They Never remember what they said. They never mean what they say. They are mean when they say it. It's a Rollercoaster for us caring people that feel and give from our hearts. It's time to stop the insanity done to us. Thanks dr again.
100%! I endured for over 30 years. Finally, for the first time in my life, I had two legit panic attacks when he walked into a room where I had been, alone. FINALLY, I started paying attention to my body's signals (well...I didn't make that easy! My body had to go to extremes to get my attention). FINALLY, I realized, "Ok, now, it's killing me. I've gotta go." The divorce was financially devastating. But you know why divorce is so expensive, right? Answer: Because it's WORTH IT.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. I realized I was conditioned as a child to endure these demons by my narcissistic family. It led me into a life full of misery. I was a paralegal / legal assistant for 15 years and would always end up working for the worst of the worst…the lawyer / boss who’d throw things, scream, blame me for everything, etc. Also ended up marrying two coverts. These beings are extremely dangerous and should not be tolerated at all. Solitude and peace have been the biggest blessings I could ask for. 😇✨💜
The only comfort / act of rebellion I could give myself was secretly working on my plan to leave. I was financially entrapped and had to be careful about every move I made since he was quite dangerous. Some days it was more than I could take, so I cried in the shower and prayed for help.
Crying in the shower. Boy, that hits home. I’m feeling it for all the women who are financially trapped into slavery to a monster. Start and keep adding to that secret stash of money, to your bug out bag, and keep your car running well. Be ready to bolt at 3am. Have safe places to go. Find two REALLY good friends you can run to at least 50 miles away.
im a guy i dont have money to go anywere only can get housing, but housing is bad, its just going form one place until its bad enough going back to the other
No prizes for endurance, except damage to your soul. His ultimate betrayal was to share my past confidence with friends of the perpetrator, send me his corroborating chat, then cut me down with, "Your paranoia is disturbing!" then ghosting me, that didn't work as I am not the problem. I learned a lot by allowing him in my life for 2 years. I don't recommend doing this. Thanks Dr Ramani
Same situation for me and I’m sorry for what you went through. Being alone and independent now and finding myself again has been the greatest time in my life. Has it also been incredibly hard work? Absolutely yes. But it can be both simultaneously. Best wishes to you in your healing & recovery. Your life will only continue to get better. 💖
I see u my sister… my divorce is almost three years ago and am just feeling like I’m getting back to myself. Sending u healing thoughts… b gentle w yourself 💛
Please look after and save yourself because the narcissist will not truly care about you. That's the sad truth I learned. Don't endure what is not worth enduring.
Dad is narcissistic; he expects me to chase after him; it won't happen. He needs to grow up and shut up(no unasked for lectures he would give me). He takes the tone of a tyrant. I deposed his tyranny by not having contact with him since August(one of his brothers died; Dad did a monologue(phone call); his loss. No acknowledgement of my pain, at all I felt hollow and invisible. He's a jerk. I deserve a better father!
Just a reminder to anyone out there who has endured long term abuse from a narcissist/psychopath: months turn into years and years turn into decades and before you know it you’ve spent 30+ years being abused in a marriage on top of parental abuse as a child. It is so insidious and it can happen to anyone. You have to face your fears, it will be one of the hardest things you do in your life but it’s the only way to end it, run for your life!
I grew up w an alcoholic narc mother have a bullying n physically abusive,as a child, narc said sister n am stuck in a 36 year marriage w a master manipulator maniglant psychopath narc n I wake up every single day in the throes of pure anxiety He’s cutting me off financially so I feel am trapped plus my narc mother is developing deme
She’s developing dementia n im obligated to take care of her w both my narc so sister n narc husband I have developed severe gastrointestinal problems among other things I need to free myself But how
My favorite is the message: "marriage is hard..." 🤦🏻♀️ My marriage to an abuser was hard. When there is real love, acceptance and respect, marriage is a breeze! it's like breathing! I'm sitting here in tears....for what I went through and for the millions of others who've been hurt by abuse and those who are still in it. My freaking heart!! 💔
Omg yes!!!! It’s mind bending!!!!! The “marriage is hard” is confusing the healthy teamwork a healthy relationship requires! then like true hard work, a task gets resolved! BUT in a narcissistic relationship only one of us is doing the hard work while the other makes it harder still. AND seems to get off on it!?! I finally realized I’d move the universe to make it work AND he had to do his half too, but is incapable of a real partnership and that is NOT my fault!!! And I cannot fix that…. I’m one year and a bit into reclaiming my well-being. I still cry in the shower, and at times feel like I’m going to just give up….like today. So I come here to find clarity… and I breathe deeply, and find a comment that resonates deeply. Your comment helps me identify another layer, so thank you. I hope you find much comfort and support on your journey to well-being. ✨✨🙏✨✨
Imagine growing up in that mess. Then, of course, went on to have more than one relationship like that. Now at 59yrs old, I know I chose poorly, I have my 2 cats, free greyhound, my handsome Bay Roan gelding. I am content & happy loading up horse, dog, and riding alone with them. It was sheer HELL, my adult life, . My escape as a child were all the farm animals, horses, milk cows , ect. I am happy again.
I'm so glad you are finally happy and have those beautiful animals to pour into you their unconditional love! I absolutely adore animals, especially cats and horses! ❤
@@leahg3926 I wish I could send you pics of them all. My 1/4 horse roan, Dyno, black mane, tail, legs, one white sock. Thank you all for the messages. Here is to us survivors !!!!!
Every time someone says that I have no willpower, I know how wrong they are. I know how much willpower it took for me to survive. Enduring was the main survival mechanism I learned in my childhood with a narcissistic parent. It’s not a healthy way to move through the world.
"people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" is used to say that people who have faults should not criticize other people for having the same faults.
It’s such a weird experience. Isn’t it. Very few who haven’t had it can comprehend. But when you are a powerless three year old and already a victim you devise ways to survive. Endurance, denial, gray rocking and carry them forward for years while simultaneously trying to learn about the world and grow up. You have world class willpower and a very heavy load that has not crushed you. In a way to just accomplish being a functioning person in a humble life is great success. In a magazine article I read a quote from a successful black man who said success wasn’t where you ended up but how far you had to travel, what hardships you had to travel though. I am sorry I can’t give you his name or exact quote, but I hope the power and peace of his observation comes though.
We keep lowering our expectations until we end up with no expectation of staying alive. I used to try to just get through the day. My dad used to praise me for being such a good girl. For being so quiet. So I grew up thinking that being quiet was a good thing I know he didn't mean any harm by it. As parents we need to be careful what we tell children
"Ending up with no expectations at all..." that was me. Although the one things I COULD expect was his rage and neglect of me. I got out over 4 years ago. I'm remarried to an amazing man who has also gone through Narc abuse. We are healing alongside each other and it's beautiful. From death to life. Incredible.❤
Silent, soul-crushing endurance, is exactly what it is to forfeit one's self to endure a narcissistic relationship. Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud.
@@vikingdoula Yes, it absolutely is taught in the church. Just recently a friend who is enduring narcissistic abuse introduced me to Patrick Weaver. He defends the abused person straight out of scripture - amazing!
An enabler once told me, 'you're too sensitive, You complain too much, You need to ENDURE more' that was my cue to end the relationship with both the narcissist and the enabler. I always follow my internal compass. Ladies listen to your gut instincts. you always tense up when you're around toxic people.
YES!!!YES!!!!YES!!! Validation!!! My mom literally praised me for enduring her abuse. “You roll with the punches”, “You keep your chin up” “You passed the test”! (She’d say this kind of thing after putting me through some unimaginably horrible crap) The really twisted thing? I’m now 52 and she’s 80 and she’ll take credit for things in my life that I get through. She’ll say things like “I raised you that way, I raised you to be tough” 🙄🤮👎🏼
I was in a relationship that only lasted 8 months, but I received enough negativity and invalidation and belittlement to last a lifetime. I really don’t ever want to be with another partner who is constantly negative and invalidating. It’s truly AWFUL to be around. It’s way more enjoyable to just be alone than to put up with that
It made me feel better when ppl who knew my story would say, “no person could’ve handled it well.” Validating people’s pain brings them back into their own skin where they can & will begin to seek answers, treatment, etc.
Add to this , in my instance being brought up as a Christian . Taught to forgive and see the good in people . Wish I’d been taught about to boundaries and leaving toxic relationships ! Thankfully late in life , through therapy I’m learning now 🙏 phewy !
Has anyone stayed in the relationship so their kids can grow up in a two-parent household? Staying sane and single for the sake of the kids is an option. Finding a healthy relationship is also an option. I think the fear of not know what to do or what the outcome will be is crippling.
Yes I stayed for that reason! Regret it for many reasons. Now my 22 year old son has followed in his dads footsteps . He treats me how his dad treated me. It’s horrible
@@jasmine3416 I'm sorry that's been your experience. That is truly heartbreaking. Looking back, is there anything you think you could have done to prevent him from turning out that way, meanwhile maintaining the two-parent household?
Yes, I am staying in my marriage by soul-distancing myself from him. It's hard and I when turn off my emotions, it's hard for me to turn back them again. I feel like I am disconnected from the whole world. I feel nothing. I don't know if it is good or bad.
@@jasmine3416 How have you dealt with intimacy. My sex drive is low and my husband gets mad at me for not putting effort into our marriage. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like making out with him but I do it so that he doesn't start ranting at me. What you did do? can you plz tell me.
Been told so many times I'm "one of the strongest people" a person knows. I'm TIRED of being strong. My body and mind is failing me and I don't believe in Hell as an actual place but endurance is the closest to Hell I feel I can be.
@@Silly_Hobbit_Twix_Are_4_Squids i agree. i mean i do believe in Hell, but i agree with what youre saying regarding strength. in my opinion, we shouldn't HAVE to be so strong at all. even the strongest of us get tired of all the BS. God bless you. i hope we can both get out of our situations and heal.
@@Silly_Hobbit_Twix_Are_4_Squids my "family" is also full of narcs.. i hope the 2 of us get away one day. we just have to believe in ourselves. i wish you the best of luck! 🙏❤
"An act of shear will." That is exactly how I have felt my whole life. I'm now 54. I finally broke free of my narc family. I did not realize how much stress I endured by being near my "family". I was the scapegoat. But now 10 mo. later I can finally breathe after blocking all contact. I don't know if I will ever get over the trauma I've been subjected to. But everyday it's becoming easier to be me.
That slow healing and release will continue. No, you don't ever "get over" experiences because those memories are part of you (I hate when people say that!) but you will move beyond them, learn to take lessons from them, and discover compassion for others going through what you did. Right now, you need to focus on what kind of life you truly want to live from now on. What dreams were stifled that you can now pursue? How do you see yourself in 5 years? It's "bucket list" time! Someone long ago told me, "don't get even, get ahead" - great advice. Your best triumph over the crap you have endured is to be a better person than they ever thought you could be.
“Silent, soul killing endurance” is the perfect description of the last 12 years of my life. I have no idea who I am anymore. Trying for the 36th time to leave and stay gone……
My relationship with a narcissist followed by stress of both parent's end of life issues most certainly caused my autoimmune condition. Thankfully, life is better now although the physical damage remains.
I wish more people would talk about the generational damage of narcissism. Being in a family where one grandparent was a narcissist, and generally used her children for her own enrichment... I've seen each of her children's (my Mom's generation) marriages fail or turn toxic. As well as her grandchildren, except 2 (out of 10), finding themselves with users and abusers. Myself included, till I got therapy. And there is a lot to be said about religion and traditional gender roles that perpetuate "eduring" that very abuse too.
Thank you Dr.Ramani🙏. A strong independent woman, a narc magnet and a 3x marathoner here. Always suffering about 3 years too late🙄 Had I known about covert narcissism while on my 2nd bout of enduring, desperately trying to find peace - I realize that I was away my self, my soul my spirit. I’m so done! It’s just a matter of selling the house now. You and all the online narc therapists are doing a valuable service to validate those of us abused by these soul destroying vampires. Namaste💖
Narcissism is such a tragic condition. They sabotage their own happiness at every turn as well as others'. They have developed defense mechanisms galore to avoid pain but those mechanisms are malfunctional and end up creating more pain instead. This cycle continues until they exist in a state of continual emotional and psychological sadomasochism. I have felt responsible for helping them heal. That's one of the ways I've gotten stuck. It has felt irresponsible to run away from serious danger like that without helping to make it safer for them or anyone they influence. It has felt like running away from an insane person stabbing themselves and others with a knife without doing anything to prevent the situation from continuing once I'm clear.
Staying in a relationship with a narcissistic person would’ve turned me into a man who’d try to survive, and that would be an unlikeable version of myself. Bottom line: there’s no reason to stay.
I’ve had a hard week. Just seeing you sitting there talking at the opening of this video brought me comfort. To the point I noticed it. Soooo many residuals they leave behind that we now have to fix. Thank you for understanding me Dr. Ramani. We need you.
I’ve been thinking about how comforting it is that she has a video every single day. Holiday or not. Glad I’m not the only one who is benefitting from that 😃. Happy healing, friend. 🫶Have a wonderful weekend! 💝💐
@@jillianmaloney3798 Thank you! Happy healings to you as well.🌸 It’s a process well worth embarking upon, isn’t it?🧠💪 Yes, these videos, along w/therapy..have changed my life.🥹 What a legacy she’s building!😎
THE CYCLE NEVER ENDS..even if we endure, nothing is going to change for the better if anything it gets worse.. don't endure if you can leave.. once you leave them you'll wish you did it a long time ago. Save your mind, health and body it's all that you have. They are not worth it and they'll never remember or appreciate anything you did for them.. I endured my narcissistic family members for many years.. I get sick a lot now and I have bad depression.. If you can't leave try to be so boring and not helpful for the narcissist till they find you useless. Also never try to contact them again just thinking about them can be exhausting.
100% true Dr. Ramani. The silence of enduring it’s consuming, it will erode your very being. I left a narcissist husband 2 yrs. Ago and I was married for 19 yrs. I know exactly what you’re talking about. And am also an endurance runner or long distance running, for yrs. Now! I ran a marathon November 2022 and felt like nothing to me mentally because of the torture I’ve been through before by cohabiting with a hard core narcissist. Thank you Dr. For strengthening the community with your videos. You helped me a lot by this mean.
I know I don't say much on your videos. This one hits directly on me. It's sad for me to understand it so well. All my years, filled with "what a good girl" moments
My mom used to advise me "You just gotta keep on keepin' on!" to encourage me in my 41 year marriage (she had endured 50+ years with my covert narc dad, the last 12 in denentia = living hell). I finally ignored her and filed for a divorce.
That was really my problem, I am an athlete. I did not want to give up. After 33 years, I realized he did not care. He. Did. Not. Care. Doing great now, thank you Dr. Ramani. You opened the flood gates and helped set many, many abused people free.
There are no prizes for enduring toxic narcisistic torturous relationships, they are lethal and as adults we need to rebel against those predatory cruel individuals in all ways possible. Thank you for your words of wisdom dr Ramani ❤ God bless you❤
Its most difficult when it begin in childhood by a parent. the cycle perpetuates with romantic partners and work situations. the only healthy relationships i had were a few friends that I met early on. they were in a similar situation. we supported each other and are friends forever.
My narc husband doesn't even let any friends stay in my life. Its lonely. I can't even join any narc abuse group because I am afraid he will come to know and then I will have to deal with his arrogant monster face ranting at me. I avoid to even look at his face when he is at home
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" I hate that. I loved when someone corrected it and now it says "What doesn't kill you can still mentalli scar you, break you down to a shell of your former self, and give you PTSD"
Yep this is my mom, she tolerates so much crap from toxic people out of the guise of getting praise and approval for being a ‘good strong person’ , and expects me to do the same. But it’s been super hard on me, my needs are often sacrificed and ignored, and I won’t do it anymore out of respect for myself. Yet I’m criticized attacked and blamed/shamed for it. Not letting my soul silently be destroyed. Focusing on myself and my life. Disengaging from it all as best I can. It’s hard when it’s family, I find it so hurtful and disappointing, yet my health matters. I was silenced for most of my life and expected always to put others first no matter what the cost. I will never ever be silenced again, regardless of who doesn’t like it. Totally taking my small rebel steps daily for my authentic self. Thank you ❤
Same here. Keep rebelling and keep that family out of your life. Gradually the guilt and shame diminish, then there's anger, that diminishes with time, and then indifference. You finally get to a place where you don't care about them.
Hi Dr Ramani! I was young and stupid and now I'm old and stupid. I'm in a 45 plus year relationship. I saw red flags and, at the time, didn't know what they meant. I thought that this person would only mature over the years...😔Not!!! There were plans I had for my life and never accomplished any of them...well, maybe one of them. All I think about is that, if reincarnation is real and I had all of today's memories, I would so try to be smarter about this kind of thing. I feel it's too late for me to start over again at my age and have no place to go and no financial resources, therefore I'm stuck for the rest of my life with no hope of ever being the person I used to be. Well...that's it...💔
I completely understand where you're at. For all the reasons I stayed for 12 years, are coming true now because I left 2 weeks ago. I don't know if i will survive it. I'm 54 and am being treated as if I've expired. On paper now I look like a nobody, and we all know that in this country, when you've been isolated and have nothing, that's how you're treated, like a nobody. He took every little piece of what was good in me and stripped me down to nothing. I wish you well and I'm sorry.
When it's finally over and you are finally apart you will look back on those times and wish for that time back, for that time to live those years with a healthy identity and an honoring of your own needs. No empty congratulations for weathering the situation will recover those wasted years. We aren't here to be open pit landfills for a partner's dysregulated emotions.
Yep, I wasted the most important working years of my life. Now my record is as if I never worked. It's insane. And that's just 1 aspect. I can only hope i can look back some day and laugh and sing and smile without this disaster he created.
Thank you Dr Ramani, I was in a awful relationship and I was warned that It would be hard on me if I continued to stay. Now that I left that MONSTER I am so weird and awkward around people. I find it so hard to deal with people now.
I was vulnerable and let them back in. Literally the next day it was back to the devaluation, contempt, grandiose, covert and toxic behavior. I felt exhausted and like crap like a hangover. I went and found my gray rock 🙏🏾
I feel so Ill from it. I have FND due to the trauma - it’s been 4yrs since I’ve been away from ex and my body just fails me because the mind can’t comprehend 😢 Please don’t stay … you’re giving someone else your confidence.
I used to pride myself on being "low maintenance" until I realized that there is a LOT of healthy ground between obnoxiously demanding and tolerates poor behavior and refuses to acknowledge needs and wants.
From personal experience and wisdom from your past videos, I think everyone praises you for not rocking the boat because they’re just thankful that you are taking the rage so they don’t have to
Dr. Ramani, like you once said "I'll be damn the day I enable narcissistic abuse." This is a quote I adopted as one on the mantras that empower me and help me pull through. Sadly, lately I've come across videos or mindfulness content that theorize (because nobody knows the great beyond or what happens after we perish) that: "It is your fault, even as a child, if your parents are abusive, manipulative, narcissistic or even psychopathic because YOU CHOOSE THEM BEFORE COMMING DOWN TO EARTH." 😤 The audacity to blame the innocent victims and enabling the abusers to wash their hands clean is enraging and disgusting to me. The problem is that many people are beginning to talk noncense alike and there's no way to make them realize that those are words from enablers. I even had a fallout with a friend because I just can't stand her pushing this narrative on a person who would have never choose this for her younger self. Trust me, I kind of know myself because of my self awareness, my endless ruminations (I'm proud to say that I no longer engage in this behavior after 3 years of not being able to sleep or function properly during my harsh awakening to reality) and the long hours opening Pandora's box at my therapist office 😪 Please Dr. Ramani, would you be kind enough to share some light on this new age shininnigins phenomenon? As always, thank you for holding our hands during our awakening, share the tools to keep our heads high and our hearts functioning as they should 🤗💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I have "endured" now for 32 years. Now on top of the other negative emotions I now feel guilt and shame for how long I have stayed. I have finally hired an attorney, signed the papers but fear has kept me from the final step.
@@patriciafry8634 Thank you. Family is all past. My fear is no support system and the fear of being so completely alone. I will also lose my home and farm animals who have become my family. But I also realize if I don't leave I life will not be it's fullest.
After 32 years, I would think you are entitled to something, financially? That would help you to start over? I'm hoping it all goes as smoothly for you as it possibly can.
I imagine it would feel very hard at first. But then you would be absolutely free to look around carefully for emotionally healthy and safe friends, to gradually rebuild your life more to your liking. Even finding one or two kind, honest friends can feel so wonderful, though it can take some looking! You deserve peace, safety, the occasional belly-laugh.
Staying with a narcissist because you can put up with it for whatever exchange you feel you get, is not all that is going on. Narcissists can do permanent damage to others' self esteem, confidence, independent thinking, motivation, emotional stability, healthy social networking and creativity that lasts for many years. It can also extinguish any desire for relationships of any kind. There is something soul-sucking about being around a narcissist for any length of time, and recovery doesn't happen overnight if ever. Think twice before deciding to give your life over to someone who doesn't care about your welfare.
Doctor, I was a happy girl who is warm, sweet, loving , smiling a lot , married the narcissist I didn’t know , after being abused for 4 years then I got on the internet to find out who he really is, I have learned the narcissist vocabulary only 8 months ago, I study your videos and many other professionals videos I am collecting knowledges to dealing with him, but bad news happed, I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, even though I am fighting with cancer but he is still gaslighting, insulting, embarrassing me, degrading, bold face lying on and on, I learned that his late wife dead with pancreatic cancer when I met him, I thought I would never get cancer I married him, but I have learned that how serious narcissistic abuse costs to my own body. I have stopped him come to my house told no call no visit, now is more than one month , the more I have learned the more I know his BS lies destruction , toxic behavior, drama and temper tantrums made me live in fear , couldn’t sleep my health is going done now what , I got cancer . i have to cut him off to survive
The remark that would really get on my nerves was, "your divorced now you don't have to worry about him ever again." It's never over if you have young children. In fact, he seemed to ramp things up after the divorce. I have learned to keep people at an arms length.
What timing, this morning I had just decided to quit my job of 1 week because of being treated so poorly, something that goes against my life's training. Now I watch this video and realize how far I've come.
RESILIENT - On my final day of therapy I asked my therapist to describe me. She summed me up in a single word: “Resilient”. She remarked I had demonstrated incredible resilience to endure struggle after struggle and survive the turmoil to face another day. Endurance relates the ability to get through struggles; the ability to tolerate the the never ending onslaught of one-sided arguments, be responsible for all that does or could go wrong, repair that which they have broken, take backhanded complements, walk the tightrope of opinion, and tip-toe through the land mines of triggers. Endurance reflects the ability to get through the hostility to maintain peace in their territory. Resilience reflects the ability to survive the next; get up the next day, get through the next week, month, year and beyond. Resilient describes the tiny fragment of ME that remained all along. The voice that resisted, reminding me that I was someone. That remaining, resilient, nugget of my ego was all I had left to hold back the onslaught of shame and despair that threatened to take over. Endurance got me through each struggle. Resilience got me through the war, preserving my foundation and supporting my restoration 😊
Dear Lord this was so beautifully well said and jaw dropping. You literally described my current life with a horrific narcissist who says horrific things such as " you unintelligent , ugly fuck" and " who even said you can touch me, speak to me , or look at me" when he is inebriated and even sometimes will strike me about my head and neck with his fists. I can sadly write an entire book on enduring and I do not know how I even manage to keep going daily. Thank you so much for writing this. God bless you❤
So true. And if you CANNOT leave and there are children involved, they are watching and learning. ' oh, this is how much shit a partner can and should take. ' or ' Hey, when I grow up I can bully and gaslight people and get away with it, cos that's my parents' mode of operating. ' It's really not ok to carry some saint and saviour torch around for a toxic relationship.
The reason I decided to go very low contact with my family almost a decade ago is simple: my parents hold that "virtue of endurance, " and I do not. For much of my life i believed that the main issue in my family was my narcissistic older sister, but I later learned that "virtue of endurance" from the enablers was actually the central issue. One day in my early twenties, things hit a peak and I decided I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore. I got the usual "families forgive," "she doesn't mean it," "you know she loves you," "we love you both and won't take sides" stuff, but when months passed and nothing changed because I refused to be warm and friendly and "normal" until I heard her take accountability from her own lips, my parents' rhetoric changed to something new, and it gave me the courage to leave my family. They said things like "please think of how this affects us (mom and dad)" and "this situation is casting a dark cloud over the whole family" and best of all, "I hope you never have to go through this when you have kids." That last one did it for me - to them, my refusal to put up with suffering and bullshit was something THEY were "going through," not something I was going through. I saw a new side of them and couldn't go back to the past after that. It was heartbreaking.
Thank you, Dr. Ramini. The “good girl” was my mother. She had an alcoholic father and suffered through marriage to my narcissistic father. She was a “Saint.” She passed away a few years back, and I miss my alone time with her. Now, I'm 61 years old with a 95-year-old father. He yells at me, and anything to put me down gives him glee. He doesn't do this to anyone but me. Never my brothers or their wives. He is mentally sharp, but he has two types of cancer and is not supposed to live more than a few months. When can I stop enduring this? Will I ever be free of his voice in my head? Could you do a session on those of us dealing with narcissistic parents in our older age? God Bless you for putting your knowledge and empathy out there. PS I've been in therapy for years. Always label of Scapegoat, Bipolar ii, and PTSD. Dad is the star of my nightmares.
I was struck by your comment as I also cared for my narcissistic father until his passing 2 years ago. It was probably the most difficult time of my life and only made worse by my siblings. I really felt like endurance was my superpower until I just didn’t think I could endure any more. It was hell and I think only another scapegoat can truly understand that. I can tell you that I felt such relief when he passed and I’m sure you will too. What has been unexpected for me was the flood of memories from my childhood that I’ve experienced since. It’s been almost as if I finally felt safe enough to remember and acknowledge the depth of abuse I endured. It’s been difficult but ultimately a liberating step to my healing. I’ve found that my grief after his death was not about losing him, but more about grieving a happy childhood and healthy family that I never had and the loss of potential for who I may have been if I had the love and support that I should have had. I hope this makes sense. Wishing you healing and better days. ❤️
@@daughterofdysfunction5623 Similar with me. Narcissistic father who outlived my codependent mother. Many domineering friends and boyfriends and in-laws. When my father died I grieved what I never had.
@@daughterofdysfunction5623 Thank you for replying to my comment, sharing your story, and providing insight into this situation. It makes me feel better about “enduring” the now. My head is already speeding and shuffling all the comments and abuse. I'm taking just little extra sleep meds so I can calm down and stop the spinning and get some sleep. Your note makes me feel more in control of what is to come. Thank you.
@@clairelane3642 “When my father died, I grieved what I never had.” That hit home for me. The preview of coming attractions. I hope I'll get the insight to grieve gracefully.
Terribly enduring narcissistic relationships is also a way to make achievements, get better grades and get recognition it seems . Another version of “good girl”. ❤️ Thanks for posting
OMG YES!! It took me a few minutes but I said something to my husband (before I saw his Narc abuse) about having to battle his late mother and having had to defend myself and our children from her Narc attacks. He actually said yes, you did. Thank you for doing that. It was like getting slapped. Allllll this time. All these years he pretended he didn't realize were were suffering. He acted as if I was complaining too much, that I was blowing it all out of proportion (though his mother was a big meanie and I should feel very sorry for him and comfort him when she abused him 🤔) that I should just be the bigger person and let it go. But the whole time he saw exactly what was happening to me and the kids and he just didn't care. I was there to be a human meat shield to protect him from his mother's blows. I was the bait. He saw it as my job to protect him and take her abuse. The pathetic thing is that my covert Narc stepfather once blatantly said the same thing about me. He demonstrated it to my mother when I was about 6 years old. He said "Watch: " and proceeded to scold me very harshly when I had done nothing wrong. So I cried. He looked at my mom and said, "See? She's so meek". To him it was a compliment. Such an @hole.
Unless you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you cannot begin to imagine how evil and damaging they are. Weeks after my marriage ended my ex moved onto her third husband. The ink wasn’t even dry!
I appreciate this so much.. People tell me a lot how proud they are of my husband and I for living with my MIL and her difficult personality.. She is negative about everything and expects us to do everything for her and take her everywhere with us.. Which is just easier to do than to listen to the guilt trips and fake crying! No other family member wants her so we are stuck! She’s 86 years old and gets more self absorbed with every passing day.. We don’t want praise! We want people to stop validating her control and manipulation of us with her fake tears! I can’t tell you how many times that we’ve tried to explain what our life is like with her that people just say.. “Well she’s old and is probably starting to show signs of dementia” or “Well she lost her husband and is just grieving”.. NO! She is not! TBH .. Her ‘grieving’ feels so fake! Cuz it seems it only comes when we might have gone to town without her and she’s upset we left her so she will put on the fake tears and say she’s really missing her husband today! That’s NOT grief! Thank you so so much Dr Ramani for you platform in helping us to feel validated and to endure our very difficult circumstances! My husband is 69 and I’m 65 and we feel that we have given up the best time of our lives to be in servitude to my MIL and just being able to make sense of it has saved our lives..
Dr Ramani, I cannot say enough to how your videos help me , I've been in a very long 30 year marriage, with 9 boys with this man, and I have gone thru and endured every single one of your videos, and i feel like im constantly in a mental, physical, and emotional marathon. Thank you for your care and understanding and providing if nothing else an outlet to know we are not the crazy ones. So much love from me to you. Thank you again.
I was born and raised in the hood. I grew up around heavy alcohol and drug usage, not even going to get into the sexual shit that I heard or witnessed. I've witnessed and heard people tell lies that got others seriously harmed or thrown into the back of a police car. I've probably been subjected to narcissism my entire life, have even questioned if I am one myself. I've even attempted a relationship where she questioned me and I questioned her on if we were Narcs. Being around people with possible disorders, causes all types of problems and escape attempts. I've been lied on , verbally assaulted and gaslighted countless times. I've been threatened with guns and cars. I'm truly tired of trying with people but I'm a very stubborn individual. I pray for anyone going through the bs that comes with this, it isn't easy.
I think you need to find a way to get away from this whole environment and reinvent your life. Please stop calling yourself "Young Savage," that's part of it. How about "Triumphant Man" or "Phoenix"? I taught at a women's prison for 5 years and the biggest problem for most of my students was leaving the hood behind them and creating a new life for themselves in their minds. It sucks them back like quicksand, unless they go "no contact" (sound familiar) and reconstruct how they want to live.
I know quite personally two senior couples who should have each divorced 30 years ago due to unhappiness because of one person being so narcissistic that the relationship was an everyday struggle to survive. I believe the women both "stayed" in the marriage due to children and then due to financial issues. How would they survive? So sad. Both are unhappy messes. One is honest and has shared the sad state of affairs with her adult daughters - one of them being me. The second couple pretends to be "the perfect couple" and will do this until they die. Enmeshment Central! The funerals for those two will be predictable. All roses and perfect even though it's a complete lie. Pathetic.
A friend has lived with his rabid narcissistic wife for 52 years. He simply doesn’t see that she has isolated him from their daughter, who, by the way sees right through her mother and has put some strict boundaries into effect. I’m torn between feeling sorry for him and simply wanting to tell him he’s an idiot for allowing it to happen.
Dr R. Thank you for this topic! Endurance, WOW!!! I AM 45 yrs down the road looking back at a marriage that should have never taken place. He has now died. After a 1yr of therapy for my PTSD and working out the toxins out of my physical body, I just give God Praise for being a Survivor. I'm 70 yrs old now, am fortunate to have inherited what I worked for. A home and property to sell and start over. My saving grace through it all was my Alanon Program and a great sponsor, who was actually a Family counselor. The group gave me a voice and motivated me to set boundaries and taught me to respect myself and not allow him to abuse me verbally or any other way. He didn't like it but I did not move my boundaries. It was tough, but I survived and am still Sane. Thank you!! You have helped me GREATLY!!😄😄😄
I was never the quiet “good girl”, I always rebelled and did all that I could in my narcissistic family of origin to claim myself and who I was. It was very painful because even though I fought to been seen and loved, I never was. It set me up to marry a toxic narcissist and I fought for myself with him for over 20 years, with the same result. I finally realized that I had to go stealth and get myself and my daughter out of that toxic and dangerous marriage and home. That is when I did all of the healthy things that you recommend doing, figuring it out for myself because there was little information out about toxic narcissism. That is when the enduring really started…acknowledging the truth that my spouse would never change, that I had been conditioned to marry him and repeat the unending fights of my childhood, and secretly taking one step at a time to free us from this hell we had been living in. That is when I was quiet, that is when I put one foot in front of the other to be free. It took 10 years, and I have been divorced for 6 years. Some days the hell still haunts me, and I grieve for the years lost, but most days I am simply grateful for a peaceful and autonomous life.
What you say is true. It was my mother there is no escape but I never stopped rebelling and accepting failure. By hell it gave me the training to beat cancer.
I appreciate you so much Dr. You’ve helped me so much more than I’ll ever be able to say in a YT comment section. If you’re reading this. Thank you so much for seeing me and others like me and HELPING Navigate the way through…… you are such a blessing to my whole soul. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤
Thank you again for regularly sending this much needed content! I’m in the vicinity of my narcissistic mother at the moment (normally I live in a different country) and I have already been sick twice in three weeks (I’m almost never sick). I don’t think I would survive living here anymore 😢
I sometimes fear that enduring it could slowly make you adopt their behaviors, and especially their confusion, as you realize most accurate criticisms of them are what they've been projecting onto others forever (or just pointing out in others).
Very important video 🙏🙏🙏many thanks as usual dr.Ramini. one of the most dangerous myths we are taught, is that endurance makes us heros, no it doesn't. It makes us resentful victims and unhappy people.
Like the majority of these videos this really hit home. I’m in the process of healing and finding my self worth again. Thank you for sharing your expertise with us. Oh and might I say…you look absolutely radiant! Many blessings to you.
Thank You Dr. Ramani. I stayed in my relationship for ten years, we separated for two years, got back together for one and I could not do it anymore. It took him about a month to go back to his "normal" self and I kept thinking is because we were apart and is going to take us a little bit to gel together, that never happened. I turned 58 and I had the realization to stop now before I was 68 or 78 and realized it was to late to find myself.
Thank you Dr Ramani! My narcissistic relationships are family. At the moment it is my father's wife and I do not feel that I can abandon my elderly father. I am so sick and tired of friends telling me that I am so strong.
Many thanks for all your relevant videos, especially this one. I'm so grateful that I can now recognize narcissistic personality traits and avoid difficult people or at least know how to take care of myself if I can't. Still, enduring a narcissistic relationship chips away at one's soul. It's exhausting and heartbreaking. The only real cure is to distance yourself as best as you possibly can. Sending caring healing thoughts to all of us "enduring". ❤️
This was good to hear. It made me think of when I was a child, teachers would comment on how resilient and un assuming I was and my Mum, who has some strong narcissistic tendencies would remind me of what the teachers said. It was hell for me inside, struggling with the family dysfunction and being undiagnosed autistic. Not that I want a medal for what I went through. It just wore me down , made me mentally ill for decades and I realize how enmeshed I became with my families ideas of how I should think and act and have them constantly reminded of my weaknesses. In my late 40's I am begining to educate myself on toxic family systems/narcissism and change how I respond to these people and set boundaries/limit contact whilst dealing with a lot of grief and adjustment to change in my life. I am thankful for this content and wish everybody wellness and peace of mind.
What you have just described is how adults can turn their children into narcissists and how narcissists turn others into enablers and flying monkeys 🎭👀!!!
This is... immensely helpful Dr. Ramani...That's me 😔 funny things is (not funny at all) my family has always described me as slow/lazy/unmotivated and yet everyday I feel like I ran a marathon. I discovered some time ago that my mother has narcissistic traits and comes from a narcissistic family, my older sister and brother also have a lot of narcissistic traits since their late teens, my father is an enabler that was raised by two violent narcissist and quite the broken home...So yes, I've endured a lot but don't feel proud about it, I feel tired and angry... Studying and researching the Divine Feminine has helped me a lot, as also your videos. Thank you very much ❤️🔥
![Diggy Graves - Red Vineyard [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8Ro085T0mnQ/mqdefault.jpg)
They Never remember what they said. They never mean what they say. They are mean when they say it. It's a Rollercoaster for us caring people that feel and give from our hearts. It's time to stop the insanity done to us. Thanks dr again.
Yes! Exactly!
Hate the sin. Love the sinner. I love my narcissist wife. She's very difficult to endure. Life goes on.
Enduring is dangerous, can cause death. Death mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.
100%! I endured for over 30 years. Finally, for the first time in my life, I had two legit panic attacks when he walked into a room where I had been, alone. FINALLY, I started paying attention to my body's signals (well...I didn't make that easy! My body had to go to extremes to get my attention). FINALLY, I realized, "Ok, now, it's killing me. I've gotta go."
The divorce was financially devastating. But you know why divorce is so expensive, right?
Answer: Because it's WORTH IT.
I noticed a spiritual death, as well. ☠️ ⚠️
@@PaigeSquared yeah... Everything is dead, merely a dim flicker somewhere I gotta own.
Yeah, get out of there fast.
They can murder you for real
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. I realized I was conditioned as a child to endure these demons by my narcissistic family. It led me into a life full of misery. I was a paralegal / legal assistant for 15 years and would always end up working for the worst of the worst…the lawyer / boss who’d throw things, scream, blame me for everything, etc. Also ended up marrying two coverts. These beings are extremely dangerous and should not be tolerated at all. Solitude and peace have been the biggest blessings I could ask for. 😇✨💜
Sending you a hug 🤗
This is me and my story!
Your life sounds like mine. So sorry. I agree with you! Peace and contentment are everything in life!
How did I know the lawyer would be worse ? I grew up in. Courthouse. By my mom's side I learned..glad u found it peace.
And these narcissist lawyers are the people who determine what happens to the children in a divorce.
The worst danger of all is REMAIN in the relationship with the narcissist/psychopath. It's death in life.
So true and sadly, well said
You're right.
The only comfort / act of rebellion I could give myself was secretly working on my plan to leave. I was financially entrapped and had to be careful about every move I made since he was quite dangerous. Some days it was more than I could take, so I cried in the shower and prayed for help.
I'm sorry you went through it sucks 😮💨🥺
Crying in the shower. Boy, that hits home. I’m feeling it for all the women who are financially trapped into slavery to a monster. Start and keep adding to that secret stash of money, to your bug out bag, and keep your car running well. Be ready to bolt at 3am. Have safe places to go. Find two REALLY good friends you can run to at least 50 miles away.
Hope you are safe and well away from him. Horrible to be living in constant fear.
More & more, domestic violence shelters are helping those in these horrible situations if one doesn’t have others to help w/escape.
im a guy i dont have money to go anywere
only can get housing, but housing is bad, its just going form one place until its bad enough going back to the other
No prizes for endurance, except damage to your soul. His ultimate betrayal was to share my past confidence with friends of the perpetrator, send me his corroborating chat, then cut me down with, "Your paranoia is disturbing!" then ghosting me, that didn't work as I am not the problem.
I learned a lot by allowing him in my life for 2 years. I don't recommend doing this.
Thanks Dr Ramani
I just got divorced from a narcissist, I threw away who I was and lost myself. Love your videos
Hope you are well away from them now and can focus on you and what you want for yourself. Best wishes for a healthier and happier future.
I'm sorry for you loss. I have been there. Don't worry you will find yourself again.
Same situation for me and I’m sorry for what you went through. Being alone and independent now and finding myself again has been the greatest time in my life. Has it also been incredibly hard work? Absolutely yes. But it can be both simultaneously. Best wishes to you in your healing & recovery. Your life will only continue to get better. 💖
I see u my sister… my divorce is almost three years ago and am just feeling like I’m getting back to myself. Sending u healing thoughts… b gentle w yourself 💛
congratulations! this is life changing!
Please look after and save yourself because the narcissist will not truly care about you. That's the sad truth I learned. Don't endure what is not worth enduring.
That is why you must leave as soon as possible. Learning and creating is your only way out of toxic relationships.
Hmm
The more you try to please, the more abuse you recieve.
Dad is narcissistic; he expects me to chase after him; it won't happen. He needs to grow up and shut up(no unasked for lectures he would give me). He takes the tone of a tyrant. I deposed his tyranny by not having contact with him since August(one of his brothers died; Dad did a monologue(phone call); his loss. No acknowledgement of my pain, at all I felt hollow and invisible. He's a jerk. I deserve a better father!
Just a reminder to anyone out there who has endured long term abuse from a narcissist/psychopath: months turn into years and years turn into decades and before you know it you’ve spent 30+ years being abused in a marriage on top of parental abuse as a child. It is so insidious and it can happen to anyone. You have to face your fears, it will be one of the hardest things you do in your life but it’s the only way to end it, run for your life!
100%
Thank you 💗
I grew up w an alcoholic narc mother have a bullying n physically abusive,as a child, narc said sister n am stuck in a 36 year marriage w a master manipulator maniglant psychopath narc n I wake up every single day in the throes of pure anxiety
He’s cutting me off financially so I feel am trapped plus my narc mother is developing deme
She’s developing dementia n im obligated to take care of her w both my narc so sister n narc husband
I have developed severe gastrointestinal problems among other things
I need to free myself
But how
@@louisahallman7313 Watch more videos like, you'll know when you need to stay far away from them for good.
My favorite is the message: "marriage is hard..."
🤦🏻♀️
My marriage to an abuser was hard. When there is real love, acceptance and respect, marriage is a breeze! it's like breathing!
I'm sitting here in tears....for what I went through and for the millions of others who've been hurt by abuse and those who are still in it. My freaking heart!! 💔
Omg yes!!!!
It’s mind bending!!!!!
The “marriage is hard” is confusing the healthy teamwork a healthy relationship requires! then like true hard work, a task gets resolved! BUT in a narcissistic relationship only one of us is doing the hard work while the other makes it harder still. AND seems to get off on it!?!
I finally realized I’d move the universe to make it work AND he had to do his half too, but is incapable of a real partnership and that is NOT my fault!!! And I cannot fix that….
I’m one year and a bit into reclaiming my well-being.
I still cry in the shower, and at times feel like I’m going to just give up….like today.
So I come here to find clarity… and I breathe deeply, and find a comment that resonates deeply. Your comment helps me identify another layer, so thank you.
I hope you find much comfort and support on your journey to well-being.
✨✨🙏✨✨
Tc friend
Imagine growing up in that mess. Then, of course, went on to have more than one relationship like that. Now at 59yrs old, I know I chose poorly, I have my 2 cats, free greyhound, my handsome Bay Roan gelding. I am content & happy loading up horse, dog, and riding alone with them. It was sheer HELL, my adult life, . My escape as a child were all the farm animals, horses, milk cows , ect. I am happy again.
Bay roan gelding ❤❤
I love just picturing your current PEACE
❤❤❤
Sadly, I can relate.
roam free
I'm so glad you are finally happy and have those beautiful animals to pour into you their unconditional love! I absolutely adore animals, especially cats and horses! ❤
@@leahg3926 I wish I could send you pics of them all. My 1/4 horse roan, Dyno, black mane, tail, legs, one white sock. Thank you all for the messages. Here is to us survivors !!!!!
Every time someone says that I have no willpower, I know how wrong they are. I know how much willpower it took for me to survive. Enduring was the main survival mechanism I learned in my childhood with a narcissistic parent. It’s not a healthy way to move through the world.
Wow, your comment. Thank you.
"people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" is used to say that people who have faults should not criticize other people for having the same faults.
It’s such a weird experience. Isn’t it. Very few who haven’t had it can comprehend. But when you are a powerless three year old and already a victim you devise ways to survive. Endurance, denial, gray rocking and carry them forward for years while simultaneously trying to learn about the world and grow up. You have world class willpower and a very heavy load that has not crushed you. In a way to just accomplish being a functioning person in a humble life is great success. In a magazine article I read a quote from a successful black man who said success wasn’t where you ended up but how far you had to travel, what hardships you had to travel though. I am sorry I can’t give you his name or exact quote, but I hope the power and peace of his observation comes though.
Sounds like a lot of people around you are still gaslighting you. No willpower? How would they know?
We keep lowering our expectations until we end up with no expectation of staying alive. I used to try to just get through the day. My dad used to praise me for being such a good girl. For being so quiet. So I grew up thinking that being quiet was a good thing I know he didn't mean any harm by it. As parents we need to be careful what we tell children
"Ending up with no expectations at all..." that was me. Although the one things I COULD expect was his rage and neglect of me. I got out over 4 years ago. I'm remarried to an amazing man who has also gone through Narc abuse. We are healing alongside each other and it's beautiful.
From death to life.
Incredible.❤
Be yourself! Express yourself!
That praise was grooming. Both my parents did the same to me.
Silent, soul-crushing endurance, is exactly what it is to forfeit one's self to endure a narcissistic relationship. Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud.
A terrible form of endurance is when the narcissist says you need to sacrifice something to get something. Soul damaging.
...taught in churches all across the world...
@@vikingdoula Yes, it absolutely is taught in the church. Just recently a friend who is enduring narcissistic abuse introduced me to Patrick Weaver. He defends the abused person straight out of scripture - amazing!
An enabler once told me, 'you're too sensitive, You complain too much, You need to ENDURE more' that was my cue to end the relationship with both the narcissist and the enabler. I always follow my internal compass. Ladies listen to your gut instincts. you always tense up when you're around toxic people.
YES!!!YES!!!!YES!!! Validation!!! My mom literally praised me for enduring her abuse. “You roll with the punches”, “You keep your chin up” “You passed the test”! (She’d say this kind of thing after putting me through some unimaginably horrible crap) The really twisted thing? I’m now 52 and she’s 80 and she’ll take credit for things in my life that I get through. She’ll say things like “I raised you that way, I raised you to be tough” 🙄🤮👎🏼
Sickening.😠I was raised the same way by my own narcissistic mother. Always threating to "fuck us up" and shame us for crying over her abuse.
You are not alone
My mom said the same thing to me when I was enduring her abuse, and I'm still enduring it with no way out.
I was in a relationship that only lasted 8 months, but I received enough negativity and invalidation and belittlement to last a lifetime. I really don’t ever want to be with another partner who is constantly negative and invalidating. It’s truly AWFUL to be around. It’s way more enjoyable to just be alone than to put up with that
It made me feel better when ppl who knew my story would say, “no person could’ve handled it well.”
Validating people’s pain brings them back into their own skin where they can & will begin to seek answers, treatment, etc.
There's no reward for being the most durable punching bag except more punches.
Your reward is understanding that you are not a punching bag!❤
Add to this , in my instance being brought up as a Christian . Taught to forgive and see the good in people . Wish I’d been taught about to boundaries and leaving toxic relationships ! Thankfully late in life , through therapy I’m learning now 🙏 phewy !
Has anyone stayed in the relationship so their kids can grow up in a two-parent household? Staying sane and single for the sake of the kids is an option. Finding a healthy relationship is also an option. I think the fear of not know what to do or what the outcome will be is crippling.
Yes I stayed for that reason! Regret it for many reasons. Now my 22 year old son has followed in his dads footsteps . He treats me how his dad treated me. It’s horrible
@@jasmine3416 I'm sorry that's been your experience. That is truly heartbreaking. Looking back, is there anything you think you could have done to prevent him from turning out that way, meanwhile maintaining the two-parent household?
Yes, I am staying in my marriage by soul-distancing myself from him. It's hard and I when turn off my emotions, it's hard for me to turn back them again. I feel like I am disconnected from the whole world. I feel nothing. I don't know if it is good or bad.
@@jasmine3416 How have you dealt with intimacy. My sex drive is low and my husband gets mad at me for not putting effort into our marriage. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like making out with him but I do it so that he doesn't start ranting at me. What you did do? can you plz tell me.
@@jasmine3416 Same here. Sending hugs...
Been told so many times I'm "one of the strongest people" a person knows. I'm TIRED of being strong. My body and mind is failing me and I don't believe in Hell as an actual place but endurance is the closest to Hell I feel I can be.
OMG this is me too.
@@carolfield2760 I am so sorry. People mean well. But we definitely don't want to have "strength" as a personality trait.
@@Silly_Hobbit_Twix_Are_4_Squids i agree. i mean i do believe in Hell, but i agree with what youre saying regarding strength. in my opinion, we shouldn't HAVE to be so strong at all. even the strongest of us get tired of all the BS. God bless you. i hope we can both get out of our situations and heal.
@@Silly_Hobbit_Twix_Are_4_Squids my "family" is also full of narcs.. i hope the 2 of us get away one day. we just have to believe in ourselves. i wish you the best of luck! 🙏❤
@@clare2439 thank you. I hope the very best for you and all who read this comment. ❤️ And for anyone watching the video who can relate.
"An act of shear will." That is exactly how I have felt my whole life. I'm now 54. I finally broke free of my narc family. I did not realize how much stress I endured by being near my "family". I was the scapegoat. But now 10 mo. later I can finally breathe after blocking all contact. I don't know if I will ever get over the trauma I've been subjected to. But everyday it's becoming easier to be me.
☝🏽🌌💖💫🖖🏽💗
That slow healing and release will continue. No, you don't ever "get over" experiences because those memories are part of you (I hate when people say that!) but you will move beyond them, learn to take lessons from them, and discover compassion for others going through what you did. Right now, you need to focus on what kind of life you truly want to live from now on. What dreams were stifled that you can now pursue? How do you see yourself in 5 years? It's "bucket list" time! Someone long ago told me, "don't get even, get ahead" - great advice. Your best triumph over the crap you have endured is to be a better person than they ever thought you could be.
“Silent, soul killing endurance” is the perfect description of the last 12 years of my life. I have no idea who I am anymore. Trying for the 36th time to leave and stay gone……
My relationship with a narcissist followed by stress of both parent's end of life issues most certainly caused my autoimmune condition. Thankfully, life is better now although the physical damage remains.
I wish more people would talk about the generational damage of narcissism. Being in a family where one grandparent was a narcissist, and generally used her children for her own enrichment... I've seen each of her children's (my Mom's generation) marriages fail or turn toxic. As well as her grandchildren, except 2 (out of 10), finding themselves with users and abusers. Myself included, till I got therapy.
And there is a lot to be said about religion and traditional gender roles that perpetuate "eduring" that very abuse too.
Thank you Dr.Ramani🙏. A strong independent woman, a narc magnet and a 3x marathoner here. Always suffering about 3 years too late🙄 Had I known about covert narcissism while on my 2nd bout of enduring, desperately trying to find peace - I realize that I was away my self, my soul my spirit. I’m so done! It’s just a matter of selling the house now. You and all the online narc therapists are doing a valuable service to validate those of us abused by these soul destroying vampires. Namaste💖
Narcissism is such a tragic condition. They sabotage their own happiness at every turn as well as others'. They have developed defense mechanisms galore to avoid pain but those mechanisms are malfunctional and end up creating more pain instead. This cycle continues until they exist in a state of continual emotional and psychological sadomasochism. I have felt responsible for helping them heal. That's one of the ways I've gotten stuck. It has felt irresponsible to run away from serious danger like that without helping to make it safer for them or anyone they influence. It has felt like running away from an insane person stabbing themselves and others with a knife without doing anything to prevent the situation from continuing once I'm clear.
Staying in a relationship with a narcissistic person would’ve turned me into a man who’d try to survive, and that would be an unlikeable version of myself.
Bottom line: there’s no reason to stay.
I’ve had a hard week.
Just seeing you sitting there talking at the opening of this video brought me comfort.
To the point I noticed it.
Soooo many residuals they leave behind that we now have to fix.
Thank you for understanding me Dr. Ramani.
We need you.
I’ve been thinking about how comforting it is that she has a video every single day. Holiday or not. Glad I’m not the only one who is benefitting from that 😃. Happy healing, friend. 🫶Have a wonderful weekend! 💝💐
@@jillianmaloney3798 Thank you!
Happy healings to you as well.🌸
It’s a process well worth embarking upon, isn’t it?🧠💪
Yes, these videos, along w/therapy..have changed my life.🥹
What a legacy she’s building!😎
THE CYCLE NEVER ENDS..even if we endure, nothing is going to change for the better if anything it gets worse.. don't endure if you can leave.. once you leave them you'll wish you did it a long time ago.
Save your mind, health and body it's all that you have. They are not worth it and they'll never remember or appreciate anything you did for them..
I endured my narcissistic family members for many years.. I get sick a lot now and I have bad depression.. If you can't leave try to be so boring and not helpful for the narcissist till they find you useless.
Also never try to contact them again just thinking about them can be exhausting.
100% true Dr. Ramani. The silence of enduring it’s consuming, it will erode your very being. I left a narcissist husband 2 yrs. Ago and I was married for 19 yrs. I know exactly what you’re talking about. And am also an endurance runner or long distance running, for yrs. Now! I ran a marathon November 2022 and felt like nothing to me mentally because of the torture I’ve been through before by cohabiting with a hard core narcissist. Thank you Dr. For strengthening the community with your videos. You helped me a lot by this mean.
I know I don't say much on your videos. This one hits directly on me. It's sad for me to understand it so well. All my years, filled with "what a good girl" moments
I've made a lot of progress in the past year and your videos have been a big help in learning what I went through.
Agreed. They’re fundamentally key in my life, and my growth.
Same here!
My mom used to advise me "You just gotta keep on keepin' on!" to encourage me in my 41 year marriage (she had endured 50+ years with my covert narc dad, the last 12 in denentia = living hell). I finally ignored her and filed for a divorce.
That was the mantra for generations of women in the past. I heard it too. No longer. Just be sad for your poor mom.
That was really my problem, I am an athlete. I did not want to give up. After 33 years, I realized he did not care. He. Did. Not. Care. Doing great now, thank you Dr. Ramani. You opened the flood gates and helped set many, many abused people free.
There are no prizes for enduring toxic narcisistic torturous relationships, they are lethal and as adults we need to rebel against those predatory cruel individuals in all ways possible. Thank you for your words of wisdom dr Ramani ❤ God bless you❤
Its most difficult when it begin in childhood by a parent. the cycle perpetuates with romantic partners and work situations. the only healthy relationships i had were a few friends that I met early on. they were in a similar situation. we supported each other and are friends forever.
My narc husband doesn't even let any friends stay in my life. Its lonely. I can't even join any narc abuse group because I am afraid he will come to know and then I will have to deal with his arrogant monster face ranting at me. I avoid to even look at his face when he is at home
@@ritikadadial9508you can find a way out
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"
I hate that. I loved when someone corrected it and now it says "What doesn't kill you can still mentalli scar you, break you down to a shell of your former self, and give you PTSD"
What doesn't kill you gives you dysfunctional coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humour.
Wats ptsd
@@xiphocostal I'm so funny now.
+1
Yep this is my mom, she tolerates so much crap from toxic people out of the guise of getting praise and approval for being a ‘good strong person’ , and expects me to do the same. But it’s been super hard on me, my needs are often sacrificed and ignored, and I won’t do it anymore out of respect for myself. Yet I’m criticized attacked and blamed/shamed for it. Not letting my soul silently be destroyed. Focusing on myself and my life. Disengaging from it all as best I can. It’s hard when it’s family, I find it so hurtful and disappointing, yet my health matters. I was silenced for most of my life and expected always to put others first no matter what the cost. I will never ever be silenced again, regardless of who doesn’t like it. Totally taking my small rebel steps daily for my authentic self. Thank you ❤
Same here. Keep rebelling and keep that family out of your life. Gradually the guilt and shame diminish, then there's anger, that diminishes with time, and then indifference. You finally get to a place where you don't care about them.
Inspirational! 👏✨
I spent 13 years of my life with a narrascist. I divorced her. Been a tough journey but worth it. Been out for 1.5 years
Congratulations on making yourself a priority and here’s to a life free of narcissistic abuse 🥂
The peace and quiet is so nice afterward, take your time to heel before getting back out there
Hi Dr Ramani! I was young and stupid and now I'm old and stupid. I'm in a 45 plus year relationship. I saw red flags and, at the time, didn't know what they meant. I thought that this person would only mature over the years...😔Not!!! There were plans I had for my life and never accomplished any of them...well, maybe one of them. All I think about is that, if reincarnation is real and I had all of today's memories, I would so try to be smarter about this kind of thing. I feel it's too late for me to start over again at my age and have no place to go and no financial resources, therefore I'm stuck for the rest of my life with no hope of ever being the person I used to be. Well...that's it...💔
I completely understand where you're at.
For all the reasons I stayed for 12 years, are coming true now because I left 2 weeks ago. I don't know if i will survive it. I'm 54 and am being treated as if I've expired. On paper now I look like a nobody, and we all know that in this country, when you've been isolated and have nothing, that's how you're treated, like a nobody. He took every little piece of what was good in me and stripped me down to nothing.
I wish you well and I'm sorry.
When it's finally over and you are finally apart you will look back on those times and wish for that time back, for that time to live those years with a healthy identity and an honoring of your own needs. No empty congratulations for weathering the situation will recover those wasted years. We aren't here to be open pit landfills for a partner's dysregulated emotions.
Yep, I wasted the most important working years of my life. Now my record is as if I never worked. It's insane.
And that's just 1 aspect.
I can only hope i can look back some day and laugh and sing and smile without this disaster he created.
Thank you Dr Ramani,
I was in a awful relationship and I was warned that It would be hard on me if I continued to stay.
Now that I left that MONSTER I am so weird and awkward around people. I find it so hard to deal with people now.
Keep doing nice things without reward
I was vulnerable and let them back in. Literally the next day it was back to the devaluation, contempt, grandiose, covert and toxic behavior. I felt exhausted and like crap like a hangover.
I went and found my gray rock 🙏🏾
I feel so Ill from it. I have FND due to the trauma - it’s been 4yrs since I’ve been away from ex and my body just fails me because the mind can’t comprehend 😢
Please don’t stay … you’re giving someone else your confidence.
I used to pride myself on being "low maintenance" until I realized that there is a LOT of healthy ground between obnoxiously demanding and tolerates poor behavior and refuses to acknowledge needs and wants.
From personal experience and wisdom from your past videos, I think everyone praises you for not rocking the boat because they’re just thankful that you are taking the rage so they don’t have to
Dr. Ramani, like you once said "I'll be damn the day I enable narcissistic abuse." This is a quote I adopted as one on the mantras that empower me and help me pull through. Sadly, lately I've come across videos or mindfulness content that theorize (because nobody knows the great beyond or what happens after we perish) that: "It is your fault, even as a child, if your parents are abusive, manipulative, narcissistic or even psychopathic because YOU CHOOSE THEM BEFORE COMMING DOWN TO EARTH." 😤 The audacity to blame the innocent victims and enabling the abusers to wash their hands clean is enraging and disgusting to me. The problem is that many people are beginning to talk noncense alike and there's no way to make them realize that those are words from enablers. I even had a fallout with a friend because I just can't stand her pushing this narrative on a person who would have never choose this for her younger self. Trust me, I kind of know myself because of my self awareness, my endless ruminations (I'm proud to say that I no longer engage in this behavior after 3 years of not being able to sleep or function properly during my harsh awakening to reality) and the long hours opening Pandora's box at my therapist office 😪 Please Dr. Ramani, would you be kind enough to share some light on this new age shininnigins phenomenon?
As always, thank you for holding our hands during our awakening, share the tools to keep our heads high and our hearts functioning as they should 🤗💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I have "endured" now for 32 years. Now on top of the other negative emotions I now feel guilt and shame for how long I have stayed. I have finally hired an attorney, signed the papers but fear has kept me from the final step.
Hope you can look within and find the will to take the last step! And maybe some friends or family members to support you
@@patriciafry8634 Thank you. Family is all past. My fear is no support system and the fear of being so completely alone. I will also lose my home and farm animals who have become my family. But I also realize if I don't leave I life will not be it's fullest.
I feel your pain.
After 32 years, I would think you are entitled to something, financially? That would help you to start over? I'm hoping it all goes as smoothly for you as it possibly can.
I imagine it would feel very hard at first. But then you would be absolutely free to look around carefully for emotionally healthy and safe friends, to gradually rebuild your life more to your liking. Even finding one or two kind, honest friends can feel so wonderful, though it can take some looking! You deserve peace, safety, the occasional belly-laugh.
Staying with a narcissist because you can put up with it for whatever exchange you feel you get, is not all that is going on. Narcissists can do permanent damage to others' self esteem, confidence, independent thinking, motivation, emotional stability, healthy social networking and creativity that lasts for many years. It can also extinguish any desire for relationships of any kind. There is something soul-sucking about being around a narcissist for any length of time, and recovery doesn't happen overnight if ever. Think twice before deciding to give your life over to someone who doesn't care about your welfare.
Doctor, I was a happy girl who is warm, sweet, loving , smiling a lot , married the narcissist I didn’t know , after being abused for 4 years then I got on the internet to find out who he really is, I have learned the narcissist vocabulary only 8 months ago, I study your videos and many other professionals videos I am collecting knowledges to dealing with him, but bad news happed, I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, even though I am fighting with cancer but he is still gaslighting, insulting, embarrassing me, degrading, bold face lying on and on, I learned that his late wife dead with pancreatic cancer when I met him, I thought I would never get cancer I married him, but I have learned that how serious narcissistic abuse costs to my own body. I have stopped him come to my house told no call no visit, now is more than one month , the more I have learned the more I know his BS lies destruction , toxic behavior, drama and temper tantrums made me live in fear , couldn’t sleep my health is going done now what , I got cancer . i have to cut him off to survive
❤❤❤
The remark that would really get on my nerves was, "your divorced now you don't have to worry about him ever again." It's never over if you have young children. In fact, he seemed to ramp things up after the divorce. I have learned to keep people at an arms length.
Being in a narcissistic relationship is like putting your life in a toilet.
Dziękuję za to porównanie ...
❤
What timing, this morning I had just decided to quit my job of 1 week because of being treated so poorly, something that goes against my life's training. Now I watch this video and realize how far I've come.
You're glowing today, Dr. Ramani.
RESILIENT - On my final day of therapy I asked my therapist to describe me. She summed me up in a single word: “Resilient”. She remarked I had demonstrated incredible resilience to endure struggle after struggle and survive the turmoil to face another day.
Endurance relates the ability to get through struggles; the ability to tolerate the the never ending onslaught of one-sided arguments, be responsible for all that does or could go wrong, repair that which they have broken, take backhanded complements, walk the tightrope of opinion, and tip-toe through the land mines of triggers. Endurance reflects the ability to get through the hostility to maintain peace in their territory.
Resilience reflects the ability to survive the next; get up the next day, get through the next week, month, year and beyond. Resilient describes the tiny fragment of ME that remained all along. The voice that resisted, reminding me that I was someone. That remaining, resilient, nugget of my ego was all I had left to hold back the onslaught of shame and despair that threatened to take over.
Endurance got me through each struggle. Resilience got me through the war, preserving my foundation and supporting my restoration 😊
Dear Lord this was so beautifully well said and jaw dropping. You literally described my current life with a horrific narcissist who says horrific things such as " you unintelligent , ugly fuck" and " who even said you can touch me, speak to me , or look at me" when he is inebriated and even sometimes will strike me about my head and neck with his fists. I can sadly write an entire book on enduring and I do not know how I even manage to keep going daily. Thank you so much for writing this. God bless you❤
Thank you SO MUCH This is just for me, 53 years of suffering. And still going on.
It wears you down!
It is meant to!
So true. And if you CANNOT leave and there are children involved, they are watching and learning. ' oh, this is how much shit a partner can and should take. ' or ' Hey, when I grow up I can bully and gaslight people and get away with it, cos that's my parents' mode of operating. ' It's really not ok to carry some saint and saviour torch around for a toxic relationship.
OMG - so perfectly said! I've seen that situation up close and personal. Thank you for so eloquently defining it!
The reason I decided to go very low contact with my family almost a decade ago is simple: my parents hold that "virtue of endurance, " and I do not. For much of my life i believed that the main issue in my family was my narcissistic older sister, but I later learned that "virtue of endurance" from the enablers was actually the central issue. One day in my early twenties, things hit a peak and I decided I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore. I got the usual "families forgive," "she doesn't mean it," "you know she loves you," "we love you both and won't take sides" stuff, but when months passed and nothing changed because I refused to be warm and friendly and "normal" until I heard her take accountability from her own lips, my parents' rhetoric changed to something new, and it gave me the courage to leave my family. They said things like "please think of how this affects us (mom and dad)" and "this situation is casting a dark cloud over the whole family" and best of all, "I hope you never have to go through this when you have kids." That last one did it for me - to them, my refusal to put up with suffering and bullshit was something THEY were "going through," not something I was going through. I saw a new side of them and couldn't go back to the past after that. It was heartbreaking.
Thank you, Dr. Ramini. The “good girl” was my mother. She had an alcoholic father and suffered through marriage to my narcissistic father. She was a “Saint.” She passed away a few years back, and I miss my alone time with her. Now, I'm 61 years old with a 95-year-old father. He yells at me, and anything to put me down gives him glee. He doesn't do this to anyone but me. Never my brothers or their wives. He is mentally sharp, but he has two types of cancer and is not supposed to live more than a few months. When can I stop enduring this? Will I ever be free of his voice in my head? Could you do a session on those of us dealing with narcissistic parents in our older age? God Bless you for putting your knowledge and empathy out there. PS I've been in therapy for years. Always label of Scapegoat, Bipolar ii, and PTSD. Dad is the star of my nightmares.
I was struck by your comment as I also cared for my narcissistic father until his passing 2 years ago. It was probably the most difficult time of my life and only made worse by my siblings. I really felt like endurance was my superpower until I just didn’t think I could endure any more. It was hell and I think only another scapegoat can truly understand that. I can tell you that I felt such relief when he passed and I’m sure you will too. What has been unexpected for me was the flood of memories from my childhood that I’ve experienced since. It’s been almost as if I finally felt safe enough to remember and acknowledge the depth of abuse I endured. It’s been difficult but ultimately a liberating step to my healing. I’ve found that my grief after his death was not about losing him, but more about grieving a happy childhood and healthy family that I never had and the loss of potential for who I may have been if I had the love and support that I should have had. I hope this makes sense. Wishing you healing and better days. ❤️
@@daughterofdysfunction5623 Similar with me. Narcissistic father who outlived my codependent mother. Many domineering friends and boyfriends and in-laws. When my father died I grieved what I never had.
@@daughterofdysfunction5623 Thank you for replying to my comment, sharing your story, and providing insight into this situation. It makes me feel better about “enduring” the now. My head is already speeding and shuffling all the comments and abuse. I'm taking just little extra sleep meds so I can calm down and stop the spinning and get some sleep. Your note makes me feel more in control of what is to come. Thank you.
@@clairelane3642 “When my father died, I grieved what I never had.” That hit home for me. The preview of coming attractions. I hope I'll get the insight to grieve gracefully.
Terribly enduring narcissistic relationships is also a way to make achievements, get better grades and get recognition it seems . Another version of “good girl”. ❤️ Thanks for posting
OMG YES!! It took me a few minutes but I said something to my husband (before I saw his Narc abuse) about having to battle his late mother and having had to defend myself and our children from her Narc attacks.
He actually said yes, you did. Thank you for doing that.
It was like getting slapped. Allllll this time. All these years he pretended he didn't realize were were suffering. He acted as if I was complaining too much, that I was blowing it all out of proportion (though his mother was a big meanie and I should feel very sorry for him and comfort him when she abused him 🤔) that I should just be the bigger person and let it go. But the whole time he saw exactly what was happening to me and the kids and he just didn't care. I was there to be a human meat shield to protect him from his mother's blows. I was the bait. He saw it as my job to protect him and take her abuse.
The pathetic thing is that my covert Narc stepfather once blatantly said the same thing about me. He demonstrated it to my mother when I was about 6 years old. He said "Watch: " and proceeded to scold me very harshly when I had done nothing wrong.
So I cried. He looked at my mom and said, "See? She's so meek". To him it was a compliment. Such an @hole.
I wish I could time-travel and give your stepfather a hearty kick. How despicable to hurt a small child like that.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! It can be hard to give myself permission for the little rebellions, but now I know: do it, do it 1000 times a day 😊
Thank you Dr. Ramani! You
are so right, there are no prizes for endurance! Still able to keep a separate part that is me… my soul!
❤ you!
Unless you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you cannot begin to imagine how evil and damaging they are. Weeks after my marriage ended my ex moved onto her third husband. The ink wasn’t even dry!
I appreciate this so much.. People tell me a lot how proud they are of my husband and I for living with my MIL and her difficult personality.. She is negative about everything and expects us to do everything for her and take her everywhere with us.. Which is just easier to do than to listen to the guilt trips and fake crying! No other family member wants her so we are stuck! She’s 86 years old and gets more self absorbed with every passing day..
We don’t want praise! We want people to stop validating her control and manipulation of us with her fake tears! I can’t tell you how many times that we’ve tried to explain what our life is like with her that people just say.. “Well she’s old and is probably starting to show signs of dementia” or “Well she lost her husband and is just grieving”.. NO! She is not! TBH .. Her ‘grieving’ feels so fake! Cuz it seems it only comes when we might have gone to town without her and she’s upset we left her so she will put on the fake tears and say she’s really missing her husband today! That’s NOT grief!
Thank you so so much Dr Ramani for you platform in helping us to feel validated and to endure our very difficult circumstances! My husband is 69 and I’m 65 and we feel that we have given up the best time of our lives to be in servitude to my MIL and just being able to make sense of it has saved our lives..
THANKS DOC!!! Im a recovering narcissist and getting better! By admitting the TRUTH 🙏💯🥰
Dr Ramani, I cannot say enough to how your videos help me , I've been in a very long 30 year marriage, with 9 boys with this man, and I have gone thru and endured every single one of your videos, and i feel like im constantly in a mental, physical, and emotional marathon. Thank you for your care and understanding and providing if nothing else an outlet to know we are not the crazy ones. So much love from me to you. Thank you again.
Thanks so much for speaking the Truth, which society should actually do, but more than not, does not!
I was born and raised in the hood. I grew up around heavy alcohol and drug usage, not even going to get into the sexual shit that I heard or witnessed. I've witnessed and heard people tell lies that got others seriously harmed or thrown into the back of a police car. I've probably been subjected to narcissism my entire life, have even questioned if I am one myself. I've even attempted a relationship where she questioned me and I questioned her on if we were Narcs. Being around people with possible disorders, causes all types of problems and escape attempts. I've been lied on , verbally assaulted and gaslighted countless times. I've been threatened with guns and cars. I'm truly tired of trying with people but I'm a very stubborn individual. I pray for anyone going through the bs that comes with this, it isn't easy.
I think you need to find a way to get away from this whole environment and reinvent your life. Please stop calling yourself "Young Savage," that's part of it. How about "Triumphant Man" or "Phoenix"? I taught at a women's prison for 5 years and the biggest problem for most of my students was leaving the hood behind them and creating a new life for themselves in their minds. It sucks them back like quicksand, unless they go "no contact" (sound familiar) and reconstruct how they want to live.
I know quite personally two senior couples who should have each divorced 30 years ago due to unhappiness because of one person being so narcissistic that the relationship was an everyday struggle to survive. I believe the women both "stayed" in the marriage due to children and then due to financial issues. How would they survive? So sad. Both are unhappy messes. One is honest and has shared the sad state of affairs with her adult daughters - one of them being me. The second couple pretends to be "the perfect couple" and will do this until they die. Enmeshment Central! The funerals for those two will be predictable. All roses and perfect even though it's a complete lie. Pathetic.
This endurance borders enabling, this IS actually enabling the narcs practically..
A friend has lived with his rabid narcissistic wife for 52 years. He simply doesn’t see that she has isolated him from their daughter, who, by the way sees right through her mother and has put some strict boundaries into effect. I’m torn between feeling sorry for him and simply wanting to tell him he’s an idiot for allowing it to happen.
People often tell me I was very brave for leaving my 28 year relationship. I tell them it was all the bravery I had to stay that long.
Thank you for making this valuable information available to all who desperately need it.
Dr R. Thank you for this topic!
Endurance, WOW!!! I AM 45 yrs down the road looking back at a marriage that should have never taken place. He has now died. After a 1yr of therapy for my PTSD and working out the toxins out of my physical body, I just give God Praise for being a Survivor. I'm 70 yrs old now, am fortunate to have inherited what I worked for. A home and property to sell and start over. My saving grace through it all was my Alanon Program and a great sponsor, who was actually a Family counselor. The group gave me a voice and motivated me to set boundaries and taught me to respect myself and not allow him to abuse me verbally or any other way. He didn't like it but I did not move my boundaries. It was tough, but I survived and am still Sane. Thank you!! You have helped me GREATLY!!😄😄😄
I know one of one of the phrases of the empathy.The words put together are simple but mean so much. Never ,never, ,ever again.
I was never the quiet “good girl”, I always rebelled and did all that I could in my narcissistic family of origin to claim myself and who I was. It was very painful because even though I fought to been seen and loved, I never was. It set me up to marry a toxic narcissist and I fought for myself with him for over 20 years, with the same result. I finally realized that I had to go stealth and get myself and my daughter out of that toxic and dangerous marriage and home. That is when I did all of the healthy things that you recommend doing, figuring it out for myself because there was little information out about toxic narcissism. That is when the enduring really started…acknowledging the truth that my spouse would never change, that I had been conditioned to marry him and repeat the unending fights of my childhood, and secretly taking one step at a time to free us from this hell we had been living in. That is when I was quiet, that is when I put one foot in front of the other to be free. It took 10 years, and I have been divorced for 6 years. Some days the hell still haunts me, and I grieve for the years lost, but most days I am simply grateful for a peaceful and autonomous life.
These videos help me profoundly. Also, the comments are so validating. I finally have the peace I’ve long wished for, and I never take it for granted.
What you say is true. It was my mother there is no escape but I never stopped rebelling and accepting failure. By hell it gave me the training to beat cancer.
I appreciate you so much Dr. You’ve helped me so much more than I’ll ever be able to say in a YT comment section. If you’re reading this. Thank you so much for seeing me and others like me and HELPING Navigate the way through…… you are such a blessing to my whole soul. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤
Wow‼️ 2:11 *"congratulated for giving up...."* 5:36 *"there are no prizes for endurance" dr.r*
Excellent doctor. Thanks a million
There is a bit of solace in enduring the worst and still finding ways to thrive
Thank you so much for making these videos. I’ve watched hours of your content and you are helping me so much!
Thank You Dr R
Validation of being ❤🧡💛💚💙💜♡
Thank you again for regularly sending this much needed content! I’m in the vicinity of my narcissistic mother at the moment (normally I live in a different country) and I have already been sick twice in three weeks (I’m almost never sick). I don’t think I would survive living here anymore 😢
I've known him 25 years off & on, married last 13 years. I feel like I slept for a year after he left.
I sometimes fear that enduring it could slowly make you adopt their behaviors, and especially their confusion, as you realize most accurate criticisms of them are what they've been projecting onto others forever (or just pointing out in others).
Very important video 🙏🙏🙏many thanks as usual dr.Ramini. one of the most dangerous myths we are taught, is that endurance makes us heros, no it doesn't. It makes us resentful victims and unhappy people.
Like the majority of these videos this really hit home. I’m in the process of healing and finding my self worth again. Thank you for sharing your expertise with us. Oh and might I say…you look absolutely radiant! Many blessings to you.
Thank You Dr. Ramani. I stayed in my relationship for ten years, we separated for two years, got back together for one and I could not do it anymore. It took him about a month to go back to his "normal" self and I kept thinking is because we were apart and is going to take us a little bit to gel together, that never happened. I turned 58 and I had the realization to stop now before I was 68 or 78 and realized it was to late to find myself.
I too, am 58. Please share any inspiration you have to help encourage those of us in the same boat.
Thank you Dr Ramani! My narcissistic relationships are family. At the moment it is my father's wife and I do not feel that I can abandon my elderly father. I am so sick and tired of friends telling me that I am so strong.
Could you do more videos on the covert/vulnerable narcissist please, they are so difficult to spot and more information would really help.
Many thanks for all your relevant videos, especially this one. I'm so grateful that I can now recognize narcissistic personality traits and avoid difficult people or at least know how to take care of myself if I can't.
Still, enduring a narcissistic relationship chips away at one's soul. It's exhausting and heartbreaking. The only real cure is to distance yourself as best as you possibly can.
Sending caring healing thoughts to all of us "enduring". ❤️
This was good to hear. It made me think of when I was a child, teachers would comment on how resilient and un assuming I was and my Mum, who has some strong narcissistic tendencies would remind me of what the teachers said. It was hell for me inside, struggling with the family dysfunction and being undiagnosed autistic. Not that I want a medal for what I went through. It just wore me down , made me mentally ill for decades and I realize how enmeshed I became with my families ideas of how I should think and act and have them constantly reminded of my weaknesses. In my late 40's I am begining to educate myself on toxic family systems/narcissism and change how I respond to these people and set boundaries/limit contact whilst dealing with a lot of grief and adjustment to change in my life. I am thankful for this content and wish everybody wellness and peace of mind.
What you have just described is how adults can turn their children into narcissists and how narcissists turn others into enablers and flying monkeys 🎭👀!!!
This is... immensely helpful Dr. Ramani...That's me 😔 funny things is (not funny at all) my family has always described me as slow/lazy/unmotivated and yet everyday I feel like I ran a marathon. I discovered some time ago that my mother has narcissistic traits and comes from a narcissistic family, my older sister and brother also have a lot of narcissistic traits since their late teens, my father is an enabler that was raised by two violent narcissist and quite the broken home...So yes, I've endured a lot but don't feel proud about it, I feel tired and angry... Studying and researching the Divine Feminine has helped me a lot, as also your videos. Thank you very much ❤️🔥