Procrastination Explained by a Psychologist
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- Опубликовано: 18 окт 2024
- Procrastination is a process of self-sabotage. To know how to stop procrastinating, we need to break the cycle of self-sabotage.
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Dr. David Maloney is a Psychologist and a therapist/counselor. His has trained in a variety of techniques (person-centered, Gestalt, ACIM, psychodynamic) and works with people on a wide variety of issues. His main areas of expertise are in self-esteem, motivation, self-actualization, spirituality, relationships and dating, overcoming procrastination, and living authentically. If you feel like you're are holding yourselfback in life, or just need someone to talk things through with, his online coachng service might be perfect for your needs. From the comfort of your own home, you can work with a highly trained and experienced therapist, and for a price that is highly affordable. Prices are on a sliding scale, so if you are experiencing financial difficulties, you can still work with David. Visit here to contact Dr. Maloney today: www.drdavidmal...
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As a chronic procrastinator,I cried watching this. When u talk about self respect , self trust I literally cried
Thanks for your feedback and sharing!
Dude are you for real? U are uploading videos for 3 or more years with so few views. I cant believe your persistence. You are a beast hope your channel takes of soon
Thanks for the encouragement my friend. I don't worry too much about numbers (obviously!). If I enjoy it and some people find them useful, that's more than enough 👍
This ONE person is very grateful.❤
This one to. Most original psychologist on yt
First video I've seen, new subscriber, thanks for the info ❤
Thank you for your insights🙏🏾
Framing this through an issue of self respect is very insightful. Last year I had a close friend and business partner who lives in another state ghost me after we scheduled a phone meeting on a certain day at a certain time. There was no text, email or phone call explaining the reason for missing the meeting and no apology even after weeks. The relationship was ruined and it caused me to feel totally disrespected and to this day (a year later) it still bothers me and I've unfortunately internalized this lack of respect. Now if I take that feeling that was the result of another person disrespecting me and pretend it was myself that did not to show up to meet my future self the topic discussed in this video makes a lot of sense. It now makes sense why I feel so bad about myself when I procrastinate. I am going to reflect on this a lot because I have been a chronic procrastinator for years.
I love this comment. Thanks for sharing.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy thanks for making the video - very helpful
This is gold!!!! This comes up in mind everytime I start something new. “ I will fail to follow through”
So glad this helped with some insight!
I never came across a better dissection of the deep roots of procrastination like you did Doctor, thank you so much
So very welcome Assia. Hope it helps you with any changes you're working on.
Never. Most other therapists try to half asz convince u.👍 wow.
I've been having a tough time lately, second guessing myself and procrastinating. This is the most realistic 'real world' explanation I've heard. So unique and helpful, thank you so much !!!!
Very welcome Samantha!
I didn’t want to procrastinate further by “researching” and watching lots of videos. I picked your video… you looked friendly and sincere. I listened to you while doing dishes (procrastinating, LOL).
Your message of self respect really resonated with me. At age 62 time seems to go by so quickly! I certainly don’t want to disappoint my future self, or continue to break promises to my current self!
Thank you!
Awesome! Thank you!
4 years I've been trying to watch this
This is brilliant. I always procrastinate but never thought of it as a consequence of letting myself down.
along with this anxiety of not trusting we will follow thru, comes intense guilt, anguish, pressure to do it..... these are all the things we are trying to shove away, delay or put off...not the actual task, but these unpleasant emotions we associate with its execution and completion
"Respest your future self"...🙏🙏🙏
This is gold! Respect is so fundamental in any relationship. Usually procrastination is explained at such a shallow level, but this really hits home. Great insight Dr.!
Thank you Tsholofelo. Lovely to hear such positive feedback.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
I started reading a book by Walter Riso called, The Right to say No. In this book it says people who are not assertive tend to procrastinate. And that has opened my eyes about why I’m procrastinating! I’ve been lacking confidence to stand up even agains myself.
Self-respect will definitely be key in this process.
Greetings from Cancun, Mexico 🇲🇽
What a great comment! Thanks for sharing this excellent insight 🙏🙏
Dr Maloney, this is the most insightful and helpful video I've seen in years! Thank you!
Your patients are lucky to have you.
love how low self esteem is incrimental.... but hi self esteem can be almost instantaneous, depending on how we process the info imo... thats some of the best news of this stuff
Great observation. It is good news for sure!
Pessimistic person + low confidence = Procrastination....
Thanks Doc for your advice. Great stuff on procrastination , interesting take on 'future self', makes alot of sense, so easy to apply and will definitely help me rid myself of this problem.
Glad it was helpful!
This video is ABSOLUTE GOLD. The thing about self esteem is SO true - because we all have an inner compass of self integrity, and if we violate it we feel guilty, and guilt leads to a lack of self belief which leads to further procrastination.
SO bloidt brilliant!
Very well put John. Absolutely agree with the inner compass of self integrity 👍
Most psychotherapist don't have the insight and understanding that you have on this problem. Your explanation is the best I've heard and the most helpful to me. You are awesome! Thank you!
Thank you Liz. Appreciate the positive feedback a lot 🙏
Thanks. This was a very insightful video. I think the most profound thing you said was that if you trust yourself, the fear will go away. Much of my problem with procrastination lies with uncertainty, fear, self doubt, and not being able to trust myself that I can do what I think I should be able to do. I think I understand now that if I can be honest with myself and trust myself, I can be in a much better place to do things without the fear of failure. Thank you again.
after watching this I felt so sorry for myself so glad i found this before its too late
That's great Jess. Life can be very different once this issue is addressed.
Thank you. Either do it or don't do it!
This is an incredible explanation of procrastination, thank you. The anxiety of uncertainty and disappointment in breaking promises wears you down.
Very welcome and thank you for watching!
This helped me, this helped me a lot. I know you don't do it primarily for making money, but put up a donation link, I would be happy to donate, because it changed my life, it was a really big change for me, thanks a lot again.
Awesome, thank you!
Fear: I will fail to follow through
Voice: I can do it later
Promise: I only make promises to my future self that I know 100% that I'm going to keep and I intend to keep.
Consequence: I will not follow through TODAY.
Problem: Failing to follow through AND making another plan.
Important: Realise the goal/deadline/work isn't the important thing, the
important thing is the self-trust and self-respect I give my future self.
Thanks for the great summary! Love it.
Basically you acknowledge you ve fucked up
And instead of beating up on yourself , you forget about the whole thing for the rest of the say
AND START AGAIN THE FOLLOEING DaY AND IF YOU CAN FOLLOW TTHRU
You forget about the whole thing
Basically you stop beating urself down, you stop showing disrespect for
yourself
Claude boisvert
Trois rivieres
Canada
Using this to procrastinate finishing my short story entry rn? LMFAOOOO i hope this video resonates truly
This message and understanding of procrastination is phenomenal. I’ve only ever read and heard very superficial ways to explain it and how to resolve but this got straight to the route of the problem and the genuine raw pain it causes.
This will sound utterly ridiculous but since moving into my new home I’ve talked about and wanted to bake but I always find excuses and reasons not to. I want to have delicious cakes for myself and my friends but I almost haven’t felt I could be that person or deserved the homely feel that baking gives. It got to the point where I’d buy all the ingredients and they’d slowly go off as I promised myself I’d make the cake in a day or in another day or when I had more time. It was such a vicious cycle that I stopped even buying the ingredients as the physical proof that I couldn’t even follow through on baking a cake was so guilt inducing and shameful. It was ridiculous and I almost gave up as I felt like I could never be that person. My feedback loop was so strong that I didn’t respect my future self. This week, I bought ingredients and this morning I set a time to start the recipe at 8:30am. Do you know what, with the knowledge that I COULDN’T do it today if I didn’t start at 8:30am actually made me turn up early!!! I started baking at 8:20am as I was so conscious of the consequences! This kiwi cake may taste rubbish or be underbaked or over but I could not be happier!!! I did it and it’s all thanks to you ❤️ thank you. #respectyourfutureself
Thanks for the explanation! Fear really seems to cause this and
self-esteem has a lot to do with procrastination, apparently.
Understanding how it works is the entire solution. Once you see it, it's relatively easy to overcome.
I’ve struggled with chronic procrastination since 2017, around the time I was striving for success. I remember criticizing myself harshly and talking to myself out loud in an angry, authoritative manner. Initially, this approach made me take success more seriously, but it also led me to avoid actual work. I often find myself engaging in unproductive activities, despite knowing they’re a waste of time. This habit leaves me feeling frustrated and angry, and I experience physical symptoms like back pain, upset stomach, and even fever when trying to work. Even now, whenever I attempt to work, I feel overwhelmed, anxious, and scared, similar to the fear you feel when you dislike how you look and you see your reflection in the mirror.
There is another way to be productive, without self attack and bulldozing. Keep looking for that way. It works and, by the way, it's a lot of fun 🙏
Thank you, I never saw it this way. However, the "consequence" seems like a reward to me right now as you end up not doing what you planned meaning you could continue to sit and do nothing important which feels like a reward. I will have to try what you explain.
Great comment. Yes, but think of it this way. The reason we struggle to find an answer to procrastination so often is that, the answer looks so much like the problem! It does work, if you apply the consequence consistently. I hope it helps you Brigitte 🙏
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Thank you for your reaction. I will surely try and see if it works for me.
Thank you for helping me understand myself better. I really appreciate your videos.
You are so welcome!
I love u!!!! "I believe and I trust my self! I'm committed to show up for my future self" ♥️
Like hearing this 👍
This the best -closest to what I put myself through. Your advice helps. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
I have added this vdo to watch later....This is my level of procrastination.
That's a new one! Made me laugh 🤣
Thanku doc ....this was amazing
loved this video David! really made me aware of how I completely distrust myself when I make a commitment. AND you gave a practical way to break the cycle. Will try this, thanks so much
So welcome Gabriel. Let me know how it goes!
@جعفر سعد جوادyes and no. i have let go of the identity of the procrastinator. from where i have come since leaving this comment, i can only recommend present moment awareness (meditation) as the "solution"
You are awesome! Thank for sharing, this is bigger than how many likes and views you get… I appreciate your effort and I am grateful for your work and insight! Keep on going!
You're so welcome 🙏
Dissected it like a boss. Well done. Thanks.
Whats the odd that its currently 6 pm and I have actually scheduled my studies for 8 pm.. 😅
Amazing video!! Will be there for my future self🫡
What a great explanation! Very clear and effective, as it should be.
I am sure you will help so many more people with your content. Greetings from Brazil!
Hi Ayrton. Greetings to Brazil from Ireland my friend. Let's hope so 🙏
Thank you for making it simple!😊
You bet!
Watching this in Jan 2024! Great video. My future self thanks you 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wonderful! Your future self is most welcome 🙏
Profoundly insightful. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
This is so smart -- thanks for the video.
For me, I get addicted to the euphoric moment after I miss a deadline and make ambitious plans for the next day. When I know I don't have to work on something for the rest of the day, and the deadline isn't until tomorrow, I feel good about myself, which is so counter-productive. In university years ago, every paper I wrote was written the night before. I would do research and so on for weeks before, but the act of writing the paper would only take place the night before, in an all-nighter fuelled by cigarettes and listening to music. I found it impossible to do a first draft weeks before. And yet, I would always get good marks, so I tolerated this state of affairs. Part of me always felt sad that if I had really applied myself, I would have done so much better for myself. Your tip about respecting yourself would have helped me so much. Will try it out today. Definitely sounds like a smart thing to do.
I resonate with so much of your experience. Definitely give it a try. It can really make a massive difference 👍
I was like you at school, how's it working out now?
@@Thefunksoulbro I can't say I've dislodged the habit. I think it has something of a genetic basis because my father is the same. He always puts everything off, never makes a decision unless he is forced to make it. But he is also a worrier, so it could be a coping tactic he passed down to me. So frustrating.
@@jackrabbitron See Bob Proctor and Bruce Lipton they may change your mind 🌈
Amazing video
I'm gonna start trying this technique today
Good work....
This is great. I get it. Thanks
by far this is one of the best videos I saw about procrastinations. this is quite detailed in term of dissecting the root cause of the problem proposing a serious solution and also a roadmap that is based on responsibility of the individual to take action in addition to the way you simplified. this was totally different than all other videos I've been watching for a couple of years now about this topic. thank you for the enlightenment. thank you for the time and thank you for the sensitive explanation for this for everyone.
Most welcome!
Excellent advice. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful! Most welcome 🙏
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy I wrote a non-fiction book. Can't say here the topic. Couldn't submit it to a publisher (fear of failure FoF). Wrote a second book, same topic, a continuation, then a third, fourth. With your help, I think I've overcome my FoF. Thank you.
This video soo good that I liked it and subbed instantly
This is good! You should do animations and show us a few examples. Thanks
Very helpful. I have This issue now and it’s very difficult really
Thank you! I’m going to try that for the next few days and report back. This seems like a fantastic system for dealing with procrastination.
Very welcome indeed 🙏
Amazing video ! I will start implementing this today !
Thank you Lee. This changed my life completely. Let me know how it goes :)
Thank you again Dr David, talking about future self if you are having a great experience. It won't hurt to send some positive energy to your future self.you might enjoy Atomic Habits James Clear. And The magic of thinking big Dr David Schwartz.
Thank you very much for the clear explanation... this really sounds very logic
You're very welcome!
I'm only halfway through this video and you already spoke so much truth... it's like you're in my head. wow
Glad this is helpful La Xi :)
So glad to have found your channel!!!
Thank you Mary. I'm so glad! 🙏
Thank you, absolutely brilliant insight.
Very welcome. Thanks for watching.
Thanks for your video.
What happens if the things i am procrastinating on are difficult because of self worth and doing the things I am procrastinating about will dissolve my self defeating narrative? Thid is my conundrum!!!
If i sold the 3 cars collecting dust for example, i would have over 100K to transform my life for the better but my deep seated self loathing doesn't want me to succeed or transform/change! Change equals terror in some ways.
I would love your help if you could do online sessions as i live in Australia.
I thought punishment would be better if i didn't honour my word to put that ad up for selling items, well then i couldn't watch Netflix that night???
thank you for your sharing i have never thought of it in this way~ this is very helpful it's exactly what i need!!
Very welcome Tiffany 👍
thanks for this valuable video, I hope this video would be more on seen, thank you thank you
Glad it was helpful! 👍
so the ultimate life goal is this relationship with urself. and the only way to have a good relationship with yourself is to make and keep commitments. and the bigger the commitment, the better the self esteem. i think the best commitments which most turn u into an adult are the ones which make u financially indepdent of ur parents..not of ur spouse if u have kids, but of ur parents for sure
Interesting thoughts and reflections. Thank you 🙏
This is so useful and unique explanation thanks ❤
thank you.
Wow! You blow my mind!❤❤❤❤
Thank you Elena!
Very good.
thank you for this video. this explanation is amazing.
Thank you Alexandru 👍
wow. I really enjoyed this video.
It does make sense! Thanks for your video!
You're welcome!
Your advice for procrastinators is to put it off until tomorrow? I’ve been doing that, that’s EXACTLY why I keep procrastinating. It’s always tomorrow. I never do it until the last possible day and then cram and get hella stressed or done finish the thing. How do I stop that?
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!
So many videos focus on what procrastination is, where it comes from, and how it affects us. While those are informative, we chronic procrastinators need a _strategy_ to overcome it. I think this video may have provided that strategy, at least for me. I know I procrastinate. I know I'm a perfectionist. I know I have low self-esteem because of those characteristics. However, I never really looked at my situation like a relationship with myself. I would never stand up someone I truly care about, so why should I fail to show up for my future self? I'll try the technique in the video and, hopefully, remember to post a follow-up comment.
Definitely let me know and keep me updated. Great to hear you're open to trying new approaches 🙏
Thank You sooooooooo much. You helped me so much. Your videos are awesome 👌
this is amazing, thank you!
Thank you Doctor! Thanks for letting me know the root cause of Procrastination and how to overcome it, I am definitely going to follow it from today and will contact you again when I start getting results out of it or when I have some question. Thank you so much. God bless :)
Love it Vedpriya! Building self trust is a gradual but incredibly powerful process.
Hey Vedpriya, did you get any positive result.
Guess this is me, im chronically procrastinating and i dont trust myself, i can’t stand it anymore
This video is fantastic thank you so much for making it :)
Thank you! I loved the book tooo
I'm so glad! Thanks for your support.
Interesting. Really interesting!
Many thanks. Hope it was helpful!
I am definitely going to implement this.
I have 1 question though
You said that when you fail to keep your promise to your future self, you don't do anything related to that goal on that day and hence you don't make any more false promises to yourself.
My question is, if i do start the next day, won't it be as if i procrastinated the entire previous day just because i couldn't start at one point of time?
Hey thanks for creating this I love it. But how about with mental block? Is this relate with procrastination as well? Coz when I wanna learn or study anything but I feel lazy and procrastinate that. I'm still confused why I'm like this. And a few days ago I'm curious to search in the internet about this problem and I found that maybe I'm experiencing mental block with that., In the site mentioned that maybe I'm in the past or the first time try to learn that and fail and I can't deserve my failure and that's why I become to feel lazy and procastinating when the next time to learn that again. Is it true can u help me to solve my problem pls?
when i was younger they had something called tv...pre-cable. a program i liked would come on and every 15 minutes were commercial breaks. my mom taught me how to "commercial clean". Watch my show and when commercials came on start cleaning up or vacuum or do some dishes and when Bewitched or Hogans Heroes came back on, sit and enjoy it guilt free and when commercials came on I'd start again. I put stuff off till an undefined LATER then rush to finish on time. any tips?
This was super helpful! Thank you so much!
Thank you Berna 👍
Great video thank you man
Glad you enjoyed it 👍
great
content
thank
you
man
u bec anx
do it later
show up
serv oth
keep promi to fut self
aware
Many thanks ✌️
Such realistic and valuable content. Very enlightening, thank you for sharing!
❤I can't thank you enough
Thankyou so much
Very welcome friend ✌
I don't really understand the concept. If I don't really trust myself to respect my future self, how does it help me follow through tmr if I don't let myself do what I planned for today just a bit later than planned? If I skip tmr as well then what?
I belive you 100% yet I do exactly this by nature. I don't "do it" and i don't "do it later".
But instead i just get apathetic. I don't "do" at all. I refrain from even scheduling.
Look to your identity more, less so your behaviour. Questioning 'who' it is that either takes action or does not take action might prove very useful.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy in working on this today as a test. I get heavy brain fog at times and it usually derails me. I'm also trying learn annoy l about that as it has caused me so much trouble. It's from ACE and i don't quite know to address it correctly
Out of interest, do you find that people tend to procrastinate on specific things or does it spill into their whole life? In my day to day job, I work very hard and I think I can do my job very well. I am also expected to do research which is difficult to find time for, is very new skill for me, and which I have very little confidence in. I will often do everything in my power to procrastinate and find excuses to not knuckle down and just do it. Other things such as chores around the house, exercise etc I generally don't have an issue with, but writing and doing presentations are usually reserved for the early hours of the morning when panic sets in and sheer willpower is required.
12:56 woah. I really needed to hear that
Glad it helped Howard!
What if due to some important work I don't show up to future self then this technique can be less effective otherwise this is so wonderful technique. Like in my case my family member or anyone else call me or ask me for some kind of help. I haven't seen your all videos may be in those videos have solution to this problem.
Hi Harman. I discuss that in detail in the book. Let me know if you need any clarification on it.
I sometimes notice a brief moment of indirect, vague little gleeful vicious contentment of having failed and lost myself. Is that self-hate or the adversary of man (Devil) showing up? Or the Pain-body? The shadow? I want to sometime have energy and ´time enough to examine that bastard, because it is BAD and maybe not as small as it seems. Maybe it is just the top of an ice-berg of grounds for my self-sabótage.
Great point Claudia. I notice this too. Many of us do. I like the 'Pain Body' explanation. Or I think of it as the satisfaction of the false Self. If we are noticing it, of course, it means it can't really be the authentic self.
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy Thanks for your response. In regards of those inner roles or self-representations (I don't know the term) of Inner Child, Adult self, could it be part of a sick, toxic, evil, too strict Ûber-ich, or Bad Parent? It definitely collaborates with the dEvil.
Have you heard (or read) the well made audiobook "Outwitting the Devil" by Napoleon Hill? Where the man forces him to reveal his methods and in what ways he ensnares and enslaves us. It is chillingly accurate and performed in a warm way that makes it bearable and staying in the Parasympaticus.
In case you are not familiar with the dEvil, it is easy accessible on YT.
My fear is not I won't follow through, it is a fear of experiencing pain, this is painful to go through it, fear of pain and want to avoid it.
I think I have another video called "procrastination is hard work' which may help with a few insights on this.
not me watching a video about procrastination while procrastinating
👍
💯 Sir
I'm sorry but this is not what causes my procrastination. I believe I will be successful and follow through. I just have negative feelings around doing the thing or think that doing it won't be rewarded which causes me not to do it.
Having things that are rewarding or meaningful is an essential human need. So, while there are things that can seem tedious, finding some form of meaningful endeavour can help us with those more mundane things. A part of it is finding a balnace between what's meaningful and what's practical. Make sense at all?