being a bit too kind is my worst trait, trying to help everyone's struggles to whee it ruins my mental health, not standing up for myself against people who are rude to me, hiding my sad emotions to avoid ruining someone's mood. Trying to work on it but its, instinctss
Yes, this video is absolutely calling me out right now! I'm slowly but surely learning to set boundaries with certain people without feeling guilty, as my mental health ultimately comes first.
Wow, that actually sounds wonderful. It's always nice to get help from a professional who can teach us how to set healthy boundaries. Do you feel less guilty now that your therapist has helped you put things into perspective?
@@Psych2go Thank you, I feel much less guilty about putting myself first. I'm a chronic people pleaser at heart, and thanks to my therapist, I find it refreshing to just say no every so often.
Timestamps ~ 0:28 - People Pleaser 1:10 - Always Saying "I'm Sorry" 1:44 - It's always "Yes" 2:13 - Not Everyone's Opinion Matters 2:56 - It's Not Your Responsibility, You're Not Responsible For Other People's Experiences 3:44 - Conflict Terrifies You 4:28 - What About You? Hope this helps & have a gud day!
It hurts being so kind! Others taking advantage causes one to retreat into themself... And it can definitely lead into developing resentment or other negative things. Love the video! 💖☀️
@Levente Gyimesi I definitely agree that striving to be somewhere in the middle is the best balance. Finding one's own boundaries and learning to assert them is necessary for a people pleaser to learn.
I like being kind to avoid conflict but I think it's also because I think life is mostly about suffering and want to soothe others or don't want to add suffering.
That's very kind, considering that some people jump at the opportunity to seek conflict. But what do you do when you're in a corner where you absolutely have to confront someone?
@@Psych2go probably like the “conflict terrifies you” and “saying sorry all the time”😭 im literally so deep into this hole but idk how to get put and actually start standing up for myself :(
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. To be fair, this is a very common fear that lots of people experience. I also relate to "conflict terrifies you". But I think this can be repaired with better perspective and emotional regulation. Sometimes, we're so scared about the confrontation that we let our emotions get the better of us. But I think by learning how to control our emotions, we learn how to maneuver the situation so that we're not really confronting but rather speaking gently. This may take work but you can start by reading some books on social skills and boundaries! :)
As a fellow people pleaser, I need some help, 😅 I know that y’all added that we need to learn to say no! Witch I totally agree, but I’ve got a question, how? My mother is a people pleaser herself, and she tells me that I also need to learn to say know, but no one has taught me how! ☹️ I still here it to this day “oh you need to learn to say no!” Or “ you’ve got to say no more often..” so if you don’t mind I’d love a little advice, Thanks for reading! 💜💜
As a person who struggles with being too nice, I feel like this video has helped quite a lot. It's not easy feeling rejected by those who have smiling faces but don't consider or even thank you for being kind to them. It's like what I do isn't enough for people, and it results to feeling left out, abandoned, not having friends, and even affecting my mentality.
Yeah and just like the video said you feel resentment. Not feeling appreciated for all you've done for that person than you start holding a grudge. Also doesn't help you instead of communicating you bottle up all your emotions causing you further harm ,when you could've just communicated how you were feeling. Both people should benefit from that kindness not just one person .
@psych2go @Panini Princess I absolutely agree! Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like the video is unwelcome, on the contrary, it's great for those of us that relate to this ❤️ I just pointed out that it's sad that being kind can be taken as a weakness by the wrong people 😞
Oh not at all! I didn't feel that you were not happy with videos like this :) But you're absolutely right. It is very sad that kindness is almost an invitation to some people to take advantage, and that "nice" people have to learn the social skills to deflect such people :(
Timestamps 1). People pleaser 0:28 2). Always saying, "I'm sorry" 1:09 3). It's always "yes" 1:44 4). Not everyone's opinion matters 2:12 5). It's not your responsibility 2:56 6). Conflict terrifies you 3:41 7). What about you 4:27 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
This video really was an eye opener for me🥺🥲😭. For so many yrs I've been a people pleaser and overly kind that I got treated like shit by a lotta people😭. Damn, I needed this one, although I've stopped people pleasing and being kind to people who will always return it back negatively to me. So, yeah💯. Keep up the great work as always Psych 2 Go💖💯. Love u guys to death💖💯
I used to be this person, then it clicked in my head that I was naïve and being used. I don’t know what it was but something in me snapped. Now im more drawn back, and am a borderline introvert around people that aren’t my friends. On the upside though, my friendships are stronger, and have pushed to cut out toxic relationships. It has helped me in the long run, but learning it was not fun.
This one hit terribly close to home, one might even say it knocked on my front door. Thanks for affirming this feeling. It isn't easy, but trying to make boundaries can be a hard thing to gauge and learn. Thanks.
Surviving abuse taught me to be a people pleaser Working with a therapist can help you to stop being a people pleaser, NO is okay! It’s okay if saying NO is uncomfortable, the reason it is uncomfortable is because you subconsciously believe you have to say yes.. or at least that’s what it was for me I don’t have great advice here, but I do know you should set boundaries and stand your ground when you say NO. It’s not rude, it’s not mean; it’s actually polite because the other party cannot tell what your boundaries are, even if you think they can. Also remember, that if you’re boundaries are not respected no matter what you try, it’s always okay to cut contact with the person Also happy pride month, stay safe ❤
YES thank you!!! I'm a people pleaser and if anything it's only causes damage to my relationships, because it's hard for people to know if I am beings sincere when I agree with everything even if I don't actually agree. So I'm working on it 😊
it hurts even more when you're too nice to someone and then they stop hanging around you, but then they still have the *audacity* to still ask you for things
This video is literally me to my friends and I say sorry a lot and i like to be nice to my friends but they ended up to be mean sometimes 😊 Hope everyone has a great day
This is very relatable. Sometimes, when we're too nice, people think it's okay to treat us however they want because they expect us to be nice as well. But it's important to learn how to say no in moments like this. Thank you so much for sharing.
For anyone who apologizes all the time “say excuse me” instead. Helps greatly with getting a better gauge on people and wether or not you really need to apologize.
That was a very good video, basically telling us, that it's no longer an option, being a doormat. In a good way, it's so good, when you're at the point you won't allow people to take advantage of you. If these people continue in this pursuit, then it may be time, like you would garbage, to set them on the curb, and let someone else have to deal with them.
Yes.. Unfortunately, "nice" people suffer because people treat them however they want. But, as you mentioned, it's very important to learn how to say enough is enough. Do you also feel like you are too "nice" or do you feel like you know how to set healthy boundaries?
@@Psych2go I'm slowly getting better at boundaries, but I have work to do lol Which is sad. I'm too old to be like the examples in your video. I'm trying to do better, without being flat out rude.
I sincerely hope that you don't feel too old to be using examples in your video! I believe that it's never too late or old to be learning about boundaries and learning to set healthy ones. But it's great to hear that you're slowly getting better at setting healthy boundaries! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us :)
@@Psych2go To answer what was basically a question, which was your opening sentence that ended with a ! Simply put....if I thought I was too old, I wouldn't be watching 🙂🙂🙂🙂 Your videos are awesome. Thank you, as well, for sharing them with us💗💗💗💗💗
Such an insightful video! It's crucial to recognize the fine line between kindness and self-neglect. Your content always sheds light on important aspects of our mental well-being. The 7 signs you've mentioned hit close to home, reminding us to prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries. Thank you for the valuable information. Keep up the amazing work 👍
Thank you for the comment! You mentioned something very important. There is a "fine line between kindness and self-neglect". It's important that the kindness that we offer upon others should also be applied to us and that we should never please others at our expense. We appreciate you for the insight :)
I think this is me, I will go out of my way to help people but as soon as some one is nice to me or gets me a gift it makes me uncomfortable. I definitely need to be kinder to myself ❤
😢😢 It's too relatable! Have you found any strategies to make sure that people don't take advantage of you? Or is it something that you haven't worked on yet?
@@Psych2go I thought I found a strategy.. but then I think about the situation a lot afterwards. Specially when the people around you begins to act differently and accuse you of changing because you finally stood up for yourself.
That's a very good point. People are not used to change and when they feel that you're acting differently, they may not get used to it. However, I think the fact that you stood up for yourself is actually very healthy, contrary to what your friends believe. You should try reading "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It's a book that talks about how to say "no" and set healthy boundaries! Thank you for sharing your experience with us :)
I feel like I relate to this one way too much. Especially the first one, people pleaser. And also the part about suppressing your feelings only tends to make them grow. It never turned into anything too bad except I would get physically pain in my chest when i thought about something or someone. I found your channel by chance and now it's really helping me find out some things I needed to know about. I don't know how to fix any of these problems but it's nice to at least know what they are. So thank you so much for this.
I can't help but be a little angry that I gave kindness to people that didn't even care about my feelings . When watching this video I started to cry cause this seems all familiar my school year was so rough man and those kids only talked to me when they needed something makes me upset that I was tooken advantage of and I hate that other people have to go through this as well. You're strong and you'll come out brighter than ever stop letting these people get the best of you and show to them that you're a star❤
My mom raised me to be a people pleaser and people use that to their advantage. It feels like I'm not allowed to say NO or stand up for myself because of all the negative feedback and chastising that I receive from it. People are cruel and selfish these days.
*Dear God... Thank you so much for your help you're giving me! You dont even know how it's helpful, I will try my best to avoid being too kind! I dont know how but, this videos are really motivating! Thank you again Psych2Go!*
3 seconds into the video and I already feel at peace. Throughout my whole life, people at my school took advantage of me and pretended we were friends cuz I did anything and everything for them. They took advantage of my kindness, and because of that, I told myself that I will never try to make friends again. This video is meant for me, this video what I've been through for a long time. This is my therapy for today
For me, I want to know how to be a people pleaser. I plan to work on myself throughout 2023, and part of that includes working on my personality & social skills. It would be of great convenience for you to upload a video on how I, or anyone, can be a nicer and kinder hearted person. Still a great video though, and it is appreciated that you help the community with this content!
I think, like @nitzanshu4695 was mentioning, people pleasing isn't the same thing as having great social skills. People pleasing has a very negative connotation, which usually means to do everything for people at one's own expense. However, I think it's great that you want to improve socially! I hope you can improve your social life without sacrificing your well-being!
I think improving social skills is not so simple as there are many aspects to one's social life. I would encourage you to start reading self-help books on social skills as these are heavily researched books with practical things that you can do to improve your social skills. Also, one thing that helped me with my own social life is to not take things personally. This has been one of the hardest and the most useful advice given to me. When interacting with others, it's so easy to be offended about something. But it's important to remember that in order to improve one's social life, one needs to be aware that things that happen socially are not always because of you, so try not to take other's actions too personally. Hope this gives you a good start!
I've finally rid myself of these unhealthy habits! I'm my own person and I longer worry about others who don't care about me. It hurts being kind and I still have trouble setting boundaries by saying no. I like to be neutral on opinions as well. But I'm trying to stop being a people pleaser. All people pleasers should learn to put themselves first, no matter how selfish they think it is.
Thank you for watching! We sincerely hope that the video will help you to not take the blame all the time because it's not always our fault when things to wrong :)
I’ve come such a long way. To everyone who is a people-pleaser, I recommend a book called “Difficult Conversations” by Douglas Stone et al. I’ve been more confident that conflicts I engage in will end productively for everyone, including myself (I hope it’s ok to plug this!). And one thing I would say is that sometimes it’s ok to bare your fangs. It’s ok to stand up for yourself when you need to, and maybe a little more than that. Closed mouths don’t get fed, after all. Best wishes, y’all!
This video called me out more than I expected. I knew I used to be a people pleaser, but thought I grew out of it. I guess I didn’t. I’ll work on it more! ❤
I've always know I'm a people pleaser. Saying yes when I don't want to, always apologizing for everything, over loading myself to prevent from imposing on others.....my husband regularly tells me I'm too nice
I tend to be too kind for my own good, partially because I don't want to abuse people like I was abused in the past. People pleasing is hard to heal but I've taken steps towards healing by having goals that help both me and others. For example, my books, while dark, have a lot of therapy tips and light because it's an expression of my healing. Expressions I couldn't have when I was younger when I didn't know I could have my own values, thoughts, beliefs, and desires. I light up when I see beauty in my writing, which sheds light to others without me having to try. If I'm happy, I automatically desire to spread the joy so others can find their own happiness. It's not my responsiblity, though I had been trained that I had to please others. Thanks for your videos!
@@Psych2go All of them x). Nah seriously, the more useful part for me were the "always saying I'm sorry", "it's always yes", and maybe more than i would say the "conflict terrifies you". I really see myself in those parts. Now that i'm aware of it, i'll try my best to overcome it. But in the other hand, i always was helpful, it's just me... In addition to a nice (no) sleep deppreviation, it's kinda hard i have to say. But i'm not giving up
I also relate to saying sorry too often. I think, as you mentioned, these can be overcome with setting healthy boundaries not just for others but for ourselves. It's great to know that you won't give up and will continue to improve yourself! Thanks for sharing! :)
This video perfectly describes my problems. When someone ask me for help, I always agree, (Even if I have already a lot of work from other people that also wanted help) and I'm too scared to disagree to not hurt theire feelings. Thats why I don't have time to do my interests. Similiar thing goes to choosing between 2 friends. They both ask me to choose (for example) who made a better project for school, or who do I like more. In that cases I know if I'll choose 1 person, I'll hurt other person feelings. In that cases I'm too scared to even talk and try to get out of the situation as fast as possible. (Fake phone call, etc.) Anyways you make such a wonderful video that often tells about topics that I'm struggling with. I can see what I'm doing wrong and how to help it. Thank you and take care. ❤
To say no, and to ask for help are extremely difficult to me, I guess do to my childhood when I asked for help I was sometimes misunderstood , people think I was beeing lazy or something and they simply say no when they clearly could help me, this used to happen even with my parents, so I strive to do everything I can by myself and just ask for help as a last resort cause hearing a "no" as an answer shatters me!
With this video, I have realized that I am being too nice and always reach for approval. I care about too much about others’ lives more than my own needs.
I can definitely relate to a lot of these, ESPECIALLY the people pleasing one. With saying no it depends on what it is, but yes it is hard for me to say no sometimes.
I was like this most of my life but some years ago I've withdraw from it. It's better to have less ppl around you than too much who want more than you can give.
I clicked in this video because I am too kind Life treated me so badly now I only want to see it burning to the ground. I love the idea of hearing the voices of hundreds screaming in despair as all their hopes and dreams are reduced to dust and ashes Yet, I can't help the urge to assist those who need my help, be nice with people around me and spare people from the violence of my rage I swear I have a voice in my head claiming for the souls of the innocents and nothing would make me more happy than listen to it but I feel that deep inside I'll always be that kind and caring person who can't stand up and fight
3:41, me to a T! I despise conflict and I will put up mental barriers when I believe a conflict will happen or just a little disagreement probably to protect myself. There is always a disagreement at home and I cannot always run to my room to escape. I have to stick it out, maybe cry about it in the shower quietly or randomly at night in my pillow.
Gosh, I can relate to everything in the video. I think the one sign that is true is "always saying sorry" like today almost getting hit by a car when I was walking through a crosswalk.
The second point actually reminded me of something, the other day I had a random 3 second chest pain so I grunted and then apologized. There was no one in the room. I have no idea who I was talking to but it was just so reflexive.
one time a girl at school was trying to be my friend, but i really didn’t like how she made every negative aspect of life her personality. i tried to distance myself and say no but i felt bad. this video helped me
It kinda scares me that you almost described my life whenever it came to getting into groups, thank goodness I've decided to land off of multiple at a time
it's nice to know that others are finding out about their issues before it gets serious. i just wish this had come out a year ago when it would've helped stop me from finding all these out the hard way...
Yes, it's very relatable. However, we should also remember that our true friends will love the real version of oursevles and won't leave us just because we revealed our true feelings! :)
This absolutely hit home for me. I appreciate being seen. Though I too am not great at expressing my feelings in regards to certain things, I wanted to say thank you for helping out things into perspective. Reminders help greatly at times of need.
This video definitely helped me. Im the type of person to always say sorry even though people around me tell me that i have nothing to be sorry for. This was helpful for me. Thank you.
I'm so guilty with this. That balance is so important, it's the teenage dilusion fear archetype that makes me crazy, the fear of being that and thus being nice. I think that's why we will always enjoy a skillful an evil person, until you spend time with them of course. There's more unappealing/tiring than a person who's made it to your inner circle but won't put effort
My therapist always tells me this. That sometimes I should also think about myself rather than trying to make everyone happy. It's just too hard though 😅
This video is a great reminder that we should be ourselves more. Tho I had bad feelings because this is the bad habit I was trying to get rid off and I kept doing it 😞 I think that ended up of me hating people I'm dealing with and trying to avoid them. What do you think we should do when people are used to us that way?
My brain used to try and take apart parts of me and make them "better" without realising the consequences. I forced myself to make myself feel "more sorry" for people because I always had I solemn expression when someone hurt themselves, or something else along those lines. Now I'm realising the only reason I am always so afraid of other people or am always so anxious was because what I did to myself. Now I know, that not everyone is born with the perk of being an empath.
So, with the always saying yes one, I’m not afraid to say no, it’s just whenever I do people make me feel like I did something way worse than I actually did, or like I don’t have the right to say no or give my opinions. All the others happen to me too, and I’m starting to feel the affects of that. I know this is me venting, but I feel like this channel is a safe space that I won’t be judged.
Every day during English class, almost my entire class asked me for help with their assignments, and I hadn't even finished mine yet. That resulted in me finishing it at the end of the lesson. I was too focused on helping my classmates, and I knew that I hadn't finished my own assignment, which resulted in me putting other people first and not myself first. This video really caught me, and I relate to almost all of them. I should definitely focus on myself more. But how? Idk, I'll see what I can do.
Thanks so much for this video, it was very informative. Being too nice can easily break relationships thus you take so much in from those you fear you would lose and the moment you try to stand up a bit for yourself the only moment, they can turn on you and break your heart and you still lose them, only later. Always be nice but not too nice. It will break you when all you did was always Love them.
This helped a lot. Im starting to focus more on my own desires, feelings, needs, goals, etc. Kinda tired of always ignoring em. I completely lost my sense of self, my personality as a whole due to being like this.
Be as kind to yourself as you have always been to others. BAM! What an eye opener! ❤ Thanks for making this video. Very helpful and I am definitely gonna watch this more than once. #almosttoomuchinsights 😊 ❤❤❤
I can relate to alot of these, but mostly the one about apologising, and the one about taking the blame. I guess I could do better as a human right now, I'll try and fix that :D (thanks for the video, really illuminating as always)
This is meeeeee i have anxiety, depression, and addiction. My friend is saying im too nice and care more about other people. I never say no to people and say sorry no matter what. Would never take peoples time so i would never ask for help. Thank youuuu!! 😊😅
most of them rlly relate to me. like i would never tell my mom i was hungry cause i knew she was tired and didn’t want to burden her anymore. so i would just go sleep hungry or tried to find something in the fridge. this has been happening since i was surprisingly young and i would always compress my feelings because i thought their happiness was more important than mine. this is probably why i am always eat the food i am given, and cringe when my brother would complain about the food my mom made. i would think “she spent all this time making something for you, and you won’t even eat it?”. even to the point i was about to throw up because of how much i disliked the food, i would think “how sad would she be if spent she all this time cooking something for me and i don’t even eat it” and whenever i threw away food i knew someone handmade, it would make me wanna go cry in guilt locked away in my room. I would also almost never ask for anything when we went to stores cause i didn’t want my parents to spend anymore more money on me. i would say yes to everything, cause i was taught that it wasn’t my choice and i couldn’t always just get what i want. so i never asked and i just went with whatever went down. i became responsible at a young age. doing things like cleaning up after my siblings and helping my mom out sometimes cause i wanted to lessen their burden. i would say sorry for anything and everything or i would be to scared and i would stay silent. i am trying to change and heal a bit. sry if this was uninteresting to you.
I am constantly told I am too nice. I have always wondered what that means. I would constantly ask what is the meaning when you say this to me? The answered I would receive would be vauge , confusing or dismissed. After I stopped running from myelf and being in a narcissistic relationship in which i was made to feel as though something was wrong with me I sought Therephy. I was learned I so nieve to maniuplation. This video sheds so much perspective on the phrase " your too nice " . Thank you for covering this topic!! I hope others gain the insight that they need from your content
😮 processing and digesting this video. . I experience all the symptoms frequently 😢 it's concerning. . Thank you 😊. . I'll work this stuff up and watch it again after a while. . Super helpful video
Thank you guys. I actually started doing stuff for myself last year. I left a toxic home with family to move in with my fiancé. I’m doing a lot better. Even he had poked at me for over apologizing and taking responsibility, even if he’s saying something is fine and it’s not a big deal. I’m finally doing stuff for myself, and I’ll be 28 in five days. It’s a long, strange process. Strange in the sense of not used to it is all. My fiancé lets me be me. Might look at me sideways and ask questions, but that’s it. We have created a safe space for us
My mom have said many times that, I should think myself more sometimes and not everyone else. My numbers in school wasn't going very well when I was learning French. I had a chance to stop learning French, but me and my friend knew only eachothers, and I was scared she would left out and feel lonley if I stop French. But my mom said that I am little bit More important than my friend feel lonley only for one lesson. And I decided to stop French. Now my grades are better and but I still feel that its my fault that my friend is feeling lonley in French lessons.
My grandma was always too kind and kept the insults in her head to not hurt the people in front of her, now that have dementia, she tells it and oh boy she have a lot to say
yes so true. i'm always nice no matter what. i'm never mean to anyone. And yes i have depression and anxiety. And yes i worry people will reject me if i say something.
being a bit too kind is my worst trait, trying to help everyone's struggles to whee it ruins my mental health, not standing up for myself against people who are rude to me, hiding my sad emotions to avoid ruining someone's mood. Trying to work on it but its, instinctss
Yes, this video is absolutely calling me out right now! I'm slowly but surely learning to set boundaries with certain people without feeling guilty, as my mental health ultimately comes first.
How has it been since you started learning how to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
@@Psych2go About a year and a half now, therapy has really helped me to put things into perspective.
Wow, that actually sounds wonderful. It's always nice to get help from a professional who can teach us how to set healthy boundaries. Do you feel less guilty now that your therapist has helped you put things into perspective?
@@Psych2go Thank you, I feel much less guilty about putting myself first. I'm a chronic people pleaser at heart, and thanks to my therapist, I find it refreshing to just say no every so often.
This is kinda off topic but I love your pfp. I just recently auditioned for the Addams Family musical!! What a coincidence.
Timestamps ~
0:28 - People Pleaser
1:10 - Always Saying "I'm Sorry"
1:44 - It's always "Yes"
2:13 - Not Everyone's Opinion Matters
2:56 - It's Not Your Responsibility, You're Not Responsible For Other People's Experiences
3:44 - Conflict Terrifies You
4:28 - What About You?
Hope this helps & have a gud day!
Me literally refreshing to see you're adding timestamps
Thanks !
@@FemboyKaiSaku ur choice but I just wanted to help those who needed it ♡
Thanks!
TY! Have a great day as well..🤗
Oh look, a video made for me. Could be a sign, let’s find out :D
Same :D
sæm
Same, except I'm low-key scared of confrontation.
@@brandonporter2321 omg fr same
Same...
It hurts being so kind! Others taking advantage causes one to retreat into themself... And it can definitely lead into developing resentment or other negative things. Love the video! 💖☀️
@Levente Gyimesi I definitely agree that striving to be somewhere in the middle is the best balance. Finding one's own boundaries and learning to assert them is necessary for a people pleaser to learn.
I like being kind to avoid conflict but I think it's also because I think life is mostly about suffering and want to soothe others or don't want to add suffering.
That's very kind, considering that some people jump at the opportunity to seek conflict. But what do you do when you're in a corner where you absolutely have to confront someone?
@@Psych2go Try not to engage or defuse conflict quickly. Engage conflict only if cornered.
It’s like these videos always come at the exact right time😭😭😭
And yes I relate to all the signs💁♀️💗
Me 2
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch the video! Which of the signs did you relate to the most?
@@Psych2go probably like the “conflict terrifies you” and “saying sorry all the time”😭 im literally so deep into this hole but idk how to get put and actually start standing up for myself :(
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. To be fair, this is a very common fear that lots of people experience. I also relate to "conflict terrifies you". But I think this can be repaired with better perspective and emotional regulation. Sometimes, we're so scared about the confrontation that we let our emotions get the better of us. But I think by learning how to control our emotions, we learn how to maneuver the situation so that we're not really confronting but rather speaking gently. This may take work but you can start by reading some books on social skills and boundaries! :)
As a fellow people pleaser, I need some help, 😅 I know that y’all added that we need to learn to say no! Witch I totally agree, but I’ve got a question, how? My mother is a people pleaser herself, and she tells me that I also need to learn to say know, but no one has taught me how! ☹️ I still here it to this day “oh you need to learn to say no!” Or “ you’ve got to say no more often..” so if you don’t mind I’d love a little advice,
Thanks for reading! 💜💜
As a person who struggles with being too nice, I feel like this video has helped quite a lot. It's not easy feeling rejected by those who have smiling faces but don't consider or even thank you for being kind to them. It's like what I do isn't enough for people, and it results to feeling left out, abandoned, not having friends, and even affecting my mentality.
Yeah and just like the video said you feel resentment. Not feeling appreciated for all you've done for that person than you start holding a grudge. Also doesn't help you instead of communicating you bottle up all your emotions causing you further harm ,when you could've just communicated how you were feeling. Both people should benefit from that kindness not just one person .
then stop being nice lol.
Sounds like u got narcism to think ppl need to thank you because u believe ur being nice lmao
I feel that very much
Isn't it a bit sad that we need videos like these? 😢 it's almost a given that, if we're "too" kind, we're going to be taken advantage of...
Agreed... However, it's also a good reminder for us to learn how to set healthy boundaries. Do you also relate to the video?
It is sad but it better that we know these things now so no harm comes in the future
@psych2go @Panini Princess I absolutely agree! Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like the video is unwelcome, on the contrary, it's great for those of us that relate to this ❤️ I just pointed out that it's sad that being kind can be taken as a weakness by the wrong people 😞
Oh not at all! I didn't feel that you were not happy with videos like this :)
But you're absolutely right. It is very sad that kindness is almost an invitation to some people to take advantage, and that "nice" people have to learn the social skills to deflect such people :(
Timestamps
1). People pleaser 0:28
2). Always saying, "I'm sorry" 1:09
3). It's always "yes" 1:44
4). Not everyone's opinion matters 2:12
5). It's not your responsibility 2:56
6). Conflict terrifies you 3:41
7). What about you 4:27
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I felt the same way, but I tried my hardest even when I’m negative.
This video really was an eye opener for me🥺🥲😭. For so many yrs I've been a people pleaser and overly kind that I got treated like shit by a lotta people😭. Damn, I needed this one, although I've stopped people pleasing and being kind to people who will always return it back negatively to me. So, yeah💯. Keep up the great work as always Psych 2 Go💖💯. Love u guys to death💖💯
💖💖💖
I used to be this person, then it clicked in my head that I was naïve and being used. I don’t know what it was but something in me snapped. Now im more drawn back, and am a borderline introvert around people that aren’t my friends. On the upside though, my friendships are stronger, and have pushed to cut out toxic relationships. It has helped me in the long run, but learning it was not fun.
This one hit terribly close to home, one might even say it knocked on my front door.
Thanks for affirming this feeling. It isn't easy, but trying to make boundaries can be a hard thing to gauge and learn.
Thanks.
Surviving abuse taught me to be a people pleaser
Working with a therapist can help you to stop being a people pleaser, NO is okay! It’s okay if saying NO is uncomfortable, the reason it is uncomfortable is because you subconsciously believe you have to say yes.. or at least that’s what it was for me
I don’t have great advice here, but I do know you should set boundaries and stand your ground when you say NO. It’s not rude, it’s not mean; it’s actually polite because the other party cannot tell what your boundaries are, even if you think they can.
Also remember, that if you’re boundaries are not respected no matter what you try, it’s always okay to cut contact with the person
Also happy pride month, stay safe ❤
YES thank you!!! I'm a people pleaser and if anything it's only causes damage to my relationships, because it's hard for people to know if I am beings sincere when I agree with everything even if I don't actually agree. So I'm working on it 😊
it hurts even more when you're too nice to someone and then they stop hanging around you, but then they still have the *audacity* to still ask you for things
Despite the signs being there, it’s just too hard to not be a “people pleasure”
This video is literally me to my friends and I say sorry a lot and i like to be nice to my friends but they ended up to be mean sometimes 😊 Hope everyone has a great day
This is very relatable. Sometimes, when we're too nice, people think it's okay to treat us however they want because they expect us to be nice as well. But it's important to learn how to say no in moments like this. Thank you so much for sharing.
For anyone who apologizes all the time “say excuse me” instead. Helps greatly with getting a better gauge on people and wether or not you really need to apologize.
That was a very good video, basically telling us, that it's no longer an option, being a doormat. In a good way, it's so good, when you're at the point you won't allow people to take advantage of you. If these people continue in this pursuit, then it may be time, like you would garbage, to set them on the curb, and let someone else have to deal with them.
Yes.. Unfortunately, "nice" people suffer because people treat them however they want. But, as you mentioned, it's very important to learn how to say enough is enough. Do you also feel like you are too "nice" or do you feel like you know how to set healthy boundaries?
@@Psych2go I'm slowly getting better at boundaries, but I have work to do lol
Which is sad. I'm too old to be like the examples in your video. I'm trying to do better, without being flat out rude.
I sincerely hope that you don't feel too old to be using examples in your video! I believe that it's never too late or old to be learning about boundaries and learning to set healthy ones. But it's great to hear that you're slowly getting better at setting healthy boundaries! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us :)
@@Psych2go To answer what was basically a question, which was your opening sentence that ended with a !
Simply put....if I thought I was too old, I wouldn't be watching 🙂🙂🙂🙂
Your videos are awesome. Thank you, as well, for sharing them with us💗💗💗💗💗
Youre videos make me realize so many things about myself thank you very much
Thank you so much for the kind words! Did you learn anything new from this video?
@@Psych2go yes youre videos make me relate to atleast one thing mentioned
Such an insightful video! It's crucial to recognize the fine line between kindness and self-neglect. Your content always sheds light on important aspects of our mental well-being. The 7 signs you've mentioned hit close to home, reminding us to prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries. Thank you for the valuable information. Keep up the amazing work 👍
Thank you for the comment! You mentioned something very important. There is a "fine line between kindness and self-neglect". It's important that the kindness that we offer upon others should also be applied to us and that we should never please others at our expense. We appreciate you for the insight :)
I think this is me, I will go out of my way to help people but as soon as some one is nice to me or gets me a gift it makes me uncomfortable. I definitely need to be kinder to myself ❤
Yes, definitely me. 😢 And people do take advantage of it.
😢😢 It's too relatable! Have you found any strategies to make sure that people don't take advantage of you? Or is it something that you haven't worked on yet?
@@Psych2go I thought I found a strategy.. but then I think about the situation a lot afterwards. Specially when the people around you begins to act differently and accuse you of changing because you finally stood up for yourself.
That's a very good point. People are not used to change and when they feel that you're acting differently, they may not get used to it. However, I think the fact that you stood up for yourself is actually very healthy, contrary to what your friends believe. You should try reading "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It's a book that talks about how to say "no" and set healthy boundaries!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us :)
Yup this describes me 😢
And yes I’m the nice person
Nice your the first comment :)
Same bro😔
@@exampl3d thank u❤
I feel like I relate to this one way too much. Especially the first one, people pleaser. And also the part about suppressing your feelings only tends to make them grow. It never turned into anything too bad except I would get physically pain in my chest when i thought about something or someone.
I found your channel by chance and now it's really helping me find out some things I needed to know about. I don't know how to fix any of these problems but it's nice to at least know what they are. So thank you so much for this.
I can't help but be a little angry that I gave kindness to people that didn't even care about my feelings . When watching this video I started to cry cause this seems all familiar my school year was so rough man and those kids only talked to me when they needed something makes me upset that I was tooken advantage of and I hate that other people have to go through this as well. You're strong and you'll come out brighter than ever stop letting these people get the best of you and show to them that you're a star❤
My mom raised me to be a people pleaser and people use that to their advantage. It feels like I'm not allowed to say NO or stand up for myself because of all the negative feedback and chastising that I receive from it. People are cruel and selfish these days.
*Dear God... Thank you so much for your help you're giving me! You dont even know how it's helpful, I will try my best to avoid being too kind! I dont know how but, this videos are really motivating! Thank you again Psych2Go!*
3 seconds into the video and I already feel at peace. Throughout my whole life, people at my school took advantage of me and pretended we were friends cuz I did anything and everything for them. They took advantage of my kindness, and because of that, I told myself that I will never try to make friends again. This video is meant for me, this video what I've been through for a long time. This is my therapy for today
For me, I want to know how to be a people pleaser. I plan to work on myself throughout 2023, and part of that includes working on my personality & social skills. It would be of great convenience for you to upload a video on how I, or anyone, can be a nicer and kinder hearted person. Still a great video though, and it is appreciated that you help the community with this content!
Peoples pleaser isn't a healthy amount of being nicer
I think, like @nitzanshu4695 was mentioning, people pleasing isn't the same thing as having great social skills. People pleasing has a very negative connotation, which usually means to do everything for people at one's own expense. However, I think it's great that you want to improve socially! I hope you can improve your social life without sacrificing your well-being!
@@Psych2go Ah ok. If you could, how do I improve my social skills? Thank you anyway, though!
I think improving social skills is not so simple as there are many aspects to one's social life. I would encourage you to start reading self-help books on social skills as these are heavily researched books with practical things that you can do to improve your social skills. Also, one thing that helped me with my own social life is to not take things personally. This has been one of the hardest and the most useful advice given to me. When interacting with others, it's so easy to be offended about something. But it's important to remember that in order to improve one's social life, one needs to be aware that things that happen socially are not always because of you, so try not to take other's actions too personally. Hope this gives you a good start!
@@Psych2go Thank you!
I really needed to hear that today.
I used to be like this. Its good when you overcome this. I used to hate saying no but I'm getting used to saying it.
I've finally rid myself of these unhealthy habits! I'm my own person and I longer worry about others who don't care about me. It hurts being kind and I still have trouble setting boundaries by saying no. I like to be neutral on opinions as well. But I'm trying to stop being a people pleaser. All people pleasers should learn to put themselves first, no matter how selfish they think it is.
This video exactly describes me, thank you very much for making this video! This video helped me stop taking the blame all the time too!
Thank you for watching! We sincerely hope that the video will help you to not take the blame all the time because it's not always our fault when things to wrong :)
I’ve come such a long way. To everyone who is a people-pleaser, I recommend a book called “Difficult Conversations” by Douglas Stone et al. I’ve been more confident that conflicts I engage in will end productively for everyone, including myself (I hope it’s ok to plug this!). And one thing I would say is that sometimes it’s ok to bare your fangs. It’s ok to stand up for yourself when you need to, and maybe a little more than that. Closed mouths don’t get fed, after all. Best wishes, y’all!
This video called me out more than I expected. I knew I used to be a people pleaser, but thought I grew out of it. I guess I didn’t. I’ll work on it more! ❤
This is so me. Thank you for this video.
I've always know I'm a people pleaser. Saying yes when I don't want to, always apologizing for everything, over loading myself to prevent from imposing on others.....my husband regularly tells me I'm too nice
I tend to be too kind for my own good, partially because I don't want to abuse people like I was abused in the past. People pleasing is hard to heal but I've taken steps towards healing by having goals that help both me and others. For example, my books, while dark, have a lot of therapy tips and light because it's an expression of my healing. Expressions I couldn't have when I was younger when I didn't know I could have my own values, thoughts, beliefs, and desires. I light up when I see beauty in my writing, which sheds light to others without me having to try. If I'm happy, I automatically desire to spread the joy so others can find their own happiness. It's not my responsiblity, though I had been trained that I had to please others. Thanks for your videos!
Of course, ... Exactly at a time i was questioning myself about it. Thanks. It's a super helpful video
Thank you! Which part of the video was useful for you?
@@Psych2go All of them x). Nah seriously, the more useful part for me were the "always saying I'm sorry", "it's always yes", and maybe more than i would say the "conflict terrifies you". I really see myself in those parts. Now that i'm aware of it, i'll try my best to overcome it. But in the other hand, i always was helpful, it's just me... In addition to a nice (no) sleep deppreviation, it's kinda hard i have to say. But i'm not giving up
I also relate to saying sorry too often. I think, as you mentioned, these can be overcome with setting healthy boundaries not just for others but for ourselves. It's great to know that you won't give up and will continue to improve yourself! Thanks for sharing! :)
@@Psych2go your videos are super helpful when it comes to self improvment. Thanks to you 👍
This video perfectly describes my problems. When someone ask me for help, I always agree, (Even if I have already a lot of work from other people that also wanted help) and I'm too scared to disagree to not hurt theire feelings. Thats why I don't have time to do my interests. Similiar thing goes to choosing between 2 friends. They both ask me to choose (for example) who made a better project for school, or who do I like more. In that cases I know if I'll choose 1 person, I'll hurt other person feelings. In that cases I'm too scared to even talk and try to get out of the situation as fast as possible. (Fake phone call, etc.)
Anyways you make such a wonderful video that often tells about topics that I'm struggling with. I can see what I'm doing wrong and how to help it. Thank you and take care. ❤
To say no, and to ask for help are extremely difficult to me, I guess do to my childhood when I asked for help I was sometimes misunderstood , people think I was beeing lazy or something and they simply say no when they clearly could help me, this used to happen even with my parents, so I strive to do everything I can by myself and just ask for help as a last resort cause hearing a "no" as an answer shatters me!
With this video, I have realized that I am being too nice and always reach for approval. I care about too much about others’ lives more than my own needs.
I can definitely relate to a lot of these, ESPECIALLY the people pleasing one. With saying no it depends on what it is, but yes it is hard for me to say no sometimes.
Thank you for this one ❤️🙏🏻🤗
I was like this most of my life but some years ago I've withdraw from it. It's better to have less ppl around you than too much who want more than you can give.
I clicked in this video because I am too kind
Life treated me so badly now I only want to see it burning to the ground. I love the idea of hearing the voices of hundreds screaming in despair as all their hopes and dreams are reduced to dust and ashes
Yet, I can't help the urge to assist those who need my help, be nice with people around me and spare people from the violence of my rage
I swear I have a voice in my head claiming for the souls of the innocents and nothing would make me more happy than listen to it but I feel that deep inside I'll always be that kind and caring person who can't stand up and fight
3:41, me to a T! I despise conflict and I will put up mental barriers when I believe a conflict will happen or just a little disagreement probably to protect myself. There is always a disagreement at home and I cannot always run to my room to escape. I have to stick it out, maybe cry about it in the shower quietly or randomly at night in my pillow.
Gosh, I can relate to everything in the video. I think the one sign that is true is "always saying sorry" like today almost getting hit by a car when I was walking through a crosswalk.
The second point actually reminded me of something, the other day I had a random 3 second chest pain so I grunted and then apologized. There was no one in the room. I have no idea who I was talking to but it was just so reflexive.
one time a girl at school was trying to be my friend, but i really didn’t like how she made every negative aspect of life her personality. i tried to distance myself and say no but i felt bad. this video helped me
I love the adorable thumbnail. It's so cute and animated with art style!
It kinda scares me that you almost described my life whenever it came to getting into groups, thank goodness I've decided to land off of multiple at a time
Thank you so much.Need this badly ❤❤❤❤
it's nice to know that others are finding out about their issues before it gets serious. i just wish this had come out a year ago when it would've helped stop me from finding all these out the hard way...
0:41 That's true. I'm sometimes scared about that if i tell my feelings and thoughts to my friends I'm gonna lose them.
Yes, it's very relatable. However, we should also remember that our true friends will love the real version of oursevles and won't leave us just because we revealed our true feelings! :)
@@Psych2go Yeah.
This absolutely hit home for me. I appreciate being seen. Though I too am not great at expressing my feelings in regards to certain things, I wanted to say thank you for helping out things into perspective. Reminders help greatly at times of need.
yey! a video made for me! these videosss come at the exact right time when you need it!😭😭
I relate to all these signs. Especially with saying "I'm sorry" all the time. Thanks for making these amazing videos!!!!!
This video definitely helped me. Im the type of person to always say sorry even though people around me tell me that i have nothing to be sorry for. This was helpful for me. Thank you.
I'm so guilty with this. That balance is so important, it's the teenage dilusion fear archetype that makes me crazy, the fear of being that and thus being nice. I think that's why we will always enjoy a skillful an evil person, until you spend time with them of course. There's more unappealing/tiring than a person who's made it to your inner circle but won't put effort
Thank you, I really needed that video!
I'm too kind for letting so many ppl live those who deserve to burn the day will come when the light of the person I care about leaves my side
My therapist always tells me this. That sometimes I should also think about myself rather than trying to make everyone happy. It's just too hard though 😅
When a video legit sums up ur whole life…
You're welcome Amanda, thank you Amanda and the rest of the team and the researchers.
This video is a great reminder that we should be ourselves more.
Tho I had bad feelings because this is the bad habit I was trying to get rid off and I kept doing it 😞 I think that ended up of me hating people I'm dealing with and trying to avoid them. What do you think we should do when people are used to us that way?
As a people pleaser I can say this is the most accurate and best one I have seen
I relate to this :'3 I want to work and focus on myself instead but it doesn't mean that this will stop me from being kind or anything ♡
My brain used to try and take apart parts of me and make them "better" without realising the consequences. I forced myself to make myself feel "more sorry" for people because I always had I solemn expression when someone hurt themselves, or something else along those lines. Now I'm realising the only reason I am always so afraid of other people or am always so anxious was because what I did to myself.
Now I know, that not everyone is born with the perk of being an empath.
So, with the always saying yes one, I’m not afraid to say no, it’s just whenever I do people make me feel like I did something way worse than I actually did, or like I don’t have the right to say no or give my opinions. All the others happen to me too, and I’m starting to feel the affects of that. I know this is me venting, but I feel like this channel is a safe space that I won’t be judged.
Why does this relate to me so much?😭
Thank you for this video!
Just the one I needed
This video is really made for Me,thanks that I starting to say no when I dont have time
The “I’m sorry” part hit hard. Just yesterday, I apologized to thE *TIP JAR* at my job 😅
Every day during English class, almost my entire class asked me for help with their assignments, and I hadn't even finished mine yet. That resulted in me finishing it at the end of the lesson. I was too focused on helping my classmates, and I knew that I hadn't finished my own assignment, which resulted in me putting other people first and not myself first. This video really caught me, and I relate to almost all of them. I should definitely focus on myself more. But how? Idk, I'll see what I can do.
Thanks so much for this video, it was very informative. Being too nice can easily break relationships thus you take so much in from those you fear you would lose and the moment you try to stand up a bit for yourself the only moment, they can turn on you and break your heart and you still lose them, only later. Always be nice but not too nice. It will break you when all you did was always Love them.
Thank you for this video
So nice of you :)
This helped a lot. Im starting to focus more on my own desires, feelings, needs, goals, etc. Kinda tired of always ignoring em. I completely lost my sense of self, my personality as a whole due to being like this.
Be as kind to yourself as you have always been to others.
BAM! What an eye opener! ❤
Thanks for making this video. Very helpful and I am definitely gonna watch this more than once.
#almosttoomuchinsights 😊
❤❤❤
I can relate to alot of these, but mostly the one about apologising, and the one about taking the blame.
I guess I could do better as a human right now, I'll try and fix that :D
(thanks for the video, really illuminating as always)
This is meeeeee i have anxiety, depression, and addiction. My friend is saying im too nice and care more about other people. I never say no to people and say sorry no matter what. Would never take peoples time so i would never ask for help. Thank youuuu!! 😊😅
most of them rlly relate to me. like i would never tell my mom i was hungry cause i knew she was tired and didn’t want to burden her anymore. so i would just go sleep hungry or tried to find something in the fridge. this has been happening since i was surprisingly young and i would always compress my feelings because i thought their happiness was more important than mine. this is probably why i am always eat the food i am given, and cringe when my brother would complain about the food my mom made. i would think “she spent all this time making something for you, and you won’t even eat it?”. even to the point i was about to throw up because of how much i disliked the food, i would think “how sad would she be if spent she all this time cooking something for me and i don’t even eat it” and whenever i threw away food i knew someone handmade, it would make me wanna go cry in guilt locked away in my room. I would also almost never ask for anything when we went to stores cause i didn’t want my parents to spend anymore more money on me. i would say yes to everything, cause i was taught that it wasn’t my choice and i couldn’t always just get what i want. so i never asked and i just went with whatever went down. i became responsible at a young age. doing things like cleaning up after my siblings and helping my mom out sometimes cause i wanted to lessen their burden. i would say sorry for anything and everything or i would be to scared and i would stay silent. i am trying to change and heal a bit. sry if this was uninteresting to you.
i wish i heard these words earlier. this is a very important message.
I am constantly told I am too nice. I have always wondered what that means. I would constantly ask what is the meaning when you say this to me? The answered I would receive would be vauge , confusing or dismissed. After I stopped running from myelf and being in a narcissistic relationship in which i was made to feel as though something was wrong with me I sought Therephy. I was learned I so nieve to maniuplation. This video sheds so much perspective on the phrase " your too nice " . Thank you for covering this topic!! I hope others gain the insight that they need from your content
😮 processing and digesting this video. . I experience all the symptoms frequently 😢 it's concerning. . Thank you 😊. . I'll work this stuff up and watch it again after a while. . Super helpful video
I’m too kind for my own good thanks this helps me out❤️
Being nice does cost your mental health and I can confirm for anxiety and depression.
Thank you guys. I actually started doing stuff for myself last year. I left a toxic home with family to move in with my fiancé. I’m doing a lot better. Even he had poked at me for over apologizing and taking responsibility, even if he’s saying something is fine and it’s not a big deal. I’m finally doing stuff for myself, and I’ll be 28 in five days. It’s a long, strange process. Strange in the sense of not used to it is all. My fiancé lets me be me. Might look at me sideways and ask questions, but that’s it. We have created a safe space for us
My mom have said many times that, I should think myself more sometimes and not everyone else. My numbers in school wasn't going very well when I was learning French. I had a chance to stop learning French, but me and my friend knew only eachothers, and I was scared she would left out and feel lonley if I stop French. But my mom said that I am little bit More important than my friend feel lonley only for one lesson. And I decided to stop French. Now my grades are better and but I still feel that its my fault that my friend is feeling lonley in French lessons.
And there are more this kind of times that I felt guilty for something that I didn't do or wasn't part of it.
This is all good to know and very good advice. Now it’s just a matter of me taking the appropriate action when the time comes.
Only the purest of heart, gets devastated at the end!
This video found me when i needed it most, it made me tear up
Hello, I always feel empowered by your amazing videos, keep on uploading more informative videos. 😊
My grandma was always too kind and kept the insults in her head to not hurt the people in front of her, now that have dementia, she tells it and oh boy she have a lot to say
yes so true. i'm always nice no matter what. i'm never mean to anyone. And yes i have depression and anxiety. And yes i worry people will reject me if i say something.
Damn, i have a lot of things to change, mainly my fear of conflicts, thanks for the awesome video
half of these are relatable and especially the last one,im just scared to ever disturb anyone so i just do it on my own.