Why domestic violence victims don't leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner | TED
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- Опубликовано: 24 янв 2013
- Leslie Morgan Steiner was in "crazy love" -- that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life. Steiner tells the dark story of her relationship, correcting misconceptions many people hold about victims of domestic violence, and explaining how we can all help break the silence. (Filmed at TEDxRainier.)
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One thing she left out. Abusers always make you feel like its your fault and you are the crazy one.
Very true
Absolutely
True, they didn't accept explanation, and didn't accept their fault. I am struggling with it now for almost 3 years
Read my comment and tell me if I’m right
Exactly!
The part where she said she didn't think of herself as a victim; she was a strong, independent woman who was helping a troubled man...I think I just woke up to my current situation.
Tiger Lily She was an enabler.
Rae Amelia
yeah and your icon speaks for its self XD
+Rae Amelia huh...sounds exactly like 50 shades of grey. interesting.
+d sar Not all abuser are the typical thug type though.... My abuser was a total nerd and, at first, a nice guy. No one deserves to be beaten by someone they love, by someone that claims that they love you. For me it was so hard to leave because i thought like you, that only bad boys abuse, and this guy was a nice guy, but now i have scars that constantly reminds me of how wrong i was... Also, the majority of abusers are people you trust, and like she said in the video, the violence comes after a while, when you no longer have the strength or bravery to leave...
+d sar you clearly did not watch the video.
My best friend finally got enough courage to pack her bags and leave her abusive husband. He shot her to death before she reached the door. If you are in an abusive relationship please make a safe plan to leave and never speak a word of it to him. Leave when he is not home and never go back. The most dangerous thing you can do is let him know you want to leave
I totally agree. Have a plan, be smart....
Make sure there is no trace of you on social media. If staying with parents make sure doors windows and such are barred up with camera systems. And consistently change your number. And have hope that person will stop. Knowing they can’t have what they had before. They move on to another which in my case she married and karma is still biting her in the butt. I thank god that it finished after 14 years of being together. Tho she may have won the battle and the war she didn’t get my wil l to move forward and experience my new life in a whole light.
I'm sorry for your loss.
So sorry. That’s horrible
She needs a support system, very few can do it alone!
I left an abusive relationship. I now have zero tolerance of abuse, that's how much I changed.
Good for you!
It's all about having a zero tolerance to abuse that breaks the cycle and helps start the healing process. 👏👏
Work! We all should give one another the space and safety to speak honestly about abuse. Especially those of us who experienced it in childhood and deserve therapy to help us navigate the trauma we might continue to hold onto. Because while we might not get into abusive relationships, untreated trauma can manifest itself in damaging ways and perspectives as adults.
How did you get to that place?
Nice work just don't turn into an amber heard and lie on men now
Ummm. I hate that people ask "Why does she stay?".. The much better question is "Why does he hit her?"
Morgan Steiner has published two books and made good money on this issue so she wants to perpetuate the false propaganda. Her story concerns a man who was mentally ill. There are mentally ill women in equal numbers but we don't hear about that.
If you look at the data at domesticviolenceresearch (just google) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
If you watch an academic expert make a presentation (just google Dr Donald Dutton) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
DV mainly occurs in areas of poverty and/or drug use. DV has become a money making industry which seeks to paint males as perpetrators and females as victims. This false narrative is a big part of a larger money making scam. Almost all of government money goes to aid women only.
If you listen to this video again you will find numerous references to 'women and girls' as victims or 'mothers and daughters' as victims. Count the number of times you hear her talk of fathers, boys or sons as victims. Male victims are mentioned as if they don't matter and rarely occur. She also gives outrageously false percentages.
Blague mauritien
That not asking the right questions hurts plenty, abusers continue to elude accountability and the victim shaming is perpetuated when the wrong questions continue to be asked.
The most common reason is a mental disorder called BPD. Please look it up.
Rush Rush hun noo it dosnt matter why she hit her because there's no reason too hit her
Domestic Abuse isn't always physical.
SUZANNE Arena
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Mhm
SUZANNE Arena -all too true....emotional violence and all the other titles under the banner of family violence these days are equally and sometimes even more dangerous and are so destructive to the very depth of one’s being and through also being largely hidden and designed in such a specific was that it creates a self actualising self perpetual destruction of a person on every single part of what makes them who they are- pure evil - I cringe to think of what kind of trauma a person has themselves suffered that they have reacted by delivering this kind of malicious intention towards anyone.....
exactly. domestic abuse is often emotional and psychological, which is invisible but equally devastating.
Yes
In my experience, domestic violence is a cycle. A husband attacks, is sorry, and in that sorrow you get a glimpse of the man you love. Then the tension starts and the violence is repeated. By the time you are battered, you have no friends, no job and are trapped in the destructive circle of trying to please the impossible. Nothing you ever do will be right, so round and round you go until something breaks. Die or find the strength from somewhere to get out.
Very well described
My husband was never nice to me or felt remorse for hitting me. And despite this even I still stayed.
Emotional abuse isn't cyclical. It's daily. And you don't even get a honeymoon phase, because the abusive behavior is never acknowledged to have taken place. Or it happened, but it wasn't that bad.
@@laurenbatson5918 agree
Yes. That's my situation. Add to that my age, being disabled, very little money, and no place that has room. It terrifies me that the only place I have to go right now is the streets. So I just stay back in my room, which serves as my domestic violence shelter 💔😞😭
"Used my anger as an excuse to abuse." That tells an all too familiar story.
I thought I wasn't with an abuser because I was doing everything to prevent them from getting mad. I didn't realize that that was abuse.
PoodleParti I needed to c this
PoodleParti - True. Start planning a way out.
PoodleParti wow i needed this..
So true, my ex was the shouting, I would keep him happy for him not to shout, walking on egg shells all the time, the threats if u left x
@Amanda Bee Same and makes me feel sick and ashamed about my life and my lack of courage to leave.
My husband said he turned violent because I made him mad. And this was my fault for making him mad. I was confused once but now I understand that every act of violence is a choice, and I’m not responsible for his choice of actions.
Do you have an escape plan?
You would have provoked him.
@@jahangirsamtio8690 shut up, dummy
@@faniceangatia915 need to run?
@@faniceangatia915 Know of a local shelter?
Met my ex at 19 yrs old. I’m now 24. Finally had the courage to leave today. Just keep in mind if he/she hits you once, they’ll do it again. Wish I realized this sooner, but I’m free and that’s what matters 🙏 Sending so much love to ALL domestic violence victims and those who are planning/ wanting to leave. We all deserve to be loved THE RIGHT WAY. ❤️
And sending soo much love to you in you new path, healthy choices and renewed healthier life!!! It just gets better, bless you! 🙂🕊
Please don't ever go back!! I did and now I'm trapped here with him. My bedroom serves as my domestic violence shelter. I'm completely hopeless and I pray to die every night before I go to sleep
Be careful. Abusers often escalate when they lose control.
You broke that trauma bond. Amazing
Stay far away from your d. They are cunning. Run Free!
I was in the hospital after almost being killed by a man and my friend came to see me. The first thing she said was “what did you do to make him do this to you.” I told her to get out and not to bother coming back or calling me again.
Friend?
@@MarcosIsABaritone was. Until that moment.
Was she trying to assign blame? I’ve heard this question asked just to get to know the full story.
-come over and see-‘The Audio Recording Where Amber Heard Almost Died’
What a terrible thing for her to do and say. From experience, and growing up in a toxic home myself, I missed the signs of abusive traits in others. Was hurt by atleast a handful of people who were supposed to love and protect me, care for me the way I had always cared for them. After 30 years God finally led me to the truth and ugliness of abuse and down the road to knowledge, power in understanding and knowing, and eventually healing. That last part takes a lot of time but it does come when we are ready. I’m so sorry you went through this, I pray you got out and life has been so much better to you. You deserve nothing but the best and to experience love and happiness. Xoxo
“Abuse thrives in silence”. Excellent. That statement sums it up.
- HE’S DEAD NOW.
Morgan Steiner has published two books and made good money on this issue so she wants to perpetuate the false propaganda. Her story concerns a man who was mentally ill. There are mentally ill women in equal numbers but we don't hear about that.
If you look at the data at domesticviolenceresearch (just google) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
If you watch an academic expert make a presentation (just google Dr Donald Dutton) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
DV mainly occurs in areas of poverty and/or drug use. DV has become a money making industry which seeks to paint males as perpetrators and females as victims. This false narrative is a big part of a larger money making scam. Almost all of government money goes to aid women only.
If you listen to this video again you will find numerous references to women and girls as victims or mothers and daughters; as victims. Count the number of times you hear her talk of fathers, boys or sons as victims. Male victims are mentioned as if they don't matter and rarely occur. She also gives outrageously false percentages.
@@stevegcq it is a fact that half of perpartrators are women, and the other half are men. Then there are other kind, women and men who are equaly as good, communicating and collaborating with each other for greater success without the drama and wars. I am for that other kind of beings who come to resolution without arguments and fighting. Thank you
@@somyan8540 Well done. It is difficult for many people because the education system is indoctrinating females to believe in an imaginary evil patriarchy that is trying to oppress women. This is false of course, most men are subservient to women. I researched to find out why feminism is so extreme and why they have so much power. The answer is explained in the video showing Breitbart talking about the Kalergi plan, the title is, *Andrew Breitbart on the Frankfurt School of Cultural Marxism (Jun 14 ,2011)* (mWgkYv-JOGA)..
@@hamsandwichindahouse so right
People stay in abusive relationships because abuse shreds any self respect you have. You cannot take action when you feel like a deflated balloon.
teacup3133 and because abusers are very good at manipulating and brain washing their victim. They gaslight their victims into thinking that everything is okay and that they did nothing wrong. I watched it happened to someone I cared about for years and was forced to live in that situation for six years.
I was mentally abused for 30 years. He was my only man I dated and married at 19. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
He would deny me affection freedom family visits took away from me what I cared about, threw out my dog, cat, budges flushes down the toilet our son’s fish . Told him he would not amount to anything instead of helping him with homework.
He didn’t love himself and never told our child that he loved him. I though I was strong enough to overcome his bad moods , and support him as a wife .
I though I will make him happy . I never heard I love you after we got married. I didn’t hear you are beautiful my dear wife . Actually, he once said that he had married me because he though I was unattractive, so no other men would look and lust me . That was his way to keep me at his site . He would not talk to me for months at a time . He would not eat my dinner and if I didn’t make anything he would be moody . If he had to do things alone as I was working more and more, he complained that e feels like a widower, no support from me . The abuse was escalating and I didn’t know what to do . I stood up to him few times , worked more hours to avoid his behaviour, started traveling alone to visit my family .
The last time he didn’t talk to me was for 7 months . I had tried at first to ask what’s wrong, why aren’t you talking to me .? - i should know why !!!
When he took our son to a Christmas vacation without me knowing anything about where and how long they will be there I ended my marriage right at the security gate of the airport wishing a Marry Christmas!
2 years later I’m trying to rebuild my self respect self worth.
Struggling but I know I did the right thing .
teacup3133 @ I feel that way!
@@MainStreetElectricalParade and it's people like you that is indirectly causing this
@@MainStreetElectricalParade get a life. You are evil
That part where she said she didn't think of herself as a victim; she was a strong, independent woman who was helping a troubled man...RELATEABLE. I cried, listening to that, because that, that was me. I thought my love would help him, would conquer all; I was wrong.
So much of her story, sadly, sounded familiar.
Bless you!! I hope you are on a path to healing and a renewed life. Anything is possible, for you!! 🌞🕊
Same here. When I escaped my abuser - literally running to the train with my baby to flee to another city while he had left the house, praying that he wouldn´t come home earlier - I felt totally guilty for not having been able to help him breaking free of his violent habits ..... it´s incredible how abusers mess with your head and prey on your love, your good heart and willingness to help.
When you say you were helping him, was that with a therapist or social services?
You’re too real for the majority of these people in the comments @Marcos Martinez. I always say it takes a certain kind of woman to end up in these situations. A common trait I notice is that they are DELUSIONAL. How can they claim to want to help someone and they aren’t a trained person to do so? They actually stay for their ego and many are low key masochistic. Most actually think they are special or can control others’ bad behavior. How can they not see they are being lied to?? If someone takes money out of your purse in front of your face and then tells you they aren’t a thief and would never want to see you without money, would you believe them or would it be obvious that they are scamming you??? They are slaves to the rhythm of ‘love’ 🙄 (MJ song). These men use these women’s delusions of ‘love’ to abuse them and these women are too blind to see it. It’s a very expensive mistake to make since it usually costs these women their health (mental, emotional, financial, physical) and even their lives! I would rather live in a cardboard box than live with an abusive man. These women come up with all kinds of excuses, as you can clearly see in these comments, and attack you for thinking critically about their situation because they clearly lack any critical thinking ability themselves and see THAT as abusive lmao! It’s not victim blaming, it’s called EMPOWERMENT. When you can see where you have the power to change your situation then you can get out of it, but many here try to silence any talk of having control over their own actions. They need to ask themselves if this is the life they dreamed for themselves as a little girl. They need to leave for her and make her proud, if not for anyone else. I say all of this out of my love of finding solutions to hard problems, not out of insensitivity. Caring too much about another’s feelings and putting ‘sensitivity’ above common sense is usually what get these women into these kinds of situations with these horrible men who end up abusing them in the first place, so please keep this in mind!
@@WellBeing999 While we should always remember to be sensitive, it's more important to be SENSIBLE. So many of the narratives posted in reply to these types of videos are, as you said, deluded and intellectually dishonest. It's alarming because it shows a lack of understanding as to how these predicaments begin and proceed. Even more troubling, after so many of them escape, the lessons learned, if any, are emotionally shallow and not introspective or self-reflective. Empowerment, as you said, should be our goal, not the regurgitation of excuses and platitudes.
Yes, it’s real! Just left a 48 year marriage…far too late. Took my purse only and two years from then finally stand alone and happier. Subsidized housing for a senior helped a lot. When I left, he put out a smear campaign to my only child, family and past friends saying I’m unstable and caused many problems. What could I prove being silent so long?, Still in grief, but I’m safe, breathing and hopeful ;it’s very okay to be alone. Peaceful,no fear. It takes practice but it’s worth that kind of work, day by day affirming what’s real, who you really are, and letting it all go. You’ll find the path you are to be on, just believe it. You are valuable, a unique human being with a purpose. Please hang in there! Bless you greatly for strength and love. Sincerely, Robin
I left a 27yr marriage and yes they do smear your good name as we are the crazy ones.
Hang in there. I would suggest to make a bullet point of the abuses (physical & mental) for yourself, police, and the children. Little at a time, you can start to write/type more details about each point of abuse. I think, personally, that our children need to know about the levels of abuse bcuz the men can be master manipulators and turn the children against...mine has!
you’re not alone. good for you that even after all that time, you got out. you did the right thing and i’m so happy to hear you speak about peace. i can relate 💯 percent. i still hear my ex’s voice in my head criticizing me or something i was doing, but now i just tell that voice to f off. wounds don’t heal completely but strength increases exponentially. i have tried to help others and encourage them to find the courage to leave but mostly i say thank you to my God for bringing me through it. enjoy every day as if it’s your birthday because you’ve won the lottery by walking away. peace.
Thank you Connie, Valerie and Margaret. So very good to read your comments. Stay well and thrive, May God Bless you all.
Robin
If you managed to leave & survive then you’re not too late.
I appreciate the length of time it took to realise may be frustrating, & the path forward daunting & unknown but you gave yourself the option for something different.
Nothing is wasted, all manure for the rose 🌹 garden…these things can serve to make us more compassionate people even if it’s learning compassion for yourself, that alone is a significant life lesson many people only grasp at, some people never have the realisation & never leave.
On difficult days I find just recalling where I am & how it lead to me recognising my own vulnerability, power & freedom.
I hope that doesn’t seem too patronising, I can relate & appreciate what you say & hope you might feel some reassurance, that you’re not alone.
Wishing you the best 🙏💖✨
Domestic violence not only affect women but kids too. In worst way
Vijeta Bhati exactly. It's a lot worse for the kids.
Yes it does . I hated my mother a long time for staying . Hearing/ seeing your parents fight can be traumatized. That’s one of the main reasons why I say leave . And I hope I don’t sound harsh . If Marting Luther King said he wasn’t going to fight for equal opportunities for everyone because someone might kill him . We will probably still be segregated. Stop worrying about the future take control of the now . And go . Thanks for pointing that view out . Lots of typeos
@Josh M What you are saying is correct. Look up the CDC, studies from 2014. If you want names and details, listen to Paul Elam's video Domestic Violence - Women are half the problem.
@@DaSurfr very true .Problem never take sides it always sits in the middle
@@DaSurfr My exact though!
Women are not taught to just walk-away. We are taught to stay, work it out because the unknown is scary. We are taught that the things we have are so much more important than the way we feel.
Well said Ashley, this is true.
Ashley Powers - for generations... why are we not taught to trust our feelings, our gut and our intuition? Why is it “reasoned” out of us... to discount what your body and spidey sense and intuition are telling us ?
I think it is a way to make us lower our defenses, so we are wide open for exploitation and abuse for those who cash in on that.
How do you know that you raised your daughter (or son) right ? They will not give people more than one or two chances maximum - no more benefit of doubt BS after that. Protecting yourself is praised and held up.
And follow your gut when you don’t trust someone.
@Josh M i agree however, if u cant work it out.....WALK AWAY.....yes its hard to let go bc of feelings but A HAPPY LIFE deserve so much better bc it begins with a HEALTHY LIFE'S JOURNEY
True, but as Leslie said, leaving also puts you in mortal danger and you have to keep the practicalities in mind. In abuse situations, the woman often has no money at all, and she may not have a car. How is she going to get away, where is she going to go to and how is she going to survive without instantly putting herself at risk of abuse by someone else, when she needs a place to stay and income. Also, Leslie told everyone about the abuse one day, and apparently everyone believed her, but what happens very often is that nobody believes the woman because "he is such a wonderful guy" in public. "And even if he ever did raise a hand, well, then she must have provoked him."
So true
I came here because my friend told me I’m in a dangerous situation. And they got concerned because I was "defending my abuser", that was a big eye opener for me.
Why did you agree to date him im the first place?
@@specialagentorange4329did you listen to this? They manipulate you!
@@specialagentorange4329 shut up fr
@@staceystrukel1917 sort of like how mcdonalds forces you to eat there? It's called, "accountability"
@@specialagentorange4329 your comparison doesn’t equate. Not sure what your intention is either unless youre an abuser defending your behavior.
This is my sister's story, too. Unfortunately, she and her husband hid his monstrous behaviour from us for over 20 years; we found out the real story after her death and we are devasted.
Here after some devastating event too 😔
I can't let my family know. It's not their job to take care of my mistake in marrying an abuser. I feel they have happy healthy lives I can't bare to share this much pain with them and my beautiful grandkids
@@kareninman2865 You have to leave, they will support you
@@kareninman2865 please don't feel that you are a burden to your loved ones. I can see how breaking your story can make you feel like dead weight to the people you love but I'm sure they will not ignore you for being a victim domestic violence and they are willing to help you out. The cost of staying with your abuser is way greater and the pain and harm will continue way longer than you see. No one close to you wants to see you harmed but you will need to break your silence to get help.
Please realize that your life is valuable and any harm or violence done to you is never justifiable no matter how big or small the actions are. No abuse is ever okay.
If you want to let someone know, I suggest calling in a discreet location where the abuser isn't aware. There are many hotlines out there ready to assist you and emergency services will be there to help you, there should be many out there. There is not shame in hiding suffering from domestic violence. Also, if your in immediate danger, please call 911.
I know this is a long read but I hope you have the strength to pull yourself out of the situation. Sending prayers.
@@kareninman2865 you only feel like you’re unworthy of help or love bc of the abuse. It's not true. You are worthy. The ppl who love you would *not* want you to suffer... if someone was abusing one of your grandchildren you would do everything you could to protect them. YOU are worthy of the same love and protection ❤
“...because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is kill her.” I really wish everyone around me understood that.
Hamsandwichindahouse Because Leaving is the step that usually causes that reaction. It’s the mentality of ‘if I can’t have you, then nobody will’.
@@hamsandwichindahouse Man. Did you watch the video? Getting away isn't easy in the slightest . With Many of these men, it's love me or DIE .
@@hamsandwichindahouse She didn't have three kids with her abuser. She had three kids with her second husband. Have you watched the video? Also, before signs of killing showed up, she always thought she's in love and she's helping a troubled man. It's okay to not understand, but did you TRY to understand?
Hamsandwichindahouse Valuable or not, just scroll down the comment section and see how people say they’re inspired or “waking up to their situation” because of her words. Unless you think helping one person isn’t helping, then that’s “valuable” to me. The psychological problem of some victims IS worth exploring, but this speaker chooses to talk about the abuser side of the problem, the signs and patterns. What’s wrong in that? If you’re genuinely interested in the mental health of victims, I’m sure there’re plenty other talks and articles. Why not research and read? I’ll be very happy to hear your findings. Sincerely.
Hamsandwichindahouse Moral Obligation? Seriously? I was intentionally avoiding to press the “victim-blaming” charges on you earlier but man you are seriously asking the victims to PREVENT and BE RESPONSIBLE for the damage instead of the abusers? You’re wrong about your clever suggestion. To learn more about the psychological problems that trouble the victims is exactly for the purpose of empathizing with them more, so that we, outsiders, can know how to effectively help them get out. The REAL SOLUTION to stop kids being beaten is to send the beater into fucking jail. I don’t even bother to mention how many mental problems of the victims are CAUSED by the abusers in the first place. Just google gaslighting if you don’t already know. “No sane people would stay” is just an arrogant assertion. Show me your reference then? One last time, ask what’s wrong with the abuser’s head and what can we do to prevent THEM from beating people, not the other way around.
I was abused for 27 years of my life. I escaped; changed my name, safe so far.
Carolyn Bouley I hope you’re ok x
I was stupidly so depressed because stuff didnt go how I wanted with my baby daddy. I hoped and prayed and then when we finally tried he threatened to hurt me, even kill me, I think I had to see for myself so I could let him go. I'm sorry you went through that. It's your time of peace now, like the rainbow after the storm. God wants you to feel happy. You didn't lose him just your idea of what you thought he'd be! Well for me that's how I think of it. Hope your day is going well.
Proud of you. That kind of change is hard
@@toeachitsown2050 Thanks. He started to be a lot nicer and we had a good two weeks and then he broke up with me because he didn't like what I wore. I am just thinking if it's meant to be it'll come to me in a way that's good for me and my kid. But I am just enjoying my kid and my time and my freedom.
@@Laurendoesflips I think the "if its meant to be he'll come around" thing is toxic. You have to let that go.
I am glad you are enjoying your child :)
Fortunately, I got out before it escalated too far. But not without massive scaring. Scars you can’t see. The verbal abuse and isolation started long before the physical. I was told everyone thought I was dumb, and to keep my mouth shut even though I have two advanced degrees and he barely graduated high school. He was whittling away at my self esteem. From the moment we were married he stopped pretending he loved me. I was in a state of shock and kept thinking there was something I could do to “fix it”. That’s why I stayed. After all, I’d made a commitment in front of God and everyone. So I was determined to tough it out. I’m certain if I hadn’t left when I did though, I would have ended up in the hospital or worse. Wish I’d had more information and the internet back then. Thanks for your courageous message. 🥰
I had a similar experience. He also told me that I wasn't very pretty or smart and that I had no friends (I did have friends, thank God, and I have a degree in Math while he was still struggling with his first semester in college). He then started telling me "I want a divorce and I want you out of the house" and after hearing that several times a day for months, I wanted that too! I packed up and left - 3 "non friends" had given me copies of their house keys and said I could let myself in any time of day or night. He then fought the divorce. He refused to cooperate and tried to convince me that I couldn't divorce him without his signature. There was no internet in those days so I couldn't check to see if that was true, but I just couldn't believe that any society would force someone to stay in a marriage, so I had him served anyway, and got my divorce.
Suzanne, I am so sorry for what you endured. I can relate. You are enough, you will live a life of love and laughter after abuse. Much love to you. 🙂🥰
@@cindykloman1177 I am sorry for the experiences he put you through. You will be ok. Hugs 🙂🥰
@@linda9497 thank you, Linda. We become stronger from it if we chose. It’s always our choice.
@@linda9497 ❤️
I loved this…I left my abusive relationship 6 months ago and thankfully I was able to get out safely. I like that she outlined the steps of abuse because I realize now that I was able to get out at the stage where he was introducing the threat of violence. He had a gun that he liked to flaunt and he had threatened to break my arm at one point. I didn’t know I was being abused because he had never laid a hand on me. This gave me clarity.
Anonymously report him to crime stoppers if needed
Yay! 👏👏💛
You weren't being explicitly abused but you were in a fucked up relationship with a borderline psychotic partner. Glad you left but you could have left a lot sooner, boo.
I walked away from my husband when he began physically abusing me and I never went back. I credit my father. From a very young age, my father taught me that a man who hits a woman is not a man. Those words have stuck with me throughout my life. I think all fathers should teach their daughters this lesson.
What happens when the abuser is your father? He has been physically abusive to me and my mother for years but his best act is that he's great at abusing me verbally, manipulating me financially/mentally and I am constantly living with the fear that he will throw me out of the apartment if I don't behave the way he wants me to. I have to stay quiet, always locked in my room. It feels like I am always walking on egg shells, always on the edge of being yelled at or just slapped. After every fight he buys a lot of food, acts overly nice and leaves me alone for a while, this lasts for around two weeks, then he's back at his usual self, which is violent, crazy eyes, and passive-aggressive behavior. And the worst part is that in public he displays an extremely charming, overly polite and funny personality. You wouldn't even think he's actually capable of this.
@@TheKorcik You don't say how old you are.
I have two daughters. I started telling them from a very young age that there is no such thing as "three strike rule". The rule is, even if you just think he might hit you, leave now, not tomorrow, not next week, don't stop to "talk it out", and never believe protestations of "it won't happen again". Get out now.
Thank you. A women who isn’t gonna stand for that bullshit
Fathers should also teach their sons
When I was splitting with my ex husband, I was seeking advice from a police officer friend of mine and he said “I don’t care what he says or what he tries to make you think, NEVER be alone with him. Not even in a parked car at a shopping center. Nothing is private enough. Remember, he is a wounded dog and even wounded dogs bite their owners”. It saved my life. My ex tried everything to get me alone, even pointing out how public certain places were when technically they really weren’t.
That's great. When I went to the police to get a restraining order from my violent ex, he said I should be nice to him and not make him angry. He said that there are too many people leaving marriages too quickly! So I went to another police station, but couldn't even get past the front desk to speak to the DV unit, because the person said they don't give out restraining orders "willy nilly". So I went to another, who said I should just call the police if he comes to the front door and refuses to leave. No help.
@@Tamarahope77 that's sad. I'm so sorry!
It's awesome that you had that friend! I'm glad you stayed safe!
@@Tamarahope77 my first 2 attempts at restraining orders were denied with a similar attitude. Some officers are good with DV, but many aren't. They need better training for starters. Are you doing ok now?
@@Tamarahope77 hopefully its better now. I know a lot of cops are jaded with dv because a lot of women return to an abusive relationship and there's nothing they can do about it.
Abusers are not always charming at first. They are signs that are overlooked because we are young with no experience of encountering controlling men, sometimes our self esteem is low, and the abusers manipulate us by making us believe that we are doing a lot of things wrong that make them angry. I have been there, I know what I am talking about. And yes, if you leave, make sure he/she is not around and run as far as you can...go to the police, call a friend or a family member for help right away.
"I told everyone (about the abuse).. Abuse thrives only in silence. You have the power to end domestic violence simply by shining a spotlight on them. Show abuse the light of day. Recast survivors as wonderful, loveable people with full futures." Thank you, Leslie Morgan Steiner... ❤❤
i ve just left..i had two beautiful children...god help me to survive from this...
Amalia Gkouma may god be with you
Amalia Gkouma u better dip fam
i need strengh its very very difficult it was ten tears beating.it was natural for me sometime a..
God bless you. I was a victim. You will survive. Getting away was a huge step forward. 💖
It gets better, believe me. Best of luck to you and your family
Ladies, you will never ever change a troubled man. Don't hope someday. Run away now!
Same goes for men, fucked up women will never change.
Amen
Lmao lina you don't get it at all
True, this ain't no Wattpad fanfiction, it's real life
true....I tried...nothing happened
Such a clear message, especially about staying because who else will help him? Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done. Raising four great kids as a single parent wasn't a cake walk either. I never remarried. Had opportunities, but It took me years to figure out how "my one great love" had become "the crazy love." By then I had become independent enough to be happy living a safe and single life. I'm nearly 80 now, but one marriage was enough.
How were you able to pull yourself and a clan of humans with you?
I really would like to know.
I feel like I've always been worthy of nothing but scraps.
How did you re-find your self-worth?
@@SouchiMousy Well, as you just stated, you've never really had much self-worth. Probably not since you were very young and lost it to trauma. Still, you do express wanting more for yourself and that's a good sign that all hope is not lost. What you have to understand and then decide, is are you going to give yourself the chance for more and better, knowing you will have to go it alone, or are you going to stay and live your current life until you die? Whatever last bit of self-worth you have, girl, SUMMON it up and JUST DO IT!
@okayjackson587 thank you for sharing your story. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in being okay with and desiring to be alone moving forward.
Also, if you are planning to leave an abusive partner, keep your plans silent....leave when they are gone from the home....only tell those you can trust!!!
DON'T EVEN TELL THOSE YOU TRUST.
I second that!
Don't tell anyone!
Sadly victims don't always get help when they try to get it. I was in a relationship much like hers, and when I started telling my coworkers because I was finally done with it, one of my co-workers came over to me and told me to keep my business to myself and people didn't need to hear what I was going through. So I say, if someone comes to you, don't shush them, help them.
Okietokie omg that’s horrible I’m sorry you had to go through that, shame on them.
That is awful! Nobody should ever say that to a victim! I’m so glad and lucky that nobody said that to me when I was going through it. I’m so sorry hun!
Society has a problem with turning it's back on people in need and trying to sweep things under the rug that they don't have answers for. Please don't let that keep you silent. If people choose to treat you that way do your best to tell them that you wouldn't treat them the same way if they were in need and you apprecaite them not telling you, or anyone else for that matter, to be quiet simply because they don't have an answer readily available and therefore it makes them uncomfortable. We, as a society, need to learn how to help people, not shut them out in the cold and simply turn our backs so that we don't have to see them starving, suffering, dying, and feel badly about it.
The same thing goes for all victims and all people suffering, whether it's from illness, poverty, inequality, addiction, etc. Compassion is a dying trait that needs to be resuscitated. There ARE people who do care though. I hope you have been able to free yourself completely from your past relationship and are moving on mentally.
I once shushed a fellow female worker going through domestic violence abuse to protect her from the nastiness and malice of other envious bitches working there, as this abuse victim was very pretty and I knew the male workers would have loved to pounce on her if they knew her relationship was disintegrating. She was younger and I felt the need to care for her. I took her to the Ladies when it was deserted, powder our noses and chat about "female hassles" and she told me everything and I was able to help her get out of this hopeless abusive relationship with absolutely no future. She kept arguing she loved him and his family wanted her in it and that he was always sorry after each bout of violence, proclaiming everlasting true love, blah, blah, romantic bullshit and that he was very handsome and a great lover, with heaps of girls who wanted him and that she did not want to waste five years of courtship now that he had just bought her an expensive engagement ting he had worked endless overtime in some slum factory slave job to buy her. I asked her whether she thought that pretty ring was better then her, worth more. She looked confused then replied that it was. So I left her to enjoy what she seemed to prefer. It was pointless trying yo persuade her to quit such a toxic relationship because some women seem to enjoy such relationships and who are we to intrude on their idea of "domestic bliss" and "true love". I have seen so many such women....You throw them a life line but they reject it. Some will even turn on you and abuse and accuse you when the relationship is going all rosy, on again. I steer clear of domestic abuse cases and refuse to be drawn into taking sides. Not my problem but theirs.
i took us to relationship counselling. the focus was on saving the marriage, even tho i now realise it was obviously not going to work
This woman deserved a standing ovation for she spoke only truth.
1k gave it thumbs down. Why?
Morgan Steiner has published two books and made good money on this issue so she wants to perpetuate the false propaganda. Her story concerns a man who was mentally ill. There are mentally ill women in equal numbers but we don't hear about that.
If you look at the data at domesticviolenceresearch (just google) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
If you watch an academic expert make a presentation (just search for *Dr Donald Dutton)* you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
DV mainly occurs in areas of poverty and/or drug use. DV has become a money making industry which seeks to paint males as perpetrators and females as victims. This false narrative is a big part of a larger money making scam. Almost all of government money goes to aid women only.
If you listen to this video again you will find numerous references to 'women and girls' as victims or 'mothers and daughters' as victims. Count the number of times you hear her talk of fathers, boys or sons as victims. Male victims are mentioned as if they don't matter and rarely occur. She also gives outrageously false percentages.
Because she gendered a nongendered issue. The founder of the first domestic violence shelter for women Erin Pizzey said 2/3rds of the women in her shelter were AT LEAST as violent as the men they left.
@Charlie Hunt do you feminists just spin a wheel of villains to randomly select which group you hate to blame? I understand why you'd assume sock accounts, basic projection... but of all groups why would you blame incels? They are the branch of the manosphere who'd most approve of this woman's message.
Incels, BY DEFINITION, aren't committing domestic violence and as such have no reason to take this talk personally. Further more while they take psychological injury from the fact that they are rejected en mass, the real insult is that stacy would rather be with an abusive Chad than them. Incels would appreciate efforts to get women to stop dating abusers.
If you want to presume a group of men for the ratio, it'd make much more sense to blame the PUAs. But here is a crazy thought, rather than just blindly brush off everyone who doesn't agree with you, maybe try GENUINELY LEARNING what other than (insert evil assumption here) could possibly motivate their disagreement.
This is 100% accurate.. I have experienced the same horrible relationship. Thank God we both left safely.
She did such a great job. I like how she outlines how dangerous it is to leave your abuser. That’s something we never think about, but she went about it the right way to tell everyone so she had a support group looking out for her.
Scary, eye-opening and well delivered. Lockdown has resulted in a huge spike in abuse so this message of 'abuse only survives in silence' is all the more important.
Where is my mother please. Neila is my Name. Thank you.
My cousin was killed by her husband. She ran away and he followed her. Killed her, the friends that were hiding her, and then himself.
Don't doubt yourself, get out while you can and never look back. If you even have to wonder if it's abuse, it is.
Be careful and stay safe.
I’m so sorry about it cousin and her friends 😔
💙💙
The threat of murder is very real, 🥶🥶🥶 and I’m glad you shared your incredibly tragic story. 😭😱😭 My dad threatened to kill everyone when my more tried to leave. He had his gun out. I didn’t get child support for 16 years because I believed my ex could kill me or our kid. He was violent & wacked in many ways. I say get out, but only when your escape is fool proof, as in safe, and the violent abuser can’t find you, ever. 🌷🌸💕🌸🌷
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@123lxxx6 what's funny?
If you’re out there watching this video and going through similar situations, you deserve better. I pray you get out safely🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you
Thank you but it’s so hard. 🙏🏾
Your local women's shelters are ready and willing to carry you down this terrifying road.....their knowledge and Love will light the way...They will Give you their Strength until you Find your Own.....I usedto tell mine I was seeing a dr....actually seeing counselors and advocates setting up an escape.....But ground zero was my personal physician...she promised it would be over....and it was....God Bless You...You are strong enough...And created to Be Outstanding💖💖💖💖💖☔☔☔☔☔
I might need your prayers. Thank you.
Thank you
I am at almost 2 months free from a 4 year abusive relationship. It was so hard to leave. I thought I could love us and behave to the point of making it stop. I was scared to leave , the danger, my son, my work equipment was tethered to our apartment. And i couldn't leave and lose my job. I couldn't take care of our kid without it. I couldn't handle the stress of breaking the normalcy and routine of everyday life. I just wanted to take the abuse and move on like nothing happened. I left on a Tuesday when he took a pole and beat me to the point of broken bones. I haven't went back. I don't struggle with wanting to go back. But I really just cannot take the PTSD. everything is triggering. My home is filled with items used to abuse me. Even my son's toys. I constantly disassociate and lose memory. I constantly feel sick to my stomach. I figured out how to escape physically. But am so lost on how to actually repair myself... Just needed the vent.
My daughter too. I'm praying for you.
I'm currently at the tail end of my 14yr marriage to a (covert narcissist) I also have dissociated due to C-ptsd and its scary! I just wanted to share that EFT-aka (emotional freedom technique) free online resource and you can do it at home.. it helps reset your Vegas nerve.. we are always in fight or flight mode..my resting heart rate will be 130 when I'm ruminating on the pain and having children with these abusers isn't easy..as it's always a game also look into RET therapy I'm going the first of the year.. stay strong!
PTSD is extremely stressful and challenging. Neither the abuse nor the PTSD are your fault. Pray to God for help and direction, and carefully try the suggestions you receive. Pray to God for comfort and strength. I will pray for you, too.
You can also contact your county mental health services. They can provide free or low fee based counseling or therapy. Your county may also have a domestic violence center for counseling or therapies. I wish you the best and God bless you!
If I were you I would throw everything away and rebuy everything little by little from scratch. It sounds extreme but I’m doing this as well even though I’m not in your situation. I just want a fresh start is all! Please consider getting rid of the triggering items. It will be a physical manifestation of your new life. Good luck!
People always talk as if abusers PLAN each step. I think very few abusers actually plan it. It’s a learned behavior, and it happens slowly over time. A lot of abusers see that behavior as normal and acceptable. They justify it to themselves, and truly believe they aren’t in the wrong. A lot of abusers don’t think they’re abusive.
This video is a video that has been permanently ingrained in my mind for the past two years. Two years ago when I first watch this video I was in an abusive relationship. This video played a major role in giving me the courage to leave, and for that I will be forever grateful, watching this video was a major turning point in my life.
dana holtzman I’ve been happy for a month but I had a slip up last night. I came back to this video because it was this video that made me realize why I stayed before
Good for you Dana. Hope your still out
Very proud of you. If it helped only you then it was worth everything
Dana I wish you all the best!
I wish I was that brave to leave
We Can Never Fix a Troubled Man. He has to fix himself
And troubled women?
@@Stigmatix666 Let's say that they make up 15%. That's still a significant portion. (BTW, I don't believe that there is any way to find a truly accurate statistic.)
@@boboloko 15? Are you high? I'll bet you a 1000 bucks loads of them are hiding behind feminism..
@@Stigmatix666 Women are typically smaller than men, so there is a greater cost (getting beat up) to acting out on violent impulses. I'm sure that there is a disparity for this reason alone
@@boboloko I'm a bigger guy than my ex gf obviously. But that matters nothing when she hit me over the head with a log, stabbed me and proceeded to strangle me. .
I remember being ashamed. I hid it from everyone. It lasted 15 years. I am now happily re-married to the kindest most respectful man and I hope this gives hope to anyone who might be going through this right now. Get the help you need NOW. Do not tell your abuser what you plan to do. Get advice from those who are trained in dealing with this, from the local refuge centres who deal with domestic violence and from the police. Tell only trusted friends and family. You deserve a happy fear free life
People asked me why I stayed with my boyfriend . All of what she said was right on. He terrified me so much when I left stalking - threats- etc. that I decided I felt safer when I was with him so I returned so I could see him right in front of me. The watching over my shoulder constantly was extremely stressful. The isolation is so very true. Once I was “allowed” to go to my mothers on Christmas. When I returned he flipped his switch and said I disrespected him for going. He beat me on Christmas. Thank Goodness I left for good 3 years ago and he moved away.
Did you ever press charges??
unfortunately nobody will understand until it happens to them. 😒
Why would you doubt that?
That's because being called "creepy" doesn't have quite the impact that being beaten within an inch of your life by someone who claims to love you, every single day does. "Men fear that women will laugh at them. Women fear that men will kill them."
ESPSAlita What is the context of this last phrase you said? "Men fear that women will laugh at them. Women feat that men will kill them." Are you saying a man that is a victim of domestic abuse is only concerned wih the humiliation he's in?
there are medical signs abusive relationships. looking faces of boxers the effects of constant beating. brow ridge gets thicker cheeks along the side get buffer along the cheek bones less nerves in in the face less facial muscle. and others signs along the body of pest constant brosing
right all these people that are bashing her are the reason why some women and men are afraid to tell their story
Those who haven't been in an abusive relationship won't get it. The person u are with slowly breaks u and makes u feel crazy. It is complicated but THE ONLY way to be happy is to LEAVE. Anyone going through this U CAN BE HAPPY and you will. U have to get away from this person for good as hard as it is emotionally.
I couldn't agree more, I'm a victim of domestic violence, he breaks me and makes me feel like I'm the crazy one. I having a hard time moving on, I'm trying so hard. But everytime he come back and sweet talk, it makes me feel weak and loved but I know in my heart , it's just his crazy self saying it to make me weak.
Thank you. Your comment is giving me the strength i need to keep going
Read my comment and tell me if I’m right
@@amaadav6529 Okay Amaada I’m gonna tell you exactly how I got out… after he did things that were so bad I was embarrassed to tell anyone I knew.. I kept up hope for a REALLY long time that he would change, we would have really good times in between. But it comes to the point that you realize: this man DOESNT ACTUALLY even like me, much less, love me (this was the hardest thing to accept)…… it defies everything I thought in the beginning, but the way he was treating me, it was 10000% true. Once I accepted that, and grieved the relationship silently (I was sad A LOT and cried a lot) I moved in temporarily with relatives, just to put some space between us. Slowly I got comfortable with being away from him. I finally broke up. He tried everything to get me back, he said he started going to therapy (A LIE - even if he did it was TOO LATE, my mind was made up 100%) when I came to get the rest of my stuff he had written down a LIST of things he said I had done wrong and he almost started crying saying he was “so hurt” by me. I said nothing got my stuff and left. I drove to a parking lot and proceeded to block him on all social media, delete pics of us and block his number. When he created other accounts to talk to me I didn’t read and blocked immediately. That was 5 years ago. He created another one last year I immediately blocked. My only regret is staying as long as I did. Ever since, I have felt the most unshakeable pride in myself that I gathered the strength to leave. I used to cry EVERYDAY and I finally was able to trust myself and be happy. GOOD LUCK
@@amaadav6529 Gross. Edit: This response, though sincere when written, was meant to convey a dismay at the capacity for self-reflection and awareness shown by the OP, only to read about their subsequent counter-logical choice to remain and sentimentalize their victimhood.
This resonates with so many people. Controlling behaviour eventually manifests and not necessarily physically.
"Abuse thrives in silence." Incredibly powerful.
If he hits you even one time
he WILL HIT YOU AGAIN
Leave him !!!
Don't rationalize his abuse away
I survived, maybe you won't
So what about you hitting him....men are allowed to defend themselves
truest words on this....once they hit, they will hit again...threaten, verbally and mentally abuse and HIT. The abuser is rotten and ruined to the core. Get away!!
gotta two of emmm around maaa hoooood
I am a proud survivor. Like her I will never ever let a man dictate my life or scare me into submission ever again.
Karen Sefcovic what would you say to a boy abused by women? in fact from discrimination 1in every 3 women is an abuser
It's clear from Karen's comment that she survived a specific, personal experience of abuse at the hands of a man. Countering that affirmative determined comment with "but why aren't we talking about FEMALE ABUSERS and MALE VICTIMS tho" is just ridiculous, maddening!
Yes. Men suffer abuse in silence as well. The statistics demonstrate an imbalance and that women deal with this more often, but we should be working to help everyone. But how, exactly, does commenting on someone's personal testimony that happens to fit the most frequent pattern, and complaining that they're not personally including all other varieties of violence which they didn't experience, help anyone?
Well done you. I won't ever let a man hurt me again. It was he'll on earth. Bless you and may your future be happy now. 💖💖
Karen Sefcovic most women just love Asian guy
Karen Sefcovic My mother is to. I'm a child of an abusive man and I have several horrible memories. This video hit really hard and I'm glad to see another survivor. It's me, my sister and my mom and we all experienced it. I feel empowered whenever I see stories like these and hearing about other survivors. I'm glad your out✊
I went through that abuse for 38 Years ... was not grant nor allow any independence or to live my own individuality
I was never allow to have a job BUT to be a wife, a mother, a gardener and maid
Currently after I divorced my ex, I found myself in exactly the same relationship ... but even worse this time
I'm leaving in two days time and then I'm done
Sending all my love and support from the internet across the globe you can overcome this don’t give up❤
I hope you're safe ❤️
I was 18 and in college when I first got hit by my boyfriend, and I knew there was something wrong with him not with me. Maybe because I had lived in a non violent environment, also maybe because he never told me he may have, so I didn’t feel responsible for him. But it still took me over a year to get rid of him. Why? It was slow, he was always asking for forgiveness and and giving gifts but what helped me was that he finally left for a trip to see his mother in Puerto Rico. I knew I was free and would never let him back in my life. Even though he tried. I just hid, told people to say they didn’t know where I was. I never saw him again. I felt lucky, I aborted the pregnancy knowing I could never have a child with a man like that. To be forever tied to a man like that with visitation rights? And even thinking that child would hit me someday with his genes? All this went thru my mind as I knew there was something wrong with this man and I didn’t want any of this wrongness in my life. But why did I waste my time with him? I was young and he was good looking. What helped me was no societal pressure to marry, the right to abortion and the environmental luck to be born in a nonviolent society as a youth! You must leave the first time he/she hits you!!
Glad u escaped! TY for sharing your story. 🌷🌸💕🌸🌷
I'm sorry you had a boyfriend like that. But the baby would not grow up to hit you. You could have given it up for adoption for a family to love that could not have children. You don't have a right to take a life as you think! What if your mom aborted you then you wouldn't be here.. The great thing is that baby went straight to heaven.
@@lisahall1989 so many children already in orphanages. Adopt one of them.
Shut up.
" Domestic violence happens to everyone, all races, all religions , all income and educational levels " 👏👏👏👏👏
Even in Jehovah's Witnesses, who claim to be the only true religion?
@@bmoshareholderappleshareho855 Jehovah's Witnesses is an extremely controlling and abusive religion.
True
Abuser with low libido or no libido! Read my comment
And all genders
There is another sad answer to the question "why doesn't she just leave?". By the time the abuser starts intensifying their abuse, the victim has so much invested in the relationship; physically, spiritually, financially and emotionally. Breaking up a relationship is very hard because you've shared so much with somebody, even if the relationship is a toxic one.
It happened to my mom. She's smart, funny, sweet and kind and she was trapped in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage for 32 years. By the time her husband's abuse really got underway, she had two small children and was living in a foreign country as part of his job. When times were good, they were very good. He would surprise us with presents, took us on trips, told us how much he loved us and always sided with Mom whenever she and I argued. But he was also the man who criticized us, belittled us and made us feel worthless. He cheated on Mom twice with two of the women who worked for him. During one instance, he told my mom that he was going to leave her (this is when we were still living out of the states) and take her children away from her. Mom was horrified at that prospect and fought hard to keep her marriage and her children (who she loved more than anyone else). After they got their issues worked out, he and Mom were discussing renewing their vows.
The first time Mom realized that the marriage was bad was after he had left her for a younger woman. Mom was heartbroken and, once again, tried everything to make the marriage work. It was during couple's therapy that the therapist pulled her aside and told her that she was in an abusive marriage. Like Ms. Steiner, Mom never believed that she was being abused and was shocked at the allegation that her husband and father of her two now-grown children had harmed her. But with time and counseling, she's accepted this and has moved on. She's now working her dream job and is now free. I'm very proud of her.
The sad fact of the matter is that unless you've been through it yourself, you're never going to fully understand just what abuse does and why victims feel trapped and unable to escape.
+janeyrevanescence12 You seem to be telling your mother's side of the story. Your father might have a different story.
Children grow up listening to their mother in their formative years and as a result they favour the mother. Mothers are quite willing to demonise the father when in fact the father is a good man. Women can be very manipulative and deceptive in this way.
This happens because the father is out working and providing for his family. Males and females are both good and bad. Badness is not the domain of the male. Fifty percent of the time the father is a better and more caring person than the mother, yet the mother is favoured about 90% of the time because she is at home while the father works.
Even abusive mothers can be favoured by children over a good father who is out working during the day.
The following is probably what happened, hope you can handle the truth.
When your mother met your father, she considered him as a capable man who would be a good provider.
She used her feminine charms to attract him and they married. Much biology and human evolution needs to be explained but there is no time.
When your mother became pregnant, your father followed normal male responsibility procedure and worked hard to provide for woman and child.
The pregnancy process repeated and one more child resulted. Your father worked even harder to provide.
He progressed with his skills and he obtained promotion.
In this typical situation where the woman looks after the home and children, she controls the finances because she purchases the food and has a major say in the purchase of the car, the home and other major purchases. Women have more time for this and fathers allow control to go to the mother. That is why the market cater to women. That is why women are the main consumers in society and why advertising focuses on women.
As children grow older, they become able to get themselves to school, feed themselves and clean their own rooms. The mother supervises more.
The father continues to work hard so that the mother can supply the childrens needs, the children have a room to themselves, a desk, a bed, a computer. The mother controls the home and controls the home content and the home management. The children see this. They ask for things and the mother provides. She gets all the credit for buying them things, and all the credit for helping with their problems and their needs.
The father is out working, he does many more things and helps many more people with far more complex situations, he gets home tired and doesn't have always have the patience for advice and care to the children.
At home, he gets credit for nothing. For this reason, children think the mother is number one, especially male children.
(You are lucky in that you didn't have an abusive mother, such mothers are very bad for children because the father is not home to protect them from her.)
Your mother had had a much easier life than your father. Looking after the home with two children means that she had much more free time and much less stress.
Your father paid all the childrens comforts and fun - but he got no credit. At his workplace however he attained respect from his work ethic and his income increased.
Younger women recognised him for his talent and work ethic, in later years these younger women could see that he had an older, overweight, nagging wife and that his children were becoming independant.
Steve M While my father never dared raise a hand to my mother....he had no qualms about hurting my younger brother and me. He choked me once when I talked back to him and he flipped my brother onto his back during an argument, nearly smacking his head onto the table as he did so.
Xian Zi So you're saying it was perfectly okay for my father to treat his wife and two children the way he did to us?
+janeyrevanescence12
You have never reacted in anger? Or your brother or mother? Sounds like when you use the word "once" and "nearly" your father was a very nonviolent man overall. It must have taken an amazing amount of provocation to make him react like that. Think of all his work for your family over two decades. It sounds like you thanked him by treating him very disrespectfully.
It could be that it was a result of years of indoctrination from your mother - not deliberate perhaps, but it had a great effect on your subconscious.
Obviously I can't completely judge an individual case like yours but when you write:
"Mom never believed that she was being abused and was shocked at the allegation that her husband and father of her two now-grown children had harmed her. But with time and counseling, she's accepted this and has moved on."
... it sounds like the counselor was a rabid feminist. Your mother wasn't harmed at all. From your own description it sounds like the exact opposite. You have to realise that feminism tries to spread the myth that males are perpetrators and females are victims. Very false and very negative.
I advise you, very sincerely, to listen to Professor Janice Fiamengo who has made 20 short, easy to listen to, videos on feminism and as you have been indoctrinated by this negative ideology it would do you much good.
RUclips search for: ♣ Fiamengo File ♣.
A friend who was abused by her husband said "she has no place to go to with her children." She was a nurse with two young children. I told her to start looking into finding a shelter and start saving her money - to have her suitcases packed. She finally left.
That's awesome!
40 plus years on and I still bear the emotional scars, (as well as the physical ones)..you are soooo right... we do need to talk about it, especially to our children.
Her story was mine almost exactly. I've been free 5 years next month and it still affects me to this day.
Get over it. I recommend the video titled, *Police Training for Domestic Violence with Donald Dutton *
Jessica Letchworth are you being serious? Do you need help? If so have you called the DV hotline, they can help including getting you out 800-799-7233
Vladimir Makarov she said she's been free for 5yrs which means she left him 5yrs ago.
Wurmo no you certainly won't get laughed at if you phoned a domestic abuse helpline these people on the phones would be only to happy to help male or females who are being abused? Why say this.
Sandy DiVa I've been free for 5 years and 3 months. Leaving was the scariest thing I had ever done. It will always be a part of our lives. But it doesn't define us. You are so strong❤️
In year 27, the day I escaped, I ran upstairs to look up "battered housewife" on the computer. I was astounded and right then decided this was the day I would give up everything I ever had in my life, even to go homeless. 12 years later I am still being taken to court by this psychopath, but even though destitute, no longer homeless, I am free. Thank you for speaking out to all of us. Big hugs, lady. God Bless you. ❤
God Bless you Violet ... Your resolve is super Human.
It's been 10 years for me and I'm still getting miserably abused. I'm hopeless and feel like I'm stuck
@@toniawerchan9360 that's his goal. YOU can leave, just be ready to lose your "things." Your life and happiness is more important than possessions; those can be replaced. 🙂❤
Good for you. It's a cliche for a reason, the first step is the hardest. Stay safe. ❤
I;m glad you are better now and so sorry for what happened to you. I wonder, did you notice people around you refusing help or looking the other way? this lady (selling her book) said: " I got out because you all helped me" I wonder if thats true or whether society, friends even family are indifferent or see you differently after what happened.
The most important thing any survivor can leave with is their life.
Many are terrified of how they will support themselves if they leave, if they will be shunned or if they will be able to "do it" without the help of the abuser financially and such... NO. It's always scary and it's always a struggle, but the only thing you can never replace is your LIFE. You can always get a new car, a new place, a new job... but you have ONE life and an abuser will escalate to taking that from you too if you don't get out.
This made me cry for what she’s been through, and what I go through. That part where she said to end the silence, and where she said he held a gun to her head but also told her he loved her really got to me. It hurts to have someone tell you they loved you then hurt you physically and silence you.
Also what she says about ppl asking why you don’t leave, that shaming that goes on- totally right.
My husband assaulted me twice during my pregnancy, once directly at my stomach. He turned everyone against me even the counselors I took him to to get help for him (it was a condition of his assault on my terms). He would tell me he loved me but bring another woman into my bed every day and lie about it. That isn’t love.
Even the counselors? Plural? Girl, where did you live with such trash professionals?
I have dealt with these same struggles. I pray you got out and are experiencing the life you deserve. The life we ALL deserve, but especially the abused and tormented. God has a plan for all of us. Though I struggle/struggled so long understanding how He could ever allow it.. I eventually came to understand it was never His fault or doing. He hates violence and abuse so much that he almost ended up the world back in Noah’s day when it was filled with it, everywhere. I find comfort and hope with Jesus, who was oppressed and abused just like us. God himself was abused. No one understands us better or loves us more. This comforts me a lot too. He will make a way for us.. He always does. I pray for you and everyone on here. Sending so much love prayers and hugs. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are deserving of love, life, joy and peace. Xoxo
I'm so sorry.... hope you're in a safe place right now ❤️
I love the fact she mentions his name. You rock!
Art in Urban Nature YES!! then she told everyone! How hard is this? It takes many years to talk and then not much is said...
+Southern Charm It takes supporting people in person to have one tell the story, obviously after many years of denial of even sharing a word... each story is a very complicated and peculiar one.
it,s not "crazy love" as she puts it, it,s low self esteem...
ruclips.net/video/BMHJOop4KhQ/видео.html
She was fucked up in her head, too. That's why she stayed, she's no victim. She should make a talk that says "I was so fucked up in my head that I was attracted to abusive men, I had daddy issues and fucked up self-esteem. It is my fault for not being able to see the signs and leave him at the first sign. I am responsible for my own safety and I did not act on my instincts". That would sound more like an empowered woman, and not a victim.
That's why you should be careful who you feel pity for..... That is how toxic relationships begin.
Exactly
Wow...
nobody deserves pity
amen
Yes, we especially shouldn't pity grown women who choose violent relationships. They are grown adults and at least half the problem in any bad relationship
The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the abused person tries to leave. Oh and abuse affects every single demographic in America and it has to stop. 😊
It will only stop when we march in the streets anytime a female is hurt!!
Dear.....abuse STOPS when we stop tolerating bad behavior like abuse. The reason why women never get into an abusive relationship is because they don't tolerate it. Period.
YES DEFINITELY
But men hide their abusive nature at first
@@py528 That was cruel. He was the sweetest talker you ever heard, I never thought he would be abusive until I was pregnant. BTW, that is when abuse starts a lot of the time. Absolutely nobody knows exactly how a person will act until they live with them. I left as soon as I could and that was one year after we married. I didn't put up with it but I had to leave carefully, I kicked him out of my Grandma's house while my 3 large Uncles were there for a visit and I told him, "hit me now you cowardly so and so." I can't repeat it here. He left with a pillow case and his clothes. I got everything I wanted in the divorce. He was forced to pay for all the bills incurred during the marriage. I didn't "tolerate" anything. I left and I made him pay when I did. It's not so easy for every woman, I was raised by two very strong women who taught me that I don't have to put up with abuse. My Grandma and my Mom.
Abusers never get better, the violence only ever escalate. If you stay, they know that you will put up with it and it only gets worse from there.
"I never once thought of myself as a battered wife. Instead, I was a very strong woman in love with a deeply troubled man, and I was the only person on Earth who could help Connor face his demons."
That literally described my first marriage. Thankfully I was able to come to my senses and had people supporting me who helped me get out.
lolzkittenz Glad you got out!
This describes my recent relationship and to a T. Most of her speech sounds too familiar. Only hitting was a rare thing. All other forms of abuse were almost daily. It’s been a week yesterday since he actually left me. He didn’t like that I was seeking therapy. Even though I never told my therapist anything about how he was to me. I told her he was supportive and safe... he didn’t know that. Still today when he comes home I welcome him as his wife. I grieve daily for him and miss him and love him deeply. The comment you posted is exactly what I still feel. I am struggling but I now know that what I am living is still dangerous. I am doing well to control taking him back each time he comes home and tells me how perfect I am. All I can do is say a prayer and wait for the healing to happen in my heart as I get stronger.
That's me but with 0 support and 5 kids. I was trying to homeschool them and raise them all sweet but I am now going to be forced to put them in the horrible public schools we have here and work like a mule. To leave and survive with my kids.
I just left a man who had abused me for 16 years.I went to my local social services and all they could do is give me two bus passes and a bed over 30 miles away.I have no car and can't walk much from my disability,s.Ive tried my local DV center.All the beds are full bc they rolled out the red carpet for the afghan refugees seeking asylum.I am now homeless carless hungry and hopeless in Albany ny
@@audrealambert23 you need to Google a Catholic Charity near you. They will help you. Forget the government!
Traumatic bonding with a narcissist/psychopath. It's very very hard to break away and takes a long time.
Its ignorance that builds fear. Have u ever seen a mother bear or whatever animal defend their cups? They mean business. Watch and learn from nature.
Juanita Richards couldn’t agree more. I’ve been in this situation all my life since it’s my own dad who’s a narcissist and sociopath.... it’s taken me 26 years to seek help.
Morgan Steiner has published two books and made good money on this issue so she wants to perpetuate the false propaganda. Her story concerns a man who was mentally ill. There are mentally ill women in equal numbers but we don't hear about that.
If you look at the data at domesticviolenceresearch (just google) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
If you watch an academic expert make a presentation (just google Dr Donald Dutton) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
DV mainly occurs in areas of poverty and/or drug use. DV has become a money making industry which seeks to paint males as perpetrators and females as victims. This false narrative is a big part of a larger money making scam. Almost all of government money goes to aid women only.
If you listen to this video again you will find numerous references to women and girls as victims or mothers and daughters; as victims. Count the number of times you hear her talk of fathers, boys or sons as victims. Male victims are mentioned as if they don't matter and rarely occur. She also gives outrageously false percentages.
Sure thing. And they love bomb the F out of you at first to get their hooks in real deep too, and then when they start devaluing you, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
its easier with a lover
but In my situation where its actually my mother. My only option is staying calm acting nice and polite while keeping boundaries and refusing small things to keep at bay
6 months of Physical, emotional and mental abuse..48 hours free of this and praying I have the strength to never turn back…
when she said 500 women are killed every year by a domestic partner, i instantly started crying, how happy i am to be free and it wasn’t me. this video was amazing
Yeah, we need to talk about this more. It's an unnecessarily high number.
I cried. 22 and it's so familiar. I'm out, but I don't think I'll ever be the same.
You're right you'll be more aware of the warning signs and be smarter the next time around. He took some of your innocence but now you're a survivor and can move forward. With the help of a therapist someone you could talk to and walk you through what happened giving you clarity. You're right you won't be the same but you gained so much more, you're wiser and stronger. And what he did to you will only destroy him, tell your story its yours to share now.
erica castillo Really appreciate this reply!
@@Emmah1243 I'm happy to have helped. Sometimes the things we don't understand now end up being the things that build us up and gives us character makes us stronger. That only comes from experience and glad you survived through it to inform and help others.
Morgan Steiner has published two books and made good money on this issue so she wants to perpetuate the false propaganda. Her story concerns a man who was mentally ill. There are mentally ill women in equal numbers but we don't hear about that.
If you look at the data at domesticviolenceresearch (just google) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
If you watch an academic expert make a presentation (just google Dr Donald Dutton) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
DV mainly occurs in areas of poverty and/or drug use. DV has become a money making industry which seeks to paint males as perpetrators and females as victims. This false narrative is a big part of a larger money making scam. Almost all of government money goes to aid women only.
If you listen to this video again you will find numerous references to women and girls as victims or mothers and daughters; as victims. Count the number of times you hear her talk of fathers, boys or sons as victims. Male victims are mentioned as if they don't matter and rarely occur. She also gives outrageously false percentages.
You wont be the same sweety but you'll be stronger and know yourself better 🌹
yeah, it sucks when you tell people. and they don't believe you 'he wouldn't do that, he's a good guy' even after he was charged. .
His friends complained that I made him look bad and they didn't like me saying anything about it.
Jazz vader omg yes this is exactly my situation.
:(
My husband set me up this way… my husband was so verbal and mentally abusive he had me to the point I wanted to take my life. After he pulled a gun to me I took him back. After he hurt our kids, it was time to go. So glad I made the decision for a cpo in March! Onward to healing!!!
Onward to your healing
This video opened my eyes.
Because of it I found out, that I am in a relationsship with a man who abuses me. It is more hidden and mainly non-physical violence, but the story of how the relationship was built up is so very simmilar that I started to realize.
Thank you very much! I appreciate your work! May GOD bless you.
You deserve a peaceful joyous life full of friends that lovingly support you and share life with you.
Feel free to private message me.
I got out of a domestic violence situation over 20 years ago. There is life plenty of life after this.
@@analiaramirez2934 Thank you very much for your kind answer.
I struggle a lot with the topic of joy and friends and I do self sabotage and criticise myself for having fun.
I rationally know it but uncontiousely do the opposite.
I am so glad for every single time eben someone tells me, because it helps me to get more selfaware.
Thank you very much! You helped me. 🤗
@@luise_sams, hey, please be encouraged!! It's our emotional needs that cause us to do irrational things, even when we knoooow it. You have permission to have the best life possible, but it doesn't have to be an extreme wonderful right now, just a gentle Peace, greater stability, the validation of experiencing internal regulation. Those are some of the best gifts I experience and they're so rewarding. Bless you!!! 🙂🕊
I didn’t think I was a victim I thought I was a brave woman saving a troubled man YES
Same
Best part
I called that period in the beginning the "Cinderella syndrome", back when I thought all he needed was a loving woman to care for him, what he was doing was grooming me to be abused. Won't ever fall for the " .... and they lived happily ever after " again.
Women like men they can fix if your a nice guy with a job you will be an incel
wolf4811
Agreed. Me too.
Don't stay for children leave for them i stayed 12 years now both my sons have violent temper so sad
Julia Dawnyel my boyfriend’s dad used to hit his mom and now my boyfriend has a bad temper... it’s scary that from seeing stuff like that it sticks with them and they see it as something normal :/
@@annngggxsame thing : my grandpa was abusive then my father too.
My father abused us and mom especially so much.. and mom chose to stay because she saw nowhere to go, because the system then the 90' then the 2000 didn't show they'd do much- eventually some fines few months in jail and back to the same house so he can abuse some more..
He often abused me beating me in the head or head against the wall.. or broke my nose..
Once he strangled me in such fury.. he almost killed me.. I wanted to stop him hitting my mom. I was 18..
She never left and nowadays both me and my sis ( we're having our lives, we left house when we were in our early 20) have intensive anxiety and ptsd...
My mom is a shiprek physically and psychologically ( emotionally) and recently ( last year) she was diagnosed with MS ( multiple sclerosis) with cerebral demielinisation... that's practically cerebral lesions.. i am so angry.. so so angry.. more than 30 years of narcissistic abuse.. I saw her often with head bruised ...
Sigh....
Now she's 63.. and .. not sure how much she'll hold on..
He's still there, drinking like a pig and smoking. Even though he knows this is a nuisance to mom's health...
And obviously "no one can intervene" as you're told by those in charge of protecting you.. because she didn't fill a complaint..
He abused her emotionally that she thinks she's nothing without him, or that she won't be able to manage the simplest thing without him...
I rarely went back home since and I miss mom and we talk on the phone often. But I hurt so much because of all this and it's like she's not realising how much her decision or rather said nonnactuon ever since we were kids.. to leave him.. practically fucked up her life but also the life of her children.
So my message to mothers and wifes and partners out there : don't stay " for the children" with an abusive partner, that's a cheap excuse. You need to address your doctor, police etc immediately when he hit you becaus eyou have proof, bruises and so on. Then and only then - unfortunately- the system can step up and do something. But dont stay until is too late. You deserve to be loved and have a peaceful life..
Take care of yourselves...
This is something , everyone should learn.
I pray that they are going to a therapist for the help that they need.
You should send them to therapy if you haven't already. Don't want them treating a girl how you were treated.
My first relation with kids father was exactly the same situation she was in. I am so happy I am at peace with my husband now. Everyone deserves happiness, gentleness, and love.
I didn’t know anything about emotional abuse or gaslighting. I was married for 10 years in my youth. This was the darkest decade of my life. The last few years of our marriage he also became physically abuse and I still did not leave the marriage. Even though he nearly strangled me to death. Finally, I did leave to save my physical and emotional life. That was 35 years ago.
You can not fix him. Never. You can not fix him....Or her..
Or her. Thank you
Very true.
It is NOT our job to fix people!!! Especially our partner.
That’s not true
@@davidgarxia1477 ...I am always here for my son, but I respectfully disagree.
I grew up in a house where hitting, yelling, staying quiet, remaining submissive, and belonging to a man meant family, proper lifestyle, and love. And I believed it for the first 23 years. I still do sometimes. For most of my life...its was our little family secret.
@Golden Gainz d-dude...
I can feel you though I realized early how abnormal it was and wasn't normal as my mum always told. Keep knowing yourself more and you'll do good....wishes
Abuse is not always physical and men can be victims too even if they look big and strong
same, u cant tell anybody like its shameful to be a victim
I grew up in the same kind of house. I was so ill prepared to make good choices
And it gets worse as you get older and more money is involved.. someone who didn’t suffer as abusive of a childhood can become much more deadly and dangerous. Don’t fall into that trap. End it sooner instead of later. And however you’re related to the dangerous relationship, keep your distance from it.
I'm so glad I got out when I did. I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't.
NEVERMIND MONEY LEAVE!!!!!
When you get to the point where you start telling people, many will reject your version because you "victimize" yourself and problems in relationships "always have 2 sides"...so on top of everything, when you finally find the courage to speak up, you get blamed for blaming him!
Or they look at you poor little thing that is going through such tough times, with PITY.
That is the worst.
One way or another, the message is no one will really understand you or care about your suffering.
This is what makes it so terribly hard to start from scratch. You are completely alone and have to make peace with your past...alone.
So true and so sad.
Absolutely, people not affected by it have no idea what it's like. It's the sad truth.
Stay well stranger 🤗
This is so true.
Very sad and I’m sorry I’m going to say something and please understand I’m not being malice, but I think people get tired of the back and forth that a lot of these women do. People may try to help many times over only to watch her go back. It’s exhausting. They are also putting themselves at risk and their children etc. every time she leaves, only to go back. I’ve been through it myself with a friend. It’s extremely toxic for the people who try to help. It affects everyone. I was a very loyal friend to her and tried for quite awhile to help her. People just finally realize that he wins every time. You throw your hands up. Only so much you can do. It’s always,”I’m leaving for good” and watch her go right back again. And until you’re the loved ones that goes through this viscous cycle, no one will understand that either.
Up until now I have been feeling soooo stupid and so, so ashamed of myself for having let a guy like that treat me like this. I graduated with honors from NYU, I battled countless challenges in my life, I have always prided myself with being a strong, independent woman. And it's just like you said! He just looked so sweet. He had a forever-16 face. He used to idolize me in the early stages of our relationship. And then this happened to me and, even worse, I LET it happen. I am so relieved to see how it really works. As with everything else that happened in the relationship, I felt guilty for everything. On the road to recovery now.
Channel Patrick Teahan: reduce tolerance for toxicity.
It's not your fault, it'll never be your fault. Stay as safe as you can. ❤❤❤
She didn t answer the question why was she deceived despite the signs ? I still don t get it. I do only if she had no financial resources,or she s physically dependent but not in her case When she can afford it to live by herself. So what is it?
@@greatstuff5865 There is no deception. It is obvious they are a deeply troubled person. The caring one can plainly see they were not loved as a child and thinks they can be healed into betterment by being loved.
A factor is having too high a tolerance for harmful behavior, maybe because the caring one was exposed to a harmful relative growing up, so it is familiar and they have coping skills to live with it.
Problemmatic people are complicated and high maintenance. Women, especially are socialized to be nurturers.
If you want better understanding of the dynamics, volunteer at a domestic violence shelter. The patterns will be plain to see.
You can do it !!! Break free forever !!!!
29 years. It took me 29 years to get the courage to leave. I left with nothing....except my life. I live with the guilt and regret that it took me so long to leave and my children grew up watching me get beaten,choked,threatened, controlled,isolated, shot at, and constantly miserable. ( Choking was the worst. If you've never been choked until you lose consciousness then you cannot understand the terror. )I have asked my children to forgive me and I can only hope that they have. If you're in an abusive relationship, don't let it take you 29 years to leave.
Took me 27 years!!
Omg this is so so true, especially that disgusting question " Why don't they just leave" .... Unless you have walked in the shoes of an abused person, you have NO Idea & this women explains it perfectly 🙏👏👏👏👏👏💜
Perfectly? Perhaps not.
the question is usually not meant to be "disgusting". people ask it, as i have, because they do not understand the situation and the "logical" thought is "if someone hits you, leave them." watching this helped to educate me.
@mirth12 True, I actually should have clarified..... except hit, you go straight to the police .....however even then, how do we know each individual situation! It needs to stop, I believe it comes from what we were brought up to endure :-( xx
Had me in tears. What a touching talk.
As an educated woman with a close knit family, I too was married to an abusive man. It took me 17 years to leave.
Same for my friend. Proud you are out.
Morgan Steiner has published two books and made good money on this issue so she wants to perpetuate the false propaganda. Her story concerns a man who was mentally ill. There are mentally ill women in equal numbers but we don't hear about that.
If you look at the data at domesticviolenceresearch (just google) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
If you watch an academic expert make a presentation (just google Dr Donald Dutton) you will find that half of perpetrators are female.
DV mainly occurs in areas of poverty and/or drug use. DV has become a money making industry which seeks to paint males as perpetrators and females as victims. This false narrative is a big part of a larger money making scam. Almost all of government money goes to aid women only.
If you listen to this video again you will find numerous references to women and girls as victims or mothers and daughters; as victims. Count the number of times you hear her talk of fathers, boys or sons as victims. Male victims are mentioned as if they don't matter and rarely occur. She also gives outrageously false percentages.
@@stevegcq i agree with you some part. DV like any violence is very complex. Blame or point out abuser and label men is dangerous. I dont thibk is about gender but human condition.
Gosh😣... How did you survive?
Your out. Good. There should be plenty of red flags never to repeat that again 🙏
My advice to new dates. Put a big boundary and if he react negative he is an abuser. At the beginning we always said yes to everything, tried to say No and see what happens.Narcissist don’t like boundaries. They think they are entitled to everything.
Do you really need a partner?
Or try to argue with them on something and see if they're open to discussion or treat you with contempt
Good suggestion on saying no got to remember this! Pathetically though ,I do want a MAN!
The only things we need are food water and shelter
this is a very good advice. I have thought about it but would help an example. Anybody has done it?
Love is a want not a need. You don't need to fall in love to live your best life.
They make you feel small and worthless, they gaslight you to the point that you start to question your own sense of reality and make you appear crazy in front of others. They isolate you and make you feel completely alone. They constantly undermine you and tear pieces of your own personality and sense of self, untill all that is left is an empty shell. You feel like you cannot do anything, let alone leave. And even if you did leave, what really is out there for someone like you. Who would want someone like you? Who could love someone like you? .. mine never physically harmed me but at some point I wished he would rather beat me instead of physically torture me....his level of physical abuse effed me for years....almost completely destroyed me as a peson
Ladies remember at any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end. Stop the violence
It's not just women you know actually the more data that comes out and the more that men actually say something it seems like women are actually more likely to be the abuser
''It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser''
i broke down in tears when she said that, i always tell my friends i can not leave but never knew how to exactly explain why!
i am right now typing with one hand because my partner broke my right hand fingers....
Wait until he's gone. Call a friend and have them help you leave. Things will only get worse. Please, save yourself.
Try and get away. Don't make it too obvious and call the police. Nobody deserves abuse.
Its been 2 months since you wrote this.
If you are still with him, please leave him.
If you have nowhere else to go, go to a shelter..
If you are scared he will not leave you alone, collect evidence and contact the authorities....or just disappear
Take action, you are the only one who can save you.
Love your life. The most important thing, even more important than your so called husband. Ask yourself Does your life deserve it. One life to live, One chance to escape. Escape at any cost, any cost. What the fucking society is there if it couldn't help a lady to escape violence, escape life threat. Sorry for my Creative English.
Please leave him. Save yourself. You can do it.
Not nessesarily violence. Abuse can be in other forms. Such as pyscological abuse.
LUClFER MORNINGSTAR how do you know??? Why would someone lie about that.
Was psychologically abused by my mother for most my life. She used to degrade me, use my weaknesses as starting points, and get her partner to always side with her (out of fear). Used to be embarrassed of me, making me not walk with her in public. Told everyone my darkest secrets. Even when I tried to commit suicide at 8 years old, she would tell me "you were just playing around". I'm on better terms with her now at 24 but I've dealt with alot of damage from the way she would treat me.
What I have found with most who got killed after they leave is that by the time they think about leaving they have given so much power to the abuser that the abuser really believes he/she OWNS the other person. My mother left the first time she got hit. My friend's mother did the same thing but not before she marked him for life.
When someone makes you feel worthless and sucks out your self esteem you settle for abuse. When you wont leave a relationship or walk away because you feel you will loose out financially that a payoff reason. The bottom line as soon as you smell a toxic person or environment run as fast as you can regardless of guilt or money. Life is short and last year I died on operating rable and was brought back. While i was on other side I was very angry I wasted time on toxic people and environments. I am glad i have privilege to give you this insight. Ps also ge kind and loving that is first thing that they are categorizing you upstairs.
One day I'll know what it's like to be truly loved by a good man.
Maybe.. Youre that good man youve been looking for...
I hope you find a great guy, but if not, you’re enough and you’re worthy of love.
Why do you need that? There really is no point in hoping for that day, just do things for yourself and be happy by yourself. Dont wait or hope for any man.
Look in the friend zone
@@sherbaum1985 is this ironic
I just recently went through a traumatic situation with my sons father he held me hostage for 3 days wouldnt let me leave my home he beat and strangled me the whole time my 3 children were in the home he pulled bleach on me and spit on me i thought he loved me and now i am in a position where im mentally overwhelmed depressed and full of anxiety i cant wrap my mind around the fact i could be dead me and my 3 children ran out of my apartment to the leasing office they called the police... I am so thankful to be alive today even tho i suffer from mental pain i am blessed
hope its better. sending you best wishes
Praying for you
becomingdanyell joe You’re extremely strong and I hope you and your children are doing well♥️
Email me if you need anything Lauren.stanley.82@gmail.com! Ill send u my # and u can text me if you need anything! Do you have family who is helping you or close friends? I can just just be a supportive friend to you especially while you are going through this just in case you need someone to talk to! Or just someone to lend an ear, or money, clothes or whatever. My ex threatened to kill me and smoked a blunt in my car and I was terrified. I moved away and he had a spare key so I think he stalked me for a bit but I am okay! He'd lose his temper and shout in a rage and neighbors called police fairly often. He told me I couldn't leave him. I couldn't imagine how you feel, but I know God will give you strength and you can do anything with him! Also thank God for your kids! They saved you. They're heroes and you're a survivor. You're my hero too because after everything you still know you're blessed. I admire your strength.
I want to help you if you need anything! I am so sorry that happened. I had mental suffering healing from mine. But in time God will heal everything! Keep seeking him and he sees you and what you're going through and he will help to put everything together! After a storm comes sunshine. Your sunny day is coming, and you'll have peace. God has good things for you. Are you away from him? Did you tell your parents? Are they helping you? Who are you staying with?... I also found yoga really helpful for helping with anxiety and depression....Okay I hope email me if you need anything or want to talk or anything or if there is anything I can do. Okay sending hugs and prayers!!
Your friend,
Lauren
It would have been very beneficial to her audience to tell them how she left and what happened to him. I’m really surprised she left that out. Most important part of the speech.
You explained this so well. I stayed for 15 years also not realising it was abuse. I was so trauma bonded and after I left is when he tried to kill me. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Hello Dear
Im leaving him in September....shshshsh im going quietly while he's at work...as peacful as I can...he will never find me again and talk me back to him...
Im soooooo exhausted....he sucked the life out of me...he almost BROKE MY SPIRIT
But GOD IS GOOD...the old me will Die
And the new me will be born...im so excited and happpy n sad all at the same time. . ...but I UNDERSTAND...its time to move on.....💖💔💖
I understand where you are truly coming from. Here is a suggesting, it is up to you if you would like to do this or not. I would wait until he is at work, and slowly pack up your small stuff that he will not notice, rent a storage shed unit, slowly move your things in there a little bit at time. then I would go to the bank and set up a personal checking/savings account with just your name on it. ( if you do have a joint checking savings account. do a cash withdraw at the bank and then deposit into your own checking/savings account, go to the post office and get yourself a post office box for just you and your children only. On your last day that you are there and getting ready to move. If you have children have someone you trust watch them, well you and your family/friends move the big stuff out of there. You can also buy somethings at Walmart, Kmart, JcPenny's Sears for your new place. only things that you can replace. but keep your most valuable treasures, family treasures. when I am talking about buying new things I am saying like a coffeepot, toaster, can opener, microwave oven & etc; put it in your storage bin and do not tell anyone that you have as far as common friends, his family. Trust yourself and your own family... I really do understand what you are going through. Also get a prepaid debit card through GreenDot, NetSpend card. put money on there and keep it in a safe place.. I learned the hard way some people that I thought were my friends turned out to be people who stabbed me in the back... Needless to say I am no longer friends with them. I moved out of state to get away. I did move back to my home state, but only to a whole new part of the state where him/his family & his friends will not be able to find me. I am still in the planning stages of moving completely out of my home state for good. I am in the process of saving for it and getting me and my puppy out of here... Good Luck I really do hope that it works out for you..
kay lynn connor thank you so much💖
You are very welcome.. I forgot to mention that you might want to buy food like your can & dry foods. ( the rest can wait until you are in your new place) also you might also want to stock up on your cleaning, personal, misc, laundry, pets, laundry supplies. you might even want to buy yourself a tool box and your own tools. just make sure you put all of this in your storage shed unit. if you would like to you can email me at kaylynn.connor@gmail.com I am glad that I could help . Good luck and take of yourself and your children/pets
You're strong, and you can do it. My dad is emotionally abusive to my sister, my mom and I. Everyone wants to leave, but we're scared and financially dependent on him.
skytiger859 thnk you...yes...im strong n I left...
I could have written this, except for the gun. I was never 'hit' but was shoved, raped, and lots of verbal abuse. I also didn't know I was abused. I thought it was my fault for everything - until he was taking off his belt to whip my daughter because she was listening to us fight. I ran to the kitchen, picked up a butcher knife and turned to kill him. He had followed me downstairs and I think my fighting back shocked him. I packed up and moved back to the town where my family lived. (He had moved me from Kansas to Ohio, away from family and friends.) I, too, am married to a very gentle man - after being divorced for 10 years. Domestic violence stories are not very different. I've shared my story many times and hope it has helped others going through it today. Thank you for sharing your story.
You were fortunate someone listened and cared about you. When I tried to talk to people, most of them literally went stone cold one me because of the lies he told them. Abusers are also master manipulators and the older they are and the more practice they have the better at it they are. I wanted the divorce but he beat me to filing and told everyone he wanted it, which he did not. Then he told lots of people, even my children I cheated on him, which I did not, but he did. I am rebuilding my life and plan to move out of the area . For some getting out of this situation is as hard as staying.
Domestic violence came from parents and siblings..my heart goes to everyone who has endured this madness. This narcissistic relationships