Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
No matter how much the wind blows, the mountain shall not bow. Calmness is strength, remaining calm in the face of conflict is how one's courage is steeled. It really is powerful to keep level headed under duress.
@@tspencer661 Well, that depends. At 66, I don't know if I am finally relieved from the madness or mad that I never had relief till now. I cannot get back the decades I lost.
@@athena3865 I can’t get my time back either. I was 43 when I discovered that my mom and my (ex) husband are/were verbally abusive. I can’t get those years back. They’re gone. I can look forward to my future. I can live my life on my terms today, tomorrow, and the next day. I’m not trying to be a “Pollyanna”, but my future looks bright. I know my life would look different under different circumstances, but I have to accept my life as it is. Dwelling in the past can’t help me. If you no longer have to deal with controlling people, please consider yourself lucky. There are people who are older than you who are still dealing with controlling parents. I consider myself lucky because I no longer have to put up with much craziness. My ex husband is basically out of my life. My mom is a small part of my life. I use my experience to help others. I make a monthly donation to a local DV shelter. I give advice to younger people who are dealing with what I had to deal with. If you haven’t healed, there is nothing wrong with going to therapy. Therapy helped me immensely.
@@athena3865 same boat my dear. yes the feeling of loss is hard but IF there's good in here is that you know lot's of things now and can enjoy the rest of your life being yourself and doing what you like. very sad for the lost decades. Me too.
I found that seeing both malignant parents clearly has been extremely helpful. They trapped themselves and each other in a loveless, lifeless marriage in which they came to thoroughly HATE each other, all while putting on the false front of having a 'happy' marriage. Realizing that helped give me clarity and further insights into what worthless, arrogant fools they were.
@@WWZenaDo my parents both resent one another and it’s been that way as long as I can remember. But they love to put on the show in front of others, which is even more sickening.
Living at home makes this so hard but I've learned to just ignore her. It's even worse when you have a sibling that leaves and choses to not help or assist in ANY way but instead joins in. I keep my life completely separate (from everyone, that includes flying monkeys), what I'm thinking, planning...dreams and goals - share none of it. These people are sick and don't want to get any help but want you to live in misery with them.
They'll absolutely sabotage you in various ways both obvious & subtle... That's exactly why we always warn folks about not telling any plans to these nasty wack-jobs.
I have 16 months left until I can transfer to my state college and move out. I'm living under my sick mother's roof until I get my associate's degree and then transfer to university. You're not alone
@@Harveyspecter227Gud for u❤.. I wish and pray, I get out soon, staying with my narc parents is insane😢.. Yesterday itself was underattack from my Dads narc rage.. Just coz I said something he didn't like, threaten me to leave d house! (Which is his go to dialogue in every argument).. I just wish wish I plan my exit strategy and execute it
My mom was so desperate to get a reaction from me that she tried to drag my 15 year old son into our issues and that was the last straw (this is after being no contact with her for a year)… she tried everything and used everyone she could to get to me and then went so low to use my son. This has now been a year ago, and I have chosen to stay calm, not react, and remain in peace. The best decision I have made.
Calmness, or self-control perhaps it also could be called, is a great feeling and it gives such victory over their attacks and pleas for attention and opportunities to abuse.
You also need to give yourself time to perfect this. I make mistakes like telling my Mom too much info, or feeding into her toxic crap. If you've been programed all your life, like me, try it as a practice, and give yourself time to perfect it. NO WORRIES, YOU WILL!❤
Oh I struggle with this one. I used to tell her everything!!! And it always made me feel worse and even now that I know all that I know I still catch myself wanting to tell her stuff. Pineal breathing exercises are really great for reprogramming the mind back to "factory" settings. ❤
more you say more they will have to boycott you, use against you and make all your little dreams to sink. Do not go DEEP with them. they will never remember or care what goes on with you. If they do it's to use you for something. go talk to a frog instead or a bird
I went no- contact but didn’t do enough work on myself. Then I started having some contact with family and realized I had not worked enough on my codependent behavior. Working on that now though!
Be sane in spite of, it's your best strategy.... As the yrs roll on you'll be less blinded, they'll become transparent, it's not pretty and they won't be maturing much!
I have nil to no contact with my narcissistic dad; it is helping! I take care of me, not worry about him. I separate myself from his dysfunction! I am healing!
Best way to ultimately outsmart/win the game is to refuse to play ie go no contact. Not always possible in all scenarios but I recommend it whenever possible
I wish it was as easy as just going no contact. Every time I cut off my parents, I have cps at my door. No joke, my adopted mom has called them 6 times on me so far. All either closed at screening or investigated and documented as unfounded. Sometimes the psychological abuse continues even after going no contact 😢
He is 🦉👍🏻👍🏻.He actually kinda reminds me of the wise owl when I was a young child playing Zelda Ocarina of Time & Zelda Majora's Mask🤗.His advice truly is priceless.
When you're upset don't cry. Get away into nature for example (something people don't generally do), and talk to yourself. Talk your way through it rather than letting your normal self rule. Try it.
Every time they, mother and sister, call the police on themselves, I get a copy of the police report and send it out to friends and family. Guess what? They don’t call the police anymore as a weapon. Best option, no contact. They will destroy themselves.
Jerry, thank you for this. Unfortunately my mom passed away several years ago and we never had the chance to understand or have a healthy relationship. I am the oldest of five and the scapegoat as well or I should say was the scapegoat. I've been self educating since her passing, and now have a much clearer understanding of my family's dynamics. My 4 siblings are now having to rethink their opinions about me. It's been about 2 years since I've become aware. My life is peaceful now, and I'm being respected. Except for one sister who scapegoated me to her husband to hide from her problems, all is going well. Thank you for helping to educate me. I'm truly not to be used as a reason for everyone's problems. I see that now. I'm 65.
Your mom passing away didn't change anything. You were never going to have that understanding. The conversation was never going to happen. The best thing is you understand the situation and you can move on properly rather than being stuck in her past.
I am so sorry for you. You weren’t respected by your siblings even after reaching 60. Your mom is not the only terrible person in the family sorry but your siblings all are. Please don’t care about any of them. I am 27 I stopped talking to my sister for 3 years because she teaches her children to respect their uncles but she screams at me for telling them not to throw chips on the carpet and says I am abusive to them. I am their only aunt and I help her through everything. I been a mom to her because I know our mom was narcissistic who favoured sons. Children started to grow and pick up on me not being respected so they started disrespecting me too. That was my final straw. She denied, my mom denied, my brothers I stopped talking to them because the physical and emotionally abuse me. My father was my saver, but now all of them are grown up and have their own kids my father toke their side and wants my yo forgive them to make peace for the sake of children. I am not going to sacrifice my dignity so their kids won’t have the luxury of screaming at their aunt. Now I hate my father too. I hope you stop talking to the rest of your family too. They are just weighting you down. I can’t imagine being disrespectful at the age of 60. Please don’t talk to these people ever again. You will gain so much. Surround yourself with genuine friends. In clubs, libraries, wellness spaces, coffee shops, and many more places where you can find a good soul. Sending you love.
01:07 🛑 Stop playing by narcissistic rules, such as retaliation or mean-spirited responses; instead, focus on developing personal rules. 02:18 🧩 Self-differentiation involves asserting your own needs and boundaries despite family pressures, counteracting narcissistic influence. 05:04 🔄 Shift from focusing on others to focusing on yourself to avoid codependency and enhance your well-being. 06:21 🚧 Building inner boundaries helps with healthy detachment, which is essential for maintaining intimacy and avoiding enmeshment. 07:16 🚫 Resist manipulations and toxic behavior by setting both external and internal boundaries to protect yourself from abuse. 08:53 🧘♂ Calmness is crucial for dealing with narcissists; staying calm helps reduce reactivity and maintain clarity in challenging situations.
Rule#1: Don't reciprocate the behavior, reciprocate the foundation. Narcissists look out for themselves, Don't care for you and never will. Solution: look out for yourself, don't care for them now or in the future. Their biggest insecurity is seeing you secure, happy and prospering. Why would you want someone around that feels that way about you?
In my experience, the two things that would induce the biggest tantrums were based in going against the demand for submission to a kind of shared monomorphic group identity by having separate thoughts, preferences and relationships; and refusing to be drawn into a reaction. Justified self-defence with these people is a trap into which they are constantly trying to draw you - it only feeds into their belief that they are your overlord and judge.
I've watched almost every video on this channel. This is the one that encapsulates everything perfectly. I think I'm going to watch this five more times today. 👏🏼🙏🏼
Once we know what to look for, it's impossibke to not see it. Mine are not too bright and Never were. Once I educated myself on what was going on, it was Easy to outsmart them.
I wish I could see my parent through their coworkers and friends eyes, not as their child. And I wonder when my parents got together how were they seen by others.
You will be able to once you aren't emotionally attached to them or want them to love & care for you. Listen to guided meditations on healing the inner child wherein you can see your experiences from the 3rd person. Distance and detachment are the products of healing. Believe you will get there.
Jerry, you videos have helped. I cannot handle the abuse anymore, but you help clarify and validate. I need help. I have very little money. I need to get myself out of this situation, but my mental health starts to deteriorate and I lose employment. Then I'm reminded of my self worth by my mother of origin.
7:40 This is so true. Now that we know whats happening, there is a chance for much better days. ❤️ I tell everyone I can about you in support groups. We all feel so heard. Thank you Jerry ❤💕🕊️
Thank you, Jerry, for this!❤ I realized that I wasn't aware when I was being abused and manipulated by people all across the board. I had zero boundaries! I discovered that I was truly codependent, a huge people pleaser and knew what everyone else needed by just glancing in their direction. I had no clue what I needed. There is still work to be done, but I have come a long way in a short period of time. Thank you so much for teaching us these truths!!❤
The narcissistic father of mine calls me the narcissists for calling out his blatant hypocrisy and gaslighting plus his double standards. My father and his flying monkeys stalk me online for speaking out damn shame!
Wait til narcissism-youtube video creators, start deleting your comments because you call out their narcissism or other commenters narcissism. It’s all about who can manipulate and turn the tables the best in our society, very unfortunate. But I can relate to your comment…
Jerry, I have heard much advice on the use of "calm" while in the presence of a narcissist or their rage. Growing up when in the fits of (my fathers ) his rage, if I was too calm it enraged his anger. Almost as if it made things worse. All I knew to do was to shut down. That wasnt enough. It was like he wanted me to fight with him, and I was bullied for remainging passive?.?.? Much of what I remember of his rage, I can still actually feel it. My body remembers it. Eerily it is very easy for me to recall. I am grateful to be away from the misery. They have two giant schnauzers (female bit me twice, and it was laughed off) they can treat like 2nd class. Any help is great Jerry! Thank you!
I have found that deeply understanding narcissism disarms them in our interactions. Another way to put it is "coca cola". In spite of all their braggadociousness and theatrics, they are not the winners!!
I love your channel, Jerry. I share your videos all the time on my Facebook page for my friends who are narcissistic abuse survivors. Great information! 🙏🏻
Jerry you truly ought to have a service where you come in and lay it all out for the narcissist and tell them how it is, I’d be the first to buy, that’s one of my biggest issues with the one I deal with because they not only don’t want to hear it to begin with, but because I’m still their child no matter my age or life experience- they will not listen to me. They won’t hear anything out if it’s coming from me. So in a perfect world I would love it if you did house calls for that purpose. Just have you come in with a whole presentation for them and let you work your magic and wisdom 😅
How to outsmart narcissist parents? Leave them behind in the dust! You didn't ask to be born to them. It was the bad luck of a draw. Vote with your feet!! 😊🎉
Another amazing video explaining so clearly so easy what is co-dependence!!! Thank you so much dear Mr. Jerry Wise!!! God bless you so you may keeping doing this great job!!!
Yah. You def got to beat the pressure cooker situations they create. I found that once you ride out that initial pressure point moment (anger, sadness, pressure to hurry or do what they want, panic, fear, intimidation, threats, holding a boundary, etc), it calms down. I found the initial moment of impact to be the hardest part. It used to be like a vortex pulling me in like some super suction vacuum. So I had to learn to hold on very tightly to “resist the pull.” But yah. It did get easier the more I did it. Or I guess I got stronger (like muscle building I guess). At first I was holding on for dear life tho. But just like a pressure cooker ya know. At first it just blows out so hot and hard, but once that’s over it finally runs out of steam.
I think these tools are good for awareness of the situation you're in with a narcissistic parent or parents, as well as self-preservation, and are the first steps to outsmarting a narcissist because one has become aware of the situation they are in and how to navigate around/through it. The next steps are the ones that would be used to outsmart the narcissistic parent which are not mentioned in this video.
Stay away from her, don't pay attention.. Ignore..save ur finances...Get away farrrrrr away from her... Block her and all toxic people from ur life.. Tc Gud luck❤
My parents tried to tear my down at my only child's funeral. My father tried to get me upset at the funeral, and my son was only 4 years old. I shouldn't even call him father because a true father never ceases being a father. He tried to start some drama about making sure I picked the songs my mom wanted, and the real kicker is that he and my "mom" weren't even willing to care for our disabled son when he was here, and actually dropped him on the floor which caused more health issues, possibly triggering his epilepsy which later led to him passing away. They basically ruined my life and now I am waiting for the day that God has vengeance on them. They just continued their lives like nothing happened and never apologized for any of the heinous acts, while they left a trail of death and destruction behind them, all while claiming to be Christians when they are so far from it. They would go crazy if I ever told anyone any of the stories about the stuff they did, and would always call me a liar when I was telling the truth. Now they turned all relatives against me somehow and my wife and I moved to another state, and although they still stalk us, we don't respond to their letters.
I’m so sorry, that must be so tough. When I lost my daughter all my mom could talk about is how heat broken SHE was to lose HER granddaughter. And of course then I started feeling guilty bc she was upset. They always have to make everything about them. I’m sure you were a wonderful mother to him and he knows you cared.
I’m so sorry, that must be so tough. When I lost my daughter all my mom could talk about is how heart broken SHE was to lose HER granddaughter. And of course then I started feeling guilty bc she was upset. They always have to make everything about them. I’m sure you were a wonderful mother to him and he knows you cared.
Not sure if this counts as outsmarting them or not. For context, my country strictly defines domestic abuse as abuse that occurs ONLY between romantic partners, family and friends of the family do not count, this has severely restricted my access to help and support. Due to this I reached a very low point where I lost the fear, of repercussions, of punishments, of exclusion. I started the long process of teaching myself how to communicate and manage narcissists through this channel and others, I taught myself how to regulate and remain focused, I learned the narcissists prayer and set about getting answers and establishing boundaries. it's been one step forward and three steps back on many occasions, but over the last 3 to 4 years progress has been made, negotiating more reasonable boundaries, challenging and overcoming the status quo, gaining confidence and starting to make plans. There's a long way to go and there are things that will live rent free in my head forever, but progress is being made and fingers crossed, by the end of the year I will be free and clear of the environment and can finally start working on myself.
This is more in the realm of self-differentiation in relationships, but the book is called passionate marriage by David Schnarke or something like that, but it was a really really good book really helpful
Dr Lindsay Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. In addition to that, other workbooks by dr Lindsay, related to the same topic (choose the one suitable for you). Last but not least, always from dr Lindsay Gibson, Who you were meant To Be
So what do you do when your mother and sister shove SPYWARE into your phones apparently for years and use anything in your own life against you then make the entire family believe your the crazy one?
why do they have access to your phone? don't worry with family as it's a tatic they will use against you. IF a family member believe 100% in only one side them you don't deserve them at all as a true person will see the small details . get your phone only for you to use or don't use it or fake stuff them they will be happy .
Your advantage is always awareness, whereas they go about life pretty unconscious, driven by their own scripts. It’s like they are constantly farting and not even aware they do.
Don't react to them and never talk about your personal life they will ruin it for you, stay secretive it drives them crazy, so they make accusations and lie about your behavior
Life it just a testing that will taking you between heaven or hell after this life and you just have one way ticket to bring yourself to heaven not hell on eternal life..i just remind you all that end of time is near prepared with do charity to your goodness in eternal life ...
Hang in there, he'll mature, mine actually put himself in the physch ward to get out of exams, big mess, had to get lawyers, he's amazing now as is his fiancee, let it run its course, he's yours to manage, their personalities change drastically, mine gave me a mother's day card which read "Sorry I was such a stinker" with a skunk's pic, he's even a licensed nurse, hang in there, it's your job to!
Narcissistic adult children also exist in many families. I have videos about narcissistic adult children here ruclips.net/p/PLoYQTW09i3W2h_KxM4gbfw979-2vnvCBF&si=DX2Jb9KVSMZ1xE9w
The unfortunate reality is that sometimes we HAVE to know how to pull their strings when necessary due to not being able to avoid them in a workplace &/or public setting for example.It's absolutely best to avoid them as much as possible but we need to also know how to protect ourselves during any unavoidable interactions as well & there's nothing narcissistic about knowing how to protect ourselves or work around these screwballs 🌞👍🏻👍🏻.
Malware is correct. Not to mention if you were born into the situation, you don’t have a choice. The original comment and the second comment by “turn2god” are self-righteous and narcissistic, ironically. 100% virtue signaling. And don’t get me started on people who invoke God and take religious statements out of context to make themselves look better. To make themselves “look “moral”. To make themselves “look” more superior. That is what narcissism is. Total lack of legitimate empathy.
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
How do you do such if you are somewhat financially dependent on them?
"In abusive relationships, feelings are not the best thing to have" I really needed to hear this, thank you, Jerry.
His last name is wise for a REASON!
I agreer
No matter how much the wind blows, the mountain shall not bow.
Calmness is strength, remaining calm in the face of conflict is how one's courage is steeled. It really is powerful to keep level headed under duress.
I mourn for how I bent to other personalities over being used to it. Some of us need a lifetime to find genuine lives.
Better late than never.
Amen to that❤@@tspencer661
@@tspencer661 Well, that depends. At 66, I don't know if I am finally relieved from the madness or mad that I never had relief till now. I cannot get back the decades I lost.
@@athena3865 I can’t get my time back either. I was 43 when I discovered that my mom and my (ex) husband are/were verbally abusive. I can’t get those years back. They’re gone.
I can look forward to my future. I can live my life on my terms today, tomorrow, and the next day.
I’m not trying to be a “Pollyanna”, but my future looks bright. I know my life would look different under different circumstances, but I have to accept my life as it is. Dwelling in the past can’t help me.
If you no longer have to deal with controlling people, please consider yourself lucky. There are people who are older than you who are still dealing with controlling parents.
I consider myself lucky because I no longer have to put up with much craziness. My ex husband is basically out of my life. My mom is a small part of my life.
I use my experience to help others. I make a monthly donation to a local DV shelter. I give advice to younger people who are dealing with what I had to deal with.
If you haven’t healed, there is nothing wrong with going to therapy. Therapy helped me immensely.
@@athena3865 same boat my dear. yes the feeling of loss is hard but IF there's good in here is that you know lot's of things now and can enjoy the rest of your life being yourself and doing what you like. very sad for the lost decades. Me too.
This man is a pro.
I like that you are giving us permission to reject their behavior.. I am so used to having acceptance pushed down my throat..
I found that seeing both malignant parents clearly has been extremely helpful. They trapped themselves and each other in a loveless, lifeless marriage in which they came to thoroughly HATE each other, all while putting on the false front of having a 'happy' marriage. Realizing that helped give me clarity and further insights into what worthless, arrogant fools they were.
@@WWZenaDo my parents both resent one another and it’s been that way as long as I can remember. But they love to put on the show in front of others, which is even more sickening.
Living at home makes this so hard but I've learned to just ignore her. It's even worse when you have a sibling that leaves and choses to not help or assist in ANY way but instead joins in. I keep my life completely separate (from everyone, that includes flying monkeys), what I'm thinking, planning...dreams and goals - share none of it. These people are sick and don't want to get any help but want you to live in misery with them.
They'll absolutely sabotage you in various ways both obvious & subtle... That's exactly why we always warn folks about not telling any plans to these nasty wack-jobs.
I have 16 months left until I can transfer to my state college and move out. I'm living under my sick mother's roof until I get my associate's degree and then transfer to university. You're not alone
@@Harveyspecter227Gud for u❤.. I wish and pray, I get out soon, staying with my narc parents is insane😢.. Yesterday itself was underattack from my Dads narc rage.. Just coz I said something he didn't like, threaten me to leave d house! (Which is his go to dialogue in every argument).. I just wish wish I plan my exit strategy and execute it
My mom was so desperate to get a reaction from me that she tried to drag my 15 year old son into our issues and that was the last straw (this is after being no contact with her for a year)… she tried everything and used everyone she could to get to me and then went so low to use my son. This has now been a year ago, and I have chosen to stay calm, not react, and remain in peace. The best decision I have made.
Zero fuel added to their fire.
@@HeartFeltGesture 100 thumbs up 👍
My narc mother has done exactly the same.
Calmness, or self-control perhaps it also could be called, is a great feeling and it gives such victory over their attacks and pleas for attention and opportunities to abuse.
@@trumpeterswan4177 so very true. they want to make it a never ending game, but once we give no reaction they start to fade away a little…
You also need to give yourself time to perfect this. I make mistakes like telling my Mom too much info, or feeding into her toxic crap. If you've been programed all your life, like me, try it as a practice, and give yourself time to perfect it. NO WORRIES, YOU WILL!❤
Thanks. I do the same thing. I have to give myself some grace and remember it takes time
I'm bouncing back more quickly each time.
Oh I struggle with this one. I used to tell her everything!!! And it always made me feel worse and even now that I know all that I know I still catch myself wanting to tell her stuff. Pineal breathing exercises are really great for reprogramming the mind back to "factory" settings. ❤
more you say more they will have to boycott you, use against you and make all your little dreams to sink. Do not go DEEP with them. they will never remember or care what goes on with you. If they do it's to use you for something. go talk to a frog instead or a bird
I went no- contact but didn’t do enough work on myself. Then I started having some contact with family and realized I had not worked enough on my codependent behavior. Working on that now though!
Be sane in spite of, it's your best strategy.... As the yrs roll on you'll be less blinded, they'll become transparent, it's not pretty and they won't be maturing much!
You can dislike some thing and feel calm, but can you feel enraged and remain calm
I have nil to no contact with my narcissistic dad; it is helping! I take care of me, not worry about him. I separate myself from his dysfunction! I am healing!
Gud for u❤
Best way to ultimately outsmart/win the game is to refuse to play ie go no contact. Not always possible in all scenarios but I recommend it whenever possible
I wish it was as easy as just going no contact. Every time I cut off my parents, I have cps at my door. No joke, my adopted mom has called them 6 times on me so far. All either closed at screening or investigated and documented as unfounded. Sometimes the psychological abuse continues even after going no contact 😢
This guy seems really wise
😂 your img = Max Headroom + MIB + Eminem 🤘
pun intended....
He is 🦉👍🏻👍🏻.He actually kinda reminds me of the wise owl when I was a young child playing Zelda Ocarina of Time & Zelda Majora's Mask🤗.His advice truly is priceless.
@@b8akaratn
yesss 😅😅😅
Indeed very wise
I wasn t aware of how I was abused. Thank you for your help.
Calmness is my forte.
Me to, now i am double aware.
Awareness is the first step.
Protecting yourself is the second.
When you're upset don't cry. Get away into nature for example (something people don't generally do), and talk to yourself. Talk your way through it rather than letting your normal self rule. Try it.
Every time they, mother and sister, call the police on themselves, I get a copy of the police report and send it out to friends and family. Guess what? They don’t call the police anymore as a weapon. Best option, no contact. They will destroy themselves.
😂
Jerry, thank you for this. Unfortunately my mom passed away several years ago and we never had the chance to understand or have a healthy relationship. I am the oldest of five and the scapegoat as well or I should say was the scapegoat. I've been self educating since her passing, and now have a much clearer understanding of my family's dynamics. My 4 siblings are now having to rethink their opinions about me. It's been about 2 years since I've become aware. My life is peaceful now, and I'm being respected. Except for one sister who scapegoated me to her husband to hide from her problems, all is going well. Thank you for helping to educate me. I'm truly not to be used as a reason for everyone's problems. I see that now. I'm 65.
Your mom passing away didn't change anything. You were never going to have that understanding. The conversation was never going to happen. The best thing is you understand the situation and you can move on properly rather than being stuck in her past.
@@tims9434is 100% correct. ❤
@@patriciahovencamp4034,
♥️
I am so sorry for you. You weren’t respected by your siblings even after reaching 60. Your mom is not the only terrible person in the family sorry but your siblings all are. Please don’t care about any of them. I am 27 I stopped talking to my sister for 3 years because she teaches her children to respect their uncles but she screams at me for telling them not to throw chips on the carpet and says I am abusive to them. I am their only aunt and I help her through everything. I been a mom to her because I know our mom was narcissistic who favoured sons. Children started to grow and pick up on me not being respected so they started disrespecting me too. That was my final straw. She denied, my mom denied, my brothers I stopped talking to them because the physical and emotionally abuse me. My father was my saver, but now all of them are grown up and have their own kids my father toke their side and wants my yo forgive them to make peace for the sake of children. I am not going to sacrifice my dignity so their kids won’t have the luxury of screaming at their aunt. Now I hate my father too. I hope you stop talking to the rest of your family too. They are just weighting you down. I can’t imagine being disrespectful at the age of 60. Please don’t talk to these people ever again. You will gain so much. Surround yourself with genuine friends. In clubs, libraries, wellness spaces, coffee shops, and many more places where you can find a good soul. Sending you love.
@houski4242564 same to me
But I went no contact and doing well now I only pick the phone of what's called father and talk sometimes
You are not alone
01:07 🛑 Stop playing by narcissistic rules, such as retaliation or mean-spirited responses; instead, focus on developing personal rules.
02:18 🧩 Self-differentiation involves asserting your own needs and boundaries despite family pressures, counteracting narcissistic influence.
05:04 🔄 Shift from focusing on others to focusing on yourself to avoid codependency and enhance your well-being.
06:21 🚧 Building inner boundaries helps with healthy detachment, which is essential for maintaining intimacy and avoiding enmeshment.
07:16 🚫 Resist manipulations and toxic behavior by setting both external and internal boundaries to protect yourself from abuse.
08:53 🧘♂ Calmness is crucial for dealing with narcissists; staying calm helps reduce reactivity and maintain clarity in challenging situations.
Rule#1:
Don't reciprocate the behavior, reciprocate the foundation.
Narcissists look out for themselves, Don't care for you and never will.
Solution: look out for yourself, don't care for them now or in the future.
Their biggest insecurity is seeing you secure, happy and prospering. Why would you want someone around that feels that way about you?
In my experience, the two things that would induce the biggest tantrums were based in going against the demand for submission to a kind of shared monomorphic group identity by having separate thoughts, preferences and relationships; and refusing to be drawn into a reaction. Justified self-defence with these people is a trap into which they are constantly trying to draw you - it only feeds into their belief that they are your overlord and judge.
I've watched almost every video on this channel. This is the one that encapsulates everything perfectly. I think I'm going to watch this five more times today. 👏🏼🙏🏼
Once we know what to look for, it's impossibke to not see it. Mine are not too bright and Never were. Once I educated myself on what was going on, it was Easy to outsmart them.
I wish I could see my parent through their coworkers and friends eyes, not as their child. And I wonder when my parents got together how were they seen by others.
You will be able to once you aren't emotionally attached to them or want them to love & care for you. Listen to guided meditations on healing the inner child wherein you can see your experiences from the 3rd person. Distance and detachment are the products of healing. Believe you will get there.
so true Jerry. Calmness is the way to go
Thank you for helping people 🧡
Jerry, you videos have helped. I cannot handle the abuse anymore, but you help clarify and validate. I need help. I have very little money. I need to get myself out of this situation, but my mental health starts to deteriorate and I lose employment. Then I'm reminded of my self worth by my mother of origin.
Can relate❤😢.. We can do this for ourselves..get to a better safer place, cut out all toxic people👍
7:40 This is so true. Now that we know whats happening, there is a chance for much better days. ❤️ I tell everyone I can about you in support groups. We all feel so heard. Thank you Jerry ❤💕🕊️
Thank you, Jerry, for this!❤
I realized that I wasn't aware when I was being abused and manipulated by people all across the board. I had zero boundaries! I discovered that I was truly codependent, a huge people pleaser and knew what everyone else needed by just glancing in their direction. I had no clue what I needed. There is still work to be done, but I have come a long way in a short period of time. Thank you so much for teaching us these truths!!❤
The narcissistic father of mine calls me the narcissists for calling out his blatant hypocrisy and gaslighting plus his double standards. My father and his flying monkeys stalk me online for speaking out damn shame!
Wait til narcissism-youtube video creators, start deleting your comments because you call out their narcissism or other commenters narcissism.
It’s all about who can manipulate and turn the tables the best in our society, very unfortunate. But I can relate to your comment…
@@BB-fo5mr Unfortunately I have already experienced this .
@@BB-fo5mr Already experienced this thanks !
Jerry, I have heard much advice on the use of "calm" while in the presence of a narcissist or their rage.
Growing up when in the fits of (my fathers ) his rage, if I was too calm it enraged his anger. Almost as if it made things worse. All I knew to do was to shut down. That wasnt enough. It was like he wanted me to fight with him, and I was bullied for remainging passive?.?.?
Much of what I remember of his rage, I can still actually feel it. My body remembers it. Eerily it is very easy for me to recall.
I am grateful to be away from the misery. They have two giant schnauzers (female bit me twice, and it was laughed off) they can treat like 2nd class.
Any help is great Jerry!
Thank you!
I have found that deeply understanding narcissism disarms them in our interactions. Another way to put it is "coca cola". In spite of all their braggadociousness and theatrics, they are not the winners!!
IT'S HARD WHEN YOU LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR THOUGH😂😂❤BUT YES, WHEN YOU REMAIN CALM? THEY CAN'T CALL YOU CRAZY OR, PROVE THEIR LIES.
I need to remain being cautious around my narcissistic mother. I am in therapy right now to discuss the deceptions she keeps using on me.
My way of outsmarting the baby Mama was to go no contact in 1986. In my case, it was the only option. Scapegoat speaking.
Staying out of their thoughts, feelings, and inner dialogues ❤ thank you for that
In my experience, you are right!!
Dr. Wise is truly wise
I love your channel, Jerry. I share your videos all the time on my Facebook page for my friends who are narcissistic abuse survivors. Great information! 🙏🏻
He has excellent knowledge and experience, self and by his people,being helped and coached
Mentioned mental health,very interesting as they've diagnosed it as that now "narcissitic personality disorder"
Jerry you truly ought to have a service where you come in and lay it all out for the narcissist and tell them how it is, I’d be the first to buy, that’s one of my biggest issues with the one I deal with because they not only don’t want to hear it to begin with, but because I’m still their child no matter my age or life experience- they will not listen to me. They won’t hear anything out if it’s coming from me. So in a perfect world I would love it if you did house calls for that purpose. Just have you come in with a whole presentation for them and let you work your magic and wisdom 😅
How to outsmart narcissist parents? Leave them behind in the dust! You didn't ask to be born to them. It was the bad luck of a draw. Vote with your feet!! 😊🎉
Just the video i needed. Thanks Jerry. I am working on self-differenciation.
Another amazing video explaining so clearly so easy what is co-dependence!!! Thank you so much dear Mr. Jerry Wise!!! God bless you so you may keeping doing this great job!!!
This video was so helpful. I really needed to hear this right now. I feel like the teacher showed up just when I was ready to learn. Calm is key...
Excellent, Jerry. I appreciate and am growing from your lessons. Thank you for sharing these. Eileen
Thank you this has been very helpful for me.
You're very welcome!
Jerry you know your stuff man!!
this was so powerful, resonates, much appreciated Jerry for your insights as always.
Yah. You def got to beat the pressure cooker situations they create. I found that once you ride out that initial pressure point moment (anger, sadness, pressure to hurry or do what they want, panic, fear, intimidation, threats, holding a boundary, etc), it calms down. I found the initial moment of impact to be the hardest part. It used to be like a vortex pulling me in like some super suction vacuum. So I had to learn to hold on very tightly to “resist the pull.” But yah. It did get easier the more I did it. Or I guess I got stronger (like muscle building I guess). At first I was holding on for dear life tho. But just like a pressure cooker ya know. At first it just blows out so hot and hard, but once that’s over it finally runs out of steam.
Thank you, Jerry. This was very helpful!!!
I think these tools are good for awareness of the situation you're in with a narcissistic parent or parents, as well as self-preservation, and are the first steps to outsmarting a narcissist because one has become aware of the situation they are in and how to navigate around/through it. The next steps are the ones that would be used to outsmart the narcissistic parent which are not mentioned in this video.
How do we stay out of the narc’s feelings, thoughts, inner dialogue, etc? That’s all my mom talks about!😩
Stay away from her, don't pay attention.. Ignore..save ur finances...Get away farrrrrr away from her... Block her and all toxic people from ur life.. Tc Gud luck❤
Grateful, thank you 😊 ❤
🎯🎯🎯 ALL!!! Especially NICELY nuanced, Jerry!!! ❣❣❣
My parents were the worst to me and my sisters but my sister are narcs also and kiss there ass now cause they want the money
My parents tried to tear my down at my only child's funeral. My father tried to get me upset at the funeral, and my son was only 4 years old. I shouldn't even call him father because a true father never ceases being a father. He tried to start some drama about making sure I picked the songs my mom wanted, and the real kicker is that he and my "mom" weren't even willing to care for our disabled son when he was here, and actually dropped him on the floor which caused more health issues, possibly triggering his epilepsy which later led to him passing away. They basically ruined my life and now I am waiting for the day that God has vengeance on them. They just continued their lives like nothing happened and never apologized for any of the heinous acts, while they left a trail of death and destruction behind them, all while claiming to be Christians when they are so far from it. They would go crazy if I ever told anyone any of the stories about the stuff they did, and would always call me a liar when I was telling the truth. Now they turned all relatives against me somehow and my wife and I moved to another state, and although they still stalk us, we don't respond to their letters.
@@jiayouchinese, 😭😭😭
I’m so sorry, that must be so tough. When I lost my daughter all my mom could talk about is how heat broken SHE was to lose HER granddaughter. And of course then I started feeling guilty bc she was upset. They always have to make everything about them.
I’m sure you were a wonderful mother to him and he knows you cared.
I’m so sorry, that must be so tough. When I lost my daughter all my mom could talk about is how heart broken SHE was to lose HER granddaughter. And of course then I started feeling guilty bc she was upset. They always have to make everything about them.
I’m sure you were a wonderful mother to him and he knows you cared.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom🌟
Not sure if this counts as outsmarting them or not. For context, my country strictly defines domestic abuse as abuse that occurs ONLY between romantic partners, family and friends of the family do not count, this has severely restricted my access to help and support. Due to this I reached a very low point where I lost the fear, of repercussions, of punishments, of exclusion. I started the long process of teaching myself how to communicate and manage narcissists through this channel and others, I taught myself how to regulate and remain focused, I learned the narcissists prayer and set about getting answers and establishing boundaries. it's been one step forward and three steps back on many occasions, but over the last 3 to 4 years progress has been made, negotiating more reasonable boundaries, challenging and overcoming the status quo, gaining confidence and starting to make plans. There's a long way to go and there are things that will live rent free in my head forever, but progress is being made and fingers crossed, by the end of the year I will be free and clear of the environment and can finally start working on myself.
good luck my friend. I believe you are in the right path. wishing you a life of happiness far from what makes you sick.
Thank you for focusing on this topic. 🙏🏼
All so true, thank you 🎉🎉🎉
Thanks Jerry. Very helpful, as always ❤
10:17 🎯🎯🎯
Thank you
Do you have any suggestions for books on self differentiation?
Here is my book recommendation list
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/book-list
Thank you very much @@jerrywise
This is more in the realm of self-differentiation in relationships, but the book is called passionate marriage by David Schnarke or something like that, but it was a really really good book really helpful
@@eeayquetting5963 thank you
Dr Lindsay Gibson,
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
In addition to that, other workbooks by dr Lindsay,
related to the same topic
(choose the one suitable for you).
Last but not least,
always from dr Lindsay Gibson, Who you were meant To Be
So what do you do when your mother and sister shove SPYWARE into your phones apparently for years and use anything in your own life against you then make the entire family believe your the crazy one?
why do they have access to your phone? don't worry with family as it's a tatic they will use against you. IF a family member believe 100% in only one side them you don't deserve them at all as a true person will see the small details . get your phone only for you to use or don't use it or fake stuff them they will be happy .
So accurate!
Thank you ❤
Hello Jerry,
Could you talk about the "Righteous" narcissistic type?
It's very confusing to spot those and it even feels that I'm being unfair.
Thank you so much
Your advantage is always awareness, whereas they go about life pretty unconscious, driven by their own scripts. It’s like they are constantly farting and not even aware they do.
Don't react to them and never talk about your personal life they will ruin it for you, stay secretive it drives them crazy, so they make accusations and lie about your behavior
Life it just a testing that will taking you between heaven or hell after this life and you just have one way ticket to bring yourself to heaven not hell on eternal life..i just remind you all that end of time is near prepared with do charity to your goodness in eternal life ...
Please please, I would appreciate it if you could talk about being adopted by religious narcissistic family!
In the upcoming months, I will be publishing a video about religious narcissistic families
@@jerrywise I didn’t expect immediate response thank you thank you you’re a lifesaver!!
as mentioned, here is the video :)
ruclips.net/video/bLQ_IFoLNJQ/видео.htmlsi=fR8gFbx1np4X4DhP
❤️😊❤️
😁❤️
😌👍
this is my son all he does is yell
Hang in there, he'll mature, mine actually put himself in the physch ward to get out of exams, big mess, had to get lawyers, he's amazing now as is his fiancee, let it run its course, he's yours to manage, their personalities change drastically, mine gave me a mother's day card which read "Sorry I was such a stinker" with a skunk's pic, he's even a licensed nurse, hang in there, it's your job to!
@@joseenoel8093 thank you so much i just let him yell
I would like to know if adult children can be narcissistic with their parents, or does narcissism only operate in one direction?
Narcissistic adult children also exist in many families. I have videos about narcissistic adult children here
ruclips.net/p/PLoYQTW09i3W2h_KxM4gbfw979-2vnvCBF&si=DX2Jb9KVSMZ1xE9w
Thats the most childish thing I've ever heard
Trying to outsmart other people seems really narcissistic.
Just walk away and put your attention where it belongs on yourself and your own life
Be wise as a serpent but gentle as a dove. In other words rise above the mudslinging and don't be like the narcissists.
The unfortunate reality is that sometimes we HAVE to know how to pull their strings when necessary due to not being able to avoid them in a workplace &/or public setting for example.It's absolutely best to avoid them as much as possible but we need to also know how to protect ourselves during any unavoidable interactions as well & there's nothing narcissistic about knowing how to protect ourselves or work around these screwballs 🌞👍🏻👍🏻.
Malware is correct. Not to mention if you were born into the situation, you don’t have a choice.
The original comment and the second comment by “turn2god” are self-righteous and narcissistic, ironically. 100% virtue signaling. And don’t get me started on people who invoke God and take religious statements out of context to make themselves look better. To make themselves “look “moral”. To make themselves “look” more superior. That is what narcissism is. Total lack of legitimate empathy.
18th Comment
Thank you for brilliant observations and advice.