Narcissistic Abuse: The Hangover Reaction
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- Опубликовано: 5 май 2024
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on RUclips are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
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#NPD #covertnarcissist
Lise! You're fantastic as professional, as human being, as woman who take side of men who are suffering in silence. You give them a way to move on without narcisist partner. Thank you!
Thanks so much for your kind words!
I remember having to lie about harmless things to my ex (a covert narcissist) because I knew she wouldn’t believe, and instead she’d assume the worst. It was awful.
You couldn’t have worded that better my ex ( covert narcissist) on the phone with her until I fall alsleep , wake up to her accusing me of cheating on her while I was alsleep ??”
Then i tell her truthfully that i was sleeping and there is no chance i did that to her
she wouldn’t believe me “ I bet -.-“
No evidence of cheating only evidence of the truth and she would give me these out rageous accusations from her fear of abandonment
What's sad is that seems normal to me. No more though, rather be alone.
Thanks for the video, Lise. Spot on as always and you can be the most mentally strong person in the world and get duped by a covert narcissist. It doesn't start out as in your face abuse. They start slowly and then work you up to unimaginable abuse and you're so best down by then from life and dealing with them, it's VERY easy to get stuck in this long term disaster. Trust me, I've lived it and I'm getting out of it.
Exactly right… starts out like a dream come true and turns into a nightmare over time
You describe it perfectly. This happened to me as well. Good luck and do not dwell on the good times once you leave.
The Hangover's Melissa is exactly like my sister-in-law Melissa. My brother has behaved like Stu around her often -- it's not at all funny in real life - especially after 20 years.
Covert narcissist are the most dangerous ones. The last toxic relationship took all sense of myself and my self-worth out of me, which took me year and a half of therapy to at least somehow rebuild myself. What was the worst, was cognitive disonance.
Same here. 😢
It's so bad that I saw this movie while married but didn't see the correlation between Stu's situation and my own. Even though that scene was pretty much beat for beat my life at the time, because I was so subservient to my ex wife I couldn't see that the way she treated me was abusive.
I'm glad you saw it. It's okay, don't be hard on yourself.
My ex covert narc scrambled my brains on a regular basis. She rarely would acknowledge any good things I had going on for myself nor would she validate unique "wins". For example once we were out to eat dinner at Logan's Steak house and a woman next to our booth started choking on a piece of food. Nobody at their table knew what to do. I performed the Heimlich maneuver on this elderly woman. First attempt and the steak popped out of her mouth and so basically kept her from choking to death and didn't break any of her ribs either. I sat back down and it was quite surreal. My ex narc just kept eating and didn't acknowledge that had just happened. We drove home and after we were out back talking and she never brought it up. It was the early years so I didn't understand what was going on. I later came to understand that she did not like to praise anything about me and her support for me was intermittent and seemed to be tied to me getting a new job for an interview or for a raise so it seemed to be important to her when it came to more money for the family. But other than that she not only didn't seem to care but she also would suppress any acknowledgment or she would give it a minimum nod. So odd but it makes much more sense these days. I feel I wasted much of my life on her but I did get a wonderful daughter out of the whole deal. You live and learn.
Yes, you do. And fear not, many of us have learned the hard way. And it's a very hard way. I got 3 beautiful children out of it, but her next move was to jump straight into parental alienation. So now, overnight, they won't talk to me.
You saved a life; that's pretty incredible! Her loss.
You saved a life and she just kept eating? 😂 psycho narcissist. Well done dude. 🫡🇺🇸🦅
I relate to this. Early on, my ex decided to come to a concert my band played. We were just a small-time band but regularly would have 20-50 people at our shows, and our proud moment was when we won battle of the bands orlando.
She co.es to the show and just... watches... no emotion, no smile, just watching.
Aftwards, she said meh, I don't really like it.
No encouragement, no "hey I liked this part, or that part".. just... meh I didn't like it.
I had a lot to offer but no sense of self worth, as I grew up with parents who were never happy with my achievements so I didn't realize the red flag.
I am in the same boat as you but I have 2 daughters. They have no empathy and don’t care about anyone except themselves or they get something in return out of it that’s the only thing I noticed. Mine was very manipulative
I recently got out of a really abusive marriage, my wife literally use to attack me, scratched me, hit at me and stomped me up. And when I told her I was done she said I was playing the victim. She threatened to kill me and my family on the three separate occasions, I thank god every day that he got me out of that situation because I don’t know where I’d have been right now.
I really pray that more men who are currently suffering in silence, see this and get out while they still can.
Thank you for the videos❤
That was my mother.
No contact since 1994!
Feels good 😎
That's about it the worst is when it keeps happening over and over to a point where you don't even trust yourself.
This is such an eye opener and explains SO many things. 30+ years up to and including the argument at the wedding. Yikes!!!!!! I feel like such a LOSER 🥺😢
I'm in the situation 😢
i sailed to another country to my friends. when i arrived it was clear the woman was a narcissist. she made my life a nightmare and took me months to remove myself. in short the only way to deal with these people is to say NO and tell them you are a narcissist and walk away and delete them out of your life . they are controlling and nasty as hell
Lise you are absolutely the best ! I started watching your videos several weeks ago and have found you do an excellent job of putting things into a perspective that average people can understand. I just got out of a marriage with a woman from Ukraine who through total deception managed to get $30,000 from me through a “my mom needs a better apartment” scam in which she over a 6 month period would show videos of an apartment being remodeled, long story short I think she fits into the category of sociopathy . Thanks for the great videos
I can't overstate how amazingly helpful you've been for my life over the last 18 months, thank you so much
Thank you, Lise. As someone who had female cluster B personalities in previous relationships, been watching similar content for about 5 years now and your videos for about 2 years. I find this detailed reactionary video to be the most helpful. Really appreciate going over many movie scenes in detail and explaining it in Lehman’s terms like we are 5 year olds. I think women in general have competitive advantage over men in psychological and mental gymnastics. So videos like that by a professional help establish baseline of normalcy vs subtle insidious toxic behaviors. Looking forward for more break downs. Thank you.
It's just incredible how accurate you explain this. Iv been in this situation for 19 years, i stayed for the children but im busy getting out.😢 😢
Thank you, Lise. I listened to this clip 2 times today. It motivates me to finish what I have started and that is my divorce. I am almost there. Thank you for all your guidance and advice.
That happened to me for a good full year. Worst experience of my life.
I’m sorry to hear that you went through this terrible experience. I wish you healing and happiness
@LiseLeblanc Thanks, Lise. Luckily, I happened to do everything one was supposed to do without in such a situation (e.g., breaking up, go no contact, create a support system, therapy, etc.) without even knowing at the time. I'm doing relatively well now. Your insights were highly useful in helping me in my healing journey.
This was an awesome and refreshing new angle to present and discuss this topic, thanks!
Thank you Lise for putting this video up, I'm nearly a year no contact now and I'm gradually getting back to the old me, I still replay it all in my head and at times think was she as bad as I thought she was, and the answer is yes ! She forced me to cut contact with two of my friends that I'd known for years, every birthday, celebration or important days were always ruined for me...the one that hurt the most was the anniversary of my mums passing, she went into a huge rage and stormed off in her car just as I was about to take flowers to my mums grave...all because unknown to me at the time she had been checking my phone and read a text message from a female friend of mine that said "my thoughts are with you tomorrow " ...the stupid thing was I loved her so much, and losing her nearly broke me,
Now I have the peace and tranquility back in my life that I long for and no longer have to walk on egg shells , your videos have helped me so much Lise, you are a blessing to so many of us, thank you
I don't usually comment but I want to say this is exactly what happen to me. The last 2 months of the marriage was even the worst and I finally said to her that I had enough and left. The video and what you explained, Lise, is exactly on point. Thank you for what you do and it has helped me in the last year to understand what I went through.
Thanks for reminding me of this dynamic in this movie. It helps reassure me that my ex was, in fact, the abuser. The dynamic is almost exactly the same as what i dealt with for almost 5 years.
This was fun, helpful and creative! I like it.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it!
Lise you are present from God to me. I have been dealing with these type of women for more years than I care to admit.. Thank you for opening my eyes.
You have to lie to the narcissist. Because it's the only way you can deal with their crazy making ways. Your whole life ends up a crazy lie.
Basically. They just keep flipping things to their advantage anyway so you can't really tell them the truth if you want to stay sane. Plus their weird mood shifts are difficult to handle. Try telling one the truth when you're not so enchanted with them and see how badly they go off when in a fowl mood.
@@Liz-wz8dh Their disordered thinking is just impossible to deal with. Just run. It may be painful, but it never gets better. They just get worse.
I really like the movie review idea.
I’m not sure how other people feel (they may not be as nerdy as me), but reviews of particularly good books and/or research papers which help us to deepen our understanding would be really cool too.
Reactive video = Great idea!
That Melissa character is exactly like every women I get into a relationship with.
Two weeks ago my stay at home wife told me that sense i came home and took a shower, after getting off work, my alotted time with her was spent on the shower. She spend the next 6 or 7 hours on tictok talking to her options.
My heart goes out to any hard working husband going through the destruction caused by trash.
My last relationship was so similar to this. It's a slow boil...
Yes, they twist their words . So not nice. Unkind remarks and completely disrespectful.
Yeah
Lise, thank you!! This is an extremely helpful example I needed to see. Great example of the last 15 years!
I like the use of the movie clips ... It made the explanation more understandable. Please use this strategy more often.
I love it, this movie has told me a lot because my wife did this before I knew what a narcissist was. She was always controlling and thing had to be done her way are not at all. So is doing this online relationship with younger men that she old enough to be their grandmother manipulating lying to them just to try to control them and they don’t realize what she’s doing to them. She’s making them tell her that they love her and she’s giving them a false future. They believe everything that she is saying And about me so she can play the victim. My wife let a child that she is 25 years older than them come in between our marriage. She is telling these young men that she is 25 years old and that she love them but want let them near her to fine out the truth and her. These younger men are from different countries long distance relationship.
A very creative approach, love it! Please creative more videos like this!
Keep this reaction content coming; it's great 👍 Sub ⬆️
Stu's friends warned him that she was a terrible person, plus she had sexual intercourse with a bartender once (maybe more than once). Stu sugar-coated from her and made a self denial that she was "strong willed". At least Stu ended up a well deserving loving person and Stu is really happy with his new relationship and ditch his narc ex. Perfect example of a narc.
Lisa , wow, that movie was my life and now it's even More clear, yes it is funny in the movie but not in real life
You're awesome once again.
.
My narcissistic ex told me all of her exes before me were submissive men.
She liked it that way because she liked to be in charge.
But, at the same time, no woman is sexually attracted to submissive men.
The female narcissist can resolve this conflict by using her submissive boy for supply while she cheats on him with a more attractive man.
I know exactly how it feels. My ex girlfriend said the same thing to me. And was a total control freak. I did so much for her and she felt she was so entitled to my credit card. No empathy, consideration, compromise. What a nightmare. I should have known the signs during our time together.
Yep. Same with narcissistic men. It's good to have a submissive in your back pocket for when you're bored with the people you're cheating with.
awesome been waiting for someone to spot this! Thanks Lise
Never seen that movie -- thanks Mrs. Lise!
Also -- happy Mother's Day to all 🥳
Lisa I loved this!!!!!
Great explanation, Lise! Thank you!
I liked when you did the analysis of that clip from a show I've never watched before and it looked really interesting. You're the reason I ended up watching it and it was extremely good. It was Euphoria, btw. There was another one mentioned that I've been meaning to watch but I forgot the name.
Once I was leaving the house and told her a lie to avoid conflict. But then I thought, she's my wife... what Am I doing? Came back, told her the truth and had a nasty fight.
Excellent. You rock.
brilliantly accurate.
I have seen this kind of scenes on many movies. It seems "normal". And those disgusting persons manage to live with the nice guy happily ever after.
Thank you for these insights.
good analysis, hope you do some more
Good job 👏 , only from outside some people can see it and many others they just don’t know what’s happening . Me I use to said , something it’s no right , but don’t know what I was looking for it , Don’t have the knowledge about NPD , thanks for you time and energy Lise .
Great video!
2:14 - up to now it reminds me so much from the relationship I am ending... it is so much hard time... (I wonder if the truth will win in court? as there is mo much mess, so many people involved with the wrong perspective and understanding... som many manipulations.... I hardly recover, having therapy and courses even from the field of psychosomatic... but my family I growth from - they didn't recover from emotions... they (most of them) sounds so confused and ridiculously... once I actually need support form them.... No I am adult. I can handle hhat. . I have some support too, but ... guys - does it have to be so difficult? Lise thank you very much for your videos!!
I’m glad you have support but you’re right, it’s not easy to recover from such a toxic relationship. I wish you well on your healing journey
Dear Lise
This video is extremely helpful. The combination of theory with an example from a movie makes people certain on what is this, and how it looks.
Maybe a reaction (or commentary) video to movie Gaslight is also a great idea, (please think about it)
Regards
Awesome 👏
I wish it had been as mild as that for me,
Later in the movie, there is a scene with Mike Tyson.
This is relevant, partnering with an NPD/BPD is like going 10 rounds with him every day.
I looked at the title and was thinking this is some post breakup thing like, you suffer a huge hangover right after the discard lol.
same
I was on a date with a lady who began acting bratty.
The next thing I heard was my own voice saying, “This isn’t working out. You should go.”
Her demeanor instantly changed.
From bratty to, “Why?!”
Me: “It isn’t personal. It’s chemical.”
She was in an Uber headed home 10 minutes later.
Gotta get those anti-narcissist protocols into the ❤ muscle memory.
Then I baked homemade fig newtons, hit the 420 pen and watched my spirit guide, Humphrey Bogart, in The Maltese Falcon
…
Sam Spade: All we've got is that maybe you love me and maybe I love you.
Brigid O'Shaughnessy: You know whether you love me or not.
Sam Spade: Maybe I do. I'll have some rotten nights after I've sent you over, but that'll pass
Right on!
Thanks
I'll bet the other relationships depicted in the film are models of partnerships based on trust and mutual respect.
Dysfunctional as they were I think every one of the other characters was happier than Doug, even Alan 😂
Very true
Love it 😂😅
Hahaha I have to laugh but not just because this is one of my favorite comedies, but because I had this discussion with my ex narcissist girlfriend about this exact scene and how his wife to be is so toxic, overbearing and abusive but my girlfriend didnt see it that way and I could tell she was getting annoyed with me for bringing it up. I was just curious how she felt about it and what her reaction would be- pretty much exactly what I thought.
In the movie Stu also says that Melissa checks his bank statements .....
My second ex wife right there.
That Melissa is my wife…
:) so true
God her character was so hateable!!
Hi ❤
Everything is on point, very informative.
Genuine question. Is it really OK to lie to avoid confrontation? I know the reasoning behind him saying he is going to Napa Valley but is that not also totally wrong and inflating her already obvious trust issues?
I think deep down the guy already knew he was not going to marry her, but wasn't ready to end it, so lying, or avoiding confrontation was an acceptable defense mechanism.
Lisa, movies tend to present characters in exaggerated form to help the viewers to get the point. in this case, a pain in the butt girlfriend. It's a comedy after all.
Nothing exaggerated about this though. I've lived through this kinda shit. I wasn't Stu and I kept calling her out and that escalated things to a next level everytime. Tried all the different ways. Death by a thousand cuts. Straight facts.
that's my ex wife
03:53 She right to be mad cos she know he lying gonna go stripclub and get up to no good don't make her a narcissist
This is not covert narcissist it is codependent avoidant.
You should do this for a living, oh, I guess you do. It's only funny because it's true.....
Great concept as a video. My wife is exactly like this woman. I stayed for the kids but the abuse and no love became too much for the kids to see. 🫡🇺🇸🦅