THIS VIDEO IS SO IMPORTANT. I get so frustrated at people who try to "justify" their behavior saying "it's just the way I am" or even WORSE when they use their zodiac sign as an excuse like "I can't help it I'm an Aries". No Susan, you're just being selfish and actually making an effort NOT to change your behavior because you don't care about how others feel about your actions. I've always been super conscious about apologies since I started studying linguistics and human interactions at Uni and there are so many things that our subconscious mind takes according to how we use words. Making an "effort" to change the way you express yourself is important and it's a "selfless" self-improvement because it shows you actually care about not hurting someone or fix a mistake you did and not just feeling better with yourself.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" instead of "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" transfers the blame onto the one who got hurt. It's only 2 more words but it makes a huge difference. Thank you for this video, Amy!
youre the older sister that i neeeeeeed!!!! Honestly you don't understand how much value your videos bring and it has really helped me navigate my own life!
That's it. I'm gonna start a separate journal just to take notes on all your videos because you pack so much truth and wisdom in each one that it blows my mind and I need to remember every single thing you say.
I used to have a hard time saying sorry, because during my childhood I was forced to apologize even when it wasn’t my fault, so I started hating saying sorry
YESSS When teachers force children to apologize, the experience just become more stressful & very demeaning for them, especially since they are just parroting a word to get the moment over with. Saying “sorry” isn’t the only solution to redeem yourself, & it doesn’t mean anything if the person isn’t genuinely sorry. Now at 20 years of age, I’ve never had to say sorry, but I also know that I could never say it.😕
Needed this video! Just got into an argument with my bf last week. It really boiled down to my inner child trauma of the inability to express vulnerability, communicate, and let go of my pride in an argument. We made it through, but he deserves better.
omg same I can relate so much! the thing is that i m not afraid of apologizing, i m afraind of someone s reaction if i do, like if i say ‘sorry’ and they turn their back on me even though it s a honest apology. i know it s normal but i am just afraid
I honestly just needed this video! I just had a huge fight with my dad and I just wanna cry. we have such a toxic relationship and over the years I’ve “learnt” to always be strong and never apologize, never admit to my flaws and to the mistakes I’ve made. It is just so hard for me, apologizing makes me feel very weak. But I know that it’s very important, because we’re all just humans at the end of the day. And I’m really trying to learn. It’s just very hard for me to break habits that I’ve had for all of the 20 years I’ve been on this planet! anyway thank you so much for this video (haven’t seen all of the video yet, but I know it’ll help me out in some way!!) your videos are always helping me with my struggles and help me to be a better person! btw can anyone recommend good books on self improvement? and also on a side note I wanted to thank you for everything, Amy! you’re a huge inspiration for my channel and I love you so much!!
Awetewtewtew Awetwetw I want to cut him of so bad, but I still live at home so I really can’t avoid him especially being in quarantine! I’m going to college this fall tho and I’ll move to a different country, but until then I have no choice. and thank you so much for the book recommendations!! really appreciate it :)
the whole time i was also thinking of a parent relationship SO I FEELS U!!! sending u kind energy and praying that your relationship with ur dad is able to heal
I wouldn't really recommend cutting your dad off. I did and at the end of the day he is my dad so after a while I reached out (yes I did) and we fixed our relationship and things are better now and I'm happy with the progress.
I ended my last relationship because when he got angry or irritated at someone/something he took it out on me calling me names and/or saying I was worthless among other things. Then afterwards I felt like he would only apologize because he felt he had to, to make me stop crying and not because he wanted to. When I discovered this pattern I told him about it during a calm sit down, trying to make him realize this. He said he would try to do things differently from that day. But of course it did happen again and I told him that he can’t keep apologizing to me for the same thing over and over again. I knew that he would never change when he said ”So you just want me to stop apologizing to you when I hurt you? Oh, okey next time I won’t say a thing” So I told him that he doesn’t need to stop apologizing for the hurtful things he say to me. He needs to stop doing/saying things that he has to apologize for. But he just didn’t get it. He thought that he could screw up 1000 times and I would just forgive and forget. So eventually (waited far to long) I told him that if he didn’t change his behaviour towards me I would leave him. It was hard but I did leave him six months later. Like you said. Change itself is the apology and if change doesn’t happen the apology is worthless from the day you utter it the second time and onwards. If you are reading this beeing in a similar situation as I was; As soon as you realize that something is wrong, just go. You don’t deserve this. You are beautiful and deserving of love ❤️
Definitely opened up to my friend how she hurt me before when she was saying why I was wrong and how I hurt her feelings. I'm grateful for this kind of resources that give me an opportunity to learn about the mistakes I've made in the past and change my future actions for the better.
I wish more people could hear this. Young kids so they understand the importance of candor, parents and adults so they can meaningfully reflect on their actions, and of course young adults so we can work together to break the hurt cycle and cultivate healthy relationships 😩
Amy, you need to be a psychologist. You have your strong way with words and, conversation that brings so much positivity to the world especially it's a world that needs more happiness, fun, peace. And, everybody should be around you to listen to your positive and, helpful guidance. 💞💞💞
this video is a game changer for me. i cried reflecting on the apologies that meant so much to me in my life. hurt people hurt people, but healed people heal people, and you did that for me, thank you.
Making a genuine apology opens us up to humility and removes us from egoism. If there is even an inkling of feeling that an apology is for "damage control" or preserving our standing with someone or some group so we can keep receiving benefits via knowing them, then it is not genuine. When it is the real thing, it feels _so_ good after we make the apology. We know we have sincerely shown the person we want to atone and help them, and we can make a fresh start.
My biggest pet peeve " I'm sorry you feel that way" Thank you Amy for serving us with knowledge and spreading Positivity in this not so positive world...♥️
I just shared and reshared this in my university alumni group. Lots of stuff going on with the current state of the nation, and lots of apologizing that needs to be done. Thank you Amy.
Wow, I feel like I’ve been truly explaining this to basically everyone I know for years and it’s literally during when they are supposed to be apologizing to me, which is why I’ve stopped because I shouldn’t have to direct others on how to apologize for how they’ve behaved. Thanks for saying it all so clearly 😊 I felt this.
This video holds such an important message. I feel like a lot of people are prioritizing their feelings/emotions/thoughts while apologizing, instead of respecting and valuing the other person. This used to be true for myself too, letting the "pride" get in the way. When the truth is, pride or ego shouldn't stay in the way of relationships. Love the video, Amy!
amy you dropped so many gems! i think it's also important to recognize the people that come to mind when you listen to this and realize just how much you have been manipulated... it's time to let those people go!
Wow thank you for posting bout this it's so helpful! I've def been guilty of some of these. I think another non-apology is when someone dumps their guilt onto you. it just becomes all about their feelings instead of correcting behavior and addressing how they make you feel
4 года назад+3
I like the idea (without overdoing it) of apologizing for yourself even if the other person didn't bring it up. Do it for yourself🤗❤🙏
I loved this Amy. In my past relationship, I've never received a proper apology. Now I feel the shame for allowing myself to be gaslighted and actually be treated that way and just accepting it. Here's to hoping we heal from our past traumas.
this really helped me reflect upon my own behavior, and also raise my standards of how others should treat me.. thank u for sharing ur wisdom and supporting us all through our own self improvement 🦋 AND THAT CLIP OF OPRAH !! 👏🏾👏🏾
I just found this video after typing "how to apologize" into youtube (trying to see how I can explain to others...). I appreciate this so much. (also never got apologized to as a kid!) another super harmful non-apology is "over-accountability". this technique makes the harm-doer the victim and can manipulate us to apologize to THEM, leaving us totally unheard. I was once in an abusive housemate situation where any time we'd confront her she'd start off with the language of a good apology, she'd name what she did and the impact on us, and then she'd say something like "wow I really hate myself, I wouldn't blame you if you called the cops on me and got me evicted. I deserve it. I'm such a fuck-up" on and on. and that would shut us down bc how do you respond to that. ugh. and then of course she'd continue doing the harm. both of us other housemates moved out as soon as we could. on a less serious but still sad note, whenever I prompt either of my parents for an apology, they literally, actually, go through every single one of the "how not to apologize" apologies. I call it out and they move on to the next bad apology. lol. it is very very very draining to have to coach people on apologizing to you for a harm they did, as if they're kids or as if I'm introducing such a novel, weird concept. anyway thank you so much for this video, I hope more people see it
Amy, this is such an important topic to discuss and I’m so happy you brought it up! Your AM with Amy videos always make me rethink and reflect on the thing I have done in the past. THANK YOU! ❤️❤️❤️ I love you
I recently lost my best friend (friendship wise) because she lied to me and claimed that I didn’t accept her apology. After she attacked me in what she claims was an apology (she was really just defending herself and being rude and felt obligated to say sorry) I asked if we could talk in person about what happened. I was then ghosted and blocked on all platforms by her because she got caught in her lie. This video is a necessary watch for anyone because proper apologies are something everyone should be able to give. It is so important to have compassion for others. My friend’s lack thereof really hurt me and even if she would be to come around, it’s something that I am not sure I can get past.
I think sometimes is worst when people don’t take apologies seriously and they just keep doing the same thing over an over but... they are sorry and want to change...
You just made me realize my therapist sucks. It’s hard finding one that can relate and help you dissect to your inner issues. Mines just asked questions and responds with “mmhm”. She advised that to write in a notebook once. That’s it
You apologize often because it's more about you than the other person. You wanna relive yourself from the guilt you feel or the negativity you feel about yourself instead of considering whether the other person actually needed the apology.
This was def helpful. I have a hard time accepting and giving apologies bc i grew up with a parent who apologized for the things they did but never changed. So I grew up feeling like I dont want an apology just dont do xyz again but now im realizing i dont really have the tools to effectively express how I feel or know how to tell someone i do feel remorseful and also give them their space to tell me what i did without getting triggered. Thank you, i am going to come back to this vid next time i need to say sorry. ☺️
Yesss thank you for mentioning action/impact vs intent!!! That's such an important consideration when apologizing and thinking of others (and stepping away from your ego in the process)
Also, some people say/imply that apologizing for yourself is bad and selfish. Apologizing is meant to acknowledge others around you that you care about and value while also making yourself more mindful about your actions and impact. It's not selfish, it's more like self-fulfilling.
No words can describe how much I appreciate the quality of your videos (and how badass you are)! Have you considered creating a podcast? I’d love to listen to you on the road in addition to RUclips :)
In working with young people I'm trying to help them understand how to apologize, and your video is fantastic! I will probably refer them to this in the future. P.S. This is actually the first of your videos I watched, and I have to confess... The fantastic shade of blue on your hair caught my attention more than the title itself...
AMY IM FEELING SO EMPOWERED AND SEEN AND CHALLENGED LIKE DAMN WOMAN ITS MONDAY. “This video is so important” is an understatement. I will reference this for years and years as i continue to give and receive apologies in life
This was so useful..this just happened to me when someone said sorry but shifting the blame on me and using “sorry if you feel this way”, didn’t make me feel better but worse.. Thank you Amy!
Watching this video just made me realize that I was gas lit by two of my closest girl friends, which is why 5 years after a 5 year friendship I'm still messed up by it. Thank you. I feel a wave of freedom and acceptance.
This video inspired me to message an old friend who I wronged in the past almost a year later. It's difficult to grow and become aware of your own faults because it obviously is not an ego boost😅 But that trapped shame can do nothing but hinder my growth. Thank you for this, Amy!🌺💙
I am a very quiet person and I am always careful around people (how I am acting, what I am saying) and there have been many times that I said something that wasn’t noticed by someone else but I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I had to bring it up and apologise in order to just get it off my chest... it definitely works. As you said, it is also important to apologise for yourself if you notice that you did something that you disliked, not just for others💜
Your content has lighten my days and truly eases my stress. Please please get a podcast i love all the tough topics you talk about because all of the help me with things I go through on the daily. I just want to say thank you for bringing light into my dark days :)
thank you this video has helped me realize something i've been misunderstanding, I had an ex who called me months after we broke up and would say " Im sorry for everything", I needed to hear " Im sorry for x,y,z"
pleeeeaaaassseeee do a podcast 🙏🏼 your words are so eye opening and I would love to build your talkings into an everyday routine to help lift my spirit and mentality before the day✨
I think everyone needs a person who’s truly as awakened and as aware of social interactions as Amy, & is also something we can aspire to be. I can see how she’s so grounded because of it. Keeping spreading your messages Amy!
I also have an apologising problem that I am working on because of childhood trauma. I wanted to be a better adult than what I experienced but I need to find a healthy balance because I definitely apologise too much.
Thank you for this video Amy! So many great lessons and made me realise how I've been apologising right and wrong, thanks for the great points! Also a bit out of topic, but if you made a video about "letting go" (things/ situations/persons), that would be really helpful to me and maybe others. Again, thank you for being the big sister we all need ♥️♥️♥️
absolutely love this video!! apologizing is a skill and an important one to learn when it comes to having healthy relationships. i grew up with 3 other siblings and we fought a lot growing up. we learned a lot over the years of having sibling fights how to apologize sincerely and well. one thing i want to mention is that you also can't force someone to apologize. you might think you need it to have closure, but if you have to force someone to give you a semblance of an apology, that's not a real apology!
Amy, this video has been much needed from my end! Over the last year I've had so many people not take accountability for their actions, and give me these fake apologies (i.e. I'm sorry you feel that way (just pure BS)). I practice apologizing in the exact way you mentioned, and it's taxing when you don't see that in the people around you when they have wronged you . What a liberating feeling to see that you and other people are out there that understand how to take accountability for their actions and its effect on people. Thank you so much for all your amazing, vulnerable content. What a joy it is to have you in this space. It's been amazing watching you evolve over the last few years, xo.
Wow thank you. I recently cut contact off with one of my "best friends" after some things happened for which she actually never even apologised. We just didnt talk and forgot about it and it was fine again. But then two few weeks ago she threw a fit cuz I only wanted to meet op with distance (like having a picnic 2 meters apart) cuz my mom has long cancer and will die of the virus. I was so hurt and she again just never even responded to my message. Im not going to spend anytime anymore on toxic friends who will start a fight with you in the worst moment of your life, perdiod.
I've been watching your videos and following you on Instagram for a about 2 years now and still I fall in love with your content over and over again. It's just so amazing to see u grow as a person, and to learn something that brings me and the people around me forward in life. Thank you for creating this creative, open, safe and vulnerable space here 💕🦋❤️
i love your videos so much. they have helped me grow as a person. I re-watch them every time when i feel lost in life. borderline personality disorder was taking over my day-to-day life, but your videos helped me manage my borderline rage in a healthier way. you are an amazing human being and love you so much AMY
I was having this exact conversation with a friend the other day and we were trying to derive why it is so difficult to apologize for people and you've explained it SO well. This is something everyone should watch and learn from! This is such an important lesson for everyone. Thanks for sharing Amy!
My partner and I broke up over terrible apologies, I was always apologizing too much because he made me seem like the problem when in reality I just wanted to communicate my needs. He'd always turn it back on me by saying I was bugging or too sensitive, or he'd say that he shouldn't have to justify himself for not communicating openly and honestly. When you mentioned that defending made it seem like the other person was deserving of that hurt, I really felt that. I hope I never have to go through something like that again. Thank you for helping me come to terms with this and realizing that what I experienced isn't how apologies should be!
Yoooo I needed to hear this. I’ve been seeing these red flags but hearing you confirm my suspicions felts me process this a lot. Thank you for being so direct and authentic
This AM was valid and FRESH. Thank you for the content, and reminding us to claim accountability for the energy we deposit and withdraw from our world!
can u do a video on how communication and interaction for u is with your family now when u realise childhood trauma? or even how would one deal with -phobic behaviour and grudge from your family? even in a generalized video would be great
This video explains the kind of apology I wanted from my ex-friend. Every sentence she'd spoken to 'apologise' to me included at least a red flag that I couldn't put my finger on as eloquently as you. But I knew it didn't feel genuine and she only intended to apologise just so things could go back to normal. You didn't touch on this, but what do you think about half-apologies? For example, "I'm sorry I might have made you feel this?" etc. I can't deal when someone doesn't take full accountability.
There's nothing wrong with making a mistake it's how you handle it that makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes it's better to agree to disagree BUT in the end it should not destroy your relationship with the other person. Now when it comes to the apology, you have to say it with feeling and not just throwing a weak "I'm sorry" out there to appease someone. The apology also has to be said with out sarcasm e.g. "Well I'm sorry you feel that way but.....". There was no empathy in that statement. Yes, guys we have to swallow our pride and be the who one suppresses their male ego, which is ( Exiting God Out ) and say "Yes I was wrong" I promise you will better as you get better with and guess what life goes on. Hope this helps someone out there.
So incredibly grateful to have found you and be able to grow from each and every video you post. As a woman in a long term committed relationship, apologizing has always been something hard for me, but as I grew up in the relationship, after six years, I have matured but still struggle! This video helped me take notes and take into account things I never thought about before. Intent vs impact! Wow, Thank you:)♥️
Would love if you could do a video on how to "cut people out", like should you just silently distance or have an upfront conversation? If so, how do you word it? So interested to hear your thoughts
I love this! And it is perfect timing because I recently got cheated on and the person tried to apologize immediately and I knew it was not genuine because they were only apologizing because they got caught, and that's just not it. Love your content!! It really it the nail on the head, every time!
Thank you for creating an amazing space for everyone to feel belonged. ❤️ I definitely can relate with you Amy. I have such a hard time trying to apologize less often.
I've only just discovered your channel during this quarantine but it's been so beneficial. All over your content is truly endearing and I'm so glad you have a channel. Seriously from the bottom of my heart your channel means so much ❤️
"Apologies aren't meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future."
HEY RECOUP I love this :}
Amy Lee is on the road to ending all toxicity.
Jasmine Grace 😂😂 Lol needed a good laugh this afternoon
THIS VIDEO IS SO IMPORTANT. I get so frustrated at people who try to "justify" their behavior saying "it's just the way I am" or even WORSE when they use their zodiac sign as an excuse like "I can't help it I'm an Aries". No Susan, you're just being selfish and actually making an effort NOT to change your behavior because you don't care about how others feel about your actions. I've always been super conscious about apologies since I started studying linguistics and human interactions at Uni and there are so many things that our subconscious mind takes according to how we use words. Making an "effort" to change the way you express yourself is important and it's a "selfless" self-improvement because it shows you actually care about not hurting someone or fix a mistake you did and not just feeling better with yourself.
Rosa D'Aniello facts.
Rosa D'Aniello yes! It's 2020- take accountability for the way you communicate + express yourself. Words create our realities
I am an Aries, but you best believe I’m gonna be taking accountability and apologizing. We don’t claim Susan.
nice comment, tho u kinda stole a kermit meme?
@@evarobbins5713 Another Aries here and we don't
Let’s not be trash, let’s be compost 🌱
"I'm sorry you feel that way" instead of "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" transfers the blame onto the one who got hurt. It's only 2 more words but it makes a huge difference. Thank you for this video, Amy!
youre the older sister that i neeeeeeed!!!! Honestly you don't understand how much value your videos bring and it has really helped me navigate my own life!
A repeated mistake means they’re mistakes was actually a choice.
That's it. I'm gonna start a separate journal just to take notes on all your videos because you pack so much truth and wisdom in each one that it blows my mind and I need to remember every single thing you say.
litterally same i’m doing it too💕 wish i can be as eloquent as her when expressing my ideas
Lol I am doing the exact same right now! So many interesting learnings and words of wisdom I need to remember :-)
I used to have a hard time saying sorry, because during my childhood I was forced to apologize even when it wasn’t my fault, so I started hating saying sorry
YESSS When teachers force children to apologize, the experience just become more stressful & very demeaning for them, especially since they are just parroting a word to get the moment over with. Saying “sorry” isn’t the only solution to redeem yourself, & it doesn’t mean anything if the person isn’t genuinely sorry. Now at 20 years of age, I’ve never had to say sorry, but I also know that I could never say it.😕
"A true apology is a changed behavior". That really made an impact on me
Needed this video! Just got into an argument with my bf last week. It really boiled down to my inner child trauma of the inability to express vulnerability, communicate, and let go of my pride in an argument. We made it through, but he deserves better.
been feeling this way too girl! we're all learning as we go
omg same I can relate so much! the thing is that i m not afraid of apologizing, i m afraind of someone s reaction if i do, like if i say ‘sorry’ and they turn their back on me even though it s a honest apology. i know it s normal but i am just afraid
I honestly just needed this video! I just had a huge fight with my dad and I just wanna cry. we have such a toxic relationship and over the years I’ve “learnt” to always be strong and never apologize, never admit to my flaws and to the mistakes I’ve made. It is just so hard for me, apologizing makes me feel very weak. But I know that it’s very important, because we’re all just humans at the end of the day. And I’m really trying to learn. It’s just very hard for me to break habits that I’ve had for all of the 20 years I’ve been on this planet! anyway thank you so much for this video (haven’t seen all of the video yet, but I know it’ll help me out in some way!!) your videos are always helping me with my struggles and help me to be a better person! btw can anyone recommend good books on self improvement? and also on a side note I wanted to thank you for everything, Amy! you’re a huge inspiration for my channel and I love you so much!!
if he's toxic aren't you better off cutting off contact?? i recommend the books: why does he do that, cptsd, emotional intelligence.
Awetewtewtew Awetwetw I want to cut him of so bad, but I still live at home so I really can’t avoid him especially being in quarantine! I’m going to college this fall tho and I’ll move to a different country, but until then I have no choice. and thank you so much for the book recommendations!! really appreciate it :)
the whole time i was also thinking of a parent relationship SO I FEELS U!!! sending u kind energy and praying that your relationship with ur dad is able to heal
abdullah thank you for your sweet comment! I hope so too!
I wouldn't really recommend cutting your dad off.
I did and at the end of the day he is my dad so after a while I reached out (yes I did) and we fixed our relationship and things are better now and I'm happy with the progress.
There can be 100 people in the room...
WHO ELSE LOVES AMY??🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️
small youtuber here
🙋♀️❤️
I ended my last relationship because when he got angry or irritated at someone/something he took it out on me calling me names and/or saying I was worthless among other things. Then afterwards I felt like he would only apologize because he felt he had to, to make me stop crying and not because he wanted to.
When I discovered this pattern I told him about it during a calm sit down, trying to make him realize this. He said he would try to do things differently from that day.
But of course it did happen again and I told him that he can’t keep apologizing to me for the same thing over and over again. I knew that he would never change when he said ”So you just want me to stop apologizing to you when I hurt you? Oh, okey next time I won’t say a thing” So I told him that he doesn’t need to stop apologizing for the hurtful things he say to me. He needs to stop doing/saying things that he has to apologize for. But he just didn’t get it. He thought that he could screw up 1000 times and I would just forgive and forget.
So eventually (waited far to long) I told him that if he didn’t change his behaviour towards me I would leave him. It was hard but I did leave him six months later.
Like you said. Change itself is the apology and if change doesn’t happen the apology is worthless from the day you utter it the second time and onwards.
If you are reading this beeing in a similar situation as I was; As soon as you realize that something is wrong, just go. You don’t deserve this. You are beautiful and deserving of love ❤️
Definitely opened up to my friend how she hurt me before when she was saying why I was wrong and how I hurt her feelings. I'm grateful for this kind of resources that give me an opportunity to learn about the mistakes I've made in the past and change my future actions for the better.
I wish more people could hear this. Young kids so they understand the importance of candor, parents and adults so they can meaningfully reflect on their actions, and of course young adults so we can work together to break the hurt cycle and cultivate healthy relationships 😩
Amy, you need to be a psychologist. You have your strong way with words and, conversation that brings so much positivity to the world especially it's a world that needs more happiness, fun, peace. And, everybody should be around you to listen to your positive and, helpful guidance. 💞💞💞
This video is really great for people to learn how to apologize and for people to recognize a BS apology
this video is a game changer for me. i cried reflecting on the apologies that meant so much to me in my life. hurt people hurt people, but healed people heal people, and you did that for me, thank you.
Making a genuine apology opens us up to humility and removes us from egoism. If there is even an inkling of feeling that an apology is for "damage control" or preserving our standing with someone or some group so we can keep receiving benefits via knowing them, then it is not genuine. When it is the real thing, it feels _so_ good after we make the apology. We know we have sincerely shown the person we want to atone and help them, and we can make a fresh start.
My biggest pet peeve " I'm sorry you feel that way"
Thank you Amy for serving us with knowledge and spreading Positivity in this not so positive world...♥️
I just shared and reshared this in my university alumni group. Lots of stuff going on with the current state of the nation, and lots of apologizing that needs to be done. Thank you Amy.
Wow, I feel like I’ve been truly explaining this to basically everyone I know for years and it’s literally during when they are supposed to be apologizing to me, which is why I’ve stopped because I shouldn’t have to direct others on how to apologize for how they’ve behaved. Thanks for saying it all so clearly 😊 I felt this.
This video holds such an important message. I feel like a lot of people are prioritizing their feelings/emotions/thoughts while apologizing, instead of respecting and valuing the other person. This used to be true for myself too, letting the "pride" get in the way. When the truth is, pride or ego shouldn't stay in the way of relationships. Love the video, Amy!
MY GOSH everyone on this earth needs to hear this. me included. thank you for this
when you said about apologise and it'll help us to sleep better nat night is a total spot on
thank you sincerely for helping me own up to my shit, it's time to end the immaturity and take responsibility when I make mistakes
amy you dropped so many gems! i think it's also important to recognize the people that come to mind when you listen to this and realize just how much you have been manipulated... it's time to let those people go!
Wow thank you for posting bout this it's so helpful! I've def been guilty of some of these. I think another non-apology is when someone dumps their guilt onto you. it just becomes all about their feelings instead of correcting behavior and addressing how they make you feel
I like the idea (without overdoing it) of apologizing for yourself even if the other person didn't bring it up. Do it for yourself🤗❤🙏
I loved this Amy. In my past relationship, I've never received a proper apology. Now I feel the shame for allowing myself to be gaslighted and actually be treated that way and just accepting it. Here's to hoping we heal from our past traumas.
Omg I was literally thinking about this topic all day, as my mother failed to apologize to me!! Luv your videos, Amy
this really helped me reflect upon my own behavior, and also raise my standards of how others should treat me.. thank u for sharing ur wisdom and supporting us all through our own self improvement 🦋 AND THAT CLIP OF OPRAH !! 👏🏾👏🏾
I just found this video after typing "how to apologize" into youtube (trying to see how I can explain to others...). I appreciate this so much. (also never got apologized to as a kid!) another super harmful non-apology is "over-accountability". this technique makes the harm-doer the victim and can manipulate us to apologize to THEM, leaving us totally unheard. I was once in an abusive housemate situation where any time we'd confront her she'd start off with the language of a good apology, she'd name what she did and the impact on us, and then she'd say something like "wow I really hate myself, I wouldn't blame you if you called the cops on me and got me evicted. I deserve it. I'm such a fuck-up" on and on. and that would shut us down bc how do you respond to that. ugh. and then of course she'd continue doing the harm. both of us other housemates moved out as soon as we could.
on a less serious but still sad note, whenever I prompt either of my parents for an apology, they literally, actually, go through every single one of the "how not to apologize" apologies. I call it out and they move on to the next bad apology. lol. it is very very very draining to have to coach people on apologizing to you for a harm they did, as if they're kids or as if I'm introducing such a novel, weird concept.
anyway thank you so much for this video, I hope more people see it
Amy, this is such an important topic to discuss and I’m so happy you brought it up! Your AM with Amy videos always make me rethink and reflect on the thing I have done in the past. THANK YOU! ❤️❤️❤️ I love you
I recently lost my best friend (friendship wise) because she lied to me and claimed that I didn’t accept her apology. After she attacked me in what she claims was an apology (she was really just defending herself and being rude and felt obligated to say sorry) I asked if we could talk in person about what happened. I was then ghosted and blocked on all platforms by her because she got caught in her lie. This video is a necessary watch for anyone because proper apologies are something everyone should be able to give. It is so important to have compassion for others. My friend’s lack thereof really hurt me and even if she would be to come around, it’s something that I am not sure I can get past.
I think sometimes is worst when people don’t take apologies seriously and they just keep doing the same thing over an over but... they are sorry and want to change...
I think the world would be a better place if everyone were to watch and really take in your videos
You just made me realize my therapist sucks. It’s hard finding one that can relate and help you dissect to your inner issues. Mines just asked questions and responds with “mmhm”. She advised that to write in a notebook once. That’s it
You apologize often because it's more about you than the other person. You wanna relive yourself from the guilt you feel or the negativity you feel about yourself instead of considering whether the other person actually needed the apology.
Honestly this is the brutal truth & i needed to hear it. Thankyou Amy.
This was def helpful. I have a hard time accepting and giving apologies bc i grew up with a parent who apologized for the things they did but never changed. So I grew up feeling like I dont want an apology just dont do xyz again but now im realizing i dont really have the tools to effectively express how I feel or know how to tell someone i do feel remorseful and also give them their space to tell me what i did without getting triggered. Thank you, i am going to come back to this vid next time i need to say sorry. ☺️
Yesss thank you for mentioning action/impact vs intent!!! That's such an important consideration when apologizing and thinking of others (and stepping away from your ego in the process)
Also, some people say/imply that apologizing for yourself is bad and selfish. Apologizing is meant to acknowledge others around you that you care about and value while also making yourself more mindful about your actions and impact. It's not selfish, it's more like self-fulfilling.
No words can describe how much I appreciate the quality of your videos (and how badass you are)! Have you considered creating a podcast? I’d love to listen to you on the road in addition to RUclips :)
In working with young people I'm trying to help them understand how to apologize, and your video is fantastic! I will probably refer them to this in the future.
P.S. This is actually the first of your videos I watched, and I have to confess... The fantastic shade of blue on your hair caught my attention more than the title itself...
Haven’t even finished watching yet and I know this AM will be so healing to my heart 😌
You’re SO inspirational 🧡 I can’t even explain it with words. Thank you so much, girl 🌼💛
Hugs from a Spanish girl 🥨
i feel like amy is my therapist it’s just the way she is outspoken with her mind and spirituality it gives such a beautiful vibe. 🤍🧚✨🥺 ily amy!!
Best video i have seen since the corona quatantine. The world needs to see this
AMY IM FEELING SO EMPOWERED AND SEEN AND CHALLENGED LIKE DAMN WOMAN ITS MONDAY. “This video is so important” is an understatement. I will reference this for years and years as i continue to give and receive apologies in life
This was so useful..this just happened to me when someone said sorry but shifting the blame on me and using “sorry if you feel this way”, didn’t make me feel better but worse..
Thank you Amy!
Watching this video just made me realize that I was gas lit by two of my closest girl friends, which is why 5 years after a 5 year friendship I'm still messed up by it. Thank you. I feel a wave of freedom and acceptance.
I love this video! Being wrong is a hard pill to swallow, which is why apologies are hard
This video inspired me to message an old friend who I wronged in the past almost a year later. It's difficult to grow and become aware of your own faults because it obviously is not an ego boost😅 But that trapped shame can do nothing but hinder my growth. Thank you for this, Amy!🌺💙
Wow it made me realize that I actually do not know how to apologize properly
I am a very quiet person and I am always careful around people (how I am acting, what I am saying) and there have been many times that I said something that wasn’t noticed by someone else but I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I had to bring it up and apologise in order to just get it off my chest... it definitely works. As you said, it is also important to apologise for yourself if you notice that you did something that you disliked, not just for others💜
Your content has lighten my days and truly eases my stress. Please please get a podcast i love all the tough topics you talk about because all of the help me with things I go through on the daily. I just want to say thank you for bringing light into my dark days :)
thank you this video has helped me realize something i've been misunderstanding, I had an ex who called me months after we broke up and would say " Im sorry for everything", I needed to hear " Im sorry for x,y,z"
your eyeliner looks BOMB
you’re so talented!!!! can’t explain in words how much i appreciate every video you make, love u amy 🤍
pleeeeaaaassseeee do a podcast 🙏🏼 your words are so eye opening and I would love to build your talkings into an everyday routine to help lift my spirit and mentality before the day✨
I think everyone needs a person who’s truly as awakened and as aware of social interactions as Amy, & is also something we can aspire to be. I can see how she’s so grounded because of it. Keeping spreading your messages Amy!
I also have an apologising problem that I am working on because of childhood trauma. I wanted to be a better adult than what I experienced but I need to find a healthy balance because I definitely apologise too much.
Wow. This video was super helpful and all your examples helped to shift my perspective. Thank you for Inspiring us
Thank you for this video Amy! So many great lessons and made me realise how I've been apologising right and wrong, thanks for the great points! Also a bit out of topic, but if you made a video about "letting go" (things/ situations/persons), that would be really helpful to me and maybe others.
Again, thank you for being the big sister we all need ♥️♥️♥️
absolutely love this video!! apologizing is a skill and an important one to learn when it comes to having healthy relationships. i grew up with 3 other siblings and we fought a lot growing up. we learned a lot over the years of having sibling fights how to apologize sincerely and well.
one thing i want to mention is that you also can't force someone to apologize. you might think you need it to have closure, but if you have to force someone to give you a semblance of an apology, that's not a real apology!
Haven´t watched but thumbs up already bc SAME to the "a mistake that is repeated again and again is just a decision
"
Amy, this video has been much needed from my end! Over the last year I've had so many people not take accountability for their actions, and give me these fake apologies (i.e. I'm sorry you feel that way (just pure BS)). I practice apologizing in the exact way you mentioned, and it's taxing when you don't see that in the people around you when they have wronged you
. What a liberating feeling to see that you and other people are out there that understand how to take accountability for their actions and its effect on people. Thank you so much for all your amazing, vulnerable content. What a joy it is to have you in this space. It's been amazing watching you evolve over the last few years, xo.
Wow thank you. I recently cut contact off with one of my "best friends" after some things happened for which she actually never even apologised. We just didnt talk and forgot about it and it was fine again. But then two few weeks ago she threw a fit cuz I only wanted to meet op with distance (like having a picnic 2 meters apart) cuz my mom has long cancer and will die of the virus. I was so hurt and she again just never even responded to my message. Im not going to spend anytime anymore on toxic friends who will start a fight with you in the worst moment of your life, perdiod.
I've been watching your videos and following you on Instagram for a about 2 years now and still I fall in love with your content over and over again. It's just so amazing to see u grow as a person, and to learn something that brings me and the people around me forward in life. Thank you for creating this creative, open, safe and vulnerable space here 💕🦋❤️
i love your videos so much. they have helped me grow as a person. I re-watch them every time when i feel lost in life. borderline personality disorder was taking over my day-to-day life, but your videos helped me manage my borderline rage in a healthier way. you are an amazing human being and love you so much AMY
15:13 just hits too close to home. Blessed with your talks and introspection as always. Here for you Amy ❤️
I was having this exact conversation with a friend the other day and we were trying to derive why it is so difficult to apologize for people and you've explained it SO well. This is something everyone should watch and learn from! This is such an important lesson for everyone. Thanks for sharing Amy!
My partner and I broke up over terrible apologies, I was always apologizing too much because he made me seem like the problem when in reality I just wanted to communicate my needs. He'd always turn it back on me by saying I was bugging or too sensitive, or he'd say that he shouldn't have to justify himself for not communicating openly and honestly. When you mentioned that defending made it seem like the other person was deserving of that hurt, I really felt that. I hope I never have to go through something like that again. Thank you for helping me come to terms with this and realizing that what I experienced isn't how apologies should be!
This video reassured me that the huge apology I had to make yesterday, was one that made them and me both feel understood
Camilla Kjæhr yay 😌
Yoooo I needed to hear this. I’ve been seeing these red flags but hearing you confirm my suspicions felts me process this a lot. Thank you for being so direct and authentic
Such a well-spoken and sincere individual, also beautiful with teal hair? what.
Also the first line of the video 👏👏👏 FACTs QUEEN
Yess
This AM was valid and FRESH. Thank you for the content, and reminding us to claim accountability for the energy we deposit and withdraw from our world!
can u do a video on how communication and interaction for u is with your family now when u realise childhood trauma? or even how would one deal with -phobic behaviour and grudge from your family? even in a generalized video would be great
This video explains the kind of apology I wanted from my ex-friend. Every sentence she'd spoken to 'apologise' to me included at least a red flag that I couldn't put my finger on as eloquently as you. But I knew it didn't feel genuine and she only intended to apologise just so things could go back to normal. You didn't touch on this, but what do you think about half-apologies? For example, "I'm sorry I might have made you feel this?" etc. I can't deal when someone doesn't take full accountability.
10:25 is straight facts!! i have definitely felt this in my relationships and it sucks
THISSSS!!! UGH love that you made a video about this. you about to end all toxicity girl...
There's nothing wrong with making a mistake it's how you handle it that makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes it's better to agree to disagree BUT in the end it should not destroy your relationship with the other person. Now when it comes to the apology, you have to say it with feeling and not just throwing a weak "I'm sorry" out there to appease someone. The apology also has to be said with out sarcasm e.g. "Well I'm sorry you feel that way but.....". There was no empathy in that statement. Yes, guys we have to swallow our pride and be the who one suppresses their male ego, which is ( Exiting God Out ) and say "Yes I was wrong" I promise you will better as you get better with and guess what life goes on.
Hope this helps someone out there.
I never clicked so fast on a youtube video, i love all your TheAMwithAmy videos they are truly so helpful
Amy, this is the best video you posted to date. You are my fave youtuber and deserve every praise you get. Thank you for repping us women as a whole!
So incredibly grateful to have found you and be able to grow from each and every video you post. As a woman in a long term committed relationship, apologizing has always been something hard for me, but as I grew up in the relationship, after six years, I have matured but still struggle! This video helped me take notes and take into account things I never thought about before. Intent vs impact! Wow, Thank you:)♥️
Wow I'm going to start apologising properly
Would love if you could do a video on how to "cut people out", like should you just silently distance or have an upfront conversation? If so, how do you word it? So interested to hear your thoughts
OMG you're KILLING it with amazing content these days, this is so so important
Amy we appreciate you, you a real one! Hope you're staying safe and happy! :)
Amy, thank you so much for this video - I can't put into words how impactful your words are. You are doing wonders in my journey of healing 💕
You really upload when I most need to hear it❤️
your videos have been helping me so much recently with my own growth :) thank u and never stop what you're doing!! this is so important to recognize
I love this! And it is perfect timing because I recently got cheated on and the person tried to apologize immediately and I knew it was not genuine because they were only apologizing because they got caught, and that's just not it. Love your content!! It really it the nail on the head, every time!
Thank you for creating an amazing space for everyone to feel belonged. ❤️
I definitely can relate with you Amy. I have such a hard time trying to apologize less often.
Thank you for creating a safe space for people from all walks of life to come together and learn so much valuable info!
I've only just discovered your channel during this quarantine but it's been so beneficial. All over your content is truly endearing and I'm so glad you have a channel. Seriously from the bottom of my heart your channel means so much ❤️
btw i love this format!! i get too bored with makeup tutorials and with girl talks on their own but together it’s perfect :^)