Even a broken clock is right twice a day Most of these people on the spectrum blindly follow the status quo and never challenge it. While they may not be cool, Or popular... they still acquesce to how society works
Neurotypical cognitive disorder is freaking epic. A society where hypocrisy, dishonesty, gossip and vapid distraction are normal. And sociopaths are disproportionately successful in corporate power structures.
sociopaths ARENT disproportionately successful. theyre highly self destructive. its the Psychopaths and Narcissists. which funnily enough, autism shares the characteristics of having a lack of empathy. And i highly doubt that youre above "vapid distraction" given that you dont seem to see any value in socialization
I'm not autistic but I love autistic people and even ones with down syndrome. The honesty and values they hold, naturally, are refreshing. I am someone who refuses to lie, and it has worked for me well so far. Conversations with neuro-divergent people are the best I had this year, so far.
It's so much easier to talk to someone who is autistic. You don't have to look in the eyes, you don't get small talk just information. It's so relaxing.
@@JohnMichaelReedyou realize that's a stereotype? We do tend to hyper focus but, we also tend to have multiple, It's not just annoying rants, although we do hyper obsess, when we share that with others, it means they're most likely very close to you, be nice to your autistic friend if you have one.
@@JohnMichaelReed I hope you were saying this in good humor, since that's what I initially interpreted your comment as before Violet's comment above mine. If you're not interested in hearing about someone's passion, well, you don't have to listen, but it's not necessary to make the individual feel bad that their traits and your traits are incompatible, since that is something neither of you can help. Encourage them to find people who do wholeheartedly want to listen to their special interests, since they'll be more likely to accept and like the person for who they are, no matter their idiosyncracies
"they tend to be really trusting until they've been betrayed too many times" really hit me hard and I think once that turning point hits it's really hard to start trusting again
it is possible! it took a while but I'm on a successful journey. for me it was a trial and error, see how the people around me reacting to things (like sharing personal stuff, steeming etc). tho I can say that the people I feel the most comfortable with are nuerodivergent. good luck on your journey, I believe in you!
Well , I will always give them the benefit of the doubt , but if they go on behaving like *ssholes , it is definitely over and out... Including or especially close relatives 😤
I have hit that stage too. I do everything I can to give people around me room to be who they are. But the rules are not the same for me. That fairness and kindness is exploited all the time.
In work we are sidelined over and over again. Interviews are a nightmare. Pointless rules are made and we are micromanaged by idiots who feel threatened by our clarity.
Haven't found a feasible solution to "best not to trust anyone". Maybe I'm slow witted, maybe it just doesn't compute. I'm just afraid of these monsters around me, who appear quite content of the fact they're unaware.
One of my most hated traits of society...is what I call "assumed maliciousness!" People tend to assume bad motives and sneaky personal agendas...when all the autistic people I know, don't have a malicious bone in their body!!! Everything is very upfront, helpful, and innocent. They will help you just because they want to help! Not because they have ulterior motives!
When people start telling you that you're too logical, too intellectually and ethically consistent, too honest and sincere, and yet somehow too hard to figure out, you should start wondering who's really messed up here
That is not the problem. As someone that was with someone with aspergers.. it is the lack of affection or the inability to understand feelings and they focus on themselves.. there is a whole group on traumatized spouses.. mostly women, the damage is deep, especially when they never got diagnosed because it was not done in the past
You come of narcissistic, which is part of aspergers. We learn in life that being right doesn't lead to happiness and being brutally truthful is unkind
Im not autistic (as far as i know) but i cant help but to resonate with the fact that our society and world is really like "putting whip cream on a turd and wondering why it still smells like crap" ❤
So what is the whipped cream an analogy for? It doesn't seem like they are even trying to hide it. The fact that they are the majority means they don't have to hide it or cover it in whipped cream. They openly flaunt it and are massively rewarded by society for it.
Sometimes I wonder if sympathy is what makes people moral, or if it is a required counterbalance to all of humanity tribal instincts and hate for "others". Like, if we build a robot with no nonmimicing emotions nor ability for meaningful connections, operating on pure logic, will we just get an aroace autistic phycopath who operates like an average human being and sometimes even better? Why the fuck Sweetiebot just popped in my mind?
there is no use to organize the chaos, because its build intrinsic in the world we live, in nature the plants grows chaotically, and so animals live a chaotic life, only we humans as society we try to organize things, but we still have this chaotic nature inside
@@FatherJohnny-oh4dh This statement "genetic behavior may be the main problem, and the unconscious decision to accept it as it is", word by word, was potentially so deep that I went to your channel and watched your 3 videos. They were right to the point. What would happen if you left God and especially, holiness, out of it? Wouldn't the message become even more extreme? You stress the word "share" in the context of even if it is a little bit. What are you really?
Thanks for posting this! It reminds me of this old quote: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." -William Gibson
@@mrosskneIt depends. If you move to other people and you start feeling fine, it is a case. However when this situation happens multiple times then you are the problem
@@mrossknethat is such a complete misread of the comment you replied to that it comes off as bad-faith. Not just a misunderstanding and insult, but an attempt at manipulation.
"If you don't want the truth, don't ask an Autistic person." So true. I try to warn people but they don't listen. And then they get offended. And that just doesn't make sense.
I hate it so much when people keep asking for my opinion and don't even take it into account that they might not like my opinion. For example "Do you like my hair?" Ofcourse I noticed you changed it, if I didn't say anything, it is because I don't like it and don't want to offend you. Why do you force me to offend you? Or when my colleague kept asking each morning "How are you"? And when I told him how bad I felt he clearly didn't care about it. It took me quite some time to realise that he doesn't want to hear the answer, just a quick "I'm fine thanks" Why do you even ask it then if it's meaningless? Why can't people simply say what they mean and not get offended if I tell the truth?
@@Szan-40 The whole world would be better off if people said what they meant and meant what they said. You'd know exactly who it is you're dealing with right off and wouldn't have to waste time trying to figure people out. It's exhausting.
When you spoke about the empathy I nearly cried. So many ppl in my life think I can’t be autistic bc of how empathetic I am. I feel too much and it drives me crazy. Whenever I feel a strong emotion I just start crying, even if it’s happy.
Empathy is one of those words with two completely different meanings that people conflate. Me and most Autistic people I've met are terrible at reading other peoples's emotions as they happen, but that isn't the same thing as understanding other people's emotions/conditions when they are told to you or you think about them. I think I and probably most people with Autism are either averege or more of the latter then other people but because people hear that we aren't empathetic in one way they assume we aren't empathetic in either.
@@RRW359I think people may be getting confused over the difference between empathy and sympathy. What you described in the first scenario is empathy, while what you described in the second scenario is sympathy. Empathy: understanding emotion indirectly, i.e. through body language or through emotion shown on faces but not verbally stated. or Understanding indirect emotion Sympathy: showing compassion and understanding to those who you sympathize with. or Showing understanding for emotion directly Usually people mix them up because they can happen at the same time. One *could* sympathize with someone *because* they empathize with them. Sorry for the unclear definitions, but I hope I got my point across 😃
Right?! I was telling a story in my head once to entertain myself at work, and I unalived a character, so I started to cry because I was feeling the emotions of another character in the scene. My friend that I worked with at the time got worried because he thought someone had been mean to me. I get upset all the time when awful things happen, in real life and in fiction.
@@SlashDashGraveem·pa·thy /ˈempəTHē/ noun noun: empathy the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. "he has a total lack of empathy for anybody" This is the way I always learned empathy, and also what came up when I googled it. In this "understand emotins" appears to be interchangeable with "share emotions," so it probably doesn't mean to understand what emotions are being expressed.
@@SlashDashGrave no, sympathy is feeling pity for someone's situation, it doesn't require you to understand they're feelings with the situation nor care about those feelings. I've never seen sympathy make someone cry over someone else experiences, nor make them wish better for that person. sympathy only brought pity and people looking at each others situations to feel better about their own. we cry and feel with people just as much. Yes, when we see someone cry we may ask why first before comforting and crying with them. But it isn't sympathy that makes us cry with them. "Sympathy is more of a feeling of pity for another. Empathy is our ability to understand how someone feels, while sympathy is our relief in not having the same problems." - from psychiatric medical care. sympathy noun 1. feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. "they had great sympathy for the flood victims" Similar: 2. understanding between people; common feeling. "the special sympathy between the two boys was obvious to all" empathy noun the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. the problem we have is not a lack of empathy, nor do we give this half hazard sympathy. I don't pity people who are upset. the fact is, most people expect you to magically read their minds when they aren't expressing anything that is considered universal and then blame you when you don't get it. Because my friend who doesn't express any unique behaviors is secretly depressed but because I don't know that I'm somehow un empathetic. and when I do find out apparently the only thing I can feel and express is pity/sympathy? get out of here with that, the only people I pity are homeless people until I actually talk to one and then I'm wishing I could give them the world or take their place. how is that not empathy?!
My son recently was diagnosed. I was confused when people were so careful when suggesting he may be on the spectrum. Like they may upset me. They aren't telling me he has cancer. Simply give me a different way to approach teaching and communicating with him. That only helps me and him. Then it dawned on me that a lot of people don't necessarily see it that way, which is silly. My boy is smart, kind and funny, not broken.
Very clever and more advanced obviously in his senses and the way he sees things. Hard to fit in among people who aren't that way. Confusing for both. Sounds like you know for real there is nothing wrong with him and seems you are very clever yourself and know how to fit into society.
I never treated my son like he was different. He was just like me and I raised him the way I wanted to have been raised - until they sold him to my abuser and his rapist in family court. his rapist got him diagnosed and acted like he was diseased from then on. but took him away from me anyway. narcs are like that.
I’m an Early Childhood Educator and I have a few students who are on the spectrum. People I know look at me so oddly when I talk about how amazing and intelligent my children on the spectrum are. It saddens me that people don’t see how wonderful these people really are.
I’ve noticed that most people who have been diagnosed with autism are incredibly intelligent, and they usually know everything about a subject that they’re highly interested in.
@@nodak81it’s hateful to come here, to a video discussing the pain caused to people with autism by a society so uncomfortable that all mental types have finally noticed, and judge being okay with the latter as “normal”
did you know that the most typical human being is a 28-year-old, right-handed, urban, Han Chinese male earning less than £7,480 ($12,000) a year ? i would bet you are not that normal XD what is normal ? and why do ppl need to be it ? @@nodak81
As an asperger, I sometimes say in my head "The problem is we still live in an era where a disability shared by the majority is considered as the normality, and a person without disability is considered as disabled."
I have a question, since you were diagnosed with aspergers, do you still have that on your medic stuff since the DSM removed it and changed it to autism spectrum disorder or something like that? Somethin I was thinking about. I'm autistic too.
@@nicolenomade7454 The DSM is what doctors all over the world use to diagnose "mental conditions" Bleh. It was changed in the recent one and aspergers no long exists.
Hi, fyi, the reason Asperger's doesn't exist now is because great research found there is No Distinction between "Asperger's" and autism. Apart from neurotypical expectations ("oh so you'll work to death and I don't have to offer any accommodations? Neat!") or privilege of a life with baked-in supports and accommodations so the struggles aren't noticed (whole family is "quirky", encourages sensory breaks, has lots of transport options, can afford safe foods etc so actually is more a well supported level 2 autistic) or option 3, just believing that life is pain for everyone and not realising how easy it is for NT people and so they lick the boot on their necks.
The issue for me at work is neurotypical people get jealous of my work ethic and I get bullied. Then, I end up surrounded by drama even after having tried so hard to avoid it.
Same! I've had to deal with a lot of slander and even made to take numerous drug tests from false accusations. One even swore he saw me using an illicit smokable drug that grants speedy yet paranoid effects. Obviously I passed the drug test, he still got to keep his job. It's infuriating. I've been a high or top performer at every single job and it just gets me in trouble despite minding my own business. Finally found a job that pays 6 figures, make my own schedule and have no customers or coworkers. It's very peaceful.
same here, I'm getting bullied because of my work ethic and I don't realize that I'm getting bullied at the moment of me getting bullied until later when i think of what happen again
I think I must have the only work environment filled with neurodivergent people and I say that as a good thing…I’m usually the last person who can successfully integrate into a work environment where I’m surrounded by so many different people and different personalities all day yet where I work now such integration wound up feeling oddly natural, as if we all just get each other’s vibe and roll with it with few issues…😅 As a result of all of this, I’ve now been able to find myself promoted while still technically being a temp worker with rollover to full-time status coming in only a week and, instead of facing jealousy from the other employees who’ve been full-time for years and never been placed where I’m now (I’m in training to be one of only two people who do what I will be doing) instead I face kudos because they’ve all seen how I work and remember every bit of help they gave me to get to where I’m at. To them, my success is shared success because I’ve managed to accomplish way more than what could’ve been expected for a worker coming from a temp agency. These people honestly take great pride in having played a part in me becoming who I am there now… If only society as a whole could see things in this way, the world would be a far better place for EVERYONE involved. Lifting others up lifts EVERYONE up in the long run and just simply CELEBRATING someone realizing their potential rather than being envious of it can truly go a long way in motivating them and others to do the same…❤️
It feels so good to hear someone speak about our culture the way you have. I’ve always thought humans are too attached to lying and hidden agendas and it makes zero sense! I’m not even diagnosed autistic and I’ve always thought that.
I have always thought about the lying and agendas as irrational and I am autistic. It's so messed up that the lying and hidden agendas are so common and doesn't help anyone actually get what they want. Rather, if instead, people just asked or tell me what they want, if it's in my capacity to help, I would if I knew what it was that they wanted. Alternatively if I personally can't help, I can probably reach out to someone else who can. Lying and hidden agendas don't really help in the fact that it usually damages relationships between people or feel like (to the person it's happening to) getting stabbed in the back by your own friend. It's not healthy and doesn't make sense.
I spent the first 30 years of my life traumatized over and over and over again, then COVID happened (I was in 2 high risk professions at the same time) and for a year the government paid me to sit at home and be separate from other people…and my life CHANGED. I self-dxed with autism, learned who I am, and learned where I fit and don’t fit. I’m not going to put up with abuse anymore from employers, partners, friends, acquaintances or groups. It’s like I’m water and NTs are sodium…the closer we get, the more they explode. I’m SO happy and mentally healthy now; I will find a way to avoid who I need to avoid. The thing with understanding yourself is that you also learn what to look for in a friend, partner, employer. I have a much clearer idea now, and so far it’s been going great and I’ve been making new friends that I really connect with. All I needed was 1 year to not be in constant survival mode and be able to reflect. And to REST. I’m very grateful for that! So that’s my example of a mentally healthy autistic person. I feel great! Now as I put my life back together, I’m going to form the big pieces (city, job, partner) around what I know. It’s like a second chance. Thanks for your video!
I am SOOO glad you discovered this. Your part about " It’s like I’m water and NTs are sodium" is something I would imagine an autistic person would say. LOL. Have you seen my video on self-diagnosis? If not, give it a watch and maybe that will help as well.
You told my story! Year 2020 gave me the gift of clear vision and freedom from survival mode. I too received government funds, plus SS.. My heart goes out to all the people who endured the most oppressive environment I have ever observed. That would have been extremely stressful for me. I refused to wear a mask except for 2 emergency situations. I shopped without a mask and avoided places that legalistically mandated it. What is ironical is now I realize I have been masking for a lot of my life. Yay for us getting free to be ourselves!
@@dcb252525 Oh man this gives me hope! As someone who had a severely traumatic upbringing and have recently discovered I'm Autistic, I've begun to worry I'll never be happy
wonderful! I'm also late diagnosed, I relate to what you say. I wonder if society is changing because neeurodivergents are waking up and not being enslaved to a system designed to cope with disorder at the expense of genuine peace and fulfilment.
Totally stealing your water and Sodium analogy; Will help weed out the less "scientifically Inclined" people. Colour me impressed. I too, am starting to avoid people who trigger me to much and I am being less and less apologetic about it, and that may includes family members too.
As someone once pointed out on a T shirt; "Autism is not an input error, it is a different operating system". Or as I like to put it; "people on the spectrum are running Linux, in a Windows world."
Interestingly, I think socially autistic people are running Windows in a Linux world. That is, simple, to-the-point. NTs are socially on Linux, you have to be in-the-know, and the way to do things is not as straightforward. Intellectually, autistic people are running Linux (more convoluted, deeper thinking), and NTs are running Windows (simplistic, user-friendly).
@spacecadet35 Thats a good one for me🤣 I also prefer Linux. And it is the only system i can instal on my pc myself as a woman, not needing help of my brother. Unfortunately There was nobody who can explain how the system works. And i could not figure it out also. So after a year or so, back to windows🙄
I’m 56 and only discovered my autism a couple of years ago. It’s been life changing, as I don’t feel the need to “fix myself” for the first time in my life. My view of the world has changed, too. I used to think I didn’t understand it. Now, I realize I’ve understood it quite well all this time. I definitely want out of society, even though the workplace is my only real problem. I just got “laid off” today, from a job I’ve held in good standing for over two years, and I’m sure that the fact that I revealed I’m autistic three weeks ago is only a coincidence. I was born on the wrong planet.
I can relate. It was quite strange to work for someone that highly valued all the traits and results that came from being autistic, but then they completely changed their tune when I revealed where it's coming from. A completely unfounded stigma.
I've been an outlier all my life. I turned 68 last week. It's only recently realised that I'm probably autistic. I've had realisations and tears when reflecting on periods of my life and why all my potentials were only ever potentials. I, too, have said who said there is anything wrong with autistic people. Who gets to decide what "normal" is. We are just from different planets
"Born on the wrong planet" is the feeling that has accompanied me during my whole life. I feel so drained and exhausted after having tried since as far as I can remember to adapt to how the vast majority of how people function down here.
The entire time I was watching this, I couldn't help but think of a speech I delivered about my sister a number of years ago. It's only now that I'm starting to realize I (diagnosed with ADHD) am probably also autistic. They’ve always called Tammy handicapped - we just called her special. It was frustrating at times to have the rules be different for me than they were for my sister. That’s not easy for a child to come to terms with. If I complained, my father would just say, “Tammy’s special!” and that was the end of discussion. She was my father’s angel - and, MAN did she revel in it! If there was something on your dinner plate she wanted, she’d just reach over and grab it, glaring at you as she said, “I’m special!” She knew we couldn’t say anything, because my father was at the table. She IS special, but I didn’t really appreciate just how special until years later. Sure, I loved my sister - I’d protect and defend her to the ends of the earth, but that’s just because she was my sister. It’s what you do. As a kid, I’d rail against people, “She’s not handicapped, she’s neurologically impaired!” God help you if you called her retarded. As I got older, I considered the terms more carefully. “Neurologically impaired” really doesn’t say much of anything. Someone who’s neurologically impaired could be severely developmentally disabled… or have a recurring muscle tick. If someone is handicapped, that implies to me that the person has a cap, or limit, on their handiness - that a person’s ability to function in the social framework we’ve constructed is more limited than most. That’s Tammy. She’ll sometimes have difficulty grasping some of the more complex theories and concepts we’ve conjured up - but so do many others I know. She takes longer to learn some things than most people, but she tends to learn them better than most. Tammy’s handicap is not one of mental limitations, as much as it is social limitations. Quite simply, she was, and still is, incapable of lying. It just isn’t in her nature. When we were kids, it was convenient. We didn’t have much money, but once in a while we’d get the special treat of going out to dinner. My mother would let Tammy in on the surprise and tell her to keep it secret from the rest of us. So she’d come skipping in, singing, “I have a secret. I have a secret - and I can’t tell you…” It usually wasn’t terribly difficult to figure out the secret. “Are we going to Grandma’s house?” “NooOoo.” “Are we going to the park?” “NoOOoo.” “Are we going out to dinner?” “I can’t tell you.” “Are we going to KFC?” “NoOoOo.” “Burger King?” “NNNNNoPE.” “McDonald’s?” “I can’t tell you.” Eventually, she stopped telling us she had a secret, and instead would just float around quietly, looking like the cat who swallowed the canary. We teach our children that lying is wrong. We tell them liars never get ahead. But in the world we’ve created, lying is encouraged and even rewarded. In fact, being honest can make living in our world MORE difficult. We use “creative accounting” to save money on taxes. We lie to spare people’s feelings (or more honestly, spare ourselves from having to face the discomfort of being frank about something difficult). We water down, soften or massage the truth in business dealings every day. Sugar coating the truth is even regarded as a kindness. In many contexts, honesty is considered to be downright rude. We tell someone how beautiful her hairstyle is, how much we like his latest book, how adorable their new baby is… We live duplicitous lives in many aspects - from… which corrupt corporations get our money, to which corrupt politicians get our votes. We assuage our guilt by blathering on about the complexities of the world and the difficulty of maintaining integrity in today’s- blah, blah, blah… We lie to ourselves. When our children recognize the reality of the world around them - and the truth about us - what conclusion should they come to? Tammy found a twenty dollar bill on the floor of a supermarket, so she handed it in at the customer service desk. My mother told her the person behind the desk will probably keep it herself. Her response? “Maybe. But it’s not mine, so I can’t keep it.” If Tammy worked at the service desk and a customer turned in money, she’d keep it safe, just in case someone came asking for it. If she lost money in a store, she’d go to the service desk, hoping someone found it. Because of this, the only option she had was to turn that money in and hope for the best. For Tammy, it’s perfectly simple - lying is wrong. Do the right thing, even if it’s hard. Don’t do the wrong thing, even if it hurts. What’s the difference between right and wrong? Equally simple: how much your actions hurt others. You don’t break promises. You do this by not making promises you can’t keep. Tammy watched our alcoholic father drink most of the people he loved out of his life - including her. Because of this, she doesn’t drink. Not a drop. Not ever. But she also doesn’t judge those who do. She’s been to the bar with me - she had a soda. She even bought me Homer Simpson bottle openers and cocktail napkins for my birthday one year. It would be wrong for her to try and force my life decisions upon me. Besides, my drinking isn’t hurting the people I love. She finally ejected my father from her life - not because of the drinking, but because of the never-ending string of disappointments he left in his wake. He hurt her too many times and she grew tired of giving him more opportunities to do it again. My father’s drinking drove him to continually break his promises to the one person who was most precious to him in the world. If that's what alcohol can do to a person, Tammy’s simply unwilling to take that risk. Tammy will likely never find success in business or sales… certainly not law or politics. She wears her emotions on her sleeve, never lies and never pretends to be something she’s not. She’s handicapped because of her limited ability to succeed and prosper in the social structure we’ve built. But PLEASE don’t feel sorry for her. She’s always despised pity, and with good reason. Her handicap is not something to be sad about. I feel unbelievably blessed to have her as a sister, and it makes me joyful every time I think about it. What saddens me is that more people aren’t like her. Honesty shouldn’t be the handicap, lying should… and THAT is on us! I look up to my big sister and strive daily to be more like her. She’s one of my greatest heroes. I base my measure of success not on how much money I earn or what position I hold - rather, on how proud Tammy can be of my actions every day.
Thank you for this wonderful comment. I have too much to say about it in one reply, so I have decided to say one part of it only: lies are indeed horrible. I hate lying. And yet, when I was gaslit and manipulated, I lost many friends. Some of the ones I held closest now hate me. All because of the lies someone told about me. And yet, all that did was make me stronger. I strive to tell the truth even more so now, in hopes that maybe one day I can build better and longer lasting friendships. In-fact, I already have. I do someday hope to be able to get the friends I lost back again, but I am happy with the ones I have now. And to be completely honest, they're a whole lot better than all the previous groups I had combined. If you ever feel like it's hopeless, don't worry, things will get better. Just keep pushing through. You got this.
been saying this for years now and deeply appreciate your review. “neurotypicals” are pathologically motivated and disconnected from themselves due to societal conditioning that the neurodiverse simply couldn’t conform to
The term "neurodiverse" would include neurotypicals, as it describes a group with differing neurotypes. "Neurodivergent" is more accurate if you mean non-neurotypicals.
Really? What about the autistic people who are complicit in that conditioning? Or do they get a free pass and we only blame NT's? Also you claim that ND's can't conform to it, and I call BS on that. Many do, many are masking and conforming to societal norms as best as they can. Everyone is unique and these blanket statements are unhelpful. Autistic people are not special, just different. They are capable of, and can fall victim to, the same evils as NT's commit or suffer. I have seen many people use their autism as a weapon and an excuse, which makes them especially dangerous.
thanks for the empathy, your self-reflection, and for taking part in this corner of the internet. I appreciate that folks like you are willing to empathize, and possibly question the social expectations they uphold or perceive as "normal", or upon which their worldview is predicated. We all have them to some degree. I apologize for generalizing so broadly, the comment wasn't meant as a slight, especially not one directed specifically towards you as an individual. I've masked for years at great personal cost, and I still do it because it is what is expected and it's just easier. it's a pathological behavior on my part. it doesn't help my cause and it overrides my nature, my true impulses/needs, and has led to autoimmune disease and intermittent psychological burnout. this is a negative outcome for me and everyone I'm connected to. I'm saying that constructs of society (both good and bad) are chronically and deeply embedded within all of us. some of us are, by nature, much worse at upholding them. I believe we are the catalysts for change. see @nailati 's comment/quote for an equally inflammatory take. @quantummeme7655
Incredible how everything you say is applicable to autistic experience. I’m one of the traumatized autists and after decades, I seek only rest. Nt society is a toddler with an iron cudgel and I did not escape in time.
I know SO MANY who are basically wanting to tap out of society and be left alone. That saddens me. I often hear that they long for a cabin in the woods somewhere that only they know about.
@@NeurodivergentDoctor I long for my private cabin in the wilderness. I think that if someone invested money into creating a planned community with neurodiversity foremost in its planning, it would be a fascinating project and generate very useful and interesting information. I’d love to take a 1000 hectare property and build the ideal autistic community infrastructure and services from scratch, and then step back and let magic happen. I think it would yield extraordinary results. I think the world would really benefit from a project like that. (Not to mention the benefits for autistic people who could live in a place where we are able to reach our full potential, and in doing so, likely contribute greatly to the development of humankind.) 😊
@@buttercxpdraws8101 this is a genuine pursuit I’ve been considering and planning for lately. I have several ND friends that are beginning to do this already and I’m starting to realize how doable and honestly, SENSIBLE this is.
@pipenorth9230 “Society is a toddler with an iron cudgel…” Gosh that’s such a good metaphor! Except I’d change its weapon to an OP destruction staff 😏 I’m (feminine presenting agender) another one who didn’t escape in time, *and* had to watch my brothers get a lot of help for their own autism/learning disabilities.
“What Autism look like in a person when they not been completely traumatized by a society that doesn’t support it? What an Autistic person look like who’s doing really well?” That one hit me really hard.
Omg when he said they might only watch RUclips for an hour because they aren't retreating from anything. I already knew I super retreat when people don't respect my boundaries
Even as a 10 year old autistic child I knew the world was geared towards neurotypicals. I was for a long time forced to act "normal" and mask my autism for many years which traumatised greatly. I decided in my thirties to stop acting "Normal" and I have been so much better off doing so. So the lesson here is never let society make you into something you are not. They do not at all care how badly it hurts you long term. Just be yourself no matter what and fight with everything you have to stay that way.
This is very inspiring! Thank you! I’m 31 and self-identified autistic. It explains everything! I have fought my whole life to be “me” and I’m grateful for that trait within myself, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t done my share of masking and being horribly misdiagnosed with a bunch of other disorders. (They ALL have to do with my autism, I’m finding.) but anyway, here I am at 31 finding that I still have hidden so many parts of myself away. I’m working to not do this any longer and in any form ❤
I just try to practice whichever behaviour seems objectively better. For example… Spend plenty of time on individual pursuits without constant need for external validation? Autistic people are probably onto something there. Whereas: Look at people's facial expressions when they're talking to you? Neurotypicals are probably right about that one.
The whole “they” needs to stop. Who’s “they”? You mean anyone like you? Maybe they don’t care because a large swath of other people have other hurtles in life just as troubling if not magnitudes worse than dealing with functional autism. The world will never and has never been built for just one experience. Stop with that.
@@albertwesker2050 Naw I think “they” are the people who hit me when I cried bc I didn’t have the words to express myself. I think “they” are the people who wouldn’t give me a job after applying literally hundreds of places. I think “they” are family members who told me I was an embarrassment and that I make mountains out of molehills to the point where I now doubt I’m seeing a mountain when I see a mountain. “They” are everyone in my life who turned away in disgust when I came to them with a smile and wanted to hug them and/or talk to/connect with them. “They” are the ones who didn’t do anything to help when my autistic self was trapped by a selfish man who controlled and hurt me and somehow I have 3 kids with. “They” are who shamed me as I wasn’t allowed to work or go to school while I raised my kids. “They” are who dismissed my feelings as invalid when my sister suddenly died in 1999. “They” are who did same when my brother killed himself in 2007. “They” are who did same when my one nurturer, my dad, died in 2008. “They” are who watched as I took my 3 kids and self and ran to strangers in order to protect them from their own father. “They” are who judged me when I was trying to survive on nothing and was brain-damaged from assaults by people I thought were trust-worthy and also not the ex-husband. “They” are who are not there for me after my sister, my last sibling, died of a heart attack Christmas morning 2020. “They” are the people who’ve bullied my kids all their lives. “They” are the people who judge me for not having a career and being weird. “They” are the mental health “pros” (hahaha) who I’ve been seeing since I was 16 after I begged my mother to let me. “They” are the people around me who didn’t notice or didn’t care that I wanted to die when I was six years old. (My dad worked constantly and I was happy around him.) My kids are grown and successful and happy now and they SEE me and they love me- because I loved them! They are not brainwashed or something either lol. They witnessed everything and can judge and think for themselves. They’ve had REAL problems like me and one of the biggest problems we’ve experienced are people who try to shut others down as if “they” know anything worth anything. Please go heal your inner child or something. Being traumatized by all the “theys” in society is not something I should have to tell someone is traumatic enough. Imagine if we all expected amputees and paralyzed people to walk every day and shamed them if they didn’t (obviously couldn’t.) You are a perfect example of who “they” are
As someone with autism who has entire family and friend group of autistic people, this video is extremely accurate. Although, I’m so high functioning that I fall in the weird middle ground between autism and Nuero-typicalism. Despite my autism, I understand weird things like sarcasm, white lies, grey areas, eye contact, etc. this does NOT mean I don’t have trouble with those things, it just means I managed to build an internal rule set that allows for their existence. As for my family, many of my siblings are less high functioning than myself, and a lot of these ideas are completely lost on them. On the opposite end, most of my friends are similarly high functioning to myself and understand these concepts as well as I do. I have also found, as with many of my friends, that as we age we become much less overstimulated with the noise and chaos of a neuro typical world. We also got much better at processing and articulating how we feel, and have emotional outbursts way less. We don’t have a workaround for the hyper fixation. The closest we have to that is my cyclical fixations, where I fixate on one topic so much I get burnt out on it and switch to other things, do the same for those things, and come back to the first thing. I don’t really think I need a fix for the obsessive fixation tho. It’s that kind of fixation which makes people experts.
Part of why I love my job so much, I believe anyway, is that it seems tailor-made for someone who can hyper-fixate and become an expert on a task with many multiple steps within that process. For some background, where I work at (Olympic Case for those wondering) we build cases for groups like production companies (bands on tour and the like), sports teams, Disney and stuff like that. Our cases therefore come in all various shapes, sizes and styles and so thus are not built “assembly line fashion” like so many other things. While we do have a factory (of sorts) with multiple different departments to handle different aspects of different builds, each station within the process functions more or less like an assembly line unto itself, meaning that each individual worker self-manages a long series of steps that must all stay roughly well-coordinated yet also can be modified on the fly to meet the requirements of said build. While all of these changes may seem to be outside the scope of one who has a neurodivergent brain, it oddly enough winds up playing more to its strengths than one would first expect upon initial glance… For one, this means each worker is essentially working alone for the majority of the time, allowing time to focus and come up with a good strategy for the process with little chance for error that would be coming from other people working within this same process…your process is YOUR process and you manage and work it ALONE. Two, this means that one is also their own support, so any materials needed are located in the warehouse, retrieved from its warehouse location and then brought to the workstation by the worker HIMSELF with no need to seek out a Material Handler at any point beyond perhaps reporting shortages or located hard to find materials…yet another complication removed from the process and placed solidly within the worker’s own hands. Third, ALL workers are trained on and expected to know how to read the paperwork (work orders) that accompany each and every build as this sheet gives you all of the instructions necessary to successfully complete the build. In the case of said paperwork, the instructions aren’t always 100% crystal clear and sometimes can have errors…however, the right sort of brain could easily just see this as an interesting challenge to overcome, especially as doing so has the potential to increase one’s skill level in understanding such technically involved paperwork and also has the added benefit of reducing the need to reach out for clarification, further reducing outside complications and delays from unnecessary human interaction. Basically, learning this paperwork clicks my “expert level” button in just the perfect way, making me able to put aside the often confusing and sometimes contradictory nature of said paperwork and focus on mastering my interpretation of it, making it a worthwhile challenge to overcome instead of the stumbling block it otherwise could potentially be. Couple all of this together with fellow workers who are actually SUPPORTIVE of someone trying to excel at work rather than wasting their time trying to hold that worker back and you have the perfect recipe for someone who is neurodivergent to realize their full potential at a rate far faster than would otherwise typically be observed and, for that person, attain a sense of pride that stays with them and keeps them happily within that environment as, for us, these sorts of environments are rare finds indeed… I started as a temp working an entry-level position knowing barely more than how to read a tape measure (the literal bare-bones basic experience level required for temp assignment) and am now in training to be the second of only TWO people assigned to working “Full Custom”, meaning that I will now be getting assigned to put together our most complex builds, including special projects that are assigned SOLELY to “Full Custom” for the ENTIRE build/assembly process. These are those plain-looking all wood cases that have no aluminum frame nor corners attached that production companies use to store their heavy cables and other electrical components. These cases come from CNC straight to “Full Custom” as mere stacks of bare pinewood and over the course of a week, will get everything done to them…from initial installation of the many T-Nuts all the way to Final Assembly…within the “Full Custom” area before then going to Shipping for screen printing, cleaning and simple installation of their sole divider…which has itself already been quarter-rounded, sanding and then painted by “Full Custom” and all Shipping does is slide it into place. I rollover to full-time in a week…😅 It all just goes to show that yes, those of us who are neurodivergent CAN still achieve some amazing things so long as we have the sort of environment that cultivates and supports our success in a way that helps us blossom. One thing MANY of us crave IS a challenge…if we didn’t like challenges we would find some way to just stay out of this extremely challenging neurotypical world we live in as much as we could! We would take jobs where our interaction with fellow humans stays as thoroughly limited as absolutely possible because it really IS a lot for us to deal with simply day-to-day! But many of us don’t desire to be shut-in hermits PLUS our brains crave a challenge, so we do go out and we do interact…not always successfully but we try nonetheless…and we slowly get better at it as our brains rise to the challenge and adapt as much as they can so they can have yet another “Skills Mastery” award to put up on their internal walls and be once again proud to have beaten the odds yet again because again…it’s what we CRAVE! But when we find ourselves working within the majority of the potential work environments out there and then face an entire system in place that seems more tailor-made to scupper our attempts to take on a challenge and see it out all the way through the way our brains crave…it winds up discouraging us and we may even engage in self-sabotage just because of how in vain we come to realize our efforts will most likely be. It isn’t that we expect to see the full fruits of our efforts right away…I’ve certainly not heard a lack of patience being listed as a common neurodivergent trait and, to be sure, many of us can be amongst some of the most patient people you’ll ever meet…it saves on unnecessary drama…😅 That said though, we DO like to see something here and there that will encourage us to keep pushing forward and keep taking that challenge on. For me, these “signposts”, if you will, came in the form of things like being occasionally assigned from Corners (my old entry-level job) to assist as Labor help in Full Custom, tasks which gave me my first tastes of the job I would ultimately one day fill although I obviously didn’t know this yet. They also came in the form of eventually being moved to an entirely new Corner station that I set up from scratch as it was a nothing station up until that point. It also came in the form of opportunities to help train new Corner people as they came in, something I still do to this day should one ask for it on any task. It also came through additional training opportunities to refine the skills that I was already well developing. All of these things gave me something to show me that my efforts weren’t wasted, even as I continued to work in Corners day-after-day and week-after-week. Those little moments of validation, as small as they may have been, all worked to keep mashing that “Expert” button in my brain that results in me continuing to improve and refine my skills, similar to when you see a crop that you planted growing…you don’t have your fruit from it yet but you know your efforts are producing the desired effect and so you continue to put that effort forward so that fruit will one day be ready for you to get. By simply cultivating an environment that not only invites one to step up to a challenge but makes doing so almost a requirement, Olympic Case wound up cultivating me as a worker in a way few places ever could and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank them enough. For my fellows out there struggling to succeed in a world that doesn’t seem to want us even IN it, much less SUCCEEDING within it…don’t give up… Perhaps all you need is an attainable challenge…❤️👍🏻😁
@@christopheralthouse6378that sounds great! It's so encouraging to hear a success story where the square peg isn't forced into the round hole, but allowed to explore and grow and learn and excel! Well done friend😊
@@courtney9212 I do appreciate hearing that, although for me it was more being a square peg that found itself in an environment full of square holes to fill…😅 In any case though, it’s my hope that more of us will be fortunate enough to find these unusual and very unique environments in our lives (not just work but also in our relationships and home life) that give our brains what they need to succeed within them. We’re not broken…we just think differently from most others, simple as that. I like to think of it as something like a light switch, simplistic as the analogy may be. A neurotypical has the switch installed right side up, so ‘ON’ is up and ‘OFF’ is down. However, a neurodivergent has the switch installed upside down, so now ‘ON’ is down and ‘OFF’ is up. I’ve seen the occasional light switch (in the real world, not an analogy) done upside down and can attest these switches worked every bit as fine as ones installed correctly. You flip the switch and the light turns on or off depending on which way you flip the switch. These upside down light switches didn’t fail at their task…they just performed it differently and who’s to say that either way is right? The only reason ‘ON’ is typically up and ‘OFF’ is typically down is because whoever set that standard up decided it should be this way. It could’ve just as easily be the other way and the whole “ON is up” convention could be seen as upside down if that was the case. In short, neither way is inherently wrong, it all works fine regardless…it’s just that one way is considered normal and the other isn’t. This is the neurodivergent brain in as oversimplified of a nutshell as possible. In the same sense, our brains aren’t wrong nor are they malfunctioning…they’re just simply working differently from the generally accepted norm, a norm set by people none of us have ever met nor consulted regarding the matter. Had different people set these norms, then it’s entirely possible that these norms WOULD be significantly different and those seen currently as neurotypical could instead be themselves seen as neurodivergent. We don’t need fixing…we just need people to understand that, for us, ‘ON’ is down instead of up and act accordingly. And when we find ourselves in an environment that understands this, caters to it and nurtures it…and ESPECIALLY when this has been done by design because it just happens to be an environment that works better that way anyway… WE…SHINE! 🌞🥰
I agree with your internal rule set. For me that rule set was also attached to my mask I probably implemented as a toddler and still struggle with. I believe I have many “HF” relatives that were never diagnosed.
Yoooo! You basically just described my whole childhood aswell! I’ve been on medicine my whole life and only a couple years ago did I realize the only negative part from not taking it was a major withdrawal. So I got weened off it. And I’ve been sleeping better while also being more active!
I saw a great tiktok describing allistic tendencies as - "struggles to have a strong sense of morality", "caught up on social signals and unable to process core details", "difficulty making logical decisions in emotional situations", etc. I think it was really good to see it as a diagnosis for being allistic with downsides, to help view it more as different strengths instead of a weakness. Colorblind people can discern colors better within the range they can see, so I view this similarly - you might not pick up on what other people do but you're generally going to pick up on way more of what you are paying attention too
I'd never heard of this term "allistic". Thanks for teaching me this. Doesn't it basically take the place of the egotistical term "normal"? It's what people who can't see their own dysfunctions think of themselves. Like my favorite line from TNG, Dr. Crusher says: "If there's nothing wrong with ME...maybe there's something wrong with the UNIVERSE."
@scottbaker4534 allistic means non-autistic It can include other neurodiverse people though ...it's has been being used like "neurotypical" but they're slightly different. Both may be good words for you!
@@oakenadams3844 Definitely agreed, my point was about how it shouldn't be viewed as a downside regardless of diagnosis, my partner has ADD and I think that's another great example of benefits/downsides
Thank you SO much for this! I am a 70 year old woman, self diagnosed a few years ago. Finally understanding myself has been incredibly affirming. And healing. I am now living a more authentic life and sharing insights with anyone who cares and is interested.
This makes so much sense. I grew up with my Mother's white family in the city. In the summers I went to my Dad's on the reservation. He usually dropped me off with my grandparents or my auntie because he rodeo'd. I spent all summer on the reservation and it's where I always felt like I could breathe. The culture is different. People talk slower, they're way more honest, I had a very solid routine there that was slower and had stimulation but it was gentle. It was the red dirt and the bright green trees, the water. My Grandpa had a small cafe and bar he owned and he'd let me "work" there. I could count money (I loved counting as a kid), or make and pour coffee (another thing I love the smell and I like the sound). Everything was slow, if I wandered off to talk to a dog that showed up outside nobody said or thought anything about it. If I didn't want to go I would go to my aunties (My grandpa's sister). She would listen to Donahue or whatever talk show and knit and rock. She let me hold her yarn and run it through my fingers as her feed (loved that) and her rocking was calming. None of my stimming, direct questions, or alone time seemed to bother them, they even acted like it was a normal thing to do. My White family would always say I act like my dad. I thought I just had the "personality" of my Nuuch family. I think I do have it but it wasn't that so much as that they were more accepting, more able to let me be myself. They have a wicked sense of humor and not only could I tell sarcasm, but I could understand when they were teasing me too. It actually helped me a lot because they taught me how to look for sarcasm and what was teasing and what was cruel. Maybe we need to slow it down. Maybe it's Atypical to be so stimulated all the time, it doesn't seem to be doing much for the mental state of the world, that's for sure.
Hey, there's an interesting idea I found in a book about many societies having ways to value different intellects that don't exist anymore in western societies. Like hey that kid is really good at talking to trees, walking like a puma and making good tea ! He must be some sort of a shaman ! Not that every neurodivergent person is a shaman (although who knows ?), but there is an important place within society for people who perceive the world in a different way, act in a different way, have different types of interests. And "we" (as in the typical western society) have mostly lost touch with that. Who in our cultures will notice and value that you have a special relationship with nature ? That animals kinda seem to understand you in their own way, or that you are so curious about the ways people speak that you can mimic anyone you've ever met ? Also, love your story, thanks.
Look for my comment - because I think that having family that really understands you and gets you makes a huge difference to your mental health. I'm glad you had that experience, too.
Thank you for sharing the story. I also like the idea of a less stimulating and close to nature society and it makes me hopeful that this society partly already exists. So it is time to more and more shape such a society :D
I am not diagnosed ASD but identify with some of the traits. I've been laughed at and called gullible, sensitive, day dreamer, weird, and an over-sharer. Yet, I never considered calling those same neurotypical people dishonest, unaware, unintelligent, milquetoast, or insecure. That discrepancy is what leads me to think I'm on the right track. I have no need to insult anyone. It never crosses my mind. Yet I feel like I spend countless social interactions having to brush off neurotypical's odd need to be contrarian. NTs seem so deadset on useless social hierarchy, and get offended that I don't see hierarchy as valuable. The older I get the more I feel like I am a big brother pushing a younger brother away with one arm as he frenetically throws hay-makers at the air. I wish they could just throw punches at empty air without my involvement.
I know what you mean. The great temptation in my life is to move away from it all, to be as near a hermit as possible so the inconsistency and insanity of society can't affect me.
@@MaximilianonMars😅 I actually studied in my teen years to acquire at least a theoretical knowledge of skills that could enable a hermit existence. I never got to practice them, except for minor instances of foraging for food that nobody bought, sold or raised.
Welcome to the human race. Everyone is at times laughed at and called gullible. Everyone is sensitive. Everyone day dreams. Is weird and over-shares. Of course you considered calling others dishonest, unaware, unintelligent, milquetoast, or insecure. In fact you actually did it a time or two. You have insulted people. Everyone has. You claim not to behave badly like some people do. I don't buy it.
For 4 decades I was abused because I behaved, processed, responded, and concluded differently than my family. I've been treated for CPTSD for the past 8 years... last year my psychologist realized that I'm autistic. Undiagnosed all these years, sticking hard to rules and pointing out hypocrisy from those who preached those rules... I've been seeing patterns and connecting dots to wide ranges of things... and now I know why♡ it feels so good hearing your compassion about autism. You are helping me accept myself, finally.
My dad understood the empathy overload I described when I had to take breaks when my uncle (his brother in law) was dying and the grief from everyone in addition to my own was so intense that if I didn’t break away for a bit (no one else did), I would have had obvious meltdowns.
@@Spitfire-je1jy I empathize. In my case, I might have thought that had I not had a conversation with my dad about it later and I was surprised. I told him why I kept taking off and he said, “I know.” I’m not saying that is the case for you. I don’t know your situation. I hope you can find someone who gets you.
this is something ive never really considered myself. ive been under a lot of stress lately from trying to emotionally support people i genuinely care about, and this feels kinda on par with how i feel.
As an autist w/ADHD and of course, CPTSD, my biggest disability when it comes to interacting with allistic's has been my extreme gullibility. My ex told me he was in the CIA and FBI and I believed him. When I found out he was a liar, I still loved him. I've been talked into doing stupid and dangerous things that were against my character. I was the target for many a narcissist, they absolutely loved my reactions. I had no idea that I was different. Little by little I began to realize that I was not having the same experience as manipulator's do. I am not good at manipulations, which made it sooooo easy for the narcissist's to take advantage of me. That is, until I took a special interest in narcissism, hehehehehe(evil laugh). I went all in on researching those little booger's until I found out so much I am now their worst enemy. Oh my Lord! How they hate me! Ha! I love that I am who I am! I don't have hate toward myself like narcissist's do because I don't have to lie and manipulate....which makes you hate yourself instead of love yourself.
I still struggle to not be conned by people, especially those close to me. I have to keep reminding myself that honesty and integrity is never high on most people's priority list, where for me it is my "default setting"
@@WPVanHeerden Right! It is totally foreign to me to be manipulative and dishonest, and I'm grateful for that. I think my life is easier because of my honesty.
(To be clear I don't wanna start an argument) To be blunt I'm not liking how you're painting a bad picture of people with narcissistic personality disorder. Just because someone is a narcissist doesn't mean they're inherently mean or manipulative, or want to be. It wildly varies, either a narcissist doesn't try to improve or they do Just my two cents, you can completely ignore me because this is the internet 💯
As a kid I went to a school that taught me how to be more socially adept through a set of rules. It’s amazing how complicated it is to appease people who prefer to be lied to, especially when they say they want the truth. One of those rules was, “if they say they want the truth, they probably want to hear a lie. The best option is to find a reason not to answer. If you have to answer, then answer honestly but throw as many adjectives and adverbs in as possible so they essentially just get confused or disinterested and go away.” I never understood why that was the better option until I observed how unsafe other autistic people were when they were simply honest with neurotypicals, and looking back I can see how many situations where I put myself in similar possibly dangerous situations. Sometimes that danger can include getting fired from a job. Honestly I’ve had very few jobs where the boss understands it only takes a couple accommodations for me to do an extraordinary job. Also I’m a great mechanic, some of my past coworkers with 40+ years say that I’m beyond them at 25. But I can’t work in an auto parts store because every time I’ve tried to, I’ve gotten into trouble for visualizing a problem and coming up with a diagnosis and offering the correct solution instead of the most expensive solution that matches the symptoms less accurately. I actually got fired for that, even though I was consistently working overtime and that lead to inconsistency and frustration. The more inconsistent my schedule, the more I was late and the more I was late the more I was “punished” with more scheduling inconsistencies. My boss also made up his own rules specifically to make it harder for me to keep a schedule and to do the job I was hired to do. Plus I’d be punished for trying to help people get the right parts. It just never made sense that I was supposed to lie to sell parts instead of telling the truth and fixing the problem. And it’s very hard to keep a job when you’re constantly questioning what your job is supposed to be because the job description changes quicker than the weather. I appreciate your video, it’s very informative and fairly accurate and I hope it helps others understand.
Yeah, I've found also that it's important to realize in this situations that the goal of the workplace is different than what we think it's supposed to. What happened to you still sucks big time. Wish you can work for yourself and provide your gifts as a service to others.
Society and it's social rules are broken garbage, and I refuse to normalize the fact that everyone seems to like it that way. I'm convinced dishonesty and manipulation is the standard.
the goal of any successful legal entity, corporate or government,is to make as much money as possible without any lawsuits, regardless of any proposed purpose of business or governance. Always. A school is not to educate, a bank isn't a safe place to put money, etc., the list goes on.
Just wow! I worked for several years as a scientist in Neuroscience and have an academic background in Psychology. The more I learn about ADS, ADHD, and ADD, the more I get the impression we are indeed not talking about diseases. We are probably talking about different ways human brains are structured. I feel that we will discover many more such processing structures in the decades to come. Maybe like different operating systems for computers.
Look up Giftedness and RCCX Theroy. You will never look at Western Medicine the same way. It's a Game changing backed by DNA Theroy. Explaining some of Medicines most stubborn mysterious illnesses. Ones that don't actually exist.
as someone with adhd i agree. ive noticed my brain functions fundamentally different than most ppls but i dont see it as bad anymore now that im a business owner and not in school lol
@@omgitsgassio3191 True. However now that I am studying biology, I see how many things get regulated by the same neurotransmitters and hormones. All I'm saying is that a fractional diffrence in concentration (amount of hormone per volume) in key developmental moments probably changes a lot in what gets developed and how much. That's why there are also upsides to having a 'disorder'. This however only applies to ADD ans ADHD, because they are uniform in syptomes. ASD just is too diverse to be caused by one thing only.
I flinched when you said "until they've been betrayed to many times." I've managed to arrange a somewhat comfortable life, but just without all the social stuff you mentioned
This is one of the best things I've ever seen. So, refreshing. I am an adult female, late diagnosed. Bullied all my life, and only now able to understand why. No one even suggested that I might be 'high functioning autistic' ever, until about a year ago. I've been a victim of domestic abuse, and a whole host of adversity I've had to deal with, including totally unsupportive family. I'm a single mother, and poor, and can't ever seem to get a break. Life is hard enough, but add in the rest of it....I loved that you talked about how disordered the world is, which is something I've felt my entire life. I'm only just now at a point I am starting to accept myself, and not see me as the problem. I can't stand the chaotic nature of everything that is the norm, especially in the USA....I've lived abroad also, in England, and that was better, but still not great. The USA is too fast, too loud, too big, too bright, too much, everything. I can't stand it. I never enjoy the things that my peers do, and I struggle to get any enjoyment out of life. I've always had sensory issues, and only now understand why. I know this is going to sound bad, but I honestly think that NTs don't change the world because they actually like it this way. The things that fuel them are just not the things that fuel someone like me. They like chaos. They like pressure, stress, and competition. They like hobbies that disgust someone like me. They like vices, and hedonism. They like superficiality, and being two faced. They like using each other. It's all about just sort of satisfying their primitive urges, they are not interested in real personal growth or meaning. They aren't interested in a world that is actually pleasant to live in, safe, clean, and functional. They think the way it is, polluted, dangerous, ugly, etc IS pleasant. Huge crowds, and traffic, rundown buildings, and everything overpriced. Homeless people, and drugs, and jobs you hate, and all of it. They think this is all perfectly normal, and are repeatedly arguing with me that there allegedly is 'No other way of doing things', and this is 'Just the way humans have lived', and this while knowing that humans hardly ever lived this way for MOST of human history, and they don't even ever know what the bloody hell they are talking about! But they always think they are right. The minority of NTs who do get it, are too few, and far between, and perhaps they are not actually NTs after all.... The world is just too much for me, especially out here, and I often just have to retreat. Usually in the form of escapism. Fantasy worlds are so much more beautiful, and idyllic. People are kind, and noble. Principled, and honest. Magical things take place. Beauty, and goodness prevails. I have an easier time with children, than I do with adults, because children, at least until adults corrupt them, are just what they are, and they delight in wonders that adults have lost interest in. Children do not do small talk. Children do not have to look you in the eye. Children do not play mind games, and children do not need to use substances to have a good time. People have always looked down on me, made fun of me, called me lame, and other things for being what they patronisingly view as 'wholesome' or 'old fashioned'. They don't want to hang out with me, because they see my interests as weird, or boring. The funny part is, that's how I feel about theirs.
Well said, Lucy. I am also a woman, late diagnosed earlier this year (aged 56). For years I asked myself 'what is wrong with me?' and gave myself a hard time, but gradually I came to the realisation that there's nothing wrong with my values and standards for interacting with other people; it's other people (neurotypical as I now understand it) who have created a crappy society simply because they are in the majority. Since my diagnosis I have withdrawn even further from engaging with other people (except for in special interest online communities), because I now know for sure that I am not defective and I do not have to put up with their chaos and duplicity. Your comment resonated with me and I wanted to reply in solidarity. When surrounded by neurotypical nonsense it can feel like one is walking a lonely road, but what's becoming clear to me is that there is a multitude of us doing the same around the world, which I find a comforting thought. We don't have to tolerate their 'glittery poop' society. I hope the sun is shining today in your part of the world.
@@ishbelharris1857 'glittery poop' lol I like it. Thank you. It's comforting to know there are others who feel this way, because most of the time, people just assert that I'm the only one who feels the way I do.
I loved the way you showed how it feels to walk through a big store. Just going through a big grocery store is a complete torture. My experience is just like you showed how the woman experienced it. Complete artificial overstimulation attacking you from everywhere. So accurate.
I deal with the same problem. Except I am also ex military. Something I should never have been approved to join (wasn’t diagnosed, this was 15 years ago). So I have that overstimulation problem coupled with a military ptsd mindset. Checking doors, scanning for weapons, where people are looking, etc. I think of people like radiation. The more concentrated it is, the less time I have in that room. Going to Walmart is like visiting Chernobyl.
Yes! I have always struggled to go into big stores. I would headaches from the fluorescent lights and feel so tired and confused. Now I understand why!
This only works for regular grocery trips, but I'm so glad to shop at the same store every time with a reusable checklist on my phone with everything in order based on where it is in the store. Doesn't work for other stores, but it really helps my executive function.
Same here, and I got CIRS/MCS (environmental illness). I have hyper smell followed by inflammatory reaction in addition to the over stimulation. I feel like I live in a an apocalyptic wasteland basically.
Dang I never heard someone flip the script and talk about the downfalls of nuros before!! That was refreshing and I believe we should do it more often!! Keep up the good work
As a schizoid I highly relate to this. I can't hold a job because I make everyone tense because I never laugh and hate small talk. Things get hostile real fast.
I feel in some roles you should be “allowed” to get away with not being sociable. If I were an employer I’d take the asocial hard worker over a social person who just made themselves look busy, if those were my choices (not that it’s ever that black and white, but still…)
@@ShintogaDeathAngelI was late to my restaurant job nearly every day and they struggled to replace me cuz every other bus boy quit after 3-4 days and didn't do anything. I worked hard as fuck when I was there because I saw no other option. I didn't participate in the social gossip and drama with the wait staff. I also couldn't tell when the line cooks and stuff were being sarcastic or talking shit. If someone isn't my friend, I don't really wanna hear "joking" roasts and shit talk. I'm sensitive. I have to decide in advance of a situation If this is a "joking" time or a "serious" time. Work was serious time so I would take everything seriously. I didn't have time to discern if people were messing around or not. Anyway, it wasn't til I took off for Christmas without approval that they got rid of me. Good. Fuck that job. I now realize I don't actually have to work that hard. But I find it hard to not give everything into my role. It's harder to pretend to work than actually work..... but I got away with my chronic lateness and working on my own terms that way prolly only because I did the work of 2 people minimum. In fact I hated when the other bus boys joined cuz I had to slow down to train them and they were so slow and did maybe 20-25% of the work I did and get paid half of my tipshare! I preferred when I was alone so I got all the tipshare for bus boys. Losing 50% of my tips for 25% less work was bs
Schitzo-anything is just trying to survive in a world fuelled by rape and violence. As soon as you are sociable in society, they see it as an invitation to attack and destroy you. Avoid general society as much as possible, don't be afraid to sit on the outside.
Come to germany! Or maybe sweden, swedish people don’t like small talk. Germans have many autistic features, they are very direct and honest, serious. Many don’t like small talk.
I think people with autism should be the ones or at least involved in the process diagnosing of autism, because we experience this 24/7 we can typically identify people with it that don't necessarily have a diagnosis or are even aware they have it
I totally agree. I believe I am better able to recognize and diagnose autism because of my autism. It takes one to know one. It is wild being able to see autistic traits in people in the community, just walking around in the store, or park, or wherever.
Yes - I recently had an assessment with an organization called Wilderwood, and the assesment was done by a couple, one half of who is autistic. They use the standard approved tests, and also include one as current research and development for their own. The difference between the questions on the ones developed by non autistic Drs and these folks was night and day. The ones from non autistic people were confusing, unclear, and made me want to cry. (I did.) It took us quite a while to go through them, and they let me know at the beginning and throughout that this was normal and that many other autistic folks had questions and got confused in the exact same places as I did. The ones from this couple and their research were clear, simple, easy to answer, and extremely validating.
This video made me cry (in a good way). I grew up in an emotionally abusive and neglectful household, where I was expected to succeed in school, sports, and music without complaint. During the limited time I had to myself, I used to lay in my room with the blinds closed, hoping that it would be enough to give me the strength to go another day. My mom told me multiple times that she way happy that I was "as smart as an autistic person, but without being terrible at social stuff." I WAS struggling with social connection, I just masked it by being a people pleaser and relying on my extroverted friends. I'm so glad that I can finally start to heal from the years of intense shame and depression.
my growing up was in the 1970's/80's and it was much like what you described. i wish you the best and fastest healing from it that you can have that benefits you the most.
I sympathize with you. I too know what it's like to be told how to think, how to feel... How to act. As an autistic person myself, trust me when I say there is nothing wrong with you. You're just unique. And there is no shame in that.
I’ve gone through similar circumstances. I would be considered a “poster child” for autism since I’m only a little weird and really smart. The things I was passionate about were disincentivized, I was told I need to succeed in all I do without complaint. I spent my time mostly alone at home avoiding my own parents since they never built a level of trust or even friendship with me. My sister and I were neglected emotionally, my mom was emotionally fragile, easily upset or frustrated so I was always trying to help whether around the house with chores or giving her attention and affirmations. Why did a kid like me need to have the emotional stability to take care of my parents, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
The Venus Project would be a great start for a neurodivergent world. Imagine being able to trust everything, media, advertising. Education would become a joy instead of a punishment. I could write a book on it, but I get overwhelmed sometimes, I can't type or speak fast enough to keep up with the information coming from my head. Thanks for the video.
I'm a late diagnosed autistic and it wasn't until after I was diagnosed last year that I realised just how much neurotypical people are blinkered off from the world. It's as if they walk around with all of their senses completely closed off. It's absolutely amazing to see the difference, now that I am fully aware of it. I have great difficulty with those 'lies" and always have. Why don't people just tell the truth? What do they have to lose? The lies just don't make sense and make me question everything people say. Agh! The shopping with all of that noise too. It really is how you describe and not just with shopping. Every day life is like that and it takes a lot of concentration to block the extra details out. Neurotypical people don't realise how exhausting it is though and just expect us to be able to get on with life in their world, the same as they do. Awareness is the greatest issue, and since my diagnosis, no one I know is the slightest bit interested in finding out how all of this affects me. Selfish of me, I know, to think my family would be bothered. Bitter? Me? Okay, I hang my head in shame there. I'm just extremely tired of being told to "try harder" or 'we're all a bit autistic and we can cope!" We're not a problem to be solved (or drugged!), we're a difference that should be embraced and looked upon with kindness and acceptance. Please, give us credit for our strengths instead of gaslighting us by saying we're imagining things (I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall with that one!). Look at our good points, not just the inconvenient. By the way, I need that t-shirt!
Those lies are an evolutionary trait intended to convey a societal advantage. Ask why every politician and businessman lies on a regular basis and suddenly it becomes clear: they got to the top _specifically_ by acting deceptively. I am autistic and while I hate the world, I am forced to live in it, and so I must understand and adapt.
I felt all of that in my core The amount of times I was spot on about a connection I made and was gaslight after explaining the connection, only for months or years later to pass and things happen just as I expected it to because it was obvious to us but nonsensical coincidences to others
@@krelekari I love that fox in your picture 😍 Yes, we're the ones making it up and imagining things! We're the weird ones. People don't even think that they might be weird because they can't sense or connect the things the way we do. The stupid thing is, if people simply believed us and met us at least half way, life would be so much easier for everyone, not just those on the spectrum. But we are expected to deny our abilities, to live in their world and be like them. I think it's rather selfish, and hypocritical when they do that. I got myself diagnosed more for other people than for myself. I kept telling people that I was autistic and they never believed me. Now with a diagnosis and even more self knowledge, I'm still making things up apparently. It's my reality, not theirs. I believe theirs and their disabilities, so why can't they believe mine? (no need to answer, it's a rhetorical question). The world should be using our abilities, not denying them like most (not all) people prefer to do! This video cost me! I bought a hoodie similar to the t-shirt 😆
Thank you for your comment. You just explained a lot points where i am struggling with everyday. I am coming very much times too late at my job. And i couldnt explain it to my boss. But i am glad that he is very tolerant and still accepted it. And about those white lies, i am having the same problems that i began to think that everybody is using them and that they even lie to themselves and not even realise it
@@SpZ013 I'm glad that your boss is understanding and patient like that. We need all the help that we can get! I think you're right about lying to themselves too. But I think everyone does that. I often lie that I'm doing okay when I'm not. Take care xx
Yes! Exactly! I see the world the same way and experience the frustration of being forced to operate in a way that’s inefficient, not well thought out, and sometimes downright stupid, just because it’s the rules created by someone who doesn’t understand what’s going on. Thanks for putting voice to this empowered view of autism that I hold for myself :)
Autistic people are like children in the sense that both we and children have not learned the social-gear-greasing technique of BSing ourselves to make excuses for the world being genuinely incoherent. An adult sees everyone else playing the same game and through social legitimization convince themselves that the rules have to make sense on some level. A kid recognizes Calvinball when they see it, and so do I.
I wish I'd seen this two years ago, when it was uploaded. I'm not ashamed of my condition, but it hasn't benefitted me to share it with people I know. This has been exceptionally validating and eye opening. It's like people just expect everyone to know their "rules", even though those "rules" shift constantly. You just lowered my blood pressure. Thank you. 😊
There are peer reviewed studies on NT prejudice against us, eg "Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments". Those thin slice judgements, also known as heuristics, are the same filters they use to not perceive environmental reality, and instead see their contrived social "reality".
I felt a massive shift in "energy" I cannot think of a better word right now, when I watched this, and with it came clarity and calmness I can even feel my heartbeat relaxing to a 'normal' pace, I did not even realise I was stress today. I do not know if I am Autistic, it is something I need to have looked into, my son is getting an assessment done soon, his Pediatrician who deals with his ADHD really thinks he is, and his actions, and responses, really do fit and I can see why his specialist made the referral. I know one thing for sure, he and I are not N.T. never have been nor will be. and I now feel I can relax more about it.
@MaryDunford - my brother was diagnosed late in life; I think one of the key benefits of knowing about the condition is that it has helped him verbalize his boundaries a lot better. He doesn't explain his diagnosis, he just sets the boundary. Like NT's he is also subject to people-pleasing at different times, and like NT's he can work on that, but for other things like preventing overload, he's learned how to say "no" graciously. I wonder if I'm hanging out on the spectrum sometimes, long medical story aside, but when it comes to managing others' expectations: it helps me a lot to be at peace with who I am and how I am, and ok with people liking or not liking me. I just show up to be present, to be interested, to affirm, to show love and affection as appropriate to the relationship, and (sometimes) to challenge. When I fall short of others' expectations, I can be sorry and try to rectify. I don't expect myself to know everyone else's rules of "etiquette" and I ask more often what those are (cuz society has made it confusing for ALL of us!) I can do what I can do, and I can learn to do better, and I can choose whether or not I want to comply with others' expectations. Period.
You're "just a joke" seems pretty logical to me. I really do NOT understand so much of the culture and the world we live in, because it IS so dysfunctional. As an empathic person who actually cares about others, and an educated person who knows that limited resources should be preserved, I find it inconceivable why war is a thing that can happen. Why waste so much time, money, and lives creating MORE problems instead of working together to find logical solutions that work for everyone?
War is generally done to conquer others to take power, resources, and most importantly to act as a salve to ease the wounded pride of those in power. Something as simple as coordination of resources for the benefit of everyone else is just a talking point to them, nothing more. It’s sad. I’m giving you a digital hug.
You may be educated about the wrong topics. Immerse yourself a bit into evolutionary psychology, and you will quickly realize why the world is in the state it is in, why we haven't transformed the globe into a communist paradise yet. The key issue is sexual selection. As long as we are governed by hormones during our most productive decades, the world is going to continue to spiral downwards, until we finally manage to create machines that don't need us any more.
It's as the other guy said. Normies keep promoting one thing as being the proper way, but in reality, it is its polar opposite that is true and actually works, and is fundamental in getting somewhere in life in this society. You've given examples yourself- they promote empathy and inclusivity, plus keep labeling us as apathetic, but in reality, it is them who actually don't give a flying pig about others, especially those different than them, who either don't want to or simply cannot follow their idiocy in obedient status quo mode. Another blatant example: they keep saying that life, its satisfactory levels and health are a basic human right, yet in reality they are very much a privilege that you're supposed to work your rear off for. You do not work for rights, you work for privileges, period. Rights stop being rights when they require you to work for them and put yourself in danger. Even most deprived criminals are given their right to live as more and more countries avoid death penalty. Yet, completely harmless people who just want a peaceful and modest life without any sick ambitions, are treated worse than the lowest of criminals. Also, politicians and conglomerates stealing billions from people is normal and enough to get all kinds of state awards and massive tax write-offs, but when a poor, often also homeless person nicks a chocolate bar or a cookie from a store just because they are starving to death, or maybe for some kid/elderly/disabled person who is in the same predicament as them, then they are immediately arrested, labeled a menace to society and forced to slave off in a pen. What an incredibly healthy, highly inclusive and well-functioning society we have.
For the benefit of NTs i have to point out that disproportionate influence in creating our societies is in the hands of those with sociopathic traits. But maybe it's a little bit easier for NTs on average to go along with those sociopathic tendencies smoothing things over with pleasantries and unexamined beliefs.
I also think that most NT people are gullible to accepting those things in ways that Autistics are not. Then the NT’s get upset because they find it so uncomfortable to examine their indoctrinated beliefs.
Yep. One must be willing to uncaringly step on others to “get to the top.” That’s why CEOs of huge corporations cannot relate to others in any meaningful way. It’s all about feeding their own egos and a disregard for anyone who might get in their way.
Sociopaths rarely contribute any value to society. But they DO want to control everyone and anything in that society. Their rules and slogans are almost universally irrational and unfair.
Holy crap your "perfect day" has me crying all over my keyboard. That sounds so nice... I made the mistake of telling my employer that I have several disabilities when she started questioning why I needed so many days or afternoons off for specialist appointments. Since I told her, the constant "extra-ness" of her "managing" hasn't ceased. Gods I just *need to be left alone* 😔
not always an option, especially considering that an estimated 90% of autistic people aren't able to get a job in the first place. it's considered lucky if they can keep a job in the first place.@@t.a.4356
It's nice to see someone finally explaining this stuff, my whole life I've seen injustices and "stupid rules" that never made sense, like getting in trouble at school for punching back, or when people act like the richest in the world *earned* said riches, and that we have not. Fucked up world but at least I have my neurodivergent and LGBTQ friends. I wish you all luck and love.
Getting in trouble for punching back is heinous. That happened to me, after years of constant bullying and nothing being done about it. The one time I decide to hit back and put a stop to it, I get permanently excluded from school. The entire point is to condition you into not fighting back against oppressors, which for the most part in life, is your employers, the government and their enforcers. Some of the most evil people I have known in my life have been ND's though.
@@EgoChip Another injustice is that I'm asked to "respect people's politics and religions" when certain political and religious ideologies actively harm people like me (lgbtq folks mainly but also people in general who don't fit into the sociatal norm) and even literally praying in favor of my suffering and oppression.
@@HirschfeldWillamette It never made sense why we are forced to respect ideologies that are fundamentally intolerant. They have no respect for us. When you get to the core of not only Islam, but also Christianity, the sexism and homophobia in them is off the charts. Thankfully Christianity has been forced to evolve with the times, but Islam is still stuck in the dark ages.
@@EgoChip I would like to argue that a lot of the negative ways Islam is perceived by non-Muslims is due to not inherently Islamic dogma, but rather the cultures that perpetuate the sexism/homophobia/other discriminatory attitudes itself. The Qur'an is the same Qur'an as when the Prophet Mohammed wrote down the words of god/Allah, but interpretation can be vastly different, because people are different, and they have their own biases/prejudices. Not Muslim myself, so disclaimer there; what I have heard is that Islam discourages homosexuality, but doesn't explicitly say it's forbidden in the same way as people not being allowed to eat pork or drink alcohol. There is also no designated punishment for expressing homosexuality (so, stonings are a cultural thing), which is also unusual if homosexuality is indeed considered a great sin, since it exists for other more recognized sins. This leads me to believe that it's more of a soft no "well, I wouldn't recommend you to do it, but it's not like I'm telling you you are not allowed to do it or that it's inherently bad to do so" than a hard no, ie being gay does not make you bad. I wonder if it's because being gay often comes with the notion that you're not reproducing/raising a family, even though adoptions/other means of procreating a genetically related offspring to at least one of the parents are a modern option. Of course, I don't believe that people should have families/have children if that is against their own desires; this is just my speculating.
@@EgoChip It's important not to harden into an "Us vs. Them" mentality, which is what I think you hinted at in that last sentence. Yes, NDs who are awfully behaved people can be in the same Venn diagram circle as NTs who are awfully behaved people. But calling anyone "evil" is kind of silly when we're talking here about mostly behavioral manifestations of neurodivergence. People who act out in an unhealthy way are truly suffering from dysfunction. We have to stop locking people up like monsters and start treating them for whatever is causing their dysfunction. Treatment MIGHT include: education, proper nutrition, therapy, LOVE, or it may take medication (hopefully not).
This beginning of this video is just pure flattery 😅You took everything I've felt is wrong with me and spun it on it's head. Tomorrow is my birthday, and this video is gonna be hard to top as a gift ❤I know it's been a couple years since you posted this, but thank you!!
The kind of future I see, where neurodivergent people make an impact, is a future with different types of job applications and hiring processes, a common understanding that no one is competing against each other and we all have individual skills we can bring to the table, where there are more types of spaces for individuals to hangout at that don’t expect you to pay for anything (like public libraries), more sensory friendly hangout spots for neurodivergents to feel safe and positively stimulated (sensory museums?). There could be such a beautiful future.
I live in London UK 🇬🇧 my grandson and I are both Autistic. For a few months now the store ‘Morrisons’ have kindly allocated a 1 or 2 hr slot whereby they: turn off the music 🎶, dim the lights, turn off the beeping of the tills and the electronic sliding doors/entry gates. A refreshing step in the right direction.
In one of the park/gardens in Australia they have a smell garden with lots of integrated seating. It's really nice with lots of fragrant plants. I would like to see more things like that. I think they made it more for blind and older people.
Yesss omg I wrote my own version without reading yours and third spaces (non commercial spaces like libraries and free museums) play a HUGE role, employing artists and musicians to make spaces more enjoyable on a sensory level (my thing is music w/o lyrics in commercial spaces, so it is easier to concentrate and also much likely to be free from propaganda / ideologies), like lots of themed hangout spaces, but then also clothes libraries well employed with people who repair clothes, as well as community gardens that people can buy from or contribute labor to get food 😎😎😎
I'm a neurotypical person. I thought this was an awesome video. I really dislike the world we live in for all the reasons you mentioned. And at the end, that sounded like an awesome day for ANYONE not just a neurodivergent person. So bring on this new world you describe because I've been desperately waiting and wanting it my whole life.
Right? I am 52, my wife is 40, our son is 9 and he is on the spectrum, and is the reason I am watching these, but with every video and more so this one than any other I have seen so far, I can see my self at various stages in my life, and even with all the information here, it all makes PERFECT sense. and it really makes that popular comment in break ups that I also once used even more real, "It's not me, it's You" I said that to an Ex, I meant it then, and still do today if I bother to think about things from back then. for me if nothing else this helps me understand my son. and that alone is priceless
Although having autism has caused some issues for me, I think it is the greatest academic gift I could ever ask for. I can critically think exceptionally well because I never subscribed to the nonsense society tried to enculturate me into since birth (because those things simply didn’t make sense to me) and I don’t find challenges to my worldview to be distressing because I don’t combine my personal identity with my views. I also can empathize with and understand very different worldviews for that very reason and this has allowed me to excel in ways that I know I wouldn’t have been able to without being autistic.
@@glennwatson3313 are you sure you know what people mean when they say autistic people excel? I ask because it appears you don't. When they talk about autistic people excelling they're talking about excelling far, far, more than any nonautistic person is capable of. It's where the metaphorical "autism is a superpower" narrative comes from, it was nonautistic onlookers who started that narrative. In 2nd grade, I were already understanding algebraic equations, differentiation, integration, trigonometry, geometry, transformation graphs, logarithms, statistics, all A level mathematics. I eventually got to college to do a 2 year maths course, I get given the textbook on the first lesson, I went back one week later and the whole first year's work was completed with I pointed out over 50 mistakes in the textbook. I were ready for that course before I even reached 3rd grade. I were not out playing with friends or playing on games, at home and on the school play ground I were fixated on maths. Before dinner I were at a desk doing maths, as soon as I finished dinner I returned to my desk and continued doing maths.
@@autisticdan6151 My question was not whether autistic people excel. I'm sure they do. My question was, are autistic people, on average, superior to neurotypicals. So far I have only gotten answers like yours that dodge the question.
@@glennwatson3313 According to those of us who are neurodiversity advocates, we are equals. We simply vary in both strengths and difficulties but sadly our strengths are often overlooked. Neurodiversity advocates frown on all the "special" language and "superpower" narrative, we agree autism is a disability while pointing out disability is contextual. Those of us who agree with the concept of neurodiversity don't believe in the "normal" brain seen as the ideal, that's why we claim ableism is a problem. That's the main foundation of The Neurodiversity Paradigm, that all forms of neurological development are equally valid.
Thank you for talking about the struggles of autistic adults! We’re overlooked and underdxed so often that we’re basically ignored. It’s refreshing to have someone see us
😂you covered everything I feel towards neurotypical people and how frustrating it is surviving this world. Recently I did start saying that neurotypical people have really made a mess of the world, they don’t think thing’s through, narcissistic behaviour is also a common trait for them.
True! And don’t forget the social and psychological cruelty they seem to take satisfaction in dishing out for breaking any of the many tiny, unspoken, arbitrary social rules.
Funny how ND people have troubles related to inter-human emotions, but they are top in class at bitching and moaning and blaming others for just being normal human beings. Very logical, massive IQ 😂
@@AlastorTheNPDemon Is the person who calls out a dickhead for being a dickhead a dickhead themselves? Maybe, but that doesn't invalidate the original observation : )
Videos like this are equally validating, but so hard to watch. I'm undiagnosed because I grew up in a culture that couldn't handle the idea of me being neurodivergent- it was easier on everyone if I was just "weird" or "different" because I "functioned well enough". So I feel this mix of relief / being seen, but also semi-helpless because now as an adult I'm not sure how to get the support I've always needed so that I don't have to cope and overwork as much as I do.
You functioning "well enough" is what most humans experience. Everyone has their problems, everyone would like to have society being a little more helpful or supportive. So when you have identified your problems, the next step is trying out ways do deal with them until you find one that does. The kind of "help" you dream of is for those who cannot cope. Who fall through the roost. Who don't function "well enough".
@@VolkbrechtConsidering how vague OP is with their statements, telling them they don't need the help they dream of having is both rude and dismissive. You don't know their exact situation. There plenty of people who function "well enough" who are barely making it.
@@boshowa0840 Sometimes people need rude to calibrate their perception. What the maker of the video apparently does not realize: autism is no guarantee for extra talents. The condition does not correlate with intelligence. That's where the public image of weirdness comes from: autists who aren't even able to cope, who are noisy or shut in. Being only semi-helpless, being able to cope, is not a bad place to be in, looking at those alternatives. Sometimes happiness is a question of perspective. That's especially true when nature gave you a bad roll of the dice to start with.
@@Volkbrecht Well, impairement a matter of degree. For an autistic to function "Well enough" requires heroic effort, day in and day out. It grinds us dow and burns us out must faster than ordinary people. Autistic problems are sometimes the same problems NTs face - just much more severe. They are triggered by things NTs are blind to, like social conventions and light / sound / tastes/ smells / etc NTs are blissfully unaware of.
I cannot put into words right now how badly I needed to hear someone say literally all of that. I have felt so alone but determined to focus on the superpowers that are part and parcel of my autism. And I'm working to uncarry the shame of not feeling allowed or knowing how to take care of myself properly for most of my life. Thank you.
As well as being observant, especially regarding patterns, we're not invested in the status quo. Its a world not made by us or for us. We're nade to feel like outsiders, so were not wedded to society. All of this gives us a unique perspective, we can see through the noise and clutter of society.
I think the perfect day for an autistic person such as myself goes like this. You wake up and you have time to stay in your room for about an hour in complete silence to get your mind going. You start your work routine. Everything goes as expected at work. You feel very productive. No one judges you for monotasking and trusts that you are responsible and are doing what you are supposed to. You make a joke based on things you have seen or heard, or a pattern, and people think its funny (that one never happens for me lol). You have a quiet space to do your work. Then after work its that time of week, let's say Thursday, when you go on your scheduled date at the precise time you agreed upon. Your date does not see your sexual differences as inferior to the norm and actually enjoys your quirks. When you are talking to your date, she enjoys it when you dissect topics in detail, and believes you when you verbally state what your emotions are.
I’m not religious but consider this:”Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the world”. That’s us! It’s a ND world. It’s a metaphor for ND people having more n more say in how the world is run, imo.
This video is outrageously well put together. I appreciate the multiple scene changes, the animations, changes in attire, different expressions from actors...the list goes on. I completely agree with your views societally, as well. Honestly, this is one of the best videos I've unexpectedly come across in a very long time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
To be fair (not detracting from the validity of what you’re saying), I’m pretty sure that a lot of the quick shots shown in the video are stock footage, which usually implies that the footage is more profitable/usable if it properly conveys or matches a particular scenario as suggested by the content creator using the stock footage.
There’s nothing wrong with using stock footage! I only wish the corporate media would do more of that to keep production costs down. Then they could make their product less expensive to consume! (Looking at YOU, “prestige” media!)
I'm 67, never been diagnosed. Didn't speak until I was 4, was sensitive to sunlight on a white wall as a child. Had learning difficulties, have been told I see things in black and white ways. Have a deep sense of what is right and wrong and I love your idea of an ideal day I can go on and on about some of my oddities which I have learnt to embrace but which others find annoying. Thank you for another video that is an eye opener. I am probably one of those who because of not having the financial means will probably never get a diagnosis but I have also managed to get through life and also love being alone
This is one of the most relatable videos that I ever came across on RUclips. I have recently discovered that I am autistic and I soo love your perspective. This is how I truly felt when living in this world but could never express it. When I started expressing my thoughts and perspective, I was usually shut down by neurotypical individuals. I regret shutting out the neurodivergent aspects of me for so many years. I hope to embrace myself fully. And wish than somewhere in the future the world may not be driven solely by neurotypical people. Proud to be a part of neurodivergent nation.
I think your hopes of the world not being driven solely by neurotypicals is going to be realized VERY soon. That's what the "great awakening" or "reset" is all about. Higher frequency, more honest individuals (neurodivergents) are going to be the leaders of The New Earth
This has to be one of, if not the, best videos on autism I've ever seen. Not only full of good starter info, but presented in such a positive way that I just couldn't stop smiling. 😀
I never really realized just how much autism actually affects all of my beliefs and moral compass. Being unable to actually handle how much it seems people are getting screwed over by the social structure. I never understood why I do the things I do and that there was an explanation of why I feel how I feel. It is honestly so empowering to me. Being on disability and having no real family who cares, except a few of them. I have constantly felt unwelcome and like I've never truly had a home. I also have been recently diagnosed with PTS, which stems from my younger brother and sister being abused when I was four, and they were three and two. All of the things you said, just clicked in my head and helped me to realize just how and why things happen with me and my responses to them. Now, being armed with information and tools to take on things with a new knowledge and understanding, I think I may be able to do more and accomplish more. Thank you very much, you have no idea how much this has made my mood improve! Edit - I have Asperger's, didn't know that I could even potentially have it until 2019, or when I was 27, and got diagnosed via a neuropsychology evaluation in 2021. I always had trouble with social interactions, in family therapy I would be berated for not making eye contact, and I have always been oddly able to tell the intention and feelings of other people. It is not something I have ever understood much about, but seeing this video made a lot of things fall into place.
I love your sarcastic examples. Because it is exactly how I've seen the world my whole life. Everyone else looks like there is something wrong with them because they don't just say what they want, or actually put in the effort it would take to do the things they should.
This is why I keep saying that I AM differently abled, but society MAKES me disabled. Society should accommodate the people that live in them, not people tearing themselves apart to fit in society.
I'm a 77-year-old lady. I had to diagnose myself during covid as there were no specialists available. Imagine living your whole life confused. It all makes sense now. I decided that with the RUclips help, now I don't need an official diagnosis. Thank you, and God bless you!
Thank you for sharing so many nice observations about our community. I didn't expect to have such a strong reaction watching a RUclips video today. Feeling seen in a positive light however had me openly crying before I made it to the 10 minute mark.
Oh my god! The older I get the more uncomfortable and basically hopeless I feel about everything. It started by emotionally feeling things were a certain way. Then studying all my life I have found proof and words to put to every single thing I always knew was true in society and with people. Understanding things at a waaaayy higher level than nearly anyone else I am around have always made me an outcast. I make people very uneasy because they don't know what to really expect from me. I used to be very vocal about how I felt about certain things and would be loud about my insights. This just made everyone think I was Insane. Because they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Or they were too affraid to let themselves admit they knew what I was talking about.
Thank you! I am nearly 60 yrs old! My 37 yr old son is autistic, I am as well and I am quite certain my father was. (He too was a Doctor). I love your videos so much. Thank you for speaking from your heart and soul and for being so open. I see so many videos from EU an UK or AU but sadly not many from North America. Thanks, it is nice to see "others" here. We ARE "normal". Peace and safety to you friends.
I had to leave psychology after studying it as a special interest and then at uni. Because the general view of mental health or ND is SO behind. It's written by NTs for NTs. The only people that are doing legitimate research, advocacy, ANNNYTHING for the ND community...are ND people. I think due to this, there's big change coming. Some of the most profound stuff I've ever read is from Autsitc people who were considered too 'severe to ever speak'. NTs don't want to know about the rich and intense inner worlds of non speaking Autistic people. It's like they deliberately want to silence them/us. Thank you for your advocacy and education, you are right in so many ways.
It seems ridiculous that ND has to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist given that most psychiatrists are NT so have no idea how being ND actually feels. Additionally, ND people are often unable to access higher levels of education because the education system is not set up to meet their needs so they are less likely to become psychiatrists. It's like ND is being gate-kept by NTs and we aren't even able to own our own experiences. I get cross when people say that self diagnosis shouldn't be accepted but surely an autistic person is more likely to relate to autistic people on RUclips etc who are experiencing what they are experiencing too rather than someone who only knows what they have read in a book years ago and who makes decisions based on a list of questions that, in my opinion, doesn't even start to scratch the surface of the ND experience
@@Barox213 Prof vaknin is one of my favourite professors, especially on RUclips. His work is thorough and because he himself lacks empathy, his studies tend to have a lot less confirmatory bias. He's able to not be offended and not grasp at straws. I actually spoke to him briefly on WhatsApp about his therapy models for PDs because that was a big area of interest for me (being diagnosed formerly with BPD) and that being an area I'm familiar in! It's really interesting you brought him up! My special interest intensity is kicking in so I'm going to try to be chill 🤣 I haven't looked at the study yet myself, last time I checked in he was having his NPD therapy model IMAP (I believe?) Proofed and accredited so it could be set into motion. So I'm going to go right now and watch or read his latest theory! I realised myself that I absolutely have problems with empathy. It's not in a way where I would ever hurt someone or be rude for no reason, but if I don't understand someone's situation I find it really really hard to clearly or accurately put myself in their shoes. Half of it comes from not wanting to assume and the rest from literally not understanding bc I've never experienced it, so not having the ability to 'get' it. I hurt people in the past without even realising I had hurt them because I had no idea how they might have felt until years later when I experienced the thing I did to them and physically and mentally learned what they mightve went through. I think people hear 'empathy problems' or 'lack of empathy' and think 'bad person' 'serial killer' but it's generally not like that. Empathy is complex and only one small part of the whole picture. There are people that are instinctively great with understanding other people's needs yet treat people like crap anyway. Plus with Autism I feel (for me anyway) that I have lots of empathy, it just doesn't work on the spot all the time because I can't understand why someone might be doing what they're doing. I think as Autistic people go through life, and we learn by doing, processing etc that we can have fantastic empathetic skills, it just depends on our own personal experiences. It also has a lot to do with us being self blind, so we don't see how we might be impacting people, positive or negative. We aren't sure where we place, we aren't sure how to communicate well all the time (or at all), and when you lack the ability to see yourself and your impact, your empathy is inherently locked away. It's something that fascinates me daily. I take notes on myself, as I go through my own unmasking-self actualised journey. I would have never said I had problems with empathy until I got older and really introspected and reflected. Now I'm able to tend to my needs and the needs of others a lot easier. You can lack empathy and be a good person. A great person even. You can be compassionate, you can learn to understand and then apply those skills, you can be kind, friendly, and be a loveable person, even with all the empathy problems in the world. It's one part of a bigger picture, which is hard to always see.
@@ciaraskeleton Well, thanks for your elaborated answer. I don't know if i was searching for confirmation bias but i align with your opinion about empathy. The thing i am not aligning with is about the study that uses shame reaction to demonstrate that autistic people lack empathy. Apparently, according to the mind theory, shame is an emotion that is useful to socialize people. In my opinion, those who use shame to socialize are the ones lacking empathy. Shame is a way of submitting people through psychological violence. I have respect for prof vaknin work but i would never submit to such an idea. There are always better solutions when we put our intelligence at work. Have a good one.
@@Barox213 No of course, I was just giving a reason on why his studies are some of my favourite, as there are alot of psychologists and professor's who do run very hard with their own bias. I found the shame point to be one I disagreed with too. I think Autistic shame is a whole other kind of emotion. As I know most Autistic people whether online or friends in real life struggle deeply and intensely with shame. Shame holds us back from socialising to a huge degree. It might not look like typical shame, but I'd debate that it's worse and more paralyzing. I know I certainly lack embarrassment at times where others would have it, but not 'shame', if I felt that during social situations I would go home. 😂 I understand maybe the theory that the study is trying to suggest w regards shame, but like you, being Autistic, I'm familiar with deep shame. Maybe the study means..some of us can't mask and therefore it seems we must lack 'shame' for daring be ourselves and not notice others reactions to our behaviour, but that treads into incredibly dodgy territory because even the most socially impaired among us feel shame. Including high needs autistic people, who are often aware of their behaviour but can't do anything to control or stop it, or communicate their reasons for doing it. I think maybe for NTs shame works as some sort of odd social motivator, but it doesn't work for me or any other ND folk I know. If you shame me you'll likely get me being very assertive and telling you were to go, if I see someone being shamed, I will jump in and defend them because It hurts. Shame is the root of so many problems! Even NTs, core wounds come from shame and guilt. So I'm not entirely sure if maybe we are up to date with the function of shame socially or within Autistic people yet. I think the study shows that clearly we have a difference of experience and that's true, but as for not feeling/noticing shame or shame being a healthy part of socialising I'm not sure. Or lack of shame making us more socially impaired. I think the study is great, it's really informative but I think the only problem is that we are still applying NT emotions to an NT situation. Eg: based on the function of shame or empathy in an NT person. As opposed to acknowledging the inherent differences. Empathy is different for us, so shame likely is too. Same for probably many many emotions. I know it's all we have right now but in future I'd love to see some ND done studied on NDs and NTs about the differences in our experience of emotions and thus our differences in function of said emotion. I have, like lots of us, Alexithymia and delayed processing, so i might not actually be able to accurately identity and emotion in the moment, or I may feel a positive emotion such as excitement and have an intense nervous system response inside, as if it's negative. All this talk is making me want to do my own studies but I don't think I possibly could gather the resources.
This video is one of the most validating and liberating things I've ever consumed in my life. I'm just completely blown away. How grateful I am to have found your channel!!!!!!!!!!
I have to wake my grandson up at least an hour before he goes to preschool. He has developed his own routine...playing with me (we wrestle, big hugs) then he comes to eat breakfast, watches ipad for a few minutes, gets dressed, then gets his yogurt on the way to school. he's very happy. When he gets there, its important for the teachers to greet him and say hello before he goes into class. he wants to be acknowledged.
I'm not diagnosed, but relate with almost every quality listed. I've noticed an inability to respect different ways of navigating the world - diagnosing non common as defective instead of realizing its uniqueness. Great video
My wife, a senior occupational therapist, believes I am autistic. I have suspected it myself at several points in my life. After watching this video, it was like you knew me personally and spoke my life out loud as your example. Oddly, it was those last few things you said, about loud noises, sleeping aids, hypersensitivity to my bedding and bed clothes, and the deep anxiety about being thrust into social (or professional) situations, rather than having time to prepare ahead (at least a day) before being emotionally able to cope with them, that struck the deepest specific chimes with me. Probably because they are less obvious observations made by others, except by me as the person experiencing them. I am in my mid 50’s and doubt there is much I can do to restructure my life to be happier or make others happier, though I dearly wish I could and I never give up hope or effort to that end, especially for the wife whom I adore. I have no questions or requests. I just wanted to say thank you, for speaking my experience, speaking my inner life out loud, speaking my heart.
@@jillyjoan8416 : When I hear sentiments expressed in that way I can’t help thinking of Shakespeare’s reflection (which he puts into Hamlet’s mouth) about what would happen if we all got what we deserve? “For, who should ‘scape whipping?” But I do take your generous comment in the spirit intended and thank you for your kindness and sincerity. A rare an precious thing. I wish you better things than you deserve. All good things and joy, whether you deserve them or not. Your words lift me more than you know; more than I can express. Truly. Thank you.
YES. Thank you. It's insane that our kids have to sit indoors from 9 till 3 sitting in rows on chairs. Or for me to work in an open plan office from 9 to 5. It makes total evolutionary sense that there will be members of the species, members of the tribe who would... for example... stare into the sky at night to track the stars... or work on fixing problems or come up with wild outlandish leftfield solutions for the tribe. To treat those people now - in an industrialized society that prizes uniformity and consistent output - as somehow broken or disabled makes no sense. We've only lived like this for 150, 200 years... Thanks again for your videos
This is hillarious ❤🎉👌🏼 and also I am confident that there will be time when people finally get that ‘autistic’ is the original human-on-earth version (Original people) and the ‘neurotypical’ is the distorted society-created-twisted-human being version.
I so agree with you! For the past few years, I've been working on being my "true" self and I'm definitely getting more neurodivergent than I used to, but I like it 😊
Exactly how I have been seeing it. As well, I think these original humans exist in much greater numbers than anyone has thought. Happy to read your comment.
I’m curious what further discoveries through dna analysis will reveal. It’s right around the corner I imagine. However, there may be some efforts to not disclose the truth.
Diagnosed with ADHD at 56 here. I know there are many character traits that ADHD folks share with Autistic people. I think most of what you said rings true for me. It’s exhausting trying to get through to neurotypical people most of the time and it’s the same trying to follow their rules (not to mention BORING at times). I have, over the years, learned to mask but it never ends well. When I’m interested in something that consumes my time to the point of not socializing with friends and family for weeks up to a month they get annoyed and some give up. They don’t understand when I get indignant about their “rules”, especially anything to do with truthfulness. People wonder why I am friends with all sorts of people that they think are strange. It would be a better world if the neurodivergent ran it.
When we look at people through history who moved the world forward are strongly suspected, and some actually known to be neurodiverse. Bach was diagnosed with "Paranoid Personality Disorder," Bach was the owner of the Baroque period and he is the one who pushed the world of music forward to the Classical period. Ludwig van Beethoven was diagnosed with "Bipolar," and Beethoven is the musician who moved the music forward into the Romantic period with his music based on a girl he loved. Then because of the additional creativity, exploration, pattern thinking etc. of neurodiverse people, people with ADHD, autism, schizophrenia etc.. pushed music out of the tonal period into 20th century music. It's hypophisised that 90% of the technological inventions we have today came from minds of people on the autism spectrum. Richard Branson and the greatest entrepreneurs and fashion designers tend to be dyslexic which is what differentiates them from the not as creative entrepreneurs. John Nash was schizophrenic and is the one who came up with the geometric and mathematical formulas. All fields outside of the social world tend to be driven forward by neurodiverse people while the social world is driven by neurotypical people. I love the advantageous parts of being autistic that I find the difficulties worth living with.
This video is the best I’ve seen and describes my world so on point, and how I feel about the world we live in. Thank you - wish this could be shown on prime time tv to everyone!! Autism specialists for president/prime ministers/governments! The world would be a much better place for everyone!
I’m certain that I’m autistic. Am 48 years old and have severe trauma. Was targeted by a stalker at the same time as my family estranged from me in 2016 and I have been in crisis for a long time. My communication and meltdown issues have made it worse with friends, doctors and police. I had to leave the country to be safe. I don’t think I can stabilize without understanding and learning to work with my autism, and I don’t know how to get a Dx or services. I am afraid to keep struggling on my own. It has not gone well.
Backstory is a bit different for me, but the same about trauma and abuse. I definitely identify with you as you discuss your communication and meltdown issues and the rest. It is exhausting and depressing, and counselors have actually caused more damage for me. (For instance, while dealing with a death and the trauma delivered during that time, a counselor actually told me to "look at the flowers" instead of helping me deal with my feelings. Like on the second visit ... NOT months or years later, wallowing in self-pity as it seemed to be communicated.) Yet another NT wanting everyone to just smile and pretend everything is ok, imho. smh) Yeah, it has not gone well. Knowing Jesus and the Lord has been the only thing that keeps me grounded and not ending it all on my own. I pray that God will manifest His love to you. No one believes us, they think we are "making excuses" and that we do not have these challenges living in this sick society. I guess because it doesn't bother them to live in this sea of sickness. May this video and this message give you confidence that you are a BEAUTIFUL PERSON. 💞💞💞💞🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌
🤯🤯🤯🤯 I will watch this at least 5 more times on slow play. Thank you so much for sharing your work. I am an adult and have been working through healing my nervous system/ mental health for about 7 years now. My teenage son is neurodivergent. Some of his every day challenges are difficult for me to guide him through. This video alone says so much to help us understand each other on a different level. My son has taught me so much about myself, life, society. I am beyond grateful for him and for this space. 🙏🏼🙏🏼 I can not express enough how grateful I am to have found your channel.
Thank you so much for this video. I think it addresses comprehensively exactly what it it feels like, to us neurodivergent people, to live in a world built around confusing, contradictory, often dishonest and harmful neurotypical rules and norms. And thank you for describing so effectively a different world, one of acceptance of diversity and based on tolerance and mutual understanding.
This video reminds me a lot of a story I read in English class. There was a guy who went on a walk in the woods and ended up in a village of blind people, and the people in the village saw the man's sight as a disability, and thought it was impairing all his other senses. They also thought that he was less than... Mentally capable.. because he kept trying to tell them about sight and they wouldn't believe him. I'm pretty sure our teacher told the class that the theme was that "maybe disabled people aren't the ones who are disabled; it's just society that gave them that title" or something, but I had never thought about that being applied to autism (or ADHD) before. (Actually, the theme might have actually been that the title "disabled" is just not necessary and doesn't fit for either type of person. I think our teacher actually left it to our descretion, instead of just saying it was one or the other.)
I read that story, although I don’t remember it that well. I have to say that I completely disagree with your point in the point of the story. The guy wasn’t disabled, the blind villages just thought he was insane. He still had more capabilities than them, The blind people were still the disabled ones. That situation is not realistic with the exception of him not being used to it. Any more realistic situation he would’ve adapted and outcompeted them because that’s How having what those people considered an extra sense would Work once he became accustomed to it were he to stay there. The nature of whether someone is disabled or not is completely irrelevant to society and is entirely relevant to the medical model. I have Cerebral Palsy and high functioning autism, and society didn’t give me those things. Take my Cerebral Palsy, even if society was perfectly adapted to it, I would still be disabled because there are things that are hard for me to do if not download impossible because my charger abilities. It doesn’t change the fact that I can do less than most people and require accommodation. All this language about being “differently abled is just being dishonest And it comes across as a coping mechanism of denial ism by blaming society in a way that suggests one wouldn’t be disabled if not for societal issues. Society doesn’t make someone disabled, their impaired capabilities do. I’ve also seen several autism focus channels like this push for active hatred of Neurotypical people which is hypocritical. I don’t know if this one does that though, But there is an obvious political stance to his argument that makes a clear anterior motive for attacking society
@@maxkozak9702 I disagree with your perspective, because I believe the perception that more senses = more better is not completely accurate. Those with less senses often have more acute awareness/perception of the senses that they do have. Native Braille readers can read as fast as we can with sight. Autistic people would not be as ostracized if they were in a society comprised of other autistic people, because they can understand each other better than NTs can understand them. Their hypersensitivity would be seen as normal, and neurotypicals would be considered dull or hyposensitive. Many in the Deaf community do not see themselves as disabled because they can and often do live very normal lives within their own communities. I do not in any way mean to undermine or invalidate your own experiences because they are true to you. What I'm saying is, just because you may experience these perceived disabilities as disabilities doesn't mean other people's experiences with their own disabilities or "disabilities" are the same. I don't see Cerebral Palsy as equivalent to Autism or other specific "disabilities" that are disabling due to external circumstances rather than internal ones. Disability is highly subjective. I saw a video featuring conjoined twins, and how they said they disliked it when others would offer them pity and how "they would kill themselves if they were in their same position." But for them, this is their normal; they've never had a life outside of each other. And you know what? They are happy. You are free to define your own experiences in relation to yourself, but others are also free to say their disabilities are not disabling in principle, because they've obviously had experiences that are different to yours, that formulated their differing perception to yours.
@@maxkozak9702 Trace society’s steps back by as little as 200 years and the truth about disabilities is revealed. Today's people are blinded by political social narratives, the people you see in society, is that who they really are or is it people pretending to be someone they're not because they see "normal" as the ideal? Normality created in 1840 corrupted everything, all these disabilities already existed, so why weren't they seen as disabilities before 1840? Ever since the eugenics movement the rule has been "statistical deviation = disorder" when the actual rule about humans is "variation". How did homosexuality get a place in the DSM? During the eugenics movement homosexuality was seen as 'socially undesirable' so it was automatically classified as a pathological disorder, a political social narrative. What's wrong or unhealthy about hand-flapping? Nothing. So why is it considered a dysfunction? Once again, a political social narrative, it's seen as socially undesirable so it's automatically labelled a "symptom". If you put enough thought into it and do enough history to see the way things were before the invention of the "normal human", you will see disorders are more correlated with society and not biology. Disability always has, and always will be contextual.
One of the things I wish for this world is for everyone to embrace the darkness inside. I spent my entire life being treated like a freak, and even when I wasn’t, it felt like no one understood me. I was heavily monitored and controlled growing up, because one of my parents was ashamed of me not being “the perfect citizen”. It built resentment and I vehemently rejected it, but eventually, it grew into a blend of learning from this oppression and becoming comfortable with being a freak. People now aren’t scared of me because I’m unstable, they’re scared of me because I know and am brutally honest about what I am. I have a power that most people don’t: self awareness. I had a hard time typing it out because of another cog from my childhood: the seed of insecurity. I have this urge to knock myself down a peg every time I say something good about myself, and even admitting to having self awareness fires up that part of me that beats my head with a lead pipe, chanting “NARCISSIST, NARCISSIST, NARCISSIST!!” People enjoy hearing me talk, they even learn things about themselves. I’m still an enigma, but I’ve stopped caring about being hard to comprehend. To this day, I am an island, and while others see this as concerning, I am comfortable. I don’t even find the idea of solitary confinement scary, I’d simply be going home.
Thank you so much for all the information shared. This point of view is so important to me (and I'm almost sure to every deurodivergent person in the world) because it feels so overwhelming to be so "different" and not understood by the majority of people around you. Personaly I discovered that I'm autistic near my 30th birthday, I had some idea that somethig was off but didn't know what, and after that I started rediscovering how everithing impacts me, and all the small things really are important. Thank you again for your amazing work.
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"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ❤
I love that! Who is that quote attributed to?
@@MJ-gm7km I am not certain, but my recall is fairly confident and says that it comes from a book of Eric Fromm’s called The Sane Society.
@@MJ-gm7kmKrishnamurti 😊 (spirituality special interest hehe 😉 💗)
Even a broken clock is right twice a day
Most of these people on the spectrum blindly follow the status quo and never challenge it. While they may not be cool, Or popular... they still acquesce to how society works
@@ShreddedSteel and you’re clearly a very happy fulfilled person because of it 😓
But I might steal that quip from you haha…
Neurotypical cognitive disorder is freaking epic. A society where hypocrisy, dishonesty, gossip and vapid distraction are normal. And sociopaths are disproportionately successful in corporate power structures.
Crazy isn't it 😕 x I feel the same way
sociopaths ARENT disproportionately successful. theyre highly self destructive. its the Psychopaths and Narcissists. which funnily enough, autism shares the characteristics of having a lack of empathy. And i highly doubt that youre above "vapid distraction" given that you dont seem to see any value in socialization
I'm not autistic but I love autistic people and even ones with down syndrome. The honesty and values they hold, naturally, are refreshing. I am someone who refuses to lie, and it has worked for me well so far. Conversations with neuro-divergent people are the best I had this year, so far.
This video has been a complete wake up call 🤯 when you put it like that, It’s like seeing the code of the matrix before your eyes.
@@Aryzo Found the sociopath
It's so much easier to talk to someone who is autistic. You don't have to look in the eyes, you don't get small talk just information. It's so relaxing.
Anyone that calls it autism is a dickhead, we are a different race.
Yup
Unless they've learned masking then they might do a little smalltalk if they see it will benefit them.
@@JohnMichaelReedyou realize that's a stereotype? We do tend to hyper focus but, we also tend to have multiple, It's not just annoying rants, although we do hyper obsess, when we share that with others, it means they're most likely very close to you, be nice to your autistic friend if you have one.
@@JohnMichaelReed I hope you were saying this in good humor, since that's what I initially interpreted your comment as before Violet's comment above mine. If you're not interested in hearing about someone's passion, well, you don't have to listen, but it's not necessary to make the individual feel bad that their traits and your traits are incompatible, since that is something neither of you can help. Encourage them to find people who do wholeheartedly want to listen to their special interests, since they'll be more likely to accept and like the person for who they are, no matter their idiosyncracies
"they tend to be really trusting until they've been betrayed too many times" really hit me hard and I think once that turning point hits it's really hard to start trusting again
it is possible! it took a while but I'm on a successful journey. for me it was a trial and error, see how the people around me reacting to things (like sharing personal stuff, steeming etc). tho I can say that the people I feel the most comfortable with are nuerodivergent.
good luck on your journey, I believe in you!
Well , I will always give them the benefit of the doubt ,
but if they go on behaving like *ssholes ,
it is definitely over and out...
Including or especially close relatives 😤
I have hit that stage too. I do everything I can to give people around me room to be who they are. But the rules are not the same for me. That fairness and kindness is exploited all the time.
In work we are sidelined over and over again. Interviews are a nightmare. Pointless rules are made and we are micromanaged by idiots who feel threatened by our clarity.
Haven't found a feasible solution to "best not to trust anyone". Maybe I'm slow witted, maybe it just doesn't compute. I'm just afraid of these monsters around me, who appear quite content of the fact they're unaware.
One of my most hated traits of society...is what I call "assumed maliciousness!" People tend to assume bad motives and sneaky personal agendas...when all the autistic people I know, don't have a malicious bone in their body!!! Everything is very upfront, helpful, and innocent. They will help you just because they want to help! Not because they have ulterior motives!
I fully agree.
@AlexDiesTrying this was my mom am also autistic.
This, it's fucked, I don't do people anymore.
@@mikealwhitlock4039 ???
I always thought society is malicious in that way
When people start telling you that you're too logical, too intellectually and ethically consistent, too honest and sincere, and yet somehow too hard to figure out, you should start wondering who's really messed up here
Probably the low iq dumbbell who told you that 😂
People are lucky you are in their lives.
That is not the problem. As someone that was with someone with aspergers.. it is the lack of affection or the inability to understand feelings and they focus on themselves.. there is a whole group on traumatized spouses.. mostly women, the damage is deep, especially when they never got diagnosed because it was not done in the past
Amen!
You come of narcissistic, which is part of aspergers. We learn in life that being right doesn't lead to happiness and being brutally truthful is unkind
Im not autistic (as far as i know) but i cant help but to resonate with the fact that our society and world is really like "putting whip cream on a turd and wondering why it still smells like crap" ❤
that is a great analogy.
So what is the whipped cream an analogy for? It doesn't seem like they are even trying to hide it. The fact that they are the majority means they don't have to hide it or cover it in whipped cream. They openly flaunt it and are massively rewarded by society for it.
"If life with the way the world is, is a gift from God, I feel like someone gave me a pile of dog shit for Christmas."
Sometimes I wonder if sympathy is what makes people moral, or if it is a required counterbalance to all of humanity tribal instincts and hate for "others". Like, if we build a robot with no nonmimicing emotions nor ability for meaningful connections, operating on pure logic, will we just get an aroace autistic phycopath who operates like an average human being and sometimes even better?
Why the fuck Sweetiebot just popped in my mind?
After I watched this video: “shit.. am I autistic?”
"In an insane world, going sane looks and feels like madness"
This here is the exhausting truth
True
To be sane in an insane world is dangerous
there is no use to organize the chaos, because its build intrinsic in the world we live, in nature the plants grows chaotically, and so animals live a chaotic life, only we humans as society we try to organize things, but we still have this chaotic nature inside
@@Xontsgenetic behavior may be the main problem, and the unconscious decision to accept it as it is
@@FatherJohnny-oh4dh This statement "genetic behavior may be the main problem, and the unconscious decision to accept it as it is", word by word, was potentially so deep that I went to your channel and watched your 3 videos. They were right to the point.
What would happen if you left God and especially, holiness, out of it? Wouldn't the message become even more extreme?
You stress the word "share" in the context of even if it is a little bit. What are you really?
Thanks for posting this! It reminds me of this old quote: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." -William Gibson
So so true
he wrote some good shit
Yeah you're special and better than everyone else, it's definitely not that you have mental problems
@@mrosskneIt depends. If you move to other people and you start feeling fine, it is a case. However when this situation happens multiple times then you are the problem
@@mrossknethat is such a complete misread of the comment you replied to that it comes off as bad-faith. Not just a misunderstanding and insult, but an attempt at manipulation.
"If you don't want the truth, don't ask an Autistic person."
So true. I try to warn people but they don't listen. And then they get offended. And that just doesn't make sense.
You DO need some tact. you can't just tell someone "you're a dick". People aren't black or white and even the "worst" have something going for them.
thank you
I hate it so much when people keep asking for my opinion and don't even take it into account that they might not like my opinion.
For example "Do you like my hair?"
Ofcourse I noticed you changed it, if I didn't say anything, it is because I don't like it and don't want to offend you. Why do you force me to offend you?
Or when my colleague kept asking each morning "How are you"?
And when I told him how bad I felt he clearly didn't care about it. It took me quite some time to realise that he doesn't want to hear the answer, just a quick "I'm fine thanks"
Why do you even ask it then if it's meaningless?
Why can't people simply say what they mean and not get offended if I tell the truth?
@@Szan-40 The whole world would be better off if people said what they meant and meant what they said. You'd know exactly who it is you're dealing with right off and wouldn't have to waste time trying to figure people out. It's exhausting.
I always ask if the want a nice or an honest answer/opinion.
When you spoke about the empathy I nearly cried. So many ppl in my life think I can’t be autistic bc of how empathetic I am. I feel too much and it drives me crazy. Whenever I feel a strong emotion I just start crying, even if it’s happy.
Empathy is one of those words with two completely different meanings that people conflate. Me and most Autistic people I've met are terrible at reading other peoples's emotions as they happen, but that isn't the same thing as understanding other people's emotions/conditions when they are told to you or you think about them. I think I and probably most people with Autism are either averege or more of the latter then other people but because people hear that we aren't empathetic in one way they assume we aren't empathetic in either.
@@RRW359I think people may be getting confused over the difference between empathy and sympathy. What you described in the first scenario is empathy, while what you described in the second scenario is sympathy.
Empathy: understanding emotion indirectly, i.e. through body language or through emotion shown on faces but not verbally stated.
or
Understanding indirect emotion
Sympathy: showing compassion and understanding to those who you sympathize with.
or
Showing understanding for emotion directly
Usually people mix them up because they can happen at the same time. One *could* sympathize with someone *because* they empathize with them.
Sorry for the unclear definitions, but I hope I got my point across 😃
Right?! I was telling a story in my head once to entertain myself at work, and I unalived a character, so I started to cry because I was feeling the emotions of another character in the scene. My friend that I worked with at the time got worried because he thought someone had been mean to me. I get upset all the time when awful things happen, in real life and in fiction.
@@SlashDashGraveem·pa·thy
/ˈempəTHē/
noun
noun: empathy
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
"he has a total lack of empathy for anybody"
This is the way I always learned empathy, and also what came up when I googled it. In this "understand emotins" appears to be interchangeable with "share emotions," so it probably doesn't mean to understand what emotions are being expressed.
@@SlashDashGrave no, sympathy is feeling pity for someone's situation, it doesn't require you to understand they're feelings with the situation nor care about those feelings. I've never seen sympathy make someone cry over someone else experiences, nor make them wish better for that person. sympathy only brought pity and people looking at each others situations to feel better about their own. we cry and feel with people just as much. Yes, when we see someone cry we may ask why first before comforting and crying with them. But it isn't sympathy that makes us cry with them.
"Sympathy is more of a feeling of pity for another. Empathy is our ability to understand how someone feels, while sympathy is our relief in not having the same problems." - from psychiatric medical care.
sympathy
noun
1.
feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.
"they had great sympathy for the flood victims"
Similar:
2.
understanding between people; common feeling.
"the special sympathy between the two boys was obvious to all"
empathy
noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
the problem we have is not a lack of empathy, nor do we give this half hazard sympathy. I don't pity people who are upset. the fact is, most people expect you to magically read their minds when they aren't expressing anything that is considered universal and then blame you when you don't get it. Because my friend who doesn't express any unique behaviors is secretly depressed but because I don't know that I'm somehow un empathetic. and when I do find out apparently the only thing I can feel and express is pity/sympathy? get out of here with that, the only people I pity are homeless people until I actually talk to one and then I'm wishing I could give them the world or take their place. how is that not empathy?!
My son recently was diagnosed. I was confused when people were so careful when suggesting he may be on the spectrum. Like they may upset me. They aren't telling me he has cancer. Simply give me a different way to approach teaching and communicating with him. That only helps me and him. Then it dawned on me that a lot of people don't necessarily see it that way, which is silly. My boy is smart, kind and funny, not broken.
You are a wise and awesome parent. ❤
@@heatherl8063 you are a very sweet person. ❤️
Very clever and more advanced obviously in his senses and the way he sees things. Hard to fit in among people who aren't that way. Confusing for both. Sounds like you know for real there is nothing wrong with him and seems you are very clever yourself and know how to fit into society.
@@Fern_Yaz_Pets_Music you also, are very kind. Thank you.
I never treated my son like he was different. He was just like me and I raised him the way I wanted to have been raised - until they sold him to my abuser and his rapist in family court. his rapist got him diagnosed and acted like he was diseased from then on. but took him away from me anyway. narcs are like that.
I’m an Early Childhood Educator and I have a few students who are on the spectrum. People I know look at me so oddly when I talk about how amazing and intelligent my children on the spectrum are. It saddens me that people don’t see how wonderful these people really are.
I’ve noticed that most people who have been diagnosed with autism are incredibly intelligent, and they usually know everything about a subject that they’re highly interested in.
Being "wonderful people" doesn't mean they're normal. Pretending otherwise is just delusional.
@@nodak81it’s hateful to come here, to a video discussing the pain caused to people with autism by a society so uncomfortable that all mental types have finally noticed, and judge being okay with the latter as “normal”
did you know that the most typical human being is a 28-year-old, right-handed, urban, Han Chinese male earning less than £7,480 ($12,000) a year ? i would bet you are not that normal XD
what is normal ?
and why do ppl need to be it ?
@@nodak81
@@nodak81 What point are you even trying to make
As an asperger, I sometimes say in my head "The problem is we still live in an era where a disability shared by the majority is considered as the normality, and a person without disability is considered as disabled."
I have a question, since you were diagnosed with aspergers, do you still have that on your medic stuff since the DSM removed it and changed it to autism spectrum disorder or something like that?
Somethin I was thinking about.
I'm autistic too.
@@-pickle-4726 I m French and there isn t what you are talking about there
@@nicolenomade7454 The DSM is what doctors all over the world use to diagnose "mental conditions" Bleh.
It was changed in the recent one and aspergers no long exists.
Hi, fyi, the reason Asperger's doesn't exist now is because great research found there is No Distinction between "Asperger's" and autism. Apart from neurotypical expectations ("oh so you'll work to death and I don't have to offer any accommodations? Neat!") or privilege of a life with baked-in supports and accommodations so the struggles aren't noticed (whole family is "quirky", encourages sensory breaks, has lots of transport options, can afford safe foods etc so actually is more a well supported level 2 autistic) or option 3, just believing that life is pain for everyone and not realising how easy it is for NT people and so they lick the boot on their necks.
I'm with you. In my thinking you've nailed it!
The issue for me at work is neurotypical people get jealous of my work ethic and I get bullied. Then, I end up surrounded by drama even after having tried so hard to avoid it.
Same! I've had to deal with a lot of slander and even made to take numerous drug tests from false accusations. One even swore he saw me using an illicit smokable drug that grants speedy yet paranoid effects. Obviously I passed the drug test, he still got to keep his job. It's infuriating. I've been a high or top performer at every single job and it just gets me in trouble despite minding my own business. Finally found a job that pays 6 figures, make my own schedule and have no customers or coworkers. It's very peaceful.
same here, I'm getting bullied because of my work ethic and I don't realize that I'm getting bullied at the moment of me getting bullied until later when i think of what happen again
Yes, me too! I always wound up stuck in a big rumor about sleeping around simply because I smiled too much and did my job without talking all day.
And then there's me, who can't find a SINGLE thing they're good at... 😓
I think I must have the only work environment filled with neurodivergent people and I say that as a good thing…I’m usually the last person who can successfully integrate into a work environment where I’m surrounded by so many different people and different personalities all day yet where I work now such integration wound up feeling oddly natural, as if we all just get each other’s vibe and roll with it with few issues…😅
As a result of all of this, I’ve now been able to find myself promoted while still technically being a temp worker with rollover to full-time status coming in only a week and, instead of facing jealousy from the other employees who’ve been full-time for years and never been placed where I’m now (I’m in training to be one of only two people who do what I will be doing) instead I face kudos because they’ve all seen how I work and remember every bit of help they gave me to get to where I’m at. To them, my success is shared success because I’ve managed to accomplish way more than what could’ve been expected for a worker coming from a temp agency. These people honestly take great pride in having played a part in me becoming who I am there now…
If only society as a whole could see things in this way, the world would be a far better place for EVERYONE involved. Lifting others up lifts EVERYONE up in the long run and just simply CELEBRATING someone realizing their potential rather than being envious of it can truly go a long way in motivating them and others to do the same…❤️
It feels so good to hear someone speak about our culture the way you have. I’ve always thought humans are too attached to lying and hidden agendas and it makes zero sense! I’m not even diagnosed autistic and I’ve always thought that.
I have bad news , you are a decent person🤪
I have always thought about the lying and agendas as irrational and I am autistic. It's so messed up that the lying and hidden agendas are so common and doesn't help anyone actually get what they want. Rather, if instead, people just asked or tell me what they want, if it's in my capacity to help, I would if I knew what it was that they wanted. Alternatively if I personally can't help, I can probably reach out to someone else who can. Lying and hidden agendas don't really help in the fact that it usually damages relationships between people or feel like (to the person it's happening to) getting stabbed in the back by your own friend. It's not healthy and doesn't make sense.
@@AutisticPhillip exactly! Everything would be much simpler and better if everyone just told the truth.
@@MeowlodieHL I like you. You seem cool.
@@AutisticPhillip well thanks :).
I spent the first 30 years of my life traumatized over and over and over again, then COVID happened (I was in 2 high risk professions at the same time) and for a year the government paid me to sit at home and be separate from other people…and my life CHANGED. I self-dxed with autism, learned who I am, and learned where I fit and don’t fit. I’m not going to put up with abuse anymore from employers, partners, friends, acquaintances or groups. It’s like I’m water and NTs are sodium…the closer we get, the more they explode. I’m SO happy and mentally healthy now; I will find a way to avoid who I need to avoid. The thing with understanding yourself is that you also learn what to look for in a friend, partner, employer. I have a much clearer idea now, and so far it’s been going great and I’ve been making new friends that I really connect with. All I needed was 1 year to not be in constant survival mode and be able to reflect. And to REST. I’m very grateful for that! So that’s my example of a mentally healthy autistic person. I feel great! Now as I put my life back together, I’m going to form the big pieces (city, job, partner) around what I know. It’s like a second chance. Thanks for your video!
I am SOOO glad you discovered this. Your part about " It’s like I’m water and NTs are sodium" is something I would imagine an autistic person would say. LOL. Have you seen my video on self-diagnosis? If not, give it a watch and maybe that will help as well.
You told my story! Year 2020 gave me the gift of clear vision and freedom from survival mode. I too received government funds, plus SS.. My heart goes out to all the people who endured the most oppressive environment I have ever observed. That would have been extremely stressful for me. I refused to wear a mask except for 2 emergency situations. I shopped without a mask and avoided places that legalistically mandated it. What is ironical is now I realize I have been masking for a lot of my life. Yay for us getting free to be ourselves!
@@dcb252525 Oh man this gives me hope! As someone who had a severely traumatic upbringing and have recently discovered I'm Autistic, I've begun to worry I'll never be happy
wonderful! I'm also late diagnosed, I relate to what you say.
I wonder if society is changing because neeurodivergents are waking up and not being enslaved to a system designed to cope with disorder at the expense of genuine peace and fulfilment.
Totally stealing your water and Sodium analogy; Will help weed out the less "scientifically Inclined" people. Colour me impressed.
I too, am starting to avoid people who trigger me to much and I am being less and less apologetic about it, and that may includes family members too.
As someone once pointed out on a T shirt; "Autism is not an input error, it is a different operating system". Or as I like to put it; "people on the spectrum are running Linux, in a Windows world."
Interestingly, I think socially autistic people are running Windows in a Linux world. That is, simple, to-the-point. NTs are socially on Linux, you have to be in-the-know, and the way to do things is not as straightforward. Intellectually, autistic people are running Linux (more convoluted, deeper thinking), and NTs are running Windows (simplistic, user-friendly).
I'd say it's more like running Linux in a cage full of baboons
Yess! Btw, I prefer Linux over Windows
@spacecadet35
Thats a good one for me🤣
I also prefer Linux.
And it is the only system i can instal on my pc myself as a woman, not needing help of my brother.
Unfortunately There was nobody who can explain how the system works.
And i could not figure it out also.
So after a year or so, back to windows🙄
@@whiteeagle8140 - Yep. Until recently Autism didn't come with a readable manual either.
I’m 56 and only discovered my autism a couple of years ago. It’s been life changing, as I don’t feel the need to “fix myself” for the first time in my life. My view of the world has changed, too. I used to think I didn’t understand it. Now, I realize I’ve understood it quite well all this time.
I definitely want out of society, even though the workplace is my only real problem. I just got “laid off” today, from a job I’ve held in good standing for over two years, and I’m sure that the fact that I revealed I’m autistic three weeks ago is only a coincidence.
I was born on the wrong planet.
I can relate. It was quite strange to work for someone that highly valued all the traits and results that came from being autistic, but then they completely changed their tune when I revealed where it's coming from. A completely unfounded stigma.
I think you should talk with a lawyer. That sounds like a clear case of discrimination.
Hello there fellow 56 year old. I think our problem started with the taming or control of fire.
I've been an outlier all my life. I turned 68 last week. It's only recently realised that I'm probably autistic.
I've had realisations and tears when reflecting on periods of my life and why all my potentials were only ever potentials.
I, too, have said who said there is anything wrong with autistic people. Who gets to decide what "normal" is.
We are just from different planets
@@binathere2574right everyone is normal because they are themselves
"Born on the wrong planet" is the feeling that has accompanied me during my whole life. I feel so drained and exhausted after having tried since as far as I can remember to adapt to how the vast majority of how people function down here.
Yeah, me too, man, me too! It's like all these people around us are like aliens or something.
Same💙
Let's accept some of us aren't from here 🎉
@@deceiver444 👽 #metoo 👽 WTF am I doing here has also been my feeling since always.
I feel more "born into the wrong culture", individualistic and competitive just makes everything 10x worse.
The entire time I was watching this, I couldn't help but think of a speech I delivered about my sister a number of years ago. It's only now that I'm starting to realize I (diagnosed with ADHD) am probably also autistic.
They’ve always called Tammy handicapped - we just called her special.
It was frustrating at times to have the rules be different for me than they were for my sister. That’s not easy for a child to come to terms with. If I complained, my father would just say, “Tammy’s special!” and that was the end of discussion. She was my father’s angel - and, MAN did she revel in it! If there was something on your dinner plate she wanted, she’d just reach over and grab it, glaring at you as she said, “I’m special!” She knew we couldn’t say anything, because my father was at the table.
She IS special, but I didn’t really appreciate just how special until years later. Sure, I loved my sister - I’d protect and defend her to the ends of the earth, but that’s just because she was my sister. It’s what you do.
As a kid, I’d rail against people, “She’s not handicapped, she’s neurologically impaired!” God help you if you called her retarded. As I got older, I considered the terms more carefully. “Neurologically impaired” really doesn’t say much of anything. Someone who’s neurologically impaired could be severely developmentally disabled… or have a recurring muscle tick. If someone is handicapped, that implies to me that the person has a cap, or limit, on their handiness - that a person’s ability to function in the social framework we’ve constructed is more limited than most. That’s Tammy.
She’ll sometimes have difficulty grasping some of the more complex theories and concepts we’ve conjured up - but so do many others I know. She takes longer to learn some things than most people, but she tends to learn them better than most. Tammy’s handicap is not one of mental limitations, as much as it is social limitations.
Quite simply, she was, and still is, incapable of lying. It just isn’t in her nature.
When we were kids, it was convenient. We didn’t have much money, but once in a while we’d get the special treat of going out to dinner. My mother would let Tammy in on the surprise and tell her to keep it secret from the rest of us. So she’d come skipping in, singing, “I have a secret. I have a secret - and I can’t tell you…” It usually wasn’t terribly difficult to figure out the secret.
“Are we going to Grandma’s house?”
“NooOoo.”
“Are we going to the park?”
“NoOOoo.”
“Are we going out to dinner?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Are we going to KFC?”
“NoOoOo.”
“Burger King?”
“NNNNNoPE.”
“McDonald’s?”
“I can’t tell you.”
Eventually, she stopped telling us she had a secret, and instead would just float around quietly, looking like the cat who swallowed the canary.
We teach our children that lying is wrong. We tell them liars never get ahead. But in the world we’ve created, lying is encouraged and even rewarded. In fact, being honest can make living in our world MORE difficult. We use “creative accounting” to save money on taxes. We lie to spare people’s feelings (or more honestly, spare ourselves from having to face the discomfort of being frank about something difficult). We water down, soften or massage the truth in business dealings every day. Sugar coating the truth is even regarded as a kindness. In many contexts, honesty is considered to be downright rude. We tell someone how beautiful her hairstyle is, how much we like his latest book, how adorable their new baby is… We live duplicitous lives in many aspects - from… which corrupt corporations get our money, to which corrupt politicians get our votes. We assuage our guilt by blathering on about the complexities of the world and the difficulty of maintaining integrity in today’s- blah, blah, blah… We lie to ourselves. When our children recognize the reality of the world around them - and the truth about us - what conclusion should they come to?
Tammy found a twenty dollar bill on the floor of a supermarket, so she handed it in at the customer service desk. My mother told her the person behind the desk will probably keep it herself. Her response? “Maybe. But it’s not mine, so I can’t keep it.” If Tammy worked at the service desk and a customer turned in money, she’d keep it safe, just in case someone came asking for it. If she lost money in a store, she’d go to the service desk, hoping someone found it. Because of this, the only option she had was to turn that money in and hope for the best.
For Tammy, it’s perfectly simple - lying is wrong. Do the right thing, even if it’s hard. Don’t do the wrong thing, even if it hurts.
What’s the difference between right and wrong? Equally simple: how much your actions hurt others.
You don’t break promises. You do this by not making promises you can’t keep.
Tammy watched our alcoholic father drink most of the people he loved out of his life - including her. Because of this, she doesn’t drink. Not a drop. Not ever. But she also doesn’t judge those who do. She’s been to the bar with me - she had a soda. She even bought me Homer Simpson bottle openers and cocktail napkins for my birthday one year. It would be wrong for her to try and force my life decisions upon me. Besides, my drinking isn’t hurting the people I love. She finally ejected my father from her life - not because of the drinking, but because of the never-ending string of disappointments he left in his wake. He hurt her too many times and she grew tired of giving him more opportunities to do it again. My father’s drinking drove him to continually break his promises to the one person who was most precious to him in the world. If that's what alcohol can do to a person, Tammy’s simply unwilling to take that risk.
Tammy will likely never find success in business or sales… certainly not law or politics. She wears her emotions on her sleeve, never lies and never pretends to be something she’s not.
She’s handicapped because of her limited ability to succeed and prosper in the social structure we’ve built. But PLEASE don’t feel sorry for her. She’s always despised pity, and with good reason. Her handicap is not something to be sad about. I feel unbelievably blessed to have her as a sister, and it makes me joyful every time I think about it. What saddens me is that more people aren’t like her.
Honesty shouldn’t be the handicap, lying should… and THAT is on us!
I look up to my big sister and strive daily to be more like her. She’s one of my greatest heroes. I base my measure of success not on how much money I earn or what position I hold - rather, on how proud Tammy can be of my actions every day.
They sound awesome, I try really hard to be that way, too much noise in my head so everythings haphazard and broken now.
But I hope I am good.
Thank you for this wonderful comment. I have too much to say about it in one reply, so I have decided to say one part of it only: lies are indeed horrible. I hate lying. And yet, when I was gaslit and manipulated, I lost many friends. Some of the ones I held closest now hate me. All because of the lies someone told about me. And yet, all that did was make me stronger. I strive to tell the truth even more so now, in hopes that maybe one day I can build better and longer lasting friendships. In-fact, I already have. I do someday hope to be able to get the friends I lost back again, but I am happy with the ones I have now. And to be completely honest, they're a whole lot better than all the previous groups I had combined.
If you ever feel like it's hopeless, don't worry, things will get better. Just keep pushing through. You got this.
Pity? Lol, how about respect? Your sister is a sigma gigastacy... I have nothing but respect for her, holy moly... :D
That was absolutely beautiful.
been saying this for years now and deeply appreciate your review. “neurotypicals” are pathologically motivated and disconnected from themselves due to societal conditioning that the neurodiverse simply couldn’t conform to
The term "neurodiverse" would include neurotypicals, as it describes a group with differing neurotypes. "Neurodivergent" is more accurate if you mean non-neurotypicals.
thank you. hope my meaning wasn't lost in my misuse of the word@@theuncalledfor
Thank you for this
Really? What about the autistic people who are complicit in that conditioning? Or do they get a free pass and we only blame NT's? Also you claim that ND's can't conform to it, and I call BS on that. Many do, many are masking and conforming to societal norms as best as they can. Everyone is unique and these blanket statements are unhelpful. Autistic people are not special, just different. They are capable of, and can fall victim to, the same evils as NT's commit or suffer. I have seen many people use their autism as a weapon and an excuse, which makes them especially dangerous.
thanks for the empathy, your self-reflection, and for taking part in this corner of the internet. I appreciate that folks like you are willing to empathize, and possibly question the social expectations they uphold or perceive as "normal", or upon which their worldview is predicated. We all have them to some degree. I apologize for generalizing so broadly, the comment wasn't meant as a slight, especially not one directed specifically towards you as an individual. I've masked for years at great personal cost, and I still do it because it is what is expected and it's just easier. it's a pathological behavior on my part. it doesn't help my cause and it overrides my nature, my true impulses/needs, and has led to autoimmune disease and intermittent psychological burnout. this is a negative outcome for me and everyone I'm connected to. I'm saying that constructs of society (both good and bad) are chronically and deeply embedded within all of us. some of us are, by nature, much worse at upholding them. I believe we are the catalysts for change. see @nailati 's comment/quote for an equally inflammatory take. @quantummeme7655
Incredible how everything you say is applicable to autistic experience. I’m one of the traumatized autists and after decades, I seek only rest. Nt society is a toddler with an iron cudgel and I did not escape in time.
I know SO MANY who are basically wanting to tap out of society and be left alone. That saddens me. I often hear that they long for a cabin in the woods somewhere that only they know about.
@@NeurodivergentDoctor I long for my private cabin in the wilderness. I think that if someone invested money into creating a planned community with neurodiversity foremost in its planning, it would be a fascinating project and generate very useful and interesting information. I’d love to take a 1000 hectare property and build the ideal autistic community infrastructure and services from scratch, and then step back and let magic happen. I think it would yield extraordinary results. I think the world would really benefit from a project like that. (Not to mention the benefits for autistic people who could live in a place where we are able to reach our full potential, and in doing so, likely contribute greatly to the development of humankind.) 😊
I have wished my WHOLE LIFE to end up isolated with my lover and my animals in a cabin in the woods.
@@buttercxpdraws8101 this is a genuine pursuit I’ve been considering and planning for lately. I have several ND friends that are beginning to do this already and I’m starting to realize how doable and honestly, SENSIBLE this is.
@pipenorth9230 “Society is a toddler with an iron cudgel…” Gosh that’s such a good metaphor! Except I’d change its weapon to an OP destruction staff 😏 I’m (feminine presenting agender) another one who didn’t escape in time, *and* had to watch my brothers get a lot of help for their own autism/learning disabilities.
“What Autism look like in a person when they not been completely traumatized by a society that doesn’t support it? What an Autistic person look like who’s doing really well?”
That one hit me really hard.
It's sad
Omg when he said they might only watch RUclips for an hour because they aren't retreating from anything. I already knew I super retreat when people don't respect my boundaries
Even as a 10 year old autistic child I knew the world was geared towards neurotypicals. I was for a long time forced to act "normal" and mask my autism for many years which traumatised greatly. I decided in my thirties to stop acting "Normal" and I have been so much better off doing so. So the lesson here is never let society make you into something you are not. They do not at all care how badly it hurts you long term. Just be yourself no matter what and fight with everything you have to stay that way.
Wow. At 10 years old I was pretty much in a constant fog. I get the masking though.
This is very inspiring! Thank you! I’m 31 and self-identified autistic. It explains everything! I have fought my whole life to be “me” and I’m grateful for that trait within myself, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t done my share of masking and being horribly misdiagnosed with a bunch of other disorders. (They ALL have to do with my autism, I’m finding.) but anyway, here I am at 31 finding that I still have hidden so many parts of myself away. I’m working to not do this any longer and in any form ❤
I just try to practice whichever behaviour seems objectively better. For example… Spend plenty of time on individual pursuits without constant need for external validation? Autistic people are probably onto something there. Whereas: Look at people's facial expressions when they're talking to you? Neurotypicals are probably right about that one.
The whole “they” needs to stop. Who’s “they”? You mean anyone like you? Maybe they don’t care because a large swath of other people have other hurtles in life just as troubling if not magnitudes worse than dealing with functional autism. The world will never and has never been built for just one experience. Stop with that.
@@albertwesker2050 Naw I think “they” are the people who hit me when I cried bc I didn’t have the words to express myself. I think “they” are the people who wouldn’t give me a job after applying literally hundreds of places. I think “they” are family members who told me I was an embarrassment and that I make mountains out of molehills to the point where I now doubt I’m seeing a mountain when I see a mountain. “They” are everyone in my life who turned away in disgust when I came to them with a smile and wanted to hug them and/or talk to/connect with them.
“They” are the ones who didn’t do anything to help when my autistic self was trapped by a selfish man who controlled and hurt me and somehow I have 3 kids with. “They” are who shamed me as I wasn’t allowed to work or go to school while I raised my kids. “They” are who dismissed my feelings as invalid when my sister suddenly died in 1999. “They” are who did same when my brother killed himself in 2007. “They” are who did same when my one nurturer, my dad, died in 2008. “They” are who watched as I took my 3 kids and self and ran to strangers in order to protect them from their own father. “They” are who judged me when I was trying to survive on nothing and was brain-damaged from assaults by people I thought were trust-worthy and also not the ex-husband. “They” are who are not there for me after my sister, my last sibling, died of a heart attack Christmas morning 2020. “They” are the people who’ve bullied my kids all their lives. “They” are the people who judge me for not having a career and being weird.
“They” are the mental health “pros” (hahaha) who I’ve been seeing since I was 16 after I begged my mother to let me.
“They” are the people around me who didn’t notice or didn’t care that I wanted to die when I was six years old. (My dad worked constantly and I was happy around him.)
My kids are grown and successful and happy now and they SEE me and they love me- because I loved them! They are not brainwashed or something either lol. They witnessed everything and can judge and think for themselves.
They’ve had REAL problems like me and one of the biggest problems we’ve experienced are people who try to shut others down as if “they” know anything worth anything.
Please go heal your inner child or something.
Being traumatized by all the “theys” in society is not something I should have to tell someone is traumatic enough.
Imagine if we all expected amputees and paralyzed people to walk every day and shamed them if they didn’t (obviously couldn’t.)
You are a perfect example of who “they” are
As someone with autism who has entire family and friend group of autistic people, this video is extremely accurate. Although, I’m so high functioning that I fall in the weird middle ground between autism and Nuero-typicalism. Despite my autism, I understand weird things like sarcasm, white lies, grey areas, eye contact, etc. this does NOT mean I don’t have trouble with those things, it just means I managed to build an internal rule set that allows for their existence. As for my family, many of my siblings are less high functioning than myself, and a lot of these ideas are completely lost on them. On the opposite end, most of my friends are similarly high functioning to myself and understand these concepts as well as I do. I have also found, as with many of my friends, that as we age we become much less overstimulated with the noise and chaos of a neuro typical world. We also got much better at processing and articulating how we feel, and have emotional outbursts way less. We don’t have a workaround for the hyper fixation. The closest we have to that is my cyclical fixations, where I fixate on one topic so much I get burnt out on it and switch to other things, do the same for those things, and come back to the first thing. I don’t really think I need a fix for the obsessive fixation tho. It’s that kind of fixation which makes people experts.
Part of why I love my job so much, I believe anyway, is that it seems tailor-made for someone who can hyper-fixate and become an expert on a task with many multiple steps within that process.
For some background, where I work at (Olympic Case for those wondering) we build cases for groups like production companies (bands on tour and the like), sports teams, Disney and stuff like that. Our cases therefore come in all various shapes, sizes and styles and so thus are not built “assembly line fashion” like so many other things. While we do have a factory (of sorts) with multiple different departments to handle different aspects of different builds, each station within the process functions more or less like an assembly line unto itself, meaning that each individual worker self-manages a long series of steps that must all stay roughly well-coordinated yet also can be modified on the fly to meet the requirements of said build. While all of these changes may seem to be outside the scope of one who has a neurodivergent brain, it oddly enough winds up playing more to its strengths than one would first expect upon initial glance…
For one, this means each worker is essentially working alone for the majority of the time, allowing time to focus and come up with a good strategy for the process with little chance for error that would be coming from other people working within this same process…your process is YOUR process and you manage and work it ALONE.
Two, this means that one is also their own support, so any materials needed are located in the warehouse, retrieved from its warehouse location and then brought to the workstation by the worker HIMSELF with no need to seek out a Material Handler at any point beyond perhaps reporting shortages or located hard to find materials…yet another complication removed from the process and placed solidly within the worker’s own hands.
Third, ALL workers are trained on and expected to know how to read the paperwork (work orders) that accompany each and every build as this sheet gives you all of the instructions necessary to successfully complete the build. In the case of said paperwork, the instructions aren’t always 100% crystal clear and sometimes can have errors…however, the right sort of brain could easily just see this as an interesting challenge to overcome, especially as doing so has the potential to increase one’s skill level in understanding such technically involved paperwork and also has the added benefit of reducing the need to reach out for clarification, further reducing outside complications and delays from unnecessary human interaction. Basically, learning this paperwork clicks my “expert level” button in just the perfect way, making me able to put aside the often confusing and sometimes contradictory nature of said paperwork and focus on mastering my interpretation of it, making it a worthwhile challenge to overcome instead of the stumbling block it otherwise could potentially be.
Couple all of this together with fellow workers who are actually SUPPORTIVE of someone trying to excel at work rather than wasting their time trying to hold that worker back and you have the perfect recipe for someone who is neurodivergent to realize their full potential at a rate far faster than would otherwise typically be observed and, for that person, attain a sense of pride that stays with them and keeps them happily within that environment as, for us, these sorts of environments are rare finds indeed…
I started as a temp working an entry-level position knowing barely more than how to read a tape measure (the literal bare-bones basic experience level required for temp assignment) and am now in training to be the second of only TWO people assigned to working “Full Custom”, meaning that I will now be getting assigned to put together our most complex builds, including special projects that are assigned SOLELY to “Full Custom” for the ENTIRE build/assembly process. These are those plain-looking all wood cases that have no aluminum frame nor corners attached that production companies use to store their heavy cables and other electrical components. These cases come from CNC straight to “Full Custom” as mere stacks of bare pinewood and over the course of a week, will get everything done to them…from initial installation of the many T-Nuts all the way to Final Assembly…within the “Full Custom” area before then going to Shipping for screen printing, cleaning and simple installation of their sole divider…which has itself already been quarter-rounded, sanding and then painted by “Full Custom” and all Shipping does is slide it into place.
I rollover to full-time in a week…😅
It all just goes to show that yes, those of us who are neurodivergent CAN still achieve some amazing things so long as we have the sort of environment that cultivates and supports our success in a way that helps us blossom. One thing MANY of us crave IS a challenge…if we didn’t like challenges we would find some way to just stay out of this extremely challenging neurotypical world we live in as much as we could! We would take jobs where our interaction with fellow humans stays as thoroughly limited as absolutely possible because it really IS a lot for us to deal with simply day-to-day! But many of us don’t desire to be shut-in hermits PLUS our brains crave a challenge, so we do go out and we do interact…not always successfully but we try nonetheless…and we slowly get better at it as our brains rise to the challenge and adapt as much as they can so they can have yet another “Skills Mastery” award to put up on their internal walls and be once again proud to have beaten the odds yet again because again…it’s what we CRAVE!
But when we find ourselves working within the majority of the potential work environments out there and then face an entire system in place that seems more tailor-made to scupper our attempts to take on a challenge and see it out all the way through the way our brains crave…it winds up discouraging us and we may even engage in self-sabotage just because of how in vain we come to realize our efforts will most likely be. It isn’t that we expect to see the full fruits of our efforts right away…I’ve certainly not heard a lack of patience being listed as a common neurodivergent trait and, to be sure, many of us can be amongst some of the most patient people you’ll ever meet…it saves on unnecessary drama…😅
That said though, we DO like to see something here and there that will encourage us to keep pushing forward and keep taking that challenge on. For me, these “signposts”, if you will, came in the form of things like being occasionally assigned from Corners (my old entry-level job) to assist as Labor help in Full Custom, tasks which gave me my first tastes of the job I would ultimately one day fill although I obviously didn’t know this yet. They also came in the form of eventually being moved to an entirely new Corner station that I set up from scratch as it was a nothing station up until that point. It also came in the form of opportunities to help train new Corner people as they came in, something I still do to this day should one ask for it on any task. It also came through additional training opportunities to refine the skills that I was already well developing. All of these things gave me something to show me that my efforts weren’t wasted, even as I continued to work in Corners day-after-day and week-after-week. Those little moments of validation, as small as they may have been, all worked to keep mashing that “Expert” button in my brain that results in me continuing to improve and refine my skills, similar to when you see a crop that you planted growing…you don’t have your fruit from it yet but you know your efforts are producing the desired effect and so you continue to put that effort forward so that fruit will one day be ready for you to get.
By simply cultivating an environment that not only invites one to step up to a challenge but makes doing so almost a requirement, Olympic Case wound up cultivating me as a worker in a way few places ever could and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank them enough.
For my fellows out there struggling to succeed in a world that doesn’t seem to want us even IN it, much less SUCCEEDING within it…don’t give up…
Perhaps all you need is an attainable challenge…❤️👍🏻😁
@@christopheralthouse6378that sounds great! It's so encouraging to hear a success story where the square peg isn't forced into the round hole, but allowed to explore and grow and learn and excel! Well done friend😊
@@courtney9212 I do appreciate hearing that, although for me it was more being a square peg that found itself in an environment full of square holes to fill…😅
In any case though, it’s my hope that more of us will be fortunate enough to find these unusual and very unique environments in our lives (not just work but also in our relationships and home life) that give our brains what they need to succeed within them. We’re not broken…we just think differently from most others, simple as that.
I like to think of it as something like a light switch, simplistic as the analogy may be. A neurotypical has the switch installed right side up, so ‘ON’ is up and ‘OFF’ is down. However, a neurodivergent has the switch installed upside down, so now ‘ON’ is down and ‘OFF’ is up. I’ve seen the occasional light switch (in the real world, not an analogy) done upside down and can attest these switches worked every bit as fine as ones installed correctly. You flip the switch and the light turns on or off depending on which way you flip the switch. These upside down light switches didn’t fail at their task…they just performed it differently and who’s to say that either way is right? The only reason ‘ON’ is typically up and ‘OFF’ is typically down is because whoever set that standard up decided it should be this way. It could’ve just as easily be the other way and the whole “ON is up” convention could be seen as upside down if that was the case. In short, neither way is inherently wrong, it all works fine regardless…it’s just that one way is considered normal and the other isn’t.
This is the neurodivergent brain in as oversimplified of a nutshell as possible. In the same sense, our brains aren’t wrong nor are they malfunctioning…they’re just simply working differently from the generally accepted norm, a norm set by people none of us have ever met nor consulted regarding the matter. Had different people set these norms, then it’s entirely possible that these norms WOULD be significantly different and those seen currently as neurotypical could instead be themselves seen as neurodivergent. We don’t need fixing…we just need people to understand that, for us, ‘ON’ is down instead of up and act accordingly.
And when we find ourselves in an environment that understands this, caters to it and nurtures it…and ESPECIALLY when this has been done by design because it just happens to be an environment that works better that way anyway…
WE…SHINE! 🌞🥰
I agree with your internal rule set. For me that rule set was also attached to my mask I probably implemented as a toddler and still struggle with. I believe I have many “HF” relatives that were never diagnosed.
Yoooo! You basically just described my whole childhood aswell! I’ve been on medicine my whole life and only a couple years ago did I realize the only negative part from not taking it was a major withdrawal. So I got weened off it. And I’ve been sleeping better while also being more active!
I saw a great tiktok describing allistic tendencies as - "struggles to have a strong sense of morality", "caught up on social signals and unable to process core details", "difficulty making logical decisions in emotional situations", etc. I think it was really good to see it as a diagnosis for being allistic with downsides, to help view it more as different strengths instead of a weakness. Colorblind people can discern colors better within the range they can see, so I view this similarly - you might not pick up on what other people do but you're generally going to pick up on way more of what you are paying attention too
I'd never heard of this term "allistic". Thanks for teaching me this. Doesn't it basically take the place of the egotistical term "normal"? It's what people who can't see their own dysfunctions think of themselves. Like my favorite line from TNG, Dr. Crusher says: "If there's nothing wrong with ME...maybe there's something wrong with the UNIVERSE."
@scottbaker4534 allistic means non-autistic It can include other neurodiverse people though ...it's has been being used like "neurotypical" but they're slightly different. Both may be good words for you!
@@oakenadams3844 Definitely agreed, my point was about how it shouldn't be viewed as a downside regardless of diagnosis, my partner has ADD and I think that's another great example of benefits/downsides
This is just mind blowing. Do you have the link? 😭🙏
@@Julianninha sorry no! It was a while ago but it stuck with me
Thank you SO much for this! I am a 70 year old woman, self diagnosed a few years ago. Finally understanding myself has been incredibly affirming. And healing. I am now living a more authentic life and sharing insights with anyone who cares and is interested.
This makes so much sense. I grew up with my Mother's white family in the city. In the summers I went to my Dad's on the reservation. He usually dropped me off with my grandparents or my auntie because he rodeo'd. I spent all summer on the reservation and it's where I always felt like I could breathe. The culture is different. People talk slower, they're way more honest, I had a very solid routine there that was slower and had stimulation but it was gentle. It was the red dirt and the bright green trees, the water. My Grandpa had a small cafe and bar he owned and he'd let me "work" there. I could count money (I loved counting as a kid), or make and pour coffee (another thing I love the smell and I like the sound). Everything was slow, if I wandered off to talk to a dog that showed up outside nobody said or thought anything about it. If I didn't want to go I would go to my aunties (My grandpa's sister). She would listen to Donahue or whatever talk show and knit and rock. She let me hold her yarn and run it through my fingers as her feed (loved that) and her rocking was calming. None of my stimming, direct questions, or alone time seemed to bother them, they even acted like it was a normal thing to do. My White family would always say I act like my dad. I thought I just had the "personality" of my Nuuch family. I think I do have it but it wasn't that so much as that they were more accepting, more able to let me be myself. They have a wicked sense of humor and not only could I tell sarcasm, but I could understand when they were teasing me too. It actually helped me a lot because they taught me how to look for sarcasm and what was teasing and what was cruel. Maybe we need to slow it down. Maybe it's Atypical to be so stimulated all the time, it doesn't seem to be doing much for the mental state of the world, that's for sure.
Thank you for sharing. Love that perspective
Hey, there's an interesting idea I found in a book about many societies having ways to value different intellects that don't exist anymore in western societies. Like hey that kid is really good at talking to trees, walking like a puma and making good tea ! He must be some sort of a shaman ! Not that every neurodivergent person is a shaman (although who knows ?), but there is an important place within society for people who perceive the world in a different way, act in a different way, have different types of interests. And "we" (as in the typical western society) have mostly lost touch with that. Who in our cultures will notice and value that you have a special relationship with nature ? That animals kinda seem to understand you in their own way, or that you are so curious about the ways people speak that you can mimic anyone you've ever met ?
Also, love your story, thanks.
Look for my comment - because I think that having family that really understands you and gets you makes a huge difference to your mental health. I'm glad you had that experience, too.
Oh my gosh that sounds so amazing and ideal, I'm so glad you got to have those experiences!
Thank you for sharing the story. I also like the idea of a less stimulating and close to nature society and it makes me hopeful that this society partly already exists. So it is time to more and more shape such a society :D
"There is no salvation in becoming adapted to a world which is crazy." - Henry Miller
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” - George Orwell
I am not diagnosed ASD but identify with some of the traits. I've been laughed at and called gullible, sensitive, day dreamer, weird, and an over-sharer. Yet, I never considered calling those same neurotypical people dishonest, unaware, unintelligent, milquetoast, or insecure. That discrepancy is what leads me to think I'm on the right track. I have no need to insult anyone. It never crosses my mind. Yet I feel like I spend countless social interactions having to brush off neurotypical's odd need to be contrarian. NTs seem so deadset on useless social hierarchy, and get offended that I don't see hierarchy as valuable. The older I get the more I feel like I am a big brother pushing a younger brother away with one arm as he frenetically throws hay-makers at the air. I wish they could just throw punches at empty air without my involvement.
I know what you mean. The great temptation in my life is to move away from it all, to be as near a hermit as possible so the inconsistency and insanity of society can't affect me.
@@MaximilianonMars Works for me.
@@MaximilianonMars😅 I actually studied in my teen years to acquire at least a theoretical knowledge of skills that could enable a hermit existence. I never got to practice them, except for minor instances of foraging for food that nobody bought, sold or raised.
Welcome to the human race. Everyone is at times laughed at and called gullible. Everyone is sensitive. Everyone day dreams. Is weird and over-shares.
Of course you considered calling others dishonest, unaware, unintelligent, milquetoast, or insecure. In fact you actually did it a time or two. You have insulted people. Everyone has. You claim not to behave badly like some people do. I don't buy it.
@@MaximilianonMars But you don't move away because the benefits of society, as imperfect as it is, are still greater than the costs.
For 4 decades I was abused because I behaved, processed, responded, and concluded differently than my family. I've been treated for CPTSD for the past 8 years... last year my psychologist realized that I'm autistic. Undiagnosed all these years, sticking hard to rules and pointing out hypocrisy from those who preached those rules... I've been seeing patterns and connecting dots to wide ranges of things... and now I know why♡ it feels so good hearing your compassion about autism. You are helping me accept myself, finally.
My dad understood the empathy overload I described when I had to take breaks when my uncle (his brother in law) was dying and the grief from everyone in addition to my own was so intense that if I didn’t break away for a bit (no one else did), I would have had obvious meltdowns.
Me but I had to do it by myself
@@Spitfire-je1jy I empathize. In my case, I might have thought that had I not had a conversation with my dad about it later and I was surprised. I told him why I kept taking off and he said, “I know.” I’m not saying that is the case for you. I don’t know your situation. I hope you can find someone who gets you.
this is something ive never really considered myself. ive been under a lot of stress lately from trying to emotionally support people i genuinely care about, and this feels kinda on par with how i feel.
As an autist w/ADHD and of course, CPTSD, my biggest disability when it comes to interacting with allistic's has been my extreme gullibility. My ex told me he was in the CIA and FBI and I believed him. When I found out he was a liar, I still loved him. I've been talked into doing stupid and dangerous things that were against my character. I was the target for many a narcissist, they absolutely loved my reactions. I had no idea that I was different. Little by little I began to realize that I was not having the same experience as manipulator's do. I am not good at manipulations, which made it sooooo easy for the narcissist's to take advantage of me. That is, until I took a special interest in narcissism, hehehehehe(evil laugh). I went all in on researching those little booger's until I found out so much I am now their worst enemy. Oh my Lord! How they hate me! Ha! I love that I am who I am! I don't have hate toward myself like narcissist's do because I don't have to lie and manipulate....which makes you hate yourself instead of love yourself.
I still struggle to not be conned by people, especially those close to me. I have to keep reminding myself that honesty and integrity is never high on most people's priority list, where for me it is my "default setting"
@@WPVanHeerden Right! It is totally foreign to me to be manipulative and dishonest, and I'm grateful for that. I think my life is easier because of my honesty.
Haha, same here - love it !!!
(To be clear I don't wanna start an argument)
To be blunt I'm not liking how you're painting a bad picture of people with narcissistic personality disorder. Just because someone is a narcissist doesn't mean they're inherently mean or manipulative, or want to be. It wildly varies, either a narcissist doesn't try to improve or they do
Just my two cents, you can completely ignore me because this is the internet 💯
Be careful we are thier antagonist and as we can smell them they have their arm hair stand when they detect a well rounded on of us.
As a kid I went to a school that taught me how to be more socially adept through a set of rules. It’s amazing how complicated it is to appease people who prefer to be lied to, especially when they say they want the truth. One of those rules was, “if they say they want the truth, they probably want to hear a lie. The best option is to find a reason not to answer. If you have to answer, then answer honestly but throw as many adjectives and adverbs in as possible so they essentially just get confused or disinterested and go away.” I never understood why that was the better option until I observed how unsafe other autistic people were when they were simply honest with neurotypicals, and looking back I can see how many situations where I put myself in similar possibly dangerous situations. Sometimes that danger can include getting fired from a job. Honestly I’ve had very few jobs where the boss understands it only takes a couple accommodations for me to do an extraordinary job. Also I’m a great mechanic, some of my past coworkers with 40+ years say that I’m beyond them at 25. But I can’t work in an auto parts store because every time I’ve tried to, I’ve gotten into trouble for visualizing a problem and coming up with a diagnosis and offering the correct solution instead of the most expensive solution that matches the symptoms less accurately. I actually got fired for that, even though I was consistently working overtime and that lead to inconsistency and frustration. The more inconsistent my schedule, the more I was late and the more I was late the more I was “punished” with more scheduling inconsistencies. My boss also made up his own rules specifically to make it harder for me to keep a schedule and to do the job I was hired to do. Plus I’d be punished for trying to help people get the right parts. It just never made sense that I was supposed to lie to sell parts instead of telling the truth and fixing the problem. And it’s very hard to keep a job when you’re constantly questioning what your job is supposed to be because the job description changes quicker than the weather.
I appreciate your video, it’s very informative and fairly accurate and I hope it helps others understand.
Yeah, I've found also that it's important to realize in this situations that the goal of the workplace is different than what we think it's supposed to. What happened to you still sucks big time. Wish you can work for yourself and provide your gifts as a service to others.
Society and it's social rules are broken garbage, and I refuse to normalize the fact that everyone seems to like it that way. I'm convinced dishonesty and manipulation is the standard.
the goal of any successful legal entity, corporate or government,is to make as much money as possible without any lawsuits, regardless of any proposed purpose of business or governance. Always. A school is not to educate, a bank isn't a safe place to put money, etc., the list goes on.
Just wow! I worked for several years as a scientist in Neuroscience and have an academic background in Psychology. The more I learn about ADS, ADHD, and ADD, the more I get the impression we are indeed not talking about diseases. We are probably talking about different ways human brains are structured. I feel that we will discover many more such processing structures in the decades to come. Maybe like different operating systems for computers.
Look up Giftedness and RCCX Theroy. You will never look at Western Medicine the same way. It's a Game changing backed by DNA Theroy.
Explaining some of Medicines most stubborn mysterious illnesses. Ones that don't actually exist.
You mean ASD? Or is ADS something new?
as someone with adhd i agree. ive noticed my brain functions fundamentally different than most ppls but i dont see it as bad anymore now that im a business owner and not in school lol
@@omgitsgassio3191 True.
However now that I am studying biology, I see how many things get regulated by the same neurotransmitters and hormones.
All I'm saying is that a fractional diffrence in concentration (amount of hormone per volume) in key developmental moments probably changes a lot in what gets developed and how much. That's why there are also upsides to having a 'disorder'.
This however only applies to ADD ans ADHD, because they are uniform in syptomes. ASD just is too diverse to be caused by one thing only.
Stay alert to narcissistic authorities
I flinched when you said "until they've been betrayed to many times."
I've managed to arrange a somewhat comfortable life, but just without all the social stuff you mentioned
This is one of the best things I've ever seen. So, refreshing. I am an adult female, late diagnosed. Bullied all my life, and only now able to understand why. No one even suggested that I might be 'high functioning autistic' ever, until about a year ago. I've been a victim of domestic abuse, and a whole host of adversity I've had to deal with, including totally unsupportive family. I'm a single mother, and poor, and can't ever seem to get a break. Life is hard enough, but add in the rest of it....I loved that you talked about how disordered the world is, which is something I've felt my entire life. I'm only just now at a point I am starting to accept myself, and not see me as the problem. I can't stand the chaotic nature of everything that is the norm, especially in the USA....I've lived abroad also, in England, and that was better, but still not great. The USA is too fast, too loud, too big, too bright, too much, everything. I can't stand it. I never enjoy the things that my peers do, and I struggle to get any enjoyment out of life. I've always had sensory issues, and only now understand why.
I know this is going to sound bad, but I honestly think that NTs don't change the world because they actually like it this way. The things that fuel them are just not the things that fuel someone like me. They like chaos. They like pressure, stress, and competition. They like hobbies that disgust someone like me. They like vices, and hedonism. They like superficiality, and being two faced. They like using each other. It's all about just sort of satisfying their primitive urges, they are not interested in real personal growth or meaning. They aren't interested in a world that is actually pleasant to live in, safe, clean, and functional. They think the way it is, polluted, dangerous, ugly, etc IS pleasant. Huge crowds, and traffic, rundown buildings, and everything overpriced. Homeless people, and drugs, and jobs you hate, and all of it. They think this is all perfectly normal, and are repeatedly arguing with me that there allegedly is 'No other way of doing things', and this is 'Just the way humans have lived', and this while knowing that humans hardly ever lived this way for MOST of human history, and they don't even ever know what the bloody hell they are talking about! But they always think they are right. The minority of NTs who do get it, are too few, and far between, and perhaps they are not actually NTs after all....
The world is just too much for me, especially out here, and I often just have to retreat. Usually in the form of escapism. Fantasy worlds are so much more beautiful, and idyllic. People are kind, and noble. Principled, and honest. Magical things take place. Beauty, and goodness prevails. I have an easier time with children, than I do with adults, because children, at least until adults corrupt them, are just what they are, and they delight in wonders that adults have lost interest in. Children do not do small talk. Children do not have to look you in the eye. Children do not play mind games, and children do not need to use substances to have a good time. People have always looked down on me, made fun of me, called me lame, and other things for being what they patronisingly view as 'wholesome' or 'old fashioned'. They don't want to hang out with me, because they see my interests as weird, or boring. The funny part is, that's how I feel about theirs.
Make sure, your autistic overload
Isn't caused by your own ego.
This statement might piss you off now. But reflect on it.
Well said, Lucy. I am also a woman, late diagnosed earlier this year (aged 56). For years I asked myself 'what is wrong with me?' and gave myself a hard time, but gradually I came to the realisation that there's nothing wrong with my values and standards for interacting with other people; it's other people (neurotypical as I now understand it) who have created a crappy society simply because they are in the majority. Since my diagnosis I have withdrawn even further from engaging with other people (except for in special interest online communities), because I now know for sure that I am not defective and I do not have to put up with their chaos and duplicity.
Your comment resonated with me and I wanted to reply in solidarity. When surrounded by neurotypical nonsense it can feel like one is walking a lonely road, but what's becoming clear to me is that there is a multitude of us doing the same around the world, which I find a comforting thought. We don't have to tolerate their 'glittery poop' society.
I hope the sun is shining today in your part of the world.
@@ishbelharris1857 'glittery poop' lol I like it. Thank you. It's comforting to know there are others who feel this way, because most of the time, people just assert that I'm the only one who feels the way I do.
@@lucyanderson9064i actually checked to be sure I didn't write this lol. I highly relate.
@@m3ntyb I'm glad to know there are like minded people out there. Even though I never seem to meet them in real life.
I loved the way you showed how it feels to walk through a big store. Just going through a big grocery store is a complete torture. My experience is just like you showed how the woman experienced it. Complete artificial overstimulation attacking you from everywhere. So accurate.
I deal with the same problem. Except I am also ex military. Something I should never have been approved to join (wasn’t diagnosed, this was 15 years ago). So I have that overstimulation problem coupled with a military ptsd mindset. Checking doors, scanning for weapons, where people are looking, etc.
I think of people like radiation. The more concentrated it is, the less time I have in that room.
Going to Walmart is like visiting Chernobyl.
Yes! I have always struggled to go into big stores. I would headaches from the fluorescent lights and feel so tired and confused. Now I understand why!
This only works for regular grocery trips, but I'm so glad to shop at the same store every time with a reusable checklist on my phone with everything in order based on where it is in the store. Doesn't work for other stores, but it really helps my executive function.
Same here, and I got CIRS/MCS (environmental illness). I have hyper smell followed by inflammatory reaction in addition to the over stimulation. I feel like I live in a an apocalyptic wasteland basically.
pretty much everything with people or electric air ventilation systems can feel like that to an autist with no tools
Dang I never heard someone flip the script and talk about the downfalls of nuros before!! That was refreshing and I believe we should do it more often!! Keep up the good work
As a schizoid I highly relate to this.
I can't hold a job because I make everyone tense because I never laugh and hate small talk. Things get hostile real fast.
I feel in some roles you should be “allowed” to get away with not being sociable. If I were an employer I’d take the asocial hard worker over a social person who just made themselves look busy, if those were my choices (not that it’s ever that black and white, but still…)
@@ShintogaDeathAngelI was late to my restaurant job nearly every day and they struggled to replace me cuz every other bus boy quit after 3-4 days and didn't do anything. I worked hard as fuck when I was there because I saw no other option. I didn't participate in the social gossip and drama with the wait staff. I also couldn't tell when the line cooks and stuff were being sarcastic or talking shit. If someone isn't my friend, I don't really wanna hear "joking" roasts and shit talk. I'm sensitive. I have to decide in advance of a situation If this is a "joking" time or a "serious" time. Work was serious time so I would take everything seriously. I didn't have time to discern if people were messing around or not.
Anyway, it wasn't til I took off for Christmas without approval that they got rid of me. Good. Fuck that job. I now realize I don't actually have to work that hard. But I find it hard to not give everything into my role. It's harder to pretend to work than actually work..... but I got away with my chronic lateness and working on my own terms that way prolly only because I did the work of 2 people minimum. In fact I hated when the other bus boys joined cuz I had to slow down to train them and they were so slow and did maybe 20-25% of the work I did and get paid half of my tipshare! I preferred when I was alone so I got all the tipshare for bus boys. Losing 50% of my tips for 25% less work was bs
Schitzo-anything is just trying to survive in a world fuelled by rape and violence. As soon as you are sociable in society, they see it as an invitation to attack and destroy you. Avoid general society as much as possible, don't be afraid to sit on the outside.
Come to germany! Or maybe sweden, swedish people don’t like small talk. Germans have many autistic features, they are very direct and honest, serious. Many don’t like small talk.
I know how you feel too. And you're probably aware of the situation going down hill fast, like you're waiting for the car crash to happen.
I think people with autism should be the ones or at least involved in the process diagnosing of autism, because we experience this 24/7 we can typically identify people with it that don't necessarily have a diagnosis or are even aware they have it
I totally agree. I believe I am better able to recognize and diagnose autism because of my autism. It takes one to know one. It is wild being able to see autistic traits in people in the community, just walking around in the store, or park, or wherever.
You get a kind of "vibe" from other Autistic people, don't you? Like a feeling that they make sense.
@@dmgroberts5471 I can readily spot others.
Yes - I recently had an assessment with an organization called Wilderwood, and the assesment was done by a couple, one half of who is autistic. They use the standard approved tests, and also include one as current research and development for their own. The difference between the questions on the ones developed by non autistic Drs and these folks was night and day. The ones from non autistic people were confusing, unclear, and made me want to cry. (I did.) It took us quite a while to go through them, and they let me know at the beginning and throughout that this was normal and that many other autistic folks had questions and got confused in the exact same places as I did. The ones from this couple and their research were clear, simple, easy to answer, and extremely validating.
some of my friends are autistic by my own diagnosis, but i don't tell them that. i just know that's why we're friends.
This video made me cry (in a good way). I grew up in an emotionally abusive and neglectful household, where I was expected to succeed in school, sports, and music without complaint. During the limited time I had to myself, I used to lay in my room with the blinds closed, hoping that it would be enough to give me the strength to go another day. My mom told me multiple times that she way happy that I was "as smart as an autistic person, but without being terrible at social stuff." I WAS struggling with social connection, I just masked it by being a people pleaser and relying on my extroverted friends. I'm so glad that I can finally start to heal from the years of intense shame and depression.
my growing up was in the 1970's/80's and it was much like what you described.
i wish you the best and fastest healing from it that you can have that benefits you the most.
I sympathize with you.
I too know what it's like to be told how to think, how to feel... How to act. As an autistic person myself, trust me when I say there is nothing wrong with you.
You're just unique. And there is no shame in that.
I’ve gone through similar circumstances. I would be considered a “poster child” for autism since I’m only a little weird and really smart. The things I was passionate about were disincentivized, I was told I need to succeed in all I do without complaint. I spent my time mostly alone at home avoiding my own parents since they never built a level of trust or even friendship with me. My sister and I were neglected emotionally, my mom was emotionally fragile, easily upset or frustrated so I was always trying to help whether around the house with chores or giving her attention and affirmations. Why did a kid like me need to have the emotional stability to take care of my parents, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
The Venus Project would be a great start for a neurodivergent world. Imagine being able to trust everything, media, advertising. Education would become a joy instead of a punishment. I could write a book on it, but I get overwhelmed sometimes, I can't type or speak fast enough to keep up with the information coming from my head. Thanks for the video.
That would be heaven. Life would be exactly what it should be.
I'm a late diagnosed autistic and it wasn't until after I was diagnosed last year that I realised just how much neurotypical people are blinkered off from the world. It's as if they walk around with all of their senses completely closed off. It's absolutely amazing to see the difference, now that I am fully aware of it.
I have great difficulty with those 'lies" and always have. Why don't people just tell the truth? What do they have to lose? The lies just don't make sense and make me question everything people say. Agh!
The shopping with all of that noise too. It really is how you describe and not just with shopping. Every day life is like that and it takes a lot of concentration to block the extra details out. Neurotypical people don't realise how exhausting it is though and just expect us to be able to get on with life in their world, the same as they do.
Awareness is the greatest issue, and since my diagnosis, no one I know is the slightest bit interested in finding out how all of this affects me. Selfish of me, I know, to think my family would be bothered. Bitter? Me? Okay, I hang my head in shame there. I'm just extremely tired of being told to "try harder" or 'we're all a bit autistic and we can cope!" We're not a problem to be solved (or drugged!), we're a difference that should be embraced and looked upon with kindness and acceptance. Please, give us credit for our strengths instead of gaslighting us by saying we're imagining things (I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall with that one!). Look at our good points, not just the inconvenient.
By the way, I need that t-shirt!
Those lies are an evolutionary trait intended to convey a societal advantage. Ask why every politician and businessman lies on a regular basis and suddenly it becomes clear: they got to the top _specifically_ by acting deceptively.
I am autistic and while I hate the world, I am forced to live in it, and so I must understand and adapt.
I felt all of that in my core
The amount of times I was spot on about a connection I made and was gaslight after explaining the connection, only for months or years later to pass and things happen just as I expected it to because it was obvious to us but nonsensical coincidences to others
@@krelekari I love that fox in your picture 😍
Yes, we're the ones making it up and imagining things! We're the weird ones. People don't even think that they might be weird because they can't sense or connect the things the way we do.
The stupid thing is, if people simply believed us and met us at least half way, life would be so much easier for everyone, not just those on the spectrum. But we are expected to deny our abilities, to live in their world and be like them. I think it's rather selfish, and hypocritical when they do that.
I got myself diagnosed more for other people than for myself. I kept telling people that I was autistic and they never believed me. Now with a diagnosis and even more self knowledge, I'm still making things up apparently. It's my reality, not theirs. I believe theirs and their disabilities, so why can't they believe mine? (no need to answer, it's a rhetorical question). The world should be using our abilities, not denying them like most (not all) people prefer to do!
This video cost me! I bought a hoodie similar to the t-shirt 😆
Thank you for your comment. You just explained a lot points where i am struggling with everyday. I am coming very much times too late at my job. And i couldnt explain it to my boss. But i am glad that he is very tolerant and still accepted it. And about those white lies, i am having the same problems that i began to think that everybody is using them and that they even lie to themselves and not even realise it
@@SpZ013 I'm glad that your boss is understanding and patient like that. We need all the help that we can get!
I think you're right about lying to themselves too. But I think everyone does that. I often lie that I'm doing okay when I'm not. Take care xx
Yes! Exactly! I see the world the same way and experience the frustration of being forced to operate in a way that’s inefficient, not well thought out, and sometimes downright stupid, just because it’s the rules created by someone who doesn’t understand what’s going on. Thanks for putting voice to this empowered view of autism that I hold for myself :)
So I wasn't the only one
"you couldn't possibly know how to make the system work better it was made specifically to suit everyone" my ass
It's like yall took the thought right out of my head!
Holy smokes is this my clan
Autistic people are like children in the sense that both we and children have not learned the social-gear-greasing technique of BSing ourselves to make excuses for the world being genuinely incoherent.
An adult sees everyone else playing the same game and through social legitimization convince themselves that the rules have to make sense on some level.
A kid recognizes Calvinball when they see it, and so do I.
@@recursiveslacker7730 I'm kind of like that too, but I think autism is a little more complex than that
Nature is busy creating absolutely unique individuals, whereas culture has invented a single mold to which all must conform. It is grotesque.
Love how you articulated this, I'm ready to be a mold breaker
That is very profound
“Neurotypical Cognitive Disorder” (NCD) Priceless! 😂 Thank you for sharing this important information! 🙏
❤
I wish I'd seen this two years ago, when it was uploaded. I'm not ashamed of my condition, but it hasn't benefitted me to share it with people I know.
This has been exceptionally validating and eye opening. It's like people just expect everyone to know their "rules", even though those "rules" shift constantly. You just lowered my blood pressure. Thank you. 😊
There are peer reviewed studies on NT prejudice against us, eg "Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments". Those thin slice judgements, also known as heuristics, are the same filters they use to not perceive environmental reality, and instead see their contrived social "reality".
I felt a massive shift in "energy" I cannot think of a better word right now, when I watched this, and with it came clarity and calmness I can even feel my heartbeat relaxing to a 'normal' pace, I did not even realise I was stress today.
I do not know if I am Autistic, it is something I need to have looked into,
my son is getting an assessment done soon, his Pediatrician who deals with his ADHD really thinks he is, and his actions, and responses, really do fit and I can see why his specialist made the referral. I know one thing for sure, he and I are not N.T.
never have been nor will be.
and I now feel I can relax more about it.
@MaryDunford - my brother was diagnosed late in life; I think one of the key benefits of knowing about the condition is that it has helped him verbalize his boundaries a lot better. He doesn't explain his diagnosis, he just sets the boundary. Like NT's he is also subject to people-pleasing at different times, and like NT's he can work on that, but for other things like preventing overload, he's learned how to say "no" graciously.
I wonder if I'm hanging out on the spectrum sometimes, long medical story aside, but when it comes to managing others' expectations: it helps me a lot to be at peace with who I am and how I am, and ok with people liking or not liking me. I just show up to be present, to be interested, to affirm, to show love and affection as appropriate to the relationship, and (sometimes) to challenge. When I fall short of others' expectations, I can be sorry and try to rectify. I don't expect myself to know everyone else's rules of "etiquette" and I ask more often what those are (cuz society has made it confusing for ALL of us!) I can do what I can do, and I can learn to do better, and I can choose whether or not I want to comply with others' expectations. Period.
You're "just a joke" seems pretty logical to me. I really do NOT understand so much of the culture and the world we live in, because it IS so dysfunctional. As an empathic person who actually cares about others, and an educated person who knows that limited resources should be preserved, I find it inconceivable why war is a thing that can happen. Why waste so much time, money, and lives creating MORE problems instead of working together to find logical solutions that work for everyone?
War is generally done to conquer others to take power, resources, and most importantly to act as a salve to ease the wounded pride of those in power. Something as simple as coordination of resources for the benefit of everyone else is just a talking point to them, nothing more.
It’s sad. I’m giving you a digital hug.
It makes the war pigs A LOT of $$.
Because everyone only cares about themselves lmao. That's why they are so shortsighted.
You may be educated about the wrong topics. Immerse yourself a bit into evolutionary psychology, and you will quickly realize why the world is in the state it is in, why we haven't transformed the globe into a communist paradise yet. The key issue is sexual selection. As long as we are governed by hormones during our most productive decades, the world is going to continue to spiral downwards, until we finally manage to create machines that don't need us any more.
It's as the other guy said. Normies keep promoting one thing as being the proper way, but in reality, it is its polar opposite that is true and actually works, and is fundamental in getting somewhere in life in this society. You've given examples yourself- they promote empathy and inclusivity, plus keep labeling us as apathetic, but in reality, it is them who actually don't give a flying pig about others, especially those different than them, who either don't want to or simply cannot follow their idiocy in obedient status quo mode. Another blatant example: they keep saying that life, its satisfactory levels and health are a basic human right, yet in reality they are very much a privilege that you're supposed to work your rear off for. You do not work for rights, you work for privileges, period. Rights stop being rights when they require you to work for them and put yourself in danger. Even most deprived criminals are given their right to live as more and more countries avoid death penalty. Yet, completely harmless people who just want a peaceful and modest life without any sick ambitions, are treated worse than the lowest of criminals. Also, politicians and conglomerates stealing billions from people is normal and enough to get all kinds of state awards and massive tax write-offs, but when a poor, often also homeless person nicks a chocolate bar or a cookie from a store just because they are starving to death, or maybe for some kid/elderly/disabled person who is in the same predicament as them, then they are immediately arrested, labeled a menace to society and forced to slave off in a pen. What an incredibly healthy, highly inclusive and well-functioning society we have.
For the benefit of NTs i have to point out that disproportionate influence in creating our societies is in the hands of those with sociopathic traits. But maybe it's a little bit easier for NTs on average to go along with those sociopathic tendencies smoothing things over with pleasantries and unexamined beliefs.
I also think that most NT people are gullible to accepting those things in ways that Autistics are not. Then the NT’s get upset because they find it so uncomfortable to examine their indoctrinated beliefs.
Yep. One must be willing to uncaringly step on others to “get to the top.” That’s why CEOs of huge corporations cannot relate to others in any meaningful way. It’s all about feeding their own egos and a disregard for anyone who might get in their way.
Sociopaths rarely contribute any value to society. But they DO want to control everyone and anything in that society. Their rules and slogans are almost universally irrational and unfair.
Holy crap your "perfect day" has me crying all over my keyboard. That sounds so nice... I made the mistake of telling my employer that I have several disabilities when she started questioning why I needed so many days or afternoons off for specialist appointments. Since I told her, the constant "extra-ness" of her "managing" hasn't ceased. Gods I just *need to be left alone* 😔
Swap. You might not be aware of this drain at its full efect. Swap job.
not always an option, especially considering that an estimated 90% of autistic people aren't able to get a job in the first place. it's considered lucky if they can keep a job in the first place.@@t.a.4356
It's nice to see someone finally explaining this stuff, my whole life I've seen injustices and "stupid rules" that never made sense, like getting in trouble at school for punching back, or when people act like the richest in the world *earned* said riches, and that we have not. Fucked up world but at least I have my neurodivergent and LGBTQ friends. I wish you all luck and love.
Getting in trouble for punching back is heinous. That happened to me, after years of constant bullying and nothing being done about it. The one time I decide to hit back and put a stop to it, I get permanently excluded from school. The entire point is to condition you into not fighting back against oppressors, which for the most part in life, is your employers, the government and their enforcers. Some of the most evil people I have known in my life have been ND's though.
@@EgoChip Another injustice is that I'm asked to "respect people's politics and religions" when certain political and religious ideologies actively harm people like me (lgbtq folks mainly but also people in general who don't fit into the sociatal norm) and even literally praying in favor of my suffering and oppression.
@@HirschfeldWillamette It never made sense why we are forced to respect ideologies that are fundamentally intolerant. They have no respect for us. When you get to the core of not only Islam, but also Christianity, the sexism and homophobia in them is off the charts. Thankfully Christianity has been forced to evolve with the times, but Islam is still stuck in the dark ages.
@@EgoChip I would like to argue that a lot of the negative ways Islam is perceived by non-Muslims is due to not inherently Islamic dogma, but rather the cultures that perpetuate the sexism/homophobia/other discriminatory attitudes itself. The Qur'an is the same Qur'an as when the Prophet Mohammed wrote down the words of god/Allah, but interpretation can be vastly different, because people are different, and they have their own biases/prejudices. Not Muslim myself, so disclaimer there; what I have heard is that Islam discourages homosexuality, but doesn't explicitly say it's forbidden in the same way as people not being allowed to eat pork or drink alcohol. There is also no designated punishment for expressing homosexuality (so, stonings are a cultural thing), which is also unusual if homosexuality is indeed considered a great sin, since it exists for other more recognized sins. This leads me to believe that it's more of a soft no "well, I wouldn't recommend you to do it, but it's not like I'm telling you you are not allowed to do it or that it's inherently bad to do so" than a hard no, ie being gay does not make you bad.
I wonder if it's because being gay often comes with the notion that you're not reproducing/raising a family, even though adoptions/other means of procreating a genetically related offspring to at least one of the parents are a modern option. Of course, I don't believe that people should have families/have children if that is against their own desires; this is just my speculating.
@@EgoChip It's important not to harden into an "Us vs. Them" mentality, which is what I think you hinted at in that last sentence. Yes, NDs who are awfully behaved people can be in the same Venn diagram circle as NTs who are awfully behaved people. But calling anyone "evil" is kind of silly when we're talking here about mostly behavioral manifestations of neurodivergence. People who act out in an unhealthy way are truly suffering from dysfunction. We have to stop locking people up like monsters and start treating them for whatever is causing their dysfunction. Treatment MIGHT include: education, proper nutrition, therapy, LOVE, or it may take medication (hopefully not).
This beginning of this video is just pure flattery 😅You took everything I've felt is wrong with me and spun it on it's head. Tomorrow is my birthday, and this video is gonna be hard to top as a gift ❤I know it's been a couple years since you posted this, but thank you!!
🎉 happy birthday Have a wonderful day tomorrow
happy four week late birthday!
For me too, I like this video
Are u me ?
Hbd ofc
The kind of future I see, where neurodivergent people make an impact, is a future with different types of job applications and hiring processes, a common understanding that no one is competing against each other and we all have individual skills we can bring to the table, where there are more types of spaces for individuals to hangout at that don’t expect you to pay for anything (like public libraries), more sensory friendly hangout spots for neurodivergents to feel safe and positively stimulated (sensory museums?). There could be such a beautiful future.
I love this. I would LOVE some sensory friendly places. I hear some places are starting to do that.
can you describe what you envision when you say 'sensory museum'?
I live in London UK 🇬🇧 my grandson and I are both Autistic. For a few months now the store ‘Morrisons’ have kindly allocated a 1 or 2 hr slot whereby they: turn off the music 🎶, dim the lights, turn off the beeping of the tills and the electronic sliding doors/entry gates.
A refreshing step in the right direction.
In one of the park/gardens in Australia they have a smell garden with lots of integrated seating. It's really nice with lots of fragrant plants. I would like to see more things like that. I think they made it more for blind and older people.
Yesss omg I wrote my own version without reading yours and third spaces (non commercial spaces like libraries and free museums) play a HUGE role, employing artists and musicians to make spaces more enjoyable on a sensory level (my thing is music w/o lyrics in commercial spaces, so it is easier to concentrate and also much likely to be free from propaganda / ideologies), like lots of themed hangout spaces, but then also clothes libraries well employed with people who repair clothes, as well as community gardens that people can buy from or contribute labor to get food 😎😎😎
I'm a neurotypical person. I thought this was an awesome video. I really dislike the world we live in for all the reasons you mentioned. And at the end, that sounded like an awesome day for ANYONE not just a neurodivergent person. So bring on this new world you describe because I've been desperately waiting and wanting it my whole life.
I’m 35. I have wondered for years whether I might be on the spectrum. This video helps me so much. I understand everything you’re saying. Thank you.
Right? I am 52, my wife is 40, our son is 9 and he is on the spectrum, and is the reason I am watching these, but with every video and more so this one than any other I have seen so far, I can see my self at various stages in my life, and even with all the information here, it all makes PERFECT sense.
and it really makes that popular comment in break ups that I also once used even more real, "It's not me, it's You" I said that to an Ex, I meant it then, and still do today if I bother to think about things from back then.
for me if nothing else this helps me understand my son. and that alone is priceless
@@Rodger_PhillipsAsd often runs in families. If your son has it, it is very possible that you might as well.
One of us. One of us. One of us.
@@Kevin15047 thanks man
Although having autism has caused some issues for me, I think it is the greatest academic gift I could ever ask for. I can critically think exceptionally well because I never subscribed to the nonsense society tried to enculturate me into since birth (because those things simply didn’t make sense to me) and I don’t find challenges to my worldview to be distressing because I don’t combine my personal identity with my views. I also can empathize with and understand very different worldviews for that very reason and this has allowed me to excel in ways that I know I wouldn’t have been able to without being autistic.
Plenty of people without autism excel.
@@glennwatson3313 are you sure you know what people mean when they say autistic people excel? I ask because it appears you don't.
When they talk about autistic people excelling they're talking about excelling far, far, more than any nonautistic person is capable of. It's where the metaphorical "autism is a superpower" narrative comes from, it was nonautistic onlookers who started that narrative.
In 2nd grade, I were already understanding algebraic equations, differentiation, integration, trigonometry, geometry, transformation graphs, logarithms, statistics, all A level mathematics. I eventually got to college to do a 2 year maths course, I get given the textbook on the first lesson, I went back one week later and the whole first year's work was completed with I pointed out over 50 mistakes in the textbook. I were ready for that course before I even reached 3rd grade.
I were not out playing with friends or playing on games, at home and on the school play ground I were fixated on maths. Before dinner I were at a desk doing maths, as soon as I finished dinner I returned to my desk and continued doing maths.
@@autisticdan6151 My question was not whether autistic people excel. I'm sure they do. My question was, are autistic people, on average, superior to neurotypicals. So far I have only gotten answers like yours that dodge the question.
@@glennwatson3313
According to those of us who are neurodiversity advocates, we are equals.
We simply vary in both strengths and difficulties but sadly our strengths are often overlooked. Neurodiversity advocates frown on all the "special" language and "superpower" narrative, we agree autism is a disability while pointing out disability is contextual.
Those of us who agree with the concept of neurodiversity don't believe in the "normal" brain seen as the ideal, that's why we claim ableism is a problem.
That's the main foundation of The Neurodiversity Paradigm, that all forms of neurological development are equally valid.
I was just thinking this today. Totally agree. We just see things as they really are. And that’s lonely in this world full of illusions.
😡 Realize that we must come together to build a new world without NT people!
As they are, correct. I don't know what truth is anymore, except logic.
I know the natural world is true, but the virtual world? layers of lies.
Thank you for talking about the struggles of autistic adults! We’re overlooked and underdxed so often that we’re basically ignored. It’s refreshing to have someone see us
😂you covered everything I feel towards neurotypical people and how frustrating it is surviving this world. Recently I did start saying that neurotypical people have really made a mess of the world, they don’t think thing’s through, narcissistic behaviour is also a common trait for them.
True! And don’t forget the social and psychological cruelty they seem to take satisfaction in dishing out for breaking any of the many tiny, unspoken, arbitrary social rules.
@@InAHollowTreeCarte blanche to use words as a dagger and stab them in their little hearts!
Funny how ND people have troubles related to inter-human emotions, but they are top in class at bitching and moaning and blaming others for just being normal human beings. Very logical, massive IQ 😂
@@KangMinseok Isn't that what you're doing right now?
@@AlastorTheNPDemon Is the person who calls out a dickhead for being a dickhead a dickhead themselves? Maybe, but that doesn't invalidate the original observation : )
Videos like this are equally validating, but so hard to watch. I'm undiagnosed because I grew up in a culture that couldn't handle the idea of me being neurodivergent- it was easier on everyone if I was just "weird" or "different" because I "functioned well enough". So I feel this mix of relief / being seen, but also semi-helpless because now as an adult I'm not sure how to get the support I've always needed so that I don't have to cope and overwork as much as I do.
I am hoping these videos and my advocacy work will help make this a better world for you and others like us. Have you seen my self diagnosis video?
You functioning "well enough" is what most humans experience. Everyone has their problems, everyone would like to have society being a little more helpful or supportive. So when you have identified your problems, the next step is trying out ways do deal with them until you find one that does. The kind of "help" you dream of is for those who cannot cope. Who fall through the roost. Who don't function "well enough".
@@VolkbrechtConsidering how vague OP is with their statements, telling them they don't need the help they dream of having is both rude and dismissive. You don't know their exact situation. There plenty of people who function "well enough" who are barely making it.
@@boshowa0840 Sometimes people need rude to calibrate their perception. What the maker of the video apparently does not realize: autism is no guarantee for extra talents. The condition does not correlate with intelligence. That's where the public image of weirdness comes from: autists who aren't even able to cope, who are noisy or shut in. Being only semi-helpless, being able to cope, is not a bad place to be in, looking at those alternatives. Sometimes happiness is a question of perspective. That's especially true when nature gave you a bad roll of the dice to start with.
@@Volkbrecht Well, impairement a matter of degree. For an autistic to function "Well enough" requires heroic effort, day in and day out. It grinds us dow and burns us out must faster than ordinary people. Autistic problems are sometimes the same problems NTs face - just much more severe. They are triggered by things NTs are blind to, like social conventions and light / sound / tastes/ smells / etc NTs are blissfully unaware of.
I cannot put into words right now how badly I needed to hear someone say literally all of that. I have felt so alone but determined to focus on the superpowers that are part and parcel of my autism. And I'm working to uncarry the shame of not feeling allowed or knowing how to take care of myself properly for most of my life. Thank you.
As well as being observant, especially regarding patterns, we're not invested in the status quo. Its a world not made by us or for us. We're nade to feel like outsiders, so were not wedded to society. All of this gives us a unique perspective, we can see through the noise and clutter of society.
I think the perfect day for an autistic person such as myself goes like this. You wake up and you have time to stay in your room for about an hour in complete silence to get your mind going. You start your work routine. Everything goes as expected at work. You feel very productive. No one judges you for monotasking and trusts that you are responsible and are doing what you are supposed to. You make a joke based on things you have seen or heard, or a pattern, and people think its funny (that one never happens for me lol). You have a quiet space to do your work. Then after work its that time of week, let's say Thursday, when you go on your scheduled date at the precise time you agreed upon. Your date does not see your sexual differences as inferior to the norm and actually enjoys your quirks. When you are talking to your date, she enjoys it when you dissect topics in detail, and believes you when you verbally state what your emotions are.
As a fellow autistic, you have quite accurately described the ideal
So work is a perfect day? don't you want to have any fun in life.
@@GyobuTheDemonOniwa I'm afraid you will never get it.
It is a perfect day.
@@GyobuTheDemonOniwa if the job is relating to a person's interests, they are probably having fun on the job.
What you are saying is revolutionary. Thank you for this amazing perspective!
I’m not religious but consider this:”Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the world”. That’s us! It’s a ND world. It’s a metaphor for ND people having more n more say in how the world is run, imo.
This video is outrageously well put together. I appreciate the multiple scene changes, the animations, changes in attire, different expressions from actors...the list goes on. I completely agree with your views societally, as well. Honestly, this is one of the best videos I've unexpectedly come across in a very long time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
To be fair (not detracting from the validity of what you’re saying), I’m pretty sure that a lot of the quick shots shown in the video are stock footage, which usually implies that the footage is more profitable/usable if it properly conveys or matches a particular scenario as suggested by the content creator using the stock footage.
There’s nothing wrong with using stock footage! I only wish the corporate media would do more of that to keep production costs down. Then they could make their product less expensive to consume!
(Looking at YOU, “prestige” media!)
I'm 67, never been diagnosed. Didn't speak until I was 4, was sensitive to sunlight on a white wall as a child. Had learning difficulties, have been told I see things in black and white ways. Have a deep sense of what is right and wrong and I love your idea of an ideal day I can go on and on about some of my oddities which I have learnt to embrace but which others find annoying. Thank you for another video that is an eye opener. I am probably one of those who because of not having the financial means will probably never get a diagnosis but I have also managed to get through life and also love being alone
What you are saying in this video is incredibly important. Your work is going to help the neurodiverse (and neurotypical) community enormously 💕
Thank you so much. A big challenge is getting this information to more people.
This is by far the best video about Autism I have ever watched! I hope more videos are coming soon!
This is one of the most relatable videos that I ever came across on RUclips. I have recently discovered that I am autistic and I soo love your perspective. This is how I truly felt when living in this world but could never express it. When I started expressing my thoughts and perspective, I was usually shut down by neurotypical individuals. I regret shutting out the neurodivergent aspects of me for so many years. I hope to embrace myself fully. And wish than somewhere in the future the world may not be driven solely by neurotypical people. Proud to be a part of neurodivergent nation.
I think your hopes of the world not being driven solely by neurotypicals is going to be realized VERY soon. That's what the "great awakening" or "reset" is all about. Higher frequency, more honest individuals (neurodivergents) are going to be the leaders of The New Earth
This has to be one of, if not the, best videos on autism I've ever seen. Not only full of good starter info, but presented in such a positive way that I just couldn't stop smiling. 😀
I never really realized just how much autism actually affects all of my beliefs and moral compass. Being unable to actually handle how much it seems people are getting screwed over by the social structure. I never understood why I do the things I do and that there was an explanation of why I feel how I feel. It is honestly so empowering to me. Being on disability and having no real family who cares, except a few of them. I have constantly felt unwelcome and like I've never truly had a home. I also have been recently diagnosed with PTS, which stems from my younger brother and sister being abused when I was four, and they were three and two. All of the things you said, just clicked in my head and helped me to realize just how and why things happen with me and my responses to them. Now, being armed with information and tools to take on things with a new knowledge and understanding, I think I may be able to do more and accomplish more. Thank you very much, you have no idea how much this has made my mood improve!
Edit - I have Asperger's, didn't know that I could even potentially have it until 2019, or when I was 27, and got diagnosed via a neuropsychology evaluation in 2021. I always had trouble with social interactions, in family therapy I would be berated for not making eye contact, and I have always been oddly able to tell the intention and feelings of other people. It is not something I have ever understood much about, but seeing this video made a lot of things fall into place.
I love your sarcastic examples. Because it is exactly how I've seen the world my whole life. Everyone else looks like there is something wrong with them because they don't just say what they want, or actually put in the effort it would take to do the things they should.
This is why I keep saying that I AM differently abled, but society MAKES me disabled.
Society should accommodate the people that live in them, not people tearing themselves apart to fit in society.
I'm a 77-year-old lady. I had to diagnose myself during covid as there were no specialists available. Imagine living your whole life confused. It all makes sense now.
I decided that with the RUclips help, now I don't need an official diagnosis.
Thank you, and God bless you!
Thank you for sharing so many nice observations about our community. I didn't expect to have such a strong reaction watching a RUclips video today. Feeling seen in a positive light however had me openly crying before I made it to the 10 minute mark.
same 🥲
Oh my god! The older I get the more uncomfortable and basically hopeless I feel about everything. It started by emotionally feeling things were a certain way. Then studying all my life I have found proof and words to put to every single thing I always knew was true in society and with people. Understanding things at a waaaayy higher level than nearly anyone else I am around have always made me an outcast. I make people very uneasy because they don't know what to really expect from me. I used to be very vocal about how I felt about certain things and would be loud about my insights. This just made everyone think I was Insane. Because they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Or they were too affraid to let themselves admit they knew what I was talking about.
i can majorly relate to this... feels like i can only say my true thoughts online because of this.
Thank you! I am nearly 60 yrs old! My 37 yr old son is autistic, I am as well and I am quite certain my father was. (He too was a Doctor). I love your videos so much. Thank you for speaking from your heart and soul and for being so open. I see so many videos from EU an UK or AU but sadly not many from North America. Thanks, it is nice to see "others" here. We ARE "normal". Peace and safety to you friends.
First video like that on the internet. Baffling that autism is still considered like a plague to eradicate, thanks for giving a positive light
When you spoke of a healthy ideal day, it sounds exactly what I have been striving for. A space to breathe.
I had to leave psychology after studying it as a special interest and then at uni. Because the general view of mental health or ND is SO behind. It's written by NTs for NTs.
The only people that are doing legitimate research, advocacy, ANNNYTHING for the ND community...are ND people. I think due to this, there's big change coming.
Some of the most profound stuff I've ever read is from Autsitc people who were considered too 'severe to ever speak'. NTs don't want to know about the rich and intense inner worlds of non speaking Autistic people. It's like they deliberately want to silence them/us.
Thank you for your advocacy and education, you are right in so many ways.
It seems ridiculous that ND has to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist given that most psychiatrists are NT so have no idea how being ND actually feels. Additionally, ND people are often unable to access higher levels of education because the education system is not set up to meet their needs so they are less likely to become psychiatrists. It's like ND is being gate-kept by NTs and we aren't even able to own our own experiences. I get cross when people say that self diagnosis shouldn't be accepted but surely an autistic person is more likely to relate to autistic people on RUclips etc who are experiencing what they are experiencing too rather than someone who only knows what they have read in a book years ago and who makes decisions based on a list of questions that, in my opinion, doesn't even start to scratch the surface of the ND experience
What do you think of sam vaknin presenting a study that says autistic people lack empathy?
@@Barox213 Prof vaknin is one of my favourite professors, especially on RUclips. His work is thorough and because he himself lacks empathy, his studies tend to have a lot less confirmatory bias. He's able to not be offended and not grasp at straws.
I actually spoke to him briefly on WhatsApp about his therapy models for PDs because that was a big area of interest for me (being diagnosed formerly with BPD) and that being an area I'm familiar in! It's really interesting you brought him up! My special interest intensity is kicking in so I'm going to try to be chill 🤣
I haven't looked at the study yet myself, last time I checked in he was having his NPD therapy model IMAP (I believe?) Proofed and accredited so it could be set into motion. So I'm going to go right now and watch or read his latest theory!
I realised myself that I absolutely have problems with empathy. It's not in a way where I would ever hurt someone or be rude for no reason, but if I don't understand someone's situation I find it really really hard to clearly or accurately put myself in their shoes. Half of it comes from not wanting to assume and the rest from literally not understanding bc I've never experienced it, so not having the ability to 'get' it. I hurt people in the past without even realising I had hurt them because I had no idea how they might have felt until years later when I experienced the thing I did to them and physically and mentally learned what they mightve went through.
I think people hear 'empathy problems' or 'lack of empathy' and think 'bad person' 'serial killer' but it's generally not like that. Empathy is complex and only one small part of the whole picture. There are people that are instinctively great with understanding other people's needs yet treat people like crap anyway. Plus with Autism I feel (for me anyway) that I have lots of empathy, it just doesn't work on the spot all the time because I can't understand why someone might be doing what they're doing.
I think as Autistic people go through life, and we learn by doing, processing etc that we can have fantastic empathetic skills, it just depends on our own personal experiences. It also has a lot to do with us being self blind, so we don't see how we might be impacting people, positive or negative. We aren't sure where we place, we aren't sure how to communicate well all the time (or at all), and when you lack the ability to see yourself and your impact, your empathy is inherently locked away.
It's something that fascinates me daily. I take notes on myself, as I go through my own unmasking-self actualised journey. I would have never said I had problems with empathy until I got older and really introspected and reflected. Now I'm able to tend to my needs and the needs of others a lot easier.
You can lack empathy and be a good person. A great person even. You can be compassionate, you can learn to understand and then apply those skills, you can be kind, friendly, and be a loveable person, even with all the empathy problems in the world. It's one part of a bigger picture, which is hard to always see.
@@ciaraskeleton Well, thanks for your elaborated answer. I don't know if i was searching for confirmation bias but i align with your opinion about empathy.
The thing i am not aligning with is about the study that uses shame reaction to demonstrate that autistic people lack empathy. Apparently, according to the mind theory, shame is an emotion that is useful to socialize people. In my opinion, those who use shame to socialize are the ones lacking empathy. Shame is a way of submitting people through psychological violence.
I have respect for prof vaknin work but i would never submit to such an idea. There are always better solutions when we put our intelligence at work.
Have a good one.
@@Barox213 No of course, I was just giving a reason on why his studies are some of my favourite, as there are alot of psychologists and professor's who do run very hard with their own bias.
I found the shame point to be one I disagreed with too. I think Autistic shame is a whole other kind of emotion. As I know most Autistic people whether online or friends in real life struggle deeply and intensely with shame. Shame holds us back from socialising to a huge degree. It might not look like typical shame, but I'd debate that it's worse and more paralyzing.
I know I certainly lack embarrassment at times where others would have it, but not 'shame', if I felt that during social situations I would go home. 😂
I understand maybe the theory that the study is trying to suggest w regards shame, but like you, being Autistic, I'm familiar with deep shame. Maybe the study means..some of us can't mask and therefore it seems we must lack 'shame' for daring be ourselves and not notice others reactions to our behaviour, but that treads into incredibly dodgy territory because even the most socially impaired among us feel shame. Including high needs autistic people, who are often aware of their behaviour but can't do anything to control or stop it, or communicate their reasons for doing it. I think maybe for NTs shame works as some sort of odd social motivator, but it doesn't work for me or any other ND folk I know. If you shame me you'll likely get me being very assertive and telling you were to go, if I see someone being shamed, I will jump in and defend them because It hurts. Shame is the root of so many problems! Even NTs, core wounds come from shame and guilt. So I'm not entirely sure if maybe we are up to date with the function of shame socially or within Autistic people yet.
I think the study shows that clearly we have a difference of experience and that's true, but as for not feeling/noticing shame or shame being a healthy part of socialising I'm not sure. Or lack of shame making us more socially impaired.
I think the study is great, it's really informative but I think the only problem is that we are still applying NT emotions to an NT situation. Eg: based on the function of shame or empathy in an NT person.
As opposed to acknowledging the inherent differences. Empathy is different for us, so shame likely is too. Same for probably many many emotions. I know it's all we have right now but in future I'd love to see some ND done studied on NDs and NTs about the differences in our experience of emotions and thus our differences in function of said emotion.
I have, like lots of us, Alexithymia and delayed processing, so i might not actually be able to accurately identity and emotion in the moment, or I may feel a positive emotion such as excitement and have an intense nervous system response inside, as if it's negative. All this talk is making me want to do my own studies but I don't think I possibly could gather the resources.
This video is one of the most validating and liberating things I've ever consumed in my life. I'm just completely blown away. How grateful I am to have found your channel!!!!!!!!!!
I have to wake my grandson up at least an hour before he goes to preschool. He has developed his own routine...playing with me (we wrestle, big hugs) then he comes to eat breakfast, watches ipad for a few minutes, gets dressed, then gets his yogurt on the way to school. he's very happy. When he gets there, its important for the teachers to greet him and say hello before he goes into class. he wants to be acknowledged.
I wish I'd had a grandparent like you when I was little
I'm not diagnosed, but relate with almost every quality listed. I've noticed an inability to respect different ways of navigating the world - diagnosing non common as defective instead of realizing its uniqueness.
Great video
My wife, a senior occupational therapist, believes I am autistic. I have suspected it myself at several points in my life. After watching this video, it was like you knew me personally and spoke my life out loud as your example. Oddly, it was those last few things you said, about loud noises, sleeping aids, hypersensitivity to my bedding and bed clothes, and the deep anxiety about being thrust into social (or professional) situations, rather than having time to prepare ahead (at least a day) before being emotionally able to cope with them, that struck the deepest specific chimes with me. Probably because they are less obvious observations made by others, except by me as the person experiencing them.
I am in my mid 50’s and doubt there is much I can do to restructure my life to be happier or make others happier, though I dearly wish I could and I never give up hope or effort to that end, especially for the wife whom I adore.
I have no questions or requests. I just wanted to say thank you, for speaking my experience, speaking my inner life out loud, speaking my heart.
This is beautiful. I wish you and yours all the happiness you deserve.
@@jillyjoan8416 : When I hear sentiments expressed in that way I can’t help thinking of Shakespeare’s reflection (which he puts into Hamlet’s mouth) about what would happen if we all got what we deserve? “For, who should ‘scape whipping?”
But I do take your generous comment in the spirit intended and thank you for your kindness and sincerity. A rare an precious thing.
I wish you better things than you deserve. All good things and joy, whether you deserve them or not. Your words lift me more than you know; more than I can express. Truly. Thank you.
YES. Thank you.
It's insane that our kids have to sit indoors from 9 till 3 sitting in rows on chairs.
Or for me to work in an open plan office from 9 to 5.
It makes total evolutionary sense that there will be members of the species, members of the tribe who would... for example... stare into the sky at night to track the stars... or work on fixing problems or come up with wild outlandish leftfield solutions for the tribe.
To treat those people now - in an industrialized society that prizes uniformity and consistent output - as somehow broken or disabled makes no sense.
We've only lived like this for 150, 200 years...
Thanks again for your videos
This is hillarious ❤🎉👌🏼 and also I am confident that there will be time when people finally get that ‘autistic’ is the original human-on-earth version (Original people) and the ‘neurotypical’ is the distorted society-created-twisted-human being version.
I so agree with you! For the past few years, I've been working on being my "true" self and I'm definitely getting more neurodivergent than I used to, but I like it 😊
Neurotypicals have no soul
Exactly how I have been seeing it. As well, I think these original humans exist in much greater numbers than anyone has thought. Happy to read your comment.
I’m curious what further discoveries through dna analysis will reveal. It’s right around the corner I imagine. However, there may be some efforts to not disclose the truth.
Yeah because Autistics in the wild is such a brilliant idea.
Diagnosed with ADHD at 56 here. I know there are many character traits that ADHD folks share with Autistic people. I think most of what you said rings true for me. It’s exhausting trying to get through to neurotypical people most of the time and it’s the same trying to follow their rules (not to mention BORING at times). I have, over the years, learned to mask but it never ends well. When I’m interested in something that consumes my time to the point of not socializing with friends and family for weeks up to a month they get annoyed and some give up. They don’t understand when I get indignant about their “rules”, especially anything to do with truthfulness. People wonder why I am friends with all sorts of people that they think are strange. It would be a better world if the neurodivergent ran it.
When we look at people through history who moved the world forward are strongly suspected, and some actually known to be neurodiverse.
Bach was diagnosed with "Paranoid Personality Disorder," Bach was the owner of the Baroque period and he is the one who pushed the world of music forward to the Classical period.
Ludwig van Beethoven was diagnosed with "Bipolar," and Beethoven is the musician who moved the music forward into the Romantic period with his music based on a girl he loved.
Then because of the additional creativity, exploration, pattern thinking etc. of neurodiverse people, people with ADHD, autism, schizophrenia etc.. pushed music out of the tonal period into 20th century music.
It's hypophisised that 90% of the technological inventions we have today came from minds of people on the autism spectrum.
Richard Branson and the greatest entrepreneurs and fashion designers tend to be dyslexic which is what differentiates them from the not as creative entrepreneurs.
John Nash was schizophrenic and is the one who came up with the geometric and mathematical formulas.
All fields outside of the social world tend to be driven forward by neurodiverse people while the social world is driven by neurotypical people.
I love the advantageous parts of being autistic that I find the difficulties worth living with.
I could not have said that better myself. Thanks for the input.
I love your idea about a great day for an autistic person. It’s absolutely beautiful. ❤️
Thank you so much. Please share with others that might benefit as well. :)
This video is the best I’ve seen and describes my world so on point, and how I feel about the world we live in. Thank you - wish this could be shown on prime time tv to everyone!! Autism specialists for president/prime ministers/governments! The world would be a much better place for everyone!
I’m certain that I’m autistic. Am 48 years old and have severe trauma. Was targeted by a stalker at the same time as my family estranged from me in 2016 and I have been in crisis for a long time. My communication and meltdown issues have made it worse with friends, doctors and police. I had to leave the country to be safe. I don’t think I can stabilize without understanding and learning to work with my autism, and I don’t know how to get a Dx or services. I am afraid to keep struggling on my own. It has not gone well.
Sorry to hear that… I get it. Hang in there… seek and you shall find (I believe it) 💗
You are not alone! I wish the best outcome for you, and hope the path that gets you there is tolerable.
Try your local health food store and look for alternative therapists practitioners who are more empathic. ❤
sorry to hear bud, hope things get better soon 😀
Backstory is a bit different for me, but the same about trauma and abuse. I definitely identify with you as you discuss your communication and meltdown issues and the rest. It is exhausting and depressing, and counselors have actually caused more damage for me. (For instance, while dealing with a death and the trauma delivered during that time, a counselor actually told me to "look at the flowers" instead of helping me deal with my feelings. Like on the second visit ... NOT months or years later, wallowing in self-pity as it seemed to be communicated.) Yet another NT wanting everyone to just smile and pretend everything is ok, imho. smh) Yeah, it has not gone well.
Knowing Jesus and the Lord has been the only thing that keeps me grounded and not ending it all on my own. I pray that God will manifest His love to you. No one believes us, they think we are "making excuses" and that we do not have these challenges living in this sick society. I guess because it doesn't bother them to live in this sea of sickness. May this video and this message give you confidence that you are a BEAUTIFUL PERSON. 💞💞💞💞🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌
🤯🤯🤯🤯 I will watch this at least 5 more times on slow play. Thank you so much for sharing your work. I am an adult and have been working through healing my nervous system/ mental health for about 7 years now. My teenage son is neurodivergent. Some of his every day challenges are difficult for me to guide him through. This video alone says so much to help us understand each other on a different level. My son has taught me so much about myself, life, society. I am beyond grateful for him and for this space. 🙏🏼🙏🏼 I can not express enough how grateful I am to have found your channel.
Thank you so much for this video. I think it addresses comprehensively exactly what it it feels like, to us neurodivergent people, to live in a world built around confusing, contradictory, often dishonest and harmful neurotypical rules and norms. And thank you for describing so effectively a different world, one of acceptance of diversity and based on tolerance and mutual understanding.
The misinformation that autistics are emotionally flat kept me from looking it it as a diagnosis for myself because I am an empath.
Projection (of their own lack of empathy), i suppose.
This video reminds me a lot of a story I read in English class. There was a guy who went on a walk in the woods and ended up in a village of blind people, and the people in the village saw the man's sight as a disability, and thought it was impairing all his other senses. They also thought that he was less than... Mentally capable.. because he kept trying to tell them about sight and they wouldn't believe him. I'm pretty sure our teacher told the class that the theme was that "maybe disabled people aren't the ones who are disabled; it's just society that gave them that title" or something, but I had never thought about that being applied to autism (or ADHD) before.
(Actually, the theme might have actually been that the title "disabled" is just not necessary and doesn't fit for either type of person. I think our teacher actually left it to our descretion, instead of just saying it was one or the other.)
I read that story, although I don’t remember it that well. I have to say that I completely disagree with your point in the point of the story. The guy wasn’t disabled, the blind villages just thought he was insane. He still had more capabilities than them, The blind people were still the disabled ones. That situation is not realistic with the exception of him not being used to it. Any more realistic situation he would’ve adapted and outcompeted them because that’s How having what those people considered an extra sense would Work once he became accustomed to it were he to stay there.
The nature of whether someone is disabled or not is completely irrelevant to society and is entirely relevant to the medical model. I have Cerebral Palsy and high functioning autism, and society didn’t give me those things.
Take my Cerebral Palsy, even if society was perfectly adapted to it, I would still be disabled because there are things that are hard for me to do if not download impossible because my charger abilities. It doesn’t change the fact that I can do less than most people and require accommodation. All this language about being “differently abled is just being dishonest And it comes across as a coping mechanism of denial ism by blaming society in a way that suggests one wouldn’t be disabled if not for societal issues. Society doesn’t make someone disabled, their impaired capabilities do.
I’ve also seen several autism focus channels like this push for active hatred of Neurotypical people which is hypocritical. I don’t know if this one does that though, But there is an obvious political stance to his argument that makes a clear anterior motive for attacking society
@@maxkozak9702 I disagree with your perspective, because I believe the perception that more senses = more better is not completely accurate. Those with less senses often have more acute awareness/perception of the senses that they do have. Native Braille readers can read as fast as we can with sight. Autistic people would not be as ostracized if they were in a society comprised of other autistic people, because they can understand each other better than NTs can understand them. Their hypersensitivity would be seen as normal, and neurotypicals would be considered dull or hyposensitive. Many in the Deaf community do not see themselves as disabled because they can and often do live very normal lives within their own communities.
I do not in any way mean to undermine or invalidate your own experiences because they are true to you. What I'm saying is, just because you may experience these perceived disabilities as disabilities doesn't mean other people's experiences with their own disabilities or "disabilities" are the same. I don't see Cerebral Palsy as equivalent to Autism or other specific "disabilities" that are disabling due to external circumstances rather than internal ones.
Disability is highly subjective. I saw a video featuring conjoined twins, and how they said they disliked it when others would offer them pity and how "they would kill themselves if they were in their same position." But for them, this is their normal; they've never had a life outside of each other. And you know what? They are happy. You are free to define your own experiences in relation to yourself, but others are also free to say their disabilities are not disabling in principle, because they've obviously had experiences that are different to yours, that formulated their differing perception to yours.
@@maxkozak9702
Trace society’s steps back by as little as 200 years and the truth about disabilities is revealed.
Today's people are blinded by political social narratives, the people you see in society, is that who they really are or is it people pretending to be someone they're not because they see "normal" as the ideal?
Normality created in 1840 corrupted everything, all these disabilities already existed, so why weren't they seen as disabilities before 1840?
Ever since the eugenics movement the rule has been "statistical deviation = disorder" when the actual rule about humans is "variation".
How did homosexuality get a place in the DSM?
During the eugenics movement homosexuality was seen as 'socially undesirable' so it was automatically classified as a pathological disorder, a political social narrative.
What's wrong or unhealthy about hand-flapping? Nothing.
So why is it considered a dysfunction? Once again, a political social narrative, it's seen as socially undesirable so it's automatically labelled a "symptom".
If you put enough thought into it and do enough history to see the way things were before the invention of the "normal human", you will see disorders are more correlated with society and not biology. Disability always has, and always will be contextual.
Day of the triffids. Those born blind succeeded well those who weren’t that lost their sight had a hell of a time.
One of the things I wish for this world is for everyone to embrace the darkness inside. I spent my entire life being treated like a freak, and even when I wasn’t, it felt like no one understood me.
I was heavily monitored and controlled growing up, because one of my parents was ashamed of me not being “the perfect citizen”. It built resentment and I vehemently rejected it, but eventually, it grew into a blend of learning from this oppression and becoming comfortable with being a freak.
People now aren’t scared of me because I’m unstable, they’re scared of me because I know and am brutally honest about what I am. I have a power that most people don’t: self awareness. I had a hard time typing it out because of another cog from my childhood: the seed of insecurity.
I have this urge to knock myself down a peg every time I say something good about myself, and even admitting to having self awareness fires up that part of me that beats my head with a lead pipe, chanting “NARCISSIST, NARCISSIST, NARCISSIST!!”
People enjoy hearing me talk, they even learn things about themselves. I’m still an enigma, but I’ve stopped caring about being hard to comprehend. To this day, I am an island, and while others see this as concerning, I am comfortable. I don’t even find the idea of solitary confinement scary, I’d simply be going home.
"Say what you mean so that I may understand you. Mean what you say so that I may trust you."
Thank you so much for all the information shared. This point of view is so important to me (and I'm almost sure to every deurodivergent person in the world) because it feels so overwhelming to be so "different" and not understood by the majority of people around you. Personaly I discovered that I'm autistic near my 30th birthday, I had some idea that somethig was off but didn't know what, and after that I started rediscovering how everithing impacts me, and all the small things really are important. Thank you again for your amazing work.