Lmfao!! I remember thinking, awesome, the silent treatment! It was so peaceful instead of gibberish coming out of his cake hole. I sure dont miss that life. Good riddence!!
For 15 years my husband gave the silent treatment every month or two, for varying lengths of time. Raged at me in between. Being constantly punished for I don’t even know what, to this day. Until eventually I accepted his want to not hear me or acknowledge my existence. I moved out , I blocked all contact and made a decision for myself to accept his silence a permanent thing.
Staying neutral kills them. Give them nothing to work with and watch them descend into their own hell. Then walk away and don't look back. Love to you all.
@@hereisayana8207 Good question! Definitely a "hostile" environment! Here are some suggestions: *Talk to your boss about your concerns . They can probably give you some insight on how to handle it. *Ask other co-workers for advice/support. *Confront the co-worker at the root of the problem. *Speak to someone at Human Resources about your concerns. *Stay professional! *Consider leaving if the environment is not a good fit.
I did exactly this. The abuse just stepped up and up to the point of waking me up in the middle of the night to start fights about whatever his rage point was. Then I started plotting my escape. He actually told the judge this week that I just got upset one day and left. I thought to myself, gee, I wish it were just that simple.
The silent treatment is only effective if you care, they do it because they don’t🤷🏾♀️. Mirror the behavior and ignore them and live your best life as if they’re invisible. Play music, have company over, shop etc just continue to do you. Don’t stop anything💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
The word codependent is used to blame victims and make them responsible for something they aren't responsible for. People being controlled cannot necessarily become independant until rescued from the predator. It is not the victims fault. Yes they can learn to protect themselves better, but some cannot as I said until safely away from them. Beware of people calling victims codependent --its very very wrong.
That moment when you realize a narc's silent treatment is not a punishment, but the best day you have had in awhile, then you start fantasizing what ALL your days could be like.
Exactly! I’m getting the silent treatment now 😢 and it is definitely rocking my world. My pets know something is up and they are trying to make me feel better. Such great information Lisa ❤
Look at the love your pets give you. That's what you want, need, and deserve! This in itself should show you that you can survive and thrive without the narcissist! Peace is a great feeling. Not saying it's easy, but it gets better with time. Little things like the pets knowing and showing empathy is what to focus on. ✨️
Cut them out of your life forever - never accept them back in, not 6 months, 1 year, 5 years or 20 years later. If they are truly a narcissist and have truly abused you, cut them out forever. It honestly feels sooo good to do. It’s the healthy and wholesome choice. It’s the path of peace and compassion, especially for yourself. They are grown people who can take care of themselves.
@@livfreeali1481 it is, she reached out after 1 month, then one year, and in a couple years will be 5, intuitively I’m expecting a call lol. She so out (of my life) though. She crossed a line with me. Luckily she’s not family so I have no real tie to her. Just an ex colleague who I was very close too. I’m playing the loooong game, if it’s a game we’re playing.
Yup. And even if you succeed in life don't come back to rub it in their face, distance them even further. Don't bring them close enough for them to destroy you.
@@ms.x1669 absolutely, I don’t want to rub anything in her face lol. She’s very materialistic and doesn’t get that my success is internal joy and peace. I’m a bit of a hippy. Even if I do achieve supreme success I don’t think she’ll be impressed bc it won’t be gold like a grump tower. Instead it will be green like a regenerative farm.
I love that that when toxic , delusional and narcs give me silence treatment frankly speaking !!!!! We can stay like that for ever don't get me wrong i love , cherish and admire people with all my heart honestly speaking !!!!!! I have learned to love people from a distance because you don't know what they're doing behind close doors or behind the scene !!!!! I love people though ok....!!!!!
He has taken me there today because last night I told him I had a 9:45am interview in the morning and to myself I said I know hes gonna sabotage this interview and swore I'm gonna leave if I dont get to have this interview. I knew he was sabotaging all my jobs.
When i get the silent treatment I remind myself that their anger is theirs, not mine. It's too heavy to hold for them. Treat the silence as a vacation from angry words.
@@raia9treat it as a 2yr old holding their breath, ignore. Also, if can’t be an adult, and communicate with -words- ignore! ignore❗️ignore‼️ It’s their feelings & emotional baggage they carry around & won’t 8:23 deal with, let them own it, just pray, Pray, PRAY. The battle belongs to the Lord🙌
Being given the silent treatment is like going on a much needed break. No more incessant text messages, no more calling around, no more BS. It's heaven. Relish the peace and quiet.
This is TRUE STORY... last night my ex narc messaged me. We've been apart 6 years. His text said.... "look, I love you. Always have. Always will. I'm going to give you one more chance to work things out with me. I've met someone and it's getting serious but I want to be with you if you can get over the past" IM STILL LAUGHING AT THIS INSANITY. YES, MY EX HUSBAND IS THE POSTER CHILD FOR NPD WITH PSYCHOTIC TENDENCIES. HE'S BEEN TO PRISON FOR TRYING TO KILL ME. HE MAY STILL DO THAT ONE DAY. HE'S THAT DANGEROUS. BUT FROM AFAR, IM LAUGHING and OH SO GRATEFULLY FREE .
@@chilloften yes I certainly did block! It was a new social media account .( not even one of the giants) and pop there he was... but he's a very very bad guy. 4 states he would find me.. right when I would think he was doing his thing..and no time to chase me... then boom. Finally, when law only persecuted me and he eventually be set free, I came home. Stood my ground. I'm still breathing! NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!! PEACE TO YOU!
We know that Narcissists will accuse you of what they have done, are doing or plan to do. Lawyer Robert Barnes coined a phrase that sums it up. "CONFESSION through PROJECTION"
12:41 So basically the silent treatment is supposed to trigger the codependent's fear of abandonment. To control the target. That's why i am understanding that it's important for the codependant to develop his own authenticity and stick to it. Without waiting for input from the outside. We just have to "Be and let be."
I outsilenced my narc and escaped during a lengthy silent treatment. I was waiting patiently for the silent treatment to come as I knew it would come. After the treatment went on for a month, he broke it because he was shocked I didn't contact him during that time AND when he found out I had blocked him on just about EVERYTHING during the silent treatment, he lost his mind.
I have the same problem right now. I have tried everything to get a response and my anxiety is at the highest level here. Maybe I should do the same and block from everywhere . They still see my stories and not a single response. Maybe I should block them - will they loose their mind? .
I've never heard that put that way before. Thank you for sharing it. I was once in love with the person I share my life with. To have caused him pain would have caused me pain. After 8 years of him hurting me repeatedly, I no longer feel any pain when something or someone hurts him. I only feel cold inside now. I no longer love this man. And I know he never loved me. He was always able to hurt me without hurting himself. And it was obvious. But I chose to listen to his words instead of seeing his actions. At least I can still love other people. And I can still feel pain if I inadvertently hurt someone I love. I'm glad I didn't lose that part of myself. Thank you for helping me see something this important so clearly.
You said a whole lot in minimum words. But boy does that hit hard. 😔 Story of the last couple years of my life. Took awhile and it hurts like hell but I'm in beginning stages of my great escape. 🙌🏾 I know my worth I just got caught up in some bs I never seen coming Forgive yourself for everything 🤯😟😘
@@natashayoung9645 that part! Forgiveness is key. Yeah, you got caught with your guards down. We all do. It's just like you said, knowing your worth. You got this❤💛
I am currently going thru this and your video gave me the answer I needed. I am currently out silencing the narcissist. Its been such a hard road being the scapegoat, the black sheep ,the family disappointment and all my husband and I can do is be good parents to our kids and give them a diffrent experience than I received. Unconditional love, support and peace is our households theme.
One of the best pieces of advice I got was to pretend my narc and I were on a Buddhism retreat and that we had taken a vow of silence together. When I reframed it that way I was much more relaxed and detached from the manipulation. He didn’t know what to do.
I’m going to use this, I recently called off an engagement and I will pretend I’m a retreat to heal faster! I went no contact after I packed all my stuff and left.
Or they talk about themselves non stop and when you try to say something about yourself they interrupt you without acknowledging anything you said and continue their monologue always.
@Mariana N I had a guy do that to me once right after I told him that my mom had passed away. He immediately responded by talking about his favorite burger, like I hadn’t even said anything!! I was just stunned silent. It/he was truly sick, & I got tf outta dodge. What a jerk!! When I finally could “escape” & get back to my house, he asked to see me again, I said “No, let’s just leave this alone. We are not a good match.” He responded by freaking out, & telling me, “you’re bi-polar & no man would ever want you!!” Whatever, dude….🙄
@@mikew7218 LoL 🤣 They don't like when they are interrupted, but it's okay if they interrupt when you're talking. Love and light to you and the world 🌍💞 Caring Cancerian Kat 💯♋🦀😺❣️😇😇😇🦋
A lot of times you’ ve said nothing to trigger them. You merely had something good happen to you that enrages them so they punish your good fortune with silence.
@@ClueSign I realise that it wouldn't be a laughing matter for you, but it's hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it all sometimes. I mean a painting class?!!! 😂
I think your right. I got a significant amount of money left to me by my father and soon after my 2 adult daughters went silent when they realized it wasn't going to be party time!
You deserve better. Listen to different videos, listen to Lisa and learn strategies to gain back your life. It’s hard to believe that these are real humans. They have no soul. Get strong and you mend yourself. You can do it. I stayed 29 years and was so twisted I had NO self esteem, NO worth. They strip you of your common senses. Don’t fret because you can survive and regain your losses namely the mind you think has gone! Just be careful and aware. Once you know what you’re dealing with you can turn it around. Let the strategies begin!! Stay strong and listen to Lisa. Peace
It's such a relief when you get to the point of not walking on eggshells, stop trying to figure out what might piss them off and not monitoring your every move to adjust to their "needs". I've wasted so much of my life on this crap and if I sense this bs in someone I'm done. I do not have the energy for this anymore. The amount of selfishness it takes to think that everyone around you must cater to your every need is mind boggling.
@@survivor8146 Oh.my.gosh.!!! You nailed one of the things I'm told! Along with "that's not what you/I/they/etc. said!" Take care, hugs🥰 & hold your power💪
Lisa, I’m sorry you had crappy parents (I did too) but so many of us truly love you and connect with you. Your experiences made you an unbelievable awesome person ❤️
Punish - Punish - Punish they will punish you for anything , for something that has nothing to do with you , you won’t even know what you are being punished for and you may not know that you are being punished - out silence them and remain silent - that’s what I did . I got away - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
My husband and I are going through this silent treatment now with someone we thought would be a lifelong friend, but we committed the grave sin of not completely and unquestioningly supporting him in a disagreement he was having with his wife, where he was obviously in the wrong. So now he won’t even talk it out, and I guess we are like “dead” to him. At first we were shocked and hurt at the unfairness and just couldn’t believe he was treating us like that, but as time has gone by we have realized he was never the friend we thought he was at all. We are still friends with his wife. She needs the support, and I hope for her sake that she can either cope with her unhappy marriage or one day find the strength to free herself.
I do this every time I drop our grand child off to him...no eye contact or being in the same space...can tell it hurts by the way he speeds off or tries to get my attention...if I have to look at him I feel like a want to vomit in my mouth and more ugly he looks...
"Efforting".....yes, the "silent treatment" has been used on me often.....and the co- dependent in me gets very triggered and anxious.....learning to protect myself better.
Ive realised my parents used to goad me in to "shouting" after months/years of stonewalling me on an issue. Then they turn it all around that i shouted at them. The "shouting" was me trying to be heard after all their strategies to not hear me worked
I agree we don't have to forgive them. In fact we deserve better than to be treated that wayl Forgive yourself if you need to but you most likely have done nothing wrong. Understanding what is going on, how this person reacts is the main key to not engaging this person.. It is the beginning point of getting your life back and to allow yourself to heal.
Yes, forgiveness is earned not freely given. These sick individuals expect forgiveness without exhibiting sincere remorse through verbal and consistent corrective action.
Calling your own daughter a narcissist....well...Narcissistic children are not delivered by storks to unfortunate parents/ martyrs. It's usually narcissistic parents that raise narcissistic children. I would suggest some therapy for you and your sweet wife, to treat your own narcissism.
Not possible for many victims and no one addresses this. Dissociative multiples may not be able to, manufactured multiples (mk ultra) cannot do this and if the abuse, control and torture is on another level, no one could.
“My boo boo’s are more important.” LMAO! No more losing my mind Lisa. I see the monster for what he really is. I had to grieve the loss of that first person I met and loved for years because it was a lie. Wow had I not found you I would still be on that hamster wheel. It’s all so exhausting, it’s downright creepy to see someone switch up from awesome and loving to a f**king full on creep piece of crap!
They were never awesome, but a legend in their own mind. :) It is exhausting until you get good at it by practicing healthy interactions. Eventually after no contact you realize you can use this assertion and boundaries for anyone. Some people cross over as they are getting to know you, so it helps you to teach them how to treat you from the beginning. Be sure to pick your battles to be passive or confrontational. Passive resistance with a new Narc makes them eventually implode. Then you can get addicted to explosions and you are on fire. This can also be exhausting, then you will learn to be alone or with someone who doesn't need you to remind them of common boundaries every day or even weekly. More than once a month is too much for me now. :)
Yes it is exhausting you are so correct. May peace be with all of us who have been on this crazy making journey…thank goodness we have this info and ongoing support from goddess Lisa 😘
I watched this 5xs. Tears began to run down my face during the 2nd viewing. You’ve given me all of the answers and solutions to my dilemma. Thank you for this video. It is by far the most complete in my opinion than any of the other videos that I’ve watched about narcissism and what was transpiring in my marriage. Again, thank you for this video and continued success. God bless!!!
Divine if you have just started watching these videos don't stop. After you have learned all you can, everything will start becoming more clear. I was there once. You will still have days when things don't go as well. I started handing my issues over to God and It has been the best thing I have done in my life. God bless.
Watch RAW MOTIVATIONS Self aware narcissist who actually do videos on how they think and why they do what they do. They're both in therapy and put a lot of good information out
I out- silenced a narcissist who dished out the silent treatment to me for a YEAR after I disagreed with her about a direction she thought I should take ! She even spoke to common friends about how “wrong” my choice was. Fast forward 365 days; she had a birthday; must not have gotten much attention. Because she sent me a check, with a note, “so glad you are making BETTER decisions with your life….” (Me: WTF? what, now she’s picking a fight?) I ripped up the check and continue to out silence her. I am so over it.
My ex sent me a check in the mail for a dollar and it said in the note this is what your live was worth!! What’s up with using a check to hurt someone?
@LindaBaxter IKR? ! What a pathetic action. What is he, 5?? No grown-@$$ adult does that. Lol, if you dont respond, he will never know if you even opened it. haha. My INTERNAL answer to that guy (in my mind, not connecting is:) “Dude, you don’t get to decide how much my life is worth! No one in heaven or earth gave you that much power. “
Actually getting to the silent treatment part of it starts at 17:51. Everything up to that point is just talking about general narcissistic traits and why you can’t call everyone a narcissist just because.
Thanks. I was about to pull my hair out. Lol Dr Les Carter gets right to the point in his videos. I almost feel confused like wait...I thought this video was about out silencing the narcissist and 10 minutes in, I haven't heard a word about it.
My NM once asked me what was the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. I thought about it (and did think it was an odd question but we were in the midst of a good discussion) and I told her that it was something her mother, my grandmother had said to me. It was super cruel and mean. About 3 days later, my mother started a fight (over nothing, as usual) and then she repeated that exact same phrase as uttered by my grandmother. My mother is a horrible person. Imagine doing that to your daughter. I have a lifetime of stories like this
You can’t change your mom and grandmother but you can mend. Forgive them for yourself. You break that cruel cycle. When narcissist age more they are meaner as if that’s possible. Forgiveness is healing. Ignore the behavior and rise up girl. You do anything and everything to make you happy, healthy and whole. There’s a lot more good in the world. Seek it out. Peace
My ex did this EXACT same thing more times than I could count. After the first few times he did this I googled this behavior and all kinds of stuff on NPD came up. He disgusted me he was so cruel. It takes a very very sick person to be able to gut a person like that and smile afterwards
Nope, you don't have to forgive them to heal. Despite this being spread everywhere. You don't. You CAN heal even if you don't forgive them. Despite i don't think this is forgivable. But what you have to do is you need to forgive yourself. Only YOURSELF. 💗
@@paulinecamillo7045 forgive them? What’s the point? JUST MOVE ON & live your best life. This notion of forgiveness is so pop Christian…”I forgive you for killing my child” “ I forgive you for raping me” NOPE. NAMASTE & WALK AWAY ✌🏼
Thank you. Silent treatment damages me so badly, i never understood why i couldn't just let it pass and ignore it. I've really struggled with my identity and you've helped me to understand where I need to address and work on. It's so hard to not people please.
When you keep facing your fears, the much stronger u become, it's uncomfortable because God is showing u through the narc inner conflicts & what u need to overcome..when their behaviour no longer moves you then u have overcome that problem within.. Jesus loves you dear. With God all things are possible. 🙏❤
I’m glad you’ve admitted your guilt, at least it’s the first step. Seek God Almighty n humble your spirit, He resists the proud. Narcissism is stem of pride at its roots.
@@agbordaniels sorry Daniel, but religion and convictions (delusions?) about “God” don’t work for everyone. i found healing and transformation in my life that Christianity and perceptions like the ones u are suggesting were holding me back from. if religion or Christianity or whatever u beLIEve works for u, that’s fine, but it’s arrogant and prideful to assume it is THE TRUTH or that it’s what everyone should beLIEve.
Lisa, you just explained to me what my husband has been doing to me with his silent treatment for the past month. Wow! I get it now! Thank you so very much. I understand now. I’m in the process of leaving him in the next couple of weeks. I’m getting all my ducks in a row and then I will be gone from his abuse forever after spending the last 29 years with this person. He doesn’t know. I will be going no contact for sure. It’s scary but so exciting to be finally getting away from this very broken man. I am feeling empowered that I am finally able to leave him behind and live my life in Peace. I deserve to live my Best Life !!! 🤗🕊💖 Thank you, Lisa, for your excellent videos. You have helped me so much! 💝
Good for you putting yourself first. Please dont fall for the Hoover. I had to call the cops due to stalking. They cant change, wont change dont even want to change!!
Good for you for only putting up with it for a month, mine started the silent treatment and withholding of all affection Jan 2020 ( yes really!).. he speaks now when it is essential, but hasn't sat in the same room as me since then... during that time I googled what this treatment ( it's been frequent throughout my marriage) meant and that's when I learnt about covert narcissism ( pretty certain that is what he is) it no longer upsets me the way it used to, I did think that if I just got on with things and didn't apologise ( this is what he wants me to do) he would come around, I can't believe that 18 months later he is the same... they are incredibly hostile bitter people. .. I act as normal and do not react too much to anything he says... I just wish i could extricate myself but 32 years and being a sahm for much of that, I'm an economic prisoner too... it's suffocating and I often feel down because of all the years I wasted on a man that was incapable of any love or respect for me... I had never heard of narcissistic abuse, always thought if I tried harder, did more to please him etc etc... what a waste of a life 😩... Good luck to you and don't look back as you're walking out of the door x
@@kayewadland3144 I'm at 25 years of this wasted life and sahm situation and I hear you. I thought a couple of years ago that I just need to figure out a way to live with this and now I realize I can't truly live in this environment. Cutting me off from the world and turning my children against me, it will never end.
I dated this dude that ended up being a narcissist and at the time I was living in his home as I was a nursing student and rent was cheap. He would pull the silent treatment on me and to me, that was a relief as I didn't have to hear his lies any longer and we went about a month without talking. Use the silent treatment as an opportunity.
@@janellesnodgreen9219 I like you... you sound like a woman that understands it and doesn’t just play victim after provoking somebody to get to that point of behavior in the first place
Glad I listened to you tonight. I was ghosted after 44 years of marriage, for 3 years. I have been no contact for over two years. Now I see how he wanted me to chase after him, for what so he could rand and rage at me. No thank you.
The first time I ever spoke up and defended myself to my mothers Mean and narcissistic behavior was when I was 32 years old… I was finally confident enough to tell her how she had treated me that weekend when I went to visit her. She did not reply to what I had just said, got into her car and drove away, leaving me at the airport curb crying and never talked to me again and that was 20 years ago. I’m her only child & im not even sad about it. After a whole childhood of her bullshit, I’m good.
Wow, 20 years . They can not be told reality of how things really were. They want to live in fantasy land ! You ruined and shattered her fantasy. Shame on you 🤣
@@kathyannpardi9888 thank you Kathy! It’s helpful to look at my life objectively and compare notes to those who truly have been way more abused in life than me, not that my story does not matter, but it keeps me thankful that I’ve always been aware of her mentality even as a child & that it wasn’t my fault. By the grace of God, I have a good head on my shoulders and know that her story isn’t mine, therefore I accept the fact that just because they are your parents- it doesn’t make them perfect people. 😌
Wow! I did the same thing only I was 38 and pregnant. She did the same thing your mom did- she stormed out of her own birthday party and we didn’t see her for 3years! She then played victim, turned the family against me and made sure no one acknowledged my baby girl’s birth. Unfortunately, I was sad and welcomed her back. 20 years later- she’s doing it again! Only this time I’m at my lowest point- getting divorced after 32 years and scared!
My ex told me early on ," no matter what I do, don't react " The years following I was thrown out, beaten , smear campaigns, constant belittling , she even wiped out my online income ,. Then left me for homeless and broken aged 50, after 15 months of not seeing eschotherher , still I'm getting the silent treatment,. I seriously loved this women but she is evil , I'm lucky to be alive 🙏
It's impossible to not react at a certain level of this, and they know it. I wish people didn't act like it was so easy and that it's that simple. many psychopaths will take your non reactions as a reaction...esp the ones who learned how victims protect themselves or read threads like this. It's not easy to always discern if the predator will go to those lengths or not..and people also act like a narc won't kill, and they do. I'm glad you are alive. Any tips? For people in situations you managed to escape?
Being given the silent treament at first was very painful and confusing. Once i discoved who and what i was dealing with.....became a much needed vacation 😂 it was a nice break from constantly listening to them go on about themselves. 😊
This needs to be learned to recognise predators in life, especially when looking for a real relationship and a real emotionally supportive husband, or at least one that doesnt neglect.
I know all about neglect. He has only thought of himself and his own needs. I get the silent treatment daily. I sit and watch him texting his 5 other women and then amused at him being fake with me and liing about who he is texting. He doesn't think I know what he's doing behind my back.
@@lisacartner971 yeah i had the same thing until i went numb and ended up giving not a single f"£ck about it. he left two years after the emotional responses stopped. he killed my ability to care. on to the next.
@@chrysalis72 I have been on this insane roller coaster ride for way too long but he has one foot out the door so Im just waiting now. Hes getting ready to leave state for the second time. But this time it will be for good. I still cry and I still hurt. Trying to face the facts that my 13 year marriage was a lie. It's just too much to handle. Wasted years.
thank you for clarifying exactly what to do! I get the silent treatment. I've created and maintained boundaries for myself. But he has adjusted and does a semi-silent treatment where he does speak very minimally, and continues to treat me as if I do not exist. This gives him an advantage of being able to say he has been talking to me and then he blames me for acting like something is wrong. You gave me the tools I needed to stabilize my emotions and stand firm with my boundaries. Thank you!!
You should tell her some of the awful things you've been doing and then you can tell her you learned it from watching her and then just for fun go completely silent
My mom blames my dad, my step dad, myself in my brother’s death from od when she kicked him out of the house, he was 16. Im 50 now and my mom is all over me to be her servant. I have so much anger i have to suppress when i go to her. Last time I cancel last minute and told her all my feelings. I realized I DO NOT HAVE TO GO!
I’m so sorry about your brother. She caused that! Her evil. My mother kicked me out on repeat and would get law involved when I found a friend to stay with and still attend school. As an adult after my father passed and I had been away from them for like 26 years, as they had moved south when my kids were little, I moved in with her and the abuse started about one month in, up to and including her getting the law involved and bringing a case before a judge. She wanted total control of my adult self and for me to have no opinions, no feelings, no emotions, no friends, no fun, no happiness, no right whatsoever. If she could, she would just kill me.
My mom “ the Queen Narcissist “ walked away from me (her ONLY CHILD)when I was pregnant with my 4th child, my 3 children (her only grandchildren) and my husband who had taken care of her financially for years! It was her 60th birthday and I was giving her a family party. I said something she didn’t like and she looked at her new husband (#3) and said “let’s go have fun “! I was crying, my kids were crying…we didn’t see or hear from her for 3years! When she came back, she never said a word! No apologies- in fact, she turned the family against us and she made herself the victim! That was 20 years ago and she continues to get worse 🤷♀️😱
Oh honey...I am so sorry for your loss and the enduring pain. It's good that you finally told the truth about your feelings. Now is the time to begin healing. You were honest and now comes the hard part - forgiveness. If we don't forgive, that grudge will continue to hold on to our hearts and keep us from further healing. If you cannot at first forgive her, then forgive the situation. Forgive your brother if you must, for engaging in risky behavior that took his own life (I've had to do this, it's not always easy). The more you forgive, you'll begin to experience more healing and peace. The more you forgive, the more control you reclaim over your life and the less influence that evil can have over you (up to and including health problems). It's okay to forgive and recognize boundaries with your mother. Once you start forgiving a noticeable change will happen and you'll start to experience more positive outcomes in your life.
Hi Lisa. I bought your book, The Road Back To Me. I find myself re reading and highlighting parts that resonated in my life as a child. Thank you so much for your RUclips content. I really appreciate it 🙏 💕
Ill never be enough for my mother. All I ever craved as a child was to be accepted and loved by her. Ill never be the shiny porcelain doll she tried to make me to be. I’m a warrior and she fears that strength. I will never back down!
My husband was mercilessly scapegoated by malignant npd “mother”......so much so that he had a fatal heart attack in July ‘18......protect yourself from undetected heart disease & abuse💛
I broke off contact with my mother, but she keeps coming back. I am cordial to her because whatever I say to her will be fruitless. I look at her and remember what she's done, and how sick I must have been to put up with it. That sickness created a pattern I am desperately trying not to follow. But in her mind I am the crazy one. She thinks the 'no contact' is a mental illness I my part. She has said I'm autistic, incapable of affection, etc. I am perfectly fine with everybody else. I think I intuited what she was from a very young age, but got caught up in the 'you must be a good daughter' crap.
Am doing it 🙏 It feels so freeing and great. Thank you for validating that what I’ve been doing is the right thing to stop this heartless, immature, manipulating control freak.
That's the thing that is just so evil. To know that a person is actually enjoying your distress and hurt. And wants you to feel like crap... I don't know, it's hard to wrap my mind around that..
Hang in there everyone! I'm 3+ years out and finally have my ex on block. Took a long time to get here, but it feels right. They aren't worth your emotions. They aren't worth any more of your time or energy.
I love this. Lisa is the first person who I've seen talk about having two narcissistic parents. People are usually the result of one narcissist and an enabler.
I was on the phone with my best friend when he had one of his “ rage filled rants” after he hit me like a linebacker... She called police, he was taken out of the house and he filed for divorce.... Thank God peace after 10 years of his sick, sick behaviors !!! I’m so thankful for my beautiful life without him.
He filed for divorce to try to hurt you once again. Little does he realize it was the nicest thing he could’ve possibly done for you! Enjoy your freedom, glamagrl!
I’m so grateful for your videos. I’ve had a hard time finding a counselor that believes me or understands what I’ve been through. It’s hard when a professional makes you feel like you’re overreacting. But your videos make me feel like someone understands.
Have been dealing with narcissist abuse for 21yrs. Ugggghhhh. I feel disgusted with my co dependant self. Thank you for lifting the veil Lisa. Your words are piercing even after the awakening and self healing. I'm still with the narssistic cult but have established boundaries. I'm still making excuses to not leave. You, who already have, kudos to you. Some of us who still need the courage because we are all alone, and don't want to let go of all we've have built so far, just keep standing your ground and keep fighting for yourselves.
You can break codependency. I was until now. Now I'm 32 and decided it HAD to end. As a child it's normal but not into adulthood no damn way. Be strong miss !
Yes 34 years and I am 49 , he has given me the silent treatment for 4 years now like I don’t exist. It’s hard because I was stay at home mom and raised my Grandaughter for ahile. I have no family and feel like I’m doomed until one of us dies. He is changed drastically like he just hates me for what reason I don’t know, he doesn’t want a divorce but separate bedrooms for 4 years and now hiding money. I feel like a fool. I’ve begged to tell me what’s wrong begged for love begged for truth. Overcompensated everything for him at one point he said my voice is to loud. I became quite. I took the shinny shot I’ve done everything just to be rejected humiliated. I’m lost and very depressed and stuck..
You must not know your worth. When you do , you’ll be gone that night before the sun goes down and you’ll ask yourself why in the hell you’ve waited soo long to get the hell gone . Don’t continue to entertain that kind of nonsense . Love yourself & stop making up excuse, don’t waste anymore time with this stuff, go live life and enjoy your life and the little things!!! Don’t waste the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t value you and your happiness and your love. There’s someone out there who’ll treat you like a queen and the way you deserve!!!! Know your worth !!! There’s absolutely nothing that can make you stay once you realize there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s not you and you’ll never be happy until you realize you’re worth it and they don’t define you and who you are and they won’t ever change. Go be yourself & be happy!!
Yeah get out fast, please for your happiness and don't waste no more of your time or life, you will be much happier ❤life is too short claim your self & independence back...Free yourself & love yourself you are not alone... & I hope you already did that cause this post is about 2yrs in❤❤❤
After therapy I realized I couldn’t be vulnerable around my partner. One evening, I was so hurt by him yelling then stonewalling me, but I tried to get past it bc I just wanted to enjoy the evening with him after a long week of work. I was having a normal conversation with tears running down my face, bc I was so sad and hurt but could talk to him about it so I just cried while we had a dumb superficial conversation instead of “arguing”.
I'm the queen of outsilencing those demon meatsuits ( overt/covert) and it works like a charm😎. I was targeted by a few cluster B's ( ex, "friend", and 3 family members) and my masters in forensic psychology was a GREAT help to me personally outside of the scholarly and career works. Part of it is my being a Gemini where I cut mofos off quickly who mistreated and or bring confusion no matter who they are or what title they have. Thank you so much Lisa for this message 💛💛👌👌👌. Blessings
Lisa, I love you . The nurturing and nature I receive when listening to your videos are way over due. I’m 54 years young now because of it. A renewed me indeed. I appreciate you and can’t thank you enough but beginning to feel like I am enough. Thank you.
Did anyone ever have a narcissist with absurd jealousy so severe it was frightening? This jealousy would surface over anything such as joking with a teller or check out teenager….. It was so sick…
I once ran into this "person" in a department store. I was buying panties. We began to talk about silly things, until she realized I had 3 panties in my hand on the way to the cashier and she only had 1. She yelled: "ARE YOU F*CKING RICH OR SOMETHING???", in the middle of the store. Then acted like nothing had happened...Three panties, guys!
I'm 63 years old. Maybe now I can get 40 Years of real peace. I am well on my way into the existence that was actually meant for me not the b******* I have endured all my life up to this point from so many Sick Puppies. I know from surviving all of it that I M deserving. I have paid my dues with these fools. Life is good.
The crazy part of your videos is despite my ADD I don’t lose track and listen until you sign off. I’m dealing with a roommate who displays most of these traits but it’s more sinister. I’ve got an ex covert narc family member but I’ve been NC since Aug 5, 2020. Sometimes I forget how dangerous they are and I let my guard down. Lisa keeps me in check
Sweet girl, MOVE. I have ADD. I just realized my mom is a covert narcissist. I moved in with her and my two girls after my divorce from my malignant narc ex. These people make your ability to function nearly impossible because if their emotional debris floating around the atmosphere. Get out. I’m packing as we speaks.
I hope you both are ok. I can't escape. Lifetime of this. I would edit the date out though because if you are being stalked they have your name date and pic from this post.
Your channel is among the best on RUclips. I am so thankful for your insights. I’m proud to say I reached out maybe 20% of the time and he hoovered me back 80%. I would go weeks emotionally tortured not knowing what was happening but I held fast most times. I spent 2 years making sure it wasn’t autism or something else. This was the sickest, cruelest relationship with the exact same sadistic behaviors as my mother. Covert narcissism it is.
In all honesty, i'm nearly weeping while watching/listening to this video. I'm 51. Stuck in a hell-house(not a home) with my 72 year old, malignant, narcissistic mother, and my 49 year old, malignant, narcissistic, golden child, brother. Connected to issues of life-long addictions between my brother an I, the abuse from him has skyrocketed over the last 2 years. I duck and dodge him at every turn but he just won't get out of my boundaries or personal space. I've been watching your channel for at least 4 years Miss Romano. You're a rockstar in my world. I would only ask that anyone who reads my words, please pray to the Father Almighty God for my escape from this situation that i've been stuck in for sooooo long. I love you all out there who know where i'm coming from. Wishing you all God's love, peace, and blessings from Texas.💜🙏☺👍
@@margiel2180 Margie, dear sister, yours are the most encouraging, loving words i've heard from another person in a long time. They brought ease to the strain and comfort to my aching heart thats been trapped for soooo long. Thank you sweet lady. God bless you ☺💜
Hey there, I will pray for you. Something's gotta go in your favour sooner or later. As Margie said, make plans to leave. Do it in secret. Don't tell them anything. You deserve peace and love, not all this crap, even if it is family. They can take care of themselves.
Definitely my goal peace.. 🙏🏻that’s why once I’ve seen enough evidence that I’m dealing with the narcissist I just walk away without drama, confrontation, explanation.. without regret.. choose peace, learn lessons, heal ..so you won’t experience the same just in different ‘wrapping paper’..❤️
👍👍👍. Girl, I am proud of you. That is what I did with my ex fiance and brother. No sit downs to talk about it. No texts or phone calls or begging. Nothing. Discarded both of them and terminated them out of my life.
Omg! "they have all this stress that they have to get out, so they start to accuse you of things".... I am exactly this - my husband's punching bag to load off his stress.
Whenever my husband is stressed, he'd yell at me and find every reason to yell at me. They can't deal nor process the stress. They're running like headless chickens. Silent treatment is worst when you have little children who are totally ignored by narc. They don't even care for a cute, little, innocent, trusting child.
This is my current situation. I told my husband to ignore me all he wants but NOT to take this out on our kids. He wouldn’t even say goodnight, good morning or acknowledge our two year old just to spiteful towards me…for no reason. I’m divorcing him soon
The narcissist I know is a family member. When she silences us, I just talk to the other people in the group and ignore her. It must drive her nuts. I notice her mother will become silent when ghosted by her daughter so I make a point of having a conversation with her if we're all together in a room or car.
I absolutely love and appreciate how passionate Lisa is about this matter! It’s like she really wants us to “get it”. Much obliged bc WE really have to look out for one another! 🤞🏽🙌🏽
Say namaste and walk away! I love it! Simple and easy to execute. Saves you from so much stress. People either think you can't speak English or if they are a narc they will just get super frustrated when they can't rattle you and move on. Thank you Lisa. Best ever!
I used to ignore him even before I knew he was a narcissist but this didn’t stop him from punishing me with it over and over, and now after I knew what he really is he gave me the silent treatment a year ago.
Thank you for saying that at the beginning. There is so much about narcissism that any disagreement can be interpreted as such. So I think it’s important to understand that these are patterns and extremes of behavior.
Thank you, Lisa! I listen to you every day! You always take concepts to a deeper level- it’s really about our growth- these people (narcs)are actually great teachers for us. My spiritual “mother” always says, “we’re not the information bureau”- we co dependents/empaths have to reprogram ourselves to the idea that we don’t have to share everything with everyone. The narcissist or personality disordered person will only use any information against us at some point - “anything you say can and will be used against you”. Also if they ask a question to which we’re not comfortable answering, we can say, “that’s interesting, why do you ask?” Play ping pong- toss it back into their court and watch them stumble and stutter... this buys us time- and then we can be very general with our answer or simply tell them that we’re not comfortable discussing it. ❤️
I deeply appreciate the way you speak and describe the patterns and behaviors of narcissistic people. I nearly fell over when you went into a parent giving the silent treatment. I had no idea parents did that other than my mom, frequently. As a teenager I decided to enjoy her silence, so I gave her the silent treatment back. Eventually I admitted to her that my respite was her silence. She gasped. She was a narcissist. Pitting siblings against one another, or her constant pitting us to dislike our father or we were he enemy. She used us. She came out of Hitlers camps, as a forced laborer when she was 14 years ol (I'm Polish, not Jewish). And for some reason, people always thought we had to pity her, that we were not worthy of love because she had an excuse for being who she was. I am now 66 years old. I've never married and I'm good with that. I love my independence, I'm accepting of my success and my failures. I've always been able to be resilient, but I will admit a long life of running into narcissists and sociopaths is not hard to do. There are good people, but they are not as common as finding narcissists. Sadly the lower one is socioeconomically, the worse it gets, because then you get the drug addicts, children whose fathers and family members were pedophiles. It is so eye opening to now know and understand what is going on and how to spot the patterns and behaviors. If not for what I'm now learning I would have never known what was going on. Life in the USA is changing, dramatically. I think our culture is changing in very negative ways. Thank you for being here for us and helping those of us who hold values.
"Sadly the lower one is socioeconomically, the worse it gets, because then you get the drug addicts, children whose fathers and family members were pedophiles." :(
He gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks. Best 2 weeks ever. I did a lot of thinking and filed for divorce. He was shocked and upset. Now I am being really nice to him until divorce hearing. I even moved back in with him. I will do anything to get this divorce. He signed the papers because I told him nothing would change. I told him that I still LOVE him so much. I am completely detached. Nothing he says or does matters to me.
SOoooo much validation for me today from you! Took your class and learned so much! I put to practice your advice and it’s a God Send! Thanks for all you do for victims of narcissistic abuse! ❤️
I love how you speak... It's like you're speaking to me as a person, not a client or subject... Almost as If you're speaking in front of me... One On One. Thank you. It is greatly appreciated. Never annoying or irritating. Always helpful and insightful. When you speak, I can relate with the way you express yourself. Again, thank you for that.
Lisa, you're videos and dialog are always so poignant and you totally understand how these relationships and emotional thieves work. They're so predictable and consistent, yet they are completely unaware of their patterns of abuse and denial. Thank you for using your knowledge and experience to help people. You remind me of my sister a lot (she's actually a therapist), but I'm too ashamed to open up to her about the toxicity of my marriage. Thanks for being such a helpful person. Bless you!
I work for a law firm and that is the buzzword in divorce almost every single person is married to a narcissist it's way overplayed and way overused but thank you for highlighting real narcissism in our society how to deal with it
She went silent to punish
I went silent to survive.
Motive of the heart is all that matters.
Exactly the truth. I went silent to survive.
Same!
🍃❤Love from Texas❤🍃
Deep!!!!!
Amen 🙏🏽
Same thing happened with me I hope you’re doing fine. My battle is getting ready to start.
I once told him, "can you please use the silent treatment, it's my favorite".😜
Ohhhhh, I'm gonna remember that one for future use. Thanks!
😂😂😂😂 for real!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Buhahaha. Awesome
Lmfao!! I remember thinking, awesome, the silent treatment! It was so peaceful instead of gibberish coming out of his cake hole. I sure dont miss that life. Good riddence!!
For 15 years my husband gave the silent treatment every month or two, for varying lengths of time. Raged at me in between. Being constantly punished for I don’t even know what, to this day. Until eventually I accepted his want to not hear me or acknowledge my existence. I moved out , I blocked all contact and made a decision for myself to accept his silence a permanent thing.
Good for you! I am currently looking for my exit out of the relationship
I moved out 6 days ago but haven't blocked him yet. Silence is golden however.
Same here. Temporary distant escape. Hopefully will be permanent soon. 🙏
Staying neutral kills them. Give them nothing to work with and watch them descend into their own hell. Then walk away and don't look back. Love to you all.
On thee way
What's a good way to react and tell yourself o your job if a narc coworker influences people not to talk to you aor include you?
@@hereisayana8207
Good question!
Definitely a "hostile" environment!
Here are some suggestions:
*Talk to your boss about your concerns .
They can probably give you some insight on how to handle it.
*Ask other co-workers for advice/support.
*Confront the co-worker at the root of the problem.
*Speak to someone at Human Resources about your concerns.
*Stay professional!
*Consider leaving if the environment is not a good fit.
It is tempting, but don’t poke the skunk on the way out!
I did exactly this. The abuse just stepped up and up to the point of waking me up in the middle of the night to start fights about whatever his rage point was. Then I started plotting my escape. He actually told the judge this week that I just got upset one day and left. I thought to myself, gee, I wish it were just that simple.
The silent treatment is only effective if you care, they do it because they don’t🤷🏾♀️. Mirror the behavior and ignore them and live your best life as if they’re invisible. Play music, have company over, shop etc just continue to do you. Don’t stop anything💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
100% Right! Live your best life.
I agree completely, it’s only torturous if you let it get to you, I’ve shut off the need then when it happens I am fine with it it can be a nice break
I totally agree!!I tried this recently and it definitely 'wrong foots' them.
They will try to punish you by flirting with your company and will try to sleep with them
Fabulous
My husband wouldn't speak to me for 21 days. I filed for divorce. It was the smartest thing I ever did. Get out folks. Get out and live.
I went no-contact with the narcissist who is now my ex. One of the best things I've ever done for my overall well-being.
A good way to get rid of codependency is to become independent yourself
Right
@Amy Weinholtz even MORE RIGHT like so what if this head ache leaves 😂😂
The word codependent is used to blame victims and make them responsible for something they aren't responsible for. People being controlled cannot necessarily become independant until rescued from the predator. It is not the victims fault. Yes they can learn to protect themselves better, but some cannot as I said until safely away from them. Beware of people calling victims codependent --its very very wrong.
codependent are the most independent people I know
@CCRider wow best I heard in a long time 💯👍💯
That moment when you realize a narc's silent treatment is not a punishment, but the best day you have had in awhile, then you start fantasizing what ALL your days could be like.
Yes!!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Bahahaaaaaaa! Yes...
Yaaaaaassss
Indeed! That's what motivated me to leave. The silent days were the most peaceful days in that relationship.
@@talent_can5770 Good for you!
Exactly! I’m getting the silent treatment now 😢 and it is definitely rocking my world. My pets know something is up and they are trying to make me feel better. Such great information Lisa ❤
Me too! but I'm done feeding his energy! I feel great! Thank you for your incurageing words
When I got the silent tree..I found somebody else.. she was taller slimmer professionally better PhD.
Narcissist mouth still open
Look at the love your pets give you. That's what you want, need, and deserve! This in itself should show you that you can survive and thrive without the narcissist!
Peace is a great feeling. Not saying it's easy, but it gets better with time. Little things like the pets knowing and showing empathy is what to focus on. ✨️
Why?? Be grateful
@gavegas7043 when they are silent, no belittling or gaslighting. That's definitely a positive point!
Cut them out of your life forever - never accept them back in, not 6 months, 1 year, 5 years or 20 years later. If they are truly a narcissist and have truly abused you, cut them out forever. It honestly feels sooo good to do. It’s the healthy and wholesome choice. It’s the path of peace and compassion, especially for yourself. They are grown people who can take care of themselves.
It's one big game for them
@@livfreeali1481 it is, she reached out after 1 month, then one year, and in a couple years will be 5, intuitively I’m expecting a call lol. She so out (of my life) though. She crossed a line with me. Luckily she’s not family so I have no real tie to her. Just an ex colleague who I was very close too. I’m playing the loooong game, if it’s a game we’re playing.
Yup. And even if you succeed in life don't come back to rub it in their face, distance them even further. Don't bring them close enough for them to destroy you.
@@ms.x1669 absolutely, I don’t want to rub anything in her face lol. She’s very materialistic and doesn’t get that my success is internal joy and peace. I’m a bit of a hippy. Even if I do achieve supreme success I don’t think she’ll be impressed bc it won’t be gold like a grump tower. Instead it will be green like a regenerative farm.
❤
yeah if a narc goes silent to punish me I take it for what it is ...a much needed vacation! Pretend you don't notice and enjoy!
👏🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽👏🏽🙌🏽
I love that that when toxic , delusional and narcs give me silence treatment frankly speaking !!!!! We can stay like that for ever don't get me wrong i love , cherish and admire people with all my heart honestly speaking !!!!!! I have learned to love people from a distance because you don't know what they're doing behind close doors or behind the scene !!!!! I love people though ok....!!!!!
LOL LOL 🌹🆗🆙🆙
He has taken me there today because last night I told him I had a 9:45am interview in the morning and to myself I said I know hes gonna sabotage this interview and swore I'm gonna leave if I dont get to have this interview. I knew he was sabotaging all my jobs.
My X gave me the silent treatment for 4 days. Then I started a fight about it, and left his ass!!!
I learned to love the silent treatment. Peace and quiet for a while.
Just be happy and peaceful in their silence and they will quickly start making noise.
When i get the silent treatment I remind myself that their anger is theirs, not mine. It's too heavy to hold for them. Treat the silence as a vacation from angry words.
iIs not a vacation from a hostile environment though is it - what about the energy and body language?
Yes, but thats no way to live.
What do you do when they come back?
@@raia9treat it as a 2yr old holding their breath, ignore. Also, if can’t be an adult, and communicate with -words- ignore! ignore❗️ignore‼️ It’s their feelings & emotional baggage they carry around & won’t 8:23 deal with, let them own it, just pray, Pray, PRAY. The battle belongs to the Lord🙌
How about making that vacation permanent?
Being given the silent treatment is like going on a much needed break. No more incessant text messages, no more calling around, no more BS. It's heaven. Relish the peace and quiet.
Absolutely!😊😊❤
it’s also painful
@@meghanwillson9479 I agree with you…. It’s really hard. I don’t wanna “let go” while she’s making up her mind….
The narc is silent now! Beautiful vacation from all that stress!
This is TRUE STORY... last night my ex narc messaged me. We've been apart 6 years. His text said.... "look, I love you. Always have. Always will. I'm going to give you one more chance to work things out with me. I've met someone and it's getting serious but I want to be with you if you can get over the past"
IM STILL LAUGHING AT THIS INSANITY. YES, MY EX HUSBAND IS THE POSTER CHILD FOR NPD WITH PSYCHOTIC TENDENCIES. HE'S BEEN TO PRISON FOR TRYING TO KILL ME. HE MAY STILL DO THAT ONE DAY. HE'S THAT DANGEROUS. BUT FROM AFAR, IM LAUGHING and OH SO GRATEFULLY FREE .
Wow. Stay knowing your worth.
Block that bs, ASAP. It takes you backwards.
Thats crazy
@@chilloften yes I certainly did block! It was a new social media account .( not even one of the giants) and pop there he was... but he's a very very bad guy. 4 states he would find me.. right when I would think he was doing his thing..and no time to chase me... then boom.
Finally, when law only persecuted me and he eventually be set free, I came home. Stood my ground. I'm still breathing! NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!! PEACE TO YOU!
Wow wow..But can you change your number?? For your safety? I mean…he’s nuts!
Whaaat!!?
We know that Narcissists will accuse you of what they have done, are doing or plan to do.
Lawyer Robert Barnes coined a phrase that sums it up. "CONFESSION through PROJECTION"
Nice! Absolutely MADDENING ISN'T IT? PERFECT PHRASE and those catch phrases help is catch ourselves before we get pulled into that!! Thanks!
Brilliant!
Saving this!!!
EXACTLY. Narcissistic projection.
EXACTLY. That's the way I see it
12:41 So basically the silent treatment is supposed to trigger the codependent's fear of abandonment. To control the target. That's why i am understanding that it's important for the codependant to develop his own authenticity and stick to it. Without waiting for input from the outside. We just have to "Be and let be."
I outsilenced my narc and escaped during a lengthy silent treatment. I was waiting patiently for the silent treatment to come as I knew it would come. After the treatment went on for a month, he broke it because he was shocked I didn't contact him during that time AND when he found out I had blocked him on just about EVERYTHING during the silent treatment, he lost his mind.
Run and don't look back
Yay happy for you! I’m doing this now with someone in my friendship circle x
I have the same problem right now. I have tried everything to get a response and my anxiety is at the highest level here. Maybe I should do the same and block from everywhere . They still see my stories and not a single response. Maybe I should block them - will they loose their mind? .
am doing this now. day 1!!!
@@bethong5425 let me know if he will go crazy
If it doesn't hurt you to know you hurt me, don't tell me you love me😞
I've never heard that put that way before. Thank you for sharing it. I was once in love with the person I share my life with. To have caused him pain would have caused me pain. After 8 years of him hurting me repeatedly, I no longer feel any pain when something or someone hurts him. I only feel cold inside now. I no longer love this man. And I know he never loved me. He was always able to hurt me without hurting himself. And it was obvious. But I chose to listen to his words instead of seeing his actions. At least I can still love other people. And I can still feel pain if I inadvertently hurt someone I love. I'm glad I didn't lose that part of myself. Thank you for helping me see something this important so clearly.
@@ssmith5127 me and you both share the same thoughts and feelings. I love your spirit.
You said a whole lot in minimum words. But boy does that hit hard. 😔 Story of the last couple years of my life. Took awhile and it hurts like hell but I'm in beginning stages of my great escape. 🙌🏾
I know my worth I just got caught up in some bs I never seen coming
Forgive yourself for everything 🤯😟😘
@@natashayoung9645 that part! Forgiveness is key. Yeah, you got caught with your guards down. We all do. It's just like you said, knowing your worth. You got this❤💛
Damn. This is the REALIST thing I’ve heard/read in a long time! Thank youuuu 🙏🏽🤍
I am currently going thru this and your video gave me the answer I needed. I am currently out silencing the narcissist. Its been such a hard road being the scapegoat, the black sheep ,the family disappointment and all my husband and I can do is be good parents to our kids and give them a diffrent experience than I received. Unconditional love, support and peace is our households theme.
One of the best pieces of advice I got was to pretend my narc and I were on a Buddhism retreat and that we had taken a vow of silence together. When I reframed it that way I was much more relaxed and detached from the manipulation. He didn’t know what to do.
Sweet :-)
I’m going to use this, I recently called off an engagement and I will pretend I’m a retreat to heal faster! I went no contact after I packed all my stuff and left.
This is a great idea!
@@nelram01 good for you! So much better to get out early than after years of abuse!
That's a good one. They're not the brightest and will not see the re-framing.
Or they talk about themselves non stop and when you try to say something about yourself they interrupt you without acknowledging anything you said and continue their monologue always.
@Mariana N I had a guy do that to me once right after I told him that my mom had passed away.
He immediately responded by talking about his favorite burger,
like I hadn’t even said anything!!
I was just stunned silent.
It/he was truly sick, & I got tf outta dodge. What a jerk!!
When I finally could “escape” & get back to my house, he asked to see me again,
I said “No, let’s just leave this alone. We are not a good match.”
He responded by freaking out, &
telling me, “you’re bi-polar & no man would ever want you!!”
Whatever, dude….🙄
SO TRUE!!!
Plus, He would say that I interrupting him. Or I needed to quit playing the victim and martyr.
@@suzyhomeacre it is a good word for them. They are not human
@@mikew7218 LoL 🤣
They don't like when they are interrupted, but it's okay if they interrupt when you're talking.
Love and light to you and the world 🌍💞 Caring Cancerian Kat 💯♋🦀😺❣️😇😇😇🦋
When I realized I liked “silent treatment” days better than “normal” days then I knew the end was near!!!
A lot of times you’ ve said nothing to trigger them. You merely had something good happen to you that enrages them so they punish your good fortune with silence.
Exactly -- the other day I told the narc I couldn't talk because I was taking a painting class, and haven't heard from him since.
@@ClueSign How DARE you exhibit creativity!
90% of the time I don't know what I did.
@@ClueSign I realise that it wouldn't be a laughing matter for you, but it's hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it all sometimes. I mean a painting class?!!! 😂
I think your right. I got a significant amount of money left to me by my father and soon after my 2 adult daughters went silent when they realized it wasn't going to be party time!
I’m sitting at that “table” right now….I DESERVE BETTER”
You deserve better. Listen to different videos, listen to Lisa and learn strategies to gain back your life. It’s hard to believe that these are real humans. They have no soul. Get strong and you mend yourself. You can do it. I stayed 29 years and was so twisted I had NO self esteem, NO worth. They strip you of your common senses. Don’t fret because you can survive and regain your losses namely the mind you think has gone! Just be careful and aware. Once you know what you’re dealing with you can turn it around. Let the strategies begin!! Stay strong and listen to Lisa. Peace
You do
Yes you do. I think so many of us fail again and again to know this and believe this.
Been there, too. Horrible.
Walk away never looking back. Cut them off and close that door forever.
"...my goal is peace, my goal is equanimity!"
I love this!
💞
Must take notes.
🙌 YES!
It's such a relief when you get to the point of not walking on eggshells, stop trying to figure out what might piss them off and not monitoring your every move to adjust to their "needs". I've wasted so much of my life on this crap and if I sense this bs in someone I'm done. I do not have the energy for this anymore. The amount of selfishness it takes to think that everyone around you must cater to your every need is mind boggling.
Really helpful-thank you so much!
I hate that we feel like “bitches” or “assholes” when we stand our ground for self respect. 🙏🏽
So, so true! 👍🧡
We’re not btches if we say no
That or called crazy for speaking the truth
I got that label and wear it "proudly" because it reminds me that I'm no longer a victim to the Ahole's bs!!🤗🙏🏼🙏🏼
@@survivor8146 Oh.my.gosh.!!! You nailed one of the things I'm told! Along with "that's not what you/I/they/etc. said!"
Take care, hugs🥰 & hold your power💪
Lisa, I’m sorry you had crappy parents (I did too) but so many of us truly love you and connect with you. Your experiences made you an unbelievable awesome person ❤️
I was feeling bad for being locked out...then I realized that it is better than being locked in ❗😊
Comment of the week. BOOM. I like that. Better than being locked in.
@@tootienottoofruitie1726 good one!
good!
Punish - Punish - Punish they will punish you for anything , for something that has nothing to do with you , you won’t even know what you are being punished for and you may not know that you are being punished - out silence them and remain silent - that’s what I did . I got away - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
My husband and I are going through this silent treatment now with someone we thought would be a lifelong friend, but we committed the grave sin of not completely and unquestioningly supporting him in a disagreement he was having with his wife, where he was obviously in the wrong. So now he won’t even talk it out, and I guess we are like “dead” to him. At first we were shocked and hurt at the unfairness and just couldn’t believe he was treating us like that, but as time has gone by we have realized he was never the friend we thought he was at all. We are still friends with his wife. She needs the support, and I hope for her sake that she can either cope with her unhappy marriage or one day find the strength to free herself.
@@pennydubose9867 well done for standing up for your friend. I'm getting the silent treatment after standing up for another person.
Silence is golden!
I do this every time I drop our grand child off to him...no eye contact or being in the same space...can tell it hurts by the way he speeds off or tries to get my attention...if I have to look at him I feel like a want to vomit in my mouth and more ugly he looks...
Say that again 👏 🙌 💯
"Efforting".....yes, the "silent treatment" has been used on me often.....and the co- dependent in me gets very triggered and anxious.....learning to protect myself better.
Me too-all my youth!
Ive realised my parents used to goad me in to "shouting" after months/years of stonewalling me on an issue. Then they turn it all around that i shouted at them. The "shouting" was me trying to be heard after all their strategies to not hear me worked
We do NOT have to forgive them in order to heal. That is false. We have to forgive ourselves though. But only ourselves. 💟
I agree we don't have to forgive them. In fact we deserve better than to be treated that wayl
Forgive yourself if you need to but you most likely have done nothing wrong.
Understanding what is going on, how this person reacts is the main key to not engaging this person..
It is the beginning point of getting your life back and to allow yourself to heal.
@@DK-uq2yi By forgiving ourselves i mean for not have known, for being wounded, etc... ppl carry alot of self-guilt.
Yes, forgiveness is earned not freely given. These sick individuals expect forgiveness without exhibiting sincere remorse through verbal and consistent corrective action.
You need to forgive or it's a poison to you HOWEVER don't forget!!!!
@@kwabena2770 do you know ANYTHING about Jesus? If you did you would know you are wrong!!!
My sweet wife and I are enjoying the narcissistic silence treatment of our daughter and son in law. Life is peaceful. 🌸
Calling your own daughter a narcissist....well...Narcissistic children are not delivered by storks to unfortunate parents/ martyrs. It's usually narcissistic parents that raise narcissistic children. I would suggest some therapy for you and your sweet wife, to treat your own narcissism.
@mp-pl8rw , THAT part...
Isn't it crazy how they'll always give themselves away?
Tools
1) grey rock
2) shutti shutti (don't give them ammo)
3) don't react
No contact/low contact and VERY strict boundaries.
Not possible for many victims and no one addresses this. Dissociative multiples may not be able to, manufactured multiples (mk ultra) cannot do this and if the abuse, control and torture is on another level, no one could.
@@D-me-dream-smp most don't let you have those boundaries and if you stand your ground the violence increases. Emotional/mental..any kind of violence.
“I am a very heavy, gray rock!” Lol which makes me “stubborn” just like they say. “I am Gray Rock” will be my new mantra.
“My boo boo’s are more important.” LMAO! No more losing my mind Lisa. I see the monster for what he really is. I had to grieve the loss of that first person I met and loved for years because it was a lie. Wow had I not found you I would still be on that hamster wheel. It’s all so exhausting, it’s downright creepy to see someone switch up from awesome and loving to a f**king full on creep piece of crap!
Wow I feel we share a similar story.
They were never awesome, but a legend in their own mind. :)
It is exhausting until you get good at it by practicing healthy interactions.
Eventually after no contact you realize you can use this assertion and boundaries for anyone. Some people cross over as they are getting to know you, so it helps you to teach them how to treat you from the beginning. Be sure to pick your battles to be passive or confrontational. Passive resistance with a new Narc makes them eventually implode. Then you can get addicted to explosions and you are on fire. This can also be exhausting, then you will learn to be alone or with someone who doesn't need you to remind them of common boundaries every day or even weekly. More than once a month is too much for me now. :)
Yes it is exhausting you are so correct. May peace be with all of us who have been on this crazy making journey…thank goodness we have this info and ongoing support from goddess Lisa 😘
I totally relate! Lisa had changed my life too! Got the tools now. :-)))
Pauline Camillo Unfortunately, the awesome part isn't even real, but they're brilliant actors, especially in the beginning. 😥
I’m currently going through this, his silent treatment is affecting me but by strength your words of wisdom can help me.
My mother punished me with the silent treatment. I was 45 years old before I realized I should see that as a VACATION from her emotional games.
Same here😂
Me too i told her i wouldnt tolerate her disrespect at 45 and its been 2 months of utmost peace :)
I watched this 5xs. Tears began to run down my face during the 2nd viewing. You’ve given me all of the answers and solutions to my dilemma. Thank you for this video. It is by far the most complete in my opinion than any of the other videos that I’ve watched about narcissism and what was transpiring in my marriage. Again, thank you for this video and continued success. God bless!!!
Viewing? I see nothing. Just sound.
Divine if you have just started watching these videos don't stop. After you have learned all you can, everything will start becoming more clear. I was there once. You will still have days when things don't go as well. I started handing my issues over to God and It has been the best thing I have done in my life. God bless.
Stay strong 💪🏽
Watch RAW MOTIVATIONS
Self aware narcissist who actually do videos on how they think and why they do what they do. They're both in therapy and put a lot of good information out
I out- silenced a narcissist who dished out the silent treatment to me for a YEAR after I disagreed with her about a direction she thought I should take ! She even spoke to common friends about how “wrong” my choice was. Fast forward 365 days; she had a birthday; must not have gotten much attention. Because she sent me a check, with a note, “so glad you are making BETTER decisions with your life….” (Me: WTF? what, now she’s picking a fight?) I ripped up the check and continue to out silence her.
I am so over it.
My ex sent me a check in the mail for a dollar and it said in the note this is what your live was worth!! What’s up with using a check to hurt someone?
Good for you
@LindaBaxter IKR? ! What a pathetic action. What is he, 5?? No grown-@$$ adult does that. Lol, if you dont respond, he will never know if you even opened it. haha.
My INTERNAL answer to that guy (in my mind, not connecting is:) “Dude, you don’t get to decide how much my life is worth! No one in heaven or earth gave you that much power. “
@LisaRomano Thanks for the heart and for all you do.
Actually getting to the silent treatment part of it starts at 17:51. Everything up to that point is just talking about general narcissistic traits and why you can’t call everyone a narcissist just because.
Thank you lol😊
Thanks. I was about to pull my hair out. Lol Dr Les Carter gets right to the point in his videos. I almost feel confused like wait...I thought this video was about out silencing the narcissist and 10 minutes in, I haven't heard a word about it.
Thank you so much !!
Whew thanks
THANK YOU!! Many videos are wasted on long intros (fillers).
My NM once asked me what was the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. I thought about it (and did think it was an odd question but we were in the midst of a good discussion) and I told her that it was something her mother, my grandmother had said to me. It was super cruel and mean. About 3 days later, my mother started a fight (over nothing, as usual) and then she repeated that exact same phrase as uttered by my grandmother. My mother is a horrible person. Imagine doing that to your daughter. I have a lifetime of stories like this
You can’t change your mom and grandmother but you can mend. Forgive them for yourself. You break that cruel cycle. When narcissist age more they are meaner as if that’s possible. Forgiveness is healing. Ignore the behavior and rise up girl. You do anything and everything to make you happy, healthy and whole. There’s a lot more good in the world. Seek it out. Peace
My ex did this EXACT same thing more times than I could count. After the first few times he did this I googled this behavior and all kinds of stuff on NPD came up. He disgusted me he was so cruel. It takes a very very sick person to be able to gut a person like that and smile afterwards
Nope, you don't have to forgive them to heal. Despite this being spread everywhere. You don't. You CAN heal even if you don't forgive them. Despite i don't think this is forgivable. But what you have to do is you need to forgive yourself. Only YOURSELF. 💗
Yikes! Sorry you had to go through that.
@@paulinecamillo7045 forgive them? What’s the point? JUST MOVE ON & live your best life. This notion of forgiveness is so pop Christian…”I forgive you for killing my child” “ I forgive you for raping me” NOPE. NAMASTE & WALK AWAY ✌🏼
Thank you. Silent treatment damages me so badly, i never understood why i couldn't just let it pass and ignore it. I've really struggled with my identity and you've helped me to understand where I need to address and work on. It's so hard to not people please.
When you keep facing your fears, the much stronger u become, it's uncomfortable because God is showing u through the narc inner conflicts & what u need to overcome..when their behaviour no longer moves you then u have overcome that problem within.. Jesus loves you dear. With God all things are possible. 🙏❤
You're describing me perfectly! I want to change. I need to change! It no longer serves me. I am worthy of more!
I’m glad you’ve admitted your guilt, at least it’s the first step. Seek God Almighty n humble your spirit, He resists the proud. Narcissism is stem of pride at its roots.
@@agbordaniels sorry Daniel, but religion and convictions (delusions?) about “God” don’t work for everyone. i found healing and transformation in my life that Christianity and perceptions like the ones u are suggesting were holding me back from. if religion or Christianity or whatever u beLIEve works for u, that’s fine, but it’s arrogant and prideful to assume it is THE TRUTH or that it’s what everyone should beLIEve.
Lisa, you just explained to me what my husband has been doing to me with his silent treatment for the past month. Wow! I get it now! Thank you so very much. I understand now. I’m in the process of leaving him in the next couple of weeks. I’m getting all my ducks in a row and then I will be gone from his abuse forever after spending the last 29 years with this person. He doesn’t know. I will be going no contact for sure. It’s scary but so exciting to be finally getting away from this very broken man. I am feeling empowered that I am finally able to leave him behind and live my life in Peace. I deserve to live my Best Life !!! 🤗🕊💖
Thank you, Lisa, for your excellent videos. You have helped me so much! 💝
Good for you putting yourself first. Please dont fall for the Hoover. I had to call the cops due to stalking. They cant change, wont change dont even want to change!!
Be strong. There is a line of them just waiting for a chance to eat you up. Be strong get happy stay away forever
Good for you for only putting up with it for a month, mine started the silent treatment and withholding of all affection Jan 2020 ( yes really!).. he speaks now when it is essential, but hasn't sat in the same room as me since then... during that time I googled what this treatment ( it's been frequent throughout my marriage) meant and that's when I learnt about covert narcissism ( pretty certain that is what he is) it no longer upsets me the way it used to, I did think that if I just got on with things and didn't apologise ( this is what he wants me to do) he would come around, I can't believe that 18 months later he is the same... they are incredibly hostile bitter people. .. I act as normal and do not react too much to anything he says... I just wish i could extricate myself but 32 years and being a sahm for much of that, I'm an economic prisoner too... it's suffocating and I often feel down because of all the years I wasted on a man that was incapable of any love or respect for me... I had never heard of narcissistic abuse, always thought if I tried harder, did more to please him etc etc... what a waste of a life 😩... Good luck to you and don't look back as you're walking out of the door x
You go girl be strong and happy
@@kayewadland3144 I'm at 25 years of this wasted life and sahm situation and I hear you. I thought a couple of years ago that I just need to figure out a way to live with this and now I realize I can't truly live in this environment. Cutting me off from the world and turning my children against me, it will never end.
Turn to prayer that’s my answer and it works.
I dated this dude that ended up being a narcissist and at the time I was living in his home as I was a nursing student and rent was cheap. He would pull the silent treatment on me and to me, that was a relief as I didn't have to hear his lies any longer and we went about a month without talking. Use the silent treatment as an opportunity.
"Rent was cheap." You think you created the situation- at least partly??
@@janellesnodgreen9219
I like you... you sound like a woman that understands it and doesn’t just play victim after provoking somebody to get to that point of behavior in the first place
Glad I listened to you tonight. I was ghosted after 44 years of marriage, for 3 years. I have been no contact for over two years. Now I see how he wanted me to chase after him, for what so he could rand and rage at me. No thank you.
After silent treatment for yrs on and off mainly on… he started to talk about the dog to me and I said .,” oh to much talking ., I like it quiet😂”
The first time I ever spoke up and defended myself to my mothers Mean and narcissistic behavior was when I was 32 years old… I was finally confident enough to tell her how she had treated me that weekend when I went to visit her. She did not reply to what I had just said, got into her car and drove away, leaving me at the airport curb crying and never talked to me again and that was 20 years ago. I’m her only child & im not even sad about it. After a whole childhood of her bullshit, I’m good.
Wow, 20 years . They can not be told reality of how things really were. They want to live in fantasy land ! You ruined and shattered her fantasy. Shame on you 🤣
Kaffeine, Good for you!
@@kathyannpardi9888 thank you Kathy! It’s helpful to look at my life objectively and compare notes to those who truly have been way more abused in life than me, not that my story does not matter, but it keeps me thankful that I’ve always been aware of her mentality even as a child & that it wasn’t my fault. By the grace of God, I have a good head on my shoulders and know that her story isn’t mine, therefore I accept the fact that just because they are your parents- it doesn’t make them perfect people. 😌
@@imalwaysme4332 yeah, I think her head kind of exploded that day when I dared to speak up… the horror!! 😆
Wow! I did the same thing only I was 38 and pregnant. She did the same thing your mom did- she stormed out of her own birthday party and we didn’t see her for 3years! She then played victim, turned the family against me and made sure no one acknowledged my baby girl’s birth. Unfortunately, I was sad and welcomed her back. 20 years later- she’s doing it again! Only this time I’m at my lowest point- getting divorced after 32 years and scared!
My ex told me early on ," no matter what I do, don't react "
The years following I was thrown out, beaten , smear campaigns, constant belittling , she even wiped out my online income ,. Then left me for homeless and broken aged 50, after 15 months of not seeing eschotherher , still I'm getting the silent treatment,. I seriously loved this women but she is evil , I'm lucky to be alive 🙏
Oh my goodness. So many of us have had eerily similar experiences including lucky to be alive. I do hope your life is now much better x
Hang in there ❤️
It's impossible to not react at a certain level of this, and they know it. I wish people didn't act like it was so easy and that it's that simple. many psychopaths will take your non reactions as a reaction...esp the ones who learned how victims protect themselves or read threads like this. It's not easy to always discern if the predator will go to those lengths or not..and people also act like a narc won't kill, and they do. I'm glad you are alive. Any tips? For people in situations you managed to escape?
Wow
My ex did the same to me a year ago!
Being given the silent treament at first was very painful and confusing. Once i discoved who and what i was dealing with.....became a much needed vacation 😂 it was a nice break from constantly listening to them go on about themselves. 😊
This needs to be learned to recognise predators in life, especially when looking for a real relationship and a real emotionally supportive husband, or at least one that doesnt neglect.
I know all about neglect. He has only thought of himself and his own needs. I get the silent treatment daily. I sit and watch him texting his 5 other women and then amused at him being fake with me and liing about who he is texting. He doesn't think I know what he's doing behind my back.
@@lisacartner971 yeah i had the same thing until i went numb and ended up giving not a single f"£ck about it. he left two years after the emotional responses stopped. he killed my ability to care. on to the next.
@@chrysalis72 I have been on this insane roller coaster ride for way too long but he has one foot out the door so Im just waiting now. Hes getting ready to leave state for the second time. But this time it will be for good. I still cry and I still hurt. Trying to face the facts that my 13 year marriage was a lie. It's just too much to handle. Wasted years.
@@lisacartner971 You could go along and play the game too. There are two sides to every coin.
@@majakolonja4266 What does that mean?
"Namaste, and walk away." Great advice. Thank you! ❤🙏🏼
thank you for clarifying exactly what to do! I get the silent treatment. I've created and maintained boundaries for myself. But he has adjusted and does a semi-silent treatment where he does speak very minimally, and continues to treat me as if I do not exist. This gives him an advantage of being able to say he has been talking to me and then he blames me for acting like something is wrong. You gave me the tools I needed to stabilize my emotions and stand firm with my boundaries. Thank you!!
So what do you do when it happens now? Because they always find ways to slide through the boundaries like your person does..
It took my Mom 3 yrs to break her silence.... and she called to tell me how awful I continue to be.
You should tell her some of the awful things you've been doing and then you can tell her you learned it from watching her and then just for fun go completely silent
@@cal4207 lol 😂 like a true soldier
@@cal4207 That’s why you block these creatures 🌷
Thank you so dearly.for your journey, the healing knowledge and wisdom you share. So deeply grateful.
@@cal4207 SAVAGE! 😂
My mom blames my dad, my step dad, myself in my brother’s death from od when she kicked him out of the house, he was 16. Im 50 now and my mom is all over me to be her servant. I have so much anger i have to suppress when i go to her. Last time I cancel last minute and told her all my feelings. I realized I DO NOT HAVE TO GO!
I’m so sorry about your brother. She caused that! Her evil.
My mother kicked me out on repeat and would get law involved when I found a friend to stay with and still attend school.
As an adult after my father passed and I had been away from them for like 26 years, as they had moved south when my kids were little, I moved in with her and the abuse started about one month in, up to and including her getting the law involved and bringing a case before a judge.
She wanted total control of my adult self and for me to have no opinions, no feelings, no emotions, no friends, no fun, no happiness, no right whatsoever.
If she could, she would just kill me.
Good job!! So incredibly inspired by you💝💝💝🌝.....you deserve so much better.....stick to it🍒🍒permanent shutty shutty😇
Stay away from her. She is toxic and your spirit will break in her presence. My mom is a witch
My mom “ the Queen Narcissist “ walked away from me (her ONLY CHILD)when I was pregnant with my 4th child, my 3 children (her only grandchildren) and my husband who had taken care of her financially for years! It was her 60th birthday and I was giving her a family party. I said something she didn’t like and she looked at her new husband (#3) and said “let’s go have fun “! I was crying, my kids were crying…we didn’t see or hear from her for 3years! When she came back, she never said a word! No apologies- in fact, she turned the family against us and she made herself the victim! That was 20 years ago and she continues to get worse 🤷♀️😱
Oh honey...I am so sorry for your loss and the enduring pain. It's good that you finally told the truth about your feelings. Now is the time to begin healing. You were honest and now comes the hard part - forgiveness. If we don't forgive, that grudge will continue to hold on to our hearts and keep us from further healing. If you cannot at first forgive her, then forgive the situation. Forgive your brother if you must, for engaging in risky behavior that took his own life (I've had to do this, it's not always easy). The more you forgive, you'll begin to experience more healing and peace. The more you forgive, the more control you reclaim over your life and the less influence that evil can have over you (up to and including health problems). It's okay to forgive and recognize boundaries with your mother. Once you start forgiving a noticeable change will happen and you'll start to experience more positive outcomes in your life.
The last silent treatment was lovely, I had a pleasant day with no meals to make. I have learned to enjoy these silent days.
Hi Lisa. I bought your book, The Road Back To Me. I find myself re reading and highlighting parts that resonated in my life as a child. Thank you so much for your RUclips content. I really appreciate it 🙏 💕
🌻
Think im going to buy it too!!
@@yayfatou79 ?
Just finished reading it. Great book!
Ill never be enough for my mother. All I ever craved as a child was to be accepted and loved by her.
Ill never be the shiny porcelain doll she tried to make me to be.
I’m a warrior and she fears that strength. I will never back down!
You’re inspiring!!😇😇😇❤️🌻
My husband was mercilessly scapegoated by malignant npd “mother”......so much so that he had a fatal heart attack in July ‘18......protect yourself from undetected heart disease & abuse💛
I understand and am so sorry. I never got it either. You sound like an INFJ like me. 💜
@@vhayashi7369 yup thats me! 🤗
I broke off contact with my mother, but she keeps coming back. I am cordial to her because whatever I say to her will be fruitless. I look at her and remember what she's done, and how sick I must have been to put up with it. That sickness created a pattern I am desperately trying not to follow. But in her mind I am the crazy one. She thinks the 'no contact' is a mental illness I my part. She has said I'm autistic, incapable of affection, etc. I am perfectly fine with everybody else. I think I intuited what she was from a very young age, but got caught up in the 'you must be a good daughter' crap.
Am doing it 🙏 It feels so freeing and great. Thank you for validating that what I’ve been doing is the right thing to stop this heartless, immature, manipulating control freak.
They enjoy upsetting you in public...or any time. They get high off of it.
Omg..I told mine that he seemed to enjoy the more upset I got. 😡 He really did. WTF
@@erikavianey5226
"Deal breaker"!
That's the thing that is just so evil. To know that a person is actually enjoying your distress and hurt. And wants you to feel like crap... I don't know, it's hard to wrap my mind around that..
@@Donita1213 I wish their sadism was talked about more..and how this can be way beyond abuse and be straight up torture.
My mom make it always,say I not good face to face people a lot.😅
Hang in there everyone! I'm 3+ years out and finally have my ex on block. Took a long time to get here, but it feels right. They aren't worth your emotions. They aren't worth any more of your time or energy.
I love this. Lisa is the first person who I've seen talk about having two narcissistic parents. People are usually the result of one narcissist and an enabler.
An enabler could very well be a vulnerable narcissist hun. Keep reading, studying, learning.. you’re almost there. 💪🏾
Yep. A covert and an overt together. Whew! Then you marry someone with both traits. It’s exhausting at times.
I was on the phone with my best friend when he had one of his “ rage filled rants” after he hit me like a linebacker...
She called police, he was taken out of the house and he filed for divorce.... Thank God peace after 10 years of his sick, sick behaviors !!! I’m so thankful for my beautiful life without him.
He filed for divorce to try to hurt you once again. Little does he realize it was the nicest thing he could’ve possibly done for you! Enjoy your freedom, glamagrl!
I’m so grateful for your videos. I’ve had a hard time finding a counselor that believes me or understands what I’ve been through. It’s hard when a professional makes you feel like you’re overreacting. But your videos make me feel like someone understands.
Have been dealing with narcissist abuse for 21yrs. Ugggghhhh. I feel disgusted with my co dependant self. Thank you for lifting the veil Lisa. Your words are piercing even after the awakening and self healing. I'm still with the narssistic cult but have established boundaries. I'm still making excuses to not leave. You, who already have, kudos to you. Some of us who still need the courage because we are all alone, and don't want to let go of all we've have built so far, just keep standing your ground and keep fighting for yourselves.
You can break codependency. I was until now. Now I'm 32 and decided it HAD to end. As a child it's normal but not into adulthood no damn way. Be strong miss !
🙏🏼
Yes 34 years and I am 49 , he has given me the silent treatment for 4 years now like I don’t exist. It’s hard because I was stay at home mom and raised my Grandaughter for ahile. I have no family and feel like I’m doomed until one of us dies. He is changed drastically like he just hates me for what reason I don’t know, he doesn’t want a divorce but separate bedrooms for 4 years and now hiding money. I feel like a fool. I’ve begged to tell me what’s wrong begged for love begged for truth. Overcompensated everything for him at one point he said my voice is to loud. I became quite. I took the shinny shot I’ve done everything just to be rejected humiliated. I’m lost and very depressed and stuck..
You must not know your worth. When you do , you’ll be gone that night before the sun goes down and you’ll ask yourself why in the hell you’ve waited soo long to get the hell gone . Don’t continue to entertain that kind of nonsense . Love yourself & stop making up excuse, don’t waste anymore time with this stuff, go live life and enjoy your life and the little things!!! Don’t waste the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t value you and your happiness and your love. There’s someone out there who’ll treat you like a queen and the way you deserve!!!! Know your worth !!! There’s absolutely nothing that can make you stay once you realize there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s not you and you’ll never be happy until you realize you’re worth it and they don’t define you and who you are and they won’t ever change. Go be yourself & be happy!!
Yeah get out fast, please for your happiness and don't waste no more of your time or life, you will be much happier ❤life is too short claim your self & independence back...Free yourself & love yourself you are not alone... & I hope you already did that cause this post is about 2yrs in❤❤❤
After therapy I realized I couldn’t be vulnerable around my partner. One evening, I was so hurt by him yelling then stonewalling me, but I tried to get past it bc I just wanted to enjoy the evening with him after a long week of work. I was having a normal conversation with tears running down my face, bc I was so sad and hurt but could talk to him about it so I just cried while we had a dumb superficial conversation instead of “arguing”.
Lisa, you’re like the big sister I never had 💕💕💕
You just summed up my whole childhood. I was raised by a narcissist.
@Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Okay. I'm at work right now, but I will.
I'm the queen of outsilencing those demon meatsuits ( overt/covert) and it works like a charm😎. I was targeted by a few cluster B's ( ex, "friend", and 3 family members) and my masters in forensic psychology was a GREAT help to me personally outside of the scholarly and career works. Part of it is my being a Gemini where I cut mofos off quickly who mistreated and or bring confusion no matter who they are or what title they have. Thank you so much Lisa for this message 💛💛👌👌👌. Blessings
My narc is a Gemini. My mom is a gemini so I'm built Ford tough 💪 I eat up all his bs
Lisa, I love you . The nurturing and nature I receive when listening to your videos are way over due. I’m 54 years young now because of it. A renewed me indeed. I appreciate you and can’t thank you enough but beginning to feel like I am enough.
Thank you.
ditto
Yes 🙌 I say I am years young too!
Did anyone ever have a narcissist with absurd jealousy so severe it was frightening?
This jealousy would surface over anything such as joking with a teller or check out teenager…..
It was so sick…
I once ran into this "person" in a department store. I was buying panties. We began to talk about silly things, until she realized I had 3 panties in my hand on the way to the cashier and she only had 1. She yelled: "ARE YOU F*CKING RICH OR SOMETHING???", in the middle of the store. Then acted like nothing had happened...Three panties, guys!
I did. Once i said Banderas was good looking in a 1994 movie. Hell broke loose.
This is my reality with so many of my family members . Thank you for this much-needed advice!
Me too so sad, but at last we know 🌝
I'm 63 years old. Maybe now I can get 40 Years of real peace. I am well on my way into the existence that was actually meant for me not the b******* I have endured all my life up to this point from so many Sick Puppies. I know from surviving all of it that I M deserving. I have paid my dues with these fools. Life is good.
@@dianawelles1726 I'm so happy for you. We're both winners. You go girl!!!!
The crazy part of your videos is despite my ADD I don’t lose track and listen until you sign off. I’m dealing with a roommate who displays most of these traits but it’s more sinister. I’ve got an ex covert narc family member but I’ve been NC since Aug 5, 2020. Sometimes I forget how dangerous they are and I let my guard down. Lisa keeps me in check
Sweet girl, MOVE. I have ADD. I just realized my mom is a covert narcissist. I moved in with her and my two girls after my divorce from my malignant narc ex. These people make your ability to function nearly impossible because if their emotional debris floating around the atmosphere. Get out. I’m packing as we speaks.
@@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD I’m packing too. You’re absolutely right.
I hope you both are ok. I can't escape. Lifetime of this. I would edit the date out though because if you are being stalked they have your name date and pic from this post.
@@89ksokd91 This is a pseudonym, and honestly they are already stalking me. I’m done being silenced. Shame lives in the shadows.
@@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD, 👍👍👍.
Your channel is among the best on RUclips. I am so thankful for your insights. I’m proud to say I reached out maybe 20% of the time and he hoovered me back 80%. I would go weeks emotionally tortured not knowing what was happening but I held fast most times. I spent 2 years making sure it wasn’t autism or something else.
This was the sickest, cruelest relationship with the exact same sadistic behaviors as my mother. Covert narcissism it is.
Thank you for watching and it is wonderful to know you are healing.
Infinant intelligence is flowing to me and thru me like a golden river; I love this mantra Ty 💕
In all honesty, i'm nearly weeping while watching/listening to this video. I'm 51. Stuck in a hell-house(not a home) with my 72 year old, malignant, narcissistic mother, and my 49 year old, malignant, narcissistic, golden child, brother. Connected to issues of life-long addictions between my brother an I, the abuse from him has skyrocketed over the last 2 years. I duck and dodge him at every turn but he just won't get out of my boundaries or personal space. I've been watching your channel for at least 4 years Miss Romano. You're a rockstar in my world. I would only ask that anyone who reads my words, please pray to the Father Almighty God for my escape from this situation that i've been stuck in for sooooo long. I love you all out there who know where i'm coming from. Wishing you all God's love, peace, and blessings from Texas.💜🙏☺👍
Make plans to leave you can do it.. prayers
@@margiel2180 Margie, dear sister, yours are the most encouraging, loving words i've heard from another person in a long time. They brought ease to the strain and comfort to my aching heart thats been trapped for soooo long. Thank you sweet lady. God bless you ☺💜
@@heavyjoechipman3594 after I left I was very happy and if those are sweet words to be sweet to yourself and get out you can do it God bless you
Hey there, I will pray for you. Something's gotta go in your favour sooner or later. As Margie said, make plans to leave. Do it in secret. Don't tell them anything. You deserve peace and love, not all this crap, even if it is family. They can take care of themselves.
Get out ASAP, your soul depends on it
Very helpful. Hate the silent treatment. Now I will give it right back
Definitely my goal peace.. 🙏🏻that’s why once I’ve seen enough evidence that I’m dealing with the narcissist I just walk away without drama, confrontation, explanation.. without regret.. choose peace, learn lessons, heal ..so you won’t experience the same just in different ‘wrapping paper’..❤️
👍👍👍. Girl, I am proud of you. That is what I did with my ex fiance and brother. No sit downs to talk about it. No texts or phone calls or begging. Nothing. Discarded both of them and terminated them out of my life.
Omg! "they have all this stress that they have to get out, so they start to accuse you of things".... I am exactly this - my husband's punching bag to load off his stress.
You’re really brave for sharing your story and helping others.
Screw users.
Whenever my husband is stressed, he'd yell at me and find every reason to yell at me. They can't deal nor process the stress. They're running like headless chickens. Silent treatment is worst when you have little children who are totally ignored by narc. They don't even care for a cute, little, innocent, trusting child.
😮 I know, it’s tragic
This is my current situation. I told my husband to ignore me all he wants but NOT to take this out on our kids. He wouldn’t even say goodnight, good morning or acknowledge our two year old just to spiteful towards me…for no reason. I’m divorcing him soon
@@allisonlandesco
Do what's healthy for you and your child!
I was that child.
The narcissist I know is a family member. When she silences us, I just talk to the other people in the group and ignore her. It must drive her nuts. I notice her mother will become silent when ghosted by her daughter so I make a point of having a conversation with her if we're all together in a room or car.
It's even funnier to start laughing and enjoying the conversation without them. They go nuts.
I absolutely love and appreciate how passionate Lisa is about this matter! It’s like she really wants us to “get it”. Much obliged bc WE really have to look out for one another! 🤞🏽🙌🏽
Say namaste and walk away! I love it! Simple and easy to execute. Saves you from so much stress. People either think you can't speak English or if they are a narc they will just get super frustrated when they can't rattle you and move on. Thank you Lisa. Best ever!
I used to ignore him even before I knew he was a narcissist but this didn’t stop him from punishing me with it over and over, and now after I knew what he really is he gave me the silent treatment a year ago.
Thank you for saying that at the beginning. There is so much about narcissism that any disagreement can be interpreted as such. So I think it’s important to understand that these are patterns and extremes of behavior.
Thank you, Lisa! I listen to you every day! You always take concepts to a deeper level- it’s really about our growth- these people (narcs)are actually great teachers for us.
My spiritual “mother” always says, “we’re not the information bureau”- we co dependents/empaths have to reprogram ourselves to the idea that we don’t have to share everything with everyone. The narcissist or personality disordered person will only use any information against us at some point - “anything you say can and will be used against you”. Also if they ask a question to which we’re not comfortable answering, we can say, “that’s interesting, why do you ask?” Play ping pong- toss it back into their court and watch them stumble and stutter... this buys us time- and then we can be very general with our answer or simply tell them that we’re not comfortable discussing it. ❤️
I said "I see your silent treatment as a gift, not a punishment". She wasn't happy!
I deeply appreciate the way you speak and describe the patterns and behaviors of narcissistic people. I nearly fell over when you went into a parent giving the silent treatment. I had no idea parents did that other than my mom, frequently. As a teenager I decided to enjoy her silence, so I gave her the silent treatment back. Eventually I admitted to her that my respite was her silence. She gasped. She was a narcissist. Pitting siblings against one another, or her constant pitting us to dislike our father or we were he enemy. She used us. She came out of Hitlers camps, as a forced laborer when she was 14 years ol (I'm Polish, not Jewish). And for some reason, people always thought we had to pity her, that we were not worthy of love because she had an excuse for being who she was. I am now 66 years old. I've never married and I'm good with that. I love my independence, I'm accepting of my success and my failures. I've always been able to be resilient, but I will admit a long life of running into narcissists and sociopaths is not hard to do. There are good people, but they are not as common as finding narcissists. Sadly the lower one is socioeconomically, the worse it gets, because then you get the drug addicts, children whose fathers and family members were pedophiles. It is so eye opening to now know and understand what is going on and how to spot the patterns and behaviors. If not for what I'm now learning I would have never known what was going on. Life in the USA is changing, dramatically. I think our culture is changing in very negative ways. Thank you for being here for us and helping those of us who hold values.
"Sadly the lower one is socioeconomically, the worse it gets, because then you get the drug addicts, children whose fathers and family members were pedophiles." :(
He gave me the silent treatment for 2 weeks. Best 2 weeks ever. I did a lot of thinking and filed for divorce. He was shocked and upset. Now I am being really nice to him until divorce hearing. I even moved back in with him. I will do anything to get this divorce. He signed the papers because I told him nothing would change. I told him that I still LOVE him so much. I am completely detached. Nothing he says or does matters to me.
There IS no way tobehave different.good luck.♥️♥️♥️
SOoooo much validation for me today from you! Took your class and learned so much! I put to practice your advice and it’s a God Send! Thanks for all you do for victims of narcissistic abuse! ❤️
I love how you speak...
It's like you're speaking to me as a person, not a client or subject...
Almost as If you're speaking in front of me... One On One.
Thank you. It is greatly appreciated.
Never annoying or irritating.
Always helpful and insightful.
When you speak, I can relate with the way you express yourself.
Again, thank you for that.
Lisa, you're videos and dialog are always so poignant and you totally understand how these relationships and emotional thieves work. They're so predictable and consistent, yet they are completely unaware of their patterns of abuse and denial. Thank you for using your knowledge and experience to help people. You remind me of my sister a lot (she's actually a therapist), but I'm too ashamed to open up to her about the toxicity of my marriage. Thanks for being such a helpful person. Bless you!
i can really relate to you .. i’m going through repeated silent treatment & never knew what it was
I work for a law firm and that is the buzzword in divorce almost every single person is married to a narcissist it's way overplayed and way overused but thank you for highlighting real narcissism in our society how to deal with it