Hope you found this useful :) And if you want to understand how balanced your life is, use the Wheel of Life quiz here: go.aliabdaal.com/wheel-of-life/yt
Your book is very impressive and you are a magician of English language. Tips to improve your daily life habits are very useful and it improves our daily routine 😊😊😊....
Group chats are a waste of time. It offers a false sense of connection, not the place to be if you're looking for something concrete. This is coming from someone who learnt this lesson the hard way :)
Depends on the environment, the people you’re group chatting with, and what you are saying in the group chat. Generally, when someone is being emotional on group chat expecting support, especially constantly, it is draining. I’ve learned that for the most part, if you do give them support, they latch onto the one person who does support them and treats them like a therapist. You also need charisma and humor for people to respond more eagerly, even when it comes to people who are close to you. It’s best to be entertaining or light-hearted. Emotional topics can come up where people are more engaged and connected, but you have to read the room before participating. Being the first to bring up emotional topics is your own risk to take. It’s best to save intimate conversations for a spouse or best friend type relationship, preferably face to face. If you don’t have those, you keep them to yourself or go on online support forums specifically meant for venting and sharing emotional things. Group chats are generally meant for casual conversations and there are many reasons why people don’t respond. I am well liked and charismatic but even I get dismissed sometimes by group chats. Keep things casual and remind yourself not to take it personally. If you are constantly taking things personally, perhaps it’s a compatibility issue and it’s time to socialize elsewhere.
I'm a Chinese LGBT activist (also small youtuber) who's currently facing potential danger from the Chinese gov. My political depression has come to the worst point in my life and I can't turn to my friends irl for help or support, because if they know what I know they will be in danger as well. I try not to let people know how broken and lonely I feel inside while trying to protect my community. This loneliness is really on a different level and I hope no one goes through what I am going through.
that's so true , even the saddest part is when no one talks to you if you don't take the initiative- like chatting first or making a plan for hanging out
I think part of the growing loneliness probelm is the media-driven growth of parasocial relationships we build with influencers, RUclipsrs, podcasters, etc. We feel a kind of connection to that person and make spend a lot of time hearing their voice, but never being seen by them. It fills that innate desire to be with people, but it fills it in a hollow way that leave us feeling empty/lonely.
@@Jack_Clemans Before social media, people would and still idolise film stars, sports stars, authors and other types of celebrities. Now famous influencers have been added to the list. I have been fortunate in the past to receive positive feedback from people in work and in day to life (offline). I now like to give gratitude back, whether it is day to day (offline) or posting a comment to someone on their channel (online both big and small youtubers) that i love their work. There is also a saying, never meet your heroes in person. I have had 2 different experiences of this in real life. In 2012 I met an author i admire, it was a negative experience, and that person lost a fan and a customer. In 2023 i had a call with a famous RUclipsr who on camera is quite intimidating, but on the actual call was really nice and awesome. That was a positive experience. In day to day life, most people i know have not heard of these influencers, and if they have are very skeptical of them. At the same time these same people idolise other types of famous people. I personally admire Manny Pacquiao for example.
@@Jack_Clemans Before social media, people idolised sports, music, and movie stars, and admired their favorite authors and other celebrities. Nowadays, influencers, podcasters, and RUclipsrs have joined that list. I’ve been fortunate to receive positive praise in my life, both in person and online. To give back, I make it a point to praise others in person and email my favorite authors to express my admiration. I also comment on RUclips channels, big and small, to show my appreciation. There’s a saying: “Don’t meet your heroes.” I have two experiences with famous people, unrelated to this channel. One was a negative encounter with a famous author in 2012, which made me lose respect for them. The other was a positive call with a famous RUclipsr, whose intimidating online persona turned out to be quite cool in real life. Most people I know don’t follow influencers and are skeptical about them, yet they idolise music and movie stars. We now live in a world that recognises neurodiversity. Twenty years ago, introverts were often forced to follow the crowd and were maligned for being antisocial. I believe we should embrace and respect everyone’s views and ways of living, as long as they aren’t harmful. As an introvert, I need solitude to recharge, but I also recognise the need for balance. Too much solitude is unhealthy, and so is too little.
"When nobody wakes you up in the morning, when nobody waits for you at night, and When you can do whatever you want. What do you call it? Freedom or Loneliness?" ~Charles Bukowski.
This video immediately helped me through a tough time of feeling extremely lonely. I made zero new friends as I watched this video, but the hopeful feeling that I can and will make new friends surged through me as I watched it. Thank you so much.
My summary: 1. Assess yourself on how much effort you've actually put into improving your social skills. This can include watching guides on RUclips or reading books on social skills. 2. Assume that everyone is friendly and that you just have to be the initiator of the conversation 3. Create recurring rituals like meeting up with friends every week 4. Practice mindfulness to tune out your bad habits that may interfere with your ability to make friends. For example, practising meditation to improve social anxiety. Monitor what those negative emotions are and then accept them without judgment. Cultivate self-acceptance. 5. Help others instead of focusing solely on yourself. Adopt the mindset of giving rather than taking. Take ownership and initiative rather than thinking of it being other people's jobs to meet our needs for social connection. Become the person who is proactively reaching out to people.
There have been some lonely days in my life. This is what helps me. 1.) learn who you are, what you like and dislike. Don’t like something just because someone you like likes it. (But be supportive to whatever it is, find joy in our differences. That’s what makes us unique) 2.) (the hard part) encourage yourself to look for local events with similar interests. For example, I like video games, so I went to a gaming convention and had a blast. I wasn’t thinking about how to talk to people, it was natural! 3.) be honest, keeping secrets can make you feel extra lonely. 4.) remember you’re not alone, according to this video 1/3 of people often feel alone. There is always potential for better days ahead. Have a good day!
I'd add...be mindful of using AI, a little goes a long way. We are human after all and there's no replacing having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or going on a walk with a human. Even if you've just met them. If we're not careful we'll forget who we are as you reminded us of. I like me, I can be alone, but also love being around people. People watching (and appreciating) is a lost art. We are diverse...we are wonderful...and slightly off center sometimes. But that's the beauty of a human.
I think the biggest challenge is finding friends who share common interests with you. This can be difficult if you live in a place where everyone is different to you.
The worst part about being lonely is that when you get on self improvement you change so quickly that you can't fit with a crowd for long and finding many people who are like you is rare
My takeaways: I tend to hang myself up on the concepts and neglect taking action. So here are my action points after watching this video. Bias towards action (working on it): Action 1: Do the Wheel of Life exercise Action 2: Reflect on my feeling of loneliness in my next journal entry Action 3: Read a book about social skills (at least put it on my want to read list) Action 4: Talk to someone on the bus/train/gym this week (going first) Action 5: Organize an event with friends Action 6: Set a service goal (Look for a volunteering option) Lets do it.
Hey Ali, just want to say thank you for all the videos. You have been like a big brother to me during my high school years and now that I am in college you have becomes a mentor and absolute inspiration for me to start my very own RUclips channel, thank you for what you have done and what you will continue to do 👍👍🫡
I've been a subscriber (and commenter) to this channel for absolutely AGES now, and all your videos are good to great, Ali, but this feels to me like one of the most mature of them all. Maybe because there is a lot in there that is relevant and interesting to my own situation! Thanks, Ali. Great job. Lots for me to think about and take action on here.
Nice Change to the thumbnail, I think this is better as the emotion on your face expresses the target audience pain. Thanks for all the Hard work Ali.❤
I know it's supposed to be a funny comment, but it shows that people expect too much from marriage and think it the holy grail. Obviously you could be lonely in a relationship or marriage and this doesn't even mean that the relationship is bad. Most people need much more than their "significant other"
I too have thought many times that I should be social and make friends, it will be useful to them but when it comes to my own problem no one is there, although those people to whom I could share my problems are also not there,Yes, I know that in this busy world everyone is busy with their work, but I always want to help others by keeping my problem aside. Even if I do something, this happens with me every time. No one asks me about my problems until I say something myself, although now I don't like doing this.
This needs to be said. BE USEFUL TO OTHERS AND THAT IS ALL NEEDED TO GET FRIENDS. YOU WILL FIND/KEEP FRIENDS AS LONG AS EITHER YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING OR YOU ARE USEFUL IN ANYWAY.
I experienced loneliness very acutely when i was 26 I moved across town into my own place. I felt like I had no one, I didnt see my house mates and I had no friends whatsoever close to me. (most of my friends had moved to london/australia etc) What helped me was joining a local group A walking group in my case. It felt very taboo to talk about it and like no one wanted to hear it. Just know it can get better join as many groups as you can :) you’ll eventually find a friend ❤
I hate that this is so true...social skills are something i was never taught and never learnt...and even tho a lot of my peers would say they feel lonely i think hardly anyone would be open to work on this.
Challenge for you, go out and talk to people. Go one day and get the courage and litteraly talk to every person that is open to talk. For example sit on the bus and talk to random person about their or your day
Using this early comment to say, you changed my life! I’ve implemented your systems, and day by day I can see my steps getting closer to the end goal. You’re awesome, remind yourself of that today! Love the work Ali, will be attending the quarterly meeting coming up! (Everyone should join, awesome advice for you guys for free). PS: Would love to work with you one day and do the same work you do, still working on it😅 if you know of any networks, communities or opportunities as a student i could to take advantage of, let me know! always hungry to do more and find out what’s out there 😁
This was a really good video. Love the idea of taking ownership of your own social life so you can have more of the experiences of social connection and bonding. Thanks for making it! :D I'd also love to see a video from talking more about the things someone could do to foster some of these connections, and how to improve your social skills.
قطعت علاقتي بأصدقائي بسبب اسائتهم لي و اقتصرت على كونهم زمائل لا أسعى لتقوية علاقتي بأحد غير عائلتي(أبي ،أمي، اخوتي ) احيانا اشعر بالضيق لذلك لكن أعتقد أنه أفضل من تبرير أفعالي و استماع أشياء سيئة عني منهم و أنا لم أفعلها 😊
best video about tackling isolation actually!! The last part really got me... I mean,, I clearly understand now why helping others or even being a forced "kind" person can make us feel more welcomed by our surroundings. Also, liked how this whole channel and a sorta personal association with this channel and it's content has grown since 2020 ❤❤❤
Simon Sinek has become the greatest hero of my life. There's a lot of brilliant minds standing up to tackle this challenge of teaching others how to be good friends and I'm glad Simon is one of them. I'm really excited to see the book about friendship that he's been working on. This has turned into my favorite topic in the world. Hopefully I'll get to be a part of this movement too.
loneliness is when your past trauma can not be suppressed any longer. Until you don't resolve your trauma you will be lonely every time you form a relationship. Because of your trauma you feel the world is unsafe and hence don't trust anyone .
As an introvert that suffered PTSD for many years (served in Iraq and Afghanistan), I isolated myself for years from a lot of people. But now, that has improved significantly after starting to do martial arts (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). Great information provided here, Thank you! 🥋🤓🙏🏽
Why do you honestly make such great videos? I think your med school background has given you an edge (alongside your story - telling abilities) because you can read and understand scientific studies. So, all of your advice is actually accurate and most importantly useful.
Ali you changed my life financially i started my RUclips channel because of you I have 100 subscribers now but I will get there thanks again I appreciate it.
We can be alone in the room full of people. I believe to not feel alone we need deep connection with people (sometimes only 1 person is enough). We crave feeling someone understand us on a deeper level - we don't feel good about anything that is supperficial, esspecaly relationships with people. + when we interact with people live (not on social media) in our body increases Oxytocin - bonding and happiness hormone 😊
I feel less lonely now at 32 years old, than when I was a kid. Now I have friends I've chosen myself (and they've chosen me as well). Compare that to when I was a kid and parents forced their kids to be with me because I was bullied all the way from kindergarten to high school... I had no friends as a kid. One day in fifth grade I got a friend. We hung together sometimes, but that was all through my entire childhood. Now I have friends because I have learned what type of people I want to spend my time with AND I'm also content with being alone a big portion of my days. It's so incredibly different how people handle loneliness...
What I find difficult in modern life is to have deep relationships with people. I have lots of shallow and lots of medium relationships, but very few deep ones. I feel the yearning to be in a tribe more. And I’m sad I live an individualistic life.
It's funny that the countries where people spend a lot of time with company are the countries that experience more loneliness, whereas the countries on the bottom are countries where people could be around others without ever feeling the need to speak with them (I'm Italian and live in one of the "bottom" countries, and have never experience as much loneliness as here).
Excellent! videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, but I really miss him''
Its tough to let go of someone you care about. I can relate, my 12year relationship also ended, and I struggled to move on. I tried everything to get him back, even seeking help from a spiritual counselor who ultimately helped me reconnect with him*
Ali, are you doing okay? I know this is just a parasocial relationship, but I can't help feeling a bit concerned about you. I hope you're alright, and if not, I hope things get better soon.
Since 1st grade, I felt like I did not belong. There was a girl who constantly tried to trip me when I was going to or out of my desk. No one believed me that she did this, because that girl was friends with everyone and I was just not liked. That girl left my school after 4th grade. Additionally, my outside friends were not nice. I had this BFF then introduced her to my other friend and they became BFFs and constantly lied to me. So even from that, I kinda had a negative view of people and relationships. This sort of hatred for being not liked or lied to seeped into my identity like soy sauce into a white shirt. I had a few friends later in 6-8th grade but the relationships did not last. In 9-12th grade, I focused on academics because I wanted to go to uni but previously had neglected academics because I danced 4 days a week. There I had befriended a third of my class but fast they became jealous of my grades or just did not like me anymore so after 2 months I had merely 1 friend who also left not long after. Last September I started uni and befriended 10-15 people, but of those had an 8-person study group that became just a friend group. Then during the end of February and March-April, those relationships crashed and burned. Mainly because I did not feel appreciated, a few of them were ridiculously selfish and others were just pity (demanded to end friendships over micro things). Now I am alone. I have no one to study with. I have no one to talk to apart from my parents. For maybe 4 months I was happy alone, had all my time to me, and could do anything, but at the start of my second year in uni, sitting in the class while others didn't sit alone, the breaks were even more painful because everyone goes somewhere in groups or pairs and I just sit... the friend group that I created a year ago, they are still going strong, just without me...
Had a similar situation I was also alone for many grades only in my last year I made a lot of great friends nothing lasted though its part of life I guess
@wareeshakhan40 I discuss the usual topics with parents, like, the weather, upcoming events, the news, and meal planning. I don't use them as an outlet to overshare or treat them like I would my friends. My parents don't like my uni major, and always urge me to drop out. Is that supportive of them? No. I would say that by a slim hair, I passed my exam, then they would say "See you are not for this" because I did not get the top marks. I spend up to an hour daily talking with them. That's all.
Sometimes i feel like you talk to fast and it’s much more difficult for me to actually grasp and take in the information that you’re telling me. Because before my brain can even form a proper thought you’re already onto the next point. Which is great for somebody who can consume content in fast pace but i can’t
OMG YES. It's insane to me that not a lot of people are giving him this feedback. It almost feels forced like - is it natural, or is it to make sure to "fit" a lot of people's current preference to speed up the video's original speed. It just feels tricky.
I like being without people most of the time because their energy can be destructive and stressful. I get lonely, but I rather get a pet or grow some plants or experience nature alone than try to make new friends. Having a social circle is highly overrated.
I saw a video last week where Alex Hormozi is discussing the lonely chapter, if you have seen that video, what are your thoughts on it? I am going through a phase trying to rebuild my life after suffering illness, a redundancy, divorce and a car accident. This means I am keeping my head down, learning and taking action. Further down the line i maybe able to become a different person and find a new tribe who resonate with the person I could end up becoming. There is no guarantee on the outcome so I'm enjoying the process itself. I also enjoy giving back and helping others in person too.
I always feel lonely even when I am with friends, family or people who I dated. I think it comes from relationships with no trust and reliability. They are good people, but I know that if I fall back, cannot afford food, or something happened that I really need help, they can’t be there for me. It’s sad but I am fine by myself.
All of my friends got married one by one & became mothers.... That's when I knew they have become a part of a completely different world which I knew nothing about. My one remaining friend called to inform that she had a baby. That was the last time I talked to a friend.... and that was 4 years ago.
Today is my birthday, and there's no one beside me to celebrate with. I tried celebrating by myself, but I still wish I could be happy with someone else. I feel so lonely and unwanted since I tried to be with people I know, but they are not available. It made me feel like I am no one's priority, which only made me feel lonelier.
Normally I'm a pretty talkative person, I'm easy to talk to and I'm usually the one who makes the first move... but the people at my school aren't my kindred spirits and they have habits I don't like (smoking, bullying, rudeness) so I thought it would be better not to hang out with them. I still feel lonely sometimes but it's not that much of a problem anymore.
You talk about “feeling lonely” when it’s often a case that people are actually lonely in that they have zero contact with anyone. Having no family, no friends, poor health, no employment and 57 I’ve become isolated and have zero contact with anyone. It’s 4 years since anyone even visited my house and that was an undertaker during Covid for my Mothers funeral. I’ve just become more and more isolated and any contact or communication even to someone in a shop for instance has become harder. I can go weeks without even uttering a single word to someone and when it does happen it will be a shop or phone call from someone I do not know.
Oh and telling people to just do things is nonsense, as for just going first and start talking to people - if you could do that it wouldn’t be an issue. Telling someone to do what they feel is impossible just isn’t helpful. Some people re introverts and it’s not normal to behave like that.
I’m sorry you feel that way but taking small and actionable steps is the way to come back from that. It might seem daunting at the start but it is something to do to avoid, learnt helplessness. Learnt helplessness will make sure you stay in that cycle unless you make a conscious effort to recognise what is happening and break out of it.
![Twenty One Pilots - The Line (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XCz7WUotXs8/mqdefault.jpg)
Hope you found this useful :) And if you want to understand how balanced your life is, use the Wheel of Life quiz here: go.aliabdaal.com/wheel-of-life/yt
Yes your video is very useful for us.
Do you know Hindi language.
Your book is very impressive and you are a magician of English language. Tips to improve your daily life habits are very useful and it improves our daily routine 😊😊😊....
I am missing the option to let the quiz know if you don't have a partner.
Appreciate the video!
Which AI tool did u use
What's more worse is when you say something on a group chat and everyone ignores it's so heartbreaking.
Group chats are a waste of time. It offers a false sense of connection, not the place to be if you're looking for something concrete. This is coming from someone who learnt this lesson the hard way :)
Depends on the environment, the people you’re group chatting with, and what you are saying in the group chat.
Generally, when someone is being emotional on group chat expecting support, especially constantly, it is draining. I’ve learned that for the most part, if you do give them support, they latch onto the one person who does support them and treats them like a therapist.
You also need charisma and humor for people to respond more eagerly, even when it comes to people who are close to you. It’s best to be entertaining or light-hearted. Emotional topics can come up where people are more engaged and connected, but you have to read the room before participating. Being the first to bring up emotional topics is your own risk to take.
It’s best to save intimate conversations for a spouse or best friend type relationship, preferably face to face. If you don’t have those, you keep them to yourself or go on online support forums specifically meant for venting and sharing emotional things.
Group chats are generally meant for casual conversations and there are many reasons why people don’t respond. I am well liked and charismatic but even I get dismissed sometimes by group chats. Keep things casual and remind yourself not to take it personally.
If you are constantly taking things personally, perhaps it’s a compatibility issue and it’s time to socialize elsewhere.
I'm a Chinese LGBT activist (also small youtuber) who's currently facing potential danger from the Chinese gov. My political depression has come to the worst point in my life and I can't turn to my friends irl for help or support, because if they know what I know they will be in danger as well. I try not to let people know how broken and lonely I feel inside while trying to protect my community. This loneliness is really on a different level and I hope no one goes through what I am going through.
Chat died 😞
huggssss 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
Making friends is easy for me but keeping friendships is the hard part cause life gets in the way
Same here, I've met and talked to over 100 people last year but barely kept in contact with them
that's so true , even the saddest part is when no one talks to you if you don't take the initiative- like chatting first or making a plan for hanging out
I understand It makes you feel unworthy of love and friendship
@@moeyusufwow were u kinda of quite one?
@@firdaws__3257 no I've initiated most conversations
I think part of the growing loneliness probelm is the media-driven growth of parasocial relationships we build with influencers, RUclipsrs, podcasters, etc. We feel a kind of connection to that person and make spend a lot of time hearing their voice, but never being seen by them. It fills that innate desire to be with people, but it fills it in a hollow way that leave us feeling empty/lonely.
My friends, family and colleagues say exactly the same thing as well.
My influencers say the same thing…
@@Jacksonville5 Haha! Man. That is some black mirror stuff right there.
@@Jack_Clemans Before social media, people would and still idolise film stars, sports stars, authors and other types of celebrities. Now famous influencers
have been added to the list. I have been fortunate in the past to receive positive feedback from people in work and in day to life (offline). I now like to give gratitude back, whether it is day to day (offline) or posting a comment to someone on their channel (online both big and small youtubers) that i love their work. There is also a saying, never meet your heroes in person. I have had 2 different experiences of this in real life. In 2012 I met an author i admire, it was a negative experience, and that person lost a fan and a customer. In 2023 i had a call with a famous RUclipsr who on camera is quite intimidating, but on the actual call was really nice and awesome. That was a positive experience.
In day to day life, most people i know have not heard of these influencers, and if they have are very skeptical of them. At the same time these same people idolise other types of famous people. I personally admire Manny Pacquiao for example.
@@Jack_Clemans Before social media, people idolised sports, music, and movie stars, and admired their favorite authors and other celebrities. Nowadays, influencers, podcasters, and RUclipsrs have joined that list.
I’ve been fortunate to receive positive praise in my life, both in person and online. To give back, I make it a point to praise others in person and email my favorite authors to express my admiration. I also comment on RUclips channels, big and small, to show my appreciation.
There’s a saying: “Don’t meet your heroes.” I have two experiences with famous people, unrelated to this channel. One was a negative encounter with a famous author in 2012, which made me lose respect for them. The other was a positive call with a famous RUclipsr, whose intimidating online persona turned out to be quite cool in real life.
Most people I know don’t follow influencers and are skeptical about them, yet they idolise music and movie stars.
We now live in a world that recognises neurodiversity. Twenty years ago, introverts were often forced to follow the crowd and were maligned for being antisocial. I believe we should embrace and respect everyone’s views and ways of living, as long as they aren’t harmful. As an introvert, I need solitude to recharge, but I also recognise the need for balance. Too much solitude is unhealthy, and so is too little.
"When nobody wakes you up in the morning, when nobody waits for you at night, and When you can do whatever you want.
What do you call it? Freedom or Loneliness?" ~Charles Bukowski.
This video immediately helped me through a tough time of feeling extremely lonely. I made zero new friends as I watched this video, but the hopeful feeling that I can and will make new friends surged through me as I watched it. Thank you so much.
My summary:
1. Assess yourself on how much effort you've actually put into improving your social skills. This can include watching guides on RUclips or reading books on social skills.
2. Assume that everyone is friendly and that you just have to be the initiator of the conversation
3. Create recurring rituals like meeting up with friends every week
4. Practice mindfulness to tune out your bad habits that may interfere with your ability to make friends. For example, practising meditation to improve social anxiety. Monitor what those negative emotions are and then accept them without judgment. Cultivate self-acceptance.
5. Help others instead of focusing solely on yourself. Adopt the mindset of giving rather than taking.
Take ownership and initiative rather than thinking of it being other people's jobs to meet our needs for social connection. Become the person who is proactively reaching out to people.
There have been some lonely days in my life. This is what helps me.
1.) learn who you are, what you like and dislike. Don’t like something just because someone you like likes it. (But be supportive to whatever it is, find joy in our differences. That’s what makes us unique)
2.) (the hard part) encourage yourself to look for local events with similar interests. For example, I like video games, so I went to a gaming convention and had a blast. I wasn’t thinking about how to talk to people, it was natural!
3.) be honest, keeping secrets can make you feel extra lonely.
4.) remember you’re not alone, according to this video 1/3 of people often feel alone. There is always potential for better days ahead. Have a good day!
I'd add...be mindful of using AI, a little goes a long way. We are human after all and there's no replacing having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or going on a walk with a human. Even if you've just met them. If we're not careful we'll forget who we are as you reminded us of. I like me, I can be alone, but also love being around people. People watching (and appreciating) is a lost art. We are diverse...we are wonderful...and slightly off center sometimes. But that's the beauty of a human.
I think the biggest challenge is finding friends who share common interests with you. This can be difficult if you live in a place where everyone is different to you.
The worst part about being lonely is that when you get on self improvement you change so quickly that you can't fit with a crowd for long and finding many people who are like you is rare
frfr
So true
I thought l was the only one who was experiencing this , nowadays l a bit more hesitant
After a while
The want goes away
I realised
I'm inert. I'm not an ion.
Exactly, and now the drive has died down as things just don't match up. This scares me
I'm happy to be alone and I feel lonely with others.
Ya you defined my situation
I'm also worried that people around me find this abnormal
Totally agreedddd 😊
Relatable. I’m more peaceful when I’m alone. It’s so much fun
Sameee
My takeaways:
I tend to hang myself up on the concepts and neglect taking action. So here are my action points after watching this video.
Bias towards action (working on it):
Action 1: Do the Wheel of Life exercise
Action 2: Reflect on my feeling of loneliness in my next journal entry
Action 3: Read a book about social skills (at least put it on my want to read list)
Action 4: Talk to someone on the bus/train/gym this week (going first)
Action 5: Organize an event with friends
Action 6: Set a service goal (Look for a volunteering option)
Lets do it.
Hey Ali, just want to say thank you for all the videos. You have been like a big brother to me during my high school years and now that I am in college you have becomes a mentor and absolute inspiration for me to start my very own RUclips channel, thank you for what you have done and what you will continue to do 👍👍🫡
A man who knows everything about everything. You and hubeman are probably best mates patting each other on the back.
I've been a subscriber (and commenter) to this channel for absolutely AGES now, and all your videos are good to great, Ali, but this feels to me like one of the most mature of them all. Maybe because there is a lot in there that is relevant and interesting to my own situation! Thanks, Ali. Great job. Lots for me to think about and take action on here.
You might seem like a good on commenting
These two became professsion ahhh 😅
Nice Change to the thumbnail, I think this is better as the emotion on your face expresses the target audience pain. Thanks for all the Hard work Ali.❤
Dropped this after he got married 😅
he what?????????
I know it's supposed to be a funny comment, but it shows that people expect too much from marriage and think it the holy grail. Obviously you could be lonely in a relationship or marriage and this doesn't even mean that the relationship is bad. Most people need much more than their "significant other"
Shoutout from the Netherlands! Was not expecting us to be the least lonely 😂
There are different types of loneliness, it's not just the absence of other people or support but also something deeper, a loss of connection.
I too have thought many times that I should be social and make friends, it will be useful to them but when it comes to my own problem no one is there, although those people to whom I could share my problems are also not there,Yes, I know that in this busy world everyone is busy with their work, but I always want to help others by keeping my problem aside. Even if I do something, this happens with me every time. No one asks me about my problems until I say something myself, although now I don't like doing this.
I don't know how ..you always come up with a video for giving me a push in the situation I'm stuck in.
Anyways thanks a lot.
You made this video public literally at extremely perfect time 🙏
This needs to be said.
BE USEFUL TO OTHERS AND THAT IS ALL NEEDED TO GET FRIENDS. YOU WILL FIND/KEEP FRIENDS AS LONG AS EITHER YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING OR YOU ARE USEFUL IN ANYWAY.
The college tip I give my freshman students: be the first to say hello with a smile….the longer you wait, the weirder it gets.
First time, I discovered that you can hear a RUclips Video in many languages, thanks
Thank you Ali, I’ve just moved into my uni accommodation and this is super helpful ❤
I experienced loneliness very acutely when i was 26 I moved across town into my own place. I felt like I had no one, I didnt see my house mates and I had no friends whatsoever close to me. (most of my friends had moved to london/australia etc) What helped me was joining a local group A walking group in my case. It felt very taboo to talk about it and like no one wanted to hear it. Just know it can get better join as many groups as you can :) you’ll eventually find a friend ❤
Just started the video, before i complete, i believe that will be one of the most watched videos for Ali ❤
Social media's attempt to make me feel lonely, even if I'm not
Lol yeah this can have that impact too
4:10 5:53 6:26 8:10 8:16
social skill rule 10:42
Go first rule 11:44
Rule of ritual 12:14
Mindfulness rules 14:48
Help selflessness 16:00
Set goals
I hate that this is so true...social skills are something i was never taught and never learnt...and even tho a lot of my peers would say they feel lonely i think hardly anyone would be open to work on this.
Challenge for you, go out and talk to people. Go one day and get the courage and litteraly talk to every person that is open to talk. For example sit on the bus and talk to random person about their or your day
Such an important subject. Kudos to you for covering this. 🙏
Using this early comment to say, you changed my life! I’ve implemented your systems, and day by day I can see my steps getting closer to the end goal. You’re awesome, remind yourself of that today! Love the work Ali, will be attending the quarterly meeting coming up! (Everyone should join, awesome advice for you guys for free).
PS: Would love to work with you one day and do the same work you do, still working on it😅 if you know of any networks, communities or opportunities as a student i could to take advantage of, let me know! always hungry to do more and find out what’s out there 😁
Let me say starting from when i left high school college has been the most worse days of my life
sameeeeeeeeeeee
Ali keeps uploading powerful contents that I don't even know the one to watch each day 😂❤
Keep up with the good work 👍💙 (from Nigeria 🇳🇬)
Make a video talking about how to take a healthy break between your working/studying sessions
Finally some new contents! It’s nice to not see all kinds of repetitions of the stuff in the book
Seeing a therapist or join a support group . Thats a start.
that's pricey
Its all a business plan to keep everyone lonely for the pharma to sell drugs
This was a really good video. Love the idea of taking ownership of your own social life so you can have more of the experiences of social connection and bonding. Thanks for making it! :D
I'd also love to see a video from talking more about the things someone could do to foster some of these connections, and how to improve your social skills.
قطعت علاقتي بأصدقائي بسبب اسائتهم لي و اقتصرت على كونهم زمائل لا أسعى لتقوية علاقتي بأحد غير عائلتي(أبي ،أمي، اخوتي ) احيانا اشعر بالضيق لذلك لكن أعتقد أنه أفضل من تبرير أفعالي و استماع أشياء سيئة عني منهم و أنا لم أفعلها 😊
best video about tackling isolation actually!! The last part really got me... I mean,, I clearly understand now why helping others or even being a forced "kind" person can make us feel more welcomed by our surroundings. Also, liked how this whole channel and a sorta personal association with this channel and it's content has grown since 2020 ❤❤❤
I appreciate your videos so much. I really enjoy them more than any others I dare to say. Such a good job. ❤👍🏼
Simon Sinek has become the greatest hero of my life.
There's a lot of brilliant minds standing up to tackle this challenge of teaching others how to be good friends and I'm glad Simon is one of them.
I'm really excited to see the book about friendship that he's been working on.
This has turned into my favorite topic in the world.
Hopefully I'll get to be a part of this movement too.
loneliness is when your past trauma can not be suppressed any longer. Until you don't resolve your trauma you will be lonely every time you form a relationship. Because of your trauma you feel the world is unsafe and hence don't trust anyone .
As an introvert that suffered PTSD for many years (served in Iraq and Afghanistan), I isolated myself for years from a lot of people. But now, that has improved significantly after starting to do martial arts (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). Great information provided here, Thank you! 🥋🤓🙏🏽
I hope you feel better soon. You’ve got this!
Why do you honestly make such great videos? I think your med school background has given you an edge (alongside your story - telling abilities) because you can read and understand scientific studies. So, all of your advice is actually accurate and most importantly useful.
Ali you changed my life financially i started my RUclips channel because of you I have 100 subscribers now but I will get there thanks again I appreciate it.
Well I subscribed just now
The loneliness catches up to you in the middle of working and at night.
We can be alone in the room full of people. I believe to not feel alone we need deep connection with people (sometimes only 1 person is enough). We crave feeling someone understand us on a deeper level - we don't feel good about anything that is supperficial, esspecaly relationships with people. + when we interact with people live (not on social media) in our body increases Oxytocin - bonding and happiness hormone 😊
I feel less lonely now at 32 years old, than when I was a kid. Now I have friends I've chosen myself (and they've chosen me as well). Compare that to when I was a kid and parents forced their kids to be with me because I was bullied all the way from kindergarten to high school... I had no friends as a kid. One day in fifth grade I got a friend. We hung together sometimes, but that was all through my entire childhood. Now I have friends because I have learned what type of people I want to spend my time with AND I'm also content with being alone a big portion of my days. It's so incredibly different how people handle loneliness...
Thank you because your some videos are in Hindi language it's really so helpful to me. BTW love from India🇮🇳.
Kahan Hain Hindi mein is ki video mujhay ye to PTA hay K Walid/pita Pakistani Hain
@@Shahid-vg4bi8cj5b audio track check karo.
Videos on socialising and charisma would be so good!
The people that don’t exist make up the empty space that surrounds on Earth. Therefore, we are never alone. - Jesse J. Soto
Oh my god i think this vidio can help me to don't fell lonely😢
Thank you very much, I really needed to watch this video today.
I liked that last rule about selfish goals and service goals helpful. I will do well to focus on the latter.
Congrats on your nuptials, Ali. 🎉 Tfs and continued success with your endeavors! 😊
I am objectively alone, but I feel 0 feeling of uneasiness nor discomfort, still I think its important not to be alone
In Uzbek youngest have to listen to this speech!
Was eagerly waiting for this video
I feel lonely all the time and I feel unable to connect I want to connect with people but I find myself further and further away from everyone
What I find difficult in modern life is to have deep relationships with people.
I have lots of shallow and lots of medium relationships, but very few deep ones. I feel the yearning to be in a tribe more. And I’m sad I live an individualistic life.
So true as we are becoming on connected via social media it’s more difficult to have meaningful relationships
It's funny that the countries where people spend a lot of time with company are the countries that experience more loneliness, whereas the countries on the bottom are countries where people could be around others without ever feeling the need to speak with them (I'm Italian and live in one of the "bottom" countries, and have never experience as much loneliness as here).
This video came just on the prefect time . Thanks Ali
Excellent! videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, but I really miss him''
Its tough to let go of someone you care about. I can relate, my 12year relationship also ended, and I struggled to move on. I tried everything to get him back, even seeking help from a spiritual counselor who ultimately helped me reconnect with him*
That's incredible! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I contact one?
His name is Owen Abiola, and he’s an amazing spiritual counselor who specializes in bringing back lost loves.
Owen Abiola has incredible powers, and he can assist you.
Thank you for sharing this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and I'm impressed
Just in time for uni - thank you :)
I have been asked to complete a test by my coach and it has identified me as an INFJ, which explains a lot I guess.
Ali, are you doing okay? I know this is just a parasocial relationship, but I can't help feeling a bit concerned about you. I hope you're alright, and if not, I hope things get better soon.
Nothing beats in-person connection it just feels better
Not always I just had a terrible one last week we have a great time on social media always
Since 1st grade, I felt like I did not belong. There was a girl who constantly tried to trip me when I was going to or out of my desk. No one believed me that she did this, because that girl was friends with everyone and I was just not liked. That girl left my school after 4th grade. Additionally, my outside friends were not nice. I had this BFF then introduced her to my other friend and they became BFFs and constantly lied to me. So even from that, I kinda had a negative view of people and relationships. This sort of hatred for being not liked or lied to seeped into my identity like soy sauce into a white shirt. I had a few friends later in 6-8th grade but the relationships did not last. In 9-12th grade, I focused on academics because I wanted to go to uni but previously had neglected academics because I danced 4 days a week. There I had befriended a third of my class but fast they became jealous of my grades or just did not like me anymore so after 2 months I had merely 1 friend who also left not long after. Last September I started uni and befriended 10-15 people, but of those had an 8-person study group that became just a friend group. Then during the end of February and March-April, those relationships crashed and burned. Mainly because I did not feel appreciated, a few of them were ridiculously selfish and others were just pity (demanded to end friendships over micro things). Now I am alone. I have no one to study with. I have no one to talk to apart from my parents. For maybe 4 months I was happy alone, had all my time to me, and could do anything, but at the start of my second year in uni, sitting in the class while others didn't sit alone, the breaks were even more painful because everyone goes somewhere in groups or pairs and I just sit... the friend group that I created a year ago, they are still going strong, just without me...
Had a similar situation I was also alone for many grades only in my last year I made a lot of great friends nothing lasted though its part of life I guess
@ronyboylive6934 for a while I thought that I was the sort of not-normal one, but your comment brought me some kind of closure, thank you for sharing
"I have no one to talk to except my parents" resonates with me, but I'm thankful to God for my parents.
Atleast, you have parents to talk to. what would u do when you don’t have supporting parents while being in the same situation:)
@wareeshakhan40 I discuss the usual topics with parents, like, the weather, upcoming events, the news, and meal planning. I don't use them as an outlet to overshare or treat them like I would my friends. My parents don't like my uni major, and always urge me to drop out. Is that supportive of them? No. I would say that by a slim hair, I passed my exam, then they would say "See you are not for this" because I did not get the top marks. I spend up to an hour daily talking with them. That's all.
I love staying alone. Better than feeling bored, lonely with people you don't really resonate with.
شكرا على دبلجة العربية الان في ناس جدن تحتاجها لكن مشكلة انها غير متطابقة،اتمنى تحسين الدوبلاج فل مستقبل
Funny wework is you sponsor. I find that when I go to coworking spaces I feel way more alone in those places then I do at home.
Sometimes i feel like you talk to fast and it’s much more difficult for me to actually grasp and take in the information that you’re telling me. Because before my brain can even form a proper thought you’re already onto the next point. Which is great for somebody who can consume content in fast pace but i can’t
OMG YES. It's insane to me that not a lot of people are giving him this feedback. It almost feels forced like - is it natural, or is it to make sure to "fit" a lot of people's current preference to speed up the video's original speed. It just feels tricky.
needed this. thanks
I like being without people most of the time because their energy can be destructive and stressful. I get lonely, but I rather get a pet or grow some plants or experience nature alone than try to make new friends. Having a social circle is highly overrated.
nah that's just sad to hear
@kaiser1771 We are not all the same. I'm almost 40 and I'm fine with the way things are with me.
Very true. It is stressful around people
there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
Wow ! Its cool that we hear you in arabic
I like it
I saw a video last week where Alex Hormozi is discussing the lonely chapter, if you have seen that video, what are your thoughts on it?
I am going through a phase trying to rebuild my life after suffering illness, a redundancy, divorce and a car accident. This means I am keeping my head down, learning and taking action. Further down the line i maybe able to become a different person and find a new tribe who resonate with the person I could end up becoming. There is no guarantee on the outcome so I'm enjoying the process itself. I also enjoy giving back and helping others in person too.
Which podcast is that?
@@Vendos2004 hey i have posted a link to the video on the community section of the account I am using to post this comment.
Superbe vidéo ❤❤
Thanks a lot for your wonderful book 'feel good productivity 'really enjoy reading it .
the background lalala lory home sweet home🥲
Somehow everyone feels lonely but we feel like we're the only one
I always feel lonely even when I am with friends, family or people who I dated. I think it comes from relationships with no trust and reliability. They are good people, but I know that if I fall back, cannot afford food, or something happened that I really need help, they can’t be there for me. It’s sad but I am fine by myself.
All of my friends got married one by one & became mothers.... That's when I knew they have become a part of a completely different world which I knew nothing about. My one remaining friend called to inform that she had a baby. That was the last time I talked to a friend.... and that was 4 years ago.
I start being alone last 2 months because people hurt you without reason 😢
I enjoy being alone, but sometimes I feel lonely.
Thank you for sharing this 😊
Great Video. Learnt alot
Today is my birthday, and there's no one beside me to celebrate with. I tried celebrating by myself, but I still wish I could be happy with someone else. I feel so lonely and unwanted since I tried to be with people I know, but they are not available. It made me feel like I am no one's priority, which only made me feel lonelier.
Happy Birthday. Hope you’ll have everything you wish for🤞
Happy birthday! My birthday is coming up too and im scared for the same reason
great video dude.
Desigualdade social e econômica é fator para tristeza, depressao etc.
50% of 🇧🇷 often feel lonely
48% of 🇯🇵 never feel lonely...
Umm, are you sure the graph isn't upside down?
Normally I'm a pretty talkative person, I'm easy to talk to and I'm usually the one who makes the first move... but the people at my school aren't my kindred spirits and they have habits I don't like (smoking, bullying, rudeness) so I thought it would be better not to hang out with them. I still feel lonely sometimes but it's not that much of a problem anymore.
You talk about “feeling lonely” when it’s often a case that people are actually lonely in that they have zero contact with anyone. Having no family, no friends, poor health, no employment and 57 I’ve become isolated and have zero contact with anyone. It’s 4 years since anyone even visited my house and that was an undertaker during Covid for my Mothers funeral. I’ve just become more and more isolated and any contact or communication even to someone in a shop for instance has become harder. I can go weeks without even uttering a single word to someone and when it does happen it will be a shop or phone call from someone I do not know.
Oh and telling people to just do things is nonsense, as for just going first and start talking to people - if you could do that it wouldn’t be an issue. Telling someone to do what they feel is impossible just isn’t helpful. Some people re introverts and it’s not normal to behave like that.
@GazGaryGazza u have to get out of your comfort zone at that time
@@ronyboylive6934it’s not rocket science to know what you need to do. Doing it on the other hand is something completely different sadly
@@GazGaryGazza at the point where you can't do it by yourself (and you don't have to) just go to a psychiatrist
I’m sorry you feel that way but taking small and actionable steps is the way to come back from that. It might seem daunting at the start but it is something to do to avoid, learnt helplessness. Learnt helplessness will make sure you stay in that cycle unless you make a conscious effort to recognise what is happening and break out of it.
The hindi voice sounds more real & better than the one used in old videos.
I have joined a new school 2 weeks ago and I feel all of them almost
thank you for your useful videos in the storm of useless videos ❤❤
Thank you.
How to not feel lonely without socializing?