Unrealistic Expectations The Betrayed Has For The Unfaithful Spouse
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- My name is Stacey Chenevert and I am an infidelity recovery coach. My mission is to equip people with the tools needed to promote healing, growth, and complete transformation after infidelity, through nonjudgemental, authentic coaching. So you can heal from the past, live in the present, and become the woman you want to be without fear of the future.
If you would like help learning how to heal from infidelity and transform your life. I offer a free 30 minute 1:1 chat.
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Available on all platforms- Healing A Woman's Infidelity
If you would like more information and tips on how to end an affair, you can read blog post here:moderndayeve.c...
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If you are a betrayed spouse and would like help learning how to reconnect with your spouse and learn more about what goes on behind the scenes of an affair I would love to help you.
I offer a free 1:1 30 minute chat. Just follow the link below to my calendar.
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The idea of having sex with my cheating wife makes me nauseous. What I’ve learned as a man that went through this is that there’s always a better option out there. I know this is probably harsh, but where my wife screwed up is allowing me to discover my true dating market value. I could never go back to my marriage now.
I understand, reconciliation is not for everybody. It takes the love of Jesus, forgiveness and not letting your heart get hard from pride, pain and resentment to rebuild a marriage after infidelity.
For me it was that And...is she thinking about him or me?
That sh!t will drive you mad.
God knows we need people like you. Trying to navigate the waters of infidelity especially with a family is almost impossible without knowledgeable help. Best wishes.
Thank you , praying for the best for you and your family the best
@@staceychenevert Thanks Stacey. The best to you too. Hope the people that watch your videos take them to heart and contact you for help. They are in no condition to help themselves. I understand this. Been married almost 40 years and my wife is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me and I am a lucky guy so I know. And I tell her this too. Best wishes.
@@shepardsmith3235 Thank you snd welcome!
I don’t expect an apology every day, and I certainly don’t believe it’s my job to parent my unfaithful spouse, but an apology that comes out of an attitude that is defensive, minimizes and justifies the affair, blames the betrayed spouse, rejects any transparency and refuses to accept any consequences is no apology at all.
Yes I agree, we should not blame the betrayed for the affair because it is NOT their fault. Many people just don't understand how to manage recovery. 😒
I think I understand your comment - a lot of marriages fall apart because of insert x, y, or z that the betrayed spouse didn't do right in reconciliation. But that is a disingenuous take. A more honest take is that the marriage fell apart because the cheating spouse already ended it when they had an affair. To even attempt to reconcile is a gift from the betrayed spouse. One that can never be repaid and the betrayed spouse must accept all of the unfairness, pain, and injustice. They pay for the crime! They also have to hold all of the risk in trying to rebuild what someone destroyed.
The affair is not why the marriage fell apart. The marriage was damaged before the affair happened. MRraiges fall apart because the couple stop prioritizing the relationship. Not to mention the power struggle stage is another reasons the marriage falls apart. That is one reason it takes both of them to rebuild, they have to fix the problems before and heal from.the betrayal. Simply put the affair reveals there was a huge problem in the marriage caused by the couple.
Your reply of recommendation is a gift and can never be repaid also the unfaithful must suffer through the mistreatment is a misconception and the real reason a marriage WILL NOT SURVIVE after an affair.
I never said that an unfaithful must suffer through mistreatment. Didn’t even indicate that. That is not reconciliation that is punishment. That is not forgiveness, that is the pursuit of justice.
However, the betrayed spouse has suffered through tremendous mistreatment, deceit, and mental abuse - this is why many have PTSD following spousal betrayal.
They have good reason to never trust a cheater again, and until the cheater truly changes their thought patterns, coping mechanisms, and attachment issues the marriage will fall apart regardless of what the betrayed spouse does right or wrong in reconciliation.
No one ever signed up for a marriage with the caveat of having to be perfect to avoid being betrayed. Blaming a marriage for failing after an affair (i.e., saying the betrayed spouse didn’t do x, y, and z right in reconciliation) is akin to blaming the betrayed spouse for the affair. That’s cheaters take, not an honest take. Affairs end marriages of all shapes and sizes every day (strong but not perfect, good but not strong, mediocre, bad, and abusive) and people who choose to cheat know this when they decide to have an affair.
Christians who cheat also know that cheating is a personal choice to end their marriage in Gods eyes. It’s one of the ten commandments - though shall not commit adultery. The only marriage left is a legal contract with state. Reconciliation is dependent on forgiveness, but forgiveness is not dependent on reconciliation. It can never be repaid! That’s the gift you got from your husband.
@ericfinley8472 honestly both parties recieve the gift of forgiveness. What many font understand is that the marriage was headed for failure before the affair. So though the betrayed is not responsible for their spouse ha ing an affair they must take responsibility for their part in the marriage falling apart. Because the unfaithful has alot of bitterness and resentment toward their spouse and if that is not worked through the marriage won't work regardless of forgiveness. My husband could forgive me all day but if he wouldn't reconize being an absent spouse does not build emotional connection and work towards making the relationship a priority then we would not be together.
@@staceychenevert We can agree to disagree on your take, the larger point I was hoping to illistrate. Nothing wrong with that. At any rate thank you for wroking to help others through this mess. Your resources seem to be driven for the unfaithful, espc unfaithful women and their is a great need for that. Betrayed spouses have a diverse pool of resources to pull from regarding what should be realistic expectations. Hopefully, those going through this will do so.
He works with this person, 4 hours a week what should i do ? He refuses to quit, i don't want to demand this but i feel so insecure
Boundaries need to be set in place to help you heal and the marriage to recover. If he is not getting help he is setting himself up for failure by working with her. That is if they built an emotional connection.
Where 's the guide? I need to read it
Im sorry that guide is no longer available
I'm not religious...that means i don't follow any particular doctrine but do have faith.
I understand what you're doing for people. I'm the betrayed from many years ago. It was the first time in my one and ony marriage and I decided to forgive.
I have been betrayed in other relationships.
It didn't work out. I couldn't, and damn near everything they did reminded me.
Over time we separated but never divorced. Kept it touch cause we share a daughter. That was more than 12 or so years ago.
To be honest i don't remember when in time it was but i do remember that day.
I honestly don't know if people regret having an affair if it quietly ended, or regret it after getting caught.
I think for most it can be regret I got caught and then once the fog lifts its the regret I even had an affair.
@@staceychenevert Thanx for the reply. I hadn't thought it's a process... even tho' that's your method.
@mikedevonish3933 welcome, yes healing is a process. It takes time to process through thoughts and emotions.