Lisa, So I've listened to you for many years, listened is the key word. Today, I FELT it. I don't normally comment, its vulnerability, but need to acknowledge my feelings. Thank you 🙏
This is a difficult journey of recovery, but the benefits as you grow are amazing. Your eyes become open to the diversity of the world. Let bad people choose bad people. Be that good person that has the skills to find and attract good people.
I have no memories before my brother was born when I was 7 (except a vague one triggered by a photograph of witnessing my parents arguing when I was 3 or so) and little afterwards... My step father was overtly abusive and controlling, my mother was cold and unemotional, and I later realised manipulative. So of course I had 2 abusive marriages and toxic relationships between, and now at 41 I'm unable to REbuild my self esteem and self worth, I'm having to BUILD my self worth from nothing, and it is incredibly hard. I'm almost 3 years free and made significant recovery from my CPTSD but the self esteem issue is incredibly hard. Along with struggling to do difficult things, dealing with big stress, etc.
Omg! I almost died too Lisa! Twice! I knew why. I was and am in a loveless marriage. But Now I have changed so much. I too was attracted to guys who liked everyone e else but me! Not anymore. Om! We are so much alike! Unbelievable. This is so much me. You are so awesome’ thanks for all the information. I do not kiss my husbands ass! Never again.
I went to CODA meetings where a mother and daughter attended. The mother was not defensive and they both were learning new patterns together. I'd like to see more of that in this world. They were for real. The mother called me out for not holding my mother accountable when I justified her mistreatment. I'd been gaslit all my developmental years. It was exactly the wake-up call I needed. Maybe an exceptional CODA group? We had sponsors and did the step work and service.
I had a friend from coda who went to therapy sessions with her mother for decades. Her mother was borderline I finally realized and told her decades after I watched her do that lifelong painful roller-coaster 🎢 with her mom. I'm raising an eyebrow that they went to these meetings together. It's still called Love Addiction when you do it with your mother. I'm skeptical of the situation your describing and I know we're all so susceptible to this fantasy. As Lisa says, it's almost always a fantasy. God bless em; hope they're the exception 🙏 I really was helped by Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody
@@gailmorgan2556 I agree. And yes, they were for real. The mother called me out for not holding my mother accountable when I justified her mistreatment. I'd been gaslit all my developmental years. It was exactly the wake-up call I needed. That was a really good CODA group. And yes, God bless us all.
On my this is too intense for me. I’m 8 minutes in and the constant selling the programming and books is making my head ache. I enjoyed the first 7 memories the it all goes back to buy my courses and it my books. Ugh 😩
Thank you Lisa, you are one of the few who really got it. Most says that we are the "good giving empaths with no agenda but kindness and care" and the narcissists are the bad guys, the takers morphing to fit in. So long I was afraid that I was the narcissist and it kept me stuck for years because of false Information. Thank you so much. Your work let me build compassion for my inner child
Awesome video. You hit the nail on the head about patterns. Thank you. Your videos are so inspiring and make me strive to be a better and more confident person. Although I am no longer codependent Thanks To You, I still tend to think and act that way at times, Ugh. Getting caught up in others people narrative seems to be the problem with me.
In the last couple of months I’ve heard some of the most succinct and clear headed videos you’ve ever made in the 7 years I’m following you. This is one of them. Thank you for this lucidity that cuts through the veil and shows me what I need to do to ameliorate my current situation. Thank you 🙏
Once again Lisa, spot on. Spot on. I must say I like the feel of this video. I cant quite put my finger on it, but I feel more connection. More mirroring is felt. Meaning you are really showing me you know How I Feel & What I experienced.
Wow Lisa, we had the same mother lol. Everything was external and she met my dad at a young age, they married by 21 and it's been a s)(*show since then. My father is not an alcoholic or drug user but had a very traumatic childhood, he definitely had childhood wounding and never even thought of getting professional health. The crazy part to me is the extent that a human can go to refuse to look inward at themselves, to question 'am I okay?' or 'am I really doing the best that I can here?'. I don't hate my mother but now as an adult woman, I see the damage done to the family by her and my dad and their inner wounds. Thank you for doing the work that you do, it's saving lives.
Omg! I almost died too Lisa! Twice! I knew why. I was and am in a loveless marriage. But Now I have changed so much. I too was attracted to guys who liked everyone e else but me! Not anymore. Om! We are so much alike! Unbelievable. This is so much me. You are so awesome’ thanks for all the information. One thing I am not and I have never been needy. I am and have always been strong. People have never been able to draw me into their BS! Not even my mother. So maybe I am not Co Dependent? My mother never drew me into to her BS either! So what does that make me? Lol
I found when frustrated during interaction with the, "other" to stop, count to ten, think what it was I needed and then to express it in a functional way which worked very well and opened a door for me to incorporate my needs onto the priority list and to see the people (including self) through the forest of the relationship better.
Omg! I almost died too Lisa! Twice! I knew why. I was and am in a loveless marriage. But Now I have changed so much. I too was attracted to guys who liked everyone else but me! Not anymore. Omg! We are so much alike! Unbelievable. This is so much me. You are so awesome’ thanks for all the information. I do not kiss my husbands ass! Never again. Wow! This man treated me like pure S____!
I had breakthroughs after reading Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody. Her codependency book is great too. As well the books by Janae and Barry Weinhold.
We can heal from this, I became very independent. Yet I when to far the other way. I did everything on my own . It got the point where I didn’t know how to ask for help .
Hello, I recently ended a connection with someone that started displaying codependent behaviors, it started early on, but I thought I could help them through it by setting boundaries, of which they crossed, still I offered grace and tried to move forward. We have only known each other for about 4 months and dated for 2. They lived a very traumatic childhood as did I did, so I thought that maybe I could appeal to that. I tried to anticipate situations that would trigger them, but it seemed like no matter what I did, they would find some way to be triggered. Things calmed down a bit and I thought we talked through our triggers, but then they created a situation to be triggered. They started projecting their insecurities on to me and tried to create a situation they could “save” me from. I understand that they needed me to need them but I was trying to support them through a situation where they actually needed me. Anyway I made the mistake of calling it out and they turned it all the way around and made it my fault, when I didn’t accept that, they backtracked and made it about them being empathetic and saying that they can’t function when I am down, I said I wasn’t down and showed them all of the evidence that I was actually doing fine and was there to help them, they wouldn’t admit they needed help and then started in on a list of things that I was not doing. I stopped them when they said they felt disconnected and asked what they needed to feel connected, they said it could be one thing or it could be 10 and that they wouldn’t know until after. That is a set up for failure. I explained that it feels like they do not know how to regulate their emotions and they wanted their partner to figure it out and no matter what their partner tried it was going to be wrong. I had already tried several things and it was wrong each time. Anywho, I believe they are an amazing person who was dealt a crappy hand, but at the age of 43 have done nothing to try and heal from it. I feel bad and really want to help them, but they said that part of their self care is removing my access to them as of if I am the bad guy. Obviously I will be unable to help them, but I wonder if I gave up too soon, should I have tried harder to get them to see that they need to work on their codependency could I have sneakily helped them through setting boundaries or would they have come to resent me for said boundaries? My fear is that I just confirmed their belief that they aren’t good enough, but really it is that they are forcing their narrative and recreating their childhood as you said. How do we help someone who is codependent?
It isn't just 7 years old. Adolescence profoundly can affect your identity. Also, a brain doesn't stop developing until its mid twenties and that can affect a person's sense of self.
Oh how i relate to this! Recovery is paimful because you need to be there for that hurting chold within in a world that diminishes pain. Oh you should be over it by now. and not live in the past. It made you rstronger in the broken places did it not?' Your pareats went trough hell in WW2 and still gave you a good hme did they not? All of that may be true, but do not use it to do a spirtual bypass and skip the grievng process. It is not a "quickie" but please persist with self love and compassion.
Lisa since you were a codependent did you attract a narcissist as your ex husband? I’m asking because I am a codependent and realizing that my son’s dad is a narcissist. I’m working very hard to heal and ending the generational trauma. I refuse to let my son be a victim of this childhood trauma. But I am so scared that my work will not save my son because his dad is very unhealed and incredibly narcissistic. How do you heal and parent in a healthy way when you have to a coparent with a narcissist? It feel like no escape
I wish i had emotionally spiritually and mentally healthy parents who loved me and knew how to love me not just empty contradictory words....clouds without rain
I would love to know how to find myself, I'm 64yrs of age, abused by my mother who hated me since birth and all my adult relationships, how do I find and anchor myself
I tried everything 20 years of hard work on myself only getting worse and worse I’m done I’m a fucked up mutant and it’s ok cuz it’s just a video game and in the end nothing matters and nothing is real anyway even our parents and friends everyone is just an actor
Browbeating ...haha its so funny to me to realise there is a word that desribes the way i was raised by this tactic ...so scared of upsetting ...all it took was a raised eyebrow to pull me up 😂 today it seems like something to laugh at. The idea of a little child doing something socalled out of line and being corrected with a raised eyebrow is actually a redflag to me ...its the level of fear they instilled. All it took was a micro movement of the eyebrow ...clever tragic not a word said. My folks didnt have easy lives they couldnt give to me and my siblings what they didnt have to give ...but they gave everything else 🫂🕊️
Lisa, So I've listened to you for many years, listened is the key word. Today, I FELT it. I don't normally comment, its vulnerability, but need to acknowledge my feelings. Thank you 🙏
I felt it too
Wonderful!
@@lisaaromano1🏳
I'm with you Gf. Her words nailed so many things. Hope you are safe and well.
@laurasawyer9298 you as well!
I'm reclaiming my genuine self 😌 ✨️
This is a difficult journey of recovery, but the benefits as you grow are amazing.
Your eyes become open to the diversity of the world. Let bad people choose bad people. Be that good person that has the skills to find and attract good people.
My daugther will be free❤🔑
All ends with me⚔️🔥
Yes!!!
Keep swimming 🐟
I have no memories before my brother was born when I was 7 (except a vague one triggered by a photograph of witnessing my parents arguing when I was 3 or so) and little afterwards... My step father was overtly abusive and controlling, my mother was cold and unemotional, and I later realised manipulative. So of course I had 2 abusive marriages and toxic relationships between, and now at 41 I'm unable to REbuild my self esteem and self worth, I'm having to BUILD my self worth from nothing, and it is incredibly hard. I'm almost 3 years free and made significant recovery from my CPTSD but the self esteem issue is incredibly hard. Along with struggling to do difficult things, dealing with big stress, etc.
Please give my 12 week program a try, so you can regain your sense of self www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp
You need to find yourself outside of their treatment of you
You look incredible. I thought you were 50.
Good for you for healing. Once healed, people do notice.
Amen. Loving yourself enough to advocate for the self.
Thank you Lisa for everything that you do!!! 🙏
You are so welcome!
Wow so happy to see you thank you for this!
You give the best advice ever. Thank You for your compassionate heart ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. Peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
Omg! I almost died too Lisa! Twice! I knew why. I was and am in a loveless marriage. But Now I have changed so much. I too was attracted to guys who liked everyone e else but me! Not anymore. Om! We are so much alike! Unbelievable. This is so much me. You are so awesome’ thanks for all the information. I do not kiss my husbands ass! Never again.
I went to CODA meetings where a mother and daughter attended. The mother was not defensive and they both were learning new patterns together. I'd like to see more of that in this world. They were for real. The mother called me out for not holding my mother accountable when I justified her mistreatment. I'd been gaslit all my developmental years. It was exactly the wake-up call I needed. Maybe an exceptional CODA group? We had sponsors and did the step work and service.
I had a friend from coda who went to therapy sessions with her mother for decades. Her mother was borderline I finally realized and told her decades after I watched her do that lifelong painful roller-coaster 🎢 with her mom. I'm raising an eyebrow that they went to these meetings together. It's still called Love Addiction when you do it with your mother. I'm skeptical of the situation your describing and I know we're all so susceptible to this fantasy. As Lisa says, it's almost always a fantasy. God bless em; hope they're the exception 🙏 I really was helped by Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody
@@gailmorgan2556 I agree. And yes, they were for real. The mother called me out for not holding my mother accountable when I justified her mistreatment. I'd been gaslit all my developmental years. It was exactly the wake-up call I needed. That was a really good CODA group. And yes, God bless us all.
@MarleyLeMar I hope she's able to sustain that long term. Best of luck to them.
On my this is too intense for me. I’m 8 minutes in and the constant selling the programming and books is making my head ache. I enjoyed the first 7 memories the it all goes back to buy my courses and it my books. Ugh 😩
There is also Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA). I just started on the workbook.
Thank you Lisa, you are one of the few who really got it. Most says that we are the "good giving empaths with no agenda but kindness and care" and the narcissists are the bad guys, the takers morphing to fit in. So long I was afraid that I was the narcissist and it kept me stuck for years because of false Information. Thank you so much. Your work let me build compassion for my inner child
Soooo, soooo true.
Awesome video. You hit the nail on the head about patterns. Thank you. Your videos are so inspiring and make me strive to be a better and more confident person. Although I am no longer codependent Thanks To You, I still tend to think and act that way at times, Ugh. Getting caught up in others people narrative seems to be the problem with me.
In the last couple of months I’ve heard some of the most succinct and clear headed videos you’ve ever made in the 7 years I’m following you.
This is one of them.
Thank you for this lucidity that cuts through the veil and shows me what I need to do to ameliorate my current situation.
Thank you 🙏
I love you. I don’t know how else to say it. ❤
Once again Lisa, spot on.
Spot on.
I must say I like the feel of this video. I cant quite put my finger on it, but I feel more connection. More mirroring is felt. Meaning you are really showing me you know How I Feel & What I experienced.
So happy it helped❤
Wow Lisa, we had the same mother lol. Everything was external and she met my dad at a young age, they married by 21 and it's been a s)(*show since then. My father is not an alcoholic or drug user but had a very traumatic childhood, he definitely had childhood wounding and never even thought of getting professional health.
The crazy part to me is the extent that a human can go to refuse to look inward at themselves, to question 'am I okay?' or 'am I really doing the best that I can here?'. I don't hate my mother but now as an adult woman, I see the damage done to the family by her and my dad and their inner wounds.
Thank you for doing the work that you do, it's saving lives.
Brilliant Lisa ..the Light of Heaven to you 🙂
Boy did this resonate with (the old) me
Thank you for your very clear insightful talks! Yes, it definitely helps that you've been there.
You are so welcome!
That is true. I am codependent. and my favorite song is ALice N chains Man in the box.
Omg! I almost died too Lisa! Twice! I knew why. I was and am in a loveless marriage. But Now I have changed so much. I too was attracted to guys who liked everyone e else but me! Not anymore. Om! We are so much alike! Unbelievable. This is so much me. You are so awesome’ thanks for all the information. One thing I am not and I have never been needy. I am and have always been strong. People have never been able to draw me into their BS! Not even my mother. So maybe I am not Co Dependent? My mother never drew me into to her BS either! So what does that make me? Lol
Do you have a healthy sense of self? Are you able to experience intimacy and vulnerability?
I thought you were telling my story...Be well, strong with self care, and continued recovery ❤️
Thank you again Lisa ❤
I found when frustrated during interaction with the, "other" to stop, count to ten, think what it was I needed and then to express it in a functional way which worked very well and opened a door for me to incorporate my needs onto the priority list and to see the people (including self) through the forest of the relationship better.
Omg! I almost died too Lisa! Twice! I knew why. I was and am in a loveless marriage. But Now I have changed so much. I too was attracted to guys who liked everyone else but me! Not anymore. Omg! We are so much alike! Unbelievable. This is so much me. You are so awesome’ thanks for all the information. I do not kiss my husbands ass! Never again. Wow! This man treated me like pure S____!
God bless you😌🙏💗
Thanks Lisa
You are amazing lisa im sure you didnt get your knowledge easy God bless you
❤
❤
You're AMAZING. THANK YOU
I had breakthroughs after reading Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody. Her codependency book is great too. As well the books by Janae and Barry Weinhold.
Excellent
We can heal from this, I became very independent. Yet I when to far the other way. I did everything on my own . It got the point where I didn’t know how to ask for help .
Greatest advice 😢😅😊
Thank you so much Lisa.❤❤
Hello, I recently ended a connection with someone that started displaying codependent behaviors, it started early on, but I thought I could help them through it by setting boundaries, of which they crossed, still I offered grace and tried to move forward. We have only known each other for about 4 months and dated for 2. They lived a very traumatic childhood as did I did, so I thought that maybe I could appeal to that. I tried to anticipate situations that would trigger them, but it seemed like no matter what I did, they would find some way to be triggered. Things calmed down a bit and I thought we talked through our triggers, but then they created a situation to be triggered. They started projecting their insecurities on to me and tried to create a situation they could “save” me from. I understand that they needed me to need them but I was trying to support them through a situation where they actually needed me. Anyway I made the mistake of calling it out and they turned it all the way around and made it my fault, when I didn’t accept that, they backtracked and made it about them being empathetic and saying that they can’t function when I am down, I said I wasn’t down and showed them all of the evidence that I was actually doing fine and was there to help them, they wouldn’t admit they needed help and then started in on a list of things that I was not doing. I stopped them when they said they felt disconnected and asked what they needed to feel connected, they said it could be one thing or it could be 10 and that they wouldn’t know until after. That is a set up for failure. I explained that it feels like they do not know how to regulate their emotions and they wanted their partner to figure it out and no matter what their partner tried it was going to be wrong. I had already tried several things and it was wrong each time. Anywho, I believe they are an amazing person who was dealt a crappy hand, but at the age of 43 have done nothing to try and heal from it. I feel bad and really want to help them, but they said that part of their self care is removing my access to them as of if I am the bad guy. Obviously I will be unable to help them, but I wonder if I gave up too soon, should I have tried harder to get them to see that they need to work on their codependency could I have sneakily helped them through setting boundaries or would they have come to resent me for said boundaries? My fear is that I just confirmed their belief that they aren’t good enough, but really it is that they are forcing their narrative and recreating their childhood as you said. How do we help someone who is codependent?
It isn't just 7 years old. Adolescence profoundly can affect your identity. Also, a brain doesn't stop developing until its mid twenties and that can affect a person's sense of self.
I wish I knew this sooner
Oh how i relate to this! Recovery is paimful because you need to be there for that hurting chold within in a world that diminishes pain. Oh you should be over it by now. and not live in the past. It made you rstronger in the broken places did it not?' Your pareats went trough hell in WW2 and still gave you a good hme did they not? All of that may be true, but do not use it to do a spirtual bypass and skip the grievng process. It is not a "quickie" but please persist with self love and compassion.
👍
Codependency can be induced in adulthood as well.
Lisa since you were a codependent did you attract a narcissist as your ex husband? I’m asking because I am a codependent and realizing that my son’s dad is a narcissist. I’m working very hard to heal and ending the generational trauma. I refuse to let my son be a victim of this childhood trauma. But I am so scared that my work will not save my son because his dad is very unhealed and incredibly narcissistic. How do you heal and parent in a healthy way when you have to a coparent with a narcissist? It feel like no escape
I wish i had emotionally spiritually and mentally healthy parents who loved me and knew how to love me not just empty contradictory words....clouds without rain
I would love to know how to find myself, I'm 64yrs of age, abused by my mother who hated me since birth and all my adult relationships, how do I find and anchor myself
@@Bonza001 please check out my program www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp
@@lisaaromano1 thank you, I've just bought your book, 'Road back to me' x
I tried everything 20 years of hard work on myself only getting worse and worse I’m done I’m a fucked up mutant and it’s ok cuz it’s just a video game and in the end nothing matters and nothing is real anyway even our parents and friends everyone is just an actor
I dont like the word narcissist. They are just self absorbed
🤔 "I Married My Mother and Other Tales of a Dysfunctional Family."
Puppies
Thank you Lisa 🫶🏽
Browbeating ...haha its so funny to me to realise there is a word that desribes the way i was raised by this tactic ...so scared of upsetting ...all it took was a raised eyebrow to pull me up 😂 today it seems like something to laugh at. The idea of a little child doing something socalled out of line and being corrected with a raised eyebrow is actually a redflag to me ...its the level of fear they instilled.
All it took was a micro movement of the eyebrow ...clever tragic not a word said.
My folks didnt have easy lives they couldnt give to me and my siblings what they didnt have to give ...but they gave everything else 🫂🕊️