but not really in an official medical capacity. I have noticed that when I am heading toward a meltdown I seem to need someone I really trust unconditionally and who is not irritated by me to be right there and listen to a stream of consciousness from me and unfortunately right now that is not possible. My husband is also neurodivergent and unfortunately for him he gets very overwhelmed when I do that and there’s not really another adult in my life who even understands the concept of neurdivergence let alone that I feel close enough to in order to do that around. I suppress it as much as I possibly can around my children who are all under six cause I don’t want them to be negatively impacted by my intrusive thoughts, but I have been spiraling a lot lately and then Ijust end up on my back on the floor in a “panic attack” which is also obviously not good for them to see.
Any one in the comments who has insight, please offer suggestions. I feel like a terrible mom lately, I’m trying so hard and it’s just not enough.
You’re so handsome