Are you Projecting? How It Harms Your Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 8 май 2024
- Do you find yourself misinterpreting others or blowing up over seemingly small issues? Learn what projection is and how to stop it from sabotaging your relationships.
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This reminds me a lot of rejection sensitive dysphoria especially with ADHD and BPD.
YES!!!!!!! Maybe it's that fear of being secretly despised. People with ADHD, personality disorders, and any kind of trauma might become really sensitive to others' possible emotional cues, but then interpret them in in ways that are definitely projection, i.e., "if I hate me, then you must too."
Yes RSD 100%!
Right? And if you have ADHD and a personality disorder (not BPD, that one where you, like, want to save everyone and help everyone) AND layers of trauma - this stuff may become unbearable one day... I am just starting to recognize my reactions, because I've literally got to the point where I must choose between working on myself or alienating my SO...
Is everything we experience going to be chalked up to some kind of disease or diagnosis? I had no idea RSD existed. I just thought rejection made me feel really bad.
I’ve been working on self awareness and learning how we as human beings are more connected than we realize. I try to catch myself when I’m projecting negative stuff and step back, like, “ wait what if this was said / done to you . “ Love your videos Dr. Marks . They’ve taught me so much !
This! I feel more calm when I question my instincts to interpret something as negative automatically vs just jumping to conclusions.
If someone is projecting, sometimes discussing how wrong they are is a waste of time. Sometimes it isn't worth having a drawn-out conversation about it. Just say what you have to say and leave it alone. Having a conversation grow into a huge argument isn't worth it. In a way, you have to pick your battles.
I like the video.
Exactly. It becomes a circular argument that the projector draws you into, knowing that they’re only gonna respond to their own cognitive dissonance and bias anyway. I have friends, cousins, siblings like this. You try to ignore, but they just try even harder to draw you in. At some point you just stop giving AF.
@@level_ken5231 if they try harder and harder, leave where they are at. Get other people involved so they will leave you alone.
Exactly!
You cant pick any battle 😂😂 why ignore how God made us to sin 👍🏻 f that dictator
@@mick20075 It's interesting how your mind made a connection to someone's experience and solution to projection to God. Do yourself a favor and question where that may stem from. It's not an answer that can be answered quickly, and I don't expect you, nor do I want a response, since it's a question that can only be answered from experience and learning more about your brain's narrative.
This is going to be one of those videos I can watch again from time to time because of it's practical value to a person like me who forgets how this projection thing is taking him for another ride😎
That’s awesome Anthony. Save it to watch later or a favorites playlist. Thanks a ton for the super thanks 🙏🏽❤️
It's almost like you are sitting in my therapy sessions and know what video I need next 😊
❤ or maybe it's your team in spirit that guided you to this video😊
@@noelbob1157 sometimes it feels like so, even though I have no religion, sometimes I know some things aren't a coincidence. This video fell from the sky to me
@@thetrawlermanlife can be beautiful like that friend
Yes. The algorithm
@@thetrawlermanGood Luck
True Opposite of the golden rule. If we don’t want it it’s not a good gift for anyone else… trying to remember this more these days
This is so accurate to my situation it ain’t even funny
"You can't pick a good day for a picnic" hit home for me 😂 I always worry what I've suggested will turn out bad and be an inconvenience to others. Despite that I tend to enjoy whatever happens and I appreciate things as they are, even if the weather or whatever is not ideal, so I'm not sure why I fear others will be unhappy and that it will be my fault. 🤔Psychology is so interesting. Thanks for the insight, Dr. M!
This is video could not have come at a better time. I think my partner and I struggle with this. Thankfully it feels more like projecting anger onto me in order to defend me from someone else. He has a kind heart, we are workong on it, and I know it comes from a place of love.
I just started reading "the origins of you' and it's all about origin wounds that come out in adult relationships and behaviour. They note that key hint that it's an old wound coming up is that intense reaction, just as you said. It's an interesting read (I would assume it's the same vein of the narrative story book you recommend )
Wow! Thanks, Dr. Marks. This is right on time!
Needed to hear this today thank you 🙏🏾
Thank you for making another incredible video! I love this topic
I really liked this one! Lots of tools to navigate relationships here thanks
This is so spot on.
Thank you for this excellent reminder!
Now that was a great video! Thank you for this lesson. I fully resonated with it. 🙏🏾🙂
I hope you know how valued and appreciated you are Dr. Marks.
Omg what a great video and the best explanation and breakdown of what projection is! 👏🏽👏🏽
This was really well explained. Thank you for your insights, Dr.
You don't know how much I needed this video! Thank you❤ could you please make more videos about relationships?
You are an amazing person who can articulate these scenarios so well. Thank you so much!
Dr. You are a treasure ❤❤❤❤❤
Dr. Tracey is the Best!
I needed this for myself so much. Thank you so much for this reality check. I need to stop this mess as best as I can!
you are incredible! I plan to watch all of your videos, I hope you receive all of the rewards of giving so much to me and others with this information
I really love the thumbnails for her videos. And the videos too. Concise, but with adequate information to understand well or give you an idea.
Thank you for using example scenarios because it helps me contextualize what you're discussing!
Great content! Thank you. 🎉
Very eye-opening. Thank you, Dr. Marks
The pre-eminent tool of a narcissistic person; those who can’t face their flaws or mistakes will accuse others of the same or worse.
It's not really a tool. It's more of a subconscious thing everyone does that shows what is in their own heart. For example, if you know you always have good intentions to always do the right things, you will be more inclined to believe that about others also. So sometimes we all have to make a conscious effort to view reality as it is, and not just project what we would do or how we feel, because thats the natural thing to do.
We’ve got to stop the narcissism stigma. I have faced my flaws and dealt with some of my own projections. Yet I still struggle with projection sometimes. It’s HUMAN.
my narcissistic mom claiming I’m brainwashed while she’s watching antivax bs and spiraling into far-right conspiracy theories
People have got to stop labeling people as narcissists. Any person can have this trait. Every single human being is intuitive- some are right, some are wrong. People who have inferiority complex, assume things and start projecting onto others. Either you can hold the person accountable by asking non-attacking questions or simply leave the relation for your own mental peace!
@@ej5000narsists allready make propaganda about themselves,
we dont need random people saying people are narsisists=say if its the ovbios=try helping to see if some1 is a hideing 1,(theyre the true/real threte to every1/sociaty=ww2=the cold war=europe attacking every1 after 1200s=turky attacking,i forget their name=isreal attacking palistine.).
I see this all the time. I work hard at self awareness to prevent myself from doing the same. I learned about projection in HS psychology 101. It’s fascinating.
Thank you Dr Marks for breaking that down into a very understandable way, I was stunned to see where I have been doing exactly this and how I can see the difference between myself and others I feel quite liberated and grateful to be able to see it.
This is why I now project onto myself when I have judgements come up about others… and omg it turns out this is something called “self reflection” 😱
Brilliant 👏 this helps immensely to articulate things! Xx
Thank you for this.
I generally enjoy and appreciate your content. It seems informative and helpful. Thank you.
This is such a good explanation, thank you! I've been surprised when someone accused me of something they did themselves and which I had not done. It was confusing.
I always spot beautiful, gentle and intelligent people 🥰
Loving your headwrap..
Thank you so much.
Nice point of view
Wow never seen projection explained so well!!!!! Thank you very necessary.
Very helpful, thank you!
Thank you so much ❤
Wow this hit home, I'm in the middle of something, trying to evaluate if it's all in my head or if my suspicions are true. I am seeing now it's a bit of both and that one thing feeds into the other. Thank you Doc, now I am clearer on what I need to do.
The videos are so much easier to process with the editing and visuals 😊👍
Excellent. Thank you.
Lived exactly this. Person would say, "you think xyz and that's the problem." The other party would become angered when I told them they were way off base. I'd even be accused of lying.
Excellent video!
Wow! Very insightful 😊
Social anxiety has doing this, but i think it's also the derealization/depersonalization that makes it even harder for me to read people. Thank you for doing this video. I have been noticing that i do this and I'm hardly ever right about people.. It gets pretty lonely.
Thank you sweetheart
Thank you ❤
Fantastic video❤❤❤❤
This is what RUclips is made for. Thank you..! New subscriber here.
I’ve had to deal with someone frequently in the past that does this and continually caused adversity in the relationship. Due to their lack of self-awareness, I had no other choice but to just limit my time around them.
Great video, I’d love to see one on regression or the other coping mechanism
It took me a long time to break this habit. The hardest part has been meeting people that project themselves onto me.
I think the main difference is projection is usually a form of judgement we make about other people to try to change their behavior even though we exhibit the same behavior. Projection usually looks like you telling someone "i think you have a lot of repressed emotions that causes you to act out and be a jerk". Well, we all have repressed emotions.
The healthy way to do it is to just say "hey, don't be a jerk to me" rather than making this deeper judgement about the persons behavior.
It's also harming patient-therapist relations when therapists use their knowledge of projection to wrongly categorize statements of a patient as a defense mechanism.
This can lead to therapists forming problematic biases towards their patient because of misapplication of psychological concepts.
Funny, I had this issue with a previous therapist of mine but I didn't know how to bring it up 😭 I gave them reasons for why I didn't want to do certain thing, but they insisted it was because of stereotypical reasons (ie: meds take away "creativity", which is a stereotype)
I think this is along the lines of what I’ve experienced recently with my therapist Upon being terminated, after enduring the most horrific psychological abuse in the workplace discarded and Left feeling degraded, dehumanized, dejected, disgusted, etc. I reckon mental health providers that don’t know about the social psychology of workplace, bullying and mobbing can easily conclude that their patient is over embellishing or fabricating. I digress, being sucked into a world aware as the narrative grows, your voice, becomes more and more diminished, and you kind of don’t even know what reality is versus not, you depend on your therapist, who has been with you through the whole process to help makes sense of your experience. But then met oddly with comments such as I think you’re upset with me because I’m unable to make any assessment of the situation, as I’m only able to see it through your perspective and not the others. Which is perplexing because I reckon that it doesn’t matter what the other perspective is, the therapist could help me buy a tuning to what my experience was. and once Yuen ceremoniously terminated in my body, feeling like these visceral responses that I get when entering that particular environment or thinking about it, our symptoms of anxiety and trauma being told that they reckon that I’m not looking for work as a form of punishment for the way I was treated. But I don’t understand how that punishes my former employer, and if anything Mina entering the workforce actually punishes the innocent patients no longer have their provider and not the coworkers who aligned with the bully and joined in via mobbing. So the whole projection concept is so confusing to me.
I wonder if my therapist somewhat odd responses came from a subconscious need to align with the perpetrator given that she is an employee of the university which inflicted the psychological violence, almost like a conflict of interest since majority of the actions in bowling and mobbing, are indoctrinated via subconscious mechanisms
Dr, I love u so much❤❤❤❤❤
Needed this as I just had to point out to someone they were trying to project on to me.
But when they tried to point out their perception of my nonexistent projection I told them I got it from them and they're going to take it back. And they did, until they left without another word...............................
❤❤ EXCELLENT
Uhhh LIKE THE OVERHEAD IN 4TH GRADE!!! 😂 Needed this!
Lol thats my sister.. im so use to it that i can just see the argument if i ever call her out on projecting
Thanks
Thank you!!!!!❤❤
You are so welcome!
Billie has the power of projection
Got a notice on this one. Let's check it out.
Everyone projects and instead of viewing as an innate bad or defensive quality, I’d instead reframe it and say that projection is extremely important in predicting behavior. Also, I think projection can also point to fears. Whenever I’ve been in fear the most (I have OCD), I saw it everyone and believed it was manifesting. So, it is not always who you are but what you are afraid of becoming or simple fear in general.
A great series on Forgiveness would be a great followup to this one :)
Is the background footage from Psych2Go? That's another great channel to watch! Doctor Ramani is also my go-to for anything dealing with NPD. You three ladies should do a roundtable discussion. That would be, just, HEAVEN!
I doubt it's from Psych2Go. My editors purchase licenses from stock video sites. But speaking of Psych2Go, Dr. Ramani and I were on a livestream together with them sometime last fall. The replay should still be on their channel.
@@DrTraceyMarks, thank you so much! I'll go look for it!
This is a great video
I doubt the footage is from Psych2Go. My editor uses stock footage they have to purchase the rights to use. But speaking of Psych2Go, Dr. Ramani and I did a live together with them sometime last fall. It should still be on their channel.
"Protect our self-esteem."
Thanks for this video, it definitely resonates with me. I have ADHD and BPD, this happens a lot with me, but I'm working on it. Luckily my partner has the patience of a saint. 😀
That's awesome that you have that awareness. Insight brings change...
I have to say that that self awareness was hard won. Working on it every day. @@DrTraceyMarks
Can l say a GINORMOUS THANK YOU ❤
You are WELCOME!
I am so needy, so I always feel deprived. Sigh, I’m so empty
Hey you're probably not needy. You have needs and they're not being met because you may not know what those needs are or how to meet them. I would recommend self compassion exercises and learning your own needs so you can figure out how you will meet them 😊
@@jenny-wk9cu I have no relationship with my parents and their families, so will have to learn to fill that void on my own
Id love a pinic with Dr.Marks 😍
I have the rejection sensitive dysphoria and ADHD, social isolation due to anxiety. Recipe for disastrous relationships. I try so hard not to be influenced by outside validation. I have alienated almost all of my neighbors. I do have people in the neighborhood I speak with but I am always on guard that I will say the wrong thing and alienate them. Exhausting and I'm Exhausted! I've ended up self isolating just so I won't be further rejected.
You rejected yourself firstly, then you projected your own rejection onto others before they even said anything, this is still a your problem.
Projection allows us to test the state of our fellow citizens mindset. Friends and family member are exempt since we already know them.
What? No, that's not what the video says
Wow!!!
You can read other peoples emotions accurately though. It's facial expressions, tone and body language and they can be read and the majority of humans do this. I think that needs to be said too
Also, ever thought maybe people are bad? Can't always say it's because of projection if you are seeing someone's bad qualities. People's bad qualities do exist.
Mainly didn't agree with the statement "you spot it, you got it". As it can be misinterpreted
Otherwise, the content of this video is really good for anyone dealing with projection. Thanks Dr.
Actually they were way more devious than I suspected
I have been going through this 😢😢😢😢
This doesn't take into account when people are genuinely abusive and insulting and you don't understand why people, plural, are that way routinely toward you. It's not always projection.
personalities are layered so projection is definitely in the mix
@@keithchatman4225I have no idea what that means.
@@Eskedebefore you judged that people are genuinely abusive, have you done everything within your own power to optimize your own mood, including optimal sleep hygienes, consistent vigorous exercise routine, and healthy diets?
@@DomFortressYou don't understand deep-seated emotional problems and/or Depression if you think that's a solution.
@@Eskede you don't practice metabolic psychiatry, vagus nerve cluster stimulation using Valsalva maneuver during powerlifting, optimize dopamine reserve using morning routine, and circadian medicines. You're making up excuses for your lack of self responsibility, and I know how I developed away from my own chronic depression.
I suggest if your team can cut the live videos into shorts each has only 1 question and answers it will be amazing help for many who couldn't get their question answered while it was answered already in the live video but can't listen to that long video or spot their question in it
That's a great idea! Thanks. Although my answers aren't short...
Takes one to know one
What role does non-verbal communication play in determining whether or not one is projecting?
This is a great video, Tracey! How do you differentiate between projection and poor mentalization? Have you met/trained with Peter Fonagey (creator of MBT)? I'm looking forward to getting better at mastering my sleep. Thanks so much for your content! Have a great weekend.
Projection is more primative, I think. Mentalising, as it relates to Fonagy's therapy, is more automatic and based on personality organization.
So if I believe that someone in my family is not being upfront about how they resent me but can't say anything about it, does this mean that I am projecting this fear of being a resented outcast onto her. How do you deal with this honestly? Could this mean that she is actually projecting her fear of being something she could never allow herself to be onto me? I guess I am very insecure and I am trying to read people's minds to forecast the future as usual. As a child, I did this with my father because of his scary mood swings.
I struggle with socializing a lot and have always taken everything people say at face value because I had very low self worth, or actually no self worth. I was always told as a child that everyone else was right and I was always wrong all because my mom liked me being well behaved and not reacting in any way. I've never liked looking for trouble but I've always enjoyed revenge but for some reason I'm always the bad guy when I lash back out and so I was made convinced that the only right thing to do was to man up and take it and show no emotions because then my mom would be happy and only then. This led me to a lifetime of 0 boundaries and pathologic people pleasing tendencies at my expense. So learned the hard way that if you give people an inch they take a mile or more like a few million. Not sure why I'm putting this here, just letting it out I guess.
Thank you for sharing. You are doing great - keep going! Big hug 🌸
@@gatagatika3899 Very kind of you, thank you.
This is hard for me to ascertain completely, as I was indeed raised in a slightly tumultuous and enmeshed, gaslighting family. My siblings, mother and grandmother are enmeshed. It's disgusting. My mom and I are slowly breaking those barriers. But being 28 now, and after having serious momentous breakthroughs to the point I've almost disconnected from the enmeshment.... I now face every day scenarios in which I "may" be projecting but the enmeshment trauma in my family is overtly visible (only to me and my mother) and since I have quite literally completely changed from the inside out, at least my mindset and priorities6 (oh yesss I still have shadow work integration to work on)..... I am constantly being scrutinized and have received mssgs that u know, I am the one causing these rifts and difficultiesbwhen it makes me feel like and actual crazy person, because these people LITERALLY cannot even SEE their enmeshment playing out in every day life. So they treat their life in accordance with their "trauma" that they don't even realize can be something integral to your growth as a human being. Anyway I digress I love ya Dr. Marks
The shadow exposed
When it comes to projection, I have noticed some patterns about this particular defense mechanism.
1. Individuals who fight racism are often accused of being racist themselves.
2. Individuals who fight against bullying are often accused of being bullies themselves.
3. Individuals who fight against narcissism are often accused of being narcissistic.
4. Individuals who take a moral stand against bad people are often accused of being “bad” or problematic.
5. Individuals who take a moral stand against someone who’s crazy are often accused of being crazy themselves.
And the list goes on and on.
you cant change the world only yourself
I’m done with relationships, I always ended up feeling like a therapist on the partners internal issues, but I never Wanted that. I’m know it’s also my fault to allow connections wrong connections. Dr. Marks have a hint on how not to be a therapist, but I’d like to if there’s a video on that topic.
is projection true for positive emotions
All of this is so confusing. So much inferring, and assigning intentions that aren't there. And it feels like every psychology concept overlaps with every other one.
To make it worse, I swear that most people using these terms are using them wrong, just to win an argument or feel good about themselves.
I just take the stance of "if you speak clearly and honestly, without inferences, then we can skip 99% of these 'concepts' ".
And yet, I feel naive or childish, because "just be honest" gets called childish.
This sucks.
Self-reflecting, I can see how gaslighting can bring about projection.
Hi
That little story about tina is happening everywhere, isn't it