I was told that my self care was "selfish" of me. Taking a night away from seeing him, just to be alone, work on my paintings, take a bath, love my dog, was met with shaming me and saying I must be cheating. 😢 A cruel and evil person filled with jealousy and no peace inside. What a wake up call.
I have court today on zoom at 9:30. My ex-husband of 23 years x I was married for 20, in all of those 23 years, I have had a permanent injunction in regard to any communication whatsoever with him. We got divorced when my kids were teenagers, and it all hit the fan and he has done nothing but maliciously prosecute me since then the last time being December 14, 2022 because I sent him emails about my daughter who is struggling, it is a clear case of legal abuse and parental alienation even though I won’t use those words pray for me, because I’m going to counter, sue him for malicious prosecution, intentional and section of emotional distress, fraudulent concealment of evidence, and violating my civil rights by having me exiled. The legal term for it in banishment. I had a portrait studio that I had just opened about a year and a half before and then he left on the day. Princess Diana died, and he continues to accuse me of being a criminal harasser. He’s in the closet. What can I say? I refuse to sign a peace bond that essentially says I’m guilty we have a child together Bucko and he’s a triple board-certified Harvard trained psychiatrist expert witness for every lawyer in town and I’m going to I hope get in the press because we need to settle this issue of the rhetoric behind her. I don’t alienation this is a white collar crime.
I'm glad someone gets it! This was one of the best explanations of what happens in this relationships. Being in a state of constant stress eventually drains so much energy and wears down your vitality. Prayers for people still going through this.
I too feel very alone as all who i thought of as friends are gone - not one has kept in touch since the pandemic. I realised it was i who was keeping in touch with them & as soon as i stopped trying to stay in touch with them, they stopped staying in touch with me. I realise i was flogging dead horses so i stopped. I'd rather be alone than be with superficial people & marcissists. Now i can concentrate on healing myself instead of worrying about them & their problems-i realise they were all just using me as a sounding board & for what they could get out of the relationship - as soon as i stopped being useful to them, they dropped me.
I was validated when I was 11 years old by my girlfriend that it was questionable that my mother loved me. I went to her house everyday after school and stayed until dark. Her mother was loving to both of us. One day my girlfriend wanted to come to my house. There was nobody to greet us and the house was unclean. I took cold food out of the refrigerator for my dinner. My girlfriend whispered in a horrified voice “Doesn’t your mother love you?” It was a validation of something that I was terrified to accept. I lost a lot of my innocence after that and started facing dark reality. However, I’m glad this happened because I know that I am remembering my childhood accurately.
@@sudhakhristmukti1930 Yes. I had a very loving father but he enabled my mother and grandmother’s poor behavior. He had a drinking problem and it took a very bad toll on his health by the age of 57. He passed away when he was 68.
I gained 50 lbs, was very codependent and stopped caring for myself. The medical issues are common with this, depression, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, back problems, etc. The emotional and such have already been discussed in this video. I have lost 45 lbs over the last six months and refocused on self. She has moved to her mother's place. We are 800 miles apart now. My entire life has turned around.
@@karensheline6958 I hope you don't let that bother you too much. Remember the one who died for you is Jesus Christ. He is to be #1 in your life. He is a jealous God. He wants our whole heart. ♥️
They will suck the life force out of you. Headaches, brain fog, chest pains, lethargy, depression, nausea and stomach ache. Dump them and all your problems disappear.
I used to be sick a lot. Once, I found myself in the E.R. twice in one day. One of the nurses told me she was married for 8 years. She said her hair was falling out, she lost weight, was always sick and had chest pains. She said I finally got the nerve to leave and guess what happened? I asked her what? She said "I got better." That was 12 years ago and the beginning of my healing process. Here I am 12 years later, still a HUGE fan of Lisa 👑❤ and still getting better 💯 Thank you!
That nurse went above and beyond to help you see what the real reason behind your illness was, rather than just band-aiding the effects. I was raised by a narc mom and I had constant ear infections that she never called a doctor about and now I am severely hearing impaired, I had digestive problems that required hospitalisation and I developed pneumonia as I got very run down. I leeft home and my health improved. I got married many years later and when the marriage was good, so was my health but his mask slipped and he started treating me like my mother had (he knew about her). All the previous ailments returned and 6 months before I left him, I got pneumonia which I hadn't had since I lived with my mother 30 years earlier.
@@l.5832 Having a narc parent primes a child for narc relationships. After much research and study I realized my ex-wife was like my mom 🤦🏾♂️ I was primed for unhealthy relationships. It’s taken years to undo the damage and I’ve had to go ‘no contact’ to maintain the progress I’ve made. They’re (npd’s) essentially poison ☠️ and they’ll drain the life right out of a person/child and cry, not because of your demise, but because you’re no longer there to provide them with narcissistic supply.
I dont think they have many friends there jealous of you having any friends so insecure people use women housing food criticize you for everything take credit for everything bs if it wernt for me you would not have gone to the food place bs again there so self centered tered there sick people 5yrs of his bs finally free thanks km
I'm surprised I'm even alive...😏 Time for me to wander off and let go of everything. They won't be happy until I'm dead, if ever. I'm 54 and I look/feel like I'm 154 😔 thanks for validating my life 🙏
Before I cut my Toxic, Narcissistic Mother and half Brother from my life, my blood pressure was 224/127! I returned to my Doctor for a follow up six weeks later. My blood pressure was 128/78. This happened in the Summer of 2016. I went NO CONTACT with my Toxic "family". We haven't spoken since, and I'm healthier for it. The numbers are my testimony!
Thank you for sharing I have moved in with my mother after leaving the narcissist and become constantly sick & debilitated. Pain all through my body, feet so sore I can't walk/work on them. The Drs say it's inflammatory... Left the narcissist husband in pieces but now I am feeling like a husk of myself. Like someone I don't even know & am constantly ill.
Just a lost cause trying to explain over and over again how you're feeling. How another person cannot see and understand how much you're hurting, drained & fed up is the most tiring existence. Thank you so much Lisa. Love listening to what you have to say, you're amazing. ❤
I've "lived" this for 7 years now dealing with my daughter's father....he is killing me literally everyday and is now telling me that my sadness/anger from his attacks are hurting our child .He completely denies that his treatment of me affects her at all,however he said if someone ever treated our daughter like he does me he would kill them.....Makes sense ;?!,right .Smh.Its exhausting and everyone suffers 😢💔🤔
@keyaolson991 I feel for you because we just know that nothing is ever their fault. They have a strange sense of reality, make things up and then we become more and more confused. It's really great having the insight and being awakened though on all of this. I hope you can do what I do now and tell yourself "geez you're amazing and so damn strong"! Everyday I say this to remind myself that it's not me with the problem. Take care. 💗
I remember many times as a little kid begging my mom to leave my abusive father. She didn't. Now I'm going to do your program to heal myself from years and years of abuse.
I did the same thing. I asked my mom why she didn't leave my dad. She said I didn't know what I was saying. I sure did know. I was 16 at the time. I remember it like it was yesterday. That was 46 years ago. Now I'm married to a narcissist of 17 years. It's a lonely way of life. I thank God for my relationship with Jesus Christ. ❤
@@joannmclean6406 Huh?! How's your relationship with yourself? Do you love yourself? I'm asking because 17 yrs with a narc is extremely abusive and counterproductive to oneself.
@@Gudjeens77 I love who God made me to be. He created me to do good and shine for Him. I care about myself, yes, and I want His blessings. I pray for His favor all the time. Thanks for caring. ♥️
As a 48-year old woman I still find myself getting physically sick every time I visit my narcissistic father at the retirement home he lives at. I've gradually spaced my visits and I now go there once every three or four months and my loving husband always accompanies me. Having him there supporting me has helped me a huge deal in not becoming a punching bag whenever my father feels like attacking me. The last time we were there he threw a vase at me. My husband grabbed me and we left. That was in January and I haven't gone back. It's so incredibly important to have the support of a loved one when you have to to come face to face with your abuser. And it's equally important to know that you don't have to face them if you don't want to. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experiences wit us, Lisa! ❤
I wouldn't go. My mother's in a nursing home. All by herself like she earned. And I don't have to be bothered or feel guilty about her anymore. Trick-or-treat. They say you only have one mother I say you only have 1 life. And she already spoiled most of it. You're not getting any more part of me anymore narcissist. But she has dementia so she won.
@@imspooky_2024 I'm getting to that point also and I admire you for that for sure! 👏🏻❤️. My sister is visiting from Europe and she's already said she won't see him. He is the reason she literally fled the country some 25 years ago. Now, that's putting distance!
Please listen to Lisa! Although she has no idea, she transformed my life!! Six yrs ago I didn’t even know what co-dependency or the word narcissist even meant. Then I found Lisa:))) I am free, healthy,happy and financially stable!!!YOU CAN DO IT, I PROMISE💜💜💜
I WAS A SHITTY MOM. I HATED MYSELF ALL THE WAY AROUND AN TO BE HONEST I SAID MY KIDS AN I NEEDED A BREAK AN I NEEDED TO BREAK THE CYCLE I WAS MY MOTHER AT ONE POINT. IT WAS WHERE ILL NEVER BE AGAIN. PLEASE PLEASE GASLIGHTING IS ABUSE. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ABUSE,,YES YES AN YES
It’s never ending, no matter how many times I returned thinking things will be better they just kept getting worse. I went back for 4 years before I could see the void of insecurity, hatred, gaslighting, denying reality. I finally got it! These relationships are completely unsustainable for any human being out there.
I was just released from the hospital 2 days ago after suffering a Widowmaker heart attack and spending 8 days in ICU.... that narc wanted to see me dead....😔 Long story short...the moment you realize your dealing with a narc... ZIP IT AND WALK 🤐....MOVE IN SILENCE AND DON'T LOOK BACK.. There's nothing there and nothing else to say.... accept what has happened and let it go..., learn your value n move forward...if you can do this your surly not to miss what IS meant for you....✌️❤️ 👍👍 Great video
27 years of being married to one I ended up with physical & mental problems. To the extent that I even once tried suicide. He wouldn't call 911 because he thought they might arrest him!.. (my son told me he called) I've been on my on for about 17 years. I still have multiple sclerosis & of course I'm aging. Anyways my friend said to me yesterday, that I need to check out some things she was reading on health for me. I laught and said, I'm doing fantastic and how blessed I am & I truly meant that! I just wanted to say I am living proof Lisa that you are 100% spot on. I live so much happier & in a sence healthier then I ever during my marriage!
Wow, same! Narcissistic mother and then jumped from the frying pan into the fire by marrying a man just like her. My asthma was getting worse and it took my lung doctor to ask me what was wrong, and giving me the name of a therapist in order for me to get away from my ex-husband. Still have nightmares and suffer every day, but started therapy again because the past is hard to shake.
I lived in misery for almost 20 years. I left my abusive mothers house only to marry a narcissist. It wasn’t until my children actually asked me to leave him that I “woke up” and we left with only the clothes on our backs. What father keeps the house so that his own children lose their home? A true narcissist, that’s what. Finally after a long, long time I am no longer codependent & am able to set boundaries to protect myself. I am powerful! Learned a few things from this video. So thanks for the help. Validation is always a good thing. Wish we could send this video to everyone living in narcissist hell!
The narcissists in my life gave me IBS and gastrointestinal problems which have had a duration of 3 years where I was face to face with my mortality. I had to cut many people out of my life because of their toxicity.
My diet never changed nor has my workout routine. I went from a consistent 130lbs at 5'3 to now 180lbs . I been having ibs and swelling in my legs and arms . I been trying to make changes in my life to get back to who i use to be
Absolutely true! I was stricken with sores that would not heal. Major stress and constant tears. 4 months out, no more sores or stress and Ive lost weight and managed to meet my new love.
@@marycrowley1442 Same here! I was the family Scapegoat and oldest/only daughter. My mother was the narc and brother was her "golden child"...my father was her enabler whom she managed to turn against me over time. He was alcoholic as a way of escape from her abuse and would project what she was onto me and "women" in general but never HER. I would stay covered up in boils and my dad would get a few as well but narc mother and golden child brother NEVER got any! And after I moved away I never got them again. I also had horrible disfiguring acne (but thank the Lord it eventually went away and didn't leave any scars!) These narcs put a curse on us. It's so hard to admit to oneself that your own mother not only didn't love you, but was secretly plotting to destroy you to make herself look better by comparison.
@@reesedaniel5835 I believe that narcs chose to be open to demons jumping in them because they enjoy the sadistic power they feel from abusing others. It is an addiction.
I have boil type sores on my face after 5 years with my wife. These things take over a month to heal and I became ocd picking at them making it worse after I was discarded inhumanly. Also developed type 2 diabetes eating out all the time. Wow I just heard you’re 58? I would’ve guessed around 30 years old. She’s smart and beautiful.
I got boils and my hair started falling out. I started having heart problems. I got a tpo 3 weeks ago on him after his last temper tantrum where I thought he was going to shoot me for sure. I'm in a constant state of naseau 😢
This happened to me. Spent an entire year going to doctors trying to figure out what was wrong. Got devalued and left for dead. Haven't had any issues since!
Me too. I had double incontence... Organs shutting down.. Dying. Left. Got better without Meds or ops. Just peace quiet... Long walks. Im amazed at how good I am. TG.
Woman!!!!! You are on POINT with everything you say. One day I was so confused and literally sick (ending up in the hospital 1 time and ER SERVERAL times) that I prayer for answers and clarity. Then YOU showed up on my Instagram. I did not know what was going on with me until I started LISTENING to you and saw my life in your words. Things became clear to me b/c I did not know what was wrong with me and why I was letting it happen to me. I was FILLED with fear, ALWAYS. Now like John Mayer song Say says "Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken Even as the eyes are closing Do it with a heart wide open. Yes, I am still scared, but it no longer holds me back or cripples me. I just do it even if I am scared b/c it is my new norm MY TRUTH. I am walking forward taking MY life back one step at a time. Thank you!!! Thank you for sharing your story to help me, to help others. Thank you 🥰
This is exactly where I am currently. Thank you for your truth as it is my truth. My mother is the narcissist and my father was the alcoholic who tried to commit suicide several times. From the age of 11 or 12 my focus was no longer on me…always them. I developed a serious illness that has controlled my entire adult life and was forced into a medical retirement at 34. I am now 64, my mother is 90, and she still uses, abused and degrades me, especially to my adult children. I’m trying, I’m really trying to get better.
That is so sad. Oh, I hope you feel better! Jesus wants us to be happy. The devil loves it when we are sad, lost and broken. Do not let the devil in whatever you do. I know exactly how you feel. It is one of the most useless waste of a human being. She sounds like she was never loved herself.
😤😤😤lots of hugs...and prayers that you will be totally healed...and enjoy good health. May the Lord Jesus send into your life kind and loving people to help you heal, who are more than any relative or family you lack. Amen.
We had awful neighbor bullies, abusive, hostile, happy-to-be miserable & cause misery to those who lived in peace. And growing up I had an awful relative so-called uncle who verbally & emotionally abused me till when I was about 24, he raged at me at our home where my tired working mom was trying to have dinner. I told him never ever to come by again, & I never met him & his miserable wife & son after that.
This hurts my heart to read! I’m just learning these truths about my mother after sadly at 49 I thought it would be a good idea to buy a house together 😂😂😂 boy did I make the biggest mistake of my life! Stuck in a trap but thankful for being shown the truth and I wish you and I can run far far away from them soon! They suck the life and good energies right out of ya!! 😢
So difficult not to constantly be focused on the other person especially when the schedule revolves around what they want to do and then I wake up and realize I haven't done what I want to do in weeks and when I finally relax and watch a movie after working two jobs and going to uni full time he calls me lazy :( ...stress
That's so true. Same thing here. It gets so old. We have to have a life too. We need to be somewhat selfish to exist and enjoy the rest of our lives. God help us. 💜
@@joannmclean6406 You are so smart and empathic. That helps other people so much, I hope you pat yourself on the back for you kind words, JoAnn. I wish I was your next door neighbor!
My mom. I’m 45 years old and I recently discovered she has been secretly paying for a health insurance policy I had no idea she took out on me. It makes sense now…she’s trying to kill me.
~3 years out, and I want to say thank you for the insights. I also had a rude awakening like this, and realize that I had my agency…the guilt of not sticking with it for our daughter kept me at it. Then, one day it clicked that I needed to be an example for her and model healthy relationships. Anyway, yup - even if you think you can’t, you can. I have, and I have to say, the other side is beautiful.
I was brought up in a v.violent household to a tyrant overt narcissistic bullying violent father (who would hold me down & punch me in the head & throw my mother down the stairs & grab her by the throat) & weak enabler mother. I had 2 brothers - one was my protector but he left when i was 7, the other was my mother's golden child who broke every rule in her weird book but could still do no wrong. I was very bullied at school from the day i started age 4 until the day i left age 16. I started getting severe depression & panic attacks age 14 & was told i was strange & that there was something very wrong with me & that i was weak as it was down to my nerves - no one asked themselves why. My mother became very cruel to me, humiliating me in public, slapping my face as punishment for trivial things - it was the only bit of power she could weild. I unknowingly married out of one dysfunctional family & into another where the covert narcissistic mother ruled her husband, two sons & wider family with an iron rod - eveyrone was afraid of her except me. My husband & his brother were enmeshed, & my husband's brother was her golden child. She knew i could see right through her so she started her smear campaign im the family. She blamed me for taking her little boy away from her & having the daughter she hated me for having & for which she blamed her husband for not giving her. She made damn sure she wasnt going to lose her other son the same way & brain washed him i to believing he was too ill to have a life of his own - every time he met someone she put a stop to it - she would make up illnesses for jim, took great delight in taking him frequently to the doctor & - joy of joys - to the hospital. She convinced him she was the only woman he needed in his life as no other woman woild be able to understand him like she does. She would fake heart problems & have funny turns, dizzy spells &, if all that failed, would turn on the water works if he wanted to go out anywhere. It took many years of therapy for my husband to see her & her family for what she was truly like. I ended up with myalgic encephalomyelitis., fibromyalgia, diabetes, allergies, food intolerances & gut disturbances, skin rashes, & finally cptsd. I saw a neurologist who asdured me i dont have multiple scerosis or parkinson but that he sees people like me every week & 99.9% of them have been through abuse. It absolutely can make you sick. Nearly everone who caused the abuse have died except my father. I am gradually healing but get ill when i have contact with him. No one knows his past history & they think he's marvellous still living independently age 98.
exactly! realizing my own father has the maturity level of a 8 yr old was a clear indicator. their childhood trauma keeps them mentally stuck as a kid! he's almost 70 and talks to his mommy everyday, pathetic!🤒
I’m sick all the time. I’ve been with this narcissist on and off for 9 years. We have two young children together, 3.5 year old and an 8 month old. I’ve been to a domestic violence shelter and a sober living trying to break free from him and my family of origin that is very dysfunctional themselves. I’ve left him more times than I can count and am about to make yet another attempt on May 10th. I’ve gathered up the courage to get my kids and I into a residential domestic violence program. I’m terrified and excited at the same time.
Good for you, you deserve to live a happy and healthy life. Stay strong, freedom is hard work but you deserve it. Fight for yourself ❤ Sending you my love and encouragement
I just subscribed! All of this information is priceless. I cried. 20 years of this abuse. It's crazy how it just happens without you noticing. Also, it's good to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The largest thank you from my whole heart. Keep posting these. People need this knowledge!!!
The past week I was even collapsing and dry heaving, and my daughter was the only one that would come to my side, one night it happened while I was making his precious dinner that he requires in the evenings meanwhile I was unable to swallow food because my anxiety had gotten so bad that nothing would go past my throat. Living off of aloejuice and bone broth for crying out loud. . I collapsed and he did not care. We fled and I got a new phone. People are trying to find me. The police know where I am so that I don't get into trouble. But he's not her biological father so I'm not obligated thank God
Very good video. Psychoneuroimmunology. A long word about the effects of stress on the immune system. These people really do cause illness. Toxic. Thank you for this video.
Totally 100 %…… I was always hyper vigilant to the point I was diagnosed with sooo many mental health issues. I was diagnosed with High blood pressure also…… I m now aware of the emotions that rise within me when I am with “ Certain” people. I am now Aware and honestly when I take account …. I can respond accordingly….last one: …. I never knew about reactive abuse(which happened on my point often)…. I now respond…. Game changer🙂🙃
OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU. Sent Caseworker of Cys they think I'm crazy. It's another form of abuse. But if they don't understand how I've changed literally fully in my own an self actualized.. or they are part of the problem. gaslighting is abuse period. Emotional abuse is abuse
I am so relieved to here you say this. I also started listening to change your thoughts speakers. It doesn’t work for me. Thank you for validation that that doesn’t work.
My physical health has completely crashed. I’m in hospital been here for 5 nights and not getting out any time soon. My husband said I deserve to be in here.. it’s my fault im here for not looking after myself 🙄 I told him I separating from him. He’s a self righteous narcissist and he’s going to kill me if I stay.. because my body can’t handle this chaos he constantly causes in our life. 😢
So sorry for what you are going through. I can relate. It just takes so much energy to deal with them. They bleed us dry. Just leave quietly..stop playing the game, remove yourself from it. Wishing you so much strength & best wishes for a healthy future ❤
Anxiety, optical migraines through extreme stress...hanging off a cliff edge..no idea whats happening in your life...glad to be free of it all and in better health
This is what I said in my comments . The thing is I end up missing her ( more physically ) and then get drawn back in, but then she starts her stuff and I get emotionally wounded and exhausted!
My mom said always live in your truth.. and when I lined it with the truth the universe rewarded me... Big big big big big time..... I felt so free and I was able to manifest the things I wanted..... How could you live with a man...
I am severely codependent. My mother is a covert narcissist. When I was a little kid, I put a razor blade to my wrist because she was verbally/emotionally abusing me.
OMG ❤❤❤I experienced something similar, but it was my mothers friend'daughter that took me to bathroom and took a razor blade trying to hurt herself, I stiil get sick thinking about how my mother was sitting and siping coffe, she did not care about me, I was 5,In fact I never said this laud. Happy you won that time. Take care❤️🌷
My mother was also a covert narcissist, and I remember at 13yrs old being in the shower and putting the razor to my wrist as well because I hated myself.
Ty so much Lisa! I wish I could give you a huge hug! Your excellent at what you do! I endured 50 yrs of narcissistic emotional abuse, family & ex husband. In 2016 my soul, my inner child cried out for me to finally stand up & fight for myself. All, I mean ALL my focus was on them. Doesn't help when you're an empath. Suffered with 3 bulging discs in my back & double hip replacement and not to mention my nervous system was stuck in fight/flight mode. I am now free of their toxicity, no longer in contact with my family or ex. It definitely took A LOT of courage but I'm FREE & a SURVIVOR.
So I still have those unhealthy attachments because my father was a grandiose narcissist and I married a covert narcissist thinking I was getting together with somebody of the opposite of my father but what I was not aware of was the patterns of abuse and the thing about that is.... My husband was six years older than me.... But the thing is my husband saw how abusive my father was to me and the family.... My husband as a predator just looked at me as the perfect partner... He looked at me as an abuse collector.....
Thank you Lisa. I just found out my cortisol is through the roof. I identify with everything you said. I’m going to work on myself and my outlook and try my best to implement what you’ve discussed here.
I'm so grateful my narcissist neighbor's mask slipped! When I tolerated her running over here 5x a day for two weeks, my dog and I were becoming sick. The other day she had an explosion on my porch and yelled she hoped I died on her way out...out of the blue, we're through. Now Peewee and I both feel better! Thank-you Lisa!
Thank you I’ve been trying to articulate this for sometime. I relate to every bit of what you said, including the love and light community and the self-help community. They are all full of crap and don’t know what they’re talking about.
Thank you so much Lisa, it is really hard especially when no one believes you about what the narcissist is doing to you, i remember people telling me what happened to me that i wasn't fixing myself and why i was so thin! I have many health issues because of my narcissistic mother, i thought i was going to die! And when i was admitted in the hospital my narcissistic mother was stealing my things from my apt. I always had many things missing for years even my mail! These narcissistic people are evil to the core! And yet everyone else thinks they are so nice!! Because of the act they put when they are in public! Im so glad i went no contact!
Before I found out he was a narc I was at my lowest weight and broke out with acne also went to the hospital due to panic attacks … once I understood the disorder I understood I was the supply , my reactions changed and so did I I’m now healthy with full custody of my daughter & he hasn’t changed
Thank you that was spot on! I can't get my act together to move on and feel stuck when I am fighting with myself because of the naricissitic toxic person is overwhelming my mind with exhaustion!
After 4 years this occurred to me and is what my last words were. Literally you are making me sick! She makes our child sick too, never cared about what I wanted to do or how I felt, couldn’t give a sincere apology ever. Made me sick break out in rashes. I’ve been healthy my entire life. Until her.
Great that so many are awakening to Narcisstic control, manipulation and abuse. We all need to take our power back and this means loving ourselves and holding zero tolerance for abuse after recognizing it. Not an east journey but a very necessary one and may your work help many.
Your vid is one of the most honest, comprehensive, excellent explanations how trauma bonding effects us, how we demean ourselves, and it's okay to accept what happened or is happening. Compassion for our suffering...Wow that is huge! Truly, thank you for sharing your professional knowledge and insight!
I so appreciate you being so open, honest, in sharing your own personal experience in your videos that are so helpful for us who weren't raised in narcissist family systems! Healing from codependency has truly been a life changing experience! Thank you for being so open and supportive but sharing these!
I have debilitating chronic fatigue that I know is the result of years of Narcissistic abuse and the ruminating over the behavior of my mother and daughter.
It's like you're speaking about my life. Narcissistic mom, codependent dad, abuse created an empath. Narcissist attracting. I'm just now waking up with both eyes. I want to help other too!!!! Own your truth and be honest ...take care of youuuuu!!!!! The dark night of the soul is harddddd and painful but man do you come out an empowered Warrior goddess!!!
Another awesome video! I lost my hair and felt like I was just going through my life in the dark! Didn’t look forward to getting up in the a.m. he discarded me after I lost my sweet momma. Watching and learning from videos like yours has helped me to not beg or ever go back. My hair is growing back and I have been doing what I enjoy, which is hiking the Florida trail! I feel like a bird out of a cage! Thank you for all your help!🙏💪❤️
This couldn't be more perfect timing for this video. Lisa's videos always resonate with me in a painfully accurate and validating way. I got very sick at the beginning of the pandemic and had to leave my career to heal using Medical Medium protocol which is extremely labor intensive. I recently lost my apartment and have had to spend a lot more time at my father's house where I can cook and make juice and run my small business. My father is a very strange combination of a codependent communal and covert narcissist. He was more of a grandiose narcissist when he was drinking. He loves babies and children so much and can be very generous. Its a compulsion for him to feel enough, he must make sure that everyone else has their needs met first. I am the oldest so it's traditional in our family that the oldest child is blamed for anything that goes wrong and responsible for everyone else's well-being, safety and behavior. My father was the oldest and abused if his brothers misbehaved. I've never been physically abused but the blaming and verbal abuse is constantly coming at me and will never stop. He is also very protective of me and needs to make sure all of my needs are met, but then I am expected to pull rabbits out of hats and fix any problems that he doesn't want to deal with and take the blame for things that go wrong or break. He has a very short fuse and yells a lot and it is not pleasant for anyone. My family has always walked on eggshells. Im the only one who actually becomes reactive and explodes. I dissociate when I lose my temper and he usually leaves. The frustrating part is that he forgets within 5 minutes and it's like the whole thing never happened! I don't have to worry about him holding grudges or silent treatments or anything like that but it's just so very destabilizing and also invalidating because any points made or fights won are a completely forgotten waste of time and will repeat again in the future. My health and my nervous system and insomnia have gotten so much worse as I am trapped in this situation
I want to thank you Lisa, your videos helped me to recover quickly, having been married and lived with a Narcissist for 12 years, it was the most horrible experience of my life, I saw myself becoming a shadow, and now with the divorce almost completed and two years apart, it has been like heaven on earth. Thank you so much, I watched your videos and came back to reality and how I should love myself and take care of me. Thank you Lisa.
OK, last night our gas detector went off. I was fully asleep, and my spouse woke me up very angry asking why is it going off, why did I make it go off! Very bad night in this house, yet everything is my fault. I absolutely can't stand this any longer. He brings out the worst in me (having been brought up in a narcissist home) and I find myself acting like one. I haven't divorced because of spiritual commitment, but I don't think God means this for me.
He took my happy and I want it back. Getting a job dealing with the public gives me happy (real,not fake) smiles, and he hates it. So he’s meaner than ever.
This last time when she showed back up I think I threw up daily for two weeks every time I talked to her then three months later I was majorly destroyed had no money saved.. ugh I’m so happy she’s gone
My husband was married to a narcissist for 27 years. One day he ended up in the ER. He thought he was dying and he was. They told him that he was in end stage kidney failure. His parents told him to immediately leave his wife. That was 7 years ago. He has been on dialysis ever since. At least he has a wife that loves him now. Please... If you are in a relationship with a narcissist... Run away as fast as you can before it's too late.
Blessed be, Lisa, to align us better with our sense of self in such a daunting circle ⭕ of Narcissism in our daily lives if affected 🙏. Moving ⏩ forward. ✌️☮️
Oh oh oh I was sooo sick. I was on anti depressants anti anxiety and sleeping meds from the second month of insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. I lasted 14 years. 7 therapists. 4 nervous breakdowns. Divorced and left June 2017. Healing and growth and recovery daily since then
Sigh , makes me think I'll never heal . I feel the cortisol and tension all throughout my body and avoid conflicts at all cost even if it demean s me . Makes me sick just thinking about it .
I recently had to resign from my job of 10 years because of my disabilities I can no longer do the physical demands of that job,it hurts me to much,and as soon as my daughter found out that there's no money coming from me she and her kids have turned a cold shoulder to me now that I cannot fund them though my daughter has a job I was paying for most of the bills ect. Now they treat me even worse 😢
Same happened to me. As good friend told me years ago, "You are going without so they can have and they don't appreciate it. Stop it!". I woke up and realized he was right and I stopped. They were very angry for awhile but quickly found someone else to USE.....
Today I wish I had a therapist to talk about my neighbors. I live on 10 acres but one neighbor has 30 (or more) yapping dogs….allllllll dayyyyyy. My other neighbor has fights, loud music, keeps flood lights on pointed at our house 24/7. I thought I was spiritual but I feel I’m getting sick dealing with their rudeness. They won’t stop with all the dog poop & throwing garbage in our yard. I live in the south so these people carry weaponss & they’re basically muggles. I feel so stuck & I can’t voice the chaos being shoved in our faces!
Yes! You said it so well. Yes, I was into Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue ( I still have her books and tarot cards), Louise Hays...all that and yes, I blamed myself for years. Not anymore. I did my best and that was the best I could do till I can do better ( a combination of the 4 Agreements and Maya Angelou). Thank you for your videos. So many of us are truly helped by you and many who have suffered, being an empath and a victim of a narcissisit or a few.
How I handle it is I just don’t care anymore, I don’t care what he says, I don’t care what he does, I don’t care how he feels. Everyday my favorite words are I don’t care. If I don’t care he can’t hurt me anymore.
Omg.. your life is exactly like mine! This is my life exactly. Before I had to leave my narcissistic family, I was dying. I was in and out of the hospital and they didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't get well. I had an infection near my brain, then near my heart. I got osteomyelitis it was unbelievable. Since I have been gone, 6 years, not sick one time!! They outted me because I spoke up against my immature, narcissistic mom , dad and sister. At the end of of my road with them, I lost my place to live, my family and my kids. I ended up homeless. Now they have my kids that are 18 & 20. I had to leave because I was dying and they all turned on me exactly like your family. Girl, this is my life too. I never felt love ony life. The last time I spoke to my dad was 6 years ago and he told me he never loved me... He said he tried when I was a kid but he never could. Wow. That was devastating! Now I'm with a narcissistic man. This is crazy hearing this happened to someone else!!!
I need to watch this since my current struggle long after growing up in a dysfunctional family and then leaving someone who became a stranger to me while I was living with them meant I allowed all that to erode my sense of self worth and my self confidence which contributed to the development of along chronic ailments which my doctor is not sure will altogether be some day going into remission. The whole set of experiences however did enable me to understand myself better. My recovery is taking too long. For example my inner child has become so afraid of admitting any human weakness of mine which will require others around me to understand whatever simple and convenient enough to offer accommodations that I need to stay well enough to compete with other workers in the workplace making it a bit more difficult for me to learn how to do unfamiliar routines to participate in organizations. It is like that inner child of mine was becoming more in general lacking in trust while keeping a record of all the times when asking for accommodations only drew more negative attention to me. None of us after the ancient world got left behind have to fear getting crucified. We can do no real service to the people we love while we are living in daily fear. While believing that we have to stay there and just take it. However I often experienced fear while not living in the now.
Yes I was extremely sick always stomach pain every time he would come around me my stomach would literally feel like I drank poison ☠️ the gastroenterologist couldn’t even find anything wrong ..The Ex was literally killing me .. I’m soooo thankful I woke up NEVER AGAIN WILL I EVER LET HIM LIVE IN MY HOME AGAIN IT WAS TORTURE 16 years Smdh PTSD as well
Oh my gosh. The exhaustion. The brain fog. The literal emotional depression.
The mental anguish and despair too don’t forget. Uggh too many awful names but …. I digress
It's completely affected my ability to work. I've been recuperating for 8 months of sleep, therapy and Dr. apts.
Precisely
Energy vampires
Sooooooo tired all the time
Vertigo, chest pains, depression, headaches, dizziness, brain fog, sadness, sleep deprived.
It’s like they want to take you away from anything you want to do. Self care is #1. What Lisa is saying is right.
I was told that my self care was "selfish" of me. Taking a night away from seeing him, just to be alone, work on my paintings, take a bath, love my dog, was met with shaming me and saying I must be cheating. 😢 A cruel and evil person filled with jealousy and no peace inside. What a wake up call.
@@moonstone4684 beautifully said.
I have court today on zoom at 9:30. My ex-husband of 23 years x I was married for 20, in all of those 23 years, I have had a permanent injunction in regard to any communication whatsoever with him. We got divorced when my kids were teenagers, and it all hit the fan and he has done nothing but maliciously prosecute me since then the last time being December 14, 2022 because I sent him emails about my daughter who is struggling, it is a clear case of legal abuse and parental alienation even though I won’t use those words pray for me, because I’m going to counter, sue him for malicious prosecution, intentional and section of emotional distress, fraudulent concealment of evidence, and violating my civil rights by having me exiled. The legal term for it in banishment. I had a portrait studio that I had just opened about a year and a half before and then he left on the day. Princess Diana died, and he continues to accuse me of being a criminal harasser. He’s in the closet. What can I say? I refuse to sign a peace bond that essentially says I’m guilty we have a child together Bucko and he’s a triple board-certified Harvard trained psychiatrist expert witness for every lawyer in town and I’m going to I hope get in the press because we need to settle this issue of the rhetoric behind her. I don’t alienation this is a white collar crime.
@@housekeeping3561 Oh dear, I am praying for you
Thank you so much!
Narcissists ,stripe the joy out of life
Crush your spirit and can actually destroy your sanity. They are insidious ppl.
they're cowards with low self esteem and the only way they feel better is to belittle ur goals and ambitions. stay away by any means necessary!🙏🏽💜
Agreed
Agreed
I'm glad someone gets it! This was one of the best explanations of what happens in this relationships. Being in a state of constant stress eventually drains so much energy and wears down your vitality. Prayers for people still going through this.
I know so many narcissists right now! Close people, distant people anybody. I feel so alone and stressed
I too feel very alone as all who i thought of as friends are gone - not one has kept in touch since the pandemic. I realised it was i who was keeping in touch with them & as soon as i stopped trying to stay in touch with them, they stopped staying in touch with me. I realise i was flogging dead horses so i stopped. I'd rather be alone than be with superficial people & marcissists. Now i can concentrate on healing myself instead of worrying about them & their problems-i realise they were all just using me as a sounding board & for what they could get out of the relationship - as soon as i stopped being useful to them, they dropped me.
@@beadingbelle3486 yeah, self respect is better
ur not alone! these are people with low self esteem who try to belittle ur existence to make them feel better. it's a sign of a true coward!!💯
I was validated when I was 11 years old by my girlfriend that it was questionable that my mother loved me. I went to her house everyday after school and stayed until dark. Her mother was loving to both of us. One day my girlfriend wanted to come to my house. There was nobody to greet us and the house was unclean. I took cold food out of the refrigerator for my dinner. My girlfriend whispered in a horrified voice “Doesn’t your mother love you?” It was a validation of something that I was terrified to accept. I lost a lot of my innocence after that and started facing dark reality. However, I’m glad this happened because I know that I am remembering my childhood accurately.
Did you have a dad, if I might ask?😤😤😤
@@sudhakhristmukti1930 Yes. I had a very loving father but he enabled my mother and grandmother’s poor behavior. He had a drinking problem and it took a very bad toll on his health by the age of 57. He passed away when he was 68.
@@marycrowley1442 sending you healing hugs and God's strength to fill you...and His divine help and healing.😤😤😤
“You’re not playing the victim when you say, ‘This hurts me.’ “. THIS!!!
Yes, so right that negative emotion is not BAD!
I gained 50 lbs, was very codependent and stopped caring for myself. The medical issues are common with this, depression, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, back problems, etc. The emotional and such have already been discussed in this video. I have lost 45 lbs over the last six months and refocused on self. She has moved to her mother's place. We are 800 miles apart now. My entire life has turned around.
When I lived 2000 miles away I was happier. Now I’m 20 minutes away and depressed and half my kids and half my grandkids don’t talk to me.
Good for you!! I wish you the best. Go forward and don't look back. ❤
@@karensheline6958 I hope you don't let that bother you too much. Remember the one who died for you is Jesus Christ. He is to be #1 in your life. He is a jealous God. He wants our whole heart. ♥️
Congratulations they are sick beyond measure and very decieved delusional puppets of lies
💜💌
They will suck the life force out of you. Headaches, brain fog, chest pains, lethargy, depression, nausea and stomach ache. Dump them and all your problems disappear.
🙏🏼🙌🏽
I will never be the enabler of my own abuse again.
I used to be sick a lot. Once, I found myself in the E.R. twice in one day. One of the nurses told me she was married for 8 years. She said her hair was falling out, she lost weight, was always sick and had chest pains. She said I finally got the nerve to leave and guess what happened? I asked her what? She said "I got better." That was 12 years ago and the beginning of my healing process. Here I am 12 years later, still a HUGE fan of Lisa 👑❤ and still getting better 💯 Thank you!
That nurse went above and beyond to help you see what the real reason behind your illness was, rather than just band-aiding the effects. I was raised by a narc mom and I had constant ear infections that she never called a doctor about and now I am severely hearing impaired, I had digestive problems that required hospitalisation and I developed pneumonia as I got very run down. I leeft home and my health improved. I got married many years later and when the marriage was good, so was my health but his mask slipped and he started treating me like my mother had (he knew about her). All the previous ailments returned and 6 months before I left him, I got pneumonia which I hadn't had since I lived with my mother 30 years earlier.
@@l.5832 Having a narc parent primes a child for narc relationships. After much research and study I realized my ex-wife was like my mom 🤦🏾♂️ I was primed for unhealthy relationships. It’s taken years to undo the damage and I’ve had to go ‘no contact’ to maintain the progress I’ve made. They’re (npd’s) essentially poison ☠️ and they’ll drain the life right out of a person/child and cry, not because of your demise, but because you’re no longer there to provide them with narcissistic supply.
I dont think they have many friends there jealous of you having any friends so insecure people use women housing food criticize you for everything take credit for everything bs if it wernt for me you would not have gone to the food place bs again there so self centered tered there sick people 5yrs of his bs finally free thanks km
There Dracula's use use use everybody km
I'm surprised I'm even alive...😏 Time for me to wander off and let go of everything. They won't be happy until I'm dead, if ever. I'm 54 and I look/feel like I'm 154 😔 thanks for validating my life 🙏
Before I cut my Toxic, Narcissistic Mother and half Brother from my life, my blood pressure was 224/127!
I returned to my Doctor for a follow up six weeks later. My blood pressure was 128/78.
This happened in the Summer of 2016. I went NO CONTACT with my Toxic "family". We haven't spoken since, and I'm healthier for it. The numbers are my testimony!
Yep. I developed chronic pain after I moved in with my mother. I was healthier when I was homeless. Let that sink in.
Yup I'm living in a building with no water an little heat ...my mom has money and a nice house...I won't go near it
Oh the irony
Thank you for sharing
I have moved in with my mother after leaving the narcissist and become constantly sick & debilitated. Pain all through my body, feet so sore I can't walk/work on them. The Drs say it's inflammatory...
Left the narcissist husband in pieces but now I am feeling like a husk of myself. Like someone I don't even know & am constantly ill.
Just a lost cause trying to explain over and over again how you're feeling. How another person cannot see and understand how much you're hurting, drained & fed up is the most tiring existence. Thank you so much Lisa. Love listening to what you have to say, you're amazing. ❤
oh I agree so much! She has such amazing insight and understanding of this terrible thing.
I've "lived" this for 7 years now dealing with my daughter's father....he is killing me literally everyday and is now telling me that my sadness/anger from his attacks are hurting our child .He completely denies that his treatment of me affects her at all,however he said if someone ever treated our daughter like he does me he would kill them.....Makes sense ;?!,right .Smh.Its exhausting and everyone suffers 😢💔🤔
@keyaolson991 I feel for you because we just know that nothing is ever their fault. They have a strange sense of reality, make things up and then we become more and more confused. It's really great having the insight and being awakened though on all of this. I hope you can do what I do now and tell yourself "geez you're amazing and so damn strong"! Everyday I say this to remind myself that it's not me with the problem. Take care. 💗
So true 💯🎯
I remember many times as a little kid begging my mom to leave my abusive father. She didn't. Now I'm going to do your program to heal myself from years and years of abuse.
I did the same thing. I asked my mom why she didn't leave my dad. She said I didn't know what I was saying. I sure did know. I was 16 at the time. I remember it like it was yesterday. That was 46 years ago. Now I'm married to a narcissist of 17 years. It's a lonely way of life. I thank God for my relationship with Jesus Christ. ❤
@@joannmclean6406 Huh?! How's your relationship with yourself? Do you love yourself? I'm asking because 17 yrs with a narc is extremely abusive and counterproductive to oneself.
@@Gudjeens77 I love who God made me to be. He created me to do good and shine for Him. I care about myself, yes, and I want His blessings. I pray for His favor all the time. Thanks for caring. ♥️
I guess I am happy that my mother listened to me about that*
Yes. Me too.
As a 48-year old woman I still find myself getting physically sick every time I visit my narcissistic father at the retirement home he lives at. I've gradually spaced my visits and I now go there once every three or four months and my loving husband always accompanies me. Having him there supporting me has helped me a huge deal in not becoming a punching bag whenever my father feels like attacking me. The last time we were there he threw a vase at me. My husband grabbed me and we left. That was in January and I haven't gone back. It's so incredibly important to have the support of a loved one when you have to to come face to face with your abuser. And it's equally important to know that you don't have to face them if you don't want to. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experiences wit us, Lisa! ❤
So happy for you that you have an awesome husband ❣️😊
@@soniachambers6460 thank you ❤️❤️❤️
I wouldn't go. My mother's in a nursing home. All by herself like she earned. And I don't have to be bothered or feel guilty about her anymore. Trick-or-treat. They say you only have one mother I say you only have 1 life. And she already spoiled most of it. You're not getting any more part of me anymore narcissist. But she has dementia so she won.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@imspooky_2024 I'm getting to that point also and I admire you for that for sure! 👏🏻❤️. My sister is visiting from Europe and she's already said she won't see him. He is the reason she literally fled the country some 25 years ago. Now, that's putting distance!
Please listen to Lisa! Although she has no idea, she transformed my life!! Six yrs ago I didn’t even know what co-dependency or the word narcissist even meant. Then I found Lisa:))) I am free, healthy,happy and financially stable!!!YOU CAN DO IT, I PROMISE💜💜💜
😥 I sure hope so…
I WAS A SHITTY MOM. I HATED MYSELF ALL THE WAY AROUND AN TO BE HONEST I SAID MY KIDS AN I NEEDED A BREAK AN I NEEDED TO BREAK THE CYCLE I WAS MY MOTHER AT ONE POINT. IT WAS WHERE ILL NEVER BE AGAIN. PLEASE PLEASE GASLIGHTING IS ABUSE. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS ABUSE,,YES YES AN YES
It’s never ending, no matter how many times I returned thinking things will be better they just kept getting worse. I went back for 4 years before I could see the void of insecurity, hatred, gaslighting, denying reality. I finally got it! These relationships are completely unsustainable for any human being out there.
Yes. That's where I am now 100%
@@YeshuaSaidMyNamei hope you're in s better place now?! Hopefully i will be soon 🕊️🙏🌺✨
I was just released from the hospital 2 days ago after suffering a Widowmaker heart attack and spending 8 days in ICU.... that narc wanted to see me dead....😔
Long story short...the moment you realize your dealing with a narc... ZIP IT AND WALK 🤐....MOVE IN SILENCE AND DON'T LOOK BACK.. There's nothing there and nothing else to say.... accept what has happened and let it go..., learn your value n move forward...if you can do this your surly not to miss what IS meant for you....✌️❤️
👍👍 Great video
27 years of being married to one I ended up with physical & mental problems. To the extent that I even once tried suicide. He wouldn't call 911 because he thought they might arrest him!.. (my son told me he called) I've been on my on for about 17 years. I still have multiple sclerosis & of course I'm aging. Anyways my friend said to me yesterday, that I need to check out some things she was reading on health for me. I laught and said, I'm doing fantastic and how blessed I am & I truly meant that! I just wanted to say I am living proof Lisa that you are 100% spot on. I live so much happier & in a sence healthier then I ever during my marriage!
Wow, same! Narcissistic mother and then jumped from the frying pan into the fire by marrying a man just like her. My asthma was getting worse and it took my lung doctor to ask me what was wrong, and giving me the name of a therapist in order for me to get away from my ex-husband. Still have nightmares and suffer every day, but started therapy again because the past is hard to shake.
I lived in misery for almost 20 years. I left my abusive mothers house only to marry a narcissist. It wasn’t until my children actually asked me to leave him that I “woke up” and we left with only the clothes on our backs. What father keeps the house so that his own children lose their home? A true narcissist, that’s what. Finally after a long, long time I am no longer codependent & am able to set boundaries to protect myself. I am powerful! Learned a few things from this video. So thanks for the help. Validation is always a good thing.
Wish we could send this video to everyone living in narcissist hell!
The narcissists in my life gave me IBS and gastrointestinal problems which have had a duration of 3 years where I was face to face with my mortality. I had to cut many people out of my life because of their toxicity.
I desperately NEED this! I Need this Drilled into my head!
My diet never changed nor has my workout routine. I went from a consistent 130lbs at 5'3 to now 180lbs . I been having ibs and swelling in my legs and arms . I been trying to make changes in my life to get back to who i use to be
stay strong and become stronger!🙏🏽💜
Absolutely true! I was stricken with sores that would not heal. Major stress and constant tears. 4 months out, no more sores or stress and Ive lost weight and managed to meet my new love.
I had boils and acne when I was a child. I believe because I was cursed daily by several members of my toxic household.
@@marycrowley1442 Same here! I was the family Scapegoat and oldest/only daughter. My mother was the narc and brother was her "golden child"...my father was her enabler whom she managed to turn against me over time. He was alcoholic as a way of escape from her abuse and would project what she was onto me and "women" in general but never HER. I would stay covered up in boils and my dad would get a few as well but narc mother and golden child brother NEVER got any! And after I moved away I never got them again. I also had horrible disfiguring acne (but thank the Lord it eventually went away and didn't leave any scars!) These narcs put a curse on us. It's so hard to admit to oneself that your own mother not only didn't love you, but was secretly plotting to destroy you to make herself look better by comparison.
@@reesedaniel5835 I believe that narcs chose to be open to demons jumping in them because they enjoy the sadistic power they feel from abusing others. It is an addiction.
I have boil type sores on my face after 5 years with my wife. These things take over a month to heal and I became ocd picking at them making it worse after I was discarded inhumanly. Also developed type 2 diabetes eating out all the time. Wow I just heard you’re 58? I would’ve guessed around 30 years old. She’s smart and beautiful.
I got boils and my hair started falling out. I started having heart problems. I got a tpo 3 weeks ago on him after his last temper tantrum where I thought he was going to shoot me for sure. I'm in a constant state of naseau 😢
Good discussion. I hate narcissists.
It is life changing when you leave and never look back.
This happened to me. Spent an entire year going to doctors trying to figure out what was wrong. Got devalued and left for dead. Haven't had any issues since!
Left for dead? What do you mean??
Me too.
I had double incontence... Organs shutting down.. Dying.
Left. Got better without Meds or ops. Just peace quiet... Long walks.
Im amazed at how good I am. TG.
Woman!!!!! You are on POINT with everything you say. One day I was so confused and literally sick (ending up in the hospital 1 time and ER SERVERAL times) that I prayer for answers and clarity. Then YOU showed up on my Instagram. I did not know what was going on with me until I started LISTENING to you and saw my life in your words. Things became clear to me b/c I did not know what was wrong with me and why I was letting it happen to me. I was FILLED with fear, ALWAYS. Now like John Mayer song Say says "Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken Even as the eyes are closing Do it with a heart wide open. Yes, I am still scared, but it no longer holds me back or cripples me. I just do it even if I am scared b/c it is my new norm MY TRUTH. I am walking forward taking MY life back one step at a time. Thank you!!! Thank you for sharing your story to help me, to help others. Thank you 🥰
They gave me ptsd and Cancer.
This is exactly where I am currently. Thank you for your truth as it is my truth. My mother is the narcissist and my father was the alcoholic who tried to commit suicide several times. From the age of 11 or 12 my focus was no longer on me…always them. I developed a serious illness that has controlled my entire adult life and was forced into a medical retirement at 34. I am now 64, my mother is 90, and she still uses, abused and degrades me, especially to my adult children. I’m trying, I’m really trying to get better.
That is so sad. Oh, I hope you feel better! Jesus wants us to be happy. The devil loves it when we are sad, lost and broken. Do not let the devil in whatever you do. I know exactly how you feel. It is one of the most useless waste of a human being. She sounds like she was never loved herself.
😤😤😤lots of hugs...and prayers that you will be totally healed...and enjoy good health. May the Lord Jesus send into your life kind and loving people to help you heal, who are more than any relative or family you lack. Amen.
We had awful neighbor bullies, abusive, hostile, happy-to-be miserable & cause misery to those who lived in peace. And growing up I had an awful relative so-called uncle who verbally & emotionally abused me till when I was about 24, he raged at me at our home where my tired working mom was trying to have dinner. I told him never ever to come by again, & I never met him & his miserable wife & son after that.
Sorry for what you have lived but unfortunately you will never be able to fix a narcissist.
This hurts my heart to read! I’m just learning these truths about my mother after sadly at 49 I thought it would be a good idea to buy a house together 😂😂😂 boy did I make the biggest mistake of my life! Stuck in a trap but thankful for being shown the truth and I wish you and I can run far far away from them soon! They suck the life and good energies right out of ya!! 😢
It’s like the Stockholm syndrome!
Was my precious thoughts Exactly. As a survivor We can Relate! All too well!
So difficult not to constantly be focused on the other person especially when the schedule revolves around what they want to do and then I wake up and realize I haven't done what I want to do in weeks and when I finally relax and watch a movie after working two jobs and going to uni full time he calls me lazy :( ...stress
😅
That's so true. Same thing here. It gets so old. We have to have a life too. We need to be somewhat selfish to exist and enjoy the rest of our lives. God help us. 💜
@@joannmclean6406 You are so smart and empathic. That helps other people so much, I hope you pat yourself on the back for you kind words, JoAnn. I wish I was your next door neighbor!
This!!
My mom. I’m 45 years old and I recently discovered she has been secretly paying for a health insurance policy I had no idea she took out on me. It makes sense now…she’s trying to kill me.
🙏🏽💜
May Jehovah God bless you and protect you always.🙏
How are you now? I think the same is happening to me
~3 years out, and I want to say thank you for the insights. I also had a rude awakening like this, and realize that I had my agency…the guilt of not sticking with it for our daughter kept me at it. Then, one day it clicked that I needed to be an example for her and model healthy relationships. Anyway, yup - even if you think you can’t, you can. I have, and I have to say, the other side is beautiful.
That is for sure. I spent so many years trying to ignore his gender dysphoria phony life.
I was brought up in a v.violent household to a tyrant overt narcissistic bullying violent father (who would hold me down & punch me in the head & throw my mother down the stairs & grab her by the throat) & weak enabler mother. I had 2 brothers - one was my protector but he left when i was 7, the other was my mother's golden child who broke every rule in her weird book but could still do no wrong. I was very bullied at school from the day i started age 4 until the day i left age 16. I started getting severe depression & panic attacks age 14 & was told i was strange & that there was something very wrong with me & that i was weak as it was down to my nerves - no one asked themselves why. My mother became very cruel to me, humiliating me in public, slapping my face as punishment for trivial things - it was the only bit of power she could weild. I unknowingly married out of one dysfunctional family & into another where the covert narcissistic mother ruled her husband, two sons & wider family with an iron rod - eveyrone was afraid of her except me. My husband & his brother were enmeshed, & my husband's brother was her golden child. She knew i could see right through her so she started her smear campaign im the family. She blamed me for taking her little boy away from her & having the daughter she hated me for having & for which she blamed her husband for not giving her. She made damn sure she wasnt going to lose her other son the same way & brain washed him i to believing he was too ill to have a life of his own - every time he met someone she put a stop to it - she would make up illnesses for jim, took great delight in taking him frequently to the doctor & - joy of joys - to the hospital. She convinced him she was the only woman he needed in his life as no other woman woild be able to understand him like she does. She would fake heart problems & have funny turns, dizzy spells &, if all that failed, would turn on the water works if he wanted to go out anywhere. It took many years of therapy for my husband to see her & her family for what she was truly like. I ended up with myalgic encephalomyelitis., fibromyalgia, diabetes, allergies, food intolerances & gut disturbances, skin rashes, & finally cptsd. I saw a neurologist who asdured me i dont have multiple scerosis or parkinson but that he sees people like me every week & 99.9% of them have been through abuse. It absolutely can make you sick. Nearly everone who caused the abuse have died except my father. I am gradually healing but get ill when i have contact with him. No one knows his past history & they think he's marvellous still living independently age 98.
Lisa, another great video. I can't believe you are 58. Are you gaslighting us? ha ha. You look awesome!
I thought the same....... Indeed she does.
Living with a covert narcissist was tough.
It was like, is this guy 13 or 30? Lol.
exactly! realizing my own father has the maturity level of a 8 yr old was a clear indicator. their childhood trauma keeps them mentally stuck as a kid! he's almost 70 and talks to his mommy everyday, pathetic!🤒
Emotionally, they are toddlers wearing business suits!
We don't take care of ourselves, we don't hear our voice, we end up without boundaries,
I’m sick all the time. I’ve been with this narcissist on and off for 9 years. We have two young children together, 3.5 year old and an 8 month old. I’ve been to a domestic violence shelter and a sober living trying to break free from him and my family of origin that is very dysfunctional themselves. I’ve left him more times than I can count and am about to make yet another attempt on May 10th. I’ve gathered up the courage to get my kids and I into a residential domestic violence program. I’m terrified and excited at the same time.
Good for you, you deserve to live a happy and healthy life. Stay strong, freedom is hard work but you deserve it. Fight for yourself ❤ Sending you my love and encouragement
I just subscribed! All of this information is priceless. I cried. 20 years of this abuse. It's crazy how it just happens without you noticing. Also, it's good to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The largest thank you from my whole heart. Keep posting these. People need this knowledge!!!
Facts!!!!
The past week I was even collapsing and dry heaving, and my daughter was the only one that would come to my side, one night it happened while I was making his precious dinner that he requires in the evenings meanwhile I was unable to swallow food because my anxiety had gotten so bad that nothing would go past my throat. Living off of aloejuice and bone broth for crying out loud. . I collapsed and he did not care. We fled and I got a new phone. People are trying to find me. The police know where I am so that I don't get into trouble. But he's not her biological father so I'm not obligated thank God
Exactly! It changes our brain because I can't focus at all
Panic attacks like have never had before..so bad thought I was having heart attack..
Very good video. Psychoneuroimmunology. A long word about the effects of stress on the immune system. These people really do cause illness. Toxic. Thank you for this video.
Totally 100 %…… I was always hyper vigilant to the point I was diagnosed with sooo many mental health issues. I was diagnosed with High blood pressure also…… I m now aware of the emotions that rise within me when I am with “ Certain” people. I am now Aware and honestly when I take account …. I can respond accordingly….last one: …. I never knew about reactive abuse(which happened on my point often)…. I now respond…. Game changer🙂🙃
OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU. Sent Caseworker of Cys they think I'm crazy. It's another form of abuse. But if they don't understand how I've changed literally fully in my own an self actualized.. or they are part of the problem. gaslighting is abuse period. Emotional abuse is abuse
You are saving my life and i'm not exaggerating.
I am so relieved to here you say this. I also started listening to change your thoughts speakers. It doesn’t work for me. Thank you for validation that that doesn’t work.
My physical health has completely crashed. I’m in hospital been here for 5 nights and not getting out any time soon. My husband said I deserve to be in here.. it’s my fault im here for not looking after myself 🙄
I told him I separating from him. He’s a self righteous narcissist and he’s going to kill me if I stay.. because my body can’t handle this chaos he constantly causes in our life. 😢
🙏🏽💜
So sorry for what you are going through. I can relate. It just takes so much energy to deal with them. They bleed us dry. Just leave quietly..stop playing the game, remove yourself from it. Wishing you so much strength & best wishes for a healthy future ❤
Anxiety, optical migraines through extreme stress...hanging off a cliff edge..no idea whats happening in your life...glad to be free of it all and in better health
It's so hard to hear this because I was around a narcissist this past week and NOW I'm sick. Interesting and solid comparison as always Lisa!!❤
Same even when I talk on phone to him
This is what I said in my comments . The thing is I end up missing her ( more physically ) and then get drawn back in, but then she starts her stuff and I get emotionally wounded and exhausted!
My mom said always live in your truth.. and when I lined it with the truth the universe rewarded me... Big big big big big time..... I felt so free and I was able to manifest the things I wanted..... How could you live with a man...
I am severely codependent. My mother is a covert narcissist. When I was a little kid, I put a razor blade to my wrist because she was verbally/emotionally abusing me.
I’m glad you’re HERE today and Here in our Wonderful community! ❤️💯
So happy you are here and recognizing you weren’t the problem
OMG ❤❤❤I experienced something similar, but it was my mothers friend'daughter that took me to bathroom and took a razor blade trying to hurt herself, I stiil get sick thinking about how my mother was sitting and siping coffe, she did not care about me, I was 5,In fact I never said this laud. Happy you won that time. Take care❤️🌷
My mother was also a covert narcissist, and I remember at 13yrs old being in the shower and putting the razor to my wrist as well because I hated myself.
EVERYTHING here was and is my life. Childhood and more. WOWWWW
Ty so much Lisa! I wish I could give you a huge hug! Your excellent at what you do! I endured 50 yrs of narcissistic emotional abuse, family & ex husband. In 2016 my soul, my inner child cried out for me to finally stand up & fight for myself. All, I mean ALL my focus was on them. Doesn't help when you're an empath. Suffered with 3 bulging discs in my back & double hip replacement and not to mention my nervous system was stuck in fight/flight mode. I am now free of their toxicity, no longer in contact with my family or ex. It definitely took A LOT of courage but I'm FREE & a SURVIVOR.
So I still have those unhealthy attachments because my father was a grandiose narcissist and I married a covert narcissist thinking I was getting together with somebody of the opposite of my father but what I was not aware of was the patterns of abuse and the thing about that is.... My husband was six years older than me.... But the thing is my husband saw how abusive my father was to me and the family.... My husband as a predator just looked at me as the perfect partner... He looked at me as an abuse collector.....
Thank you Lisa. I just found out my cortisol is through the roof. I identify with everything you said. I’m going to work on myself and my outlook and try my best to implement what you’ve discussed here.
Try ashwaganda & holy basil
You help so many women Lisa. God bless you. God's words are powerful. ❤
I'm so grateful my narcissist neighbor's mask slipped! When I tolerated her running over here 5x a day for two weeks, my dog and I were becoming sick. The other day she had an explosion on my porch and yelled she hoped I died on her way out...out of the blue, we're through. Now Peewee and I both feel better! Thank-you Lisa!
Thank you I’ve been trying to articulate this for sometime. I relate to every bit of what you said, including the love and light community and the self-help community. They are all full of crap and don’t know what they’re talking about.
Lisa, I will be watching this one over and over again whenever I feel down to remind myself to keep going!! Thank you so much 💓
Thank you for this absolutely brilliant message. Everything you said resonates with me on so many levels. Your work is saving people’s lives.
Thank you so much Lisa, it is really hard especially when no one believes you about what the narcissist is doing to you, i remember people telling me what happened to me that i wasn't fixing myself and why i was so thin! I have many health issues because of my narcissistic mother, i thought i was going to die! And when i was admitted in the hospital my narcissistic mother was stealing my things from my apt. I always had many things missing for years even my mail! These narcissistic people are evil to the core! And yet everyone else thinks they are so nice!! Because of the act they put when they are in public! Im so glad i went no contact!
Before I found out he was a narc I was at my lowest weight and broke out with acne also went to the hospital due to panic attacks … once I understood the disorder I understood I was the supply , my reactions changed and so did I I’m now healthy with full custody of my daughter & he hasn’t changed
🙏🏽💜
The exhaustion of trying to please everyone
Thank you that was spot on! I can't get my act together to move on and feel stuck when I am fighting with myself because of the naricissitic toxic person is overwhelming my mind with exhaustion!
After 4 years this occurred to me and is what my last words were. Literally you are making me sick! She makes our child sick too, never cared about what I wanted to do or how I felt, couldn’t give a sincere apology ever. Made me sick break out in rashes. I’ve been healthy my entire life. Until her.
stay strong and become stronger!💪🏾💪🏾💜
Great that so many are awakening to Narcisstic control, manipulation and abuse. We all need to take our power back and this means loving ourselves and holding zero tolerance for abuse after recognizing it. Not an east journey but a very necessary one and may your work help many.
Thank you. I am finally aware of my self and self-love. I left my narcissistic spouse of 20 yrs and filed for divorce. Feeling so much better.
Your vid is one of the most honest, comprehensive, excellent explanations how trauma bonding effects us, how we demean ourselves, and it's okay to accept what happened or is happening. Compassion for our suffering...Wow that is huge! Truly, thank you for sharing your professional knowledge and insight!
Thank you! I needed to be reminded of the light that is within me. My name means "bringer of light."
I so appreciate you being so open, honest, in sharing your own personal experience in your videos that are so helpful for us who weren't raised in narcissist family systems! Healing from codependency has truly been a life changing experience! Thank you for being so open and supportive but sharing these!
I have debilitating chronic fatigue that I know is the result of years of Narcissistic abuse and the ruminating over the behavior of my mother and daughter.
Same, chronic pain and fatigue and I ruminate obsessively. Years of narcissistic abuse as well
It's like you're speaking about my life. Narcissistic mom, codependent dad, abuse created an empath. Narcissist attracting. I'm just now waking up with both eyes. I want to help other too!!!! Own your truth and be honest ...take care of youuuuu!!!!! The dark night of the soul is harddddd and painful but man do you come out an empowered Warrior goddess!!!
Another awesome video! I lost my hair and felt like I was just going through my life in the dark! Didn’t look forward to getting up in the a.m. he discarded me after I lost my sweet momma. Watching and learning from videos like yours has helped me to not beg or ever go back. My hair is growing back and I have been doing what I enjoy, which is hiking the Florida trail! I feel like a bird out of a cage! Thank you for all your help!🙏💪❤️
You so freaking good for 58 sis! You don’t look like what u been through at all. Your situation made you beautiful inside and out
This couldn't be more perfect timing for this video. Lisa's videos always resonate with me in a painfully accurate and validating way. I got very sick at the beginning of the pandemic and had to leave my career to heal using Medical Medium protocol which is extremely labor intensive.
I recently lost my apartment and have had to spend a lot more time at my father's house where I can cook and make juice and run my small business. My father is a very strange combination of a codependent communal and covert narcissist. He was more of a grandiose narcissist when he was drinking. He loves babies and children so much and can be very generous. Its a compulsion for him to feel enough, he must make sure that everyone else has their needs met first. I am the oldest so it's traditional in our family that the oldest child is blamed for anything that goes wrong and responsible for everyone else's well-being, safety and behavior. My father was the oldest and abused if his brothers misbehaved. I've never been physically abused but the blaming and verbal abuse is constantly coming at me and will never stop. He is also very protective of me and needs to make sure all of my needs are met, but then I am expected to pull rabbits out of hats and fix any problems that he doesn't want to deal with and take the blame for things that go wrong or break. He has a very short fuse and yells a lot and it is not pleasant for anyone. My family has always walked on eggshells. Im the only one who actually becomes reactive and explodes. I dissociate when I lose my temper and he usually leaves. The frustrating part is that he forgets within 5 minutes and it's like the whole thing never happened! I don't have to worry about him holding grudges or silent treatments or anything like that but it's just so very destabilizing and also invalidating because any points made or fights won are a completely forgotten waste of time and will repeat again in the future.
My health and my nervous system and insomnia have gotten so much worse as I am trapped in this situation
I want to thank you Lisa, your videos helped me to recover quickly, having been married and lived with a Narcissist for 12 years, it was the most horrible experience of my life, I saw myself becoming a shadow, and now with the divorce almost completed and two years apart, it has been like heaven on earth.
Thank you so much, I watched your videos and came back to reality and how I should love myself and take care of me.
Thank you Lisa.
OK, last night our gas detector went off. I was fully asleep, and my spouse woke me up very angry asking why is it going off, why did I make it go off! Very bad night in this house, yet everything is my fault. I absolutely can't stand this any longer. He brings out the worst in me (having been brought up in a narcissist home) and I find myself acting like one. I haven't divorced because of spiritual commitment, but I don't think God means this for me.
He took my happy and I want it back. Getting a job dealing with the public gives me happy (real,not fake) smiles, and he hates it. So he’s meaner than ever.
This last time when she showed back up I think I threw up daily for two weeks every time I talked to her then three months later I was majorly destroyed had no money saved.. ugh I’m so happy she’s gone
My husband was married to a narcissist for 27 years. One day he ended up in the ER. He thought he was dying and he was. They told him that he was in end stage kidney failure. His parents told him to immediately leave his wife. That was 7 years ago. He has been on dialysis ever since. At least he has a wife that loves him now. Please... If you are in a relationship with a narcissist... Run away as fast as you can before it's too late.
It is so crazy that we have to prove we are unhappy and have a right to be happy.
Blessed be, Lisa, to align us better with our sense of self in such a daunting circle ⭕ of Narcissism in our daily lives if affected 🙏. Moving ⏩ forward. ✌️☮️
Oh oh oh I was sooo sick. I was on anti depressants anti anxiety and sleeping meds from the second month of insane marriage to the passive aggressive covert narcissist. I lasted 14 years. 7 therapists. 4 nervous breakdowns. Divorced and left June 2017. Healing and growth and recovery daily since then
Thank you for affirming the fact that there is shaming in the self-help community!
Sigh , makes me think I'll never heal . I feel the cortisol and tension all throughout my body and avoid conflicts at all cost even if it demean s me . Makes me sick just thinking about it .
I felt every single word you said here. I kicked his ass out of my house last night.
I recently had to resign from my job of 10 years because of my disabilities I can no longer do the physical demands of that job,it hurts me to much,and as soon as my daughter found out that there's no money coming from me she and her kids have turned a cold shoulder to me now that I cannot fund them though my daughter has a job I was paying for most of the bills ect. Now they treat me even worse 😢
Same happened to me. As good friend told me years ago, "You are going without so they can have and they don't appreciate it. Stop it!". I woke up and realized he was right and I stopped. They were very angry for awhile but quickly found someone else to USE.....
Today I wish I had a therapist to talk about my neighbors. I live on 10 acres but one neighbor has 30 (or more) yapping dogs….allllllll dayyyyyy. My other neighbor has fights, loud music, keeps flood lights on pointed at our house 24/7. I thought I was spiritual but I feel I’m getting sick dealing with their rudeness. They won’t stop with all the dog poop & throwing garbage in our yard. I live in the south so these people carry weaponss & they’re basically muggles. I feel so stuck & I can’t voice the chaos being shoved in our faces!
You're 58???!! No Way! I thought you were WAY younger. Whatever you're doing, keep it up! But anywhoo, another great video! Thank you!
Yes! You said it so well. Yes, I was into Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue ( I still have her books and tarot cards), Louise Hays...all that and yes, I blamed myself for years. Not anymore. I did my best and that was the best I could do till I can do better ( a combination of the 4 Agreements and Maya Angelou). Thank you for your videos. So many of us are truly helped by you and many who have suffered, being an empath and a victim of a narcissisit or a few.
How I handle it is I just don’t care anymore, I don’t care what he says, I don’t care what he does, I don’t care how he feels. Everyday my favorite words are I don’t care. If I don’t care he can’t hurt me anymore.
stay strong and become stronger!🙏🏽💜
Omg.. your life is exactly like mine! This is my life exactly. Before I had to leave my narcissistic family, I was dying. I was in and out of the hospital and they didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't get well. I had an infection near my brain, then near my heart. I got osteomyelitis it was unbelievable. Since I have been gone, 6 years, not sick one time!! They outted me because I spoke up against my immature, narcissistic mom , dad and sister. At the end of of my road with them, I lost my place to live, my family and my kids. I ended up homeless. Now they have my kids that are 18 & 20. I had to leave because I was dying and they all turned on me exactly like your family. Girl, this is my life too. I never felt love ony life. The last time I spoke to my dad was 6 years ago and he told me he never loved me... He said he tried when I was a kid but he never could. Wow. That was devastating! Now I'm with a narcissistic man. This is crazy hearing this happened to someone else!!!
I need to watch this since my current struggle long after growing up in a dysfunctional family and then leaving someone who became a stranger to me while I was living with them meant I allowed all that to erode my sense of self worth and my self confidence which contributed to the development of along chronic ailments which my doctor is not sure will altogether be some day going into remission. The whole set of experiences however did enable me to understand myself better. My recovery is taking too long. For example my inner child has become so afraid of admitting any human weakness of mine which will require others around me to understand whatever simple and convenient enough to offer accommodations that I need to stay well enough to compete with other workers in the workplace making it a bit more difficult for me to learn how to do unfamiliar routines to participate in organizations. It is like that inner child of mine was becoming more in general lacking in trust while keeping a record of all the times when asking for accommodations only drew more negative attention to me. None of us after the ancient world got left behind have to fear getting crucified. We can do no real service to the people we love while we are living in daily fear. While believing that we have to stay there and just take it. However I often experienced fear while not living in the now.
Yes I was extremely sick always stomach pain every time he would come around me my stomach would literally feel like I drank poison ☠️ the gastroenterologist couldn’t even find anything wrong ..The Ex was literally killing me .. I’m soooo thankful I woke up NEVER AGAIN WILL I EVER LET HIM LIVE IN MY HOME AGAIN IT WAS TORTURE 16 years Smdh PTSD as well