What The Ultimate Study On Happiness Reveals
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 14 ноя 2023
- How to lead a happier, healthier and longer life. Check out our sponsor: betterhelp.com/veritasium to get matched with a professional therapist who will listen and help.
▀▀▀
A huge thanks to Prof. Robert Waldinger for all his help with this video.
To learn more about what makes for a good life, visit: the-good-life-book.com/ and • Robert Waldinger: What...
A special thanks to Prof. Julianne Holt-Lunstad for her expert advice on the importance of social connections and the detrimental effects of loneliness and social isolation.
▀▀▀
Additional Videos:
Family Reacts to Winning CA$1 Million Lotto, NowThisNews via RUclips - ve42.co/CA1Lottery
Woman claims to be $1 billion Powerball winner, KTLA 5 via RUclips - ve42.co/1BilLottery
Old Lottery Winner Meets Young Lottery Winner | The Gap, LADbible TV via RUclips - ve42.co/LADBibleLottery
Why eyewitnesses get it wrong - Scott Fraser, TED-Ed via RUclips - ve42.co/TEDFraser
Surgeon General discusses health risks of loneliness and steps to help connect with others, PBS NewsHour via RUclips - ve42.co/PBS-SG
▀▀▀
References:
Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon and Schuster.
Lindqvist et al. (2020). Long-run effects of lottery wealth on psychological well-being. The Review of Economic Studies. - ve42.co/Lindqvist2020
Wen et al. (2011). Minimum amount of physical activity for reduced mortality and extended life expectancy: a prospective cohort study. The lancet. - ve42.co/Wen2011
Nocon et al. (2008). Association of physical activity with all-cause and cardiovascular mortality: a systematic review and meta-analysis. European Journal of Preventive Cardiology. - ve42.co/Nocon2008
Blondell et al. (2014). Does physical activity prevent cognitive decline and dementia?: A systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. BMC public health. - ve42.co/Blondell2014
Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The US Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. - ve42.co/LonelinessEpidemic
Holt-Lunstad et al. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS medicine. - ve42.co/Holt-Lunstad2010
Valtorta et al. (2016). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for coronary heart disease and stroke: systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal observational studies. Heart. -
ve42.co/Valtorta2016
Shovestul et al. (2020). Risk factors for loneliness: The high relative importance of age versus other factors. PloS one. - ve42.co/Shovestul2020
Donovan et al. (2017). Loneliness, depression and cognitive function in older US adults. International journal of geriatric psychiatry. - ve42.co/Donovan2017
Lara et al. (2019). Does loneliness contribute to mild cognitive impairment and dementia? A systematic review and meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Ageing research reviews. - ve42.co/Lara2019
Holt-Lunstad et al. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review. Perspectives on psychological science. - ve42.co/Holt-Lunstad2015
McIntyre et al. (2015). Compulsive Internet use and relations between social connectedness, and introversion. Computers in Human Behavior. - ve42.co/McIntyre2015
Kahneman & Deaton. (2010). High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being. Proceedings of the national academy of sciences. - ve42.co/Kahneman2010
Killingsworth. (2021). Experienced well-being rises with income, even above $75,000 per year. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. - ve42.co/Killingsworth2021
Killingsworth et al. (2023). Income and emotional well-being: A conflict resolved. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. - ve42.co/Killingsworth2023
▀▀▀
Special thanks to our Patreon supporters:
Adam Foreman, Anton Ragin, Balkrishna Heroor, Bernard McGee, Bill Linder, Burt Humburg, Chris Harper, Dave Kircher, Diffbot, Evgeny Skvortsov, Gnare, John H. Austin, Jr., john kiehl, Josh Hibschman, Juan Benet, KeyWestr, Lee Redden, Marinus Kuivenhoven, Max Paladino, Meekay, meg noah, Michael Krugman, Orlando Bassotto, Paul Peijzel, Richard Sundvall, Sam Lutfi, Stephen Wilcox, Tj Steyn, TTST, Ubiquity Ventures
▀▀▀
Directed by Casper Mebius
Written by Casper Mebius, Petr Lebedev, and Derek Muller
Edited by Peter Nelson
Animated by Fabio Albertelli and Ivy Tello
Filmed by Derek Muller, Emily Zhang, and Zyan Treadwell
Produced by Casper Mebius, Petr Lebedev, Han Evans, and Derek Muller
Additional video/photos supplied by Getty Images and Storyblocks
Music from Epidemic Sound
Thumbnail by Ren Hurley
You did not discuss the massive problem of separating cause from effect. Married people are happier. Is this because they are married, or because happy people are more likely to attract a spouse? Are people lonely because they are sad or sad because they are lonely? Happy people find it easier to make friends, so do the friends make them happy, or or does their happiness gain them friends? Without addressing this problem, you haven't got to grips with the subject.
Good comment.
This is what I was going to comment. This seems like its trying to be persuasive rather than inquisitive. It's incredibly disingenuous to portray these associations as causal. If you learned these stats and concepts in a traditional academic setting, they'd tell you to challenge these inferences. Here they're passed off as truth. Brought to you by BetterHelp lol
Well said. There's a lot of assumptions.
To understand, study... To live in peace, watch this 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
Also these are mostly white men from ivy leagues and their immidiate family, seems like a narrow scope of humans
I think it's really interesting how the guy at 20:54 says we wants a ton of kids, and then clarifies "as many as I can afford". I think this is the reason people first think of money for what makes us happier, because the lack of money is the biggest limiting factor in our lives. It's not that having more money will directly make us happier, it's that it will extend the limit to the things we can do to make us happy
I was born from a very poor family and everytime I think about where it went wrong for me in my life, it always goes back to the lack of money. No money to eat, go to school, or go to the doctor were the biggest issues of my family.
@@Prinzeum I think that's where the ~$75k lower limit comes from - as you attest, it's hard to be happy when basic needs can't be met.
Literally half of the world lives on $6.85 a day or less, and 10% live on less than $2.15 a day, that's around $2500 or $785 a year. The thing is, a lot of these people have kids too.
Thats one of the core issues in the US, and many Western countries nowadays, the obsession with money and an easy, convenient lifestyle with as little responsibility as possible.
This is also why depression rates are so high today, because nothing is special anymore, everyone spends so much time overindulging on everything from food to sex/porn/masturbation, to entertainment, etc. Once you become used to a certain lifestyle, you either expect to keep living the same way, or better. Right now our lives have become TOO easy. We've become the equvilant of animals raised in captivity. We have our basic needs met, we don't have to worry about predators, etc. Then when people get a taste of the "wild" they curl up in the fetal position and act like its the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone.
We NEED hardships in our lives to truly be happy. We NEED self-control, we need tough love, etc. If you spend everyday having fun, no days are fun. We basically have a bunch of addicts walking around everywhere. Whether they're addicted to social media/the internet, food/sugar, porn, etc, the issue is, these are all legal habits that are extremely cheap and easy to access, so people constantly indulge, not even realizing how far they're falling.
Lastly, the drive to reproduce is literally the strongest drive we have. Its the strongest drive that any living creature has. Many creatures on this planet spend their entire lives eating and growing so they can reach maturity, mate, then die shortly after. Humans have begun to allow addictions to keep them from their natural instincts, and it is leading to a lot of mental health and social problems. Many people sit around living these carefree lives where they expect other people to further the human race and raise people that they will rely on once they get older. Yes, you will need people to run things when you're older, and if you get really old you'll need people to take care of you. If you expect everyone else to raise the kids that become the adults that do these things, while not contributing yourself, you're just selfish.
Hopefully we can begin to realize some of these issues on a wide scale and work towards fixing them.
@@undeadarmy19 $6.85 a day means nothing. It only means something if you know what stuff costs. If you could pay off a house loan years on 6.85 it would be a lot. If you struggled to make ends meet at that rate it wouldn't. Stuff costs differently in different places around the world so there is no one number that tells you realistically what people live off of.
Regardless of that, money doesn't just buy luxury stuff that people indulge in until nothing gives them dopamine, in many places, most famously the US, it buys everything. It buys access to good healthcare, it buys you access to good education, etc. and on those two examples you need a lot more than you even should to be able to get them. Hospitals will knowingly let you die if you can't afford their treatment. If that's not proof that money helps bring happiness through directly bringing health, I don't know what is
nailed it
I find I'm happiest when I'm looking forward to something I like. And also when most problems in my life are resolved.
That's a fragile happiness
@@JGalegria yes it is. Its the best I can do.
good comment, its hard to be optimistic if you don't have anything to look forward too
Exactly why there is no one thing that can make you happy forever, you're bound to get bored of it eventually no matter what it is. People crave for money because that's what they're lacking
@@JGalegria not really it’s literally what makes most people happy.
I used to get frequent panic attacks few years back, and I still get anxiety attacks today.
At times, it felt like life was not worth living, because I felt so disconnected from this world.
I am trying to understand what it means to have a meaningful life.
So it doesn't really matter, just do your thing, do the things you love doing, chase your goals without thinking twice, have no regrets in life.
And, if there is nothing you wanna do for yourself, do little good things for the people around you.
This is probably the most important educational video I have ever seen. As an introvert myself, I used to discount the value of relationships. But as I am growing older I am realising that this has REAL consequences.
Let’s suffer together my fellow introvert. I doubt there’s much you can do about it sadly. By adulthood your personality is crystallized
you will find it fortunate for not being a social person with a deceitful facade
@@No_one_cares_about_Ukrainethat's a creepy thing to say. Fits the name :/
Edit: thank you for editing your comment. It was a bit morbid, the edit took it down just a notch.
@@No_one_cares_about_Ukraine Well, everybody is alive because of some kind of relationship with soneone else either in the past or now, so the relationships are the base of entire society even for introverts. And btw I do care about Ukraine.
Yehp
When you cite the study that said that beyond $75,000 there is little increase in happiness (or however you want to frame it), you have to remember that the referenced study was performed in 2010.
I just did the conversion between December 2010 and October 2023 (the approximate time of this comment) on the US Bureau of Labor Statistics website.
$75,000 in 2010 is equivalent to just over $105,000 today. Keep that in mind folks.
commenting to boost!
health is #1. keep that in mind as well
Are you unaware of how inflation works?
@@arysium2308 ? His comment was a direct reflection on how inflation works
@@arysium2308based on this comment I'd say they understand inflation well enough
This video is really accurate at least for me and especially at around 22:15 when hes talking about how fast peoples lives change for the better and how much I resonate with that. I'm still in high school but I was extremely depressed from 2021 - 2023 because I had no friends and nobody to talk to and I would see people on instagram going to the mall or hanging out with their friends and cry over it because it was my dream to do that with someone, but one day in feb of 2023 I randomly messaged this person in my french class about how annoying our teacher was and we started talking more and more from there and now we are best friends and I'm extremely happy with life since I met him and joined his friend group with one of my friends I hadn't seen in years. I never would have thought that such a small thing would lead to me being finally happy but it did.
Good for you man
I have similar story, back then in my college days i dated several girls and all of them were failed. I was desperate to have someone close to me, i forced myself to apporach some girls just to feel how's being in the relationship. Until later i felt tired to do this all the time, my life became depend on the other person and i stopped trying at all. Then i'd met with a schoolmates from mid school in a graduation party, she wanted to go home but no one accompany her. So i was thinking "why not talk to her a bit and then accompany her?" she said okay and then we talked a lot, we were never talk to each other while in class. And now he's my first gf and we've been almost 5 years together
extremely common W, boss. Mom used to say "you gotta give luck a chance." Really, you just gotta keep on showing up. Sooner or later, chance will do its thing. It's really hard to make friends if you're stuck at home. Invest in relationships and let them grow -- remember to never put all your eggs in one basket and happy living, dude!
Every person is given a different finite amount of opportunities to make friends/engage in romantic relationships that vary in quantity and quality. Many people make really strong connections with a few people in their lives, and I've always found it peculiar yet intriguing that having or lacking a chance to meet just those few people can have a substantial impact on the person's life and their happiness. For example, meeting just one person and engaging in a relationship can significantly increase someone's happiness and give them a life they didn't know they would ever have. If they didn't meet that one person, there life could have been significantly altered. By extension, if someone would have just been given a few more opportunities to meet a certain set of people in their life, they could have become a completely different and more happy person. I think everyone has some people they could potentially meet and become really good friends with, but they never got the chance. I do agree that a person can gain more opportunities to engage in meaningful relationships, but this doesn't change my view that just a few opportunities or lack thereof has substantial effects on one's happiness.
i'm isolated and have no career the last 2 years, but i'm happy. not the happiest in my life, but the longest period of happiness. my mom also has money, so money helps a lot in not making me worry. so minimal money for survival and lack of social pressure is my formula for happiness
I related to that. I'm also going through similar things as you mentioned. I wouldn't say I'm quite happy but still I'm not overly unhappy either. Minimal money for survival and doing research on the internet to learn things... To understand life better.
My life changed when I understood that the key to solve my loneliness problem was to stop expecting people to come to me, and to make the effort to go to them and actually get interested in them
I can't stress how miraculous the results are. Basically everyone is craving for attention. If you give it to them, they will be your best friends
But don't they just start using you for attention? I've been trying to do this with varying degrees of success yet in the end I simply get tired of almost everyone. Even if I like them a ton, there comes this point where I feel either too tired of them or realise that I don't have anything left to make them happy around me 😭 the latter is prevalent now, and it's also part of the reason why I feel so tired of people, yet still so lonely... And numb. I don't understand how relationships work. Jokes are probably the most difficult thing for me, especially when you go past homes about common interests to jokes around a person's behaviour or just more personal jokes.
how do you make friends?
@@atriyakoller136 Hmm there are a lot of points in what you're saying, I'll try to address them as good as I can:
- what do you mean by "using you" for attention? Everyone wants attention and it's a normal thing. Besides, it costs you almost nothing to give
- Why do you get tired of them? Have you tried asking new questions, to find new common interests?
- it's not your job to make other people happy. (If I assume correctly what you mean) I understand the frustration of being around people that don't seem to get better, but ultimately their happiness is their own responsibility and you're probably doing much more than you realise by being around them
- you don't have to force yourself into doing jokes if that's not your thing
@@perdu6603 I'll try to explain the first point: they tell you all about things, you listen, ask questions, but as soon as you find something to say, no one would listen back, especially if you can't articulate your feelings properly, which, sadly, happens to me. So, you're there for people whenever they ask but have no one to turn to and get annoying. Has been happening less to me online since I have more accepting friends onlinez but IRL it feels like a chore
- as for questions about new common interests, it's interesting, but after a time I feel like I just run out of ideas to ask about no matter what. I get deeply interested in some things people may find weird and I'm very worried about that, and sometimes I feel like I'm alone in sharing those interests (like fandoms, video games, music, etc). And I feel like asking about them is awkward since a lot of people I know have never heard of them and don't find them very interesting
- that's actually an issue that I've discussed with my therapist when I was struggling with burning out from teaching English as a foreign language after a few years and a year into the covid pandemic. My question was how to make communication better and do more so that communication goes smoothly and my therapist brought up the point that both sides have to put in the effort and not just me. And I was talking about that since that is how I felt during classes when I gave out communication tasks - like I was the one that had to do the job. That's, however, work experience, and at that time I had too few interactions outside of work. And in life right now it's not really about making unhappy people happier, it's about making them happier by my side so that I would be needed and not left alone at the first opportunity... I just feel like I'm sinking in society and every effort I make to swim up I get drowned in more things I'm unable to understand and don't know if I ever would understand...
But that last point hits home. I am not sure what it is, and the idea that I'm pushing my responsibility for my happiness onto others with how I act suddenly came to me, which also just feels even more depressing...
I find that anyone who i actually WANT to hang out with and be friends with doesn’t want that with me.
"Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way" is a comment that is now getting old, ok, now it is time to reverse it. Maybe the real existencial crysis was the friends we didn't make along the way
Wow, so it is true.
One piece ending revealed
But i'm with that intro girl. I'd rather be rich with friends than broke with friends.
@@rainzerdesu I'd rather be broke with friends than rich with no friends.
@@kaeri1853 The study showed that wealth increased happiness for all but the bottom 15% of people in terms of their emotional well being. If you're in the bottom 15%, you have issues that need therapy not money or imaginary friends that you've lost because of your mental health disorder. If you're not in the bottom 15%, then money would make you measurably happier.
All that said, I cannot visualize myself as being happy without a stable financial situation, without having to worry about how much I'll spend going out, buying things I like and just living in general. That, for me, is the most important thing right now
Just as a warning to you and everyone who is financially challenged. I have no debt or expenses near my income. In other words, I live with nearly no financial difficulties. I still often feel depressed. You will be happy when you know that you can accomplish that goal. But it's only one goal in life. Once you've accomplished it, you're happiness will wear off and it will be time to work on something else. For me it's getting out of loneliness.
Happiness largely consists in prevailing over one’s enemies, vanquishing their men, conquering their land, plundering their resources, and feasting with one’s mates while bards compose epic poems about one’s exploits.
"Relationships protect our Brains" really hit me hard. I had Grandparents that lived long happy lives, when they moved into a nursing home they were put in separate rooms. When my Mom finally got the staff to get them a shared room, Grandpa unfortunately passed due to health complications before they got their room. Grandma's dementia (which was minimal to nonexistent before Grandpa's passing) ramped up and she was never the same. She too passed within a year of Grandpa's passing. It was pretty much accepted by our family that losing Grandpa was the cause of her fall into dementia and her eventual goodbye. That to me is the strongest proof how powerful relationships are to people.
They should have never been separated. May your grandparents rest in peace.
I’m sorry for your losses
Why TF would you put a married couple in different rooms
Opposite is true as well. Toxic relationship can eat away at our brains and have long term negative consequences for both health and psyche.
I witnessed a same situation. But i dont think this happens because some disability ramps up. Its because losing someone who shared your cognitive load and emotional processing. Its like losing a lobe of brain. Looks like dementia.
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it removes a lot of sources of unhappiness
@@ShannonBarber78 According to the "studies" you also need to be kinda happy to begin with. Statistically, one can expect that if you're just a naturally unhappy person, your happiness might level off at $50K or even less. Like for the bottom 7 percentile? 19:00
Money absolutely does buy happiness.
Money facilitates happiness. It can take you out of the grind that leads to distress.
nah those studies just never gave the unhappiest people enough money to matter.@@rasmasyean
Without coin, connections, crews, clout, computer code, control, communities, and opportunities... "happiness" is not only meaningless but it'd be non-sequitur even if it meant whatever people believed.
I've been watching this channel from when I was 19. I'm now 24. Thank you, Veritasium, for the wealth of high-quality information you've provided me with., and thank you particularly for this video. It was so fulfilling to watch !
It is never lost !
I'm feeling jealous,I wish I found this channel earlier 😢
@@Faadi15 it is okey man, better late than never !
i know this from mine 16😂, what a waste of your time
After watching this I've noticed more how much power and happiness I can find in spending time with family. I subconsciously knew since I never skipped those moments, but now I really notice it and feel it.
I have always felt that being close to friends and family as well as a life-long (I'm 81 now) continued learning of any subject I was curious about, contributes to my overall satisfaction, self-confidence, and the awareness that all people are connected. Being involved with those in our local “village” seems to be built into our DNA, and quickly becomes the source of feeling we belong and generally happy with our lives.
Huge respect for being 81 and not letting changing/new technologies get in the way of your search for knowledge.
That is my goal in life
For sure, changing yourself to the changing world around you is a key. That's the very nature of life.
@@trop1cal5k1ttles
@@UnitTrace😊(38yo)
@@UnitTrace We got our porn from Danish magazines, not pixels :)
What actually makes people happy is living in a just, equal, compassionate and non-judgemental society which takes care of its people.
What actually makes people happy is living in a society that provides free healthcare, free education, free housing and a sense of belonging to a community.
What actually makes people happy is not living in a constant fear of going broke, starving, getting harassed or murdered by the police or the military.
What actually makes people happy is not living in a dystopia lobbied by billionaires killing countless millions in order to buy a new yacht or a new wife.
What actually makes people happy is not having to worry about capitalist sociopaths running and destroying the world.
If we lived in a better world, we wouldn't feel the way we do. If our society was a better one, we wouldn't fall sick as often, we wouldn't be attracted to addictions as much, we wouldn't fear as much, we wouldn't be exhausted all the time.
While you SHOULD have good relations with your friends, your family and have a pet, what you should really do is vote left, support any minorities and join a union and a protest against your exploitative employer (if it doesn't endanger your livelihood).
It's easy for a white male American (or Canadian, or Australian, or anybody from the 'global north') to make videos on YT (and make money) about the benefits of social connections but it doesn't have anything to do with the truth of the 'global south' dying to make various everyday necessities for 'global north' who are at the same time being egregiously exploited, underpaid and lied to.
The people in the 'global north' are at this point just a few dollars away from the people exploited in the 'global south'.
The only difference is that people in the 'global north' are not being bombed by a foreign country. They are being killed and imprisoned by their own countries.
Wow... I am obese, don't exercise, highly introverted, and feel extremely lonely all the time. This was such a wake-up call. This could possibly be the most important video of my life.
Wish you all the best ❤
God bless, brother.
Sometimes that's why I love the internet...all this wealth of knowledge and experience being shared, is only a positive sum to the world.
Start researching keto or carnivore and intermittent fasting, all excellent for weight loss and general health! 👍
If you're around Reno, NV stop by, Lake Tahoe is beautiful 😊
I am happiest when overcoming adversity. As long as there is something to overcome, I will always be happy.
Normally I hate it when educators abruptly interrupt their own content with sponsor ads, but this one actually fits with the topic being discussed. I even sat through the ad this time.
Nah betterhelp is very problematic, borderline scammy, very not good
@@whataboutthis10 The ad isn't relevant to me personally, but it's probably the most relevant ad to any video I've seen.
Most of the time, sponsor ads are completely irrelevant to the content you're viewing, taking on the effect of a distraction.
As for its authenticity, ever since the Established Titles scam, I've never trusted sponsor ads. RUclipsrs who do those are selling their integrity and reputation for money.
At about 21 minutes we're told good relationships depend on constant, regular reinforcement. I didn't know this when I started, years ago, to end the day talking with my wife about the day's events, tomorrow's plans, anything we'd forgotten to mention earlier. These ten minutes are part of our daily routine, and may be part of the reason we're still deeply in love after 54 years together. I wish I had started it decades ago, not years ago but, as is said, better late than never. Hope it helps.
I'm 27, to be married to my fiancée of 3 years (together for 6) next year, and we have done this from almost day one. Every morning we say good morning, no matter where we are (I work awkward shifts and am often away early), every day we ask how eachother is, every day after work we ask how our days were, and every time we leave eachother the last thing we tell eachother is I love you. We did it naturally in the beginning, then somewhere a little bit in I felt myself waning in this rutt of a daily routine, but had the realization, and made the decision, that I have to consciously put in the effort to still say those little things every day. Because I always want our experiences, good and bad, to be open and freely shared so we can always look out for one another, and god forbid anything ever happens to one of us, I want our last words to eachother to always be I love you. Even on the very rare occassions that we argue or get upset with one another, I will never leave the house or go to sleep without saying it, bscause disagreements in solid relationships are only ever temporary due to how your day is going, or are small obstacles for love to overcome.
Love this! ❤
To understand, study... To live in peace, watch this 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
and when the routine stops it should be a signal that something is wrong, but we let things go or ignore them till its too late
Stealing this and using it in my relationship too! Thanks kind stranger :)
About a year and half ago I reconnected with a bunch of friends after an extended period of isolation (over 5 years). It is honestly incredible how much better my mental health is as a result. I had been ducking my friends for quite a while but a couple of them made an extra effort to invite me to a friend's birthday party. Going out that night might be the best decision I ever made.
yes it's really good
That’s dope, I’m happy for you.
Nice!! I just passed 6 months of isolation, and it's really amazing when you see your friends again. We're social animals. I don't know you, but you can be proud of yourself. :))
When I did this, I have initially insecurity problems, cognitive problems, and interaction problems, it was so hard but I managed to become normal again. What I think tho the most important thing is gratitude. To add, when I was lonely I want all people to be sad and my brain is so toxic. Now I want everybody to be satisfied/comfortable.
I had a similar experience. After I finished school I ended up distancing myself from everyone for about 2 years. I was depressed and lonely but for some reason I randomly decided to message an old friend and we decided to meet up (This was about 3 years ago now). We just went to mcdonalds and talked for a bit about life and stuff. I then got reintroduced to his friends and then their friends. I'm quite a bit more social now compared to how I was but I'm still striving to improve things. I'm still self concious but I've been improving my mental health day by day and being more open with people. Asking people for help sometimes instead of keeping it all bottled inside is also extremely healthy. Sending that message that day was the best decision I had made in a long time.
This channel has been my primary media for years, very grateful for you Derek
I liked the closing sentence "many things can change, at any age"
1. Physical fitness
2. Loving relationships
That's it for a healthy and meaningful life
You just don't "love " someone, you do things to show the people that you love, that you love them, and that action, is the meaningful part of a happy relationship.
don't forget healthy diet is essential
Hell yea
Experiences is #3....all three equal happiness and life fulfilled
@@elvenadohostil8607 Exactly! To love is a verb. U have to do something for love.
Speaking as a 29 y.o. having recently lost cash income, I have to say that it's hard to keep your social relations when your not earning a solid amount. Not because, the people are bad, but because doing social stuff is not for free and making new friends isnt either.
Yup. Society pretty much requires that people have money to function, and if you don't have enough it can cause other problems. Where exactly "enough" falls for any individual varies wildly though.
Yeah, its hard to keep doing things with friends when pretty much everything costs money.
Everything also costs time.
Most peoples time is spent at work making money. It's a horrible cycle.
Maybe join a club which has no joining fee ? Walking club ? Cycling club ?Just a thought …..
You can go for a walk with a friend, that’s free and healthful
Sounds like you had Yuppie friends
The hunt for happiness can feel like trying to reach the end of the rainbow, but a rolling stone gathers no moss, so keep going
You never do your videos "half way"... this one is full of information. Thank you so much. And congratulations.
I was so relieved when the video pointed out that spending a lot of time alone isn’t the same thing as being lonely and that it actually boils down to whether you feel socially fulfilled or not.
It's a distinction that only an introvert can understand :). I slowly implode if I don't get regular and plenty of time alone to tinker with projects, create, read, watch movies and series, play console games (single-player, obviously). Then, when I'm fully charged with energy from getting enough time alone, I love to socialize with wife, friends and strangers.
I'm on the other side of the spectra. Just with time which I spent alone could I learn to become my own best friend. I was like 20 y.o. when I found myself alone while making frie and cooking something. I was always surrounded by other humans, also in the online world, at least that I'm aware off.
It was super strange to sit there and realise, damn, I've never spent time on my own on purpose. Of course were there times I was alone, but then always doing something that distracted me from myself.
Now, around 8 years later, I find myself in that weird situation where I crave for time spending alone. Also, I drastically cut down my social life and focused the same energy towards less, but morr qualitative relationships. That works for me and I feel very good about it.
Just from time to time do I think, maybe I should regain some old friendships, but most of the time thats just holding to something old that's burned out.
So yeah, we are not only on one side of this spectra. It's an always evolving network of personal development.
As someone who was always really introverted, I do want to warn everyone though. You do still need something. BUT ALSO, you may be lying to yourself!
As I got out of highschool and into uni I found that I did actually need more conversations with friends and people than I thought. I was just afraid of making connections and about what others would think of me in high school.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still quite introverted and not one to get into the spotlight, but clearly enjoy hours on end with family as well. Or talking over dinner, instead of just watching TV all the time. I feel really happy after those things and I sleep well then.
TL;DR Check if you're as introverted as you think. Maybe you have just not met the right people yet.
@@positronalpha I am a hardcore extrovert and I love a good solitude, even though I'm feeling lonely often, I still want my solitude everyday
I learned just what true happiness was when I was 35. I had a bit of a midlife crisis and sold much of my stuff and packed away the rest. I set out to hike the Appalachian Trail alone. I was proud to say to people when they asked “you’re going alone?!” And I would proudly say “yep” as if it were the only option in my head. Then, once I got out there and found I truly wasn’t ready for the physical or mental side of hiking for 2200 miles over 6 month I started breaking down. As a lifelong loaner I started feeling like I needed someone just to feel bad with and maybe try to cheer each other up. I finally ran across a group of people hiking together who many were in the same position as me not long before. The instant I ran into these people they invited me into their group and I felt like i could actually carry on. My mood changed and I felt this primal need to be in a group like it’s been for thousands of years before. I felt more complete than I ever had. Those people changed my life and I will always cherish them and that time over any amount of money I could ever make.
Very good story
I love hikers and hiking so much. Everyone is just so at peace with themselves and happy to be there.
@@mufkithanks. I just remind myself of that story whenever I’m having a rough day. Then I’ll call of those in that same hiking group and make plans to meet up or discuss new gear.
You got friends, a workout, and a story to tell. That's a W.
Wow. What a powerful example of the research discussed in the video. Thanks for sharing
I also agree that keeping meaningful relationships make you happy.I am a college student and i live in a rental house with my dad,our relationship with the house owners are like we live in our own home.They live in a small family and their income is also not very high but they are very good by heart.Everytime when they cook food,the mother of the house owner always offers me something.They treat us like we are part of their family.
My favorite line in this video was "I want as many kids as I can afford" it's ties what we know we need from a practical point (money) to what we want from a deeply emotional point (family/connection). The answer of "which" provides happiness can't be answers because they are both necessary. A large family that's barely fed is not a happy place nor is "crying alone on a yacht" . Great video!
I think the main thing about relationships is that they are mental exercise: when you tell people an anecdote, you're exercising your memory; when you're discussing something, you're exercising your vocabulary and logic; when you laugh with someone, you're exercising your perspective shifting; if the person you're talking with does not speak your native language, you may also be exercising your linguistic abilities. In short, you're using your brain. And everything about the body is the same: use it, or lose it.
"And everything about the body is the same: use it, or lose it."
that is very true. im looking into alzheimers for a while now, and the two most important things for prevention so far seem a) healthy relationships with all kinds of people for reasons you mentioned, its exercise for the brain unlike much else, b) a purpose even in age, for many this purpose is still family or community and c) physical exercise, since exercise activates the brain in so many areas that it has a huge preventive aspect in regards to alzheimers.
also, sugar is suspected to also play a role here, alzheimers is also called diabetes type 3. but to my knowledge, it is not proven yet.
Interesting idea, entirely possible. I think we’re herd animals and that we literally need contact, it soothes us.
So that's why my brain is mush
U a very smart person... Or i am very dumb either way thx
Added bonus: laughter is also physical exercise. Guess it's probably why "belly laughs" are called that.
I love how all the interviews were cut short in the beginning and at the end after everything, people say family friends. Really appreciate your hard work.
Agreed, although that contradicted the whole message of 'young people are increasingly distancing themselves from others'. Were these people just saying one thing and doing the opposite like most of us, (like telling everyone we're going to exercise regularly then never doing it)? I wonder what their lives will be like in 50 years time...
@@pauls3075probably yes as maintaining connection is really hard
Yeah. That's why murders are often done by the people close to the victims because family and friends knows no drama.
0:21
she drives hyundai.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@pauls3075The question in the beginning was "What leads to a happy life?", so I dont think it necessarily contradicts the statement "young people increasinly distance themselves from others". It's possible to know what would make you happier without having that thing, is what I'm saying. Hope I'm making myself clear! :)
That bit at the end.. I needed to hear. Thank you. ❤
Secret to being happy is having a lot of projects and working hard toward these projects. It can be earning more money, traveling, hobby, having childs, etc... Often happiness doesn't happen when you reach the goal, but along the journey.
Wise words
What actually makes me happy is every new Veritasium upload
Now I can eat happily for 23 minutes!
Here here!
No doubt. This man is making moves and influencing people to progress their perspectives.
W
True
32 y/old here. Always been introverted, but over the last month loneliness has hit me like a freight train. They don't teach you how to solve these problems in school! Important video 👌
look into micro-dosing, there are even trained licensed therapists for this. It helps the different parts of your brain communicate to each other better.
I feel you brother
Try going to a climbing wall, it's a very social sport, gym culture is so toxic these days.
Ever been diagnosed with Aspergers? That's my deal. Except for a neighbor, online friends are the only ones I have.
@@disposabull How 'bout you go climb a wall? lol
Hearing, that good relationships are the most important thing, you should strive for really made me happy.
Congrats to the research and editing team. Great work on this video!
My first job was minimum wage with no benefits, but my coworkers became like a second family to me. I left to find higher pay. My second job paid nearly twice as much and had a long list of benefits but I quit after less than a year because the people treated me horribly.
Money be damned, my first job paid me ten times more.
Just say your second job was harder and requires more work that you didn't want to do. Adults can read through the lines anyways
@@sukmidriI think it depends man...if you really self-aware you know money happiness gets fade away as time goes....I think human gets bored as time passes...when I got my first job I thought that everything will be sorted...but it didn't as I thought...
I always say that the shittiest job can be enjoyable if your coworkers are good but even the best job can make your life hell if the coworkers are assholes.
Hotel/ Service industry?
You can tell who hasn’t had to work a job w/ asshole coworkers. El oh el.
I'm 71 and I've found that having a "Thankful State of Mind" is Happiness.
do you mean to be thankful for everything that happens
What do you mean by a "thankful State of Mind"?
"Wealth is not measured in how much you have, but how little you need"
Amen, the saddest people I know are just obsessed with chasing unreachable dreams, and eventually end up disappointed when they fail to get there. Chances are there is plenty to be happy and thankful about all around you without having to look very far.
Instead of saying "More" in your head, saying "Thank you"
Thank you for telling me to get my life together, I needed that
I GRADUATED LAST YEAR, AT 22, A 9 TO 5 DESK JOB IS REALLY TAKING TOLL HAPPINESS, I BELIEVED I WAS UNHAPPY BECAUSE I DIDN'T EARN THAT MUCH. BUT NOW I REALISE WHAT'S WRONG. THANKS A LOT.
As someone who has lived with loneliness since early childhood, I can confirm 100% that it will devastate so much of your life to not have meaningful connections.
I'll take lonely and happy over unhappy and lonely
I'm doomed
@@daotheeternalnamelessbeyon8778 I tried to read your comment several times as it's written rather poorly, however you seem to call loneliness nothing more than a state of mind, and while to some extend it is. Humans are social creatures, we evolved to rely on a group. Not many can just deny their primal instincts, sure most can temporarily ignore them but very few can hold that for their entire life.
@@quintenmcyeah I agree on that. There is value in being able to step back and reflect on your feelings, seeing it as a state of mind. But We are still human, we still feel, and have to mindfully feel what we experience. My feeling of oneness when meditating comes from feeling what I am feeling. And loneliness is often part of that. I try to acknowledge it and feel it, even if it hurts
Unfortunately this doesn't bode well to those people who keep insisting that "being single and alone is bliss!". Studies show it's bad for your health, the equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day! So yeh, get out there and fall in love folks!
The hard part is learning how to make friends, find significant others, etc outside of work as an adult. Spent so much time in school and postdoc that now it feels like life is work with no hobbies, no way of meeting people that aren't colleagues, endless cycle of sleep work eat sleep. There's no comfortable way of changing it so it's a dark spiral that, personally, doesn't feel like it's going to be broken. And I'm not the only one that feels that way where I work so I know it's not just me. People with already "healthy" social lives are quick to say "it's easy just xyz" or "find a hobby", but it's not that easy for many.
Well said 👍 As he said in the video,l though, things can change quickly for the better :)
If you'd like to know how let me know.
@@ConceptHutI'm sure we'd all like to know
If you wanted to, if it was important enough, you would
It's the typical 9-5 (or worse with shifts and stuff) rat race that along with the rest of the obligations leaves you without time or more often energy (And I bet doing a postdoc is even more brutal on that regard). Building relationships/friendships does not happen automatically, it requires a lot of time/energy. People are extremely misled believing that becoming rich d magically earn them friends or worthwhile relationships or time/energy but the reality is, unless you are basically born into money, being a true self-made rich/semi-rich person requires extreme sacrifices on all aspects of life.
Money d just allow you to suppress (maybe not even that) the void, they ll never fill it.
And the crying on a yacht phrase is really idiotic as well, because clearly there is an option C, not crying at all.
DAMN, i can relate to the "coming home and NOT having someone to talk to release the stress". You then keep going in circle again and again and again and you stress stays strong longer.
And then slowly it all started to fall apart, for me. I wish I had a family I could connect to, but unfortunately I couldn't.
@@xtro153 try to find a news hobby, something where u could meet some ppl and built up something from here
@@xtro153 get a hobby and make news friends !
So glad on the focus of loneliness and social isolation; this is THE issue of our time
I feel like most people when they answered "money" they actually meant "having enough money to maintain relationships without worrying about starving", which is really sad, because it's saying that we live in a society that allows for money to be so powerful that it dictates what kinds of quality relationships we can expect.
Before "money" it was the same. Instead of coins, bills and digital currency, it was barter. Your first concern was getting enough crop to grow. To find enough berries in the forest. To get enough fish in the river. To have enough people need your skills in woodwork.
Money is a tool of exchange. Today it is just as valuable as it ever was because the mechanics of trade haven't changed. You want something, you have to pay for it. Some have more, some have less. I'd argue money, especially digital currency, has made us lonelier due to the exchange step being pretty much completely bypassed which leads to less physical interaction. But as far as happiness is concerned, money plays the same role as it always has even before it. You just live in such a convenient time and incredible standard of living that you might have a distorted view on it. Not to mention you hearing about it. I can promise you that in olden times, instead of talking about money they would talk about yields in the field and cattle in their farms. The change is that it all became one thing (a good thing) that connected all these productions into one so obviously we hear it a lot.
If you change the word money into "the ability to procure products and services" you'll have a much easier time understanding what I tried to say here. Money is a net good. It represents a lot. Demonizing it seems like a pointless cause. You'll hate your life when money is not part of it and you will replace it with something else that serves the exact same function.
Money is great. Learn to love it and appreciate it. Don't pursue it as an end in itself. It is a mere tool of exchange. It's not a goal. It's a means to an end. Treat it as such. Nobody owes you anything after all, so earning it should give you a boost in self esteem - selfishly as proof of competence or altruistically by providing goods and services. Money is not your enemy.
After “without worrying about starving” you forgot “…while simultaneously always having the newest iPhone, a car, and fresh $300 sneakers”
What do you mean?? People always have needed to work so they'd gain something, money has made economics A LOT easier, it's not sad at all - reality is just often disappointing, that's it... it has really nothing to do with society tbh
@@mr_koko2070 we don't need to live in a society where people go hungry, we do because the system is broken and society let's them.
@@TheOmegaXicor What nonsense are you talking about - society has nothing to do with it. Please find me anybody that is willing to serve me food for free... and people are usually able to get food for themselves, they are just too lazy or addicted to alcohol or something to actually change their way of living - it's those starving people's choice to live like that, not our problem.
Something that's very important to note is that a lack of money and achievement is certain to decrease happiness - one of the reasons a lot of these college students instinctively shout "money" is because they don't have it. Their daily lives are often regulated by their budget - what they eat, where, and when, and which luxuries they can afford i.e. seeing their favorite artist in concert or going on vacation.
Or rent, tuition, et cetera
It would be interesting to see what rich kids in rich colleges say.
yeah by money people don't mean richness, they mean security. you can't afford to worry about a social life if you're preoccupied with whether you'll still have shelter in december.
Very good take.
Being able to be vulnerable with others is also important, it's when you truly feel connected with someone.
Such a powerful video I really needed to hear right now. Thank you @Veritasium!
Derek, you and your team are doing a fantastic job on RUclips. Your channel is among the best on the platform. I hope you'll be around for as much as possible. Society needs your type of content. Never stray from what you guys created. I love your channel, I really do!
"Don't give up on this aspect of your life, 'cause many things can change at any age." I couldn't think of a more perfect message to end this video.
This comment should have 1000s of likes.
I concur. Derek and the Veritasium team have brought us perspective, wisdom, joy, insight and meaning. The world is a better place thanks to the work and the ideas you've all brought forward. Keep it up and I wish you all the best!
Hear hear!
@@hungrycrab3297 You should look into a concept called technorealism. I totally agree with everything you've just said but your wading in a psychology territory that has specifically impacted humanity over the last 80 years or so. Think about cigarette smokers, think about the amount of food the richer nations eat, the stuff we buy, the stuff we drink our general way of life. All of these things are bad for us because no one has taught us to self regulate or worse some people don't care they are going to do all these things anyway. Life is so comfortable that we have forgotten how fragile we are and we have also forgotten the cost of that comfort on the environment. I would call this video vegetable media, this is one of the good ones. Maybe one day a platform will exist that will separate the junk from the educational.
1. Striving towards what makes your body healthy.
2. Having meaningful relationships.
3. Having meaningful contribution towards anything you love in terms of your work.
4. Having decent amount of money both in terms of savings/spendings. This will vary from one person to the other but current economical inflation/poverty-line and other factors should tell you how much you need along with your needs. Having a clear mindset of how decent your lifestyle should be will make it easier to determine how much you need.
In this specific order.
5. This whole post was just an elongated hidden ad for BetterHelp. Yup, these YT personalities truly go through this trouble for ad revenue.
@@fp5495yeah that tracks, unfortunately. Veritasium has sold out quite some time ago
thank you!!
To understand, study... To live in peace, watch this 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
youre doing gods worrk rssa
That was valuable information. I am going to keep on doing the things it recommends, especially the ones I can improve on the most. Thanks 🙂
I would say 'happiness' is to 'contentment' what 'fun' is to 'enjoyment' - no more than transient feelings without real substance or permeance.
If I can learn to be 'content' and find 'enjoyment' I will keep those things with me forever. But if I yearn for 'happiness' and seek 'fun' I will be forever chasing them in frustration instead of appreciating those moments when they turn up.
Helping others always made me happy. No matter how little I did, if i saw I'd made some kind of difference in someones life there's no better feeling.
Such a wholesome comment. Bruh more people need to like your comment
Yes! Charity is enlightenment. Faith and forgiveness bring forth charity! 🙏 ❤
Also, microdosing helps 😂
I was actually about to comment this. People that deserve the help make me happy if i help them, since they deserve it
I need some help.
Agreed. Actually "helping others" was my anticipation from the video as well 😅
I think it's important to note that it's not really money that people are wanting to be happy; it's the freedom associated with it. If you don't have money, there are a bunch of other factors that become relevant (the need to cook, to find childcare, worrying about rent, etc). I think it's reductive to combine the need for money as a way to prevent these factors from influencing you and the pursuit of a career.
that final sentence is a word salad
It’s not as simple as that. There are many levels of symbology, ideology etc that plays into that.
@@karigrandiithank you for giving an example of a word salad. I wasn't sure what it meant 😊
The happiness plateau of $75,000. USD/yr was insulting to me. I'd be lucky if I made $35,000. CAD.
If needing to cook is an issue, learn to like cooking. It's a rewarding skill, especially when you can cook for others.
Making music keeps me happy💗
happiness is doing what you know is right, and misery is doing what you know is wrong. it's a choice, not a feeling or an acquisition
This is why social anxiety is so crippling. It's not like it's going to kill you right away, but the drain of being permanently lonely and unable to socialise really takes it out of you.
You can’t let it control you. The mind is moldable
I already knew what the answer was before I watched the video
@@nutegunray5402 This is true. A very important lesson I learned in therapy. It's just extremely difficult without the right resources or support system.
@@nutegunray5402easier said than done, frankly without actual advice your comment isn't helpful, it's patronizing.
Relationships stress, work stress to name a few can be more damaging than social anxiety. Put social anxiety aside, some people enjoy and do better lonely. This episode is rudimentary, misleading and deceptive. Not the type of content you'd expect to see on this channel.
The title didn't appeal to me at first, but after watching, it's been one of the most moving and thought-provoking videos I've seen in a very long time
So sad that only in your 50+ you are thinking about these things
Why sad lol? Better late than never. So long as you are alive ain't no time like the present.@@raguaviva
@@raguaviva So sad to assume. Minding your own business also is one of the key ingredients to be happy.
@@kevindevlieger300 mind ur own business bro
@@atlasbot_ What about you minder your business?
One thing I am sure of - human beings want to be challenged. Need to be challenged. When one is hedonistic, you believe you are living more life by not depriving oneself of pleasure whenever the mood strikes. Giving in to every urge and impulse because it makes you “happy” may seem right but you’re always going to end up hollow. Controlling your self and knowing you have that strength is the real key to long term success abs happiness. That’s confidence and power. Mastery of self.
I always loved your videos with great reference to context. So, in conclusion, happiness is meaningful relationship. Even if you are not in good health or in financial crisis, the support through that relationship is all that matters. I agree. For me happiness has always been my mom (most meaningful relationship, have been my support in all roller coaster rides in life) and my passion in professional work. Other people were always temporary and only there during mostly happy times. Loneliness and alone are different things. I can be wholesome alone.
Everytime I hear veritasium's song near the end of the video I have a good feeling, a feeling of appreciation and gratitute for having this type of content free on yt for so many years. This video especially has more meaning and feelings attached to it because of the theme discussed and since I can relate to the story told about the guy who improved his social life and overall happiness suddenly
Pavlovs reaction. First signs of addiction 😅
you should donate. actually id prefer it if you did
As a very depressed person I can tell you that not being lonely would improve my life a lot. Just the feeling of being in a infinitely deep, pitch black hole in the ground is killing me every day. Even my therapist told me that my loneliness is the biggest takeaway from the things I was saying and she suggested some things... but I failed at them and got even more depressed. People often say that you need to 'fix' your mental problems before finding friends, love etc. but what to do when loneliness itself is the problem. Making peace with the fact that realistically there is a big chance that you'll stay lonely till the end of your life is the most heart-wrenching thing anyone might have to experience. People don't want to rot in this state, people don't even want to show that they are in this state because this drives people away and makes them even more miserable. I don't know how people can still be surprised that so many choose to end it, the same people have sympathy for patients with chronic pain but not when it comes to mental health.
It is tough. Making connections and keeping them I find difficult but im hoping that giving it time and putting in some effort here and there to get out there more will help me find where i can interact easier. I wish you the best and wouldent mind a conversation someday.
interesting, im the opposite, I hate being around other people. The only few friends I have are online friends. I am alone, but I dont feel lonely at all.
I feel real friends will not push you away if you show severe signs of loneliness. I would say folk are cruel and unempathetic because of the poor emotional education they have been given, plus some psychological traumas here and there to add to the complications.
I was the same way man. You’ll get through it, and even though it makes me cry sometimes, there’s a good chance I’ll stay lonely till the day I die, only having fleeting moments. All I did was think about my actions and be really introspective, and try and fix everything I could even if one of the biggest contributors is something I can’t ultimately change. I got my first job recently where A lot of my coworkers kinda depend on me and go to me for stuff, and while I still have no friends and no SO, having some purpose and being of use is very fulfilling, I’m still just as lonely and sometimes just having one loyal friend or SO is all I can think about at night, but it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did when. TLDR:fix what you can, improve yourself, then try and do something, anything purposeful
Finding chronic illness communities has been so helpful for me! A lot of my old friendships dissolved because I moved away, and I now have chronic migraines which limit my activity pretty significantly (can't do restaurants, strenuous hikes, bright days).
It's not the same as in person friends, but it has really helped me. Particularly on discord where you're actually interacting with the same people on a regular basis.
There are 3 main things I seek in my life and it doesn't involve any money...
1. TIME -Not having to work a job, taking advantage of every hour of the day having fun and being around those I love or even alone time with nature
2. Appreciation and Loyalty - the unconditional love I experienced from a mother or pet, is the same I seek in a partner or loyalty I seek in friends (unless I seek to be a loner and experience this in nature with my traveling pet)
3. Health - Live long enough to enjoy the only life I know, appreciate experiencing all my senses, fit enough to walk all day, live cancer free and outside of hospitals
I totally agree
Proud to see those youngsters giving importance and believing in family and relationships ❤🎉
I’ve found for me that helping others when I have free time is the most fulfilling, maybe not happy but definitely something. I am a physics tutor and when I help people outside of my tutoring hours with physics, I am more excited to be helping than during my tutoring hours.
thats probably because it comes without strings and a "must do this now" attached. if helping others would move from being at your own time, with your own rules, to being managed from outside, your feelings would likely change on that
Religion says the human is corrupt and only with their ways they can be fixed, that is a scam. Humans are good by birth, they become evil when they dehumanize others,. which is often via religion, race etc.
very true. I’m fortunate to have developed a positive feeling when helping people from a very young age. My mom recalls that I stated that I enjoyed helping people when I was early in elementary school, which I couldn’t even remember myself.
ok then let me make you excited
Why does refraction occur?
Exaaaaactly giving is getting. We're here to realise that it's not all about ME ME ME
The opposite is the purpose of evolution, we fear the unknown future so much that we behave in selfish ways, and hurt each other in a cyclical fashion.. people take what they have experienced and internalize it without logic.. we hold grudges, etc etc.. combative behaviour
Large post above about it please look..
I’m a 65 year old woman and I live alone. I’m also well below the poverty line. Man am I HAPPY !! I did the INNER WORK !!! I’m free and peaceful. My kids are grown, I have grandkids and a friend or two. I drive an old paid for car and live in subsidized housing for seniors. I’m on the Autism spectrum so living alone at last is wonderful. I don’t even have a plant ! I take care of myself like it’s my job. I went through absolute HELL with my mental health since the age of 12. Alcoholism, drugs, bad relationships, trouble holding jobs and then years and years of intrusive suicidal thoughts. I used psychedelics to treat my PTSD and got a freaking miracle after years of therapy. So hang in, hang on and never give up.
❤❤❤
This is wonderful to hear, thank you for sharing.
That's great, there are many different type of happiness for different people. We are happy you found yours.
It is truly incredible how something like psilocybin can start the threads of untangling years and years of trauma, and it comes with the simplest realization that we are to move with the universe and not try to stand against it, because no one can. Biochemically I know that so much more is going on there to soothe the amygdala, but to burst through the confines of ego is life-changing and freeing. So happy for you!!
Thanks for sharing that. A lot of us needed to hear that...
what a bad day to be alive
Hope things get better champ 👍
To me, this is your best video so far. Nothing else matters if you are not happy from within yourself. I don't know about others but that's just how I feel. Have a good day Derek. Best wishes for you and your family.
(I watched it before, right after it was uploaded and released on RUclips. Decided to rewatch for obvious reasons.)
9:52 Thank you for delineating between loneliness and being alone. My favorite line from the Tao Te Ching is “Ordinary men hate solitude. But the Master makes use of it, embracing his aloneness, realizing he is one with the whole universe.” The secret to defeating loneliness is not blindly seeking out others; it's making friends with your true self and learning to make your own happiness.
It's a wide spectrum. Personally, I find relationships a big burden. A happy day for me will be a day without phone calls, visitors and noise.
@@user-vf5ft8pw6d Same, some people crave attention and need it. I am not one of those people, being around people all day every day stresses me out. But maybe having to work to live is what causes this as I am forced to be in that situation more than I can really handle
Thank you. And his point proves your point. It’s fomo that’s the real threat. If we didn’t think negatively about being alone, we wouldn’t feel negative or stressed about it at all. My grandparents were pastors and I saw the detriment to their health as they got older. Always someone they could call and talk to if they wanted but it was never enough and in fact brought loads of drama into their life. More people, more troubles.
I do appreciate coming home to my husband to talk to and take peaceful walks with.
Maybe I would utilize the internet to connect to others if I didn’t have him and felt very needy for it. Or join a hobby club and find like minded people there I could rely on for venting every once in a while. Or use any opportunity out and about to connect to people but not with any other expectations. Or write it out in a journal and then do something nice for myself. May be just as healthy.
You are an introvert ;). Which is fine. Other people kinda need more connection as stated in the video aswell. Many paths. But yeah. I think the key is to really get to know yourself to set the guidelines on what to focus on. For me personally: I always thought I am a complete extrovert cause people told me. Actually I am not and since I realised this, I am way happier :)
@@re4lize I totally am :D. I wouldn't need an imaginary talking volleyball to get through a "Castaway" experience. As long as I had books... and ideally electricity, movies, games, and internet access. I probably should have finished the comment by saying if your own happiness truly includes others, great! As @user-vf5ft8pw6d said it's a wide spectrum. It's the people who fear to be alone and seek out others purely out of insecurity I feel bad for.
I personally found that “balance” is the key to my happiness. Spend time with family and friends, but also have a good amount of alone time. I make enough money to support a modest lifestyle, but have no desire to be filthy rich. I’ve been in bad relationships, then I’ve gotten out. Controlling a good balance has kept me a very happy person all of my life
This
That’s a Bingo!
Money will not make you happier (bringing positive emotions). It will just make you less unhappy (removing negative emotions).
Thank goodness you discussed the difference between loneliness and being alone. I am very much a solitary person. I'd rather be by myself, reading, writing, hanging out with my cats, watching a movie, meditating and focussing on my inner self or exploring my imagination etc than hanging out with a bunch of people or even one other person. I'm very happy with my own company and do not feel lonely. In fact, I get annoyed if people want to intrude on my solitary state because I feel they are interrupting whatever it is I am doing by myself.
You're not truly lonely if you like you who are alone with.
As an introvert, I also noticed that the issues associated with loneliness feels like a boiling frog problem. Misery becomes normalized to the point where you don't easily recognize the negative effects it has on you. Then, not understanding why you're feeling this way, you sink into depression, wondering if theres any way out of this vague poison thats eating away at you. Its only until you finally push past the social anxiety and actually make connections that you start to see very clearly how much you needed friends.
I might add that the less you practice your social skills the worse they become.
You are not introvert, you are insecure and you worry too much about what others think about you, and you and only you are condemning yourself to have a boring, wasteful and lonely life. You have the power in your hand but you convinced yourself that you don't. Up to you boy.
That was amazingly said
@@raguaviva Thank you for your comment. I agree with you -- I am insecure and I do worry about what others think and I know that I am the only one who can actively change things in my own life. I am also afraid of having a boring, lonely, and wasteful life. I think we all are because we all value having fulfilling lives and we value relationships.
We can all develop, grow, and learn from the kinds of challenges we face and overcoming those challenges leads to a more fulfilling life.
@@nickthompson1812that’s easy to say. But nowadays a lot of people have a friend group and everyone else is screwed. People will refuse to invite you. Very closed circles, for connections. The Ivy League and UC systems are known for that. Now it’s just trickled down to the rest of society. Most jobs, you see nepotism, friends hiring friends. Conflicts of interests that arise from the very nature of close relationships. So let’s break that down too I guess. I’m young, I don’t know what to think of it yet.
I think the most important factor is health (physical and mental). Chronic pain is devastating
As someone dealing with chronic pain in my 20s I definitely agree, and it makes me nervous about what things will be like for me by the time I’m middle-aged or older 😥
Chronic pain is the worst. All of the tips to leading a better life are tied to physical activity but when simply walking causes you pain it's much harder to apply to your own life.
@@amirthedude1232 nah thats a common myth, exercise does have a ton of health benefits but recent studies show there's no link between exercise and happiness. those studies found the thing most likely to make you happy is having good social interactions with people especially strangers and volunteering.
@@randompianist8359Huh.
@@randompianist8359while the research previously tying exercise to a reduction in depression has come into question, it is still true that fitness is a central part to overall health and wellness. And it’s difficult to maintain those habits when chronic pain constantly gets in the way. I have to do fitness to help control my muscle issues, but fitness makes my pain worse in the short term even if it helps control it in the long term.
The best video I have seen so far on RUclips! ❤
Thank you for making this video.
I don't think money makes you happy directly, but more the indirect consequences of having a lot of money is what creates the happiness. Not worrying about money and being able to just pay for the things you want to do is a huge gateway to happiness. Not having money creates stress and anxiety and makes life worse.
This, i really find it weird and/or dishonest when people ignore this simple part of life.
If you've been poor you absolutely how just a little money can turn what many would think not very serious problems into very serious problems. When a flat tire turns into juggling bill payments, you are going to be unhappy.
Enough money to have stability means everything.
It's the difference between "I got a flat tire, and now I can't pay my rent" and simply calling AAA.
I was making $11 an hour 4 years ago. I am now a Software Engineer. I'm not rich, but damn does having a savings account make a HUGE difference on my mental health.
I dont think a lot of money is required. Having enough money to sustain your life is enough, and all those money it makes you "financially happy" There is a big difference between this financial and true/sincere happiness of life, that orginate from different areas.
I mean, if you take value out of money, you can see humanity regain its value. The hierarchy will be removed.
We work for money, but things we need, its all for us. But if money was not there, systems like barter system will come and you work for the societies need, you acknowledge the problems, cause only then you can exchange materials
Money issues also complicate marriages and friendships.
One of Veritasium best videos.
Ive been lonely and isolated most of my life for the past few years. I cant see the reason to do it, its tiring etc.
Until recently I joined a group, and they made me realised how calming it is to have others who share things they do.
Building trust to share our problems and insecurities, helping out giving advice and all that gave me confidence.
Confidence that I can do the things that I need to do, because I could always return to them if I mess things up.
If i were to summarize what I need to work on to be happy:
1) Financially stable
2) Meaningful relationship
3) Meaningful contribution
I think if we work on number 3, we will get the others for free
Beautiful read!
Yes. I've noticed that when I am with friends and family on a regular basis, money feels less important.
Thanks for displaying the ad timer so it is easier to skip
What makes me happy is having skills and loved ones faithful to my dedication
Video Summary - Things that make people happy:
1. Exercise - keeps healthy both body and mind
2. Eating well
3. Meaningful relationships - good ones particularly spousal make people happier and protect their brains from memory loss and dementia, also stave off loneliness and regulate stress/emotions all of which increase risk of heart disease and stroke, etc
4. Meaningful work
5. Money - more doesn't make the least happy people happier but does increase happiness in those that are already happy
Depending on other person to be happy sounds ridiculous to me
MVP comment
Doing Gods work
and a feeling of purpose and accomplishment
Thank you for saving me 23 minutes. I'm not surprised to hear this, we keep inventing new ways to do things and be happy but we forget we've already been here for thousands of years and we already figured it out. We keep going against the grain and look how miserable people are now, everyone hates each other.
Being rich doesnt promise to make you happy, but it does allow you to relieve a lot of concerns around your basic needs such as if you'll have a roof over your head, good food consistently in your belly, and be able to afford medical procedures for simple problems that can lead to larger issues such as cavities.
Once you have these basic needs met, the excess in money becomes less effective at making you happy, but I gotta say its hard to imagine being unhappy being able to do anything my heart desires at a moment's notice such as traveling anywhere I want and being able to fully experience any place I go to.
You don't have to be rich to have food and a roof in your head. Food is very cheap if you know what to buy and if you don't overeat (which 99% of the population in first world countries do). As for the roof, you have your parents and roommates, so you can afford a house. If you cannot, there might be help from your government or there might be shelters.
You, just like most people, lose the point...
Everything is relative. If you can afford to go anywhere you want at your heart's desire, then you would surely get used to this, and then it's no longer going to make you as happy.
@@godnyx117that's the thing not everyone can afford even that and your argument falls apart.
Not to mention you're then free to pursue any hobbies or other pursuits that bring you happiness. Rich musicians have any gear they want, rich pool players can have them in their own homes, rich swimmers can own their own sort of pool--go on a beach holiday! Spend time with friends and loved ones who may even flock to you based on your socioeconomic status! When living paycheck to paycheck under the constant threat of homelessness and debt or death is the alternative to being rich, suddenly it's a much sweeter promise than you suggest.
The main benefit of being rich is removing something that often makes you unhappy: work. We have a limited time on this planet and it is horrible how much time most people have to spend on work every week, month and year. Even if you are self-employed, you have the same problem at least for some time.
I believe many people don't realise the difference between loneliness and solitude...
Small circle, private life, peaceful mind....
The only thing that brings me always happiness is not the money but achieving my personal goals
Kinda brings a tear to my eye how eloquently he said the words I’ve always felt in my heart. Family and relationships are everything.
frrr
No way. I love my alone time. Skill building is what makes me happy. People are not responsible for my happiness. Its a nice romantic notion but it falls apart when people around you are narcissists
@@victorfranca17well, not all of us live surrounded by narcissists, stop making everything about yourself
Well said, @@ShitlordMcDoge
1) Love, Family
2) appreciation of one's efforts and role in society
3) having enough money, not necessarily a great amount
A few years back, the average amount people needed to make in the US to consider themselves financially happy was, surprisingly, less than $80k a year. It's probably higher now since inflation has been doing it's thing for a year or two, but it's likely still under $100k in most places.
I forget if that needed to be an individual income per person per household, or if that was just a combined number. Either way, it's insignificant, as that's really not a lot of money for reasonably skilled jobs. But end-stage capitalism has caused people to just dump all of their money on CEOs and the rest in to shareholder pockets.
So saying a "not necessarily a great amount" is absolutely correct.
@@_mnejingdefinitely household. You do not need 100k individually that's just excessive. I basically buy whatever tf when i want and make half that individually living with other people
I relate to the second point. It seems like no matter what I do, my efforts aren't being appreciated only to hear behind my back that they are. Why not just say that my efforts are appreciated to me personally? The rarity of me hearing appreciation makes it such that when people do say such things, it comes off as hurtful.
It will be interesting to see what happens after 30 more years.
Living cost is rising higher and you have to work more to reach that old level of comfort, which leaves you with less time for family & friends.
@@Denastus The second point is about you appreciating it not others.
I remember a Today show segment years ago where several people were studied who were 100 years old. The study showed what they all had in common - they were always able to manage stress in their lives, adapt to it, compartmentalize it, and move on.
Having solid relationships in life is such a blessing, this video was a eye opener. As an introvert I have trouble connecting with people, but I am really glad to have few people that are really close to me. This video motivates to focus on things which we almost always take as granted.
You say the same thing year after year. Get it together already before it's too late.
Often it's the people that "have a lot of friends" that have no friends at all. It's not a numbers game.
@@Marco-717 What are you talking about
Sadly I don't have those, and only ever had them for a bried period of time (1+ ish year)
"The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”
👍👍👍👍
Me and my flatmate sharing our stresses gonna live forever!
Amazing video as always, thanks for your work!
Being happy ultimately is a result of being able to feel grateful about little things you have. Feeling grateful about your meals, feeling grateful that you have a roof over your head, feeling grateful that you are free to learn, to create, to build, to walk, love, smell, see, think, dream. So take a moment and reflect.. don’t think about what you want, only think about all the good things you already have and feel yourself become happier.
It's incredible. "An epidemic of loneliness" sounds like something out of a children's storybook
I get that I need to go out more and socialize more but it's so much work and I'm so tired already
When covid hit, I started calling my mom every day and talking for probably an hour each time. It wasn't a decision, it was just what needed to happen to fill that social gap. Lately I called some siblings on their birthday just to tell them happy birthday and we ended up talking until one of us had to hang up to go do something.
Get out your phone or computer and sit on the couch and call a friend or family member you don't talk to all the time. Holidays coming give an excuse if it feels awkward, and you'll get an idea of who you like talking to and then call those people more often.
Much easier than actually getting out and much better than not doing any socializing.
the isolation->depression->loneliness->more depression spiral is real.
Do you also work on weekend?
No, I mean, do you also work on EVERY weekend? If not, you still have chance.
i totally get you, im also constantly tired, my work is isolating in itself AND i find it exhausting to meet up with people
BUT: don't let the grim light this video shines on technology fool you; social media is actually pretty awesome and i find a ton of value from connecting with people there, maybe give that a try to start with
NO, it does NOT replace face to face connection, but it DOES help. texting, sharing memes, occasional video calls, those are nice too and they feel good.
you still have to put in the work to meet in person from time to time but also feel free to go for the lower hanging fruit, just text someone without mentioning 'meeting' or anything like that, just talk about stuff and send whatever you find interesting, funny or valuable in any way
@@erickespinosa8240I have felt the same as you, and personally I would say it has always been about making it a routine. Initially it may seem forced, but it grows more than it becomes a habit that is not as exhausting as you first thought but also becomes something you look forward to and perhaps can rely on.
I think happiness comes from contentment. I have an ordinary average life and I have always felt happy and content. I am 57 and retiring at the end of this year. Looking forward to enjoying my golden years with my wife of 32 years!
"Someone looking out for you" is our true nature.
Thank you for talking about relationships and loneliness. It really hurts at times. I sank into a deep depression after I lost my job years ago. My online gamer friends saved me as they let me join their lobbies which were filled with so much laughter. The brain fog disappeared. They literally saved me and I am in a better place today.
That’s awesome congrats!!
I had a similar experience. After some very hard blows in my life I felt terribly isolated and I found a community in an online gaming group with anonymous members all over the world. It gave me daily connections with people and really helped to stabilize me
And suddenly 3 years have gone and you've lost contact with real life friends face to face, or even family...
That's a bandaid, good to have but not the answer, keep working at it.
@@Half_Finis And you know this how? What a pathetic response to someone sharing their positive experience.