Things to Think About BEFORE Getting Married
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- Опубликовано: 27 апр 2016
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To you, what is the ultimate indication of true love and commitment in a relationship?
Seriously, what does it look like to you? How do you know when someone is completely committed to you?
To most, MARRIAGE is the ultimate sign of commitment, but is it really?
Probably NOT.
Before I get people thinking I'm a hater of marriage, I want you to know that I'm not. I'm a lover of LOVE, but as a relationship coach I want to make sure I shine a light on what's more important than getting married.
Like… the actual relationship!
Why? Because marriage is only a commitment in the sense that you are signing a legal document, and like other legal documents, they certainly are a commitment right? But what makes that legal document have so much power over the sanctity of love?
Let me say this very loud and proud…
IT HAS ZERO, ZILCH, NO fucking power over how much love is flowing in the relationship, and that is EXACTLY where we get ourselves in trouble.
We spend so much time believing a contract or even the wedding/ceremony is going to strengthen our relationship but we don't realize the "business" behind marriage.
What? I said it! BUSINESS.
Marriage is a business and whats crazy is there are more people more cautious of signing business contracts then a contract signing their life away with someone.
I truly believe vowing to give your life to someone is the most BEAUTIFUL act of love, but before we do this and legally sign a contract to the government, we have to be clear about the terms. Today's video is ALLLL about that. I give you (8) things to think about BEFORE getting married. Why? Because we want relationships that last the test of times, not just feed our temporary emotions.
Happy TLC Thursday and make sure you COMMENT your insights below! 
Хобби
People also get caught up in their wedding. A wedding is a twenty minute ceremony and people follow it with a party that rivals a down payment on a house. Your wedding is not your marriage.
Gail Lewis this is true.
Marriage starts after the wedding
OMG IM DYING READING THIS. WAITTTT YOU ONLY HAVE A 20 MINUTE CEREMONY MINE WOULD BE AT LEAST 3 HOURS NO LESS (it makes sense as I'm an Indian)
Exactly!!! Agree!!
@@deficator750 I don’t think you understand what she’s saying. Read again what she said
Marriage in earthly perspective is a contract, marriage on heavenly perspective is covenant, both should be equally yoked on earth as it is in heaven
1) What do you both value in life. Do they align?
2) Sexual needs
3) Emotional needs, support from partner you require
4) Roles in relationship
5) Future goals - kids, finance, where to live
6) Boundaries. What you won’t tolerate
7) What happens if we split up
8) Do you like being around each other
i dont think 8 is as simple as that because from what I seen love is different than friendship so while you may not be in like with each other it makes the marriage stronger cause you love the person so much ...long time friends dont get married mostly ...and many couples aren't usually aligned with their personality values goals...its part of it but I dont find it to be important really if you really are in love and make it work that doesnt matter as much...
As someone who got religiously married without signing a state marriage license, I agree with this so much. Getting married doesn't magically turn your relationship into something that it wasn't before.
This!
it does. it turns it into a cage.
@@santaclaus0815 That sentiment is usually a sign that the relationship is abusive or one-sided.
@@threestoogesfan2 agreed. And you dont know before.
I’m literally getting married in 2 weeks and I was about to call off the whole thing... But I realized it was fear that once I sign that paper I won’t be able to have my freedom to leave and I really didn’t want to tell my fiancé but finally I just told him. He is so understanding. Truly truly my best friend. And your video just clarified so much for me. Thank you soooo Mitch
Your face is perfectly symmetrical, you look so pretty!
Such a kind compliment, thank you!
cherishdeb she’s definitely very pretty but her face is NOT symmetrical! Her eyes are very different...one is smaller and the other is bigger and eyelids are different.
@@Lalala-fz2ci
True. However, that doesn't discredit the fact that she has good features (almond eyes, small nose, nice lips, round face, great smile, etc.). She's undoubtedly attractive.
Incognito yeah that’s exactly why I literally wrote that she’s “very pretty”. However, no need to lie and add something that’s not there (symmetry claims) she’s clearly not that symmetrical lol. She’s proof that you don’t need to be symmetrical to be gorgeous!
@@Lalala-fz2ci
Agreed. Most people are not symmetrical, even your favourite Hollywood actors and actresses most likely aren't. Only some top-tier models might be close to being perfectly symmetrical and then again, it's not literally perfect symmetry, more like perfect-to-the easily-fooled-eyes symmetry.
I agree, all this is just a reminder that you don't have to be absolutely symmetrical to be deemed attractive.
Symmetry as a major criterion for attractiveness is overrated.
- those points are very clear, thanks Christal
- keep feeding us
This is incredibly important information and an honest perspective! There would be far fewer divorces if more people watched this video and kept these considerations in mind.
You did a great job on this video! Hit all the main points :) ❤️
Thank you so much!! XOXO
This is the most real thing I’ve ever heard about relationships
Thank you for watching! XO
Its not real. Is making people afraid & girls being more demanding.
Jatin Singh May I ask what your longest relationship was?
I was with someone for 7 years and would have benefited from this knowledge. I’ve also seen many friends make the same mistakes and end waste their lives on people who were wrong for them when it could have been avoided
I came out of a 10 yrs marriage.
I am looking for a non-Arab girl for marriage, stability, tenderness and love. I am an Arab young man, I am 30 years old
Thank you for this. Very well spoken and thought through. I am engaged for the first time and was fearful of how much weight goes into this union... but my partner and I do all of the things she suggested and I am proud of that.
I’m thinking about getting in a relationship with an intention to get married. Thank you for making this video, I didn’t think of a lot of these things.
Thank you for watching Elizabeth! xx
This video is brilliant! You always give the best advice. Thank you!
Thank you!!
Great video. You forgot to mention something: whatever you discuss and agree upon can and probably will change over the course of time. It's marriage dynamic.
you have the most comforting smile!
This is MJ it's fake
This video got you a sub from me! My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged soon and this made me realize I should probably talk to him and make sure we are on the same page about marriage. Thank you :)
Sadly I disagree with this video in so many levels .... Marriage isn’t a contract and marriage is not caused out of fear. Marriage is a love/life commitment. And if you don’t marry the person you fall in love with you’re living in Fear. I was reading all the comments and seeing how many are agreeing with this is very sad how society now views marriages “as a contract” in contracts you could appeal , in a marriage it should be a forever never ending love, that’s why there’s so many divorces now and days people’s point of view on marriage is , it’s a contract . Smh
This is so helpful. I love you dear 😘
Honestly, thank you for this video. I looked this up due to the fact that my partner and I are looking at homes, and I am more than willing to sign the mortgage paperwork with him, but the idea of marriage always scared me (as I have seen so many failed ones). Rethinking marriage as a contact really helps me feel that it's something that can be maintained with the right amount of work and sticking to the conditions of the legal document!
Great video! You're really pretty🤧❤️
Very good video, thank you!
That was good 👌🏽❤️ thank you you are so right
I like how you mean to focus on the relationship before giving more steps. How can we hire you? We seriously need a relationship couch.
This is great video. Iam engaged we talked openly about everything but 2 of the things u mentioned. I saved it and he I be talking about missing pieces. Harder as we are Ldr's. Thxs for this.
I am looking for a non-Arab girl for marriage, stability, tenderness and love. I am an Arab young man, I am 30 years old
Having a clear idea of who you are dealing with before you get married is necessary! Strong, informed communication makes it happen. You have to be willing to grow, adapt, and get over yourself to serve the other!!!! It’s not for the weak!!!!
This is why when people say, this is my last day of being single, but i havent felt single since i said yes to making my relationship a priority.
That's educational
So insightful ❤
Take a shot every time she says "contract"
But be safe too! ;)
my friend: i think im ready for marriage
me in the backround : CONVICT (akon style)
hey!! can you make a video on how to be more aware when talking to people in group/ how to interact with people without really putting yourself down/ what do do when you have verbally abusive mother..
Hi
Thank you for this wonderful video! You're so pretty
I am looking for a non-Arab girl for marriage, stability, tenderness and love. I am an Arab young man, I am 30 years old
I was hesitant At first because I thought you would go the religious route but I'm agree! It is a contract. If it wasn't then both parties wouldn't need lawyers, court, paperwork to end it. The RELATIO SHIP is what bring a man and woman together not marriage. That just makes the already bonded, loving relationship...legal. people always thing marriage is going to change the person. Nope, they are the same person they was before you marriage.
Thank you for watching!
In some cases ppl change after marriage but u are right..binding starts from dating n fall in love..been with my husband for 5 years...I say husband bc we have a child n act like we’re married but he’s not my legal husband
Finally someone being real about marriage!
I am looking for a non-Arab girl for marriage, stability, tenderness and love. I am an Arab young man, I am 30 years old
You did a very good video and I like your channel. However I have the feeling you see marriage only on the legal version of it. Well, my suggestion is you should also see the religious/spiritual version of it cause I'm sure you might get some clients (people who wants your advice) who are practicing some religion and for those people marriage goes waaaay more than just the legal thing. For example; I'm catholic and for us catholics religious marriage celebration has a deeper meaning than just the legal one. Legal one is important but it is useless without the religious one ceremony. I'm just giving you an example, I'm not saying you have to be Catholic. Anyway, my point is marriage is not only "a contract", that's why people fear it so much cause they think they are signing an obligation, when in reality it is something much more bigger than that.
When do you get marriage to support each other? My boyfriend thought about marriage to me earlier when though! How long do you get married after dating 12 months I'm been him like 1 year anniversary celebrating relationship
Love this
I love you, and your advice
My boyfriend and I have discussed all of these things and we spent all of quarantine together with no communication problems. He lives in another country and with the pandemic, we are uncertain of when we will be together again. If we are both ready for a relationship and accomplished all of the things you’ve said before I saw this video, is it wrong to get married after 5 months of being together.
loved this video. agree that the realtionship is more important. so many people alway ask about marriage 👊
Thank you for watching!!
It's not a contract, it's a covenant.
To the down core of it, marriage is a contract.
Marriage is just a piece of paper that legalize your partnership. That's all it is...
It's a commitment for life, so that's why fake gbs don't want to marry - because they only use gfs for sex and see no future with them.
Rachel Mueller absolutely!
Rachel Mueller amen!
amen
I love your videos very much!Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much for watching! 💜
I think this is great advice! Thanks a lot!
Thank you for watching!!! XO
That was good.
Thanks for this ing but it's stuff I already knew
Has the relationship coach herself already entered into this supposed contract?
the sssssssss's are vry sharp in ur speech ;)
Me and my boyfriend almost never argue i trust him with everything and we are waiting on marriage before he takes my virginity im 17 and hes 19 we have been together for 7 months and hes planning on marring me right after highschool but.....my question is why do i have thoughts on dating other guys from time to time because i decided not to date till i got to high school and never had the chance to play around with all types of guys or am i just plain out dumb for even thinking of this ? If i leave him will i leave something presious by thinkimg the grass is greener on the other side?
Thanks i am getting married this week
I agree. Getting to the marriage stage is very difficult....
the last point is so interesting because you would assume that when you’re in love with someone, you like being around them.. maybe there is already one but a video on this topic could be interesting :)
a lot of people merry without like being around their spouse like she said out of fear but I think one thing thats equally as dangerous to look out for is those who merry their friend expecting that bond to replace love they lack and don't both feel together because we like each other so much and love will come eventually right?....na uh
I don’t know what I need to do or how to set it up.. please help me
Wow. I'm quite impressed by your intellect. This is so true. Never judge a book by its cover. This is true and it is not an hate about marriage but a clear definition of what makes marriage work which is a relationship. It's so simple and straightforward. In a simple and true relationship, you talk about everything and make fun. thanks for sharing.
Thank you for watching Shola!
What will happen when someone wants the marry the A.I. that lives on a chip in their own head? The future is going to be very interesting for relationships.
I am getting married in four days and I going absolutely nuts😥😓😓😓and lost like seriously crystal u pointed out some valid stuff and I am getting all shusssshes from my guy...is he nervous or what?😣 should I talk to him?cuz he won't obviously 😒😒
Real great thanks
U just for a new subscriber
Greattttttttt
I am very split on if I agree with your take on marriage. I agree that, this day and age, a legally binding marriage is definitely a contract. But at a nondenominational Christian, if it was viewed as a legal marriage to only get married with God as our contract, I would do that in a heartbeat. It is of course more about your relationship but a marriage does mean more than just merging to fictitious human companies. After you are legally married, you are considered a legal family in the eyes of the law. So I guess I agree mostly but I do think marriage can be more to some people, like myself, when you see it as more.
Think about your future husbands relationship with his family, his relationship with God, your finances, positivity, your goals. If he doesn't have a relationship with god he won't know how to love you.
So people who don't believe in god aren't capable of love.......
Yeah you religious types are really morally good people huh.
Marriage is firstly an agreement (two people privately agree about their feelings for each other), this may transition into a contract or covenant (both meaning agreement). This business (contract/covenant) is the civil portion, people choose to embrace or not. The necessity for the civil agreement (paper) is to bind people's responsibilities to future situations, like children, property and wealth or poverty. HERE IS SOMETHING TO THING ABOUT, use as a tool, to place a value on your relationship. (Source, Published in History Today, Volume 10, Issue 1, January 1960).
Church and State stood foursquare behind the superiority of man in seventeenth century England. It was only when a lady became a widow, writes Maurice Ashley, that a glorious opportunity for authority and freedom suddenly flooded in upon her. During the 17th century, women were in theory, and in practice so far as the law went, inferior to men. That had been their situation ever since Anglo-Saxon times. The teaching of Pauline Christianity and the network of feudal laws and customs had made it so. Women did not serve on juries or hold any public positions.
A lady of wealth passed directly from the rule of her father to that of her husband, under whose "rod" or "power" she remained until she died or was widowed. It is true that, among the poorer classes, women were so essential to the family welfare that they could assert their authority from time to time; but patriarchy was the climate of the society in which they lived, and the circumstances of the age prevented them from asserting themselves successfully or for very long.
For most women, life was seldom agreeable. When the wives and daughters of farm labourers were not toiling in the fields or in their insanitary cottages, they were giving birth to children or recovering from the effects of child-birth.
Frequent childbearing, however, was just as common among the rich, where even husbands were heard to grumble at it. William Blundell, a Lancashire Roman Catholic who had married his wife when they were both fifteen, and was the father of eight children before he was thirty, later complained........
Note: read the remainder of this article in the source provided above.
I do not agree at all with the points made in this video. Marriage is NOT a contract. It is a COVENANT- there is a big difference. Also, marriage was not man's idea but God's. It makes sense to go back to the designer when trying to understand what it is all about. The terms and intent of the institution are laid out in the Creator's manual- The Bible.
You do not enter a marriage with the mindset that you can leave at anytime, but rather how to COMMIT. It is supposed to be based on love and trust.
It most certainly was the idea of man. It predates Abrahamic sects.
EXACTLY!!thank u so much
Some people think that marriage is just like signing a contract or in other words having a business partnership but I guess not all people think that way some other people thinks that they want to get married because they've already found the right person which they want to be together forever.
ivan arciniegas When?
A covenant IS a contract, by definition
You look like Gal Gadot. Great video 🙏
Such a compliment, thank you!
Thank you. I would add that marriage is a covenant and not a contract. Contracts have expiry dates but a covenant is until death.
Thank you so much
I am looking for a non-Arab girl for marriage, stability, tenderness and love. I am an Arab young man, I am 30 years old
My goodness. Not even sure where to begin. Let's start here. Are you married? Have you ever been married? I ask because your advice is really interesting and for the most part, I completely disagree. My marriage isn't a business contract, although that's part of it. It's a LIFE COMMITMENT. That's why we married each other. And we didn't do it out of FEAR. We did it out of LOVE. We are completely different. Both from totally different parts of the religion. Speak different languages. And had everyone telling us not to do it. 17 years and 3 daughters later, I'm still laughing while some are divorced or are still single. I honestly don't know why you push so hard on the biz angle. I can tell you this. Dating/relationship is a LOT easier to get out of than a marriage And because of that, I'd say folks who don't get married as you suggest, don't get married because they FEAR not being able to get out of it. Thus, where's the commitment? I wouldn't trade my marriage or my family for anything. Just my 2 cents.
I'm not engaged or anything but i'm taking a personal quiz out of curiosity because we've talked about marriage before 😅 So far, we only don't agree on pets because he doesn't feel like he can be responsible and caring towards a pet as he would with a child. Meaning, he wouldn't be ready to choose the pet's life over his own for instance. But, I'm considering volunteering at a shelter instead. Why adopt one pet when I can show my love to all the poor animals in shelters? It may be more difficult to obtain but at least we'll both be happy and I will be very useful for the lovely creatures looking for someone to care for them :)
I was really elated hearing all that.
How to discuss future goals with your partner ?
Hi
How are YOU?
Now this is a much better video than Classically Abby's 10 Things to know before becoming a wife. (*w*)
I hate to say it but religious marriage planning makes couples focus on the relationship beside the wedding planning and i think every couple should have to do some type of premarriage counselling before signing the license.
im single still refuse to settle out of fear 0f being alone.. screw that
The President Of Where I Went To College ( University Of The Cumberlands ) Told Us Just * 2 WEEKS * after Meeting His Girl Friend They Was MARRIED ....
Summery of my thoughts, AKA, things I wish I'd thought about before I asked her the question:
If you are easilly "offended" now is your chance to scroll on.
Marraige (originally and traditionally) is an over priced, over rated religious ceremony that, 9 times out of 10, unequally favours one sex more than the other when it goes wrong, and it ought to either be a thing of the past, or revised and moved on with the times. Love shouldn't need a contract. Love should be free.
I have so many more thoughts and opinions about marraige. I would be better off making my own video about it.
You look so pretty.
Well actually i don't have a girlfriend yet but I will find a perfect type of girlfriend I like the most, and after that were going to get married,
Great
Really great lots of love from pakistan
If you were to marry a legal and you were an illegal you would be deported. Basically the way it goes is getting married in court requires valid proof of identification and if you just get married somewhere else you're supposed to send that information if you would like it to be public and actually count the marriage on your taxes or whatever so when you sign the contract at work it would be considered fraud unless you reported that marriage which a lot of people don't know which is how they get screwed at the end. If you get married in court they're suppose to send that information for you. If you and your lover are honest and got married technically you could bring up how the marriage took place which is good but that doesn't mean that it's documented as it should be.
Hey coach, can you say HI to me?
Just a question. In this theory if marriage is a contract, what is the religious ceremony only?
To feel warm and fuzzy. The state does not recognize the religious ceremony
never thought of it that way . LOVED THIS VIDEO Thank your for having the courage to give this message
Yes yes yes
I agree with this 100% love ur personality btw
Can’t you say you’re against getting legally married, and be more specific than what you are? People that are married in the eyes of the lord don’t have to sign any contracts as the contract is with god and not the law.
Amazing women
Love this - thank you
Thank you for watching!
I am looking for a non-Arab girl for marriage, stability, tenderness and love. I am an Arab young man, I am 30 years old
Lemme save u the ear full .......3:59
its Desi thank u for saving my time
thanks a lot
Thank you
😍😍😍😍😍
Men now i days are not getting married because its to much of a risk!
I can handle marriage but boy I'm scared of having kid we all know it after marriage its baby making
marriage is a contract? then no way i want to be part of it
3:55
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is? Also, you you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.
Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.
And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends.
And also, it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".
Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.
So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.
So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.
Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone.
And also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards.
So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
For a moment I thought you were Courtney k. ♥️
Waooooo beautifull bosssss,,,,
marriage is a contract not a relationship. i so agree. and it's nothing wrong with two ppl choosing to remain in a relationship, without signing a contract
who else is 18, ugly and weird who are looking up couples tik toks and marriage videos
Marriage advice from someone who is not married.
Paul Padua you’re an idiot.
hey! marriage is a contract? how long have you been married?
Do you not have to sign the papers? You realize the government won't recognize your marriage without papers right? You won't inherit your spouse's belonging if he/she dies. You can't visit at the hospital etc