The beginning of the song, when Justin's mom calls him to check in on him...making sure he's ok, and taking his meds... Crushes me every time I hear it...
I'm Justin and my mom passed away, I don't have any audio/videos of my mom and the woman sounds like my mom so I listen to it alot. I wasn't a perfect son either.. 😔
So hard for me not to choke up when I listen to this song... It hits me so hard... all the pain I have cause my family due to my heroin addiction... 2 years clean... anyone listening that’s still using... I LOVE YOU ❤️
Allyson Mckinney Allyson you're awesome!! Struggled through the same shit with meth and have about 18 months clean-- keep pushing I'm right beside you ☺️
Awesome girl...I don't know you but I know your pain all too well...I destroyed everything precious to me due to my personal addiction...been clean off of it for ten years now but not a day goes by that doesn't remind of every pain soaked memory or scar and now in a time of absolute chaos n misery I have the strength to endure without looking back...but I never let my gaurd down..and now that I'm on the other side of the fence and it's someone else's addictions that destroyed 20 years....I am stronger and able to let go for me...and for them...I am strong enough to begin to forgive both...them and myself...you can learn to forgive yourself to....if you haven't already!?😁
Keep up the hardest, but yet still the good fight! Whatever it takes to remain vigilant true... we've all lost too many good friends and too much joy in our lives to ever go back...and if you do fall... we'll all be there to pick each other up again....pass on the love... it's the only way!
I was admitted to the psychiatric unit of a hospital last week because of subtle, passive attempts at suicide. Listening to this song really made my feelings make sense. I hate being the black sheep, the disappointment. Everyone else has been successful with their lives and I struggle just to live like a normal person. I crawl along the ground while everyone I am compared to (maybe it's only me comparing) sprinted ahead of me by leaps and bounds. I have the phrase "hate me" carved into my thigh as a reminder that I am worthless of love and I haven't done anything to be rewarded with affection. That alone is why I have no one. But a bit higher up, on my stomach, I cut "love me." Because I'm desperate to be loved despite my flaws and my many failures. I need to feel loved by others because I don't love myself. I'm sorry this is long but I hope this helps someone to understand just how much words can hurt (or heal). I hope I begin to heal soon. I'm tired of hurting.
I know how you feel,it sucks being the odd man out. It gets better,I promise.I had no one,My dad hated me and I felt totally alone and also made me feel like I'm worthless.I've been admitted to a psychiatric hospital for trying to kill myself. You are worthy of love...everyone is. You can get through this as I did. I wish you the very best:)
Hang in there ok? as long as the world keeps spinning, there will always be a tomorrow. If you can just hang on until the dawn, I give you my word you will find reason, meaning and, while I cant promise this last one, I can almost assure it: A measure of peace. My heart goes out to you. Don't just Survive. Live.
Shadow X you aren't lieing. Coping with the realities of the things you did while not actually being you is the hardest part. So glad songs like these exist. Sad to say that people make mistakes of old yet happy to see feeling has not been abandoned.
Shadow X My baby girl who is all of 24 Yrs young.. accidental OD on opiates.. this past Thanksgiving!! She has now lost her daughter.. who’s 3 yrs old & has not seen her since her overdose!! Please don’t take this wrong.. I’m not against same sex relationships.. at all!! However.. my daughter met her new female lover.. major druggy.. (in which she’s never been attracted to the same sex) at outpatient group therapy!! She has now cut off all contact with her family & isn’t even trying to fight for her daughter!! I’m so very afraid that it’s just a matter of time.. before she OD’S again & this time taking her life!!!
Claudia Martinez reminds me of dad not for addiction. But it was a private joke between us. He has passed now for 9 yrs now, and I would give anything take time from my life just to have 5 more mins
This reminds me of so much... mainly myself... It makes me sad every time I listen to this song, because it relates to me in a way... It makes me think of what I do to my girlfriend. I don't deserve her. But she stands by me no matter what, and I love her for that. Truly.
I have listened to this song countless times and I still cry every time I listen. I think of my daughter and her blue eyes and how sad she was when I relapsed. A family session while I was in rehab was probably the saddest I have been since I lost my Grandfather at 7. I love you Ashlyn Marie and I will do whatever I must to stay sober so I never have to see those beautiful blue eyes cry again.
@@talorguitarowner5I don't know if your post was a disagreement with my post but drug addiction and depression, or self-loathing go hand in hand. Most drug addicts don't feel like they're worthy of being clean, and in most cases, getting an addict to begin the process of becoming sober takes the people that love them to convince that addict that they are worthy of being clean and sober, that even though they might not love themselves, there are people who love them.
If you came here to listen to this song due to your 'feelings"....I'm a ton older & I promise that all that you feel...the anger,fear,disappointment,shame are feelings, not facts! This will pass...don't miss out on what comes down the road...all the wonderful, unexpected blessing that show up when you least expect it! My nephew introduced me to this song..and we listened to it a few times..talked about how it "tears into your soul" he battled drugs...and, passed a few wks later..an od...don't know if he meant to or not..pls. reach out till you FIND someone to listen..take that step of faith ..keep knocking on doors till someone answers...if you do something to yourself..you will never,ever know the absolute devastation you leave behind..all those ppl you thought didn't care...that's because there's a cloud of depression there..hard to think straight...your more than your mistakes..God Bless
Samuel Mason I never said I didn't get the point or if they weren't a good band which they are. All I said was they're underrated with means they don't get enough credit for anything.
Seen this in January 2019 didn't bother t make an account now I did and 2020 and covid rocks the world how are you doing I love these electronic time capsules
Brings me to tears everytime I hear it--- I'm a macho ironworker (lol) , but this song keeps me grounded and puts me in my place-- thank you God for rescuing me from my addiction
I'm 27 now and was diagnosed as bipolar at 15, same time I began self harming. There's been so many times I went off my meds and was just a disaster, but my mom was ALWAYS there to help me. I can't imagine all she went thru dealing with me during those times, and it was just a few years ago I OD'ed and wound up in a psych ward for 10 days. She was still there tho, visiting me every day she could. I don't know where I'd be w/o her.
Got caught up in drugs and thought I would be better off dead! Told my fiancé to leave me behind and have not seen my son in over a year. Still making excuses as to why I'm doing the same thing but ready to end it tonight!! Love my family and they love me but I'm selfish I guess:-/ wish I could change so many things but it's not in my hands now.. Hope this is just a stupid stage of life?
Half a glass of vodka in one hand, half burnt cigarette in the other...Sitting on a living room chair, there's just so many to think about to even turn on any lights...Contemplating that "forever empty" feeling which lives in all of us, just watching your mind spiral down a path of memories and things you wish you never had to experience...The intake of self inflicted pain just grows stronger as your conscience plays that old, pale and unbecoming film which calls itself your past...You know it burdens you to keep such thoughts in your nightstand, but you have gone numb enough to feel the need for keeping them, just as a reminder of the fact that you yet draw breath on this sweet nostalgic reality...You are gonna carry that weight....
Miloslavick .. wow I feel you I'm right there with you. I try to give people advice cause I want to help them, but I don't help myself you know? *The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was a quote you may know if you have been to the 'meetings". Which is exactly what you described. SELF WILL RUN RIOT.. AND REMEMBER THIS; FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD! Don't give up. It does not have to Define Who You Are. Read The Serenity Prayer the whole prayer not the short version. And you know what to do, you use your experience strength and hope to help another going through the same thing. We're the only ones that can help each other. And this has to be my favorite because I'm alone 24 hours a day spent years in a wheelchair in isolation ignored. And when I heard somebody say this at a 12-step meeting... It meant the world to me so I'm going to tell you and I mean it., IF NO ONE HAS TOLD YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU TODAY, THEN JUST KNOW THAT I DO.
Your mom sounded like good people... just as lost as you were.. but good people none the less.. thank you for making this song. it's helped me and my mother reconcile our differences and mend our relationship. God bless you brother.. truely
Justin and Chelsea sound similar when a person slurs and jumbles their words together showing concern. Not, 'Big Sexy.' lol :p You can't sit with us!!!!
This is a great song! So many people can relate to it and for each it carries a different meaning or memory...For the people who comment with their trouble's and listen to this song because times are tough, addiction sucks, mental illness traps you inside a cage or dealing with loss because you had to push someone away or guilt because something controlled your mind to do things to others you regret....You are loved more than you think and your loss does no justice to you or anyone. I lost a dear friend Thanksgiving 2013. I MISS him terrible. Just becasue at this moment in your life your feelings are so unbearable, please remember don't give up and don't give in, the feelings will pass. And I love you as a human and a lot of other people who don't show it every day, love you too. Pls call someone to help you through the impulse, that is why people volunteer at crisis hotline. Believe it or not, people do care very much.
Incredible lyricists, passionate vocals, extremely gifted musicians. Blue October is BY FAR one of the best groups to bless the music scene in MANY, MANY YEARS.
Nobody knows about this band, yet all the songs have some of the most incredible lyrics I've ever heard. They're not generic or repetitive, and they definitely don't sugarcoat the matters they're talking about. They're real! And I love this band!
I've never had an addiction to anything, but my God does this song hit on so many levels, the recording at the beginning is enough to bring the blackest hearts to their knees.
I once listened to this song on repeat just wallowing in my depression, now, after the fact i am so grateful for great music like this that helped me understand and process that sadness i once experienced, but since i have moved on from that part of my life i am able to find peace and relaxation in the dark feelings that had once consumed me.
I am dealing with this song after 6 years clear from crack cocain my little sister played this song for me two days ago. And it wasn’t about me but my sister Sarah. God bless her RIP. Never forgotten
@@angelous6630 I'm almost 4 years clean now! I am so far from that broken girl! Life isn't ever perfect but, it's perfect for me and I have a sense of peace in my life that I never had! Thank you for your curiosity! So many of us don't make it out of that life!
Heard this on iHeart Radio today for the very first time that I can remember. The 3 months sober/clean really got me because today I've gone 3 months without self harm and this song just pushed me over. I don't really cry over songs but I'm crying
+Sariah Callender I think everyone has their battles :) and I think some things are harder for some people. I read this quote that said we're all in the same hell just different levels. I'm only 14 so I don't know much, I just know that hurt is hurt and just cause your hurt was harder doesn't mean their hurt wasn't hard. but I think it's awesome that you guys were able to do that :) I'm not sure that I would be strong enough. so I think you're both awesome! I'm also not picking a fight so please don't view it that way 😓 I'm not an argumentative person.
Addictions and mental illness can happen to anyone. I have had an ok life but at the same time a shitty one. There is a voice that cries out inside me that i try to console but sometimes its all I can do to help him. This song is so deep and this song understands. it was written by someone who had to go through a lot of pain to be able to express it so well.
If this song doesn't move you, you are dead inside. Even if you haven't struggled with drug addiction (which I have) you know others who have & this song gives you insight into what hell you go through & how you can still be a fantastic person despite mistakes you have made, you are still worth loving. It makes me cry Everytime I hear it. May you get through another day.
This song gets me every time! Dealing with addiction myself which never goes away ... it’s a daily battle of staying clean and making a choice to not go back to that ... it’s harder than anything, sounds like empty words to anyone else but if you have been there you know ..
Jilly the Kid me and my girl are going thru alot this song breaks my heart yet it will protects what part of light me and her still have baby girl I want you back pls take me back 😭😭😭😭
With a sad heart I say bye to you and wave, kicking shadows on the street for every mistake I had made, and like a baby boy I was never a man, till i saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands, and then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!" Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be, and she whispered "how can you do this to me...."
For everyone that is struggling and reading these comments , there's hope, even when you think you are not love there's someone that loves you, I love you .. every live matter, you matter .. there's always hope. Ill care if nobody cares :)
as an addict (prescription and heroin mainly...but nearly anything to change how i felt) whos struggling with my demons, just come home from a NA meet (in UK) emotional and this song pretty much sums up how i feel at times, incredible song! :)
This song explains everything I feel.. 3 months sober.. I lost the love of my life. She left me for another guy. I can’t forget her but I really hope she is happy.
This reminds me of my ex boyfriend. It's almost as if he wrote the song. James, if you're reading this... please know that I'll never hate you. I don't understand why you pushed me away when you professed your love more than anyone else, and I the same for you. I know you're struggling with problems you cannot solve on your own. I don't know why you won't let me help you, but please know that I love you, James. I'm always here for you, no matter how fucked up you think you are, because I want nothing more than to love and care for you. I wish you'd let me. I can see the toll the war in Afghanistan has took on you, losing your friends, and your family being pure shit, and having no support whatsoever. Please, toss your pride and let me be the support you said you needed before whatever happened to make you push me away. You never did tell me. I love you, and I am here. Call me. You will never be "fucked up" to me. I only want to hug you tight enough so that all the broken pieces fit back together. I don't care if I get cut in the process.
Holy fuck you have no idea how much that last paragraph you wrote meant to me. Im sure if he heard that hed drop whatever it was he was doing and run to you
Kotton Kandy Lette try again bud, I'm still listening to this song in 2018 which by the way is a few years after you posted that for 2016, but it's a great song about your family and friends
This goes out to my first born nephew Logan. He began a self imposed rehab program after several years of mental abuse, physical abuse and self harm because of. I know the first step to recovery is surrendering. I hope he feels at least one scrap of decency for himself and his talent, which is carpentry and art. Gifts. He finally realizes he has them as well as people who have not given up on him despite the ones who are closest and could have made more of a difference in the beginning. However this is not a blame game. We all have our own way of dealing with things, terrible or not. I pray from my soul he is successful , but am here if he falls. Love you boy.
I have never had a song that hurts so much, but it almost feels good. It makes you realize how much you actually aren't alone and you are practically understood. I recently had 2 people who I loved like brothers with all my soul and of course it was one of my most foolish mistakes and they went and completely crushed me. I have never felt so much pain over something in my whole life, call me dramatic or whatever you want to say, but it made my whole body and mind ache. I just now got to the point of thinking that the stupid grief I held for them was over, but I hear this song and all the pain comes flooding back, but to hear this song and to listen to these lyrics is nothing, but honestly sweet relief. Thank you, Blue October. For everything and helping me find relief and understanding within my mistake, grief, and pain. May God bless you all
Listen Blue October as a Mom here is my favorite quote: I am your mother, I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed becuase I LOVE YOU!! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares, and worries for you more than a mother.....LOVE YOUR MOMMA'S :)
My nic-name is MaMa Bear ... Me n your mom should've been sisters. They flew me from SFO to Washington State to walk my niece to school because she was being bullied. I'm only 4 years older than her. SHE NEVER GOT BULLIED AGAIN 😎
"And then I fell down yelling make it go away!!! Make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be! And then she whispered... How can you do this to me?"
It's not ur fault baby. Forgive urself. Let go of ur demons. Love urself. If u need to make it right then take care of itself first. U have to save u be for u can save him. He's not gone just lost. Know tho... he feels just like u do
Justin the lead singer of Blue October is Bi-Polar and a lot of his songs are about mental illness. I can so relate to him cause I'm Bi-Polar as well. It's not easy living day to day when you have episodes. Being Bi-Polar I have burnt a lot of bridges in my life that I wish i hadn't.
Today has been two years since my uncle passed away, this was his favorite song, it’s hard to listen to but I made myself listen to it. I cried let my emotions out. He had a hard life and he couldn’t get a hold of it. He was a good person. I love him very much
My dad was a terribly bad drug addict.. in and out of jail.. he seen my take me first times while he was behind the glass in the jail talking to my mom.. and him and my mom would write letters back and fourth and write each other song lyrics and he wrote this to her... and it tears me apart listening to this but I can’t help but listen..
I lost my son at 25 from addiction this song was one of his favorite songs now mine too. He struggled with addiction for a long time. This verse also gets me. I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't loose my head there crawling like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone. Playing movies in my head that makes a porno feel like home there's a burning in my pride a nervous bleeding in my brain an ounce of peace is all I want for you will you never call again and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face and will you never try to reach me it is I that wanted space . In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night while I was busy waging wars on myself you were trying to stop the fight. You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take. So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind and do what ever it takes in your heart to leave me behind. And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made and like a baby boy I never was a man until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand and then I fell down yelling make it go away just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be. Then she whispered how can you do this to me.. Hate me today hate me tomorrow hate me for all the things I didn't do for you hate me in ways yeah ways hard to swallow hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.. For you
8 years ago, I was going through the hardest part of my life, heroin addiction. My mother never lost sight or hope in me. She saw a future in me even when I didn't see it for myself. And I'll never forget the day she said, "how could you do this to me" and I didn't understand that comment back then. But now I do. See the thing is that I had cancer as a kid and she quit her job to stay with me at what we thought was my deathbed at the time. Luckily, I survived my ordeal with my dear sweet mother by my side. And now I realize that she was always there for me. And I never realized it. I love her and hope to make it up to her one day. I'm 5 years clean now and I hope to make her proud. I love you Mom.
This helped me through a lot. it helped me through my abuse of my stepdad and a previous boyfriend I once had years ago. a broken relationship with my mom, I'm trying to fix. I'm so happy this song exists.
The song that started it ALL.... I really love the fact that it was something so simple but gradually became one of the most important songs in my life ❤️
I've been diagnosed with several mental disorders and have been dealing with them since I was seven.. I haven't taken my meds in years... this song hit me petty hard.. love it
Hey I truly appreciate that same thing here but I have found out it may just be ptsd and learn and accept that you are different an stop fighting you be you to me 50 years to get it. Just be you stop the lies and just be you .. I know you know what I mean. Take the time to love you for you find a new passion to obbess over cause I have been addicted to feeling shitty and now I don't know what good is anymore. Till I said enuff find out who you are take a personality test figure out you. Good wishes
if only you knew mom.. this song is for you. i cant really say anything infront of you. im not a child you wanted. i cant be want you want me to be. im an outcast in this family.. wish you would just throw me away, say you hate me straight in my face. stop holding on to me mom..
SilentReverie90 she loves you so much or she would have given up already think about all the good times you two have had together and never let them go because once you do there is nothing left no way to fix any damage that has been done
SilentReverie90 damn silentreverie you made me cry and that is hard to do but it was well said think i need to call and ask for it i guess so that i can move on
***** Actually no. Sometimes in life, people, even parents, are so toxic that they withhold the basic necessities in life, like food, water, clothes, shelter and safety, and then continue to remain a toxic influence in your life as they continue to chip away at your mental health. Cutting them out completely is actually the most sane thing you can do for yourself. It's not selfish. It's preservation. There are no regrets when eliminating toxic people from your life. It's not about "thinking" someone hates you. It's about knowing someone hates herself so much that she's willing to dedicate her life to making her child's and everyone else around her as miserable as possible.
Fell in love with my best friend, but I hated the way she treated me and treated herself. She constantly hurt me with the things she did, so I saw that I had to bail on her. Found I loved her so much that I simply could not tear myself away until she hated me. I called her every name in the book, even though I loved her. This song reminds me of that whole episode.
dudedurham sounds exactly like the marriage i just got out of. I wanted to be gone so bad because she treated me so horribly but now i question my decision. She has another man now and for some reason it really bothers me. I wanted to die when i was with her and now i feel like i want to even more.
This has to be my favorite Blue October song, from when I was an angry little 11 year old to now being 18. It's never made me cry until May 7th, 2015. My Nana passed away and she was my best friend, a second mom, and everything to me. She helped me so much with the depression and anxiety I've had for years, and I feel that this song now reminds me of how I was always mad at her for dumb reasons and I never did enough for her.
"The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again." That is superior writing. Sends shivers down my spine and puts tears in my eyes.
It's 2021 and this song is STILL touching people. I myself am wiping tears away as I write this. I would imagine that if I could return to this thread in 5, 10, or 25 years from now that I would find new comments from people about this song... "Hey Google... Set a reminder for January 31st... 2046.
My mom saved my life several times for my seizure disorder ( when I wanted to give in ) and helped me become a good father for my children. She had to help me move away because the pressure from her family was just too intense for her. She insisted on helping me despite their protesting , it must have been awful for her. She had a heart attack a few months ago and suffered unimaginably before she died, no One that cares as much as she did deserves such a horrific end to a beautiful life. I got to her bedside just before she passed and although she could not speak , the look in her eyes torwards me was one of " where have you been? please help me go home, all I have ever done is be there for you when you needed me most and you haven't been here for me when I need you most" She would look away after that and try to communicate with others but not me. I know I let her down when I owed her everything.
OK this song means so much to me personally that I am obsessed with it and have been since day 1 it brings a tear to my eye. Obsessed as in 5 or more times a day I listen to it and randomly write one liners from the song down. This song touches me, this song is me
Prayers to anyone suffering from addiction! Addiction is EVIL & doesn’t discriminate & it’s a bitch! I wish you luck on trying to sober. To all who been able to overcome addiction & are sober, GREAT job & be proud of yourself!
This song always makes me break down. My boyfriend suffers from bipolar disorder and through it all I will never leave him and I will love him till the end. And it breaks my heart that I know he does not believe that to be true. But we are still here and we are still fighting for better days.
SoulReafer420 I still have my mom here and all these comments are just really making me sad. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's really going to kill me when my own mom passes.
@@ItsameDrew Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge...It seriously is highly appreciated to know that even a complete stranger may give a care...struggling but I am fighting through...again.. thank you again
my love of my life sent this to me...he was a heroin addict and I tried helping him for 3 looong years...we separated two yes ago but I love him , miss him, he's my soulmate
I saw them in Dallas I believe and they always had my attention just not so profound,but after 10 years I've never heard anything that can summarize my personal life and nothing more that can make me so grateful that I got to see them live and sad knowing he started ten years earlier. its a touching moment I'm very grateful today thank you.
I'm 19 and since I was in middle school I had very severe depression I self harmed etc I still to this day have very bad depression and pills never worked for me. I felt Terrible putting my parents through this all the time... It's to the point that I don't want to worry them anymore so I keep it to my self
Best part of this song is this guy is telling his mother to hate him for all the shit he did to her...But his mom really don't care what he's saying and her saying "You know I love ya!" shows a mother's love...No matter what he does.....She will always love him.
They know their Mother will always love them and can never forget nor hate them. They know she suffered with and for them in the past and was still always there for them. That makes it easy for them to place the blame on and leave their guilt and shame with her and run as far away as possible so they never have to face any of it again. They know too well that Mom will always love them no matter what they do or how much she suffered for them.
Anytime I hear this song it breaks my heart all over again to remember how hard my mom fought to get me back. People do recover good luck to anyone struggling
I listen to this song in the early mornings when the windows are foggy, the sky is gray in the aftermath or a storm, and there's prescious little dew on the grass. It sets the mood perfectly.
I'm glad I'm listening to this song my friend said he was able to kick is addiction because of this song and he listened to it a lot and it helped him stay sober for years
This song is truly terrifying. Because I don't have the mental problems he has, I will never fully understand this song, but I do have my own issues, and this song really opened my eyes to what some people actually think. Not even some of my favorite musical artists are stable as they seem.
0:08 did anyone notice how he says "If you're sleeping are you dreaming if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me I can't believe you actually. picked me" and those are the lyrics to the song Calling you from blue October
This band has always been such a huge help in my life and I'm so happy to read that it has had a similar effect on others. This song hits a hard spot listening to it after being in an extremely dark place and recently slowly lapsing out of it. It really does display the emotions towards someone trying to help someone they care about but the person they care about just feels they're being a burden.
My moms sick and dying this makes me miss her. I'm on the road playing shows and right now all I can do is cry and think about is how much I need to call her and spend more time with her.
thank you I'm so sorry. does she love you? I mean really just wants you to be anything but like her....is she sorry....does your absence kill her? It's like you said parents are people too. we make mistakes. my son says i loved him too much....overprotective. ...but unfortunate shit went down due to illness, depression, poverty....it wasn't fair to any of us esp him. not the same....but I'm not innocent nor does he blame me....it is just a mess. I would do anything to give him everything.❤
damn sounds like my sister....my son doesn't understand.....manipulation....see he is an only child....her life is chaos. i think he is just bored here. my husband and me are going to get him soon. he will be mad but my reasons are anything but selfish. it's a pot house.....kwim....kids too. she tries to justify it. etc not him....i raised hell. there are some good things about it but the bad is just well....bad. i don't want to hurt anyone and am the first to admitt my flaws. rare thing in my family. just a mess. you did what as a mom i would want you to do for you. good luck baby! sorry abt typos spelling....I'm tearing up.lol
This song reminds me of my mother. She is an amazing woman. Stood by me and listened to Dimmu Borgir and told me black metal sounds like phantom of the opera. Standing by all of my shit decisions even if it hurt her. She is a saint and don't know what I would do without her.
My mom put up with a lot when I was growing up. She knew I was screwed up from the very beginning, but she never left me. I took that for granted and I can never truly know how she felt. I will never have children and be blessed with the burden. But I will always be thankful. She has helped me get through many of my issues and still helps me now. I am grateful to have her with me now, unlike some others who have lost their mothers from the physical plain, but I can tell you now that she is in you. In your heart, in your thoughts, and in your sweet dreams when you sleep.
I never understood this song, when I was a kid. It was a song on iTunes that my mother never listened to, and, I loved the beat, so I rocked out to it. Now though, I understand. it's taken about eight years for me to understand it. Every line, is so, incredibly written, and gets me choked up.
very powerful song makes me cry every time i hear it. if you have mental illness or any addictions you will truly understand the pain that wreaks havoc on you and you're soul
Jane May I sooo agree. I dedicated this song to the most important people in my life,they know exactly how it feels and exactly why I felt this way especially at the time....
I feel for you. I honestly do. I have my niece who is now 9 and her mom passed away just a year into her life. Her dad is some fool who don't care about her. But I do everything I can to keep a smile on her face everyday, and she is, just like her mom always a happy person. Be strong, your mom brought you here for a reason which you will find if not already.
I find it odd that I woke up laying on floor while the TV is on RUclips that this song played after a long night of Drinking. This song reminds me of my late grandma. Man life can get so complicated so fast.
To anyone that's an addict n wants to get clean do it. Itll be hard at first but it does get better! To all the addicts that got clean I'm proud of u! I was an addict for many years but I've been clean for 4yrs now. I finally realized it wasn't worth loosing everyone over
The beginning of the song, when Justin's mom calls him to check in on him...making sure he's ok, and taking his meds... Crushes me every time I hear it...
I'm Justin and my mom passed away, I don't have any audio/videos of my mom and the woman sounds like my mom so I listen to it alot. I wasn't a perfect son either.. 😔
So hard for me not to choke up when I listen to this song... It hits me so hard... all the pain I have cause my family due to my heroin addiction... 2 years clean... anyone listening that’s still using... I LOVE YOU ❤️
Allyson Mckinney Allyson you're awesome!! Struggled through the same shit with meth and have about 18 months clean-- keep pushing I'm right beside you ☺️
BTW--- I love you too
Keep up the good fight. I know it's tough..
Awesome girl...I don't know you but I know your pain all too well...I destroyed everything precious to me due to my personal addiction...been clean off of it for ten years now but not a day goes by that doesn't remind of every pain soaked memory or scar and now in a time of absolute chaos n misery I have the strength to endure without looking back...but I never let my gaurd down..and now that I'm on the other side of the fence and it's someone else's addictions that destroyed 20 years....I am stronger and able to let go for me...and for them...I am strong enough to begin to forgive both...them and myself...you can learn to forgive yourself to....if you haven't already!?😁
Keep up the hardest, but yet still the good fight! Whatever it takes to remain vigilant true... we've all lost too many good friends and too much joy in our lives to ever go back...and if you do fall... we'll all be there to pick each other up again....pass on the love... it's the only way!
I was admitted to the psychiatric unit of a hospital last week because of subtle, passive attempts at suicide. Listening to this song really made my feelings make sense.
I hate being the black sheep, the disappointment. Everyone else has been successful with their lives and I struggle just to live like a normal person. I crawl along the ground while everyone I am compared to (maybe it's only me comparing) sprinted ahead of me by leaps and bounds. I have the phrase "hate me" carved into my thigh as a reminder that I am worthless of love and I haven't done anything to be rewarded with affection. That alone is why I have no one.
But a bit higher up, on my stomach, I cut "love me." Because I'm desperate to be loved despite my flaws and my many failures. I need to feel loved by others because I don't love myself.
I'm sorry this is long but I hope this helps someone to understand just how much words can hurt (or heal). I hope I begin to heal soon. I'm tired of hurting.
I know how you feel,it sucks being the odd man out. It gets better,I promise.I had no one,My dad hated me and I felt totally alone and also made me feel like I'm worthless.I've been admitted to a psychiatric hospital for trying to kill myself. You are worthy of love...everyone is. You can get through this as I did. I wish you the very best:)
Hang in there ok? as long as the world keeps spinning, there will always be a tomorrow. If you can just hang on until the dawn, I give you my word you will find reason, meaning and, while I cant promise this last one, I can almost assure it: A measure of peace. My heart goes out to you. Don't just Survive. Live.
trombonegirlJH. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have always been a failure and longed for love. Keep your head up.
Love you
Jamie, you're not alone, we're everywhere, every age, either gender.
Lost my wife and sons to my addictions. This is exactly how it feels when you finally get clean and realize what you've lost. Very poignant.
Shadow X you aren't lieing. Coping with the realities of the things you did while not actually being you is the hardest part. So glad songs like these exist. Sad to say that people make mistakes of old yet happy to see feeling has not been abandoned.
Shadow X hope you are well.
Shadow X stay strong
Shadow X we will win battles but never the war fucking addiction
Shadow X My baby girl who is all of 24 Yrs young.. accidental OD on opiates.. this past Thanksgiving!! She has now lost her daughter.. who’s 3 yrs old & has not seen her since her overdose!! Please don’t take this wrong.. I’m not against same sex relationships.. at all!! However.. my daughter met her new female lover.. major druggy.. (in which she’s never been attracted to the same sex) at outpatient group therapy!! She has now cut off all contact with her family & isn’t even trying to fight for her daughter!! I’m so very afraid that it’s just a matter of time.. before she OD’S again & this time taking her life!!!
This is one of those rare songs where when you listen....you can't help but tear up...thank you Blue October for such a beautiful song.
"How can you do this to me"......that line just chokes me up badly😢.
ikr , it does
me too
it gets me too
mexfrmthewtx lost my wife and I don't see the kids anymore, why? miss them so much!
I held it together till that part as well.
i don't think i'll ever be able to listen to this without crying.
Claudia Martinez I cry every time
Claudia Martinez reminds me of dad not for addiction. But it was a private joke between us. He has passed now for 9 yrs now, and I would give anything take time from my life just to have 5 more mins
lol im crying right now while reading the comments.
Gets me every goddamn time. It's the whole addiction thing. They somehow managed bottle up the pain of being an addict and turn it into music
This reminds me of so much... mainly myself... It makes me sad every time I listen to this song, because it relates to me in a way... It makes me think of what I do to my girlfriend. I don't deserve her. But she stands by me no matter what, and I love her for that. Truly.
I'm a recovering addict, sober 7months...this song hits home
keep it up. pls.
Good job on your sobriety.
This is 9 for me.
Right considering the fact that song isn't really about sobriety
Tyler Forrester hence why he referenced his addictions in the song
I have listened to this song countless times and I still cry every time I listen. I think of my daughter and her blue eyes and how sad she was when I relapsed. A family session while I was in rehab was probably the saddest I have been since I lost my Grandfather at 7. I love you Ashlyn Marie and I will do whatever I must to stay sober so I never have to see those beautiful blue eyes cry again.
Keep going…the only way to triumph over evil is by love. Let your love for your daughter empower you.
@@AmishMan777 thank you for the kind words and support.
This song is for people who think they aren’t worth it, but they’re lucky enough to loved by people who think they are.
@@talorguitarowner5I don't know if your post was a disagreement with my post but drug addiction and depression, or self-loathing go hand in hand. Most drug addicts don't feel like they're worthy of being clean, and in most cases, getting an addict to begin the process of becoming sober takes the people that love them to convince that addict that they are worthy of being clean and sober, that even though they might not love themselves, there are people who love them.
@@dannygiles2442 you can do it fella, for you and your girl.
If you came here to listen to this song due to your 'feelings"....I'm a ton older & I promise that all that you feel...the anger,fear,disappointment,shame are feelings, not facts! This will pass...don't miss out on what comes down the road...all the wonderful, unexpected blessing that show up when you least expect it! My nephew introduced me to this song..and we listened to it a few times..talked about how it "tears into your soul" he battled drugs...and, passed a few wks later..an od...don't know if he meant to or not..pls. reach out till you FIND someone to listen..take that step of faith ..keep knocking on doors till someone answers...if you do something to yourself..you will never,ever know the absolute devastation you leave behind..all those ppl you thought didn't care...that's because there's a cloud of depression there..hard to think straight...your more than your mistakes..God Bless
seriously one of the most underrated bands ever
Samuel Mason I never said I didn't get the point or if they weren't a good band which they are. All I said was they're underrated with means they don't get enough credit for anything.
Agreed.
+rikuroxgaming absolutely!
rikuroxgaming agreed
just seen them in Traverse City Michigan....never really listed to them but put on a great show. Much respect to the writing.
The full version just gives this song so much deeper meaning and emotions and I love it so much.
Caitlyn Addley I know
Wait there's another version to this
Link for the full version?
Yeah, with no intro with the message of mother and no girl "shouting" in the end. Its a bummer that this version is so difficult to find!
It's nice hearing a mom say I love you even if it's not your own
Mellon Collie definitely agree with that, didn't realize how important that part of the song is til I read this. I wish my mother would say it.
Mellon Collie
saddens me to hear this.
Mellon Collie you not lying man
Mom: "hate me today, hate me tomorrow, however I'll be there for you my child " and we never understand how much mom love us. .......
Mellon Collie love your profile pic one of the best smashing pumpkins albums.
This song helped my ex wife get past depression. Not unscathed but past. One of the greatest musical groups I have ever seen. Thank you Justin!
Who’s still listening in 2018!?!?!? Love Blue October & Justin’s story that so many of us can relate to! Keep it up Blue October ❤️ you all!!!
KMStacy5 I'm listening in 2019!!
@@tdgtpstrangerthingslgbtq9653 1/24/19. I'm 60 & still rocking, crying & growing up!
8-14-19 lol 2019 I’m still listening to this 😂😌
9-17-19
Seen this in January 2019 didn't bother t make an account now I did and 2020 and covid rocks the world how are you doing I love these electronic time capsules
Brings me to tears everytime I hear it--- I'm a macho ironworker (lol) , but this song keeps me grounded and puts me in my place-- thank you God for rescuing me from my addiction
I'm 27 now and was diagnosed as bipolar at 15, same time I began self harming. There's been so many times I went off my meds and was just a disaster, but my mom was ALWAYS there to help me. I can't imagine all she went thru dealing with me during those times, and it was just a few years ago I OD'ed and wound up in a psych ward for 10 days. She was still there tho, visiting me every day she could. I don't know where I'd be w/o her.
I hope you're doing better now. :)
Got caught up in drugs and thought I would be better off dead! Told my fiancé to leave me behind and have not seen my son in over a year. Still making excuses as to why I'm doing the same thing but ready to end it tonight!! Love my family and they love me but I'm selfish I guess:-/ wish I could change so many things but it's not in my hands now.. Hope this is just a stupid stage of life?
Shane Huff Wow, well I hope things get better for you soon. :(
Shane Huff The night is always darkest before the dawn. things will turn around, chin up
Keep strong :)
Half a glass of vodka in one hand, half burnt cigarette in the other...Sitting on a living room chair, there's just so many to think about to even turn on any lights...Contemplating that "forever empty" feeling which lives in all of us, just watching your mind spiral down a path of memories and things you wish you never had to experience...The intake of self inflicted pain just grows stronger as your conscience plays that old, pale and unbecoming film which calls itself your past...You know it burdens you to keep such thoughts in your nightstand, but you have gone numb enough to feel the need for keeping them, just as a reminder of the fact that you yet draw breath on this sweet nostalgic reality...You are gonna carry that weight....
Life is what you make of it. If you beat yourself and wallow in the wake of mistakes you've made, you never get a chance to grow from them.
pain is your friend
Miloslavick .. wow I feel you I'm right there with you. I try to give people advice cause I want to help them, but I don't help myself you know? *The first thing that came to mind when I read your post was a quote you may know if you have been to the 'meetings". Which is exactly what you described. SELF WILL RUN RIOT.. AND REMEMBER THIS; FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD! Don't give up. It does not have to Define Who You Are. Read The Serenity Prayer the whole prayer not the short version. And you know what to do, you use your experience strength and hope to help another going through the same thing. We're the only ones that can help each other. And this has to be my favorite because I'm alone 24 hours a day spent years in a wheelchair in isolation ignored. And when I heard somebody say this at a 12-step meeting... It meant the world to me so I'm going to tell you and I mean it., IF NO ONE HAS TOLD YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU TODAY, THEN JUST KNOW THAT I DO.
Danny Fergusson
Hes that stalker ex bf who never leaves so u grow stockholm syndrom to.
But youve always had a crush on him way before that too..
Miloslavick holy shit man.that was deep. Really deep. Loved reading it, rings true to me
Your mom sounded like good people... just as lost as you were.. but good people none the less.. thank you for making this song. it's helped me and my mother reconcile our differences and mend our relationship. God bless you brother.. truely
Anybody who has ever been there gets this song definitely
I'm like that everyday
I want to disappear, but can't 😭😭😭😭
Don't disappear-find your talent & excel
Gin Vassy
Gee
i dont know at to say
I got hacked-so some of these comments do not come from me-God's Honest Truth-so gee Brandy & Rocky
I'm there right now...
I get chills when I hear "Hey Justin," at the end of this song. It makes me feel like this is my own personal song :) The lyrics are perfect.
Me too! It sort of sounds like she is saying "Chelsea" which is my actual name. Haha
+Maria Salazar It kinda sounds like she's saying "Big Sexy". Really hits home for me.
Justin and Chelsea sound similar when a person slurs and jumbles their words together showing concern. Not, 'Big Sexy.' lol :p You can't sit with us!!!!
I'll see myself out :(
Big Sexy No, no, stay with us
This is a great song! So many people can relate to it and for each it carries a different meaning or memory...For the people who comment with their trouble's and listen to this song because times are tough, addiction sucks, mental illness traps you inside a cage or dealing with loss because you had to push someone away or guilt because something controlled your mind to do things to others you regret....You are loved more than you think and your loss does no justice to you or anyone. I lost a dear friend Thanksgiving 2013. I MISS him terrible. Just becasue at this moment in your life your feelings are so unbearable, please remember don't give up and don't give in, the feelings will pass. And I love you as a human and a lot of other people who don't show it every day, love you too. Pls call someone to help you through the impulse, that is why people volunteer at crisis hotline. Believe it or not, people do care very much.
Incredible lyricists, passionate vocals, extremely gifted musicians. Blue October is BY FAR one of the best groups to bless the music scene in MANY, MANY YEARS.
Nobody knows about this band, yet all the songs have some of the most incredible lyrics I've ever heard. They're not generic or repetitive, and they definitely don't sugarcoat the matters they're talking about. They're real! And I love this band!
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night. While I was busy waging wars on myself... You were trying to stop the fight
😚
These lines get me every time
I've never had an addiction to anything, but my God does this song hit on so many levels, the recording at the beginning is enough to bring the blackest hearts to their knees.
I once listened to this song on repeat just wallowing in my depression, now, after the fact i am so grateful for great music like this that helped me understand and process that sadness i once experienced, but since i have moved on from that part of my life i am able to find peace and relaxation in the dark feelings that had once consumed me.
Anthony Teson same.
@@EmilyVioletMarie I am so proud of you. from the bottom of my heart, may God cherish you.
I am so proud of you. from the bottom of my heart, may God cherish you.
Wow! I had forgotten how powerful this song is! I've now been free from heroin for 10 months!
Wow Good for you Lunita!!🤗💖👍
Luna Blu so proud of you and love you
I am dealing with this song after 6 years clear from crack cocain my little sister played this song for me two days ago. And it wasn’t about me but my sister Sarah. God bless her RIP. Never forgotten
How are you doing today 🌕 blue 2 years ago you started to show strength has it grown
@@angelous6630 I'm almost 4 years clean now! I am so far from that broken girl! Life isn't ever perfect but, it's perfect for me and I have a sense of peace in my life that I never had! Thank you for your curiosity! So many of us don't make it out of that life!
Heard this on iHeart Radio today for the very first time that I can remember. The 3 months sober/clean really got me because today I've gone 3 months without self harm and this song just pushed me over. I don't really cry over songs but I'm crying
This song makes me cry every time I hear it. Even when I was not sober but even more so when I am.
+Allison Delle Why cutting you all should be sober from heroin for 3 months thats something hard to do lmao
+Sariah Callender I think everyone has their battles :) and I think some things are harder for some people. I read this quote that said we're all in the same hell just different levels. I'm only 14 so I don't know much, I just know that hurt is hurt and just cause your hurt was harder doesn't mean their hurt wasn't hard. but I think it's awesome that you guys were able to do that :) I'm not sure that I would be strong enough. so I think you're both awesome! I'm also not picking a fight so please don't view it that way 😓 I'm not an argumentative person.
+Alexis Hunter So true
Allison Delle I'm Sariah and I did not make that last comment. Someone got on my account or I've been hacked.
Addictions and mental illness can happen to anyone. I have had an ok life but at the same time a shitty one. There is a voice that cries out inside me that i try to console but sometimes its all I can do to help him. This song is so deep and this song understands. it was written by someone who had to go through a lot of pain to be able to express it so well.
If this song doesn't move you, you are dead inside. Even if you haven't struggled with drug addiction (which I have) you know others who have & this song gives you insight into what hell you go through & how you can still be a fantastic person despite mistakes you have made, you are still worth loving. It makes me cry Everytime I hear it. May you get through another day.
This song gets me every time! Dealing with addiction myself which never goes away ... it’s a daily battle of staying clean and making a choice to not go back to that ... it’s harder than anything, sounds like empty words to anyone else but if you have been there you know ..
"While I was busy waging wars on myself,you were trying to stop the fight." ....................😥....................
you never doubted my warped opinions on suicidal hate. You made me compliment myself when it was way to hard to take
And do whatever it takes in your heart, to leave me, behind.....
Reaper Keepers You forgot a part man.....
Jilly the Kid my fight still continues
Jilly the Kid me and my girl are going thru alot this song breaks my heart yet it will protects what part of light me and her still have baby girl I want you back pls take me back 😭😭😭😭
With a sad heart I say bye to you and wave, kicking shadows on the street for every mistake I had made, and like a baby boy I was never a man, till i saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands, and then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!" Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be, and she whispered "how can you do this to me...."
Best part
For everyone that is struggling and reading these comments , there's hope, even when you think you are not love there's someone that loves you, I love you .. every live matter, you matter .. there's always hope. Ill care if nobody cares :)
Ariel GOD BLESS YOU. IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Beautiful thank you
Thank you. Sometimes hearing I love you from a stranger can mean so much...surprising.
Thank you life can be so lonely at times
Jasmine I needed this today. Thank you.
as an addict (prescription and heroin mainly...but nearly anything to change how i felt) whos struggling with my demons, just come home from a NA meet (in UK) emotional and this song pretty much sums up how i feel at times, incredible song! :)
One day at a time.☮️
This song explains everything I feel.. 3 months sober.. I lost the love of my life. She left me for another guy. I can’t forget her but I really hope she is happy.
This reminds me of my ex boyfriend. It's almost as if he wrote the song.
James, if you're reading this... please know that I'll never hate you. I don't understand why you pushed me away when you professed your love more than anyone else, and I the same for you. I know you're struggling with problems you cannot solve on your own. I don't know why you won't let me help you, but please know that I love you, James. I'm always here for you, no matter how fucked up you think you are, because I want nothing more than to love and care for you. I wish you'd let me. I can see the toll the war in Afghanistan has took on you, losing your friends, and your family being pure shit, and having no support whatsoever. Please, toss your pride and let me be the support you said you needed before whatever happened to make you push me away. You never did tell me.
I love you, and I am here. Call me. You will never be "fucked up" to me. I only want to hug you tight enough so that all the broken pieces fit back together. I don't care if I get cut in the process.
LazyEyeCrazyI has he talked to you?
Holy fuck you have no idea how much that last paragraph you wrote meant to me. Im sure if he heard that hed drop whatever it was he was doing and run to you
LazyEyeCrazyI wish that was meant for me. 😢
even crazier mines name is justin....
this made my heartache. best of luck to you , beautiful
"The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again"
Kotton Kandy Lette heroin 3x clean
2018
"liers leave a guilty trail. Well let me tell you, I've been lying for years"
Kotton Kandy Lette 2018*
Kotton Kandy Lette try again bud, I'm still listening to this song in 2018 which by the way is a few years after you posted that for 2016, but it's a great song about your family and friends
This goes out to my first born nephew Logan. He began a self imposed rehab program after several years of mental abuse, physical abuse and self harm because of. I know the first step to recovery is surrendering. I hope he feels at least one scrap of decency for himself and his talent, which is carpentry and art. Gifts. He finally realizes he has them as well as people who have not given up on him despite the ones who are closest and could have made more of a difference in the beginning. However this is not a blame game. We all have our own way of dealing with things, terrible or not. I pray from my soul he is successful , but am here if he falls. Love you boy.
I have never had a song that hurts so much, but it almost feels good.
It makes you realize how much you actually aren't alone and you are practically understood.
I recently had 2 people who I loved like brothers with all my soul and of course it was one of my most foolish mistakes and they went and completely crushed me. I have never felt so much pain over something in my whole life, call me dramatic or whatever you want to say, but it made my whole body and mind ache. I just now got to the point of thinking that the stupid grief I held for them was over, but I hear this song and all the pain comes flooding back, but to hear this song and to listen to these lyrics is nothing, but honestly sweet relief.
Thank you, Blue October. For everything and helping me find relief and understanding within my mistake, grief, and pain. May God bless you all
I feel the same
Listen Blue October as a Mom here is my favorite quote: I am your mother, I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed becuase I LOVE YOU!! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares, and worries for you more than a mother.....LOVE YOUR MOMMA'S :)
My mom never calls me and when I come home for the weekend tells me to leave 😂😂
Galaxymist Aquarii people are lucky to have moms who feel that way. Wish i had one that felt that way
My nic-name is MaMa Bear ... Me n your mom should've been sisters. They flew me from SFO to Washington State to walk my niece to school because she was being bullied. I'm only 4 years older than her. SHE NEVER GOT BULLIED AGAIN 😎
Co-dependency can kill the addict/alcoholic. There are programs that can help. If you're willing to quit.
Um ok
"And then I fell down
yelling make it go away!!!
Make a smile come back
and shine just like it used to be!
And then she whispered...
How can you do this to me?"
It's not ur fault baby. Forgive urself. Let go of ur demons. Love urself. If u need to make it right then take care of itself first. U have to save u be for u can save him. He's not gone just lost. Know tho... he feels just like u do
Justin the lead singer of Blue October is Bi-Polar and a lot of his songs are about mental illness. I can so relate to him cause I'm Bi-Polar as well. It's not easy living day to day when you have episodes. Being Bi-Polar I have burnt a lot of bridges in my life that I wish i hadn't.
Hey you just constructed a bridge to me. I have type II and couple other things but it’s good to feel a release through music
He's also had some real bad battles with drugs/alcohol. Part of what makes them so good is how self reflective the lyrics are.
This song refers to his drug addiction
This song refers to his drug addiction and the pain it caused his mom
Today has been two years since my uncle passed away, this was his favorite song, it’s hard to listen to but I made myself listen to it. I cried let my emotions out. He had a hard life and he couldn’t get a hold of it. He was a good person. I love him very much
My dad was a terribly bad drug addict.. in and out of jail.. he seen my take me first times while he was behind the glass in the jail talking to my mom.. and him and my mom would write letters back and fourth and write each other song lyrics and he wrote this to her... and it tears me apart listening to this but I can’t help but listen..
This year makes 10 years.. rip daddy😪❤️
This song is so depressing but it's very good. I love blue October.
I lost my son at 25 from addiction this song was one of his favorite songs now mine too. He struggled with addiction for a long time. This verse also gets me. I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't loose my head there crawling like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone. Playing movies in my head that makes a porno feel like home there's a burning in my pride a nervous bleeding in my brain an ounce of peace is all I want for you will you never call again and will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face and will you never try to reach me it is I that wanted space . In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night while I was busy waging wars on myself you were trying to stop the fight. You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take. So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind and do what ever it takes in your heart to leave me behind. And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made and like a baby boy I never was a man until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand and then I fell down yelling make it go away just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be. Then she whispered how can you do this to me.. Hate me today hate me tomorrow hate me for all the things I didn't do for you hate me in ways yeah ways hard to swallow hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.. For you
Love that this song doesn't make me sad anymore. It makes me happy that I'm not who I used to be
8 years ago, I was going through the hardest part of my life, heroin addiction. My mother never lost sight or hope in me. She saw a future in me even when I didn't see it for myself. And I'll never forget the day she said, "how could you do this to me" and I didn't understand that comment back then. But now I do. See the thing is that I had cancer as a kid and she quit her job to stay with me at what we thought was my deathbed at the time. Luckily, I survived my ordeal with my dear sweet mother by my side. And now I realize that she was always there for me. And I never realized it. I love her and hope to make it up to her one day. I'm 5 years clean now and I hope to make her proud. I love you Mom.
This helped me through a lot. it helped me through my abuse of my stepdad and a previous boyfriend I once had years ago. a broken relationship with my mom, I'm trying to fix. I'm so happy this song exists.
it also helped through the years of suicide. it's been 3 years this August
I'm so proud of you!
+Britt Mellinger thank you so much.
theycallmehales 00 also using it for self help, trying to recover from severe depression
Relatable
Such a great tune. So deep. Really relatable lyrics. Love this song for real. Thank you Blue October
This song has a special place in my heart for some very bad times I went through, I can't listen to this song without breaking down everytime.
Me too…❤ Just keep moving forward love. Our wounds later turn in to wisdom!
The song that started it ALL.... I really love the fact that it was something so simple but gradually became one of the most important songs in my life ❤️
Back this song up with [calling you] and you put the puzzle together. My heart goes out to all who have lived through this !
I've been diagnosed with several mental disorders and have been dealing with them since I was seven.. I haven't taken my meds in years... this song hit me petty hard.. love it
Hey I truly appreciate that same thing here but I have found out it may just be ptsd and learn and accept that you are different an stop fighting you be you to me 50 years to get it. Just be you stop the lies and just be you .. I know you know what I mean. Take the time to love you for you find a new passion to obbess over cause I have been addicted to feeling shitty and now I don't know what good is anymore. Till I said enuff find out who you are take a personality test figure out you. Good wishes
My mother died yesterday, and i honestly love this song for making me cry out realizing its so relateable
meleagordon sorry for your loss and the thumbs up--- the thumbs up is for what you said--- keep your head up, the clouds will part
Thats messed up no one deserves to lose their parent at any age 😥 im so sorry
if only you knew mom.. this song is for you. i cant really say anything infront of you. im not a child you wanted. i cant be want you want me to be. im an outcast in this family.. wish you would just throw me away, say you hate me straight in my face. stop holding on to me mom..
SilentReverie90 she loves you so much or she would have given up already think about all the good times you two have had together and never let them go because once you do there is nothing left no way to fix any damage that has been done
SilentReverie90 damn silentreverie you made me cry and that is hard to do but it was
well said think i need to call and ask for it i guess so that i can move
on
***** Actually no. Sometimes in life, people, even parents, are so toxic that they withhold the basic necessities in life, like food, water, clothes, shelter and safety, and then continue to remain a toxic influence in your life as they continue to chip away at your mental health. Cutting them out completely is actually the most sane thing you can do for yourself. It's not selfish. It's preservation. There are no regrets when eliminating toxic people from your life. It's not about "thinking" someone hates you. It's about knowing someone hates herself so much that she's willing to dedicate her life to making her child's and everyone else around her as miserable as possible.
SilentReverie90 sorry
Orion DragonStar don't even think about what she wants u to be, you be you. you deserve to enjoy life n be yourself.
Fell in love with my best friend, but I hated the way she treated me and treated herself. She constantly hurt me with the things she did, so I saw that I had to bail on her. Found I loved her so much that I simply could not tear myself away until she hated me. I called her every name in the book, even though I loved her. This song reminds me of that whole episode.
dudedurham sounds exactly like the marriage i just got out of. I wanted to be gone so bad because she treated me so horribly but now i question my decision. She has another man now and for some reason it really bothers me. I wanted to die when i was with her and now i feel like i want to even more.
This has to be my favorite Blue October song, from when I was an angry little 11 year old to now being 18. It's never made me cry until May 7th, 2015. My Nana passed away and she was my best friend, a second mom, and everything to me. She helped me so much with the depression and anxiety I've had for years, and I feel that this song now reminds me of how I was always mad at her for dumb reasons and I never did enough for her.
"The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again."
That is superior writing.
Sends shivers down my spine and puts tears in my eyes.
To me personally this song is sooo deep for me it slows my heart down to the point it hurts emotionally.
I know, trying to stay away from the knife drawer right now!!!
@@tammeraspencer5755 stay strong
This song made me cry today, It helped me understand exactly what my friend was feeling and thinking.
It's 2021 and this song is STILL touching people. I myself am wiping tears away as I write this. I would imagine that if I could return to this thread in 5, 10, or 25 years from now that I would find new comments from people about this song... "Hey Google... Set a reminder for
January 31st... 2046.
2024 and in rehab I shared it and it still touches our trauma
My mom saved my life several times for my seizure disorder ( when I wanted to give in ) and helped me become a good father for my children. She had to help me move away because the pressure from her family was just too intense for her. She insisted on helping me despite their protesting , it must have been awful for her. She had a heart attack a few months ago and suffered unimaginably before she died, no One that cares as much as she did deserves such a horrific end to a beautiful life.
I got to her bedside just before she passed and although she could not speak , the look in her eyes torwards me was one of " where have you been? please help me go home, all I have ever done is be there for you when you needed me most and you haven't been here for me when I need you most"
She would look away after that and try to communicate with others but not me. I know I let her down when I owed her everything.
YES! Thank you for uploading the full version of this song. This song gets me everytime!
OK this song means so much to me personally that I am obsessed with it and have been since day 1 it brings a tear to my eye. Obsessed as in 5 or more times a day I listen to it and randomly write one liners from the song down. This song touches me, this song is me
I hope everyone here can find happiness.
It hurts me not being able help anyone. Time heals and you'll be stronger. ❤️
EXACTLY!!!!!
time doesn't heal all wounds it reinforces unhealthy coping mechanisms
Nick Qualters Every person's coping mechanism are different!!!
Prayers to anyone suffering from addiction! Addiction is EVIL & doesn’t discriminate & it’s a bitch! I wish you luck on trying to sober. To all who been able to overcome addiction & are sober, GREAT job & be proud of yourself!
This song always makes me break down. My boyfriend suffers from bipolar disorder and through it all I will never leave him and I will love him till the end. And it breaks my heart that I know he does not believe that to be true. But we are still here and we are still fighting for better days.
April Bonilla you have my prayers
Jason Sanders thank you so much!
April Bonilla np--- I've been through the trenches too-- the clouds WILL part
This is the best version!
THANK YOU!
R.I.P Deborah Ann Farhat, I'll Forever Love You Ma.......05-28-12 :'(
SoulReafer420 I still have my mom here and all these comments are just really making me sad. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's really going to kill me when my own mom passes.
Hey it's 5 28 2018 been 6 years since your mom passed away. hope you're doing fine, and everything's good in your life. Make her proud buddy
@@Spacecar_drivermy thing is it was suicide is what makes it so hard, I'm still not ever it & it's been 11 years.
For some people, suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem.
I try not to get stuck on that thought.
But I'm in it...stuck
@@stick1967 I hope you're still alive and kicking. Keep putting it off one more day. No problem is permanent, Hard to deal with, but not permanent
@@ItsameDrew Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge...It seriously is highly appreciated to know that even a complete stranger may give a care...struggling but I am fighting through...again.. thank you again
hugemanatee that’s how my dad thinks and it scares me
This. I dont get why people always say a temporary problem. Some things arent gonna change.
my love of my life sent this to me...he was a heroin addict and I tried helping him for 3 looong years...we separated two yes ago but I love him , miss him, he's my soulmate
I saw them in Dallas I believe and they always had my attention just not so profound,but after 10 years I've never heard anything that can summarize my personal life and nothing more that can make me so grateful that I got to see them live and sad knowing he started ten years earlier. its a touching moment I'm very grateful today thank you.
I'm 19 and since I was in middle school I had very severe depression I self harmed etc I still to this day have very bad depression and pills never worked for me. I felt Terrible putting my parents through this all the time... It's to the point that I don't want to worry them anymore so I keep it to my self
Wish u the best
Best part of this song is this guy is telling his mother to hate him for all the shit he did to her...But his mom really don't care what he's saying and her saying "You know I love ya!" shows a mother's love...No matter what he does.....She will always love him.
They know their Mother will always love them and can never forget nor hate them. They know she suffered with and for them in the past and was still always there for them. That makes it easy for them to place the blame on and leave their guilt and shame with her and run as far away as possible so they never have to face any of it again. They know too well that Mom will
always love them no matter what they do or how much she suffered for them.
... This song brings back so many bad memories..
Riley Farnell I know right
Anytime I hear this song it breaks my heart all over again to remember how hard my mom fought to get me back. People do recover good luck to anyone struggling
Moms fight like hell to save their babies! I know I did, and I always will.
I listen to this song in the early mornings when the windows are foggy, the sky is gray in the aftermath or a storm, and there's prescious little dew on the grass. It sets the mood perfectly.
I'm glad I'm listening to this song my friend said he was able to kick is addiction because of this song and he listened to it a lot and it helped him stay sober for years
Today there is so much help you don't have to suffer in silence people give a shit if you let them.
“You never doubted my warped options on things like suicide or hate” 💔
This song is truly terrifying. Because I don't have the mental problems he has, I will never fully understand this song, but I do have my own issues, and this song really opened my eyes to what some people actually think. Not even some of my favorite musical artists are stable as they seem.
And your grandfather is very proud of you for your willingness to understand!
my little pony
0:08 did anyone notice how he says "If you're sleeping are you dreaming if you're dreaming are you dreaming of me I can't believe you actually. picked me" and those are the lyrics to the song Calling you from blue October
I feel you 🤗 stay safe stay strong we all need help along the way
This band has always been such a huge help in my life and I'm so happy to read that it has had a similar effect on others. This song hits a hard spot listening to it after being in an extremely dark place and recently slowly lapsing out of it. It really does display the emotions towards someone trying to help someone they care about but the person they care about just feels they're being a burden.
My moms sick and dying this makes me miss her.
I'm on the road playing shows and right now all I can do is cry and think about is how much I need to call her and spend more time with her.
We'll this song made me emotional as fuck... tears right through me not sure why
be nice to mommy even if she's being a bitch....my son is distant right now and it kills me.
it's fin killing me.
thank you I'm so sorry.
does she love you?
I mean really just wants you to be anything but like her....is she sorry....does your absence kill her?
It's like you said parents are people too.
we make mistakes.
my son says i loved him too much....overprotective. ...but unfortunate shit went down due to illness, depression, poverty....it wasn't fair to any of us esp him.
not the same....but I'm not innocent nor does he blame me....it is just a mess. I would do anything to give him everything.❤
also he is fifteen...he is at my sister's....i just miss him.
damn sounds like my sister....my son doesn't understand.....manipulation....see he is an only child....her life is chaos.
i think he is just bored here. my husband and me are going to get him soon. he will be mad but my reasons are anything but selfish. it's a pot house.....kwim....kids too.
she tries to justify it.
etc
not him....i raised hell.
there are some good things about it but the bad is just well....bad. i don't want to hurt anyone and am the first to admitt my flaws.
rare thing in my family.
just a mess.
you did what as a mom i would want you to do for you. good luck baby!
sorry abt typos spelling....I'm tearing up.lol
ty so much....don't let that resentment eat you up.....life is too short.😀❤💜💙
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing i wont touch again
Dyann Brigitte makes me cry 😣
So powerful.
This song reminds me of my mother. She is an amazing woman. Stood by me and listened to Dimmu Borgir and told me black metal sounds like phantom of the opera. Standing by all of my shit decisions even if it hurt her. She is a saint and don't know what I would do without her.
My mom put up with a lot when I was growing up. She knew I was screwed up from the very beginning, but she never left me. I took that for granted and I can never truly know how she felt. I will never have children and be blessed with the burden. But I will always be thankful. She has helped me get through many of my issues and still helps me now. I am grateful to have her with me now, unlike some others who have lost their mothers from the physical plain, but I can tell you now that she is in you. In your heart, in your thoughts, and in your sweet dreams when you sleep.
I never understood this song, when I was a kid. It was a song on iTunes that my mother never listened to, and, I loved the beat, so I rocked out to it.
Now though, I understand. it's taken about eight years for me to understand it. Every line, is so, incredibly written, and gets me choked up.
I was laying down listening to this song and just now realized all the tears falling down my face 😭😭😭 我爱你妈妈！！！~_~;
Alexandra Henderson you and me both buddy
Yes same every time for me 💕
Same girl. 😔
"Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made..." yea.... I'll be kicking for awhile...
That happy moment when this version doesn't censer the FUCKING part :)
yes it's the best part
yes
;)
FacebookQueen hell yes!
Ckinsman when he gets in his fucking car and drives...
see my point exactly it's not very noticeable but it is needed.
Thank you for posting this. Thank you so very much
very powerful song makes me cry every time i hear it. if you have mental illness or any addictions you will truly understand the pain that wreaks havoc on you and you're soul
Jane May I sooo agree. I dedicated this song to the most important people in my life,they know exactly how it feels and exactly why I felt this way especially at the time....
still listening in 2016
same ;)
me too, its nice
Hahaha same
Me too from 1 Catrina to another Katrina lol
Katrina Fuller 2017
For both of my parents...
It sucks not having either of you, but it's for the best. I'm sorry...
Smile like the wind, even if you cant see it know its there; someone sees it feels a cool breeze on a hot summer day.
I'm sorry. and yes this post is 3 years old but my single mom just passed away and I'm 25 yrs old. I feel this wrenching hurtful pain
I feel for you. I honestly do. I have my niece who is now 9 and her mom passed away just a year into her life. Her dad is some fool who don't care about her. But I do everything I can to keep a smile on her face everyday, and she is, just like her mom always a happy person. Be strong, your mom brought you here for a reason which you will find if not already.
Same here, I lost both of my parents as well, my dad in 1983 & my mom in 2004
So, I know that pain & it never gets any better & it never goes away
I find it odd that I woke up laying on floor while the TV is on RUclips that this song played after a long night of Drinking. This song reminds me of my late grandma. Man life can get so complicated so fast.
To anyone that's an addict n wants to get clean do it. Itll be hard at first but it does get better! To all the addicts that got clean I'm proud of u! I was an addict for many years but I've been clean for 4yrs now. I finally realized it wasn't worth loosing everyone over
He Miranda can you use a text pal from Buffalo NY??? If not God bless you 🙏 I am proud of you and stay strong.