How to be happier in 5 steps with zero weird tricks | Laurie Santos
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- Опубликовано: 7 май 2024
- This interview is an episode from @The-Well, our publication about ideas that inspire a life well-lived, created with the @JohnTempletonFoundation.
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Sometimes, it’s really hard to be happy. And there’s a reason for that: The human brain isn’t hard-wired for happiness. Why? Because happiness isn’t essential for survival. To make matters worse, our minds can deceive us when it comes to happiness, leading us to chase things that won’t make us happy in the long run.
To solve for this, Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos recommends a set of practices, dubbed “re-wirements.” These practices include prioritizing social connection, being other-oriented, focusing on gratitude and blessings, and incorporating exercise into our daily routine.
By understanding the common pitfalls of our thinking and adopting new behaviors, we can achieve true happiness, and make it last. For Santos, happiness isn’t just a state; it’s an ongoing practice.
0:00 Happiness? Natural selection doesn’t care.
0:59 4 annoying mind features ruining your happiness
3:33 5 ways to rewire your behavior for more happiness
6:56 Listen to your negative emotions
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/the-well/how-to-...
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About Laurie Santos:
Dr. Laurie Santos is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Yale University. Her research provides an interface between evolutionary biology, developmental psychology, and cognitive neuroscience, exploring the evolutionary origins of the human mind by comparing the cognitive abilities of human and non-human primates. Her experiments focus on non-human primates (in captivity and in the field), incorporating methodologies from cognitive development, animal learning psychology, and cognitive neuroscience.
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1. Be Social
2. Be others-oriented (serve)
3. Gratitude
4. Savor moments (be present)
5. Work-out
not everyone CAN work out. I have a spinal cord injury and am stuck for a while... Surprised finding purpose isn't one of them! Made the biggest difference in my life.
This feels like a chore.
1: be social? I've fallen at the first hurdle
It’s not just being social. It’s doing activities with other people. Simply hanging out gets boring FAST
@@seiwarriors Everything that is worth a damn in life is a chore
It’s not the mind’s problem, it’s the society’s problem. Marketing selling the idea that we need more, that we need to compare, chase, achieve instead of just being who we are made to be. Don’t blame the mind for a consumerist society’s problem; those toxic messages that bombard us everyday from every angle of our life.
Taxes
There is a reason why this marketing is viable though. It reinforces our built in bias
I’m a person that don’t watch RUclips ads, don’t watch regular TV, don’t read magazines very often (and their ads), don’t go on Instagram often, don’t view my friends content (everyone is silenced) and I also present the same behaviors. Marketing is a problem? Yes. Society pressures us to behave a certain way? Sure. But we all have the choice not to act like this and we still do. So, the mind may not be the only problem, but probably is the main one
@@emilz0r This was my thoughts exactly. The marketing would not work if you were self-aware and reflective of why I worked on you. If folks dont stop to recognize a miswant when they see it they’ll end up in an unhappiness cycle
@@alexdamacenoI too live the same lifestyle as yours but still I face the same problem. But it maybe the culture, social acceptance Which go side by side and our self-esteem tied to it. Like what Freud called super-ego still lurks in our mind no matter what. Or it may also be our deepest desire.
One more thing: We need to accept that suffering is part of life. This allows us to be more resilient when tragedy strikes. Resilient people tend to be happier.
Unavoidable suffering is. But most can be avoided. The problem with acceptance is you can end up accepting suffering that can be avoided.
Too much suffering will kill you ...
But most of us aren't "Suffering" if most of us have to wait in line to get some food; thethe bitching, whineing, gripeing begins...as if they were losing their lives! Pathetic!
@@frankgradus9474So will nut-jobs who.."carry"!
@@aarone9000 True about those first world inconveniences but Western society is full of social problems and confusion these days so even though we have more material wealth in the West I feel we should show curiosity when we encounter these badly behaved people if for no other reason than to protect our own sanctity.
Money won't make you happy but being broke will make you sad.
I have been living a minimalistic life for 5 years now (it slowly developed that way). Honestly, to my own surprise it made me happier. For me, minimalistic means owing only the absolute minimum I need, and it automatically lead to me not comparing with others. Works well for me.
is your creativity also be served minimalistically..
I will tell you the real reasons why people are unhappy majority of the times:
- Social Expectations forced by others on certain people, expections which are unrealistic to achieve for many people.
- Lack of Money & Societal discrimination from others related to class & wealth (even by colleages & friends).
- Class based discriminations in society, promoting division & hostility among people.
- Toxic individuals with bad values are put in the position of power, thus encouraging toxicity, class based discriminations.
- Bullying, harassment at schools, colleges, jobs, etc.,
- Toxic educational, work environments.
- Bad economy, high inflation & problems with managing to survive.
- Burden of diseases & health problems.
how much do you make? Can you really be happy with 44k ?
" I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life," Henry david thoreau
@@kawxki9425food and a place to sleep
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porass.
i think also the thing that has helped me greatly is realizing that happiness should not actually be your goal. it is not normal to only experience happiness all the time nor is it a final resting stage that you'll never leave. you will be happy, and then you will be sad or angry or fearful or everything in between. accepting that these are just feelings that are going to come and go, and not turning any of them into "bad" or unwanted feelings has helped me.
That’s a great outlook, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) highlights a lot of those same sentiments
I find i have an attraction toward anger and frustration.
It can be difficult sometimes to remember why we feel these and use them constructively, but we don't always have to fight them.
I find sometimes even when I'm content I'm wistful, or antsy.
Sometimes the emotions overlap in complex ways.
It can be difficult to read sometimes.
@@Rorshacked I think I must have have been learning from people who were believers in ACT therapy because I just looked it up and you’re right it basically covers everything I am in the process of doing. Thank you for sharing! 😊
Why we are not happy:
1. we have false intuition of what actually can make us happy
2. perpetually comparing what we have with what other people have
3. what we think make us happy at first place, doesn’t have the same impact over time
4. we have a bias about what might happen in the future
How to tackle these: be social, be other-oriented, focus on blessing, paying more on good stuff than the bad stuff in life, do exercises
I think you may have gotten number 4 slightly wrong. I thought it meant that we expect things and put emphasis on things that have a huge impact, and assume happiness comes from things like it (which is why it's connected to hedonistic adaptation).
@@RPGgrenade My understanding of "Impact Bias" is, We might think, a particular thing/person might give us happiness for a very long time. But it may not be very impactful and may be short-lived. This is why it's called "Impact Bias".
What make u not happy:
1. The lack of sun
2. The lack of money.
Not necessarily in that order
@@moviemagic7481 nobody can give u happiness except yourself
“We live as though there aren't enough hours in the day, but if we do each thing calmly and carefully, we will get it done quicker and with much less stress.” - Viggo Mortensen
You are able to bring more of yourself when you concentrate. As the day progresses, you may realize how quickly you accomplish tasks when you slow down to give them your undivided attention. In the words of Viggo Mortensen, “go slow to go fast.”
wow
Thanks
❤
Hurry slowly
Viggo definitely has a restraining order against this dude.
I've actually seen research say that money does indeed make people happier, but it depends on what you do with the money. Spending it on others and on experiences makes you happier than on material goods.
To me personally, it doesn't make sense that money wouldn't make you happier. Money can buy you better quality food, better quality healthcare, you can take control of your environment more, you have better access to exercise and advice on how to do it best, and it can give you access to in person hobbies where you can meet people with similar interests. People also often say that they feel better dressing up and taking care of themselves, and that also costs money.
100% money helps to contribute to happiness but depending on your mental health and outlook on life, it won't solve it all, but I do agree it helps. less to worry about
From 10 dollar to 100 dollar of course you will be happier. But from 1mil and add another 100 dollar on that wont make you happier, but adding another 1mil will make you happier. But if you already have 1bil getting another 100mil won't make you happier.
@@inuhundchien6041what is the point you are trying to make?
Incorrect. 1. It's not really "happiness" they are measuring. 2. It's only up to a certain amount of money/ security. 3. It's not the money that brings results, but rather the absence of poverty.
Money does NOT bring happiness, but poverty can bring sadness.
According to Victor Frankl, ultimately neither truly needs to have a role.
Money amplifies who you already are. I used to work with millionaires regularly as a financial advisor and they were some of the happiest and unhappiest people I'd ever met. If you're not happy without it, you won't be happy with it.
I am so happy that Laurie said that these are not for some one suffering from chronic suicidality or a grave mental illness, because sometimes when I have periods of psychotic depression I become someone different and nothing really works other than my meds prescribed by my psychiatrist. Thank you so much for acknowledging that. ❤
A little different perspective, copy of my comment:
I'm a Sociologist/Behavioralist and Historian. (My Recommendations are based on the Thought, Feelings, Beliefs", our Perspective, our Higher Mind and our Conscious Thoughts" + Balancing our "Subconscious Thought Program".).
I would like to see a study applying each of our plans, and a comparative of each, and an infusion of both.
The Bartlett Plan:
Requires a habit of being:
1) "Conscious in Thought" (Present in the Now).
2) + "Applying Higher Mind" (where all Positive Thought Energies reside).
3) Reprogram the "Thought Program" aka "Subconscious Thought Program", the learned ideas that are not accurate and don't support a Harmony Mind, and Healthy Emotional Development.
(Dr Bruce Lipton, recommended methods for "Reprogramming the Subconscious Thought Program", see his website
4) Balanced Self Love is essential, we must apply self care and balanced self love, then we can actually love other from a healthy Perspective and engage in an Emotionally Mature relationship with others.
5) An indepth Comprehension of the "Universal Law of Attraction" and applying it for our success on every level, as it is Absolute and we benefit from these Thought, Self Concept, and Behavioral Model.
The "Universal Laws", particularly the Universal Law of Attraction is the most valuable concept, understanding, and application, for all to Master.
Success with Patients suffering from Clinical Depression, Victims of NPD Abuse, C-PTSD, and Adjustment challenges in young adults.
Beth Bartlett
Sociologist/Behavioralist
and Historian
Let's do a Study and raise the happiness Vibe.
Excellent points. Here is an interesting antidote to depression: Rescue, and care for an animal in desperate condition, an older animal that needs love and attention, and this animal's gratitude will transform your life in ways unimaginable. The love reciprocity that emerges from rescuing such animal makes for one of the most beautiful life experiences, and in the end, one may ask; who ended up saving whom?
Yeah there’s an idea. Screw the old people get an old dog. That’s about the mentality of people.
A couple of days ago, I came back from a trip which my friends and I had signed up as volunteers. We spent the *whole* day running around from place to place since we were in the "transport" section of volunteers. Almost without time to take a break we were engaging with hundreds of different people all the time, in a constant social interaction between strangers and our mates.
Which means that, during those four days of madness, I felt the happiest. Despite my sweaty hair and stiffness in my whole body, my face was shining with light, as I would notice later on in the photos that I took.
And that's because the five ways to achieve happiness that this video shows ( 4:04 ) where bring put in practice:
1. Social connection
(As I explained, there was constant interaction)
2. Other-orientedness
(My friends and I worked for others, without expecting anything in return)
3. Gratitude
(I felt thankful many times, about many things that I cant even count)
4. Savouring
(Every single smile, touch, word of encouragement... It all felt like heaven)
5. Excercise
(As I stated before, we really put to test our strength and energy)
I want to go back the next year. And I plan to apply the life-style that I've learned there to my everyday life. I won't be easy and sometimes I won't be able to achieve it. But it's worth the try... Specially after experiencing first hand the taste of pure joy and happiness.
I really really encourage you guys to try volunteer work. It's simply beautiful.
God bless you.
Yep I felt the same with my friends. I'd give many things to experince it again!
why does have to be "volunteer" work?
why can't the same 5 traits be found in non-volunteer work?
why not seek those 5 traits in work?
work as in our life ...
why not seek those 5 traits in life ?
it's like eating healthy makes me feel energetic &: recharged ...
let's do it every year ...
why not do it every day ... every meal ... haha peace ✌️😅
.
@@MrPelikan500 as I stated before, I plan to apply the life-style that I learnt in my everyday life. It doesn't have to be volunteer work, but it's something that marks the five things at once. Of course you can apply those things at work, house... That's the spirit!! :)
Hi! Could you share what volunteer experience it was? I’m finding that I may need to sign up for such an opportunity :)
As a content creator, I stopped caring of what other people think about me and follow whatever gives me purpose. Taking care of myself has made me happy.
So you are selfish, got it.
@@IBTU actually quite the opposite
@@IBTUlol how is that selfish
As a content creator, you need to care about what others think, otherwise you will end up loosing your audience and hence, your income.
@@User-jr7vf I care about what other people think would be quality content, but not how they would think of me, I want to be a 'good person' in life, even if I didn't create any content, so I don't care about changing myself or wasting energy thinking about what others think, because you can never really control the perception others have anyway.
1. Get out of your ego and appreciate your gifts 2. Give something to someone else 3. Do something meaningful 4. Life is more than possessions. _Excellent job Laurie Santos.
Money can't make you happy, but lack of money can make you unhappy especially when it affects others around you.
there is a bunch of correlation here. The implication is that being social and other-oriented will make you happy, but more realistically being happy will make you more social and other oriented. When you're in a good mood you're more likely to be outgoing, but that doesn't mean the day after will necessarily also be better. So that means being social and other irented isn't a cause of happiness but a result.
Could be causation, too, y'know, or a bit of both.
Who in your life have you seen attain happiness without being social and other oriented?
@@hollys6299 Rather than that, I've seen every single person who focused their life on being social and other oriented be miserable.
They have done studies that show that if you do the things first, more feeling of happiness follows, so we can say that these things will most likely help. There might of course also be a causation the other way around as well.
@hungrymusicwolf ohhhhhh i totes see what you're talking about. I think the problem w being other oriented is if someone has issues setting boundaries, the fawn response, is a ppl pleaser of a mix of all 3, it results in a lot of toxic shit that usually leads them further away from happiness.
And yes--i was def the most social when i was the most depressed bc i couldnt stand being alone w myself. Went out 4 or 5 times a week and fully immersed myself in the stories ppl told abt their day as a way to dissociate from my life. But 10 years later w 3 years of therapy on the backend, those skills i learned/developed have come in handy now that im in a good place w socializing. Also as an introvert i set boundaries on the amt of times i socialize thru out the week so i have the energy to be present. Def a quality over quantity thing for me.
I have been a huge fan of Laurie since the science of well being and I listen semi regularly to the happiness lap. I find most of the tips and tricks and subjects she brings up very useful.
The only point I really struggle to convince myself with is the "stop comparing yourself to others" point. This is not just a mind tendency, but also a societal daily force ! We've been trained since school to compare ourselves to others, and as adults it feels like we're trapped in a rat race. I think most of this comparison to others doesn't stem from being jealous, rather by being terrified of the future, and feeling that others are doing better than us in the modern survival game :)
actually yes comparison is the hardest one. As comparison issue is also linked with evolution, that is, it goes back 3.5 billion years, so this is the most difficult thing, to oppose the 3.5 billion evolution of the brain.
That's interesting. I consider myself somewhat on the opposite end of that. I have worked with/for several wealthy people and, in general, they focus on maintaining their money and power which makes them unpleasant people to spend time with. Naturally beautiful people are often hollow and uninteresting. Artificially beautiful people (through surgery) seem artificial to me. So I guess I do compare myself to others, but I don't strive to be like them because I don't see the value in what they have. With that said, I reject too many people, and find myself starving for meaningful relationships.
@@Hatasiz_CoolExactly. Comparison is a natural response and can be helpful, when used properly. The problem is when we begin to compete and in doing so, feed the ego to the point that we feel sour, because someone else has more or is more. Something that can help with this is to realize that we all have different paths, different lessons and can either choose to feel bad when we see others win or choose to feel good for them and celebrate it! It’s that “if you win, I win” and vice versa attitude 🙏💜✨.
I've almost never compared myself to others, because I don't judge people from what they show to the world, you never know what are their mindsets, if they are truly happy or not.
From what I observed, rich people have rich people problems and can't often feel truly happy because of the job they do, the people they had to step over to get what they want, the fear of losing everything, the inability to trust others, etc.
I feel lucky to be an average discreet person, with a good enough salary, a simple life, free time for myself and true connections to people.
The only person you should compare yourself to is the you from yesterday.
I think the difference now is that we compare ourselves to millions of people, where we used to only compare ourselves to the people immediately around us. We are competing (in our minds) with people who have very different lives from us, had very different upbringings, live, work and study in very different environments. We also do it with very little knowledge of those people's real lives, so we are not really comparing our whole life, to their whole lives, we're comparing one thing we're doing, or not doing, to one thing they're doing or not doing, without context. Comparison is fine, but the way we do it makes the goals that we set as a result, unattainable, or attainable but with consequences that we do not consider beforehand. The richest men for example cannot hold on to their wives, Bezos, Musk, Gates all divorced, Zuckerberg is much younger so we'll see.
I'm 48 and I used to be so happy all of the time. Always smiling because it was the little things that made me happy. People would notice and ask if I was taking the "happy pill". I'd laugh it off and wonder why others weren't happy like me. I grew up poor and in a very dysfunctional family but this never soured my happiness. I earned a college degree and worked very lucrative companies and managed to remain happy until about 6 years ago all the unhappy people FINALLY managed to make me absolutely miserable and now I'm depressed and unhappy too.
What happened? How specifically did they bring up unhappiness in you?
It's not their fault, you're responsible for your own life...as Viktor Frankl said, the last of human freedoms is to choose one's attitude. There's also a correlation between your age and the difficult teenage years - the two most unhappy times. This is clearly charted in Dr. Peter Attia's book, Outlive. It's called midlife, what Jung described as the crisis of identity. To quote Eckhart Tolle, "the world isn't here to make you happy, it's here to make you more conscious." Keep going.
good point but everyone has a breaking point, after caring for my terminally ill father i just didn't have it in my anymore to try to stay positive and happy @@Andrew-dg7qm
Welcome to the club. Most humans are narcissist and attention whores. Just stay away from most people and only have a small circle of genuine people that support and encourage you. 😊
Great video! I would say I am happy about 95% of the time, and I do all these things. I am not rich, but I'm not poor. I am very interested in others, love to talk to strangers, I care about my close friends and family and love doing things for others; I genuinely savour good music, good books, art, watching wildlife and being in nature. I also exercise regularly. So this seems to align well with me.
That's awesome !
I wonder if the decline of happiness is just because people nowdays are more open to aknowledge that they are sad whereas in the past it was brushed off and not really mentioned most of the time
People are just nostalgic to a time that never was. If you look at literature, 'melancholia' is de riguer for hundreds, or maybe thousands of years. All the greatest literature have depressive, suicidal, melancholic characters and themes. Even children's story are full of elaborate damnation for naughty children.
Disney popularised innocence and happiness with Snow White and since then America and thus the world are obsessed to be in this wonderland.
No, I don’t think so. While that may be partly true, the rising suicide rate (especially for young people) suggests that something else is going on. Even if you just focus on the last decade or so, there are some very concerning trends re life satisfaction, mental illness, drug abuse, etc
@@julianrosas9134 This, there is a bigger awareness but imo the biggest impact comes from abrupt and quick societal changes in the last few decades along with a productive model that puts very little emphasis on contemplative work, positive societal change, etc.
@@Outstanding_Gal We have pretty reliable numbers for the last 50-60 years though. And like I said, even in the last decade there have been some pretty disturbing trends. It seems like there are some unique problems that people are dealing with today
It's not "just because" of that, I can assure you
I remember Laurie from when I was doing the "the science of well-being" course! so nice to see her still active on youtube.
"enough money to put food on the table and a roof over your head" requires more and more of your life😓 no time to be happy
Yeah. I am struggling to get trough
So heartbreakingly and true
Laurie Santos is really skilled in explaining the core ideas simple and understandable. this video is a nice summary of her work!
The Textbook comprehended, the data, etc, necessary and valuable for a College Instructor.
My area is close, but different, Practical Application, (copy 9f my comment):
I'm a Sociologist/Behavioralist and Historian. (My Recommendations are based on the Thought, Feelings, Beliefs", our Perspective, our Higher Mind and our Conscious Thoughts" + Balancing our "Subconscious Thought Program".).
I would like to see a study applying each of our plans, and a comparative of each, and a potential fusion of the 2.
The Bartlett Plan:
Requires a habit of being:
1) "Conscious in Thought" (Present in the Now).
2) + "Applying Higher Mind" (where all Positive Thought Energies reside).
3) Reprogram the "Thought Program" aka "Subconscious Thought Program", the learned ideas that are not accurate and don't support a Harmony Mind, and Healthy Emotional Development.
(Dr Bruce Lipton, recommended methods for "Reprogramming the Subconscious Thought Program", see his website
4) Balanced Self Love is essential, we must apply self care and balanced self love, then we can actually love other from a healthy Perspective and engage in an Emotionally Mature relationship with others.
5) An indepth Comprehension of the "Universal Law of Attraction" and applying it for our success on every level, as it is Absolute and we benefit from these Thought, Self Concept, and Behavioral Model.
The "Universal Laws", particularly the Universal Law of Attraction is the most valuable concept, understanding, and application, for all to Master.
Beth Bartlett
Sociologist/Behavioralist
and Historian
Tennessee, USA
Let's do a Study and raise that happiness Vibe.
The threshold where more money doesn't help getting happier is much higher than described here. I would have way less obstacles to getting closer to achieving happiness if I could pay for certain matters to be dealt with, if I didn't had to stress about whether doing something nice for myself now won't result in my having hard time getting food later etc.
Money isn't enough to get you to the top of the happiness scale, but often it can help hover way above rock bottom.
I agree. Money offers all sorts of possibilities to do the things that make you happy. I feel like a lot of her advice is much easier to follow if you are wealthy.
@@LadyJane1753 yes money would get u out in the world or in the woods not stuck in ur mind so much
This Video is an amazing one!! I have always preached to the people I know that showing Gratitude when you are angry on someone instead of reacting will help you think clearly and concentrate on the situation rather than the person. I am overwhelmed how the concept of happiness is forced into ourselves which leads us to do so many things, ending us making unhappy!!
When I met my SO he said to me “to get the life you want, want the life you have”. That sparked something profound and simple in my imagination and learning how to “amor fati” has transformed my whole life from the INSIDE out.
10 years ago I was an overweight, depressed, C-PTSD suffering, anxious and inflamed mess. Getting up before noon was an accomplishment, reading a book was a miracle, being kind was a chore and self loathing was baked in to entitlement I didn’t even know was there.
Anyway, his comment was the start of who I’ve become and when he died suddenly 2 years ago - he’d given me the insight and health I needed to navigate the despair of the loss.
We all know something is deeply wrong with our relationship to the external events in our lives…
The world is at odds with nature/life and in each of us is the chance-responsibility- possibility to reconcile them.
Kindness can be learned, love can produce best outcomes, wisdom is innate if we tap into our relationships with nature.
Great video. After learning Freediving several years ago, my wife and I became much more happier. We became more physically active, met a lot new friends, got in touch with nature and became so much grateful. I hope others find their passion.
As someone who is biased towards introversion, the social connections part is always a bit of a struggle. For me, doing things of interest with others has been the best way (I'm an avid cyclist and ride in a local club, for instance). Small talk at at party is exhausting, but riding with others -- even with minimal conversation -- works better once I got to know some of the regulars (and became a regular!). For introverts who find social interaction tiring, the first one is always about finding the right balance.
I agree. That is why I love yoga classes, a group, but we don't talk to each other during class. Yet the class creates a bond.
I think there’s merit in knowing your personal power (introversion) nothing wrong with that … if being too social doesn’t bring u joy forget it 👍
Hey I found your podcast a few weeks ago. I’m having trouble learning right now, with work stress and anxiety. Listening to you has made me finally realize I need to take a more active role in my happiness. TLDR you’re awesome and thank you.
I think many people are unhappy, but do a good job of masking it.
Yes, you are right.
Lincoln said, most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Good words!
We have more control over our lives and moods than psychiatrists, political leaders, teachers and religious
hucksters would have us believe.
Don't worry, be happy!
Even though I work extremely hard all day long, I have housing problems due to lack of money, my cats and I simply cannot eat well, and I am becoming more and more unhappy about this every day. We are trying to survive. I have great respect for what is said in the video and I am trying to understand it, but at least it doesn't work for me.
Understandable. Rule #1 you have to be able to survive.
I did the online challenge related to her Yale happiness class and it was awesome. Loved every minute.
This is far from universal. I am MUCH happier away from other people. Being around people too much stresses me out and exhausts me. I enjoy *some* social contact, but it's far from a priority. What *does* make me happy is being around animals, dogs, cats, etc.
Right. AS IF there has never been a solitary monk that has been happy.
Yup!!!! I’m with this person right here. Human beings can be exhausting so I need time for myself. That’s probably when I’m feeling good about myself the most. This allows me to share that good feeling whether it be through socializing or charity.
That's what I absolutely hate about some kind of vague, undefined, generic "social connection" as a criteria of happiness. There's no happiness being around people 24/7 when those people are your horrible bosses, cruel customers and abusive parents at home. It makes it sound as if any and all "social connection" is good and gets you closer to happiness. It makes it sound as if you're not unhappy because you're surrounded by toxic people, you're unhappy because you're not surrounded by ENOUGH toxic people, or for long enough or whatever. It makes it sound as if the only problem is you, and that if a relationship is toxic and abusive, YOU are just not working hard enough at it. I think the KIND of social connection matters a whole lot. I also think you don't much get to choose the "quality" of the social connections you do have, a LOT of it is pure luck (supportive parents instead of abusive ones, for example). I think those who have had the chance of having a supportive family, finding supportive friends, having stumbled into a supportive workplace, of course those people will tend to WANT and then BE around others more often than other people who are instead mostly surrounded by toxic people. I don't doubt that there is correlation between the amount of time someone is and wants to be around others and their level of happiness. But I'm absolutely disgusted at the suggestion that it's somehow unhappy people's own fault for tending to want to be alone more often, that they "just have to be around other people more".
Yes this type of stuff is misleading. As a only child grew up alone, I have zero issue with being alone adn being single. Having more people at home stress me out 😂
Well, balance I guess.@@princeamu
Oddly enough, I've been practicing these 5 daily. It really helps, the first and second point she mentioned are highly recommended.
I think rewirements is missing rewilding… our disconnect from nature and natural systems can create rifts in our sense of being human and our place in the universe… waking up with the sun, walking in bare feet on soil, sitting under a tree, watching the birds and bees, watching water flowing in a stream, etc etc … these moments of being present in nature can help create a space for reconnection and sense of belonging
Yes 💯. Plus Savouring all that.
Eating the right foods helps a lot also to improve the mind.
I can agree with quite a few of these. I was severely depressed a couple of years back, to the point where I wanted to end my life. I was depressed for quite a few years actually. I started to practice gratitude every single day, started being more serving to others, and savored every moment possible, even the smallest things. Mind you, while this was all happening, I was(and still am) living in a place that I hate. For the first time in almost a decade, I was actually happy. I was content with my life. I felt like if I died tomorrow, I would have no regrets. It is a practice that you have to be super mindful about though. I stopped doing these things and I ended up sinking a bit, but I am trying to work on getting back there again. It definitely takes work. I know that life has its ups and downs though, and I am at a point in my life where I can accept that. I no longer think that anything is worth taking my life over. I see everything as a lesson, even this moment that isn't the best at this time
I went on a cruise were I was seated with 6 old ladies, I was shocked on day one, the youngest was over 20 years older and several 30+ years older. What did I do, I leaned in and SERVED. I escorted them to the shows each evening, I played cards, dominos and other games with them during the day. I went on excursions with them and planned a wonderful day going all around Miami, from eating in little Havana, to even stopping at a wig shop... LOL! At the end of the cruise, they were all smiles and even though some had been on over 70 cruises in there long life, they stated that this was the BEST cruise they have ever been on. I was happy that I was able to bring so much happiness to others and looking back on that cruise, I realize how much happiness it brought to me as well. 😁
Love this video. It seems we’ve been conditioned to be unhappy, we being trained to compare early . They’ve thought us that the person with the highest grade is better , and so we continue on that path unconsciously.
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Honestly I have found that awareness,mindfulness and having a spiritual practice also leads to happiness and provides the path to leave a truly meaningful life .
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If you can exercise deep focus more often, that can possibly induce happiness. Also, allow all feelings to run their course, especially the bad ones
Exercise is a natural happiness drug which is why our pill popping society shuns it
@@chiquita683 no one shun exercise
+1
@@chiquita683This is an imaginary argument. Everyone knows exercise is good.
The shot of the person standing on a beach, looking out to sea with surfboard under arm is to me the epitome of happiness.
I surfed for almost 5 decades and it was the meaning of my life. Old age and arthritis took it away from me and I don’t think I will ever be happy again even though I have a beloved wife and three good sons.
I know I should be thankful with what I do have but nothing will ever replace my surfing.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Indeed, our inner life is very complex and every experience is unique
the two negative sentance parts you expressed are convincing your mind to not be happy. "I don't think I'll ever be happy again" and "nothing will ever replace my surfing" are happiness squelchers. Our minds are programmable. Whenever you think those two thoughts, turn them around and tell yourself, "I will eventually find a joy that will affect me like surfing" or "I'm so thankful for those times, and am thankful I got out unscathed and can still enjoy life." Turning negative thinking around the more positive is a big life changer and eventually the mind gets easier to train with practice.
I love this woman. She has a great course in Coursera called the science of well-being. It's really an eye opener to many misconceptions that we have concerning health, wealth and contentment. Which are the backbones of happiness
She's in coursera? Well, better check her out then!
May I know what do you get out of that course? Interested in checking it out but I don't have Coursera
its free i just signed up - Ill update as I do the 12ish hours, @@samelis6546
Now I know why I’m pathological happy.
I’ve already got all the things that me happy. I only compare myself with myself, in my experience I’m always progressing someway. I can make killer sudoku’s of the 6th level now. Every day I enjoy having breakfast with cat and dog. Reading a good book, falling asleep, enjoying the sofa I bought 5 year ago, and my amazing wash dry Miele combination, my Birkenstock sandals makes me happy for 50 years now. It’s my second pair.
There must be something terrible wrong with me.
Not at all, I think you've got it figured out more than most! Our society is what's terribly wrong.
Happiness like all emotions are temporary and fleeting... When you're happy be happy... But what I prefer is to be content most of the time... Because when you're content it easily facilitates happiness...
For the past 2 years, I've been living a minimalist lifestyle. To me, minimalism means only owning the bare essentials I truly need. My focus shifted to appreciating what I have rather than envying what I don't.
34 and still dont own my own home, thats my biggest dream. Then I know, I will be happier.
I do socialise sommetimes day to day, i prioritise my wife and daughter and that brings me so much happiness
I really love this lady, I discovered her podcast in 2020 during the pandemic and her content helped me.
One way to be happy is feeling grateful ❤
I never thought we were creatures built to happy. People are being sold a bill of good design to get them to buy more. Don't search for happiness, work for Meaning, and you find Meaning in helping people, especially people you love. This has the added benefit of letting you associate with people who Need help to show you that you Are better off than some others, and generate some gratitude.
Great video!
When I forget to remember that being happy comes from my being content and a self-motivator, I just listen to 5 minutes of David Goggins. And then I'm back on track.
Every time i hear the money happiness bit i roll my eyes 🙄. I like nice things and nice things aren’t cheap
Love prof santos since I did her course on happiness during the pandemic. Thank you for getting her on big think
Really great video! From someone who had been working as a developmental behavior specialist for over 3 decades, I have two observations. 1. Stop validation seeking, 2.) get out of your head! The control, escape, and fantasy you have constructed in your head is magical thinking.
Dr Laurie !!! Hearing her voice I know I’m about to get useful advice backed by science 🤩
This analysis is exceptional of all I've seen on Big Think! Well done!!!
As someone who has had lots of money and not lots of money. Money makes me significantly happier and being in debt makes me significantly more miserable.
Clear message, very well expressed. Thanks for sharing 💕💕💕
Remember that money may not give us happiness but it gives us road to make us happiy
These are some great general purpose tools and ideas. I do think that types of talk therapy can help resolve underlying issues that can help people become happier as well, but it depends on the person. Also meditation can be enormously helpful for some, because you can become much more aware of your thoughts and how certain ones are making you unhappy and yet aren't based in reality, they are just thoughts. Going along with exercise, other lifestyle habits are very important in regulating various hormones and neurochemicals that can help people in this area - so getting restful sleep, eating a relatively healthy diet (minimizing processed junk food), and minimizing or eliminating alcohol and tobacco, can all help to tip the balance towards more happiness.
Wish happiness to all people!
Great video! Beautifully explained and presented. And important. ✊🌺 I will listen to your podcast.
This is beautiful to see, I took the happiness course by Dr Laurie some years ago, practiced what she taught and I've enjoyed every bit of it from gratitude, meditation, savouring to working out. Thank you for bringing her on.
Thank you Dear Professor for sharing such a valuable things with us ❤
Laurie, your podcast has shaped my lofe for the better. Thank you ❤
She really speaks beautifully thank y’all for this video I’m really really trying to master my mind and these videos are very helpful in that pursuit ❤
My anecdotal evidence here is: I have been instinctively mostly trying to avoid these "Miswants" and I have always focussed on friends and positive things. I am 40 years old now and I have throughout my life mostly been not just content, but truly happy. Even when I was young I was never too interested in money and luxury, I always thought friends are the only thing that really brings joy and lived by it.
What is the difference between contentment and happiness for you? I'm quite curious to hear what makes the difference and how to get from one to the other and why one might want to.
@@lucnotenboom8370 Good question. I would say that on a daily basis I get truly excited about things, friends, stuff I do at work. Like that I often really just smile all by myself just because I find things fascinating, and beautiful - they make my heart race. Also, I actively think almost every day about the fact of how amazing it is to have such nice people in my life, friends that have been there for me 35+ years, and also through bad times like losses of loved ones and always showed support at any cost. That I have a boss with zero ego who is always there to help and support, occasionally to his own detriment. And much more. So I really actively am constantly aware of how lucky I am in many aspects. "Content" might be a state that you take most positive things more for granted but at the same time, you don't feel bad or depressed often. You can enjoy many things in life, but you don't get thrills from them regularly and often ponder about how lucky you are. That's just my rough idea of how to separate the two concepts, there might be smarter ways of describing them.
This is a great adaptation of her Science of Well-being Course which is available for free online btw. Highly recommend it as Dr. Laurie helps her students understand these topics even deeper
been following her podcast for a while and it's honestly such a pleasant surprise to see her here!!
This was the best "Happiness Summary" I have even seen. This is a topic that I research a lot (as a hobby, not as a professional researcher) and after a couple of years I have created a Framework for myself that is extremely aligned with the key points mentioned in the video. The overlap between the framework that I created and the video is truly incredible, so now I feel like I need to update my framework considering the insights of this video. If anyone is wondering, here is my framework:
1. Seek Simplicity (reducing complexity), withtout being simplistic (i.e. ignoring important parts)
2. Seek Health in three key areas of life: financial health, physical health (i.e., excercise) and mental health
3. Be Simpathetic, withtout being a Sycophant (i.e., kiss-ass) nor a muggle
4. Be peaceful, withtout loosing my sense of urgency
5. Be greateful and truly savor life (be present)
Try to apply that to my marriage, in relationship with my family and friends, and also in my job. That has become an important guidance for myself, that will be truly evolved after taking into account the insights share on this video.
Because we're immature. We want immediate gratification. The universe demands patience.
While i agree with most points the money part is wrong for me at least. I never had a lot of money but if i get some that i can freely spend for fun stuff it makes me very happy. I can't even imagine how happy i would be if i won the lottery so i could finally travel a bit. I really want to see more of this world before i die.
Wow, I've been watching BT videos for years now and I'm definitely sure that this one is one of the most useful, objective and beneficial videos the channel ever put out. Thank you!
I thought this was a really great video. Thank you for sharing. I have often wondered why we have so much in modern society, but people are so unhappy anyway. Things are better than they have ever been in so many ways, but people definitely aren't happier. To me, it seems to be what we see others have on TV, in movies, and on the internet, which makes us think we have to have these things also. People years ago had less, but they were happier. We invent a lot of reasons to be unhappy, or why things are "so bad" today. I used to be less happy, but I feel like I've accomplished most of what I wanted in life. Now, I want to relax more and enjoy how things already are.
Do chase after certain happiness that can hardly be satiable, avoid connecting with certain types of people who constantly drag you to this unsatiating treadmill, know how to be content with little, and develop inner peace connected to the present ground of existence and the nature - this will give us much peace.
Within the span of a year, I lost my career, house, wife and my freedom. I went to prison for 5 years. After I got out of prison, I was forced to move back to my home state. I lived with my elderly parents. They happily received me. Since my return it seems like my expectations in life have been reset. I now greet every day with a joy that I never knew existed.
Nice post. Thank you
Wow. That was so nice to hear. I have had serious issues with anxiety and panic due to school the last few years. But through all those those negative emotions I never quite understood why my life was still so good. Sure I was suffering a lot and I still am (finishing school this year, hopefully that will help) but I often felt like an Imposter because my life was so enjoyable still. Turns out I have been doing all of these things for as long as I can remember. Sure, I was often times too other-oriented and it was only through therapy and the need to really calm my life down that I managed to have more time for savoring and mindfullness but in some way or another I have always felt great joy and love experiencing the world and I am so grateful for my happy mind. I hope that I can soon overcome my mental struggles so that I can turn back more often to this wonderful feeling of being able to enjoy life.
I really love Dr Laurie! She has more wisdom on her fingernail than most of us in our entire lives
I wish people would stop vilifying money. Money is a tool that unfortunately most people misuse. That's what makes you unhappy. And who says you're supposed to be happy all the time. Maybe instead you're supposed to learn to appreciate the small wins in life instead of focusing on the negativity. Easiest way to have everything you want is to want nothing.
I learnt from Dr. Robert Sapolsky and Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s works that it is less about happiness and more about stress-response. Specifically, minimising chronic stress (lower body budget). Acute stress gets things done, chronic makes us ill. The former is pointed towards a task/goal. The latter just fragments our focus.
One of the best videos about happiness! Simple, without failing to address more complex points, and aimed at practice. I liked it a lot!
Laurie is really good at explaining, I'm amazed at how well the video is summarized. I'm going to listen to her podcast in the next few days to learn a bit more from her
I personally wonder if it is that people become happy through those habits, or that people who are already happy naturally do those things. My personal experience has been the other way around, that when I struggle with my health and am in pain and tired I tend to not want the things that are supposed to make me happy, and imo that can be very adaptive as exercise and socializing can be quite tiring, grieving is important to let go but feels painful in the moment, and when you only have energy left to care for yourself or for someone else, it makes sense to use your energy on cooking, personal hygiene and stuff like that.
I second that
Exactly the same thing that I thought. Studying happy people could just lead to a survivorship bias. Honestly when I’m happy, of course in this moment I can easily focus on the good things and being excited about the future.
The reason that so many people dont really feel happy while they are building up their success in the eyes of society is that they are living in competition.
"Comparision is the thief of Joy".
-Theodore Roosevelt
Really mesmerizing, what a force after listening to that faculty scientist. Thanks for your time.
LOOK, MY LECTURER! I did the SCIENCE OF WELLNESS course offered free from Yale in the first two months of the pandemic, and it was the best thing I did for myself during that tough time, and I encourage others to give it a try. Thanks, Laurie! 🥰
Any unhappiness I experience has everything to do with being homeless in the United States and, barring a significant lottery win, having no chance of being able to afford housing.
What I no longer understand is the cultural fixated obsession with happiness. I’m not generally a happy person even though I unconsciously laugh and smile often. I also prefer to be around the people I care about (I’ve spent years being ok alone, so don’t even start with that “advice”). I lean towards extroversion. I cherish the shared experiences over the solo ones. It’s just who I am.
Yet, instead of being accepted as I am, people often punish me with their absence and say it’s because I’m not “happy” enough. It happens repeatedly despite the scores of different people I’ve known.
Oh, and I’ve been to so many years of therapy that I finally got fired because my “trust issues” are such that “therapy is not the right healing modality” for me.
What a fantastic video, I learned so much! That Professor is such a great speaker as well!
Some of this really makes me think of AA, I joined AA in the last year and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Not just to stay sober, but it’s helped me figure out how to stay sober AND be happy. It’s pretty simple too, I think the principles could help pretty much anyone, not just alcoholics.
Poverty can guarantee unhappiness. It is impossible to be happy if you must struggle constantly for every bit of food and shelter. The system is so broken that no matter how hard you work or how many jobs you have if you are reliant on minimum wage jobs you cannot find enough contentment, time and energy to be happy.
This isn’t true. The world is full of people living in poverty, suffering, and hardship beyond your comprehension that find ways to be happy. It’s also full of wealthy people that end up miserable. Don’t have all the answers, but this ain’t it
@@julianrosas9134 Outliers.
Just because there are some happy poor people and there are some unhappy rich people doesn’t mean the majority of them are that way. Money is a HUGE factor in whether you are going to be happy or not. Lack of money = stress. That is a fact. I don’t know what your financial situation is so I won’t make assumptions but I will say that I’m unhappy and I know for sure that if all of my financial needs were taken care of and I had no debt or struggles to pay bills, I would be happy. Would I get that “hedonic adaptation” and not be as happy after a while? Maybe. But I wouldn’t be stressed about bills and food and getting by. That alone is way more important than every single other thing said in this video.
Wow. I've been listening to Dr Santos's podcast all this time. It's nice to finally see her in video.
Love the use of the Stones’ line “You can always get what you want…”
But in a talk about happiness, we need to finish the line!
“…you just might find, you get what you need!”
Great video...all good information...
Yeah, the brain grows when it struggles, and what this society demands is constant conquest of challenges, so the brain has to constantly adapt and grow, so it constantly struggles and makes you feel like crap all the time, sure you grow your intelligence if you do this, but you also become very sad because you dont only struggle all the time, but you also understand how pointless it all is.
Thanks Dr. Laurie, this is wonderful. And corroborating. I am up for and on this journey. Blessings to all on their journeys. 🌺🌺 Grace now in India
This video is so good that I had to see again not to forget anything from it
This list is extrovert-friendly but not all suggestions are a good fit for introverts (from personal experience); however, it’s interesting to hear that those of us who feel like happiness has never been the default are the “normal” ones.
Introvert is just a fancy word for an anxious person.
@@damonkelly5387 spoken like a true extrovert
Introverts still like interacting with their tight-knit group of friends, don't they?
I agree. This list assumes that the extrovert lifestyle is the best lifestyle. One of the blessings in life the ability be happy without seeking the approval of another human. Your happiness is on shaky grounds if it depends on the approval of another human. The singer Ariana Grande just spent $1.25m seeking the approval of another human. Amazon's Jeff Bezos spent $38b seeking the approval of another human. I shudder to think of my happiness depending on the approval of another human.
I'm happy. I finally realized it's a choice. I dont look for happiness in others, or things. I look for it inside myself.