The fact that there's a therapy called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) that literally rewires a brain to hush that inner critic and to help encourage self compassion... Lia, you know it. Thank you for teaching it.
Something that helps me make decisions is the knowledge that none of it really matters anyway, as long as your actions aren't hurting anyone don't get too caught up in all of it
We really are our won worst critic. We need to check the facts constantly, but those inner working make us doubt the facts. I really appreciate the suggestions she makes
There is something seriously refreshing about being able to be open with our work colleagues about this inner critic. I feel like it brings a lot more productivity and understanding.
I've gotten into a real rabbit hole with these talks and I'm so glad because it's led me to this one. I've always struggled with 'listening to my gut' and 'following my instinct' because it's always undermined by that voice in my head. This has given me a lot to think about in terms of figuring out how to differentiate between the two.
I know how hard it is to make decisions for myself but I can't imagine how difficult it would be to make decisions that are going to affect your child!
Less than three minutes in and I'm already like yup, can fully relate. Nothing like feeling as though all eyes are on you to make you dread even the simplest of decisions.
Wow you hit a grand slam out of the park video, that can really help every viewer live a better life by mastering decision making the power points in our life where we make a call on something.
Feedback! OMG! I loved this talk! And her book, Unstuck, is amazing too! She's funny, smart, and authentic. I am working on my reframing and inner mentor! "Reframe our relationship to the finality of decisions and return to that childlike exploration...."
I had all this experience, your university credentials do not matter,your confidence to take decisions timely is the key to effective execution and every effort is worth initiating,effort elastic so do not shy away, fear of loosing or failing or being judged are inner instincts, just give that a test,power ahead. You will be triumphant at the end.
The feedback thing! I actually stopped taking management position years ago because I thought that it just wasn’t something I was capable of. Maybe it was just my inner critic getting in the way?
This is why you shouldn't listen to the voice in your head when you have to make a tough call! Gut instincts baby! And don't let anyone - not even yourself - gaslight you into second guesses. Just gather the facts and operate instinctively, like those kids taking their raincoats to the beach ❤
The part about our sub-conscious decision making is really fascinating, like those automatic responses may have developed decades ago and hopefully we're not still the person we were back then so those decisions may not necessarily serve the person we are now, right?
There are 2 types of people in this world; 1) Those who see only what he wanted. 2) Those who are seeing things that are preventing them from getting things that they're wanted. However, please realise that there are only two (2) PAINS that existed in this world while we still could breathe. It's; i) Pain of *Discipline* (kept self harm rituals managed) ii) Pain of *Regret* (we live once, and nothing is worthy aside from things that were meant to increase probability of enabling self betterment) Working hard for things that we do not care about is called STRESS Work hard for things that we love is called PASSION INTENTION SETS IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DESTINATION, IT'S ABOUT THE JOURNEY.. IMAGINATION is NOT WHAT you THINK! It's HOW you THINK!! WHAT we THINK always caught us clueless by PERCEPTIONS and WHAT WE UNDERSTAND.. & WORST when we don't even CARE to get ourselves understood.. (WHAT WE THINK mostly GENERATED by INSTRUMENTS that we consumed. We don't SEE the WORLD as the WORLD REALLY IS.. We SEE the WORLD as OUR INSTRUMENTS ALLOW.. Our TECHNOLOGY EXTENDS US.. It's EXTENDING our INSTRUMENT.. 3 things permanent for all living creatures: 1) Death 2) TAX 3) CHANGE *Two things that can CHANGE my life;* 1) Daily Routines (Daily Habits) 2) Control My Thinking (How I think about myself) *How to get the job done;* Faster? Better? Cheaper? Easier? Observing more.. Questioning more.. Networking more.. Experimenting more.. Associating *(learn as we do, do as we learn via all activated senses ~ What we see, hear, smell, feel, touch & think)* Clarity in *F.A.P.O.S.I* Facts Assumptions Perceptions Opinions Suggestions Instructions DESIRABILITY (✓) VIABILITY (✓) SCALABILITY (✓) *Skills + Wills - Hills* = *Significant Positive Change* (Increase the probability of getting BETTER)
Decisions, those are something that tend to take me a long time to ponder and then one day...its made. So it looks like a quick decision. The ones that require quick action I can make no problem. Perhaps overthinking is the problem.
It's really interesting, all that not trusting yourself to make hard decisions etc.... I guess because humans ultimately want that certainty, that knowing for sure it's going to be okay feeling, when we don't know what the consequence of making a decision can be it can just kind of cripple is into non-decision... which is kind of worse when you think about it.
Depending on the decision ask for advice from those you trust, do your research and trust your instinct. If it looks like a rose and smells like a rose.
Kids make decisions that effortlessly because they've only been on the planet for a little while, and society hasn't gaslit them into doubting their instincts yet. Don't call me bitter lol this is pure realism.
Ummm I'm not sure I think a lot of my decisions have been wrong! Lol but seriously I get what she's saying and will try to go a bit easier on myself....
"On the backdrop of the biases, and double standards we had to contend with in the workplace, our inner critic was taking the bait: often adopting the perspective that we're not good decision makers." I would focus more on emotional manipulation of exploitative and mentally ill people who are aggressive - with hidden agenda, Machiavellians. People who doubt our self worth and we take the bait - where inner critic is just program that is running being executed by external virus attacking our mental stability. It is good to know red flags and to discern who is enemy, there is a term called altruistic narcissist for example - Nurse Ratched, borderline types: people who appear as if they are helping us, but they create damage instead. Consider this: "A few years ago, Facebook, in conjunction with researchers from Cornell and the University of California, conducted an experiment in which they intentionally played with the emotions of 689,000 users by manipulating their feeds so that some users only saw negative stories while others only saw positive stories. Sure enough, when these people posted their own updates, they were greatly influenced by the mood of the posts they’d been shown. Facebook caught a lot of flak over the experiment, primarily because none of the “participants” gave their consent to join the study. Perhaps more frightening than Facebook’s faux pas was just how easily people’s emotions were manipulated. After all, if Facebook can manipulate your emotions just by tweaking your newsfeed, imagine how much easier this is for a real, live person who knows your weaknesses and triggers. A skilled emotional manipulator can destroy your self-esteem and even make you question your sanity." (article: 9 Signs You're Dealing With an Emotional Manipulator, talentsmartEQ)
Many women cant choose the dress they wear and food they want to eat. So,i think the issue is overthinking. Just like that preschool situation. Its depressing people actually think like that. Just do it. And if you are wrong, change it.
What happens if you got drunk and sent text to a stranger that you just did makeup on and ruined relationship with your boyfriend sister the sister help me get the job
Imposter syndrome, it appears to be an epidemic. Its interesting how many women and men don't trust the process. And the inner critic, is just that, a voice that likes to create doubt and stop you in your tracks. The what if questions will blow your mind. Better to stick with pros & cons based on the list of what you need and want.
Yep, we are a generation of people pleasers who want nothing more than to be accepted - so why would we try and rock the boat with ideas and thoughts that so actively go against the grain.
The fact that there's a therapy called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) that literally rewires a brain to hush that inner critic and to help encourage self compassion... Lia, you know it. Thank you for teaching it.
“Decisions aren’t the end, they are only the beginning”! I love it!
Thank you! So glad this resonated!
Was about to write the same Monica :) a great wisdom I will remember too!
@@bizbily Thank you!
Yeah how true.
good quote eh!
Lia I agree we need to reframe our relationship with the finality of decisions. They are the beginning and not the end.
it takes a strength of character to know when to listen to that inner voice and when not to.
7:55- the right decision for right now. I genuinely needed to hear this today
Thank you Zack, so glad this was helpful!
Something that helps me make decisions is the knowledge that none of it really matters anyway, as long as your actions aren't hurting anyone don't get too caught up in all of it
We really are our won worst critic. We need to check the facts constantly, but those inner working make us doubt the facts. I really appreciate the suggestions she makes
Thank you! Glad you found this video helpful!
There is something seriously refreshing about being able to be open with our work colleagues about this inner critic. I feel like it brings a lot more productivity and understanding.
Thank you, so glad to hear that!
I've gotten into a real rabbit hole with these talks and I'm so glad because it's led me to this one. I've always struggled with 'listening to my gut' and 'following my instinct' because it's always undermined by that voice in my head. This has given me a lot to think about in terms of figuring out how to differentiate between the two.
So glad this talk was helpful!
I know how hard it is to make decisions for myself but I can't imagine how difficult it would be to make decisions that are going to affect your child!
Yes, make the best decision you can in the moment, with whatever information you have.
Exactly! We can't predict the future, we only know what we know right now.
Less than three minutes in and I'm already like yup, can fully relate. Nothing like feeling as though all eyes are on you to make you dread even the simplest of decisions.
So glad this resonated! Thank you for watching!
There are a lot of quotable moments in this. Saving to listen to a few times.
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
Wow you hit a grand slam out of the park video, that can really help every viewer live a better life by mastering decision making the power points in our life where we make a call on something.
Feedback! OMG! I loved this talk! And her book, Unstuck, is amazing too! She's funny, smart, and authentic. I am working on my reframing and inner mentor! "Reframe our relationship to the finality of decisions and return to that childlike exploration...."
Thank you!!
I had all this experience, your university credentials do not matter,your confidence to take decisions timely is the key to effective execution and every effort is worth initiating,effort elastic so do not shy away, fear of loosing or failing or being judged are inner instincts, just give that a test,power ahead.
You will be triumphant at the end.
Great talk Lia! Your manner is so easy going, makes it very easy to follow and relate.
Thank you!
I am leaving this comment for months, years when someone likes this i will get reminder of this wonderful speech 😊🥰
Clearly explained 👏🥰😊..
Thank you!
The feedback thing! I actually stopped taking management position years ago because I thought that it just wasn’t something I was capable of. Maybe it was just my inner critic getting in the way?
One of the things I want to help my children do is be confident in their decisions and also be curious about what the consequences will be.
What a lady! Thank you for reframing my view on decisions Lia. Keep being great!
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed the talk!
This is why you shouldn't listen to the voice in your head when you have to make a tough call! Gut instincts baby! And don't let anyone - not even yourself - gaslight you into second guesses. Just gather the facts and operate instinctively, like those kids taking their raincoats to the beach ❤
100% truth
this is true...
Love this talk Lia, and just everything you're about really!
This video has really helped me think about how to approach a lot of decisions in my life, thank you!
Her book Unstuck is really helpful too!
Very happy to hear that Sam, thanks for commenting!
"Do what you can with what you have where you are" Theodore Roosevelt
Here we go again the feeling of not being "good enough". That feeling has a lot to answer for.
This is super interesting to think about, especially because I know my own decision making process is very muchly emotion based.
Go Lia!! It was a pleasure to watch you share your work.
Thank you!!
I freaking love this, this might actually saved my life. thank you so much!
love yall's ted talks. keep it up :)
Thank you!
The take home message for me was to learn to trust my gut when making decisions.
"the vastness of choice goes out the window." The thought of that and how it happens kinda bummed me out.
I've never thought about the sub-conscious decision making stuff before! ...and the fact that I haven't probably speaks volumes!
Simply....I love it!!👍👍😎
Thank you!
Brilliant talk!
Thank you!
The part about our sub-conscious decision making is really fascinating, like those automatic responses may have developed decades ago and hopefully we're not still the person we were back then so those decisions may not necessarily serve the person we are now, right?
There are 2 types of people in this world;
1) Those who see only what he wanted.
2) Those who are seeing things that are preventing them from getting things that they're wanted.
However, please realise that there are only two (2) PAINS that existed in this world while we still could breathe. It's;
i) Pain of *Discipline* (kept self harm rituals managed)
ii) Pain of *Regret* (we live once, and nothing is worthy aside from things that were meant to increase probability of enabling self betterment)
Working hard for things that we do not care about is called STRESS
Work hard for things that we love is called PASSION
INTENTION SETS
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DESTINATION,
IT'S ABOUT THE JOURNEY..
IMAGINATION is NOT WHAT you THINK!
It's HOW you THINK!!
WHAT we THINK always caught us clueless by PERCEPTIONS and WHAT WE UNDERSTAND.. & WORST when we don't even CARE to get ourselves understood..
(WHAT WE THINK mostly GENERATED by INSTRUMENTS that we consumed.
We don't SEE the WORLD as the WORLD REALLY IS..
We SEE the WORLD as OUR INSTRUMENTS ALLOW..
Our TECHNOLOGY EXTENDS US..
It's EXTENDING our INSTRUMENT..
3 things permanent for all living creatures:
1) Death
2) TAX
3) CHANGE
*Two things that can CHANGE my life;*
1) Daily Routines (Daily Habits)
2) Control My Thinking (How I think about myself)
*How to get the job done;*
Faster?
Better?
Cheaper?
Easier?
Observing more..
Questioning more..
Networking more..
Experimenting more..
Associating *(learn as we do, do as we learn via all activated senses ~ What we see, hear, smell, feel, touch & think)*
Clarity in *F.A.P.O.S.I*
Facts
Assumptions
Perceptions
Opinions
Suggestions
Instructions
DESIRABILITY (✓)
VIABILITY (✓)
SCALABILITY (✓)
*Skills + Wills - Hills*
= *Significant Positive Change*
(Increase the probability of getting BETTER)
Thanks a Lot
I needed this
Thank you!
My brain is blown. I get it. I really do. Wow.
Glad you enjoyed the talk!
I'm watching from Bangladesh and i Like your Lecture🇧🇩🇧🇩💖💖
Thank you!
Decisions, those are something that tend to take me a long time to ponder and then one day...its made. So it looks like a quick decision. The ones that require quick action I can make no problem. Perhaps overthinking is the problem.
She's right though the way kids make decisions is hilarious and awesome all at once.
Just wow!❤🥰
Thank you! :)
How validating to read at the 3:57 mark that university studies found women's cooperative approach to decision making leads to fairer outcomes.
Decision Making Is Great Skill Those Who Adapt It Reach Heights In Life 👍
Every decision in life will take our life five years ahead or backward it includes three main decisions which are Zar Zan Zameen.
Definitely, an overthinker.
Ah yes, that inner voice of a parental figure in our lives telling us that we aren't good enough.
so do I!
@@grantrylan hey my own voice does that!
I failed my 2nd ACCA paper. and felt like giving up. I asked God for a sign to keep going and somehow, this title seems like it.
God bless you dear
Hey, hope you are doing better now?
@@olayinkaowoseni5436 Hey! Yes, I am, I'm ready to give it another go and im working hard. I feel more motivated than ever. Thank you for asking :)
Over thinking is decision procrastination.
Great point!
It's really interesting, all that not trusting yourself to make hard decisions etc.... I guess because humans ultimately want that certainty, that knowing for sure it's going to be okay feeling, when we don't know what the consequence of making a decision can be it can just kind of cripple is into non-decision... which is kind of worse when you think about it.
So glad this talk resonated! Exactly - sometimes we forget that not making a decision *is* actually a decision.
life is a series of choices
Depending on the decision ask for advice from those you trust, do your research and trust your instinct. If it looks like a rose and smells like a rose.
Afraid to make a mistake.
Ugh yep, that's one of the biggest reasons we overthink decisions.
My inner critic is my dad… yeah you don’t wanna go on this date 😅
Kids make decisions that effortlessly because they've only been on the planet for a little while, and society hasn't gaslit them into doubting their instincts yet. Don't call me bitter lol this is pure realism.
I loved a lot this bestone video
35,000 decisions a day… no wonder I am always so exhausted
Haha right?!
7:55
Love this section!
Love 💖 from India 🇮🇳🙏
I have a l,ot of inner critics, and we battle every day and night....
What’s a zillow tab?
Been working on turning the volume of that critic doooown.
Great send Daph, I needed this today.
Ugh me too, it's a work in progress!
@@eva-singer Glad you enjoyed it!
@@reframewithlia it so is! i think it's easier to just turn to volume up on my inner and supportive carer :) haha
Where subtitle sir please
Ummm I'm not sure I think a lot of my decisions have been wrong! Lol but seriously I get what she's saying and will try to go a bit easier on myself....
No wonder I'm tired I've made 35,000 decisions today.
Haha right?!
"On the backdrop of the biases, and double standards we had to contend with in the workplace, our inner critic was taking the bait: often adopting the perspective that we're not good decision makers."
I would focus more on emotional manipulation of exploitative and mentally ill people who are aggressive - with hidden agenda, Machiavellians. People who doubt our self worth and we take the bait - where inner critic is just program that is running being executed by external virus attacking our mental stability.
It is good to know red flags and to discern who is enemy, there is a term called altruistic narcissist for example - Nurse Ratched, borderline types: people who appear as if they are helping us, but they create damage instead.
Consider this:
"A few years ago, Facebook, in conjunction with researchers from Cornell and the University of California, conducted an experiment in which they intentionally played with the emotions of 689,000 users by manipulating their feeds so that some users only saw negative stories while others only saw positive stories. Sure enough, when these people posted their own updates, they were greatly influenced by the mood of the posts they’d been shown.
Facebook caught a lot of flak over the experiment, primarily because none of the “participants” gave their consent to join the study. Perhaps more frightening than Facebook’s faux pas was just how easily people’s emotions were manipulated. After all, if Facebook can manipulate your emotions just by tweaking your newsfeed, imagine how much easier this is for a real, live person who knows your weaknesses and triggers. A skilled emotional manipulator can destroy your self-esteem and even make you question your sanity."
(article: 9 Signs You're Dealing With an Emotional Manipulator, talentsmartEQ)
Many women cant choose the dress they wear and food they want to eat. So,i think the issue is overthinking. Just like that preschool situation. Its depressing people actually think like that. Just do it. And if you are wrong, change it.
Awesome! Thanks! :)
Thank you!
Experiences whose help you to take a good decision
As are our pre-programmed responses to things!
I feel like I have been seen
Thank you for watching!
Why is the inner critic always so harsh? Who taught it to be that way?
it's been passed down for generations... that's why...
I think it starts with trying to protect us, but then becomes fearful of anything new or outside of our comfort zone.
Compelling talk. Deserved better lighting.
영상감사합니다ㆍ솜결
Always go with your gut. Isn't your ego the voice in your head?
What happens if you got drunk and sent text to a stranger that you just did makeup on and ruined relationship with your boyfriend sister the sister help me get the job
Please don't post when you are drunk.
You make a decision to stop drinking and get your act together
Ok so who counted these 35,000 decisions and how did they do it?
That was a not-so-compelling TED Talk.
Before making a decision you should know what is Congtive Biass
that this counts as a valuable information you didnt learned with ~8, we lived very different lifes :( :D (no offense)
Let's talk a moment to appreciate how much effort he puts into his content to entertain,.
don't let your government be your inner critic or you'll be less accurate about your decision's than a broke clock
🙂🙂🙂🙂 👍
They have tried to break you.
I need stop hearing my inner talk, its terrible..
ممتع🙂
GENIAL
Imposter syndrome, it appears to be an epidemic. Its interesting how many women and men don't trust the process. And the inner critic, is just that, a voice that likes to create doubt and stop you in your tracks. The what if questions will blow your mind. Better to stick with pros & cons based on the list of what you need and want.
Yep, we are a generation of people pleasers who want nothing more than to be accepted - so why would we try and rock the boat with ideas and thoughts that so actively go against the grain.
OMG! Son ACCENT est terriblement incompréhensible for me in Belgique
I mean... some of my decisions have been pretty wrong lol
Mmmm interesting to think about the inner critic and which voice in your head it is... for me it's the voice of my ex.
🥺🥺
Dear, it should be subtitled to get better a native speaker, please.
It is really hard to catch her/his words carefully and ...
👏👏👏🙏🙏🇮🇳
World's most intelligent man:
prophet muhammad.
The world will agree one day.
Agreed, enough to trick large population.
Added ultimate authority name with him.
He got enough women,power and fame.
Pretty intelligent
Our very paternalistic system is designed to deliberately create problems like this.
Shut up woke person
World's most positive man:
Prophet muhammad
Wow Lia, lighten up. Your cortisol levels must be off the charts. Give yourself a break.
No! You're badly wrong.