Hanging out with straight women is VERY different than hanging out with straight men but the comfort and safety of being around your own community is UNPARALLELED.
I'm a gay man and I feel more comfortable with women (of any sexuality) than any other group. Gay guys would probably be next but there's the whole "nervous around potential dating prospects" aspect so it's only comfortable and safe if I'm with a bunch of guys I would never want to be with.
@@mustlovebooknerdyeah but as humans we are social animals and have necessity to be in a group that we identify with, at the end of the day, we still need to have at least a gay friend so we can identify with
I don't care if people are the same sex, sexuality, or race as me, but as a queer person I'm so much more comfortable around other queer people than non queer people.
I always find it interesting that gay men don't look at everything with absolutes or black and white as often as straight guys do. Makes sense considering the different life experience and social pressures.
because our entire world is structured in binaries. gay men (as all queer people) had to question those binaries at some point. like, you are a man, but if being a man is defined as the opposite of a woman, whom you are supposed to be attracted to, obviously it doesn't apply to you. so first, you are going to think something is wrong with you. with growth, you learn that there is nothing wrong with you, but with the way our world is structured. absolute binaries are a lie. that's the whole story.
Gay men's brains are a lot like a female in some areas. There are going to be similarities and differences in how we react to certain situations or the outlooks we have on life.
you saying that you want to come across that way just warmed my heart. its so odd how something that could sound like the bare minimum to some could also mean so much to others. just the fact that u feel that way means you're already doin great@@Lannycakes42
Sometimesit doesn't happen an7way What's important to remember is sexualityspectrum Als9 where the chapters previous video had I no longer like jubilee then yt suggested this channle ll
You guys do way better than Jubilee with picking people to represent each side. The conversations are just a lot more positive and productive and everyone really wants to be there.
Loved the guy with the Navy blue hat and shirt on. As a gay guy, I’d definitely befriend him. He seemed so unproblematic and open-minded and just like a friendly person.
as a lesbian who's been outwardly queer since early middle school, this hit home even tho it was from a man's pov . make one of these w girls i think it would be interesting to compare the two with the same prompts :) loved this one btw
You have no idea how excited I was to hear Chanse’s voice within the first 5 seconds of this video. And finding people who recognize him from Smosh makes me so happy 🥹
Chanse is soo emotionally attuned and intelligent. I loved all his points, especially about how straightness is a part of folks' identities more than they'd think even if at a primarily subconscious level. Also loved how he talked about reading about attachment theory. I think anyone that wants to get into a serious relationship should look into attachment theory
The biggest privilege (or one of them anyway) is that these guys live in a country where they have these conversations and do so on such a public platform. In many parts of the world that definitely wouldn't happen.
Why do you have to say it like that’s a bad thing? Imagine no contries ever having these conversations. People wouldn’t ever get educated and never progress. Stop finding negativity where it shouldn’t be.
@@garrett1528 That was not my intention at all, I was just speaking to the reality of this world. It is fantastic that there are places where things like this video can happen, but as someone who lives in another place where this wouldn't be a thing, I felt it important to point out another facet of this situation. That's it. So I didn't have to "find' the negativity at all, it already exists in terms of the disparities in the conditions of LGBT lives across the world. So therefore there is an inherent privilege that comes with living in places like the USA, as far as the worldwide LGBT community is concerned.
@garrett1528 At the same time - in order to progress, we must note the unnecessarily negative stigma surrounding LGBT existence in particular parts of the world. 70+ countries where existing as an LGBT individual is legislated against/against the law, demonstrably frowned upon culturally and socially, etc. There's still a lot of work to be done for individuals that are not causing ANY harm for simply existing in their truths.
Someone should’ve called that guy out for saying that “women can’t fuck without getting emotionally attached and guys can”. Like why are men so delusional?
lmao the thing is, most women who dont usually sleep around are fuly capable of fucking without getting attached but a lot of guys knowing that girl does not always sleeps around, pretend to be interested romantically in her for months until the girl gets actually attached and they blame the girl when we accused them of being manipulative and liars lol
Imagine getting straight men and gay men together in an attempt to understand each other. This is such an important conversation. Thank you for creating and posting it. There was so much honesty and openness. I had to stop and replay several sections just to make sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. Every participant was listened to, and some even expressed learning new things. Yup, this is how people grow.
I'm gay and i still feel conditioned to dress like a boy. For me it's not a sexuality thing I also love the point about being fit being a male gaze thing. I've since had a glow up, joined gym after covid and it's always men that wanna say something about my body. Overwhelmingly, men are attracted to the physique of another man. Straight or gay.
because it's not related to sexuality, it's related to gender identity which CAN be influenced by your sexuality. Dude with the cap was so close but so far a the same time
I researched and wrote a whole a*s paper on queer men's body image. The pressure to be shredded for queer men is intensely higher and stems from a need to look healthier bc of the HIV/AIDS crisis in the 1980s. Over time that is repersussioning bc queer men now tend to look more healthy, athletic and masculine than the straights, so they gotta keep up now to affirm their gender identity.
If that had anything to do with it, Fauci wouldn't be as popular with every milk-toast gay liberal in this country. Male sexuality is hyper-visual: men are lead by their eyes. Gay men, like straight women, are subjected to the same laws of nature. The HIV/AIDS crisis has nothing to do with beauty standards.
Well what about the Gay Bear community? Isn't the creation and proliferation of the Bears a rejection of the stringent muscle boy body type?? And why isn't there a straight bear community???
27:59 interesting that he’s implying women are lying about what they like as if he would know. As a woman I completely agree with Kevin that dating someone who’s a gym rat & follows strict dieting to the point they won’t have a some cheat meals is a definite turn off for me because our life styles just won’t be very compatible. I also think generally women are more likely to factor in personality as well compared to men. Obviously no gender is a monolith and some girls will care about looks more than some guys but overall in my experience women are much more likely to give men a chance regardless of physical appearance if they are interested in their personality. just an edit: I hope this is not seen as a hate comment as I appreciate Zane (and all the other people involved) for giving their honest opinions on these topics so we can have these conversations!
I completely agree! I was gobsmacked by the way he said that with so much absoluteness. He doesn’t know or maybe hasn’t been around / dated women who truly do appreciate a “dad bod” or prefer something similar. It was just wild to hear a straight white cis man declare that women are lying with so much absoluteness. Idk that just bothered me. I’m glad someone pointed it out. Edit: I also don’t mean this as a hate comment. Like I said before, it just bothered me a bit to hear him say that bc i do feel like some men put unnecessary pressure on themselves when there are women out there who do appreciate softer bodies. ❤
I agree. I know personally with my past relationship at first I wasn’t physically attracted to him but very emotionally attracted. Over time I began to find him more and more attractive as I got to know who he was as a person
I don’t think this is hateful or judgmental at all! It’s personal preference and you are valid for that! I’m the opposite I rather date someone who has a strict diet and gym regime because I do too! But that’s my lifestyle so it works better for me! Personal preference
i can understand him evden if hes generally wrong tho he experienced fatphobia too.. which is separate from just not being muscular but yea@@yellowheavens5506
I am a straight woman and I can confirm I don’t like gym rats and never have. I don’t mind a slender body or even a chubbier guy if I like his face honestly. I prefer an average body than a really muscular body.
Right? That guy was just constantly saying the most toxic masculine stuff 👀 I'm surprised no one corrected him. Like didn't they have at least 1 woman on shoot?
it seemed that was his past insecurities speaking. maybe he didnt feel confident as a chubby guy, but that plays more of a factor than actually just the fact that he was chubby.
Sure some women like dad bods, but way more of them like fit men. Most straight men, even fit men, experience scarcity in dating compared to women. The black dude said so himself, even shredded he was scarce. That scarcity is further enhanced if you choose dad bod over fitness. So when the dude said that girls don’t like it, he was obviously not talking about 100% of all female humans. But life experience statistics provided the answer.
@@gyroh6593 after listening to that guy speak, I can guarantee it was his personality way more than his body that was turning women away. Especially when he thinks he can talk on behalf of women.
I identify with the comment at 21:13 . I feel as 43 years old I have spent all my energy trying to hide my homosexuality, to the point I haven't enjoyed life to the fullest. Growing up in a Latino catholic family and in a conservative society in Colombia has made things harder for me. I think if I hadn't had those worries I would have focused more on school and I would have made different decisions, to please myself more and not others. I felt especially in high school while others were learning about different subjects, I was paying attention to how I talked, how I moved, and what to say on my breaks when I wasn't playing soccer with the other guys.
I see you, Chanse. Heteronormativity is so ingrained into our culture that we don't even think of it as affecting choices or preferences at all. There aren't "gay" or "straight" clothes per se (I mean, we can joke that there are :P but literally speaking, no, there's not), but social conditioning and culture around straightness absolutely gets ingrained into people. There's also lots of intersectionality of diff identities, such as sexuality, gender identity, race, all kinds of identities play into these things subconsciously
But also, just fucking wear what you like! I don't understand why gay guys are SO obsessed with sexuality like it influences every decision they make and they have to ask themselves (is this what a gay person would wear/say/listen to/eat etc...) Like who tf cares, just be individual! They honestly obsess over this stuff more than straight men do in this "toxic masculinity" culture. There are so many things that make up a person's personality, their likes and dislikes, their interests and preferences than who they have sex with
Yeah Chanse really was correct here and they just bulldozed over him and dismissed him. Every time you watch a Disney movie as a kid, or you hear an adult say to you (as a little boy) "is that your girlfriend?" 99% of relationships around you, the way people talk about what "real men do", how men should dress, the way "that's gay" has been used derogatorily until not too long ago. To act like society hasn't influenced your straight identity and presentation/ acting out of that straight identity is really lacking understanding of these subconscious influences.
@alphastormeex9468 but does it even matter? What do you gain from making that analysis? We are all influenced by the environment around us, we all have subconscious thoughts and things that determine who we are, but we also have conscious thoughts and make choices. Culture and fashion and all those things changes all the time, traditional masculinity doesn't really matter anymore, but there are things that are just considered normal and commonplace. People are going against the grain and doing things that are unconventional, and that's fine, they are expressing themselves and their individuality, but that doesn't make them more evolved than people than who are just comfortable with the status quo. I don't understand why queer people have to question and overthink and have anxiety over everything, just be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin. Most straight cis guys dont think about whether something is manly enough when they do it or buy it, they just do it
@@bishbosh4815 "but does it even matter? What do you gain from making that analysis?" It's called discussion and using our mental capacities to try to understand our society "Traditional masculinity doesn't really matter anymore" nah it still matters, masculinity has changed but women still look for a manly man and most young men (straight or non-straight) are expected and feel pressure to be (seen as) manly "That doesn't make them more evolved than people just comfortable with the status quo" true, it's not about evolution or superiority. It's about people's freedom to be and express themselves "I don't understand why queer people have to question and overthink and have anxiety over everything, just be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin" it seems like you're straight or a "lucky" queer. For queer men being anxious and overthinking about self-identity is the natural consequence of growing up in this society, which is still quite sexist and homophobic, though it's much better than in the past
@alessandro185 but why do you have to obsess over that? We live in a FAR more tolerant and accepting society than we did decades ago, and the most progressive in the world, people are often too loud and proud about their sexuality and open to expression. People never used to have this level of anxiety about themselves and the World around them, so why is it such a struggle now? Why in this technologically advanced and socially progressive world where we're all so connected to eachother do people feel so isolated and like it's them against the world, like everyone's judging them and the have to overthink everything and explore their identity? Why do you need these labels. You're YOU. Just be YOU! No one really cares about it
As a gay man, I 100% agree with the straight men regarding experimenting with your undesired sex. Throughout my experience, most gay men do not want to to experiment with women if they don't have to. Open relationship is also a big no no to me.
as a straight man i dont have to experiment with men. because im not attracted to men. so i dont have to test that. the thought of gay sex truly disgusts me. i guess if it wouldnt then i'd probably experiment. but i myself dont need to.
I didn't really interpret the question as whether or not they WANT to, but whether or not they would be WILLING to. I think the gay mens' assessment in the video that it seems like horrific to them because they'd already been through having to consider it, if not literally doing it. Experimenting with your sexuality seems a lot less scary if you've already been through having to break through that kind of barrier, and I totally agree it probably seems more scary/ridiculous to people who've never had to consider it even once. Most straight people (men especially) talk about hooking up with the same sex like it makes them want to throw up and d!e, but gay people on average will have already engaged in some kind of straight activity, even if just mentally and emotionally trying to prepare for it, so they don't tend to talk about potential straight sex/relationships as if they're somehow painful or nauseating like straight people do. Anyway, sorry for the long comment, that's just how I took it.
I actually did a research paper in college on body image in the lgbt+ community. I mainly focused on eating disorders and how they disproportionately affect lgbt+ individuals and found other than straight women, gay men were the highest percentage to have anorexia due to the need to be percieved as fit and thin. It also stems from the AIDS epidemic and gay men's obsession with being and "looking" healthy.
Yeah. I am what most would call not the healthiest fit person, I have an eating disorder that really makes me think about when rather than what I'm eating. Food is good, and nature unfortunately made it have downsides.
Brian, as a straight woman, I 100% agree with you on your theory!! It does seem that most straight men are more concerned with appearance than other people.
Well said. I’d only add that they seem more concerned with their appearance specifically to other straight men. The “I know how other men (their friends specifically) talk about women they’ve slept with, so I wouldn’t want my partner to have slept with any of them” is a statement that really shows how much they seem to seek validation and fear judgement from each other. 😢
I think if you made a dating app profile with pictures of an average man, you'd see very quickly how concerned straight women are with appearance. The difference is that it's possible for an ugly man to have enough other things going to overcome that. Genghis Khan, Henry Kissinger, etc had the money and power to pull women, whereas Angela Merkel can't do that. A man who is a 4 in looks needs to be an absolute baller in order to get a shot with a waitress at Denny's. Attractive men (7+) have lots and lots of options and have the ability to be picky about looks. Men below that line are mostly single and have given up. Women almost exclusively talk to the ones they're attracted to, so they get that perspective of what men are like. The ~65% of dating-age men who have given up on trying, and the ~20% more who are trying but not meeting anyone, you don't hear or care about their opinion. He's just the object that rings up your groceries or holds that stop/slow sign in construction zones.
Seeing chanse tryna convince the dudes that they're obviously influenced by how they're supposed to act based on their sexuality was refreshing. I dont think they understand that personality isnt something conscious anyway but yet they kept trying to make the point that they dont consciously consider the fact that they're straight when making decisions. Like yeah obviously, doesnt change the fact that it still influences things unconsciously 😂
These are gender influences not sexual orientation influences. Just as not all gay men dress superfluously. The gay men that speak "gay" and dress "gay" are doing so to assert their gayness visually. Meanwhile gay men who dress as any other man would are simply following a gender norm. Flamboyant gay men make a conscious effort to assert "gayness."
I wouldn't say it directly influences things, I don't wear dresses because they don't appeal to me in the male form and definitely not on myself. I've never picked up a shirt and thought would I look gay in this? I just base it on whether I think it'll look good for my style. Also with the sports analogy, I'm a competitive guy, always have been its how I motivate myself to do things I really don't want to do, I turn it into a competition, one of the reasons why I love sports. I think a lot of men are competitively driven, I'm a teacher and one of the sure fire ways to get boys engaged in my lessons 100% is introduce a competitive element to it.
@@mattj1829 so as a teacher, you treat boys a certain way and think that results in them engaging in things in a certain way simply bc they're boys and not maybe bc of your gender based treatment of them?
@@ComedyGlor I try a variety of different methods based on each student. I've been a special needs teacher before moving into mainstream, so trying different methods to acquire the best engagement response Is kind of my entire schtick. In my years of doing so it seems that competitiveness generally works better on boys. With that being said, girls are (in general) more academically inclined so it takes less creative approaches to make them invest in the lesson. Funnily enough an autistic girl I used to teach would absolutely react and demolish most competitive challenges, which was a big surprise for me as autistic people tend to be more socially awkward and insular.
@@mattj1829 what about gay boys and girls? Would you try incorporating competition with them for example? Have u noticed that gay girls/guys are more/less competitive respectively?
I went in here so skeptical, but it just became so fun, and comfortable, and wholesome. Thanks for getting some conversation going in nontoxic ways, clearly perspectives and horizons were broadened in this video.
I think this is a great way to build bonds with straight men and gay men. I think straight men that are comfortable in their own masculinity most times find gay men to be funny and fun to hang out with. If everyone could just relax and have fun, the world would be a much better place.
OMG! Zane's point that never having think about your sexuality is a big part of straight people's sexual identity really blew my mind. That is a great perspective and also a great way to sort of acknowledge your privileges, which he did many times after that, even if he didn't refer to his experience as "privileged," but he's aware there are social anxieties and struggles he'll never have to deal with. However, I do see Chasen had a point in that conversation. Straight people don't think about being "straight," but plenty of them do think about how "not to look gay" whenever they are confronted with the possibility that some people out there could perceive them as such. Men are generally socialized to present themselves as far removed from anything related to women and femininity as possible, even if it involves shame, violence and trauma. Growing up as a boy, you are geared towards the "right" sports, clothes, mannerisms, interests, music, towards liking and pursuing girls, etc. and you have a hard time if you deviate from any of those expectations even a little bit. And let's be honest, very few people out there grow up aware that it's okay to feel attracted to someone of the same gender; which adds to Zane's initial point, because straight people are affirmed in their identity from the day that pregnancy test is positive.
No. it's stupid. Sorry, but every person thinks about his sexuality and develops it (mostly in childhood), we don't have a defined sexuality as children. And when we first 'feel' for someone else, the journey of reflection begins. It is a false assumption of his to say that heteros do not reflect on their sexuality and take it for granted. He makes assumptions based on his experiences as a gay man who questioned his own sexuality and then perhaps explored it. But that doesn't mean that heteros don't think, question, challenge their sexuality. He should have had to stay close to his experience. Tired of people trying to glorify their experience based on dismissing the experiences of others.
Given that all societies in all parts of the world and in all time periods have established different practices, roles, and clothing and expression for men and women, I think it's safe to say that having these differences is actually important to the human species. What clothing/colors/hairstyles/etc are considered "masculine" vs "feminine" differ between cultures, but the presence of established differences is constant in ALL cultures. This should not be seen as a bad thing just because we sometimes do things to fit in or to appeal to the opposite sex. People need to stop dramatizing it and making it sound traumatic.
I dislike the replies you got a lot, but I agree with you, OP! Even men who are completely straight get shamed and harmed for not "acting" or dressing straight enough or for liking things that aren't aligned with "straightness" and I think straight men who have ever been bullied for "seeming gay" even though they weren't, would totally agree that straightness is part of a straight man's identity far more than some of these guys wanted to acknowledge.
They should do this but a version with straight vs. gay girls and another one with lesbians vs. gay guys. Since all women have a different life experience than men and gay girls have a very different experience than gay guys. I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a gay guy and we share very much of the same struggles but in different ways. And I've met other gay guys who I can't find any commonalities with and who would rather be friends with the straight girls than me. Also for me getting along with straight guys and girls has been difficult. I think as a lesbian it's hard to be understood by anyone besides other lesbians since it's such a unique experience.
As a masculine gay man, I rather hang out with butch lesbians because straight women don't see me as gay, and they tried to change my sexuality on numerous occasions- Most gay (feminine) gay men prefer straight women because they have much more in common with straight women than lesbians- Gay men are more attracted to feminine things, therefore, that's why they get along with straight women. If I had to choose my friends, it would be secure straight men and definitely butch lesbians...I just feel more comfortable in masculine settings.
@@melvonjohnson5711 or in other words, when it comes to friendship, sexuality isn't relevant at all, it's about shared gender expression. I think that makes sense because you're not intending on having a sexual relationship, and it's actually a bonus to not have that sexual attraction there, ideally on either side.
Absolutely correct, I don't want to befriend someone who just want to be friends with me because they only think I'm attractive and vice attractive vice versa...I befriend trans men and butch lesbians because there's more of a platonic friendship.
@@melvonjohnson5711 Agreed, I'm a gay guy and I don't feel like I fit in with the gay or queer community because a lot of it is around gay culture which I don't relate to. I'm also what's considered 'straight-passing' so I feel quite judged since I don't fit any of the stereotypes and there's a lot of pressure to behave/talk in a certain way and have certain interests.
Chanse and Kevin is not the crossover I thought I'd ever see, but I'm LIVING for it! Chanse is so well spoken and Kevin is so willing to understand. I love them both ☺ The straight guy with just the mustache seems to have some closed-minded views that can sound misogynist. Surprised no one clocked onto that, but they probably ignored it. O-O
maybe its "easier" to relate to a same-sex partner at first. more common ground or whatever. but like- I still get scared being seen in public sharing affection with an older man who "could be my father" to everyone else who sees us... and like how do you convince your partner you're not ashamed of them when you're still clearly SO ashamed of yourself. How do you show them the respect and love they're worthy of when you're still trying to fish your own self worth out of the drain? How can you be brave for someone else when you're already so scared to be yourself? How does healthy love prevail in that scenario? lol it doesnt.
I will say as someone who has been with both- the love that you receive is the person, who they are, and their upbringing. Mature people will make it clear how they wish to convey/recive love. The hardest part of that is finding someone who is on the same level with you, and someone who grows with you. Man woman. Its true. Its the person, not the gender.
@21:08 when Kevin told him "get back over there" was a moment I really got chills. as a gay guy growing up in my teenage years in this Caribbean country, the way everyone would talk about my impression was like its 2 sides at war "gay vs straight" and if you we're to be found out by a straight would be met with drama and harassment... even those who would want to "force you to be straight" because it's "abnormal against nature or a sin" just those 4 words showed me just how much care he has in his heart for those that are different and not want them to change who they are because that's what society wants. just be who you are like he can be who he is... #Touching
this is one of THE most wholesome "Do ___ Think Alike" type of video i've ever seen, everyone was so respectful and genuinely came to learn and try this new experience and you can see how authentic their interactions were! would love to see even more in the future, great videos.
The gay guy with the cap is reaaaally smart. The way he explained how a major part of your personality is affected by being raised a straight man is really on point.
I'm Bi but lean more on the gay end, however so much of my personality and interests are that of a straight person. To gay guys I come off as mostly masculine and straight, but women think I'm gay. It's a very weird experience to have grown up one way and moved towards another. While also retaining much of your other habits/behaviors and interests.
@@lotusflower_ yep. And it's hard to even try to pursue women after dealing with that shit again after being basically gay for years. Like I'm back to liking the look and idea of pussy, but I just can't stand the idea of putting up with the bullshit. So I basically just say I'm gay amd cut my loss. Which sucks cause I'd love to have a wife and kids.
Being conditioned is being taught to be straight. It’s a societal pressure that gay people in general break and therefore break other societal norms in what we wear, say, etc.
I think it can go both ways though. I personally don’t really identify with a lot of the common queer pop culture that Chanse was referring to in this video, especially when it comes to clothes, I honestly feel like most gay people you can’t even tell they’re gay just based on looks. And a lot of times it isn’t necessarily that those people might not accept themselves but rather that they’re just on the other end of that sexual orientation spectrum as opposed to the types who identify more with what Chanse was talking about. I don’t know maybe I’m wrong but that’s just been my personal experience regarding sexuality. It’s neither white nor black but a literal rainbow of colors. Hence why a lot of us hate labels.
@@Miguel.LAs a gay man, I agree with the original comment. Since we had to break some norms it's more often and easier for us to break. However even though I had broken the norms and stuff, people say I "look" straight. It's because people go for what they like but the norm can affect it, after breaking the norm you still go for what you like but norms don't affect your desicion without you noticing. So I think that's why there are more gay men talking different or wearing interesting things but everyone still tries to go for what they like.
Society is 100% not conditioning us to be straight, it's literally how our bodies are made in order for our species to survive. I agree that once gay people have broken through that mental barrier, they're much more likely to continue pushing these boundaries because of their previous experiences.
Sexuality can't be taught. People born gay, people born straight, bisexual, etc. Gay people don't choose to "break" societal pressure, we just develop our sexual orientation because we have no other choice and face the challenges that come with it.
@@jl1836 I think she just meant that we live pressure to be straight when she said taught to be straight. Like we are taught to live in straight stereotypes
I'm gay and married to a man but both of us are more on the masculine side so people don't assume we are gay. It's just what we like. Doesn't matter if you're gay or not.
Guy in the navy blue cap was such a sweetheart. The way he spoke and how much genuine interest he showed was very telling of his character. Wish him all the best :)
actually impulsively bought it cuz just the subtitle with the trauma and attachment really intrigued me, and I'm finding it extremely scary yet satisfying to read
@@nlyfae Not inherently true at all. Our entire childhoods and every relationship we've ever had (not just the romantic ones) shapes how we deal with attachment, and it is always worth it to examine yourself and your relationships.
Why does Chance look like he's staring into everyone's skulls hahahahhahahhahhhaa. His posture is nonchalant but his gaze is like he's trying to use a laser setting hahhhahahahhaha.
women do in fact like all sorts of body types. idk what that guy was on when he said we were lying about that it was kinda funny watching a man, try and speak for what women perfer lmao
It kind of makes sense though. If a man has the body type that women claim to "love" but he's never been met with that type of attention and never had women checking out his body, he probably has a point. But saying "women love all sorts of body types" is kind of a weasel statement. They were talking about what is preferred on average or by a large majority of women and women definitely don't gravitate towards all body types equally. Men don't either.
Enough of us have had the "you've swiped right on 13,000 girls and received 0 matches" experience that we don't trust what you say anymore. What women do and what women say are badly mismatched. Some women prefer beefy tall fit men, some prefer skinny tall fit men. None of you prefer chubby and short. That's fine. Just don't lie about it. A lot of men have wasted a lot of time "just being ourselves" before realizing that the Johnny Bravo cartoons lied about everything.
@@JETZcorp If that were true, no chubby guy would be in a loving relationship, yet they are. "Swiping right" is a dating app function, but life is not an app. You don't end up with a happy relationship because you both swiped right--it takes lots of time and work, and being open to the other person and knowing you don't know everything. Your comment seems to lack that, but as with swiping, the good news is that comment doesn't represent your potential or whole belief. There's always more if you're willing to look for it. Giving up on finding more is the one way to ensure you never find it.
@@Zephirite. I've known a couple chubby guys who have found dating success... before social media was invented. When people used to hang out socially and get to know each other doing common activities, yes, things worked. That stuff is gone now, and the male under-30 virginity rate has TRIPLED in 15 years as a result. Most couples today meet on social media (especially Instagram) and in night clubs. Not at the mall, not at band camp, not at the malt shop. Most young women are presented with unlimited numbers of attractive men, and they do not put themselves in situations to discover the personalities of unattractive men. Worse yet, personality traits like kindness and attentiveness are deemed unattractive and weak to the majority of young women today. This is backed up by studies which show that women will happily forego intelligence and kindness in order to secure any other desirable trait such as height, fitness, facial symmetry, or confidence. You can spend the rest of your life reading about men who treated women with respect and met with rejection, but then found huge demand as soon as they started to treat women like disposable objects. The only unattractive man of my generation I've known who had an easy time getting female attention did so by leading with alcohol and insults. He found no long-term happiness, and they all hated him, but they all slept with him. Being a decent human being got him nowhere with women. Eventually, he decided that being alone was better than being abusive.
@@JETZcorp …..now this is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I don’t need to read about what women like; I am one. You put so much faith in pseudo-scientific studies but claim no one meets in person, as if fixating on fake statistics doesn’t contradict the importance of “personality.” If you cared about personalities, you’d get off the internet and actually ask a woman what she wants.
Regarding the gay role models, I dunno if it should've been made clear that so many LGBTQ people didn't get to grow old because of the HIV/ AIDS crisis and also that straight people view gayness as inherently hypersexual and that's why we don't often get to appear in media for kids.
"Straight people view gayness as hypersexual" as a bi guy, it certainly can be hypersexual. I enjoy pride and what not but if I have kids one day I won't take them to pride until they are 18+ unless the culture really shifts.
@@K0sm1cKidthat’s a pride parade. Totally hear what you’re saying when it comes to that but, I’d ask you to think why that is? Gay guys grow up in a world where romantic relationships between two men are nonexistent. Hyper sexual behavior is a product of this absence. We find it hard to build genuine romantic relationships because there is no baseline to grow from. Gay and especially bi men are afraid of getting into serious relationships with men because it’s been so demonized in our society. So the next best thing is hookups, sad as it is. Many gay and bi men view other men as mere sexual fantasies. It’s sad. Gay men are people too and are deserving of fulfilling relationships where they feel valued and loved. But more often then not, we feel like a second option or even discarded when it comes to getting with other guys; straight people on the other hand always grew up with romance-it’s ok and even encouraged to go after a loving relationship with another person of the opposite sex. They’re encouraged to devote their time and attention to that person, cuz that’s just the way it is. While yes there definitely needs to be a discussion amongst the gay community, excluding gay men from media or representation would only worsen this hyper-sexual “problem”. ALSO that claim is rooted in our history where gay men were called “perverts”, “hyper sexual deviants”, “pedophiles” etc. Those claims false and dehumanizing. Also people tend to do the complete opposite of what’s beat into them as form of retaliation. Gay men do this by refusing to abide by traditional roles, instead indulging in overtly sexual relationships which is so taboo in todays society.
Re older gay role models, he referred to guys in their 40’s and 50’s (!!!) whereas survivors of the epidemic are more in their late 50’s and 60’s. And there are still many of us. The reality is that younger gays are very ageist and have marginalized older men. (Well, at least when they’re traveling in packs …)
@@K0sm1cKid That's not what they're talking about here though. Straight people view gayness itself as INHERENTLY sexual, they see being gay at all as a sexual behavior, in a way they don't see straightness. No straight person is ever told they're "too young" to know they're straight or "too young" to have crushes on people of the opposite sex. No straight person is ever told it's inappropriate for kids to know about their relationships or for a character who's straight to appear on tv.
This was a beautiful conversation. There was a lot of really amazing insights and it was super powerful to see everyone openly discussing these topics and sharing their experiences. Thanks so much for this!
This was a really fun video! I loved when the guys said “ohhh I’ve never thought about that before!” It’s always so helpful to have open conversations to learn more!
My dad just turned 50, he's an "old" gay man who raised me and my brother since he was 17... never have I ever seen him "Dress gay" lol... most people don't know he's gay until they find out. He's just a dude who loves dudes ❤ You guys don't need to "Dress gay" or "act gay"... just be you all around!
@bejanimreyes Uuuh.... the 80's were super gay.... it was just easier to run around in short shorts as a gay man with the dudes back then and not stand out. And what is this "attention" thing... Let me guess you think "those girls" asked for it with how they dressed? Internalized homophobia much....?
Sorry if this sounds like a personal question, but are you sure that your dad is gay or could he be bisexual? I think there are some differences between the ways bisexuals and gays think and behave...in general...when it comes to clothing and behaviour and stuff...I think bisexual men don't mind wearing more conservative-like clothing whereas a lot of gay men (not all) like to wear more flashier clothes with vibrant colours. I am a heterosexual man by the way.
When you are LGBTQ, you don't see things as black and white as straight people... You, ironically, see all the colors between so we tend to be more open to things. I found myself agreeing more with the gay men but understood the straight men's side too.
This video is proof that communicating is always key to understanding each other. Their opinions are all very interesting, I loved the discussion about the clothes and the last point about men being more attracted to visuals. Very good video
I believe sexuality CAN effect personality, if you persue it. It is bc of the fact that a lesbian is trying to attract other girls, and also show guys that she is not straight, that she would act "lesbian". Being more masculine or independent. I believe as a lgbtq+ person you can blend with straight ppl if you have to, but most of us really don't want to. We want to be different and we want that difference to be visible, so we choose it to effect our personality. If we dont think about it, if we never think about it, our personalities are just our personality, that is just how we are. What we like and how we like might effect our desires in partners, but if we try to live without the sexuality, it will never effect the way we act. It's usually a choice not a constant.
I'm so glad chance stood his ground, especially when some of the statements that aren't preference but imply something negative about the other side. like the "the relationship can only be sacred if its two person"
What a great conversation… one comment though from the young kid who said that the older gay men are “gone”… We’re not… we’re here, and we’re present… but to the younger gay community… we’re invisible… There’s a major difference between the idea of being physically “not present” in the community… and simply “not being seen”… either because no one is looking for us…. Or worse… no one wants to acknowledge us because we’re not valued, or seen as relevant…
I may be totally TOTALLY wrong but I thought he was referring to the aids crisis or just the fact they've passed away. I perceive them as wanting to have role models so to intentionally ignore them seems counter productive- but I DO get that older lgbt people are much less seen, especially by younger LGBTQ+.
@@Emma-wm9jg I agree. But also, we don't always hang out in the same places. An older married/partnered gay guy isn't necessarily going to be at clubs with younger gay guys (who are *way* more likely to go out with their mixed group of friends...so not always to a gay bar, if ever.) And the number of "gay spaces" has dropped dramatically in recent years. The older ones who do show up tend to be desperate sexual creepers who can't take a hint! Also, younger gay people tend to have a very different experience of being gay than us that are older which, again, many times translates to just not being in the same spaces. My local library has a gay coffee hour every month and I go when I can, but, honestly, my life is pretty busy. I don't have the same level free time as the college kids who show up. *shrug*
The “you’re dressed like a straight” bit was a bit frustrating. Looking at Bryan in this video he has oversized black shirt and oversized pants, he’s gay but that’s just more of a 90’s skater look than anything. Women and men dress this way. I’m not sure what makes your clothes specifically “straight”. More and more men these days are also feeling less confined to certain colors or certain prints and trying different things. The dude with the full Jean outfit even said himself he can’t tell who’s gay or straight all the time anymore based on clothing alone…
Some gay men don’t like loud prints, bright colors, wearing pink, crop tops, rainbow colored clothing, glitter, etc. so in that case that they wear just blue jeans and a shirt are they dressed straight?
Straight men generally dress the same often times. Out gay men I feel definitely more often dress uniquely, more jewelry, and gender non conforming clothing than straight men on average. Not all the time tho
that guy who’s been married a couple times clearly doesn’t have the best grasp on what women think… imo, of course. I know for me and a lot of the girlies that I know we don’t like “shredded” guys.
“ my sexuality is a major part of my sexuality “ when i saw this i was so confused! had to rewind and put the speaker super close to my ear to hear what was actually asked! sometimes it’s really hard to hear the person asking the questions!
this is a really awesome meeting of two perspectives, and the vibes of everyone in the video are very wholesome and understanding. Very comforting to watch
I think that majority of the time, confidence can also lead to attraction. I've grown to have a healthy amount of confidence in what I do, not only as a gay man, but with bigger bear body. People are attracted to the humble confidence more than just appearance. Plus that confidence can lead into learning/mastering new things like music/art/mechanics and people find a talented person also very attractive.
The last question and Brian’s theory on it was so goooood! 👏🏻 I’ve never thought about that and it just opened another window in my brain and I loved it.
I think it's disingenuous to just treat sex as this animalistic thing for me as a gay black man into spirituality I view sex as sacred and a huge responsibility to be present with that person and not just treat them as an object for your enjoyment I hate hook up culture cause one party whether consciously or not ends up getting hurt and it's always left me feeling empty and depressed or not cared about really
you can have that vieuw but you have to realise its your vieuw. and to not impose that vieuw on others who do not share it. its your problem, not anyone elses
It's different for everyone. These men seem to believe sex is more sacred for women than men, but I am a woman who prefers casual relationships, sex and friendship mixing, etc, and i deeply DISLIKE treating sex as sacred. I can't relate at all. It isn't something based in sexuality or gender, just different individuals.
Dude this were actually some great conversations and i enjoyed how they challenged each other. I really really think it would've been interesting to have had some bi guys there as well, though. Especially with the last two questions, i feel like bi people have unique experiences.
Amen but some of them are simply denying they may be more spectrum or fluid in that some denying it more then others Als9 I like chanse but and though thete can be glbt fashion styles indint thibk the "str8"giys looked 1 or the other either
I think Chance is mixing up the whole gender vs sexuality thing concerning your identity. I was conditioned to like pink as a girl, conditioned to like dance- I rebelled and did not like them because it was so heavily enforced on me, but it has nothing to do with my sexuality. I would argue the reason I wear dresses now is because I am more comfortable labelling myself as a woman compared to when I was younger and was expected to dress a certain way.
As a gay guy i disagree with being open to try with women. Thats because I have many times and it isnt my thing, i have a visceral reaction. Sexuality is definitely a spectrum, romantic and sexual preference can differ in a person, but it kind of reminds me of this whole "how do you know if you're gay if you havent gotten with (opposite gender)" Everyone is different and i think being on the edge of the spectrum is okay, such as myself.
This video really made me want to cry. I’ve never seen so much love, open mindedness, and LISTENING in a video of this many men. This was so heartwarming, all green flags 💚
Love this camaraderie. There were so many things that I am amused nobody thought was "offensive" "problematic" even though it wasn't comfortable or sometimes not temporally politically correct
As a straight male that was raised by 3 women, I’d say I don’t really like sports. Im more in touch with my emotional side and have better style than my wife. Love the concept of this video and you guys seem amazing!! Keep making content ❤
I really enjoyed this!! it's nice to see when gay and stright people are able to have an open dialouge and it's always fun to see and hear everyones different life experiences and perspective great video!!! :)
As a gay guy I was so surprised about the 'how often do you think about your sexuality question'. I never think about the fact that I'm gay and sometimes kinda forget until it's brought up and made 'a thing' if that make sense. Like in my head I just like guys and forget that it's a big deal in society until it's mentioned. I guess it might partly be due to the fact that I'm what's considered 'straight-acting' (I hate that term as it implies there's a way gay people are 'supposed' to be) so I don't have to deal with the issues that more feminine gay guys have to deal with. However, I also think it might be due to the fact that I also deal with severe health issues which takes up a lot of time/mental energy, work stress, studying etc. so I don't really have time to think about it. I did find that really interesting tho and this conversation was excellent. I'm also British and British gay culture is very different to American gay culture in everything from dress sense and mannerisms to the way they speak (the slang is mostly AAVE which is American so that makes sense).
This discussion was refreshing AF!! I really enjoyed watching and learning to see things from a str8/gay male perspective and those prompts were on point!!!!!!
I don’t understand the guy in the vests perspective of I don’t wanna come in looking straight and the stereotypes of gender roles and sexuality. I don’t get the separation of oh I’m gay so I have to wear this, or straight men wear this? It goes back to being comfortable in your own masculinity. Just because a man wears nail polish or dresses more feminine doesn’t mean they’re gay or vice versa, which I know has been looked down upon for years, but should be more normalized. I think that’s the huge problem with our youth right now is gender roles in general. Just because you like one thing doesn’t mean you’re this or that. You can just like something and still be comfortable in your own sexuality. I don’t get why there has to be so much separation between heterosexual and LGBTQ. Making your sexuality your entire personality is a problem, because there’s a lot more to a person than just their sexuality and I don’t think that determines your likes/dislikes. Same with the sports thing, like there’s plenty of women who like sports, and plenty of men who don’t. I wish we could just get past the stereotypes and just see everyone as equal, no matter who they like or what they do, which seems impossible anymore. There’s some great conversations in here that I don’t think get discussed enough and I love that. Gender roles are one of the biggest issues in society right now in my opinion, and I think it’s super important to touch on that and see people come together no matter their background, that’s what it’s all about. Great video!
I totally agree with you. I feel like the disconnect happens because so many people in that community are in such a search for themselves that the clear thing that they do know about themselves, which is their sexuality, is what they leech on to. It becomes so much of their personality that they feel they need to make every decision based on that. Imo, Most hetero people don’t really care about sexual orientation so we try to look past it and gays start to feel looked over so they try to amplify it and it’s rubs hetero people the wrong way.
I really appreciated how well everyone got along in this video. I'm a gay man and I find it hard to socialize with straight men so this was really nice to see.
Hanging out with straight women is VERY different than hanging out with straight men but the comfort and safety of being around your own community is UNPARALLELED.
depending on wat type of gay woman you are I know plenty of studs who hang around nothing but dudes and act like me
I'm a gay man and I feel more comfortable with women (of any sexuality) than any other group. Gay guys would probably be next but there's the whole "nervous around potential dating prospects" aspect so it's only comfortable and safe if I'm with a bunch of guys I would never want to be with.
@@mustlovebooknerdyeah but as humans we are social animals and have necessity to be in a group that we identify with, at the end of the day, we still need to have at least a gay friend so we can identify with
I don't care if people are the same sex, sexuality, or race as me, but as a queer person I'm so much more comfortable around other queer people than non queer people.
@@mustlovebooknerd ❤
I always find it interesting that gay men don't look at everything with absolutes or black and white as often as straight guys do. Makes sense considering the different life experience and social pressures.
well bc most are already attacked and shawned upon, soooo doesnt really matter
The gay guys were overall more interesting. I've never been more bored than in a room with straight guys. Eww
because our entire world is structured in binaries. gay men (as all queer people) had to question those binaries at some point. like, you are a man, but if being a man is defined as the opposite of a woman, whom you are supposed to be attracted to, obviously it doesn't apply to you. so first, you are going to think something is wrong with you. with growth, you learn that there is nothing wrong with you, but with the way our world is structured. absolute binaries are a lie. that's the whole story.
Gay men's brains are a lot like a female in some areas. There are going to be similarities and differences in how we react to certain situations or the outlooks we have on life.
@@ItsCoreyLynxxYall Source?
Loved Kevin in this episode, you can tell he’s introspective and willing to talk about his thoughts/feelings so freely
If Kevin is the man in the blue hat, you're right. That's an ally right there.
Yeah he's effortlessly an ally and had all the correct tones. All while being himself! I hope that i would come across in the same way.
you saying that you want to come across that way just warmed my heart. its so odd how something that could sound like the bare minimum to some could also mean so much to others. just the fact that u feel that way means you're already doin great@@Lannycakes42
He’s got one lucky lady for sure. He seems like such a cool guy.
is kevin the straight black or the gay black?
"When you're not completely yourself...the right people are not gonna come towards you" ❤❤❤
Sometimesit doesn't happen an7way
What's important to remember is sexualityspectrum
Als9 where the chapters previous video had
I no longer like jubilee then yt suggested this channle ll
Right? Needed to hear that one
You guys do way better than Jubilee with picking people to represent each side. The conversations are just a lot more positive and productive and everyone really wants to be there.
Facts I like this more than Jubilee
Loved the guy with the Navy blue hat and shirt on. As a gay guy, I’d definitely befriend him. He seemed so unproblematic and open-minded and just like a friendly person.
that's @kevinlangue, he's a GREAT friend and always been such a supportive ally. plus he's hilarious
He's a cast member at Smosh
@@LordMooshroomNo, you are thinking of Chanse.
Can't tell if Ur satire @@pickledfur
@@spirix6523 Is he a member of smosh? I know the guy in denim is Chanse, and he works at smosh, but maybe the other guy does, too.
as a lesbian who's been outwardly queer since early middle school, this hit home even tho it was from a man's pov . make one of these w girls i think it would be interesting to compare the two with the same prompts :) loved this one btw
Not queer. Gay. Keep that gender stuff out of here.
Seriously!!
Yes that would be super interesting!
yes we want lesbian and straight women perspectives
Hello fello bread
As a pan guy, my experience is that men care more about their partners being fit than women, hands down.
All the gay guys in this video have muscles and I'm jealous. Applying to Planet fitness rn
ur attracted to pans??
@@zenjutokadoriki8169boo
LOL@@ThisIsMyAlt0
@@zenjutokadoriki8169 teflon is just so sexy ;)
Wait holy shit, y'all got Chanse from Smosh??
Was looking for this comment
You have no idea how excited I was to hear Chanse’s voice within the first 5 seconds of this video. And finding people who recognize him from Smosh makes me so happy 🥹
He’s looking at everyone so intensely like he has lasers in his eyes.. goddamn 😭
Chanse is soo emotionally attuned and intelligent. I loved all his points, especially about how straightness is a part of folks' identities more than they'd think even if at a primarily subconscious level. Also loved how he talked about reading about attachment theory. I think anyone that wants to get into a serious relationship should look into attachment theory
Is chanse the white guy with the hat? Because that dude is a moron.
FILM
chanse is pseudodeep and thinks everything he says is the smartest thing ever said
The biggest privilege (or one of them anyway) is that these guys live in a country where they have these conversations and do so on such a public platform. In many parts of the world that definitely wouldn't happen.
Why do you have to say it like that’s a bad thing? Imagine no contries ever having these conversations. People wouldn’t ever get educated and never progress. Stop finding negativity where it shouldn’t be.
@@garrett1528 That was not my intention at all, I was just speaking to the reality of this world. It is fantastic that there are places where things like this video can happen, but as someone who lives in another place where this wouldn't be a thing, I felt it important to point out another facet of this situation. That's it. So I didn't have to "find' the negativity at all, it already exists in terms of the disparities in the conditions of LGBT lives across the world. So therefore there is an inherent privilege that comes with living in places like the USA, as far as the worldwide LGBT community is concerned.
@@garrett1528it didn’t sound like he was saying it as a bad thing. It’s more of a good thing - a blessing that we have this privilege here
@garrett1528 At the same time - in order to progress, we must note the unnecessarily negative stigma surrounding LGBT existence in particular parts of the world. 70+ countries where existing as an LGBT individual is legislated against/against the law, demonstrably frowned upon culturally and socially, etc. There's still a lot of work to be done for individuals that are not causing ANY harm for simply existing in their truths.
T
Someone should’ve called that guy out for saying that “women can’t fuck without getting emotionally attached and guys can”. Like why are men so delusional?
Right?! In my experience and most of my friends it’s always the guy who gets attached.
that comment annoyed me too! but other than that, i think that kevin had some great points
Thank you! 😆👏 I came to the comments specifically looking to see if someone else rolled their eyes as hard as me.
lmao the thing is, most women who dont usually sleep around are fuly capable of fucking without getting attached but a lot of guys knowing that girl does not always sleeps around, pretend to be interested romantically in her for months until the girl gets actually attached and they blame the girl when we accused them of being manipulative and liars lol
Forreal a bit of this video sounded bad😬
Imagine getting straight men and gay men together in an attempt to understand each other. This is such an important conversation. Thank you for creating and posting it. There was so much honesty and openness. I had to stop and replay several sections just to make sure I was hearing what I thought I was hearing. Every participant was listened to, and some even expressed learning new things. Yup, this is how people grow.
Yes, and most importantly, they were all having fun with it! It made for such an open vibe!
Could honestly go for another 3 hours of this tbh. As a queer person, this was a really fun and insightful video
Yay! We’re filming another one next week!
@@BrianTerada Oooh! Exciting, looking forward to it!
@@BrianTeradayou should bring the same group. I like yall energy together.
I'm gay and i still feel conditioned to dress like a boy. For me it's not a sexuality thing
I also love the point about being fit being a male gaze thing. I've since had a glow up, joined gym after covid and it's always men that wanna say something about my body. Overwhelmingly, men are attracted to the physique of another man. Straight or gay.
because it's not related to sexuality, it's related to gender identity which CAN be influenced by your sexuality. Dude with the cap was so close but so far a the same time
I researched and wrote a whole a*s paper on queer men's body image. The pressure to be shredded for queer men is intensely higher and stems from a need to look healthier bc of the HIV/AIDS crisis in the 1980s. Over time that is repersussioning bc queer men now tend to look more healthy, athletic and masculine than the straights, so they gotta keep up now to affirm their gender identity.
Interesting, what is the name of the paper?
If that had anything to do with it, Fauci wouldn't be as popular with every milk-toast gay liberal in this country. Male sexuality is hyper-visual: men are lead by their eyes. Gay men, like straight women, are subjected to the same laws of nature. The HIV/AIDS crisis has nothing to do with beauty standards.
Well what about the Gay Bear community? Isn't the creation and proliferation of the Bears a rejection of the stringent muscle boy body type?? And why isn't there a straight bear community???
That’s very interesting. I would like to read about it.
Im pretty sure they tried before hiv/aids. But might have really helped at that time to that effect
i appreciate that jean jacket was challenging others. I think some views of the questions were narrowly viewed by some
oh you mean Chanse haha
Chanse has mad resting crazy eyes when listening to others talk ʘ_ʘ 4:38 but he seems nice thankfully
@@brynhowesein6075 ya get used to it after watching smosh pit long enough
@@brynhowesein6075 those are Chanse's signature biblically accurate eyes
27:59 interesting that he’s implying women are lying about what they like as if he would know. As a woman I completely agree with Kevin that dating someone who’s a gym rat & follows strict dieting to the point they won’t have a some cheat meals is a definite turn off for me because our life styles just won’t be very compatible. I also think generally women are more likely to factor in personality as well compared to men. Obviously no gender is a monolith and some girls will care about looks more than some guys but overall in my experience women are much more likely to give men a chance regardless of physical appearance if they are interested in their personality.
just an edit: I hope this is not seen as a hate comment as I appreciate Zane (and all the other people involved) for giving their honest opinions on these topics so we can have these conversations!
I completely agree! I was gobsmacked by the way he said that with so much absoluteness. He doesn’t know or maybe hasn’t been around / dated women who truly do appreciate a “dad bod” or prefer something similar. It was just wild to hear a straight white cis man declare that women are lying with so much absoluteness. Idk that just bothered me. I’m glad someone pointed it out.
Edit: I also don’t mean this as a hate comment. Like I said before, it just bothered me a bit to hear him say that bc i do feel like some men put unnecessary pressure on themselves when there are women out there who do appreciate softer bodies. ❤
I agree. I know personally with my past relationship at first I wasn’t physically attracted to him but very emotionally attracted. Over time I began to find him more and more attractive as I got to know who he was as a person
I don’t think this is hateful or judgmental at all! It’s personal preference and you are valid for that! I’m the opposite I rather date someone who has a strict diet and gym regime because I do too! But that’s my lifestyle so it works better for me! Personal preference
i can understand him evden if hes generally wrong tho he experienced fatphobia too.. which is separate from just not being muscular but yea@@yellowheavens5506
I am a straight woman and I can confirm I don’t like gym rats and never have. I don’t mind a slender body or even a chubbier guy if I like his face honestly. I prefer an average body than a really muscular body.
As a woman I can confirm that we are indeed not lying about the dad bod, many of us love it.
Right? That guy was just constantly saying the most toxic masculine stuff 👀 I'm surprised no one corrected him. Like didn't they have at least 1 woman on shoot?
it seemed that was his past insecurities speaking. maybe he didnt feel confident as a chubby guy, but that plays more of a factor than actually just the fact that he was chubby.
Yeah. We may not be into obese men, but the dad bod is totally fine.
Sure some women like dad bods, but way more of them like fit men. Most straight men, even fit men, experience scarcity in dating compared to women. The black dude said so himself, even shredded he was scarce. That scarcity is further enhanced if you choose dad bod over fitness. So when the dude said that girls don’t like it, he was obviously not talking about 100% of all female humans. But life experience statistics provided the answer.
@@gyroh6593 after listening to that guy speak, I can guarantee it was his personality way more than his body that was turning women away. Especially when he thinks he can talk on behalf of women.
I identify with the comment at 21:13 . I feel as 43 years old I have spent all my energy trying to hide my homosexuality, to the point I haven't enjoyed life to the fullest. Growing up in a Latino catholic family and in a conservative society in Colombia has made things harder for me. I think if I hadn't had those worries I would have focused more on school and I would have made different decisions, to please myself more and not others. I felt especially in high school while others were learning about different subjects, I was paying attention to how I talked, how I moved, and what to say on my breaks when I wasn't playing soccer with the other guys.
“You can’t hide my Balenciaga purse either,” 😂😂😂😂😂 That was great.
That only applies to feminine gay guys tho so the other guy was right
@@Random-sk6hm i can assure you all walks of life wear balenciaga purses
an absolute King
@@m0rrk the treasure is the balenciaga purses we made along the way
So happy to see Chanse here ❤
WE STAN CHANSE
I clicked sooooooooo fast when I saw chanse!!!
I see you, Chanse. Heteronormativity is so ingrained into our culture that we don't even think of it as affecting choices or preferences at all. There aren't "gay" or "straight" clothes per se (I mean, we can joke that there are :P but literally speaking, no, there's not), but social conditioning and culture around straightness absolutely gets ingrained into people. There's also lots of intersectionality of diff identities, such as sexuality, gender identity, race, all kinds of identities play into these things subconsciously
But also, just fucking wear what you like! I don't understand why gay guys are SO obsessed with sexuality like it influences every decision they make and they have to ask themselves (is this what a gay person would wear/say/listen to/eat etc...) Like who tf cares, just be individual! They honestly obsess over this stuff more than straight men do in this "toxic masculinity" culture. There are so many things that make up a person's personality, their likes and dislikes, their interests and preferences than who they have sex with
Yeah Chanse really was correct here and they just bulldozed over him and dismissed him. Every time you watch a Disney movie as a kid, or you hear an adult say to you (as a little boy) "is that your girlfriend?" 99% of relationships around you, the way people talk about what "real men do", how men should dress, the way "that's gay" has been used derogatorily until not too long ago. To act like society hasn't influenced your straight identity and presentation/ acting out of that straight identity is really lacking understanding of these subconscious influences.
@alphastormeex9468 but does it even matter? What do you gain from making that analysis? We are all influenced by the environment around us, we all have subconscious thoughts and things that determine who we are, but we also have conscious thoughts and make choices. Culture and fashion and all those things changes all the time, traditional masculinity doesn't really matter anymore, but there are things that are just considered normal and commonplace. People are going against the grain and doing things that are unconventional, and that's fine, they are expressing themselves and their individuality, but that doesn't make them more evolved than people than who are just comfortable with the status quo. I don't understand why queer people have to question and overthink and have anxiety over everything, just be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin. Most straight cis guys dont think about whether something is manly enough when they do it or buy it, they just do it
@@bishbosh4815 "but does it even matter? What do you gain from making that analysis?" It's called discussion and using our mental capacities to try to understand our society
"Traditional masculinity doesn't really matter anymore" nah it still matters, masculinity has changed but women still look for a manly man and most young men (straight or non-straight) are expected and feel pressure to be (seen as) manly
"That doesn't make them more evolved than people just comfortable with the status quo" true, it's not about evolution or superiority. It's about people's freedom to be and express themselves
"I don't understand why queer people have to question and overthink and have anxiety over everything, just be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin" it seems like you're straight or a "lucky" queer. For queer men being anxious and overthinking about self-identity is the natural consequence of growing up in this society, which is still quite sexist and homophobic, though it's much better than in the past
@alessandro185 but why do you have to obsess over that? We live in a FAR more tolerant and accepting society than we did decades ago, and the most progressive in the world, people are often too loud and proud about their sexuality and open to expression. People never used to have this level of anxiety about themselves and the World around them, so why is it such a struggle now? Why in this technologically advanced and socially progressive world where we're all so connected to eachother do people feel so isolated and like it's them against the world, like everyone's judging them and the have to overthink everything and explore their identity? Why do you need these labels. You're YOU. Just be YOU! No one really cares about it
As a gay man, I 100% agree with the straight men regarding experimenting with your undesired sex. Throughout my experience, most gay men do not want to to experiment with women if they don't have to. Open relationship is also a big no no to me.
Im open to anything i honestly doudt I would like being with a girl more then a man but who knows
as a straight man i dont have to experiment with men. because im not attracted to men. so i dont have to test that. the thought of gay sex truly disgusts me. i guess if it wouldnt then i'd probably experiment. but i myself dont need to.
as a gay man i agree
I didn't really interpret the question as whether or not they WANT to, but whether or not they would be WILLING to. I think the gay mens' assessment in the video that it seems like horrific to them because they'd already been through having to consider it, if not literally doing it. Experimenting with your sexuality seems a lot less scary if you've already been through having to break through that kind of barrier, and I totally agree it probably seems more scary/ridiculous to people who've never had to consider it even once. Most straight people (men especially) talk about hooking up with the same sex like it makes them want to throw up and d!e, but gay people on average will have already engaged in some kind of straight activity, even if just mentally and emotionally trying to prepare for it, so they don't tend to talk about potential straight sex/relationships as if they're somehow painful or nauseating like straight people do. Anyway, sorry for the long comment, that's just how I took it.
That was wholesome. I think more men should be as willing to learn and understand the queer community as Kevin. Loved this episode big time ✌🏻
We stan Kevin in this household
I actually did a research paper in college on body image in the lgbt+ community. I mainly focused on eating disorders and how they disproportionately affect lgbt+ individuals and found other than straight women, gay men were the highest percentage to have anorexia due to the need to be percieved as fit and thin. It also stems from the AIDS epidemic and gay men's obsession with being and "looking" healthy.
Did you ever publish or post your more in depth research anywhere? I would love to read it!
Yeah. I am what most would call not the healthiest fit person, I have an eating disorder that really makes me think about when rather than what I'm eating. Food is good, and nature unfortunately made it have downsides.
Brian, as a straight woman, I 100% agree with you on your theory!! It does seem that most straight men are more concerned with appearance than other people.
Well said.
I’d only add that they seem more concerned with their appearance specifically to other straight men.
The “I know how other men (their friends specifically) talk about women they’ve slept with, so I wouldn’t want my partner to have slept with any of them” is a statement that really shows how much they seem to seek validation and fear judgement from each other. 😢
facts!
I think he said men in general are more concerned with appearance not straight men in particular
@@katdenning6535right
I think if you made a dating app profile with pictures of an average man, you'd see very quickly how concerned straight women are with appearance. The difference is that it's possible for an ugly man to have enough other things going to overcome that. Genghis Khan, Henry Kissinger, etc had the money and power to pull women, whereas Angela Merkel can't do that. A man who is a 4 in looks needs to be an absolute baller in order to get a shot with a waitress at Denny's.
Attractive men (7+) have lots and lots of options and have the ability to be picky about looks. Men below that line are mostly single and have given up. Women almost exclusively talk to the ones they're attracted to, so they get that perspective of what men are like. The ~65% of dating-age men who have given up on trying, and the ~20% more who are trying but not meeting anyone, you don't hear or care about their opinion. He's just the object that rings up your groceries or holds that stop/slow sign in construction zones.
Seeing chanse tryna convince the dudes that they're obviously influenced by how they're supposed to act based on their sexuality was refreshing. I dont think they understand that personality isnt something conscious anyway but yet they kept trying to make the point that they dont consciously consider the fact that they're straight when making decisions. Like yeah obviously, doesnt change the fact that it still influences things unconsciously 😂
These are gender influences not sexual orientation influences. Just as not all gay men dress superfluously. The gay men that speak "gay" and dress "gay" are doing so to assert their gayness visually. Meanwhile gay men who dress as any other man would are simply following a gender norm. Flamboyant gay men make a conscious effort to assert "gayness."
I wouldn't say it directly influences things, I don't wear dresses because they don't appeal to me in the male form and definitely not on myself. I've never picked up a shirt and thought would I look gay in this? I just base it on whether I think it'll look good for my style. Also with the sports analogy, I'm a competitive guy, always have been its how I motivate myself to do things I really don't want to do, I turn it into a competition, one of the reasons why I love sports. I think a lot of men are competitively driven, I'm a teacher and one of the sure fire ways to get boys engaged in my lessons 100% is introduce a competitive element to it.
@@mattj1829 so as a teacher, you treat boys a certain way and think that results in them engaging in things in a certain way simply bc they're boys and not maybe bc of your gender based treatment of them?
@@ComedyGlor I try a variety of different methods based on each student. I've been a special needs teacher before moving into mainstream, so trying different methods to acquire the best engagement response Is kind of my entire schtick. In my years of doing so it seems that competitiveness generally works better on boys. With that being said, girls are (in general) more academically inclined so it takes less creative approaches to make them invest in the lesson. Funnily enough an autistic girl I used to teach would absolutely react and demolish most competitive challenges, which was a big surprise for me as autistic people tend to be more socially awkward and insular.
@@mattj1829 what about gay boys and girls? Would you try incorporating competition with them for example? Have u noticed that gay girls/guys are more/less competitive respectively?
I went in here so skeptical, but it just became so fun, and comfortable, and wholesome. Thanks for getting some conversation going in nontoxic ways, clearly perspectives and horizons were broadened in this video.
I was kinda expecting everyone to jump down each others throats, but it’s nice seeing everyone get along.
I think this is a great way to build bonds with straight men and gay men. I think straight men that are comfortable in their own masculinity most times find gay men to be funny and fun to hang out with. If everyone could just relax and have fun, the world would be a much better place.
but gays are not funny
Bonds between men who don't want to be fucked by men with men who want to fuck men?
Not all gay men are funny and it sort of implies that it’s a great achievement for straight men to be respectful and normal to gay men.
Exactly 👏👏👏
@@m.a.l3995And even more often straight guys aren't funny. The odds are also a lot higher for it. For obvious reasons.
OMG! Zane's point that never having think about your sexuality is a big part of straight people's sexual identity really blew my mind. That is a great perspective and also a great way to sort of acknowledge your privileges, which he did many times after that, even if he didn't refer to his experience as "privileged," but he's aware there are social anxieties and struggles he'll never have to deal with. However, I do see Chasen had a point in that conversation. Straight people don't think about being "straight," but plenty of them do think about how "not to look gay" whenever they are confronted with the possibility that some people out there could perceive them as such. Men are generally socialized to present themselves as far removed from anything related to women and femininity as possible, even if it involves shame, violence and trauma. Growing up as a boy, you are geared towards the "right" sports, clothes, mannerisms, interests, music, towards liking and pursuing girls, etc. and you have a hard time if you deviate from any of those expectations even a little bit. And let's be honest, very few people out there grow up aware that it's okay to feel attracted to someone of the same gender; which adds to Zane's initial point, because straight people are affirmed in their identity from the day that pregnancy test is positive.
So we’ll said
No. it's stupid. Sorry, but every person thinks about his sexuality and develops it (mostly in childhood), we don't have a defined sexuality as children. And when we first 'feel' for someone else, the journey of reflection begins. It is a false assumption of his to say that heteros do not reflect on their sexuality and take it for granted. He makes assumptions based on his experiences as a gay man who questioned his own sexuality and then perhaps explored it. But that doesn't mean that heteros don't think, question, challenge their sexuality. He should have had to stay close to his experience. Tired of people trying to glorify their experience based on dismissing the experiences of others.
Given that all societies in all parts of the world and in all time periods have established different practices, roles, and clothing and expression for men and women, I think it's safe to say that having these differences is actually important to the human species. What clothing/colors/hairstyles/etc are considered "masculine" vs "feminine" differ between cultures, but the presence of established differences is constant in ALL cultures. This should not be seen as a bad thing just because we sometimes do things to fit in or to appeal to the opposite sex. People need to stop dramatizing it and making it sound traumatic.
I dislike the replies you got a lot, but I agree with you, OP! Even men who are completely straight get shamed and harmed for not "acting" or dressing straight enough or for liking things that aren't aligned with "straightness" and I think straight men who have ever been bullied for "seeming gay" even though they weren't, would totally agree that straightness is part of a straight man's identity far more than some of these guys wanted to acknowledge.
They should do this but a version with straight vs. gay girls and another one with lesbians vs. gay guys. Since all women have a different life experience than men and gay girls have a very different experience than gay guys. I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a gay guy and we share very much of the same struggles but in different ways. And I've met other gay guys who I can't find any commonalities with and who would rather be friends with the straight girls than me. Also for me getting along with straight guys and girls has been difficult. I think as a lesbian it's hard to be understood by anyone besides other lesbians since it's such a unique experience.
As a masculine gay man, I rather hang out with butch lesbians because straight women don't see me as gay, and they tried to change my sexuality on numerous occasions- Most gay (feminine) gay men prefer straight women because they have much more in common with straight women than lesbians- Gay men are more attracted to feminine things, therefore, that's why they get along with straight women. If I had to choose my friends, it would be secure straight men and definitely butch lesbians...I just feel more comfortable in masculine settings.
@@melvonjohnson5711 or in other words, when it comes to friendship, sexuality isn't relevant at all, it's about shared gender expression. I think that makes sense because you're not intending on having a sexual relationship, and it's actually a bonus to not have that sexual attraction there, ideally on either side.
Absolutely correct, I don't want to befriend someone who just want to be friends with me because they only think I'm attractive and vice attractive vice versa...I befriend trans men and butch lesbians because there's more of a platonic friendship.
and a bisexual version
@@melvonjohnson5711 Agreed, I'm a gay guy and I don't feel like I fit in with the gay or queer community because a lot of it is around gay culture which I don't relate to. I'm also what's considered 'straight-passing' so I feel quite judged since I don't fit any of the stereotypes and there's a lot of pressure to behave/talk in a certain way and have certain interests.
I wasn’t prepared to see chanse show up
Chanse and Kevin is not the crossover I thought I'd ever see, but I'm LIVING for it! Chanse is so well spoken and Kevin is so willing to understand. I love them both ☺ The straight guy with just the mustache seems to have some closed-minded views that can sound misogynist. Surprised no one clocked onto that, but they probably ignored it. O-O
“It would be easier to be gay because being with women is so hard.” Women are not difficult, relationships are difficult.
Someone who is not gay :
as a pansexual guy, men are far easier to get along with as a guy. women ARE difficult to men.
This! Like I've only dated men as a man and...not easy...at all. XD
maybe its "easier" to relate to a same-sex partner at first. more common ground or whatever.
but like- I still get scared being seen in public sharing affection with an older man who "could be my father" to everyone else who sees us... and like how do you convince your partner you're not ashamed of them when you're still clearly SO ashamed of yourself. How do you show them the respect and love they're worthy of when you're still trying to fish your own self worth out of the drain? How can you be brave for someone else when you're already so scared to be yourself?
How does healthy love prevail in that scenario? lol it doesnt.
I will say as someone who has been with both- the love that you receive is the person, who they are, and their upbringing. Mature people will make it clear how they wish to convey/recive love. The hardest part of that is finding someone who is on the same level with you, and someone who grows with you. Man woman. Its true. Its the person, not the gender.
@21:08 when Kevin told him "get back over there" was a moment I really got chills.
as a gay guy growing up in my teenage years in this Caribbean country, the way everyone would talk about my impression was like its 2 sides at war "gay vs straight" and if you we're to be found out by a straight would be met with drama and harassment...
even those who would want to "force you to be straight" because it's "abnormal against nature or a sin"
just those 4 words showed me just how much care he has in his heart for those that are different and not want them to change who they are because that's what society wants. just be who you are like he can be who he is... #Touching
this is one of THE most wholesome "Do ___ Think Alike" type of video i've ever seen, everyone was so respectful and genuinely came to learn and try this new experience and you can see how authentic their interactions were! would love to see even more in the future, great videos.
Dude on the far right at 30:48 was definitely the best vibes, I mean look at that awkward-ass straight man thumbs up!
Probably one of my favourite discussions, everyone was so open and contributive to the thought process, I just loved how the whole thing was unfolding
The gay guy with the cap is reaaaally smart. The way he explained how a major part of your personality is affected by being raised a straight man is really on point.
I'm Bi but lean more on the gay end, however so much of my personality and interests are that of a straight person. To gay guys I come off as mostly masculine and straight, but women think I'm gay.
It's a very weird experience to have grown up one way and moved towards another. While also retaining much of your other habits/behaviors and interests.
That's Chanse. He's actually a member of Smosh.
@@joshuaholman7760this is SO true. it’s never helpful when I find a woman attractive and they brush me off because they think I’m gay 😭
@@lotusflower_ yep. And it's hard to even try to pursue women after dealing with that shit again after being basically gay for years. Like I'm back to liking the look and idea of pussy, but I just can't stand the idea of putting up with the bullshit.
So I basically just say I'm gay amd cut my loss. Which sucks cause I'd love to have a wife and kids.
THERE ARE TWO 😂
Being conditioned is being taught to be straight. It’s a societal pressure that gay people in general break and therefore break other societal norms in what we wear, say, etc.
I think it can go both ways though. I personally don’t really identify with a lot of the common queer pop culture that Chanse was referring to in this video, especially when it comes to clothes, I honestly feel like most gay people you can’t even tell they’re gay just based on looks. And a lot of times it isn’t necessarily that those people might not accept themselves but rather that they’re just on the other end of that sexual orientation spectrum as opposed to the types who identify more with what Chanse was talking about. I don’t know maybe I’m wrong but that’s just been my personal experience regarding sexuality. It’s neither white nor black but a literal rainbow of colors. Hence why a lot of us hate labels.
@@Miguel.LAs a gay man, I agree with the original comment. Since we had to break some norms it's more often and easier for us to break. However even though I had broken the norms and stuff, people say I "look" straight. It's because people go for what they like but the norm can affect it, after breaking the norm you still go for what you like but norms don't affect your desicion without you noticing. So I think that's why there are more gay men talking different or wearing interesting things but everyone still tries to go for what they like.
Society is 100% not conditioning us to be straight, it's literally how our bodies are made in order for our species to survive. I agree that once gay people have broken through that mental barrier, they're much more likely to continue pushing these boundaries because of their previous experiences.
Sexuality can't be taught. People born gay, people born straight, bisexual, etc. Gay people don't choose to "break" societal pressure, we just develop our sexual orientation because we have no other choice and face the challenges that come with it.
@@jl1836 I think she just meant that we live pressure to be straight when she said taught to be straight. Like we are taught to live in straight stereotypes
I'm gay and married to a man but both of us are more on the masculine side so people don't assume we are gay. It's just what we like. Doesn't matter if you're gay or not.
Where i live i can never find a masculine gay so you are one lucky bastered
I love all of these guys, especially the guy with the blue vest, he seems so invested in the conversation and I'm so here for it
Guy in the navy blue cap was such a sweetheart. The way he spoke and how much genuine interest he showed was very telling of his character. Wish him all the best :)
as a therapist I would recommend reading polysecure, even if you are not open to poly I think a lot can be learned about attachment
actually impulsively bought it cuz just the subtitle with the trauma and attachment really intrigued me, and I'm finding it extremely scary yet satisfying to read
No thanks.
Attachment is secure, once you are with a secure person. It is not related to any poly stuff.
@@nlyfae Not inherently true at all. Our entire childhoods and every relationship we've ever had (not just the romantic ones) shapes how we deal with attachment, and it is always worth it to examine yourself and your relationships.
Screaming that Chanse is in this, i literally love that kid and the energy he brings
This video was so good it’s a mix of funny and serious conversations and I loved hearing everyone’s perspective on each question
Why does Chance look like he's staring into everyone's skulls hahahahhahahhahhhaa. His posture is nonchalant but his gaze is like he's trying to use a laser setting hahhhahahahhaha.
This was a great episode! They really went in-depth and explored the issues and questions very thoughtfully.
women do in fact like all sorts of body types. idk what that guy was on when he said we were lying about that it was kinda funny watching a man, try and speak for what women perfer lmao
It kind of makes sense though. If a man has the body type that women claim to "love" but he's never been met with that type of attention and never had women checking out his body, he probably has a point. But saying "women love all sorts of body types" is kind of a weasel statement. They were talking about what is preferred on average or by a large majority of women and women definitely don't gravitate towards all body types equally. Men don't either.
Enough of us have had the "you've swiped right on 13,000 girls and received 0 matches" experience that we don't trust what you say anymore. What women do and what women say are badly mismatched. Some women prefer beefy tall fit men, some prefer skinny tall fit men. None of you prefer chubby and short. That's fine. Just don't lie about it. A lot of men have wasted a lot of time "just being ourselves" before realizing that the Johnny Bravo cartoons lied about everything.
@@JETZcorp If that were true, no chubby guy would be in a loving relationship, yet they are. "Swiping right" is a dating app function, but life is not an app. You don't end up with a happy relationship because you both swiped right--it takes lots of time and work, and being open to the other person and knowing you don't know everything. Your comment seems to lack that, but as with swiping, the good news is that comment doesn't represent your potential or whole belief. There's always more if you're willing to look for it. Giving up on finding more is the one way to ensure you never find it.
@@Zephirite. I've known a couple chubby guys who have found dating success... before social media was invented. When people used to hang out socially and get to know each other doing common activities, yes, things worked. That stuff is gone now, and the male under-30 virginity rate has TRIPLED in 15 years as a result. Most couples today meet on social media (especially Instagram) and in night clubs. Not at the mall, not at band camp, not at the malt shop. Most young women are presented with unlimited numbers of attractive men, and they do not put themselves in situations to discover the personalities of unattractive men.
Worse yet, personality traits like kindness and attentiveness are deemed unattractive and weak to the majority of young women today. This is backed up by studies which show that women will happily forego intelligence and kindness in order to secure any other desirable trait such as height, fitness, facial symmetry, or confidence. You can spend the rest of your life reading about men who treated women with respect and met with rejection, but then found huge demand as soon as they started to treat women like disposable objects. The only unattractive man of my generation I've known who had an easy time getting female attention did so by leading with alcohol and insults. He found no long-term happiness, and they all hated him, but they all slept with him. Being a decent human being got him nowhere with women. Eventually, he decided that being alone was better than being abusive.
@@JETZcorp …..now this is what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And I don’t need to read about what women like; I am one. You put so much faith in pseudo-scientific studies but claim no one meets in person, as if fixating on fake statistics doesn’t contradict the importance of “personality.” If you cared about personalities, you’d get off the internet and actually ask a woman what she wants.
Regarding the gay role models, I dunno if it should've been made clear that so many LGBTQ people didn't get to grow old because of the HIV/ AIDS crisis and also that straight people view gayness as inherently hypersexual and that's why we don't often get to appear in media for kids.
"Straight people view gayness as hypersexual" as a bi guy, it certainly can be hypersexual. I enjoy pride and what not but if I have kids one day I won't take them to pride until they are 18+ unless the culture really shifts.
@@K0sm1cKidthat’s a pride parade. Totally hear what you’re saying when it comes to that but, I’d ask you to think why that is?
Gay guys grow up in a world where romantic relationships between two men are nonexistent. Hyper sexual behavior is a product of this absence. We find it hard to build genuine romantic relationships because there is no baseline to grow from. Gay and especially bi men are afraid of getting into serious relationships with men because it’s been so demonized in our society. So the next best thing is hookups, sad as it is. Many gay and bi men view other men as mere sexual fantasies. It’s sad. Gay men are people too and are deserving of fulfilling relationships where they feel valued and loved. But more often then not, we feel like a second option or even discarded when it comes to getting with other guys; straight people on the other hand always grew up with romance-it’s ok and even encouraged to go after a loving relationship with another person of the opposite sex. They’re encouraged to devote their time and attention to that person, cuz that’s just the way it is.
While yes there definitely needs to be a discussion amongst the gay community, excluding gay men from media or representation would only worsen this hyper-sexual “problem”.
ALSO that claim is rooted in our history where gay men were called “perverts”, “hyper sexual deviants”, “pedophiles” etc. Those claims false and dehumanizing. Also people tend to do the complete opposite of what’s beat into them as form of retaliation. Gay men do this by refusing to abide by traditional roles, instead indulging in overtly sexual relationships which is so taboo in todays society.
Re older gay role models, he referred to guys in their 40’s and 50’s (!!!) whereas survivors of the epidemic are more in their late 50’s and 60’s. And there are still many of us. The reality is that younger gays are very ageist and have marginalized older men. (Well, at least when they’re traveling in packs …)
@@K0sm1cKid That's not what they're talking about here though. Straight people view gayness itself as INHERENTLY sexual, they see being gay at all as a sexual behavior, in a way they don't see straightness. No straight person is ever told they're "too young" to know they're straight or "too young" to have crushes on people of the opposite sex. No straight person is ever told it's inappropriate for kids to know about their relationships or for a character who's straight to appear on tv.
I LOVED this conversation. All these guys were so respectful and really committed to this conversation.
This was a beautiful conversation. There was a lot of really amazing insights and it was super powerful to see everyone openly discussing these topics and sharing their experiences. Thanks so much for this!
This was an amazing episode! A lot of discussion around talking points that don't frequently come up between straight and gay conversations!
This was a really fun video! I loved when the guys said “ohhh I’ve never thought about that before!” It’s always so helpful to have open conversations to learn more!
"What am I gonna do, say stop being friends with your close gay friends?"
"YES!"
LMAOOOO 😂😂😂😂
I'm gay and dress straight af apparently.
Bc clothes don't define your Sexuality
@@allycejacksonExactly, your clothes are a marker of your personality, not your sexuality
Bro… that video was so wholesome for no reason… props to you guys that was awesome
That was a great discussion! You were all so nice to each other and seemed to have fun.
My dad just turned 50, he's an "old" gay man who raised me and my brother since he was 17... never have I ever seen him "Dress gay" lol... most people don't know he's gay until they find out. He's just a dude who loves dudes ❤
You guys don't need to "Dress gay" or "act gay"... just be you all around!
Definitely! Although they're not trying to dress or act gay- that's just who they are :)
I agree . A lot of the outfits screams attention for the most part
@bejanimreyes
Uuuh.... the 80's were super gay.... it was just easier to run around in short shorts as a gay man with the dudes back then and not stand out.
And what is this "attention" thing... Let me guess you think "those girls" asked for it with how they dressed?
Internalized homophobia much....?
Sorry if this sounds like a personal question, but are you sure that your dad is gay or could he be bisexual? I think there are some differences between the ways bisexuals and gays think and behave...in general...when it comes to clothing and behaviour and stuff...I think bisexual men don't mind wearing more conservative-like clothing whereas a lot of gay men (not all) like to wear more flashier clothes with vibrant colours. I am a heterosexual man by the way.
I agree that people should just be free to be whoever they truly are.
When you are LGBTQ, you don't see things as black and white as straight people... You, ironically, see all the colors between so we tend to be more open to things. I found myself agreeing more with the gay men but understood the straight men's side too.
This video is proof that communicating is always key to understanding each other.
Their opinions are all very interesting, I loved the discussion about the clothes and the last point about men being more attracted to visuals. Very good video
I believe sexuality CAN effect personality, if you persue it. It is bc of the fact that a lesbian is trying to attract other girls, and also show guys that she is not straight, that she would act "lesbian". Being more masculine or independent. I believe as a lgbtq+ person you can blend with straight ppl if you have to, but most of us really don't want to. We want to be different and we want that difference to be visible, so we choose it to effect our personality.
If we dont think about it, if we never think about it, our personalities are just our personality, that is just how we are. What we like and how we like might effect our desires in partners, but if we try to live without the sexuality, it will never effect the way we act.
It's usually a choice not a constant.
I'm so glad chance stood his ground, especially when some of the statements that aren't preference but imply something negative about the other side. like the "the relationship can only be sacred if its two person"
What a great conversation… one comment though from the young kid who said that the older gay men are “gone”… We’re not… we’re here, and we’re present… but to the younger gay community… we’re invisible… There’s a major difference between the idea of being physically “not present” in the community… and simply “not being seen”… either because no one is looking for us…. Or worse… no one wants to acknowledge us because we’re not valued, or seen as relevant…
I may be totally TOTALLY wrong but I thought he was referring to the aids crisis or just the fact they've passed away. I perceive them as wanting to have role models so to intentionally ignore them seems counter productive- but I DO get that older lgbt people are much less seen, especially by younger LGBTQ+.
@@Emma-wm9jg I agree. But also, we don't always hang out in the same places. An older married/partnered gay guy isn't necessarily going to be at clubs with younger gay guys (who are *way* more likely to go out with their mixed group of friends...so not always to a gay bar, if ever.) And the number of "gay spaces" has dropped dramatically in recent years. The older ones who do show up tend to be desperate sexual creepers who can't take a hint!
Also, younger gay people tend to have a very different experience of being gay than us that are older which, again, many times translates to just not being in the same spaces.
My local library has a gay coffee hour every month and I go when I can, but, honestly, my life is pretty busy. I don't have the same level free time as the college kids who show up. *shrug*
13:23 No one:
Captions: “My sexuality is a major part of my sexuality”
LOL OOPS
I saw that too lol
"this floor is made of floor"
The “you’re dressed like a straight” bit was a bit frustrating. Looking at Bryan in this video he has oversized black shirt and oversized pants, he’s gay but that’s just more of a 90’s skater look than anything. Women and men dress this way. I’m not sure what makes your clothes specifically “straight”.
More and more men these days are also feeling less confined to certain colors or certain prints and trying different things. The dude with the full Jean outfit even said himself he can’t tell who’s gay or straight all the time anymore based on clothing alone…
Some gay men don’t like loud prints, bright colors, wearing pink, crop tops, rainbow colored clothing, glitter, etc. so in that case that they wear just blue jeans and a shirt are they dressed straight?
Yeah the guy in the Jean outfit kinda contradicted himself
Straight men generally dress the same often times. Out gay men I feel definitely more often dress uniquely, more jewelry, and gender non conforming clothing than straight men on average. Not all the time tho
@allycejackson Nah, he admitted he was confused. It was more of a way of looking for an answer
Great Video. This conversation is so amazing ngl. I've never seen a discussion on jubilee this civil and educational.
I just loved the hell out of this. The insight, the exploration, and the levels of realization were pleasant. Thanks for sharing!
Chanse's stare is intense! 5:00 haha
Lmao he's staring hard asf😂
that guy who’s been married a couple times clearly doesn’t have the best grasp on what women think… imo, of course. I know for me and a lot of the girlies that I know we don’t like “shredded” guys.
“ my sexuality is a major part of my sexuality “ when i saw this i was so confused! had to rewind and put the speaker super close to my ear to hear what was actually asked! sometimes it’s really hard to hear the person asking the questions!
Thats why there are subs bro
this is a really awesome meeting of two perspectives, and the vibes of everyone in the video are very wholesome and understanding. Very comforting to watch
Chanse was using his signature 👁👄👁 at max power in this lmao. But this was a great discussion actually
I think that majority of the time, confidence can also lead to attraction. I've grown to have a healthy amount of confidence in what I do, not only as a gay man, but with bigger bear body. People are attracted to the humble confidence more than just appearance. Plus that confidence can lead into learning/mastering new things like music/art/mechanics and people find a talented person also very attractive.
The last question and Brian’s theory on it was so goooood! 👏🏻 I’ve never thought about that and it just opened another window in my brain and I loved it.
I freaking love Chanse! Huge fan of Smosh Pit so I was super surprised when I saw him in this video.
CHANSE OUTSIDE OF SMOSH!!! Ik this is normal but it’s so good to see Chanse
Bloody hell that was a good laugh and an even better topic! I'd love to see more of this
I think it's disingenuous to just treat sex as this animalistic thing for me as a gay black man into spirituality I view sex as sacred and a huge responsibility to be present with that person and not just treat them as an object for your enjoyment I hate hook up culture cause one party whether consciously or not ends up getting hurt and it's always left me feeling empty and depressed or not cared about really
you can have that vieuw but you have to realise its your vieuw. and to not impose that vieuw on others who do not share it. its your problem, not anyone elses
It's different for everyone. These men seem to believe sex is more sacred for women than men, but I am a woman who prefers casual relationships, sex and friendship mixing, etc, and i deeply DISLIKE treating sex as sacred. I can't relate at all. It isn't something based in sexuality or gender, just different individuals.
@@jijitters ye same, though there's definitely a preference for a special person, at least for me.
Dude this were actually some great conversations and i enjoyed how they challenged each other. I really really think it would've been interesting to have had some bi guys there as well, though. Especially with the last two questions, i feel like bi people have unique experiences.
Amen but some of them are simply denying they may be more spectrum or fluid in that some denying it more then others
Als9 I like chanse but and though thete can be glbt fashion styles indint thibk the "str8"giys looked 1 or the other either
I think Chance is mixing up the whole gender vs sexuality thing concerning your identity. I was conditioned to like pink as a girl, conditioned to like dance- I rebelled and did not like them because it was so heavily enforced on me, but it has nothing to do with my sexuality. I would argue the reason I wear dresses now is because I am more comfortable labelling myself as a woman compared to when I was younger and was expected to dress a certain way.
As a gay guy i disagree with being open to try with women. Thats because I have many times and it isnt my thing, i have a visceral reaction. Sexuality is definitely a spectrum, romantic and sexual preference can differ in a person, but it kind of reminds me of this whole "how do you know if you're gay if you havent gotten with (opposite gender)" Everyone is different and i think being on the edge of the spectrum is okay, such as myself.
This video really made me want to cry. I’ve never seen so much love, open mindedness, and LISTENING in a video of this many men. This was so heartwarming, all green flags 💚
Love this camaraderie. There were so many things that I am amused nobody thought was "offensive" "problematic" even though it wasn't comfortable or sometimes not temporally politically correct
Great video Brian! It was really interesting to hear everyone’s opinions & perspectives. Loved it! 💙
thanks for watching melissa :)
This was sooooo flipping good! What great conversation this sparked. I want more !Ty❤
As a straight male that was raised by 3 women, I’d say I don’t really like sports. Im more in touch with my emotional side and have better style than my wife. Love the concept of this video and you guys seem amazing!! Keep making content ❤
I had. No Idea , it’s really about how you are raised
Yeah ofc ! Totally normal
Seeing this vid resurface and suddenly seeing Chanse is a nice little surprise
I really enjoyed this!! it's nice to see when gay and stright people are able to have an open dialouge and it's always fun to see and hear everyones different life experiences and perspective great video!!! :)
I love your videos!! Seeing everyone’s perspective is so interesting!!
Ya Brian to lighten my day up! My days been crappy but not anymore thanks to u❤🎉
you lightened my day up with your comment! I hope your day gets better, hope you enjoyed the video :)
@@BrianTerada thanks u!! Ur videos are the best!!
I loved learning from this interaction. So many things I never gave a second thought.
As a gay guy I was so surprised about the 'how often do you think about your sexuality question'. I never think about the fact that I'm gay and sometimes kinda forget until it's brought up and made 'a thing' if that make sense. Like in my head I just like guys and forget that it's a big deal in society until it's mentioned. I guess it might partly be due to the fact that I'm what's considered 'straight-acting' (I hate that term as it implies there's a way gay people are 'supposed' to be) so I don't have to deal with the issues that more feminine gay guys have to deal with. However, I also think it might be due to the fact that I also deal with severe health issues which takes up a lot of time/mental energy, work stress, studying etc. so I don't really have time to think about it. I did find that really interesting tho and this conversation was excellent.
I'm also British and British gay culture is very different to American gay culture in everything from dress sense and mannerisms to the way they speak (the slang is mostly AAVE which is American so that makes sense).
omg i love chanse from smosh!! also love you and your vids sm brian🫶
I was so shocked and pleased to see him in this! ❤
@@playdoug12 same here!
This discussion was refreshing AF!! I really enjoyed watching and learning to see things from a str8/gay male perspective and those prompts were on point!!!!!!
I don’t understand the guy in the vests perspective of I don’t wanna come in looking straight and the stereotypes of gender roles and sexuality. I don’t get the separation of oh I’m gay so I have to wear this, or straight men wear this? It goes back to being comfortable in your own masculinity. Just because a man wears nail polish or dresses more feminine doesn’t mean they’re gay or vice versa, which I know has been looked down upon for years, but should be more normalized. I think that’s the huge problem with our youth right now is gender roles in general. Just because you like one thing doesn’t mean you’re this or that. You can just like something and still be comfortable in your own sexuality. I don’t get why there has to be so much separation between heterosexual and LGBTQ. Making your sexuality your entire personality is a problem, because there’s a lot more to a person than just their sexuality and I don’t think that determines your likes/dislikes. Same with the sports thing, like there’s plenty of women who like sports, and plenty of men who don’t. I wish we could just get past the stereotypes and just see everyone as equal, no matter who they like or what they do, which seems impossible anymore. There’s some great conversations in here that I don’t think get discussed enough and I love that. Gender roles are one of the biggest issues in society right now in my opinion, and I think it’s super important to touch on that and see people come together no matter their background, that’s what it’s all about. Great video!
I totally agree with you. I feel like the disconnect happens because so many people in that community are in such a search for themselves that the clear thing that they do know about themselves, which is their sexuality, is what they leech on to. It becomes so much of their personality that they feel they need to make every decision based on that. Imo, Most hetero people don’t really care about sexual orientation so we try to look past it and gays start to feel looked over so they try to amplify it and it’s rubs hetero people the wrong way.
Yall got Chanse and Kevin! Thats insane
I really appreciated how well everyone got along in this video. I'm a gay man and I find it hard to socialize with straight men so this was really nice to see.