To learn more about Procrastination, and take a 14-part video course with an accompanying eBook, visit: www.drdavidmaloney.com/procrastination-course-101
thats very interesting, procastination is the art of escaping the vaccum of low self esteem while simultaneously perpetuating it. What a vicious loop thatll only end with a guilt bomb to the face.
I've been procrastinating on the the most important things in my life, the things that I should build myself off, and I have a deep self loathing problem. Thanks for taking your time to help us.
I won't look to my fellow procrastinators out there the same way again. This is incredible and I just realized that now. Perfectionism is hurting me. My parents did this to me since primary school. I always try to be the best but failed since primary. I guess the anxiety built up and still going till... God knows. The lack of competitiveness is probably the result of it too.
Appreciate the feedback. My latest video goes into the issue a bit more. Ultimately, procrastination is not a character flaw. It's simply a way the nervous system tries (albeit too excessively) to keep us safe.
I've been a chronic procrastinator my whole life. I have also suffered from depression, low self-esteem, and I even a chronic "guilt" about not doing things I think I should. I never made the connection between low self-esteem, guilt, and procrastination before, but it makes 110% sense to me. This is the by far the best explanation of procrastination I've ever heard, and it gives me hope that I can change. Thank you so much Dr. Maloney.
This makes so much sense. I've always procrastinated/ been lazy. I've recently been diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, schizoid personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder among other things and I feel there's a strong connection between all these that I'm experiencing.
Thanks for watching Divya. Hope it helps. Guilt is an emotion that can influence all sorts of behavior. There's great benefit in questioning the 'guilt narrative' if you have someone to talk with. All the best, David
I was googling this and you were the only one who figured this out and had enough sense to make a video about it! It’s the guilt from the lack of discipline and accomplishing one’s goals that causes “depression.” That and unresolved anger and unforgiveness for yourself and others. I know other people will insist they are depressed but this little bit of knowledge/wisdom is what did it for me. I defeated depression by getting off the couch and setting some meaningful goals. And learning new things. Cutting out the toxic people, TV, the news, social media, and focusing on my own emotional spiritual and physical health. Eating right and walking every day. Now I have a bike and I’m going to get really strong between now and the end of the year by riding my bike. I will start with 5 miles and go up to 50. The momentum gained from this activity will help me in my new studies to learn blockchain technology and go into a new field.
i am an ocd sufferer and i procrastinate everything that i feel i cannot do perfectly. i feel ashamed and guilty for not being good enough and not being able to appreciate what I have. i procrastinate especially academic stuff (studying, writing my thesis). what if I forget something? what if they ask something I do not know? what if i write something wrong? how to write a sentence? how to learn? Professors always ask something i would not know or could not answer. and i feel anger for that. Professors always ask something easy, which however is not really present on the learning material. and I feel anger for that. Unpredictability and feeling loss of control makes me "angry" and anxious af. I am a perfectionist. If i feel that i cannot do something flawlessly I start to panic and feel like I am doomed to fail. I panic, not learn. And then fail. That's why I panic every time I need to learn something for school/university. I feel like i need to know every detail of a subject and end up understanding nothing of it because I am too anxious to even think. Not passing is such shame/waste of money for tuition fees. I feel so dumb/guilty/ashamed/incapable. The value at risk is so high I end up losing it all.
Wow thanks for sharing. While I am not aware of having OCD the rest of what you wrote describes me perfectly. I am currently going back to school so to speak for a subject Im passionate about. I will obsess over taking the best notes and will organize them obsessively and endlessly so I have them for the future yet I will often not get the actual class projects done due to obsessing about my notes. Perhaps I know I have control over the notes and not the perfect outcome of the actual projects. I too feel that Im unable to learn more deeply hecause Im so mentally tired after obsessing about my notes. Its crazy. Your insightful comments really helped me so thanks for that.
Hi Dr. Maloney, I wanted to thank you for informing the public about psychotherapy in a concise and very effective manner. Your videos are valuable and appreciated by so many! They help put things into perspective, which can ultimately change the quality of our lives.
That’s correct. How to heal from that need of punishment and this actually shown in my relationships . It is as if I ask everyone to punish me somehow unconsciously. How to heal??
It's a two step process. 1st is a change in language. 2nd is to see how we use procrastination as a weapon and stop using it self-destructively. You can read my free ebook on my site or take my video course. Thanks for your question Lynda. Hope this helps.
I also think that the initial shame must be addressed - where and why we're we made to feel shameful about ourselves. And to stop doing that, perpetuating that to ourselves.
for me personally it's more like a shame because of fear of failure. i think i've been building shame around the seniors (people in higher hierarchy than me) all my life. i'm afraid of them and dont want them to be mad or disappointed by me. it makes me procrastinate so badly, it ruins my life. i've been looking for signs in my memory about how my childhood went but i got nothing; my childhood seemed pretty good. btw thaks for the video, sir!
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy I am trying to, but it has been so difficult. Many years of bullying, no parental attention, low SES. Even after getting a PhD, I feel worthless.
Well, I don't stop procastrinating. Sometimes I succeed in "putting myself to work", but it gives little gratification, and I usually feel mentally drained after that. And the next time the cycle starts all over again. Procastrinating, and maybe I'll get myzelf to work, but probably not.
Thank you! I’m so grateful for your perspective and the knowledge you share in these videos and in session. This awareness of guilt is so key…since discussing it with you, I can see that it’s an almost constant unconscious habit I have to scan for things I might have done “wrong” or below my own standards. And then, as you point out, this leads to the self-punishment of doing even less. It’s crazy to only now see this so clearly after being introspective for decades. Unfortunately, being conscious of it is not yet enough to let the habit to go. I think it is also laced up with my needs in partnership…what a tangle!…I’m understanding my deep conditioned self more…I am not giving up! Thank you 🙏
Thank you Kelly. It's not so much the habit we need to let go. The only thing that needs to be let go is the 'Story' upholding the guilt. Once this is dropped, behavior falls into place naturally. Sounds simple but in reality it can seem very difficult. It can feel like trying to convince yourself that the sky isn't blue. But, such is the nature of belief.
Omg, I think you just changed my life... agree with another commentor that no one ever told me this, including multiple therapists. I've got far enough on my own to be able to feel into it now that you've pointed this out, and you're right, it is shame. (I agree with Karla McLaren that shame is the feeling, guilt is something that we either are or are not. This helps me to differentiate the two because then I can objectively see when I am innocent.)
very interesting, never had that angle before. Love your content its helped me personally. Do you think that its the only cause of it? Usualy things like this has many causes no?
I feel like a traitor whenever I feel proud of myself or when I do something that Is good for me… I sleep way too much, but everything in my life is good, I worked so hard to get to where I am and while I’m passionate about my work, I feel guilty when I’m working I feel guilty to be passionate
this is really deep and helpful. Though I feel like the feelings of guilt i experience did only arise after i started to work and i cant remember having them as a kid. or did I? Its something to explore.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Two topics really interest me: trauma psychology is what I love doing - that is what I majored in and I also love transpersonal psychology.... I do think everything is linked in this universe, so... Nice to meet you too! Really great job, you are talented in explaining notions easily and clearly. :-)
Thanks Antonia. I'll check out your content. Trauma work is very much needed in our world. I also point to the Higher Aspects beyond our immediate awareness. It has the potential to change our emotional state of being very dramatically.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Wonderful! Aligning the heart & the brain, not just the brain.... in my perspetive is the future of psychology. 😊 I really enjoyed how you do wave it in your content the aspects of personalities, make it sound so natural. 👍👍👍
This is something I’ve had a hunch about for a long time. The problem is that it has gotten so bad that I’ve 100% bought into the idea that I am guilty and deserve punishment so I don’t even try to break the cycle. What do you do then??
Hey, I bought your book on Kindle and it really helped me alot. Thanks for doing what you're doing! Your way of setting firm times works. Today I didn't get it in time and I was like: ah hell, that won't happen me again. But on the other hand I enjoy watching documentaries on RUclips now. Because I know, that that won't happen me again. Thanks and greetings from Germany.
Seriously Vektor, that is music to my ears! Keep calling out the inner critic and keep enforcing the consequence. Eventually, something clicks and the behaviour stops. The great side-effect is that we end indecision and can be present with other things (e.g., watching a documentary). Great work!
Guilty procrastinator, low sense of self with a huge ego simultaneously... if I am not a pos then it's others who cause the issue. I am really trying to rely on my higher power to help me out because I have highs and lows and alot if guilt. I am also compulsively late for everything I could be ready and on time even before and my mind is like wait a little you don't want to be there early waiting damn well knowing I could stop get coffee take my time whatever it's like I just self destruct no matter and I really need to stop... tomorrow lol prayers for my fellows
Keep bringing awareness to the behavior. Eventually, we see the underlying causality. Taking responsibility is not the same as blaming ourselves. I think we all do this to some degree or another 🙏
It it so weird that I feel guilty for what I should do but will feel better when I have it done. But I feel even more guilty when I don’t do it and don’t achieve the goal. And then my brain said procrastinate again until the pressure is so high that I work through for days and then barley pass it or don’t pass it.
feels more like fear to me. fear of messing it up - as it will inevitably be as I've started it to late again. usually its anything to do with paperwork or bureaucracy - always taxes and man every year I get late fees and even get interest on late fees. im being destroyed by my procrastination. I just can't face doing things as its too hard
Hi David. Thanks for another insightful video. Curious what if any role shame plays in this cycle in your experience. So far my experience echoes what you've mentioned with self-esteem issues and guilt/possibly shame primarily that went from severe anxiety, perfectionism, self-criticism to a kind of protective hopelessness and resignation. So far the only thing that helped in undergrad is deadlines and group accountability. Your book is very well put and it makes sense intuitively. How do you reconcile newer more noble ideas of human nature with those of Freud? Trying to do the cognitive restructuring feels really fake to me the inner critic has gotten two years worth of momentum and was sizable enough to start.
I know I've got low self esteem issues though I thought I worked on those in my 20s. What's the best approach to improve it? Could you please use an external mic while recording your videos? I casted this video to my TV with the amp turned up high and I still could not hear you
49 years old and you have just gifted me the missing tool to freedom from………. Tons of shit ! Thank you Doc, you reach far and wide with this wisdom - God bless
Thank you so much for this video! When you asked what we feel when we procrastinate I wouldn't have answered guilt, but 'I feel I'm not going to do it/finish the project anyway...even if I start what's the point' - this is valid when I don't have deadlines. Is this a feeling? I feel it's like the ultimate guilt...is it?
Hi there. The feeling of "what's the point" is a feeling of hopelessness or resignation. It's a little different to guilt but within the same mindset. It's the mindset that causes procrastination. The answer comes with questioning the voice that says things are hopeless. It's a voice that is actually trying to protect you, but is just a little overprotective. Once you realize you are safe, the hopelessness and guilt tend to fade away. Hope that helps a little 👍
I feel like shame has a part to play in here too. It can feel hopeless because we feel so powerless to change ourselves. The original "guilt" (shame according to Karla McLaren). So working to heal that wound, in my non professional understanding.
Dr. Maloney: Let’s say your home, and your sitting on the couch. And you know, now is the time to take action of this project... Me: 😳 Whoa. Is he watching right now? Because that hit too close to home! 😂🤣😅 Add: “The guilt was there before the project began.” 😮😮😮 Okay, that just turned the tables! This is mind blowing stuff! 🤯 Thank you for this key insight.
I had this with a broken coffee machine. I started to fix it but I couldn't find the problem and in the end I spend 2 days completly fked up and now I quit work for 2 weeks because I was just done for a while. I think it wasn't about the coffee machine at al.
for me, procrastination does not feel like guilt at all, so I am wondering what the source is our why I am doing it. Part of it is overwhelming and hopeless. I used to be a workhorse and would stay up to the late hours getting stuff done for work and studying after work to achieve a different goal. In Jan 2020 I got very sick and got diagnosed with T1D and it devastated my life which has been one painful nightmare since then so I am guessing that is where the overwhelm and hopelessness has come in since T1D is a full-time job to manage in itself and there is no cure. I am trying to find a way to overcome this to get back on track to build towards my goals again but procrastination has a vice-like grip on me and I get what I can only describe as fear and dread even when thinking about starting again and then a sense of overwhelming hopelessness even if I muster up enough conviction to get past the initial fear stage and get started.
Hi there. If you haven't read my book, I recommend it. Something like what you're going through requires a very basic establishment of baseline standards (not overwhelming yourself given the load placed upon you). If you want, feel free to reach out: david@drdavidmaloney.com
I really like your videos on trauma, split personality and self talk. Honestly, I think, I don't feel guilt but anxiety when procastinating. Guilt sometimes comes later if I have procastinated an activity several times. Do you also have an answer to that one?
Yes Kaitlin. I talk about anxiety and procrastination in another video. Here it is: ruclips.net/video/me7tWDmbXrE/видео.html&ab_channel=DrDavidMaloneyPsychotherapy
i wish to buy your online course, however, the currency is in pound, not in US dollars . can you make your transaction in a way that's universal based on the visiter's location ?
This was a big help to me thank you. Another key to deliver me out of procrastination and low self esteem. I agree with what you are saying. I would add that as a once people pleaser I can feel guilty when I try to do something for myself. The other thing is having grown up by narcissists and marrying one and knowing they have absolutely no interest in your life unless it affects them I find it very hard to practice my hobbies as I have this deep seated belief of ‘what’s the point - no one is interested in what I do. So must work on these aspects to. God bless you.
Dr David Maloney Psychotherapy: guilt is caused by childhood, by helplessness, and coming to knowing those around us know more about the world than we do, so much so that it is almost a joke upon us (it amuses them), and ambition is the desire to switch those roles. .even to be able to lie. . .and not be found out. . .or. . .guilt is cause by strict parents or by our organizations like schools that require us, for example, to be on time. Or guilt comes from being a white guy. . .Or guilt is only a fear of punishment. . .hierarchy. . .perhaps. . . The ‘solution’ is sooooooo hard. . . understanding that what is at play is an external. .force. .and what specific outside source is it that has the super-ego attacking the rest of the mind? The ‘solution’ is helpful, a little, but it’s soooo hard. And only temporary (and only useful for one specific block?). Personally, I’m developing this theory that Internet personality Jordan Peterson is stark raving mad.
@@magicsinglez It certainly is complicated. And I agree totally that looking at childhood is primarily where the solution will be found. When we are shamed, or intimidated in childhood, we often internalize the scornful voice of the authority figure (SuperEgo as you pointed out). How to heal this is something I will hopefully talk about in the future. Not sure what's happening with Jordan! Hope he finds peace though.
Dr David Maloney Psychotherapy: I’m developing this theory that the conscience is formed much earlier. .very early childhood. . .depression is us wanting our caregiver (when something/or our lives) goes bad. I’m developing this theory regarding compulsion. . . . Most of my other theories. .my ideas. . .my ways of looking at the world are grounded in my racism.
I think there is more to it than this for a lot of people e.g. wish to succeed vs. fear of failure = paralysing inaction as a means of self-protection. See Nic Voge.
The "illusions" or also many other other superficial and deeper overwhelming and excuses issues...😕❤️🩹 And comes as ways of coping and avoiding issues but also restiance/rebelling somethingnor someone or playing the cause/victim mindsets... And also become manipulated/manipulating to "have your way" or other sabbtaging issues that keeping in a stuck minset or issues with really moving and listening "Obeying" the "right" with/within Spirit Psyche direction etc especially with the spiritual and energetic side of things... Not just one or a few things... When everything over whelms or got caught up in and your mind in the good/bad realities true truth/lies and our duties responsibility issues beliefs and actions or towards or away from God/self/others etc
To learn more about Procrastination, and take a 14-part video course with an accompanying eBook, visit: www.drdavidmaloney.com/procrastination-course-101
thats very interesting, procastination is the art of escaping the vaccum of low self esteem while simultaneously perpetuating it. What a vicious loop thatll only end with a guilt bomb to the face.
Very well put Ashraf :)
Articulated my life
I've been procrastinating on the the most important things in my life, the things that I should build myself off, and I have a deep self loathing problem. Thanks for taking your time to help us.
Very welcome. Hope this explanation helps.
That makes sense, I’ll work hard to help other people, but not myself.
Expand that love to include you too Joy. You're as deserving as anyone else. Love, David
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy The same. Thank you, dr. Dabid Maloney for such a revelating insight. I am literally crying.
@@alexandraursanu7896 🙏
After a very long time am able to do my work with interest and state of flow... Thanks to you
interesting take. I've always felt there's more to it than just being lazy. Thanks!
Thanks for watching Michelle.
Lazy is
Go. No actually dont go. Stay. It good here.
I won't look to my fellow procrastinators out there the same way again. This is incredible and I just realized that now. Perfectionism is hurting me. My parents did this to me since primary school. I always try to be the best but failed since primary. I guess the anxiety built up and still going till... God knows. The lack of competitiveness is probably the result of it too.
Appreciate the feedback. My latest video goes into the issue a bit more. Ultimately, procrastination is not a character flaw. It's simply a way the nervous system tries (albeit too excessively) to keep us safe.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy I already watch the full explanation. Great stuff 👍
@@DrunkieCat Always appreciated. Take care ✌
Thank you for this! My therapist never said anything like that to me! It does make a lot of sense!
Thank you Compact. I find it's an area that comes up again and again in my sessions.
Man, I really wish you were my second or third psychologist! You're so much more smarter and a lot more or highly intelligent than my own two parents!
I've been a chronic procrastinator my whole life. I have also suffered from depression, low self-esteem, and I even a chronic "guilt" about not doing things I think I should. I never made the connection between low self-esteem, guilt, and procrastination before, but it makes 110% sense to me. This is the by far the best explanation of procrastination I've ever heard, and it gives me hope that I can change. Thank you so much Dr. Maloney.
Jeffrey, you are very welcome indeed. Glad the video was helpful for you.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy You have no idea, thank you again!
This makes so much sense. I've always procrastinated/ been lazy. I've recently been diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, schizoid personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder among other things and I feel there's a strong connection between all these that I'm experiencing.
Thanks for watching Divya. Hope it helps. Guilt is an emotion that can influence all sorts of behavior. There's great benefit in questioning the 'guilt narrative' if you have someone to talk with. All the best, David
Holy shit this is gamechanger. Thanks doc. This Is fucking really helpful.
Very welcome Milan! Well put :)
The best Channel in the world, Grateful I have descovered it
Thanks so much!
This has been such a long-standing pattern in my life, so insidious. You describe it very well - thanks David
Hope it helps Andreas!
God bless you and thank you for what you do!❤😊
Thank you Sherry!
This video gave me a lightbulb moment! Thanks very much.
You're very welcome!
I was googling this and you were the only one who figured this out and had enough sense to make a video about it!
It’s the guilt from the lack of discipline and accomplishing one’s goals that causes “depression.”
That and unresolved anger and unforgiveness for yourself and others.
I know other people will insist they are depressed but this little bit of knowledge/wisdom is what did it for me. I defeated depression by getting off the couch and setting some meaningful goals. And learning new things. Cutting out the toxic people, TV, the news, social media, and focusing on my own emotional spiritual and physical health. Eating right and walking every day.
Now I have a bike and I’m going to get really strong between now and the end of the year by riding my bike. I will start with 5 miles and go up to 50.
The momentum gained from this activity will help me in my new studies to learn blockchain technology and go into a new field.
Milan Kilmes is right. This is a TOTAL game changer - and the first REAL Hope I've had in years (long story but this is bang on)
Thank you Anira 🤍
thank you so much doctor this was really an eye-opener, and I'm so grateful for this, may god bless you
You are very welcome Hazel 🙏
You spoke deep into my heart ❤️. This is my characteristics.
❤
This makes total sense. I relate 100%. Thank you so much Dr Maloney1
You're so welcome 🙏
Fantastic video and explanation of procrastination! Hits home big time!
Thank you HTP. Appreciate the feedback! Glad it was insightful for you.
i am an ocd sufferer and i procrastinate everything that i feel i cannot do perfectly.
i feel ashamed and guilty for not being good enough and not being able to appreciate what I have.
i procrastinate especially academic stuff (studying, writing my thesis). what if I forget something? what if they ask something I do not know? what if i write something wrong? how to write a sentence? how to learn?
Professors always ask something i would not know or could not answer. and i feel anger for that.
Professors always ask something easy, which however is not really present on the learning material. and I feel anger for that.
Unpredictability and feeling loss of control makes me "angry" and anxious af. I am a perfectionist. If i feel that i cannot do something flawlessly I start to panic and feel like I am doomed to fail. I panic, not learn. And then fail.
That's why I panic every time I need to learn something for school/university. I feel like i need to know every detail of a subject and end up understanding nothing of it because I am too anxious to even think. Not passing is such shame/waste of money for tuition fees. I feel so dumb/guilty/ashamed/incapable. The value at risk is so high I end up losing it all.
Wow thanks for sharing. While I am not aware of having OCD the rest of what you wrote describes me perfectly. I am currently going back to school so to speak for a subject Im passionate about. I will obsess over taking the best notes and will organize them obsessively and endlessly so I have them for the future yet I will often not get the actual class projects done due to obsessing about my notes. Perhaps I know I have control over the notes and not the perfect outcome of the actual projects. I too feel that Im unable to learn more deeply hecause Im so mentally tired after obsessing about my notes. Its crazy. Your insightful comments really helped me so thanks for that.
Excellent no nonsense no clickbait video.
Much appreciated.
Very welcome Finn. I still use this approach and it is very effective.
I definitely think that your theory applies to my reasons for procrastination. Thanks for the valuable information!
Thank you Cinco. Just put a free book on my website for this issue. Very welcome to check it out.
Hi Dr. Maloney,
I wanted to thank you for informing the public about psychotherapy in a concise and very effective manner. Your videos are valuable and appreciated by so many! They help put things into perspective, which can ultimately change the quality of our lives.
You are very welcome. Thank you Emily 🙏
That’s correct. How to heal from that need of punishment and this actually shown in my relationships . It is as if I ask everyone to punish me somehow unconsciously. How to heal??
Awareness is a big part of it. With awareness we are in a position to make new choices. Hope that makes sense.
It IS spot on. Now that I’m aware, how do I get to the root of the initial guilt that propelled this cycle?
It's a two step process. 1st is a change in language. 2nd is to see how we use procrastination as a weapon and stop using it self-destructively. You can read my free ebook on my site or take my video course. Thanks for your question Lynda. Hope this helps.
I also think that the initial shame must be addressed - where and why we're we made to feel shameful about ourselves. And to stop doing that, perpetuating that to ourselves.
Thanks! I will meditate on this for sure, I procestrinate on things I love to do, and even where there is no deadline.
Glad you liked it. Feel free to send me a follow up email if you ever need help. All the best.
THANK YOU KING!!!!!!!!!!
for me personally it's more like a shame because of fear of failure. i think i've been building shame around the seniors (people in higher hierarchy than me) all my life. i'm afraid of them and dont want them to be mad or disappointed by me. it makes me procrastinate so badly, it ruins my life. i've been looking for signs in my memory about how my childhood went but i got nothing; my childhood seemed pretty good.
btw thaks for the video, sir!
Thank you so much. I've been ruining my whole life with procrastination.
Very welcome Anna.
This video is great! Thank you!
You're so welcome!
thank you so much❤❤❤
You make it very tangible. I like the way you describe things. Thank you.
Thanks so much
I think this is the best definition about state. I have sooooooo low self esteem, and I am a classic procrastinator
Yes Virginia. But at least we know the issue. Fix the self-esteem and the procrastination fades out.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy I am trying to, but it has been so difficult. Many years of bullying, no parental attention, low SES. Even after getting a PhD, I feel worthless.
@@virginianykanen4694 I've been there Virginia. Over time, it gets better. Be patient and kind to yourself. It's powerful stuff ❤
Incredible. Thank You ♡
Many thanks.
Well, I don't stop procastrinating.
Sometimes I succeed in "putting myself to work", but it gives little gratification, and I usually feel mentally drained after that.
And the next time the cycle starts all over again. Procastrinating, and maybe I'll get myzelf to work, but probably not.
Yes, I've been there too!
GREAT VID THANKS SO MUCH
Glad it helped 🙏
Wow. This was spot on ❤❤❤❤ Thank you for this.
Glad it was helpful!
thank you. I needed this.
Thank you! I’m so grateful for your perspective and the knowledge you share in these videos and in session.
This awareness of guilt is so key…since discussing it with you, I can see that it’s an almost constant unconscious habit I have to scan for things I might have done “wrong” or below my own standards. And then, as you point out, this leads to the self-punishment of doing even less. It’s crazy to only now see this so clearly after being introspective for decades. Unfortunately, being conscious of it is not yet enough to let the habit to go. I think it is also laced up with my needs in partnership…what a tangle!…I’m understanding my deep conditioned self more…I am not giving up! Thank you 🙏
Thank you Kelly. It's not so much the habit we need to let go. The only thing that needs to be let go is the 'Story' upholding the guilt. Once this is dropped, behavior falls into place naturally. Sounds simple but in reality it can seem very difficult. It can feel like trying to convince yourself that the sky isn't blue. But, such is the nature of belief.
Omg, I think you just changed my life... agree with another commentor that no one ever told me this, including multiple therapists. I've got far enough on my own to be able to feel into it now that you've pointed this out, and you're right, it is shame. (I agree with Karla McLaren that shame is the feeling, guilt is something that we either are or are not. This helps me to differentiate the two because then I can objectively see when I am innocent.)
So glad this helped 👍
Thank you for posting
You bet!
very interesting, never had that angle before. Love your content its helped me personally.
Do you think that its the only cause of it? Usualy things like this has many causes no?
Thank you 🙏
Priya Pratap very welcome 🙏
its crazy how deep this issue of procrastination was and i thought i was just laziness as everyone like to say
The word 'lazy' is never defined precisely by those who use it. Funny isn't it? 🙏
Love this. Thanks so much! ❤
Glad you enjoyed it! Your channel looks great too Beth 🙏
I feel like a traitor whenever I feel proud of myself or when I do something that Is good for me… I sleep way too much, but everything in my life is good, I worked so hard to get to where I am and while I’m passionate about my work, I feel guilty when I’m working I feel guilty to be passionate
Damn this needs to be wider spread knowledge
Thank you Chuu. Working on more videos on this topic.
this is really deep and helpful. Though I feel like the feelings of guilt i experience did only arise after i started to work and i cant remember having them as a kid. or did I?
Its something to explore.
☺️ Thank you 🙏🏽
You are so welcome
Definitely resonates with me. Thank you!
Very welcome Michael.
You made something click. I am extremely thankful.
Very welcome Eric!
Thank You So Much.It helped me a lot!!
Very welcome!
Thanks a lot for That advise
Really nicely explained! Love listening to your channel! Clear thoughts. Thanks for your channel.... From a fellow Psychologist. :)
Thanks for sharing. Always nice to meet a fellow Psychologist. What issue do you focus on?
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Two topics really interest me: trauma psychology is what I love doing - that is what I majored in and I also love transpersonal psychology.... I do think everything is linked in this universe, so... Nice to meet you too! Really great job, you are talented in explaining notions easily and clearly. :-)
Thanks Antonia. I'll check out your content. Trauma work is very much needed in our world. I also point to the Higher Aspects beyond our immediate awareness. It has the potential to change our emotional state of being very dramatically.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Wonderful! Aligning the heart & the brain, not just the brain.... in my perspetive is the future of psychology. 😊
I really enjoyed how you do wave it in your content the aspects of personalities, make it sound so natural. 👍👍👍
Totally agreed 👍🏼😊
Thank you Shishir!
That was so insightful..... and I am guilty of procrastination
Thank you 👍
This is something I’ve had a hunch about for a long time. The problem is that it has gotten so bad that I’ve 100% bought into the idea that I am guilty and deserve punishment so I don’t even try to break the cycle. What do you do then??
Thank you Jeevas! Video reply coming for this great question.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy No problem. Thank you for such a good video :)
Hey, I bought your book on Kindle and it really helped me alot. Thanks for doing what you're doing! Your way of setting firm times works. Today I didn't get it in time and I was like: ah hell, that won't happen me again.
But on the other hand I enjoy watching documentaries on RUclips now. Because I know, that that won't happen me again.
Thanks and greetings from Germany.
Seriously Vektor, that is music to my ears! Keep calling out the inner critic and keep enforcing the consequence. Eventually, something clicks and the behaviour stops. The great side-effect is that we end indecision and can be present with other things (e.g., watching a documentary). Great work!
Guilty procrastinator, low sense of self with a huge ego simultaneously... if I am not a pos then it's others who cause the issue. I am really trying to rely on my higher power to help me out because I have highs and lows and alot if guilt. I am also compulsively late for everything I could be ready and on time even before and my mind is like wait a little you don't want to be there early waiting damn well knowing I could stop get coffee take my time whatever it's like I just self destruct no matter and I really need to stop... tomorrow lol prayers for my fellows
Keep bringing awareness to the behavior. Eventually, we see the underlying causality. Taking responsibility is not the same as blaming ourselves. I think we all do this to some degree or another 🙏
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy ❤
Im loving your videos
Great to hear 👍
It it so weird that I feel guilty for what I should do but will feel better when I have it done. But I feel even more guilty when I don’t do it and don’t achieve the goal. And then my brain said procrastinate again until the pressure is so high that I work through for days and then barley pass it or don’t pass it.
Such a nice voice. You could've been a great ASMRtist
Thanks for the very kind words!
feels more like fear to me. fear of messing it up - as it will inevitably be as I've started it to late again. usually its anything to do with paperwork or bureaucracy - always taxes and man every year I get late fees and even get interest on late fees. im being destroyed by my procrastination. I just can't face doing things as its too hard
Thank you...
Very welcome!
I think resistance might be a better word. Or another word which fits well (IMO)
Hi David. Thanks for another insightful video. Curious what if any role shame plays in this cycle in your experience. So far my experience echoes what you've mentioned with self-esteem issues and guilt/possibly shame primarily that went from severe anxiety, perfectionism, self-criticism to a kind of protective hopelessness and resignation.
So far the only thing that helped in undergrad is deadlines and group accountability.
Your book is very well put and it makes sense intuitively. How do you reconcile newer more noble ideas of human nature with those of Freud?
Trying to do the cognitive restructuring feels really fake to me the inner critic has gotten two years worth of momentum and was sizable enough to start.
I know I've got low self esteem issues though I thought I worked on those in my 20s. What's the best approach to improve it?
Could you please use an external mic while recording your videos? I casted this video to my TV with the amp turned up high and I still could not hear you
49 years old and you have just gifted me the missing tool to freedom from………. Tons of shit !
Thank you Doc, you reach far and wide with this wisdom - God bless
Great to hear!
Thank you so much for this video! When you asked what we feel when we procrastinate I wouldn't have answered guilt, but 'I feel I'm not going to do it/finish the project anyway...even if I start what's the point' - this is valid when I don't have deadlines. Is this a feeling? I feel it's like the ultimate guilt...is it?
Hi there. The feeling of "what's the point" is a feeling of hopelessness or resignation. It's a little different to guilt but within the same mindset. It's the mindset that causes procrastination. The answer comes with questioning the voice that says things are hopeless. It's a voice that is actually trying to protect you, but is just a little overprotective. Once you realize you are safe, the hopelessness and guilt tend to fade away. Hope that helps a little 👍
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy thank you for your answer! Yes, It does help 🙂
@@esserchiara 👍
I feel like shame has a part to play in here too. It can feel hopeless because we feel so powerless to change ourselves. The original "guilt" (shame according to Karla McLaren). So working to heal that wound, in my non professional understanding.
thank u 🙏🏼
Very welcome Hannah
My god. This actually fits.
Thanks for watching James 🙏
Dr. Maloney: Let’s say your home, and your sitting on the couch. And you know, now is the time to take action of this project...
Me: 😳 Whoa. Is he watching right now? Because that hit too close to home! 😂🤣😅
Add: “The guilt was there before the project began.” 😮😮😮 Okay, that just turned the tables! This is mind blowing stuff! 🤯 Thank you for this key insight.
Very happy it helped! Made me laugh :)
I had this with a broken coffee machine. I started to fix it but I couldn't find the problem and in the end I spend 2 days completly fked up and now I quit work for 2 weeks because I was just done for a while. I think it wasn't about the coffee machine at al.
for me, procrastination does not feel like guilt at all, so I am wondering what the source is our why I am doing it. Part of it is overwhelming and hopeless. I used to be a workhorse and would stay up to the late hours getting stuff done for work and studying after work to achieve a different goal. In Jan 2020 I got very sick and got diagnosed with T1D and it devastated my life which has been one painful nightmare since then so I am guessing that is where the overwhelm and hopelessness has come in since T1D is a full-time job to manage in itself and there is no cure. I am trying to find a way to overcome this to get back on track to build towards my goals again but procrastination has a vice-like grip on me and I get what I can only describe as fear and dread even when thinking about starting again and then a sense of overwhelming hopelessness even if I muster up enough conviction to get past the initial fear stage and get started.
Hi there. If you haven't read my book, I recommend it. Something like what you're going through requires a very basic establishment of baseline standards (not overwhelming yourself given the load placed upon you). If you want, feel free to reach out: david@drdavidmaloney.com
I really like your videos on trauma, split personality and self talk. Honestly, I think, I don't feel guilt but anxiety when procastinating. Guilt sometimes comes later if I have procastinated an activity several times. Do you also have an answer to that one?
Yes Kaitlin. I talk about anxiety and procrastination in another video. Here it is: ruclips.net/video/me7tWDmbXrE/видео.html&ab_channel=DrDavidMaloneyPsychotherapy
Procrastination also comes from fear of failure and perfection.
i wish to buy your online course, however, the currency is in pound, not in US dollars . can you make your transaction in a way that's universal based on the visiter's location ?
Hi. Just email me on this: david@drdavidmaloney.com
You should do a ted talk
Thank you Yassin. Really appreciate your comment!
When i analyze it, i think i have fear of failure. So how to address this issue?
I find reframing is very useful here. See success as incorporating a certain degree of failure. See it as a necessary part of the bigger picture.
What field in psychology do u study?
Hi there. Cognitive as well as Psychotherapy.
My emotion was fear. But my anxiety is caused by fear. My ex gf’s was caused by guilt.
This was a big help to me thank you. Another key to deliver me out of procrastination and low self esteem. I agree with what you are saying. I would add that as a once people pleaser I can feel guilty when I try to do something for myself. The other thing is having grown up by narcissists and marrying one and knowing they have absolutely no interest in your life unless it affects them I find it very hard to practice my hobbies as I have this deep seated belief of ‘what’s the point - no one is interested in what I do. So must work on these aspects to. God bless you.
Thanks for sharing Ann. You are most welcome indeed.
Tq doc
👍
It seems to me a low score of conscientious and a low score of industriousness in one’s personality makes a person pretty lazy.
Are you an expert...
Well, I have qualifications. But it's probably my life experience which has shaped my views most.
but I feel dread, not guilt :(
I feel terror
I’m just not motivated
Important question is, how do you feel about not being motivated?
MUSTASHEO lll motivation is garbage 🗑
Habits and consistency
procrastinating by watching this rn
😁
🤔
Try 1.75x :)
very cute.. are you Irish? i would stop procrastinating with you.. ;-)
Irish through and through Elsa! Thanks so much for watching.
No shame....
You’re taking sooooo long to explain anything. . . .
There are a few other videos on my channel that go into this. Hopefully they might be a bit more concise than I am being here.
Dr David Maloney Psychotherapy: guilt is caused by childhood, by helplessness, and coming to knowing those around us know more about the world than we do, so much so that it is almost a joke upon us (it amuses them), and ambition is the desire to switch those roles. .even to be able to lie. . .and not be found out. . .or. . .guilt is cause by strict parents or by our organizations like schools that require us, for example, to be on time. Or guilt comes from being a white guy. . .Or guilt is only a fear of punishment. . .hierarchy. . .perhaps. . . The ‘solution’ is sooooooo hard. . . understanding that what is at play is an external. .force. .and what specific outside source is it that has the super-ego attacking the rest of the mind? The ‘solution’ is helpful, a little, but it’s soooo hard. And only temporary (and only useful for one specific block?). Personally, I’m developing this theory that Internet personality Jordan Peterson is stark raving mad.
@@magicsinglez It certainly is complicated. And I agree totally that looking at childhood is primarily where the solution will be found. When we are shamed, or intimidated in childhood, we often internalize the scornful voice of the authority figure (SuperEgo as you pointed out). How to heal this is something I will hopefully talk about in the future. Not sure what's happening with Jordan! Hope he finds peace though.
Dr David Maloney Psychotherapy: I’m developing this theory that the conscience is formed much earlier. .very early childhood. . .depression is us wanting our caregiver (when something/or our lives) goes bad. I’m developing this theory regarding compulsion. . . . Most of my other theories. .my ideas. . .my ways of looking at the world are grounded in my racism.
@@magicsinglez Thanks for sharing and always appreciate the feedback. Nice to know that deep thinkers are out there watching.
I think there is more to it than this for a lot of people e.g. wish to succeed vs. fear of failure = paralysing inaction as a means of self-protection. See Nic Voge.
The "illusions" or also many other other superficial and deeper overwhelming and excuses issues...😕❤️🩹
And comes as ways of coping and avoiding issues but also restiance/rebelling somethingnor someone or playing the cause/victim mindsets... And also become manipulated/manipulating to "have your way" or other sabbtaging issues that keeping in a stuck minset or issues with really moving and listening "Obeying" the "right" with/within Spirit Psyche direction etc especially with the spiritual and energetic side of things...
Not just one or a few things... When everything over whelms or got caught up in and your mind in the good/bad realities true truth/lies and our duties responsibility issues beliefs and actions or towards or away from God/self/others etc