I'm a cambodian with a black man. He wants me to embrace my culture and incorporate where I can. He said when we get married we can combine my culture and his. I hurt for the male OP.
me also being a cambodian with a white man he’s exactly the same, he loves my culture, food, traditions, he even wants to learn khmer so our kids can speak to my family, i can’t imagine him not wanting to combine culture in our wedding
It honestly sounds like OP only mentioned her best friend being a part of the wedding and standing on her side because it wasn’t traditional and that’s what she wanted all along (or so he thought). He battled with his own family to prioritize her? And she STILL didn’t want to incorporate aspects of his culture into the wedding or immerse herself in it? No personal research? Lord smh.
She lost me at not bugding on a field wedding/spring wedding and then to be against his culture stuff. He's in the wrong for the friend being there but she's a huge pos that doesnt seem to think or care about his wellbeing at all. They need therapy or just split now.
She sounds worse than he does. She changed EVERYTHING. She REFUSED to even consider his health and culture. She wants what SHE wants, and she didn't care. It's all her way or the highway. If this is the tone she is setting, what is she going to be like with other major decisions? At first he came across as TA, but in reality, she is worse. And Sam, if you think a live band is better than a DJ, then you have never seen an awesome DJ.
I can also bet that her BFF is in her ear hyping her up about what SHE wants and saying she should be firm on this and that blah blah. He probably doesn’t like the guy for the reason along that line.
Its funny she thinks the wedding is traditional for America but it's not. We essentially hijacked Queen Victoria's white wedding theme because so many women loved her wedding. A traditional wedding in America was just wearing the best dress you had in your closet. I don't know about the rest of the traditions but if I had to guess they weren't as extravagant back then as they are now.
It depended what your background and culture was... remember there's no such thing as an American race. This country is a melting pot so wherever you came from is how your wedding was celebrated. That is it, that is all. Essentially everyone's wedding was pagan because pagan is anything that isn't Abrahamic.... literally.
I think if people have been doing it for over 100 years it’s allow to be called a tradition.😂 however, I totally agree that traditions are allowed to change. She was out of line😊
They shouldn’t get married because if she is already stomping out his culture can you imagine when they have kids she won’t allow them to be apart of their culture. Edit , second story OP declining because she is not comfortable in dresses could be a sign of trauma that has caused her to be extremely uncomfortable in dresses.
OK Armchair psych chill, people can be uncomfortable wearing something like dresses and such without it being indicative of some super deep trauma, I'm legit starting to think places like Reddit get off on the idea of people having trauma like that because why else would it be jumped on so often. Remember, this is the small sliver of life people are deciding to put on the internet, not their whole existence
Story 2: the bride can’t force the bridesmaid to be uncomfortable because she wants it. If she doesn’t want to wear a dress, either let her wear something that makes her feel comfortable or choose someone else. My MOH and bridesmaid got to choose their dresses and I only said they had to be a specific color and material. I paid for what made them comfortable. We went to 4 different stores to find what they wanted. I never liked wearing a dress. I’m overweight and get overly self conscious and just feel ugly in them.
Controversial to say, but hey it's okop. I think the guy took such a hard stand against her bff because unconsciously, he wanted to get back at her and take some control back.
I can totally see that happening. Imagine the bride go "that's not traditional! I like traditional! It should be TRADITIONAL!! 🤬" So when he saw something untraditional, he threw it back in her face
This! Exactly this. When OP started his edit talking about all the things she ignored from his requests especially the cultural elements this is the first thing that came to mind - his issue is not really the male maid of honour, he just jumped at the chance to change something she really wanted. And now that we learn he stepped away from his family for her that just made it so much worse. He is the only one that appears to be giving and he wanted to grab some control by picking this hill to die on.
In regards to the woman that doesn't feel comfortable in dresses.. when I was my friend's bridesmaid she knew I don't tend to feel comfortable in dresses either, so she suggested a jumpsuit. Some bridesmaid dress companies (like the one my friend used) actually sell jumpsuit versions that are really nice. JJ's house (UK) was the website she used, she picked out a colour and us bridesmaids were free to choose whatever we felt most comfortable in 😊
These people shouldnt be getting married. If u marry outside of ur culture then be prepared to embrace and celebrate in BOTH cultures. And why not. Theres no respect in this relationship at all from either side.
Tbf it’s a huge trope in western media where the bride is the one to plan the wedding while the groom is usually hanging out with his buds planning the bachelor party. 🤷♀️
My sister was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She doesn't like wearing dresses as she prefers more androgynous styles, so she wore a beautiful blazer and pant set in our colour theme. I wouldn't have had it any other way, because that is who she is, that's how she's most comfortable, and it let her enjoy the day with us. I was just happy that she was there with us, in whatever outfit she would've shown up in! My other bridesmaid did wear dresses in our colour theme too, and I let them choose a style that they would be comfortable wearing as well.
I think for this wedding story the problem was not the friend nor the culture, but rather she was treating it as if it was only HER day, not their day. On one side asking your partner to not have your best friend participate in your wedding is insane, they are clearly not ready in their relationship to get married, the dude is resentful that her best friend is a guy and she seems to be thinking on herself and what she wants
He needs to run, fast! The wedding is just the start, eventually she won't let him have any say on how the house is decorated, how the kids are raised, or even what car he drives! Shes a control freak who doesnt consider anyone but herself and she needs to be alone until she figures it out
If she doesn't want to be in the wedding party and doesn't want to be in a dress, that should be the end of it. Pressuring people is controlling and disgusting.
The girl who declined being a bridesmaid, I can relate so much! I struggled with it a lot (feeling naked wearing dresses, crippling social anxiety, etc etc) all my life. A lot of it stems from childhood trauma I experienced. I do love dresses now, and mix up comfy, casual days and dress up days 😊
I paid for our wedding. My husband paid for the vacation afterward. No one chipped in. I didn't want other people butting into our wedding planning. Everything we (my husband and i) did for our wedding were the choices we made together, and were agreed upon. Planning a wedding together is a test of compromise you'd need in a marriage.
15:01 This is the first big disagreement I've had from Sam and John on this one - OP is not the bigger AH in this context.... She is essentially steamrolling every single thing hes saying most of which were extremely valid - if OP was the bride and saying she was uncomfortable with the grooms female best friend who had said some weird shish (Dont you dare hurt him) I dont think it would be the same vertict... IDK
And constantly calling him named while praising the woman multiple times... This is my first time watching them but the response to that story is pissing me off so much
A live band is NOT better than a DJ. They will be singing different versions of the songs you want or songs no one knows. You're very limited instead of being able to play literally anything.
How much do you want to bet the best friend is the one telling her to ignore what he wants and her wedding her way and that’s why he does not want the best friend in the wedding
my friend had a viking themed wedding, it was beautiful and so much fun (we all met while doing medievil stage fighting/shows)...but...they could not rent or buy a full sized sword for the event..so...i lent them my 2 full sized scottish claymores, after the ceremony the bride and groom did a 3 minute sword stage fight (changed into a stage costme of a viking and a valkyrie lol) then used one of the claymores to cut the wedding cake, my girls were invited but as they were 8months and 18months they were too small to be flower girls (near weaponry) so she dressed them as valkerie princesses lol
Story 1: The soon to be wife is an AH. She wouldn’t allow him to do his cultural traditions. She wanted a traditional American wedding but wanted a man of honor. She ALLOWED his sister to be his best woman. She had the final say in the wedding. It’s her wedding and not his wedding in her eyes. He is an AH because he was upset about not getting any say but said she couldn’t have her best friend as his only say in the wedding. He dropped his family for her. He was doing the same thing to her that was making him upset. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
People who have a SA trauma history generally stay covered head to toe and don't like wearing dresses.All of them? No. A lot of them? Yes. People shouldn't have to reveal their trauma history for those with boundary issues to accept "I'm not comfortable".
A wedding is a reflection of the following marriage. If one spouse dominates the wedding - then one of the two spouses will dominate the marriage (either - regardless of who dominated the wedding) If one culture dominates the wedding - then that culture will dominate the marriage. How the two compromise and make decisions will speak to how they will continue to compromise or make decisions. The healthiest and longest lasting marriages I have witnessed had well thought out, evenly and meaningfully combined choices/representation from both SOs.
In my opinion the bride is the worst. Picking a place and season where your husband to be is going to be uncomfortable and and probably look worse in photos from red nose , not letting his culture to have any part in the wedding, not allowing him any say on theme change, band and genre, groomsmen outfits is a huge red flag. His only problem was her having a man on her side maybe after she said she wanted to keep things traditional but isn’t being traditional. Yes if he is fighting for this then he shouldn’t have a girl on his side.
Just a comment on the 'if you ever do anything to hurt her' comment. I've had people in my life that I called friends who have actively disturbed my relationships. I've had people tell me I was too good and then told my bf they weren't good enough, the opposite where I was told I wasn't the right fit for my bf and had the bf being told the had 'lowered their standards to be with me', been told lies about my partners cheating when I know they weren't. Most of which I responded that I'm an adult and don't need their advice or assistance.
Plot twist, the best friend flirted with OP to “test” his faithfulness to his fiancé and now OP is uncomfortable with the guy being in wedding party and doesn’t want to discuss that incident so states every other thing he can think of
I’m 10 minutes in and I’m wondering if maybe he was thinking he didn’t want to share the big moment with the best friend since it’s supposed to be their day? Trying to give op some grace 😂
My sister had a "bridesknight" in her wedding and my brother-in-law didn't make a big deal about it (but he is also a good friend of his). My brother-in-law is also Vietnamese and while I can't remember if they did any cultural traditions at their wedding, I know my sister would have embraced any tradition my BIL wanted though because she's not a jerk. I do remember they did a handfasting because my sister is Wiccan. Mutual respect goes a long way.
I'm now listening to the second story and going back to my sister and her wedding, she let the bridesmaids choose whatever dress they wanted as long as it was dark purple. She also chose our good friend as the maid of honor instead of me because she knew that I am scared of public speaking (and also was not in a good place to plan pre-wedding things).
I came here to say when my hs bff got married, I gave her husband the "if you hurt her" speech and, can confirm, did have secret feelings for her Lol But then we found out this bride's BFF is a gay man and that went out the window 😅 What a roller coaster of a story tho! She definitely took AH gold
For the second story I wonder if the bride would consider letting op wear a jumpsuit. There are some absolutely gorgeous jumpsuits that give the impression/silhouette of dresses.
Just attended a wedding where the made of honor was a man. He asked if he could be the iron madden, since he loves heavy metal. He did a great job planning the bridal shower and fulfilling the other made of honor duties... To be honest, I was surprised when I 1st heard, but after seeing him in action, he was the right person for the job. He gave a beautiful speech for the couple too. It worked because the couple is secure and trust each other. I've hung out with them a few times and it's clear it's a pure friendship. The positions in weddings are jobs. I didn't realize it until I was older. If I had, I would havre insisted my sister's best friend was the made of honor instead of me, since i was clueless and she was fantastic working behind the scenes. This was before RUclips and me getting educated in all these things most people automatically assume everyone knows how & what to do. But, now I know the rules and can pick & choose what is outdated and should be changes.
The way y’all’s tone went from “let’s hear him out” to “this goofball over here” on the first OP and as the story continued to unhinge was genuinely the highlight of my week. Thank you 🤣🤣
Honestly I feel like the best friend thing only came out of her being a complete a****** to him and completely disregarding his opinion in his own wedding. If somebody literally told me that my culture wasn't important enough to be incorporated into a wedding that is also mine, i wouldnt marry them, because if we have kids they're going to be part of my culture, we will fight about that, its not worth it
It’s his wedding too. He has a say and has every right to feel 100% comfortable at his own wedding 🤷🏻♀️ They should just compromise and have his sister in the bridal party and her friend as a groomsman. People argue over the weirdest crap I swear
As soon as op was describing the wedding ceremony, I knew he was Cambodian 😂 also if she doesn’t want a Cambodian wedding, she’s missing out. It’s so much more fun than a western wedding
My best friend since highschool (happily married with 2 kids) is a guy. And the second I meet someone he goes like " if for whatever reason he hurts you no one he better disappear on his own before he comes across with me"
Fun story: my best friend was my person of honor. They aren't very feminine to begin with, and I knew already that they would not feel comfortable in a dress. What I did instead was I found them a suit for them in a color that matched the bridesmaid dresses as closely as possible and that's what they wore. They were so happy and felt like $1M. Flash forward, they're using a picture of them and I on their dating profile (because they looked STELLAR in the suit), but although they looked incredible on their profile, they weren't getting any bites. I got a message from a random girl who asked me if J (best friend) and I were married, to which I was like "why on earth would you think that?" That's when it dawned on me. The picture my best friend used from my wedding made it look like WE got married instead, not that they were in my bridal party. I had to call them and we had a really good laugh about it, to which they added on their profile "No, I'm not married, my picture is from my best friend's wedding." After that point, the floodgates apparently opened and everyone wanted a piece of J lmao
4:17 My aunt and uncle (over 60 now) married a few years ago with a Disney themed wedding. I loved giving them some Mickey and Minnie kitchen towels. Their Entire house is all Disney inside. I am a Disney girl, my entire family are Disney people.
Bro had me in the beginning of that first one but this isn’t gonna work. She’s just as bad as him. I think she’s actually done worse and he’s just finally standing up for himself.
I think that the Groom should make the decision for his side and the bride decide for hers. About the traditions, she could at least have 1 of his traditions like the knots thing, and the rest take the decision together
Weddings aren’t just about the women getting married. Weddings are about 2 people who love each other coming together as one. Which means yall decide shit together. Some dudes care less. My husband was willing to help plan but we both knew nothing about wedding planning and so neither of us had anything specific we wanted to do. At the end of the day one person can’t steam roll over the other. That’s messed up either way.
I honestly believe after reading both these on reddit that the bride is worse. I feel she is worse because I think his annoyance around the best friend comes from having no say in anything in the wedding (I mean he all but gave up his family for this woman and the sister stands by them and she “let” her be in the wedding ?!) and her man picked a hill and decided the best friend was the hill he was going to die on.
Before we got the nuance, OP in first story reminded me of an ex who literally pulled me away from hugging *his* HELLA GAY friend at a party. Like, we ran into him at a party and he was like “hey girl heyyy!” and hugged me and my (drunk) boyfriend like broke us apart 😅 that was the beginning of the end tbh
I have a combodian friend who plans to have two wedding ceremonies, One with Cambodian traditions and the other with non traditional ceremony. She's working on saving for it since it'll cost a pretty penny, but there's so many solutions to the bride's "problems".
My wife did most of the planning for our wedding. She kept asking me for my input, then vetoed every single one time I made a suggestion. So I just quit giving input.
In my place, the wedding is taken care by the bridal party and the reception taken care by the grooms party. It was practical in the old time where traveling was hard and it's tradition now.
2nd story - the poor girl is literally describing having panic attacks, it’s not something she can control! If you want her to be in the bridal party so bad then have a meeting and discuss ways around wearing a dress. There’s other ways around this, it’s not hard!
Find a pretty jumper dress or over sized shirt that you can put on a with leggings. I think people go insane when it comes to weddings in the last decade. Everyone expects everyone else to drop everything for them like they’re the first person to ever have got married! I ended up not talking to my brother for nearly a decade and one of the reasons was the way his now wife, treated me and my family. You’re not the first person to get married; the world doesn’t stop for you, if you really want someone in the wedding party then you accept them as they are! They might not be physically able to do what you want them to do for very valid reasons, they’re not refusing to do something just to spite you!❤❤❤❤
Crying “it’s my wedding too” when she made the entire wedding strictly about her is a bit ironic and actually made me mad. I totally get why he wants to find something to push back on but I do think he picked the wrong hill to die on. What he needed to do is tell her that the way she’s shutting out everything he enjoys or wants is not okay and if that’s how the wedding is going to go, he is having second thoughts on continuing the relationship. Her lack of desire to accommodate her own fiancé’s likes and desires in a day that’s meant to celebrate them BOTH is a red flag for how the relationship will go. She sounds like someone who’s never heard the word “no”.
In my experience, the wedding planning is usually whoever wants to plan it; let me elaborate. Me and my husband, I had things that I cared about more than him, there were things he cared about more than me. We were paying for everything. I had a bigger idea of what I wanted to do and my husband didn’t mind my aesthetic I was going for. All he asked for was picking his suit and grooms attire. We have very similar opinions so we didn’t do a lot of compromising as we agreed on most things :))
There was once a time when it was progressive to say, "Boys can play with barbies, and girls can play with firetrucks!" Now it's progressive to say, "If a girl plays with batman or Ninja Turtles, she's probably just trans." It's wildly ridiculous because as a child I played with my sister's toys, tried on thier dresses, HATED sports (and still do), etc. But as a grown man, I'm just super gay and tranning myself into a woman sounds terrifying.
And still sounds as ridiculous now as it was then. BTW, tomboy here. My grandmother use to force me to take the toads and snakes I caught as a kid back outside. She also told me that if I brought any fish home, I would have to clean them. (Never did; the fish house reeked and anyway I didn't own a fileting knife)
I've seen a bunch of outfits where I thought they were nice dresses but then they were rompers instead. Why not find a 1 piece that meets the criteria?
Saying no to a wedding that incorporates her fiance's culture is the worse offense. In an assholery battle between that and not liking the best friend and not wanting him around, not allowing culture wins.
After hearing her post, she sounds more of the AH tbh. His dislike of her man of honour could have been made worse if he was encouraging her to make the changes, and insisting on a "traditional" wedding - basically encouraging her bridezilla. Makes me think if he picked that important decision to her and said for him it was his hard no, that she might realise her "traditional" wedding wasn't traditional and all about her. However, it backfired as he's exposed his insecurities for her best friend that he feels is always around and she exposed herself as a massive AH. In my opinion, she's the bigger AH.
The dress thing: I get that. When I was young I didnt want to wear dresses and when in my school we got "end of middle school" type of prom or some shit i wore skinny jeans and collared shirt. However I was forced to wear a dress for my mom and stepdads wedding. Now I do sometimes wear dresses and skirts. However not everybody wants to wear those and that can be uncomfortable. I remember feeling so naked and bad when wearing a dress in my mom nd stepdads wedding. Solution: Get her a flowy wide legged pantsuit. Some of those look like dresses without being a dress.
To be real I'm now on O.P.'s side. She didn't let him have a say AT ALL in their wedding even with HIS part of it. What's good for one is good for the other. If he has to change his for her then vise versa. She is a Bridezilla. N.T.A.
Not sure if this has been mentioned yet BUT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........... A TRADITIONAL AMERICAN WEDDING means all women on the bride's side and all men on the groom's side she doesn't want a traditional American wedding she was a traditional her view of American wedding.
Story 2. OP is definitely not the AH but the bride might be. in any shape or form, OP did everything right. The only thing she could do differently is force herself into a uncomfortable situation and she she should not have to do that especially for just a sister in law (sorry not sorry). While the OP doesnt feel like the bride is being unfair or ^mean^ I think she is. OP wouldnt be feeling guilty if the bride is making her feel that way, the bride is pressuring her and I think Op IS JUST NOT SEEING IT, as someone with anxiety and timid i also used to deny or defend the person who was stepping on my boundries purely to avoid confrontation or because i was too afraid. If the bride was truly understanding and being respectful she would have taken no the FIRST time. But instead they have continued to try to force op into a dress despite OP saying it is something she cannot compromise on. And honestly WHY is it so important that OP BE a bridesmaid? I 100% think its more about Brides ideal look than any friendship. First she asked OP knowing OP is uncomfortable with a demand bride is unwilling to change, she also tried to *justify* her demands by saying, i just want to include you and ^you wore a dress for your sister^ ... like yeah because theyare blood related and u are not the same duh! But also ignoring that she was still incredibly uncomfortable while doing it, she tried and it just didnt work. Plus Im sure Bride knows how OP got married, in no dress, if she wasnt able or willing to wear one for her own wedding why should just for you? And none of the compromises were real because they all had dress. Then when OP out of consideration for bride said it best im not in the party Bride still doesnt listen and continues asking, AND still insists on changing OP mind about the dress even though OP has made it crystal clear why she CANT!. OP should tell BRIDE to Fuck off entirely at this point tbh.
The couple that can’t seem to compromise when it comes to her best friend being the maiden of honour. If the bride 100% wants her best friend in her wedding party and the groom is around 70% doesn’t want her friend in the wedding party then it should go to the bride. Now if they are both 100% then you come to a stale mate. The husband knows that it would make his future wife to be happy to have her best friend in her bridal party then why would he want to make her unhappy just because he simply doesn’t like him. Again why have the wedding in spring when you know your husband will be uncomfortable on the day? Why not include some of his culture in this wedding if you know that it would make your husband happy? It seems both are only thinking what makes themselves happy but then the husband has backdown on some things to make his fiancee happy. They need a mediator that makes the final decision. Yes to best friend in wedding party, yes to a maybe an season wedding , yes to include some his culture included in the wedding.
My hubby wanted the huge wedding with 200 people, I wanted just core family and go for a very long honeymoon. Our compromise? 70 people wedding with open bar and as laid back as possible. It was a joint effort and he had as much input as me. We are Colombian/Peruvian and we paid our own wedding with our parents contributing with help/money/ cooking.
OP in the story with the best friend… he needs to call off this wedding. Yes, he’s the AH and so is she but they are not compatible. She isn’t even considering him at all where the wedding is involved. It’s not just her day, it’s his too! They both need to go their separate directions. They both suck and their relationship sucks.
To be honest both of them are being a holes in this situation they both not respecting each other what they want she wanted her friend at the wedding and he wanted his cultural traditional at the wedding both of them shouldn't be even marrying each other in this point
As a woman who comes from a large Catholic family and actually had a "Man of Honor" on her wedding day... he needs to do a lot of growing up. He wore a matching suit, but the pattern on his vest was slightly different and it looked great. But the differences in what they want for their wedding really needs to be examined because this is just a preview into their future. She is just as selfish as he is. And generally, yes, weddings are more bride-centric, but in many cases, the grooms really just do not care.
First story, OP is not the AH. I thought he was at first before the extra info. Her refuses to allow anything from his culture is a huge 🚩plus it sounds likes shes trying to control every aspect of the wrdding and hes now catching flack for deciding to put his foot down. Imagine having kids and her refusing to allow them to be exposed to his culture. It only gets worse.
Final update on 1st story: "It’s been two weeks since I posted about my wedding situation. I apologize for not answering very many of your comments on the first post. The post was intended to just talk about the situation, but it quickly turned into a mini AITA discussion, which was absolutely the farthest thing that I wanted to happen. Due to the stress and severity of everything, I had to unplug. The comments and private messages were getting to me and the messages from friends and family who caught word of the situation became overwhelming. That being said, I got around to reading the comments after a week or so, but didn’t have the effort to say anything until now. A lot of you said I was controlling, manipulative, selfish, and racist. I can understand being called the first three, but racist genuinely hurt. I didn’t realize my actions came across as racist, but I see now how that could be assumed of me. I don’t know what to say to prove that I’m not racist, but I know that even if I did it probably wouldn’t change any minds. I’ve begun to research more on the wedding ceremonies, and just Cambodian culture as a whole, something I realize I should have done years ago. I promise you that the decisions I made and the unfortunately “vetoed” decisions from my boyfriend all came from a place that thought it was going to be best for both of us. But like a lot of you said, it was still wrong of me to completely dismiss him and his ideas. I admit I was being stubborn about a lot of things that would have been easy to compromise on. I guess I was looking at everything through rose tinted glasses and thought that everything would just fall into place in my favor because I wanted it to. I should have heard him out more and taken his words seriously. Additionally, a few of you called me and my fiancé out for being rage baiters and even being the same person just using different accounts. I can see how that would seem like the case, since I made this account a day after his throwaway was deleted, but I promise it was just a coincidence. I created a throwaway since my main account has content that can be traced to my other socials, and I didn’t want anyone harassing me in my DM’s or other comment sections. I think someone also brought up the fact that this account is linked to another one that has posts about being divorced? I’m not sure what that’s about. I read the AITA post that he created and, if I can be honest, I thought it was terribly done. He made his initial post about my best friend and how he wasn’t “comfortable” with him being in the wedding, indicating that even on a minuscule level, he was uncomfortable with my friend. In the 6 years they’ve known each other he has never once voiced or shown any discomfort for him. I don’t know if he was using him as a scapegoat or what. His comments started to change the tune of the post and it started to become a “I’m not comfortable with the guy best friend” vs. “Actually, I’m being taken advantage of” type of thing. It was all so weirdly done, and his comments seemed rude and argumentative. People were judging him based on the initial question as the forum intended, but then he started to tell the rest of the story to try and gain favor or something. But, I digress. Moving onto the actual update, my boyfriend and I had a talk a few days ago. He was home when I came back from work and it looked like he was packing some of his stuff. I asked if this meant that we were officially over, and he said he didn’t know. I asked if we could talk about it, and he said sure. I apologized to him for how I was acting and that I shouldn’t have been so controlling with the planning. I also apologized for rejecting his culture and said that I didn’t do it with malice. He asked why I really rejected the ceremonies and I told him how I wasn’t comfortable with his parents, since there was still tension between us. He explained that they were trying to be okay with me, but what I did just made it harder. I told him I read his post and asked if he really didn’t feel comfortable around my best friend. He was kind of iffy on that, saying yes and no before saying he didn’t mind him as a person, but he was still someone he didn’t know. He offered to apologize to him since he figured I told him about what he said when I left to my parent’s house, which I did, and I said I would appreciate that. We got quiet and I asked again if he wanted to officially break up. He said he wanted to cancel the wedding, but that he didn’t want to break up permanently yet. I felt the same way, so we talked some more, and eventually agreed to go back to dating. This may not be the outcome a lot of you wanted, since it seemed like you were all rooting for him to kick me to the curb, but I still love him and he still loves me. We’re cancelling all of the wedding plans and looking into couples counseling. And, as a promise to each other that we’re going to change, he’s going to make an effort in befriending my best friend, and I’m going to be seeing his family more and participating in/observing more cultural events. This is the last post I will make from this account. I just want to move forward and rebuild with him. TL;DR: We broke off the engagement, but we’re still together."
I’m so sorry but how on earth is the color theme invitations, location, time, outfits of the party and venue “small details “ that’s literally the WHOLE wedding ?!?
The no dresses bridesmaid friend story, they could possibly find a jumpsuit that has flowy enough legs to look like a dress when still. That matches in color with the color scheme. And op could wear leggings under pant legs if she needs to feel tight clothing around legs. Jumpsuits can look really nice and be a good in between.
Story 1: ESH. OP sucks for being a hypocrite & saying friends can't be family. His fiancé sucks for basically taking over the entire wedding & disrespecting his cultural traditions. Both of these people do not need to get married. Op: I'm not homophobic but... Fiancé: I greatly respect his culture but... Both of these people SUCK. Just... "you sound like your more interested in a wedding than your relationship & marriage" "OF COURSE I'm interested in my wedding" Point. Set. Match. Prevorce. Story 2: NTA. A compromise of a flowy nice pant suit if it was JUST about the dress. As someone who also suffers from anxiety I wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid either lol. Also for those saying "just wear leggings!" And what if SIL vetoes that? After Update: I find it weird that the SIL keeps pushing. Like she says she understands, OP politely declined, but she's still slightly pushing for OP to be a bridesmaid & wear the dress & I think that's pretty disrespectful.
51:43 honestly op is my kind of girl!! I don’t feel uncomfortable in a dress but I do feel awkward cause I don’t feel used to wearing them so my situation is a bit different but either way she sounds like a cool lady to hang out with.
@@sappfire6086 exactly! I am jealous of people who can wear jeans I mean I could were them but they are so uncomfortable in my opinion. I’m more of a leggings or sweat pants, shorts kinda person. I LOVE soft fabrics haha
I’m not sure how genuine his concerns are since he only brought them up after the judgment was going against him. While she does seem like she’s not considering his point of view, she also makes some valid points about why she may not want these things, the communication is not there and there isn’t a willingness to compromise or find alternative. Don’t want to be surrounded by family that doesn’t like you, how can you honor his culture in another way? But her boyfriend really didn’t bring anything up until he said he didn’t want her friend in the wedding citing jealousy and then being weird about him being gay, so I really don’t know that any of his issues were a big deal if they didn’t warrant a mention from the get go.
I think in the first story she’s the AH way more than him. Him not wanting to do it in springtime due to allergies isn’t minor at all. It’s like being lactose intolerant, you might not have as adverse side effects if you eat ice cream but why should anyone especially your soon to be spouse purposely cause you discomfort when you stated this is an issue for you. I always feel like Sam & John are harder on the men than the women and I think her having as many nails in her coffin makes her a more egregious AH to her groom. The groom is definitely out of touch and a jerk when it comes to her best friend. But I think it’s more so his lack of explanation to Reddit, and even hearing it from his ex fiancés perspective he just seemed hurt and was being momentarily petty about a friend he really isn’t intimidated by to be a bit vindictive and reject her nontraditional ask after she change/ steamrolled so many things in addition to rejecting his culture after he gave up his family for her. I think he kinda snapped in the grand scheme of things and chose that as his leg to stand on.
The changes to the wedding are minor in comparison to the cultural things but I don't think they're that minor. If it were me and changes were being made without me being involved I'd be so upset!
I'm a cambodian with a black man. He wants me to embrace my culture and incorporate where I can. He said when we get married we can combine my culture and his. I hurt for the male OP.
Me too. I wouldn't dream of disrespecting the culture of the person I love.
I may be exaggerating, but the bride in the first story sounds a little racist
@@Mariam-do6jqtotally
@Mariam-do6jq I'm not sure... BUT it doesn't look good....
me also being a cambodian with a white man he’s exactly the same, he loves my culture, food, traditions, he even wants to learn khmer so our kids can speak to my family, i can’t imagine him not wanting to combine culture in our wedding
It honestly sounds like OP only mentioned her best friend being a part of the wedding and standing on her side because it wasn’t traditional and that’s what she wanted all along (or so he thought). He battled with his own family to prioritize her? And she STILL didn’t want to incorporate aspects of his culture into the wedding or immerse herself in it? No personal research? Lord smh.
Exactly this.
"if you're going to be an idiot at least be consistent idiot" John agree and need on a shirt
Yes!
She lost me at not bugding on a field wedding/spring wedding and then to be against his culture stuff.
He's in the wrong for the friend being there but she's a huge pos that doesnt seem to think or care about his wellbeing at all.
They need therapy or just split now.
She sounds worse than he does.
She changed EVERYTHING. She REFUSED to even consider his health and culture.
She wants what SHE wants, and she didn't care. It's all her way or the highway. If this is the tone she is setting, what is she going to be like with other major decisions?
At first he came across as TA, but in reality, she is worse.
And Sam, if you think a live band is better than a DJ, then you have never seen an awesome DJ.
Or a horrible band😂
Yeah, I can’t wrap my head around how they think he is worse. Trying to ban the bf was bad, but the totality of shit she pulled is SO much worse.
I can also bet that her BFF is in her ear hyping her up about what SHE wants and saying she should be firm on this and that blah blah. He probably doesn’t like the guy for the reason along that line.
Yes! She wants a wedding not a marriage
Yeah. Also, Why doesn't the male best friend and the female sister just switch spots in the wedding party on the big day if it'ssuch a BiG deal? 🤔🤷♀️
Its funny she thinks the wedding is traditional for America but it's not. We essentially hijacked Queen Victoria's white wedding theme because so many women loved her wedding. A traditional wedding in America was just wearing the best dress you had in your closet. I don't know about the rest of the traditions but if I had to guess they weren't as extravagant back then as they are now.
It depended what your background and culture was... remember there's no such thing as an American race. This country is a melting pot so wherever you came from is how your wedding was celebrated. That is it, that is all. Essentially everyone's wedding was pagan because pagan is anything that isn't Abrahamic.... literally.
I think if people have been doing it for over 100 years it’s allow to be called a tradition.😂 however, I totally agree that traditions are allowed to change. She was out of line😊
They shouldn’t get married because if she is already stomping out his culture can you imagine when they have kids she won’t allow them to be apart of their culture.
Edit , second story OP declining because she is not comfortable in dresses could be a sign of trauma that has caused her to be extremely uncomfortable in dresses.
OK Armchair psych chill, people can be uncomfortable wearing something like dresses and such without it being indicative of some super deep trauma, I'm legit starting to think places like Reddit get off on the idea of people having trauma like that because why else would it be jumped on so often. Remember, this is the small sliver of life people are deciding to put on the internet, not their whole existence
Story 2: the bride can’t force the bridesmaid to be uncomfortable because she wants it. If she doesn’t want to wear a dress, either let her wear something that makes her feel comfortable or choose someone else.
My MOH and bridesmaid got to choose their dresses and I only said they had to be a specific color and material.
I paid for what made them comfortable. We went to 4 different stores to find what they wanted.
I never liked wearing a dress. I’m overweight and get overly self conscious and just feel ugly in them.
Controversial to say, but hey it's okop. I think the guy took such a hard stand against her bff because unconsciously, he wanted to get back at her and take some control back.
I can totally see that happening. Imagine the bride go "that's not traditional! I like traditional! It should be TRADITIONAL!! 🤬"
So when he saw something untraditional, he threw it back in her face
This! Exactly this. When OP started his edit talking about all the things she ignored from his requests especially the cultural elements this is the first thing that came to mind - his issue is not really the male maid of honour, he just jumped at the chance to change something she really wanted. And now that we learn he stepped away from his family for her that just made it so much worse. He is the only one that appears to be giving and he wanted to grab some control by picking this hill to die on.
In regards to the woman that doesn't feel comfortable in dresses.. when I was my friend's bridesmaid she knew I don't tend to feel comfortable in dresses either, so she suggested a jumpsuit. Some bridesmaid dress companies (like the one my friend used) actually sell jumpsuit versions that are really nice. JJ's house (UK) was the website she used, she picked out a colour and us bridesmaids were free to choose whatever we felt most comfortable in 😊
That couple should not get married.
These people shouldnt be getting married. If u marry outside of ur culture then be prepared to embrace and celebrate in BOTH cultures. And why not. Theres no respect in this relationship at all from either side.
Tbf it’s a huge trope in western media where the bride is the one to plan the wedding while the groom is usually hanging out with his buds planning the bachelor party. 🤷♀️
My sister was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She doesn't like wearing dresses as she prefers more androgynous styles, so she wore a beautiful blazer and pant set in our colour theme. I wouldn't have had it any other way, because that is who she is, that's how she's most comfortable, and it let her enjoy the day with us. I was just happy that she was there with us, in whatever outfit she would've shown up in! My other bridesmaid did wear dresses in our colour theme too, and I let them choose a style that they would be comfortable wearing as well.
I love a bride who respects the character of the folks she wants in her wedding party
I'm personally indifferent when it comes to dresses, but I will protest if it's too short or tight around the waist. I dislocated a rib this way...
I think for this wedding story the problem was not the friend nor the culture, but rather she was treating it as if it was only HER day, not their day. On one side asking your partner to not have your best friend participate in your wedding is insane, they are clearly not ready in their relationship to get married, the dude is resentful that her best friend is a guy and she seems to be thinking on herself and what she wants
He needs to run, fast! The wedding is just the start, eventually she won't let him have any say on how the house is decorated, how the kids are raised, or even what car he drives! Shes a control freak who doesnt consider anyone but herself and she needs to be alone until she figures it out
If she doesn't want to be in the wedding party and doesn't want to be in a dress, that should be the end of it. Pressuring people is controlling and disgusting.
Yeah the bride still trying to convince her to wear a dress proves the bride is the a-hole and selfish.
The girl who declined being a bridesmaid, I can relate so much! I struggled with it a lot (feeling naked wearing dresses, crippling social anxiety, etc etc) all my life. A lot of it stems from childhood trauma I experienced. I do love dresses now, and mix up comfy, casual days and dress up days 😊
Lmaooo the chat suggesting leggings is FOUL, but a suit would be great for sure!
I paid for our wedding. My husband paid for the vacation afterward. No one chipped in. I didn't want other people butting into our wedding planning. Everything we (my husband and i) did for our wedding were the choices we made together, and were agreed upon. Planning a wedding together is a test of compromise you'd need in a marriage.
15:01 This is the first big disagreement I've had from Sam and John on this one - OP is not the bigger AH in this context.... She is essentially steamrolling every single thing hes saying most of which were extremely valid - if OP was the bride and saying she was uncomfortable with the grooms female best friend who had said some weird shish (Dont you dare hurt him) I dont think it would be the same vertict... IDK
And constantly calling him named while praising the woman multiple times... This is my first time watching them but the response to that story is pissing me off so much
A live band is NOT better than a DJ. They will be singing different versions of the songs you want or songs no one knows. You're very limited instead of being able to play literally anything.
Thank you! I fully agree
How much do you want to bet the best friend is the one telling her to ignore what he wants and her wedding her way and that’s why he does not want the best friend in the wedding
Riley we miss you and the secret Sunday streams 😢
Yeah that’s true huh. Where did he go. I feel like I missed something. Lol
@@couchpotato7906 he’s on vacation. Well deserved but we still miss our king.
my friend had a viking themed wedding, it was beautiful and so much fun (we all met while doing medievil stage fighting/shows)...but...they could not rent or buy a full sized sword for the event..so...i lent them my 2 full sized scottish claymores, after the ceremony the bride and groom did a 3 minute sword stage fight (changed into a stage costme of a viking and a valkyrie lol) then used one of the claymores to cut the wedding cake, my girls were invited but as they were 8months and 18months they were too small to be flower girls (near weaponry) so she dressed them as valkerie princesses lol
Story 1: The soon to be wife is an AH. She wouldn’t allow him to do his cultural traditions. She wanted a traditional American wedding but wanted a man of honor. She ALLOWED his sister to be his best woman.
She had the final say in the wedding. It’s her wedding and not his wedding in her eyes.
He is an AH because he was upset about not getting any say but said she couldn’t have her best friend as his only say in the wedding. He dropped his family for her. He was doing the same thing to her that was making him upset.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
People who have a SA trauma history generally stay covered head to toe and don't like wearing dresses.All of them? No. A lot of them? Yes. People shouldn't have to reveal their trauma history for those with boundary issues to accept "I'm not comfortable".
A wedding is a reflection of the following marriage. If one spouse dominates the wedding - then one of the two spouses will dominate the marriage (either - regardless of who dominated the wedding) If one culture dominates the wedding - then that culture will dominate the marriage. How the two compromise and make decisions will speak to how they will continue to compromise or make decisions. The healthiest and longest lasting marriages I have witnessed had well thought out, evenly and meaningfully combined choices/representation from both SOs.
In my opinion the bride is the worst. Picking a place and season where your husband to be is going to be uncomfortable and and probably look worse in photos from red nose , not letting his culture to have any part in the wedding, not allowing him any say on theme change, band and genre, groomsmen outfits is a huge red flag. His only problem was her having a man on her side maybe after she said she wanted to keep things traditional but isn’t being traditional. Yes if he is fighting for this then he shouldn’t have a girl on his side.
Just a comment on the 'if you ever do anything to hurt her' comment. I've had people in my life that I called friends who have actively disturbed my relationships. I've had people tell me I was too good and then told my bf they weren't good enough, the opposite where I was told I wasn't the right fit for my bf and had the bf being told the had 'lowered their standards to be with me', been told lies about my partners cheating when I know they weren't. Most of which I responded that I'm an adult and don't need their advice or assistance.
Plot twist, the best friend flirted with OP to “test” his faithfulness to his fiancé and now OP is uncomfortable with the guy being in wedding party and doesn’t want to discuss that incident so states every other thing he can think of
I’m 10 minutes in and I’m wondering if maybe he was thinking he didn’t want to share the big moment with the best friend since it’s supposed to be their day? Trying to give op some grace 😂
My sister had a "bridesknight" in her wedding and my brother-in-law didn't make a big deal about it (but he is also a good friend of his). My brother-in-law is also Vietnamese and while I can't remember if they did any cultural traditions at their wedding, I know my sister would have embraced any tradition my BIL wanted though because she's not a jerk. I do remember they did a handfasting because my sister is Wiccan. Mutual respect goes a long way.
I'm now listening to the second story and going back to my sister and her wedding, she let the bridesmaids choose whatever dress they wanted as long as it was dark purple. She also chose our good friend as the maid of honor instead of me because she knew that I am scared of public speaking (and also was not in a good place to plan pre-wedding things).
I came here to say when my hs bff got married, I gave her husband the "if you hurt her" speech and, can confirm, did have secret feelings for her Lol But then we found out this bride's BFF is a gay man and that went out the window 😅 What a roller coaster of a story tho! She definitely took AH gold
For the second story I wonder if the bride would consider letting op wear a jumpsuit. There are some absolutely gorgeous jumpsuits that give the impression/silhouette of dresses.
Glad I was able to call in!!
Just attended a wedding where the made of honor was a man. He asked if he could be the iron madden, since he loves heavy metal. He did a great job planning the bridal shower and fulfilling the other made of honor duties... To be honest, I was surprised when I 1st heard, but after seeing him in action, he was the right person for the job. He gave a beautiful speech for the couple too. It worked because the couple is secure and trust each other. I've hung out with them a few times and it's clear it's a pure friendship.
The positions in weddings are jobs. I didn't realize it until I was older. If I had, I would havre insisted my sister's best friend was the made of honor instead of me, since i was clueless and she was fantastic working behind the scenes. This was before RUclips and me getting educated in all these things most people automatically assume everyone knows how & what to do. But, now I know the rules and can pick & choose what is outdated and should be changes.
If there's no trust, there's no relationship.
They are all the aholes, like the bride is being selfish and the husband is being spiteful. It’s so sad that they both don’t respect each other 🤦♀️
It's also his wedding. If he doesn't want the best friend on her side, put him on his side. It's called compromise. They both better get it together.
The way y’all’s tone went from “let’s hear him out” to “this goofball over here” on the first OP and as the story continued to unhinge was genuinely the highlight of my week. Thank you 🤣🤣
20:20 not me screaming RILEY'S BACK!! to the screen lol
i was a tomboy growing up and hated wearing dresses so i can relate. now that im older i do like wearing dresses but would rather just wear sweatpants
Sam: “maybe my future wife is watching right now”
Most of us watching right now: 👀💍
Honestly I feel like the best friend thing only came out of her being a complete a****** to him and completely disregarding his opinion in his own wedding. If somebody literally told me that my culture wasn't important enough to be incorporated into a wedding that is also mine, i wouldnt marry them, because if we have kids they're going to be part of my culture, we will fight about that, its not worth it
When you said take a seat ladies and gentlemen I was actually going to sit down to eat lol make me laugh.
😂same
It’s his wedding too. He has a say and has every right to feel 100% comfortable at his own wedding 🤷🏻♀️
They should just compromise and have his sister in the bridal party and her friend as a groomsman. People argue over the weirdest crap I swear
‘However long 10,000 hours is’ 😂😘
Second story: I think I'd be cool for OP to wear a nice suit in the color of the wedding 😄
As soon as op was describing the wedding ceremony, I knew he was Cambodian 😂 also if she doesn’t want a Cambodian wedding, she’s missing out. It’s so much more fun than a western wedding
My best friend since highschool (happily married with 2 kids) is a guy. And the second I meet someone he goes like " if for whatever reason he hurts you no one he better disappear on his own before he comes across with me"
Fun story: my best friend was my person of honor. They aren't very feminine to begin with, and I knew already that they would not feel comfortable in a dress. What I did instead was I found them a suit for them in a color that matched the bridesmaid dresses as closely as possible and that's what they wore. They were so happy and felt like $1M.
Flash forward, they're using a picture of them and I on their dating profile (because they looked STELLAR in the suit), but although they looked incredible on their profile, they weren't getting any bites. I got a message from a random girl who asked me if J (best friend) and I were married, to which I was like "why on earth would you think that?"
That's when it dawned on me.
The picture my best friend used from my wedding made it look like WE got married instead, not that they were in my bridal party. I had to call them and we had a really good laugh about it, to which they added on their profile "No, I'm not married, my picture is from my best friend's wedding."
After that point, the floodgates apparently opened and everyone wanted a piece of J lmao
Loooolllll I’m glad you guys figured it out in the end hahaha
In the first story, I actually think they don't like each other at all. They would find ways of giving each other what they each want if they did.
This guy watched that maid of honour movie with Patrick Dempsey… male maid of honour proves to the bride that they are meant for each other. 😂
4:17
My aunt and uncle (over 60 now) married a few years ago with a Disney themed wedding. I loved giving them some Mickey and Minnie kitchen towels. Their Entire house is all Disney inside.
I am a Disney girl, my entire family are Disney people.
You guys have really nice background lights
let us know if theres an update to story 1.
Bro had me in the beginning of that first one but this isn’t gonna work. She’s just as bad as him. I think she’s actually done worse and he’s just finally standing up for himself.
I think that the Groom should make the decision for his side and the bride decide for hers.
About the traditions, she could at least have 1 of his traditions like the knots thing, and the rest take the decision together
Weddings aren’t just about the women getting married. Weddings are about 2 people who love each other coming together as one. Which means yall decide shit together. Some dudes care less. My husband was willing to help plan but we both knew nothing about wedding planning and so neither of us had anything specific we wanted to do.
At the end of the day one person can’t steam roll over the other. That’s messed up either way.
I honestly believe after reading both these on reddit that the bride is worse. I feel she is worse because I think his annoyance around the best friend comes from having no say in anything in the wedding (I mean he all but gave up his family for this woman and the sister stands by them and she “let” her be in the wedding ?!) and her man picked a hill and decided the best friend was the hill he was going to die on.
Before we got the nuance, OP in first story reminded me of an ex who literally pulled me away from hugging *his* HELLA GAY friend at a party. Like, we ran into him at a party and he was like “hey girl heyyy!” and hugged me and my (drunk) boyfriend like broke us apart 😅 that was the beginning of the end tbh
I have a combodian friend who plans to have two wedding ceremonies, One with Cambodian traditions and the other with non traditional ceremony. She's working on saving for it since it'll cost a pretty penny, but there's so many solutions to the bride's "problems".
Sounds like a great time to postpone a wedding.
My wife did most of the planning for our wedding. She kept asking me for my input, then vetoed every single one time I made a suggestion. So I just quit giving input.
In my place, the wedding is taken care by the bridal party and the reception taken care by the grooms party. It was practical in the old time where traveling was hard and it's tradition now.
My cousin and his wife did a traditional wedding in both respective cultures then a traditional "American wedding."
2nd story - the poor girl is literally describing having panic attacks, it’s not something she can control! If you want her to be in the bridal party so bad then have a meeting and discuss ways around wearing a dress. There’s other ways around this, it’s not hard!
Find a pretty jumper dress or over sized shirt that you can put on a with leggings.
I think people go insane when it comes to weddings in the last decade. Everyone expects everyone else to drop everything for them like they’re the first person to ever have got married!
I ended up not talking to my brother for nearly a decade and one of the reasons was the way his now wife, treated me and my family. You’re not the first person to get married; the world doesn’t stop for you, if you really want someone in the wedding party then you accept them as they are! They might not be physically able to do what you want them to do for very valid reasons, they’re not refusing to do something just to spite you!❤❤❤❤
Crying “it’s my wedding too” when she made the entire wedding strictly about her is a bit ironic and actually made me mad.
I totally get why he wants to find something to push back on but I do think he picked the wrong hill to die on. What he needed to do is tell her that the way she’s shutting out everything he enjoys or wants is not okay and if that’s how the wedding is going to go, he is having second thoughts on continuing the relationship. Her lack of desire to accommodate her own fiancé’s likes and desires in a day that’s meant to celebrate them BOTH is a red flag for how the relationship will go. She sounds like someone who’s never heard the word “no”.
Someone is having a Rick Astley Summer mood and I’M LOVING IT!
In my experience, the wedding planning is usually whoever wants to plan it; let me elaborate. Me and my husband, I had things that I cared about more than him, there were things he cared about more than me. We were paying for everything. I had a bigger idea of what I wanted to do and my husband didn’t mind my aesthetic I was going for. All he asked for was picking his suit and grooms attire. We have very similar opinions so we didn’t do a lot of compromising as we agreed on most things :))
There was once a time when it was progressive to say, "Boys can play with barbies, and girls can play with firetrucks!"
Now it's progressive to say, "If a girl plays with batman or Ninja Turtles, she's probably just trans."
It's wildly ridiculous because as a child I played with my sister's toys, tried on thier dresses, HATED sports (and still do), etc. But as a grown man, I'm just super gay and tranning myself into a woman sounds terrifying.
And still sounds as ridiculous now as it was then.
BTW, tomboy here. My grandmother use to force me to take the toads and snakes I caught as a kid back outside. She also told me that if I brought any fish home, I would have to clean them. (Never did; the fish house reeked and anyway I didn't own a fileting knife)
Neither of them are consistent. She wants a traditional wedding with a man of honor? He wants him out of her wedding party but has a girl on his?
I've seen a bunch of outfits where I thought they were nice dresses but then they were rompers instead. Why not find a 1 piece that meets the criteria?
Saying no to a wedding that incorporates her fiance's culture is the worse offense. In an assholery battle between that and not liking the best friend and not wanting him around, not allowing culture wins.
After hearing her post, she sounds more of the AH tbh.
His dislike of her man of honour could have been made worse if he was encouraging her to make the changes, and insisting on a "traditional" wedding - basically encouraging her bridezilla.
Makes me think if he picked that important decision to her and said for him it was his hard no, that she might realise her "traditional" wedding wasn't traditional and all about her.
However, it backfired as he's exposed his insecurities for her best friend that he feels is always around and she exposed herself as a massive AH.
In my opinion, she's the bigger AH.
The dress thing: I get that. When I was young I didnt want to wear dresses and when in my school we got "end of middle school" type of prom or some shit i wore skinny jeans and collared shirt. However I was forced to wear a dress for my mom and stepdads wedding. Now I do sometimes wear dresses and skirts. However not everybody wants to wear those and that can be uncomfortable. I remember feeling so naked and bad when wearing a dress in my mom nd stepdads wedding.
Solution: Get her a flowy wide legged pantsuit. Some of those look like dresses without being a dress.
To be real I'm now on O.P.'s side. She didn't let him have a say AT ALL in their wedding even with HIS part of it. What's good for one is good for the other. If he has to change his for her then vise versa. She is a Bridezilla. N.T.A.
Not sure if this has been mentioned yet BUT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,...........
A TRADITIONAL AMERICAN WEDDING means all women on the bride's side and all men on the groom's side she doesn't want a traditional American wedding she was a traditional her view of American wedding.
my older female cousin was my father's "best man" for his wedding in 2014
There are many pants outfits that look like dresses. Sure it will be slightly different, but do you want your friend? Or a perfectly symmetrical day?
Story 2. OP is definitely not the AH but the bride might be. in any shape or form, OP did everything right. The only thing she could do differently is force herself into a uncomfortable situation and she she should not have to do that especially for just a sister in law (sorry not sorry). While the OP doesnt feel like the bride is being unfair or ^mean^ I think she is. OP wouldnt be feeling guilty if the bride is making her feel that way, the bride is pressuring her and I think Op IS JUST NOT SEEING IT, as someone with anxiety and timid i also used to deny or defend the person who was stepping on my boundries purely to avoid confrontation or because i was too afraid.
If the bride was truly understanding and being respectful she would have taken no the FIRST time. But instead they have continued to try to force op into a dress despite OP saying it is something she cannot compromise on. And honestly WHY is it so important that OP BE a bridesmaid? I 100% think its more about Brides ideal look than any friendship.
First she asked OP knowing OP is uncomfortable with a demand bride is unwilling to change, she also tried to *justify* her demands by saying, i just want to include you and ^you wore a dress for your sister^ ... like yeah because theyare blood related and u are not the same duh! But also ignoring that she was still incredibly uncomfortable while doing it, she tried and it just didnt work. Plus Im sure Bride knows how OP got married, in no dress, if she wasnt able or willing to wear one for her own wedding why should just for you? And none of the compromises were real because they all had dress. Then when OP out of consideration for bride said it best im not in the party Bride still doesnt listen and continues asking, AND still insists on changing OP mind about the dress even though OP has made it crystal clear why she CANT!. OP should tell BRIDE to Fuck off entirely at this point tbh.
Sam's hair is lookin' great pushed back!
The couple that can’t seem to compromise when it comes to her best friend being the maiden of honour. If the bride 100% wants her best friend in her wedding party and the groom is around 70% doesn’t want her friend in the wedding party then it should go to the bride. Now if they are both 100% then you come to a stale mate. The husband knows that it would make his future wife to be happy to have her best friend in her bridal party then why would he want to make her unhappy just because he simply doesn’t like him. Again why have the wedding in spring when you know your husband will be uncomfortable on the day? Why not include some of his culture in this wedding if you know that it would make your husband happy? It seems both are only thinking what makes themselves happy but then the husband has backdown on some things to make his fiancee happy. They need a mediator that makes the final decision. Yes to best friend in wedding party, yes to a maybe an season wedding , yes to include some his culture included in the wedding.
Bridesmaid is a volunteer job. You can decline.
My hubby wanted the huge wedding with 200 people, I wanted just core family and go for a very long honeymoon. Our compromise? 70 people wedding with open bar and as laid back as possible. It was a joint effort and he had as much input as me. We are Colombian/Peruvian and we paid our own wedding with our parents contributing with help/money/ cooking.
Waaaaaaiiiiit a sec, 24 and have been in a relationship for six years? Really pushing it there buddy
OP in the story with the best friend… he needs to call off this wedding. Yes, he’s the AH and so is she but they are not compatible. She isn’t even considering him at all where the wedding is involved. It’s not just her day, it’s his too! They both need to go their separate directions. They both suck and their relationship sucks.
To be honest both of them are being a holes in this situation they both not respecting each other what they want she wanted her friend at the wedding and he wanted his cultural traditional at the wedding both of them shouldn't be even marrying each other in this point
As a woman who comes from a large Catholic family and actually had a "Man of Honor" on her wedding day... he needs to do a lot of growing up. He wore a matching suit, but the pattern on his vest was slightly different and it looked great. But the differences in what they want for their wedding really needs to be examined because this is just a preview into their future. She is just as selfish as he is.
And generally, yes, weddings are more bride-centric, but in many cases, the grooms really just do not care.
First story, OP is not the AH. I thought he was at first before the extra info. Her refuses to allow anything from his culture is a huge 🚩plus it sounds likes shes trying to control every aspect of the wrdding and hes now catching flack for deciding to put his foot down. Imagine having kids and her refusing to allow them to be exposed to his culture. It only gets worse.
Final update on 1st story:
"It’s been two weeks since I posted about my wedding situation. I apologize for not answering very many of your comments on the first post. The post was intended to just talk about the situation, but it quickly turned into a mini AITA discussion, which was absolutely the farthest thing that I wanted to happen. Due to the stress and severity of everything, I had to unplug. The comments and private messages were getting to me and the messages from friends and family who caught word of the situation became overwhelming.
That being said, I got around to reading the comments after a week or so, but didn’t have the effort to say anything until now. A lot of you said I was controlling, manipulative, selfish, and racist. I can understand being called the first three, but racist genuinely hurt. I didn’t realize my actions came across as racist, but I see now how that could be assumed of me. I don’t know what to say to prove that I’m not racist, but I know that even if I did it probably wouldn’t change any minds. I’ve begun to research more on the wedding ceremonies, and just Cambodian culture as a whole, something I realize I should have done years ago.
I promise you that the decisions I made and the unfortunately “vetoed” decisions from my boyfriend all came from a place that thought it was going to be best for both of us. But like a lot of you said, it was still wrong of me to completely dismiss him and his ideas. I admit I was being stubborn about a lot of things that would have been easy to compromise on. I guess I was looking at everything through rose tinted glasses and thought that everything would just fall into place in my favor because I wanted it to. I should have heard him out more and taken his words seriously.
Additionally, a few of you called me and my fiancé out for being rage baiters and even being the same person just using different accounts. I can see how that would seem like the case, since I made this account a day after his throwaway was deleted, but I promise it was just a coincidence. I created a throwaway since my main account has content that can be traced to my other socials, and I didn’t want anyone harassing me in my DM’s or other comment sections. I think someone also brought up the fact that this account is linked to another one that has posts about being divorced? I’m not sure what that’s about.
I read the AITA post that he created and, if I can be honest, I thought it was terribly done. He made his initial post about my best friend and how he wasn’t “comfortable” with him being in the wedding, indicating that even on a minuscule level, he was uncomfortable with my friend. In the 6 years they’ve known each other he has never once voiced or shown any discomfort for him. I don’t know if he was using him as a scapegoat or what. His comments started to change the tune of the post and it started to become a “I’m not comfortable with the guy best friend” vs. “Actually, I’m being taken advantage of” type of thing. It was all so weirdly done, and his comments seemed rude and argumentative. People were judging him based on the initial question as the forum intended, but then he started to tell the rest of the story to try and gain favor or something.
But, I digress. Moving onto the actual update, my boyfriend and I had a talk a few days ago. He was home when I came back from work and it looked like he was packing some of his stuff. I asked if this meant that we were officially over, and he said he didn’t know. I asked if we could talk about it, and he said sure. I apologized to him for how I was acting and that I shouldn’t have been so controlling with the planning. I also apologized for rejecting his culture and said that I didn’t do it with malice. He asked why I really rejected the ceremonies and I told him how I wasn’t comfortable with his parents, since there was still tension between us.
He explained that they were trying to be okay with me, but what I did just made it harder. I told him I read his post and asked if he really didn’t feel comfortable around my best friend. He was kind of iffy on that, saying yes and no before saying he didn’t mind him as a person, but he was still someone he didn’t know. He offered to apologize to him since he figured I told him about what he said when I left to my parent’s house, which I did, and I said I would appreciate that. We got quiet and I asked again if he wanted to officially break up. He said he wanted to cancel the wedding, but that he didn’t want to break up permanently yet. I felt the same way, so we talked some more, and eventually agreed to go back to dating.
This may not be the outcome a lot of you wanted, since it seemed like you were all rooting for him to kick me to the curb, but I still love him and he still loves me. We’re cancelling all of the wedding plans and looking into couples counseling. And, as a promise to each other that we’re going to change, he’s going to make an effort in befriending my best friend, and I’m going to be seeing his family more and participating in/observing more cultural events. This is the last post I will make from this account. I just want to move forward and rebuild with him.
TL;DR: We broke off the engagement, but we’re still together."
I’m so sorry but how on earth is the color theme invitations, location, time, outfits of the party and venue “small details “ that’s literally the WHOLE wedding ?!?
The no dresses bridesmaid friend story, they could possibly find a jumpsuit that has flowy enough legs to look like a dress when still. That matches in color with the color scheme. And op could wear leggings under pant legs if she needs to feel tight clothing around legs. Jumpsuits can look really nice and be a good in between.
Story 1: ESH. OP sucks for being a hypocrite & saying friends can't be family. His fiancé sucks for basically taking over the entire wedding & disrespecting his cultural traditions. Both of these people do not need to get married.
Op: I'm not homophobic but...
Fiancé: I greatly respect his culture but...
Both of these people SUCK.
Just... "you sound like your more interested in a wedding than your relationship & marriage"
"OF COURSE I'm interested in my wedding"
Point. Set. Match. Prevorce.
Story 2: NTA. A compromise of a flowy nice pant suit if it was JUST about the dress. As someone who also suffers from anxiety I wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid either lol.
Also for those saying "just wear leggings!" And what if SIL vetoes that?
After Update: I find it weird that the SIL keeps pushing. Like she says she understands, OP politely declined, but she's still slightly pushing for OP to be a bridesmaid & wear the dress & I think that's pretty disrespectful.
@36:30 wth??? You have weird family dynamics if you are ok seeing relatives naked!! I could see swimwear....but naked???
51:43 honestly op is my kind of girl!! I don’t feel uncomfortable in a dress but I do feel awkward cause I don’t feel used to wearing them so my situation is a bit different but either way she sounds like a cool lady to hang out with.
I know, I am jeans and tshirt woman, not every woman fit in girly clothes box
@@sappfire6086 exactly! I am jealous of people who can wear jeans I mean I could were them but they are so uncomfortable in my opinion. I’m more of a leggings or sweat pants, shorts kinda person. I LOVE soft fabrics haha
Sam would feel good in a dress. Sam requires all his guests to be naked at his wedding. Except him, of course. Cuz he’ll be in the dress.
I’m not sure how genuine his concerns are since he only brought them up after the judgment was going against him. While she does seem like she’s not considering his point of view, she also makes some valid points about why she may not want these things, the communication is not there and there isn’t a willingness to compromise or find alternative. Don’t want to be surrounded by family that doesn’t like you, how can you honor his culture in another way? But her boyfriend really didn’t bring anything up until he said he didn’t want her friend in the wedding citing jealousy and then being weird about him being gay, so I really don’t know that any of his issues were a big deal if they didn’t warrant a mention from the get go.
I think in the first story she’s the AH way more than him. Him not wanting to do it in springtime due to allergies isn’t minor at all. It’s like being lactose intolerant, you might not have as adverse side effects if you eat ice cream but why should anyone especially your soon to be spouse purposely cause you discomfort when you stated this is an issue for you. I always feel like Sam & John are harder on the men than the women and I think her having as many nails in her coffin makes her a more egregious AH to her groom.
The groom is definitely out of touch and a jerk when it comes to her best friend. But I think it’s more so his lack of explanation to Reddit, and even hearing it from his ex fiancés perspective he just seemed hurt and was being momentarily petty about a friend he really isn’t intimidated by to be a bit vindictive and reject her nontraditional ask after she change/ steamrolled so many things in addition to rejecting his culture after he gave up his family for her. I think he kinda snapped in the grand scheme of things and chose that as his leg to stand on.
The changes to the wedding are minor in comparison to the cultural things but I don't think they're that minor. If it were me and changes were being made without me being involved I'd be so upset!