Why Modern Dating Feels So Terrible - Brett Cooper
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2024
- Chris and Brett Cooper discuss the state of dating for young people. Why does Brett Cooper not have hope for Gen Z & dating? Was Gen Z taught how to date properly according to Brett Cooper? What is Gen Z's biggest concerns about dating according to Brett Cooper?
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Least romantic quote possible: "He slid into my DMs".
"He verbally requested consent."
but's that's the landscape nowadays what can you do i mean where and when you'll find that other person is hard to say anymore but life goes on and that's the problem or at least people don't realize time stops for no one :P
@@emmanuelwil-jeff The Problem is that most people are the stars of their show, completely oblivious to their surroundings. Some do so willingly, and some do so unknowingly. As you say though, time waits for no one. Life passes quickly and feels even more so when you go on autopilot. "Stop and smell the roses"
As my young adult sons say, messaging a woman beforehand is basically getting down in writing that a woman is willing to talk to you and ultimately meet you in person. As my sons explained, a lot of dating app meetings are in fact between people who know each other already. Again, the dating app is a means of documenting the process so a man can't be later accused of harassment.
My eldest has a long time girlfriend but they met a at a party and then he met her again at another party 'talked to her' in writing on his phone for a long time and then they met up. It was not out of fear. It is a sensible defence mechanism.
@@brianthesnail3815 Hmm. I always thought dating apps were bs scams. This should be their selling point 😂
Everyone is talking to 10 people at once and everyone is looking for the next best thing. The cycle never ends. It’s trash.
everyone? Or women almost exclusively ?
@@ruckin3 with woman bump that number up to 20
@@ruckin3 Everyone. Get off your masculine high horse.
@@stevesteiner7220no. Everyone THAT CAN... therefore women
@@stevesteiner7220beta steve has entered the chat
My problem with dating is it’s hard to find a woman in my age bracket (20-25) that has the same values as me. A lot of young women care about the social media aesthetic and not building a future for family
If you are 20-25 you are kind of screwed. Guys older than you are taking all the women your age. I know because I'm one of them. Hahahaha 😅
You just need more volume, speak to more women and a larger variety, and eventually you will meet one who matches your same values. Before I met my girlfriend, I had the same issue (we’re both 21), and I solved it just by increasing the volume of women I spoke to/approached, and getting out more
@@mattstone8878 yeah it’s tough. It seems like it’s a hopeless cause but also chasing the other type of women isn’t fulfilling to me anymore
@@user-tz4tq8py2w yeah I’ve been shooting my shot, just sometimes get discouraged because it feels like I keep running into the same type no matter where I meet them. I haven’t given up yet though
While you'll be told that it gets easy and you'll have the pick of all the women once you are 35, in reality, it doesn't get easier unless you are the top 0.0001% of men who can date 21 year olds in your middle age without stigma or condemnation. From my own experience, things got worse as I got older and I quit dating as I approached my middle age and I don't regret it.
As a single 25 year old man in the dating world, I refer to it as “the trenches”
As a single 49 year old man in the dating world, I refer to it as 'The 7th Circle of Hell'.
I can relate to that. 😂
That's really how it feels for us average guys in today's world.
No wonder we're all opting out.
No the trenches would be far better. At least then if I die, I wouldn't have to find a wife 😂
@@stevethomas74 More accurate description
@@fanBladeOne I've been doing this shit for years. It's an absolute clusterfuck with absolutely NO signs of getting any better👿
Despite all that advice, her "finding her husband" turned out to be just her picking out the most studly guy in the room and going "I want him!" Some guys just have it, some don't. And she, like everyone else, wanted the guy that "had it."
Exactly. She’s full of it.
“My type used to be arrogant assholes”
Yeah, you and every other girl lol. And I know, in highschool I was confident and kind of and arrogant bad boy, smoked weed, played the drums, snowboarded, didn’t give a rip and because of that I had something like 14 girlfriends and several more turned down in the between sophomore and senior year. I also watched alot of my friends who were genuinely good guys that were nice and caring struggle to get even one gf and many never did.
It’s 100% a thing
The problem of dating can be also caused by phone and tech addiction, chasing the dopamine.
Dr. Anna Lembke explains it well, the phone addiction caused people to seek only pleasure and avoid pain.
But both plesaure and pain are importnat for brain development, and mental health because both are in same place of brain.
and "pleasure and pain" are cooperating together
You can not have pleasure without pain, they are part of the same brain.
We see it with athletes, they seek pain in order to get pleasure, its healthy form of pain.
Muscians also seek pain, in order to get pleasure.
Boith plesaure and pain are rewarded by a dopamine.
But the phone addiction makes people think that we should chase only pleasure and avoid commitment, it causes anxiety and deepression, lack of skills etc.
If you in dating field chase only pleasure, and avoid the healthy form of pain, healthy commitment, and building a relationships
then people get anxious and depressed. In sport you have to chase some pain in order to get the dopmanine reward system in healthy way.
The problem of dating can be also caused by phone and tech addiction, chasing the dopamine.
Dr. Anna Lembke explains it well, the phone addiction caused people to seek only pleasure and avoid pain.
But both plesaure and pain are importnat for brain development, and mental health because both are in same place of brain.
and "pleasure and pain" are cooperating together
You can not have pleasure without pain, they are part of the same brain.
We see it with athletes, they seek pain in order to get pleasure, its healthy form of pain.
Muscians also seek pain, in order to get pleasure.
Both plesaure and pain are rewarded by a dopamine.
But the phone addiction makes people think that we should chase only pleasure and avoid commitment, it causes anxiety and deepression, lack of skills etc.
If you in dating field chase only pleasure, and avoid the healthy form of pain, healthy commitment, and building a relationships
then people get anxious and depressed, because the receptors in brain that are supposed to experience the healthy pain, are not stimulated....they are stimulated only with pleasure reward.
if you stimulate only pleasure reward receptors, it leads to depression and lack of motivation.
In sport you have to chase some pain in order to get the dopmanine reward system in healthy way.
They may say it’s Society and Social media “DID THIS” but down to their Core it’s their Nature to Select the Guys that Stand out. It’s a WAR ZONE for a reason.
The reality of dating for so many guys can be summed up in one simple, iconic phrase “the juice isn’t worth the squeeze”. Hoeflation is unfortunately an incredibly real concept. The fact that us men have to work 10 times harder than our grandfathers did to get a woman 10 times worse than our grandmothers were. Even if you’re tall, handsome, successful, dress well etc, the vast majority of women find the vast majority of men either repulsive or completely invisible
I found a dozen women willing to make out with me on the SPOT.
Do you think ONE of them treated me like I was anything special?
No. Hardly any of them even texted back. For the dates, they said "you didn't support TRUMP, did you?"
They treat the dating pool like it's infinitely deep.
Exactly. When they were saying it's not all that different from 50 years ago, I dont think many really understand just how different things are statistically and it goes beyond being 'nervous'.
Just one element is, 100 years ago 95% of women were still virgins on their wedding. Now it's 5%. While about 30% of young men are still virgins. So both have gotten more promiscuous, but it's definitely not in any equal way. It's lopsided toward women being more promiscuous with a small amount of the men. The advise TDW seems to give suggests 25% of men that are virgins should have to risk whatever they have to marry a h0e, which frankly isnt a very traditional solution if that's what they hope to promote..
I'd think wiser advise would be, yes be traditional and work on yourself, but get a passport (and just dont be naive wherever you go, have common sense.). That's the only realistic solution i can see for h0eflation. It's been working out for me with my filipina fiance😊 i feel bad for the men still stuck in the American dating market though.
That's simply not true. Your reality is very warped.
@@thelordoftheriffs6467 And one more thing. The invention of the Dildoe. 😳😂🤣😆😄🤯
100% true
No one stays in their lane anymore. It's thrown off the whole market. Top guys will hook up with almost all levels of women, which makes the mid-lower women think they're higher status. Those women now think they can land a top guy and they ignore men at their level, but then get disappointed by the top guys just using them for fun. Mid-lower guys check out completely since they get nothing but scraps, if anything at all.
You can't deny dating aps/social media/smart phones have been the driver of a lot of these issues. We didn't have access to anyone in the world before all that. I see a lot of these instagram "models" posting picks of world travel, etc.. which you know is on some rich dudes dime most of the time. That would not have been an option for most women in days past, unless you were in LA or NYC possibly. You had the guys closest to you as options and that's all. People naturally paired off with someone in their wheelhouse. I don't see this all changing anytime soon.
Does writing paragraph in RUclips help?
Perfect explanation of what's happening.
@@yujirohamna555someone will see it and think about it. You can’t just do nothing.. We didn’t evolve to live or date like this. Like it or not, technology has made things worse. We are ape people.. we aren’t infinitely compatible with technology.
The "Me Too" movement turned into the "No Thank You" movement for many men✌️❤️
Lets not bro, thats so reductive of a thought wtf 🤣
@@3qtipkilla But "believe all women" isn't reductive?
@@3qtipkilla It isn't reductive when it's true and accurate. It certainly did for me. Any woman remotely supportive of anything remotely resembling Me Too is basically off my radar.
"Me Too" and women having high standards/being malicious are not the same.
"Me Too" is literally about victims of sexual assault or rape. It is related, but overall it is separate from the larger dating culture discussion.
Your comment is morally dubious at best and , at worst, disgusting. I strongly recommend you rethink this mindset.
EDIT: Yes I agree, that Me Too has gone too far, but it is completely unrelated to this video and not in the larger dating culture discussion.
@@Photonkannon Me Too was for approximately 1 day about victims. Afterwards coming out as a victim became a trend and people were (often times later proven) to be falsely accused.
All so influencers could get in on the fame.
Guys never date a coworker, that’s a minefield you don’t wanna navigate
Most people I know found their partners at work (stable and married). I guess it's like saying never give birth to a child because it hurts like hell.
@@MarkaNgamer see the people I know that tried dating a coworker ended up dealing with HR cause of the chick. So it’s more of a minefield than it used to be since METOO
Yeaa i dated a coworker once and it did not end well. It created the most awkward environment and i hated goin to work. Luckily she got a new job and had moved on.
I'm living through this right now. It's a nightmare to say the least lol
@@montyuchiha8530same for me except she still works in my building and I see her frequently
Lol. Two attractive and successful people are talking about the difficulties of dating. Not to say that they haven't struggled as well but they're not "playing on the same difficulty" as the rest of us.
So definitely just give up and be miserable, because at least that way you don’t have to make any changes.
@@nickfoster848 Never said that
Some things make us feel like we can't win. I'm genuinely good looking at 5'9". 🍻
The more attractive and successful you are (generally speaking) the more picky and particular you'll become. More people in the general population will give you the time of day, but you'll generally be "uninterested" in the vast majority of them.
@@nickfoster848Holy whataboutism
Brett's description of those girls is what makes it not worth it. Trauma and leftovers, nope and yuck.
There’s great girls out there
@@DabbinLlamaUnicorns.
So people are the cause of all their trauma? Brett went through the trauma of her brother passing is that her fault ?
@@xyz7857 I guess I’ve been really lucky multiple times then
Most people are traumatized. You want people to be closed off to you because of your trauma?
For Men, Rule 1: Be Hot AF. Rule 2: Be Rich AF. Rule 3, Make Sure You Follow Rules 1 and 2
Look around at men who are coupled. There are a lot of ordinary looking men who are coupled. You don't think of them as plain, because they are loved. So you have to look.
Of course, I've known plain & sweet men who choose whichever woman showed an interest...but she's mean. This is always heartbreaking. She didn't turn mean after they got married, it was obvious, but he went for it.
I've also watched a lot of plain but sweet men pursue & marry plain & sweet women. Strange that these women seem to get prettier after they marry. Again, I think people who are loved become more attractive.
If you insist that the only reason you are single is because you are not handsome, you may choose out of desperation. Or you may never pinpoint the real reason.
Lots of plain people find love.
You obviously haven't noticed all of the 'average' looking guys who are in relationships with objective 'hotties' 😂 Personality matters WAY more than looks. Internalize that, and you will thrive!
@TheSlippytongue what about the average men who name in relationships with average looking women? It's the health of the relationship, not the looks that us enviable.
Yup
Win the genetic lottery.
Win the life lottery.
Just that easy.
@@TheSlippytongue Not true at all if you don't have the looks you won't get through the door. Personality only comes into play once mutual attraction is established
Neither of these people have a clue about the "harsh reality of modern dating." They might as well be speculating about the hardships of starving people in Ethiopia and trying to give them advice.
Why would you say that?
@@Rufio1975 Because they're both objectively attractive- Brett has never had to work for a date in her life. She's also married. Married people, regardless of their age, put this wall of naivete up as soon as they say "I do". They think that their experience is the same for everyone.
@@chadthackston1992She JUST got married.
@@Rosie-uf5oxthe main point still stands. Neither one of these people has ever had to work hard to find a relationship lol.
Yeap, attractive successful people should really not be talking about what even above average people experience in life, let alone average or below average. They know not of what they speak.
Yeah, Im sure Chris as a 1% and BC as a top 20% clearly understand the war on dating today. Their looks and her gender has them playing on easy mode and we listen to see what words of wisdom?
But u see they are ones people see the truth is always hidden
I wouldn't consider Brett top 20%. I think she's cute, but I wouldn't really call her beautiful which is reserved for the top 20% of women imo.
Lol which is why it's so bizarre that their viewers take advice from them. They will never understand your situation
Why in the HELL would college students use dating apps to meet people?? YOU ARE AROUND PEOPLE YOUR AGE ALL DAMN DAY. WTF?
In college, dating apps are for sex. When your older, they become the way to date. Since you end up seeing wayy fewer single people you age once your out.
So you can hand pick the one you like the most. 💀
At this point, it's now dating apps or nothing. People refuse to meet in real life whether because of "creeps" or the danger of having your life ruined via trial on social media.
Its because college students are broke. If women want to go on a fancy date at a nice restaurant they look outside of college campus for dates.
@@tgheretford I don't believe that.
I think you got sucked into an alternative reality. Get out of there!
Chris is getting SO CLOSE to actually attempting to hold women accountable for the lions share of the blame of modern dating. Wonder when he will finally take the plunge.
never, he is just afraid, he needs to pamper everyone. he is not like "those RP guys"
He’s too blue pill. He’s also handsome and successful so he doesn’t know what the modern average guy goes through.
He won't.
What do you mean "lions share of the blame of modern dating" ?
@@anewagora lions share means “the most” of something. Women select men, that’s how it works. Women have been proven, mostly through data from dating apps to all choosing the same small portion of men, which they can’t possibly all have as partners unless they want to share - and many women do. Women hold the majority of the blame for the modern dating crisis
The average man knows he deserves nothing. The average woman thinks she deserves everything.
That’s why dating sucks.
As a decent man with a good income I don't want a boss babe who has been run through by a series of chads.
When my boss didn't understand why I was married I'm 27, 26 at the time. I tried to explain my situation. He then went on that I'm super mature and I should wait and get a girl in her late thirties who already had a career home ect. And I had to raise a eyebrow he was literally saying to be the guy she settles with after she is done having all the other dudes go through her. That one was hard to swallow, like I understand I'm a workaholic but damn.
@@balasaashti3146strange logic from your Boss‘ side
@@balasaashti3146do not listen to a word of “advice” from your boss. It is straight garbage that you’ll regret ever considering
A woman talks about how men should take responsibility and accept that dating "is hard" while she completely misses the point that what makes men unsuccessful is mostly not about _how_ they date and is not something men can learn and get better at because the issue is that most women are just broken for lack of a better word, and they have done it to themselves.
Approaching girls is not endemic to being a guy. For the vast majority of human history people didn’t approach each other or date. Most marriages were arranged by fathers. Asking girls out and dating fairly new to societies.
I am not saying that asking someone “out” (without the father or another family member) never happened before but they were exceptions to the general rule.
I find it insane that most people seem to ignore this fact. Dating was invented in like the last 200 years, before that the challenges were straightforward and primarily based off survival or reproductio, nor love If most men find it difficult to approach women it means that men weren't meant to do that.
You’re correct that it’s a new thing, but it’s necessary in this day and age. Our families(at least in the USA) don’t have arranged marriages and/or are being set up by friends/family. We gotta hunt now, if you’re not in a huge social circle with some single women in it.
The people asking for a 10 when they are a 4 will forever be single
Agreed, but this advice applies to so many of us dudes who, simply put, have delusions of their own rating and want a supermodel.
As a 24-year-old man, I’ve learned with dating that the only winning move is not to play.
“24 year old man”
Don’t think that’s a thing bud.
As a 23 year old whose had no luck, I have questions. Are you in shape? Do you have a stable job or prospects? Do you have your personality in order? Do you have any interest or the like? Do you follow any religion or demonstrate long term mating suitibility? The the answer is No to a lot of these, it's you not them. If you answer yes to a lot of these, your probably just in the wrong city or looking in the wrong place. If you try all of that then maybe you can fall back on we're in a mating crisis where a lot of women won't date for children till 30, on which they have a 50/50 chance, so have no long term insentives and you might just be in the unlucky group of guys who will be left behind by those woman who fail to attend the dating market in a timely manner. When one sex suffers now, both do. Neither sex can motivate reproduction from the other so a percentage is screwed. But don't count yourself out yet, women tend to date a 2-4 years older, so your actual dating market is only in their early 20's at the moment. Still time left for so still hope left for you.
You're gonna look back when you're older and regret not living
Giving up is also losing.
True. It's not a game. Find a girl that doesn't play the game as well.
Women are dating for an accessory now, not a partner.
that’s how dating should be. You should have all your shit together, and they are there as an accessory to your hobbies and day to day things.
@@Ron.Swanson. no
@@Rootz2000 so you think when you have a partner it means you ditch your day to day routine and all of your interests for your girl? That’s called being a simp.
@@Ron.Swanson. "so you think when you have a partner it means you ditch your day to day routine and all of your interests for your girl"
How is this even remotely related and relevant to women dating for an accessory?
@@Ron.Swanson.nope. Human beings have survival first and companionship and love second... Luxuries, hobbies and fun are further down the list. Loneliness drives people insane and makes them physically ill as well.
“Falling in love felt like going home”- 💕
Most romantic thing I have heard in a while. Wish you all the best.
47 years old. Dated the old fashioned way until I was 32, mostly a bunch of emotionally damaged, self centered tramps. Then met my future wife online after about 6 months of on and off searching. Mind you, this was in 2009, after the stigma of online dating had kind of warn off but before the majority of women started using it for the sole purpose of feeding their egos. It's possible to succeed, but it's definitely way harder than it used to be and I feel bad for younger people because of that. My best advice is to keep trying but also to be at peace with the notion that it may not happen for you. You gotta want it, but you'll be ok if you don't get it. Good luck, gentlemen!
It’s when you realise when women say they want to be approached what they mean is they want to be approached by a tall, rich, confident and successful chad not the average bloke.
Early 40s here and after reading these comments, I feel so bad for these young guys.
You have no idea how much better we had at 20 years ago.
Social media has absolutely ruined the majority of women. The only thing you could do at this point is use social media to improve yourself and let God sort out the rest.
@@WyldStallion-bs9oo ahh yes I remember those days, better times. Love gained, love lost, those memories are worth a hell of a lot.
This is actually the most sensible and humble advice on the matter I've ever heard.
Chad and attractive girl talk how hard is to get date😅
As an older gentleman I can tell you that dating WAS much easier in the 80s, 90s and all the way up to about 2010, then there was a giant sea change among women, it became crazy, the world became crazy, the standards went through the roof and first dates started feeling more like a job interview then getting to know someone and dating started feeling like a job itself, exhausting. I feel bad for anyone these days dealing with it, it will only get worse IMO.
Have to agree. Dating has never been "easy-going" but it was a lot more straightforward when there was pretty much a 100% guarantee that there wasn't going to be sex anytime in the beginning of the relationship. There was actually time for courtship.
While I agree with you general statement, also consider that your looks may have declined since 2010 as well, and that could be one of the variables impacting your results.
The first smart phone came out in 2007. Having access to social media 24/7 warped the female brain.
I really don’t like her take on this at all. I’m a 33 year old man, 6’4”, financial advisor, and am in good shape… I don’t consider myself a “high value” man. I consider myself a flawed human being that’s no better than anyone else. We gotta start looking inward.
To be fair, I met my wife and went 'That one' after 10 seconds. She literally walked towards me across a small square at university on the first day at interview. That was it. I just knew we were going to get married. She didn't feel the same but I could not shake off the feeling.
Haha she didn't feel the same. That's funny man. Good for you bro. I'm 44 and married, 2 kids. I make MGTOW videos about social media and narcissism, looking through the clips to find videos makes me bummed out for my sons. Hypergamy and feminism is a horrible combo. Add in narcissism and entitlement ouch.
It's odd man, as we age we know we're ignorant and forget just how much wisdom we have to offer. So I made a channel..
Best wishes.
College life ruins girls.
Why?
@@badgoy7875 Partying every week with fake friends and getting their backs blown out by ever my guy on their floor. Plus drugs and alcohol are everywhere.
The bad ones but there are a few good ones
@@trophy8174Nah media do much worse than drugs to girls😅
@@badgoy7875i think its because they end up studying a lot or something….
I feel like online dating focuses on looks alone. The problem with that is many times a girl might not instantly think you are good looking but after spending time with you via a group setting she can begin to like you based on making her feel comfortable and secure. She may like your sense of humor and all of the sudden boom, she likes you. You lose that in a dating app.
This is why dating apps are so much worse for men than they are women. Men will still mostly care about looks whether it's IRL or dating apps while women care a lot more about personality and sense of humor IRL and obviously that can't really come through on a dating app so they are forced to just swipe on the hottest guys.
Im 31, 5’5”, make less than 100k. I’m getting engaged soon and I spent so much time watching videos like this, obsessing over things that didn’t really matter. Once I traveled, moved across the country for work, developed new interests and hobbies I generated a personality that attracted a whole bunch of women and now I’ve found what I deem perfect for me. My advice to any single guy who is looking, stop overthinking it, date with an open mind, keep improving, try things that scare you, you’ll grow from it and give women some grace. There are some great women out there, not everyone will be a match for you and if they’re not, it’s ok.
real shit bro❤️
Just wait until youre married for 2+ years and then come back to this and tell us how youre doing. lmfao
You'll be broke and divorced within ten years.
The only criticism I have for your advice is that it is not that simple for everyone. I personally don't have girls who would go on dates and I can experience with an open mind.
I personally been rejected by every girl I have ever ask out. It sucks and I don't have guidance on how to fix it
@@mario125ww Dont ask them out. Get them to want to go out with you.
I dont recall ever asking any girl Ive ever been with out. Its more like do you want to chill? Or theyve been the one eager to get to know me.
Men, stay single. Protect your virginity, keep it secret and keep it safe. Eventually you’ll unlock the mage build.
Became a wizard this year 😅👍
How many videos will you cut out of this conversation?
Chris Williamson: YES
I remember one time I was sitting next to 2 girls who were claiming that all the good men were taken (which next to a single guy is not a very elegant thing to say, but let's ignore that).
Both of those women had a boyfriend.
So I saw 3 possibilities
1 they were lying
2 they got their partner through cheating
3 they were with someone they considered not good
Isn't that such a weird thing to say in their situation?
It's like watching an episode of Dawson's Creek but no one gets laid.
😆 🤣
I gave up the soul-crushing experience of dating apps a long time ago. Fellas, if you're brave to shoot your shot in person, while it is riskier, the reward is far better than what you'll find on Tinder, Grindr, etc. Me, I've just been on hiatus from the whole dating pool because I find regular life exhausting enough to navigate
Guys have always had a 99% unobtainable woman...36-24-36, virgin, devoted, mentally sound and productive...but we'll gladly settle for a fair to average looking woman with a good attitude who is supportive, mostly sane and complimentary over a hot head case who is a net negative.
Finish the thought - women have a male equivalent and apps allow most of them to sleep with that guy if they want to but chances are he doesn’t commit leaving them confused and angry but still unwilling to “settle for less”.
Guys who are smart will work on themselves (especially physically, hit the gym) and see which girls want them, and choose accordingly. May not always end positively but it's a hell of a lot better than chasing women. Men should be emotionally detached when it comes to women and ultimately focused on their life goals.
Exactly think with the head on top of your shoulders.
What I learned from doing this is that doing 20 pull ups is much easier than getting a woman interested in you (much less a woman you like). But for most people (normal people?) it's the opposite.
@@MisterL777 what's nice is by the time you can do 10 pull ups women start being interested in you lol
@@Pozywny I can confirm that's not true. I've been doing 10+ and even 20+ pull ups for years now, I'm still absolutely invisible. Probably works for tall and attractive guys though.
@@Vladi2102 Well, yeah. You can't be short.
I was born in the early 80ies.
Nobody taught me either how to date. I just went on the internet and found my first GF.
Second one I picked up at a lake (she was there with her cousin).
Third one was at a event we both visited.
It just happens. But I'm done with dating now. Not that anything went really terrible, but it also doesn't really add something meaningful to my life. The connection I have with my long-term friends is much more important. And I enjoy living on my own, inviting people only when I feel like socialising.
I'm a MGTOW now.
You were born in the early 80s and used the Internet to get your first girlfriend? That's pretty sad dude considering Internet dating wasn't a thing when you should have been starting to date girls.
@@forzanerazzurri2339 Have you been living behind a rock?
Internet became mass media in the mid-90ies, including chatrooms and online dating. And mobile data plans became popular when the new millennium began.
I think you are just upset because you didn't figure out how to use the internet, like everybody else did.
@@svr5423I was born in the VERY early 1980s and "online dating" was not really a thing until 2003 with PoF. I got my first girlfriend in late 10th grade.
@@svr5423he is a bit of a late bloomer, which is fine. Internet dating really wasn't a thing back at the age when most people were dating. Maybe he met her in a chat room or an online video game, but that was certainly not looked upon favorably by the culture at the time
@@svr5423 nerd
She has a good head on her shoulders but she is super young and hasn’t felt with life’s real problems yet. Her outlooks will change dramatically over the next 10 years.
"The conditions are different" yeah, tens of hookups and several abortions for girls just 2 years into university she said, what an absolutely amazing dating pool.
Girls used to come onto guys before social media and smart phones, graduated HS in 2007. Trust me, everyone’s lost their minds chasing the millionaire lifestyle, also entitlement blocks gratitude, so that’s why the state of love and respect is at an all time low.
Whenever I hear a woman use the word "Intimidated" she instantly drops 2 points.
My roommate:
"I want guys to approach me"
Also, my roommate:
"A guy came to me in the gym asking me for an workout advice. So creepy"😂
@@janstein9202 yah, if one girl rejects you for being creepy. That entire building is finished. She will tell everyone that you hit on her (since it makes her look desired and also sisterhood wants consensus)
When I was single, I stopped allowing friends to insult men around me.
We need to acknowledge:
* a man that I'm not attracted to isn't necessarily a poor catch. It is a good mental exercise to see him as a catch for someone else, just not me.
* a lady always acknowledges the compliment of someone being attracted to her. Just because the idea of him touching you is unpleasant, does not reduce the compliment. In old books, women were taught by their mothers to say "I'm flattered, but..."
After alot of reflection as a 26 yr old virgin who has never had a gf, I realize that it is a systematic problem at large.
For example, I never had a girl flirt with me and truly desire me. I was always the odd man out. I understood that this is my responsibility to figure out why. Now that I am 26 yrs old, I worked on myself enough that Im no longer a weak man. However there arent women out there to date.
On my average day, i see maybe 10 girls who all got bfs or not my type. I have to find social events and make alot of friends to even get one lead. In fact, this summer i did just that just to get ghosted by 3 dates. Now i chill and do me most times but i realize that this problem isnt easily solvable unless your environment plays to your strengths
Move to a bigger city
@@akabuki100bigger cities are part the problem. Harder to find women that share your values in a city. Most cities tend to lean left. If you want a woman with at least some traditional values its fairly impossible. Especially as the gap between men going more conservative and women going more liberal widens. Most young women are going full communist and its amplified to a bigger degree in most cities.
Definitely a huge part of the problem is the way you were raised and school by a society that says that men and women are the same.
It absolutely isn’t true at all.
Men have to be successful in some aspect of their life or at least show promise, plus still have to pursue women to get women.
Women don’t, guys will flock to them in their early 20s.
The good news for you is your prime is 35-55.
If you get your success on point then you’ll have more success.
It’s the exact opposite for women who will not have close to the options they have at 26 when they are 35-55 even if they are 4 times as successful.
you mean to say "systemic" not "systematic"
@@jaykay4541how many people are successful 1-10%? How others get partner in past?
There are always going to be problems in dating and in relationships. The question is, is it worth the effort anymore? For many people the answer is no. It’s getting worse and worse and the legal system will be used against men when it’s convenient
I remember a conversation with my wife where we were discussing body counts.
She told me how she doesn’t understand how some people can have body counts of 100+ people.
She then told me that she could maybe understand 4 sexual partners per year, which would be roughly 1 every 3 months.
I then laughed and explained to her that she’s definitely only talking about women, because it is insanely difficult for an average guy to have 1 sexual partner every 3 months.
After graduating high school, I’ve met all of my dates except one on apps. The one that I did not meet on an app lasted the longest by far.
I disagree with some of this, because I'm 29 (still a millennial) and I grew up approaching girls that I liked, and I was sexually active when the complete shift of not being able to approach women happened. I remember the transition of no longer walking up to a girl and starting a conversion because the stakes were (all of a sudden) much higher. I remember being told "the worst she can say is no" and one day that was just no longer true. Any guy who is older than 25 was taught to be able to withstand a certain level of public rejection from a girl, but these days a guy can get arrested over claims from a girl that he has never even interacted with (which actually does happen) and thats not a generational difference, that a change in society that happened in an extremely short amount of time. Dating apps are safer because you have a (digital) paper trail where people usually can't get away with lying.
I personally would consider myself one of the guys that Brett describes, im a guy of faith, I workout, im not like jacked or anything but im taking care of my body, eat somewhat healthy, and have a great relationship with my family. For some reason this is no longer desirable and I grew up thinking that it was, but im just not going to try anymore. What's the point?
How hard do you try?
I am basically the female version of this and it doesn't seem like most guys find it desirable either
Just continue doing what you mentioned in your comment and don't give up hope.
God will send you your missing rib 🙏
Bible verses for a relationship:
1 Corinthians 16:4
Ephesians 4:32
Proverbs 15:1
Ephesians 4:31
Colossians 3:13
1 Corinthians 13:4
@@Maiseymax696 If you are a Proverbs 31 woman then don't give up hope.
Put your trust in God and he will send you the right man who is searching for his missing rib 🙏
I think the greatest issue comes before the dating, it's- I have not had a crush on a girl in over a year.
The quality of modern women is so average/low that I struggle to be intrigued by any of them. I find about one girl every year or two to crush on. If women are so amazing/beautiful/intelligent/etc why do I feel nothing for SOOO many of them?
I’m obese covered with ugly tattoos, swear like a trucker, claim I don’t need no man but am $50,000 in debt,
how could you not have a crush on me💁♀️
@@jaykay4541 The ONLY good thing I can say about the tattoos is- they let u identify the type of girl immediately. (But yeah I agree, I hate tattoos on women. Don't get me started.)
No. Im not approaching anymore. I dont want to be publically shamed and abused again for taking my shot
The "cold approach" never was successful. Of all the established couples in your circle, is there anyone who met through a cold approach?
We used to widen our social circle, when we wanted to meet potential dates. This meant we met more same-sex friends, too. This is important for a single to do, anyways. The friends introduced us to new hobbies & experiences, which allowed us to meet the opposite sex. And most couples knew each other before we dated.
@@kathyp1563 I met my first two gfs from cold approach
@@kathyp1563but most dudes only know dudes and often don't have sisters
@@ralfrudiger7276 when I was single, one of my requirements in a man was strong male friendships. No loners.
The thing about being single is that it is a transient lifestyle. Even if YOU don't move, everyone else is constantly moving around you. It is healthy for singles to actively increase their social circles.
It's also good to be the "ya wanna come with?" guy. You are surrounded by lonely people.
When I was single, I introduced 3 married couple, 2 dating that ended, 1 best friendship (between women), & 1 roommates of women who were in financial need of someone to live with but didn't know anyone. Each of these "couples" started because I invited an acquaintance to come to a house party, a yard party, or a group hike, or a group going to a festival. Oh, in my 30s, I decided to work on my cooking by hosting a monthly dinner party of 4-6 people. I hosted people I didn't even know.
I met my husband in his own garage. His housemate hosted a party & invited my friend. They were barely acquaintances & she'd know no one else, so she invited me. My husband is an extreme introvert. He asked a woman out 10 years earlier & was rejected. Hadn't done it since. He looks up & sees women in his garage! As host he had to come introduce himself. He had to chat. I invited him to join our swing dance group. I'm an inviter. We needed more men. He did. It took 2 years for him to ask me out, but only 5 months to be engaged.
grow some balls
Late 30s, Indie-Author, gym-goer, okay looking....it's fkn brutal out there and finding my equal in this day and age feels non-existent.
To all the dudes my age, good luck if you're single and try not to be discouraged from trying still. Sending bro hugs!
A work colleague of mine put it best by saying 99% of women who use dating apps are broken in one way or another. If they were really attractive looking and had a friendly feminine personality then they wouldn't waste their time with dating apps as they could easily get pulled by a Chad in a bar or the gym.
99 percent of woman use dating apps, even the "good girls". 99 percent of woman keep options open and talk to their ex while in relationships. You absolutely 💯 percent have to not allow your girl to talk to other men. They will lie when they say "he's just a friend".
My friends and I use dating apps and we have a phrase to describe that: "Any man can end up in a dating app but not any woman does"
I live in Germany and men here rarely make a move on women they’re interested it. It’s a bit frustrating, they expect the woman to be more active
@@leedlbagginshield8492 stop asking the world (men in your case) to change for you then... they literally said that in the video.
@@TheLinkedList I‘m not asking them to change. All I‘m saying is that they shouldn’t be surprised If some women will look elsewhere to find a partner.
Dating someone you met at work.. generally a bad idea.
A terrible mistake I had to learn the hard way
How will it be then? Finding someone online(not even possible for most men) is worse. The possible options are finding someone at school or work
@@bugra320stop worrying about it and build your life up instead
Tons of people met at work, not that is prohibited. There is no acceptable place to approach women anymore. Women were never into guys that much anyway, they just needed us. Now that they don't need men they aren't interested and they make it illegal to approach them. They all wear headphones in the gym too. LOL
@@jonathanmcculley3728 Same. Never again lol
I mean... I'm 6'1", handsome or so I've been told, work in finance and do very well, served in the Marine Corps and saw combat in Afghanistan, wise beyond my years I think... and yet, dating is hard even for me. Maybe that's just the way it is? I don't know. I'll let people prove me right or wrong with their responses to this.
Arrogance
Leave the West bro and you’ll instantly get much better results
Honestly try asking some girls out. Or at the very least try being friendly and talk to who you’re interested and then ask her out. If she says yes, great! If she says no, then move on. A lot of girls can be very shy around guys, especially attractive guys, because they think they’re probably in a relationship or they’re not attractive enough for this guy. If you’re not comfortable asking girls out then I’d focus on taking care of your mental, physical, and spiritual health and who knows, maybe one day a girl will have the guts to ask you out lol
I was married for 23 years and have been single for 10. I don’t look my age and consider myself very open. I’m financially stable. Tried the apps shortly after my divorce with the usual complaints and never got back on them. I don’t get approached in person but generally receive compliments. It’s an odd time we’re navigating. The only answer I’ve come up with outside of the idea that women/men bad (blanket statements serve no one and are totally subjective), is that overall we feel more connected through technology, and something about that is changing an evolutionary drive to be in relationship. Who knows what the consequences might be.
@@kt9495
Why did you divorce your husband??
Why did you possibly believe someone better would commit to you when you were long, long past your prime.
There is no bigger red flag to a decent man then hearing you let a long marriage, definitely says it’s predictable what happens to anyone who commits to you.
women in real life are not even looking at me, how in the world should i approach women outside of dating apps
Yeah. People tell me I'm good-looking and I'm 6'5, yet women in the streets etc don't even look at me. No smiles or eye contact. I often go to a coffee shop and it's only the men who actually make an effort to speak or be friendly. Same when I go to the sauna. I don't even exist to women unless I say something first.
Yesterday I went on a 4.5 hour hike with 15 people, most of whom I didn't know. I had to speak to all the women first or would've been ignored otherwise. I'm not even flirting, I'm just being friendly and social.
@nKarje Most people are cold in the US until you engage. When you start talking to them they lift that veil and it's pretty easy to see how a person feels towards yoy
@@wahpah I'm describing my experience in Scotland btw.
@nKarje I guess you can apply it to most 3rd world countries. I'm 6'1 and get compliments often as well but don't get signals like smiling or eyes. Sometimes but not often. I'm in nyc and sometimes on commutes I've gotten stares but for the most part on my day to day not really. You can tell somewhat when you engage, when are girl is into me they are definetlly more bubbly during the chat, and if im feeling it id extend my number to them to take if they want for a date. I think girls and people in general are not good at flirting, I don't know how you are but I'm 19, and Girls definetly do not do the smiling as an invitation thing anymore in my age group or anything like that
I mean first world
I tried Tinder twice, both experiences sucked big time. Both girls didn't look anything like their profile pictures. Lying to me before we even met in real life, is not a good idea.
First dating, in the US, has only been middle class since around 1914 when the term was used by a college girl commenting in a magazine article. Prior to that, men called on the woman at her home under supervision.
And the "singles bar" only dates from 1965 when TGI Fridays was opened by a guy who wanted to meed the single women in his Manhattan neighborhood. The original dating "app" is not yet 60 years old.
Betty Friedan's book The Feminine Mystique:
"I don't think there was anything else like it at the time. Before TGI Fridays, four single twenty-five-year-old girls were not going out on Friday nights, in public and with each other, to have a good time. They went to people's apartments for cocktail parties or they might go to a real restaurant for a date or for somebody's birthday, but they weren't going out with each other to a bar for a casual dinner and drinks because there was no such place for them to go"
And your point is?
Love getting life advice from 20 somethings
Modern 40 something give even worse advices. That's not about age.
I cannot express how relieved I am to finally see at least one other person notice that!!
We need elders, not podcasts! We need wisdom not advice. We need structure and guidance, not clues and hints.
Chris is 36.
@@Jeff-bd5yo Uh, Brett is not. Duh. Does this really have to be pointed out?
@@louisenglish8069 I know Brett isn't. That's why I didn't say anything about her, are you perhaps slow?
My moms the same way, don't get married until you're 30. Been great advice, I've been able to see my self grow and figure out who i am.
You cannot reveal yourself completely to a potential partner right off the bat because then you would give them the opportunity to feed you what you are looking for while concealing anything in them that you are not. You have to dance the dance until you know each other well enough to know that you are compatible.
She is 22 years old, has only lived in one country. She probably only has sociallized in certain circles. But now talks like she understands everything...... wait what?????????
She lived in Budapest for a time
famous college sorority american mid white woman that has access to the global dating market through social media. she has more experience than 90% of men that has ever existed
@@_DeadBeat_ she has been dating less than 4 years.
And she is now married.
I just googled her and she is not a scientist in sociology.
So her anecdotal life exeprience seems a bit limited.
@@Reflectionmaterialtrue, however she probably has people in her circle who give her wisdom and advice. She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, I wish her luck in her marriage.
@@zacharybils9182 everybody tries to be a good person.
Does not mean they all are qualified to talk about incredibly complicated subjects.
She is an actress. Talk about that. Not about stuff you have less than 4 years experience in.
That no matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone love you.
It needs to be organic or you have to move on.
So you mean to tell me...
Brett Cooper, a woman...
Jusy up and picked a guy after looking at him? You mean to tell me she "liked his presence and his confidence"
A woman? Picked a Chad? And she wants to relate to us and give us advice??? Im shocked. Truly. Lol
I know lots of good men who are masculine, strong, kind, holy, handsome, and protectors who are single not by choice. Explain that.
My parents forbade me from dating until I was 16 and then just expected me to just know how to do everything.
I started dating at 25
Grandparents can make a difference -- we talk all the general ideas of them being married and having children of their own. We encourage their thoughts of the future being about relationships, and not just vocation.
once upon a time, single ppl put out "dating apps" in the newspaper hoping someone would answer, or there was "speed dating" events at the local bar or other places. "digital dating" is the most recent incarnation, but despite all these things, haven't we really just forgotten how to just talk to each other, find your likes/dislikes in conversation and go from there?
Women only get the message when we say NO to their BAD behavior. MEN - keep up the good work. Don't reward bad behaviors!
Any woman who wants to be approached but refuses to do the approaching herself is a massive hypocrite.
Not really. It's always been tradition that the man approaches. The problem that women create for themselves is that they make themselves "unapproachable" through their body language, always being with a group of friends, etc.
Men - looks money status
Women - just be pretty
I can't take advice from a woman who was handed everything.
Come on, she worked hard on playing other people's tiktoks while yapping about them and flailing her hands around like in a seizure.
Im 46 and done now. I have a dog so its all good. 🤣
She made some decent points, but like, she's f***ing 22 and acting like she has such a grasp of dating culture after marrying a guy when she was what, like 20?
I just cant look at Brett without seeing Bens face. lmfao
both may have italian ancestry.
@@allinmybackyard3988 Theyre related. lol
@@andrewgood7586 they are not.
@@allinmybackyard3988 You sure about that? Theyve said theyre brother and sister.
@@allinmybackyard3988 Hmmm I guess youre right. I assume they joke about it because they look similar.
There are many high value men and women who happen to struggle with anxiety or depression. I'm confused as to why they think it devalues an individual? (6.10)
Read the book The Unequal game by Jimmy Fowler, it explains how messed up roles between men and women in modern day dating nowadays are.
Im 50 and teach at a local college. Dating today looks like a minefield. I dont envy the folks who have to navigate it.
There aren't any romance movies like there used to be that advocated dating and meeting people and communicating like there used to be. Most of the movies today just glorify violence or some odd behavior
That explains why dating has gone so downhill to non existent. I grew up watching '80s movies where characters actually talked to each other in so many awkward ways. You don't see people wanting to be honest and awkward anymore, but I think being awkward is cool. No wonder we are so lost in modern times. I feel like dating hasn't been good or even existent throughout my whole adult life. Why can't people just approach people in person, be kind and just embrace being awkward until you slowly get to know someone?
Why should I listen to a married 22 year old about this?
Because she found the golden ticket. *duh*
yes im 5'7 as a male, i dont bother with dating lol
Lol what? Go work out Im 5'8 and 185lbs buff. Being shorter means u live longer and can gain weight easier
I'm 5'7" and have never had any issues with girls. My current gf is an inch taller than me and hasn't even brought it up.
You could still get women if you have charisma. Unfortunately even if they like you, the vast majority will view it as settling or will be convinced by their friends they deserve better. So I understand why short men don’t bother with dating anymore; there’s far too much disrespect from women.
@@stinkypinkie9029 yeah I'm black pilled enough not to settle, I never gonna be beta bux
I'm 5'7" never had an issue with dating relating to my height since online dating honestly.
I lie about my height in my profile to 5'9" and make sure they know before the date.
It's never really been an issue. For the women I've talked to.
I married a women of model level attractiviness we divorced. Nothing to do with her wanting anyone else. I was always her Chad/first pick.
Our issues were more complicated.
If you don't know who you are, then the persona you wear, is the only thing anyone has to love. Personas being inherently fake, means nobody can have a relationship with you, only the persona.
Modern dating is terrible for men who are NOT in the top 5% in terms of LOOKS, dating is ridiculously EASY for vvomen.
What occurred to me is everyone seems to think it's a great thing that your social life is private. However look at it from another point of view, do you make better decisions with more information or less. If your social life is private then so is everyone else's!
There may have been a practical purpose to town "gossip" along with open courtship rituals. I wouldn't know or claim to know how best to restructure society, however I can recognize the consequences of trade-offs.
Graduating from UCLA with an English degree at 19 is... fine. but it's not graduating from Caltech with a degree to astrophysics or something.
Yeah, approaching was never really a thing. Look at the data from the 1900s, majority of people met through friends or family. 30% through family, 30% through friends and 30% primary and secondary. However as we progressed as a society (digressed more likely) through 60s, 70s and so on it became slightly more meetings at work, church, bars etc. Then came online dating and the isolationist way in which we now exist. Societies typically collapse from the loss of god, followed by female promiscuity, followed then by the demoralization of men, aka men no longer want to fight for the society. Were there now.
thats cause god isnt real. alot of people lack common sense nowadays. its not surprising. humans are lacking natural selection and its unknown how much animals and plants are suffering from lack of natural selection as well.
not yet. We have to first stop providing utilities and sanitation services. Like not work those jobs. Only then the colapse will be palpable.
@@glamoagency5642 Won't matter, the collapse is planned, has been for a long time. it's systemic through and through
"Societies typically collapse from the loss of god, followed by female promiscuity, followed then by the demoralization of men, aka men no longer want to fight for the society."
Damn. This actually makes so much sense. I know for a fact that if the US were to enter into WWIII or something that I definitely wouldn't care about fighting to preserve this country or society. You would literally have to force me to join because to me, there is nothing really worth fighting for in this country anymore.
The secret for men is to not actually be in love. Once you're in love it becomes dangerous, you become prey. If you keep your affection for a woman in the "I like you" range of feeling you will simultaneously never get hurt and always have women interested in you. Mysterious men are fun, emotional men are friend-zoned. If you actually have feelings of love, you have lost the game of love. This is why women are attracted to married men, why they always want what they can't have, why they never think about the long term future results of their actions and why they always choose men who are later called "toxic" after the fun phase is over and they're having mimosa brunch with their friends.
if privilege was a person it would be brett cooper
People say don’t date at work, yet there’s many people that meet that way, and even more so in the past. As long as you both do your job at work, and save the kissy poo for after work, it’s all good.
Brett: "They're setting these insane standards"
Chris: "How so?"
He's joking right... right?
It's soooo sweet when she talks about her husband
The first thing, any human could do, before dating, regardless of sexual preference, is to learn to live with the idea of being alone for the rest of your life. In other words, first know thyself. We don’t teach people that right? So the root is our desires, conditioned desires.
I’m 43, & you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to “go out on a date”, trying to make conversation with a complete stranger (It sounds like the most uncomfortable thing I could possibly imagine) ….thats why I’m lonely & sad.
How are we supposed to be taught and who does the teaching when women keep changing the rules of the game?
Do you have female friends that you trust? If not, maybe that's an indicator of a place to start. (And no, females you really want to sleep with, but have friend-zoned you is not the same thing.)
@@danh2716 No, I don’t trust any women. Never ask a fish how to catch a fish. A fisherman’s advice is much more valuable.
@SigmaWarrior1978 Right. Good luck then. But starting out with, "I don't trust any women" sounds like every Saturday night will be spent with those salty fishermen...
@@danh2716 Saturday evenings are better spent at work, like most of my evenings.
My issue is, I graduated college and was contractually obligated to join the military. I'm currently stationed on the east coast (grew up in the Southwest), and have been living near a very, very large military post. The city right outside post, where I live, is pretty ghetto and dangerous. There is a very, very loose sexual/party culture surrounding the military post and the neighboring cities. All anyone really does for entertainment on the weekends is drink and party. I refuse to conform to that lifestyle. The church that I go to here is 90+% men. I don't know what to do. The majority of my friends who are dating tend to date down; there are for a certainty many times more men in their 20's-30's than there are women in the surrounding area. I'm trying to simultaneously juggle Active Duty military life with running a small business, so exploring different cities that are a minimum 1-2 hours away is very difficult, and when I do make my way out there, I'm typically there with friends who only want to drink. It's also just too difficult to date that far. As someone who just turned 30, I feel there is no hope for me finding a quality girl to date. I dated plenty in college, but just never found someone with whom I felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I don't consider myself unattractive. I'm very fit by even military standards. I guess I've become apathetic towards dating; the little dating I've done here has been miserable and unfulfilling.
Start putting time into dating once either the business or the military life falls away. Then you'll only have 2 things to juggle which is doable.