🔥time stamps 🔥 00:14 lizzie mcguire's first episode EVER and how it made me sad AF lol 1:40 which then led to write this Instagram post on #conscioussisterhood (which is the inspiration behind this video) 2:35 what is ‘catty?’ + some examples 3:22 how cattiness has been enforced, perpetuated 4:43 famous meaaaan girl characters 5:00 REAL mean girl celebrities 5:23 taylor swift and dissecting her old work/lyrics 8:35 paramore & misery business & slutshaming 9:59 who is to blame? who/what is the root cause? 10:30 tavi gevinson’s critical graphic on how internalized misogyny gets reinforced 12:36 living in an idealized world where women are equal, you say???? 15:09 it’s not our fault, bro 16:03 ‘cattiness’ is not inherently female, it’s an adaptive, natural response to oppression 16:34 ‘catty mean girl’ compared to ‘angry black girl’ narrative 17:09 ‘cattiness’ displacement in the gay men community and why 18:03 my critique on sheryl sandberg’s article “myth of the catty women” 18:36 deep trauma of being a racial minority and a women, ‘emotional genetics’ 19:14 mother trauma (and father trauma) 19:44 getting bullied myself in high school by other girls 20:30 the TRUE reversal/opposition to cattiness is neutrality, disengagement 21:31 i don’t believe in ‘toxic’ people 22:00 how to dismantle/combat cattiness 22:38 unkindness does not elicit more unkindness 23:13 women are people! and people are complex! and in their wounding, they hurt others!
This is so interesting. I’ve totally said “I’m not like other girls” or “women are so sensitive, I’d rather be friends with a guy” looking back I see how problematic that is
as a boy it bothers me too because it perpetuates the notion that being emotionally sensitive is a bad thing, I realize this is a woman's conversation and I agree with the premise here but I don't want to derail a beautiful thing but I'm not asking to be centered, just not sidelined.... we have a lot of bullshit to deal with because of toxic masculinity and the negativity hurled at emotional sensitivity reinforces toxic masculinity... So in a way the two phenomenon of internalized misogyny and toxic masculinity effect each other.
A larger issue is how society keeps supporting this behavior. There have been so many people that say oh Billie Eilish is a such an amazing artist, she doesn't have to show skin, she is different. It makes it seem that a girl is better because she is not basic or she is not sexual, etc. I hate that people do that cause that is not the case. It's so weird to see how our peers sometimes further this narrative.
i've also never been able to accept a compliment and extend SINCERE gratitude to a woman out of fear that it might be fake. i'm so glad you mentioned that.
I just have to say that i really enjoyed this video but I felt a disconnect with the angry black girl trope part. I think it's important that you brought it up but from my experience as a black girl its not that we are carrying some type of anger with us but when we display any sort of emotion whatsoever we are automatically disregarded and written off as this angry black girl trope. we, black people, do carry historical trauma with us that is literally in our dna but the angry black girl trope is more abt black girls not being able to display any kind of emotion besides calm, strong, stoic in everyday life in fear of being reduced to a stereotype. I hope this makes sense lol.
This reminds me of an episode in Pretty Little Liars, I think it was in season 2 when Noel said something along the lines of "when guys fight, one punch and its over but women, the manipulate, the gossip, spread rumour and lies and at the end of the day its still not enough" It was the first time, it made me realise we have a big problem in society..,
Paramore and Hailey actually turned around a couple of years ago and made a statement said they wouldn’t play that song anymore because they didn’t believe in the song anymore and they portrayed the wrong image
Mean Girls was a comment on how outrageous the cattiness of women pitting women against each other was (is). There is a quote that Tina Fey said was the epitome of the message of the film that highlights (in a nutshell), if you are x, than that doesn't make you better or me any less.
Misery Business used to be one of my favorite songs when i was a teenager. Now I realized how awful the lyrics were! I'm glad Hayley Williams spoke out a few years ago about how she was a young, angry, misguided person to write and sing the words of that song and that she will never perform it again.
I feel like I have gotten tired of youtube and consumer culture, and I was ready to give up believing that there is valuable content on this platform but this video has completely changed my mind. you have hit every point so well, and I'm so happy that you are sharing this. I know that for many females, and people in general, are very reluctant to talk about the patriarchy and the toxic relationship that has developed between females, so when I say thank you for making this video and speaking your mind, I truly mean it. I don't comment on youtube videos ever but I really wanted to let you know how much I appreciate this video; I don't know if you are going to read this comment or not but the small chance you do is worth it. thank you so much. I will be sharing this video and your instagram post. As a woman speaking to another, keep speaking your mind, you are doing amazing and even though you don't know me personally and I don't know you personally the things you choose to do make me very proud
ThereNoMoney there is very little valuable content on here that’s why I created my own channel cause I was tired of the lies like of these influences get paid to lie when are we as a society going to start uplifting others for telling the truth? In today’s world who knows but all I know is that if I want to see a change I have to the change and starting my channel has helped me grow into a better person and I love helping others grow and learn too. Feel free to stop by I love making self help and self care videos and soon I’ll be making more content on anxiety and depression cause I was abused by my parents and I just want to help those that feel as lonely as I once did
“It’s not our fault that we have been unkind to other women, it’s not our fault that women have been unkind to us.” This immediately brought back scarring memories of being bullied in middle and high school. I internalized the narrative that girls don’t like me, there is something about me that is not likeable, I don’t like myself, I am worthless. It’s sad that I have accomplished so much and am proud of so little because of this toxic core belief. Thank you for helping me reframe my narrative.
I can relate to this. I used to watch all those shows and movies that perpetuated “I’m not like other girls” or mean girl mentality and in a way I prejudged women who had names like amber or Tiffany, women who were blonde, or popular in high school. In the end I became the mean girl because I talked shit about them and perpetuated this idea about who I though they were. I’m glad that by junior year I dropped this idea. I was able to meet amazing women, who differed in looks but also in ideas, who are amazing and lovable. I’m not perfect and still make comments, but I try to catch myself.
I literally had the same thought seeing a lot of old movies, it's crazy how it was popular that there was always a mean girl and a "good girl" and girl were tearing each other.
I haven’t finished the video yet but I love this critique! It took me a long time to realize these things and media at the time was very much a part of why i thought this way. HOWEVER, I am so pleased watching this generation’s programming, it really challenges those ideas. It shows women being compassionate and understanding towards one another, and how to build each other up. I think this next generation is in pretty good hands. We who grew up in a Lizzie McGuire era will just have to work on reversing those ideas. Hopefully the new season will address this in a better way. Awesome content❤️
I think there is a fine line between empowering those who feel like they dont have a voice to speak out against thier bullies and becoming the bully yourself. It's natural for anyone who has an insecurity about themselves, and who has had that insecurity pointed out to them, to feel like they identify more with the person being bullied. The resulting impact is that people are separated into categories pitted against each other instead of looking at each situation on a case by case and contextual basis. What is great is that we have the ability to reflect back on culturally social norms and analyze how we can be better people to each other.
This is so valuable and important. Your description of the “root” of this women vs women culture was so well said. I’ve literally forwarded this to all my female friends 💓
To be fair, people need to take into consideration that those old Taylor Swift songs were written by a teenage/young girl during a certain time where (mostly) all of us liked to be called "not like other girls". She changed. And so have we. Just thought I'd put this out there.
I can’t express how happy your girl talk / feminist videos make me. I remember being a subscriber ten years or so ago, watching your fashion videos when I was a teenager who herself strived to be „not like other girls“ and „having only guy friends because they‘re so much more chill“. A few months ago, I was on a RUclips throwback binge and wondered what you were up to these days. It gives me so much hope for our generation, that our politics / approaches to feminism developed in so similar ways. Keep up your excellent work! 🌼
This is a great video, I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this mentality. I remember being young and even back then thinking girl with boyfriends were lower than me, needing to fit in with the boys, and needing to be different. I’m really trying to get away from this mind set and thank you for making me realize that this is a problem for me and other girls.
I AM LIVING FOR THIS DISCUSSION!! U are the future of content creators Amy & ty for bringing this to the table. I ahem to admit that I still operate under the competitive mindset at my own workplace despite my team’s teeny tiny number. There’s only five of us and I still strive to be the best amongst us all, whatever that means??
Yes it's so true ♡ it used to be my fav show !!! And yes becoming aware of the content is so important because everything we see and hear becomes who we are, what we think and what we speak...
I actually don't have any friends BECAUSE I hate gossiping and being mean. I have had to end friendships because the only thing we used to do together was hate on other people or ourselves. It's sad that now I'm having trouble making friends because I don't want to focus on the bad things going on...
I have been watching likeminded videos as this one for a few days now and this is hands down the best one oh my gosh. The amount of subjects you touched on??? Insane. Thank you so much honestly ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I'm so glad we are finally moving past the Tumblr "not like other girls" era. it affected me so much growing up. I only wore boy clothes and I cut my hair to seem cooler and less girLy than the others. All in all, I just hated being female, not in a dysphoric way, but because I didn't want to slip up and be seen as the stereotypical girl or get made fun of for just BEING a girl. But now I'm wearing clothes that I actually like and I have tons of girl friends :,)
I'm 24 now, but when I was in grade 6, I "dated" this guy for like a year which was pretty dang long for a grade sixer, and there was this girl who was always trying to steal him from me. She would send through MSN the Taylor Swift song "You Belong with Me" to him and I. It was so hurtful. She was kind of a tom boy, and so I felt like thats what I had to be to win his attention. It really got to me. Her and I were best friends too... it's a shame women are so competitive.
I watched Tiffany’s video when she posted it! I love talks like this. It’s crazy how we didn’t realize how mean those songs with Taylor and Hayley Williams. 11 year old me was singing those and thinking I was better than other people which is soooo bad. I’m glad we can have these conversations today and realize we are flawed and work towards being more mindful in what we ingest.
Hayley Williams doesn't sing the slut-shaming parts of Misery Business anymore when they perform it live, I think it's awesome that artists develop and have risen above the narrative of girls being pitted against each over.
@@sophieryan731 Yeah, i saw something like that on twitter once which is excellent. I still like both artists and know we all fall short sometimes. Theirs just happened to be documented forever in a song. We love development!!!
i loved this video so much, thank you for making it Amy! just wanted to throw a personal opinion out there: i don't really agree with the idea that 'toxic' people don't exist & that only 'hurt' people exist. to explain, 2 people can be brought up in the same trauma with 1 coming out of the situation by taking it out on others whereas the 2nd coming out of the situation by finding peace from the experience/not taking it out on others. i hope that makes sense. you do not got through negative experiences by choice, but how you decide to survive it is up to you.
If it helps in 2018 Paramore said they would no longer play "Misery Business" for the foreseeable future because they did not agree with the lyrics anymore. Hayley has also stated that she wrote the lyrics as an adolescent when her personal views came from a more narrow-minded perspective. But I totally get it. I was trained growing up to think other women were my enemy and that I needed to be special/above them in order to be fulfilled in life. That's just how the culture around me was when I was growing up. At 28 I am still deprogramming myself from those experiences and I hope I can help people younger than me have a happier time with childhood than I had. Much love, Amy. Thanks for talking about this.
Truly I think you’re on this earth to help heal people. They way you see things in grays - “I don’t believe in toxic people, I believe in hurt people”. People are good, but they’re so hurt. And the wounding becomes cyclical until someone stops to heal themselves.
Your channel is seriously so amazing!! I love that you dig deep into things that should be known and thought about more!!! Thanks for bringing this conversation to the table!💜
I never enjoyed majority of Taylor swifts music and your explanation really hit home with me why. It’s crazy when you really begin thinking about why you think a certain way and how it’s been conditioned in us to feel this way. I’ve become more aware of it the older I get and so it’s great hearing your thoughts on the matter too Also your point towards the end! I recently listened to a ted talk about how fear can be passed down genetically! I had no idea but it’s not just through your learned experiences that you develop it can also be something inherently within you that’s been passed down🤯
I’m so happy that you made a video on this topic! I study sociology and ‘cattiness’ is often claimed as an ‘individual problem or characteristic while it is indeed routed in a larger system of oppression. Thank you a lot Amy, you’re a big inspiration 💛
Such an amazing and necessary video. Love this. It's the kind of conversation that need to be started and talked and a lot of places, to a lot of people.
amy!! i first started watching your channel when i was 14 around 2011/2012 and it’s so great to see you create more content that focuses on relevant social issues!! ily heaps xx
I disagree om not engaging with cattiness. Ignoring it doesnt help. We need to talk to those people who say hurtful things and tell them to stop and explain why what theyre doing is wrong in a self assured way. They may bitch even more but you asserted yourself and showed them that they cant go on behaving like this. If everyone told them, theyd soon stop.
I feel so good being able to help and support another women! Even if it's just sharing a pen or giving someone a pad/ tampon or giving a compliment to a fellow drunk girl in the bathroom at the club lol I was really shy as a kid and had very little friends much less having other girls I could talk to which I wish I had more of. I always wish I had a group of girl friends i could cry with, laugh with or even just spend time with!
Merci Amy ! I noticed the difference between guys relationship and girls relationships in high school and I've been trying to act in a more "sisterhood way" since then but thanks to your video I now understand where all this is coming from and it helps a lot. Thank you 🙏❤️
Fucking Hell Amy this was so amazingly/concisely worded, definitely my favorite video by you so far, it's clear that you've examined so many perspectives into what you've been saying and I honestly really agree with you!!!
I’m only 3 minutes in and I love the ideas behind this video but you said something about mean girls contributing to women being catty? I’m not sure if you’ve watched the film but at the end Cady wins spring fling queen and rips her plastic crown then throws it to everyone so implying everyone is a queen. Also when Cady won the mathletes competition it was because she realized “the limit does not exist”, which she realized also by saying “calling someone ugly won’t make you any prettier, calling someone fat won’t make you any skinner” the message behind this movie is so incredibly powerful.
THANK YOU for this video !! it came to the right time!!! I don't know how to deal with these hate between women anymore, specially in the workplace its been always a very prominent factor !
Loved this video overall, but like a few other commenters have stated, the catty woman trope and Angry Black Girl trope are definitely not on the same level. I appreciate you mentioning it because the trope is highly problematic, but unlike the catty woman trope, the ABG trop can truly be life-threatening.
Thanks for your video ! I remember rewatching Friends and couldn't do more than a few episodes cause I was constantly chocked by how misogynist it was.. This topic is fascinating, i've been thinking a lot about it lately and trying to fight my own programmed thoughts. It's work but it's essential. Feel like I've missed sisterhood growing up and hope for the younger gen to get that good girlove
wow, i totally forgot all those magazines around... until you brought it up again.. now its like im thinking " damn it was subconsciously subliminally programmed into me"
I'm so glad this video is on RUclips. Thank you for saying these things Amy. ❤️ I was a teenager in the same age, early to late 2000s. I think the most dangerous part of this was that teenage girls (me included) listened to these songs, watched these things and didn't know any better. They (I) thought this was how things are. There is a mean girl everywhere and it is always a competition. Luckily as an adult I realized this is not how things are or how things need to be. I hope we live in an age where noone needs to grow up like this.
I was thinking a lot about this topic today because I was out getting ice cream with my sister and cousin the other day and 3 other teen girls walked up to get ice cream and kept giving my cousin rude looks ( keep in mind my cousin has a baby girl and is 18 ) so they were judging her instantly , then while they were walking away my sister and cousin were angry so they loudly said “annoying bitches” and I instantly felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say , it’s obviously rude that they were staring at my cousin and I wish that they would have just minded there own business but she didn’t have to be rude and try to insult them either , I bet if they all knew each other the whole situation would have been different we need to stop being so fast to judge it’s pointless , so many girls go thru the same struggles we should help each other not tear each other down , and this should be the same for everyone not just women people judge so quickly and love to hate on others
This is all so true...now looking back does anyone else remember singing to your heart's content I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco ? I just reread the lyrics and its message now that I understand it is mindblowing. 12 year old me had no idea what it was promoting...
Hayley Williams stopped perfoming this song some years ago because she said and i quote "’Misery Business’ is not a set of lyrics that I relate to as a 26-year-old woman. I haven’t related to it in a very long time. Those words were written when I was 17… Admittedly, from a very narrow-minded perspective.” So yeah
@16:13 (for future references) the quote is sooo important to me not just regarding internalised misogyny but also dealing with internalised racism as the child of immigrants. I love my culture now but definitely struggled with internalised hate growing up
this video also reminds me of a conversation(more like a disagreement actually) I had with my teacher this morning. his theory is that a woman's body belongs to a man once they get married and vice versa SO i challenged him on that theory of his. to defend his statement he used the fact that men pay a down payment(I don't know how to put it in English I apologise) to marry a woman in the African culture. I kept holding on to a statement everyone's body belongs to THEM and not anyone else, regardless of if you're woman or a man. I believe that you SHARE what is yours with you partner, whether in marriage or dating, you don't belong to them AT ALL. i know that this is not in (much) relation to the video but I just wanted to put it out there to get other people's opinions about it (please share what you think about this☺)
You mentioned, “do no harm but take no shit”, but how do you go about doing that? I walk away from people who gossip and I disengage from any gossip; however, that doesn’t stop people from speaking ill or making fun of you behind your back. So in that sense, how do you not take shit from others? Because I feel like I'm taking shit from others when I walk away.
My idea could be completely wrong here but I really thought about it and maybe the best way to take no shit would be to not let it affect you. Wayyyy easier said then done because I personally know how hard that is to not let it affect you and have definitely had trouble in the past, but if someone is attacking you and you don't respond negatively it would reflect back on them and maybe cause them to think about what they are doing. Then you could walk away leaving them to reflect and you to be guilt free and positive. I would love to hear your thoughts!
I’m not a native speaker so I would be really thankful for your help. I get what’s misogyny means, but what does internalized misogyny mean? Does “internalized” explain that misogyny is deeply rooted in our structures? Or is it referring to the hate between women?
🔥time stamps 🔥
00:14 lizzie mcguire's first episode EVER and how it made me sad AF lol
1:40 which then led to write this Instagram post on #conscioussisterhood (which is the inspiration behind this video)
2:35 what is ‘catty?’ + some examples
3:22 how cattiness has been enforced, perpetuated
4:43 famous meaaaan girl characters
5:00 REAL mean girl celebrities
5:23 taylor swift and dissecting her old work/lyrics
8:35 paramore & misery business & slutshaming
9:59 who is to blame? who/what is the root cause?
10:30 tavi gevinson’s critical graphic on how internalized misogyny gets reinforced
12:36 living in an idealized world where women are equal, you say????
15:09 it’s not our fault, bro
16:03 ‘cattiness’ is not inherently female, it’s an adaptive, natural response to oppression
16:34 ‘catty mean girl’ compared to ‘angry black girl’ narrative
17:09 ‘cattiness’ displacement in the gay men community and why
18:03 my critique on sheryl sandberg’s article “myth of the catty women”
18:36 deep trauma of being a racial minority and a women, ‘emotional genetics’
19:14 mother trauma (and father trauma)
19:44 getting bullied myself in high school by other girls
20:30 the TRUE reversal/opposition to cattiness is neutrality, disengagement
21:31 i don’t believe in ‘toxic’ people
22:00 how to dismantle/combat cattiness
22:38 unkindness does not elicit more unkindness
23:13 women are people! and people are complex! and in their wounding, they hurt others!
This is so interesting. I’ve totally said “I’m not like other girls” or “women are so sensitive, I’d rather be friends with a guy” looking back I see how problematic that is
as a boy it bothers me too because it perpetuates the notion that being emotionally sensitive is a bad thing, I realize this is a woman's conversation and I agree with the premise here but I don't want to derail a beautiful thing but I'm not asking to be centered, just not sidelined.... we have a lot of bullshit to deal with because of toxic masculinity and the negativity hurled at emotional sensitivity reinforces toxic masculinity... So in a way the two phenomenon of internalized misogyny and toxic masculinity effect each other.
@@kythrathesuntamer9715 why cant all guys be like you..
Girl you should totally make a podcast. I love how inquisitive you are and your content genuinely adds value 💖
I second this!!!
Yasss!
basically, i am going to hand over my two sociology degrees to you. it's beautiful seeing a yt platform being used to educate and enlighten
Janay i agree!
How many hours did you spend sitting behind a desk a week to earn that? 8 years of education?
A larger issue is how society keeps supporting this behavior. There have been so many people that say oh Billie Eilish is a such an amazing artist, she doesn't have to show skin, she is different. It makes it seem that a girl is better because she is not basic or she is not sexual, etc. I hate that people do that cause that is not the case. It's so weird to see how our peers sometimes further this narrative.
i've also never been able to accept a compliment and extend SINCERE gratitude to a woman out of fear that it might be fake. i'm so glad you mentioned that.
Kelley Nele same chief same
I just have to say that i really enjoyed this video but I felt a disconnect with the angry black girl trope part. I think it's important that you brought it up but from my experience as a black girl its not that we are carrying some type of anger with us but when we display any sort of emotion whatsoever we are automatically disregarded and written off as this angry black girl trope. we, black people, do carry historical trauma with us that is literally in our dna but the angry black girl trope is more abt black girls not being able to display any kind of emotion besides calm, strong, stoic in everyday life in fear of being reduced to a stereotype. I hope this makes sense lol.
I feel so bad for you guys
It is so ridiculous that you have to go through such things
This reminds me of an episode in Pretty Little Liars, I think it was in season 2 when Noel said something along the lines of "when guys fight, one punch and its over but women, the manipulate, the gossip, spread rumour and lies and at the end of the day its still not enough" It was the first time, it made me realise we have a big problem in society..,
Paramore and Hailey actually turned around a couple of years ago and made a statement said they wouldn’t play that song anymore because they didn’t believe in the song anymore and they portrayed the wrong image
Mean Girls was a comment on how outrageous the cattiness of women pitting women against each other was (is). There is a quote that Tina Fey said was the epitome of the message of the film that highlights (in a nutshell), if you are x, than that doesn't make you better or me any less.
Misery Business used to be one of my favorite songs when i was a teenager. Now I realized how awful the lyrics were! I'm glad Hayley Williams spoke out a few years ago about how she was a young, angry, misguided person to write and sing the words of that song and that she will never perform it again.
I feel like I have gotten tired of youtube and consumer culture, and I was ready to give up believing that there is valuable content on this platform but this video has completely changed my mind. you have hit every point so well, and I'm so happy that you are sharing this. I know that for many females, and people in general, are very reluctant to talk about the patriarchy and the toxic relationship that has developed between females, so when I say thank you for making this video and speaking your mind, I truly mean it. I don't comment on youtube videos ever but I really wanted to let you know how much I appreciate this video; I don't know if you are going to read this comment or not but the small chance you do is worth it. thank you so much. I will be sharing this video and your instagram post. As a woman speaking to another, keep speaking your mind, you are doing amazing and even though you don't know me personally and I don't know you personally the things you choose to do make me very proud
ThereNoMoney there is very little valuable content on here that’s why I created my own channel cause I was tired of the lies like of these influences get paid to lie when are we as a society going to start uplifting others for telling the truth? In today’s world who knows but all I know is that if I want to see a change I have to the change and starting my channel has helped me grow into a better person and I love helping others grow and learn too. Feel free to stop by I love making self help and self care videos and soon I’ll be making more content on anxiety and depression cause I was abused by my parents and I just want to help those that feel as lonely as I once did
“It’s not our fault that we have been unkind to other women, it’s not our fault that women have been unkind to us.” This immediately brought back scarring memories of being bullied in middle and high school. I internalized the narrative that girls don’t like me, there is something about me that is not likeable, I don’t like myself, I am worthless. It’s sad that I have accomplished so much and am proud of so little because of this toxic core belief. Thank you for helping me reframe my narrative.
I can relate to this. I used to watch all those shows and movies that perpetuated “I’m not like other girls” or mean girl mentality and in a way I prejudged women who had names like amber or Tiffany, women who were blonde, or popular in high school. In the end I became the mean girl because I talked shit about them and perpetuated this idea about who I though they were. I’m glad that by junior year I dropped this idea. I was able to meet amazing women, who differed in looks but also in ideas, who are amazing and lovable. I’m not perfect and still make comments, but I try to catch myself.
I literally had the same thought seeing a lot of old movies, it's crazy how it was popular that there was always a mean girl and a "good girl" and girl were tearing each other.
I haven’t finished the video yet but I love this critique! It took me a long time to realize these things and media at the time was very much a part of why i thought this way.
HOWEVER, I am so pleased watching this generation’s programming, it really challenges those ideas. It shows women being compassionate and understanding towards one another, and how to build each other up. I think this next generation is in pretty good hands.
We who grew up in a Lizzie McGuire era will just have to work on reversing those ideas. Hopefully the new season will address this in a better way.
Awesome content❤️
I think there is a fine line between empowering those who feel like they dont have a voice to speak out against thier bullies and becoming the bully yourself. It's natural for anyone who has an insecurity about themselves, and who has had that insecurity pointed out to them, to feel like they identify more with the person being bullied. The resulting impact is that people are separated into categories pitted against each other instead of looking at each situation on a case by case and contextual basis. What is great is that we have the ability to reflect back on culturally social norms and analyze how we can be better people to each other.
This is so valuable and important. Your description of the “root” of this women vs women culture was so well said. I’ve literally forwarded this to all my female friends 💓
To be fair, people need to take into consideration that those old Taylor Swift songs were written by a teenage/young girl during a certain time where (mostly) all of us liked to be called "not like other girls". She changed. And so have we. Just thought I'd put this out there.
I can’t express how happy your girl talk / feminist videos make me. I remember being a subscriber ten years or so ago, watching your fashion videos when I was a teenager who herself strived to be „not like other girls“ and „having only guy friends because they‘re so much more chill“.
A few months ago, I was on a RUclips throwback binge and wondered what you were up to these days. It gives me so much hope for our generation, that our politics / approaches to feminism developed in so similar ways. Keep up your excellent work! 🌼
"what you see in the world is what you have in your heart" THAT HIT SO HARD!!!! THAT GAVE ME WHIPLASH LIKE BRUH
Amy Lee is brilliant, but that statement is actually not truth👍
This is a great video, I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this mentality. I remember being young and even back then thinking girl with boyfriends were lower than me, needing to fit in with the boys, and needing to be different. I’m really trying to get away from this mind set and thank you for making me realize that this is a problem for me and other girls.
I AM LIVING FOR THIS DISCUSSION!! U are the future of content creators Amy & ty for bringing this to the table. I ahem to admit that I still operate under the competitive mindset at my own workplace despite my team’s teeny tiny number. There’s only five of us and I still strive to be the best amongst us all, whatever that means??
Yes it's so true ♡ it used to be my fav show !!! And yes becoming aware of the content is so important because everything we see and hear becomes who we are, what we think and what we speak...
Thank you SOOO much for filming this. This topic isn’t talked about enough, everyone needs to see this video!!
I actually don't have any friends BECAUSE I hate gossiping and being mean. I have had to end friendships because the only thing we used to do together was hate on other people or ourselves. It's sad that now I'm having trouble making friends because I don't want to focus on the bad things going on...
Same
I have been watching likeminded videos as this one for a few days now and this is hands down the best one oh my gosh. The amount of subjects you touched on??? Insane. Thank you so much honestly ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I'm so glad we are finally moving past the Tumblr "not like other girls" era. it affected me so much growing up. I only wore boy clothes and I cut my hair to seem cooler and less girLy than the others. All in all, I just hated being female, not in a dysphoric way, but because I didn't want to slip up and be seen as the stereotypical girl or get made fun of for just BEING a girl. But now I'm wearing clothes that I actually like and I have tons of girl friends :,)
“What you see in the world is what you have in your heart” that was a gem 🙏🏽
I'm 24 now, but when I was in grade 6, I "dated" this guy for like a year which was pretty dang long for a grade sixer, and there was this girl who was always trying to steal him from me. She would send through MSN the Taylor Swift song "You Belong with Me" to him and I. It was so hurtful. She was kind of a tom boy, and so I felt like thats what I had to be to win his attention. It really got to me. Her and I were best friends too... it's a shame women are so competitive.
I watched Tiffany’s video when she posted it! I love talks like this. It’s crazy how we didn’t realize how mean those songs with Taylor and Hayley Williams. 11 year old me was singing those and thinking I was better than other people which is soooo bad. I’m glad we can have these conversations today and realize we are flawed and work towards being more mindful in what we ingest.
Hayley Williams doesn't sing the slut-shaming parts of Misery Business anymore when they perform it live, I think it's awesome that artists develop and have risen above the narrative of girls being pitted against each over.
@@sophieryan731 Yeah, i saw something like that on twitter once which is excellent. I still like both artists and know we all fall short sometimes. Theirs just happened to be documented forever in a song. We love development!!!
woah amy! all the amazing references and THE TIME STAMPS???? love your dedication
I love your hair 😍
i loved this video so much, thank you for making it Amy!
just wanted to throw a personal opinion out there: i don't really agree with the idea that 'toxic' people don't exist & that only 'hurt' people exist. to explain, 2 people can be brought up in the same trauma with 1 coming out of the situation by taking it out on others whereas the 2nd coming out of the situation by finding peace from the experience/not taking it out on others. i hope that makes sense. you do not got through negative experiences by choice, but how you decide to survive it is up to you.
If it helps in 2018 Paramore said they would no longer play "Misery Business" for the foreseeable future because they did not agree with the lyrics anymore. Hayley has also stated that she wrote the lyrics as an adolescent when her personal views came from a more narrow-minded perspective. But I totally get it. I was trained growing up to think other women were my enemy and that I needed to be special/above them in order to be fulfilled in life. That's just how the culture around me was when I was growing up. At 28 I am still deprogramming myself from those experiences and I hope I can help people younger than me have a happier time with childhood than I had. Much love, Amy. Thanks for talking about this.
Truly I think you’re on this earth to help heal people. They way you see things in grays - “I don’t believe in toxic people, I believe in hurt people”. People are good, but they’re so hurt. And the wounding becomes cyclical until someone stops to heal themselves.
Amy ! Those eyeliners are on point!! I'm gonna start the spreading of sisterhood empowerment right here on this comment section
Your channel is seriously so amazing!! I love that you dig deep into things that should be known and thought about more!!! Thanks for bringing this conversation to the table!💜
another great video! i think i remember reading that paramore has chosen to stop playing misery business live for basically your same points.
I never enjoyed majority of Taylor swifts music and your explanation really hit home with me why. It’s crazy when you really begin thinking about why you think a certain way and how it’s been conditioned in us to feel this way. I’ve become more aware of it the older I get and so it’s great hearing your thoughts on the matter too
Also your point towards the end! I recently listened to a ted talk about how fear can be passed down genetically! I had no idea but it’s not just through your learned experiences that you develop it can also be something inherently within you that’s been passed down🤯
This is a video I didn’t think I needed and I am truly grateful that I am a part of your community where I can grow 💘
I’m so happy that you made a video on this topic! I study sociology and ‘cattiness’ is often claimed as an ‘individual problem or characteristic while it is indeed routed in a larger system of oppression. Thank you a lot Amy, you’re a big inspiration 💛
Such an amazing and necessary video. Love this. It's the kind of conversation that need to be started and talked and a lot of places, to a lot of people.
Yes Amy killed this!
you and pierre xo are my fav. RUclipsr i appreciate what you are both doing
amy!! i first started watching your channel when i was 14 around 2011/2012 and it’s so great to see you create more content that focuses on relevant social issues!! ily heaps xx
I disagree om not engaging with cattiness. Ignoring it doesnt help. We need to talk to those people who say hurtful things and tell them to stop and explain why what theyre doing is wrong in a self assured way. They may bitch even more but you asserted yourself and showed them that they cant go on behaving like this. If everyone told them, theyd soon stop.
I agree, they need to know that its unacceptable.
I feel so good being able to help and support another women! Even if it's just sharing a pen or giving someone a pad/ tampon or giving a compliment to a fellow drunk girl in the bathroom at the club lol I was really shy as a kid and had very little friends much less having other girls I could talk to which I wish I had more of. I always wish I had a group of girl friends i could cry with, laugh with or even just spend time with!
Merci Amy !
I noticed the difference between guys relationship and girls relationships in high school and I've been trying to act in a more "sisterhood way" since then but thanks to your video I now understand where all this is coming from and it helps a lot.
Thank you 🙏❤️
I fuckin love your new graphics! You look gorgeous in them 🌺 &ur music always rocks. Love to see you thriving
Family pathology! Glad u really dove deep into this. Thank you. This was eye opening and informative
Thanks for the video, it really was useful. Also love your hair
Fucking Hell Amy this was so amazingly/concisely worded, definitely my favorite video by you so far, it's clear that you've examined so many perspectives into what you've been saying and I honestly really agree with you!!!
love that you shared this ✨💗
I’m only 3 minutes in and I love the ideas behind this video but you said something about mean girls contributing to women being catty? I’m not sure if you’ve watched the film but at the end Cady wins spring fling queen and rips her plastic crown then throws it to everyone so implying everyone is a queen. Also when Cady won the mathletes competition it was because she realized “the limit does not exist”, which she realized also by saying “calling someone ugly won’t make you any prettier, calling someone fat won’t make you any skinner” the message behind this movie is so incredibly powerful.
THANK YOU for this video !! it came to the right time!!! I don't know how to deal with these hate between women anymore, specially in the workplace its been always a very prominent factor !
"what you see in the world is what you have in your heart"
"i don't believe in wounded people, i believe in hurt people"
wow
This video is amazing, thank you! So glad I found this :)
This is so true, thanks for educating people. I always love your video's because their actually about very important topics! ❤️🥺✌️
LOVE LOVE LOVE this video! Thank you so much for articulating this issue in such a tasteful way
i love this video, exactly the kind of thing more people need to hear
Amy!!! Thank you for this video. This was so insightful and an educational video. Thank you for putting this onto youtube and social media.
Loved this video overall, but like a few other commenters have stated, the catty woman trope and Angry Black Girl trope are definitely not on the same level. I appreciate you mentioning it because the trope is highly problematic, but unlike the catty woman trope, the ABG trop can truly be life-threatening.
Thanks for your video ! I remember rewatching Friends and couldn't do more than a few episodes cause I was constantly chocked by how misogynist it was..
This topic is fascinating, i've been thinking a lot about it lately and trying to fight my own programmed thoughts. It's work but it's essential. Feel like I've missed sisterhood growing up and hope for the younger gen to get that good girlove
Girl you drop such wisdom everytime!! Love it!
thank you for this. you are so articulate and the points you make are so perfect.
and also if u made a podcast, I would listen!
I randomly came across this video, idk how I just did and I love your Voice and how you articulate words.
Wowie you just keep dropping gems 😍
wow, i totally forgot all those magazines around... until you brought it up again.. now its like im thinking " damn it was subconsciously subliminally programmed into me"
I'm so glad this video is on RUclips. Thank you for saying these things Amy. ❤️
I was a teenager in the same age, early to late 2000s. I think the most dangerous part of this was that teenage girls (me included) listened to these songs, watched these things and didn't know any better. They (I) thought this was how things are. There is a mean girl everywhere and it is always a competition.
Luckily as an adult I realized this is not how things are or how things need to be.
I hope we live in an age where noone needs to grow up like this.
this is SO cool and new ideas i haven’t thought about!!
I was thinking a lot about this topic today because I was out getting ice cream with my sister and cousin the other day and 3 other teen girls walked up to get ice cream and kept giving my cousin rude looks ( keep in mind my cousin has a baby girl and is 18 ) so they were judging her instantly , then while they were walking away my sister and cousin were angry so they loudly said “annoying bitches” and I instantly felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say , it’s obviously rude that they were staring at my cousin and I wish that they would have just minded there own business but she didn’t have to be rude and try to insult them either , I bet if they all knew each other the whole situation would have been different we need to stop being so fast to judge it’s pointless , so many girls go thru the same struggles we should help each other not tear each other down , and this should be the same for everyone not just women people judge so quickly and love to hate on others
i love the way you talk and explain things ❤️ love you :)
That is my fav song from Igor. Love the new intro 💖💖💖
Incredible. Healing. Thanks for helping bring us together
This is all so true...now looking back does anyone else remember singing to your heart's content I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco ? I just reread the lyrics and its message now that I understand it is mindblowing. 12 year old me had no idea what it was promoting...
Oh she’s done it again 😭✨❤️❤️
Hayley Williams stopped perfoming this song some years ago because she said and i quote "’Misery Business’ is not a set of lyrics that I relate to as a 26-year-old woman. I haven’t related to it in a very long time. Those words were written when I was 17… Admittedly, from a very narrow-minded perspective.” So yeah
Everything about this video 👏👏👏 well articulated and really good points 👌
@16:13 (for future references) the quote is sooo important to me not just regarding internalised misogyny but also dealing with internalised racism as the child of immigrants. I love my culture now but definitely struggled with internalised hate growing up
Girl ! You're so well spoken 💕💖
When you go on RUclips and see that this vid was uploaded 1 Minute ago 🥰
You made me buy The Power of Now and The Daily Stoic - it was worth it
What ab absoultely amazing video, and so incredibly true!!
this video also reminds me of a conversation(more like a disagreement actually) I had with my teacher this morning. his theory is that a woman's body belongs to a man once they get married and vice versa SO i challenged him on that theory of his. to defend his statement he used the fact that men pay a down payment(I don't know how to put it in English I apologise) to marry a woman in the African culture. I kept holding on to a statement everyone's body belongs to THEM and not anyone else, regardless of if you're woman or a man. I believe that you SHARE what is yours with you partner, whether in marriage or dating, you don't belong to them AT ALL. i know that this is not in (much) relation to the video but I just wanted to put it out there to get other people's opinions about it (please share what you think about this☺)
YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!!
Totally well addressed 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 excellent video
This is such a great video!! beautiful and woke as always!!
Amy you are a pure ispiration💕
Not in the notification squad and so happy to be this early wtf 😂😂
love the new intro so cool
Eyeliner is so so pretty omg
Can always trust your videos to make me think 🙏
This is so important and in a lot of instances the real elephant in the room.
When will this intelligent and well-spoken woman get her own podcast show please!!!
You mentioned, “do no harm but take no shit”, but how do you go about doing that? I walk away from people who gossip and I disengage from any gossip; however, that doesn’t stop people from speaking ill or making fun of you behind your back. So in that sense, how do you not take shit from others? Because I feel like I'm taking shit from others when I walk away.
My idea could be completely wrong here but I really thought about it and maybe the best way to take no shit would be to not let it affect you. Wayyyy easier said then done because I personally know how hard that is to not let it affect you and have definitely had trouble in the past, but if someone is attacking you and you don't respond negatively it would reflect back on them and maybe cause them to think about what they are doing. Then you could walk away leaving them to reflect and you to be guilt free and positive. I would love to hear your thoughts!
your content its amazing, thank you💜✊
I’m not a native speaker so I would be really thankful for your help. I get what’s misogyny means, but what does internalized misogyny mean? Does “internalized” explain that misogyny is deeply rooted in our structures? Or is it referring to the hate between women?
Please please please please make the am with Amy into a podcast show!! Pls pls pls. I need full am with amy shows to listen to in the mornings!! Ilysm
love the vid, but miss the makeup 😔