This video was extremely helpful. (1) Be okay with silence (2) constantly checkups (3) feed them (4) let them grieve (5) pretty much be a mama/papa bear. Got it! Noted.
Stephanie- I lost my husband last year when I was 31 and when I saw this pop up I clicked immediately. Sending you a big hug 🤍 Definitely sharing with my friends.
Thank you so much for this video, Steph. My bf has clinical depression and anxiety and I often feel at a loss for what to do or say when he has a depressive episode. While watching this video, I checked in on him to see if he ate, and when he told me not to send DoorDash, I told him I would be there tomorrow with takeout so that he can have energy after a long day of work and volunteering. He has asked me to do this before but your video encouraged me to do this now instead of later. Thank you for your strength to make this video for us so that we can be a comfort to others who are in pain. You are such an amazing human being and I’m truly grateful for your videos. ❤
stephanie when michael passed away i felt so much for you, but my ex-partner passed away on the 1st of july and i understand you now on a whole other level. i would not wish this on anyone. stay strong 💕 qnd thank you for sharing
"if you've made it this far.. you're a trooper" no stephanie, YOU are the trooper for making this video and showing us ways to be the best support for our loved ones. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been recording this but we all truly appreciate your lovely heart for sharing us your thoughts and feelings 💜
Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us Steph. Being the first of the friend group to go through grief this painful and complex is incredibly hard and is definitely an isolating experience. You are so incredibly strong and have such a kind soul for giving this advice to others based off your own hardship. Sending you and Josie all the love!
Watched the entire thing. Just know that we see you. Thanks for being brave and sharing your thoughts and experiences. This will help so many people with holding space for their family and friends when it comes to grief. Sending you so much love and healing energy
I also went through grief last year, it was a dark and lonely space to be in. I cannot agree with you more that no one can “fix” it, only time can heal. It takes time to go through the stages of grief and learn how to live with it. The the thing that helped me a lot was being hugged by my loved ones, that was the best remedy for me because I no longer felt alone.
I really appreciate this Stephanie. I'm just about two years from losing my best friend suddenly. We also share the same birthday in December--I'll be turning 30 this year, and she unfortunately didn't make it to 30. Needless to say, it has been VERY difficult to process. Therapy has been a big help, and my friends and loved ones were as supportive as they could be, but I can't help but think of certain things that should or shouldn't have been said to me, or even things that I should've said to them! Sending you and Josie lots of love!
These tips are helpful and I didn’t take it as you criticizing anyone! It’s because people just don’t really know how to navigate grief and these are tips from someone grieving on what they felt would have helped them. I had a friend visit and he didn’t know how to act at all and just avoided the subject. Tbh I would have preferred that he asked me about it so that I can talk about my mom’s life and what is going on with me rn.
It’s so true that grief changes you. Nobody told me they missed the old me but I felt so disconnected from my old self. But my therapist told me that, that part of me is still there but maybe quieter. For me, I got real emotional when I shared these thoughts with a friend. She said she would love to know all the versions of me that’ll come out over time. Anyway, grief does change you and you do become a different person, but the old parts of you are still gonna be there too. 💝
Thank you for posting this Steph, it’s really nice hearing this perspective. Sometimes I think “oh there are people closer to this person than me who are probably checking in on them.” But I feel more empowered to reach out even if I’m not the closest to them.
Thank you so much for sharing this video. It’s always good to see you, despite any of the circumstances. I’ve been following you… since you and Jen lived in the Bay. I just remembered! I saw you eating with a friend in San Francisco years ago. I was too shy to say hello and didn’t want to bother you. You have lots of people that you’ve never met that care about you. I hope one day, you will find peace in your grief. 🫶🏼
thank you for sharing and being so open and vulnerable with us. I lost my younger sister a couple years ago to an overdose and its so hard. you will always be a part of him and he will always be a part of you
Thank you for making this video Steph, even though it was so hard for you. I definitely needed to hear all of this. I know the worst thing people can do is distance themselves because they don't know HOW to be there for someone, and it ends up having the opposite effect. So hearing specifically how you would have liked to have been treated during this time I appreciate so much. You rock so much.
Thank you for this. I have never experienced grief before so when my friend lost his dad, I did not know how to be a friend. I am still learning as I go but this video helped a lot ❤
This video is so helpful and really considered, I wanna say thank you so much Stephanie ❤ I’m mixed Asian/white and I actually felt a connection between your things “not to say” and Asian family members, especially older generation that just don’t understand grief properly or how to manage it themselves that can make them feel really invalidating even though they have good intentions.
This was such a kind video to help anyone that wants to be there for someone going through loss 💕 friends that are receptive to this feedback are friends to keep
Your first video I think was a whats in my bag, and I felt so drawn to just.. you! This still stands. Seeing how over the years youve remained authentic, open, and full of heart has always been a comfort. Thank you for sharing something so deeply vulnerable and valuable. I think its safe to say most of us here watchin are with you all the way.
Thank you for this very honest video. I think it is very hard to know what to say or not to say when someone you know (or a friend) is going through a very difficult situation. I know a person who has had a terminal cancer diagnosis as a young person/parent. Recently they posted on social media that they were upset about some of things people had said to them in their own way of trying to comfort them - it made me wonder if they were referring to me too and made me all the more afraid to say anything more …😢
Hi Steph, my best friend's youngest sister took her own life this week and I am so grateful for this video. I'm so sorry that you experienced such deep grief but I thank you for explaining how to show up for someone in such a dark time, especially what you said about being okay with sitting together in silence. It's been a very tough week but your advice has been an invaluable resource for me while I'm taking care of myself and her family. Sending love your way
Watching this later with a cup of tea. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story online. It made me feel less alone during a rough time last year. Wishing you and Josie the best. 💕
You are amazingly strong person Steph, I've been following you for years. I send you a hig warm hug from very far. I'm so sorry your going through this pain and wish you healing and happiness
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly with us Stephanie ❤ This will help so many people who are going through the grief of loss, who will feel seen and relate very truthfully to all the things you shared that many leave unspoken. I also think it will help a lot of people who haven’t experienced deep loss in their life yet, who want to do their best to support and help their friends and loved ones going through a hard time. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you helped me feel seen and acknowledged, and I am inspired by your courage and resilience. Much love to you
Grief and isolation go hand in hand, unfortunately. It's so normal for you to distance yourself away from people and situations that don't align with your energy during grief. It might seem like you're "ghosting" but really you're processing in your own way and everyone's way is different. I hope your friends understand that you didn't intentionally ghost them.
I lost my Nephew at the end of September. A meal train was started for my sister and her family and was very helpful. Like you said eating becomes the last thing on your mind. And the healing and grieving isnt linear, some days,weeks, or even months are easier. And one day you can just see something that reminds you of them and its just like you lost them again. Today is his birthday, he would have been 23.❤ Thank you for sharing even though it is hard. Sending you so much love.
Thanks for this video. I think no one, especially people who are young. no one would think they would need to handle a situation like that, because we all assume we will grow old and died when we are old. so many of us who sincerely care but might not know what's the better way of doing it. I feel like not just with death, but even something else personal that happen, the checking in and being there physically or meet with food really helps.
Fuck. Being told "when am I going to get the old you" or "I miss the old you" is one of the worst things you can hear. I had 2 or 3 really traumatic experiences that changed me completely, you already compared and miss the old you, having that + the fear of rejection or rejection itself is horrible. Is somehow even worse when it's family the ones that tell you that.
I really appreciate you making this video. In 2019, i lost my best friend in a tragic car accident. A couple years later, I lost another good friend to a car accident. My loved ones were there for me in the best way they understood at the time. However, i felt selfish for thinking that it wasn’t enough (or in the way that i wanted). Watching your video, you talked about ways you wished people showed up for you. Whether it be small gifts, constantly checking in on you, making sure you eat, or being cautious of what comments or “advice” to give. I appreciate anyone who was there for me during that time. But everything you talked about in this video validated my feelings as someone who lost a human being that was so important to them. You gave great insight on what it’s like to be the person grieving, as well as being on the side side of the spectrum. Grieving never ends. I learned it’s a different form of love. Thank you for making this video. Your content it so genuine and raw.
Thank you for always being so vulnerable with us. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to talk about these things, so the fact that you always open up in the hopes that we can make some positive changes in our or someone else's life is so admirable. thank you!!
Great vid. Relevant as I've been talking to my therapist about this subject lately as well. These are all great tips for being a more empathetic person tbh, and can be used anytime someone you know is struggling. Less is more. You can't get someone out of a dark hole, but you can sit in it with them.
I don't even have a close friend but this is so helpful either way! I'm so emotional too lol, I can't listen to the Schindler's List violin for even two seconds until I'm crying.
I was almost killed when a car hit me on a crosswalk. So much of this advice applies to my experience of being severely injured. The "be positive" and "look on the bright side/at least" attempt to fix comments were so common and SO irritating. This is not to compare my experience to Stephanie's, but just to put it out there that this advice is pretty damn universal for anyone going through a shockingly difficult experience.
I’ve never dealt with loss/grief and don’t know anyone who has either, but this was super helpful and I’ll keep in mind the points you talked about. Sending so much love and strength to you, Steph 🩷
Thank you for this Stephanie, death and loss is still such a taboo and its so helpful to actually have some tools to help loved ones. I actually ended up thinking of how it would benefit those who've gone through divorce too (another kind of grief). Such a brave video, thank you x
Stephanie, I am sending you a big hug and thank you so much for making a video like this that is so deeply personal to you. This is so helpful and I will do my absolute best whenever this is needed of me. May you continue to experience joy through your journey with grief. ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for putting this out there. I once saw a parent who lost a child say that the most important thing is “don’t ask, just do.” Don’t make the grieving person ask for help or confirm that they need help, just insert yourself and be there for them.
Oof, you hit a lot of what I'm feeling, which is that grief is messy, and we don't always know what we want/need. The fixing/trying to be positive people really does make me feel more like shit; right now, I'm working through the idea of holidays without my parents around, and I'm getting a lot of "aw - but this is a chance to make your own traditions! I hope this video somehow makes it to the youtube homepage for all my friends.
It takes a lot of courage to step back from your journey and record about it. Thank you Stephanie. As a person that is quite distant from my and other emotions (meaning feeling uncomfortable when there is a lot of emotions involved) it helps a lot.
Honestly, I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way but a lot of your friends in the influencer world are out of touch. I’m sure they meant well but they are not prepared for that type of world shattering pain. Grief is really real and raw. It’s not something that goes away in a few weeks/days. It’s a lot of uncomfortableness and the self centered world of influencers isn’t preparing most to deal with that.
Just because someone is an influencer does not mean they haven’t experienced pain and grief. We don’t know her friends, so we really shouldn’t be coming to that conclusion. Anybody that is a friend for her and supports her is a blessing. Let’s be respectful and leave it at that.
Thank you so much for sharing ❤ I haven't watched too many of your videos, but I definitely followed along with your videos about Michael and the grieving process and just want to give you such a big hug. It's not the same as losing a partner, but I recently lost both my grandmas within a month and can really resonate with what you said about people offering/bringing food. One of my closest friends offered to cook porridge for my family the day after my grandma passed and I felt so weird/like a burden to accept it.. but I looked in our fridge and we had no food and no one had the energy to cook.. so I told her the mixed feelings I felt, but that I was so grateful and would accept her offer. And my parents were so surprised and touched and that pot of porridge kept them fed all day. So many people said "let me know if you need anything" and I appreciated the sentiment, but also thought to myself that it felt so difficult and I couldn't see myself actually reaching out to anyone and letting them know if I needed anything.. so I really understand what you mean by almost wanting them to be more pushy.. but at the same time, it's super hard to be in their shoes and not wanting to cross boundaries or do anything wrong. And sometimes being pushy isn't what you want from certain people too.. all that's to say that it's really hard for both sides and I think you described it well. Also really resonated with needing silence but also wanting company.. how healing it was being in company with people who also are connected to the person who passed.. Thank you again for being so honest, so open, and so vulnerable. I hope this video was helpful and healing to you in some way... I know it's helpful and healing to so many others, including myself💕
the recommendation is gave was to take it slow its ok to feel all of this, and maybe do something calming especially if they are trying to sleep but cant
Also I’d like to say in my opinion I think everything people have said to you weren’t necessarily bad or bad advice but it was bad timing. Michael’s death was tragic and clearly very traumatic for you I think it would/should take a least a year to say all those things. But that’s also just my opinion.
I lost my dad to Covid in 2021, the whole experience was weird. The people I expected to be there for me weren’t and the people I was expecting not to be there for me and my family were. I think as a society we don’t know how to handle grief. If there is anything I learned from my own experience it’s how I would handle someone who is deep in their grief.
Hi Stephanie, thank you so much for your courage and strength to make this video. I went through a different kind of grief and loss, but it was very validating when you talked about the people who kept messaging you. For the longest time, I felt like I was a terrible friend for not replying back to the people who reached out to me, but I was so depressed that I wasn’t even in the mindset to answer anyone… even though I knew they were concerned about me. Sometimes I was able to reply within a few days, and other times, I couldn’t even reply at all. Overtime, I felt that some people got offended/impatient and didn’t reach out again when I finally did reply or gave me beef for taking so long to reply. It was painful and difficult enough to go through my situation at that time, and I still had to manage how other people felt or thought of me 😩 It made me close up even more. And I’m so sorry someone said they miss the old Stephanie- even though it wasn’t with ill intent. It hurt me hearing that said to you. There will be a part of us that is forever changed. Thank you, again, for using your platform to share all this. I hope planning for this video helped you process things more and was healing for you in some way. Sending you big hugs and much love.
The person I loved died of an overdose as well, I feel you on so many aspects. I’ve definitely changed, I just want to get back to who I was but I don’t think that’s possible. Thank you for sharing this video might need to look into better help. It’s been 3 years now and it doesn’t feel any better. My family no one really understands, I hate when ppl say he’s at peace now. Wish he was here on earth every day.
Since 2020 I've had to google " what to say to a friend that's grieving" several times so I really appreciate this. I think my instant drawback is that I don't want to be a bother to my friends either so if they say no I really struggle to keep pushing, but I think the dropping off food thing will 100% help with that. Thanks for the video. Wish you all the best
STEPHANIEEEE!!! I love you so much! This was a very helpful and cathartic video. I really felt so much of this advice. Thank you for provide these resources they are so needed and so helpful!
I knew about your story. I’m glad you posted this. I did not think I would experience it myself when I lost a best friend from overdose two days before Christmas this year. It was so hard for my roommate to lose his girlfriend of 11 years.
I feel understood 🤍 my loss (a parent not a partner) happend 5 years ago but this still hits many points i‘m still working through. The things people say, the food, all of it - all of it hit! I lost many if not all of my friends when i became an orphan… I never expected it before but the food part is sooo important! Even while it happend i didn’t understand the significance, it really only happend in retrospect. 😊
Hi Stephanie. I just wanted to say thank you, for making this video because you want to help even in your own grief. I always think of you and I wonder how you are doing. I found your ig not long after Michael passing. In January this year my best friend of all my life (I’m 32) lost her mum to acute alcohol poisoning. She had been dependant on alcohol I would say since we were teenagers. I was close to my friends mum, we grew up living opposite each other. I admired her mum A LOT. Losing her mum was not expected. I agree with you. Yes she was an alcoholic. Yes we knew that could cause illness and could take your life from you, but we didn’t think this would happen. We didn’t see it coming. It has destroyed my friend. To be honest with you I’ve been an awful friend. I struggle with my mental health. I should have been right there all the time. I wish I could have done that. I hate myself because I wasn’t always present. We have fallen out more times this year than we have ever fallen out in our lives. My friend said to me something that you mentioned at the end of your video, she said that she’ll never be the same. She’s sorry because she’ll never be that person again. I thought I understood that, until we fell out in august, and we haven’t spoken since. We would have arguments, I feel so guilty about this. She wouldn’t act or think about things like I was used to her doing. Things have been very difficult where she has acted in ways that isn’t normally ok. Irrational. It’s obviously to be expected, but it’s meant that we have clashed a lot or she has taken me by surprise and I would be facing this angry, hateful version of her and it’s hurt and I’ve told her and we’ve argued. So I guess why I’m really writing this is that I see you, I feel your hurt. I lost so much of my best friend when she lost her mum and I’m still learning that but I will always try to be better. We have to put our feelings aside and realise that nothing actually matters other than you love your friends. ❤
I lost my first love at 19, and I used to hate when people would tell me "things happen for a reason" and all that.. it happened 10 years ago, and when people STILL say that when I talk about him and the whole situation, I just see red. love this video so much! sending love to you
I've been watching since your 50 random facts video, woooweeee you have helped me through loss and life. You are a huge comfort and joy and inspiration in my little life. I think about you often Stephanie, thank you for being you and thank you for sharing it with us
Thank you for sharing and being so open and vulnerable. Grief is life long work and comes in varying stages, degrees during certain parts of the year(s). Many may not be able to understand or grasp the weight of it all unless they’ve been through it themselves, but hopefully there are people in your life that you can turn to, or are willing to not give up on you. Having therapy and finding someone to connect to is such a gift and I’m glad you have found that. Thank you again for sharing this and yes, we are here for you too. ❤
My friendgroup had a suicide attempt "scare" monday and we are doing many of the same things you talk abt for eachother. This is very general good advice for any trauma situation actually ❤ great video stephanie ❤
Hi Steph, thanks for sharing this video. I have personally not experience any lost nor experienced a friend grieving for their lost, but these thing will eventually happen as we age and I'm glad to see your perspective and what should not be said to someone. I think many people try their best and want to help a friend feel better but because of the lack of knowledge, things often turn different. Through your point of view it helps to understand why certain things shouldn't be said and words should be chosen carefully when we communicate, not just during such dark times, but in general, words can hurt when they aren't meant to. I'm sorry for your lost and I hope you have found the peace in mind and moving on with him in your heart.
Stephanie, you’re so amazing. We love you and will always be here for you. This video was really helpful. My best friend’s mother passed a few years back and I didn’t really know how to be there for her. I’m glad I have this information going forward ❤
This video also put into words, what i needed when I went through a major depressive phase. It was super helpful + helpful in sorting out my own thoughts of that time
Oh you sweet, sweet soul. I know this video must have been so hard for you to make. But thank you. You should know you are helping so many people with this video. I am so sorry for your pain and your heartbreak. And I am so thankful for you sharing even some of the difficult parts.
Stephanie! Thank you and appreciate you for being so open , raw and honest about your experience because it can be extremely helpful to those who have lost their love ones or for those who want to help those going through hard times! Losing a love one really changes a person forever and people need to understand that you are still the same awesome person but is more in touch and have a better understanding of yourself going through life experiences! I just lost my one and only sister 5 months ago and it’s extremely hard ! And I have to take my time and deal with my grief my way! Everyone deals with grief differently and this is okay ! Our dear family and friends are always going to be by our side to support us ! Thank you for sharing as it is extremely important for all to hear! I feel like people don’t talk enough about it enough ! Thank you!❤
❤❤❤ This video came at a good time. An old friend recently lost her partner and I have been struggling with what to say to her in support. I appreciate how open you have been with your experience.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You are allowing us to better empathize and understand and thats a beautiful way to share what you have been through. I worry about making the other person feel awkward and this helps reframe that narrative. Sending you love ❤
it’s been an honor seeing you grow on this channel. thank you for letting us into your life and journey and all the insight you share. we love you and care about you!!
Resonated with all of this, and echo that even if someone said the "wrong" thing, most of the time their intent was good. Grateful to see you growing through your grief and sharing this piece of your experience ❤
This video was extremely helpful. (1) Be okay with silence (2) constantly checkups (3) feed them (4) let them grieve (5) pretty much be a mama/papa bear. Got it! Noted.
Stephanie- I lost my husband last year when I was 31 and when I saw this pop up I clicked immediately. Sending you a big hug 🤍 Definitely sharing with my friends.
so sorry for your loss 🌹
Thank you so much for this video, Steph. My bf has clinical depression and anxiety and I often feel at a loss for what to do or say when he has a depressive episode. While watching this video, I checked in on him to see if he ate, and when he told me not to send DoorDash, I told him I would be there tomorrow with takeout so that he can have energy after a long day of work and volunteering. He has asked me to do this before but your video encouraged me to do this now instead of later. Thank you for your strength to make this video for us so that we can be a comfort to others who are in pain. You are such an amazing human being and I’m truly grateful for your videos. ❤
stephanie when michael passed away i felt so much for you, but my ex-partner passed away on the 1st of july and i understand you now on a whole other level. i would not wish this on anyone. stay strong 💕 qnd thank you for sharing
"if you've made it this far.. you're a trooper" no stephanie, YOU are the trooper for making this video and showing us ways to be the best support for our loved ones. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been recording this but we all truly appreciate your lovely heart for sharing us your thoughts and feelings 💜
Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us Steph. Being the first of the friend group to go through grief this painful and complex is incredibly hard and is definitely an isolating experience. You are so incredibly strong and have such a kind soul for giving this advice to others based off your own hardship. Sending you and Josie all the love!
Watched the entire thing. Just know that we see you. Thanks for being brave and sharing your thoughts and experiences. This will help so many people with holding space for their family and friends when it comes to grief. Sending you so much love and healing energy
I also went through grief last year, it was a dark and lonely space to be in. I cannot agree with you more that no one can “fix” it, only time can heal. It takes time to go through the stages of grief and learn how to live with it. The the thing that helped me a lot was being hugged by my loved ones, that was the best remedy for me because I no longer felt alone.
I really appreciate this Stephanie. I'm just about two years from losing my best friend suddenly. We also share the same birthday in December--I'll be turning 30 this year, and she unfortunately didn't make it to 30. Needless to say, it has been VERY difficult to process. Therapy has been a big help, and my friends and loved ones were as supportive as they could be, but I can't help but think of certain things that should or shouldn't have been said to me, or even things that I should've said to them!
Sending you and Josie lots of love!
These tips are helpful and I didn’t take it as you criticizing anyone! It’s because people just don’t really know how to navigate grief and these are tips from someone grieving on what they felt would have helped them. I had a friend visit and he didn’t know how to act at all and just avoided the subject. Tbh I would have preferred that he asked me about it so that I can talk about my mom’s life and what is going on with me rn.
It’s so true that grief changes you. Nobody told me they missed the old me but I felt so disconnected from my old self. But my therapist told me that, that part of me is still there but maybe quieter. For me, I got real emotional when I shared these thoughts with a friend. She said she would love to know all the versions of me that’ll come out over time. Anyway, grief does change you and you do become a different person, but the old parts of you are still gonna be there too. 💝
Thank you Steph
Thank you for posting this Steph, it’s really nice hearing this perspective. Sometimes I think “oh there are people closer to this person than me who are probably checking in on them.”
But I feel more empowered to reach out even if I’m not the closest to them.
Thank you so much for sharing this video. It’s always good to see you, despite any of the circumstances. I’ve been following you… since you and Jen lived in the Bay. I just remembered! I saw you eating with a friend in San Francisco years ago. I was too shy to say hello and didn’t want to bother you. You have lots of people that you’ve never met that care about you.
I hope one day, you will find peace in your grief. 🫶🏼
Girl I'm from the Bay too and been watching you for over a decade. I'm almost 33 too and girl wish I can give you a hug
thank you for sharing and being so open and vulnerable with us. I lost my younger sister a couple years ago to an overdose and its so hard. you will always be a part of him and he will always be a part of you
Poor angel. I‘m so sorry that you are hurting so much. I am sending you love from Berlin
Thank you for making this video Steph, even though it was so hard for you. I definitely needed to hear all of this. I know the worst thing people can do is distance themselves because they don't know HOW to be there for someone, and it ends up having the opposite effect. So hearing specifically how you would have liked to have been treated during this time I appreciate so much. You rock so much.
Thank you for this. I have never experienced grief before so when my friend lost his dad, I did not know how to be a friend. I am still learning as I go but this video helped a lot ❤
This video is so helpful and really considered, I wanna say thank you so much Stephanie ❤
I’m mixed Asian/white and I actually felt a connection between your things “not to say” and Asian family members, especially older generation that just don’t understand grief properly or how to manage it themselves that can make them feel really invalidating even though they have good intentions.
This was such a kind video to help anyone that wants to be there for someone going through loss 💕 friends that are receptive to this feedback are friends to keep
Your first video I think was a whats in my bag, and I felt so drawn to just.. you! This still stands. Seeing how over the years youve remained authentic, open, and full of heart has always been a comfort. Thank you for sharing something so deeply vulnerable and valuable. I think its safe to say most of us here watchin are with you all the way.
Thank you for this very honest video. I think it is very hard to know what to say or not to say when someone you know (or a friend) is going through a very difficult situation. I know a person who has had a terminal cancer diagnosis as a young person/parent. Recently they posted on social media that they were upset about some of things people had said to them in their own way of trying to comfort them - it made me wonder if they were referring to me too and made me all the more afraid to say anything more …😢
Thanks for touching on ways to help in a long distance situation. 😢
Hi Steph, my best friend's youngest sister took her own life this week and I am so grateful for this video. I'm so sorry that you experienced such deep grief but I thank you for explaining how to show up for someone in such a dark time, especially what you said about being okay with sitting together in silence. It's been a very tough week but your advice has been an invaluable resource for me while I'm taking care of myself and her family. Sending love your way
Watching this later with a cup of tea. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story online. It made me feel less alone during a rough time last year. Wishing you and Josie the best. 💕
You are amazingly strong person Steph, I've been following you for years. I send you a hig warm hug from very far. I'm so sorry your going through this pain and wish you healing and happiness
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly with us Stephanie ❤ This will help so many people who are going through the grief of loss, who will feel seen and relate very truthfully to all the things you shared that many leave unspoken. I also think it will help a lot of people who haven’t experienced deep loss in their life yet, who want to do their best to support and help their friends and loved ones going through a hard time. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you helped me feel seen and acknowledged, and I am inspired by your courage and resilience. Much love to you
I've got no words, but sending you so much love ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for this Stephanie it’s really helped me find ways to support my friend with her recent grief, sending lots of love to you ❤️
Grief and isolation go hand in hand, unfortunately. It's so normal for you to distance yourself away from people and situations that don't align with your energy during grief.
It might seem like you're "ghosting" but really you're processing in your own way and everyone's way is different. I hope your friends understand that you didn't intentionally ghost them.
Sending you so much love Stephanie!! I really get so excited whenever I see a video from you, you're one of my fav youtubers :)
My older brother passed away in 2021 after struggling with meth addiction. Thanks for making this video. I hear you and see you
I lost my Nephew at the end of September. A meal train was started for my sister and her family and was very helpful. Like you said eating becomes the last thing on your mind. And the healing and grieving isnt linear, some days,weeks, or even months are easier. And one day you can just see something that reminds you of them and its just like you lost them again. Today is his birthday, he would have been 23.❤ Thank you for sharing even though it is hard. Sending you so much love.
Thanks for this video. I think no one, especially people who are young. no one would think they would need to handle a situation like that, because we all assume we will grow old and died when we are old. so many of us who sincerely care but might not know what's the better way of doing it. I feel like not just with death, but even something else personal that happen, the checking in and being there physically or meet with food really helps.
The food thing is SO REAL! I often feel like a burden and say no when I could really use the support.
Fuck. Being told "when am I going to get the old you" or "I miss the old you" is one of the worst things you can hear. I had 2 or 3 really traumatic experiences that changed me completely, you already compared and miss the old you, having that + the fear of rejection or rejection itself is horrible. Is somehow even worse when it's family the ones that tell you that.
I really appreciate you making this video. In 2019, i lost my best friend in a tragic car accident. A couple years later, I lost another good friend to a car accident. My loved ones were there for me in the best way they understood at the time. However, i felt selfish for thinking that it wasn’t enough (or in the way that i wanted). Watching your video, you talked about ways you wished people showed up for you. Whether it be small gifts, constantly checking in on you, making sure you eat, or being cautious of what comments or “advice” to give. I appreciate anyone who was there for me during that time. But everything you talked about in this video validated my feelings as someone who lost a human being that was so important to them. You gave great insight on what it’s like to be the person grieving, as well as being on the side side of the spectrum. Grieving never ends. I learned it’s a different form of love. Thank you for making this video. Your content it so genuine and raw.
Thank you for always being so vulnerable with us. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to talk about these things, so the fact that you always open up in the hopes that we can make some positive changes in our or someone else's life is so admirable. thank you!!
Great vid. Relevant as I've been talking to my therapist about this subject lately as well. These are all great tips for being a more empathetic person tbh, and can be used anytime someone you know is struggling. Less is more. You can't get someone out of a dark hole, but you can sit in it with them.
I don't even have a close friend but this is so helpful either way! I'm so emotional too lol, I can't listen to the Schindler's List violin for even two seconds until I'm crying.
I was almost killed when a car hit me on a crosswalk. So much of this advice applies to my experience of being severely injured. The "be positive" and "look on the bright side/at least" attempt to fix comments were so common and SO irritating. This is not to compare my experience to Stephanie's, but just to put it out there that this advice is pretty damn universal for anyone going through a shockingly difficult experience.
I’ve never dealt with loss/grief and don’t know anyone who has either, but this was super helpful and I’ll keep in mind the points you talked about. Sending so much love and strength to you, Steph 🩷
Thank you for this Stephanie, death and loss is still such a taboo and its so helpful to actually have some tools to help loved ones. I actually ended up thinking of how it would benefit those who've gone through divorce too (another kind of grief). Such a brave video, thank you x
Stephanie, I am sending you a big hug and thank you so much for making a video like this that is so deeply personal to you. This is so helpful and I will do my absolute best whenever this is needed of me.
May you continue to experience joy through your journey with grief. ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for putting this out there.
I once saw a parent who lost a child say that the most important thing is “don’t ask, just do.” Don’t make the grieving person ask for help or confirm that they need help, just insert yourself and be there for them.
Oof, you hit a lot of what I'm feeling, which is that grief is messy, and we don't always know what we want/need. The fixing/trying to be positive people really does make me feel more like shit; right now, I'm working through the idea of holidays without my parents around, and I'm getting a lot of "aw - but this is a chance to make your own traditions! I hope this video somehow makes it to the youtube homepage for all my friends.
It takes a lot of courage to step back from your journey and record about it. Thank you Stephanie. As a person that is quite distant from my and other emotions (meaning feeling uncomfortable when there is a lot of emotions involved) it helps a lot.
Girl... need to s3nd this to my friends..thank you
Honestly, I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way but a lot of your friends in the influencer world are out of touch. I’m sure they meant well but they are not prepared for that type of world shattering pain. Grief is really real and raw. It’s not something that goes away in a few weeks/days. It’s a lot of uncomfortableness and the self centered world of influencers isn’t preparing most to deal with that.
Just because someone is an influencer does not mean they haven’t experienced pain and grief. We don’t know her friends, so we really shouldn’t be coming to that conclusion. Anybody that is a friend for her and supports her is a blessing. Let’s be respectful and leave it at that.
Thank you so much for sharing ❤ I haven't watched too many of your videos, but I definitely followed along with your videos about Michael and the grieving process and just want to give you such a big hug. It's not the same as losing a partner, but I recently lost both my grandmas within a month and can really resonate with what you said about people offering/bringing food. One of my closest friends offered to cook porridge for my family the day after my grandma passed and I felt so weird/like a burden to accept it.. but I looked in our fridge and we had no food and no one had the energy to cook.. so I told her the mixed feelings I felt, but that I was so grateful and would accept her offer. And my parents were so surprised and touched and that pot of porridge kept them fed all day. So many people said "let me know if you need anything" and I appreciated the sentiment, but also thought to myself that it felt so difficult and I couldn't see myself actually reaching out to anyone and letting them know if I needed anything.. so I really understand what you mean by almost wanting them to be more pushy.. but at the same time, it's super hard to be in their shoes and not wanting to cross boundaries or do anything wrong. And sometimes being pushy isn't what you want from certain people too.. all that's to say that it's really hard for both sides and I think you described it well. Also really resonated with needing silence but also wanting company.. how healing it was being in company with people who also are connected to the person who passed.. Thank you again for being so honest, so open, and so vulnerable. I hope this video was helpful and healing to you in some way... I know it's helpful and healing to so many others, including myself💕
You are a strong sista 💪🏼❤ ☯️
the recommendation is gave was to take it slow its ok to feel all of this, and maybe do something calming especially if they are trying to sleep but cant
Also I’d like to say in my opinion I think everything people have said to you weren’t necessarily bad or bad advice but it was bad timing. Michael’s death was tragic and clearly very traumatic for you I think it would/should take a least a year to say all those things. But that’s also just my opinion.
I lost my dad to Covid in 2021, the whole experience was weird. The people I expected to be there for me weren’t and the people I was expecting not to be there for me and my family were. I think as a society we don’t know how to handle grief. If there is anything I learned from my own experience it’s how I would handle someone who is deep in their grief.
Hi Stephanie, thank you so much for your courage and strength to make this video. I went through a different kind of grief and loss, but it was very validating when you talked about the people who kept messaging you. For the longest time, I felt like I was a terrible friend for not replying back to the people who reached out to me, but I was so depressed that I wasn’t even in the mindset to answer anyone… even though I knew they were concerned about me. Sometimes I was able to reply within a few days, and other times, I couldn’t even reply at all. Overtime, I felt that some people got offended/impatient and didn’t reach out again when I finally did reply or gave me beef for taking so long to reply. It was painful and difficult enough to go through my situation at that time, and I still had to manage how other people felt or thought of me 😩 It made me close up even more. And I’m so sorry someone said they miss the old Stephanie- even though it wasn’t with ill intent. It hurt me hearing that said to you. There will be a part of us that is forever changed. Thank you, again, for using your platform to share all this. I hope planning for this video helped you process things more and was healing for you in some way. Sending you big hugs and much love.
The person I loved died of an overdose as well, I feel you on so many aspects. I’ve definitely changed, I just want to get back to who I was but I don’t think that’s possible. Thank you for sharing this video might need to look into better help. It’s been 3 years now and it doesn’t feel any better. My family no one really understands, I hate when ppl say he’s at peace now. Wish he was here on earth every day.
Since 2020 I've had to google " what to say to a friend that's grieving" several times so I really appreciate this. I think my instant drawback is that I don't want to be a bother to my friends either so if they say no I really struggle to keep pushing, but I think the dropping off food thing will 100% help with that. Thanks for the video. Wish you all the best
STEPHANIEEEE!!! I love you so much! This was a very helpful and cathartic video. I really felt so much of this advice. Thank you for provide these resources they are so needed and so helpful!
I knew about your story. I’m glad you posted this. I did not think I would experience it myself when I lost a best friend from overdose two days before Christmas this year. It was so hard for my roommate to lose his girlfriend of 11 years.
Sending you and Josie lots of love. 🤍
I feel understood 🤍 my loss (a parent not a partner) happend 5 years ago but this still hits many points i‘m still working through. The things people say, the food, all of it - all of it hit!
I lost many if not all of my friends when i became an orphan…
I never expected it before but the food part is sooo important! Even while it happend i didn’t understand the significance, it really only happend in retrospect. 😊
Hi Stephanie. I just wanted to say thank you, for making this video because you want to help even in your own grief.
I always think of you and I wonder how you are doing. I found your ig not long after Michael passing.
In January this year my best friend of all my life (I’m 32) lost her mum to acute alcohol poisoning. She had been dependant on alcohol I would say since we were teenagers. I was close to my friends mum, we grew up living opposite each other. I admired her mum A LOT. Losing her mum was not expected. I agree with you. Yes she was an alcoholic. Yes we knew that could cause illness and could take your life from you, but we didn’t think this would happen. We didn’t see it coming. It has destroyed my friend. To be honest with you I’ve been an awful friend. I struggle with my mental health. I should have been right there all the time. I wish I could have done that. I hate myself because I wasn’t always present. We have fallen out more times this year than we have ever fallen out in our lives.
My friend said to me something that you mentioned at the end of your video, she said that she’ll never be the same. She’s sorry because she’ll never be that person again. I thought I understood that, until we fell out in august, and we haven’t spoken since. We would have arguments, I feel so guilty about this. She wouldn’t act or think about things like I was used to her doing. Things have been very difficult where she has acted in ways that isn’t normally ok. Irrational. It’s obviously to be expected, but it’s meant that we have clashed a lot or she has taken me by surprise and I would be facing this angry, hateful version of her and it’s hurt and I’ve told her and we’ve argued. So I guess why I’m really writing this is that I see you, I feel your hurt. I lost so much of my best friend when she lost her mum and I’m still learning that but I will always try to be better. We have to put our feelings aside and realise that nothing actually matters other than you love your friends. ❤
I lost my first love at 19, and I used to hate when people would tell me "things happen for a reason" and all that.. it happened 10 years ago, and when people STILL say that when I talk about him and the whole situation, I just see red. love this video so much! sending love to you
I've been watching since your 50 random facts video, woooweeee you have helped me through loss and life. You are a huge comfort and joy and inspiration in my little life. I think about you often Stephanie, thank you for being you and thank you for sharing it with us
Those chocolate covered strawberries!!!!!!🤤 Can’t wait for the next vlog🤭
This was SO useful thank you Stephanie! Hopefullu I won't need to use any of those tips soon but I'll keep them in mind. So important.
Thank you for sharing and being so open and vulnerable. Grief is life long work and comes in varying stages, degrees during certain parts of the year(s). Many may not be able to understand or grasp the weight of it all unless they’ve been through it themselves, but hopefully there are people in your life that you can turn to, or are willing to not give up on you. Having therapy and finding someone to connect to is such a gift and I’m glad you have found that. Thank you again for sharing this and yes, we are here for you too. ❤
My friendgroup had a suicide attempt "scare" monday and we are doing many of the same things you talk abt for eachother. This is very general good advice for any trauma situation actually ❤ great video stephanie ❤
Thank you, Stephanie. I appreciate your vulnerability and can only imagine how hard it was to make this video. Sending you so much love.
Hi Steph, thanks for sharing this video. I have personally not experience any lost nor experienced a friend grieving for their lost, but these thing will eventually happen as we age and I'm glad to see your perspective and what should not be said to someone. I think many people try their best and want to help a friend feel better but because of the lack of knowledge, things often turn different. Through your point of view it helps to understand why certain things shouldn't be said and words should be chosen carefully when we communicate, not just during such dark times, but in general, words can hurt when they aren't meant to.
I'm sorry for your lost and I hope you have found the peace in mind and moving on with him in your heart.
Stephanie, you’re so amazing. We love you and will always be here for you. This video was really helpful. My best friend’s mother passed a few years back and I didn’t really know how to be there for her. I’m glad I have this information going forward ❤
This video also put into words, what i needed when I went through a major depressive phase. It was super helpful + helpful in sorting out my own thoughts of that time
Thanks Stephanie for sharing. I lost someone close to me in 2020 and I wish I could have vocalized my needs better. Appreciate this video ❤
Oh you sweet, sweet soul. I know this video must have been so hard for you to make. But thank you. You should know you are helping so many people with this video. I am so sorry for your pain and your heartbreak. And I am so thankful for you sharing even some of the difficult parts.
Stephanie!
Thank you and appreciate you for being so open , raw and honest about your experience because it can be extremely helpful to those who have lost their love ones or for those who want to help those going through hard times! Losing a love one really changes a person forever and people need to understand that you are still the same awesome person but is more in touch and have a better understanding of yourself going through life experiences!
I just lost my one and only sister 5 months ago and it’s extremely hard ! And I have to take my time and deal with my grief my way!
Everyone deals with grief differently and this is okay !
Our dear family and friends are always going to be by our side to support us !
Thank you for sharing as it is extremely important for all to hear! I feel like people don’t talk enough about it enough ! Thank you!❤
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❤❤❤ This video came at a good time. An old friend recently lost her partner and I have been struggling with what to say to her in support. I appreciate how open you have been with your experience.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You are allowing us to better empathize and understand and thats a beautiful way to share what you have been through. I worry about making the other person feel awkward and this helps reframe that narrative. Sending you love ❤
it’s been an honor seeing you grow on this channel. thank you for letting us into your life and journey and all the insight you share. we love you and care about you!!
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us, Stephanie. Sending you so much love today and forever in your healing journey ❤️
Resonated with all of this, and echo that even if someone said the "wrong" thing, most of the time their intent was good. Grateful to see you growing through your grief and sharing this piece of your experience ❤
Thank you for being vulnerable with this video. Sending you so much love
Such an important video 👏 spending time in your grief to make this says so much about you. Will be sharing with many 💜
Thank you for making this video. So sorry for what you’ve been through. ❤
I didn’t know! I’m so sorry. I hope you have lots of love around you.
Wow, Stephanie. Just wow. Thank you so much for sharing
Feel the same way rn. Hope you feel better soon. Live well and were here for you. Routing for you.
Sending you all the love and thank you for making this video.
Very helpful advice, Thank you!
Sending you so much love 🫶 ty for this video
thank you stephanie for having the strength to make this video. sending you love ♥
this was a beautiful video. thank you stephanie and giving you the biggest virtual hug
Thank you so much for sharing this is so valuable! ❤❤❤❤
Losing weight during the grieving process is real
Beautiful video ❤️❤️ thank you
This was a great and helpful video steph.
we love you girl, thank you for sharing xo
mmm pretty much, don't let them choose, just be there... bring them food, invite them, don't let them choose because we are going to choose sadness
Thank you so much for this ❤️