Exactly! They poke poke poke poke until you hit a breaking point, react to the the narcissist abuse and thennnn he says see guys I told you she was psycho, then they film your reaction and whatever else they can get to use against you to the courts or kids / family.
My Grandma said "The first time they speak to you with disrespect should be the end of it, unless you want to get knocked around, later on." Best advice she ever gave me.
If someone actually thinks you're crazy they won't be able to get away from you fast enough. If someone is trying to convince you that you are crazy, they are gaslighting you.
I got away from HIM fast enough. In 1 hour. no one is ever going to treat me like my mom and brother did growing up...and expect me to stick around. No more manipulation. No more making me feel bad about myself. I seek out people around me to see if my suspicion is valid. I say or do to the abuser, over time, their exact words right back to them and watch their reaction. It's fun too. It shuts 'em right up.😅 because they remember saying it to me. One told me I needed to get rid of my ' 66 mustang. I said I'll get rid of you first
🎉wonderful job! God bless you! The Lord Jesus loves you and nothing you have done in your past is unforgivable! It is all forgivable! The Lord Jesus welcomes you with open arms, my friend! You are loved! And I will be covering you in prayer!
@@chrissy5705 - thank you 🙏🏻 yes alcoholism and depression brought me to my knees almost completely ruined me. Jesus was there to rise me back up. He forgave things no human could. He believed in my sobriety when most doubted it. Grateful and thankful 🙏🏻 are like new words to me I start my day on my knees in prayer 🙏🏻 and meditation- followed by scripture reading/ I put on the armor of god - I always pray for every meal. I help addicts and homeless best I can. Blessed with debt free - Great job and more then adequate home 🏡 All glory to Jesus
My husband- what exactly am I doing -I go to work 8 hours a day……-ME- ok …………we’ll……… what about the other 16 hours.he’s always tryng to convince me that I’m crazy:thank god I am a very strong empath
True. Been there done that and still have a covert narc using my son to try and destroy me. I apologized to the evil covert. She turned it around and said she had been through a living hell. Lol she looks nice but when she opens her mouth 🪰 swarm out. Lol you could bend over backwards trying to be nice to these demons but it will only turn into a disaster and they will find a way to trigger you.
Yes!!! 🙌🏽 my older brother and sister are complete narcissists and have been emotionally and verbally abusing me my entire life. The moment I call them out on their BS, I’m suddenly “crazy” or “you need to see a therapist.” 🙄😒 it’s so hurtful and draining and I’ve always been the sane one. Lord knows I need peace now so I can focus more on my life and my mental health.
And it doesn't help when the victim really is diagnosed with a mental illness. I had certain family members focusing on my weaknesses on one side, and friends from school and church seeing me as a person on the other side. Who do you think I preferred to spend Thanksgiving with? I may have my struggles, but I've always believed in dealing with my situation constructively so whenever someone was speaking down to me, I just took it matter-of-factly and answered that person like there wasn't any problem at all. I completely ignored the condescending tone. I think it helped to know that I had some people in my corner.
Mine got caught lying to me about emails with 2 other people. I saw the emails, asked her about them, and she deleted them. She then lied to me telling me that I was making it all up in my head, that I had insecurity issues, and that I was lying about having seen the emails and that she never deleted anything. Once I showed her that I had screenshots, she then blamed me for "putting her in a position" where she lied because she was afraid of my reaction to finding out at the she was communicating with an old crush. This is just one of 1000 examples, nothing they do is ever wrong, it is ALWAYS your fault, no matter how badly you are hurt, no matter how obvious it is that they lied to you, they will blame you till the bitter end
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650I think they don't mean to call victim's self-defence a reactive abuse, but rather an abuse that persues reactions and which motive are to provoke a reaction from a victim. Something like that.
And then, they accuse you of gaslighting when you call them out on their behavior ... make it make sense🤔 Make you even wonder if their intentions were genuine to begin with ..
only god can get me out of this one i never ever wanna esperience this bs again in my whole life, i’m mad because i didn’t trust myself i didn’t listen to that voice that’s always there i didn’t believe in myself almost, that breaks my heart, i got the lesson, this time, the bigger part is it’s the tie that binds an it’s real
Got a head full of tumors from my better half. I swear I could feel the moment they would pop up. Like pop rocks in my head. It all fell apart when I insisted our conversation/ fights were recorded. I told her it could be On cassette. She could hold on to them or even destroy them once we'd listened back to them. But I needed a clear record of what was said because she would say things and literally seconds later swear she didn't. One of us was completely crazy. If she thought it was me, wouldn't she be relieved to have them recorded? Instead, I feel that she realized she would no longer be able to control a false narrative and so she said I was vile for even suggesting such a thing. I could have easily recorded them in secret but wanted consent. I truly think she needs help. She had a severely abusive mother but there's no way that could be having an effect, right? It's 'evil' for me to even suggest that her childhood abuse has anything to do with our problems. and then of course she feels attacked and so naturally she starts attacking my mother. 🙃
Never. Ever. Tell a narcissist that you have mental issues or have sought out therapy. Because you getting angry about their mistreatment of you is to call you crazy. Been there. Done that.
That is callled GASLIGHTING....if you let the, say it to you ling enough you might start believeing it untill you are...tell him "OH NO ..NOT THAT" VERY SARCASTICALLY...IT will make him see himself for what he is...
My dad literally threatened to call CPS to take my son unless my husband tried to have me committed. My dad told the narrative that I was having a mental breakdown. In reality, I was distancing myself from my father and setting boundaries. Absolutely no indication of a mental health crisis
This happened to me. I immediately filed a restraining order and it was granted. Therapy gave me the strength to put myself first and walk away and the courage to develop boundaries. I am now working with a therapist to learn how to forgive myself for staying as long as I did and to let go of the anger for the years of my life I wasted.
This becomes normalized over time, but imagine the damage it does to the defenseless children of narcissists. It is a recipe for a lifetime of mental health issues.
To be honest, marriage counselors have been supporting this kind of abuse for years with statements such as "what was your role in the dysfunction?" "You have to take responsibility for what happened." "Dont you see how your bad behavior caused this?" Then they tell you, you are dysfunctional for wanting to "run away from the marriage" and "throw it all down the drain what an irresponsible thing to do." More proof you are irresponsible and dysfunctional. Then they tell you, you are mentally ill so you dont know what you are talking about and what is going on. Then when you start to feel crazy from all of this, the marriage counselor says your mental illness is what caused the marital problems "mental illness is really hard on marriages." I really hope they have stopped doing this, but it has gone on since the 1980s.
Child of narcissist(s) here........... yup. It's so weird going to work and everyone's acting genuine, giving compliments and criticism. I forgot they aren't weapons.
@@Amborella308 yeah, once I graduated from basic military training where everybody's catching hell, I was happier my first two years in the Air Force than I was my first 20 years of life put together! Even in basic training when I was getting yelled at, at least I knew it wasn't personal because they were doing it to everybody. Then at my first base, it was the real world and I had superiors who treated me with some degree of respect and even when I screwed up and did stupid things, I was dealt with accordingly, but I wasn't shamed (caught that at school *and* home!). For the first time, I actually felt like I was somebody. I think being in the military and being surrounded by people who actually knew how to treat people was very healing to me.
@@Lavenderrose73 :D That's amazing! I'm so happy for you! Real discipline feels so much different from abuse, it's so fucking refreshing when you're around people who use their power responsibly! No hidden motivations, no gaslighting, no guilting and shaming, no fucking nonsense! Ugh! That reality feels *utopian* when you're living with a narcissist.
That is very fitting and so frustrating as I am enduring this daily. Trying to get out but they have done an excellent job with isolating me and provoking me so much that I pushed everyone away trying to show them that he was abusing me. They all say I'm nuts, but I'm not, he really is doing these things. I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I've not been able to get my shit back together to get reemployed. Hell I got me a good job but all the sudden everyone at work started setting me to be an outcast and we're saying things like "I can't believe you did that" etc, I had no clue what they were talking about and when it got downright abusive I walked out. I swear I think he did something somehow but can't explain what how or why. Maybe I am crazy, hell who knows at this point. Life just seems useless anymore. Everything I loved and believed in is gone and I've been tossed aside like I'm nothing. Everyone was only glad that I loved them when they could use me. Now they don't need me and I'm stuck. Pathetic is what he made me
@@HisHeartSame with me too. My older siblings have done this to me my entire life and I’m tired of it. It’s time to focus on me and my wellbeing because unfortunately, I’ll never get through to them. You just can’t with a narcissist.
One should react or not only when one sees fit. I would never "not react" calculating what is food or drink for a stupid person. It's their problem, not mine. If, at the end of the day, I decide that I don't like their behavior, I am out of that relationship. I know this advice is given all the time, but I do not agree with it personally.
Yup. When you have zero friends by Narc it is isolation at it's worst. However take that and become the best at what you want or gifted at. For me about three years to become. For me was way out in the desert to be offered massive change by a stranger. My lifestyle improved a thousand percent. God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. The Narc really in the long run does us a favor. One thing all Narcs do is come back around. Might take forty years. When they do you to can hand them their ass.
Great comment they turn other weak toxic sheep against you I was amazed when the narrsissists in my life where the misable fake jealous crazy ones I could write a book at this stage !!!
They can think that, but God has us set apart for a reason. They want you to think living in isolation is a bad thing, but its not. In actuality its making you a better person, in the time i've been isolated away from my narc family i've wrote songs, poems and got more into God's word. I don't care to be around fake people that seek to destroy me.
Me t👀! I’ve had an ex ‘friend’ who caused hell in my life by sending anonymous texts & letters accusing my partner of.. ALL sorts! We found out it was her who had sent them! It’s caused years of stress, arguments, pain etc etc in our relationship & family home life! After years of hell her interference caused I wrote a social media post saying about this & 1 of her flying monkeys who I did not know had access to my account told her about this post & she wrote a scathing post to ‘the attention of me’! Then when i retaliated she got the police on me & again acted like she was the victim! I’ve researched & scoured the internet for as much knowledge on narcissists! To help me understand what these types of people are like & WOW they’re insane! & drive the people they target crazy with this victim, bully, abuser cycle! They should be locked up so they can’t do this to people!
Calling mine out on his horrid behavior only makes him nastier. Next day he's bringing me my coffee. When I have to call him out again, usually same day.. it's the same ol merry-go-round.
Deal with this almost everyday 😭. It’s so stressful. Then when they can’t convince you that it’s you that’s abusing them… they get an audience to watch you react then tells the audience “I told you, do you do see how they treat me?”. It’s so draining. They play both the abuser & victim role really well.
But is possible I grew to despise him hated that I stooped to his level when I ended up becoming a reactive abuser miserable every day man that I ever complained about abuse in my childhood every single day there was an argument mind games name calling crying I was surprised that I survived so long nearly lost my mind became full of hatred anger felt like my insides were turning black never have I ever experienced such negativity man smh thank God he's gone how could anyone treat others this way I just couldn't do it oh man love yourself respect yourself you aren't problem they are be happy you are who you are and not like them just be wiser change some things that are attracting these types sad for me too for putting up with it what a waste of time I regret that who tryed to convince you that you were deficient somehow guess what ? they lied!
Hang in there, Honey! I wish I had seen all these videos first. I put him in jail for the weekend and moved 21 years of stuff out while he was gone. However, I wasn't ever able to tell my side of how he tortured me everyday with emotional/verbal and finally physical @buse! Everyone was groomed by him for months that I was the cheater and liar. He tried to gaslight me all while he was screwing a friend of mine! All his new flying monkeys think he's such a wonderful guy, stroking his huge ego daily! Oh well, it's been 6 weeks, and i feel like im floating and so light without his abuse! I'm so much more healthy, free, and HAPPY! His new supply will be very miserable! He traded a diamond for a marble, and they deserve each other!!!!! Now he's free, and she's still with her man and my ex!! Nice couple...two cheating liars!!!
yup, if the Narcissist is yelling at you, you get mad. They will say they didn't yell, you are just an angry person and it's always your problem and it's in your head
@@NotStarryy I'm sorry, its hard when it is a parent. My son stays in his room when his dad, my now soon to be X Husband is home. We are finally separated but, in same home and now he is nicer tgen ever until I ask a question and the real him shows up again
@@RaphialLee 😥I'm sorry, My older sister woukd do anything to make herself look better then me. She was nasty and when our Dad died in 2020 I cut her out. She had teamed up with my step mom who both harrassed and shamed me for everything I did. It was during covid and they believed the hype. I didn't live in same state so me and my niece on the step Mom's side wanted a simple good bye to him for the younger children or they would have to wait 6months. We tempted Flying Lanterns with messages writen on them. The wind was bad.. We didn't know what we where doing but, it made tge younger kids laugh and we told fun stories of my dad. My step mom said my actions qas a disappointment to my dad. He was IS my Dad abd I have a right to say good bye. My step mom and sister who always hated each other turned me in to their grief scapegoat and they where sp horrible I had to cut ties. I haven't been happier
I could grow up and get out fast enough but oddly I didn’t know the extent of the damage because it started so early. Only now at 48 am I beginning to see clearly and feel life is just beginning
@@flip1980ful it's MORE NARCS out there than not. You have to stay on your A game to be alert. One red flag I do know is they WILL verbally abuse you, and sometimes physically. Pay attention to the signs.
What if they say they do everything for you (me) and make my life easier and why don’t I appreciate it … lol I just re read that and I sound crazy … I honestly I’m so confused and defeated and doubting my own thoughts it sucks ..
I personally loved the silent treatment and with holding love/affection.. because I had peace and quiet, I could enjoy my alone time. At that point the attention and love bombing started to feel fake and awkward. Once he realized that the silent treatment tactic didn't work to hurt me, he became incredibly harassing, aggressive, bothersome and wouldn't leave me alone for days, calling me all sorts of names, trying to make me feel guilty, threatening himself and me. Narcissists are pure evil, they will go back and forth to do everything they can to hurt you and destroy you from the inside out. Stay away from them! Thank God its been a year since I left my ex 🙏 Feeling alot happier these days and don't regret one moment of leaving.
I still love my xwife,1 time i brought a k s bed she ask me because the full size bed was brought by her x so I finally got tis k s bed & she slept on the couch 4 2 wks after i said u been asking me to buy tis bed 4 yrs & u been sleeping on the couch 4 2 wks,she said u want me to sleep n the bed w// u 2night i said yes & we made love boom it was on like popcorn,some times people cut off ones nose to spite their face, there's no reason to be except be, children church were big issues
Feeling like you’re going insane trying to understand what you did wrong… panicked and crying asking them for help. Narcissist: stop crying. You’re just trying to manipulate me with your emotions.
@Loving Social Distance I just know you cut ties. Particularly, when you’re dealing with an aging narcissist or if there’s a racial difference, it’s important to get out immediately. Because societal convention dictates that they’re never in the wrong and that you need to be joined at the hip with them, as their little helper. No one considers narcissistic abuse with this. They just want you to be quiet and tend to the narcissist’s every need. This falls right in place, for narcissists, who are good at victim and virtue signaling, as if they even hardly need to do that, with all of the enablers out there. Many of them just label it, “Oh, you don’t want to be a nice person and help them.” For some victims, they find this to be the ultimate trap. Where my neighbor is concerned, despite her possibly trying to smear me to another neighbor, fortunately for me, I just didn’t have the psychological makeup that made me concerned. I didn’t care what she thought or whatever she wanted to tell other neighbors. As far as I was concerned, if she didn’t like that I wasn’t doing whatever she wanted, she could call the police - so, I could tell them no, as well.
So true cops came and they asked me about the restraining order he had on me I was very upset but I laughed out of the ridiculous nature of his question , and said no the protection order is on him for breaking my arm.
@@feliciajohnston4877 yeah, I sent my mother a certified cease and desist letter, which didn’t stop her from calling me at work, when I hadn’t given her the number, in the first place. When I WFH a few years ago and asked her to not call during the work week, simply because she wouldn’t know when I was in the middle of the 12 conference calls I had per week - that started a campaign of calling and trying to interrupt the calls. I didn’t know WTF was wrong with her. I now know it was because her mask was slipping and she was becoming more narcissistic, although I didn’t know a thing about NPD back then. So, I never gave her my work number again. But, she said, “I WANT that work number!” She had my cell, but she wanted the work number to harass me and let me know that calling me there was at her option. At one point, the cops told me to send her another one. I even considered having her picked up by the cops, because they picked her up and took her to the psych unit in 2018 and one of the conclusions they weren’t coming to was dementia. They never found out what was wrong with her. They call them The Terminator. They don’t stop coming.
Ok but seriously, the moment someone hits you and then tells you "you're a baby" for crying and being upset that you were literally just ASSAULTED, then you are for sure not the abuser. Also, imagine hitting someone and not even saying sorry?!?! That in itself is already a huge red flag.
sibling abuse is not in any way adequately addressed,there needs to be more awareness education on the issue and support for those who have been victimized by it
My ex punched me in the eye twice in a row when I was leaving her. She immediately said I punched myself in the eye...yes I punched myself in the eyeball ...twice! That is gaslighting on amother level. . she went around telling everyone we knew that I was unhinged and punched myself for attention when SHE tried to leave me...I was trying to leave her wtf it made me so angry. Wtf wrong these folks I mean really
@@mikeg6958 Oh wow, so they really are all like this! My abusive husband choked me, shoved me repeatedly for about an hour into the hard tile floor, and my bruises for the 2 weeks afterwards, he claimed I caused myself!
It’s soul destroying when we react in public and they convince everyone that we are crazy but the onlookers have no ideas of the tactics or abuse that got us there.
I was so lost. I was failing in college, quit my job, and picked up a habit to cope w the pain. I’m so glad I don’t have that hold on me anymore. I’m praying for anyone going through this!
@@libiya_sheikh It was both. I grew up with an alcoholic narcissist father which I was the scapegoat of every outburst. Then I was gaslit daily that it wasn’t as bad as I described it, which silenced me. Then running away from a terrible situation I ended up in that same situation with my nex. The only difference was he was a drug user. I’m back at home and it’s still rocky but my dad isn’t there. This is only until I graduate. I can’t wait until I have forever safety and peace in my own home
As a nurse myself and a victim of a narc, I am so glad that nurse was placed in your life at the right moment! I hope you are happier and healthier now!
@Open-minded I have come to believe that many of these sick people (narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, etc) gravitate to the "People helping occupations," as this is where they find and can aquire the easiest feeeeeeed (trusting people who are vulnerable, and need help in some way or another).
This is one of the craziest things I have just found out that was happening to me! I had no that I was abused verbally until I snapped on purpose! This absolutely blows my mind and I have been crying for days bc I fell right into this trap over and over and over !!! He made so many videos of me after he would taunt me and taunt me until I couldn’t handle it no more and then go off! He would call it “spazzing” !! I remember he would just chant “spazz” “spazz” “spazz” “u know u want to” .. and eventually I did! And then he would put the videos on loud Bluetooth speaker in my house and make me watch them and he would watch them in front of me and just laugh at me! I’m not sure I will ever be able to overcome this specific trauma!! This one broke me really bad😢
I'm so sorry you went through that. My heart breaks to read your story. What he did to you was pure evil. I pray for your heart and soul to heal. Peace and healing are within you. Surrender to loving yourself ❤
Wow, I'm so sorry you went through that, my abusive narc husband records me secretly for years now, & has threatened to force me to watch them, thankfully I haven't had to yet. I'm sending hugs your way.
Because your reaction is from a genuine place of frustration and in a healthy person this is also a time for them to self-reflect on their own behavior, but they are not self-aware but see every reaction as a threat to their fragile sense of self. They can't admit that they caused this reaction in you. They are extremely insecure and when you can exhibit insecurity or being unsettled it satisfies the part of them which needs to externalize this shame.
Dump his lying ass! Arrange for your exit and get away from him. Never surrender your happiness to a monster! You have inadvertently stumbled into the enemies camp. You were deceived there is no shame in that. Do not allow yourself to be ensnared any further. You have the right to be happy embrace that right.
Emotional abuse is the worst, been there, done that...they gaslight you, body shame you, act like they are the victims. Thank God for liberation 🙏, proudly a survivor 🙌
I can kind of overlooked people being emotionally abusive. I don't know why but for some reason that's easier for me. But I intensely hate people that caused me physical pain.
This is exactly right, I grew up with this as a child. The abuser will demean us until we blow up and then says; "see how you are." My narcissistic family used this often.
Yes, yes they do. As a victim of this, 20 yrs later I’m still trying to believe myself and all of society that agrees w me. That’s how bad the abuse is. They even break the parts of you that could save you or heal you. EVIL!
This is what happened to me continually and I started to question if I was the narcissist/abuser/gaslighter-sometimes still confused about it. I would sometimes shake uncontrollably while crying from the rage and hostility and he would not comfort me/feel bad and he would then blame me for creating a problem and I would end up apologizing for crying. Absolutely awful
Am going through that in my marriage. I never knew what a narcissist was until with all the research and video . Omg my marriage is an emotional abusive relationship
U sound like me with my mom. My daughter started and I quit my federal job to help her. That was 1999. Today she sent a link in email Parents who are narc. Not only us this hurtful she gave me my answer. I didn't respond and now I Block her phone and email. Im done. She's 39 said she's sorry I thought we were OK then she starts the abuse again. I'm done. Love her forever but no more love as a mom is gone. I'm finally free and u will be too. Get strong and stay that way. Much love
That's what I have done. Cry and rub my forehead. I really am thinking I'm the crazy one. I would wake up,I'd be the happy one. Always smiling. He'd wake up and think bad things, start looking for a problem to create. I couldn't go to the bathroom without him thinking I was plotting to hurt him. He'd accuse me all the time. Go to work, call and text me all day because after so many calls I didn't answer. He was cussing at me. Calling me a liar. So....I didn't respond to it. U ignored it. He couldn't allow me to have any peace throughout my day. Blamed me for him not having any.
@@wowsers7067 Wow!! I'm glad you got out. The world is full of sick people. They attach themselves to empathetic kind souls. They can't do it to people like themselves.
My ex would argue with me for hours, I'd stay calm while she shouted non stop then when I did explode she would say 'see I told u were aggressive' absolute nightmare
Holy cow! This is happening to me! I was betrayed repeatedly and suffered from severe panic attacks as a result of the reactive abuse. My body knew something wasn't right and reacted severely.
I’m going on 60 years old and I’m steal dealing with a narcissist my wife of 34 years marriage the gas lighting the accusations it never stops I don’t know what to do!
This has happened to me many times and your analysis of it, is very helpful comforting. Thank you. I think you are very wise and have great understanding.
I was LITERALLY told by me ex: “If you would just sit there and say nothing, everything would be fine”…this devolved about a month later into: “You’re a piece of sh*t, you do nothing” …then that I’d even been worthless in the actual birthing of my children. I’d asked him to be part of my life, join me in my interests volunteering in the community. I advocated for therapy for our marriage for almost two decades, I consider this a reasonable request as he survived 9/11, but it was when I gave an ultimatum that the abuse became a harrowing psychological living nightmare that devolved into me being physically attacked, and my ex claiming victimhood. I have photos of the bruises and he attempted to drown me, shoving a running hose into my mouth. I left with only the pajamas I was wearing, in the middle of winter, soaking wet.
This is dangerous.. why? Fault shifting is common, but can easily be broken by way of setting the stage and the platform for all to see. Most ppl don't like to be exposed.. neither do I, but if it promotes healing.. the pain is worth it than lingering in the lie. So who is fault shifting really? And who is applying what tactic.. so this remains a subjective matter that even the abuser can flip fault shifting unless the truth is bare and able to be established and applied if necessary.
Precisely. Mine was my mother and siblings. They provoke an incident and then when you stand up in defense of yourself they gaslight it back on you like "see you're the problem you can't get along with people..." Narcissist control, manipulate, alienate, provoke, gaslight. And make the victim appear as if they're the problem and the cause of the problem. Absolute amazement.
Yea, perfectly normal responses to belittling, disrespect and plain abuse is not tolerated by them. They don't say you can't do those things because that's too obvious and projects their behavior back onto them. No. They spin, exaggerate, and sometimes manufacture something you said or did recently that resulted in their behavior which is your fault. Twisted shit.
My mother always showed that kind of behaviour and not only her my father is also narssisistic and both of them together scapegoated me till now i don't know how i shall go out of this house i am living in hell
My neghbours son is a flying monkey who was spying on my previous RUclips account for months and shared everything with his dad who I've been avoiding like the plague
No Contact... the best path to healing... eventually you will not have them in your mind except once in a while and then with a dispassionate awareness like when you sneeze into a tissue and then throw it away with the yucky stuff inside. You dont think about it again...
"...And you're causing me to suffer. Now I'm going to tell everyone about it so you look like the bad guy and I look like the saint for putting up with you."
"...And you're causing me to suffer. Now I'm going to tell everyone about it so you look like the bad guy and I look like the saint for putting up with you."
SPOT ON, THANK YOU ALL ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
They think they are entitled to talk to you however they want, that is specifically what I remember working with one, that first time I heard the "voice change"
My abuser started this process on me and that was a red flag I couldn't ignore. I am so thankful everyday that I walked away. I am at so much peace now. Feels amazing not being abused.
Had my mom and sister do this more times than I can count, but I can count the number of times they call the cops on me when they start loosing the argument against my logically reasonable position and rational feeling of being pissed off, intentionally. I have only become aware of my abuse in the recent weeks after decades of it happening without any clue it was happening intentionally.
Yup. When they say nothing they do is ever enough, that’s truly how they feel about themselves and it’s nothing you can fix. They have deep rooted insecurities they need to acknowledge and fix
@@2jazzy2bt don’t give up on yourself! I don’t know if you ever get over it completely or you just get numb to the fact of it happened but it does get better!
@kgbolton878 I think im pretty much numb now I have no emotions it's crazy because If I show my emotions this situation has shown me no one really gives a damn so it's like cry for wat 😢
This was my mom, who has a flying monkey/enabling sis who does the same. Once I finally reacted, after a lifetime of this, I was the abusive one and have had to go nc with most of my family.
Feels the same don't it makes you want to go hide in the corner makes you want to go stay away I ran away I just left my house Love the little girl and now I'm feeling the same way that means I got to go I leave Wednesday she's not happy about it if she wants me to stay and be a nanny for her baby but she don't put enough time in I've already been a mother not to be up mother and then get criticized keep going the babysitter the servant I'm the mother-in-law.
I bid you courage, strength, (finally, love and inner peace) from this monster. You were never, ever the problem…. They were and always will be to “themselves,” that problem. “50 ways to leave your lover” song is a very strong encouragement for me. I left and never looked back…. I’m a happy person now. It took some time to discover myself, but man, was it worth it!!!!!! God bless.
I consider myself extremely lucky. My ex really had me wondering, a significant portion of the time. I was accused of gaslighting but I'm obsessed with logic and problem solving. I can't rest until there's order and I understand the whole situation completely. The last time we tried to live together, we set out boundaries and expectations about what it should look like. She told me,"you can't talk to people like that." I took it very serious because I'm a true empath who can't stand it if I'm hurting someone. I consciously paid close attention to how I spoke to she and the kids. It was her all along. She made me hyper focused on how I speak and what I say. Her whole plan backfired. She really picked the wrong person to try these tricks on.
I've been through this and it nearly took my life. I felt so much guilt for "hurting" them because I would become frustrated or angry or have a reaction to the abuse and they would taunt me and say "look at you, all crazy just like your mother". Also blamed me for having very big issues from my first home, and thought that I should be normal not understanding that I've been through trauma and unless it's dealt with it will be carried with me. So any difficult, odd behaviour I had i was the évil one, the bad one, the trouble maker, the shit stirer, the manipulative one for crying or showing any emotions. So I had to turn them off until it nearly took my life because I couldn't fake it anymore especially after understanding what was happening. It's HELL on earth. The mental torture will literally drive you insane.
I feel you on this. Same thing happened to me. A Reverend. A godly woman right? She is evil, but has a following of disadvantaged women she controlls. She came into my life as a mother figure, then stole 12 years of life. She has convinced everyone she is good. Baffling
I remain unfazed at their endless threats to initiate fear like they're really God lmfao. That kind of ego is embarrassing & they need to be admitted into a mental clinic for the bizarre delusions. Kids should not watch too many fantasy shows & grow up thinking they're Dracula 😂😂🙃
Just connected the Dots finally that my best friend of 50 years is a vicious, vindictive, unhinged toddler, when her mask slipped and she had a narcissistic rage on me and others boy was it ugly. First time in my life when I really wanted to hurt someone badly. Lucky for her I live far away in Thailand.
This abuse needs to be able to be proven and prosecuted. Unfortunately, the mental health system and judicial system are not really fully aware..YET. I hope victims will report, document and share their stories. Hopefully, we can protect future generations from this vile, hateful abuse.
I absolutely agree with this. One would have to be meticulous in gathering their evidence; but many Narcissists should be held accountable in a court of law for the damage they cause.
They are not aware and have refused to be for about three decades now. The traditional mental health system has fought against National abuse organizations for years because they didn't believe them. There's some irony for you.
My ex wife did this to me comstantly. Any time I said anything she didnt want to hear she would accuse me of yelling or say my "tone" was triggering. I tried to talk any different way...calm, quiet, direct, happy whatever.
"They become dependent on their abusers interpretation of reality." Yea.... that hit hard. My Dad was a malignant narcissist and to this day, I have to convince myself to trust my own reality.
Yes. This happened to me. And when I was devalued by one, I fell into the love-bombing trap of another, and experienced all over again. By experiencing it twice, I was convinced that I was a terrible person. But now I have a good man who has brought out the best in me.
My bf used to do this. Now I’m so emotionally dead, that I just don’t react and my lack of reaction makes me a “sociopath”, according to him. I can’t wait til June when I can safely get out with my kids!
Yup, this EXACT same thing happened to me in work, with 2 female co-workers, they openly insulted me, belittled me, sent shitty messages about me (I actually caught them red handed doing this), stole items from my desk, and after several YEARS I finally snapped and confronted them, and guess what they said? It was all my fault, I was imaging things, they had NO idea what I was talking about. Absolutely disgusting behaviour, I should have spoke up at the very first sign, nobody should have to tolerate people like this
Lots of them in the workplace. I left a job because my boss was a psychopath. Very similar traits and they can be both. You have to learn to outsmart them but it's so exhausting. Horrible to work like this.
Experienced that terrible work situation too which only got worse. It was terrible and hard to prove -played on my mind for ages afterwards. They were just cruel and (ugly) and jealous.
I was raised in a narcissistic family. I have been surrounded by narcissists all my life. I do not know life without this kind of abuse and I have had some very evil, cruel things done to me. Some days, the anger and hurt over what I have been through seems unbearable, but God has never left my side through it all. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ. He is the only reason that I not only survived the abuse but am also living in spite of it.
The one I had to deal with at work did this to me all the time. Constantly thinking up ways to push my buttons. The thing is I knew he was a narcissist but I was chronically ill and on steroids so some times I reacted. It only makes them do it more. How freaking pathetic these people are they have to do this crap to feel good about themselves.
Same here with a "supervisor" narc, which is also bad because i was dependent on her for reviews even though i have been a professional for many years and she had no knowledge of the area of my expertise, and she lied constantly. She was eventually found out by her bosses' bosses, who demanded her firing because she had destroyed the department. The topic of this short video is what she tried with me a few times, but having been educated by knowledgeable therapists on youtube, i knew her game and in turn, i educated everyone i knew at the place what her game was.
That’s an accurate statement. As a younger brother it happened to me in that exact order a number of times. But you must stick to the facts and Keep your cool despite the pain in order to win 🏆
Everything they do is premeditated. Reactive abuse is also used to make you look bad in front of others which justifies their own false victimhood and lays a format for the smear campaigns that start way before the relationship ends. It's also used to triangulate others into their delusional lies/ drama for their next relationship. Because of their inflated ego/ grandiose, lack of ability to self reflect, image of how other's view them is everything to them. Everyone to them is an end to a means, theirs. Reactive abuse is also a form of gaslighting at its roots. Conversations become circular with no resolution ( this is intentional). Often a common theme with the narc is to deny saying something that they just said to make the victim of reactive abuse question their memory which in turn is also a way for the narc to project and deflect blame and shame on the victim
This is so eerily and uncannily familiar. She did all of this. Repeatedly. I saw the patterns and would even tell her what she was doing as she was doing it. She would deny something she said literally a day prior, and it's in a black and white text... I "NEVER" said that (as if it was months ago. Total mind f***. Zero admission, zero self awareness or ability to self reflect, ever. Even as I gave her a play by play of her wicked tactics. You can't truly know the sinister madness of this pathology unless you've endured it.
Circular arguments, I experienced 6 years of this, it took me that long of those confusing circular arguments with zero resolution or forward progress. A few times I had to record conversations just to listen to them back to make sure I wasn’t crazy.
I was more or less forced to keep a journal for years in order to keep track of what was really happening, what was said and done, because my ex wife would lie and twist circumstances and events so consistently. I stayed years too long because we kept doing therapy, but seeing how she so often lied and manipulated the therapists eventually was one of the final straws. Not one therapist ever recognized her narcissism for what it was, although she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was medicated for that and anxiety. As I've since learned, therapy makes narcissists worse, and the more therapy she did (often with women as selfish and neurotic as she was) the worse she became. She would only admit to lying and acknowledge actual realities (about money or other practical matters, for instance) after too-long discussions/arguments that would leave me totally exhausted and depressed, as if I'd been endlessly herding cats. She was almost impossible to pin down or hold responsible. We learned all these practical techniques and communication strategies in therapy, but I was the only one who ever initiated using them. They would have been effective with another sane person. But she invariably used them like weapons, tools for further manipulations. She had me tied up in psychic knots for years, leaving me hobbled in every aspect of my life until I finally had enough and realized I had to get out, at any cost. After we divorced and I walked away with next to nothing so wanting to just be done with her, she started slandering me on social media, and contacting the few friends and family I had left calling me a thief because I closed a savings account with $50 in it (I'd gone to the bank for the first time in months, and they told me I had this random account; I assumed it was just a mistake or an old acct. I'd forgotten about.) She's a tenured college professor; she makes good money. It's not like $50 mattered to her well being. She didn't even contact me to ask about; she just tried to destroy me. I threatened to sue her if she didn't post retractions online, which she did - sort of. She still painted herself the victim, and the "nice girl" (for years she was very proud of being a kind of anti-social tough edgy bitch, but then she shifted and wanted to be seen as a paragon of social virtue, becoming hyper-liberal politically and uncomfortably rah-rah positive to the world, but ever worse at home. It was very weird to witness.) Now we're finally done. It's been two years since I left; I feel better, but the damage was considerable, and I have more recovery to do.
I wish you the best of luck and I'm glad you got out and your still alive and a lot wiser, me too. A narcissist has no deep convictions about anything but themselves so theyy can change all the time to suit their needs. They are pure poison and the longer people hang around the worse it gets. Stay long enough and it will kill you, if not physically most assuredly mentally and emotionally. The walking dead.
Journaling has become such a good resource for me over the years as far as catching contradictions with some friends and family that I no longer speak to. When I thought my memory might be bad, I confirmed that they did indeed say what they said. And when I forgot, there was again to remind me with what I was really dealing with. The psychos are now hacking my phone and my so-called family of origin that no longer talk to that are my siblings. I'll 3500 miles away in Arizona from pretty much all of them except for the one I eventually mutually went NO CONTACT with years ago. Now with the situation like yours in the love category, that journaling eventually led me to decide that she was not welcome and my place and I would not be hanging out with her again. It took me years to do this after I failed attempts and I'm pretty new at this no contact thing With her for the first time in a while. I'm not even going to tell her this time because she knows what she did and I'm just done with it. But if she calls or tries to come over, she's not coming over. The debate is whether or not to tell her? If she calls I'll certainly go against my original idea of not telling her and letting her figure it out. If she shows up on my door I'm twisted between whether or not to risk having an argument in front of my neighbors while she makes a scene or just to ignore her? I think I'm going to go with the ladder. Not as much because I'm trying to punish her. It's more because, that's all she deserves. And I found myself into the trap of breaking my new contact again.. that I was pretty bad at. But if she calls me on the phone from someone listed number or her main one, I am going to tell her, I've just decided after some self debate with it, that she's not welcome here and then I'm going to give an explanation why. That should be wasting your time. After that, it's up to me whether or not to answer the door.. if she's bringing my phone and I'm in my apartment.. I think I'll just step outside and politely walk into the bus stop or that's why I like to do. But the problem is, she could turn that into something else. A long time ago she filed false domestic charges and I don't want to deal with that. It's been years, but who knows? I suppose I should just not answer the door and just let her know by phone that the gravy train is over
Good for you for journaling it. This has helped me so much as much two steps forward one step back.. well I should really say that I was unfortunately going one step forward and two steps back a bit of the time over months and years. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and she's just comes over to use me for drug money pretty much. It's not worth it to me anymore and she thinks she can get away with this while giving me an unannounced sex strike. I don't hang out with women unless I'm having sex with them. This is always usually been my policy unless there's something else that's more business or a mutual platonic thing has nothing to do with friendship nor romance like maybe something business-wise. Hang off.. PS.. I stopped being a democrat in 2016. It wasn't because of Donald Trump. It was because I saw that they pushed the feminist agenda that locked me up for false charges. The BLM and screaming at whitey thing I found very odd from the party I thought was the champion of the working class. Instead, it was just politics and I've gotten the message that low class people like me are supposedly stupid and put down for being "uneducated" do do not have anything but college certificate since I do not fall in line with their social agenda. To be honest, I don't trust any party and I think that they're both rigged and they're two sides of the same coin. I don't pay attention to politics... But damn, some of these professors are the worst and I've heard about them. It's just like the Republicans I used to tell and disagree with said, they're hardcore social Marxists to frankly communist pretty much. There's no point looking up anything about the so-called social issues on Google because it's just pushing The narrative of the left lane party under the pretend so called objective view. Like all narcissist, of course your ex painted herself is a "nice" girl. The one I'm shake It off claimed to be for Trump right wearing when I told her that I didn't really believe in the system and thought that the elites are controlled beyond what is officially announced.. but that really doesn't matter because, like all narcs, she would MIRROR me on this or that for a while just to pull the football away like it's Lucy messing with Charlie Brown. I don't think I could do anything more than just have sex with people there left wing or especially batshit left wing. Things are just way too polarized nowadays. I'm apolitical pretty much. I've heard enough white man bad men are bad from feminist and race baiters, and I'm not going to put up with anything remotely like that as far as a girlfriend, haha
Wow ! I have witnessed every bit of what you said ! I'm so traumatized by just one year of her destroying my family and life , my son is with her , I'm watching him doubt and act confused every aspect of his life ! He was not like this but her cruel black maleing I watched traumatized him . And the lies that are daily and then saying you mis heard her . Or I never said that I swear on my child's grave I what she says , her kids are not dead . And when he is not around she says shitty things to me and smirks that smile and says it will be my way or I will destroy him . Total psycho path if you ask me , I've watched her knock the crap out of him then call the cops and tell them he abused her and had him put in jail ! If it be me she knows I kick her butt and call the cops myself to put me in jail just for the satisfaction of not takeing her crap ! But men just think she is the best so they pretend ,I'm sure she is black maleing many of them , she talk and acts like she knows every man she meets and we just all look at her like WHAT are you doing and she goes into the word salad on purpose all just to jack with all are heads ,and yes I call her out on the word salad and the manipulation .I'm female and most females can spot this a mile away ,but a female narcissist hates women so she let's them know right off the bat that she is the power player in the relationship and live to use ant tactic to let you know it , When you even question what she says she goes into full victim rage mode ! So obvious ! I feel so bad for you ,but really glad you got our with out haveing to go to prison for her lies !
My sister did a lot of circular arguing. While I would attempt to remain logical, she rapidly changed topics, if I said you just said this, she denied it, and at times said she didn't say it, I did. If I said she was crazy, she would immediately deflect and say I was crazy. Same with other things I would say to her. Did this throw me off balance. Never! I always knew it was her. I did not know it was narcissism I was dealing with. I believe even though I grew up shy & quiet, and pretty much uncommunicative, I was highly observant, and very strong headed. This saved me. I ALWAYS knew who my abusers and exploiters were, my father, mother & sister (brother later in life). This went on throughout my childhood, into adulthood where it got much worse, still unknown that it was narcissistic, not until I was in my 5th decade.
Sadly I've been there. My ex husband's favorite form of abuse were head games. He loved to "gaslight" me. He never physically abused me ..... well for the most part because I'm bigger than he is and would have broke him in half. But I think the head games are worse. The physical wounds heal. The mental and emotional abuse leaves open wounds forever
The physical wounds heal but i think we should realize that physical abuse, especially from someone who is supoosed to love you- like a spouse, also cause mental scars and could be also psychologically abusive. I have flashbacks of my physical abuse all the time that affect me mentally. I was strangled more times that i can count, which is actually attempted murder. ALL abuse is terrible, but just wanted to put light on the fact that physical abuse isnt only physical.
Keep telling yourself that your wounds will stay there forever and they most certainly will. Start telling yourself that you are above all this, it's over and done with, it's in your past, turn your back on it and refused to let it affect you for the rest of your life. You can do it!❤
My abusive ex projected every bad thing she was doing on to me, and made me believe I was a narcissist. She would always accuse me of wanting to have sex with every woman under the sun and would freak out if I even glanced in the direction of another woman... guess what, she was cheating on me our whole relationship
You just described my mother. God rest her soul I’m sorry to say. She would entangle me in this horrible web and then when I would finally get mad, she would tell me how horrible I was. You really explain this very very well! You are an excellent speaker! Thank you.
Thank you for explaining this. I am trying to heal from a narcissistic mother. Diagnosed with a terminal illness I moved in with my mother in an effort to repair the relationship and show her I was a good son. I was not prepared for the mental illness to accelerate to the point where I could not help. It only got worse. Trying to understand this has made me question my own sanity. I lived my entire life thinking she was a horrible person, only after taking psychology classes did I learn she was mentally unhealthy. It’s very hard to watch, it’s even harder to not feel guilty. I want to help her so bad but I cannot help her at all. Your videos are extremely helpful in my healing, thank you 🙏🏼
Me too. I quit my federal job in 1999 to help my daughter. She sent an email today with a link Parents who are narc. That didn't just hurt but I know she wants a reaction. Block her now with phone and now email. She's like my mom who died and put up with this all my life. When I took a psych class in 1990 I broke free. My mom moved up here and I got her own apt. She still hit and hated me. As a daughter u try but can't. My daughter is now 39 and I can't anymore. Love her forever but I'm done. My sanity is back and I feel good. My son tge youngest saw all this and he's such a good man and helps me so much. He keeps me stable. Life is too short to worry about these people who refuse to get help. I'm free so are u. Much love stay strong. Paula
Yes Decades a lifetime of the hell this caused. Knowing knowledge i am grateful, BUT it doesn’t ,didn’t help remove the anxiety and fear and shame i feel around people. So fkd up a whole life
Going through this now with 9k, and it just begun. He made up the most insane lies, zero proof, I have ever shred of evidence, logs, documents, everything to disprove everything, court dates keep getting set back while he keeps my son under the most insane PO a judge signed without showing proof? I live in a good ole boy state where money buys you what you need. Been dealing with him since 2011, gambling, hundreds of women(not exaggerating, some were my friends) conartist to the max…I’m scared to how much he teaches my 11 son to lie it causes him confusion and anxiety since 5. I finally quit taking his phone calls as I am primary parent, and said we are texting only and sticking to the schedule of the decree until I can get use mediation( owes 88k in back child support, who knows to the irs). I go to pick up my son in pick up, he is gone…calculated, blocks me when I call, e-mail he is breaking the visitation agreement. Police does nothing, says get an attorney. Well next think I know the PO is filed!! It’s almost borderline psychopathic to do this to my son. Then gets my mother who he knows I don’t talk to who lives in another state as a witness!?!? She is a narcissist to the max. These types you definitely don’t want to coparent with so please see red flags 🚩 I didn’t because I was codependent back then. In the end, kids will suffer 😢 the courts won’t care either. It’s who has the money, not love.
The real crazy thing is… a lot of the people on here are the abusers. In real life it’s almost impossible to prove anybody because she’s already poisoned people. Never any part of what she had to play and just highlighting anything wrong with you to anybody that will listen. I wish I could find a sleazy part of myself to let out some information on her but I can’t. I’m learning how to respect myself.
I was told I "wasn't normal" for calmly telling them that I didn't like it & it threw me off when they pulled a grocery bag out of my hands, ordered me to repark my car which wasn't bothering anyone, and put the food away without me, knowing nothing about where it needed to go. Hours of avoidant verbal abuse followed, it was supposedly ny fault for speaking up in the first place. They are such adolescent cowards, can't even hear they hurt someone and talk it over with empathy and fairness.
I would have left the groceries on the floor, gone out to 'repark the car' and left, not returning until much later, only to pack my things and leave for good. No contact is the only way put your life on a more peaceful path.
had something similar at work. Lady i was close friends with would disrespect my time until i finally called her on it. She then spent 6 weeks giving me the silent treatment and when i told her that we hurt each other she said that 'her eyes were opened' to things and that we wouldnt see eye to eye on the hurt and to not talk to her about anything personal again and she wasnt going to talk again about hurting me. when i emailed her a letter telling her what she did and saying i forgave her and asking her forgiveness for what i did, she went to HR saying i was threatening her. poor little victim. she's allowed to dehumanize my feelings of hurt and the company let's her get away with it. needless to say. i'm looking for new work to leave that place.
This is hitting the bullseye full force, it's also why, you NEVER return to that abuser's life! They will TRY to suck you back in to finish their abuse of you! Run away from them, AND, don't even think of "looking back at them. They're losers , at best with NOTHING to offer you!
As a narcissist myself, I greatly appreciate all the training I receive from your channel. There's really not enough pro -narcissist content available so we have to work with what we have. Please hmu. I'm always looking for more supply. Ty
I experienced this in many forms many times. One simple one was getting a large credit card bill for purchases where there was no discussion or agreement about the purchases and created a severe financial strain on the monthly bills. I would point out simply that we needed to discuss large purchases because without that discussion, I wouldn't know how to plan for the monthly budget. She turned it around that I was the one accused of being too intrusive, too controlling about her spending, I was being passive aggressive, a cheapskate, etc. etc.. It can sound VERY convincing that WE are actually the fool and the problem!
Love to hear that in a short vid, thank you. This was definitely the biggest hammer my covert narc hit me with. Once she realized I actually cared, she set up these dramas and told me how I was what she needed to get through them. Once I responded back to her, she would ghost me for days and this would drive me crazy. My empathy was always used like this to lure me back into her toxic trap, so glad to realize this and move on.
Every time I felt sorry for my grown son about a girl kicking him out, I eventually realized why they did, and then he did it to me. This is the last time and he knows it. Now I'm really scared bc I couldn't let it go on any longer 🙃
The epitome of "everything you say can and will be used against you".
That's exactly it .
Oh my god 😳
I needed to read that. So true. Everything I said (yesterday) was being held against me. Even though I wasn't saying anything wrong.
Ironically, it’s the truth that’s being used against you. People have no problem accepting the lies.
And more, with lies that never get questioned.
Exactly!
They poke poke poke poke until you hit a breaking point, react to the the narcissist abuse and thennnn he says see guys I told you she was psycho, then they film your reaction and whatever else they can get to use against you to the courts or kids / family.
My Grandma said "The first time they speak to you with disrespect should be the end of it, unless you want to get knocked around, later on." Best advice she ever gave me.
My parents though
@@gotcha9983 Can you force them into family counseling?
@@lauralei6963 no. They don't think they have a problem. I have to leave them alone and live my life
I have God
I use to give people the benefit of the doubt. Not anymore
If someone actually thinks you're crazy they won't be able to get away from you fast enough. If someone is trying to convince you that you are crazy, they are gaslighting you.
Nothing more needs to be said.😂😂😂 thanks for this closing statement.
I got away from HIM fast enough. In 1 hour. no one is ever going to treat me like my mom and brother did growing up...and expect me to stick around. No more manipulation. No more making me feel bad about myself. I seek out people around me to see if my suspicion is valid.
I say or do to the abuser, over time, their exact words right back to them and watch their reaction. It's fun too. It shuts 'em right up.😅 because they remember saying it to me. One told me I needed to get rid of my ' 66 mustang. I said I'll get rid of you first
This!🫶🏼
Facts.
Im still trying to deal with the fact I ain’t an abuser I need pills and I’m mentally unstable is his conclusion
What happened to me in a nutshell - My alcoholism- grew rapidly - No more Narc in my life and no more alcohol - 20 months sober from both :)
Congratulations!!! That's no small thing
@@Chainsyyy all glory to Jesus showing me the way - thank you 🙏🏻 god bless you
🎉wonderful job! God bless you! The Lord Jesus loves you and nothing you have done in your past is unforgivable! It is all forgivable! The Lord Jesus welcomes you with open arms, my friend! You are loved! And I will be covering you in prayer!
@@chrissy5705 - thank you 🙏🏻 yes alcoholism and depression brought me to my knees almost completely ruined me. Jesus was there to rise me back up. He forgave things no human could. He believed in my sobriety when most doubted it. Grateful and thankful 🙏🏻 are like new words to me
I start my day on my knees in prayer 🙏🏻 and meditation- followed by scripture reading/ I put on the armor of god - I always pray for every meal. I help addicts and homeless best I can. Blessed with debt free - Great job and more then adequate home 🏡
All glory to Jesus
Yes it was him - I should have mentioned it in my first comment
All glory to Jesus Christ my savior
King of kings - again thanks 🙏🏻
*Victim reacts after endless silent treatment and passive aggressive mirroring*
narcissist:"ive done nothing wrong"
@chuck 8094 thats wild :o
Ugh this is my ex boss
@chuck 8094 wow!!
My husband- what exactly am I doing -I go to work 8 hours a day……-ME- ok …………we’ll……… what about the other 16 hours.he’s always tryng to convince me that I’m crazy:thank god I am a very strong empath
True. Been there done that and still have a covert narc using my son to try and destroy me. I apologized to the evil covert. She turned it around and said she had been through a living hell. Lol she looks nice but when she opens her mouth 🪰 swarm out. Lol you could bend over backwards trying to be nice to these demons but it will only turn into a disaster and they will find a way to trigger you.
They ALWAYS pull out the "Youre crazy" card and to persuade others that you are unstable.
Yes
Yes!!! 🙌🏽 my older brother and sister are complete narcissists and have been emotionally and verbally abusing me my entire life. The moment I call them out on their BS, I’m suddenly “crazy” or “you need to see a therapist.” 🙄😒 it’s so hurtful and draining and I’ve always been the sane one. Lord knows I need peace now so I can focus more on my life and my mental health.
And it doesn't help when the victim really is diagnosed with a mental illness. I had certain family members focusing on my weaknesses on one side, and friends from school and church seeing me as a person on the other side. Who do you think I preferred to spend Thanksgiving with? I may have my struggles, but I've always believed in dealing with my situation constructively so whenever someone was speaking down to me, I just took it matter-of-factly and answered that person like there wasn't any problem at all. I completely ignored the condescending tone. I think it helped to know that I had some people in my corner.
What will really agitate them is when they realize that they can no longer control & bully you.
So true, I went through that for 3 years...
The victim is standing up for themselves and setting boundaries. These monsters are so inhuman.
No. They are all too human.
Animals don't gaslight & manipulate to just entrap emotionally.
Toxic and twisted SUBHUMANS
Correct they are possessed. Look up what a jezebel spirit is
@@PoliticalWonderland They are not possessed bro wtf
Yeah there are evil spirits that function through people that seek to destroy
Mine got caught lying to me about emails with 2 other people. I saw the emails, asked her about them, and she deleted them. She then lied to me telling me that I was making it all up in my head, that I had insecurity issues, and that I was lying about having seen the emails and that she never deleted anything. Once I showed her that I had screenshots, she then blamed me for "putting her in a position" where she lied because she was afraid of my reaction to finding out at the she was communicating with an old crush. This is just one of 1000 examples, nothing they do is ever wrong, it is ALWAYS your fault, no matter how badly you are hurt, no matter how obvious it is that they lied to you, they will blame you till the bitter end
Oh, yeah...my sister--boom-- no more toxic relationship.
Yep. So it’s best to create a new life as soon as possible.
They rage on you then act shocked and appalled when you speak with any kind of emotion. Classic gaslighting abusive behavior!
The term reactive abuse is a bit frustrating. I know this is how it's called but for me it seems more logic to call it (emotional) reaction to abuse.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650I think they don't mean to call victim's self-defence a reactive abuse, but rather an abuse that persues reactions and which motive are to provoke a reaction from a victim. Something like that.
@@Wasp239 Ah yes you could interpret it like that too indeed.
And then, they accuse you of gaslighting when you call them out on their behavior ... make it make sense🤔
Make you even wonder if their intentions were genuine to begin with ..
Omg..yes..acting "shocked" in the most exagerated way. Makes me wanna slap them...real hard.😂
This BS can literally cause brain damage
Learning that they really do not care… and that is exactly the point so they can turn around and make u a case study for their social experiments
It sure can!
only god can get me out of this one
i never ever wanna esperience this bs again in my whole life, i’m mad because i didn’t trust myself i didn’t listen to that voice that’s always there i didn’t believe in myself almost, that breaks my heart, i got the lesson, this time, the bigger part is it’s the tie that binds an it’s real
Got a head full of tumors from my better half. I swear I could feel the moment they would pop up. Like pop rocks in my head.
It all fell apart when I insisted our conversation/ fights were recorded. I told her it could be On cassette. She could hold on to them or even destroy them once we'd listened back to them. But I needed a clear record of what was said because she would say things and literally seconds later swear she didn't. One of us was completely crazy. If she thought it was me, wouldn't she be relieved to have them recorded? Instead, I feel that she realized she would no longer be able to control a false narrative and so she said I was vile for even suggesting such a thing. I could have easily recorded them in secret but wanted consent. I truly think she needs help. She had a severely abusive mother but there's no way that could be having an effect, right? It's 'evil' for me to even suggest that her childhood abuse has anything to do with our problems. and then of course she feels attacked and so naturally she starts attacking my mother. 🙃
I relate
Never. Ever. Tell a narcissist that you have mental issues or have sought out therapy. Because you getting angry about their mistreatment of you is to call you crazy. Been there. Done that.
FACTS
So true
That is callled GASLIGHTING....if you let the, say it to you ling enough you might start believeing it untill you are...tell him "OH NO ..NOT THAT" VERY SARCASTICALLY...IT will make him see himself for what he is...
Literally just experienced this five minutes ago.
My dad literally threatened to call CPS to take my son unless my husband tried to have me committed. My dad told the narrative that I was having a mental breakdown. In reality, I was distancing myself from my father and setting boundaries. Absolutely no indication of a mental health crisis
This happened to me. I immediately filed a restraining order and it was granted. Therapy gave me the strength to put myself first and walk away and the courage to develop boundaries. I am now working with a therapist to learn how to forgive myself for staying as long as I did and to let go of the anger for the years of my life I wasted.
This becomes normalized over time, but imagine the damage it does to the defenseless children of narcissists. It is a recipe for a lifetime of mental health issues.
They cause so much harm to thier family
To be honest, marriage counselors have been supporting this kind of abuse for years with statements such as "what was your role in the dysfunction?" "You have to take responsibility for what happened." "Dont you see how your bad behavior caused this?"
Then they tell you, you are dysfunctional for wanting to "run away from the marriage" and "throw it all down the drain what an irresponsible thing to do." More proof you are irresponsible and dysfunctional.
Then they tell you, you are mentally ill so you dont know what you are talking about and what is going on.
Then when you start to feel crazy from all of this, the marriage counselor says your mental illness is what caused the marital problems "mental illness is really hard on marriages."
I really hope they have stopped doing this, but it has gone on since the 1980s.
Child of narcissist(s) here........... yup. It's so weird going to work and everyone's acting genuine, giving compliments and criticism. I forgot they aren't weapons.
@@Amborella308 yeah, once I graduated from basic military training where everybody's catching hell, I was happier my first two years in the Air Force than I was my first 20 years of life put together! Even in basic training when I was getting yelled at, at least I knew it wasn't personal because they were doing it to everybody. Then at my first base, it was the real world and I had superiors who treated me with some degree of respect and even when I screwed up and did stupid things, I was dealt with accordingly, but I wasn't shamed (caught that at school *and* home!). For the first time, I actually felt like I was somebody. I think being in the military and being surrounded by people who actually knew how to treat people was very healing to me.
@@Lavenderrose73 :D That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!
Real discipline feels so much different from abuse, it's so fucking refreshing when you're around people who use their power responsibly! No hidden motivations, no gaslighting, no guilting and shaming, no fucking nonsense! Ugh! That reality feels *utopian* when you're living with a narcissist.
This is so true, they are always the victim, never any accountability.
Demonic, destroyers of life.
I once read something that said that they are devils in a human suit.
Yes, absolutely demonic.
@@marcialussier2467good analogy
I'm a narcissist myself and even I hate my own kind. Very pathetic and insecure individuals. Stay away from emotional vampires for your own safety
That is very fitting and so frustrating as I am enduring this daily. Trying to get out but they have done an excellent job with isolating me and provoking me so much that I pushed everyone away trying to show them that he was abusing me. They all say I'm nuts, but I'm not, he really is doing these things. I am so overwhelmed with emotions that I've not been able to get my shit back together to get reemployed. Hell I got me a good job but all the sudden everyone at work started setting me to be an outcast and we're saying things like "I can't believe you did that" etc, I had no clue what they were talking about and when it got downright abusive I walked out. I swear I think he did something somehow but can't explain what how or why. Maybe I am crazy, hell who knows at this point. Life just seems useless anymore. Everything I loved and believed in is gone and I've been tossed aside like I'm nothing. Everyone was only glad that I loved them when they could use me. Now they don't need me and I'm stuck. Pathetic is what he made me
They also just love to see that they got a rise out of you. Any reaction is FOOD for their narcissistic supply. Don’t react.
I have to stay reminded of this one. I allowed it to push me out of character just today. Thank you for sharing. 💕
@@HisHeartSame with me too. My older siblings have done this to me my entire life and I’m tired of it. It’s time to focus on me and my wellbeing because unfortunately, I’ll never get through to them. You just can’t with a narcissist.
One should react or not only when one sees fit. I would never "not react" calculating what is food or drink for a stupid person. It's their problem, not mine. If, at the end of the day, I decide that I don't like their behavior, I am out of that relationship. I know this advice is given all the time, but I do not agree with it personally.
My only reaction when he (my dad 93) behaves badly is to get up and leave. Glad I (F63) figured out that I didn't have to put up with his BS!!
If I didn't react at all he'd become really violent, ...
This is so well put. As the scapegoat in a narcissistic family, I can say this is 100% accurate.
What is really bad is they can convince other people that your the bad guy. It's enough to drive
a person to the mad house.
Yup.
When you have zero friends by Narc it is isolation at it's worst.
However take that and become the best at what you want or gifted at.
For me about three years to become. For me was way out in the desert to be offered massive change by a stranger. My lifestyle improved a thousand percent.
God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. The Narc really in the long run does us a favor. One thing all Narcs do is come back around. Might take forty years. When they do you to can hand them their ass.
at least there i would know they all nuts , this one is hidding in woods
Great comment they turn other weak toxic sheep against you I was amazed when the narrsissists in my life where the misable fake jealous crazy ones I could write a book at this stage !!!
🎯🎯🎯
They can think that, but God has us set apart for a reason. They want you to think living in isolation is a bad thing, but its not. In actuality its making you a better person, in the time i've been isolated away from my narc family i've wrote songs, poems and got more into God's word. I don't care to be around fake people that seek to destroy me.
Calling them out on bad behavior drives them the craziest
And i will call them out every time.
Me t👀!
I’ve had an ex ‘friend’ who caused hell in my life by sending anonymous texts & letters accusing my partner of.. ALL sorts! We found out it was her who had sent them! It’s caused years of stress, arguments, pain etc etc in our relationship & family home life! After years of hell her interference caused I wrote a social media post saying about this & 1 of her flying monkeys who I did not know had access to my account told her about this post & she wrote a scathing post to ‘the attention of me’! Then when i retaliated she got the police on me & again acted like she was the victim!
I’ve researched & scoured the internet for as much knowledge on narcissists! To help me understand what these types of people are like & WOW they’re insane! & drive the people they target crazy with this victim, bully, abuser cycle!
They should be locked up so they can’t do this to people!
I think they love it. It's validation that their techniques are working and they're in your head.
Calling mine out on his horrid behavior only makes him nastier. Next day he's bringing me my coffee. When I have to call him out again, usually same day.. it's the same ol merry-go-round.
@@lucyloo2520Be Careful, mine put a laxative in my cofee 😂😂😂
Deal with this almost everyday 😭. It’s so stressful. Then when they can’t convince you that it’s you that’s abusing them… they get an audience to watch you react then tells the audience “I told you, do you do see how they treat me?”. It’s so draining. They play both the abuser & victim role really well.
Please get some help secretly. There is no reason to have your life drained out. It is very hard get away from this type of situation.
But is possible I grew to despise him hated that I stooped to his level when I ended up becoming a reactive abuser miserable every day man that I ever complained about abuse in my childhood every single day there was an argument mind games name calling crying I was surprised that I survived so long nearly lost my mind became full of hatred anger felt like my insides were turning black never have I ever experienced such negativity man smh thank God he's gone how could anyone treat others this way I just couldn't do it oh man love yourself respect yourself you aren't problem they are be happy you are who you are and not like them just be wiser change some things that are attracting these types sad for me too for putting up with it what a waste of time I regret that who tryed to convince you that you were deficient somehow guess what ? they lied!
@@SusieBear-ji3hq I totally get this. Years of abuse that he denies and continues week after week has made me almost insane and 😢 reactive
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Hang in there, Honey! I wish I had seen all these videos first. I put him in jail for the weekend and moved 21 years of stuff out while he was gone. However, I wasn't ever able to tell my side of how he tortured me everyday with emotional/verbal and finally physical @buse! Everyone was groomed by him for months that I was the cheater and liar. He tried to gaslight me all while he was screwing a friend of mine! All his new flying monkeys think he's such a wonderful guy, stroking his huge ego daily! Oh well, it's been 6 weeks, and i feel like im floating and so light without his abuse! I'm so much more healthy, free, and HAPPY! His new supply will be very miserable! He traded a diamond for a marble, and they deserve each other!!!!! Now he's free, and she's still with her man and my ex!! Nice couple...two cheating liars!!!
Im going through this right now !! 😂😂😂
And now my family is trying to throw me in a mental hospital, PRAY 4 ME 🤦🏽♀️
yup, if the Narcissist is yelling at you, you get mad. They will say they didn't yell, you are just an angry person and it's always your problem and it's in your head
God my dad always does that
@@NotStarryy I'm sorry, its hard when it is a parent. My son stays in his room when his dad, my now soon to be X Husband is home. We are finally separated but, in same home and now he is nicer tgen ever until I ask a question and the real him shows up again
My family do that to me all of the time
@@RaphialLee 😥I'm sorry, My older sister woukd do anything to make herself look better then me. She was nasty and when our Dad died in 2020 I cut her out. She had teamed up with my step mom who both harrassed and shamed me for everything I did. It was during covid and they believed the hype. I didn't live in same state so me and my niece on the step Mom's side wanted a simple good bye to him for the younger children or they would have to wait 6months. We tempted Flying Lanterns with messages writen on them. The wind was bad.. We didn't know what we where doing but, it made tge younger kids laugh and we told fun stories of my dad. My step mom said my actions qas a disappointment to my dad. He was IS my Dad abd I have a right to say good bye. My step mom and sister who always hated each other turned me in to their grief scapegoat and they where sp horrible I had to cut ties. I haven't been happier
My step dad and sister are abusive. My sister with making you feel like a loser my step dad through physical and mental abuse.
The narcissist hates you. Don't stay with someone who hates and will deliberately spend time and energy to harm you.
I could grow up and get out fast enough but oddly I didn’t know the extent of the damage because it started so early. Only now at 48 am I beginning to see clearly and feel life is just beginning
Thank you. You said it PERFECTLY!! A NARCISSIST HATES YOU. They WILL show it every chance they get.
@@flip1980ful it's MORE NARCS out there than not. You have to stay on your A game to be alert. One red flag I do know is they WILL verbally abuse you, and sometimes physically. Pay attention to the signs.
What if they say they do everything for you (me) and make my life easier and why don’t I appreciate it … lol I just re read that and I sound crazy … I honestly I’m so confused and defeated and doubting my own thoughts it sucks ..
It’s crazy how deliberate they all once they know you on to them then here comes the shade and devaluation
YES cruel tactics like stonewalling silent-treatment and with-holding affection/attention/love. It's crazy making! Get out as they don't change
Is stonewalling silent treatment and withholding affection really all that cruel? It sounds more like poor communication skills to me.
I personally loved the silent treatment and with holding love/affection.. because I had peace and quiet, I could enjoy my alone time. At that point the attention and love bombing started to feel fake and awkward. Once he realized that the silent treatment tactic didn't work to hurt me, he became incredibly harassing, aggressive, bothersome and wouldn't leave me alone for days, calling me all sorts of names, trying to make me feel guilty, threatening himself and me. Narcissists are pure evil, they will go back and forth to do everything they can to hurt you and destroy you from the inside out. Stay away from them! Thank God its been a year since I left my ex 🙏 Feeling alot happier these days and don't regret one moment of leaving.
I still love my xwife,1 time i brought a k s bed she ask me because the full size bed was brought by her x so I finally got tis k s bed & she slept on the couch 4 2 wks after i said u been asking me to buy tis bed 4 yrs & u been sleeping on the couch 4 2 wks,she said u want me to sleep n the bed w// u 2night i said yes & we made love boom it was on like popcorn,some times people cut off ones nose to spite their face, there's no reason to be except be, children church were big issues
@@holliisixx Yes....it is that cruel. Obviously you have never experienced it or you wouldn't be asking.
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 no, I've experienced it and there are still worse ways to treat people.
I remember APOLOGIZING to my covert narcissistic mother for my reactions to HER abuse
Feeling like you’re going insane trying to understand what you did wrong… panicked and crying asking them for help.
Narcissist: stop crying. You’re just trying to manipulate me with your emotions.
Omg I can’t believe how many guys experience this no wonder they live longer
After 11 yrs suck me . Push me to it
I heard that too. God forbid he actually have any feelings and sympathy.
Ya
Don't think your crying will make
Me bothered
I mk victims nd then
Play
Victim card..its my arena
Don't step into my shoes..
my whole marriage...
Causes shame and guilt which in turn breaks a person's confidence.
Very true and eventually breaks your soul and health...then they discard. How dangerous they are!
They verrry easily convince everyone, including the authorities, too.
True 👍
@Loving Social Distance I just know you cut ties.
Particularly, when you’re dealing with an aging narcissist or if there’s a racial difference, it’s important to get out immediately. Because societal convention dictates that they’re never in the wrong and that you need to be joined at the hip with them, as their little helper. No one considers narcissistic abuse with this. They just want you to be quiet and tend to the narcissist’s every need. This falls right in place, for narcissists, who are good at victim and virtue signaling, as if they even hardly need to do that, with all of the enablers out there. Many of them just label it, “Oh, you don’t want to be a nice person and help them.” For some victims, they find this to be the ultimate trap.
Where my neighbor is concerned, despite her possibly trying to smear me to another neighbor, fortunately for me, I just didn’t have the psychological makeup that made me concerned. I didn’t care what she thought or whatever she wanted to tell other neighbors. As far as I was concerned, if she didn’t like that I wasn’t doing whatever she wanted, she could call the police - so, I could tell them no, as well.
So true cops came and they asked me about the restraining order he had on me I was very upset but I laughed out of the ridiculous nature of his question , and said no the protection order is on him for breaking my arm.
@@feliciajohnston4877 yeah, I sent my mother a certified cease and desist letter, which didn’t stop her from calling me at work, when I hadn’t given her the number, in the first place. When I WFH a few years ago and asked her to not call during the work week, simply because she wouldn’t know when I was in the middle of the 12 conference calls I had per week - that started a campaign of calling and trying to interrupt the calls. I didn’t know WTF was wrong with her. I now know it was because her mask was slipping and she was becoming more narcissistic, although I didn’t know a thing about NPD back then. So, I never gave her my work number again. But, she said, “I WANT that work number!” She had my cell, but she wanted the work number to harass me and let me know that calling me there was at her option. At one point, the cops told me to send her another one. I even considered having her picked up by the cops, because they picked her up and took her to the psych unit in 2018 and one of the conclusions they weren’t coming to was dementia. They never found out what was wrong with her.
They call them The Terminator. They don’t stop coming.
Yes! And it has left me frightened and feeling helpless, and powerless.
Ok but seriously, the moment someone hits you and then tells you "you're a baby" for crying and being upset that you were literally just ASSAULTED, then you are for sure not the abuser. Also, imagine hitting someone and not even saying sorry?!?! That in itself is already a huge red flag.
They never say they’re sorry for anything. I thought you knew 😮
My older sibling used to do this to me…
sibling abuse is not in any way adequately addressed,there needs to be more awareness education on the issue and support for those who have been victimized by it
My ex punched me in the eye twice in a row when I was leaving her. She immediately said I punched myself in the eye...yes I punched myself in the eyeball ...twice! That is gaslighting on amother level. . she went around telling everyone we knew that I was unhinged and punched myself for attention when SHE tried to leave me...I was trying to leave her wtf it made me so angry. Wtf wrong these folks I mean really
@@mikeg6958 Oh wow, so they really are all like this! My abusive husband choked me, shoved me repeatedly for about an hour into the hard tile floor, and my bruises for the 2 weeks afterwards, he claimed I caused myself!
It’s soul destroying when we react in public and they convince everyone that we are crazy but the onlookers have no ideas of the tactics or abuse that got us there.
amen!
I was so lost. I was failing in college, quit my job, and picked up a habit to cope w the pain. I’m so glad I don’t have that hold on me anymore. I’m praying for anyone going through this!
Same. Can't wait to stop this.
Me too.
Hey
Was it a parent or a partner if you don't mind me asking
@@libiya_sheikh It was both. I grew up with an alcoholic narcissist father which I was the scapegoat of every outburst. Then I was gaslit daily that it wasn’t as bad as I described it, which silenced me. Then running away from a terrible situation I ended up in that same situation with my nex. The only difference was he was a drug user. I’m back at home and it’s still rocky but my dad isn’t there. This is only until I graduate. I can’t wait until I have forever safety and peace in my own home
I went through this! Did he make you stop going to college and quit your job and always was controlling who you spoke to?
How’d you leave ?
This happened to me and a nurse told me I was being abused
As a nurse myself and a victim of a narc, I am so glad that nurse was placed in your life at the right moment! I hope you are happier and healthier now!
@Open-minded
I have come to believe that many of these sick people (narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, etc) gravitate to the "People helping occupations," as this is where they find and can aquire the easiest feeeeeeed (trusting people who are vulnerable, and need help in some way or another).
Awe , get away from the Narcissist they do not LOVE
@@TheSniffy1
I think you've got it.
Wow.
Good for you.
That I understand why you are going true all went true hell with this person thank you for your your advice
This is one of the craziest things I have just found out that was happening to me! I had no that I was abused verbally until I snapped on purpose! This absolutely blows my mind and I have been crying for days bc I fell right into this trap over and over and over !!! He made so many videos of me after he would taunt me and taunt me until I couldn’t handle it no more and then go off! He would call it “spazzing” !! I remember he would just chant “spazz” “spazz” “spazz” “u know u want to” .. and eventually I did! And then he would put the videos on loud Bluetooth speaker in my house and make me watch them and he would watch them in front of me and just laugh at me! I’m not sure I will ever be able to overcome this specific trauma!! This one broke me really bad😢
Good lord! That's terrible. I'd hug you if I could.
I'm so sorry you went through that. My heart breaks to read your story. What he did to you was pure evil. I pray for your heart and soul to heal. Peace and healing are within you. Surrender to loving yourself ❤
Wow, I'm so sorry you went through that, my abusive narc husband records me secretly for years now, & has threatened to force me to watch them, thankfully I haven't had to yet. I'm sending hugs your way.
Yes I'm experiencing this. He uses my reactions against me and I'm always on the defensive and nothing is resolved. It's evil
Start making your plan. Don't remain a victim. It will only get worse and worse and worse believe me.
Because your reaction is from a genuine place of frustration and in a healthy person this is also a time for them to self-reflect on their own behavior, but they are not self-aware but see every reaction as a threat to their fragile sense of self. They can't admit that they caused this reaction in you. They are extremely insecure and when you can exhibit insecurity or being unsettled it satisfies the part of them which needs to externalize this shame.
Dump his lying ass! Arrange for your exit and get away from him. Never surrender your happiness to a monster! You have inadvertently stumbled into the enemies camp. You were deceived there is no shame in that. Do not allow yourself to be ensnared any further. You have the right to be happy embrace that right.
Pure evil.
Leave him immediately you’re with a demonic individual.
Emotional abuse is the worst, been there, done that...they gaslight you, body shame you, act like they are the victims. Thank God for liberation 🙏, proudly a survivor 🙌
I can kind of overlooked people being emotionally abusive. I don't know why but for some reason that's easier for me. But I intensely hate people that caused me physical pain.
This is exactly right, I grew up with this as a child. The abuser will demean us until we blow up and then says; "see how you are." My narcissistic family used this often.
Demean, devalue, humiliate, and punish!
I got this growing up. I've even received this from former co-workers. Now I don't accept this and will block them out of my life
Mine too!
Yes, yes they do. As a victim of this, 20 yrs later I’m still trying to believe myself and all of society that agrees w me. That’s how bad the abuse is. They even break the parts of you that could save you or heal you. EVIL!
God and my faith are my saving Grace. Smarter and stronger than them . Light will always overcome darkness.
This is what happened to me continually and I started to question if I was the narcissist/abuser/gaslighter-sometimes still confused about it. I would sometimes shake uncontrollably while crying from the rage and hostility and he would not comfort me/feel bad and he would then blame me for creating a problem and I would end up apologizing for crying. Absolutely awful
Am going through that in my marriage. I never knew what a narcissist was until with all the research and video . Omg my marriage is an emotional abusive relationship
U sound like me with my mom. My daughter started and I quit my federal job to help her. That was 1999. Today she sent a link in email Parents who are narc. Not only us this hurtful she gave me my answer. I didn't respond and now I Block her phone and email. Im done. She's 39 said she's sorry I thought we were OK then she starts the abuse again. I'm done. Love her forever but no more love as a mom is gone. I'm finally free and u will be too. Get strong and stay that way. Much love
That's what I have done. Cry and rub my forehead. I really am thinking I'm the crazy one. I would wake up,I'd be the happy one. Always smiling. He'd wake up and think bad things, start looking for a problem to create. I couldn't go to the bathroom without him thinking I was plotting to hurt him. He'd accuse me all the time. Go to work, call and text me all day because after so many calls I didn't answer. He was cussing at me. Calling me a liar. So....I didn't respond to it. U ignored it. He couldn't allow me to have any peace throughout my day. Blamed me for him not having any.
@@wowsers7067 Wow!! I'm glad you got out. The world is full of sick people. They attach themselves to empathetic kind souls. They can't do it to people like themselves.
@@ulabifaces9025 I am so sorry. Be strong! Research the “grey rock” technique. It helps! And watch every video and read every article you can!
My ex would argue with me for hours, I'd stay calm while she shouted non stop then when I did explode she would say 'see I told u were aggressive' absolute nightmare
Yep. They’ll suck you dry.
Holy cow! This is happening to me! I was betrayed repeatedly and suffered from severe panic attacks as a result of the reactive abuse. My body knew something wasn't right and reacted severely.
Me
I feel for you. I just got out of it myself. Still recovering and in therapy now
I’m going on 60 years old and I’m steal dealing with a narcissist my wife of 34 years marriage the gas lighting the accusations it never stops I don’t know what to do!
When your body tells you something, listen ❤️
Mw too
This has happened to me many times and your analysis of it, is very helpful comforting. Thank you. I think you are very wise and have great understanding.
Basically you must not say anything and if you choose to do so, you are the abuser.
I was LITERALLY told by me ex: “If you would just sit there and say nothing, everything would be fine”…this devolved about a month later into: “You’re a piece of sh*t, you do nothing” …then that I’d even been worthless in the actual birthing of my children. I’d asked him to be part of my life, join me in my interests volunteering in the community. I advocated for therapy for our marriage for almost two decades, I consider this a reasonable request as he survived 9/11, but it was when I gave an ultimatum that the abuse became a harrowing psychological living nightmare that devolved into me being physically attacked, and my ex claiming victimhood. I have photos of the bruises and he attempted to drown me, shoving a running hose into my mouth. I left with only the pajamas I was wearing, in the middle of winter, soaking wet.
*the bruises I received from being slammed into a kitchen counter after being physically backed into a corner
This is their tactic. Never ever miz victim with perpetrator
Yes, it’s a huge narcissistic tactic and I’ve been targeted by narc family members with it.
It’s a common technique for fault shifting.
This is dangerous.. why? Fault shifting is common, but can easily be broken by way of setting the stage and the platform for all to see. Most ppl don't like to be exposed.. neither do I, but if it promotes healing.. the pain is worth it than lingering in the lie. So who is fault shifting really? And who is applying what tactic.. so this remains a subjective matter that even the abuser can flip fault shifting unless the truth is bare and able to be established and applied if necessary.
@@datona13 just stop
Precisely. Mine was my mother and siblings. They provoke an incident and then when you stand up in defense of yourself they gaslight it back on you like "see you're the problem you can't get along with people..."
Narcissist control, manipulate, alienate, provoke, gaslight. And make the victim appear as if they're the problem and the cause of the problem. Absolute amazement.
@@SEABIRDSYMPHONY - so totally true …
@@datona13 oh my word 🙄
My reactions were always used against me. Now if someone tries that on I notice and call them out. Then I cut them out.
Yea, perfectly normal responses to belittling, disrespect and plain abuse is not tolerated by them. They don't say you can't do those things because that's too obvious and projects their behavior back onto them. No. They spin, exaggerate, and sometimes manufacture something you said or did recently that resulted in their behavior which is your fault. Twisted shit.
My mother always showed that kind of behaviour and not only her my father is also narssisistic and both of them together scapegoated me till now i don't know how i shall go out of this house i am living in hell
@@shiwangikumari268 I'm so sorry about that.. ❤️
Calling them out can be twisted into reactive abuse though.. How exactly do you call them out without it being weaponised against you?
You are absolutely correct. That is exactly what happened to me at my mother’s hand for 28 years of my life.
Prayers for all children of Narcs 🙏
Thank you 🙏 ❤ kind stranger.
My neghbours son is a flying monkey who was spying on my previous RUclips account for months and shared everything with his dad who I've been avoiding like the plague
My mother is a narcissist
My ex has kids. My only saving grace is that she has begun to treat them like she used to treat me and they are seeing through it.
💖🙏💙
Omg
Why is it so so hard to get over this
It is a LIFETIME of feeling fear and shame around people .
Stay strong and stay away, I'm sure you'll get through it
Yes it is very hard. Especially if you were married to one for over 40 years. Still suffering.
Maybe because you don't know if your ex told that person lies about you?
No Contact... the best path to healing... eventually you will not have them in your mind except once in a while and then with a dispassionate awareness like when you sneeze into a tissue and then throw it away with the yucky stuff inside. You dont think about it again...
@@Find_Amelia_Island nice analogy 😃
"I didn't do that, you're causing your own suffering."
Sounds like my wife
"there would be no problems if you would just stop being upset" was a favourite line of my exes
"...And you're causing me to suffer. Now I'm going to tell everyone about it so you look like the bad guy and I look like the saint for putting up with you."
"...And you're causing me to suffer. Now I'm going to tell everyone about it so you look like the bad guy and I look like the saint for putting up with you."
SPOT ON, THANK YOU ALL ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
They think they are entitled to talk to you however they want, that is specifically what I remember working with one, that first time I heard the "voice change"
My abuser started this process on me and that was a red flag I couldn't ignore. I am so thankful everyday that I walked away. I am at so much peace now. Feels amazing not being abused.
I finally stood up to mine and now she plays the old lady victim card! It’s so sick!
Wow. Same here is there something in the air or what?
This is soooo true. Thanks for your confirmation and explanation regarding this issue. You are helping many people with your advice. ❤🙏🍀
His tactics did not work. Now free and joyful.
Congratulations on saving yourself
Hallelujah
Me too!!!
Congratulations! Tell me how you did it?!?
How? Did you escape?
They pick a fight and when the victim defends themselves then they're labeled abusive. It can be a physical fight. She's right.
No seriously
mine would threaten me she'd stab me if I looked at another woman and asked if I was scared hahahaha, nope but she could do whatever she wanted hahaha
Had my mom and sister do this more times than I can count, but I can count the number of times they call the cops on me when they start loosing the argument against my logically reasonable position and rational feeling of being pissed off, intentionally.
I have only become aware of my abuse in the recent weeks after decades of it happening without any clue it was happening intentionally.
@@KilSmiley cut the rope and set sail ;)
They want us to be hurt physically while fighting for justice, that's why they keep on pretending that we're the most evil ever
They project their own flaws upon you
Yup. When they say nothing they do is ever enough, that’s truly how they feel about themselves and it’s nothing you can fix. They have deep rooted insecurities they need to acknowledge and fix
This is so true. The abuser has no guilt or shame about this.
i reacted violently and NOW it's used against me
This is so true! I never believed in this until I witnessed it personally. It takes a lot of work to even pull yourself back together.
Pulling myself back together now n its been two years turned my whole life upside down
@@2jazzy2bt don’t give up on yourself! I don’t know if you ever get over it completely or you just get numb to the fact of it happened but it does get better!
@kgbolton878 I think im pretty much numb now I have no emotions it's crazy because If I show my emotions this situation has shown me no one really gives a damn so it's like cry for wat 😢
Not as much work that it takes to gang stalk you
This was my mom, who has a flying monkey/enabling sis who does the same. Once I finally reacted, after a lifetime of this, I was the abusive one and have had to go nc with most of my family.
Same. Sending you a hug in case you need one. 🤗
@@EYE_GOTCHA thank you 😊. Sending a big hug back, I see you💗
My story exactly 👏👏
Me too.
Similarly me to, Raleigh represent!
I handled it. I evicted their ass and have gone no contact.
they completely shift the blame on others. they kill it with knife but hand it over to you and make u believe that u r the killer.
It's been 3 months and I am leaving already...I recognized this abuse from my childhood...Bye Bye
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽
Feels the same don't it makes you want to go hide in the corner makes you want to go stay away I ran away I just left my house Love the little girl and now I'm feeling the same way that means I got to go I leave Wednesday she's not happy about it if she wants me to stay and be a nanny for her baby but she don't put enough time in I've already been a mother not to be up mother and then get criticized keep going the babysitter the servant I'm the mother-in-law.
Hey, how are you doing nowadays?
I bid you courage, strength, (finally, love and inner peace) from this monster. You were never, ever the problem…. They were and always will be to “themselves,” that problem. “50 ways to leave your lover” song is a very strong encouragement for me. I left and never looked back…. I’m a happy person now. It took some time to discover myself, but man, was it worth it!!!!!! God bless.
“Ah. See? See how you are.” Ughh
Or the even better "you're acting like a child"
I consider myself extremely lucky. My ex really had me wondering, a significant portion of the time. I was accused of gaslighting but I'm obsessed with logic and problem solving. I can't rest until there's order and I understand the whole situation completely. The last time we tried to live together, we set out boundaries and expectations about what it should look like. She told me,"you can't talk to people like that." I took it very serious because I'm a true empath who can't stand it if I'm hurting someone. I consciously paid close attention to how I spoke to she and the kids. It was her all along. She made me hyper focused on how I speak and what I say. Her whole plan backfired. She really picked the wrong person to try these tricks on.
I've been through this and it nearly took my life. I felt so much guilt for "hurting" them because I would become frustrated or angry or have a reaction to the abuse and they would taunt me and say "look at you, all crazy just like your mother". Also blamed me for having very big issues from my first home, and thought that I should be normal not understanding that I've been through trauma and unless it's dealt with it will be carried with me. So any difficult, odd behaviour I had i was the évil one, the bad one, the trouble maker, the shit stirer, the manipulative one for crying or showing any emotions. So I had to turn them off until it nearly took my life because I couldn't fake it anymore especially after understanding what was happening. It's HELL on earth. The mental torture will literally drive you insane.
I feel you on this. Same thing happened to me. A Reverend. A godly woman right? She is evil, but has a following of disadvantaged women she controlls. She came into my life as a mother figure, then stole 12 years of life. She has convinced everyone she is good. Baffling
Their game doesn’t last for to long with people who have very strong personalities, smarts and very observants !! They can figured it out quickly
Yes I have only been in6 weeks and already had to block them
I remain unfazed at their endless threats to initiate fear like they're really God lmfao. That kind of ego is embarrassing & they need to be admitted into a mental clinic for the bizarre delusions. Kids should not watch too many fantasy shows & grow up thinking they're Dracula 😂😂🙃
WRONG!
Sure it can, because emotional intelligence is different from IQ.
Narc are able to destroy anyone by smearing,triangulation getting others to harm u
They don't only try to convince the victim. They also try to convince those they have in common with the victim.
Just connected the Dots finally that my best friend of 50 years is a vicious, vindictive, unhinged toddler, when her mask slipped and she had a narcissistic rage on me and others boy was it ugly. First time in my life when I really wanted to hurt someone badly. Lucky for her I live far away in Thailand.
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing” - narc boyfriend
Could be anyone.. ‘friend’, boss, partner, family…
Some situations more dangerous than others
( to leave )
@@Chao_Bella yes ok - I’m talking about my own experience. Thanks and have a nice day.
Would as much as constant criticism on appearance by the "victim" cause the narc to say that?
I think I dated the same guy. Made me absolutely crazy with his cheating, lying, and smear campaign, and then said I was overreacting to "nothing".
This abuse needs to be able to be proven and prosecuted. Unfortunately, the mental health system and judicial system are not really fully aware..YET. I hope victims will report, document and share their stories. Hopefully, we can protect future generations from this vile, hateful abuse.
I agree ☮️
Their demon possessed
Best invention yet are "nanny cams" Tiny video Cameras that can Bluetooth to your computer. Catch them in the act. Use evidence to get away.
I absolutely agree with this. One would have to be meticulous in gathering their evidence; but many Narcissists should be held accountable in a court of law for the damage they cause.
They are not aware and have refused to be for about three decades now.
The traditional mental health system has fought against National abuse organizations for years because they didn't believe them.
There's some irony for you.
Always making me feel guilty and crazy for standing up for myself, took me years to figure it out, now I can't stand him.
My ex wife did this to me comstantly. Any time I said anything she didnt want to hear she would accuse me of yelling or say my "tone" was triggering. I tried to talk any different way...calm, quiet, direct, happy whatever.
"They become dependent on their abusers interpretation of reality." Yea.... that hit hard. My Dad was a malignant narcissist and to this day, I have to convince myself to trust my own reality.
Yes. This happened to me. And when I was devalued by one, I fell into the love-bombing trap of another, and experienced all over again. By experiencing it twice, I was convinced that I was a terrible person. But now I have a good man who has brought out the best in me.
My bf used to do this. Now I’m so emotionally dead, that I just don’t react and my lack of reaction makes me a “sociopath”, according to him. I can’t wait til June when I can safely get out with my kids!
Did you make it?
Couldn't have said it better.
Yup, this EXACT same thing happened to me in work, with 2 female co-workers, they openly insulted me, belittled me, sent shitty messages about me (I actually caught them red handed doing this), stole items from my desk, and after several YEARS I finally snapped and confronted them, and guess what they said? It was all my fault, I was imaging things, they had NO idea what I was talking about. Absolutely disgusting behaviour, I should have spoke up at the very first sign, nobody should have to tolerate people like this
Lots of them in the workplace. I left a job because my boss was a psychopath. Very similar traits and they can be both. You have to learn to outsmart them but it's so exhausting. Horrible to work like this.
Experienced that terrible work situation too which only got worse. It was terrible and hard to prove -played on my mind for ages afterwards. They were just cruel and (ugly) and jealous.
It's worse when you have to live with somebody like this.
I was raised in a narcissistic family. I have been surrounded by narcissists all my life. I do not know life without this kind of abuse and I have had some very evil, cruel things done to me. Some days, the anger and hurt over what I have been through seems unbearable, but God has never left my side through it all. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ. He is the only reason that I not only survived the abuse but am also living in spite of it.
The one I had to deal with at work did this to me all the time. Constantly thinking up ways to push my buttons. The thing is I knew he was a narcissist but I was chronically ill and on steroids so some times I reacted. It only makes them do it more. How freaking pathetic these people are they have to do this crap to feel good about themselves.
It's weird af when u finally realize that a family member is actually one. Like do they know fully what they are doing? It's confusing as hell.
Same here with a "supervisor" narc, which is also bad because i was dependent on her for reviews even though i have been a professional for many years and she had no knowledge of the area of my expertise, and she lied constantly. She was eventually found out by her bosses' bosses, who demanded her firing because she had destroyed the department. The topic of this short video is what she tried with me a few times, but having been educated by knowledgeable therapists on youtube, i knew her game and in turn, i educated everyone i knew at the place what her game was.
They are trying to feel good about themselves, but they fail.
That’s an accurate statement. As a younger brother it happened to me in that exact order a number of times. But you must stick to the facts and Keep your cool despite the pain in order to win 🏆
If you stand up for yourself and are offensive instead of defensive, they will start to cry and rage saying the victim is mean!!!!
Everything they do is premeditated. Reactive abuse is also used to make you look bad in front of others which justifies their own false victimhood and lays a format for the smear campaigns that start way before the relationship ends. It's also used to triangulate others into their delusional lies/ drama for their next relationship. Because of their inflated ego/ grandiose, lack of ability to self reflect, image of how other's view them is everything to them. Everyone to them is an end to a means, theirs.
Reactive abuse is also a form of gaslighting at its roots. Conversations become circular with no resolution ( this is intentional). Often a common theme with the narc is to deny saying something that they just said to make the victim of reactive abuse question their memory which in turn is also a way for the narc to project and deflect blame and shame on the victim
Everything you just wrote was completely correct
It’s a cruel game against you. It took me awhile to figure out this wasn’t normal behavior.
This is so eerily and uncannily familiar. She did all of this. Repeatedly. I saw the patterns and would even tell her what she was doing as she was doing it. She would deny something she said literally a day prior, and it's in a black and white text... I "NEVER" said that (as if it was months ago. Total mind f***. Zero admission, zero self awareness or ability to self reflect, ever. Even as I gave her a play by play of her wicked tactics. You can't truly know the sinister madness of this pathology unless you've endured it.
Circular arguments, I experienced 6 years of this, it took me that long of those confusing circular arguments with zero resolution or forward progress. A few times I had to record conversations just to listen to them back to make sure I wasn’t crazy.
mine would edit content said lol just mind blowing and happy I ended it in such a way it pissed her off
I was more or less forced to keep a journal for years in order to keep track of what was really happening, what was said and done, because my ex wife would lie and twist circumstances and events so consistently. I stayed years too long because we kept doing therapy, but seeing how she so often lied and manipulated the therapists eventually was one of the final straws. Not one therapist ever recognized her narcissism for what it was, although she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was medicated for that and anxiety. As I've since learned, therapy makes narcissists worse, and the more therapy she did (often with women as selfish and neurotic as she was) the worse she became. She would only admit to lying and acknowledge actual realities (about money or other practical matters, for instance) after too-long discussions/arguments that would leave me totally exhausted and depressed, as if I'd been endlessly herding cats. She was almost impossible to pin down or hold responsible. We learned all these practical techniques and communication strategies in therapy, but I was the only one who ever initiated using them. They would have been effective with another sane person. But she invariably used them like weapons, tools for further manipulations. She had me tied up in psychic knots for years, leaving me hobbled in every aspect of my life until I finally had enough and realized I had to get out, at any cost.
After we divorced and I walked away with next to nothing so wanting to just be done with her, she started slandering me on social media, and contacting the few friends and family I had left calling me a thief because I closed a savings account with $50 in it (I'd gone to the bank for the first time in months, and they told me I had this random account; I assumed it was just a mistake or an old acct. I'd forgotten about.) She's a tenured college professor; she makes good money. It's not like $50 mattered to her well being. She didn't even contact me to ask about; she just tried to destroy me. I threatened to sue her if she didn't post retractions online, which she did - sort of. She still painted herself the victim, and the "nice girl" (for years she was very proud of being a kind of anti-social tough edgy bitch, but then she shifted and wanted to be seen as a paragon of social virtue, becoming hyper-liberal politically and uncomfortably rah-rah positive to the world, but ever worse at home. It was very weird to witness.) Now we're finally done. It's been two years since I left; I feel better, but the damage was considerable, and I have more recovery to do.
Another one bites the dust. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I wish you the best of luck and I'm glad you got out and your still alive and a lot wiser, me too. A narcissist has no deep convictions about anything but themselves so theyy can change all the time to suit their needs. They are pure poison and the longer people hang around the worse it gets. Stay long enough and it will kill you, if not physically most assuredly mentally and emotionally. The walking dead.
Journaling has become such a good resource for me over the years as far as catching contradictions with some friends and family that I no longer speak to. When I thought my memory might be bad, I confirmed that they did indeed say what they said. And when I forgot, there was again to remind me with what I was really dealing with.
The psychos are now hacking my phone and my so-called family of origin that no longer talk to that are my siblings. I'll 3500 miles away in Arizona from pretty much all of them except for the one I eventually mutually went NO CONTACT with years ago.
Now with the situation like yours in the love category, that journaling eventually led me to decide that she was not welcome and my place and I would not be hanging out with her again. It took me years to do this after I failed attempts and I'm pretty new at this no contact thing With her for the first time in a while. I'm not even going to tell her this time because she knows what she did and I'm just done with it. But if she calls or tries to come over, she's not coming over. The debate is whether or not to tell her? If she calls I'll certainly go against my original idea of not telling her and letting her figure it out. If she shows up on my door I'm twisted between whether or not to risk having an argument in front of my neighbors while she makes a scene or just to ignore her? I think I'm going to go with the ladder. Not as much because I'm trying to punish her. It's more because, that's all she deserves. And I found myself into the trap of breaking my new contact again.. that I was pretty bad at. But if she calls me on the phone from someone listed number or her main one, I am going to tell her, I've just decided after some self debate with it, that she's not welcome here and then I'm going to give an explanation why. That should be wasting your time. After that, it's up to me whether or not to answer the door.. if she's bringing my phone and I'm in my apartment.. I think I'll just step outside and politely walk into the bus stop or that's why I like to do. But the problem is, she could turn that into something else. A long time ago she filed false domestic charges and I don't want to deal with that. It's been years, but who knows? I suppose I should just not answer the door and just let her know by phone that the gravy train is over
Good for you for journaling it. This has helped me so much as much two steps forward one step back.. well I should really say that I was unfortunately going one step forward and two steps back a bit of the time over months and years. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and she's just comes over to use me for drug money pretty much. It's not worth it to me anymore and she thinks she can get away with this while giving me an unannounced sex strike. I don't hang out with women unless I'm having sex with them. This is always usually been my policy unless there's something else that's more business or a mutual platonic thing has nothing to do with friendship nor romance like maybe something business-wise.
Hang off.. PS.. I stopped being a democrat in 2016. It wasn't because of Donald Trump. It was because I saw that they pushed the feminist agenda that locked me up for false charges. The BLM and screaming at whitey thing I found very odd from the party I thought was the champion of the working class. Instead, it was just politics and I've gotten the message that low class people like me are supposedly stupid and put down for being "uneducated" do do not have anything but college certificate since I do not fall in line with their social agenda. To be honest, I don't trust any party and I think that they're both rigged and they're two sides of the same coin. I don't pay attention to politics...
But damn, some of these professors are the worst and I've heard about them. It's just like the Republicans I used to tell and disagree with said, they're hardcore social Marxists to frankly communist pretty much.
There's no point looking up anything about the so-called social issues on Google because it's just pushing The narrative of the left lane party under the pretend so called objective view.
Like all narcissist, of course your ex painted herself is a "nice" girl. The one I'm shake It off claimed to be for Trump right wearing when I told her that I didn't really believe in the system and thought that the elites are controlled beyond what is officially announced.. but that really doesn't matter because, like all narcs, she would MIRROR me on this or that for a while just to pull the football away like it's Lucy messing with Charlie Brown. I don't think I could do anything more than just have sex with people there left wing or especially batshit left wing. Things are just way too polarized nowadays. I'm apolitical pretty much. I've heard enough white man bad men are bad from feminist and race baiters, and I'm not going to put up with anything remotely like that as far as a girlfriend, haha
Wow ! I have witnessed every bit of what you said ! I'm so traumatized by just one year of her destroying my family and life , my son is with her , I'm watching him doubt and act confused every aspect of his life ! He was not like this but her cruel black maleing I watched traumatized him . And the lies that are daily and then saying you mis heard her .
Or I never said that I swear on my child's grave I what she says , her kids are not dead . And when he is not around she says shitty things to me and smirks that smile and says it will be my way or I will destroy him . Total psycho path if you ask me , I've watched her knock the crap out of him then call the cops and tell them he abused her and had him put in jail ! If it be me she knows I kick her butt and call the cops myself to put me in jail just for the satisfaction of not takeing her crap ! But men just think she is the best so they pretend ,I'm sure she is black maleing many of them , she talk and acts like she knows every man she meets and we just all look at her like WHAT are you doing and she goes into the word salad on purpose all just to jack with all are heads ,and yes I call her out on the word salad and the manipulation .I'm female and most females can spot this a mile away ,but a female narcissist hates women so she let's them know right off the bat that she is the power player in the relationship and live to use ant tactic to let you know it , When you even question what she says she goes into full victim rage mode ! So obvious !
I feel so bad for you ,but really glad you got our with out haveing to go to prison for her lies !
My sister did a lot of circular arguing. While I would attempt to remain logical, she rapidly changed topics, if I said you just said this, she denied it, and at times said she didn't say it, I did. If I said she was crazy, she would immediately deflect and say I was crazy. Same with other things I would say to her. Did this throw me off balance. Never! I always knew it was her. I did not know it was narcissism I was dealing with. I believe even though I grew up shy & quiet, and pretty much uncommunicative, I was highly observant, and very strong headed. This saved me. I ALWAYS knew who my abusers and exploiters were, my father, mother & sister (brother later in life). This went on throughout my childhood, into adulthood where it got much worse, still unknown that it was narcissistic, not until I was in my 5th decade.
Sadly I've been there. My ex husband's favorite form of abuse were head games. He loved to "gaslight" me. He never physically abused me ..... well for the most part because I'm bigger than he is and would have broke him in half. But I think the head games are worse. The physical wounds heal. The mental and emotional abuse leaves open wounds forever
The physical wounds heal but i think we should realize that physical abuse, especially from someone who is supoosed to love you- like a spouse, also cause mental scars and could be also psychologically abusive. I have flashbacks of my physical abuse all the time that affect me mentally. I was strangled more times that i can count, which is actually attempted murder. ALL abuse is terrible, but just wanted to put light on the fact that physical abuse isnt only physical.
Keep telling yourself that your wounds will stay there forever and they most certainly will. Start telling yourself that you are above all this, it's over and done with, it's in your past, turn your back on it and refused to let it affect you for the rest of your life. You can do it!❤
"I can't believe you're doing this to me." After bringing up shit they have done.
My abusive ex projected every bad thing she was doing on to me, and made me believe I was a narcissist. She would always accuse me of wanting to have sex with every woman under the sun and would freak out if I even glanced in the direction of another woman... guess what, she was cheating on me our whole relationship
Yup. Exactly..
They all say "you do this to yourself". If you can't handle their abuse they blame you. Very twisted kind personality.
You just described my mother. God rest her soul I’m sorry to say. She would entangle me in this horrible web and then when I would finally get mad, she would tell me how horrible I was. You really explain this very very well! You are an excellent speaker! Thank you.
My partner could never take responsibility and blamed me for all the hurtful things he'd done. No accountability and never an admission of the abuse
Thank you for explaining this. I am trying to heal from a narcissistic mother. Diagnosed with a terminal illness I moved in with my mother in an effort to repair the relationship and show her I was a good son. I was not prepared for the mental illness to accelerate to the point where I could not help. It only got worse. Trying to understand this has made me question my own sanity. I lived my entire life thinking she was a horrible person, only after taking psychology classes did I learn she was mentally unhealthy. It’s very hard to watch, it’s even harder to not feel guilty. I want to help her so bad but I cannot help her at all. Your videos are extremely helpful in my healing, thank you 🙏🏼
Me too. I quit my federal job in 1999 to help my daughter. She sent an email today with a link Parents who are narc. That didn't just hurt but I know she wants a reaction. Block her now with phone and now email. She's like my mom who died and put up with this all my life. When I took a psych class in 1990 I broke free. My mom moved up here and I got her own apt. She still hit and hated me. As a daughter u try but can't. My daughter is now 39 and I can't anymore. Love her forever but I'm done. My sanity is back and I feel good. My son tge youngest saw all this and he's such a good man and helps me so much. He keeps me stable. Life is too short to worry about these people who refuse to get help. I'm free so are u. Much love stay strong. Paula
Man so true
Been going through this for years
It's so aggravating especially in a court room setting because you have to keep your cool or look crazy!
Yes Decades a lifetime of the hell this caused. Knowing knowledge i am grateful, BUT it doesn’t ,didn’t help remove the anxiety and fear and shame i feel around people.
So fkd up a whole life
So so true. I can relate to this first hand.
Going through this now with 9k, and it just begun. He made up the most insane lies, zero proof, I have ever shred of evidence, logs, documents, everything to disprove everything, court dates keep getting set back while he keeps my son under the most insane PO a judge signed without showing proof? I live in a good ole boy state where money buys you what you need. Been dealing with him since 2011, gambling, hundreds of women(not exaggerating, some were my friends) conartist to the max…I’m scared to how much he teaches my 11 son to lie it causes him confusion and anxiety since 5. I finally quit taking his phone calls as I am primary parent, and said we are texting only and sticking to the schedule of the decree until I can get use mediation( owes 88k in back child support, who knows to the irs). I go to pick up my son in pick up, he is gone…calculated, blocks me when I call, e-mail he is breaking the visitation agreement. Police does nothing, says get an attorney. Well next think I know the PO is filed!! It’s almost borderline psychopathic to do this to my son. Then gets my mother who he knows I don’t talk to who lives in another state as a witness!?!? She is a narcissist to the max. These types you definitely don’t want to coparent with so please see red flags 🚩 I didn’t because I was codependent back then. In the end, kids will suffer 😢 the courts won’t care either. It’s who has the money, not love.
Self pity is one thing i saw..self pity..reverse psychology
Spot on! They make me feel like i am guilty when they are!
The real crazy thing is… a lot of the people on here are the abusers. In real life it’s almost impossible to prove anybody because she’s already poisoned people. Never any part of what she had to play and just highlighting anything wrong with you to anybody that will listen. I wish I could find a sleazy part of myself to let out some information on her but I can’t. I’m learning how to respect myself.
I was told I "wasn't normal" for calmly telling them that I didn't like it & it threw me off when they pulled a grocery bag out of my hands, ordered me to repark my car which wasn't bothering anyone, and put the food away without me, knowing nothing about where it needed to go. Hours of avoidant verbal abuse followed, it was supposedly ny fault for speaking up in the first place. They are such adolescent cowards, can't even hear they hurt someone and talk it over with empathy and fairness.
I would have left the groceries on the floor, gone out to 'repark the car' and left, not returning until much later, only to pack my things and leave for good. No contact is the only way put your life on a more peaceful path.
had something similar at work. Lady i was close friends with would disrespect my time until i finally called her on it. She then spent 6 weeks giving me the silent treatment and when i told her that we hurt each other she said that 'her eyes were opened' to things and that we wouldnt see eye to eye on the hurt and to not talk to her about anything personal again and she wasnt going to talk again about hurting me. when i emailed her a letter telling her what she did and saying i forgave her and asking her forgiveness for what i did, she went to HR saying i was threatening her. poor little victim. she's allowed to dehumanize my feelings of hurt and the company let's her get away with it. needless to say. i'm looking for new work to leave that place.
This is hitting the bullseye full force, it's also why, you NEVER return to that abuser's life! They will TRY to suck you back in to finish their abuse of you! Run away from them, AND, don't even think of "looking back at them. They're losers , at best with NOTHING to offer you!
Amen! 👐🏾🙌🏾
As a narcissist myself, I greatly appreciate all the training I receive from your channel. There's really not enough pro -narcissist content available so we have to work with what we have. Please hmu. I'm always looking for more supply. Ty
I experienced this in many forms many times. One simple one was getting a large credit card bill for purchases where there was no discussion or agreement about the purchases and created a severe financial strain on the monthly bills. I would point out simply that we needed to discuss large purchases because without that discussion, I wouldn't know how to plan for the monthly budget. She turned it around that I was the one accused of being too intrusive, too controlling about her spending, I was being passive aggressive, a cheapskate, etc. etc.. It can sound VERY convincing that WE are actually the fool and the problem!
Love to hear that in a short vid, thank you. This was definitely the biggest hammer my covert narc hit me with. Once she realized I actually cared, she set up these dramas and told me how I was what she needed to get through them. Once I responded back to her, she would ghost me for days and this would drive me crazy. My empathy was always used like this to lure me back into her toxic trap, so glad to realize this and move on.
Every time I felt sorry for my grown son about a girl kicking him out, I eventually realized why they did, and then he did it to me. This is the last time and he knows it. Now I'm really scared bc I couldn't let it go on any longer 🙃
I experienced this so many times sadly. Everything was always my fault according to him.
When they're spreading your info everywhere over huge group chats like im dealing with it's called extortion and human trafficking.