"What's up with the lesbians" is the perfect title for a zine or comic about this topic Fran. 💖 And big YES to queer content, because this is also you.
As a person who realized herself being a queer in adulthood, I can say that discovering your truest sexuality is tremendous work... You basically reanalyzing your whole life lol ---Be brave Fran!
I totally understand and get the whole wanting men to look at me/fall in love with me thing. It's so weird that we've been conditioned to always make sure we look desirable and if men don't look at us then we're not worth anything.
Yes! I even noticed myself when in relationships with them, my mind is more focused on what they're seeing on the outside, and the way I act towards them so they can find me attractive or want me..even though I don't even like when they want me I just like to be admired or desired
I can SO relate to this... Always thought I was the only one. It feels (to clarify: feels, these are not my thoughts) like it's expected of me to always try to look attractive to men, but it gets so draining cause I get super self conscious about my appearance all the time.
@@Aaasia3 You're totally not alone. It really is exhausting to make sure we always look "good" especially when we don't feel like it. It takes a lot of emotional and mental effort and we do it ALL the time so it's a constant thing.
Omg Fran. I am on minute 14:40 and I have to stop and writing this. I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and in June I came out as bi - even to my boyfriend of 2.5 years. And on Friday (today is Sunday in Italy), I told my therapist "I think all the mid-long relationships I had with men weren't really 'love', but attraction to their lifestyle, their possibility, their carrier". Yes: as a shy, bullied, introverted human being, I looked at the white male model as a thing I couldn't have but that I could live vicariously through them. Maybe Chile and Italy differ on a lot of other things, but their idea of both women and "right" relationships are really, eerily similar. Hugs from Italy, from a fellow Fran(cesca) ;)
"I looked at the white male model as a thing I couldn't have but that I could live vicariously through them." This is so interesting! I feel like I agree. My parents weren't terribly supportive growing up so I think I got into these back-to-back long-term relationships with men because it was nice to think I would have someone who could support me, care for me, and take the lead. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, I wasn't thinking "I'm so in love!", I was thinking "I'm so comfortable!" Being with a woman would mean I have to stand taller on my own because we'd both have the short end of the stick in society. Of course that's because of misogyny and its worth it to follow your heart.
You’re amazing for being so candid about this, Fran! You have been my art crush (and a literal crush) for several years now, and this just makes me love you more. Honestly, I can relate to your story. I’m pretty sure that I am bisexual. I haven’t actually come out or anything but I have questioned my attraction to both men and women for years. It can be very hard to see the signs when you’re okay with both heterosexuality and homosexuality. Anyway, I applaud you for being so forthcoming with your journey.
I think you can be both at various times throughout life. Hell, I think you can be both at the same time and it's perfectly normal. What isn't normal is our analytic mind trying to label and dissect sexuality. Forget about all of it and focus more on understanding your own energy. Our sexuality is the majority of what we are. This physical vessel is comprised of 85% h2O, right? The energy body must be close to that with our sexuality being comprised of most of the components of our being, many of which reside in our subconscious. Sexual energy is pure creative life force, it founts from the source of creation, of imagination and ingenuity. You could say it's the core of humanity. Once you realize this, you can start to understand why certain groups would be interested in manipulating people's sexual identities. Get people confused about their sexual identity and you can watch their lives implode. Yet, understanding our sexual nature (at least on a very basic, personal level) is necessary for us to feel secure as individuals. So go with your gut (subconscious). Analyzing sexuality with the scientific method yields very inaccurate results. Go with the flow, focus more on your reasons why you're you and who you is and what you need to do for you to feel at ease, safe and ready to flourish. The rest will come.
As a straight man, i love seeing you discover and accept your sexuality. I have never had to experience it myself and i am happy you managed to eventually escape the religious judgement and come out as you truly are!
Your truth is important for all women to hear, lesbian or straight - It's like a woman cannot be whole unless a man deems it so...."I am not your EVE!" thank you for sharing
As someone who is somewhere in the asexual spectrum, i can relate to being mindblown to the idea that there are different types of attractions too. It really helps me to map how i feel toward the people around me and what kind of attitude i need to work on.
I resonate so, so much with this. I was a very late bloomer, I wasn't really that interested in boyfriends and my parents actually questioned me several times about whether I was gay. I grew up to think I was bisexual, never realising that what I had mistaken for desire for men was actually wanting to be desired, and that while I was romantically attracted to men, I wasn't sexually attracted to them. First time I was with a woman things clicked into place, but it was really, really hard for me to accept as it alsi meant leaving the man I was building a life with, and what if I was wrong. I was in my mid-thirties, and I just could not comprehend how I hadn't known. I felt so stupid and scared. Compulsive heterosexuality is so pervasive. So yeah. I'm so relived, somehow, when I hear other people also went through this, though I wish we'd been allowed/able to figure this out much sooner..
I've had a few realisations about sexuality and gender throughout my life and it's always scary and liberating and frustrating and such a relief to sort through it all. What I've found is the good always seems to outweigh the bad because feeling like yourself is a comfort that outlasts anyone else's disapproval. Keep being yourself and loving it!
Yo me di cuenta de que era muy altamente probable que mi persona fuese bisexual a los 26 años. Básicamente este año. Hacia principios. Estoy en una relación con un hombre y, dado que también me gustan los hombres, esto es fantástico para mi; pero quiero que sepas que darse cuenta "tarde" es perfectamente normal. No es algo que todo el mundo se plantee en la adolescencia o que "les llegue de forma natural". Estoy muy orgullosa de lo que estás haciendo, Fran. Todo mi ánimo y amor.
Totalmente a mi me paso lo mismo. Yo tengo 34 y recién en el 2018 me di cuenta de que me también me gustan las mujeres y los hombres y que soy bisexual. Y en verdad como dice Fran, todos los ingredientes de no tener representación y que tu familia no acepta hace que te des cuenta más tarde. Ahora que tenemos tanta representación especialmente en cosas importantes como Loki o Brooklyn 99. Y so también anima mucho a salir ☺️
Fran!!! I literally had such a similar experience last month 👁👁 I got a huge crush on a lady at work then came across the comphet doc on twitter, read it through, and started crying so. Hard. And it was also the "I confuse wanting to be desired by men with being attracted to them" that got me lol but thank you so much for making this video. It was so comforting to see an artist I really look up to going through the same things I am.
fran, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself - i cant express how much this means to me personally, and how much i know itll mean to so many other queer folk, especially those struggling with their identity. thank you for being candid, for being honest, and for sharing yourself. sending so much love your way fran - and pride as well !!
This is going to get buried in the comments but I've been going through very similar struggles where I'm so confused and plagued by the same thoughts as you. I LOVE how honest you are even with things that may be a bit embarrassing or tmi which makes me feel so comfortable. I just wanted to say thank you for putting this out there, its a huge relief to know I'm not the only one and that its okay to have these thoughts! its a process. if anyone sees this, its okay, you dont have to figure it all out now and please remember that you're not alone in this.
Fran, thanks for your bravery and honesty. I think you have created an amazing resource for people who are not only questioning their sexuality, but people who are going through any type of self discovery. Proving how important it is to slow down, and find the emotional space to discover and explore your own believes, influences, tendencies and actions. Its very inspirational to hear. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hope you find comfort, confidence and happiness! Looking forward to more videos!
very comforting to see someone ive been looking up to for a while be queer just like me. as a gay latino trans man who also grew up in queerphobic surroundings, your words make me feel so much more human. sending you lots of love
I didn’t realize I’m a lesbian until I was 28, and in retrospect its so obvious. Compulsive heteronormativity baby! edit: also I got the same cocktail- homophobic catholic family, lesbian was the WORST word that no one even dared to say, and never had any representation. Its still hard to find representation 😅
@@jelkafabianova2801 HAHAHAH i know what you mean xD . I think I'm ace or demi but one thing I'm sure about is when I like someone in an aesthetic way it happens more with women .
I've been watching you for years and you feel so comfortable and confident here. I mean you always had a quiet confidence to you, but here you're just radiant and I feel so proud and happy for you 😭❤️
Fran, I'm coming to this video super late, but as someone who didn't even think about the possibility that they might be queer until their late twenties and almost ten years into a relationship, and was femme-presenting until fairly recently because it seemed to be expected, your video and experience felt extremely relatable. I'm now fairly certain I'm on the ace-spectrum (possibly also aro and agender), and I do in fact also have a list why this should have been obvious a long time ago, but man, I grew up in the late 90s and early 2000s and even with a supportive family, representation of my experiences was almost non-existent, and compulsory heterosexuality was everywhere. Turns out defining the absence of something is super difficult (but also extremely worthwhile). Thank you so much for sharing your story! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I'm definitely straight, but I think girls are hands down prettier than men. 🤭 Also, this isn't * now * a queer artsy channel. It's been. We just didn't know lol I'm happy you're able to live more truthfully to yourself, Fran. ❤️
I agree lol. I'm very confident in my sexuality as a straight person, and women are aesthetically pleasing I just don't feel the need to kiss or sleep with them or even date them.
rickslick19 there’s nothing wrong with admiring a woman’s beauty. You can still be secure about your sexuality and still think they are pretty. If you think it’s gay to think that maybe you’re the insecure one.
@@angelavanart7138 Oh, the old reverse psychology trick I see. I just want you to try and apply logic to your statement. You're saying you're a straight woman. But you find yourself looking at pretty women, probably more than men. I mean honestly it was enough that it made you question yourself. Clearly this wasn't just "admiring beauty." Anyone can look at Chris Hemsworth and notice he's attractive. But if I found myself constantly "admiring the beauty" of other men I'd be questioning myself too. Maybe you should question this admiration a bit more?
Thank you for making this and sharing your story! I had a similar experience (grew up in a very religious community where it wasn't accepted to be gay) and not even realizing I was gay until I moved away in my mid twenties. Congrats on learning more about yourself and I hope it only gets better from here! :)
You are amazing Fran. You have been through so much and still turned into such a brave, outspoken, smart, beautiful woman who is now speaking to over a quarter of a million people. Way to go. ❤️
I’m 20 and your journey through coming out I feel like takes awhile and I put me being queer so much in the back burner. I remember first coming out as demi sexual to friends in middle school and I got negative feedback because the people surrounding me just believed it wasn’t real and my sexuality was not real. I would just now identify as bisexual so it would be easy for everyone else but I don’t 100% believe in me being bisexual. It’s been 10 years and I’m still figuring myself out, so please don’t rush and realize your journey is your own and please don’t compare your journey through others. Thank your for being raw and open about this important of yourself it means the world, I love and support you and I hope everyone who is questioning that they find comfort that they are not alone. 💛
Omg the feeling in the pit of my stomach when you were talking about the fear of getting called a lesbian in school! I came out so early and I still remember the intensity of this feeling. 💚
Fran, i am so proud of you making it through all that trauma and judgement from your family, from religion, from school and from society. It is abundantly clear you are a beautiful human being and you deserve to be at peace within yourself.
Sending hugs and love and high fives, Fran! I’m so happy for you that you can be your true self no matter how long it took to figure out- most of us spend our whole lives just stumbling around trying figure out who we are at our core. And you’re getting there and that’s a beautiful thing🌈✨
There are so many of us going through this and it's so difficult to allow yourself to go there. This is so important. It's an important thing to talk about so we can normalize finding ways to connect to sexuality after being conditioned to ignore and/or devalue ourselves. I'm about to turn forty in a week and this last few months is the first time I've ever said any of it outside of my own head. Lots of wasted time but I'm happy to finally let myself feel okay.
I can't relate at all, but I'm glad you're figuring yourself out and finding who you are. You look radiant and ahem. I don't know, keep being awesome! ^^
FRAAAAN 💕💕 FELICIDADES ♡♡ i also recently realized i'm not bisexual, but lesbian :D congrats, desde el fondo de mi corazón.
3 года назад+3
I related so much to your list!! I also feel that the 'no homo' thing has made irreparable damage to my capacity to foster intimacy, even with close friends. Because I knew I was attracted to women from a very young age, I've always tried to keep a physical distance with the women in my life, to the point where it was easier for me to be physically close to men because it was just expected. I always feel that showing intimacy to women might be dangerous for me, or something offensive if unrequited. IT'S FUCKING HARD!!
Cuando salí del closet con mi mamá ella me respondió algo que hasta el día de hoy me hace ruido: cuando uno se enamora, se enamora del espíritu del otrx, ya que el cuerpo es simplemente un envase. También recuerdo haber escuchado por ahí que la sexualidad no es una esencia, sino un continuo que fluye. Muchas gracias por compartir una experiencia tan personal 🤓
💛🧡❤️💜💙💚 We are here for you and this new exciting chapter of your life 💗 I wish you the best adventure of being yourself and exploring what that means 🙏
Holis!. No suelo escribir ni nada, pero quería compartir esto contigo, porque aunque no me conozcas, te quiero mucho. ¿Cómo puedo agradecerte por este videos? Te sigo desde hace 5 años, desde que hiciste una ilustración de Ophilia, y lo único que pensaba era -Es tan talentosa-. Con el tiempo me enamoré también de tu brillante personalidad y de tu transparencia hacía la camara. Es algo tan lindo que compartas esto, me hace sentir incluída, porque desde temprana edad supe que era Trans y Pansexual, me encanta dibujar, entonces tú me motivaste muchísimo a publicar mis dibujos (que tienen temática trans) a penas llevo unas cuantas publicaciones, pero verte avanzar me motiva a no dejar de hacerlo, porque público la información que me hubiera gustado saber a mi. Es muy valiente de tu parte salir del closet, en especial en una plataforma tan grande como YT. No puedo dejarte de agradecer por ser fiel a ti misma y seguir inspirando a la gente. Lamento lo largo del mensaje. Espero tengas un precioso día PD: amo tu cabello
Never feel like you have to be chained to a label! Labels are there to help you quantify your own experiences, and to help explain them to others. The label SERVES YOU! If it doesn't any longer, off with its head! 💜 So glad you finally accepted this part of yourself, and omg the list was hilarious in hindsight 🤣
thank you for being so open and vulnerable, sending lots of love your way! so happy you have been/are so gentle with yourself along this journey to your self. my baby gay self would have been so lucky to have stumbled upon a vid like this years ago. You communicate in a manner that is so comforting, honest, and loving 🌸❤️
I already knew I was asexual years before the pandemic, but lockdown gave me the opportunity to reflect on my gender, and realize I’m actually agender! I know of at least another friend who came to the same conclusion during that period. Three cheers for the opportunity to know oneself better, despite the terrible state of the world!
Exact same here! Realizing I’m asexual was so difficult and I used to think something was medically wrong with me for the longest time. So happy asexuality is starting to get more representation as well!
I realized I was ace as well in the beginning of 2021. I had been suspecting it for a while but always decided "naaah, that's bollocks". Big LOL to that :D
I also came to the conclusion that I was ace/Demi during 2020. I thought everyone felt the same as I did but I guess not haha! Is being fine with never having sex not how everyone feels? 🥴 lol. It doesn’t really change how I view myself or my life but it is really nice to know there are other ace folks out there who feel the same! ❤️
@@louie.lenard5795 I'm extremely lucky to live in a really tolerant place where I never experienced aphobia, so I make a point of talking about asexuality when the opportunity presents itself. Not everyone can emotionally afford to educate, but I can. I found out about it from friends, and there's at least one of mine who realized they're demi. If I can help even just one person, it's worth it :)
@@Spidercandy957 The way allosexual people view sex was SO confusing to me. People being obsessed and having "uncontrollable" urges? What? XD It didn't change how I felt either, but yeah, it's nice to better understand oneself and know there are other people out there who relate :)
coming back to the comment section of this video about 10 hours after watching it to say that i spiraled and spent the entire day having an identity crisis - i did not discover that i was gay but it raised a lot of questions about who i am as a person and what are probably deep trust issues (which explain why i have been single my entire 26 years of life). good stuff in the end. thanks for sharing and always being your very own vulnerable self Fran. you are incredibly inspiring 🤍 i am forever thankful to you
Fran I just want to say THANK YOU for this video ! It helped me a lot in my own *journey* ! I have been watching your channel for many years now and two years ago when you published this video it made me feel uncomfortable and I stopped watching your videos (sorry! :( ). Few months later I had a break up with my then boyfriend (our relationship was/is very similar to the one you had/have with Ed) and your video came back to my mind. I knew something was off and that I had to watch it and start questionning myself seriously (I was 28 back then). And that was the start of a two years long journey of questionning doubting and self discovery about my sexual orientation. I now have an amazing girlfriend that I love and am out to my friends and close family -even if I'm still not sure if I'm bi or a lesbian but it actually doesn't matter that much. Your video was kind of a starting point for me and rewatching it two years later I can relate to a lot of what you're saying : no queer representation, being shy, wanting to please your family, being fem presenting, etc. This video is important and very well made. I totally agree : I think labels aren't always good because they feel so "official" and you're afraid of being "wrong". We should just follow our gutts and love who we love ! Sorry for the long message, love you and your videos !
I came out as pan/bi right before the pandemic and I relate so hard to everything on your list. I just thought all that stuff was normal, but at the same time, I felt so much guilt for how much I worried about a friend, who was a girl, thinking I was in love with them. I never wanted someone to feel uncomfortable around me, but realize now that that's probably not something two straight women worry about. There were so many signs for me, but I guess I just figured that I couldn't be anything but straight if I liked men. This is a really long way to say I appreciate you making videos like this. I feel very seen and I'm so glad you have the space to explore who you are!! Much love! 💖
thank you so much for sharing your experience with us, Fran! there's a couple things that you made me think while watching the vid, plus a bonus. first, the things you mentioned from the list that you joked about being a creepo, it was soooo refreshing to see someone talk about it! it's not creepier than anyone else, i think that everybody does that and many ppl are not aware or pretend they don't. it's a taboo, those little moments of inconsequential sexuality, bc we only recognise sexuality when it is like stamped, labeled and packed in a bikini. these little intimacies to me are much more interesting as a fellow human being than hollywood's idea of sex, you know. second, as a fellow latin-mother-language speaker, i think we have something that may either help or make it worse to grasp the concept of fluidity in sexuality, that is the difference between the two "beings" (soy/estoy). when we describe ourselves, we say "I am yaddayaddayadda", you are attaching a characteristic to yourself, but does that apply for that moment or forever? why, when we learn something about someone, we expect that that's it and that's never gonna change? there will always be closed-minded ppl that will expect you to be that person you were when they met you. but we are so multiple it's offensive to try and fit in a photographic capture of oneself. also bonus: i kept remembering sailors neptune and uranus when you mentioned your childhood haha the one good queer representation we had as kids, i think (clamp is good but also tragic)
fran, i've looked up to you as a fellow illustrator for a very long time now, and i can't believe how similar our situations are! i was with my male partner for 7 years, we were engaged and i thought i was bi even though i loved women so intensely. for me, there was also no one else, no other person to make us break up. when quarantine started, all of my self-reflection, plus the help of the master doc and lesbian communities on reddit made me realize i really was a lesbian. things have only gotten better for me since then but it was so very hard. thank you so much for sharing your experience and being so open 💗
Fran, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I'm on a similiar boat, maybe... I'm not even sure, and it's hard to know, as you said. I'm in my thirties and ended an hetero relationship of 10 years... Lately, I have wondered about my sexuality, especially because of some points you mentioned. Like only liking famous women rather than men, finding women more attractive and I might add that I've even had fantasies with some gay women I've known... Is it crazy? Am I crazy? I don't know, I know nothing! I feel so lost, and I'd truly appreciate if you could continue sharing your pov with us! I'm so proud of you, sending you big hugs!
One essay that really helped me recently on the topic of labels was one by Mae Martin in the book The Queer Bible edited by Jack Guinness. In their essay, Mae talks about how one label never really resonated with them and how sometimes part of coming out of the box of heteronormativity can also be jumping into another box of a queer label such as gay, lesbian, bi, etc. and its associated expectations. For me, while gay probably is an accurate label, I don't feel like it fits at the moment, so that essay took the pressure off me to claim it right away. Sometimes a person's orientation is too expansive to be boxed in to one label. If the label resonates, great, but also no pressure if no one label fits or if it changes!
As a 32 year old who has VERY recently acknowledged, embraced, and is living their Qeerness, this video was extremely validating. Thank you for sharing :) and yes, survival mode can make us block out a lot of things.
you look so radiant and more confident than ever and i love it! you already seem so much more comfortable in your own skin to me and i’m sure it’s because you’re learning so much about accepting who you are regardless of any labels from society that tell us we need to tick one box forever otherwise our whole life experiences gets invalidated. it’s been beautiful to watch you grow so much in such a short time. i’m looking forward to seeing more of you being YOU queen! 💗
I love and respect your openness and candor, Fran. I identify as heterosexual, but many of my friends identify as bi, gay, and queer. Having come up in such a colorful environment I'm always blown away that there can still be people that don't understand that sexuality is fluid. I remember that I never resonated with much of teen/ coming of age things because that was almost never accurately represented. Your stories about cultural kickback and societal backlash resonate to me and I'm a 44 year old woman. I'm elated that people are talking more openly about their experiences and showing a kid somewhere that they are not alone and that they awesome just the way they are. ** Someone somewhere that needs this is seeing this and finding much needed validation. To that someone, ALL of us in this comments section are here for it. ** I don't know if you have HBO but, if you do, I can't speak enough about 'We are who we are,' a new series about truly being YOU in an excellently done show that resonated with me more than any coming of age ever has. The young people in it are EXCELLENT and having been a close friend to more than a few young people that either struggled or immediately found themselves in a day and age where representation is few and far between I can say that it really hit me in the feels. Here's the trailer: ruclips.net/video/zslamAqw3BQ/видео.html Fran: THIS is the kind of love and presence that we need today, and you are a part of that much needed dialogue. Thanks for sharing your life with us and much love to you!
i recently came to terms with my sexuality and came out to my parents, and the way you described your thoughts, feelings, and journey was as if you were reciting my own. so thank you for sharing this video
FRAN, part of me knowing I am bi (maybe lesbian now you say so many of these things) is me watching your channel for the last few years, even though I have no artistic journey. I just love watching you as a woman, and even more so now for your vulnerability and openness, it has expanded your beauty ❤ I wish you every happiness. This video could have been my story, thank you
how important are coming out videos??? I feel like so many of us referred to them before coming out and I think that says it all. We need to talk about us, about what we feel and how we identify. It such a beautiful sign of what our community is : a support system for all of us. Thanks for sharing your story and your part of the support net. And if you’re reading this and you’re still figuring out : it’s okay. take your time. we got your back.
Gracias Fran por tanto! Creo que muchos empezamos a seguirte por tu arte, pero con el tiempo, tu gran persona ha sido fundamental para aprender de tus experiencias ❤️
Yo guarde un video que subió hablando de inseguridades, me ayudo mucho, lo veo siempre que me siento inseguro. La forma en que expresa sus ideas crea una conexión increíble con todos los que la seguimos. Te queremos mucho Fran
I am in the middle of this exact process (had recently read the master doc and did the same exact thing with it as you did. I’m 42 and came out as bi, then queer (and now lesbian? Almost?) just a few years ago. I’m divorced with a kid as well. But that same narrative that kept me thinking I was straight in my 20’s, even though I’d already messed around with women (“false advertising”) still persists in not buying it’s fair to call myself a lesbian, even though since doing this deep healing psyche work (also very amped up during COVID) my attraction to men has basically gone to zero. It’s all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘fear of’s’ that keep me feeling like it’s not true. But except for the internalized false beliefs in my psyche that are still healing, everything in me not only aligns to being a lesbian, including my strong desire to be able to claim that. So thanks so much for sharing! You’re speaking my process and it’s very nice to have that resonance ❤
Fran, you are amazingggggg. You open up so much in this video and I feel honored to be able to share in your story and your journey! Thankyou for trusting your community
Fran, I've been following you since way back when you still did HiFest, and I always use your empty calendar for yearly planning. Thank you so much for sharing all of this < 3 We love you and we're excited to support you on this new journey + adventure of discovering yourself!
thank you so much for this video. i’m currently going through a (for lack of a better term) sexuality crisis and i found that a lot of your points resonated with me and how i’m feeling right now. i’m in a similar situation (i’m in a relationship with a man but we’re on a break rn while i figure things out). i absolutely love this video and will be revisiting ❤️❤️
it's amazing how family and society make someone lose his/her way in such a way… I had the same problem but with art not sexuality. I was so misled, that I wanted to be a biologist or something. Likely this turned around and now I am super happy making what I love.
Fran amo la naturalidad y la gracia con las que explicas cosas que son tan traumáticas y que siguen siendo bastante tabú aún hoy en día. Te admiro mucho
Thanks so much for sharing all this! As a 30-something queer woman in a straight relationship it was super helpful to hear your whole thinking process. I've never identified with the people who 'just knew', which is why it took me sooo long to come out as queer (and don't you relate to that thing where in your mind you're like "oh everyone thinks/feels this".. and then straight people are like.. uhh no, we don't think that lol) and I overthink A LOT, and I'm just not sure about anything right now, so hearing you talk about this and your lifelong process is SO comforting.
I don't think the human species would ever exist this far in their life time if sexuality wasn't fluid. You deserve all the love and respect and happiness. Sexuality is tied to emotional intelligence and other forms that got us this far, the public opinion that being "straight" ( a word I hate since opposite is what, crooked?) is the norm is actually inaccurate and I wish it wasn't portrayed as such. Make sure to live the life that makes you happy, it's your life Fran, you deserve all the best. Big hugs.
So proud of you for sharing your story 💕 And as a heterosexual woman, I can say without a doubt that I look at women way more than men on the street, and I think women are more physically attractive than men in general. But I’ve never had romantic or sexual attraction to them. Maybe it’s just because women tend to put way more effort into their looks?
Pardon me if this is rude, but as a lesbian, I'm curious - how do you view women as more physically attractive but still find men sexually attractive and not women?Not trying to be rude or question your orientation lol, I'm just curious! For me finding men less physically attractive than women directly correlates to my lack of physical attraction towards them, and finding women more attractive directly related to my attraction to them. I do frequently see men who I think are nice to look at (in the way a painting is nice to look at, aesthetically pleasing) but have zero sexual or romantic attraction towards them, so maybe it's like that? Women are just nice to look at but nothing more in terms of sex/romance?
@@Lisa_Flowers No worries, you're not being rude at all :) You described my feelings exactly with the painting analogy actually. I find women to be more beautiful, more aesthetically pleasing. And looks don't correlate with sexual and romantic attraction for me nearly as much as personality - particularly kindness, intelligence, similar sense of humor, etc. I have to know someone for a bit before I feel sexual attraction.
@@marlo_reads I feel the same way! Especially in the summer, I tend to look more at women on the street, but I think that’s because women’s summer fashion is SO CUTE and men’s is like…mostly quite bad! (Sorry guys.) But of course, a stylish man will always turn my head lol. Maybe it has something to do with what presentation indicates about a person’s personality or even social status.
@@Lisa_Flowers I think sexual attraction goes beyond the aesthetically pleasing aspect. You can find something is beautiful without being sexually attracted to it. Think of it as seeing a very handsome guy, like 9.5/10, and an average attractive woman, like 7/10. You still won't be sexually attracted to the man, but you'll be more sexually attracted to the woman, even if you think she is objectively less "beautiful".
also, we’ve all been conditioned by the male gaze in media to recognize when women are attractive or sexy by societal beauty standards (much more so than men), wether or not we feel actual attraction!
Thank you for this video 🧡 In 2019, at the ripe age of 24, I started questioning my sexuality after I started working with a wonderful lesbian lady and I realised that people could actually live like that and be open and happy about it (I grew up in a small town and had never met a lesbian lol..) but then last year in lockdown like you said I had the emotional space to look within myself. I've never been interested in men, but have always assumed I should be? But then I realised that I actually only really liked girls....at 26 I've now realised that I'm probably asexual, but all I want is a lovely girlfriend to live my life with....and I have absolutely no idea what to do with this information 😂
OMFG FRAN. i feel you, i FEEL YOU SO MUCH. I just recently (like about 2-3 years ago) accepted that im bi~~ I didnt actually put attention to it even when one of my first real best friends at like 12years old, a girl, she was my first crush, and never saw it that way, i just thought like yeah, i really, really like her thats why we are FRIENDS, BEST FRIENDS. But then i grew, met new people and learned a lot of stuff and... here i am. And where to begin with my family...YISUS. Anyway, thank you for sharing this with us. I love your videos, they calm me and inspire me so so much to be where i want to be, and do what i always wanted to. Loveeee
I absolutely love these kinds of videos. Ever since I found out that I wasn't straight I'd watch these kinds of video about people just sitting down and talking about LGBTQ+, I'll watch it while doing my makeup, before sleeping, and even while just relaxing. This video in particular was really relatable and informative 👍
One, I am obsessed woth the fact that most all of the people I follow or whatever are coming out as some sort of queer. Pandemic made 2020 a very gay year lol. And two, thank you for reading your list. I laughed and related to many points. Im sure it will be very helpful to other baby gays. So weird to come out late in life. Makes you question so many experiences and emotions but it's freeing to be on the other side. Again very glad Ed was and is there to support you. That's a true keeper of a friend there. Hearing stories like that makes my heart smile.
I’m sure you will help someone else who is struggling to figure out their sexual preferences. I’m happy for you having figured out this major thing in your life.💗💗🌸🌸
Fran I watched this video a long time ago and had my mind blown that anyone could go through this. Ever since then I have had this “fear” in the back of my mind that I might do this to someone. Well, now March of 2023, I have come to the same conclusion and came out as a lesbian after years of being bi and married to a man. Hearing your testimony was hugely influential to me and I am back here to watch the video again in a new light.
I'm so happy for you. Being a gay woman myself, I've been getting all giddy since your last video, when you came out. Sorry if it sounds cheesy :P 🏳️🌈💜 .. ps.. I first watched She-Ra at age 6 and it was game over for me!
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I’m happy you’re learning more about yourself. Also, you calling us “my loves” makes the video feel so intimate and just lovely.
I really appreciate this video as I relate to it so much. I came out as Bisexual 2 years ago (not fully as I also have conservative, Catholic family 😬) in my mid twenties and I’m still figuring myself out too 💕💕
“I confused wanting to be desired by men with being attracted to men.” YES! 100% This is so helpful ❤️ thanks Fran
"What's up with the lesbians" is the perfect title for a zine or comic about this topic Fran. 💖 And big YES to queer content, because this is also you.
😍yaaaas!!! 👏👏👏 That's actually a great Idea 🥰
@@voyance4elle YAAAAS hehe. 🌈✨
Hehe yes we need a comic about everything in this video.
I love this so much.
Yaaas! 🥳👏
A huge BRAVO goes to Ed for being so supportive to you. I'm sure it was very difficult for him, but he seems so happy for you and that's amazing!
I thought the same😍
As a person who realized herself being a queer in adulthood, I can say that discovering your truest sexuality is tremendous work... You basically reanalyzing your whole life lol ---Be brave Fran!
I totally understand and get the whole wanting men to look at me/fall in love with me thing. It's so weird that we've been conditioned to always make sure we look desirable and if men don't look at us then we're not worth anything.
Yes! I even noticed myself when in relationships with them, my mind is more focused on what they're seeing on the outside, and the way I act towards them so they can find me attractive or want me..even though I don't even like when they want me I just like to be admired or desired
@@_sumina Right? Sigh. Our poor messed up minds.
@savanna guzeler Preeaaccchhhhh 👑
I can SO relate to this... Always thought I was the only one. It feels (to clarify: feels, these are not my thoughts) like it's expected of me to always try to look attractive to men, but it gets so draining cause I get super self conscious about my appearance all the time.
@@Aaasia3 You're totally not alone. It really is exhausting to make sure we always look "good" especially when we don't feel like it. It takes a lot of emotional and mental effort and we do it ALL the time so it's a constant thing.
As someone who is right now going through a period of questioning my sexuality, it is SO comforting hearing you talk about this!!
Omg Fran. I am on minute 14:40 and I have to stop and writing this. I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and in June I came out as bi - even to my boyfriend of 2.5 years. And on Friday (today is Sunday in Italy), I told my therapist "I think all the mid-long relationships I had with men weren't really 'love', but attraction to their lifestyle, their possibility, their carrier". Yes: as a shy, bullied, introverted human being, I looked at the white male model as a thing I couldn't have but that I could live vicariously through them. Maybe Chile and Italy differ on a lot of other things, but their idea of both women and "right" relationships are really, eerily similar. Hugs from Italy, from a fellow Fran(cesca) ;)
"I looked at the white male model as a thing I couldn't have but that I could live vicariously through them." This is so interesting! I feel like I agree. My parents weren't terribly supportive growing up so I think I got into these back-to-back long-term relationships with men because it was nice to think I would have someone who could support me, care for me, and take the lead. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, I wasn't thinking "I'm so in love!", I was thinking "I'm so comfortable!" Being with a woman would mean I have to stand taller on my own because we'd both have the short end of the stick in society. Of course that's because of misogyny and its worth it to follow your heart.
You’re amazing for being so candid about this, Fran! You have been my art crush (and a literal crush) for several years now, and this just makes me love you more. Honestly, I can relate to your story. I’m pretty sure that I am bisexual. I haven’t actually come out or anything but I have questioned my attraction to both men and women for years. It can be very hard to see the signs when you’re okay with both heterosexuality and homosexuality. Anyway, I applaud you for being so forthcoming with your journey.
I think you can be both at various times throughout life.
Hell, I think you can be both at the same time and it's perfectly normal.
What isn't normal is our analytic mind trying to label and dissect sexuality.
Forget about all of it and focus more on understanding your own energy. Our sexuality is the majority of what we are. This physical vessel is comprised of 85% h2O, right? The energy body must be close to that with our sexuality being comprised of most of the components of our being, many of which reside in our subconscious.
Sexual energy is pure creative life force, it founts from the source of creation, of imagination and ingenuity. You could say it's the core of humanity. Once you realize this, you can start to understand why certain groups would be interested in manipulating people's sexual identities.
Get people confused about their sexual identity and you can watch their lives implode. Yet, understanding our sexual nature (at least on a very basic, personal level) is necessary for us to feel secure as individuals.
So go with your gut (subconscious). Analyzing sexuality with the scientific method yields very inaccurate results. Go with the flow, focus more on your reasons why you're you and who you is and what you need to do for you to feel at ease, safe and ready to flourish.
The rest will come.
As a straight man, i love seeing you discover and accept your sexuality. I have never had to experience it myself and i am happy you managed to eventually escape the religious judgement and come out as you truly are!
Thank you so much for this Fran, it was super relatable and helps me on my own journey. Best of luck on your new journey. 💕
Your truth is important for all women to hear, lesbian or straight - It's like a woman cannot be whole unless a man deems it so...."I am not your EVE!" thank you for sharing
As someone who is somewhere in the asexual spectrum, i can relate to being mindblown to the idea that there are different types of attractions too. It really helps me to map how i feel toward the people around me and what kind of attitude i need to work on.
"i was solving the wrong puzzle" daaaaang. love u fran! thank you for candidly sharing, always, and for being out and brave! 💖
I resonate so, so much with this. I was a very late bloomer, I wasn't really that interested in boyfriends and my parents actually questioned me several times about whether I was gay. I grew up to think I was bisexual, never realising that what I had mistaken for desire for men was actually wanting to be desired, and that while I was romantically attracted to men, I wasn't sexually attracted to them. First time I was with a woman things clicked into place, but it was really, really hard for me to accept as it alsi meant leaving the man I was building a life with, and what if I was wrong. I was in my mid-thirties, and I just could not comprehend how I hadn't known. I felt so stupid and scared. Compulsive heterosexuality is so pervasive. So yeah. I'm so relived, somehow, when I hear other people also went through this, though I wish we'd been allowed/able to figure this out much sooner..
I always appreciate how you make your experiences educational/ bonding with your community outside of art or business stuff.
Thank you for such a candid video, I am so glad that you were finally able to learn more about yourself
Omg! Ily! I didn’t expect to see your channel here💕 love your stuff🥰
I've had a few realisations about sexuality and gender throughout my life and it's always scary and liberating and frustrating and such a relief to sort through it all. What I've found is the good always seems to outweigh the bad because feeling like yourself is a comfort that outlasts anyone else's disapproval. Keep being yourself and loving it!
Yo me di cuenta de que era muy altamente probable que mi persona fuese bisexual a los 26 años. Básicamente este año. Hacia principios. Estoy en una relación con un hombre y, dado que también me gustan los hombres, esto es fantástico para mi; pero quiero que sepas que darse cuenta "tarde" es perfectamente normal. No es algo que todo el mundo se plantee en la adolescencia o que "les llegue de forma natural". Estoy muy orgullosa de lo que estás haciendo, Fran. Todo mi ánimo y amor.
Totalmente a mi me paso lo mismo. Yo tengo 34 y recién en el 2018 me di cuenta de que me también me gustan las mujeres y los hombres y que soy bisexual. Y en verdad como dice Fran, todos los ingredientes de no tener representación y que tu familia no acepta hace que te des cuenta más tarde. Ahora que tenemos tanta representación especialmente en cosas importantes como Loki o Brooklyn 99. Y so también anima mucho a salir ☺️
Fran!!! I literally had such a similar experience last month 👁👁 I got a huge crush on a lady at work then came across the comphet doc on twitter, read it through, and started crying so. Hard. And it was also the "I confuse wanting to be desired by men with being attracted to them" that got me lol but thank you so much for making this video. It was so comforting to see an artist I really look up to going through the same things I am.
fran, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself - i cant express how much this means to me personally, and how much i know itll mean to so many other queer folk, especially those struggling with their identity. thank you for being candid, for being honest, and for sharing yourself. sending so much love your way fran - and pride as well !!
You are completely relaxed! You can see it a mile off with your body movements, expressions etc, you are naturally flowing. Amazing!
This is going to get buried in the comments but I've been going through very similar struggles where I'm so confused and plagued by the same thoughts as you. I LOVE how honest you are even with things that may be a bit embarrassing or tmi which makes me feel so comfortable. I just wanted to say thank you for putting this out there, its a huge relief to know I'm not the only one and that its okay to have these thoughts! its a process. if anyone sees this, its okay, you dont have to figure it all out now and please remember that you're not alone in this.
Fran, thanks for your bravery and honesty. I think you have created an amazing resource for people who are not only questioning their sexuality, but people who are going through any type of self discovery. Proving how important it is to slow down, and find the emotional space to discover and explore your own believes, influences, tendencies and actions. Its very inspirational to hear. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hope you find comfort, confidence and happiness! Looking forward to more videos!
very comforting to see someone ive been looking up to for a while be queer just like me. as a gay latino trans man who also grew up in queerphobic surroundings, your words make me feel so much more human. sending you lots of love
I didn’t realize I’m a lesbian until I was 28, and in retrospect its so obvious. Compulsive heteronormativity baby!
edit: also I got the same cocktail- homophobic catholic family, lesbian was the WORST word that no one even dared to say, and never had any representation. Its still hard to find representation 😅
Me a straight: Omg, but women are prettier than men tho.
Fran’s Friend: Lol no. Men are hotter.
Me a “straight”: 👁👄👁
Bruh xD, literally me. Although i dont have my sexuallity defined i've always think this and i always thought this was the rule xD.
@@mdust8409 i am an ace but i notice pretty people all the time and well... 9 out of 10 times it's a girl
@@jelkafabianova2801 HAHAHAH i know what you mean xD . I think I'm ace or demi but one thing I'm sure about is when I like someone in an aesthetic way it happens more with women .
@@mdust8409 LMFAOO REALL I always have though women are prettier and better looking than men..
I've been watching you for years and you feel so comfortable and confident here. I mean you always had a quiet confidence to you, but here you're just radiant and I feel so proud and happy for you 😭❤️
Fran, I'm coming to this video super late, but as someone who didn't even think about the possibility that they might be queer until their late twenties and almost ten years into a relationship, and was femme-presenting until fairly recently because it seemed to be expected, your video and experience felt extremely relatable. I'm now fairly certain I'm on the ace-spectrum (possibly also aro and agender), and I do in fact also have a list why this should have been obvious a long time ago, but man, I grew up in the late 90s and early 2000s and even with a supportive family, representation of my experiences was almost non-existent, and compulsory heterosexuality was everywhere. Turns out defining the absence of something is super difficult (but also extremely worthwhile).
Thank you so much for sharing your story! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I'm definitely straight, but I think girls are hands down prettier than men. 🤭 Also, this isn't * now * a queer artsy channel. It's been. We just didn't know lol
I'm happy you're able to live more truthfully to yourself, Fran. ❤️
I agree lol. I'm very confident in my sexuality as a straight person, and women are aesthetically pleasing I just don't feel the need to kiss or sleep with them or even date them.
Same. I’m straight and find women are so pretty to look at. I did question it at one point but I don’t see them in sexual way.
I think you're a bit in denial. If you think objectively that women are more attractive than men, that's definitely not straight.
rickslick19 there’s nothing wrong with admiring a woman’s beauty. You can still be secure about your sexuality and still think they are pretty. If you think it’s gay to think that maybe you’re the insecure one.
@@angelavanart7138 Oh, the old reverse psychology trick I see. I just want you to try and apply logic to your statement. You're saying you're a straight woman. But you find yourself looking at pretty women, probably more than men. I mean honestly it was enough that it made you question yourself. Clearly this wasn't just "admiring beauty." Anyone can look at Chris Hemsworth and notice he's attractive. But if I found myself constantly "admiring the beauty" of other men I'd be questioning myself too. Maybe you should question this admiration a bit more?
love you Fran! "sexuality is fluid" is a keeper 🤍🌿✨🦋🌾🌈
Sexuality being fluid is more of a reality for bisexuals than it is for the average gay or straight person- and that's absolutely ok
Thank you for making this and sharing your story! I had a similar experience (grew up in a very religious community where it wasn't accepted to be gay) and not even realizing I was gay until I moved away in my mid twenties. Congrats on learning more about yourself and I hope it only gets better from here! :)
You are amazing Fran. You have been through so much and still turned into such a brave, outspoken, smart, beautiful woman who is now speaking to over a quarter of a million people. Way to go. ❤️
I’m 20 and your journey through coming out I feel like takes awhile and I put me being queer so much in the back burner. I remember first coming out as demi sexual to friends in middle school and I got negative feedback because the people surrounding me just believed it wasn’t real and my sexuality was not real. I would just now identify as bisexual so it would be easy for everyone else but I don’t 100% believe in me being bisexual. It’s been 10 years and I’m still figuring myself out, so please don’t rush and realize your journey is your own and please don’t compare your journey through others. Thank your for being raw and open about this important of yourself it means the world, I love and support you and I hope everyone who is questioning that they find comfort that they are not alone. 💛
A lot of people are scared to have these discussions. Thank you for making this video.
Omg the feeling in the pit of my stomach when you were talking about the fear of getting called a lesbian in school! I came out so early and I still remember the intensity of this feeling. 💚
Number 9 was crazy accurate… I never knew it was a sign
Fran, i am so proud of you making it through all that trauma and judgement from your family, from religion, from school and from society.
It is abundantly clear you are a beautiful human being and you deserve to be at peace within yourself.
Sending hugs and love and high fives, Fran! I’m so happy for you that you can be your true self no matter how long it took to figure out- most of us spend our whole lives just stumbling around trying figure out who we are at our core. And you’re getting there and that’s a beautiful thing🌈✨
There are so many of us going through this and it's so difficult to allow yourself to go there. This is so important. It's an important thing to talk about so we can normalize finding ways to connect to sexuality after being conditioned to ignore and/or devalue ourselves. I'm about to turn forty in a week and this last few months is the first time I've ever said any of it outside of my own head. Lots of wasted time but I'm happy to finally let myself feel okay.
I can't relate at all, but I'm glad you're figuring yourself out and finding who you are. You look radiant and ahem. I don't know, keep being awesome! ^^
FRAAAAN 💕💕 FELICIDADES ♡♡ i also recently realized i'm not bisexual, but lesbian :D congrats, desde el fondo de mi corazón.
I related so much to your list!! I also feel that the 'no homo' thing has made irreparable damage to my capacity to foster intimacy, even with close friends. Because I knew I was attracted to women from a very young age, I've always tried to keep a physical distance with the women in my life, to the point where it was easier for me to be physically close to men because it was just expected. I always feel that showing intimacy to women might be dangerous for me, or something offensive if unrequited. IT'S FUCKING HARD!!
Your story just breaks my heart 💔😭 But I'm so glad you're here now, thanks for sharing your story so openly ❤️
You seem so much happier in this video!!! Like a huge weight has been lifted, I am so happy for you.
Cuando salí del closet con mi mamá ella me respondió algo que hasta el día de hoy me hace ruido: cuando uno se enamora, se enamora del espíritu del otrx, ya que el cuerpo es simplemente un envase.
También recuerdo haber escuchado por ahí que la sexualidad no es una esencia, sino un continuo que fluye.
Muchas gracias por compartir una experiencia tan personal 🤓
You are just "Fran Presenting". That's all. You are just YOU.
💛🧡❤️💜💙💚 We are here for you and this new exciting chapter of your life 💗 I wish you the best adventure of being yourself and exploring what that means 🙏
Holis!. No suelo escribir ni nada, pero quería compartir esto contigo, porque aunque no me conozcas, te quiero mucho.
¿Cómo puedo agradecerte por este videos? Te sigo desde hace 5 años, desde que hiciste una ilustración de Ophilia, y lo único que pensaba era -Es tan talentosa-. Con el tiempo me enamoré también de tu brillante personalidad y de tu transparencia hacía la camara. Es algo tan lindo que compartas esto, me hace sentir incluída, porque desde temprana edad supe que era Trans y Pansexual, me encanta dibujar, entonces tú me motivaste muchísimo a publicar mis dibujos (que tienen temática trans) a penas llevo unas cuantas publicaciones, pero verte avanzar me motiva a no dejar de hacerlo, porque público la información que me hubiera gustado saber a mi.
Es muy valiente de tu parte salir del closet, en especial en una plataforma tan grande como YT.
No puedo dejarte de agradecer por ser fiel a ti misma y seguir inspirando a la gente.
Lamento lo largo del mensaje.
Espero tengas un precioso día
PD: amo tu cabello
Never feel like you have to be chained to a label! Labels are there to help you quantify your own experiences, and to help explain them to others. The label SERVES YOU! If it doesn't any longer, off with its head! 💜 So glad you finally accepted this part of yourself, and omg the list was hilarious in hindsight 🤣
thank you for being so open and vulnerable, sending lots of love your way! so happy you have been/are so gentle with yourself along this journey to your self. my baby gay self would have been so lucky to have stumbled upon a vid like this years ago. You communicate in a manner that is so comforting, honest, and loving 🌸❤️
Truthfully Fran...you look freer!! Thank you for your Honesty and know that we all support you on your journey!!! xo
I already knew I was asexual years before the pandemic, but lockdown gave me the opportunity to reflect on my gender, and realize I’m actually agender! I know of at least another friend who came to the same conclusion during that period. Three cheers for the opportunity to know oneself better, despite the terrible state of the world!
Exact same here! Realizing I’m asexual was so difficult and I used to think something was medically wrong with me for the longest time. So happy asexuality is starting to get more representation as well!
I realized I was ace as well in the beginning of 2021. I had been suspecting it for a while but always decided "naaah, that's bollocks". Big LOL to that :D
I also came to the conclusion that I was ace/Demi during 2020. I thought everyone felt the same as I did but I guess not haha! Is being fine with never having sex not how everyone feels? 🥴 lol. It doesn’t really change how I view myself or my life but it is really nice to know there are other ace folks out there who feel the same! ❤️
@@louie.lenard5795 I'm extremely lucky to live in a really tolerant place where I never experienced aphobia, so I make a point of talking about asexuality when the opportunity presents itself. Not everyone can emotionally afford to educate, but I can. I found out about it from friends, and there's at least one of mine who realized they're demi. If I can help even just one person, it's worth it :)
@@Spidercandy957 The way allosexual people view sex was SO confusing to me. People being obsessed and having "uncontrollable" urges? What? XD It didn't change how I felt either, but yeah, it's nice to better understand oneself and know there are other people out there who relate :)
coming back to the comment section of this video about 10 hours after watching it to say that i spiraled and spent the entire day having an identity crisis - i did not discover that i was gay but it raised a lot of questions about who i am as a person and what are probably deep trust issues (which explain why i have been single my entire 26 years of life). good stuff in the end. thanks for sharing and always being your very own vulnerable self Fran. you are incredibly inspiring 🤍 i am forever thankful to you
Fran I just want to say THANK YOU for this video ! It helped me a lot in my own *journey* ! I have been watching your channel for many years now and two years ago when you published this video it made me feel uncomfortable and I stopped watching your videos (sorry! :( ). Few months later I had a break up with my then boyfriend (our relationship was/is very similar to the one you had/have with Ed) and your video came back to my mind. I knew something was off and that I had to watch it and start questionning myself seriously (I was 28 back then). And that was the start of a two years long journey of questionning doubting and self discovery about my sexual orientation. I now have an amazing girlfriend that I love and am out to my friends and close family -even if I'm still not sure if I'm bi or a lesbian but it actually doesn't matter that much. Your video was kind of a starting point for me and rewatching it two years later I can relate to a lot of what you're saying : no queer representation, being shy, wanting to please your family, being fem presenting, etc. This video is important and very well made. I totally agree : I think labels aren't always good because they feel so "official" and you're afraid of being "wrong". We should just follow our gutts and love who we love ! Sorry for the long message, love you and your videos !
I came out as pan/bi right before the pandemic and I relate so hard to everything on your list. I just thought all that stuff was normal, but at the same time, I felt so much guilt for how much I worried about a friend, who was a girl, thinking I was in love with them. I never wanted someone to feel uncomfortable around me, but realize now that that's probably not something two straight women worry about. There were so many signs for me, but I guess I just figured that I couldn't be anything but straight if I liked men.
This is a really long way to say I appreciate you making videos like this. I feel very seen and I'm so glad you have the space to explore who you are!! Much love! 💖
thank you so much for sharing your experience with us, Fran! there's a couple things that you made me think while watching the vid, plus a bonus. first, the things you mentioned from the list that you joked about being a creepo, it was soooo refreshing to see someone talk about it! it's not creepier than anyone else, i think that everybody does that and many ppl are not aware or pretend they don't. it's a taboo, those little moments of inconsequential sexuality, bc we only recognise sexuality when it is like stamped, labeled and packed in a bikini. these little intimacies to me are much more interesting as a fellow human being than hollywood's idea of sex, you know. second, as a fellow latin-mother-language speaker, i think we have something that may either help or make it worse to grasp the concept of fluidity in sexuality, that is the difference between the two "beings" (soy/estoy). when we describe ourselves, we say "I am yaddayaddayadda", you are attaching a characteristic to yourself, but does that apply for that moment or forever? why, when we learn something about someone, we expect that that's it and that's never gonna change? there will always be closed-minded ppl that will expect you to be that person you were when they met you. but we are so multiple it's offensive to try and fit in a photographic capture of oneself.
also bonus: i kept remembering sailors neptune and uranus when you mentioned your childhood haha the one good queer representation we had as kids, i think (clamp is good but also tragic)
The ending is really comforting, labels are scary🥺
fran, i've looked up to you as a fellow illustrator for a very long time now, and i can't believe how similar our situations are! i was with my male partner for 7 years, we were engaged and i thought i was bi even though i loved women so intensely. for me, there was also no one else, no other person to make us break up. when quarantine started, all of my self-reflection, plus the help of the master doc and lesbian communities on reddit made me realize i really was a lesbian. things have only gotten better for me since then but it was so very hard. thank you so much for sharing your experience and being so open 💗
Fran, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. I'm on a similiar boat, maybe... I'm not even sure, and it's hard to know, as you said. I'm in my thirties and ended an hetero relationship of 10 years... Lately, I have wondered about my sexuality, especially because of some points you mentioned. Like only liking famous women rather than men, finding women more attractive and I might add that I've even had fantasies with some gay women I've known... Is it crazy? Am I crazy? I don't know, I know nothing! I feel so lost, and I'd truly appreciate if you could continue sharing your pov with us! I'm so proud of you, sending you big hugs!
THE LIST!! 💯🤣❤️
I’m so happy for you in all of this. Looks like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
One essay that really helped me recently on the topic of labels was one by Mae Martin in the book The Queer Bible edited by Jack Guinness. In their essay, Mae talks about how one label never really resonated with them and how sometimes part of coming out of the box of heteronormativity can also be jumping into another box of a queer label such as gay, lesbian, bi, etc. and its associated expectations. For me, while gay probably is an accurate label, I don't feel like it fits at the moment, so that essay took the pressure off me to claim it right away. Sometimes a person's orientation is too expansive to be boxed in to one label. If the label resonates, great, but also no pressure if no one label fits or if it changes!
As a 32 year old who has VERY recently acknowledged, embraced, and is living their Qeerness, this video was extremely validating. Thank you for sharing :) and yes, survival mode can make us block out a lot of things.
You seem so much lighter and happier, great to see you feeling more content 😊
you look so radiant and more confident than ever and i love it! you already seem so much more comfortable in your own skin to me and i’m sure it’s because you’re learning so much about accepting who you are regardless of any labels from society that tell us we need to tick one box forever otherwise our whole life experiences gets invalidated. it’s been beautiful to watch you grow so much in such a short time. i’m looking forward to seeing more of you being YOU queen! 💗
I love and respect your openness and candor, Fran. I identify as heterosexual, but many of my friends identify as bi, gay, and queer. Having come up in such a colorful environment I'm always blown away that there can still be people that don't understand that sexuality is fluid. I remember that I never resonated with much of teen/ coming of age things because that was almost never accurately represented. Your stories about cultural kickback and societal backlash resonate to me and I'm a 44 year old woman. I'm elated that people are talking more openly about their experiences and showing a kid somewhere that they are not alone and that they awesome just the way they are.
** Someone somewhere that needs this is seeing this and finding much needed validation. To that someone, ALL of us in this comments section are here for it. **
I don't know if you have HBO but, if you do, I can't speak enough about 'We are who we are,' a new series about truly being YOU in an excellently done show that resonated with me more than any coming of age ever has. The young people in it are EXCELLENT and having been a close friend to more than a few young people that either struggled or immediately found themselves in a day and age where representation is few and far between I can say that it really hit me in the feels.
Here's the trailer: ruclips.net/video/zslamAqw3BQ/видео.html
Fran: THIS is the kind of love and presence that we need today, and you are a part of that much needed dialogue. Thanks for sharing your life with us and much love to you!
This video is so heartwarming, i can't. Fran, you are wonderful!
i recently came to terms with my sexuality and came out to my parents, and the way you described your thoughts, feelings, and journey was as if you were reciting my own. so thank you for sharing this video
I’ve never clicked on a video this fast. Adore you, Fran. LOVE to see you ✨THRIVING✨
Hehe me too!
Me too 💕
the "intrusive thoughts" part speaks to me more than I would like. Very happy for you that you found the courage to figure it all out ❤️
You are sooo amazing. My favorite person on the internet
Wanting men to like you without actually liking them back really strikes home. Much to think about haha ! thankssssss
FRAN, part of me knowing I am bi (maybe lesbian now you say so many of these things) is me watching your channel for the last few years, even though I have no artistic journey. I just love watching you as a woman, and even more so now for your vulnerability and openness, it has expanded your beauty ❤ I wish you every happiness. This video could have been my story, thank you
how important are coming out videos??? I feel like so many of us referred to them before coming out and I think that says it all. We need to talk about us, about what we feel and how we identify. It such a beautiful sign of what our community is : a support system for all of us. Thanks for sharing your story and your part of the support net.
And if you’re reading this and you’re still figuring out : it’s okay. take your time. we got your back.
Gracias Fran por tanto! Creo que muchos empezamos a seguirte por tu arte, pero con el tiempo, tu gran persona ha sido fundamental para aprender de tus experiencias ❤️
Yo guarde un video que subió hablando de inseguridades, me ayudo mucho, lo veo siempre que me siento inseguro.
La forma en que expresa sus ideas crea una conexión increíble con todos los que la seguimos.
Te queremos mucho Fran
I am in the middle of this exact process (had recently read the master doc and did the same exact thing with it as you did. I’m 42 and came out as bi, then queer (and now lesbian? Almost?) just a few years ago. I’m divorced with a kid as well. But that same narrative that kept me thinking I was straight in my 20’s, even though I’d already messed around with women (“false advertising”) still persists in not buying it’s fair to call myself a lesbian, even though since doing this deep healing psyche work (also very amped up during COVID) my attraction to men has basically gone to zero. It’s all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘fear of’s’ that keep me feeling like it’s not true. But except for the internalized false beliefs in my psyche that are still healing, everything in me not only aligns to being a lesbian, including my strong desire to be able to claim that. So thanks so much for sharing! You’re speaking my process and it’s very nice to have that resonance ❤
Fran, you are amazingggggg. You open up so much in this video and I feel honored to be able to share in your story and your journey! Thankyou for trusting your community
Fran, I've been following you since way back when you still did HiFest, and I always use your empty calendar for yearly planning. Thank you so much for sharing all of this < 3 We love you and we're excited to support you on this new journey + adventure of discovering yourself!
So so brutally honest and wonderful. This was super eye opening for me. I can’t thank you enough for the trust. We love you!
thank you so much for this video. i’m currently going through a (for lack of a better term) sexuality crisis and i found that a lot of your points resonated with me and how i’m feeling right now. i’m in a similar situation (i’m in a relationship with a man but we’re on a break rn while i figure things out).
i absolutely love this video and will be revisiting ❤️❤️
it's amazing how family and society make someone lose his/her way in such a way… I had the same problem but with art not sexuality. I was so misled, that I wanted to be a biologist or something. Likely this turned around and now I am super happy making what I love.
Fran amo la naturalidad y la gracia con las que explicas cosas que son tan traumáticas y que siguen siendo bastante tabú aún hoy en día. Te admiro mucho
Thanks so much for sharing all this! As a 30-something queer woman in a straight relationship it was super helpful to hear your whole thinking process. I've never identified with the people who 'just knew', which is why it took me sooo long to come out as queer (and don't you relate to that thing where in your mind you're like "oh everyone thinks/feels this".. and then straight people are like.. uhh no, we don't think that lol) and I overthink A LOT, and I'm just not sure about anything right now, so hearing you talk about this and your lifelong process is SO comforting.
I also realized I had many crushes on female cartoon characters growing up once I realized I was bi 😂 would love more queer content!
I'm so glad to find this video, even being three years late. It resonates deeply within me. Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤
I don't think the human species would ever exist this far in their life time if sexuality wasn't fluid. You deserve all the love and respect and happiness. Sexuality is tied to emotional intelligence and other forms that got us this far, the public opinion that being "straight" ( a word I hate since opposite is what, crooked?) is the norm is actually inaccurate and I wish it wasn't portrayed as such. Make sure to live the life that makes you happy, it's your life Fran, you deserve all the best. Big hugs.
So proud of you for sharing your story 💕 And as a heterosexual woman, I can say without a doubt that I look at women way more than men on the street, and I think women are more physically attractive than men in general. But I’ve never had romantic or sexual attraction to them. Maybe it’s just because women tend to put way more effort into their looks?
Pardon me if this is rude, but as a lesbian, I'm curious - how do you view women as more physically attractive but still find men sexually attractive and not women?Not trying to be rude or question your orientation lol, I'm just curious! For me finding men less physically attractive than women directly correlates to my lack of physical attraction towards them, and finding women more attractive directly related to my attraction to them. I do frequently see men who I think are nice to look at (in the way a painting is nice to look at, aesthetically pleasing) but have zero sexual or romantic attraction towards them, so maybe it's like that? Women are just nice to look at but nothing more in terms of sex/romance?
@@Lisa_Flowers No worries, you're not being rude at all :) You described my feelings exactly with the painting analogy actually. I find women to be more beautiful, more aesthetically pleasing. And looks don't correlate with sexual and romantic attraction for me nearly as much as personality - particularly kindness, intelligence, similar sense of humor, etc. I have to know someone for a bit before I feel sexual attraction.
@@marlo_reads I feel the same way! Especially in the summer, I tend to look more at women on the street, but I think that’s because women’s summer fashion is SO CUTE and men’s is like…mostly quite bad! (Sorry guys.) But of course, a stylish man will always turn my head lol. Maybe it has something to do with what presentation indicates about a person’s personality or even social status.
@@Lisa_Flowers I think sexual attraction goes beyond the aesthetically pleasing aspect. You can find something is beautiful without being sexually attracted to it. Think of it as seeing a very handsome guy, like 9.5/10, and an average attractive woman, like 7/10. You still won't be sexually attracted to the man, but you'll be more sexually attracted to the woman, even if you think she is objectively less "beautiful".
also, we’ve all been conditioned by the male gaze in media to recognize when women are attractive or sexy by societal beauty standards (much more so than men), wether or not we feel actual attraction!
Thank you for this video 🧡
In 2019, at the ripe age of 24, I started questioning my sexuality after I started working with a wonderful lesbian lady and I realised that people could actually live like that and be open and happy about it (I grew up in a small town and had never met a lesbian lol..) but then last year in lockdown like you said I had the emotional space to look within myself. I've never been interested in men, but have always assumed I should be? But then I realised that I actually only really liked girls....at 26 I've now realised that I'm probably asexual, but all I want is a lovely girlfriend to live my life with....and I have absolutely no idea what to do with this information 😂
Same 😅
OMFG FRAN. i feel you, i FEEL YOU SO MUCH. I just recently (like about 2-3 years ago) accepted that im bi~~ I didnt actually put attention to it even when one of my first real best friends at like 12years old, a girl, she was my first crush, and never saw it that way, i just thought like yeah, i really, really like her thats why we are FRIENDS, BEST FRIENDS. But then i grew, met new people and learned a lot of stuff and... here i am. And where to begin with my family...YISUS. Anyway, thank you for sharing this with us. I love your videos, they calm me and inspire me so so much to be where i want to be, and do what i always wanted to. Loveeee
Being able to live more truthfully to ourselves is the biggest gift, so happy for you Fran❤️
I absolutely love these kinds of videos. Ever since I found out that I wasn't straight I'd watch these kinds of video about people just sitting down and talking about LGBTQ+, I'll watch it while doing my makeup, before sleeping, and even while just relaxing. This video in particular was really relatable and informative 👍
this was soo relatable fran, i feel proud of you for being able to share this with us
One, I am obsessed woth the fact that most all of the people I follow or whatever are coming out as some sort of queer. Pandemic made 2020 a very gay year lol. And two, thank you for reading your list. I laughed and related to many points. Im sure it will be very helpful to other baby gays. So weird to come out late in life. Makes you question so many experiences and emotions but it's freeing to be on the other side.
Again very glad Ed was and is there to support you. That's a true keeper of a friend there. Hearing stories like that makes my heart smile.
I’m sure you will help someone else who is struggling to figure out their sexual preferences. I’m happy for you having figured out this major thing in your life.💗💗🌸🌸
The pandemic also gave me the time and room to think about my sexuality and I finally got the answers I was always wondering about.
Fran I watched this video a long time ago and had my mind blown that anyone could go through this. Ever since then I have had this “fear” in the back of my mind that I might do this to someone.
Well, now March of 2023, I have come to the same conclusion and came out as a lesbian after years of being bi and married to a man. Hearing your testimony was hugely influential to me and I am back here to watch the video again in a new light.
I'm so happy for you. Being a gay woman myself, I've been getting all giddy since your last video, when you came out. Sorry if it sounds cheesy :P 🏳️🌈💜 .. ps.. I first watched She-Ra at age 6 and it was game over for me!
🏳️🌈 Your openness is so beautiful, love. It took me a long time to come out too - similar reasons for me too. Sending you light, happiness and love.
I'm glad I stumbled upon your channel Fran. I look forward to hearing more from you. 😊
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I’m happy you’re learning more about yourself. Also, you calling us “my loves” makes the video feel so intimate and just lovely.
I really appreciate this video as I relate to it so much. I came out as Bisexual 2 years ago (not fully as I also have conservative, Catholic family 😬) in my mid twenties and I’m still figuring myself out too 💕💕