Me to. She genuinely loved me but I was neglecting her and taking her for granted, resulting her breaking up. I dont know why i didnt get those feelings for her but now i feel terrible and only want her. She told me she have moved on and dont want to hear about my feelings..
Oh yeah, I am overthinking situations almost a year and regretting. Almost to a level like "if I ate bread instead of cornflakes on that day, maybe I behaved different and the breakup never happened. On the other side I didnt know that these small actions lead to that consequence :(
When I heard him talk about maybe that was the best we could of done at that point in time and our best fell short that made me burst in tears bc I always do that and blame myself in fact I did so last night ans couldn’t sleep when I got broken up with. I was upset at my gf telling me she’d rather see me 2 days after I got home this week after being a month away trucking when just a couple hours ago she was telling me how much she wanted to see me. I blamed myself and kept making all kinds of scenarios that would of kept her from breaking up with me and fixing my tone of voice.
All chicks ever do is avoid 'feeling' the the blame. Actually become a better person, actually treat men like human beings. Do that ffs and you wont have to worry about 'feeling bad'
It hit me really hard: "Maybe it was the best you could do at the time with your resources, with your current wounds, with the knowledge that you had in the moment. Maybe it was your best at the time" Thank you Matt for a reminder to be gentle ❤️ really needed it.
"Being with someone whose needs you don’t feel you can meet, or you don’t feel you can meet consistently, is a slow form of torture that will erode your confidence over time until you forget who you were."
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring her back into my life.
If you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference. How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?
"Maybe it was the best you could do at the time with your resources, with your current wounds, with the knowledge that you had in the moment. Maybe it was your best at the time"
Cool video, My relationship of 6 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
@@RAMIC-tv1ye and on thr other hand ...kya ladkiya bhi yahi sochti h...nah i dont think so....Ladke in reallly hote h aise....and m proud i am one of them rn.....
I truly believe we meet people for a reason. So don't regret any relationship because there is always growth to take from it, or good memories, or identity formation that couldn't have happened without said relationship. None of my relationships have worked out so far, but I'm still eternally grateful that I was apart of each one of them because I wouldn't be who I am today without it, and they wouldn't be either. No one can ever take away what YOU take away from a relationship.
We learnt by any kind of experience ! My mate said” why are u looking at break up like a lesson again?” Cos I can drain little things from it and feel grateful and progressing
I disagree I wasted 6 years of relationships when I could of invested in work,finance health, my health and other things that would of reciprocated in a positive way.
We also meet lots of people who never even leave an impression. I guess some people matter and there's a reason for that. But is everything that happens to us meant to happen by some higher force? No way. Murder and rape happens, and that is not for the good of all or whatever "for a reason " means. Some people are simply shit people and you shouldn't have met them.
oh man this pains me to read, just know the ghosting has a lot more to do with him than you. He cannot simply face the emotional ramifications of a break up
"The right relationship is not brittle." This is exactly what I needed to hear. When things were good, they were great. But the moment things got a little difficult, she'd always shut down and not talk to me. In the last two months before she broke up with me, I always felt like I was walking on egg-shells. She'd get mad at me for wanting to spend a day or two a week with her because apparently that was "too needy" and she "didn't have enough time in her life for that." The second that things got tough she emotionally bailed on the relationship long before she broke up with me. As much as I want to convince myself how great we were together, and as much as I keep making excuses for her even now, deep down, I know that I was never going to make her happy. She wanted things to go a very specific way and wasn't willing to meet me half-way, nor would she communicate these to me before getting mad at me about them. It sucks, and I don't fully believe it myself yet, but one day I know I'll appreciate that I'm better off without her.
My ex just broke up with me yesterday. I'm so broken brother. She's making me feel that I can't be needy. That because I'm different from most men and put love above all else, that It's unhealthy and not right. I'm so broken. Unable to breathe having panic attacks needing her. So confused from the girl I spent the past year with and who she is now that she decided she no longer needs me. She says she has a life to live. As if love isn't all we need...I'm so broken....
I really needed to see this today. I lost my perfect partner over me being jealous over something so silly and now I sit here alone and heatbroken full of regret.
This is what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I failed the relationship. I know I needed to forgive myself for being too jealous. I'm praying for brighter days
In love, you do whatever you can to make the other person happy even if it's apologising for something you didn't actually do...but that made them upset. I did the same, I blamed myself, I apologised, I corrected myself. But when it became a pattern, I just realized that I was actually the most cooperative and loving partner he could ever have. Feel sorry for people like me...who love with all their heart and end up with nothing except pain.
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I did screw it up. Our seven-year relationship ended two months ago because of me. My ex broke it off because he felt I was cold and detached (and yes, he was right), and he felt under-appreciated. It was all my fault. I've been beating myself up these past months and wished I could've done better for him. He didn't deserve any of that. He has always been kind, understanding, and loyal towards me. But he realized that his needs weren't met and though he didn't communicate properly, I still know that it was all my fault. I led the downfall. I was going through so much at that time we were together and the separation needed to happen for me to understand myself better, and to realize what "love" means because I lost my understanding of the concept for so many years. I had to experience loss and grief to understand how to "love" and appreciate the good things. I'm still grieving the loss. But now I am on the road to self-forgiveness. Thank you, Matthew. 2024 UPDATE: I received numerous comments/messages about how I'm doing now. It's been two years since I posted this comment. I am now happy and fulfilled with my life. I realised that the break-up was necessary for me to learn and mature. I no longer pine for my ex and have fully processed and healed. He did email me in May this year saying that he still loved me and felt sorry for what he did (which he failed to tell me when he broke up with me). I wasn't sure about the main intention of his email (whether it was manipulation or regret, I have no idea), but I am so glad I have fully moved on since mid-2023; otherwise, his email would have disrupted my peace. I'm thankful to my ex for leaving or else I wouldn't have met my new partner, whom I love and adore dearly. I will take the lessons I learned from that past relationship and apply them to this new one. To everyone going through a break-up, don't beat yourself up. Don't ever think all of it was your fault. A relationship is two-way. If it didn't work out, both parties should be accountable. Go through the pain, learn, and move forward. Something better is coming your way. Just like what happened to me.
I relate with everything you said to a tee! It saddens me that your update isn’t that you’re both together because it gives me the feeling my ex will decide to stay away as well. Learn and do better next time!
even if you did fuck up, the right relationship is not brittle. It hard to not blame yourself after a relationship but its a very good point that the right person would have been there for the weather as we were there for their storm. Time to find the courage to grow.
I met my biggest love (the biggest so far) at the worst time of my life. So naturally I wasn’t at my best at that time, and couldn’t really show my best qualities and who I really am because I was at the middle of a huge crisis. At first I felt really bad about my behavior but then I realized that it was the best I could do at that time. And I need someone who could understand that and be empathetic. Yes it’s unfortunate that timing was so bad, that I couldn’t shine as much as I can now, that I wasn’t in control of my life as much as I’m now but maybe it just was meant to be that way. People met even at more unfortunate times, like during WW2 for example, and they still stayed together and fought for love no matter what. That’s what I need. If my great grandpa found time to write my great grandma a letter even though he was at war and fighting Germans, I’m sure guys now can put time and effort to fight for relationships despite “that business trip” or “too much that’s going on right now” etc etc
You know more about love than he did - honor your insight and feelings. There is real love still, be open about who you are and don't pretend to be someone else - and the right man comes like the butterfly to the right flower. Trust it: "instincts" function when we don't give the wrong "signals". But you cannot totally hide either, that is not honest.
im in the same boats although i have a loooot of regrets about the way i acted towards him, its taking me a while to accept, forgive and move on with myself :/ time heals all i guess
@@indianchika123 Learning, living, loving! New chances come, keep your heart open and warm! Forgive yourself as you would others. Though being an atheist it has helped me to say the following sentences of Our Lord's prayer: "...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..." which have given people strength for centuries. All the best wishes for healing and recovery! us; a
@@indianchika123 so some time past since my post and during the past few months I found out about things I didn’t know before. I found out he was still not over his ex and wanted to get back together with her. I found out that he lied to me when he broke up with his ex (told me it was a year ago but in fact it was 3 months before we started going out). So at the end of the day there were reasons other than me not being at my best why we didn’t work out. So don’t blame yourself, the man who really wants to be with will be willing to understand when you are having a hard time and he will still stay. A man who doesn’t want to be with you will find every little flaw in you and will be fixated on your flaws instead of good qualities.
If that person stays despite not appreciating and loving you so much and steady that you can feel sure about the sincerity, then you must do the breaking up yourself, because s/he is out to have you at hand for convenience, and preferring you to be insecure and submissive. Run - but be prepared for bizarr reactions. Let your sharp memory serve you and don't get soft, you know what you know. Enough.
I wasn't ready for the right person. It really sucks to not be good enough for the person you wanted to be with. It sucks. It's hard to learn that commitment isn't about staying no matter what. Commitment is a promise to myself to being the best for them & me every morning and every day. I took some wrong turns b4 I met them. It really sucks. I guess there's no going back, but this really sucked. How to stop missing someone we love so deeply.. It sucks so badly. I miss them more than I can accept and they don't want to speak to me ever again. So I just have to carry it around. I sure hope I can overcome this and become better.
Well It sure has sucked to face, but if you love someone tons and they have to go because you're not very fantastic and there's a lot of better options, it taught me not to love people. Not from hurt or sadness; just, if you can't lift a box, don't lift boxes. And it settles like how a raw, runny egg settles jn a hot pan. I'm not great. So I 1st accept that and then 2nd, I don't try to connect with others. It means that whoever I am now has to slowly go away. Remembering bdays and anniversaries doesn't matter if you're not much.. And so you go become more and work 12-16 hr days and stop hugging or smiling and become what all the perfect ppl are. Hard working and less focus on heart.. Just hard work always and then, when someone comes along, I will know it's becaue of my hard work, not my heart, and I won't want them for their heart.. So gotta find someone who's hard work benefits me in some way. Loving someone for no reason and no material gain has become a waste of life & energy..
I kept saying over and over again to my ex that he wasn't listening to my needs and that he was dismissing them. After the consistent argument about this, he would always say he would do it next time but it never happened. I realised he would appease the argument but never took the time to understand what he could do to not hurt my feelings. I found it so frustrating that he would expect me to listen to his needs and be in his shoes but he couldn't put himself in my shoes and he told me I was nagging him when I actually tried to communicate with him about proactive ways on being a kind, caring partner. My point is, if a partner's words aren't aligning with their actions, it's a red flag, get out. It's not worth staying in it. Take time for yourself and when you're ready, meet other people. Always trust your gut and you don't have to settle and don't be scared to be vocal about what you need in a relationship. There are so many people who will treat you with respect without you feeling like you're asking too much for the basic fundamentals and non-negotiables in a relationship; kindness, being thoughtful and showing care towards you as a partner.
It’s because, most men don’t know how to communicate effectively with women- its not their “fault”, its just something they need to work on. With respect, when men and women communicate, its like a different language sometimes. Both may need to learn to communicate, and its easier to just throw the towel in, placing blame on each other for needs not being met, misunderstandings, and in some cases, sometimes some women are too needy, and sometimes men lose their masculine core during these times, often chosing to bail out, and even if temporarily recenter themselves. But often times, the women have “had enough” and are either in the process of moving on, or have moved on, and may feel bitter as a result no matter how the relationship ended, so chances of rekindling the relationship is often low, depending on how the woman feels about the other person. Ultimately, it takes two people to work at a relationship, and people are far too busy pointing out the flaws in the other, rather than looking at their own, and working together, to actually get through tough spots. Just my 2 cents
Dave Red Pill - I totally agree where you’re coming from. My frustration with my last relationship is that I can own my own mistakes - heck, I am not perfect. But I found myself constantly apologising for him and communicating for him. He would put his ownership of his feelings onto me because he wasn’t mature enough to communicate how he felt. If we were on a level playing field, it should have really been both of us owning our own mistakes because a relationship comes down to teamwork. In retrospect, I realised he had too much pride nor the maturity to discuss things that really mattered between partners like, health or personal topics. One thing we both agree on is we’re just not compatible. I am now talking to someone on a similar emotional level to me, which makes the last relationship a big learning curve and we are both in a happier place. x
Loreal Alford - yeah I can’t argue with that. If the guy is genuinely selfish in that way then yeah, things aren’t going to change. The same could be said about women though, so it is a case of going through life’s journey, and figuring out if the next guy is the right one or not. I hope you do find the right guy for you.
Loreal Alford - So very true! It sucks because - not to get into gender stereotypes - but there is this general unspoken understanding that women are there to emotionally cushion the man - that women should tolerate the guy when he is being selfish because he is being a guy. At the same time, there is this pressure on guys that they need to be what society perceives them as “manly” and not being able to talk about their feelings or to learn how to express their feelings, which is also not healthy from a mental health standpoint. My personal opinion is that a couple should be able to talk and share their emotions and that it’s ok for a guy to be sensitive and emotional, but he needs to learn how to do that (if he wants the help) but it shouldn’t be an excuse to put it all on his partner and blame them for his need to express his needs. x
"Bring a wiser you to the next one"... this hits home! I've wrecked my brain with regrets over mistakes I in retrospect realised I had made in a previous relationship... thank you. I needed to hear this 😭😭😭
Agreed… I’m trying to start a relationship with a new girlfriend, but I was living in fear of failure (the possibility of losing her)… but this video seems to have helped me find peace in my past. I needed that peace to convince myself I can go forward a wiser, better person with the current woman I’m courting… that I’m not the person I was before, I’m better that the past me. I can do this! A weight has been lifted from my shoulders…
"Why would you want to be with someone whose needs you can't meet, even on your best day?" This describes my ex fiance'. Many times he told me that he was afraid he couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved. I've voiced my needs many times and pushed my own feelings of disappointment down to keep the relationship going for 6 years.
Just watched this after a breakup a few days ago and I felt like I didn’t put enough effort into my past relationship, I’ve just burst out into tears after watching this ❤️❤️
@@joeshlong9614I feel this shame and regret. I was with my partner for 4.5 years. We were engaged for the last 6 months. Financial pressure when saving for the big day hurt us. My invulnerability hurt us. My lack of compromise hurt us. I put so much pressure on us. I was living 4+years down the line and not being present and appreciating what I had. We’ve been split for about a month and it still hurts. Everyday I’m checking my phone to see if she’s messaged me. Maybe she’s thinking of me. In future- I will compromise even if it makes me uncomfortable. I think life’s about compromise. I know she’s the one I want to be with until the end, back then I was too naive to see it! One day I hope she gives me a chance again 👏🏻
I feel like you, but we can grow, move forward and make better choices in the future. We aren't going to repeat these behaviors. ..we know what consequences they bring.
@@jonasdamico720 it’s a big thing. People make mistakes it’s apart of life. Just be sure you’re having this mindset for the right person. If you saw my comment before, I was a wreck. I thought I fucked up my whole relationship. But I found out my ex cheated on me, she came back wanting to date again and I said no. So basically, just make sure the person you’re grieving over is worth it. In my case, I thought she was, but I realized the relationship ending was the best thing for me. Things change, it’s all okay.
Well, I like to think of it this way Matthew: I am the love of my life, everything else is just a bonus. To get any bonus, and keep it, I have to work. I am also someone else's bonus, to keep me in their life they have to work. Relationships of any kind, go both ways. When they don't, they're not fair nor healthy.
watching this at 4 am and I immediately feel better , going through a post breakup emotional trauma but day by day I am healing and being my better self , thank you matt! love and light 💓
CC CC i am feeling really better and I am really grateful that it happened because I couldn't have been the person I am today without going through that tough time
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
You don't know how timely this was, Mathew. My partner and I have just broken up after a 2-year long relationship, and this video was in my notifications waiting for me. The whole time I was listening to you I was crying, because it felt so personal, like you were talking to exactly me. Like this video was made to reach me at this exact moment. Thank you. Thank you so much. This will help me go through at least a few days knowing that this relationship may have been perhaps too brittle, even though I have loved it and sought to keep it with all my heart. Update: I met somebody amazing shortly after thr breakup, and I'm so glad I left a relationship that wasn't right for me :)
I totally feel you!! Same here! This situation sucks! I feel so lost, heartbroken and devastated.. Stay strong and please pray for me too.. God bless you and good luck!!.. Better days will come!.. 🙏❤
Man after crying for the first time in a while and venting out my whole situation and listening to others' journeys, this is the most mental clarity I have had in a while. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Praying this feeling lasts for a little longer.
I fuekcd up... She needed me at that moment... She wanted me to do better... Care more for her, meet her needs... And try to be nice to her... But I felt a pressure cause I couldn't meet her financial needs cos she was going back to school... We said terrible things to each other... But what break me most was when she said the relationship was a bondage and that 2yrs with me is a waste, so I decided to end it so she could have her life... But I feel like I should have fought for us... I feel like I'm a coward... It's over 3months and I can't stop blaming myself 😓
This hit home so hard. I cried in the last minutes of the video. I regret how I acted so much. He was the best anyone has ever treated me and I acted irrationally. I miss him so much and the fact that he is never coming back is torturing me every day. It has been almost a year. I still miss him terribly. Even though I have worked on myself and bettered myself so much in these last few months, I just miss the loving connection that we had. I just want to finally be okay. I am so scared that I will never meet anyone who I will feel this connected and loving towards ever again.
@@npc-li5ci Wow, thank you for bringing me back to this comment! Yes, I myself cannot believe it, but I found someone else and he is so much better! I am still not fully healed and I probably never will be, but every day the love my boyfriend shows me heals a tiny piece of my heart. I am never letting this one go. He is so amazing and the best man I ever met.
@@shardaeyilma5128 We are engaged now! I like to think my ex boyfriend did not leave, but was simply moved out of the way for my husbands sake. Also, I now know things about my ex that do not make him that amazing in hindsight. I pity his new girlfriend. Never lose hope!
I think I just feel he treated me so good like a princess. Wrote me a whole journal about how much he loved me. Letters. Gifts. But I have to remind myself constantly I did the same for him. I had insecurities but I was working so hard to be better.
This is one of the most powerful relationship video to view after a break up. As I struggle through my recent break up I heard myself say all those things and beating myself up saying I should’ve could’ve. I so needed to hear this today. I watched it several times just to burn the ideas to memory. that love is not brittle and it’s a good thing if someone leaves now who does not have staying power. Thank you.
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"The right relationship isn't brittle." I agree with this, to an extent. I sometimes wonder though, if this is just what people say to comfort themselves after breakups because the truth is, relationships are fragile things, and even the best of the them are in danger of breaking down under the "right" circumstances. Sometimes people use this logic to put their relationships through hell and back, reasoning "if they were right for me, we would have been able to withstand anything." There's a predominant attitude nowadays that your partner should accept all the facets of who you are, over the concept that relationships require a lot of self awareness, and relearning lots of behaviors and ways of thinking that are harmful to them. Its a culture that encourages an attitude of blame towards our partners for not loving us exactly as we are, rather than looking at ourselves and what we are doing, or not doing, to contribute to failed relationships. We live in a society that fosters self denial over accountability.
this is what i wanted to write :DDD thats how i think, absolutly agree. accountability and taking responsibilities, being aware what is going on and not creating fantasy.
I think he is addressing to people that blame on themselves for the end of the relationship. You could have been too much as a person, but who isnt it? The right person will let you know and will work through that, but if they dont feel that much they will just leave, and that means it was not real relationship since the person who loves you doesnt give up on you so easy.
This is the same thoughts I have. Often debating if I’m too cynical or dreaming too much. The only thing that stands out for me is that I’ve been hard on myself for so long; I’ve let guilt lessen my self respect, anger blind me, and pride/fear effect my relationship and how I treated my partner. I think a person HAS to let go and be easy at some point. He’s right about the STRUGGLE of being someone. If you have to change who you or constantly appease someone then you will lose yourself.
I am 64 years old i am certainly not hitting on you need advice if you are willing. Contacted my ex wife after 2 years of leaving her and had tried before that and had made some mistakes.When i fist contacted her the sunday after thankgiving she said she had been in love with2 guys since this april one broke her heart the other died suddenly in october.Latter the week after friday she asked me to come over than said it was to soon and was going over to the other mans house that she told me she loves we are chistians and she has not ever been like this.last week wednesday after talking she invited me to her house as soon as i was in the door planing on taking it slow she was grabed and held me so tight saying latter that she would leave the other man and then we laid down and did everything but sex i was nervous and maybe worried i could not perform.the next day when after things went well on the phone she said she still loved the other man and needed time 2 days latter out of desperation i texted her brother not i anger and told him some of what happened.she then texted me do not talk with my brother family i do not want to be with you leave me alone do not bother me please give me advice i well never know what maybe would have happened if i had not done that with her brother.
I really needed to hear this. I was in it 11-year relationship and got broken up with. I've been beating myself up about what I could have done better and differently. Hearing this has made me feel so much better. Thank you so much this was so comforting to me.
Hey! I'm in a similar situation as you now, been 8 months beating myself up about what I could have done better and differently. How are things going for you now?
"Maybe what you were doing, even if it wasn't objectively the best you could do, maybe it was the best you could do at the time; with your resources, your currect wounds, with the things you're dealing with internally, with the knowledge that you had at the moment. Maybe that was your best at that time." That hits me hard. Thank you for that.
When we look back on what we could’ve done after an argument that’s a reflection of viewing our mistakes and learning which is why I understand the need to communicate and coming back from it. Seems so simple but it’s still an eye opener, but even if a relationship ends just means and you move on like you said it saves years of pain and even being okay when in reality you are bothered and hurting. There is pain that makes you feel horrible and worse than before but there is a pain that makes you smarter, stronger, and wiser as a person once it’s set and done
Matthew: People leave because... 1. They’re not good at dealing with tough times in a relationship. 2. You are not meeting what they perceive to be their needs. Me: Another reason people leave is “the grass is always greener” syndrome.
Sounds just like a Narcissist, can’t handle anything and they throw temper tantrums whenever something doesn’t go well. They also expect you to give, give, give because they think the world revolves around them and they can’t bother themselves with what you might need or have to say. Also if you are an empath watch out, because narcissist love to pray on people who they find caring and giving. They view this as a weakness and try to manipulate and deceive these types to get their way.
After my 5 year relationship with my first and only love ended, the most important thing I realized is that I didn't love myself as much as I loved her which is why the regrets take over my mind.
This hit so hard and direct. I was doing the best that I could at the time. Do I wish I could have done more to safe the relationship? Absolutely. But the right relationship is not brittle. I need to do the deep work. Thank you.
Where you say "maybe it's the best you could do with your current wounds" I wouldn't have known I still had the wounds if I hadn't said what is said to have him disappear. And if that's the reason he was in my life, to show me those wings that I now get to heal for the next relationship, then I am grateful for him and that experience ❤️
I almost had 5 yrs with who I thought was my person. I bought a house we lived together for over a year. Then I started to go through hardship, no car no job a rough few months then last Saturday I wake up to her telling me she’s moving back in with her parents and not even 5 mins later they show up and start moving her stuff out of the house. 3 days and I’ve already cried an ocean of tears. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me start to see that it wasn’t my fault. I’m so tired of crying and I wish I didn’t have feelings right now but your words are very comforting to this broken man who types this. Thank you.
I just let go someone an hour ago then this video come. I realized that it's better to let go someone who didn't value you or want to try to fix the problem or make time for you. If you fantasize of things could be differently to keep that person, don't. Cause : 1. you'll beat yourself up for that, please be kind to yourself. Remember, Break up doesn't devalue you as individual, so don't let yourself devalue you. You'll need you the most at that time. You're still as precious and valuable as human being as before you in that relationship. 2. If you did things differently, things might be different, it might prolong the relationship (and sometimes the pain too) or it could make things worse. But you'll lose the spontaneous side of you, in the long run, you'll be tired. Remember you tried your best at that time and that's all matter. And don't forget, you also matter. Wish all of us the best.
Just went through the same thing! After an hour of letting someone go due to lack of needs given the right way I know I deserve, this video popped up! I wish everyone the best! God bless
Thank u.... i needed this. . Guess u cant force anyone to love u if they just dont in d first place... it hurts and i am happy that i made the decision finally.. but i miss him so much....
@@reneesimmons1890 hi I came here seeing you responded. Honestly, I am freed and relieved..I learned that for whatever reason you are aware or not, if the person decides to leave, let them. There is no point, trying to hold him back desperately- no apologies, nothing..In future, I will say I respect your decision. If I made an immediate mistake because of which he decides to leave, I will say I am sorry for my behavior but if you decide to leave, I respect your decision - I swear I will say this. I realized recently that my ex has gone camping with his ex, in initial two months of our relationship, I doubted that coz he compared me with her out of nowhere when I was talking to him about myself, he promised, he won’t hang out with her but after our break, I saw in one of live videos that they were camping. I believe he meets her during our relationship too even though he denies. Well, I don’t need to coward, liar, indecisive, and insecure man. it doesn’t hurt anymore and now that I learned my lesson, I will never try to figure out why they leave but will let them go.
I am so grateful I’ve healed all my insecurities, learned how to protect my heart while being open to love, and even though the love of my life is not in my present moment I send him love while I attract him to me. We are growing towards each other. I’m happy to be the woman I want to be so I can be the woman he respects.
I'm happy that my 5 years relationship has ended , he was a NARC and I didn't realize it until now. I'm really thankful and thankful for your videos they helped me enormously .
It’s crazy how you’re actually giving an exact answer to all my questions, in this video. Feels like you’re sitting down next to me, listening and answering to all these doubts that are blocking me from moving on a rejection after I invested so much in the relationship and I’m struggling to keep out the sense of regrets and the feeling that I didn't do enough, when I know that the problem simply wasn't me. Thank you so much for your knowledge and you’re ability to help other sensitive people like me.
This hits home really hard, especially "you did the best with the tools and information you had at the time" this was very healing to listen to, thank you and you're right.. the right relationship isn't brittle
Thankyou, i feel a little less suicidal. Its hard work. Your videos are getting me through it. I'm slowly learning there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi, get help from Dr Steve who can make your ex come back to you begging for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore back my broken relationship of 3 years by bringing back my ex. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
i treated her like crap and she dumped me. i can’t blame her but i’ve never regretted a behavior i’ve done so much in my entire life. I can’t stop thinking about her. She did nothing wrong she tried her best and i just kept pushing her away and treated her like crap. I don’t know if i’ll ever meet someone like her again. She was an incredible person that i did not deserve.
I am facing the same. I was so immature, acted too childish and bought the arguments she brought up without thinking about the consequences. She was the best thing that happened to me for a long time, I did my worst with her and i regret it deeply. I am beyond destroyed by guilt and it's hard for me to heal, move on and be better since i still love her. I messed up so badly. God, please, be kind to my sinful soul.
I am completely healed from my past 3 years relationship. He was a narcissist and I still think about it to this today how I was manipulated into thinking I walked away from a ‘great’ man. Narcissists tend to put themselves up on a pedestal thinking they are above everyone else and that what we had was special and one of a kind. After the break up, I really went into self sabotaging stage where I blamed everything on myself - that maybe I asked for ‘too much’ or overthinked situations through. Later I realized, what I was asking for is just the basics: appreciation and assurance. The need to feel heard and seen. I was too attached and in denial that he wasn’t that ‘into’ me to compromise or just meet halfway. Looking back, it was a painful journey of healing but nothing can be more liberating than getting out of that toxic relationship where I felt alone and my emotional needs are not being met. Took a long time to finally let go and it all comes down to knowing your worth and removing yourself from a situation that isn’t serving you anymore.
You are speaking my mind!! I left my boyfriend of 2 years just a month ago.. the relationship was so toxic, always making me feel less than him and questioning myself if I am asking for too much and so on.. however I am not healed yet :( I know it takes time, but I still feel so broken.. how long did it take you to fully let go and be happy again?
I've often pondered if I ruined relationships. The right relationship isn't brittle is brilliant. Also the point you made about why would I want to be with someone who's needs I can't meet. Makes me feel more at peace over past struggles. Thanks Matthew. ❤
Thank you Matthew. You teach without judgement, but with compassion and respect for everyone. Listening to you, I feel less shame and more empowered. I hope therapists are listening to you too!
thank you for this video, matthew. I'm a guy and I was in a relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry. Someone I saw with numerous imperfections but I overlooked and justified every single one. 1 day after we had an intimate moment with physical touch, she ghosted me for an entire day without any call or message. The next day she called me to break up over the phone, and asked me never to call her or message her again. I wrote her a 2 page hand written haiku and went to her workplace to find her but apparently she wasn't in that day. I subsequently received a phone call from her, in which she yelled at me for mixing work and relationships and disgracing her in front of her friends and colleagues, asking me to "think through what I'm doing" and that "you're a physician". I told her yes. I'm a doctor. But I'm also a human being. She requested to meet me that night and when we met, she told me she only met up with me to end things. And that if she didn't meet me that night she knew I would try non-stop to find her. She told me I am not someone she would marry. Nothing made sense. The last time we met she gave me scizzors! Asked me to cut my nosehair before meeting her parents! Just that week she arranged for me to meet her friends! I went on a day after an on-call the previous day. I just didn't understand why she had to break up like that. She told me it was due to communication issues, she had difficulty communicating with me, said we had different sense of humor. I told her I expected improvement in the subsequent months as I'm rotating in the intensive care unit but she said it's not because of that. She said it was impossible for us to get back together as her parents and her friends had found out about me going to her workplace. I broke down physically and mentally. I had to cry 3 times before heading in to work, in which I performed to usual standards. In the subsequent week I met up with many close friends very day. It was therapy, but it was also in hopes to find ways to forget about her. I went back to the places I went with her, places I cherished the time I had with her. What I learnt is that: - find out earlier that this person isn't right for you. Better break up early, than late with a divorce. - no matter how much you love a person, if they decide not to further cultivate the relationship anymore, they are not worth being with anymore. A relationship takes 2 people, don't force it. - my reputation isn't spotless and I had the overwhelming feeling she heard some bad things about me from my colleagues. But I realized if she decided to break up with me just because she heard something bad about me, after everything we experienced and been through. Then so be it. - horoscopes aren't total bullshit. my ex was a pisces. she told me to read horoscopes all the time and the first time I read it (didn't have time before), I understood why she left, and I accepted it.
@@hjtres7261 no but you need to contribute to their already existing happiness and not chip it away by being passive and disenaged just bc apparently "you cant make them happy"
This one really hit home for me. I am disolvong a 12+ year relationship right now with a 3 year old daughter created by us. This is day 1 by myself in my new home and it is not easy, but hearing him explain this in depth, makes me feel there is hope ahead of me in my future and that I trully did all that I could do to the very best of my ability at the time to make things work with my ex partner. Thank you for making this video is all I can say for right now.... This too shall pass. God bless to all 🙏
@@Noodlebo i'm happy to hear this, i'm meeting her on friday because i screwed up and i still hope that there's a chance to make it right and not split. love her so much
Hey man i said some very hurtful things to the woman im madly in love with and she doesnt want me to ever talk to her. Should i apologise? U give me hope. I know we're meant to be@@Noodlebo
I lost the love of my life. He met all my standards as a man and my life hasn’t been the same. It’s been now going on five years and the love is still there. Sometimes, time doesn’t heal all wounds. Sometimes, time reminds us just how deep that wound has festered
If he was indeed the love of your life, he would still be here. If you’re a good person then no you won’t deserve ever to lose the love of your life. Why would god do that to you? The simple answer is that they are not the love of your life. Please stop thinking so and torturing yourself. I, too lost someone that met all my standards but there are seven billion people out there.
@MinaFerhani9915 Respectfully please shut the fuck up. You’re talking about losing someone who met your standards. That’s not the only thing I’m referencing so yeah you can’t relate
@MinaFerhani9915 Respectfully please shut the fuck up. You’re talking about losing someone who met your standards. That’s not the only thing I’m referencing so yeah you can’t relate
What you said really resonates with my relationship experience right now. A lot of bad advice out there. You speak genuinely, I have learned so much from this breakup. I saw this crisis as an opportunity to understand myself and communicate better, I understand better now why I wasn’t at ease in the relationship arrangement.
thank you for making this video, im crying a lot😭 i’ve done so many mistake in my relationship but my boyfriend was so patient and trying his best to hide his emotions from me. but when all of the emotions has blown up, I realized that i was screw up for this whole time and now he’s tired of me, but i can’t lose him. but i promise to myself that i’ll do better and i’ll take care of him more than i can do. i just can’t lose him
I don't think I have ever needed a video as bad as this one. Your words are so strong, brother. I needed to hear this so badly right now. Thank you for what you do, you have helped me immensely.
I left my ex because I felt I didn't deserve all her attention and love. I wasn't corresponding, and felt an enormous guilt for bringing her down, even if most of the time she was thrilled to love me. I also felt she was too agreeable with me so I spiraled into my insecurities and kind of started to push her to not depend on me. I broke up almost 3 months ago because I felt it was the honest thing to do and I was insecure. She found someone else pretty soon after and regret my decision with all my heart. Because I see she was not depending on me, she was just giving her heart all willfully and I couldn't realize. I did what I could with my resources as you say, but still the guilt eats me at night. I really really want her back in my life, but I fear she is forgetting me and I have no clue wether to talk to her (only with positive stuff) or wait.... Anyway, thank you for reading me anyone, I really appreciate it.
Thank you fir your story. Similar to mine. Pushed best friend away because I wanted him as a friend and I was doubting ny choice.. and then we became an item for a year and even though it was short time he was giving me so much. We were soulmates. But I self-hatred selfharmed and hurt him and us.. and we broke up many many times.. Today he has a knew girlfriend shortly after we broke up. I struggle with borderline and just taking one ay at a time. We did your best with our knowledge at that time .. and matthew also says in another video. "You wont change when you think you need to. You change when you can say... I cannot beeaaar to be this person anymore. " We couldn't have done differently because that was what made sense to us back then. Based on environmental inputs and childhood upbringing and instincts. Love love love yourself. Force to love yourself and know that we DO deserve to find something and create something that's great with someone else 💚
I've spent the last week examining where I might have messed up and where I should have tried even harder. This gives me relief. I tried my absolute best
Hello lovely I know of powerful man who can help you to bring back your lost love to come back to you without delay, he reunited me and my ex back without no delay not stress.
Godddd, I could keep crying, over and over over how you've helped me. Bcz, I didn't do my best looking back, but I certainly did all that I could have done given my past traumas, past experiences with them. I am not gonna beat myself up any longer. I'll be wiser for the next one. Thank you!
Each relationship is my stepping stone to find out more about myself. You'll find the right person when you both meet on the same wavelength, to travel your next best journey with both being accepting and knowing how you'll act when the hard times hit. How are you going to deal with what's important and how to handle your indifferences.... Communicate with kindness, that's the challenge for many. Patience and being supportive... 💖
Honestly i am Living for this Matthew. I feel like you’ve become so much more sensitive and intuitive lately Matthew. You’ve really touched my heart in this video. The way you speak really makes people feel. Thank you so much and I hope you feel loved and safe and content in your daily life sweet Matt. :)
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Thank you matt. We women really need to thanks you. " based on the resources, withthe wounds we have at the current time, the knowledge we had at that moment, it was our best at that time". Is time to stop being hard on ourselves. We kind, shower yourself with love. Self love, self care, meditation, at your lowest time is the best thing you can do to yourself
Wow. This is gold. The best video I could have watched. There's something for the person I'm grieving - compassion and there is something for me - self-forgiveness. Thank you so much!!
The right relationship isn’t brittle, thanks! Also, if your mistakes were not borne out of ill intentions, to not give a second chance is rather petty. That’s not the grounds for a stable heathy relationship.
Sobbing watching this. Thank you for all that you do Matt. This video is an anchor in my healing after a 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago by way of him ghosting me.
Thank you for this video. I left a 9 year relationship, was going to be engaged, married, kids, the whole deal this year. I had a feeling, we weren’t happy, had a feeling he didn’t want this life. I cry everyday wondering, mourning our future, I truly want him to he happy one day.
Thank you!!! This is what I needed to hear. I was in a relationship for only a month we were together everyday practically hot hot and heavy in the beginning and was just head over heels for each other and then when his life started to get busier with opening up his business, he started to push away. I felt it I sensed it but I was putting it on the back burner. I was there supporting him being there for him, and I didn’t want to say anything to stress him even more. When I did once he clearly showed me and said to me that he doesn’t want to hear that stuff because he has so much going on with him that will stress him out. He is happy where things are at with us. But I wasn’t. The reason being I did have some insecurities within myself of our relationship and all I wanted was to get that reassurance, but he knocked that down and made me feel worse for even mentioning it. Anywaysss there is way more to the story for just being with him only one month, BUT I concluded I wasn’t being myself. I was walking on eggshells so I wouldn’t cause a breakup. And when I knew this I cried so much because I didn’t want to let him go. That insecurity i was talking about earlier, well didn’t exactly come to the best of me, but I sensed there was a third party involved- and well , kind and kinda wasn’t. This is why I said long story but, what made me stop and think am I worth it all along for the one month I was with him, proved it with the day of our breakup. He chose the third party over me.
Thank you Matt, 'you did your best with what you knew at the time'. It's always so obvious in retrospect and you want to just punch yourself square in the face but we need to remember that we were placed in a position that kept us distracted from what we needed to see. We can't be mad at ourselves.
Fuck… I needed this video so damn badly! I recently fought with someone who was always working and whether intentional or not made me feel really unimportant because I felt her job was making me not able to meet her needs and importance! I lashed out on her because after hearing her say “I’m too busy” after almost an entire year due to her promotion. I regretted it cause I felt so selfish because I just wanted to spend more time with her… I completely destroyed myself but this video… hit me where it needed to and man I’ve just teared up so much!!! The whole imagining ourselves doing better afterwards was so true and pure! Thank you! I’ll still hurt now but realizing we can be too hard on ourselves and the right relationship being not brittle was just so hard hitting and needed
I don't want a new relationship. I want to fix myself and be the best true version of myself to give the woman I love everything she deserves
me two
How's it going now? Do you still want that old relationship?
Me two. I fucked it up
me too, its the worst pain. I'm scared that there is something deeply wrong with me, and I want to change that.
Me to. She genuinely loved me but I was neglecting her and taking her for granted, resulting her breaking up. I dont know why i didnt get those feelings for her but now i feel terrible and only want her. She told me she have moved on and dont want to hear about my feelings..
The ‘regretting how you behaved in a situation’ really hit hart, it made me tear up. Time to stop blaming ourselves, thank you Matthew.
Oh yeah, I am overthinking situations almost a year and regretting. Almost to a level like "if I ate bread instead of cornflakes on that day, maybe I behaved different and the breakup never happened. On the other side I didnt know that these small actions lead to that consequence :(
@@Flowmotion-Parkour same, i feel that exact way
When I heard him talk about maybe that was the best we could of done at that point in time and our best fell short that made me burst in tears bc I always do that and blame myself in fact I did so last night ans couldn’t sleep when I got broken up with. I was upset at my gf telling me she’d rather see me 2 days after I got home this week after being a month away trucking when just a couple hours ago she was telling me how much she wanted to see me. I blamed myself and kept making all kinds of scenarios that would of kept her from breaking up with me and fixing my tone of voice.
@@n1ghtscxr i have a similar incident
All chicks ever do is avoid 'feeling' the the blame. Actually become a better person, actually treat men like human beings. Do that ffs and you wont have to worry about 'feeling bad'
When your intentions are pure, you don't lose people
People lose you ❤️
this deserves more attention. well put
Thank you
I didn't mean to hurt them I loved them I just wanted them to be nice to me
Thank you
Thanks❤
Crazy how women are worshipping quotes like these that absolve all forms of accountability from them 😂
It hit me really hard: "Maybe it was the best you could do at the time with your resources, with your current wounds, with the knowledge that you had in the moment. Maybe it was your best at the time" Thank you Matt for a reminder to be gentle ❤️ really needed it.
You are great thanks for bringing back my separated, husband? ruclips.net/user/shortsxy2q4fkipsg?feature=share
Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyy!!!!!! yessssss!!!!!! 🥺😭💔 "SWEAR that part hit me the hardest".
shit hit me hard too
This is really how is felt… like my best wasnt enough and i knew i wouldnt be enough
bs wrong advice. Own your mistakes
"Being with someone whose needs you don’t feel you can meet, or you don’t feel you can meet consistently, is a slow form of torture that will erode your confidence over time until you forget who you were."
Yeah....that was the moment that hit me.
Wow.
Yes a sad fact but so true.
this is the line that gets thru me the most
This sums up the last ten years of my life.
Somebody wasn't giving away the WOP😂
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring her back into my life.
If you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference. How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he's an incredible spiritual counselor known for helping restore relationships.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I'm genuinely impressed.
lol this seems like a manipulative ad
Kinda slick but I see through it
I needed this so much. My brain is killing me with regret. I’m ready to let it all go.
Same. I wish you healing well
Same here and it's been almost two months for me..I just want to be able to let go and not feel so guilty and ruminate over and over about her..
@@grenolf been two years for me. It hits hardest in times of emotional crisis
Same here. We’re all going through it together. I’m confident one day I will make it out.
You and me both girl..😔
"Maybe it was the best you could do at the time with your resources, with your current wounds, with the knowledge that you had in the moment. Maybe it was your best at the time"
Cool video, My relationship of 6 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him
His name is fatherabulu, and him is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked he up now online. impressive
Why did he leave? How are things now?
The right relationship isn't brittle ❤️
Agreed
Amen to that
Problem is that I was not doing my best at all, it was the easiest relationship to make the best and I fckd it up by sabotaging it and being impatient
Yes I agree 😊
@@How.Dare.You. it's okay. It's all you knew at that time. Things will get better
I feel like I lost the love of my life, and so I come back to this video again and again to remind me. Thank you.
Same the connection was super deep as well and won't know if I could find that with someone else
It really does works for you !!
@@Cosmicflow9 same here I feel I cannot connect with any other woman
@@RAMIC-tv1ye and on thr other hand ...kya ladkiya bhi yahi sochti h...nah i dont think so....Ladke in reallly hote h aise....and m proud i am one of them rn.....
I feel you on that.
"The right relationship isn't brittle" dude you have no ideia how much peace this phrase brought. Thank you so much, +1 follower
I truly believe we meet people for a reason. So don't regret any relationship because there is always growth to take from it, or good memories, or identity formation that couldn't have happened without said relationship. None of my relationships have worked out so far, but I'm still eternally grateful that I was apart of each one of them because I wouldn't be who I am today without it, and they wouldn't be either. No one can ever take away what YOU take away from a relationship.
We learnt by any kind of experience ! My mate said” why are u looking at break up like a lesson again?” Cos I can drain little things from it and feel grateful and progressing
Dear Alex
I do love people like u, the eternal optimist.. it would be lovely to think so....
Yes we meet them for a reason! Every person we attract into our lives to learn us something about ourselves ✅❤️
I disagree I wasted 6 years of relationships when I could of invested in work,finance health, my health and other things that would of reciprocated in a positive way.
We also meet lots of people who never even leave an impression. I guess some people matter and there's a reason for that. But is everything that happens to us meant to happen by some higher force? No way. Murder and rape happens, and that is not for the good of all or whatever "for a reason " means. Some people are simply shit people and you shouldn't have met them.
“the right relationship isnt brittle.” 😭 So true but so hard when you just got ghosted after planning a marriage and a life together. 😭😭😭💔💔💔
Hi Sarah, sending you a lot of hugs. I imagine how hard it must be. Remember that you are enough, girl❤️
Sarah Bocht,you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Keep you're head up 💯💪🏾
oh man this pains me to read, just know the ghosting has a lot more to do with him than you. He cannot simply face the emotional ramifications of a break up
I'm so sorry 😞
"The right relationship is not brittle."
This is exactly what I needed to hear. When things were good, they were great. But the moment things got a little difficult, she'd always shut down and not talk to me. In the last two months before she broke up with me, I always felt like I was walking on egg-shells. She'd get mad at me for wanting to spend a day or two a week with her because apparently that was "too needy" and she "didn't have enough time in her life for that." The second that things got tough she emotionally bailed on the relationship long before she broke up with me. As much as I want to convince myself how great we were together, and as much as I keep making excuses for her even now, deep down, I know that I was never going to make her happy. She wanted things to go a very specific way and wasn't willing to meet me half-way, nor would she communicate these to me before getting mad at me about them. It sucks, and I don't fully believe it myself yet, but one day I know I'll appreciate that I'm better off without her.
My ex just broke up with me yesterday. I'm so broken brother. She's making me feel that I can't be needy. That because I'm different from most men and put love above all else, that It's unhealthy and not right. I'm so broken. Unable to breathe having panic attacks needing her. So confused from the girl I spent the past year with and who she is now that she decided she no longer needs me. She says she has a life to live. As if love isn't all we need...I'm so broken....
@Nater K Sounds like she has an avoidant attachment style, and may be a narcissist
Man, I relate to this so much...
Honestly you worded it how mine just ended.
This… if only she would understand before taking anything i say in the wrong context… its so disappointing
I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. My lungs can finally get some air. Thank you so much for this.
Ya def hard to breathe sometimes. I hope you're doing better~
I really needed to see this today. I lost my perfect partner over me being jealous over something so silly and now I sit here alone and heatbroken full of regret.
It gets better in time. Hopefully you don’t have to see them too often, that really kills the healing process
@@popparoni9756 and then there are people who have to see their ex on daily basis.
This is what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I failed the relationship. I know I needed to forgive myself for being too jealous. I'm praying for brighter days
@@alistening78 Bro, You don't have to be so hard on yourself. BTW how much time it had been since you broke up with her?
@@alistening78 you had reasons to be so there was red flags or something don’t be so hard on yourself
In love, you do whatever you can to make the other person happy even if it's apologising for something you didn't actually do...but that made them upset. I did the same, I blamed myself, I apologised, I corrected myself. But when it became a pattern, I just realized that I was actually the most cooperative and loving partner he could ever have. Feel sorry for people like me...who love with all their heart and end up with nothing except pain.
Sounds like me. I feel destroyed.
I have been through something similar..more power to you
"Maybe it was the best you could do at the time" I needed to hear that right now, thank you Matthew, inspiring words as always ❤
Hi beautiful, Great question for you! BEING SHY IS NOT A BAD THING?? Michaela Pink talking about something you know or would like to know more!! Feel free checkout this vid!🌹💯
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Really needed to hear that as well...
Me too❤
That's a big one for me, too.
Absolutely
I did screw it up. Our seven-year relationship ended two months ago because of me. My ex broke it off because he felt I was cold and detached (and yes, he was right), and he felt under-appreciated. It was all my fault. I've been beating myself up these past months and wished I could've done better for him. He didn't deserve any of that. He has always been kind, understanding, and loyal towards me. But he realized that his needs weren't met and though he didn't communicate properly, I still know that it was all my fault. I led the downfall.
I was going through so much at that time we were together and the separation needed to happen for me to understand myself better, and to realize what "love" means because I lost my understanding of the concept for so many years. I had to experience loss and grief to understand how to "love" and appreciate the good things.
I'm still grieving the loss. But now I am on the road to self-forgiveness. Thank you, Matthew.
2024 UPDATE: I received numerous comments/messages about how I'm doing now. It's been two years since I posted this comment. I am now happy and fulfilled with my life. I realised that the break-up was necessary for me to learn and mature. I no longer pine for my ex and have fully processed and healed. He did email me in May this year saying that he still loved me and felt sorry for what he did (which he failed to tell me when he broke up with me). I wasn't sure about the main intention of his email (whether it was manipulation or regret, I have no idea), but I am so glad I have fully moved on since mid-2023; otherwise, his email would have disrupted my peace. I'm thankful to my ex for leaving or else I wouldn't have met my new partner, whom I love and adore dearly. I will take the lessons I learned from that past relationship and apply them to this new one.
To everyone going through a break-up, don't beat yourself up. Don't ever think all of it was your fault. A relationship is two-way. If it didn't work out, both parties should be accountable. Go through the pain, learn, and move forward. Something better is coming your way. Just like what happened to me.
Did you guys ever reconsider the relationship?
@@parisam7659 Hi, I fought for him, he did a bit of thinking to reconsider but he ended things.
I relate with everything you said to a tee! It saddens me that your update isn’t that you’re both together because it gives me the feeling my ex will decide to stay away as well. Learn and do better next time!
Only half of it si your fault, if he didn't comunícate his needs is entirely his.
@@cabrondemente1 thank you so much for saying this.
even if you did fuck up, the right relationship is not brittle. It hard to not blame yourself after a relationship but its a very good point that the right person would have been there for the weather as we were there for their storm. Time to find the courage to grow.
I met my biggest love (the biggest so far) at the worst time of my life. So naturally I wasn’t at my best at that time, and couldn’t really show my best qualities and who I really am because I was at the middle of a huge crisis. At first I felt really bad about my behavior but then I realized that it was the best I could do at that time. And I need someone who could understand that and be empathetic. Yes it’s unfortunate that timing was so bad, that I couldn’t shine as much as I can now, that I wasn’t in control of my life as much as I’m now but maybe it just was meant to be that way. People met even at more unfortunate times, like during WW2 for example, and they still stayed together and fought for love no matter what. That’s what I need. If my great grandpa found time to write my great grandma a letter even though he was at war and fighting Germans, I’m sure guys now can put time and effort to fight for relationships despite “that business trip” or “too much that’s going on right now” etc etc
You know more about love than he did - honor your insight and feelings. There is real love still, be open about who you are and don't pretend to be someone else - and the right man comes like the butterfly to the right flower. Trust it: "instincts" function when we don't give the wrong "signals". But you cannot totally hide either, that is not honest.
im in the same boats although i have a loooot of regrets about the way i acted towards him, its taking me a while to accept, forgive and move on with myself :/ time heals all i guess
@@indianchika123 Learning, living, loving! New chances come, keep your heart open and warm! Forgive yourself as you would others.
Though being an atheist it has helped me to say the following sentences of Our Lord's prayer: "...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..." which have given people strength for centuries. All the best wishes for healing and recovery!
us; a
@@indianchika123 so some time past since my post and during the past few months I found out about things I didn’t know before. I found out he was still not over his ex and wanted to get back together with her. I found out that he lied to me when he broke up with his ex (told me it was a year ago but in fact it was 3 months before we started going out). So at the end of the day there were reasons other than me not being at my best why we didn’t work out. So don’t blame yourself, the man who really wants to be with will be willing to understand when you are having a hard time and he will still stay. A man who doesn’t want to be with you will find every little flaw in you and will be fixated on your flaws instead of good qualities.
Did he come back to you? What’s the update?
It's not nice when someone makes you feel inadequate and unloved .
If that person stays despite not appreciating and loving you so much and steady that you can feel sure about the sincerity, then you must do the breaking up yourself, because s/he is out to have you at hand for convenience, and preferring you to be insecure and submissive. Run - but be prepared for bizarr reactions. Let your sharp memory serve you and don't get soft, you know what you know. Enough.
Or makes you feel like you are too much to handle
Or maybe this is me making him feel that way . I am such a shitty person
@@ericaroundtheworld same😭😭
I wasn't ready for the right person. It really sucks to not be good enough for the person you wanted to be with. It sucks. It's hard to learn that commitment isn't about staying no matter what. Commitment is a promise to myself to being the best for them & me every morning and every day. I took some wrong turns b4 I met them. It really sucks. I guess there's no going back, but this really sucked. How to stop missing someone we love so deeply.. It sucks so badly. I miss them more than I can accept and they don't want to speak to me ever again. So I just have to carry it around. I sure hope I can overcome this and become better.
I'm so sorry. My fiancé broke up with me yesterday and I know I was less than ideal for him. And knowing that sucks. I understand how you feel.
I feel you
I'm in the same place, stay strong! It sucks is an understatement.
Well It sure has sucked to face, but if you love someone tons and they have to go because you're not very fantastic and there's a lot of better options, it taught me not to love people. Not from hurt or sadness; just, if you can't lift a box, don't lift boxes. And it settles like how a raw, runny egg settles jn a hot pan. I'm not great. So I 1st accept that and then 2nd, I don't try to connect with others. It means that whoever I am now has to slowly go away. Remembering bdays and anniversaries doesn't matter if you're not much.. And so you go become more and work 12-16 hr days and stop hugging or smiling and become what all the perfect ppl are. Hard working and less focus on heart.. Just hard work always and then, when someone comes along, I will know it's becaue of my hard work, not my heart, and I won't want them for their heart.. So gotta find someone who's hard work benefits me in some way. Loving someone for no reason and no material gain has become a waste of life & energy..
@@JT-wc7me work on yourself and allow relationships to come in your life friends and other wise or you won’t heal my friend
I kept saying over and over again to my ex that he wasn't listening to my needs and that he was dismissing them. After the consistent argument about this, he would always say he would do it next time but it never happened. I realised he would appease the argument but never took the time to understand what he could do to not hurt my feelings. I found it so frustrating that he would expect me to listen to his needs and be in his shoes but he couldn't put himself in my shoes and he told me I was nagging him when I actually tried to communicate with him about proactive ways on being a kind, caring partner. My point is, if a partner's words aren't aligning with their actions, it's a red flag, get out. It's not worth staying in it. Take time for yourself and when you're ready, meet other people. Always trust your gut and you don't have to settle and don't be scared to be vocal about what you need in a relationship. There are so many people who will treat you with respect without you feeling like you're asking too much for the basic fundamentals and non-negotiables in a relationship; kindness, being thoughtful and showing care towards you as a partner.
sweetie lim Thank you! I will! xx
It’s because, most men don’t know how to communicate effectively with women- its not their “fault”, its just something they need to work on.
With respect, when men and women communicate, its like a different language sometimes.
Both may need to learn to communicate, and its easier to just throw the towel in, placing blame on each other for needs not being met, misunderstandings, and in some cases, sometimes some women are too needy, and sometimes men lose their masculine core during these times, often chosing to bail out, and even if temporarily recenter themselves.
But often times, the women have “had enough” and are either in the process of moving on, or have moved on, and may feel bitter as a result no matter how the relationship ended, so chances of rekindling the relationship is often low, depending on how the woman feels about the other person.
Ultimately, it takes two people to work at a relationship, and people are far too busy pointing out the flaws in the other, rather than looking at their own, and working together, to actually get through tough spots.
Just my 2 cents
Dave Red Pill - I totally agree where you’re coming from. My frustration with my last relationship is that I can own my own mistakes - heck, I am not perfect. But I found myself constantly apologising for him and communicating for him. He would put his ownership of his feelings onto me because he wasn’t mature enough to communicate how he felt. If we were on a level playing field, it should have really been both of us owning our own mistakes because a relationship comes down to teamwork. In retrospect, I realised he had too much pride nor the maturity to discuss things that really mattered between partners like, health or personal topics. One thing we both agree on is we’re just not compatible.
I am now talking to someone on a similar emotional level to me, which makes the last relationship a big learning curve and we are both in a happier place. x
Loreal Alford - yeah I can’t argue with that. If the guy is genuinely selfish in that way then yeah, things aren’t going to change.
The same could be said about women though, so it is a case of going through life’s journey, and figuring out if the next guy is the right one or not.
I hope you do find the right guy for you.
Loreal Alford - So very true! It sucks because - not to get into gender stereotypes - but there is this general unspoken understanding that women are there to emotionally cushion the man - that women should tolerate the guy when he is being selfish because he is being a guy.
At the same time, there is this pressure on guys that they need to be what society perceives them as “manly” and not being able to talk about their feelings or to learn how to express their feelings, which is also not healthy from a mental health standpoint.
My personal opinion is that a couple should be able to talk and share their emotions and that it’s ok for a guy to be sensitive and emotional, but he needs to learn how to do that (if he wants the help) but it shouldn’t be an excuse to put it all on his partner and blame them for his need to express his needs. x
Just golden! "Relationships should not be brittle". Connections should flow easily and communication of your concerns should never be feared.
"Bring a wiser you to the next one"... this hits home! I've wrecked my brain with regrets over mistakes I in retrospect realised I had made in a previous relationship... thank you. I needed to hear this 😭😭😭
Agreed… I’m trying to start a relationship with a new girlfriend, but I was living in fear of failure (the possibility of losing her)… but this video seems to have helped me find peace in my past. I needed that peace to convince myself I can go forward a wiser, better person with the current woman I’m courting… that I’m not the person I was before, I’m better that the past me.
I can do this!
A weight has been lifted from my shoulders…
"Why would you want to be with someone whose needs you can't meet, even on your best day?"
This describes my ex fiance'. Many times he told me that he was afraid he couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved. I've voiced my needs many times and pushed my own feelings of disappointment down to keep the relationship going for 6 years.
I hope everyone find peace in whatever we’re all facing from the different angle
It takes a lot more courage to walk out of an dysfunctional relationship than to sustain it. Thank you for this video.
Just watched this after a breakup a few days ago and I felt like I didn’t put enough effort into my past relationship, I’ve just burst out into tears after watching this ❤️❤️
How are you? I feel the same way with mine.
Does it get easier? Did you ever just realize you tried your best and unfortunately it didn’t work out?
@@joeshlong9614I feel this shame and regret. I was with my partner for 4.5 years. We were engaged for the last 6 months. Financial pressure when saving for the big day hurt us. My invulnerability hurt us. My lack of compromise hurt us. I put so much pressure on us. I was living 4+years down the line and not being present and appreciating what I had. We’ve been split for about a month and it still hurts. Everyday I’m checking my phone to see if she’s messaged me. Maybe she’s thinking of me. In future- I will compromise even if it makes me uncomfortable. I think life’s about compromise. I know she’s the one I want to be with until the end, back then I was too naive to see it! One day I hope she gives me a chance again 👏🏻
I feel like you, but we can grow, move forward and make better choices in the future. We aren't going to repeat these behaviors. ..we know what consequences they bring.
@@jonasdamico720 it’s a big thing. People make mistakes it’s apart of life.
Just be sure you’re having this mindset for the right person. If you saw my comment before, I was a wreck. I thought I fucked up my whole relationship.
But I found out my ex cheated on me, she came back wanting to date again and I said no.
So basically, just make sure the person you’re grieving over is worth it. In my case, I thought she was, but I realized the relationship ending was the best thing for me.
Things change, it’s all okay.
Well, I like to think of it this way Matthew: I am the love of my life, everything else is just a bonus. To get any bonus, and keep it, I have to work. I am also someone else's bonus, to keep me in their life they have to work. Relationships of any kind, go both ways. When they don't, they're not fair nor healthy.
Well spoken!!! 😎👌👌👌👌🙌🙌🙌😘❤️
"I am the love of my life." I LOVE that! I'm keeping that in my pocket.
Beautifully said. This is it!
Wow taking notes
watching this at 4 am and I immediately feel better , going through a post breakup emotional trauma but day by day I am healing and being my better self , thank you matt! love and light 💓
1 month later
CC CC i am feeling really better and I am really grateful that it happened because I couldn't have been the person I am today without going through that tough time
@@dimple8567 how are you?
I am still upset
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is Father Akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked Father Akunna online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
5:08 Very profound point to stay human and fair to ourselves rather than beating ourselves up for “what could have been done”
You don't know how timely this was, Mathew. My partner and I have just broken up after a 2-year long relationship, and this video was in my notifications waiting for me. The whole time I was listening to you I was crying, because it felt so personal, like you were talking to exactly me. Like this video was made to reach me at this exact moment. Thank you. Thank you so much. This will help me go through at least a few days knowing that this relationship may have been perhaps too brittle, even though I have loved it and sought to keep it with all my heart.
Update: I met somebody amazing shortly after thr breakup, and I'm so glad I left a relationship that wasn't right for me :)
I am in the same situation. Its so painful and yet the relationship had no strength to sustain an argument.
I totally feel you!! Same here! This situation sucks! I feel so lost, heartbroken and devastated.. Stay strong and please pray for me too.. God bless you and good luck!!.. Better days will come!.. 🙏❤
I hope you are doing oke
Howe are you doing now?
How are you now?:)
Man after crying for the first time in a while and venting out my whole situation and listening to others' journeys, this is the most mental clarity I have had in a while. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Praying this feeling lasts for a little longer.
I fuekcd up... She needed me at that moment... She wanted me to do better... Care more for her, meet her needs... And try to be nice to her... But I felt a pressure cause I couldn't meet her financial needs cos she was going back to school... We said terrible things to each other... But what break me most was when she said the relationship was a bondage and that 2yrs with me is a waste, so I decided to end it so she could have her life... But I feel like I should have fought for us... I feel like I'm a coward... It's over 3months and I can't stop blaming myself 😓
This hit home so hard. I cried in the last minutes of the video. I regret how I acted so much. He was the best anyone has ever treated me and I acted irrationally. I miss him so much and the fact that he is never coming back is torturing me every day. It has been almost a year. I still miss him terribly. Even though I have worked on myself and bettered myself so much in these last few months, I just miss the loving connection that we had. I just want to finally be okay. I am so scared that I will never meet anyone who I will feel this connected and loving towards ever again.
Did you find someone?
@@npc-li5ci Wow, thank you for bringing me back to this comment! Yes, I myself cannot believe it, but I found someone else and he is so much better! I am still not fully healed and I probably never will be, but every day the love my boyfriend shows me heals a tiny piece of my heart. I am never letting this one go. He is so amazing and the best man I ever met.
@@estefania1858glad to hear that
Treat him as good as he treats you
Good luck!
I’m so glad to have read this comment today. Gives me some hope.
@@shardaeyilma5128 We are engaged now! I like to think my ex boyfriend did not leave, but was simply moved out of the way for my husbands sake. Also, I now know things about my ex that do not make him that amazing in hindsight. I pity his new girlfriend. Never lose hope!
I think I just feel he treated me so good like a princess. Wrote me a whole journal about how much he loved me. Letters. Gifts. But I have to remind myself constantly I did the same for him. I had insecurities but I was working so hard to be better.
This is one of the most powerful relationship video to view after a break up. As I struggle through my recent break up I heard myself say all those things and beating myself up saying I should’ve could’ve. I so needed to hear this today. I watched it several times just to burn the ideas to memory. that love is not brittle and it’s a good thing if someone leaves now who does not have staying power. Thank you.
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Bronx Baubles Titi Ga, you deserve a good man 😍😍😍🙏🙏🤙
No I haven't screwed, they just left and it's thier loos. I'm definitely OK and cool with being single until someone better is going to come along.
Heart touching explanation on how to stop blaming yourself, "It was your best you could do at the time♥️".
I've been hard on myself for screwing things up for almost a year now. This is the best piece of advice I've had so far. Thank you.
How are you getting on now? What helped you to stop going over regrets in your mind?
"The right relationship isn't brittle." I agree with this, to an extent. I sometimes wonder though, if this is just what people say to comfort themselves after breakups because the truth is, relationships are fragile things, and even the best of the them are in danger of breaking down under the "right" circumstances. Sometimes people use this logic to put their relationships through hell and back, reasoning "if they were right for me, we would have been able to withstand anything." There's a predominant attitude nowadays that your partner should accept all the facets of who you are, over the concept that relationships require a lot of self awareness, and relearning lots of behaviors and ways of thinking that are harmful to them. Its a culture that encourages an attitude of blame towards our partners for not loving us exactly as we are, rather than looking at ourselves and what we are doing, or not doing, to contribute to failed relationships. We live in a society that fosters self denial over accountability.
Interesting insight.
this is what i wanted to write :DDD thats how i think, absolutly agree. accountability and taking responsibilities, being aware what is going on and not creating fantasy.
I think he is addressing to people that blame on themselves for the end of the relationship. You could have been too much as a person, but who isnt it? The right person will let you know and will work through that, but if they dont feel that much they will just leave, and that means it was not real relationship since the person who loves you doesnt give up on you so easy.
This is the same thoughts I have. Often debating if I’m too cynical or dreaming too much. The only thing that stands out for me is that I’ve been hard on myself for so long; I’ve let guilt lessen my self respect, anger blind me, and pride/fear effect my relationship and how I treated my partner.
I think a person HAS to let go and be easy at some point. He’s right about the STRUGGLE of being someone. If you have to change who you or constantly appease someone then you will lose yourself.
I am 64 years old i am certainly not hitting on you need advice if you are willing. Contacted my ex wife after 2 years of leaving her and had tried before that and had made some mistakes.When i fist contacted her the sunday after thankgiving she said she had been in love with2 guys since this april one broke her heart the other died suddenly in october.Latter the week after friday she asked me to come over than said it was to soon and was going over to the other mans house that she told me she loves we are chistians and she has not ever been like this.last week wednesday after talking she invited me to her house as soon as i was in the door planing on taking it slow she was grabed and held me so tight saying latter that she would leave the other man and then we laid down and did everything but sex i was nervous and maybe worried i could not perform.the next day when after things went well on the phone she said she still loved the other man and needed time 2 days latter out of desperation i texted her brother not i anger and told him some of what happened.she then texted me do not talk with my brother family i do not want to be with you leave me alone do not bother me please give me advice i well never know what maybe would have happened if i had not done that with her brother.
I really needed to hear this. I was in it 11-year relationship and got broken up with. I've been beating myself up about what I could have done better and differently. Hearing this has made me feel so much better. Thank you so much this was so comforting to me.
Hey! I'm in a similar situation as you now, been 8 months beating myself up about what I could have done better and differently. How are things going for you now?
"Maybe what you were doing, even if it wasn't objectively the best you could do, maybe it was the best you could do at the time; with your resources, your currect wounds, with the things you're dealing with internally, with the knowledge that you had at the moment. Maybe that was your best at that time."
That hits me hard. Thank you for that.
When we look back on what we could’ve done after an argument that’s a reflection of viewing our mistakes and learning which is why I understand the need to communicate and coming back from it. Seems so simple but it’s still an eye opener, but even if a relationship ends just means and you move on like you said it saves years of pain and even being okay when in reality you are bothered and hurting. There is pain that makes you feel horrible and worse than before but there is a pain that makes you smarter, stronger, and wiser as a person once it’s set and done
I feel like this guy has been my therapist for years and is talking directly to me. These are made for me. Thank you.
Matthew: People leave because...
1. They’re not good at dealing with tough times in a relationship.
2. You are not meeting what they perceive to be their needs.
Me: Another reason people leave is “the grass is always greener” syndrome.
Sounds just like a Narcissist, can’t handle anything and they throw temper tantrums whenever something doesn’t go well. They also expect you to give, give, give because they think the world revolves around them and they can’t bother themselves with what you might need or have to say.
Also if you are an empath watch out, because narcissist love to pray on people who they find caring and giving. They view this as a weakness and try to manipulate and deceive these types to get their way.
I think that falls in number one
Annette Celia Rosemary Not necessarily. Some guys just happen upon someone else and go for it.
@@ellengrace4609 then u have to include girls here to, tho
@@ragedinah4610 Agreed. That’s why I said people and not men, in my original post.
After my 5 year relationship with my first and only love ended, the most important thing I realized is that I didn't love myself as much as I loved her which is why the regrets take over my mind.
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This hit so hard and direct. I was doing the best that I could at the time. Do I wish I could have done more to safe the relationship? Absolutely. But the right relationship is not brittle. I need to do the deep work. Thank you.
Cried a lot to this video. Got released in the right time while I was about to break emotionally and mentally. Thank you.
Where you say "maybe it's the best you could do with your current wounds" I wouldn't have known I still had the wounds if I hadn't said what is said to have him disappear. And if that's the reason he was in my life, to show me those wings that I now get to heal for the next relationship, then I am grateful for him and that experience ❤️
I almost had 5 yrs with who I thought was my person. I bought a house we lived together for over a year. Then I started to go through hardship, no car no job a rough few months then last Saturday I wake up to her telling me she’s moving back in with her parents and not even 5 mins later they show up and start moving her stuff out of the house. 3 days and I’ve already cried an ocean of tears. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me start to see that it wasn’t my fault. I’m so tired of crying and I wish I didn’t have feelings right now but your words are very comforting to this broken man who types this. Thank you.
I just let go someone an hour ago then this video come.
I realized that it's better to let go someone who didn't value you or want to try to fix the problem or make time for you.
If you fantasize of things could be differently to keep that person, don't. Cause :
1. you'll beat yourself up for that, please be kind to yourself.
Remember, Break up doesn't devalue you as individual, so don't let yourself devalue you. You'll need you the most at that time. You're still as precious and valuable as human being as before you in that relationship.
2. If you did things differently, things might be different, it might prolong the relationship (and sometimes the pain too) or it could make things worse. But you'll lose the spontaneous side of you, in the long run, you'll be tired.
Remember you tried your best at that time and that's all matter.
And don't forget, you also matter.
Wish all of us the best.
Just went through the same thing! After an hour of letting someone go due to lack of needs given the right way I know I deserve, this video popped up! I wish everyone the best! God bless
Thank u.... i needed this. . Guess u cant force anyone to love u if they just dont in d first place... it hurts and i am happy that i made the decision finally.. but i miss him so much....
@@arjunamolligoda why don’t they say it from the beginning & mislead you until the day they decide to leave
@@nytibetanwoman8575 mine gave me mixed messages for 10 months. I am so sorry you are hurting. ❤️🙏🏻
@@reneesimmons1890 hi I came here seeing you responded. Honestly, I am freed and relieved..I learned that for whatever reason you are aware or not, if the person decides to leave, let them. There is no point, trying to hold him back desperately- no apologies, nothing..In future, I will say I respect your decision. If I made an immediate mistake because of which he decides to leave, I will say I am sorry for my behavior but if you decide to leave, I respect your decision - I swear I will say this. I realized recently that my ex has gone camping with his ex, in initial two months of our relationship, I doubted that coz he compared me with her out of nowhere when I was talking to him about myself, he promised, he won’t hang out with her but after our break, I saw in one of live videos that they were camping. I believe he meets her during our relationship too even though he denies. Well, I don’t need to coward, liar, indecisive, and insecure man. it doesn’t hurt anymore and now that I learned my lesson, I will never try to figure out why they leave but will let them go.
I am so grateful I’ve healed all my insecurities, learned how to protect my heart while being open to love, and even though the love of my life is not in my present moment I send him love while I attract him to me. We are growing towards each other. I’m happy to be the woman I want to be so I can be the woman he respects.
Did you get (back) together or move on?
how are you going now ?
"the right relationship isn't brittle" just saved my heart
I'm happy that my 5 years relationship has ended , he was a NARC and I didn't realize it until now. I'm really thankful and thankful for your videos they helped me enormously .
Congrats for getting out. Those relationships are the most difficult to leave. Sigh.
@@livingyourstory6885 true true, it was incredibly painful but I'm happy now and so relieved.
@@livingyourstory6885 im in now as we speak
It’s crazy how you’re actually giving an exact answer to all my questions, in this video.
Feels like you’re sitting down next to me, listening and answering to all these doubts that are blocking me from moving on a rejection after I invested so much in the relationship and I’m struggling to keep out the sense of regrets and the feeling that I didn't do enough, when I know that the problem simply wasn't me.
Thank you so much for your knowledge and you’re ability to help other sensitive people like me.
This hits home really hard, especially "you did the best with the tools and information you had at the time" this was very healing to listen to, thank you and you're right.. the right relationship isn't brittle
Thankyou, i feel a little less suicidal. Its hard work. Your videos are getting me through it. I'm slowly learning there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi, get help from Dr Steve who can make your ex come back to you begging for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore back my broken relationship of 3 years by bringing back my ex. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
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Iam single and I'm taking notes, next relationship gon be fire 😂
😂😂😂 it will soon feel like acting school
Lol yessss get it!!🙌🏽
Good luck brother, may you find happiness!
lmaooooo
@@nomatterwhat4661 to have principles isn't acting
i treated her like crap and she dumped me. i can’t blame her but i’ve never regretted a behavior i’ve done so much in my entire life. I can’t stop thinking about her. She did nothing wrong she tried her best and i just kept pushing her away and treated her like crap. I don’t know if i’ll ever meet someone like her again. She was an incredible person that i did not deserve.
Did it ever get better for you? Im going through the same thing
Did ya guys talk again?
I'm facing the same issue
I am facing the same. I was so immature, acted too childish and bought the arguments she brought up without thinking about the consequences. She was the best thing that happened to me for a long time, I did my worst with her and i regret it deeply. I am beyond destroyed by guilt and it's hard for me to heal, move on and be better since i still love her. I messed up so badly. God, please, be kind to my sinful soul.
I am completely healed from my past 3 years relationship. He was a narcissist and I still think about it to this today how I was manipulated into thinking I walked away from a ‘great’ man. Narcissists tend to put themselves up on a pedestal thinking they are above everyone else and that what we had was special and one of a kind. After the break up, I really went into self sabotaging stage where I blamed everything on myself - that maybe I asked for ‘too much’ or overthinked situations through. Later I realized, what I was asking for is just the basics: appreciation and assurance. The need to feel heard and seen. I was too attached and in denial that he wasn’t that ‘into’ me to compromise or just meet halfway. Looking back, it was a painful journey of healing but nothing can be more liberating than getting out of that toxic relationship where I felt alone and my emotional needs are not being met. Took a long time to finally let go and it all comes down to knowing your worth and removing yourself from a situation that isn’t serving you anymore.
I was in the SAME situation. I’m so hurt by everything
You are speaking my mind!! I left my boyfriend of 2 years just a month ago.. the relationship was so toxic, always making me feel less than him and questioning myself if I am asking for too much and so on.. however I am not healed yet :( I know it takes time, but I still feel so broken.. how long did it take you to fully let go and be happy again?
I have been feeling such guilt, anxiety and regret. I needed to see and hear this today. Thank you so much.
4:55 Matt, Mate. That was savage there. The truth hurts a lot
Yes i was a toxic. I need to change and have to improve my self. Thanks for break up because there is a space for improving myself
I've often pondered if I ruined relationships. The right relationship isn't brittle is brilliant. Also the point you made about why would I want to be with someone who's needs I can't meet.
Makes me feel more at peace over past struggles. Thanks Matthew. ❤
Brilliant line. Thank you
THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP ISN’T BREAKABLE
WOW!!!!
Thank you man. You are an angel. Being walked out on, hurts like nothing else. The right relationship survives.
Thank you Matthew. You teach without judgement, but with compassion and respect for everyone. Listening to you, I feel less shame and more empowered. I hope therapists are listening to you too!
thank you for this video, matthew. I'm a guy and I was in a relationship with someone I thought I was going to marry.
Someone I saw with numerous imperfections but I overlooked and justified every single one.
1 day after we had an intimate moment with physical touch, she ghosted me for an entire day without any call or message.
The next day she called me to break up over the phone, and asked me never to call her or message her again.
I wrote her a 2 page hand written haiku and went to her workplace to find her but apparently she wasn't in that day.
I subsequently received a phone call from her, in which she yelled at me for mixing work and relationships and disgracing her in front of her friends and colleagues, asking me to "think through what I'm doing" and that "you're a physician".
I told her yes. I'm a doctor. But I'm also a human being.
She requested to meet me that night and when we met, she told me she only met up with me to end things.
And that if she didn't meet me that night she knew I would try non-stop to find her.
She told me I am not someone she would marry. Nothing made sense. The last time we met she gave me scizzors! Asked me to cut my nosehair before meeting her parents!
Just that week she arranged for me to meet her friends! I went on a day after an on-call the previous day.
I just didn't understand why she had to break up like that. She told me it was due to communication issues, she had difficulty communicating with me, said we had different sense of humor. I told her I expected improvement in the subsequent months as I'm rotating in the intensive care unit but she said it's not because of that.
She said it was impossible for us to get back together as her parents and her friends had found out about me going to her workplace.
I broke down physically and mentally. I had to cry 3 times before heading in to work, in which I performed to usual standards.
In the subsequent week I met up with many close friends very day. It was therapy, but it was also in hopes to find ways to forget about her.
I went back to the places I went with her, places I cherished the time I had with her.
What I learnt is that:
- find out earlier that this person isn't right for you. Better break up early, than late with a divorce.
- no matter how much you love a person, if they decide not to further cultivate the relationship anymore, they are not worth being with anymore. A relationship takes 2 people, don't force it.
- my reputation isn't spotless and I had the overwhelming feeling she heard some bad things about me from my colleagues. But I realized if she decided to break up with me just because she heard something bad about me, after everything we experienced and been through. Then so be it.
- horoscopes aren't total bullshit. my ex was a pisces. she told me to read horoscopes all the time and the first time I read it (didn't have time before), I understood why she left, and I accepted it.
I'm not perfect, I'm far far from it but I tried making her happy. So heartbroken.
As long as you tried... you should be happy knowing that.
I tried and tried and was never good enough!!!
😪 same...
You cant Make another person happy. You're just a part of it. If she left, there was something else going on with her. You did your best. 💜
@@hjtres7261 no but you need to contribute to their already existing happiness and not chip it away by being passive and disenaged just bc apparently "you cant make them happy"
This one really hit home for me. I am disolvong a 12+ year relationship right now with a 3 year old daughter created by us. This is day 1 by myself in my new home and it is not easy, but hearing him explain this in depth, makes me feel there is hope ahead of me in my future and that I trully did all that I could do to the very best of my ability at the time to make things work with my ex partner. Thank you for making this video is all I can say for right now....
This too shall pass. God bless to all 🙏
I’ve destroyed myself I’ve been thru so much now that I’ve finally seen a person that truly was meant for me
I’ve found a way to sabotage this
Update : We’re still together it’s not easy but I’m better and I love her so damn much
@@Noodlebo i'm happy to hear this, i'm meeting her on friday because i screwed up and i still hope that there's a chance to make it right and not split. love her so much
@ we’re good now what’s truly meant for you will always be for you
That’s the philosophy
Hey man i said some very hurtful things to the woman im madly in love with and she doesnt want me to ever talk to her. Should i apologise? U give me hope. I know we're meant to be@@Noodlebo
I lost the love of my life. He met all my standards as a man and my life hasn’t been the same. It’s been now going on five years and the love is still there. Sometimes, time doesn’t heal all wounds. Sometimes, time reminds us just how deep that wound has festered
How r u doing now? ❤️🩹
If he was indeed the love of your life, he would still be here. If you’re a good person then no you won’t deserve ever to lose the love of your life. Why would god do that to you? The simple answer is that they are not the love of your life. Please stop thinking so and torturing yourself. I, too lost someone that met all my standards but there are seven billion people out there.
@MinaFerhani9915
Respectfully please shut the fuck up. You’re talking about losing someone who met your standards. That’s not the only thing I’m referencing so yeah you can’t relate
@MinaFerhani9915
Respectfully please shut the fuck up. You’re talking about losing someone who met your standards. That’s not the only thing I’m referencing so yeah you can’t relate
What you said really resonates with my relationship experience right now. A lot of bad advice out there. You speak genuinely, I have learned so much from this breakup. I saw this crisis as an opportunity to understand myself and communicate better, I understand better now why I wasn’t at ease in the relationship arrangement.
These are the videos that can make people realize how beatiful of a platform RUclips can be, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
thank you for making this video, im crying a lot😭
i’ve done so many mistake in my relationship but my boyfriend was so patient and trying his best to hide his emotions from me. but when all of the emotions has blown up, I realized that i was screw up for this whole time and now he’s tired of me, but i can’t lose him.
but i promise to myself that i’ll do better and i’ll take care of him more than i can do.
i just can’t lose him
You never fail. This brought me so much PEACE. Love is stronger than a horrible fight. Love isn't brittle. So much greatness in this. ❤
Love is beautiful my dear 😊
I don't think I have ever needed a video as bad as this one. Your words are so strong, brother. I needed to hear this so badly right now. Thank you for what you do, you have helped me immensely.
I left my ex because I felt I didn't deserve all her attention and love. I wasn't corresponding, and felt an enormous guilt for bringing her down, even if most of the time she was thrilled to love me. I also felt she was too agreeable with me so I spiraled into my insecurities and kind of started to push her to not depend on me.
I broke up almost 3 months ago because I felt it was the honest thing to do and I was insecure. She found someone else pretty soon after and regret my decision with all my heart. Because I see she was not depending on me, she was just giving her heart all willfully and I couldn't realize. I did what I could with my resources as you say, but still the guilt eats me at night.
I really really want her back in my life, but I fear she is forgetting me and I have no clue wether to talk to her (only with positive stuff) or wait....
Anyway, thank you for reading me anyone, I really appreciate it.
Really sad to hear bro. Hope all is well now.
Thank you fir your story. Similar to mine. Pushed best friend away because I wanted him as a friend and I was doubting ny choice.. and then we became an item for a year and even though it was short time he was giving me so much. We were soulmates.
But I self-hatred selfharmed and hurt him and us.. and we broke up many many times..
Today he has a knew girlfriend shortly after we broke up.
I struggle with borderline and just taking one ay at a time. We did your best with our knowledge at that time
.. and matthew also says in another video. "You wont change when you think you need to. You change when you can say... I cannot beeaaar to be this person anymore. "
We couldn't have done differently because that was what made sense to us back then. Based on environmental inputs and childhood upbringing and instincts.
Love love love yourself. Force to love yourself and know that we DO deserve to find something and create something that's great with someone else 💚
Same thing is going on with me
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to all that your writting and i have been pretty much through the same as you. May i ask how you are today?
I've spent the last week examining where I might have messed up and where I should have tried even harder.
This gives me relief. I tried my absolute best
Hello lovely I know of powerful man who can help you to bring back your lost love to come back to you without delay, he reunited me and my ex back without no delay not stress.
What'sapp him;;;
Godddd, I could keep crying, over and over over how you've helped me. Bcz, I didn't do my best looking back, but I certainly did all that I could have done given my past traumas, past experiences with them. I am not gonna beat myself up any longer. I'll be wiser for the next one. Thank you!
Each relationship is my stepping stone to find out more about myself. You'll find the right person when you both meet on the same wavelength, to travel your next best journey with both being accepting and knowing how you'll act when the hard times hit. How are you going to deal with what's important and how to handle your indifferences.... Communicate with kindness, that's the challenge for many. Patience and being supportive... 💖
This video makes me start to move on mentally and hurt less. I pray for myself to be completely happy again soon
But why am I crying about it today lmao 😂😭
this has to be one of his best works 🎉🎉
Honestly i am Living for this Matthew. I feel like you’ve become so much more sensitive and intuitive lately Matthew.
You’ve really touched my heart in this video. The way you speak really makes people feel.
Thank you so much and I hope you feel loved and safe and content in your daily life sweet Matt. :)
Hi beautiful, Great question for you! BEING SHY IS NOT A BAD THING?? Michaela Pink talking about something you know or would like to know more!! Feel free checkout this vid!🌹💯
ruclips.net/video/w0C7TREUsqk/видео.html
" The RIGHT relationship isn't brittle " 💕
Thank you matt. We women really need to thanks you. " based on the resources, withthe wounds we have at the current time, the knowledge we had at that moment, it was our best at that time". Is time to stop being hard on ourselves. We kind, shower yourself with love. Self love, self care, meditation, at your lowest time is the best thing you can do to yourself
Wow. This is gold. The best video I could have watched. There's something for the person I'm grieving - compassion and there is something for me - self-forgiveness. Thank you so much!!
Thank you so much Matt. I needed this today. I was not able to let things out. But watching your video made me cry and let things off my chest.
The right relationship isn’t brittle, thanks! Also, if your mistakes were not borne out of ill intentions, to not give a second chance is rather petty. That’s not the grounds for a stable heathy relationship.
That was good. That was reaaal good! 🙌🏼
That’s what she said !!
Hey checkmark
Agree!!!
Big time
@@travistee368 u are so right ✅ 👏
Sobbing watching this. Thank you for all that you do Matt. This video is an anchor in my healing after a 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago by way of him ghosting me.
How are you feeling now? How are you looking after yourself?
Aw. 3yrs and he just ghosted you like that?🥺
Same
I hope you are taking care❤
Thank you for this video. I left a 9 year relationship, was going to be engaged, married, kids, the whole deal this year. I had a feeling, we weren’t happy, had a feeling he didn’t want this life. I cry everyday wondering, mourning our future, I truly want him to he happy one day.
Thank you!!! This is what I needed to hear. I was in a relationship for only a month we were together everyday practically hot hot and heavy in the beginning and was just head over heels for each other and then when his life started to get busier with opening up his business, he started to push away. I felt it I sensed it but I was putting it on the back burner. I was there supporting him being there for him, and I didn’t want to say anything to stress him even more. When I did once he clearly showed me and said to me that he doesn’t want to hear that stuff because he has so much going on with him that will stress him out. He is happy where things are at with us. But I wasn’t. The reason being I did have some insecurities within myself of our relationship and all I wanted was to get that reassurance, but he knocked that down and made me feel worse for even mentioning it. Anywaysss there is way more to the story for just being with him only one month, BUT I concluded I wasn’t being myself. I was walking on eggshells so I wouldn’t cause a breakup. And when I knew this I cried so much because I didn’t want to let him go. That insecurity i was talking about earlier, well didn’t exactly come to the best of me, but I sensed there was a third party involved- and well , kind and kinda wasn’t. This is why I said long story but, what made me stop and think am I worth it all along for the one month I was with him, proved it with the day of our breakup. He chose the third party over me.
Thank you Matt,
'you did your best with what you knew at the time'.
It's always so obvious in retrospect and you want to just punch yourself square in the face but we need to remember that we were placed in a position that kept us distracted from what we needed to see. We can't be mad at ourselves.
Fuck… I needed this video so damn badly! I recently fought with someone who was always working and whether intentional or not made me feel really unimportant because I felt her job was making me not able to meet her needs and importance! I lashed out on her because after hearing her say “I’m too busy” after almost an entire year due to her promotion. I regretted it cause I felt so selfish because I just wanted to spend more time with her… I completely destroyed myself but this video… hit me where it needed to and man I’ve just teared up so much!!! The whole imagining ourselves doing better afterwards was so true and pure! Thank you! I’ll still hurt now but realizing we can be too hard on ourselves and the right relationship being not brittle was just so hard hitting and needed
I’ve never been so fast to click when this popped up on my notifications