WHY AUTISTIC PEOPLE NEED TO BE ALONE/ISOLATE | DR. KIM SAGE
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- *****LONG INTRO- GO TO AROUND 7 MINS IN IF YOU WANT TO SKIP IT!!!!!!
HERE'S THE LINK (RESEARCH BY FLORENCE NEVILLE) FOR MORE INFO ON AUTISM AND BEING ALONE: autismhwb.com/...
AS ALWAYS, THIS IS NOT TRUE FOR ALL AUTISTIC HUMANS, BUT IT DOES SEEM TO BE QUITE COMMON:) AND ALSO CAN BE COMMON IME FOR THOSE WITH CPTSD
*FOR MORE INFORMATION ON DR. KIM SAGE'S ONLINE COURSES
AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp...
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for myself) for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc and please check out information on fees, insurance info, etc on www.drkimsage.com. xoxo
Totally get this. Unfortunately the people don’t understand and think I’m being rude. I try to create healthy boundaries ❤
I am so frustrated. After watching your videos .. .and so many more ... no one wants to diagnose me .. and I literally have ALL of these!!! ADHD / social anxiety .. autism .. CPTSD
I am exhausted!
Thank you. This is exactly how I feel comfortable.
Yes you should share. It really helps, it makes you more human and relatable x
Amazing, exactly what has been happening to me. I always knew but great to hear it from you.
That's so difficult. My (probably autistic) husband seems to hate being with me and our children. He needs a lot of alone time. He did really well during Covid lockdown. Which was good, because I fell apart and only kept myself together because the kids needed me to make things okay. I already felt so lonely in the relationship, and then to be cut off from my friends and everyone who poured energy into me instead of requiring energy from me... It was bad.😢
(I have ADHD and understand about the crash with a blankie being necessary, but for me it's not an every day for multiple hours thing)
I hide away, at parties/gatherings/work, after just minutes. 😂 i used to feel rude, but it is what it is.
I hear you....
I wish I could hug you!!!!!!!
This was god who got me to you 🤗
very authentic, love the content
Excellent video!!! Valuable information!!!
I’m a turtle, I like to stay home.
Well informed 😮❤
I love being alone and don't know if it's my diagnosed C-PTSD or whether I could be a high-masking autistic woman (there's many other reasons I wonder this). I'm not sure whether I should get evaluated for autism...
I am autistic i can identify with the loneless the attempts three at doing employment employment is social on each occasion i failed they were jobs i thought i could do easily but like jany on the spectrum didnt possess the social skills to perform the tasks, i was finally diagnosed with autism when i was 43 two years ago. I have no friends hace been applying for work for the last 20 months in my native ireland and have not even got an interview with an employer never mind a job i believe employers punish neurodivergent people if they have had a past work history with no references me ahd its not bood or have never worked because of depression etc, onlym15 % of neurodivergent people in ireland are employed i believe its the same in the US but im withdrawing from apllying any more because im sick of the rejections and my health is more important,,im luckier than most i guess ire is very expensive but i have no mortgae or children or billls even food bills to pay for and thank god i still have my parents whom i live with and i get180 dollars or equivalent per weekk its not stunning but a lot of people on the spectrum get much less Thanks very much Dr Sage bless you
kom to sweden
I feel like you are soeaking me. I feel its because oeople are fake and exhaustingly draining when you can see the truth, yet have to play their charades to participate. And everybody wants something from an effective person. Sole parents are exceptionally effective. Great for projecting at…. Thank you, your drained, me too 😊 its that statement…am I severely depressed or just surrounded by assholes 😅
autistic with cptsd here. i love being alone. i don’t want to live with anyone ever again. i hate obligation and expectations.
SAME
I isolate all the time. I find comfort in music and my cats. I have Asperger Syndrome and am also a survivor of parental abuse and neglect.
I found your channel a few months ago and enjoy listening to you.
Thank you.
Kindred spirit here 🙌 sending you healing ❤️
Could there be help in german speaking part of Switzerland 😮@@JorJorBinksss
Me too, all of the above, but with dogs
Perception anxiety.... I love being alone bc of this. Being masked is exhausting & then knowing others are perceiving you all the time. Alone time gives our NS, brain and hearts a break from neurotypicals.
I love being alone, and I get very distressed if I’m around others for more than a couple of hours. My life hasn’t worked in a very long time because of the relationship I’m in that takes more of me than I can handle.
Also thank you so much for this video! This is one of the best videos on this topic that I have ever watched! 😊
I relate to what you mentioned. I wonder if there is a way to still be in a relationship - without allowing it to take more of us than we can handle?
Perhaps through communication and setting boundaries with ourselves - and communicating those boundaries to our partner.
@@Radianty_Ella I’ve lived like this for four years, and all accommodations my partner has tried to give me (since he realized this isn’t going away) has not been enough, I am so tired. I don’t have enough alone time to recover. I’ve really fought to stay in it. But I just know I can’t sacrifice my entire function for the sake of saving our relationship. Well, this is my conclusion. Best wishes to you!
@@Radianty_Ella in my experience(as a man with autism) I have yet to meet a woman that understood my need for solitude. Tbh even my friends over the years haven’t really understood why I need so much alone time. Perhaps serious relationships could work but you’d really have to strike gold in terms of finding the most compatible
I d sad imply find people to be so exhausting though and it doesn’t matter if they are really nice.
i relate so much. i can't live with other people without feeling awful, no matter how much they accomodate me. I'm pretty much waiting until I can afford my own place for my "real" life to start. edit: i have a partner and i tried to live with him and it didnt work. i love him a lot and i'm lucky that it wasnt a dealbreaker for him.
I love how real you are. You’ve given me a lot of really great info. I’ve learned a lot about myself since I started watching your videos. Im 49 and for the past several years I’ve spent 90% of my time alone. I can’t think or get much done at all when people are at home with me. I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and I think most of us can relate to this 100%. It’s so amazing that you put yourself out there like this. I see myself in so much of this. Thank you for educating and helping us. I wish I could find a therapist just like you!
Also, that color looks amazing on you!
❤Thank you so much. I really appreciate you sharing and being here too -and just that you see how this is both hard and relatable is so meaningful for me and makes it worth the risk:) Sending you love and support today!
Thank you, I feel genuinely validated 🤗 I tend to feel guilty when setting boundaries, and I tend to feel shameful and weird because I value my alone time far more than the average person. Also society tends to put so much pressure on one to be in a relationship, and tends to implicitly value extroversion. Introverts unite! ...In RUclips comments where we can feel seen and not overwhelmed ;)
I had childhood trauma and assumed that’s why I isolate so much but this year, I was diagnosed as autistic and it all makes sense. I like to socialize but it’s absolutely exhausting. I spend a ton of my time alone and love it so much. Knowing it’s ok to do this has been such a weight off my shoulders. I don’t think it’s mostly trauma based. I think my body and brain just prefers it. I do what I want (mostly my special interest). It’s so wonderful!
I love being alone. I don't have a lot of alone time. I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother and I'm an only child. This may sound strange, but when I have alone time, I love to clean and organize. It's like purging some of the chaos in my brain from my childhood. Thank you Dr. Kim for your insights and help!!!!
I keep trying to tell everyone in my life "I need some alone time to regenerate some energy or I'ma meltdown" but I swear its like Im speaking Esperanto or something 😂
I don't want to be alone so much but it's better than constantly feeling shamed for being who I am.
Thank you for addressing this! I was an only child, and I believe I am neurodivergent, and I am always needing my alone time. My dad passed away from Alzheimer's in January, and no one understood why I wanted to just go away by myself for a few days. It had absolutely nothing to do with any kind of self harm, it was truly a need that I had in order to make sense of everything I had just been through.
For me I love being alone especially since finding out I’m adhd and autistic. Before I was ok being around people but now I prefer it isolation. Maybe I just don’t want to continue masking and being false/fake. It’s too exhausting and if I cannot be real as I’m re-parenting than what is the point. I’m ok not having friends, I do have a big family but we are so dysfunctional it triggers me off..
"Text messages can feel invasive." Yes! THIS!!!! I'm SO thankful for this channel....I relate to everything you're describing and I feel like I'm constantly having to explain myself, and defend my preference for solitude. I was never allowed to be alone and unbothered in my early years and now that I have it I appreciate every SECOND. Thank you for sharing your work with us and making us feel seen :)
change the melody for incoming messages to something that you love, instead of intrusive generic tones
I’ve always loved being alone. I do connect with others but only as much as I can tolerate.
Your videos give me so much insight 🙏🏽 I have not been diagnosed with anything, but I exhibit a lot of behaviors you describe in this video. Ty for being so transparent 😊you help a lot of us understand ourselves better.
❤Thank you so much - that is so kind of you and I truly appreciate you too! Being transparent is scary, but it means so much to me when it means something for you:). Sending love and support to you today!
When I went to my GP he told me he's got 32 yrs experience and I need to stop making excuses... I left his surgery in tears and so angry I had to walk for an hour to calm down .. my daughter's are autistic but he refused to refer me, I e been bipolar since 14yrs old apparently.. my daughter said mum don't worry we will get this sorted out for you ... I don't believe I will ...
Sending so much love and posative energies to all no matter were you are or how u feel 💖🦄🌞 Amanda in Blackpool England UK 💖🦄🌞⚖️💚
His experience isn't YOUR life experience. I would find another GP who's prepared to listen to you and help you if that's possible. He doesn't know you. YOU know YOU. Don't let him put you off seeking a diagnosis, please. I'm sorry you had to experience his gross ignorance and incompetence but seek the answers you need and if you feel like it, go back and show him you were right and tell him he clearly needs more experience in dealing with people who are autistic! I wish you the very Best of Luck ☺️🙌🙏💜
It's very important to talk about traumas, because it is the untreated traumas in others that are causing them to be so inhumanely beastly to each other, and to us; your chosen topic is about as important as it can possibly get, and actually does exactly address what is going on in the world today. thank you so much for all of your hard work, and sincerity, and integrity.
This was so validating, thank you! And your vulnerability is wonderfully relatable and beautiful. I’ve wished for a long time for people to start being more real in their videos, the tone of authenticity is so much more available for me to take in the info rather than if someone’s trying to be professional, if that makes sense? Thank you for all you share! 🙏🏼💛🌿✨🕊️
I’ve always found people to be a constant source of disappointment. I tick every box - childhood sexual abuse, unloving parents etc etc but we all need to take responsibility for ourselves. You are intelligent and beautiful, many are not so fortunate.
I have accepted that I am a fundamentally asocial person. Not only were all the reasons why socializing or just being in public you listed spot on in terms of why they are uncomfortable, I also don't get much of the positive rewards NT people do from socializing or getting out. Like, my mom who I believe is NT, does get overwhelmed and exhausted at times from a family get together, but she gets a deep sense of some sort of good feeling response from the interactions as well. She feels connected and seen in those situations. I feel all the negative sensory and emotional stuff and get no dopamine or neurological rewards for the interaction either. It's a lose lose for me. And, I am a confident, well spoken, capable person. I don't like socializing but I don't feel tremendous anxiety or rejection sensitivity or any of that. I just don't like it. So I think it's difficult for all the reasons you mentioned and I suspect (but have know clinical knowledge to back it up) that we also don't get the physiological rewards for it in the same.way NT do as well. Great video! I would love more content on this.
I’ve have C-PTSD and totally isolate. I’m also an introvert.
My longtime boyfriend has Asperger’s and can be both very social and both needing to isolate. He’s an extrovert.
Kim, your content is always super helpful, authentic and uplifting. Your sharing really does help, it honestly does. You make a difference and I can relate to the things you talk about. Thank you so so much for being vulnerable in order to help other people ❤️
Being who you are is the only way worth of being. Conforming to the demands of the crazy world is not the way to go for me.
I am an HSP, suffer from cPTSD (childhood and marriage) and wonder if I am not on the spectrum. I love being alone.
Dr Kim, are you going to investigate what is the reason behind your need to be alone? Do you think there is value in assigning a label to your condition?
I ask myself that question.
I admire your strength which includes your vulnerability, anxiety and trauma. 😢I believe that in order for people to see themselves in your words, they needs some of your personal stories to understand what you’re saying. It’s immeasurably important, even as it’s scary for you. Because you’re on social media, your not able to get any kind of immediate feedback from your listeners or clients as you would in a face-to-face session. So please, continue being brave and share your stories, as much as you are comfortable doing so.someone will undoubtedly see themselves in your words and, thereby, feel less alone. This is wonderful and very, very helpful. 🎉 👍🏻
Since I've found you I so resonate with everything you say. I to have had four children and did it basically alone. Loads of childhood trauma and adult trauma. I'm 54 and just realising I'm autistic because my youngest child did some research and here I am. My kids are too. I love my time alone. Life has been so difficult. I was a master masker. I'm burned out from surviving my life. I thought it was the trauma only to find it was holding hands with the autism. I'm so grateful for you and others that are helping validate. I was such a mess with all this as a teen. So overwhelmed. Now I know how to shape my life in my older years and allow myself the boundaries I've always wanted, instead of forcing myself to live a way that suits others, more than me. It's a relief but stinging and itching like a wound does when it's healing.
I'm very similar to what you're sharing. I'm happy I've found you. Beautiful soul 💜
You are speaking my language! I have a cPTSD diagnosis and currently persuing an ASD+ADHD diagnosis. I crave "alone time"!. I had a, perhaps similarly, stressful and traumatic childhood and relationship with my children's father (7 children). All of what you say is what I struggle with. I am coming out of, yet another, burnout. Uuuugh.
I hid in closets and under bed covers, as a child. Hiding in small places or away from people was always something I have done. I was a "bookworm" to survive my childhood. Having young children and raising my children has been chronic overwhelm, as was my own childhood.
I love solitary activities; reseaching, arting (making music, visual art, writing), losing myself in stories, whether that be movies or books or podcasts.
So thank you for voicing how it be for some of us wounded autists! It normalises me and that is very healing!
I do not have autism, but I am highly sensitive. I so need lots of quality alone time.
I love you Dr. Sage. I feel like we are experiencing life side by side. I was born in 1977 and have been doing this deep dive into my autistic/C-PTSD struggles since 2020. I have a husband and 3 teenage daughters, all with ADHD, which adds even more stress. I can’t thank you enough for doing what you do. I appreciate you.
You also go to concerts, have brunch with French friends and take trips to France like Dr. Kim? While having CPTSD and being on the spectrum as well? Wow, that's great. You guys must be doing a lot better than a lot of the rest of us are who also have those same issues. Personally I would never be able to do that stuff. I don't trust or want to be around anybody anymore and considering my age I'm guessing I'll go to the grave this way. Good for you and her, though
I'm in such a similar place of blurred borders between my experience of autism & ADHD and CPTSD. I feel like in an ideal world where neurodivergent kids could be understood, accepted, and accommodated, where they can be securely attached and grow into healthy adults, autism and ADHD would look very different. Lots of ADHD and ASD symptoms overlap with CPTSD and yet are considered distinct enough that I find myself trying to figure out which of the labels apply to a given behavior/feeling. However I feel like the fact that the world & society inherently are experienced as more traumatic to neurodiverse individuals, coupled with the way we may experience our trauma and PTSD symptoms differently, has led to the diagnostic criteria for ASD and ADHD actually listing only the most severe debilitating symptoms that are seen in the most traumatized individuals. It all comes back to the idea that the trauma and neurodivergence are separate entities that can be distinguished from one another. I've come to believe it's a lot more complicated than that, and I'm constantly noticing the parallels and thinking about what they could mean for me and for my loved ones and the rest of society.
9:50 - Sound sensitivity has a name: “Misophonia” I’ve been researching autism since my diagnosis 2 years ago, and just discovered it has a NAME. To name something is to bring it into being. To make it real. From a Harvard article titled “Misophonia - when sounds really do make you crazy” : People with misophonia are affected emotionally by common sounds - usually those made by others, and usually ones that other people don't pay attention to. The examples above (breathing, yawning, or chewing) create a fight-or-flight response that triggers anger and a desire to escape. Misophonia is little studied and we don't know how common it is. It affects some worse than others and can lead to isolation, as people suffering from this condition try to avoid these trigger sounds. People who have misophonia often feel embarrassed and don't mention it to healthcare providers - and often healthcare providers haven't heard of it anyway. Nonetheless, misophonia is a real disorder and one that seriously compromises functioning, socializing, and ultimately mental health. Misophonia usually appears around age 12, and likely affects more people than we realize.”
Wondering about the difference between Avoidant Personality Disorder and Autism. Thank you.
Your candidness is stellar! Thank you for this organic content. Your demeanor is gentle, open, and inviting. I have always loved being alone. In adulthood, I have gravitated to a 95 / 5 ratio. Likely due to a seriously traumatic background. Nature is my ultimate diffuser, keystone neutralizer, a trusty steed of a healing power.
"This is how my brain works." Resonance, indeed. Thank you for this video.
Introduce keto diet and fasting to your daughter to heal her autoimmune disease
We have reduced gluten and it helps but it's hard getting full buy in with a teen:)
❤ Thank you so much for this, Kim! I'm not sure where I fall (although I've taken online self-assessments and have scored high. I sent one assessment to my sister and she scored high too. I look at my family and it's feeling kind of obvious). There's been trauma, but I also feel like all of this can't be just that. Much of it feels like my wiring and I cried when I read Elaine Aron's book when I was 18 or so (1998/99) and you've covered the HSP/SPS thing and what you said and what other people are saying makes so much sense to me.
I've always needed to isolate and fortunately, my family understood and allowed that for me. I remember the word "privacy" being very important to me as a child - "I need my privacy!" And now I shamelessly tell people that I need 4 to 6 hours of alone time a day to be on the happier side (I recently did the math and figured it up). And when I'm being silly I tell people that I need to go into Hobbit mode and stay home, have second or third breakfast and shave my toes! ;)
I resonate so much with this video. I notice myself wanting to be alone more and more to regain balance and regulate. I used to think that there was something very wrong about it. Now I'm working on giving myself permission to be who I am. Hypersensitivity needs tenderness, not denial or shame. Thanks for all your work and for sharing it with us ❤
I’ve hesitated to self diagnose myself of autism and was deeply crushed when I realized I shouldn’t. But mainly it was for all these reasons but now I just watched your video on avoidant attachment and that also describes me well too, not completely but well, and I just dont want to jump to any conclusions for myself but I dont want to hurt my partner either.
Okay... How is being an introvert / homebody different from being "Autistic"? Are you saying that introverts are autistic, and extroverts are not? I'm confused by this. I am such an introvert / homebody and have all or most of these characteristics.
This was so beautiful. You are so beautiful with your deep sharing and courage. I utterly received everything you said, and every tear, together with the hope and the advocacy for yourself and all of us that you expressed. I relate utterly. I have six children (!), four of whom were born about a year apart, and I homeschooled most of them while in an abusive situation. Oh boy, do I get it! I am about to turn 65. In the last few years I have learned of my diagnoses of anxiety, adhd, autism, and MCAS. I already knew about the Ehlers Danlos and POTS. I am safe now and married to someone I adore. We are basically together 24/7. As much as I adore him and as much as we live together in utter peace, my heart sings the few times he goes out alone. A couple of months ago, he went to visit a friend. I had an entire weekend to myself! It was marvelous. Funny to hold so much love for him at the same time as experiencing buoyancy to the point of bliss whenever I am alone. Thank you, Kim.
(that was beautifully written.)
Two things;
1) yes please to hearing more of your story. I too have "had more trauma than most" and it is really hard to find people who are living well who have been through as much as people who have been through "more than most" have. Its very different from someone who's experienced one or two big things.
2) it struck me that the definition in that study of "alone time" focused so much on safety. I have experienced not having true alone time even when by myself, and have also been listening to Sobunfu Some's book on Intimacy, and how she shares about the community in her village FEELS SAFE to me. Like i could have "alone time" there in the midst of all of that. Maybe not completely, as I grew up the way I did so my nervous system would have to adjust, but a HUGE part of needing "alone time" is that both people and society are not truly emotionally connected and therefore safe. If i was to be completely myself i would get a LOT of pushback - constantly. Although I am working towards being myself anyway.
You and another popped up about isolating today. Used to think the bad things were just giving me the "legal standing" to speak against things. Son definitely on spectrum and rewatches videos, wants to be alone AND lived with me til 32 while I was dealing with ongoing complex trauma and neuromuscular disease taking career. As therapist who taught me EMDR said, not going to see improvement until the trauma stops. I don't even want to have contact with kids, the expectation that I should support, accept unconditionally, be flexible is absolutely intolerable. Heck some days the cat being on my lap is too invasive. I know this is probably a season, and not rushing through this 3 yrs but savoring the shreds of my life trying to stitch it into a quilt.
What a lovely person you are, Kim. Ty for sharing yourself with us. ❤🤗🙏
I’ve chosen to be alone most of my life without really understanding why. I’ve definitely been convinced that there is something wrong with me many times. Thank you for helping me understand myself better.
3:20 Longing to be alone
4:25 I just want you to go to school so I can be alone. Same for me! I think the same about my wife.
14:40 I don’t want to be alone *all* of the time but every theres a price I pay for every social interaction. 👌 I’m a father and relate 💯
I yearn to be social if & when I have quick and easy access back to being alone. Serving in the USAF was brutally difficult in part because most of the time I was required to be around lots of people with few if any breaks. In Basic Training I often fell asleep sitting on the toilet or on the cold, hard tile floor of the large shared shower because I was desperate for time alone.
This is perfect 🙌🏻 I’m so grateful for your vulnerability, your approach and your channel ❤️
What helped me is NATURE - when you can, go into NATURE, FOREST or whatever you like (some people love water, sea,,,) it sooo regulates.
One needs to disconnect from the mainstream. ENJOY the beauty of NATURE in general. wherever you can find it. 'AWAY from domesticated DOING - go into FLOW states, wherever you can find them, no matter where.
Usually it is AWAY from people, HAVING alone time.
And THAT is SO okay, and it is REGULATING and gets you into PARASYMPATHETIC rest and digest...
And stress RELIEF.
WHY do autistic people like to be alone so much? Indeed it is AWAY of the NEURONORMATIVE way, you are SUPPOSED to be.
If you are all by yourself, you do not need to mask, you can be YOUR SELF.
BECAUSE if you can be YOURSELF or just ENJOY NATURE, beauty, and THAT activates CREATIVY.. it is RELAXING.
RIGHT hemisphere ACTIVATION.
It is NOT a disorder. I feel it is THE OTHER WAY around..
I mean, seriously..LOOK at this world. it is all about a CERTAIN IDEA, how one SHOULD behave. It is just a BOX.
And therefore the very LACK of acceptance of everything that is different.
What is "different", mainstream society considers as "bad"
It is just a label.
VERY LEFT HEMISPHERE judgmentalized thingking, judging and othering.
In fact we are ALL individuals wit different NEEDS.
I feel, we people who do feel, we do not fit in, we are quite on the RIGHT track.
So never beat yourself up for having needs, that do not fit into that narrowminded idea
REWILD and BE YOURSELF.
See John Bradshaw videos. They are old but GOLD
Thank you for showing the real you Kim. I've really started honoring this recently and something that has helped me is switching to online social and learning groups. The pushback from this has been intense at times, with people not understanding and saying "but your seem fine", but I've accepted that some people will never understand. It's so much less exhausting when you can socialise from the comfort and safety of your home
Meanwhile i spent 25 yrs bearing children who we then proceeded to homeschool and homechurch lololol.....there was never an opportunity to self isolate and i almost lost my mind
I'm 65 and never considered that I may be autistic to some extent until I saw this video. I'm very solitary and becoming ever more so as I get older but I'm fine and very relaxed with that. I always imagined I'd quite like a simple monk type life, but without the community aspect, and now I seem to have built just that.
Thankfully, I live alone, except for my animals.
But I'm close to a road, and the cars going by make me crazy.
Noise makes me cringe, but I love nature sounds.
I would like to be in a happy marriage, but the past has shown me I wouldn't be very good at it. He'd have to travel quite a bit or hangout in another area of the home some times. LOL
Thank you for sharing your journey Kim. I've had very similar experiences. I'm 51 and a month ago I decided to pursue an official diagnosis. I'm tired of perseverating, is it Cptsd, HSP, INFJ, or ASD? My thoughts, it's all of the above. But for my own peace of mind and my children I'm getting an expert assessment. Perhaps funny to say but I will be relived to get an ASD diagnosis. The never ending hunt for what is "wrong" would be over :) That would give me a lot of freedom in my own mind and heart.
The more I research this, the more I'm convinced that it's all inter-related and anyone with cPTSD will display HSP, INFJ and ASD traits
I love being alone, unfortunately i'm currently unemployed and can only afford to stay at a place with roommates. Talking with them feels painful.
I git a kick when tou said working in bicycles because i was a bike mechanic for a decade and just loved going through every single detail.
"If you resonate with this, you're not alone"... or maybe you are, and that's ok.
Awesome video per usual! I'm not formally diagnosed, nor am I very interested in that for several of the same reasons you mentioned, but my therapist and I's working theory is that I've got a similar combination of C-PTSD, neurodivergent, and "high functioning" (or as I liked to call it highly masked) autism. Your videos have been so helpful on that journey, thank you. I really relate to what you shared and had been living "quarantine style" years before 2020. We all deserve to find peace for ourselves some way.
You are a truly wonderful human being.
As a man of a similar age to yourself, only child, non-diagnosed Aspergers Syndrome and with a terrible childhood behind me, I identify with virtually every word you say.
I thank you for taking the time to make these videos as I have learned so much from them - not least of all that I am not alone in my past and present.
Big hugs from the UK.
I love being alone. Today, I spent a few hours outside at an event. I found it to be nice , mostly because of the things there, more than the people. I have found myself to strongly connect with non-humans more than humans. For example, textiles and plants. The people we did see and speak to included another autistic family, a family with a kid just like my ADHD son, a couple people who share other common traits or perspectives, like those who were talking to me about types of rocks, and those who chose to interact with my nonverbal son.
The outdoor movement in nature aspect was very comfortable too. When I got home, having a shower and getting into comfortable lounge wear made being home that much better 🤗
I find that a lot of therapists and other “authority figures” think that being alone is pathological. It’s hard to feel understood at times.
This feels so true to myself as well.
Just a certain distraction, that lingers, can disregulate me for an entire day.
Having that desire to be alone, as so many things just drain the life out of me.
And I feel guilty at times. Feeling awful, for having such low energy.
The raw honesty is one of the reasons we love you, Dr Kim!
Thank you Kim for sharing your truth and making this "feel normal"....for far too long many of us have been holding our true needs and wants internally to please and appease the needs & wants of others....I am so comfortable now being honest and sharing the real me with those who want to engage in my world💗🌎☺️
I have ASD/CPTSD and need to be alone alot, and I really like it. I still crave social interaction but in limited controlled amounts. I too then dread plans made. At the beginning of the social out time I'm nervous then a kind interaction with a person helps me to relax, then I enjoy myself, but in a few hours I'm totally exhausted. I know how much social interaction benefits me, but it is draining and energy consuming too. I love your videos Kim, you are amazing. I want you to share your truth, I support you. 💕
I’m not autistic, easily very sociable but need to live in isolation with my thoughts.
Thank you. For me the hardest part is noticing that I need the time alone before complete overwhelm comes.
Therefore I need to simply schedule time alone whether I think I need it. I need to direct my life towards maximizing. safe lome spaces.
i HAVENT EVEN GOT THROUGH THE WHOLE VID, This reallly hits home ,What you're saying is exactly what i feel - so much so everything you say made my cry . i'm STRUGLING now more than EVER in my life i feel im on the verge of a break down ,WE are the same age and Im an only child also ,Im wondering if meno pause is contributing also too the cptsd ,
Great video. I can relate 100%.
Wow im in shock , not only am i new subscriber and very connected to your videos on narcissist mothers amd abuse , but i also have a unique complex Asperger's. I wish i could write you a letter explaining the complex trauma i experienced at the hand of my mother and my not having the proper diagnosis of Asperger's until i was 21 im not 35 . I actually got so excited when i saw the title that i just started commenting lol 😂 forgive me .. But yes we absolutely need to isolate especially being overstimulated easily , and the big one is my anxiety disorder secondary to being on the Autism spectrum..
Edit : anyways off to watching the video now im looking forward to it ☺️
I found myself smiling in recognition of myself in so many of your thought processes. Thank you for sharing your strength through vulnerability. It’s refreshing, and when you were speaking of needing time alone, yet craving deep connection I was just thinking you probably make an incredible friend. The message at the end felt like a warm hug. Thank you for sharing.
This message resonates with me totally. I’ve never spoken about it.
Yes!!,I resonate so much with your topics but this just made me cry. You have normalized so much of what I feel that “others” often think I am weird so I mask. But this video validates so much of what I feel! Thank you,thank you.❤
Thank you so much Dr.Kim. Gosh I’m so so grateful for all the work you do and what you share. Truly helping me everyday. Hope your French class went good 💜
I didn't mind social distancing for Covid either, it was the best thing ever for me. Actually I liked wearing the mask in public too, it made me feel safer somehow. People can't make fun of how you look if they can't see you.
So happy that your channel was recommended to me ❤. This is my first video of yours, you shine very brightly.
I rarely enjoying being with other people unless it is with other neurodivergent friends who are able to provide a lot of space when interacting and things can be very slowed down and with a loose social structure. That, or I am drawn to being with people in more highly structured situations like concerts, movies, meditation groups, dance, lectures etc. where the primary focus is not conversation, but more of a harmony of mind, body or spirit.
Wow that is exactly me too
Thanks Dr. Sage for sharing your personal stories and insights, it matters. I've spent A LOT of the last 3+ years studying psychology literature and content to try to understand my troubles and provide myself with a language to even THINK about the implications of my childhood and other life experiences. Often, the terms used in the material are quite specific to psychology (in the way they are used at least) and it can be difficult to draw accurate conclusions and interpretations, even for someone with good command of vocabulary and intuition. Often I have found content creators, even many psychology professionals who present information in a very confusing way and misinterpret theory because they have "book learning" but no experience of the conditions described, and thus no insight into the actual lived experience of someone who might be suffering with the characteristics of one or many of the published critera. Without real-world examples to illustrate what all the jargon really means, it often creates false impressions and conveys information that is simply false, and hampers self-understanding. THANK YOU SO MUCH for your willingness to suffer the discomfort of vulnerability and your patience in interpreting for we mere mortals who suffer with you and rely so much on your knowledge and experience to help us sort out our difficulties, it DOES make a difference, both in understanding the clinical literature and in terms of validation of our experiences. I hope this provides YOU with the encouragement to to help you keep bringing your best, thank you so much.
Kim, this has been the most helpful video. I spent most of my childhood alone and at the same time wanting to belong , but only part of the time. I love being alone and engaging in my work. I enjoy my own company. Yet, I can be very social, but like you, there is a cost I pay if I can’t recharge. Some of my friends think I’m a hermit, so I had to laugh when you used that description of your alone time. Frankly, I’m very self-sufficient but I still want my bestie to have dinner with or go on vacation together. I’m tired of judging myself and comparing myself to all the extroverted folks in the world. Love this new format. I’m learning a lot. I think you should take your blanket to French class😊
Thank you and I’m very glad to have come across your channel and this episode in particular.I have been doing a lot of online research some reading and currently therapy.Its been a long hard 12 months of recovery and self discovery.Much appreciated! Just want to share a tip with learning french given to me by my French teacher who really was so helpful.This is what she said.
“Have French radio on in the background even if you can’t understand a lot and little by little you will start to recognise the occasional word or phrase and it will help with pronunciation “
I did and it worked and I ended up graduating with a degree many years later.
❤
Polyvagal therapy...this will change your life as a therapist I say research that.
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I feel so much of this deeply and really appreciate your vulnerability and self disclosure. It helps me to validate my own experiences and also feel inspired by and excited for your journey ❤
Wow thank so much for connecting these two “disorders” (Austin’s and CPSTD). I did it in quotes bc we also have a lot of special gifts because of it. I also felt for many many years that I had many traits of that Austim ppl had. Less now than before as I have healed a lot. But this makes a lot of sense. And thanks for opening up. Personally I loved the intro story. The most effective and powerful teachers and healers are those who are willing to be vulnerable and expose themselves for the greater good. It’s also liberating, healing and empowering to share one’s story. We are all more alike (esp in our wounds these days unfortunately) than different. So I applaud you for stepping up and doing what is making you feel more fulfilled and listening to yourself. Our world needs more relatable humans, not perfect humans. ❤
Thank you for this - boundaries are so important x
You are seriously my soul sister! Everything you say resonates with me. I grew up with an eggshell mother and parentification. I have 3 teenage daughters of my own. Recently (since May) at 46 I quit talking to my uNPD/uBPD. As tough as it is her unrealistic expectations of me we’re slowly killing me. Your videos are an essential part of my healing journey. ❤ Thank you for sharing your vulnerability… I’m learning 💝
Thank you for this.. ALL of this!! It's important that you share your tale.... it's so important.. you are doing your true work here... PLEASE keep dung this... please
Recognition ❤ Thank you for your vulnerability 🙏 I hate the roles a lot of vloggers play because fakeness bores me
Hi Kim, I learned that I am autistic through watching your channel -- I saw one of your videos, did some research, and then went to two professionals in my area and they confirmed it. Your channel has really helped me grow as a person.
Ditto! My CPTSD always had me enjoying being alone. I too ask myself whether I am a hermit. I have trouble with friendships in the sense that they mostly exhaust me.