I'm a new widow at just 66. My son moved back from another state to stay with me. I was so freaked out to be alone and asked him to stay one year, and he agreed. He was able to work remotely so he didn't have to sacrifice his job. Now that I'm feeling much more secure and have gotten a handle on doing all the things my husband did, I feel like I can manage by my self. My son is a wonderful person and I don't see him ever moving far from me. I am so blessed and grateful to have a caring son.
Whoever is reading this, I wish you endless happiness, unwavering peace, boundless prosperity, perfect health, and countless blessings from above. May your life be filled with joy and your heart with contentment.
Its a blessing to live with your children in your old age My late dad may God rest his soul in peace, stayed with us in each siblings house till he passed away By the grace of God he was treated like a king in our homes
I don’t really agree with this video but I also think that you are only thinking about the parents being healthy and independent. When the parents are older they need to be closer to their children so that their children don’t have to drive miles and miles to help them out. Families should be helping each other out all through their life. Other countries besides America live close together and are happy. I think we Americans have become very selfish and self-centered.
Parents chose to have children, children don't sign up to a lifetime of slavery. I am elderly and take care of myself. And if I find that I can no longer do so, I saved money so I can hire someone to help .The other countries that you mention with extended families are not happy ones- which is why millions leave those third world hell holes
Exactly. What is wrong with adult children today. U take care of your aging parents when needed. This does not compute with me at age 67 to not aid my parents. Not speaking about young parents who won’t work but aging parents.
@@paulastafford1642 Glad to read your comment pointing out that it is infringement on your children is what is selfish. There is a sad sense of entitlement when parents think " Well, I took care of them when they were babies, so now I will be the baby". And there are even ads on GoFundMe when someone dies without funds for a funeral. A lifetime of irresponsibility. I am a senior with a limited income but would rather do without than infringe on others. And it is usually the daughter who is the servant in these irresponsible cases.
My husband and I decided to move closer to our one daughter and family because I am disabled and wanted a loved one close by. I feel it’s important to also respect one another’s space. We also never give advice unless asked, and we don’t go over to my daughter’s place unless asked.
I live down the streets from my only child, I have my own friends and social activities and I enjoy our time together, however I know my boundaries and I do my best not to cross them.🙏
I am so glad my parents moved to our home when they could not manage their home by themselves. It was so pleasant how the grand parents and the kids gained both ways by living in the same house. I did not want them to end up in care homes in their last stages. My husband too was a great help. We live in Sri Lanka and we have ample help to assist us. My father died in our home at 98 years and my mother too died in our home when she was 90 years. I think we were blessed to be able to look after my parents and I will not for a moment regret our decision to get them to come live with us in their old age.
This is such a change, difficult to explain. I moved with them, after 3 years things changed. Everyone grew up took jobs all over the world and I was all alone. It is a beautiful thing but be prepared when life changes.❤❤❤❤❤
Good things to think about. Every life is different, so your decisions will be different than others. I took my mother into my house when she was 68, but we agreed that she would be responsible for finding friends and living her own life. That worked out well and my daughter got the chance to grow up knowing her grandmother. Everything wasn't smooth, but wasn't difficult either. I was able to live my life independently, my mother found her group of friends, and my daughter grew up wonderfully. Taking care of my mother, however, became an ordeal as she got into her late nineties. I moved her into senior living and spent several days a week checking on her and helping her. Taking care of a parent when their physical and mental abilities have eroded is not something that most of us are trained for. My daughter is now 36 and wants me to live closer. She and I have always had a great relationship and we are now six hours apart, so we would both like to see each other more. I have always been independent and am very active at 75, but I also know that I may not be in another 25 years. There is no perfect answer, but we each must do what we think best for ourselves and our loved ones.
You are a woman who thinks like me! I wish I could offer my home to my mother but she would struggle to give us our space and I don’t want to have hard feelings.
@GlennJackson-d8e I think you are so right! There is no perfect answer I'm sure, no matter what we decide. And, everyone's situation is way different. So, it is important to figure out (listen well to our own inner voice) what we feel is the best solution that can be best for ourselves as the parents, and also consider how that will affect them too . Thank you, I received a few 'ah- ha's in your comment. 🙂
My parents are both in their 90's and living at home with mobility issues and Alzeheimers.disease. Thank God my sister only lives 3 miles from their home and that my other sister and I only live about 30 minutes away. We have to alternate days of staying with them all day and night and it is physically and mentally exhausting to be a caretaker. There are only so many years that they are "independent" and once things start declining, then they are not so "Independent". So I vote to have your parents within a short driving distance so that you can give care to them in their older years. If only 1 of us lived close to them, we could not handle it. And as it is right now, we have in-home caregivers there on a somewhat daily basis. So I'm not sure what age group this video is for or assumes that older parents are. But one thing I have to say is that things can change drastically in their condition and very quickly. We will never, ever be living far away from them. I watched my grandparents who lived 4 hours from us have to live in a nursing home in the last years of their life and they were horribly lonely. So the alternative of them living far way, can be just devasting. So I do NOT agree with this video at all.
How horrible. I was brought up in a large family & we all take care of each other. I see caring for an aging parent as one of my responsibilities & it’s just normal to me. There are boundaries for everyone but if there is a need I will always be there.
My mum stays with us. My husband and children love's having her around. My grandchild became very close to my mum. My mum loves gardening, so that is all she does is gardening. My mum is happy and free.
Now I realized living alone is good! I don’t mind if they want to take care of me or not in my old age. I always loved them, so I don’t want to interfere their peaceful living. I prayed that I may not disturb them that much and I will accept whatever situation comes my way.
After living my entire life in grey darkness of London and Seattle I retired and moved to Mexico...320 days of glorious sun/ yr. I go home for a week each year and my kids/friends visit me here. Keep yourself healthy...Life is good.
Glad you have a great life! Not everyone is so fortunate, as we aged, unexpected things happen to us that’s not in our control as far as health! A heart attack or a fall could happen to all of us and over night you could be a burden to someone, to your family or a facility! We’ll never know! 😢
I was a single mom with little relief from child-rearing. Now, with my kids grown and out of the house, I can't get enough alone time. I'm happy to see people for short periods of time but I am Greta Garbo: I want to be alone. I left my kids on the West Coast and moved to Kansas when Covid hit. Best thing I ever did. Thanks for backing me up.
We in the Caribbean have always lived close to our families. I live close with and close to, and I live my own life. We look out for each other when the need arises. I am a very independent person!
We have shifted next to the son in Bangalore at advanced age. I have independent, very large pension and other income and full medical insurance, which ensures freedom from financial issues. We meet for about 20-30 minutes a day and lunch together on Sundays. We never interfere or advise them on any matters. We have different friends and hobbies. But they are always available for medical emergencies. So living nearby is a blessing if you do not tender advices and suggestions and if you are financially independent
I never regretted caring for my mother she had it hard and it did take its toll. It’s the least a child can do helping when they most need it. I think the American Indians high regard for their elders is compassionate. Even the wolves look out for the older wolves you and look this up it’s the truth.
To everyone listening to this, may you find health, peace, and good fortune in all that you do. This video really made me think deeply. Sometimes, we believe that being close to our children in old age is the best solution, but it's important to consider our own independence and personal happiness too. It’s not about distancing ourselves, but finding balance. Wishing everyone here the wisdom to make the best choices for themselves and their families
This message is heaven sent for me! I won't go into the long story as to why I am where I am. That being said, I have experienced most of this and blessedly am healthy enough to make a change! Thank you for all this information!
I agree. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the tension was, and why it was worsening. Much clarity in this as to the possible causes. Covid lockdowns within months of my cross country move ripped away all of the activities I had enjoyed and that kept me healthy. Everything In my life gone for those solitary lockdown years. This vid gave me the green light to make a move away from an area where I've never found a fit without blame on either side.
I picked very valuable insights from this video. Putting words to what has been my struggles. In my case I’m living with the parent in my home… in some cases they don’t stop parenting, wanting to control, behaving like they are running their own home etc. I have wondered if I’m the one with the problem. This has really helped me… it can be tough for both… the parent and the child. I needed this. Key points I have learnt: 1. If you do decide to either live with or live close by… it may not be easy… be clear about expectations and boundaries 2. Indeed parents may be at the stage where they need constant care and living with you or close to you may be inevitable… just don’t do it blindly understand the challenges, prepare for them so that you both can be happy. 3. If it’s possible (medical condition) to create the space… do it… I see how one parent is happier living alone and independently and another one who is not so happy but living with children - proximity can really strain relationships!
Clearly written by the young. You;ll notice that the baddie in all this video is the parents. In fact in every country where the parents live close, and are a part of their children's and grandchildren lives , are the happiest countries .. rather be any kind of burden the older parents will often do a lot for their working children, cleaning their homes for free.. and take children to school, and be free baby sitters..
I appreciate your perspective! The video focuses on finding a balance, not placing blame. In some cases, distance can foster healthier relationships, but family dynamics differ across cultures.
@@celticdollface countries where extended families are the norm are usually places millions flee from and the burden of caregiving often enslaved the daughters. I am 71 and planned my life to support myself including if I need to get home care. I think older people who feel entitled to by cared for by their children are irresponsible. As are the low down family members who beg on the Internet for money to cover their father's funeral. This is a good video. It might upset those who live in the pasi
I absolutely agree with this video. I know my mother-in-law is living long life because she’s enjoying her money and she has nothing to take care of except her and she does things she wanted to do she’s 87 but looks like a 50 year old.
I gave up a lot to move closer to my 3 adult kids. 2 of them moved far away. theres an old indian saying......never live so close to your kids that you can see the smoke from their chimneys.
Children should be there for parents that were their for them and made many sacrifices. Family Is More Important than the bs 💯 Dreams being Sold to all of Us!
I live a long way from my daughter and have thought about moving closer to her but I get the feeling I still wouldn't see her because i think she doesn't want me in her life. It is hard to know what to do.
All normal mentally healthy individuals want space and freedom to be them. No one wants to be under the eye of their patents their entire life. You don't bring children in the world with a job, that job being to make you happy. They're human beings, not inanimate object.
Yes, having children is overrated in my case. Hardly hear from them but once a year maybe at Christmas a couple of lines by text! All I have is myself and my health in this life for however long I shall never know. 😢
Divorced and with my kids in their 30's plus having the ability to have an income through occasional online sales and Social Security, I moved from my home state of over 60 years and haven't looked back. They have their careers, children and social networks and I'm happy to stay out of the way. I have a nice apartment in a rural area on the coast and enjoy a much more moderate climate and have no shortage of activities to keep me busy. My independence is less stressful, more satisfying and helps keep me active and involved in my community. Frankly, I think that constant interaction with my adult children and their families would get ugly fairly fast.
It’s great to hear that you’ve found a fulfilling balance! Your independence and active lifestyle seem to be key to your happiness, and it's awesome that you’ve embraced it.
@@54andBored Maybe your relationship with your adult kids is more interdependent than mine. I spent 20+ years raising them in a difficult arrangement with my ex-wife. Both kids eventually moved elsewhere in the state and our relationship diminished as they built their own adult lives. Unless you have serious health problems you may find yourself reconsidering where are you live as you grow older.
I agree to this video. You have experienced how busy and juggling life we had while raising our children? Times have changed. Life has become more demanding and stressful for our children. Even to raise one or two kids has become tougher. So Not to burden our children by living close. If one needs medical help call 911 If need grocery help there is delivery service or pick up stands where they bring groceries to you have ordered to your car, ready food Uber eats, DoorDash etc. many counties have free or little charge transportation. Many communities have field trip, parties and many activities for seniors m It’s better to be independent. Time to enjoy your time. Think about it. I believe in being independent and have raised my children to be independent from young age. It’s joy for Having freedom and being independent
I tried to get help for my mother while she was living in an apartment. She was very independent. She pushed help out of the door and would not let them in. She began locking herself out of her apartment and winter was approaching. She did not want to live with me. I had no choice. I could not quit my job. It would have put my retirement in jeopardy. She liked assisted living. The activities were fun for her and it helped with the isolation she was experiencing. Lewey Body dementia is awful. She eventually needed more care due to medical issues. I am glad that she got the care she needed.
Being independent & resilient is important…good advice. Makes me want to move very far away …It’s the sign of the times. The world has changed. I especially liked the woman who moved by the ocean….Thanks for the perspective!
I don't agree with this video's points. It speaks only about negative things. But what about having a healthy relationship with grand children, loving them, preparing them with the positive strokes & at the same time investing some quality time with your children too. Here understanding each-other with Heart is necessary. Afterall Heart is a play ground for the mind. All emotions you feel in the heart. Just take a step back, introspect yourself & go with the life. Afterall what you Sow, so you Reap. So , Sow Love & you will get Love. This is what I feel. 👍😌🙏🙏
Your parents have raised you and you also have a responsibility to look after them in their old age Most of us in India have parents living with the children when they are too old to live alone Parents can keep an eye on their parents and they in their turn keep an eye on the grandchildren
Yes it's filial piety which many so call modernist would pretend not to know because they are selfish.... just wait til they grow old themselves...they will be singing a different tune Inside but pretend to be happy living alone .
Our children are brought up with their grandparents with them.They help take care of & they see how we take care of the elderly. Thanks God 8 don’t have this problem. Though I am lucky with God’s grace I live alone with a very caring & stay-in care giver. All praise ,glory & thanksgiving to God.
At 81 I still live a very active life. God provides me too with a very loyal & caring stay-in caregiver. I still have my church ministry whose members are widows , divorcees.
This is good to watch to understand the potential unintended consequences of close proximity. Every relationship is different but it reinforces the need for frequent communication between all parties and boundaries. We live 45 minutes from our kids and are close enough to easily get together but not so close as to be in each other’s daily orbit. Our planned interactions are not taken for granted and appreciated by all.
I am elderly and am happy living far from my family. The distance gives me a built in excuse not to attend various events such as the second wedding of someone I really don't like anyway. As far as needing relatives to care for me in old age no- I would not infringe on anyone. If I find I need assistance, I have saved enough to hire help. It provides someone an income. And have insurance to cover that. It shocks me that people die and their children beg strangers to cover the cost of the funeral on gofundme. What did someone do all their life that they can't even afford to die? Come on people, live your life successfully! Every fart of the grandkids isn't that interesting!
You hit on something. They have nothing but retelling every "fart" of the grandchildren. Who just want them to die in order to get the money. And here on this site you will find people who brag that the way of backward cultures with extended families is the best way BUT they themselves want to live in America or Europe!
I am independent and am very sensitive to not ask too much, of my son. It is sad to see many of my friends who have not managed their previous life and rely on their kids for too much and very resented support. They feel so hurt about it, but they had too much "fun" and did not look to the future. Also, I fear that it is too easy to " use" older people for many services that seem to be expected, baby sitting and housework. Some offspring take what they can and the later see you as a burden. It is a very difficult situation if you have not given yourself the option to choose to live independently. Having choice is so important.
Humans need each other, whether young ones need parents or parents need young ones. It separates us from animals; prepare your family for their role in your later years.
At age 68, I would like to live with my daughter for five more years. Later I would like to be in an old age community where I can take help. I don’t like to be a burden to my daughter later. Someone will cook for me and I can be independent enough and not be overwhelmed. Liked watching the video. I am a loner and very selective about engaging with people. I like my independence and also like to help my grandson when I’m bored. This channel gave me another perspective.
Every family have their own values ,their own understanding and their own circumstances.Only time can tell how we shape our lives.We should be flexible ,accepting and pray and hope for the best.
This is a product of good research. Believe it or not, it's the truth. This is the situation in most families. If your old parents are not invalid, look for caregivers to stay with them in their home. I learnt a lot from this video. Thanks.
Better to be close to your kids and be a burden than live far away and be a burden.. I hated that my mom would not move into the house I owned next door during covid. I was forced to drive 125 miles each way multiple times a months to handle things. She could moved into an over 55 close to me, bought her own house close to me. It was selfish to force me well over 65 to be at her beck and call 125 miles away. The alternative would have been to let her be and unravel into whatever, 5 years sooner.
I’m sorry you went through that-it sounds incredibly tough. I agree, sometimes proximity can definitely make things easier, and it's hard when loved ones choose differently, especially during challenging times like COVID-19.
Same situation here. It's such a burden when they're so far away and you have to fly up and take care of things. Also, there is nothing more burdensome than an infant that does nothing but lay there. And when you have multiple of these it is a burden on your career and changes your whole life. And when they grow up, after you've spent hundreds of Thousand dollars on each of them, and given them everything you could, the least they can do is return the favor, don't feel guilty.
@margueritemullarkey1866. Covid lockdowns shortly after I had moved cross country made "getting my own life" difficult if not impossible. I'm still independent, healthy and active. However, I was forced into solitary confinement by our government during lockdowns. All I really needed was someone to provide dialog every 7-14 days from my son who has worked remotely for over a decade. I never considered that "a burden." This culture and this state have not recovered in the areas that I enjoyed before moving here. Time to escape the tension and find a place that works for me.
I am totally blessed to live near my kids! We all need to take care of each other and then their children will take care of them! It takes a village ….
No I disagree. Proximity is the problem. ALthough I do agree that people are different, with some being more capable at ignoring and supressing reality and paint things in pink light. That would not work for me. But to each his own.
One of the reasons parents live with their children is financial dependency. They cannot afford to live on their own. This video is absolutely right that it causes relationship distress but in most Asian families, the children have to take it as responsibility.
My mother was a widow for a pretty long time. She was a calm, mostly silent lady and lived the scriptures.She she was a good listener and helped around silently to the best of her understanding. If anybody was upset with her, she would look puzzled or just put her head down. It was an absolute joy for me to have her live with me. My children too loved her and she too played into their fun-even when they played a few pranks ! She had a sweet respectful relationship with my husband though they did not talk much with each other. She passed away at the age of 89. While I agree with everything you have stated in the video, I felt I had to express my own personal experience 🙏 I guess life is best expressed in its varied manifestations !
If you truly feel your kids have a high opinion of you than living close should go well. But if you sense they don’t have all that high opinion of you, than best you keep some distance
Don't have to worry. When my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease they disappeared - moved away. When he died they said ' sorry' and 'OK. It has been 4 years since he died and they have no desire to reconnect. When I grew up my grandmother we saw often. Same with my parents. Doesn't seem to be the same thinkin as in generations in the past.
But that’s what family does for each other, they help each other. Family never gets along all the time. Adult children work so even if you live close you need to live your own life. There is more pressure on adult children if they live far away from an aging parent. If the child was raised right they can handle an aging parent. The adult child will feel guilty living close or distant. I moved to Texas from NY when I retired. My daughter and her husband moved to my little town the same year I moved. lol. Now my oldest son his wife and grandson moved here two years ago. I tried to run but they got me. lol lol
I agree 💯 . Living independently always bring joy for both sides . Children has their own life , family, children , work to take care. Love them mean to give them the freedom to love their own life .
Hi Robert ..you comments on living alone is interesting and also amusing nonetheless i agree independence as we get older is necessary and there's lots do and explore and you don't have to check in with anyone
I appreciate this idea of being far from children 💯 Already I'm In a Senior homewith both genders. Going good, by minding our own business. It's our fundamental rights I believe.
Parents becoming a burden on their kids and their family will destroy their marriage. I’ve been down this road. My in-laws forced themselves on our marriage and our life as a family deteriorated. I began to hate them wish for their deaths. When they got Alzheimer’s disease my wife spend all of her non working time with her parents. When they finally passed on our marriage already suffered beyond repair. It was never the same. We’re still married but the marriage we once had before my in-laws meddling is gone.
This is a very poor report. It is so patronizing of older adults! In fact, adult children are quite capable of exploiting, disrespecting, and behaving badly toward their elderly parents. Where is the information about the many ways grandparents immeasurably enrich the lives of their grandchildren, and give needed assistance (including child care and chauffeuring) to young parents? This is hopelessly one-sided.
This is my take on this. It depends on how you where brought up. What kind of up bringing you had. It also depends on some parents, there is a limit on both sides.
This is 100% correct. It is so unfair and selfish to not allow your children to enjoy their lives because of your fears and loneliness. Life is too short. No child wants to be treated like a child until you die. Some parents out live their kids, so their kids never get a chance to be free of them. The resentment is very real. I pray all of us can stay healthy and happy and will not need to burden our children.
So true. I am 71 and have always planned to support myself. The idea that family members must care for other adults is something that is selfish and from the past..and the work usually falls on the daughter. it shows how low a family can go when a neighbor died after spending all his money on booze and his children opened a GoFundMe page to beg for money for his funeral.
My parents become like children can not help themselves sometimes and ask for help and care. Drive them away so funny for me it may depend on family background. And your able to help them or not I work at home so my time is free for them anytime
I found this video very interesting and true....I would never want to rely on my kids....I live far away from my girls and have a son near my place, but never see him.... it's a little sad , but I don't even ask him anything because I don't want to be a burden for him
This was so much appreciated! It had so much food for thought in it. And, I love that you said "could be a mistake" in your title since we all have such different situations, with a set of unique needs & wants and also, we've all been brought up with different beliefs in different cultures, so it sure needs a lot of weighing it all out. I loved reading so many of the great comments. 🥰It's nice to get different perspectives. I tried my best to read many. 🙂 I feel it's always important to take them all in, but in the end, do our best to get better at listening to our small inner voice that has all the right answers to those important decisions we need to make. Especially, when we're still fully able to do so--on our own. Thank you @Golden Years channel! I actually decided to place your video on my channel playlist ( Seasoned/Perennials & Later in life 60+) section as I'm cont. new video's, so that more viewers will see your video too, And, I will surely be checking out the rest of your channel~ 🙂~ 😍💫❤
I'm a widower and my grown children live about 2,000 miles from me. My youngest son will be getting married in a few months. I plan on moving to the city where he lives. When they start having children of their own, I would like to be around to enjoy my grandchild. I'm very independent and I'm not looking to be part of their everyday life. But I believe it would be good to live closer to them and have him check on me every now and then. The key thing to remember is that your children are adults and have a life of their own and you need have a life of your own.
As a daughter, it is a blessing to have my mom live with us now that she is aging. My father in law who passed a couple months ago also spent the last couple years of his life living with us. While there are many truths in your overview, I cannot agree with your overall position. Much thought and even counseling is necessary for this reverse situation when a parent lives with an adult child. Boundaries are very critical, the lack of boundaries or the breaking of same spells disaster. The first hurdle to cross is the desire to do this and the commitment and support of your spouse and children. Our parents made many sacrifices for us and now that they are less able, we should not see it as a burden but a duty and a blessing to help take care of them. Remember, we are now able but one day, if we don’t die we would likely find ourselves needing the help we are now able to give. The Bible says “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on earth “. Ephesians 6:2-3. I feel blessed to have this opportunity.
The key, is it’s nice to live close to your kids, but giving each other space is the key. Because it’s hard to make friends these days, moving into a retirement village gives you a chance to make friends and involve yourself with the activities that village has to offer. On the other side of the coin, there are people who dump their kids onto their parents as well. So you end up babysitting your grandkids.
We Asians like to be close together with our children. Doesn’t mean that you’re not independent. I disagree with this video. You need to know your boundaries of course.
@@kellygreen5556 So true! And there is nothing admirable about the third world extended family that consists of arranged marriages, honour killings and adults who don't support themselves but enslave others. No wonder millions flee it
As a new grandmother I live a few hours away from my daughter I think this will remain, I often find myself giving unsolicited advice, maybe mild criticism too 😳 I can’t help myself I feel such love and responsibility towards my new granddaughter and daughter. I’m learning to stay quiet but it’s hard so the distance will create a natural barrier our time together feels even more special.
I am happy to hear this video I been hardly thinking to move closer to my adult kids .I do not want to be burden to my kids. As I hear this video there is my answer.But I do miss them a lot.
No one is to blame for getting old. We all deserve to make choices in our lives, especially in retirement years. Unfortunately in the US if retirees are not financially set, is hell on earth. I’m 72 years old widow for the past four years with two adult sons living near by. I don’t depend on them and never will. I live in my own house until I am not able to - afterwards either nursing home or hospice. Meanwhile, my sons can do or go what pleases them. I don’t care. I have my life, they have theirs. I’m ok, they are ok. No hard feelings. I don’t own them, they don’t own me. And most importantly, no assets in their names, until my passing.
It all depends on each individual experience and hence we can't totally agree that it's true in all cases. I am retired and all my grown up children who are all working as professionals are all living with me. As a family we have a wonderful time together😊
We built a home reasonably close to our kids. My wife had MS for 26 years and I was her carer before she passed. We have an agreement with our kids that only visit when I have been invited. Sometimes it is several months and I don't see them. I have other help coming to my home that I pay for.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Glad you've found a thoughtful arrangement that respects boundaries while ensuring you have the support you need.
@@goldenyears101I really appreciate this podcast and thank you for presenting it for us...but isn't there an elephant in the room..? This man was his wife's (their mother's) caregiver for 26 years..!! Where is their appreciation of his doing this? Why would he not see them more than every several months ? Why is he not a bit more of a priority for them to be part of their family? 🤔
I live very near to my children. I work and have a busy life style. I do drop ,rearrange my schedule, and drive an hour round trip to pick up the Grandkids when they call .The grand kids are getting older and don't need a babysitter anymore. If I need something, anything, I get complete silence. I am now looking forward to moving back to my hometown. Here, I am completely isolated.
Living near your children leads to a more healthier life....the Quran says....lower your wing to your parents as they looked after you when you were young .. this is a blessing to the children....parents should not have to ask for help... children should ask what they can do to help.. but maintain one's independence......better that putting you in a retirement home.
👩🏽🦱 Some of it’s true. Not all of it. As a parent, I wanted to give my adult child advice to live a healthier lifestyle. However, my advice was only wanted for problems at work, and my advice helped every time. Also, my adult child asked me to move in. However, I said no because the adult child isn’t a good host. She’s too immature! 😁
@AmericanObserver-kq7ye. Thank you for mentioning immature children as I've not seen anyone else do so. That insight helps keep some balance on both sides instead of just putting so much on the parents.
Staying with parents is a blessing if your parents are able to let go of control or you are okay with them controlling the home. I stay off and on with my mother now that she is 90. She has five helpers who keep her occupied with home duties. She is on wheelchair most of the time but mentally very alert. My husband and I don’t interfere with the way she runs her home and adjust to her ways. This makes her happy and we are okay with that. We live with her over weekends and this works best of all of us. Some distance and some closeness is best.
My 84 year old dad recently had a stroke and then heart failure. My 80 year old mom was devastated and needed my help to take care of him and their household. I’ve lived nearby for decades. Unfortunately, after 3 months of assisting my parents, my dad is becoming resentful. He’s paralyzed from the stroke, but thinks he’s capable now that he is out of heart failure.
I guess, all the people are different and family dynamics are different, affected by many factors, which are changing with passing time. So I intend to have an alternative arrangement so that one can change a choice even if temporarily
I loved your video. I've been struggling with guilt just bc I live out of the city where as my kids live in the city>30 minutes away. . I don't want to suffer the way my grandmother did, living in the basement, cooking, cleaning, taking care of unappreciative brats that wore her down. She dedicated her whole life to her kids & family & died prematurely in her early 60's. I refuse to relive what she has lived..I choose to be independent in my retirement.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm a new widow at just 66. My son moved back from another state to stay with me. I was so freaked out to be alone and asked him to stay one year, and he agreed. He was able to work remotely so he didn't have to sacrifice his job. Now that I'm feeling much more secure and have gotten a handle on doing all the things my husband did, I feel like I can manage by my self. My son is a wonderful person and I don't see him ever moving far from me. I am so blessed and grateful to have a caring son.
Whoever is reading this, I wish you endless happiness, unwavering peace, boundless prosperity, perfect health, and countless blessings from above. May your life be filled with joy and your heart with contentment.
Yes! My 27 year old has Asperger's and lives with me. It is very difficult as he is very distant.
Its a blessing to live with your children in your old age
My late dad may God rest his soul in peace, stayed with us in each siblings house till he passed away
By the grace of God he was treated like a king in our homes
I don’t really agree with this video but I also think that you are only thinking about the parents being healthy and independent. When the parents are older they need to be closer to their children so that their children don’t have to drive miles and miles to help them out. Families should be helping each other out all through their life. Other countries besides America live close together and are happy. I think we Americans have become very selfish and self-centered.
Parents chose to have children, children don't sign up to a lifetime of slavery. I am elderly and take care of myself. And if I find that I can no longer do so, I saved money so I can hire someone to help .The other countries that you mention with extended families are not happy ones- which is why millions leave those third world hell holes
There is a much higher number you are right.
Exactly. What is wrong with adult children today. U take care of your aging parents when needed.
This does not compute with me at age 67 to not aid my parents. Not speaking about young parents who won’t work but aging parents.
You are 100% wrong. To impose yourself on your children is the selfish act because you are lonely and afraid.
@@paulastafford1642 Glad to read your comment pointing out that it is infringement on your children is what is selfish. There is a sad sense of entitlement when parents think " Well, I took care of them when they were babies, so now I will be the baby". And there are even ads on GoFundMe when someone dies without funds for a funeral. A lifetime of irresponsibility. I am a senior with a limited income but would rather do without than infringe on others. And it is usually the daughter who is the servant in these irresponsible cases.
My husband and I decided to move closer to our one daughter and family because I am disabled and wanted a loved one close by. I feel it’s important to also respect one another’s space. We also never give advice unless asked, and we don’t go over to my daughter’s place unless asked.
Perfect
I live down the streets from my only child, I have my own friends and social activities and I enjoy our time together, however I know my boundaries and I do my best not to cross them.🙏
I am so glad my parents moved to our home when they could not manage their home by themselves. It was so pleasant how the grand parents and the kids gained both ways by living in the same house. I did not want them to end up in care homes in their last stages. My husband too was a great help. We live in Sri Lanka and we have ample help to assist us. My father died in our home at 98 years and my mother too died in our home when she was 90 years. I think we were blessed to be able to look after my parents and I will not for a moment regret our decision to get them to come live with us in their old age.
Amen! Bless you
Everyone who reads this, we don't know each other and probably never will but I wish you all the best in life and all the luck in the world!
Amen and amen 🙏
Amin and thank you same.to you🙏
This is such a change, difficult to explain. I moved with them, after 3 years things changed. Everyone grew up took jobs all over the world and I was all alone. It is a beautiful thing but be prepared when life changes.❤❤❤❤❤
@@shirleylecompte9183 thank you
Thanks, and back to you!
I believe families should care for their elderly.
Good things to think about. Every life is different, so your decisions will be different than others. I took my mother into my house when she was 68, but we agreed that she would be responsible for finding friends and living her own life. That worked out well and my daughter got the chance to grow up knowing her grandmother. Everything wasn't smooth, but wasn't difficult either. I was able to live my life independently, my mother found her group of friends, and my daughter grew up wonderfully. Taking care of my mother, however, became an ordeal as she got into her late nineties. I moved her into senior living and spent several days a week checking on her and helping her. Taking care of a parent when their physical and mental abilities have eroded is not something that most of us are trained for. My daughter is now 36 and wants me to live closer. She and I have always had a great relationship and we are now six hours apart, so we would both like to see each other more. I have always been independent and am very active at 75, but I also know that I may not be in another 25 years. There is no perfect answer, but we each must do what we think best for ourselves and our loved ones.
You are a woman who thinks like me! I wish I could offer my home to my mother but she would struggle to give us our space and I don’t want to have hard feelings.
68? I am that age taking care of my parents close to 90s. I hope I can still do it but worry that I am old.
@GlennJackson-d8e I think you are so right! There is no perfect answer I'm sure, no matter what we decide. And, everyone's situation is way different. So, it is important to figure out (listen well to our own inner voice) what we feel is the best solution that can be best for ourselves as the parents, and also consider how that will affect them too . Thank you, I received a few 'ah- ha's in your comment. 🙂
My parents are both in their 90's and living at home with mobility issues and Alzeheimers.disease. Thank God my sister only lives 3 miles from their home and that my other sister and I only live about 30 minutes away. We have to alternate days of staying with them all day and night and it is physically and mentally exhausting to be a caretaker. There are only so many years that they are "independent" and once things start declining, then they are not so "Independent". So I vote to have your parents within a short driving distance so that you can give care to them in their older years. If only 1 of us lived close to them, we could not handle it. And as it is right now, we have in-home caregivers there on a somewhat daily basis. So I'm not sure what age group this video is for or assumes that older parents are. But one thing I have to say is that things can change drastically in their condition and very quickly. We will never, ever be living far away from them. I watched my grandparents who lived 4 hours from us have to live in a nursing home in the last years of their life and they were horribly lonely. So the alternative of them living far way, can be just devasting. So I do NOT agree with this video at all.
❤
How horrible. I was brought up in a large family & we all take care of each other. I see caring for an aging parent as one of my responsibilities & it’s just normal to me. There are boundaries for everyone but if there is a need I will always be there.
My mum stays with us. My husband and children love's having her around. My grandchild became very close to my mum. My mum loves gardening, so that is all she does is gardening. My mum is happy and free.
Now I realized living alone is good! I don’t mind if they want to take care of me or not in my old age. I always loved them, so I don’t want to interfere their peaceful living. I prayed that I may not disturb them that much and I will accept whatever situation comes my way.
After living my entire life in grey darkness of London and Seattle I retired and moved to Mexico...320 days of glorious sun/ yr. I go home for a week each year and my kids/friends visit me here. Keep yourself healthy...Life is good.
Glad you have a great life! Not everyone is so fortunate, as we aged, unexpected things happen to us that’s not in our control as far as health! A heart attack or a fall could happen to all of us and over night you could be a burden to someone, to your family or a facility! We’ll never know! 😢
I'm preparing to do the same. Leaving Seattle for Mexico early 2025. So excited! Thanks for sharing. 😊
I was a single mom with little relief from child-rearing. Now, with my kids grown and out of the house, I can't get enough alone time. I'm happy to see people for short periods of time but I am Greta Garbo: I want to be alone.
I left my kids on the West Coast and moved to Kansas when Covid hit. Best thing I ever did.
Thanks for backing me up.
Wow! I'm glad you are enjoying being alone. My situation is reverse, my daughter moved to Kansas and she wants me to move there.I'm in California.
@@shirleysanchez1866Don’t move there.
We in the Caribbean have always lived close to our families. I live close with and close to, and I live my own life. We look out for each other when the need arises. I am a very independent person!
We have shifted next to the son in Bangalore at advanced age.
I have independent, very large pension and other income and full medical insurance, which ensures freedom from financial issues. We meet for about 20-30 minutes a day and lunch together on Sundays.
We never interfere or advise them on any matters. We have different friends and hobbies. But they are always available for medical emergencies.
So living nearby is a blessing if you do not tender advices and suggestions and if you are financially independent
I never regretted caring for my mother she had it hard and it did take its toll. It’s the least a child can do helping when they most need it. I think the American Indians high regard for their elders is compassionate. Even the wolves look out for the older wolves you and look this up it’s the truth.
To everyone listening to this, may you find health, peace, and good fortune in all that you do. This video really made me think deeply. Sometimes, we believe that being close to our children in old age is the best solution, but it's important to consider our own independence and personal happiness too. It’s not about distancing ourselves, but finding balance. Wishing everyone here the wisdom to make the best choices for themselves and their families
This message is heaven sent for me! I won't go into the long story as to why I am where I am. That being said, I have experienced most of this and blessedly am healthy enough to make a change! Thank you for all this information!
I agree. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the tension was, and why it was worsening. Much clarity in this as to the possible causes. Covid lockdowns within months of my cross country move ripped away all of the activities I had enjoyed and that kept me healthy. Everything In my life gone for those solitary lockdown years. This vid gave me the green light to make a move away from an area where I've never found a fit without blame on either side.
I picked very valuable insights from this video. Putting words to what has been my struggles. In my case I’m living with the parent in my home… in some cases they don’t stop parenting, wanting to control, behaving like they are running their own home etc. I have wondered if I’m the one with the problem. This has really helped me… it can be tough for both… the parent and the child. I needed this. Key points I have learnt:
1. If you do decide to either live with or live close by… it may not be easy… be clear about expectations and boundaries
2. Indeed parents may be at the stage where they need constant care and living with you or close to you may be inevitable… just don’t do it blindly understand the challenges, prepare for them so that you both can be happy.
3. If it’s possible (medical condition) to create the space… do it… I see how one parent is happier living alone and independently and another one who is not so happy but living with children - proximity can really strain relationships!
Glad you found it helpful. Thanks for the tips!
Clearly written by the young. You;ll notice that the baddie in all this video is the parents. In fact in every country where the parents live close, and are a part of their children's and grandchildren lives , are the happiest countries .. rather be any kind of burden the older parents will often do a lot for their working children, cleaning their homes for free.. and take children to school, and be free baby sitters..
I appreciate your perspective! The video focuses on finding a balance, not placing blame. In some cases, distance can foster healthier relationships, but family dynamics differ across cultures.
celticdollface you are so right
@@celticdollface countries where extended families are the norm are usually places millions flee from and the burden of caregiving often enslaved the daughters. I am 71 and planned my life to support myself including if I need to get home care. I think older people who feel entitled to by cared for by their children are irresponsible. As are the low down family members who beg on the Internet for money to cover their father's funeral.
This is a good video. It might upset those who live in the pasi
It’s also a common denominator among blue zones. The diets are all different, but the elderly are revered for their wisdom and included in the family.
I absolutely agree with this video. I know my mother-in-law is living long life because she’s enjoying her money and she has nothing to take care of except her and she does things she wanted to do she’s 87 but looks like a 50 year old.
I gave up a lot to move closer to my 3 adult kids. 2 of them moved far away. theres an old indian saying......never live so close to your kids that you can see the smoke from their chimneys.
Children should be there for parents that were their for them and made many sacrifices. Family Is More Important than the bs 💯 Dreams being Sold to all of Us!
Balance is always the key.
I live close to mine, and hope it never changes.
All of this, sounds like what I am going through, with my daughter, sometimes it makes me so sad when she doesn't seem to want me in her life.
I live a long way from my daughter and have thought about moving closer to her but I get the feeling I still wouldn't see her because i think she doesn't want me in her life. It is hard to know what to do.
@@glendafaber1245, same with me
All normal mentally healthy individuals want space and freedom to be them. No one wants to be under the eye of their patents their entire life. You don't bring children in the world with a job, that job being to make you happy. They're human beings, not inanimate object.
@glendafaber1245 no it isn't. Don't do it if you hope to have a good relationship with her.
Yes, having children is overrated in my case. Hardly hear from them but once a year maybe at Christmas a couple of lines by text! All I have is myself and my health in this life for however long I shall never know. 😢
Divorced and with my kids in their 30's plus having the ability to have an income through occasional online sales and Social Security, I moved from my home state of over 60 years and haven't looked back. They have their careers, children and social networks and I'm happy to stay out of the way. I have a nice apartment in a rural area on the coast and enjoy a much more moderate climate and have no shortage of activities to keep me busy. My independence is less stressful, more satisfying and helps keep me active and involved in my community. Frankly, I think that constant interaction with my adult children and their families would get ugly fairly fast.
You’re right about that!
It’s great to hear that you’ve found a fulfilling balance! Your independence and active lifestyle seem to be key to your happiness, and it's awesome that you’ve embraced it.
❤
Sounds really nice. I wish I could go to warmer climate but then I'd be too far from them
@@54andBored Maybe your relationship with your adult kids is more interdependent than mine. I spent 20+ years raising them in a difficult arrangement with my ex-wife. Both kids eventually moved elsewhere in the state and our relationship diminished as they built their own adult lives.
Unless you have serious health problems you may find yourself reconsidering where are you live as you grow older.
I agree to this video. You have experienced how busy and juggling life we had while raising our children? Times have changed. Life has become more demanding and stressful for our children. Even to raise one or two kids has become tougher. So
Not to burden our children by living close. If one needs medical help call 911
If need grocery help there is delivery service or pick up stands where they bring groceries to you have ordered to your car, ready food Uber eats, DoorDash etc. many counties have free or little charge transportation. Many communities have field trip, parties and many activities for seniors m
It’s better to be independent. Time to enjoy your time. Think about it. I believe in being independent and have raised my children to be independent from young age. It’s joy for
Having freedom and being independent
I tried to get help for my mother while she was living in an apartment. She was very independent. She pushed help out of the door and would not let them in. She began locking herself out of her apartment and winter was approaching. She did not want to live with me. I had no choice. I could not quit my job. It would have put my retirement in jeopardy. She liked assisted living. The activities were fun for her and it helped with the isolation she was experiencing. Lewey Body dementia is awful. She eventually needed more care due to medical issues. I am glad that she got the care she needed.
I have found that I rely more than I have too. I am now actively looking after myself because I should. Hope I can continue to do so.
Being independent & resilient is important…good advice. Makes me want to move very far away …It’s the sign of the times. The world has changed. I especially liked the woman who moved by the ocean….Thanks for the perspective!
I totally agree with this video: it makes s all true. The challenge is finding that “balance “, but I’m working on it.
I agree 100 percent with all your comments. Love and distance makes for a happier loveable relationship. 🌹
I don't agree with this video's points. It speaks only about negative things. But what about having a healthy relationship with grand children, loving them, preparing them with the positive strokes & at the same time investing some quality time with your children too. Here understanding each-other with Heart is necessary. Afterall Heart is a play ground for the mind. All emotions you feel in the heart. Just take a step back, introspect yourself & go with the life. Afterall what you Sow, so you Reap. So , Sow Love & you will get Love. This is what I feel. 👍😌🙏🙏
We all sow love but you don’t always reap what you sow
Your parents have raised you and you also have a responsibility to look after them in their old age Most of us in India have parents living with the children when they are too old to live alone Parents can keep an eye on their parents and they in their turn keep an eye on the grandchildren
Yes it's filial piety which many so call modernist would pretend not to know because they are selfish.... just wait til they grow old themselves...they will be singing a different tune Inside but pretend to be happy living alone .
100 % agree
Our children are brought up with their grandparents with them.They help take care of & they see how we take care of the elderly. Thanks God 8 don’t have this problem. Though I am lucky with God’s grace I live alone with a very caring & stay-in care giver. All praise ,glory & thanksgiving to God.
At 81 I still live a very active life. God provides me too with a very loyal & caring stay-in caregiver. I still have my church ministry whose members are widows , divorcees.
This is good to watch to understand the potential unintended consequences of close proximity. Every relationship is different but it reinforces the need for frequent communication between all parties and boundaries. We live 45 minutes from our kids and are close enough to easily get together but not so close as to be in each other’s daily orbit. Our planned interactions are not taken for granted and appreciated by all.
I agree 100%. Very correct. Thankfully thats a mistake I will never make.
I am elderly and am happy living far from my family. The distance gives me a built in excuse not to attend various events such as the second wedding of someone I really don't like anyway. As far as needing relatives to care for me in old age no- I would not infringe on anyone. If I find I need assistance, I have saved enough to hire help. It provides someone an income. And have insurance to cover that. It shocks me that people die and their children beg strangers to cover the cost of the funeral on gofundme. What did someone do all their life that they can't even afford to die? Come on people, live your life successfully! Every fart of the grandkids isn't that interesting!
You hit on something. They have nothing but retelling every "fart" of the grandchildren. Who just want them to die in order to get the money. And here on this site you will find people who brag that the way of backward cultures with extended families is the best way BUT they themselves want to live in America or Europe!
I am independent and am very sensitive to not ask too much, of my son. It is sad to see many of my friends who have not managed their previous life and rely on their kids for too much and very resented support. They feel so hurt about it, but they had too much "fun" and did not look to the future. Also, I fear that it is too easy to " use" older people for many services that seem to be expected, baby sitting and housework. Some offspring take what they can and the later see you as a burden. It is a very difficult situation if you have not given yourself the option to choose to live independently. Having choice is so important.
Very good advice to all senior citizen's and patents
Humans need each other, whether young ones need parents or parents need young ones. It separates us from animals; prepare your family for their role in your later years.
At age 68, I would like to live with my daughter for five more years. Later I would like to be in an old age community where I can take help. I don’t like to be a burden to my daughter later. Someone will cook for me and I can be independent enough and not be overwhelmed. Liked watching the video. I am a loner and very selective about engaging with people. I like my independence and also like to help my grandson when I’m bored. This channel gave me another perspective.
So glad you enjoyed it
68...I am still taking care of my 90 plus parents....that scares me.
Every family have their own values ,their own understanding and their own circumstances.Only time can tell how we shape our lives.We should be flexible ,accepting and pray and hope for the best.
This is a product of good research. Believe it or not, it's the truth. This is the situation in most families. If your old parents are not invalid, look for caregivers to stay with them in their home. I learnt a lot from this video. Thanks.
You're welcome!
What research? There was no actual survey or study. He just cherry picked data from anecdotal evidence.
Better to be close to your kids and be a burden than live far away and be a burden.. I hated that my mom would not move into the house I owned next door during covid. I was forced to drive 125 miles each way multiple times a months to handle things. She could moved into an over 55 close to me, bought her own house close to me. It was selfish to force me well over 65 to be at her beck and call 125 miles away. The alternative would have been to let her be and unravel into whatever, 5 years sooner.
I’m sorry you went through that-it sounds incredibly tough. I agree, sometimes proximity can definitely make things easier, and it's hard when loved ones choose differently, especially during challenging times like COVID-19.
Same situation here. It's such a burden when they're so far away and you have to fly up and take care of things. Also, there is nothing more burdensome than an infant that does nothing but lay there. And when you have multiple of these it is a burden on your career and changes your whole life. And when they grow up, after you've spent hundreds of Thousand dollars on each of them, and given them everything you could, the least they can do is return the favor, don't feel guilty.
Each person journey is different. I believe in balance between you and your children's life...
Good advice . Older people need to get their own life outside family!
Thanks! Exactly, maintaining independence and personal fulfillment is key for older adults.
My parents used to say this...till they needed my help.
I would NEVER ask family to provide assistance. I have planned my life so I don't have to
@margueritemullarkey1866. Covid lockdowns shortly after I had moved cross country made "getting my own life" difficult if not impossible. I'm still independent, healthy and active. However, I was forced into solitary confinement by our government during lockdowns. All I really needed was someone to provide dialog every 7-14 days from my son who has worked remotely for over a decade. I never considered that "a burden." This culture and this state have not recovered in the areas that I enjoyed before moving here. Time to escape the tension and find a place that works for me.
@ljones98391 oh my,and I hope you find your 😊 happiness!
I am totally blessed to live near my kids! We all need to take care of each other and then their children will take care of them! It takes a village ….
Thankfully, my son and his family are my neighbors.
Proximity is not the problem but how you manage proximity.
Fully agree. We live as an extended family and are very happy together. When conflicts occur, we work it out. It makes us all better people.
No I disagree. Proximity is the problem. ALthough I do agree that people are different, with some being more capable at ignoring and supressing reality and paint things in pink light. That would not work for me. But to each his own.
One of the reasons parents live with their children is financial dependency. They cannot afford to live on their own. This video is absolutely right that it causes relationship distress but in most Asian families, the children have to take it as responsibility.
I enjoyed listening to this. It did shed some light on what I am feeling and going thru. Thank you so much. ❤
When I turned 75, I was told I had reached a milestone. My reply: "Better a milestone than a tombstone"
😂😂😂I am 72 so true...
🎉😂
Love this!👏🏻
I am 76 and all alone! 😂
I am turning 73yrs. It's marvellous. I always thank God for this wonderful miracle called life.
My mother was a widow for a pretty long time. She was a calm, mostly silent lady and lived the scriptures.She she was a good listener and helped around silently to the best of her understanding. If anybody was upset with her, she would look puzzled or just put her head down.
It was an absolute joy for me to have her live with me. My children too loved her and she too played into their fun-even when they played a few pranks ! She had a sweet respectful relationship with my husband though they did not talk much with each other. She passed away at the age of 89.
While I agree with everything you have stated in the video, I felt I had to express my own personal experience 🙏
I guess life is best expressed in its varied manifestations !
If you truly feel your kids have a high opinion of you than living close should go well. But if you sense they don’t have all that high opinion of you, than best you keep some distance
Don't have to worry. When my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease they disappeared - moved away. When he died they said ' sorry' and 'OK. It has been 4 years since he died and they have no desire to reconnect. When I grew up my grandmother we saw often. Same with my parents. Doesn't seem to be the same thinkin as in generations in the past.
The art of balancing the two worlds is of prime importance in order to stay happy and attain peace of mind
But that’s what family does for each other, they help each other. Family never gets along all the time. Adult children work so even if you live close you need to live your own life. There is more pressure on adult children if they live far away from an aging parent. If the child was raised right they can handle an aging parent. The adult child will feel guilty living close or distant. I moved to Texas from NY when I retired. My daughter and her husband moved to my little town the same year I moved. lol. Now my oldest son his wife and grandson moved here two years ago. I tried to run but they got me. lol lol
I agree 💯 . Living independently always bring joy for both sides . Children has their own life , family, children , work to take care. Love them mean to give them the freedom to love their own life .
Hi Robert ..you comments on living alone is interesting and also amusing nonetheless i agree independence as we get older is necessary and there's lots do and explore and you don't have to check in with anyone
I appreciate this idea of being far from children 💯
Already I'm In a Senior homewith both genders.
Going good, by minding our own business. It's our fundamental rights I believe.
It's very good, I think I should seriously think about it
Parents becoming a burden on their kids and their family will destroy their marriage. I’ve been down this road. My in-laws forced themselves on our marriage and our life as a family deteriorated. I began to hate them wish for their deaths. When they got Alzheimer’s disease my wife spend all of her non working time with her parents. When they finally passed on our marriage already suffered beyond repair. It was never the same. We’re still married but the marriage we once had before my in-laws meddling is gone.
@map3384 Sorry to hear that, however not all parents "force themselves" on their children, ask for favors, help, or give unasked for advise.
This is a very poor report. It is so patronizing of older adults! In fact, adult children are quite capable of exploiting, disrespecting, and behaving badly toward their elderly parents. Where is the information about the many ways grandparents immeasurably enrich the lives of their grandchildren, and give needed assistance (including child care and chauffeuring) to young parents? This is hopelessly one-sided.
I do not agree.Stop being so defensive, whoever you are!!!
@@margkropf5541 Appears you are very much in the minority here. Whoever you are.
This is my take on this. It depends on how you where brought up. What kind of up bringing you had. It also depends on some parents, there is a limit on both sides.
This is 100% correct. It is so unfair and selfish to not allow your children to enjoy their lives because of your fears and loneliness. Life is too short. No child wants to be treated like a child until you die. Some parents out live their kids, so their kids never get a chance to be free of them. The resentment is very real. I pray all of us can stay healthy and happy and will not need to burden our children.
So true. I am 71 and have always planned to support myself. The idea that family members must care for other adults is something that is selfish and from the past..and the work usually falls on the daughter. it shows how low a family can go when a neighbor died after spending all his money on booze and his children opened a GoFundMe page to beg for money for his funeral.
Yah. And my parents are also toxic. Right now, I’m just glad they are still physically healthy.
My parents become like children can not help themselves sometimes and ask for help and care. Drive them away so funny for me
it may depend on family background. And your able to help them or not I work at home so my time is free for them anytime
I love living near my sons they never take advantage of me love them and my grandkids
I found this video very interesting and true....I would never want to rely on my kids....I live far away from my girls and have a son near my place, but never see him.... it's a little sad , but I don't even ask him anything because I don't want to be a burden for him
All are true. When our mobility is less what to do. Being alone kills.
This was so much appreciated! It had so much food for thought in it. And, I love that you said "could be a mistake" in your title since we all have such different situations, with a set of unique needs & wants and also, we've all been brought up with different beliefs in different cultures, so it sure needs a lot of weighing it all out. I loved reading so many of the great comments. 🥰It's nice to get different perspectives. I tried my best to read many. 🙂
I feel it's always important to take them all in, but in the end, do our best to get better at listening to our small inner voice that has all the right answers to those important decisions we need to make. Especially, when we're still fully able to do so--on our own.
Thank you @Golden Years channel! I actually decided to place your video on my channel playlist ( Seasoned/Perennials & Later in life 60+) section as I'm cont. new video's, so that more viewers will see your video too, And, I will surely be checking out the rest of your channel~ 🙂~ 😍💫❤
I'm a widower and my grown children live about 2,000 miles from me. My youngest son will be getting married in a few months. I plan on moving to the city where he lives. When they start having children of their own, I would like to be around to enjoy my grandchild. I'm very independent and I'm not looking to be part of their everyday life. But I believe it would be good to live closer to them and have him check on me every now and then. The key thing to remember is that your children are adults and have a life of their own and you need have a life of your own.
I agreed with this video
Thank you for this video. It has taught me a lot of things I overlooked as a grand parent.
Glad it was helpful!
As a daughter, it is a blessing to have my mom live with us now that she is aging. My father in law who passed a couple months ago also spent the last couple years of his life living with us. While there are many truths in your overview, I cannot agree with your overall position.
Much thought and even counseling is necessary for this reverse situation when a parent lives with an adult child. Boundaries are very critical, the lack of boundaries or the breaking of same spells disaster.
The first hurdle to cross is the desire to do this and the commitment and support of your spouse and children. Our parents made many sacrifices for us and now that they are less able, we should not see it as a burden but a duty and a blessing to help take care of them. Remember, we are now able but one day, if we don’t die we would likely find ourselves needing the help we are now able to give. The Bible says “Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on earth “. Ephesians 6:2-3. I feel blessed to have this opportunity.
The key, is it’s nice to live close to your kids, but giving each other space is the key. Because it’s hard to make friends these days, moving into a retirement village gives you a chance to make friends and involve yourself with the activities that village has to offer. On the other side of the coin, there are people who dump their kids onto their parents as well. So you end up babysitting your grandkids.
I agree with your views totally
We Asians like to be close together with our children. Doesn’t mean that you’re not independent. I disagree with this video. You need to know your boundaries of course.
Do you want to stay in Asia?
@@kellygreen5556 that's an offensive response to someone whose merely sharing their particular cultural conditioning.
@@diskrybe you are offensive
@@kellygreen5556 So true! And there is nothing admirable about the third world extended family that consists of arranged marriages, honour killings and adults who don't support themselves but enslave others. No wonder millions flee it
@@kellygreen5556 So true! 😂
As a new grandmother I live a few hours away from my daughter I think this will remain, I often find myself giving unsolicited advice, maybe mild criticism too 😳 I can’t help myself I feel such love and responsibility towards my new granddaughter and daughter. I’m learning to stay quiet but it’s hard so the distance will create a natural barrier our time together feels even more special.
I am happy to hear this video I been hardly thinking to move closer to my adult kids .I do not want to be burden to my kids. As I hear this video there is my answer.But I do miss them a lot.
So true !
No one is to blame for getting old. We all deserve to make choices in our lives, especially in retirement years. Unfortunately in the US if retirees are not financially set, is hell on earth. I’m 72 years old widow for the past four years with two adult sons living near by. I don’t depend on them and never will. I live in my own house until I am not able to - afterwards either nursing home or hospice. Meanwhile, my sons can do or go what pleases them. I don’t care. I have my life, they have theirs. I’m ok, they are ok. No hard feelings. I don’t own them, they don’t own me. And most importantly, no assets in their names, until my passing.
Indeed …. My assets are mine until I go to my eternal home in heaven ..
Thanks for the excellent advise. ❤❤❤❤❤
Glad it was helpful!
It all depends on each individual experience and hence we can't totally agree that it's true in all cases.
I am retired and all my grown up children who are all working as professionals are all living with me.
As a family we have a wonderful time together😊
Thanks for sharing!
We built a home reasonably close to our kids. My wife had MS for 26 years and I was her carer before she passed. We have an agreement with our kids that only visit when I have been invited. Sometimes it is several months and I don't see them. I have other help coming to my home that I pay for.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Glad you've found a thoughtful arrangement that respects boundaries while ensuring you have the support you need.
@@goldenyears101I really appreciate this podcast and thank you for presenting it for us...but isn't there an elephant in the room..? This man was his wife's (their mother's) caregiver for 26 years..!! Where is their appreciation of his doing this? Why would he not see them more than every several months ? Why is he not a bit more of a priority for them to be part of their family? 🤔
I live very near to my children. I work and have a busy life style. I do drop ,rearrange my schedule, and drive an hour round trip to pick up the Grandkids when they call .The grand kids are getting older and don't need a babysitter anymore. If I need something, anything, I get complete silence. I am now looking forward to moving back to my hometown. Here, I am completely isolated.
mmm I could have written the above about me!
Very useful video.
Living near your children leads to a more healthier life....the Quran says....lower your wing to your parents as they looked after you when you were young .. this is a blessing to the children....parents should not have to ask for help... children should ask what they can do to help.. but maintain one's independence......better that putting you in a retirement home.
Thank goodness I am a atheist
👩🏽🦱 Some of it’s true. Not all of it.
As a parent, I wanted to give my adult child advice to live a healthier lifestyle. However, my advice was only wanted for problems at work, and my advice helped every time. Also, my adult child asked me to move in. However, I said no because the adult child isn’t a good host. She’s too immature! 😁
@AmericanObserver-kq7ye. Thank you for mentioning immature children as I've not seen anyone else do so. That insight helps keep some balance on both sides instead of just putting so much on the parents.
Also don't agree. We are all individuals. Every story & relationship with your child is different.
Staying with parents is a blessing if your parents are able to let go of control or you are okay with them controlling the home. I stay off and on with my mother now that she is 90. She has five helpers who keep her occupied with home duties. She is on wheelchair most of the time but mentally very alert. My husband and I don’t interfere with the way she runs her home and adjust to her ways. This makes her happy and we are okay with that. We live with her over weekends and this works best of all of us. Some distance and some closeness is best.
My 84 year old dad recently had a stroke and then heart failure. My 80 year old mom was devastated and needed my help to take care of him and their household. I’ve lived nearby for decades. Unfortunately, after 3 months of assisting my parents, my dad is becoming resentful. He’s paralyzed from the stroke, but thinks he’s capable now that he is out of heart failure.
One word: “understanding”. 😊
I guess, all the people are different and family dynamics are different, affected by many factors, which are changing with passing time. So I intend to have an alternative arrangement so that one can change a choice even if temporarily
Very very correct
I loved your video. I've been struggling with guilt just bc I live out of the city where as my kids live in the city>30 minutes away. . I don't want to suffer the way my grandmother did, living in the basement, cooking, cleaning, taking care of unappreciative brats that wore her down. She dedicated her whole life to her kids & family & died prematurely in her early 60's. I refuse to relive what she has lived..I choose to be independent in my retirement.