Okay I’d also like to acknowledge though that sometimes it’s not you, it’s the group of people you’re with. Like if you’re trying to speak up and voice your opinion and get ignored by your group of friends multiple times like it’s an obvious pattern- they’re toxic. They’re the problem not you. They don’t care about you so stop wasting your time. I learned this the hard way. True friends help create a space where you can have a voice too.
yeaa or the "wow you are so talkative, you're making me dizzy" with obvious sarcasm cause i haven't say a word since the conversation started 😭😭 and im like what the hell am i supposed to said to that?
@@g_1112 at that point I really get the feeling that they don't want me to talk at all in the first place, as if they are aware that that's the worst possible thing to say just to make me feel guilty for not speaking up... idk
I’ve watched three of your videos and you’ve given the most authentic and sensible advice I have ever heard regarding social awkwardness!!! Holy shit thank you!!😂👍
Ughhh I feel like I need to perform because then no one will think im interesting 😭 like how do i get people to like me if Im not interesting/impressive. Especially when everyone else seems to have something "interesting"?
Yes my thoughts exactly! Like how do I make friends or connect with people if they don’t like me or find me interesting/ worthy of talking to and spending time with?
this is so niche but working in a hospital you speak to so many different people that it kind of forces you to learn to speak to people, i did for 2 years and even though i came in being an anxious mess when talking to people i can now start a conversation with anyone about anything
omg i love your videos, the difference about you and other creators on this spectrum of confidence,mindeset,selfsteem and stuff is that you take things deeper , is a another level, make us feel seen
Christina... I am literally crying as I am watching your video. Currently at good conversations are not your responsibility. It really hit hard.. Thank you so much.. ❤️
Hey! So I am going to Uni next year and I met some new students at a pre-reunion yesterday. During the outing I kept thinking about your videos and trully, being confident was such a game changer. (Keep in mind I never interacted with strangers in such a lovely way) The way you talk and present yourself in your videos makes us all look so human at the end. So thanks a lot ♡
To everyone please be able to acknowledge when it may be ur friends who are the problem, through 2022 I was friends with this group who had technically known each other for ages and I was the ‘new one’ and i was basically ignored and they used to hang out in each others homes but always made dumb excuses like their parents only allowed those particular friends and they didn’t tell their parents about me and I basically used to walk home alone in the dark while all around me I could see friends talking and cycling and parents going on a walk basically people having fun.I developed serious insecurities and anxiety after that and became really quiet. Then in 2023 I found this rlly good group of friends but now I’ve shifted and I’m starting new and I really feel the urge to revamp how others view me now , lol they all probably think I’m an introvert but I just don’t know how to rlly open up to these new people, summer breaks getting done and I’m hoping to be a bit more outspoken than the the months of ‘bridgecourse’ I had in April.
I take your last tip to “stop caring” to mean ‘stop caring what people think of you’ not so much ‘stop caring about people.’ Since you mentioned not taking others people actions so personally, I think the first interpretation is more what you meant. Would you agree?
I don’t usually comment but this is the first video I’ve watched from you and your energy and advice resonates with me a lot! As an ex-people pleaser, ex-socially awkward and high achiever 😆 will have to watch more videos !
Haven’t finished the video yet, but I’m very intrigued by what you’re saying. I’m a natural born people pleaser (not like traumatized into it or anything, it’s just genetic in both sides I think lol). And I smile a lot, definitely get that one from my mom. But I think there’s a difference between what I do and the “desperate” smiling at everyone that you demonstrated. Your smile and mannerisms came across as timid and almost embarrassed, and since you mentioned people pleasing, maybe subconsciously you did it to appear submissive or non-threatening. But I’m always walking confidently with my head up, and when I smile at people, it’s a genuine smile, sometimes with a brief wave and/or a hello if I am in a setting where I know lots of people and I’m passing someone I know. I think exuding real confidence + true friendliness is the most important thing here. So a smile that says “please don’t hate me” will be more off putting than a smile that says “I’m happy to see you.” Also I’m from West Virginia and it’s quite common for people to smile and be friendly here. But it’s also very common for strangers to stare (especially if you’re black in certain areas), so I decided to start holding eye contact and smiling at people until they smile back because I find it so irritating and rude. I don’t think they’re always trying to be, but I’m just like if you’re gonna stare at me, the least you could do is smile when I look at you! 😂 Anyways, that’s my take, I love to get anyone else’s thoughts!
this is really well said, i liked the way you differentiated between the two, now that you've said it, i totally see the 'people pleasing smiling' as the old me, whereas the 'confident smiling' is the new me thanks for watching!
I'd love more videos on people pleasing because as a recovering one that's what I struggle with the most. I'm in this in between where I want to connect with people again but I feel like everything I do/say is "fawning/pleasing"
It's absolutely greatttt I have this girl in my class who will ALWAYS smile and laugh at the silliest jokes, without forcing herself and I just admire her from the the corner of the class room(she's so cute i swear) Don't worryyy, be yourself, people love these type of uncontrollably lovely people
I actually lost a friend because she said I talked too much about myself. I always thought that that was how you connected with others - by showing vulnerability in that way. I didn't realize people actually considered that selfish. I tried the whole asking people advice on stuff on things they knew, but she said that I acted like people "owe me things" - so I don't really know what to do about that if asking things like that comes across that way. edit: so I saw the rest of the vid and you say being vulnerable is supposed to help...i dont know what Im doing wrong then 🙃
I’ve seen a couple of videos on your channel and i think Is really good advice, I’m starting to see what can I do to become more social and share more with people as an introverted and shy person and you talk so clearly and things that are “real” I guess. I like it. Great content girl! 🫶
I love your channel and I love the effort it's clear you put into your videos (editing, lighting, content etc)! So refreshing and you have such a good perspective on things. Thanks for the great video.
but what happens if you genuinely don't feel like connecting with someone you've been assigned to interact with? like, you :have: to interact with them otherwise it will be awkward or its needed for work or etc? like, it always feels so performative and exhausting to me, it feels stiff and unnatural, and I feel like the other person can sense that in a way. I tend to close up when I don't feel the energy/chemistry/potential for deeper friendship with the other person because so many times casual talk and acquaintances drain my energy a lot as an introvert so if I see that I don't have a similar wavelength, I just know that the friendship wont go much further than casual talk and then never seeing that person again (happens from both ends because I stop 'performing' so its not entertaining enough for the other person to want to meet me again and I also don't end up creating a connection making me not want to pursue a potential friendship). Because sometimes you -have- to have these social skills, so how do you make it feel normal without making it feel like a performance? like you are the clown that :has: to entertain everyone always?
i get u on this when to know if you should keep performing and engaging in conversation even when you don't click with the person for me, i just listen to how i feel if it's draining, i'll cut back and be more quiet and less chatty bc i don't want to drain my energy for the sake of making someone else more comfortable think about yourself more, think about them less what would make you happy? what would make you more comfortable? if that's talking less do that 😎
i’ve grown a lot on this in this area on my own but I loved all of the tips. super insightful and got down to the main insecurities that stop us from having good conversations. one of the best videos I’ve seen on the subject 🩷💕
![KAYTRANADA - Witchy (feat. Childish Gambino) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jGK3YVmGZ3Y/mqdefault.jpg)
Okay I’d also like to acknowledge though that sometimes it’s not you, it’s the group of people you’re with. Like if you’re trying to speak up and voice your opinion and get ignored by your group of friends multiple times like it’s an obvious pattern- they’re toxic. They’re the problem not you. They don’t care about you so stop wasting your time. I learned this the hard way. True friends help create a space where you can have a voice too.
facts facts facts how do i pin this comment
thumbs up if you've ever been ignored in a group convo 🫠
Here 😭
👍
Nope, you know nothing, I’m not boring, I’m just not listening to your tips
That is literally the reason I feel like "am I wierd?" Or "not good enough" and look down upon myself 🗿
@@ThatGirlBria21that’s fine. Just move on then 🤯
honestly im glad im really social, i love redirecting questions to those that are more quiet because im sure they wanna be heard too
facts
As an introvert I adore ppl like you🫶🏻
No cause I've been literally asked "why are you so quiet?" when I already feel sooo much pressure to talk
yeaa or the "wow you are so talkative, you're making me dizzy" with obvious sarcasm cause i haven't say a word since the conversation started 😭😭 and im like what the hell am i supposed to said to that?
@@g_1112 you understand
@@g_1112 at that point I really get the feeling that they don't want me to talk at all in the first place, as if they are aware that that's the worst possible thing to say just to make me feel guilty for not speaking up... idk
“You are not their Netflix” I love that
Liked immediately! “I have nothing to say” was always what I thought of in group gatherings
Group chats, Group Texts , Never was a first picked until I gave my life to Christ cause he picked me first
preach
I’ve watched three of your videos and you’ve given the most authentic and sensible advice I have ever heard regarding social awkwardness!!! Holy shit thank you!!😂👍
Ughhh I feel like I need to perform because then no one will think im interesting 😭 like how do i get people to like me if Im not interesting/impressive. Especially when everyone else seems to have something "interesting"?
bro don't get me started, i have a lot to say on this topic, you're giving me ideas ... new video pending
@@ChristinaAaliyahplsss post it
Oh my sameee, I struggle with that so much🥲 if they don't think I'm interesting how will they connect-
Yes my thoughts exactly! Like how do I make friends or connect with people if they don’t like me or find me interesting/ worthy of talking to and spending time with?
Ahh I love your Channel. I feel like you are the antidote to my negative thoughts. You Get it. Thank You I didn’t know people also had these feelings.
my long lost twin 🥹
girl how do you only have 13k??? your content is so amazing, Ive been binge watching the entire evening
thanks rozarie! beautiful name btw wow
this is so niche but working in a hospital you speak to so many different people that it kind of forces you to learn to speak to people, i did for 2 years and even though i came in being an anxious mess when talking to people i can now start a conversation with anyone about anything
totally!
ehh i dunno the only situations ive been in like these are groups i generally don't really like to begin with.
omg i love your videos, the difference about you and other creators on this spectrum of confidence,mindeset,selfsteem and stuff is that you take things deeper , is a another level, make us feel seen
Thankk you for posting this video because my life chnage because of you. i lovee youu 💓
THIS IS CONTENTTT
Christina... I am literally crying as I am watching your video. Currently at good conversations are not your responsibility. It really hit hard.. Thank you so much.. ❤️
I AM NOT YOUR NETFLIX ACCOUNT 🗣🗣
I AM NOT YOUR RUclips ALGORITHM🗣🗣
😂😂😂
Hey! So I am going to Uni next year and I met some new students at a pre-reunion yesterday. During the outing I kept thinking about your videos and trully, being confident was such a game changer. (Keep in mind I never interacted with strangers in such a lovely way) The way you talk and present yourself in your videos makes us all look so human at the end. So thanks a lot ♡
To everyone please be able to acknowledge when it may be ur friends who are the problem, through 2022 I was friends with this group who had technically known each other for ages and I was the ‘new one’ and i was basically ignored and they used to hang out in each others homes but always made dumb excuses like their parents only allowed those particular friends and they didn’t tell their parents about me and I basically used to walk home alone in the dark while all around me I could see friends talking and cycling and parents going on a walk basically people having fun.I developed serious insecurities and anxiety after that and became really quiet. Then in 2023 I found this rlly good group of friends but now I’ve shifted and I’m starting new and I really feel the urge to revamp how others view me now , lol they all probably think I’m an introvert but I just don’t know how to rlly open up to these new people, summer breaks getting done and I’m hoping to be a bit more outspoken than the the months of ‘bridgecourse’ I had in April.
Yes girl you can do it!! It's really necessary to br around the right people who are not toxic
I take your last tip to “stop caring” to mean ‘stop caring what people think of you’ not so much ‘stop caring about people.’ Since you mentioned not taking others people actions so personally, I think the first interpretation is more what you meant. Would you agree?
I love your videos ❤
New favourite RUclipsr
It’s my first time seeing you in you tube and i absolutely love these videos especially about the confidence tips. Ur account is amazing 🤩
ur so sweet, thank you
the car analogy shifted something in my brain
literally love this video ❤
THANK YOU BB
Love this!!!
This vid deserves more recognition
All the women dislike me because i am fabulous
purr
9:03 little jumpscare
editing glitch, sorry!
Why can seeing someone being uncomfortable in their own skin be unsettling?
I don’t usually comment but this is the first video I’ve watched from you and your energy and advice resonates with me a lot! As an ex-people pleaser, ex-socially awkward and high achiever 😆 will have to watch more videos !
omg i fucking love u!! def watching more of ur vids
welcome to the fam
Haven’t finished the video yet, but I’m very intrigued by what you’re saying. I’m a natural born people pleaser (not like traumatized into it or anything, it’s just genetic in both sides I think lol). And I smile a lot, definitely get that one from my mom. But I think there’s a difference between what I do and the “desperate” smiling at everyone that you demonstrated. Your smile and mannerisms came across as timid and almost embarrassed, and since you mentioned people pleasing, maybe subconsciously you did it to appear submissive or non-threatening. But I’m always walking confidently with my head up, and when I smile at people, it’s a genuine smile, sometimes with a brief wave and/or a hello if I am in a setting where I know lots of people and I’m passing someone I know. I think exuding real confidence + true friendliness is the most important thing here. So a smile that says “please don’t hate me” will be more off putting than a smile that says “I’m happy to see you.”
Also I’m from West Virginia and it’s quite common for people to smile and be friendly here. But it’s also very common for strangers to stare (especially if you’re black in certain areas), so I decided to start holding eye contact and smiling at people until they smile back because I find it so irritating and rude. I don’t think they’re always trying to be, but I’m just like if you’re gonna stare at me, the least you could do is smile when I look at you! 😂
Anyways, that’s my take, I love to get anyone else’s thoughts!
this is really well said, i liked the way you differentiated between the two, now that you've said it, i totally see the 'people pleasing smiling' as the old me, whereas the 'confident smiling' is the new me
thanks for watching!
@@ChristinaAaliyah of course! Thank you, both for posting and responding!
I'd love more videos on people pleasing because as a recovering one that's what I struggle with the most. I'm in this in between where I want to connect with people again but I feel like everything I do/say is "fawning/pleasing"
you're so beautiful. i just have to say.
ur so kind 🥹
bro what if i smile a lot and i cant control it bc i just smile a lot or im just happy everyday😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
It's absolutely greatttt
I have this girl in my class who will ALWAYS smile and laugh at the silliest jokes, without forcing herself and I just admire her from the the corner of the class room(she's so cute i swear)
Don't worryyy, be yourself, people love these type of uncontrollably lovely people
There is a difference between forcing a personality and being that personality person
as long as you're being authentic that's all that matters
I learn English whit this video.
I actually lost a friend because she said I talked too much about myself. I always thought that that was how you connected with others - by showing vulnerability in that way. I didn't realize people actually considered that selfish.
I tried the whole asking people advice on stuff on things they knew, but she said that I acted like people "owe me things" - so I don't really know what to do about that if asking things like that comes across that way.
edit: so I saw the rest of the vid and you say being vulnerable is supposed to help...i dont know what Im doing wrong then 🙃
I literally just commented a question abt what to do if you feel left out under another video of her’s and am getting it answered in this one 😹
I really enjoyed watching this❤thank u very much I needed it
I just came across you, and you're amaziiiing!!
thanks harry, welcome aboard
Girl, OMG This definitely made me laugh and for sure helped me out. Thank you. I love this advice. ❤
I don't know how to speak and tell a story
The analogy of the car makes sense fully.Thank You so much👌🙏💯
is there a chance you could do a vid about 1:1 conversation?
note: your so underrated new sub!!! 💖
Aaron Burr does not approve this message (the smile less part hahaha)
Today I tried to follow your tips a bit and my anxiety got so much better
Omg my Name ist Aliyah Christa Crazy haha
ask about their expertise and/or passion
Ily u taught me sm ❤
your videos are great and extremely helpful! but the constant dramatic sound effect makes it a little difficult to focus on what you're saying.
thank you for the feedback, i've taken these out of my recent vids
I’ve seen a couple of videos on your channel and i think Is really good advice, I’m starting to see what can I do to become more social and share more with people as an introverted and shy person and you talk so clearly and things that are “real” I guess. I like it. Great content girl! 🫶
why not smile at strangers? i didnt get that part
She said only smile when there's eye contact and have a bit of a pause before doing so, otherwise you'd come across as easy
I love your channel and I love the effort it's clear you put into your videos (editing, lighting, content etc)! So refreshing and you have such a good perspective on things. Thanks for the great video.
thank u katie! i love making these
but what happens if you genuinely don't feel like connecting with someone you've been assigned to interact with? like, you :have: to interact with them otherwise it will be awkward or its needed for work or etc? like, it always feels so performative and exhausting to me, it feels stiff and unnatural, and I feel like the other person can sense that in a way. I tend to close up when I don't feel the energy/chemistry/potential for deeper friendship with the other person because so many times casual talk and acquaintances drain my energy a lot as an introvert so if I see that I don't have a similar wavelength, I just know that the friendship wont go much further than casual talk and then never seeing that person again (happens from both ends because I stop 'performing' so its not entertaining enough for the other person to want to meet me again and I also don't end up creating a connection making me not want to pursue a potential friendship). Because sometimes you -have- to have these social skills, so how do you make it feel normal without making it feel like a performance? like you are the clown that :has: to entertain everyone always?
i get u on this
when to know if you should keep performing and engaging in conversation even when you don't click with the person
for me, i just listen to how i feel
if it's draining, i'll cut back and be more quiet and less chatty
bc i don't want to drain my energy for the sake of making someone else more comfortable
think about yourself more, think about them less
what would make you happy?
what would make you more comfortable?
if that's talking less
do that 😎
This channel is like my free therapy 🫶🎀💌
who needs better help
@@ChristinaAaliyah ❤️
i’ve grown a lot on this in this area on my own but I loved all of the tips. super insightful and got down to the main insecurities that stop us from having good conversations.
one of the best videos I’ve seen on the subject 🩷💕
thank u girl! i appreciate u
lifesaver. tysm