Hello again! Hope you enjoy the latest episode. The rest of the series is here if you haven't seen it ► ruclips.net/video/qzVtLB06Df4/видео.html Thanks for watching!
now, this what i call an episode. i hope you keep tracking masculinity in doctors, policemen, cientists, you know, the real men, instead of mma fighters and street dealers .
This episode was too short. I would have liked to have seen a bit more in depth exposure and interaction with pro/anti groups and advocates as well everyday people. This is a huge subject that should be getting a lot more traction and notice within men’s awareness and consideration. How we view/consume/interact with Pornography and how that impacts our own interactions with the world/society/women is, imo, a crucial part of masculinity and the barriers to improving overall Quality of Life.
Her statement at the end addresses this in saying there is no for or against but a question of why is anything like this happening and what can we do as a society to be more free to speak about our lives with the people that care and make sure we're supporting each other in being healthy even if it's a bit embarrassing at times. The debate has to go on no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
Bright yeah I don’t disagree but Watching previous episodes and her willingness to dive in with local communities, people who advocate and seeking out perspectives of those who might not normally be heard, comparatively, this episode was a lot lighter on content and exploration. It was a good and important episode but would have liked to have seen more from it is all.
This has been my main criticism of the whole series... They're too bite-sized, too short, and are glossing over real men's issues with this kind of jovial, blasé air. But hey, I don't think it was meant to be anything other than what it is from the beginning (also the format and platforms [RUclips videos and social media] is a factor, of course).
jackaljade I don’t see the approach as blase. Iman does explain that this series can’t possibly cover all aspects of the masculine lifestyle and cultural questions. I do think this specific episode could have expanded more on the avenues for discussion like previous episodes have done for various ‘Masculine’ past times, activities and beliefs. It is a great starting point series but yes I agree the format could do with a bit more expansion.
@@SocialDesignFlaw Hey, I would love to do more on this but I am presenting and producing all the episodes, contacting contributors, coming up with the ideas to explore and how to do them. We have to work with the resources we are given and the constraints around the format. I don't think we cover everything but I hope it will spark conversation and get people thinking for themselves, and hopefully contribute something interesting and different to what we see elsewhere. Thanks for watching!
This was the first episode of this series that didn't quite get to the heart of the issue for me. A massive side effect of more and more violent porn is how young men see sex and expect it to be like, assuming that that is what is the norm. Probably the majority of porn involves the girl being slapped around a bit, hair pulled etc. and the impact of this in relationships wasn't touched on nearly enough. Great series though, I so much appreciate what you are doing.
Porn's fine as long as you remember it's like a Fast and Furious movie - fun to watch but you wouldn't use it as a guide when you were learning to drive 😉
I think the insight you had at 15:30 about porn being, in many cases, a symptom of other issues is spot on. There was a time in my life where I'd be looking at porn for hours on end and just couldn't stop myself from looking at it. Since then I realized that, for me, porn was filling in for real human interactions. I was alone and porn filled that void in my life. Since then I've developed a social life, friendships, hobbies, etc. and porn has gone from an 'ever day, sometimes hours a day' addiction to a 'few times a week, just long enough to get off' activity.
I think there's no such thing as 'ethical porn'. I believe we're playing with a type of fire we're just beginning to understand and that long term consequences could be devastating.
I would love to see you explore how pornography affects how men look at & think about women, both intimately and in everyday life. Thanks for a great series!
A very straight look at it. You could have looked at the way in which gay porn influences bi and gay men. Theres a whole other side to the expectations and self image issues etc and has a different power dynamic not centered around objectification of women. The differences when compared with hetero men could help illuminate specific issues or similarities in patterns of behaviour.
Love the series but thought this episode missed a huge part of the issue in not speaking to male porn performers. There's some evidence they are paid less than female performers and have similarly taxing demands made of them by the industry - would have been interesting to hear their perspectives, but its a huge topic to get into in just 20 mins. Keep up the great work!
day 973 my nofap journey .. once i was a porn addict there difference i felt was like i feel like alive and im satisfied with myself i live in my own reality .
This was a bit surreal. I kind of feel like you could make an interesting film - not a documentary, but a piece of storytelling - just from what came out of these conversations.
I think porn consumption has a link to poor mental health such as depression and low self-esteem and I think because watching porn can overstimulate your brain’s reward centres the result is the rest of life outside of porn can seem dull and unrewarding, which then leads you back to the use of porn to gain more reward and drown out the depressed feelings but then creates a vicious cycle. It’s an addiction and needs to be treated as such.
My heart feels better when i dont watch porn, and If im honest I never liked the thought of myself that I do rely on it, particularly when single (feeling of shamed) I think it negatively affects your self image also, we do have internal moral systems which help measure of sense of self respect and self confidence, I find what is happening internally is mirrored externally, when I am respecting my self and not selling myself short with porn (because i would much rather be having sex) people seem to respond to me differently, eventually leading me towards the thing that I desire, which is connection with another human being. These are high ideals in todays world, i know, and I also know from experience its not always possible to find connection with a member of the opposite sex which is suitable as you do have needs which need to be met, although the relief of tension can be beneficial when life is heavy, I experience myself and my emotions more fully and thus have the desire and the ease to connect to people, but if we are all under this 'spell'......perhaps the collective moral compass is moving in a different direction, we still have choices individually......... I do believe as a whole we are all more powerful and effective in all ways without it, with 'fewer crutches', it is another way of 'numbing out emotionally' and giving away our precious energy to what...... Saying that I have so much respect for the sex workers, porn actresses, i find them to be a very intresting type of person with a different instinct to many women alot can be learned from them, maybe we should hear their voices more? maybe they are the new educators on human sexuality, we dont know ourselves, we dont know what we like, our limits or our potentials, our sexuality is enigmatic to us..........
There was a time in the late 90’s where you could see porn online but it wasn’t that accessible. You still had to go and get a magazine from a shop. This prevented underage people from having access too porn. It seems the main problem is letting underage people get their sex education from mountains of freely accessible online content. Free unregulated online porn seems to be the issue not the actual porn or sex workers.
14:13 Anonymous 26, Japan. I can so relate to this guy's contribution. Its like there is levels to this. And the more you go up, the more guilty you feel, but you keep coming back for more and you search for more degrading stuff.
A note that is not related to the content; I really like the way you guys filmed the video chat at 9:09. It feels more in line with the way other interviews are shown.
Hi, i was wondering if you could explore the ways in which traditional masculinity is perpetuated through cultural stigma around eating meat rather than a plant-based diet
This one could definitely do with a longer, uncut version (pun intended) there's definitely a lot that could be talked about regarding males and porn as it's such a taboo no one talks about, don't even rally talk about it with friends outside the shit talking taking the piss out of each other
I just know that a lot of young guys, 16 and younger watch it, they’re not mature enough, they have no experience with girls so it’s really damaging...the way to go is to get some experience first...but that can’t happen to everyone ...
I must admit that I look for porn which is closer to real encounters where the actors come across as genuinely having feeling for each other, kissing, touching rather than "just getting down to it." I find overacted videos obviously trying to pander to a male fantasy a complete turn-off. But I've always felt different to other men in wanting to know the person rather then simply seeing the sex.
I think it deserves highlighting, the porn actress interviewed recommends porn users to pay actor/creators directly instead of giving most of it to big companies like pornhub.
When I see and hear people talk about porn as if it is some kind of normal makes me think I don't understand the world anymore. In my real life It's thoroughly depressing to hear couples talk about something that is so damaging as normal.
It's great how you handled this. Last year I've seen some psychologist/"addiction people", and of the 4 people that tried te help me. Only one would have gotten the grilled cheese sandwich. Also it's great to see porn talked about openly. Porn is in a way like alcohol. I can drink and be fine, some of my friends can drink and don't know when to stop. Those friends can wank and be fine, however, I'm relearning how to come to my own fantasy at age 25. My point is that we don't talk about bars in moral ways, why would we talk morally about porn.
It’s so incredible that such a candid discussion can be had with out judgement and with such frankness. You’d be such a great person to sit with over a cuppa. Thanks so much for your insightful work. :-)
This is very interesting. I'm yet to see a film/documentary that tackles this topic as honestly. Although it's bite-sized and skips over crucial details. It also gives you plenty to ponder without information overload.
There is a documentary called "Hot Girls wanted" by Rashida Jones (on Netflix I believe) as well as a follow up companion series she does that is very illuminating. I haven't seen the series yet but it does a great job of investigating some of the behind the scenes details of the industry itself which adjacently interacts with what's being discussed here. Would recommend.
@@SocialDesignFlaw it's a very good documentary but it's a more a "this is how things are done" than an exploration of how it affects society. Different topics even if in the same ballpark
Glad you liked it. We work within the parameters set for us but I do push to try and have honest and interesting conversations on issues that many people would either shy away from or try to have very strong and polemic views on. Thanks for watching!
Porn what about the disabled who can't get out to meet women and those who cant communicate socially, sex is older than religion and is in many holy scriptures, porn and games are what promoted the internet, it is only the moral who have partners look down on it,
Good topic to broach, there's so much more on this that needs to be understood and spread. It effects a lot of people negatively, myself included, and looking for a way for how this media should, or could, be consumed healthily is very unclear, if it is at all healthy to view.
Absolutely. I’m also concerned by the easy availability of it for teenagers, as all of us millennials are well aware. Yet the government’s cack-handed (no pun intended) attempt at a ban was certainly not the way to go either. More open discussion of the issue is what’s needed, and Iman has done a fabulous job in this serious of doing so.
Most guys just don't get as much sex as they would like. Especially if they aren't in a relationship. It's usually a lot harder for a guy to get laid in the first place and even if you are happily married, as I am, my libido is just higher than my wife's. My wife also has had some serious medical challenges (cancer), so there have been times where sex with her wasn't an option. It's like most things - as long as you do it in moderation it's probsbly fine.
This series is so interesting and well done, I've been binge watching it since I've found it. Also, Iman, I think I've developed a bit of a crush on you
When used in moderation there's absolutely nothing wrong with porn. If porn is "ruining" your relationship you didn't have a good relationship in the first place, that's why your lover is watching porn. Instead of whining about it try being MORE SEXY instead. It's really easy to blame everything on the other person, but why are they doing it in the first place, does it have anything to do with you?
In my day we would have to take a bus to a different part of town ,wait outside the corner store till there were no customers...run in ask for" a comb ,tic tacs, a box of baking soda .....and oh ya a copy of hustler and barely legal " ..hope he put it straight into a bag ...then take an alternate route back home praying you wouldnt bump into a friend and sneak in up to your room avoiding your parents !! Kids got it way too easy these days !!!!!
I really like this series and I think this episode was interesting, while struggling to get to the core of the issue. I think it also shows well the taboo around the subject since it feels hard to extract very useful information from each participant. Rather than asking "normal people" with "sane" porn habits, it would've been better to ask people having gone through addiction. People like the Japanese man. I understand the will to show the good and the bad, but the compromise made in this episode resulted in an surface analysis and somewhat poor representation of both. In my opinion, there should have been an episode on the better sides of porn and another on its worse ones. Also, the interview with your two friends wasn't really good because nobody felt really at ease with the subject. As someone else proposed, interviewing a male porn actor would've been great. Prehaps asking a psychologist who's specializing in porn addiction (if it even exists). Or someone who has seen some real benefits of porn in their everyday life (such as the man with the "sexually unable" partner). Also, when talking about porn, people nearly always talk about big production porn, ignoring that most videos on porn sites are actually amateur, which can have little to do with big mainstream porn. If I can contribute to the conversation myself, I would say that, struggling with finding a partner (I've never been in a relationship in my 22 years of existence and I'm still virgin), porn has helped me greatly in not being sexually frustrated and to partly appease my unsatisfied sexual needs. On the other hand though, it has also allowed me to content myself of my very problematic situation, to avoid confronting my problems.
There's no way the vast majority of people are going to start paying for their porn when it's so readily available and free lol. With everything that's addictive MODERATION is key! Education of the risks/positives of porn should be prioritised
The Guardian failed to mention it was Tommy Robinson who stepped in to help the 70 year old lady who had her eye blackened by 3 immigrants - they also coughed in her face and were arrested. Why didn't you mention that the hero was Tommy Robinson?
Sexuality is definitely about curiosity, experimentation and surprises, so it’s obvious that porn enhances such instincts in people who are used to lay them dormant or simply don’t have such strong impulses about it. Self-restraint in this matter is a measure that one inevitably learns more alone than through society, which serves more to impose limits and set basic values. Aside from pathologies and crimes, problems only exist when fantasies start to substitute reality instead of simply compensating for it. Of course its impact tends to decrease with age, not only because of hormones but also for the accumulated sense of self that makes the scape into this world of fantasy somewhat more ludicrous than a real interaction...
I'd say intimacy, safety, connection and love also is a part of sexuality. The hard part is to get adventure, novelty etc. from the same person that you love.
It seems like you are trying to find out what men should do to behave in a responsible way for themselfs and therefore, for the community. Everything from a constructive perspective and without blaming men or creating a war between men and women, which is extremely rarely nowadays. Congrats
Let me parrot Jordan Peterson, watching too much porn or having porn too accessible simply reduces the ability of people to socialise and interact because the effort to gain is no longer as attractive as beating yourself away so easily and asking people to have one night stand may risk failure.
What a great series! I always am pleasantly surprised with the guardian and the level of insight and curiosity its journalists have! I know this series may seem less urgent than the current pandemic, but please keep going!!
Really support the sex-positive message, but non-consensual videos (like the one anonymous viewer mentioned) are clearly repulsive and criminal. I feel that's the point where starting to 'moralize' is very appropriate; it's not a grey area at all. But policing content like this can only be effective if we're not afraid to talk about sex more calmly. And by the way, thank you for producing the series, I love it
Thanks Kai and I totally agree about non-consensual videos, as you can see when I speak about it in the video. I do try to meet people where they are so that we can have a responsive dialogue though and as long as there is recognition that it is bad I wouldn't want to push them further away by having a go at them. I'm more interested in trying to help find solutions.
Hi Iman! I think you missed one important trend about porn nowadays which is NoFap. I also think that reading 'A Billion Wicked Thoughts' could help you clarify many crazy things about male sexuality and porn. These are suggestions that, I think, could've made this episode even better. Great episode! I really enjoyed it and keep on doing this! I think that many men feel left behind or confused by society whereby our desires, needs and the things that make us unique are becoming a taboo or even demonized and that, thanks to the work of people like you, that is being tackled with. I was wondering if you are going to cover testosterone, male roles and alpha males? :)
I feel like this was a discussion of porn which occasionally connected with where it fits into masculinity, but possibly went a bit off track from the main topic. it's a huge and complex and varied topic and 15 mins isn't going to capture it, I'm afraid unless you pick something specific e.g. masturbation to porn as escapism and masculinity's role in that or pornography as a form of education and more often, miseducation.
If you look at the disparity of swipes/ first contact between men and women (clue: men do it way, way more than women), that will give you a good clue as to why more men rely on porn.
I'm not an english native speaker so i might not be able to fully understand the meaning of words, but i feel like you cant really understand the male perspective about this topic and experiences
I wish this episode focused also a bit on a woman’s perpective. I would have liked to hear how the woman in those relationships with frequent porn watcher significant others go through or feel. Or for instance why that guy said he watches it everyday even if he is in a relationship however the other one said he stops watching when he is in a relationship. Why one stops and one continues? What are they motivites and such..
Family guy and south park. Neat touch. Maybe the reason why real erotic performers end up not arousing men rather than pornographic images is because real women could be more anxiety inducing than agency-less videos of women. There's probably more of a technology factor (such as with social media and dating apps) in there too. Porn *is* digitally-based after all.
Why not ask how underwear commercials, violent movies, the James Bond franchise or any random thing that men watch impacts them? Because if you are cognizant of the fact that what you're watching is either a fantasy or at any rate fictionalized, to my mind you're better equipped to deal with what you're seeing. That said, I don't understand the hubbub. If it's made by consenting adults that enjoy a decent standard of living, I do not see the problem with that particular expression of sexuality. Just like I like my chocolate slave labour free, and my clothes, so my porn should be ethically produced. I for one think quite a bit of porn might actually inform folks it's OK to have fetishes, desires, fantasies and quirks. The narrative that porn consumption might be beneficial for you isn't one that's pushed. Didn't the UK ban material that depicts women fisting because it's obscene recently? What if one enjoys a good fisting? I mean it's not for me (I don't stretch enough), but there are many different folks with many different likes and dislikes under the sun. Either way, unleashing a bunch of Victorian-style legislation on folks will not be healthy. I have a pet theory that the most damaging and depraved stuff happens in those communities that are most repressed and least informed. Good luck proving it though, because those communities are the most tight lipped about anything. What disappoints me though is that we're making this a gendered discussion. Whether you are male, female, cisgendered or transformative, hermaphrodite, pansexual or non-binary, I think we all have our little fantasies, and we all have needs to fulfill. I certainly hope porn consumption is not a cisgendered male thing, it would feel like society had failed. :)
@Iulia Ionela Petcu you realise you just contradicted yourself by saying that porn is violent, exagerated and grotesque? Thats' why it's fantasy! Like the Fast and Furious films we dont call them bad because if people watch them they are going to drive like lunatics. Look sex is many things to many people but at the base its violent by nature: someone is literally getting penetrated by someone else. Yes its violent, nasty, or whatever else you wanna call it but it is what it is. Get over it. And something people who hate on porn dont address is this: what is the alternate solution do you give to men and women who use porn? Not to use porn? The truth is not everyone is able to get there sexual desires satisfied everytime so they might use it every now and then. nothing wrong with that. Correct me if i'm wrong it sounds like you want people to not use porn because it makes you unconfortable and insecure in your sexual ability (takes away your sexual power cause yoi dont think you can live up to the expectations porn creates). You are not so much concerned about the effects it might have on viewers mental health. Personaly i believe if porn use is not affecting your social life or taking up hours of your day it is alright its all about modulation
This should expand into the needs of a human. It’s all intertwined with our past. Are we monogamous as a species or not? How many times and what would be the variety rate that Homo sapiens would have sex in the past (before society), during most of our species’ history? This is all essential in finding out our needs and analysing how these fit into modern society, monogamy, family and porn. Maybe in the next episodes? :)
I don’t understand the assumption that kids think porn is real life. They don’t watch a Hollywood film and think that’s real, why are we assuming they do the same with porn?
What about those nerds who cannot fit into society men/women will reject them and only way they can satisfy their sexual drive by investing half an hour to this rather than investing month and 1000 of hours and resources in someone another just for 15 to 20 minutes of pleasure i think by the view point of investment and profit it makes sense
One was in London, one was in New York. We have an office in New York so we asked Tom to go and film Jon Ronson and we filmed Iman from here rather than taking a flight.
neither causes erectile dysfunction, they just make certain people think theres something wrong with their penis just because its not erect. There isn't, a flaccid penis is in fact the norm. Additionally the shame people feel about their sexuality and porn habits is an excellent scapegoat for people to reframe their life, hence why theres so many born again no-fappers out there.
Hello again! Hope you enjoy the latest episode. The rest of the series is here if you haven't seen it ► ruclips.net/video/qzVtLB06Df4/видео.html
Thanks for watching!
genetic engineering might make your wish for others come true.
now, this what i call an episode. i hope you keep tracking masculinity in doctors, policemen, cientists, you know, the real men, instead of mma fighters and street dealers .
Kristy Graham rybicki getting down xxxxd
Umesh
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This episode was too short. I would have liked to have seen a bit more in depth exposure and interaction with pro/anti groups and advocates as well everyday people. This is a huge subject that should be getting a lot more traction and notice within men’s awareness and consideration. How we view/consume/interact with Pornography and how that impacts our own interactions with the world/society/women is, imo, a crucial part of masculinity and the barriers to improving overall Quality of Life.
Her statement at the end addresses this in saying there is no for or against but a question of why is anything like this happening and what can we do as a society to be more free to speak about our lives with the people that care and make sure we're supporting each other in being healthy even if it's a bit embarrassing at times. The debate has to go on no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
Bright yeah I don’t disagree but Watching previous episodes and her willingness to dive in with local communities, people who advocate and seeking out perspectives of those who might not normally be heard, comparatively, this episode was a lot lighter on content and exploration. It was a good and important episode but would have liked to have seen more from it is all.
This has been my main criticism of the whole series... They're too bite-sized, too short, and are glossing over real men's issues with this kind of jovial, blasé air. But hey, I don't think it was meant to be anything other than what it is from the beginning (also the format and platforms [RUclips videos and social media] is a factor, of course).
jackaljade I don’t see the approach as blase. Iman does explain that this series can’t possibly cover all aspects of the masculine lifestyle and cultural questions. I do think this specific episode could have expanded more on the avenues for discussion like previous episodes have done for various ‘Masculine’ past times, activities and beliefs. It is a great starting point series but yes I agree the format could do with a bit more expansion.
@@SocialDesignFlaw Hey, I would love to do more on this but I am presenting and producing all the episodes, contacting contributors, coming up with the ideas to explore and how to do them. We have to work with the resources we are given and the constraints around the format. I don't think we cover everything but I hope it will spark conversation and get people thinking for themselves, and hopefully contribute something interesting and different to what we see elsewhere. Thanks for watching!
This was the first episode of this series that didn't quite get to the heart of the issue for me. A massive side effect of more and more violent porn is how young men see sex and expect it to be like, assuming that that is what is the norm. Probably the majority of porn involves the girl being slapped around a bit, hair pulled etc. and the impact of this in relationships wasn't touched on nearly enough. Great series though, I so much appreciate what you are doing.
“You have your week, have a little treat” 🤣🤣🤣
i felt that lol
lol
Hate when that happens
On behalf of men, thank you for this series Iman Amrani.
Gracias a ti :)
Porn's fine as long as you remember it's like a Fast and Furious movie - fun to watch but you wouldn't use it as a guide when you were learning to drive 😉
That is something that Casey said in the full interview actually!
Iman Amrani Another analogy!
Speak for yourself. We all have different sexual maturities. Sex and porn use for that matter is not a one size fits all thing.
You’re doing good work Iman.
I think the insight you had at 15:30 about porn being, in many cases, a symptom of other issues is spot on.
There was a time in my life where I'd be looking at porn for hours on end and just couldn't stop myself from looking at it. Since then I realized that, for me, porn was filling in for real human interactions. I was alone and porn filled that void in my life. Since then I've developed a social life, friendships, hobbies, etc. and porn has gone from an 'ever day, sometimes hours a day' addiction to a 'few times a week, just long enough to get off' activity.
I think there's no such thing as 'ethical porn'. I believe we're playing with a type of fire we're just beginning to understand and that long term consequences could be devastating.
Halo
This video needs a part 2
I would love to see you explore how pornography affects how men look at & think about women, both intimately and in everyday life. Thanks for a great series!
A very straight look at it. You could have looked at the way in which gay porn influences bi and gay men. Theres a whole other side to the expectations and self image issues etc and has a different power dynamic not centered around objectification of women. The differences when compared with hetero men could help illuminate specific issues or similarities in patterns of behaviour.
that is soo true
Love the series but thought this episode missed a huge part of the issue in not speaking to male porn performers. There's some evidence they are paid less than female performers and have similarly taxing demands made of them by the industry - would have been interesting to hear their perspectives, but its a huge topic to get into in just 20 mins. Keep up the great work!
R. I. P Iman's inbox.
Why?
@@RIFLQ Because of mass immaturity.
day 973 my nofap journey .. once i was a porn addict
there difference i felt was like i feel like alive and im satisfied with myself i live in my own reality .
Toaism and sexual health/power :) Mantak Chia.
There's no such thing as your own reality.
There's just reality.
@@darksoul479 "We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are" Anaïs Nin
@Bartosz Piwowarczyk i don't know im doing it right or wrong but im managed to divert my energy in self improvement .
@@umerfarooq2425 all things in moderation, maybe try just avoiding porn rather than avoiding it all together.
This was a bit surreal. I kind of feel like you could make an interesting film - not a documentary, but a piece of storytelling - just from what came out of these conversations.
More importantly, what's the impact on porn actors?
I think porn consumption has a link to poor mental health such as depression and low self-esteem and I think because watching porn can overstimulate your brain’s reward centres the result is the rest of life outside of porn can seem dull and unrewarding, which then leads you back to the use of porn to gain more reward and drown out the depressed feelings but then creates a vicious cycle. It’s an addiction and needs to be treated as such.
My heart feels better when i dont watch porn, and If im honest I never liked the thought of myself that I do rely on it, particularly when single (feeling of shamed) I think it negatively affects your self image also, we do have internal moral systems which help measure of sense of self respect and self confidence, I find what is happening internally is mirrored externally, when I am respecting my self and not selling myself short with porn (because i would much rather be having sex) people seem to respond to me differently, eventually leading me towards the thing that I desire, which is connection with another human being. These are high ideals in todays world, i know, and I also know from experience its not always possible to find connection with a member of the opposite sex which is suitable as you do have needs which need to be met,
although the relief of tension can be beneficial when life is heavy, I experience myself and my emotions more fully and thus have the desire and the ease to connect to people, but if we are all under this 'spell'......perhaps the collective moral compass is moving in a different direction, we still have choices individually.........
I do believe as a whole we are all more powerful and effective in all ways without it, with 'fewer crutches', it is another way of 'numbing out emotionally' and giving away our precious energy to what......
Saying that I have so much respect for the sex workers, porn actresses, i find them to be a very intresting type of person with a different instinct to many women alot can be learned from them, maybe we should hear their voices more? maybe they are the new educators on human sexuality, we dont know ourselves, we dont know what we like, our limits or our potentials, our sexuality is enigmatic to us..........
There was a time in the late 90’s where you could see porn online but it wasn’t that accessible. You still had to go and get a magazine from a shop. This prevented underage people from having access too porn. It seems the main problem is letting underage people get their sex education from mountains of freely accessible online content. Free unregulated online porn seems to be the issue not the actual porn or sex workers.
14:13 Anonymous 26, Japan.
I can so relate to this guy's contribution. Its like there is levels to this. And the more you go up, the more guilty you feel, but you keep coming back for more and you search for more degrading stuff.
This is a good series. It's a conversation that should be had and is certainly helpful. Keep up the good work
A note that is not related to the content;
I really like the way you guys filmed the video chat at 9:09.
It feels more in line with the way other interviews are shown.
Hi, i was wondering if you could explore the ways in which traditional masculinity is perpetuated through cultural stigma around eating meat rather than a plant-based diet
This one could definitely do with a longer, uncut version (pun intended) there's definitely a lot that could be talked about regarding males and porn as it's such a taboo no one talks about, don't even rally talk about it with friends outside the shit talking taking the piss out of each other
I just know that a lot of young guys, 16 and younger watch it, they’re not mature enough, they have no experience with girls so it’s really damaging...the way to go is to get some experience first...but that can’t happen to everyone ...
Young men aren't likely to get much experience by 16.
Sex don’t come as easy for guys though
I must admit that I look for porn which is closer to real encounters where the actors come across as genuinely having feeling for each other, kissing, touching rather than "just getting down to it." I find overacted videos obviously trying to pander to a male fantasy a complete turn-off. But I've always felt different to other men in wanting to know the person rather then simply seeing the sex.
I think it deserves highlighting, the porn actress interviewed recommends porn users to pay actor/creators directly instead of giving most of it to big companies like pornhub.
When I see and hear people talk about porn as if it is some kind of normal makes me think I don't understand the world anymore. In my real life It's thoroughly depressing to hear couples talk about something that is so damaging as normal.
@Iulia Ionela Petcu and I'm a guy.
It's great how you handled this. Last year I've seen some psychologist/"addiction people", and of the 4 people that tried te help me. Only one would have gotten the grilled cheese sandwich.
Also it's great to see porn talked about openly. Porn is in a way like alcohol. I can drink and be fine, some of my friends can drink and don't know when to stop. Those friends can wank and be fine, however, I'm relearning how to come to my own fantasy at age 25. My point is that we don't talk about bars in moral ways, why would we talk morally about porn.
It’s so incredible that such a candid discussion can be had with out judgement and with such frankness. You’d be such a great person to sit with over a cuppa. Thanks so much for your insightful work. :-)
6:43 knew they were gonna use this scene
This is very interesting. I'm yet to see a film/documentary that tackles this topic as honestly. Although it's bite-sized and skips over crucial details. It also gives you plenty to ponder without information overload.
There is a documentary called "Hot Girls wanted" by Rashida Jones (on Netflix I believe) as well as a follow up companion series she does that is very illuminating. I haven't seen the series yet but it does a great job of investigating some of the behind the scenes details of the industry itself which adjacently interacts with what's being discussed here. Would recommend.
@@SocialDesignFlaw it's a very good documentary but it's a more a "this is how things are done" than an exploration of how it affects society. Different topics even if in the same ballpark
Glad you liked it. We work within the parameters set for us but I do push to try and have honest and interesting conversations on issues that many people would either shy away from or try to have very strong and polemic views on. Thanks for watching!
I think the addicts must be trying to escape a huge amount of stress and the ones who have been treated aggressively!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Porn what about the disabled who can't get out to meet women and those who cant communicate socially, sex is older than religion and is in many holy scriptures, porn and games are what promoted the internet, it is only the moral who have partners look down on it,
When it comes to new technology, porn is usually the main driver of its development.
Good topic to broach, there's so much more on this that needs to be understood and spread. It effects a lot of people negatively, myself included, and looking for a way for how this media should, or could, be consumed healthily is very unclear, if it is at all healthy to view.
Absolutely. I’m also concerned by the easy availability of it for teenagers, as all of us millennials are well aware. Yet the government’s cack-handed (no pun intended) attempt at a ban was certainly not the way to go either. More open discussion of the issue is what’s needed, and Iman has done a fabulous job in this serious of doing so.
Most guys just don't get as much sex as they would like. Especially if they aren't in a relationship. It's usually a lot harder for a guy to get laid in the first place and even if you are happily married, as I am, my libido is just higher than my wife's. My wife also has had some serious medical challenges (cancer), so there have been times where sex with her wasn't an option. It's like most things - as long as you do it in moderation it's probsbly fine.
I'm watching this just after watching porn, lol
KartoffelHundin Wow Cool story bro!
Disgusting
@Iulia Ionela Petcu I know, but I am so horny, I can't control myself.
Iulia Ionela Petcu Did you watch the video? The point is, it’s not necessarily.
Stfu, he is at least honest with him self!
This show answered some of the questions I had .Thank You ❤️
Glad you liked it!
Yeah It was informative and I keep sharing the conversations with my friends.
This series is so interesting and well done, I've been binge watching it since I've found it. Also, Iman, I think I've developed a bit of a crush on you
The problem is it is so contrived, once you have seen one you have seen them all.
When used in moderation there's absolutely nothing wrong with porn.
If porn is "ruining" your relationship you didn't have a good relationship in the first place, that's why your lover is watching porn.
Instead of whining about it try being MORE SEXY instead.
It's really easy to blame everything on the other person, but why are they doing it in the first place, does it have anything to do with you?
In my day we would have to take a bus to a different part of town ,wait outside the corner store till there were no customers...run in ask for" a comb ,tic tacs, a box of baking soda .....and oh ya a copy of hustler and barely legal " ..hope he put it straight into a bag ...then take an alternate route back home praying you wouldnt bump into a friend and sneak in up to your room avoiding your parents !! Kids got it way too easy these days !!!!!
I really like this series and I think this episode was interesting, while struggling to get to the core of the issue. I think it also shows well the taboo around the subject since it feels hard to extract very useful information from each participant. Rather than asking "normal people" with "sane" porn habits, it would've been better to ask people having gone through addiction. People like the Japanese man. I understand the will to show the good and the bad, but the compromise made in this episode resulted in an surface analysis and somewhat poor representation of both. In my opinion, there should have been an episode on the better sides of porn and another on its worse ones. Also, the interview with your two friends wasn't really good because nobody felt really at ease with the subject. As someone else proposed, interviewing a male porn actor would've been great. Prehaps asking a psychologist who's specializing in porn addiction (if it even exists). Or someone who has seen some real benefits of porn in their everyday life (such as the man with the "sexually unable" partner).
Also, when talking about porn, people nearly always talk about big production porn, ignoring that most videos on porn sites are actually amateur, which can have little to do with big mainstream porn.
If I can contribute to the conversation myself, I would say that, struggling with finding a partner (I've never been in a relationship in my 22 years of existence and I'm still virgin), porn has helped me greatly in not being sexually frustrated and to partly appease my unsatisfied sexual needs. On the other hand though, it has also allowed me to content myself of my very problematic situation, to avoid confronting my problems.
I have a fetish that I’m not proud of, but it doesn’t harm anyone. I wish that fetishes were more talked about.
K, now I'm curious
I think the impact of this was diminished given that those who are anti-porn were summed up in a 10 second montage and not given space to talk.
There's no way the vast majority of people are going to start paying for their porn when it's so readily available and free lol. With everything that's addictive MODERATION is key! Education of the risks/positives of porn should be prioritised
The Guardian failed to mention it was Tommy Robinson who stepped in to help the 70 year old lady who had her eye blackened by 3 immigrants - they also coughed in her face and were arrested. Why didn't you mention that the hero was Tommy Robinson?
Sexuality is definitely about curiosity, experimentation and surprises, so it’s obvious that porn enhances such instincts in people who are used to lay them dormant or simply don’t have such strong impulses about it. Self-restraint in this matter is a measure that one inevitably learns more alone than through society, which serves more to impose limits and set basic values. Aside from pathologies and crimes, problems only exist when fantasies start to substitute reality instead of simply compensating for it. Of course its impact tends to decrease with age, not only because of hormones but also for the accumulated sense of self that makes the scape into this world of fantasy somewhat more ludicrous than a real interaction...
Maybe?
I'd say intimacy, safety, connection and love also is a part of sexuality. The hard part is to get adventure, novelty etc. from the same person that you love.
It seems like you are trying to find out what men should do to behave in a responsible way for themselfs and therefore, for the community. Everything from a constructive perspective and without blaming men or creating a war between men and women, which is extremely rarely nowadays. Congrats
13:39 Don't forget how bad it feels to know she has also had Mr. 10 inch before. You can never emulate what that guy was able to do.
Great series!
Let me parrot Jordan Peterson, watching too much porn or having porn too accessible simply reduces the ability of people to socialise and interact because the effort to gain is no longer as attractive as beating yourself away so easily and asking people to have one night stand may risk failure.
Amazing work again.
What a great series! I always am pleasantly surprised with the guardian and the level of insight and curiosity its journalists have! I know this series may seem less urgent than the current pandemic, but please keep going!!
13:39 All the way through the series I had thought this would be the first thing they would talk about
Really support the sex-positive message, but non-consensual videos (like the one anonymous viewer mentioned) are clearly repulsive and criminal. I feel that's the point where starting to 'moralize' is very appropriate; it's not a grey area at all. But policing content like this can only be effective if we're not afraid to talk about sex more calmly.
And by the way, thank you for producing the series, I love it
Thanks Kai and I totally agree about non-consensual videos, as you can see when I speak about it in the video. I do try to meet people where they are so that we can have a responsive dialogue though and as long as there is recognition that it is bad I wouldn't want to push them further away by having a go at them. I'm more interested in trying to help find solutions.
fair point, reading this again my comment sounds a bit like the video would be arguing for “grey areas” but it doesn’t of course.
Hi Iman! I think you missed one important trend about porn nowadays which is NoFap. I also think that reading 'A Billion Wicked Thoughts' could help you clarify many crazy things about male sexuality and porn. These are suggestions that, I think, could've made this episode even better. Great episode! I really enjoyed it and keep on doing this! I think that many men feel left behind or confused by society whereby our desires, needs and the things that make us unique are becoming a taboo or even demonized and that, thanks to the work of people like you, that is being tackled with. I was wondering if you are going to cover testosterone, male roles and alpha males? :)
Heavy topic, but do you think you would do an episode on how child sexual abuse affects men in their adult lives?
I feel like this was a discussion of porn which occasionally connected with where it fits into masculinity, but possibly went a bit off track from the main topic. it's a huge and complex and varied topic and 15 mins isn't going to capture it, I'm afraid unless you pick something specific e.g. masturbation to porn as escapism and masculinity's role in that or pornography as a form of education and more often, miseducation.
If you look at the disparity of swipes/ first contact between men and women (clue: men do it way, way more than women), that will give you a good clue as to why more men rely on porn.
Status/success, male suicides, spectrum of gay men, incels/loneliness if your taking request for more topics. Love the series
I'm not an english native speaker so i might not be able to fully understand the meaning of words, but i feel like you cant really understand the male perspective about this topic and experiences
I wish this episode focused also a bit on a woman’s perpective. I would have liked to hear how the woman in those relationships with frequent porn watcher significant others go through or feel. Or for instance why that guy said he watches it everyday even if he is in a relationship however the other one said he stops watching when he is in a relationship. Why one stops and one continues? What are they motivites and such..
It's literally a series about men yet you want it to focus on women?
Vuj's favourite category has to be BackOff !
Family guy and south park. Neat touch.
Maybe the reason why real erotic performers end up not arousing men rather than pornographic images is because real women could be more anxiety inducing than agency-less videos of women. There's probably more of a technology factor (such as with social media and dating apps) in there too. Porn *is* digitally-based after all.
I read the Guardian article mentioned in this video. I seem to recall it referred to the surprise Researchers had to the amount girls accessed porn.
Why not ask how underwear commercials, violent movies, the James Bond franchise or any random thing that men watch impacts them? Because if you are cognizant of the fact that what you're watching is either a fantasy or at any rate fictionalized, to my mind you're better equipped to deal with what you're seeing.
That said, I don't understand the hubbub. If it's made by consenting adults that enjoy a decent standard of living, I do not see the problem with that particular expression of sexuality. Just like I like my chocolate slave labour free, and my clothes, so my porn should be ethically produced.
I for one think quite a bit of porn might actually inform folks it's OK to have fetishes, desires, fantasies and quirks. The narrative that porn consumption might be beneficial for you isn't one that's pushed. Didn't the UK ban material that depicts women fisting because it's obscene recently? What if one enjoys a good fisting? I mean it's not for me (I don't stretch enough), but there are many different folks with many different likes and dislikes under the sun. Either way, unleashing a bunch of Victorian-style legislation on folks will not be healthy.
I have a pet theory that the most damaging and depraved stuff happens in those communities that are most repressed and least informed. Good luck proving it though, because those communities are the most tight lipped about anything.
What disappoints me though is that we're making this a gendered discussion. Whether you are male, female, cisgendered or transformative, hermaphrodite, pansexual or non-binary, I think we all have our little fantasies, and we all have needs to fulfill. I certainly hope porn consumption is not a cisgendered male thing, it would feel like society had failed. :)
Hi Chris: ruclips.net/video/AwkcUIcLgIE/видео.html
Cheers
@Iulia Ionela Petcu you realise you just contradicted yourself by saying that porn is violent, exagerated and grotesque? Thats' why it's fantasy! Like the Fast and Furious films we dont call them bad because if people watch them they are going to drive like lunatics. Look sex is many things to many people but at the base its violent by nature: someone is literally getting penetrated by someone else. Yes its violent, nasty, or whatever else you wanna call it but it is what it is. Get over it. And something people who hate on porn dont address is this: what is the alternate solution do you give to men and women who use porn? Not to use porn? The truth is not everyone is able to get there sexual desires satisfied everytime so they might use it every now and then. nothing wrong with that. Correct me if i'm wrong it sounds like you want people to not use porn because it makes you unconfortable and insecure in your sexual ability (takes away your sexual power cause yoi dont think you can live up to the expectations porn creates). You are not so much concerned about the effects it might have on viewers mental health. Personaly i believe if porn use is not affecting your social life or taking up hours of your day it is alright its all about modulation
How does "porn impact men"**
@theguardian how in the world could you do this segment and not even touch the issue of the explosion of incest porn and simulated child porn🤷♀️
Consuelo Chastain because that has less to do with misplaced masculinity (which this series explores), and more to do with criminality/mental illness.
0:53 Not true!
This one felt very unfocused. Didn't ask a strong question and sort of wafted around the issue.
You are an amazing woman. So much love for you 💛
This is top class lady.
Read the title again, it doesn’t make sense.
none of your business yeah it does, “impact on ...” is a correct usage of the word
I turned this off for porn
What's the name of actress at 11:16, folks?
(Joking)
Your doing this video on this topic in this day and age already prove what I said. This video is like saying we don't know if men masturbate
This should expand into the needs of a human. It’s all intertwined with our past. Are we monogamous as a species or not? How many times and what would be the variety rate that Homo sapiens would have sex in the past (before society), during most of our species’ history?
This is all essential in finding out our needs and analysing how these fit into modern society, monogamy, family and porn.
Maybe in the next episodes? :)
It made them to be rising back again ...
Look up Erika Lust, she's a feminist filmmaker and is doing some awesome stuff.
I'm not going near anything feminist
So women can and men Can’t. Totally fair guys. Just like the rest of society.
Womens make up can be likened to porn as it also promotes a false standard.
Keep on girl
7:29 LOL
I don’t understand the assumption that kids think porn is real life. They don’t watch a Hollywood film and think that’s real, why are we assuming they do the same with porn?
What about those nerds who cannot fit into society men/women will reject them and only way they can satisfy their sexual drive by investing half an hour to this rather than investing month and 1000 of hours and resources in someone another just for 15 to 20 minutes of pleasure i think by the view point of investment and profit it makes sense
Nothing better than Jon ronson, what a guy.
Agreed.
Iman's reaction @8:52 😂😂😂
Jokes aside but women are not that different from men in some respects 😉
Love your nails
That title makes no goddamn sense. Grammatically.
The fondness for fantasy films is coming to an end slowly slowly
I prefer to watch Iman Amrani...
Nofap is the way!!
There literally filming themselves video chatting on computers
One was in London, one was in New York. We have an office in New York so we asked Tom to go and film Jon Ronson and we filmed Iman from here rather than taking a flight.
@@theGuardian ah fair point
How does Fifty shades of grey impact women?
They made that tr-ash the number one biggest selling book ever. As a book lover, it still makes me angry.
15:30 .
To stop the coom, one must forgive the doom
This is the worst episode yet so far of the series, i'd go as far to say it was bad. Feels like so much wasn't explored.
It was also one of the longest. Sorry you feel that way bro.
Does watching softcore porn risk erectile dysfunction because it creates unrealistic expectations of women? Or is it just hardcore porn?
Erectile dysfunction from porn? 😂
neither causes erectile dysfunction, they just make certain people think theres something wrong with their penis just because its not erect. There isn't, a flaccid penis is in fact the norm. Additionally the shame people feel about their sexuality and porn habits is an excellent scapegoat for people to reframe their life, hence why theres so many born again no-fappers out there.