Autism Imposter Syndrome Neurodivergent Doctor - The smartest have it, and how to stop it -reupload.
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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
- Why do the smartest people get imposter syndrome? What is "transient sensory sensitivity? Was there really room for Leo on Rose's floating door from the Titanic?
These and other topics are discussed as well as what to do about imposter syndrome.
Comments from the previous upload (the previous one uploaded weird so I deleted it and added this better version).
buttercxp draws
3 weeks ago
This video was fantastic. I was late diagnosed 2 years ago after a mental breakdown. I’ve felt imposter syndrome several times whilst coming to terms with my diagnosis. Your words really hit home with me. Much appreciated 💕
Judi Marr
3 weeks ago
Thank you for this. I’ll probably still keep taking all the tests every couple of weeks until my neuropsych testing in June just to make sure, but it’s good to know why I feel this way and I’m not alone.
Wynne Whitten-Holmes
3 weeks ago
Oh, this was such a balm to my autistic soul. Thank you. I'm saving it for later. ✨
buttercxp draws
3 weeks ago
Great job with the script and editing on this one. Made me laugh and made me cry. I’ll be watching this again next time I think I’m an imposter ✌️💕
rahxrahster
3 weeks ago
This is the one! I have an upcoming assessment and this video was so helpful. Thank you!
Loowe
2 weeks ago
Thank u so much. Can I ask u to talk about the PDA Type of autism? It really gives me more imposter Syndrome since my experience is in some way very different than other more high-regulating autistic people. Thank u for ur work so much!!! 🌸🌸🌸
skiz
2 weeks ago
The best defense against impostor syndrome is paying the electricity bill to keep your rare model train collection running on time throughout your house.
Disclaimer - This is the personal opinion of Anson Service, Psy.D., LMHC and is for informational purposes only. This is not therapy no therapeutic relationship between Dr. Service and any viewer is asserted or implied. If you have questions, please seek a qualified professional. Photos and videos are licensed to Dr. Service and any other photos are used for educational purposes.
For every person pretending to be disabled for attention, there's ten disabled people pretending to be abled so they don't get treated like crap
Lol, I felt that 😂
Oh this is so true.
Effing emotional
Only ten?!
🎯
For me it's always felt like I don't know what I am, so all my actions are adopted from my surroundings, and I act like a chameleon, being whatever I think is expected of me.
this...
Getting home in the evening, being alone at last, and realizing you have no sense of identity, no personality traits or interests or sense of humor that isn't just a reflection of the people currently around you.
woah this comment hits
I think I should get tested
that sounds like a trauma response
I've had someone tell me that "people like me better the other way" which cut like a dagger. It felt like telling someone with a drinking problem that people like them better drunk.
Drinking always helped me to mask. It was the only way I could "enjoy" social situations instead of feeling drained by them. So it was ME telling me I like me better the other way.
@@Jack_Parsons-666 relatable
::hugs::
I'm sure they did like you the way that made them less uncomfortable rather than the way that let you feel freer.
EFF THAT.
I like that you're comfortable and happy with yourself. I want that for you. You can make me uncomfortable. I'm human and I expect it.
Lately over the past 3 years, I asked myself "When did I stop focusing on self-actualization, and when did I start deeply worrying about D-level Needs?" (Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs)
It started around last year when I put other people's petty complaints before my own health and wellness.
😕Man I want you to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Sounds like that person wasn't a very good communicator. I find it makes my life more pleasant to assume people like that have good intentions.
@@Jack_Parsons-666 I've had people tell me they like me better when I'm drunk because of this reason.
My son has autism, my cousin has autism, I have the official diagnosis from a great neuropsychiatrist. I still have imposter syndrome sometimes.
Not everything is autism. You have to realize that there's a GIANT #$)#*$! CASH COW, in telling everybody that they're "on a spectrum".
I can't see your son, or your cousin, but you should be aware that there's a lot of fake autism, going around. A lot of it is a total scam.
No one thinks I’m Autistic 😢 but I know. I can feel the huge difference between myself and others
This comment says it has 2 replies when it only has shown one.
@@youtubeguy8796I noticed this, too. Perhaps reply count remains even if it is later deleted. -- just edited my reply and count resets to 3.
I have struggled with imposter syndrome some, but I realized I have it for the same reason that my painting is good… I care and I’m worried about making a mistake. Autism is somewhat intangible, so what’s the worst that can happen if you’re wrong? Nothing… nothing bad will happen. Enjoy being autistic, I know I am.
A confirmed diagnosis may be validating, but having a clinician deny your autism after a year of research, self-acceptance, and finally making sense of decades of being "oversensitive" and always falling just short of "normal" expectations is absolutely gutting. Apparently I was too personable and intelligent, made sufficient eye-contact, and "masking is a buzzword describing something everyone does naturally." I mean, sure, but tell that to the last 6 years of being unemployed full time because my last burnout left me with so much PTSD I was terrified of going back to work and having it happen all over again.
I'm still angry I had to wait a year and pay $1500 out of pocket just to be told I'm not autistic enough to join the club, "But hey, you should really take this life long depression and anxiety seriously, and consider these changes to your diet and exercise."
TL;DR Never let someone else tell you they know you better than you know yourself.
AANE has support groups for those self diagnosed as well as those with an”official” diagnosis.
I'm sorry you had to experience this, I would be devastated as well (or lives sound quite similar, I'm highly intelligent and formally well educated but never had a "real" job, recently got diagnosed, I'm female and in my 40s)
My personal experience is, yes, an official diagnosis feels validating. BUT tbh neither my psychiatrist nor my psychtherapist have been a huge help since then - but I've found a self help group (officially and self diagnosed people) and I feel this is what has the better potential to help me deal with my otherness.
So maybe you can find something along those lines too, I wish you all the best!
@@anniestumpy9918 Thank you! Best wishes and many blessings in return!
It's very frustrating for me as well. I'm not able to function or keep a job at certain points and I've always been that way, always showing up late, never showing up at all, completely abandoning family functions. I opted out and became a loner 15 years ago. When someone tells me I don't have it I just laugh
Oh yeah, I can relate to all of this.
Did anyone else find themselves coming out of COVID quarantine having lost social skills and masking? Or over masking? COVID was a silver lining in that I loved the solo time, but three years later I cannot for the life of me, navigate a social situation. I've dumped all social activities including a niece's wedding. At 58 I refuse to be in a situation anymore that I am miserable in, have to mask, and take weeks to get over.
Yep, I think that's what happened to many... Our brains forgot how to socialize and it's extremely difficult to relearn ... Especially after all that happened.
Absolutely, my social skills vanished into nothingness ITS so hard to try to interact with anyone
No, I was never real social. Any desire to be social was beaten out of me by the Navy. People thought I was weird for not having roommates in college. I told them, "Spend years on a ship with 5,600 people and spend that entire time sharing a bathroom with 300 people, then we can rip on you for not feeling real social. How about that?!"
I also don't hang out with people outside of work. I spend 8 hours/day dealing with people. When I go home, I'm done with that. I can show up to an occasional family function and go through the motions, but I really don't give a crap if they think I was kind enough or sincere enough or whatever. I showed up and didn't outwardly piss anybody off, that's more than good enough.
I don't think you have autism but rather social anxiety. Autism isn't just a thing you switch on and off... neurotypicals got impacted heavily by Covid lockdowns due to you all having more social needs
Yes defenently!. Thank you for bringing this upp Skye :).
Misophonia? Check. Trichotillomania? Check. Obsessive interest in education, sewing machines, accordions, dogs? Check. Few close friends compared to others? Check. Social awkwardness? Check. Poor executive function with certain things? Check. Rejection of religion? Check. I'm glad there's actually something that all of these things fit into. It explains so much about who I am.
Wow. The youtube algo knew I'm autistic before I did.
Yo buddy, are we long distance twins 😮. I can totally relate
. Many more relate - they just sont label this as "autism"
Autism who is that
I also love education and information. Many a late night binge of youtube and articles on science and space and ocean and genetics and other topics that interest me.
I went with crochet over sewing because I wanted to make pokemon bean bags more than I wanted to sew a pokemon cosplay.
Also snakes, that is part of my genetics interest/hobby.
Thank you for this post! In my childhood and youth I had massive communication problems that were interpreted as extreme shyness, clumsiness and nerdiness. I was chronically depressed and anxious and ridden with eating disorders, but that went unrecognized and untreated even when it was severe. In my late teens I had learned to mask, I was well liked in my school but I was regarded as a unicorn, very talented and intelligent - and very lonely. Meeting my husband I was first time taken as I was. He instinctively protected me when I panicked in crowds and understood as I had a massive headache and fatigue after social situations. That helped me to cope. Then many years later my son, then 25, got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I had never noticed because we were so similar. I had been masking for 60 years, becoming very successful but paying the price in chronic bouts of depression, anxiety and fatigue. Now I know. Yes, I have ASD and I do not need a formal diagnosis. I am not a teen seeking attention but somebody who has lived with it for decades.
Thank you. ❤
@dharma6525 I'm sure responding to a bunch of said social media comments like an asshole is getting you great dharma! Enjoy hell!
@@dharma6525 its not about seeking attention, but telling about her own experience to others that may relate
That sounds parallel to my experience though I don't have any children and never wanted to. I always felt like I didn't get what everybody else was getting. I was bullied and ridiculed as a child and this led me to stop talking for many years. I just tried to disappear into the background. But I also wanted things that other people had. I wanted to have relationships. I wanted to date. I wanted to be accepted. So I started pretending to be the way I thought other people expected. My well-meaning mother would encourage me to ask girls out on dates. That was disastrous. I had no idea how to build rapport with anybody, much less how to flirt or establish a basis in social trust. So I came off as creepy and weird. I would retreat back into silence punctuated by feeble attempts to mask in order to fit in.
School was trouble for me. Not studying or getting good grades, that was easy. Not knowing how to conform was trouble. My fifth grade teacher slammed my head into the wall for no apparent reason. I was just sitting at my desk, staring out the window, and I guess I failed to respond. School was boring. The work was easy. That was my crime. I had trouble with jobs. Not actually doing work, but again, behaving in a conforming way that didn't make others feel uncomfortable. The only one who ended up being uncomfortable was me. I used public transportation to give me time to work myself up to doing what I would have to do every day and then cry in silence all the way home. Still, I persevered because what else could I do? Sometimes though it became too much and I felt like I could not continue. I quit several jobs because I couldn't navigate the relationships they required. Somehow, I kept pushing myself back into it and miraculously made it all the way through to retirement. It was only then that I started asking questions. Why did things that were so natural for others threaten me so? Only after several years of asking questions, reading, and joining online communities did I begin to suspect that I was on the spectrum. Once I decided that was the most likely explanation, everything made sense.
I am very fortunate to have an understanding spouse who was the one to take the first step in our relationship. She too wondered why work relationships were so challenging for me or how I could be one way at parties and completely different when we were just the two of us. When I shared my feelings about being autistic with her, she accepted them. But at 67, I do not have any interest in publicly disclosing my self-diagnosis to more than a select few. I did disclose it to one new acquaintance who soon weaponized it against both me and my wife. That really gave me pause. I wish I could be more open about it. But I am so averse to conflict that I don't even talk about it with my siblings. I just don't want to argue with anybody about it. I finally know who I am and am happy with myself. I finally feel like I can just enjoy my life without the pressure of masking all the time.
Talking about misdiagnosis, I was diagnosed bpd, quiet type, because allegedly back in the mid 1990's, females didn't "have autism"... Finally knowing my brain pattern, accepting the ptsd that is also part of my life experiences, and realising why I couldn't even fit in a therapeutic community for people with bpd, is such a serious relief! I do not doubt me any more.
Same. Dx'd with bipolar 2, BPD, gad, mdd...but can't have ADHD or autism, because i test too well on psych tests.
For years I thought I may be autistic, but because I was a self diagnosis, I never outright said I was autistic. If I were to get diagnosed by a doctor who actually knows autism for what it is, it honestly wouldn’t change anything for me. I’m either an autistic person or a neurotypical ally to the cause for acceptance of autistic people and respect for their intellectual.
Whether I’m autistic or not, I want people to stop infantilizing autistic people and start treating them with the level of respect and expectation they do to neurotypicals.
@@dharma6525I fail to understand the meaning of your comment but I sense very strong negative emotions in it...
@@mikeuk1927 you were actually right !
@@mikeuk1927 Where is the negativity in his comment? Stop trolling.
Good points. I also wonder sometimes if I might be on the spectrum, because I can relate to many autistic traits, but not all. - There was one sequence here in the video which seemed very strange to me: making several jokes referring to that utterly sad and tragic scene in Titantc. It would never occur to me to make a joke out of something like this. It would be interesting for me to know: Is someone with diagnosed autism reading along who shares my feelings on this, or only neurotypical and uncertain persons?
Did a reply get deleted or something? Was it a a comment the went something along the lines of “this reads like a neurotypical writing” or something like that?
I spent my whole life posing as neurotypical. Now I'm just totally worn out.
I've never posed as NT cos I didn't know I wasn't. I actually thought "they" were strange for not thinking like me. It has been very confusing and isolating or me though.
The most devastating part is realizing that this is what was happening. All the sudden all of my exhaustion just makes so much sense... All my burnout makes so much sense.
Thanks for putting this video up. For 68 years I had no idea I might be on the spectrum - indeed until I looked up what Asperger's was I didn't even know what autistic was. I only found out when reading about Asperger's in David Byrne's (Talking Heads) bio and looked it up after reading that he thought he was an Aspie. I was shocked when I read the symptoms; I was reading everything about me in one bullet point after another.
I haven't bothered to seek out a formal diagnosis. I really don't care - too old to care. It isn't a badge of honour, it is simply an explanation. My passionate interest in electronics carried me through my adult life, no formal qualifications got me there. So people can think what they like about me - I finally know what I am. One person who was diagnosed had a go at me and told me to "stop pretending". Suddenly doubts arose. But no, she has no idea what kind of problems I had to endure at school, the missed chances at romance, the bullying and ostracism etc. etc.
I'm also self~diagnosed at same age. No doubt in my mind. I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone. It explains everything in my entire life. Latest research says we are bORn autistic...with comorbidities? I'm still learning ... which is fascinating. ❤
Yeah, so nice if a formally diagnosed person tells you that you are not autistic. Just because you're not their flavor. And besides, I have ADHD as well, which will seem conflicting.
Thank you for this. I have been studying the neurodivrgence in my family and recently discovered I am neuro divergent somewhere on the spectrum. There is some push from my children to get formally diagnosed because of neuro divergence showing up in my grand children. I dont feel the need. I've been working with this brain and body for 65 years. Specificlly , I study consciousness. My self diagnosis is a game changer for myself. It's a relief. And, once you study neurodivergence and tick off the correlations in your own self it becomes clear if you exhibit those traits. The thing then is to work on strategies to help you hav a good life.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder when I was a teenager but I think if I’d been diagnosed with anything more, my family would have made life much much harder then they already made it…I had a bad accident at 8yrs old that caused a lot of head trauma and I had to listen to my parents talk about me like I wasn’t there referring to me as probably brain damaged from the accident…they’ve always disregarded me as stupid because I wouldn’t talk much after my accident…idk…it’s something about hearing people talk badly about u while ur right there and much smarter then they are in reality that does something to a child…
I'm sorry that happened to you. It's crushing. Sending love. ❤
That's just awful 😔 Hugs ❤
Diagnosed at 3 years old. Growing up, i was told that i couldnt be like the other kids and ostracized as if i was a monster of sorts. When i started high school, everyone had already anticipated me getting a "special needs diploma" and treated me as such. I wanted to prove them wrong and pushed beyond their expectations and managed to get my diploma with flying colors. From then on, i told myself that if i wanted to be society that i had to push pass my autism and never let up. This led me to now, years later, broken and dealing with medical issues. Being masked for so long, i doubt my autism and just feel like a really old work truck that still on the road, spitting, spudering and breaking down every few miles but still going.
I hit that point a few years back. Similar to you, I was told when I was younger, by “experts”, that I would never have a job, never drive a car, never live on my own, and never be able to take care of other living things. I’ve proved that all wrong, but kept going, kept pushing myself to be better than others at their own game, and then I broke. I found myself living out of my vehicle, but discovered in reading various philosophies a concept that has helped me rebuild myself. That concept is that the world has no “right answer” for how to live, and peace can be found in living by our own nature. It’s human ego that enforces the idea that you have to be this way or that way. We can know what is our own nature by what feels effortless or only takes a little effort to do. Bit by bit I’m removing the aspects of my life where I hit resistance, and it can be hard because sometimes it defies the worldview I’d built trying to be “better than normal.” Sometimes progress means doing less, sometimes it means going for a job that makes less but is less stressful, sometimes it means accepting that you really AREN’T meant to do the things people told you you shouldn’t. Just because you can, and can prove them wrong, is it worth sacrificing your mental health and energy? Sorry for the long reply, but I hope you’re able to come to a place in your life where you don’t feel so worn down.
Very similar experience to me too. I was diagnosed in grade 3. Ostracized but not as monster but as disable person. I was told I'd never be successful in life and I needed to stet my expectation far lower. That drove me too. I hid my autism after changing schools and didn't tell any one till last year after hiding it for 40 years. I get the imposter syndrome, masking for so long. I had excuses for everything scripted out. I do something weird here's why. I need a dimmer work environment, so instead making the need know. I pulled light bulbs out of sock in ceiling. Over time my filing cabinet work ended up full light bulbs as years went by. Building maintenance guys kept replacing them. That make me laugh thinking about in now. I think my employers give me a lot leeway with things at work as I'm really really good at my job in IT.
I appreciate your humor. I self-diagnosed many months ago. However, I just felt I needed actual validation from a professional. After my assessment I started freaking out wondering if I was able to pull off my mask after a lifelong of camouflaging.
This video was very helpful thank you!
I struggled with super bad impostor syndrome before and even after I was diagnosed, I begged Doctors to teste me and they wrote me off, but even after I was diagnosed I’m still misunderstood. Be ready for a lot of dismissal if you’re a woman, but remember, you’re not faking, if you’re worried you’re faking, chances are you’re not
@@neckbackcripplinganxietyattack thank you! You’re very right about still being misunderstood. I got the results back and I am autistic with a dash of ADHD. I’m fortunate to have found an all women clinic here who didn’t automatically write me off because I present differently.
I’m glad to finally begun to understand myself. But my family wasn’t as enthusiastic. Autism is vastly misunderstood by the majority of people.
I think that I may have autism but my parents keep shrugging me off
So. It's a year later. Have you managed to shed any masks? Is it even a good idea to shed the masks? I wonder if mine aren't the only things holding me upright and if there will be anything still left inside. I'm sure there will still be something vital. There has to be. I can't be an empty shell. Did you crack one off only to decide you really needed it? Ray Bradbury's Martian Chronicles - the chapter 'The Martian'. We end up with so many masks that we destroy ourselves. We want to be the same person for all. I've attempted consolidation, in the past and years before I suspected I might be autistic, and it did not go well. At the time - my venture was quite catastrophic. It was messy. It's amazing how narrow a view of us the people in our lives have. And they really don't like to flex. They don't want to let us be anything different to what they are used to seeing us as.
This is all from trying to be compatible with the different groups or individuals life throws us together with. Observe, study, endlessly ponder, learn, kind of fit in but never completely and everybody is so possessive of their own notion of who we are that they will not share nicely (have you ever been the common denominator, at a gathering of some sort, and noticed how friend group A looks at friend group B - they've never met before but already there is murderous distrust?). We end up carrying around all these not always easily interchangeable masks that end up as a tatty patchwork of concretion on us. I can't even tolerate being dusty (soil is okay - dust is not okay) - yet I have a veritable carapace. Can't wait to chip and grind and scrub it all off and finally feel the cool fresh air on whatever withered homunculus is underneath it all.
Did the binmen take yours or did you have to book a special collection? I know that with things like mattresses - we need to call the council and pay a small fee. Can unwanted masks go in with the normal household rubbish? Bulky household waste? Yes, I might need a hammer and a chisel for mine even though some of them seem ready to fall off all by themselves.
In all seriousness, now. Your mask(s) - easy to get rid of? Worth getting rid of? What have you learned from the endevour?
@@gregory7320 If your parents are still alive, and still a big enough influence on you that their refusal to accept your suspected autism is bothering you, then you may be still reasonably young. That is a good thing. The moment that first flickering realisation clicks on - it's like you have applied the emergency brake or dropped anchor. Parents will learn. People will learn. All in their own time - but you have stopped yourself from going any further down the road that is not yours (you can always resume your course if and when you change your mind). So, please, be as steadily persistent as you can be. God knows what is going through their minds but give your parents a chance to settle into the idea. Best of luck to you, Gregory.
I feel I mask pretty much all the time, which is why I much prefer my own company because that’s probably the only time, I can 100% be myself.
It took years for me to stumble across enough information to even wonder if I was autistic. It then took years of going back and forth trying to determine if I really had those traits or if I was just exaggerating normal feelings that everyone had. The more I learned about autism, the more I realized I AM autistic. And then I realized it applied to my kids, too. I was able to get my teenage daughter evaluated because she was still on medicaid. So she was diagnosed by a psychologist. Her father (my ex) STILL tells her, despite a diagnosis, that "there is nothing wrong" with her. I let her decide whether she wants me to step in or not. Sometimes she does. But, regardless, I do tell her that her dad is NOT a trained psychologist and doesn't understand that autism isn't "something wrong". I actually prefer our way of seeing the world vs. the neurotypical. And it almost makes it worth the hell of living over 40 years undiagnosed in a neurotypical world to be able to help my kids navigate a society that wasn't created for us. They are so much happier being exactly who they are than I ever was. Autistic kids need autistic adults in their lives who understand them.
I was diagnosed in my thirties. Saw two psychologists, one of them expert in autism. Then my regular psychiatrist, three other psychiatrists and a medical examiner who they all assessed me to see if I could apply for disability benefits (which I did and did get the benefits). All those experts agreed with the diagnosis and I still felt like an imposter 🤣
I don't anymore though ❤ and I feel more and more comfortable with talking about my diagnosis. I want to fully accept and love myself and that includes my autism😊
Excuse me do you stim? I heard that people with autism stim and I stim a lot. It's like constantly moving or moving back and forth
@@gregory7320I do that often when I have anxiety, and sometimes when I'm happy.
What kind of disability benefits?
In the states?
I just turned 31, and I just also realized that I am autistic after a couple years of trying to figure it out while I was spinning out into my burnout worse than ever. I'm struggling to know what steps to take forward. I have been depressed and untreated for so long, it feels impossible that I would get support for this too when I only have a self-diagnosis.
I just found your channel today and I can't believe that you don't have more subscribers! This stuff is so helpful! I self diagnosed about 2 month ago and I'm 55 ... It all makes sense and I can confirm, we are REALLY good in masking and making ourselves believing we are "normal". What a relief and an exciting journey to start learning myself anew.
EVERY ONE HUMAN BEING "MASKS" - its called civi fucking lization 😂
@@dharma6525 and it's f*ing sick
💗
I feel like it would help if there were more autistic RUclipsr’s who were “just self diagnosed”. I so resonate with this list. Since having a baby my autism is so much more noticeable. I still haven’t told many people because I find it hard to “explain” my symptoms in the moment 😢
God bless ya Ruby your not alone God loves you and yours very very much
The reason you find it difficult to explain your symptoms is because you are you. Period. It’s easy to look at someone different and point out the oddities. But when your own symptoms are your normal, they don’t feel like symptoms. So you don’t recognize them as symptoms.
Everyone seemed to notice differences in my son that I never noticed. Why? Because he was just like me. It wasn’t until he was in his thirties that I realized not only was I autistic, but so was he, and both my parents. Now that I see all this (and realize autism isn’t just a nonverbal child banging pots and spinning matchbox car wheels), I cannot I see it. All my peculiarities that I thought was just me being weird, “probably adopted” (my neurotypical siblings would claim), and my son inheriting my oddities…they were all tied into autism WHICH is tied into a much larger diagnosis: Fragile-X Syndrome.
If our signs and symptoms aren’t autism, they are Fragile-X related (big ears, buck teeth, flat feet, thin face, high forehead, smooth soft skin, mitral valve prolapse, low muscle tone, delayed walking, talking, potty training and bike riding).
So you need to go back, and try to recall what kids in school bullied you about. Things they said that set you apart. For instance, they called me Dumbo, Spock, Big Ears, ret@rded, etc.
My teachers claimed I daydreamed in class (ADD…which is an official diagnosis), never completed seatwork, had difficulty initiating conversations, failed to turn in homework, kept a messy and disorganized desk, kept to myself during free-time, very shy, failed math, etc.
It’s going to take a lot of soul searching, and perhaps digging up a lot of bad memories, because your symptoms are you. It might help to get help from someone who has known you well most of your life.
I recall watching a video of a man who was afraid to tell his friends he was autistic. When he finally got them together and made the announcement, they laughed at him. After they gained composure, they explained, “So are we!” We autistic people tend to be attracted to other neurodivergents; often without realizing it.
I love the term neurodivergent nation! We can learn a lot from other communities like the Deaf community. There is power in numbers and shared experience.
I now know 6 others with aspergers/autism (at the age of 30). And know other people with the same diagnosis simultaneously validaded my life experiences, but also gave me alot of imposter syndrom since they are all very different to me. Guess that's why they say "When you've met one person with autism, you know one person with autism".
I think one of the important things to realize is that even if we're our 100% authentic selves, the nature of human social interactions is such that nobody ever shows their entire inner world always. I'd even go as far as to say that neurotypical people tend to pretend they're someone else much more. It is not a sign of being unhealthy that we act differently in different social environment. There's place for everything, working with a client might not be the place for deep emotional vulnerability, and enjoying an evening with our spouse may not be a place for motivated and focused proffessionalism. The beauty of human mind is that it's flexible and we can modify our behavior on the fly. I thought of it as masks for a long time, but after years passed I just realized - all of those "personas" I put on, all combined together sum up and encompass who I am. Of course there are some baseline personality traits that should never be suppressed, and those usually don't need to. However, being able to become the person we need to be in a given situation is a great gift.
Thank you so much for this. I feel so heard and a little less alone. I’m self diagnosed at age 34 with an assessment booked for January. ASD would explain my entire life and its struggles but I am deep within the imposter phenomenon at the moment.
@Phoxxy thanks for checking in 😊 assessment went really well. They diagnosed me with Autism with a PDA profile.
@@warmandpugly I'm glad you found some answers and hopefully you feel validation from this. I'm 38, went through this last year. Struggling to square who I am with who I thought I was. You are definitely not alone. Have you found a community or a few folks that you are able to talk to when you feel up to it?
@@curtisholsinger6023 it’s mad once the doors are opened how many people you realise are going through the same process. I have my other half and my family which is enough, I’m very lucky. I haven’t really found an autistic community as such but people are always so welcoming in RUclips comments so that makes it a bit less lonely 😊 I hope you’re doing well 🙏🏼
@@warmandpugly I am. Thank you. I am also thankful for your other half and your family, being good to you and providing support.
@@warmandpuglyaccording to my research, that is my profile as well, and part of how i diagnosed myself. your story gives me hope i might be heard - 31, just realized a few months ago.
I'm so happy to have found your channel. I'm a 48 year old mom of three, and my middle child has autism. I'm currently waiting to hear back about my test scores since I have way more symptoms than my child. There definitely needs to be more adults being represented. It would have changed my life for the better, and I would have gotten my diagnosis correct years ago. Please upload as often as you are able.
**I was officially diagnosed autistic through my states disability office.
If anyone were to insult my autism, I would insult their inability to do 9th grade math in the 2nd grade (which I could (and still can)), and ask them if Albert Einstein (who had autism) is stupid. Every genius I've ever researched the personalities of had had traits that screamed "I'm autistic" to me.
i like those ()
Thank you for sharing your invaluable knowledge and professional support, it means a lot to me, especially when I am about to hit 60 years old and on a 2 year waiting list to be properly assessed as the autistic person I firmly believe I am. Greetings from Scotland 🏴
I was diagnosed recently, late in life. This video is spot on. I heard this voice in my saying "you're faking it" the minute I was diagnosed. I kept apologizing to my therapist and looking for validation that I wasn't "faking it."
When I was self-disgnosed (in my 40s), my inner voice was saying, "You're not really autistic. You're just a whiner and looking for an excuse for being unlovable."
Then I got professionally diagnosed, and there's STILL a small voice in the back of my mind saying, "The doctor lied. She just wanted your money. You're just a loser." 😔🤦♀️
That is sad to hear 😢 I have recently discovered I am autistic and it has shook me to my core, but also answered many questions. As for your thoughts, realise they are INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS from OUTSIDE, likely based on things people have said to you over the years and your brain replays them like a CD, the thoughts are NOT YOUR THOUGHTS they are OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS not based on TRUTH but on the wickedness of their hearts. I am a Psychotherapist and hold diplomas in NEUROPLASTICITY, Neuropsychology so I have both educated knowledge on the subject and more importantly LIVING EXPERIENCE as a fellow Autistic. I hope you take this comment to heart and benefit from it. All the best 💯
@Jason napalm Thank you for your kind reply. It does help a lot. 🙏 I was bullied a lot growing up, mostly by my own dad and sister. It's their words I'm hearing in my head. It's difficult to get rid of them when you've heard them for so long.
@@SerrasVictoria your Dad? That is beyond comprehension 😢 I was just classed by school and family as a naughty and difficult child. When something went wrong, I was to blame somehow.
@Jason napalm I was to blame for everything going wrong, except I had NO IDEA what I actually did wrong...mostly because I did NOTHING wrong, but they needed a scapegoat. I was a total goody-two-shoes as a child, yet somehow I still got criticized and blamed for everything. 😮💨
Damn! Same here!
When I first started looking into being on the spectrum I was looking up for information on my nephew and grandson. I soon saw myself in every single situation from early childhood. So I see it in the family and in other children in the family with turrets; ADHD; OCD; PTSD and depression. Huge! It explains so much to me.
Hi, thank you for this video. You know, I've been recently diagnosed with autism and I constantly hear now that this is something in my head, this is bullshit and I'm just being "special" or "creating issues". But every time I do stimming, get overstimulated, panic in crowds or just need a time to quiet down and not interact with people, I remember why I sought the diagnosis in the first place. All my life I felt like there was something wrong with me and now I know that there's nothing wrong and I'm not alone.
"Worry never robs tomorrow of it's sorrows - it only saps today of it's joy."
Sharp intake of breath. That is so beautiful, wise and succinct. Wow. I have a newly adopted mantra! I love this channel - the doctor is like a shaman or something.
Edit: Felice Leonardo Buscaglia, 1924-1998, AKA Dr. Love? And, I've just realised, it was probably while watching one of this channel's uploads that I first screwed up my face at the term 'honour your autism'. For a concept so awkward and incongruous, on the surface, it has shown itself to have some real doggedness. Particularly when I'm getting despondent and feeling like a fraud and a drama queen and just a lazy and useless oxygen thief - I think, 'honour your autism' and it's almost like an instantaneous switch from being critical of myself to protective of a person (any person - any random avatar) who is struggling to regain their feet after something (not sure what - something just went 'twang') happened to trigger a contraction.
💗
This was an excellent presentation up to a point. My problem is the background music. Why do so many neurodivergent presenters use background music when speaking? It’s distracting and triggering. Turning on captions does help, but I feel like I miss a lot when I do it. It’s hard to read the dialogue and watch the presenter at the same time. Anyway, again, the information is useful and important and I hope presenters will reconsider the whole background music choice in the future. Thanks.
At 65 I am just seeing that this is beneath the CPTSD I know I have. At this point there's not much of a reason to seek a diagnosis, but will mention it to my doctor when I have my yearly physical if I can remember to. Thanks. I can see a million ways that I have set up my life to accommodate for having this even without having a label for it all these years.
I relate to this so well! I came across autisim as a subject while researching cptsd. Anc I recognized myself immediately. The trauma is there, no doubt but so is asd. I am 56. Like you I probably won't get a diagnosis now.
I feel like I've masked so much, that's the reason I've been misdiagnosed so many times. But I know me and my experiences and having ASD explains my entire life experience. As a middle aged woman, I know there's nobody out there to get help from based on my experiences. So I need to learn what I can to help myself.
I was just recently diagnosed myself. I feel I have been living in imposter syndrome with my masking my entire life! Now, I finally feel so free! I am much less stressed!
there is help in community! I hope you can connect with other autistics online
@@ellaamathews with other HUMANS .
They arent autistic. They are Michel, Emma, Bob, and we all struggle with each other !
Hug from whatever labeled as the guy from youtube and life is beautiful and glory to humble lord inside of us ❤
I asked my parents when I was young, “What’s wrong with me?” They said, “Nothing, you’re fine.” 25 years later, I find out that I’m autistic. Asked my general practitioner to get the papers drawn up and specialist or whatever. That was in April. Mentioned at an appointment a week ago what my experience feels like… didn’t say autism, but he’s like an encyclopedia, so I’m expecting him to recall what I asked for in April… pretty soon, I’m going to have to push. I want the diagnosis formalized because there are relationships that need some resolution.
I have been told by one person who evaluates children that adults can’t be diagnosed. Another psychologist told me she didn’t want to “label” me autistic, but said I had autistic traits. The second page of her evaluation showed the numbers, and she placed me on level two and indicated I needed significant support. So I’m in the process of getting accommodations.
That’s bs adults can be diagnosed there is an entire generation of individuals who are late diagnosed
I’m self diagnosed autistic from multiple questionnaires. There are times I wish I wasn’t on the spectrum. Other times
autism feels like a superpower. It often seems the best way to navigate life is to know myself as deeply as possible, to be authentic with people close to me, and cautiously optimistic with others.
Could you elaborate on how you feel like its a "superpower?" It's the most difficult part of my life, and its led to some of my most painful experiences. I'll trade you for your superpower!
@@_____kb for me, it correlates to personality traits; for example an autistic individual who is an INTJ or INTP is an intellectual intuitive introvert. Or an ESFJ autistic person would be an empathic extrovert. these personality types would have high levels of either Empathy or IQ. They may need their alone time because the flipside is they often have sensory overload- but the “superpower” is that theyre either highly sensitive to others emotions (indicated by microfacial expressions). Often ASD people are highly intelligent- their situational awareness manifests itself in quick ultra-logical decisiveness, rather than being easily manipulated by others emotional ploys.
@@greensunshine2008 Thanks for the explanation. I don't place much value in the Meyers-Briggs as it lacks any scientific validity. But I see the point you were making now.
I scored 42 on Simon Baron Cohen’s ASD test( ie a test to say whether or not you should see your GP for a formal diagnosis referral)
After probably 100 hours of content on YT, I self diagnosed. Here’s an example of how I was thinking as a young boy.I’m 53 now. I was between 10-12 years old with a massive years long crush on the smartest, most beautiful girl in the class. I simply couldn’t talk to her. Any girl( to this day) that I like, was/is impossible for me to talk to and develop a friendship with. So I’d fantasise/pretend that we were in a school bus accident and we both ended up in hospital in beds next to each other( Duh, boys n girls are in different wards, lol). Minor detail in my fantasy. That way we’d talk for ages and she’d end up my girlfriend. Another thing I did was try my best to win the 100m in athletics so that during the relay practises, I’d be the last runner( as was she, obviously). That way, we would sit at the 4th runner position waiting for our age group to have our baton changing practice run. That way, I could be in her company, and it wasn’t creepy. It was bc we were respectively the fastest in our age group. I wanted to win the 100m , not for the sporting achievement, but to get close to her where she had no choice. Predictably, I would sit there with a mouthful of teeth, but at least I could be around her for a while. I’ve always lived in my head. I’d fantasise about having my very own pedal driven helicopter( physically impossible, I know). I was 10. Low n behold, I ended up in mechanical engineering, and have worked alone for 30 years. Never been employed. Self employed the entire time.
Never married. No kids. Was celibate for 15 years( age 25-40) bc the only girls I could talk to with any semblance of normalcy were girls I wasn’t attracted to and casual sex is overrated.
I was always ok with guy friends bc I was gifted in sports, so I was always in the top teams and my social skills were not too much of an issue. After school, I played club rugby and in ‘91 I got the MVP for the year but bc all my teammates had girlfriends( I didn’t, obv), and we were told to bring wives/girlfriends to the function, I didn’t attend.
I was never bullied bc I am a toughy( 2nd Dan Kimura Shukokai Karate), but I was teased. I was ok with that, even though I was still overly sensitive.
You can imagine how much I berated myself for 40 odd years bc of my social inadequacies around women mostly. I could mask around my guy friends but it was impossible around beautiful girls. After self diagnosing myself a year or so ago, I still don’t tell people( except family) bc of the usual:” You’re not Autistic!” responses. Anyway, I’ve stopped beating myself up so much. When I say stupid things in public, I’ll ruminate and cringe later, but a burden has been partially lifted.
I can clearly now see how Autistic my father is ( I don’t even broach the subject with him,- not necessary). He’s 83. My mom’s Father used to eat onions like apples, and was brilliant, but in a job way below his intellect. He was considered “quirky/eccentric. No shit! My father’s only sibling is 85, never married, no kids, brutally honest and a stickler for the rules. It’s EVERYWHERE in my family( hindsight).
I had sensory issues as a kid and adult( shirt tags, sock seams, any green vegetable would result in gagging and I was forced to sit and “finish your food” alone at the table, while the rest of my family went off to watch The A-Team, Magnum P.I, etc. I could go on , but I’ll leave it here. Thanks for the video. I’m new to your channel and am obv going to watch all your vids now. ✅
P.S: my dad’s mother suffered from Agoraphobia and stayed home most of the time…..
Imposter syndrome? Absolutely. Who do I think I am, putting myself in a category with some people who are non-verbal, etc etc. Well I can stipulate that I’m ASD 1, and that at least infers that I know it’s not nearly as severe as some people on the spectrum have it.
I hear you. And I don't think your self diagnosis is wrong. Not that my stranger-on-the-internet opinion means much.
I think the spectrum is a lot bigger than is generally acknowledged or recognized.
...
I'm a woman and think because us women are socialized certain ways by society we are very likely to go undiagnosed when 'high' functioning.
...
If I told my family and friends I have wondered if I am on the spectrum for over 2 decades since I first worked with Autistic students in my early 20s.... they would laugh and think I was delusional.
Theatre experience has been a double-edged sword.
@@mickeyoshea2035 Thanks for the reply. We wouldn’t be learning about autism were it not for the fact that we are either close to, or actually on the spectrum. Imposter syndrome is a real thing. 😁🙏
@@gregoryburne5251 good point. For me, I first wondered when I worked as a teacher's assistant when I dropped out of college. It was a school for young students on the spectrum.
Other staff were amazed at how I clicked with the kids and could figure out certain things right away. For example my 1st day the main teacher was on vacation and the sub couldn't figure out why one toddler who was non verbal silently refused to eat lunch. I took one look and it seemed obvious to me. I told the sub it might be because she broke his graham crackers unevenly. I took them away. Gave him some new ones broken evenly and he ate his lunch as usual.
In about two weeks they assigned me to work with what they called 'the hardest kid's which is an awful way to describe anyone. I got the kid and we worked well as a team.
I digress, but it was after I quit abruptly when the requires small talk with coworkers was just too much for me that I started to wonder about myself.
The one person I told about my suspicion about myself politely dismissed it. And yes, imposter syndrome in this way is very real.
My husband immediately pointed out to me (in private) that my dad was "definitely on the spectrum" after interacting with him a few times. My mind was blown. I started looking up adult autism self assessments with my dad in mind. My jaw fell to the floor as so many things suddenly made sense.
i was diagnosed with adhd last year and was pretty sure my son (now 6 has it too). i started noticing him having many of the same behavior patterns as my dad (all the way down to food rituals) deapite the fact they don't spend time together. my dad lives 8 hrs away and comes to visit once a year. He doesn't call unless there's something important to say.
Our friend who happens to be a therapist mentioned that my son did have "autistic traits."
Labels won't change who any of us are. My dad is still my dad. My son is still my son. But it was when i started realizing the connection between my dad and my son that i was like... wait a minute. i probably didn't escape the gene pool as well as i thought i did 🙈
I just did the test and scored 42 (same as you). Not surprised. Did the Mensa UK home test and scored 131 IQ - they want me to come in and do the supervised test because I’m in the top 2%. However this is all a bit of a curse like you mention. Only figuring this stuff out now at 35. Autism and high IQ = strong correlation and probability for depression.
You have become my favorite person on this subject!
I am 46 years old and I have finally been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD AND Manic Bipolar.
My son was diagnosed autistic at 2 years old and getting my own diagnosis has been so liberating!
But, yes, I definitely suffer with impostor syndrome.
With my needs as well as my gifts and talents.
Thank you for this videos 😊
Why are there so many flavours of autism? Do we need more exact words, different categories? How can I know that my autistic experience is valid, when it is so different to what experts say or others experience? If I have a cold, I have a cold. I feel like I am for sure neuro divergent, but my imposter won't shut up until we made our mind up about autism in society. I am overwhelmed trying to explain anything. I have started from scratch in finding my true self and what activities that I want to do or not do. I found out (to my own surprise) that traveling is always more stressful than relaxing to me. My family has a hard time understanding and thinks I am crippling myself and denying opportunities and experiences. I collected more than 30 years of experiences and have traveled to many countries. Including a year of work and travel in new zealand. So I know my experiences and now I can't proof to them that I know what is not good for me. So I am starting to doubt my self again. Why is it that I never projected my feelings or expectations on others. As in if someone doesn't like ice cream, I was never the one to try to convince them otherwise. Or if they don't like to play a game at a party, I was not telling them that they were missing out. But others always feel like they know what's best for me. I am so confused and have no idea what to lean on anymore.
Same... I even hate going to the see. There is so much annoying an stressing things on the beach.
I am self diagnosed few years ago (in my 30s') and it is constant waving in my case: sometimes I feel I found some answers and after a while I am getting sure that I am all wrong.
Thank you for the part about music. I am a painter myself and most of my life I think I am not good enough. Even sucess or feedback in this field is not working for long. And I can see people less skilled succeeding just because they don't have constant doubt in themselves.
I have horrible imposter syndrome despite being diagnosed as a little kid and placed in special ed. I recently got genetic counseling and discovered i have a gene mutation that explains my autism, epilepsy, and other health problems, but i STILL wonder if i am somehow a fake.
Lesson: no amount of evidence is going to erase my self doubt. I have to ignore those imposter thoughts and embrace my logic and reason... my feelings about myself cannot be trusted
I harmed myself and my children by not wanting to accept the diagnosis on two occasions. Being highly functioning does not help you cope with the autistic side and you become lonely and alone when your triggers are so severe but you refuse to believe... Nobody believes or believed when I was always ill and even had autism related seizures that medically could not be diagnosed... I'm 66 and my life had honestly been hell because of the SPD part of my autism. I still suffer because doctors don;t seem to know and treat me like I am a drama queen (As do my children who are both on the spectrum but I refused to tell them) I did them a great injustice but now I cannot reach out to them because no matter how truthful I am,,, I am called a liar. The sadness is palpable as I am typing this. Where am I safe? They just turn on me all the time.... I have given up .. not talking about it caused harm and pain, Talking about it is causing as much harm and pain... Thank you for this video.
How are you holding up? I had to just look up SPD. You have had seizures because of this? Is that connected to pulsating or strobing lights? I hope you're okay and feeling more serene than you were four months ago. It's harrowing reading. I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you that you didn't 'do an injustice' to your children (for want of not knowing what was going on with you). I know exactly what you mean by that. The guilt and the regret are terrible. I was always extremely volatile and capricious and in some ways I knew that all my resentment was being constantly misdirected. My son grew up in that monolithic instability of having a mother who would not have been nearly such a psychological dumpster fire if she (me) had known from childhood/young adulthood/before becoming a mother that everyday life was quantifiably more difficult for her and for a very good reason. If I had known - I would have been better able to avoid all those situations that made me so volatile.
I hope your children will understand why things happened and why they are how they are, some day soon. I don't believe either your or I were totally without merit. I mean - I'm pretty sure I taught my son many things, that he couldn't learn anywhere else, and one of the major things I have taught him is the majestic art of walking away while burning out! Superhuman, really. Survival. I had an episode in this theme/fun park near Chorley (Lancashire, England) one time (turns out - I really, really hate funfairs) and I (well, I'd already been abandoned by the rest of the school outing) managed to get my son and me out of there (he did NOT want to leave) and with very little money it took us more than 24 hours to make our own way back the hundred or so miles to the safety of home. Just him, me, and an autistic melt down. Now, see, if I'd have known that I wasn't just being a silly woman for hating funfairs - I would never have allowed myself to get talked into visiting one with the school. And the clowns, circuses, zoos, foreign holidays... All these things that the damn in-laws demand that your child needs and his mother should enjoy. I'd be destroyed afterwards (this may be TMI but, perhaps, it's something other people can relate to - foreign holidays means menstruation every single time. Not due but the second day of the holiday and it lands. Now, I think that's extreme psychological stress. That's 'destroyed during' and not just afterwards. And there was I thinking (until recently) it must be connected to flying). I still have regularly recurring nightmares (foreign holidays in particular - there's something about being trapped and not being able to get back to the safety of home - getting back from Chorley is one thing but Cypress or Florida are on a whole other level).
I don't believe it's too late. We can heal ourselves and heal the relationships that matter to us. Bless you. Keep well. x
Please turn to Jesus, he will help you sort out your life and save your heartbroken soul. He will.
@@Denise-kc8np I would say, "Befriend, and maintain a relationship with, God (and figure out what God means to you) and keep petitioning/pestering God for Jesus. And Jesus will, probably, not be called Jesus. Not look like Jesus. Not be Jesus for everybody (or even anybody else). Jesus will be very human but, hopefully, you'll just know. God, I think, is pretty dispassionate. Jesus, though, will give you just what you need. We're probably all capable of being Jesus for somebody else. And we won't/don't even realise it.
I'm sorry to be so iconoclastic. I know there is something really potent in absolute sacrifice and surrender of ego - but when other people think they have been appointed to represent God then the individual is surrendering to that self appointed person and not God. Surrendering ego, to another human, in itself is kind of potent also. I mean - it looks really good on paper. Even if it often leads to catastrophe - there is something really bad ass about it. I've listened to enough people 'speaking for God', in my time, that I just can't open myself to the preachers and (often) narcissists. Although, to me (and me alone) God will often grin and wink and say, "Go on. Give it a go why don't you!" Mind - I might have fully lost the plot as God, at the minute (for a few years, actually), is the faces formed by the branches of the trees across the road. Even more confusingly - I recently realised that those constantly morphing faces might be mine (face of me after an easier life/face of me after a harder life) - so I try to keep them smiling. I have to communicate humanity to them. I have to lighten their hearts. They're yet to turn monstrous but that might be just force of will.
Your comment is beautiful, somehow poetic. It's clear you are seeking, just keep it up, and when you seek, you shall find!
All of the online tests I’ve taken say highly likely, but nothing official. I kind of get impostor syndrome on two levels. Level one - I’m pretending to be “normal.” Level two - I’m pretending to be divergent.
Best advice in this video: "haters are going to hate. They're just trolls and they can go live under a bridge" 👏
That feeling when you’re autistic and a therapist who specializes in autism but random strangers still try to gaslight you into thinking you’re not autistic because you’re not “insanely offensive stereotype” enough.
Now that I know...I am autistic...it is helping me so much to figure out what "works" better for me...without feeling the need to "apologize".
GREAT advice on here!
Thanks, Doc❤
its so true what you say about your creative personal put-downs, like, i dont have a style, my work is trash, most others are better etc. no one likes it, its too different etc etc. But I look back at the older stuff I made I also realize I should have realized how good it was, that it was OK to submit it to galleries, grants, etc. that is the true hard shadow-work as they say.
I tell people I am gratified that THEY experience my autism so mildly, and they usually get mad, but also they usually understand what a boor they have been. Sometimes I tell them that their hypertension is barely perceptible by me, or their diabetes, for example.
I've learned to mask after 15 years of getting punched in the faced and being harassed daily. Later on in life I've learned to let go some of it. Ultimately it should be about personal comfort. I think there is a just balance to be reached here, it's ok to mask if you do it to communicate better your intents, to show outside what you feel inside, as a learned social skill. As an example I'll smile to people I feel affection and respect for instead of being placid because I know they need for our relationships to be fruitful. It is not OK long therm if you do it just to get allong and abnegate yourself through it, as a way to comply to unfair expectations. I understand those that do it to avoid confrontation but ultimately you are also doing a certain degree of violence to yourself through it by not accepting how you are naturally, by constantly having to eat social vegetable while everyone can eat what they want. There is a stress to that.
Tbh now I lost patience with the "you don't look autistic" crowd and have to seriously refrain from replying "you don't look stupid yet here we are" in reaction because holy fuck
would "Wow bro, you've nailed masking perfectly then! I couldn't tell at all, good on you my guy!" also cause you to feel negative if someone said that to you after you've revealed you're autistic/have ASD?
Also, what would be YOUR preferred reaction if you shared these facts? Just wondering. I'm fully aware everyone is different. But if you'd meet me in person you don't know I understand that. So I'm inventarising proper reactions so I can indirectly tell people.
No you should definitely reply with that
@@msc8382 the difference between what you are suggesting "Wow bro, you've nailed masking perfectly then! I couldn't tell at all, good on you my guy!" and "You don't look autistic" is taking into consideration on how the autistic person feels. Just saying a person that said they were autistic don't look it to their face is being insensitive and odds are will set them off or at the least greatly aggravate them, as really saying someone don't look like something when they say they are that something is just sounding dismissive
Try: "What does Autism look like?" ... Or ... "It's not like I have an extra chromosome, like You" ...
@@TheJustinJ The last one won't really work as Autism born from Fragile X actually do have a extra chromosome as Fragile X is a mutation on the X chromosome hence the name.
And boys only get Fragile X from their mothers as they only get the Y chromosome from their father while the Daughter gets the X chromosome, now if both Parents have it symptoms will always be worse for the daughter
While there may be overlaps and all between Autism and Fragile X they are different and you can have a person with Fragile X not be on the spectrum but still have the downsides of Autism such as to name a few ADHD, Aggressiveness, Anxiety and delays in development. You can also have Autism without having Fragile X but Fragile X is a very commonly known cause for genetic Autism, which is why kids usually get tested for both. Though most autistic people do not really have aggressiveness especially in overstimulation just those with Fragile X
This has been one of the most helpful things I’ve found. Thank you so much. It helped me remember how I would go to my school because I had a key, and work late, late into the night, working on student grades, because I was too stressed out during the day to get my work done. Just remembering, I’m starting to have a anxiety attack so I have to stop writing now and take care of myself. Goodbye.
Awesome Video! Recently Self-diagnosed "Level 1" Neurodivergent-Autistic Guy in my 40s. Really appreciate your excellent work here. Thanks very much!
I just found your channel a couple days ago and it's an absolute gold mine! I'm self diagnosed, 30 years old and have had a pretty damn good stretch in life lately, so of course I started doubting myself again because I'm suddenly not as noise hypersensitive for example. The bit about sensory issues coming and going felt very validating. Guess taking good care of myself is just paying off.
I am so thankful that you are such a wonderful soul explaining your truth here - you've helped me so much in my own late diagnosis and to hear a doctor specifically say, self diagnosis you accept - as you know as well as I do - how difficult sitting through the official testing would be for someone on the spectrum. So I am very grateful to you and your fantastic sense of humor and your kindness and care
Thank you, I am autistic and this problem concerns me a lot, your video helped me and I feel better
My life wouldve been so much better had I been diagnosed as on the spectrum instead of being labelled a "nerd" in 4th grade😢 as a child that did not seem "cool" to me. Honestly, it was the 80s and that movie "Revenge of the Nerds" was out😂 I do realise why I went through so much in life. Seems to be that the "nerd" community is bullied and that increases the anxiety we already experience. I am a parent of twins now...one on the spectrum and other adhd. I will do my best❤
No no no we have to go to be authentic, and learn to develop healthy boundaries, this has been life-saving, not life perfecting, but life saving
When you said "Think about the struggles you've had throughout your life" at 5:12 I actually cried. Despite a clinical diagnosis I feel like all autistic people have it worse than I do because I have low support needs. When you said that, I realised that autism has made by life very difficult.
It took a long time for me to accept I am autistic. I was diagnosed very young, I went to a school that attempted to teach me how to appear normal, aka mask. My best friend was diagnosed by his uncle who is a therapist, and I actually got mad about it before I realized he was being genuine not hurtful. Then finally last year my Dad told me that I’m autistic with savant syndrome. I even find myself “masking” in front of people who see me every day. And often times people love my mask more than they like me without it. I happen to be more articulate, but I was also taught to put up a mask.
Thank you... The YT algorithm gods suggested this to me the day after my assessment, which preliminarily confirmed Autism and ADHD. I'm 53. I'm also an artist who has had shows around the world and art gracing the walls of 60 rooms in Jaisalmer, India, but I never introduce myself as such. I'm currently working as support staff in an alternative high school. I have always felt like an imposter in everything I have ever done and I needed to hear your message today. ❤
Man this is so great and insightful, hope I can be someone as helpful as you someday.
I self diagnosed myself a year ago and the signs and traits kept getting more after that. Self diagnosis stopped my self harm and decreased my suicidal thoughts, I became happier in general and less tired.
If there's only one reason why my experience and self diagnosis is valid is cause I'm not so fucking depressed and suicidal anymore. Isn't that enough?
You just encouraged me to share my experience and I start in the comments for now.
I had to really learn to not choose my feelings, traits and emotions after I learnt about masking and autism. it was like I didn't allow myself to experience anything in its raw format, everything would go through a filter. As an example, I wouldn't let myself get angry because people were talking over TV and all the noises were making me feel weird, I wouldn't allow myself that cause I thought being angry because of that is an asshole move.
I would handpick everything about my personality and mind.
And that was the most important thing I learnt, I hope someone finds this helpful.
Thank you. Having recently discovered/acknowledged at 43 year old that I am autistic with very high masking traits, I have been exploring the web for insight etc as this revelation has hit me with the relief/shock/excitement/confusion not dissimilar in feel to a profound spiritual enlightenment.
Your videos and the way you present information clearly, compassionately and with deep knowledge and insight have been the best I’ve found thus far. I relate so well to what you’re putting out there.
Not sure if anyone else gets this upon realising they are autistic but my “inner child” has kicked in a lot lately as I’m going back through my life archiving and evidencing my autism as if through the lens of that vulnerable child again.
This is my first comment/post to the community and look forward to engaging more with people I didn’t know existed with such similarities to me.
Thanks again!
What a hopeful and uplifting video! I'll return to it often. Thank you for your work.
I was so happy to see this video! I feel so much less alone now. I've been doubting myself non stop since i came to the conclusion some things like having a 3 day meltdown at home after having forced myself to be social way beyond my limits can't be explained otherwise. I've been trying desperately to find some way of absolutely confirming the diagnosis. Even after my psychiatrist told me it was pretty obvious to her and that it wasn't a fluke i still feel at least once a week that i just must have tricked her somehow, that it's because she knows me for over 5 years and maybe just sees things my way now or something. And i know it's ridiculous from any rational point of view, and i know she's a great psychiatrist and passionate about neurodiversity, but that's still what i feel when it's my diagnosis. And all the people who invalidate me all the time make it worse. Asking for something like more work from home days because I can't deal with the noise in the office and having people act like I'm faking it to slack at home! Although they KNOW my best work gets done when i work from home! But sure it's just a fakeout because everyone knows i hate the office and because "howcome you could cope until now"?! Well, i couldn't, i've spent months being a vegetable every evening and weekend, trying to deal with the headaches and constant wish for darkness and quiet and and just being left alone. I gave up all my hobbies and sports and everything and just hid away, on days at the office I've constantly had to go for 30 mins walks in the middle of the day to just decompress, I've used music till i couldn't even stand my favorite music, and all that to put up with your ridiculously loud open space where nobody respects my space or the fact that I'm working in hyperfocus and you can't just come up and start chatting at me, the people who click pens and tap desks for fun all the freaking time, or talk on the phone as if they're alone in the wilderness and have bad signal so they need to shout! All that makes me want to strangle some people on a daily basis and I've been using every freaking tool in my arsenal for months to deal with it till it got so bad that i started using my work from home days to stim and melt down and became unable to do even basic executive function, started walking into walls and so on! And because now i just decided that I've had enough and i deserve a life, not just putting all my energy into "acting normal", that makes me a fraud and a slacker?! Yet I can't not wonder if I'm not crazy and faking it for some unfathomable reason (probably to fit in somewhere and stop thinking i am crazy). Last week my psychiatrist felt the need to actually tell me that it was her professional clinical opinion that i am completely sane and autistic and that there are basically 0 odds of me going insane. She actually felt the need to tell me that! And asked me to stop saying I'm crazy all the time, even though I've used that for myself since i was like 7, and for most of my childhood i was terrified that if anyone found out what went on in my head and how i think and relate they'd lock me up in a mad house. Well, i say my childhood, it was actually untill my late twenties... She also told me to try going to an autistic meeting group, just to meet other people, but I'm still too scared to go. Too scared it will somehow turn out i am not autistic, that I'm just appropriating a diagnosis and "stealing" it from people who actually need it, and they'll see through me and kick me out. It's irrational but it's so strong... My mind only comes to say "ah but even your autistic best friend only saw you had ADHD, she doesn't think you're autistic"! And while I know that's not true, because once we really started talking about how i feel in detail she was totally supportive, my brain keeps reminding me that the very first time we touched on the subject of neurodiversity (her kids had gotten diagnosed) i said i thought i have some autistic traits and her response was "i'm pretty sure i'm autistic and you are definitely ADHD"! That was years ago, and none of us was diagnosed with anything at the time, but that doesn't stop my brain from using it against me. 🤦
Thank you for this video. Spent decades struggling to actually 'be' the mask, only to realize that the mask is just my idea of what I think other people think is normal. It is difficult finding what is mask and what is actually me. But it is a tremendous weight off of me as well. Not having to 'keep trying' to pass myself off as normal, or explain away my disfunctions and failures, has allowed me to be able to breathe a little more freely and lessen my stress level a bit.
I am a musician as well, and totally understand 'being good' and yet doubting my own abilities or the quality of my works and often feeling like some worthless amatuer. It took me YEARS to get my head and nerves together enough to start releasing things publically, years to feel my stuff sounded "perfect" enough for public listening (lol) and I finally started officially publishing my music last year.
I recently released a song called Sedona Sun (by Cosmic Ride, it's here on youtube) if anyone wants to take a listen.
Talking about being a musician and feeling an impostor, I sincerely and strongly suggest to see "Hi Ren" it's a masterpiece and in many's opinion a huge milestone of translating the interior struggle/dialog into music.
There’s a lot of gatekeeping about diagnoses. If you diagnosed yourself, they will not consider your conclusion relevant or legitimate. I’m so glad to have found you, because this is very reassuring. Thank you.
“Truxton, from Utah”. 😂
I’m 39 years old, obviously from Utah, autistic, and love your content. It provides a depth that I cannot find on other channels.
I hope you begin posting soon because your approach is perfect for many of us neurodivergents. ❤
Thank you! I’m glad to be part of your tribe! I feel better now.😊
I used to be an alcoholic until 2 years ago. After I quit drinking I self-discovered I'm autistic and was diagnosed 9 months later. During these 9 months because I used to doubt myself so much whether I have correctly diagnosed myself or I am simply a "horrible person". Reading Matthew Tinsley and Sarah Hendrickx's book "Asperger Syndrome and Alcohol" I realize I have been masking so heavily in my life that it has lead me to my severe alcohol addiction, and during the time I was an alcoholic (about ~10 years) and I had no idea I have autism I just felt like I was a burden for everyone around me, which lead to a lot of dissapointment in myself for "not being normal" as my external environment was suggesting that I should be.
Just found your channel & like what I'm hearing so far!! Sent a link to my 31 yr old daughter as well - we both discovered around the same time that we're on the spectrum so it's been fun comparing experiences together. Oh, I beleive it's pronounced Leo "Boo-SKAL-ee-ah" (the G is silent). :)
The way you speak & say things (cadence, inflection, etc) make it really easy for me to grasp information. Thank you
My brother was diagnosed at the age of 6, I was in my mid to late 50’s when I watched a video on how it runs in siblings and that girls have learnt to mask right from the beginning. After watching the video I suddenly realised that I had been masking after talking to Dad and remembering things that happened when growing up and as a young adult I would avoid being with certain people and groups because I just never felt one fitting in but two I never felt safe with them either. Being around people was exhausting I suffered from so many migraines to the point I would be throwing up. 15 years ago my Mom got sick and to help Dad I moved back home. It was not the home of my teenage years as my parents decided to leave the city and move way out into the Queensland Outback into a small village of 600 people more in keeping with what Mom was use to as a child. Moving in with my parents to help Dad was the best move of my life. The pressure on me lifted being back home I no longer had to put up a front the minute I left my bedroom. I could be me again with my parents.
I am very empathic to the point when I see even animals suffering it twists me up inside, seeing animals dead on the side of the road because some driver just could not take the time to slow down when driving kills me just that little bit more. I hate to see anyone suffering, but I cannot drop my own mask to show the world how much I’m suffering. My Dad said I have always been this way, I would rescue anything and everyone else over and above my own health. I nearly died in 2019 just before Covid was offical, I collapsed with a massive PE in both lungs and riding my heart I was actually on my way to have a echocardiogram but never made it 20 minutes into the drive I passed out and Dad drove me to the nearest hospital. This was the turning point in my life as they say. I started to talk to psych Dr once I left hospital at the request of my GP, so after a lot of pushing I finally did. I was diagnosed with PTSD as well as autism officially so much of my past experiences fell into place and so much of my life started to make so much sense. I still mask when I go out in public simply because I have been doing it all my life and I just cannot drop the mask. At home I am me, I don’t need to hide at home, but that was not always the case in the past. Since then my cousins have also been tested and like myself 3 of them are high functioning autistic.
When they said in runs in siblings they were not wrong. I never saw it as a disability because I’m already physically a disabled with scoliosis and mild spina bifida and was born with juvenile arthritis I was born 5 weeks premature which had its own bag of health issues when growing up. I had always thought my masking as a child was to hide the fact that I lived in pain 24/7 and struggled to keep my back straight when all it wanted to do was leave me twisted. The Dr I talk to confirmed that because of all my medical problems and my wanting to look normal out side helped to even mask my autism.
Today I’m a lot happier than I have been in my whole life, I just wish Mom had lived long enough to know that I finally found myself and that I’m finally happy with who I really am only a very select few people know the real me and that’s enough for me, I have been invited to groups of people who like me were diagnosed later in life. But for now I’m not ready to be in a room with more than 6 people in it even if we are very much alike.
I have been pushing myself to go to the club to play cards there are 6 of us who met up and play I find it exhausting but I am having fun playing cards, it’s just I have to make sure that dinner is already to go before I go as I fall into bed the minute I get home and sleep for at least 2-3 hours.
It was just revealed to me last night that i might actually be autistic! Ptsd, adhd, etc fit me but the autism came out of no where! Thank you for shining a light on Austin & eduacting people like me ❣️
I usuall embrace my autism and am finally just me. However, my best friend recently told me never to tell others I am autistic. She implied that others would judge me, look down on me, and reject me. I am surprised at how much damage and self doubt that well-meaning comment has produced.
I fibd myself second guess how I behave, masking more, and over analyzing how others react to me.
I already have experienced a lifetime of people treating me poorly because of who I intrinsically am. I have to find the resilience to be me despite those who mean well but do harm.
I was brought up to fully accept that I was different. Back in the 1950s, my parents would not have heard of autism yet they were quite happy for me to do what I wanted. People were shocked that my parents asked me whether I wanted to join the scouts (which, of course, I didn't). Others were shocked that my parents used to knock on my bedroom door and ask if they could come in. Some were totally confused that I had a comprehensive and carefully curated collection of...paper.
As a result of this upbringing, I never found it necessary to mask. I was always myself, and if others found me to be odd, that was their problem, not mine. I was not afraid of my quirky interests, and as I grew up, I began to make them my strengths. I have been successful in my life because of this, and, therefore, I've never felt that I have faked any of the traits that I now know make me autistic.
I was 58 and retired when I was diagnosed. I have not once felt that I was an imposter. My diagnosis was quite simply a light bulb moment. Suddenly, all my funny little ways made sense, and I also recognised that a couple of relatives had most likely been autistic. As a result of my diagnosis, I made just one change to my life. I'd always hated someone touching my hair. Haircuts were a torture, so I stopped cutting my hair. That was 11 years ago, and my hair is way past my shoulders. I don't care what others think. It's taken an element of stress out of my life, and that can only be good.
For 58 years, I was the odd one, the weirdo, the eccentric one. For 11 years I've been the odd one with autism, the weirdo with autism, the eccentric one with autism. In other words, this is me, im proud of who I am, and I happen to have autism. I like being autistic, it doesn’t define who I am, but it does explain a few things. I wouldn't be me if I was "normal", and if someone said that they could make me "normal", I would refuse.
Weird. I was just now discussing my unease with my recent assessment with my son and happened upon this video. VERY timely and appreciated. Thanks. Subscribed.
I sincererly thank you for this, my friend.
I'm lucky to of been diagnosed at a young age, 3. So for as long as I've known my last name I've known I'm autistic. This has given me a much different perspective to most others, autism was not a relization, autism wasn't an explination, autism wasn't a disability or hurdle. Autism was just part of me, jusy like being jewish, it just is. And this meant for most of my life when I struggled due to autism it wasn't me struggling because I had autism, it was me struggling because I have weak points. Now, this lead to some unnecesaey masking I'm only just realizing due to your channel, but it also helped me avoid a lot of really bad masks- I never covered up my emotions or silenced myself. And even now, autism feels like just another thing. I didn't explain it amazing here: But this is my experience, and I beleive treating autism as just another thing can help (and just like any other thing, theres ways to treat it good or bad. That doesnt change.)
Hiya doc, in true ASD fashion, I'm here to correct your pronunciation of Mr. Buscaglia's last name. It's 'boos-CAH-lee-uh'.
I only know this because I've heard of and read stuff of his.
Also thanking you for yet another video from which I take notes (old-school) that I keep in my ASD spiral notebook of worthwhile things my fellow ASD people say that help me better verbalize my own autism. Keep goin. I also realize this video is 2 years old and there's a good chance you won't see this but that's fine. Please keep educating us. Thanks.:)
I am currently going through a period of my life where I am seeking an autism diagnosis… but there will be times where I question if I am really am autistic.
I question when I watch videos that describe autistic behaviors that I 100% identify with, but my automatic response sometimes is “this person is just over dramatic” or “I am over dramatic.”
It’s like I have been masking for so long, and I have perfected the art of it so well, that I started to convince myself that I WAS neurotypical. But involuntary reminders that I was neurodivergent would pop up at unexpected and inconvenient times and I would be thrown back into my cycle of self-hatred.
Navigating the world of neurodivergence is hard enough… but now I have to re-define and re-discover who I am simultaneously. It is such a blessing, but I get so anxiety ridden sometimes.
God bless every neurodivergent and neurotypical human being out there💕💕💕
Second video watched and now I'm a subscriber! Really pleased I found your channel. You're saying to the viewer to be open to a select audience could hopefully help give perspective on those seeking answers and knowledge solidified my decision to make my own channel. I'm going to have to monitor all the comments though, because like you said, so many people have an agenda to be unpleasant. Thank you for being brave and making these videos! They are helping me!
I think this happens with other diagnoses as well.
This year I was diagnosed with ADHD. I immediately felt anxious with the idea that this could be wrong.
Maybe it's because I understood it before anyone else, before my parents and before any doctor (who never cared), I struggled for a long time without being able to have this condition recognized or accepted. And now to hear experts say it's obvious (!) feels strange. To me, pretending to have this condition now would explain why I spent 40 years of my life without a diagnosis. But the facts say otherwise. It's just hard to admit that all this time everyone has been blaming me, almost destroying my self-esteem, and then blaming me for having no self-esteem or too much when I rebelled. Shitty society...
I wonder how autism or other minority conditions can make this feeling different.
thank you. I am in that syndrome-mode for the last 3+ weeks. I am constantly question myself: "Is this Stimming? Am I gaslighting myself being on the Spectrum? Am I not stimming enough? Am I playing an Autistic person?"
For me, one of the most important reasons about it, that for the last 20 years, I mostly read about the "Asperger-mom", which needed the concept of "my child is a genius, because it has Aspergers" (although, I know, that the term is not fitting anymore (and Asperger was a bad person)). So everytime, I thought about it, the Autistic in movies and shows and books is mostly a savant-type - or has very high support needs. It was only a few weeks ago (when my father said, he and my grandfather is/was autistic. So I allowed myself to think about it and sadly, so many things made sense. And yet, not knowing about "masking", it was a struggle to overcome my own picture of a "standard autistic person". And I had to acknowledge, that I knew nothing.
I think this could also help autistic people who don't have imposter syndrome, too. I clicked on it out of curiosity, because I've heard of I.S. a lot. I never have it. I think because I've struggled hard with even the simplest things since I was little, and still do. I cover my struggles so well, that when I tell people I'm autistic, they don't believe me. I don't need to tell anyone here how that feels. I do some of the things you suggested, and will try some of the others. 😊 Thanks
I didn't even know how much I needed to hear this...
I think there's some value in questioning a diagnosis, in particular if it doesn't quite seem to fit your lived experience. As a child I was diagnosed with ADHD, but despite all efforts, that diagnosis never led to any kind of treatment which helped me deal with the issues I was clearly struggling with. So as an adult I've of course started digging into the topic, reading up on ADHD, and came to the conclusion that I was probably misdiagnosed. After reading up on all kinds of diagnoses I finally found it: APD (Auditory Processing Disorder); It describes exactly what I was struggling with as a child, and with the addition of an anxiety disorder perfectly describes my struggles today. It's a bit annoying that I didn't get that diagnosis when I was a child, since it would have made a huge difference back then, but at least now I have some certainty in how to approach the rest of my life.
My son is on the spectrum, and I believe I am, too. I recently told a friend that I believed I was on the spectrum, and she did everything she could to dissuade me. She said how could someone autistic show empathy and use sarcasm. Stereotyping, much? I mask pretty much 100% of the time in public, but I would like to be more “me”. I’ve experienced imposter syndrome in my working life, and it makes sense that people with autism would also experience it.
In my whole life, the inside of mind has never felt more visible to myself then it has through the mirror of your words in this and a few other of your videos
It's uncanny
Every rift between me and accepting some greater truth about myself feels covered in this 🤯
This legit may be one of the most important thing I ever needed to hear 💯
Thank you ∞
I'm 47 and just got diagnosed with ADHD. Now I'm going down the rabbit trail of autism. I relate with so many of the traits. I'm afraid to talk to my psychiatrist about it.
One of the nicest things about autism is not having personal relationships, from my perspective as a thoroughgoing introvert.
Self-diagnosed at 67. At first, I told myself that I didn't mask because I assumed masking only meant that you copy-paste the mannerisms and speech of those around you. But masking is more than that. For me it means going into the lunch room at work and making a comment about the weather or the taste of the coffee as an obligatory social act, then walking out. It also means I stay very quiet at work and don't join group convos so I don't say something wrong or something that's mis-timed.
So, as soon as you started talking about sensory issues, my brain decided to notice the white noise in the audio track and refuse to stop being irrationally annoyed by it.
Seconding request to drop the background music please. It steals from the actual presentation, good as it is.
This video spoke to me on a deep personal level. I’m self diagnosed (next year I want to take the steps towards an official diagnosis, even though I’m so scared I won’t get one since Im an adult woman) and Im so glad you said self diagnosis is valid to you. Thank you for this video 🫶🏻
Thanks you so much for this video! I'm in my Autism descovy journey since half of 2023 and have been really difficult to deal with imposter syndrome, specially in the last month.
From what I gather...we are bORn autistic...to say someone...has...autism...or is a little autistic...is like telling a 'blind from birth' individual...that they are just a little bit blind. And even go as far to say...that if they just tried harder...they 'could see' if they wanted to.
would be better without the music