Wonderful episode! Angela is awesome, an educator that searched for answers and continually learns and pivots in such a humble and compassionate way. I really appreciate how her work on grit has become more nuanced over the years and brought in important factors such as emotional intelligence and support networks. Marc, I just bought your book and can’t wait for it to arrive. I loved your ‘movie title’ question and your discussion of ‘feeling mentors’. I’d like to add one perspective though. When you discussed ‘outsourcing feeling mentors’ it sounded derogatory, however, it is important for parents to do this. My children have been taught to be open with their feelings. I am here, present and non-judgemental. However, my children love me. They see my struggles on a day-to-day basis. And, because they have grown into compassionate and empathetic young people, they will feel, from time to time, that they don’t want to ‘burden’ me or ‘hurt mum’s feelings even though she does her best not to be hurt’. It is at these times, that they need to know they have permission/encouragement to have another ‘feelings mentor’. Another adult that they can speak openly with in that moment without holding back for fear of hurting or burdening another. Sometimes it helps if you pay that person (therapist) because then you can almost turn off your compassion and empathy for the other person. They are not connected to the feelings you are discussing. As a teacher that specialises in supporting neurodivergent students, I am the ‘feelings mentor’ for many kids and it is important to note that often, especially by ND folk, the other person being hurt is internalised as ‘judgement’ and can damage the relationship unless dealt with very consciously. Again, thank you, I loved this episode and can’t wait to read your book.
Thank you for tuning in! You should also check out the strategy of the week that Angela shared with us about perspective taking. -->ruclips.net/video/C9MwphggJf0/видео.html
As an educator myself who is involved in promoting inclusive practice I really appreciate Angela's expansion of the idea of Grit and the factors which affect it. Oftentimes I have found that young people nowadays are being spoken about in a derogatory way and unfortunately a lack of "Grit" is being used as a means to describe deficiencies in these young people. I think it is important here to recognise all the good work done in the area of positive psychology and emotional intelligence while at the same time realising that the cohort of people those studies were carried out on were of a different era and the continuation of efforts in positive psychology to uncover current challenges is of vital importance to us all. I really enjoyed the talk, I found it accessible and uplifting.
Thank you, for tuning in and for approaching "grit" with such a nuanced understanding. Angela's work indeed broadens our perspective, emphasizing that grit is not merely about tenacity, but also involves a complex interplay of factors, including the environment and support systems that surround our youth. What you're describing is an implementation challenge that I recently highlighted in my article on Psychology Today called 'The Truth About Emotional Intelligence' -->www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202403/the-truth-about-emotional-intelligence
I really love this episode because it made me think about a lot of my childhood memory. I recalled for many moments that I really wanted a "uncle Marvin" when I was young. It was so challenging to have someone truly understood me as a child and listen and respect my thoughts and feelings. If I could name a movie that describe what I learned about emotions growing up would be "A wise and ancient soul resides within a child's body." I wished there was someone read me well.
I found this interesting. (I'm in the field, so maybe that helped.) I found the discussion regarding grit and perseverance intriguing. I loved Marc's question regarding the movie title! I'm going to borrow that to use at some gatherings I attend!
I'm glad you enjoyed the movie title question! It's one of those fun, yet revealing, prompts that can spark some truly memorable conversations. I hope it brings about some lively and thoughtful discussions.
Thanks for a very interesting conversation and as always your questions and information shared are so interesting. I guess I too fall in the ratio of people who never had an Uncle Marvin to tell how I felt! Or even anyone to ever ask me how I felt about all that was happening in my life or our family dynamics. But being a stiff upper 'lippian' from the UK, growing up in the early 60's, who was an Uncle Marvin for most of us back then? We just had to put up, shut up and get on with it as children and teenagers and then left home and made our own way into adulthood. I am not saying that is right, but is too much being focused now on how people 'feel' about 'everything'? I have not read Angela's book about Grit but have heard it recommended a lot and for some reason felt I should have read it. But having listened to her speak I'm not so sure it would have benefitted me. Because I feel that the perspective of what actually constitutes having 'True Grit' (excuse the pun) must be so subjective and personal to ones' experiences, culture and what you require the Grit for, do you not think? Maybe that's what her book explains. I agree that young people should ideally have someone they can confide in and express feelings freely when there is an issue and that could solve many longer term issues forming in adulthood but sometimes now I think there is overplay on that aspect and having been a teacher it is often being used as a weapon for us to not be able to say anything to the students for fear of 'hurting their feelings', even when you just want them to do the work. Dr Iain McGilchrist talks well about this happening widely in Universities in the UK. Then students take this in to the workplace with them and employers are expected to be trained in handling this too or fall fowl of the employment laws. It seems as an outsider to the US that therapy is so, so widespread and the norm now for every person who can afford it, if indeed they really need it or not. This must be a huge industry in the States really only centred on making money. I live in Spain now and whilst it is still quite behind the UK in many aspects; I find that their traditional family centred ways of old, allows for the young people here to fully express how they feel openly and lovingly with all members of the family and as is so often the case several generations of grandparents are often under the same roof and life is very much simpler and traditional loving values, no matter your age, are followed and respected. Therapists businesses are quite rare here. I also believe that young people should be taught such things as astrology too and understand that so much more than our everyday, material or psychological 3D life and people is what is affecting our feelings and realise the mass amount of different energies that we are being bombarded with each minute from our planets and cosmos affects so much. There is so much more to this than just having, or even losing grit. Sorry for my long rant but I do think sometime the US is a tiny bit insular in it's thinking around such matters.
Such a great conversation. I'm an instructional coach at a high school in the Seattle suburbs. I wish my colleagues could read both of your books and watch this conversation. I want to facilitate dialogue both around grit and emotional intelligence with my colleagues to help them with one of my big professional goals: student engagement. I also have my own personal work that I'm about a year into with a therapist in terms of feeling my feelings that definitely shows up in how I interact with colleagues who tend toward a crime and punishment approach rather than one of time and support. So lots here for me to consider. Many of our students (and, I reckon, my colleagues) did/do not have emotional mentors and it shows up in a big way. We need meaningful training and sustained support for work on emotional intelligence. Want to come to the Kent School District, Marc?
I am an educator in Australia. My main work is to help people move away from behaviourism in schools and increase student engagement. Are you on LinkedIn?
Isn't there a spiritual aspect to all of this that isn't being addressed? For example, meditation can be used to discover a powerful aspect of consciousness that transcends these aspects of high achievement and tap into the authentic self that already knows how to find these answers. Intellectual answers can only take you so far.
I personally would agree....but we live in secular times. We'll see how it all shakes out. I'm lay Buddhist and a psychologist and find the current era fascinating.
I have a question to Dr. Duckworth - around 16:00, she mentions "sampling" at a young age, and it reminded me of Exploration vs. Exploitation in Reinforcement Learning. However, how would you define what is "young" age? At which point should we try to specialize? I presume there is no cutoff age, but how would one know when to specialize?
Mark should (from 23) have made Angela be much more personal, including asking what the “there was a lot of work to do” (and “I’ve had a lot of therapists”) was that she discovered with her therapist.
I disagree here….i thought both shared enough for me to be able to think about and apply some superbly useful strategies eg how are you feeling in one word? What would be the name of the film? How do you get perspective? Lots more and I have made notes. Thanks. That was the most valuable 40 mins for self development I’ve spent in a long time
Wonderful episode!
Angela is awesome, an educator that searched for answers and continually learns and pivots in such a humble and compassionate way. I really appreciate how her work on grit has become more nuanced over the years and brought in important factors such as emotional intelligence and support networks.
Marc, I just bought your book and can’t wait for it to arrive. I loved your ‘movie title’ question and your discussion of ‘feeling mentors’. I’d like to add one perspective though. When you discussed ‘outsourcing feeling mentors’ it sounded derogatory, however, it is important for parents to do this.
My children have been taught to be open with their feelings. I am here, present and non-judgemental. However, my children love me. They see my struggles on a day-to-day basis. And, because they have grown into compassionate and empathetic young people, they will feel, from time to time, that they don’t want to ‘burden’ me or ‘hurt mum’s feelings even though she does her best not to be hurt’.
It is at these times, that they need to know they have permission/encouragement to have another ‘feelings mentor’. Another adult that they can speak openly with in that moment without holding back for fear of hurting or burdening another. Sometimes it helps if you pay that person (therapist) because then you can almost turn off your compassion and empathy for the other person. They are not connected to the feelings you are discussing.
As a teacher that specialises in supporting neurodivergent students, I am the ‘feelings mentor’ for many kids and it is important to note that often, especially by ND folk, the other person being hurt is internalised as ‘judgement’ and can damage the relationship unless dealt with very consciously.
Again, thank you, I loved this episode and can’t wait to read your book.
Wonderful episode Marc and Angela! I appreciate the additional tips and strategies. I will be sharing with friends and family.
Thank you for tuning in! You should also check out the strategy of the week that Angela shared with us about perspective taking. -->ruclips.net/video/C9MwphggJf0/видео.html
As an educator myself who is involved in promoting inclusive practice I really appreciate Angela's expansion of the idea of Grit and the factors which affect it. Oftentimes I have found that young people nowadays are being spoken about in a derogatory way and unfortunately a lack of "Grit" is being used as a means to describe deficiencies in these young people. I think it is important here to recognise all the good work done in the area of positive psychology and emotional intelligence while at the same time realising that the cohort of people those studies were carried out on were of a different era and the continuation of efforts in positive psychology to uncover current challenges is of vital importance to us all. I really enjoyed the talk, I found it accessible and uplifting.
Thank you, for tuning in and for approaching "grit" with such a nuanced understanding. Angela's work indeed broadens our perspective, emphasizing that grit is not merely about tenacity, but also involves a complex interplay of factors, including the environment and support systems that surround our youth. What you're describing is an implementation challenge that I recently highlighted in my article on Psychology Today called 'The Truth About Emotional Intelligence' -->www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202403/the-truth-about-emotional-intelligence
I really love this episode because it made me think about a lot of my childhood memory. I recalled for many moments that I really wanted a "uncle Marvin" when I was young. It was so challenging to have someone truly understood me as a child and listen and respect my thoughts and feelings. If I could name a movie that describe what I learned about emotions growing up would be "A wise and ancient soul resides within a child's body." I wished there was someone read me well.
Was reading your book - permission to feel today and suddenly saw the name duckworth in ur book and came here to see the video :) Thanks ❤
Thank you for watching 🧠
Lovely interview. Thank you so much.
I found this interesting. (I'm in the field, so maybe that helped.) I found the discussion regarding grit and perseverance intriguing. I loved Marc's question regarding the movie title! I'm going to borrow that to use at some gatherings I attend!
I'm glad you enjoyed the movie title question! It's one of those fun, yet revealing, prompts that can spark some truly memorable conversations. I hope it brings about some lively and thoughtful discussions.
Thanks for a very interesting conversation and as always your questions and information shared are so interesting. I guess I too fall in the ratio of people who never had an Uncle Marvin to tell how I felt! Or even anyone to ever ask me how I felt about all that was happening in my life or our family dynamics. But being a stiff upper 'lippian' from the UK, growing up in the early 60's, who was an Uncle Marvin for most of us back then? We just had to put up, shut up and get on with it as children and teenagers and then left home and made our own way into adulthood. I am not saying that is right, but is too much being focused now on how people 'feel' about 'everything'? I have not read Angela's book about Grit but have heard it recommended a lot and for some reason felt I should have read it. But having listened to her speak I'm not so sure it would have benefitted me. Because I feel that the perspective of what actually constitutes having 'True Grit' (excuse the pun) must be so subjective and personal to ones' experiences, culture and what you require the Grit for, do you not think? Maybe that's what her book explains. I agree that young people should ideally have someone they can confide in and express feelings freely when there is an issue and that could solve many longer term issues forming in adulthood but sometimes now I think there is overplay on that aspect and having been a teacher it is often being used as a weapon for us to not be able to say anything to the students for fear of 'hurting their feelings', even when you just want them to do the work. Dr Iain McGilchrist talks well about this happening widely in Universities in the UK. Then students take this in to the workplace with them and employers are expected to be trained in handling this too or fall fowl of the employment laws. It seems as an outsider to the US that therapy is so, so widespread and the norm now for every person who can afford it, if indeed they really need it or not. This must be a huge industry in the States really only centred on making money. I live in Spain now and whilst it is still quite behind the UK in many aspects; I find that their traditional family centred ways of old, allows for the young people here to fully express how they feel openly and lovingly with all members of the family and as is so often the case several generations of grandparents are often under the same roof and life is very much simpler and traditional loving values, no matter your age, are followed and respected. Therapists businesses are quite rare here. I also believe that young people should be taught such things as astrology too and understand that so much more than our everyday, material or psychological 3D life and people is what is affecting our feelings and realise the mass amount of different energies that we are being bombarded with each minute from our planets and cosmos affects so much. There is so much more to this than just having, or even losing grit. Sorry for my long rant but I do think sometime the US is a tiny bit insular in it's thinking around such matters.
Let's hope for a new wave of Uncle Marvins! :)
Jensen Huang ( Nvidia) talked about “ Grit” almost in his every recent interviews and commencement speeches.
Very substantial and informative.
Thank you for tuning in 🙏
Such a great conversation. I'm an instructional coach at a high school in the Seattle suburbs. I wish my colleagues could read both of your books and watch this conversation. I want to facilitate dialogue both around grit and emotional intelligence with my colleagues to help them with one of my big professional goals: student engagement. I also have my own personal work that I'm about a year into with a therapist in terms of feeling my feelings that definitely shows up in how I interact with colleagues who tend toward a crime and punishment approach rather than one of time and support. So lots here for me to consider. Many of our students (and, I reckon, my colleagues) did/do not have emotional mentors and it shows up in a big way. We need meaningful training and sustained support for work on emotional intelligence. Want to come to the Kent School District, Marc?
I am an educator in Australia. My main work is to help people move away from behaviourism in schools and increase student engagement. Are you on LinkedIn?
@@siobhanlamb838 I am on LinkedIn.
Thanks
Thank you for tuning in 🙏
Isn't there a spiritual aspect to all of this that isn't being addressed? For example, meditation can be used to discover a powerful aspect of consciousness that transcends these aspects of high achievement and tap into the authentic self that already knows how to find these answers. Intellectual answers can only take you so far.
I personally would agree....but we live in secular times. We'll see how it all shakes out. I'm lay Buddhist and a psychologist and find the current era fascinating.
I have a question to Dr. Duckworth - around 16:00, she mentions "sampling" at a young age, and it reminded me of Exploration vs. Exploitation in Reinforcement Learning. However, how would you define what is "young" age? At which point should we try to specialize? I presume there is no cutoff age, but how would one know when to specialize?
I think it can come over time. But not before high school, for sure. Though some people do have a calling..
Over my head.
Can you ask her to study David Goggins. It might be called mega-grit.
Mark should (from 23) have made Angela be much more personal, including asking what the “there was a lot of work to do” (and “I’ve had a lot of therapists”) was that she discovered with her therapist.
I disagree here….i thought both shared enough for me to be able to think about and apply some superbly useful strategies eg how are you feeling in one word? What would be the name of the film? How do you get perspective? Lots more and I have made notes. Thanks. That was the most valuable 40 mins for self development I’ve spent in a long time
@@lisahadfieldlaw “In one word” is part of what the Mood Meter is about!)
Apologies, Im not sure what you mean@@eriksyring
@@lisahadfieldlawThat guy from 2,500 years ago still lives inside so many East Asian homes.