Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
I am a 58 year old female and by the grace of God experienced relationships with narcissist, the last being a social path. I have found out that I have become a super empath. I won they lost. I look at it as experiences God has put me thru as part of his plan for something else. I’m ready.. ❤️Be strong people, believe in yourself (number 1)
I appreciate this video a lot. It seems like several things on the list are basically the same thing, though, so it's longer than it probably needs to be.
Yes, thats why they project their insanity to the target. Nice try though. Laugh and leave them on their own misery, their worst enemy is their own self..
Yes that's probably why they often project their mental state on others by saying you have a mental problem while they are the ones looking for division, trouble and acting unstable / moody.
Stop walking on eggshells, was the name of the first book I read that totally opened my eyes to what all the insanity was about. I went through most of this pre internet, so I didn't have RUclips. I just kept reading self help books and psychology books.
Things malignant narcissists get angry about in their partners. 1. Enjoying yourself. 2. Talking to healthy people. 3. Any accomplishment. 4. ‘Happiness’. 5. No affection allowed except to the malignant narcissist. 6. Any pride about a talent. 7. If you focus yr attention on anyone but them. They put up the boundaries, but get angry if you assert yr boundaries. 8. Compliments made to their partners. 9. If you point out a flaw in them. How dare you find fault with them. They’re perfect. 10. Imagined slights.
So true. I never noticed for years, but felt the pain of the rejection and criticism every time I felt happy or accomplished in the last 30 years. They are truly dispicable examples of humanity.
My mother in law is a malignent narcissist, her daughter (my sister in law) is a covert narcissist and my wife is a victim of both! My wife finally stood up for herself and now she' been labelled as "antisocial" by both cows. Thanks to your videos, I'm getting a clearer picture of what's been going on and am better able to help my wife, who I see as a victim of a narcissist parent.
God bless you. I come from the same and my ex husband noticed before I did. Instead of helping me, he separated me from my friends and family and used me for himself. My life was a black hole as long as I was married to him.
@@patriciarose2342 Wow! That's truly cruel! I've always supported my wife even if, for years, she tolerated it and would tell me to not make a fuss and avoid confrontation. I guess her mother "programmed" her (and her sister) that way. I would always encourage my wife to go ahead, get healthy friends and hang out with them, go shopping with them etc... but she was and still is so damaged that she's still afraid. Why would anyone want to stop someone from being happy? You wrote "ex husband" and "was" married to him. I'm hoping that you were able to escape, make changes in your life that YOU wanted and were able to find happiness.
@@gilleslefebvre882 yes I did finally divorce him. Among other things he left me a few times (good thing I was the one working) and the last time I finally realized it was over and I was able to see that I was abused. The Lord has been with me through it all though. And life hasn't been easy. I have hardly dated since and even though I have been through alot of healing and counseling, it seems I still attract the same people.
Tell your wife from me my own mother and sister called me anti-social for not kowtowing to my narc father. They were his enablers. I left. Maybe you could persuade her to go no contact w them for 3 months. That might wake her up
The one thing I noticed with my children's mother was if there wasn't something to be angry about, she would look and look and dig and dig until she found the most trivial thing to get angry about. Couldn't go more than 4-5 days between "episodes" and the cycle would restart like clockwork. It'll absolutely drive you crazy that you just can't live in a peaceful home.
Oh God the drama! If I remember anything besides the lies, gossip and gaslighting, it’s the drama! And like you said, if there isn’t any, the narc will create one! I remember this one time where he was standing right outside my door, upkeeping our motorcycles, and all the sudden he yelled at the upstairs neighbors and calling them names. I said what’s happening as I walked towards him, and there was nobody there. He said he was yelled at, like how stupid do you think I am 😂
My mother was exactly like that. If you were at home there was no escape from her crazy making. If you tried to keep out of her way she would pick up on that and that would make her more angry and spiteful.
Yes I know this one. My mate would get really quiet. Turned out there was something he wished had gone better, or something that he messed up about and was trying to figure a way to make it my fault. It was subtle but deadly. The upsets were all about trivial things but it became clear that he needed a reason to be upset so he had someone else to make wrong and blame. Covert narcissists need this mechanism as much as they need air to breath.
The narc will tie you up in knots. I would go for weeks being unable to draw a full breath. Everything must be ugly and a contentious fight in order for them to be satisfied.
This narc hated my children, but at the same time wanted us to move in with him. If they were having fun laughing being kids he would find something wrong and become very angry. This was the first sign there was something wrong.
You've hit the nail on the head. They want to deny you of life but since they are unlikely to be able to kill you and get away with it, they try to kill you slowly over time by destroying everything that you are leaving you a broken empty shell of your former self and taking life away from you in every way that they can. Narcissist, sociopaths, antisocial personality disorder, psychopaths they are all the same thing its just the psychopathic powers that run this world don't want us to figure out the truth of what they are so they try to confuse us by constantly changing the terminology. I mean "narcissist " does not describe an entitled, exploitative person. Narcissist is just a description of some one who loves them selves too much. That's what the general public understands when they hear that word. And we the victims of narcissistic abuse act like parrots just repeating whatever new term they give us. I think we should settle for sociopaths. Dr. Robert Hare says in his book without conscience that the human species is made of two races. Empathic humans and psychopaths The psychopaths are an intra-species predator and I agree with him. Dr George Simon jr ( author of "In sheepskin clothing" is alluding to the same thing.
My mother actually smirks if another family member's day gets ruined. But she is covert narcissist, and she plays the sweet, helpless old lady who can do know wrong, and talks about how "sensitive" and sweet she is, lol. Seems like only the two of us (me and my oldest daughter) she decided to subtly verbally abuse know the real her. It's maddening.
@@anajadwa6875 if they can't make you angry when your laughing they will throw away break or give the stuff you cherish just remember no reaction you smile and it either stops them or they have to work on something else
That is just cold hard evidence, isn’t it? Evidence that, well basically, they’re just empty shells. Also, they all tend to end up the same way in the end. All alone, and unloved.
Girl, I was raised with a narcissistic family who disowned me for being successful. So many different scales in narcissism. As you know I had ten different narcissistic siblings and me being the youngest. Crazy childhood memories of my family. All wicked people.
Yes any positivity will annoy them. I think they also can't bare when they see you are feeling complete, content with simply being there bc they are always looking for something / energy from others.
Um this wasent even remotley surprisning I think they dont understand that people can enjoy diffrent things in life. Everything is about them so they just dont understand.
I was having a good time in a game with my granddaughter. Our narcissistic son in law who disrespects me saw the fun we were having and acted like we were doing something wrong by saying in a mean tone, "what's so funny." He had no part in the game, was across the room and could not stand that we were enjoying one another. He tried to ruin the tone of our happiness. We ignored him and kept enjoying one another. But it was interesting that he wanted to make our happiness look stupid. A kind person would have enjoyed our playfulness with one another, perhaps even joining in.
Actually Endtime servant- I would say according to the Bible they love themselves. Lovers of self as Paul wrote in the book of Timothy. They hate God and anything good because they have demons and demons and the devil love evil and come to kill, steal, and destroy. Jezebel loves herself - they are all out to destroy ! God bless !
Dear one- then from what you are saying you are calling God a liar. I am a caregiver for a covert narcissist and yes the Bible does tell us how to handle these people. Jesus was surrounded by narcs and so was King David so we learn from them how to handle these people. When the Lord exposed this whole narcissist thing to me - few years ago and I attract them but I can detect them now very fast because I have been thru this for a long time. You sound like a scoffer just as the Bible says will happen in the book of 2 Peter. . God is long suffering not willing that any should perish but all should come to repentance! Perhaps The Lord is waiting for you to come to Him. God wants a relationship with you not religion. I was raised Lutheran and by 9th grade I wanted nothing to do with church. God in his mercy saved me some almost 25 years later. I have a relationship with the Living God & Creator through Jesus Christ the Lord. Lord open your eyes Rebecca.
@Rebecca Buschhorn I feel the same way, although I have embraced atheism but retain some of my spiritual sensibilities. You speak from a sensible and realistic pov.
A covert narcissist uses underhanded insults masked as compliments to insult you and then says you're too sensitive or that it was a joke, when you confront them about their underhanded bs. The covert vulnerable narc is the biggest coward!
My ex does this. She'll say out of pocket shit and then make me feel guilty for getting insulted by a "joke". Another thing she does is starts stomping through the house if I start having too much fun playing a video game with people. It got to the point where I was asking for permission to do anything and she'd be so confused that I'm asking for permission when i just have anxiety she's gonna freak out once I start doing said thing like the video games
Mine would get mad if I talked too much to people in our business, if I stood there not doing anything, if I WAS doing something while standing there, he'd get mad if I yawned, if I needed to go to the BATHROOM, if I wanted to go to bed....if I tried a new recipe for dinner, if there were no bowls or no wash clothes clean....he'd get mad if I was on the phone or if I was tired. What a bizarre person! Soooo miserable was he! I got OUT! He didn't see that one coming 🤗 I'm happier than EVER!
Numer 6: I took up photography - at my ex-husband's urging. When we moved to a picturesque area, I began taking photos for the purpose of making a book. He suggested I organize the book as a story, not just a collection of pictures. An excellent idea. However, once I did 100% of the work, including a simple storyline, he insisted that he be credited as a co-author. I was shocked and dismayed. He wouldn't back down from his demand, and I consequently abandoned my book project. I still have the sample printed book, and now that I've divorced him (after 10 more years of increasingly painful abuse), I've resurrected my book project.
Malignant narcissist are extremely dangerous people. When I walked away. She told me , if she cannot have me. Nobody will want me. Let the lies fly. She also told me. By the time she is through with me , I will commit suicide. That did not work. She told a cocaine dealer that I was trying to turn him in. If that is not trying to commit murder , what is ? I'm a good person , I believe in giving roses ....just because. One day I gave her a dozen roses. She asked , what's the occasion. I smiled and said happy Tuesday. Lose , lose situation.
I had to burn my family tree (metaphorically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, etc). Start a new one with ME as the top dog! Then my children and their offspring are the buds or branches that sprout from my nurturing, wisdom, love building a great legacy. No more generational curses! You feel me?
Be careful they usually come back so prepare yourself so your not sucked back in. Watch HG TUDOR'S RUclips videos on the different types of hoovers (ways they try to suck you back in) . They can't stand to see you happy and doing well so once you're back on you're feet again they come back to try to destroy you again.
Get on your knees and thank God almighty that you didn.t have her spawn..now that you know what the heck this evil is. I.m 62 and just learning about this..picking up the pieces of my life.
This is so spot on. My wife would insult me because I didn't read books, I was stupid etc. When I would pick up a book, she would watch me- I would get maybe 10 pages or so in and then there always was something that needed done etc Or- I would get, "you think you can just sit and read a book, I don't get to, your selfish and entitled" Soon I will be gone
There are several types of narcissists. This makes them hard to spot unless you’re hyperaware. But regardless of the type of narc, there is one thing they all have in common. They require other humans to get their narc supply from. If you are human (let’s presume that!) and you are empathic, terribly insecure, have low self esteem, or really hate being alone you are a magnet for narcs.
Believe In love my ex just left me for the 1000 time and we been together for 12 years, he always leave me then come back weeks or months later saying he misses me. I’m not going back this time I moved to Hawaii and I’m just bless to start a new chapter at age 30. God is so good 🙏🏽🥰 I agree, who loves me Jesus Christ
I knew a narcissist who hated see me come into work every morning with a smile on my face and would spend hours a day spewing poison and negativity just to wipe that smile away and make me as unhappy as she was. Sadly it worked, but just for a short while until I figured her out. They hate seeing you happy, confident, secure and loved by others. Great video ,thank you.
So do I...She got me fired but guess what 2 yrs later she was let go the company lost the contract now she knows what it feels like to be unemployed! I never stopped smiling when one door closes another one opens God is in control
Im in the same situation right now i come into work in a good mood first order of the day for this guy is start crap till im no longer in a good mood and ive figured out this guy has been hard on my confidence i have in my work skills
Yes - hating others being happy. I watched a series of people being bullied at work. Each person was very competent and happy in their work. It was hard to see who was behind the bullying (theft of work resources, a needle in a chair, etc etc). Then I realised one colleague had described each target as being happy. That bully was a bitter domineering person- targeting happiness in others. That behaviour is SO costly for the employer. Staff too often choose to retreat in order to avoid the harassment which makes it hard to function in their jobs. Why aren’t managers better at dealing with it???
I remember that day when I appeared extremely devastated and depressed because they turned the whole environment around me so toxic and everybody were against me, the smile they had on their faces was beyond my cognitive capacity. I really couldn't get it why they're doing all those things and lived in confusion for so long. It has been such an important lesson for me. Thank you so much for sharing this information because many people are suffering in silence and they don't even know what they are going through. Atleast this knowledge will help them to endure the toxicity.
@rubidirrojnamcha8470. Thats because these pathetic narcissists derive SADISTIC PLEASURE of inflicting pain on others.. And they enjoy seeing those pained reactions.. Sick 🤮 🤮.. These narcissists are beyond pathetic.. 💯💯
This video is exactly why I left my wife on March 9th 2020 after15 years of marriage. Wish our mutual friends could see this... not 1 person has reached out to me for my side of things. I am sleeping on a cot in my office .
Keep moving forward, no matter what. You did the right thing for you and that's all that matters. I've been where you are, but I did it with my 3 young kids and despite the early struggles, we're all better off. Sending you strength and love!
At my graduation from nursing school, my mother demanded that I give her a hug because in her words "you couldn't have done this if it weren't for me" which is the furthest thing from the truth. I paid my own way through school and she never offered any support in any way. It was all about her
My husband used to tell me that I wouldn’t survive a week without him. When confronted, he would say he was joking. When I told him it wasn’t funny, he stormed off. Well, the joke’s on him. I’ve been free for nearly 4 months now.
@@nadiayofav8 No, don't say this. So many parents don't want the best for you, and when you've internalized their hatred, it hurts so much and makes you doubt yourself when people say your abusers want the best for you. They don't.
The average, decent person can't truly grasp the mind of a malignant narcissist, therefore they tend to downplay the narc's behavior, excusing it, rubber stamping and enabling the bizarre behavior.
Chad Hart sad. I’m going through this right now with a malignant narcissist female. Everyone sugar coats and enables her outlandish behavior. It’s sickening and toxic.
@@DarkFemmeJen i feel for you. I was married to a malignant female narc from 2017-2019. You're totally correct about the outlandish behavior. The worst was the outlandish, over the top reactions - the punishment never fit the crime. For example: once she was going to change the locks on my house because she claimed i "gave her a dirty look" when i got up in the morning. But the thing is she gave me dirty looks EVERY morning. Pure insanity!! Crazy making.
That is so true! it was even more crushing when I tried to describe my mother's abuse, and hear people say things like, It's just a mother daughter thing, or, you only have 1 mother, you have to love her... NO I DON'T!! Not when you have a mother who enjoys and feels great satisfaction when she can see that something she said makes you miserable. Only people who have experienced narcissism can understand.
Yes , if you are a strong person in your mind and body and spirit , they hate that. To combat these people is a crazy road to go down. Get away from them the sooner the better ! Peace to all.
I can totally relate to a narcissist being jealous of their own children. My ex was so mean to particularly our middle child, which I can not explain. Maybe I can explain, that child was closer to me. I think he had anxiety problems because he was afraid of his father. When we divorced my ex married a woman who was cruel to all of our children particularly the middle child. He seemed to enjoy her degradation of our children. She was so cruel to him once in front of me. It was everything I could do not to slap her. She was angry because he used a word that she didn't know the meaning of. He has an IQ of 131.
They be mad asf when people say things they can not comprehend or even imagine the though or feeling guilty so.eone else is smarter then them fuckem I would've smacked her ass
My narc mother has always been horribly jealous of me. Growing up with her was a nightmare! She was unbelievably cruel to me, while my sister was the "golden child" who she showered all her affection on. It's so weird that a parent could actually be jealous of their own child, but that's how sick they are!
Procrastination ! I had to stop the video there! I’ve been observing this state in me for a while. “They train you to not enjoy...” “... not to be proud of your achievements ...” “which leads to a lot of procrastination”... I would like to hear more on that I learn how reprogram ... please 👏🏻
That was the word that got me to sit up too. I've never procrastinated so much in my life than when I was with my ex. I was literally going round in circles trying to make decisions, afraid what I decided was wrong,
My 40th and first birthday with my partner was on May 9th. My intuition was telling me he was going to do whatever he could to shit on my joy. He proved my intuition right like always. Next month would have been a year together. All of the severe damage he’s done to me emotionally and mentally (a few times physically) in just one year, it makes my blood run cold to imagine dealing with this for multiple years. My heart genuinely goes out to the people who are suffering at the hands/words of a toxic person for ANY length of time. Even in one month these people know EXACTLY what will bring you to your knees. I promised myself I wouldn’t drag this pain into my 40’s. I know I’m a great, loving woman with so much heart to give. This year I am going to focus on healing myself and come out on the other side of this stronger, wiser, and incredibly grateful I didn’t waste myself. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and deal with, but some how I’m going to break this trauma bond and know what peace feels like again. Being on quarantine during a pandemic, laid off from your job like millions of others, you’d think you’d be able to lean on your partner for support. Silly me for expecting a miracle to occur out of nowhere. It’s hard enough out there, man. I’m scared to be 40 and single having to completely start over emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I’m REALLY scared, but I know I’m doing what’s right for me. I’m putting ME first for the first time in my life. I wish all of you nothing but peace and love. This is no way to live. If you can get out of it, do yourself a favor. It hurts like hell and it is heartbreaking. Everyone deserves love and compassion and not feel terrified to leave a comment on a RUclips video. Everyone one deserves someone to feel joy WITH. Not be punished for being happy. Any sign of strength and growth from the pain they cause will get ripped away from you the moment you express it. Today I learned that my person gets pleasure out of traumatizing me. Giving me a big fat dose of disappointment for my birthday was the nail in the coffin for me. I’m grateful for it because now I can enjoy the last half of my life free from trauma and the sickest abuse. Whoever actually took the time to read what has turned into a journal entry, bless your heart. Please reach out if you are suffering. You’re never alone. So much love, light, and wishes for your healing, from my heart to all of yours. ❤️
@@lonerhappy You definitely can get away from them. It's incredibly difficult, but when you're free from never-ending drama and abuse it's all worth it! ❤
Jaime Nicole -my partner passed but left rumors about me. He was a covert narcissist. Now my next door neighbor. We were friends but I ended the friendship. But she's trying to say I am a monster and has spread rumors I'm going to hurt her. Even goes as far to scream when I sit on my porch. She's a real psycho that has gotten other neighbors to believe her. But one thing is for sure I ain't leaving my home. I realize this will never stop. I go to work but have limited my time outside. I'm not unhappy but I know she's miserable and a very jealous witch.
Okay I have to write these down because most of these had me with my mouth on the floor by how true it they were. Number 1: anything that you are passionate about. They hate to see you enjoying yourself. They will overtly insult you or make you feel bad for enjoying it. “Why are you always wasting your time” Number 2: talking to healthy ppl on the phone. They don’t like it because it will interfere with their trying to force their reality onto you. If you have healthy relationships then you are going to have a healthy perspective to what they’re doing and saying. Number 3: any accomplishment, they will find ways to devalue you. They’re subconsciously training you to not be proud of yourself and to not enjoy what you’re doing or your achievements which causes and leads to later on in life, a latter of procrastination. Number 4: happiness. When you’re happy, they will fling you this look, look of contempt. Causes you to think ‘what did I do, why are they angry’ it causes you to get you out of that happiness and into a negative state. It’s because they don’t feel real happiness they just fake it, so when they see you having real happiness, they shoot it down for an exchange and now your depressed, confused not in your best element. They see you like that and think, the ya re not happy, they aren’t feeling something I can’t feel, I’m the one that’s happy. Number 5: not allowed to show love to others (kids, family). Which is buzz are. No not a person would have a problem with that. But they see it in 2 ways: you’re focused on someone other than them. They know you have an emotional connection with them, they know it’s real and they hate that because they don’t have the capability to have a real emotional connection with their kids or loved ones because they see them as extensions for themselves. Number 6: Another thing: if you are proud of a talent you have, they will make you feel selfish or arrogant- making you feel like it’s a bad quality unless they can take full credit for your talent. It’s all about what they have allowed you to do, they want the credit for everything that you can do. They’ll get angry if you try to feel like you deserve the credit. Number 7: Angry that they are not the center of attention. They need to be the center. Number 8: they will hate if their with their partner and other ppl are complimenting their significant other. Other people would be so honored to have someone say that. But a malignant narcissist, they’re mind tells them you’re noticing someone other than me’. It irritates them that you get the compliment and not them. Number 9: of you point out that their behavior was anything less than perfect, they get angry. They have no problem telling you all the things they think you’re flawed in, but they get extremely angry when anyone thinks they are anything less than perfect. They have no problem telling you things to ‘help you’ but if you say something they’re angry. Number 10: they get angry at imagines slights. Even if you are maybe joking, they will imagine that you are trying to insult them. They take everything bad and always on alert. They’ll get mad at the silliest little things. If you are living you’re life trying to do everything you can to not make them angry. Always trying hard to find the formula for them to never get angry. Hopefully you realize their anger has nothing to do with you. The truth is that they get angry for the most bizarre things- then they use gaslighting and expert manipulation, making you feel like you’re always wrong. It’s time to stop. Haven’t you noticed no matter hard hard you run and how much you yank your personality out to please them, they are still always angry. God bless y’all ♥️
When I heard 1 and 2 I IMMEDIATELY thought of my covert narcissist mother. My mom would always take credit for my accomplishments or talents! That's one reason why I stopped singing and never got formal training bc the whole time my mom was acting supportive really she was taking credit for my talent and secretly jealous of her child for having a talent! Now as an adult I'm finally taking my singing serious again!
Wow. I’m pretty sure I’ve gone through this with Atleast three people. Mostly family 😕. They make you feel like you’re not allowed to be an individual and that you are somehow unworthy of basic respect . I’ve learned to keep my passions and ideas to myself not just because I don’t want to get hurt, but because these people don’t deserve to know anything about me and what I’m working on. Such evil, miserable and petty individuals.
points true 1) keep passions and ideas to yourself 2) dont assert that you are an individual 3)dont let them know about you and what you are working on
TheJenJen We discovered that our 52 y/o sibling is a malignant Narc. She wants to get all the credit for how I single-handedly raised my now successful 3 orphaned children. Mind you she has no participation whatsoever. Time, money or whatever ! NADA! But now feels so entitled to whatever we are enjoying Toxic, evil and envious people Gone NO CONTACT
G Money I agree. My family has tried to force me to have conversations with certain people even after I’ve explained all the things that were said and done. They try to guilt trip and manipulate me by saying “you can’t divorce your family”. Ummm yes I sure as hell can if I want to and NEED to for my own peace of mind and self preservation. And they wonder why I distance myself.
Four with malignant personalities disorders in my family. I have never for a moment regretted leaving at 17. It was like walking out of a prison, having been imprisoned for just being born.
My ex-husband used to brag about being married to a professional musician but then he constantly complained when I was out of the house playing gigs. So glad to be free! Never again!
My ex would only say nice things with an audience, Also would try to humiliate me infront of strangers who were 20 feet away saying Look out you are so rude. It was weird. I would look around confused.
I can relate. Mine does that to me. He brags about the fact that I have a doctorate degree and he delights in telling people about it, but when I was working on my degree he would complain about me working on it.
I can relate to this. I left my husband 2 years ago. I retrained as a hairdresser, ended up having my own business. He would tell anyone that would listen that he supported me in my new path, yet when it came to studying complained I was ignoring him. When it came to the business he sucked it dry of the profits by getting me spend on trips, things for the house. I had no idea I was being financially abused never mind emotionally and mentally.
A lot of this is so true. Rules with my narc = no friends, no fun without him, no compliments for anyone but him, no vacations with my family, he didn't like me making food for anyone but him like potlucks for work, if I visited my mom, he would call me 3 or 4 times in two hours. I remember him getting upset if I went for a walk, listen to the radio instead of him or even showed joy by signing with the radio... It was hell. He sucked the life out of me. I am safe and healing. It's been 4 years. I was with him for over 20. I really had no idea about narc abuse until I was out. These people are really evil, but come across as angels. It's like a true scary Lifetime movie.
@@deecarr9171 Same here. I don't even like gossip and I started gossiping. Smh. Anyway, I know what it's like to turn into some weird, version of yourself that you look at and you say to yourself in your healed state, "what the hell did I turn into when I was dealing with that narc?"
A narcissist feeds off our emotions. I no longer let her control me. When she is pissed at me for no apparent reason, I just keep it moving. I've made it far and I'm not stopping! Thank you for this!
The narcs I deal with hates it when I listen to videos on this topic he says your all dumber than (you know the word ) and their wrong I tell him it's a word by word of his cruel and evil likings
@@kimberleyking5025 sorry to hear that! Never stop watching the videos and always keep an eye out. Narcs are jealous and deadly. Stay strong, sending you positive vibes!
@@TheRealMrRobles you know the tactic your using just keep moving and no reaction really does work even when he keeps digging for something else to upset me thanks for your worfs
It's worse when you're a little kid just being a little kid and they get angry and freak out and shame you for being you. They will take good attributes and shame you and turn off that attribute.
Very familiar to me too. Luckily for me, his own parents and my other grandfather were good, normal people and I consider them to be my real parents as they taught me everything good in my life
my "mother" is a covert narc, ruined my reputation for 40 years, split me and my sister with lies. She has no power over me anymore, my IQ and EQ is top. I am a strong powerfull woman 🙏
Exactly. As a child.I loved reading. My mother could not stand to see me reading. I had to hide to be able to read. Many times I climbed a high tree, next to the hase, and read my books there. O made sure I would not display enjoyment or hsppiness.
It's really sad how much they envy and selfish jealousy that is so apparent. It's like they try to play it off but they can't and you feel the energy. Immature and uncomfortable.
My favorite: They hate the idea of celebrating your birthday. My covert narc of years ago made sure he had plenty of excuses for why he could never do anything nice for me on my birthday. His best excuse was that it was too much pressure to get it right. If you ever hear your mate tell you that, RUN!
Or if they do take you somewhere, they complain constantly about how expensive it was to take you anywhere. Whereas when it’s there birthday they will sulk if they don’t get what they want
It always baffles me when I hear that people say this was caused by trauma. Obviously you were abused. My question is did you EVER at any time desire to take the dark path to get back at these monsters. Also, it.s obvious that they know what they are doing, as they know they woulfn.t want to be treated this way and their behaviors and interactions involve a great deal of manipulation, planning and deception. With that being said would you concur that this is a free will choice. I view it as simply evil. I.d really like to hear your response. Many thanks.
@@miraclesforus2 ~ when it came to my malignant narcissistic monster / mother I never took the "dark path" to get back at her because I didn't understand what I was going through while I was going through it. As far as it being a "free will choice", my belief is that they work off of what they have to work with. Since they went through such a bad early life it seems to me that the choices they believe they have, based on the life they had, lead them down the path they're on. Just my belief. I could expand on that if you'd like. Let me know...
Endorphin..if you want to expand I.d be very interested. I.m almost 63 and finally UNDERSTAND that this a common pattern of behavior and is actually identified..with common behaviors and patterns. Although you might not have understood what was going on at the time you certainly on some level cognitively realized it was rotten..or just plain evil..and still had the presence of mind to not repeat or enter that path. This question is something I seek insight on. Any feedback to this ong ramble would be appreciated. Best of luck.
@@miraclesforus2 I have noticed, that after being with him for almost 20 years now, I stand up for myself. Not every time, because my punishment back, is a thousand times worse .I pray alot, because I want to really attack him and call him names, because he has really said and done some things to me and our grandkids, emotionally, and mentally, that I just don't understand. I can't even ask him how his day is, without him thinking o am questioning him. I plan on moving out in Late spring, but our granddaughter is going through an illness right now, so I feel I have to stay here, until she gets better. Because our grandbabies come here after school, and they stay with us, when they have to take sissy for her treatments in st. Louis. I am understanding more, and more, but in my heart I'm struggling, but my focus is on God, and knowing, that , one day, I will be free.
Tammy Patrick..in the mighty name of Jesus..I come now boldly to the throne of grace on behalf of Tammy. Father, I humbly and solely ask you that all of the principalities, powers and demonic entities that are being sent forth from her husband, who REFUSES to repent, be obliterated and sent back from where they came. Father it is NOT your will that your daughter not be set free. I take this man to the seat of judgment for you to deal with justly and in the belief that you are a just God, for you to rectify this situation personally in your wisdom, might and timing. FATHER, bless Tammy and her children and grandchildren as I rely on your word in Isaiah 44:3-4 For I will pour water on him who is thirsty,and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, and My blessing on your offspring. THey will spring up among the grass like willows by the watercourses. Psalm 103:17 But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children. Proverbs 11:2 Though hand join in hand, the WICKED shall not be unpunished; but the seed of the righteous SHALL be delivered. Father thank you for hearing this prayer on behalf of my sister Tammy knowing in FULL faith that you WILL rescue her and set her and her family free from this bondage. I will be holding you in prayer knowing that God is just to those who love him. May he hasten to your aid, heal and protect you and your grandchildren. Be blessed in Jesus' mighty name.💝🎁
The narcs happyness is always relative to others happyness because the narc is entirely jealous. So the worse others feel, the better it is for the narc because for narcs it's all about competition, always the need to compete.
My husband of 13 years is always competing with me, he even told me he is. How am I playing games with him when I never wanted 2 play in the 1st place? I wasnt aware he was trying 2 out do me. Does this mean I intimidate him?
@@laurenm9563 Everything intimidates a narcissist because he can not trust anyone or anything anymore. His ability to trust has been destroyed in early childhood so that he, his soul - deep down on a place he can't even reach by himself anymore - got stuck in a continous trauma, a bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness. That's why he always has to fight for his superiority. So what you are dealing with is the mind of your husband only but his soul is not there like there is nobody home.
@@laurenm9563 Imagine you are walking over the street and out of nothing a giant truck blows his horn beside you. Immedietly your brain based reflex system let you run in panic until you feel being out of danger zone. A narcissist is stuck in this panic mode where is never rest, comfort or peace. However, with puberty the soul begins to takeover the lead over the body, the person becoms himself a good mother or father, begins to walk his own way and with it the ability to stay calm even in strange situations like a truck is blowing his horn beside you. But on a narcissist this did never happen. So if you treat a child over and over again that way that being a winner let you escape from being punished like denunciated most likely in public as a looser or not good enough or even worse get punished with food shortage, prisioned in his room or any other punishment, this can result into a continous panic mode and he can not become himself a good father. And if you can not be a good father for yourself, you of course can never be a good father for others who can give you rest, peace and comfort.
I’m sorry to hear that. It took him cheating for me to leave him. It was rough. My kids hate that their home is broken. But I am grateful to be out of it. I am so much calmer, so much more myself.
I've only been away from my husband, who I've known for nearly 3 decades, nearly 2 years now. If it's not already happened you will reach your enough is enough moment. Love and strength
Same. Married to my wife for 22yrs. Always berating me and pointing out my flaws, rarely giving me a compliment. Would get angry and annoyed if I was helping out others, even if it was my parents, or volunteering time at church. She was always afraid that I would cheat on her, and would bring up my past relationships. She had an affair last year which I had suspected and found out about last May. When I found out it was like being hit by a truck. After the initial shock, I tried to forgive her, to which she responded that she was expecting it. After about 3 months where it appeared as though I was the only one making any effort, I basically lost it in September and had to take time off work as I couldn’t focus on anything and was just too sad and depressed to do anything. But here we are in February and I just cannot get myself to leave. I am slowly getting back to work and to working on my hobbies. I am really stuck between staying and leaving. I see her being sad and I feel bad but I try not to get sucked in. She wants to stay together for the kids. I have been meaning to talk to her to see if we give this another go, or if we just split. I am afraid of both leaving and staying. I don’t want to hurt the kids.
I know what made my ex narc angry. She had always wanted to be a film star or a beauty queen or a model but knew it would never happen and so she wanted our girls to achieve it so she could live her fantasy through them. One day while our family were all out walking we came across a building that was holding auditions for various parts in a film, they were looking for men, women and children. Naturally we had to go in as she was desperatley hoping our girls would be chosen. Neither her, our girls or our boys were chosen but I was. The funny thing is that I did not care whether I was chosen or not. She was mad. What made it worse was they even discussed my potential part and it was not a bit part or an extra as most of the parts on offer were, she got madder. They wanted me to potentially play the part of a Polish resistence fighter during WW2 who was also a talented ametuer football player. They photgraphed me so they could send the images to the casting directer. and she got madder still but tried to suppress it. I remember rubbing it in as we walked back home by singing that disney tune (Pinochio I think) "Hey diddly dee, an actors life for me" and "Hey diddly dum, an actors life is fun" The only time I was able to kick back and enjoy it.
The odd thing was, I thought that I was the one who was angry all the time when we were together. It never dawned on me to wonder why my happiness came back when we were apart and left when I was back with him. That is, until I was as angry and upset as he was.....and then he was calm and happy......even smiling. I thank God that I have made it out of that very dark place.
I came out of a 10 year arranged marriage...my ex checks out every trait on the list...scary. I am grateful I got a second chance as being indian I never thought it was possible. The culture just fuels them.
This has always been a tough one for me...I am finally feeling that it’s okay to be me....and understanding what is behind this person’s anger has NOTHING to do with me. Also realizing this person really doesn’t have a good word to say about anybody.
My sister is this way. I recently just got a bf & he’s the most amazing kind , sweetest person. He treats me & my mom like a queen. I’ve been single for years & had terrible dating experiences ( which she loved to criticize me for) saying I need to find a real man that treats me right & now that I have one she can’t stand it , still talking 💩 insulting my relationship & my bf. It’s just crazy. I stopped including her in my personal life which she hates. It’s like damn if you do , damn if you don’t lol I’m extremely happy & that’s all that matters 🥰
It is scary, but my mum is the same and my father too. And it is sad, but i also do not want her in my life, because she would destroy my happines with my boyfriend. She never changed. Protect you relationship at all costs, because a good lovelly partner is not easy and sometimes, people never will meet one. Stay strong and fullfilef. Bless you both.
_sonflowerr _ Not trying to hit on you (I’m too old for that), but you are a beautiful young lady. Sometimes sisters can be jealous and she definitely is so remember the Cinderella story, they were jealous of her too. Hope you get your prince and live happily ever after. And I hope he treats and respects you like a princess too.
💐No one understands what it's like to have a narc. for a sister. I went no contact in 1998, and plan on staying that way for life for all that she has done to me in my childhood. She also criticized all of my friends. She got close to my boyfriend's in High School and kept them in her little book. She would go out with them and visit them years after I broke up. Narcs are F-ing nuts. When people ask if I have any family I don't invite any arguments. I say no.
The thing is, I actually knew people like this. At the time, I was just lacking in wisdom and experience in dealing with them. What you are saying in this video is exactly right. These people actually exist and it's quite exhausting to be anywhere near them.
Absolutely! I achieved a Doctorate in psychology. My ex husband would say “your not a real doctor” or if my email address had doctor Janet he would say “of course it is” with rolling his eyes. YET... when we were with his colleagues he would INTRODUCE me as Doctor Janet Benjamin... ownership much!!!
I'm with a malignant narcissist. He gets obsessively crazy if I show any positive emotion to another person or pet. I can see that he actually gets so angry when I loved on my fur baby - he actually has had to leave the room. I'm on here because I'm in such a dark place, and I need hope of getting out of this. I've lost all power over myself. The tantrums .. Every word I say is seen as an attack. I stopped talking many months ago to save myself. I've lost myself . Gas lighting stopped a long time ago . Now it's just full on rejection.
BLESS YOUR ❤️. GO. . DEAR ONE. . SAVE MONEY AND GO!!! U CAN DO IT. . U MAY HAVE TO LEAVE THE STATE IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT. . PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU. . FIND SOMEONE. . . A COUNSELLER. . A FRIEND. . ❤😢 BE VERY QUIET. . AND GO FAST AS U CAN. . THIS POST OF YOURS IS 3 YRS OLD. . I SO HOPE YOU R FREE AND HAPPY. . . U R IN MY PRAYERS❤ GO. . GIRL . GO
The excovnarc never said I was pretty or beautiful. He never complimented my smile or dimples or my hair or body. He ignored me for 14 years. My fiancé showers me with compliments and I'm still in shock. I thought I was ugly. Undesirable. A waste of space. Not anymore!! I see my beauty. I feel beautiful and I LOVE myself!!
I can relate. Mine never complimented me but he always complimented other women right in front of me. He even commented on how hot one of the neighbors is.
It’s amazing your knowledge for such a young woman. I’m just starting to realize how many people in my life from my young age were Naracists and how I’ve fallen victim to so many more my whole life. I’m 66 now and finally getting some self esteem back because I finally realize the pattern with the men I choose. Thank you so much!
Woooow. This is so accurate. My wife is grilling me sins 2010 for going for a jogg once a week. I am conditioned to have a bad conscience when I am doing something for myself now.
👍Wow, a lot of that describes my husband exactly! I can't even recieve a compliment on my fingernails without him throwing his unkempt man hands out and saying "what about mine" like a royally spoiled attention-hogging toddler! I hate to even go in public with him because of such!😔
Anytime we bring up issues we are having with the narcissist or are having a good time in front of her she will change the subject to off the wall random statements “I’m uncomfortable in your house”, “how old are the kids, they’re going to leave you soon”, “you remind me of my friend, plain, no makeup”, “you hate Christmas”....Ridiculous unrelated things that have nothing to do with anything that’s going on in the moment. We can never have fun or a reasonable conversation, we are always left confused by her comments.
The worst thing for me was leaving and not being there to care for and protect his two young children from his abuse. He hated the son for having any enjoyment in life. He constantly screamed at his two year old boy to shut up. He loved to frighten him, shake him and throw things at him. To the point the boy was shrinking away in fear. I called CPS and asked them if the abuse was enough for them to get involved and it wasn’t. I have to live with the guilt and I try to be happy I was able to give the little boy a year of love and safety.
My father had a memorial service held by his colleagues in state government. When my narc mother arrived with my young brother, one colleague went to comfort the bereaved teenager first, rather than the widow. My narc mother started yelling at him and he left, even though he had been scheduled to speak at the ceremony.
You are so right Michelle. My ex wife of 22 years (divorced 3 years now) got me to the point of no interests, no hobbies, no activists at all. She wouldn’t even let me do things with our kids to build interests. When I tried to get involved with my son when he was younger building a computer, she absolutely objected to spending money on such an activity so that I had to sneak behind her back and make up stories about how I got the computer parts. There are so many examples of these sorts of things it is horrible. The day that our kids didn’t want to go shopping with her rather, they preferred to stay home with my mother and bake cookies, that was the last time my ex-wife let them stay at my parents house and prevented them from spending any further time with them. My parents are so upset at hardly seeing their grandkids grow up. Of course, since we divorced, she has alienated the kids from me too.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your kids. Although, being the daughter of a narc mother (or genitor as I call her) your kids will probably realize one day how she truly is as I did. I hope during that time you heal yourself and work on expanding your potentials and realizing desires you couldn't do before.
This is happening to me. When you get the chance, tell her one day, she will realize she has shot herself in the foot. This might resonate. When the kids turn 14 or 15, she really can't stop them from running away from home.
Yep, I've had to lie about stuff when i wasn't even doing anything wrong in the first place. They want control over everything like if they're a puppet master and you're the puppet. It is so so sick.
Both sisters (one lives in a different state) have made sure that I didn't bond with their children, so since our beautiful mum & dad died 23 years ago, I haven't seen my nieces for 23 years nor my other sister's children for about that long too. They've ghosted me and on top of my virtually turning myself inside out to impress or get through to them which has affected my life adversely they've now got me as the Whipping Post of the family that the kids all bash so that the two Crocodile Narcs can look good in the eyes of their children. There's no holds barred on their behaviour now that our parents have passed away, and having them as children caused my parents to die young. When I say 'crocodile' I can't think of a more appropriate visage one could use to describe such HIDEOUS personas as my sisters. They have to keep me away from their kids and keep the lie going about how bad, mean, uncool I am because if the kids ever had any contact with me they'd discover that a) they actually have a human being for a relative and b) how bad and ugly their mothers really are.
Oh my this is so true. My husband gets mad when anyone say i do something good at all I was told that I am like the jack of all trades and i do a good job with the kids. He gets so angry when someone shows me favor or praise which is ridiculous.... I am now speaking up for myself and he would say that my family was telling me what to say or he would take credit for anything I do or accomplished..... He hates when other men look at me and smile..... I get in trouble for everytime. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells....😞😞😞😖😫😩😭😵
Its good to hear you are sticking up for yourself. Learn as much as you can about toxic behaviour. @Michellealee has been my saviour over the past 3 years. I'm no longer living with my husband, I reached my enough is enough point. I hope you do too. Don't let this man steal your sparkle
I quit drinking alcohol cause I was down pretty bad with it and instead of congratulating me she would say things like "you act so high and mighty cause you quit drinking"
@@Horseluvver yes.. my narc ex would say that I didn't love our deceased cat and that my relationship with the cat was fake... That was the most mean thing my ex could ever say.. and what's even worse is that when I left I had to leave my cats behind (couldn't bring them with me and he didn't want to split them; we though had 4) and to this day I still worry and hope that they are okay.. especially because I took care of them the most (scooping the poop, cutting their nails, give meds when needed and kept a close eye just in case one of them got sick, I would always call the vet etc)... and the ashes of my deceased cat are still there too.. it sucks 😭
I LIVE AROUND ALL THE NARCS MY MOTHER SISTER EX HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER AND THEY MAKE SURE I AM NEVER HAPPY. I DO THINK IT TIME I MOVED AWAY AND FORGET ABOUT THEM ALL...
Thank you for this video. It's amazing what makes narcissists jealous and angry. The story about the woman who had to secretly kiss her own children goodnight struck a chord with me. My n-ex was jealous of our dog. He would get angry if he saw me stroking or patting our dog and would make comments like, "he gets more love than I do" and, "you talk to the dog more kindly than you do to me." It wasn't true, but meant that whenever my n-ex was in the room and the dog came over to me my n-ex would stare at me I would have to secretly drop my hand and the dog would slowly and quietly sneak under it to get a stroke! My n-ex never hurt our dog, but the dog and I both knew not to upset him.
I understand this. I have never understood why my partner couldn't bear me if I saw my grandchildren. I would be ghosted for days. Or he would sabotage our trips to see my family who lived 4 hrs away by stating I'd done something to upset him - hours before we were due to leave and he would say "I'm not coming..." I'd go on my own and feel so unhappy and he would often block me in the phone, in the end i felt relieved he wasn't there but I'd be ignored days on my return. He didn't have grandchildren and yet i was always kind and welcoming towards his 2 girls. It ended. Thank god. By him I somehow think I was there until I reached 59. When he would criticise my face and say i looked old. I was 4 years younger than him. I was shocked when he started to call me by my mother name. I was very attractive when we met, but I think my looks took a battering because I was so often unhappy and confused. We lasted too long together. I haven't had a lot of confidence in life. He saw this in me. Anyone else would have ended it much sooner. I was independent, solvent, good job, educated and with my own home. I went from being happy and fun to having to deal with something completely outrageous. And I stuck it out nearly 5 years. I'm still recovering. If your friends are saying it isn't right. LISTEN
When a waitress gave me a nice compliment, the narc said "What about me?!" They looked at him like he's crazy but he still kept doing it. If they asked for my ID to have a glass of wine, he'd get angry and say loudly "She's thirty years old!" A waitress said " Oh, I thought she was alot younger." He says "She doesn't to me!" This whole back and forth happening right in front of me like I'm not even there. Then the narc stays angry because someone thought I was younger?! Now I realize it's just that I was getting attention and not him. But when waitresses have ignored me and were a little flirty with him, I'd tell him I'm uncomfortable and he'd dismiss me and laugh and say "I didn't notice anything." But he'd be in a great mood so I know he was loving it and didn't care how they treated me.
My narc cried when a man told me I have an angelic face...laugh. He wanted me to feel bad because he did not feel good about the fact I received a compliment. These people are flippen crazy.
This sounds like my fiancé. He even gets mad when people comment on my pictures, he blocks them but it’s okay when females compliment him, he doesn’t shut up about it. Every time post on my Snapchat he logs into my Snapchat and post himself then compare the number of views
I listened to this wondering if my husband fit the bill and not at all. But as soon as you got to the Mother comment about kissing goodnight and the husband not being able to comprehend those feelings... it made me realize my mother has many of these bizarre traits. She does not say I love you to any of her kids unless someone dies, she kept saying not to put my step dads interests and hobbies on his obituary because "the only reason he was into these hobbies was because of me" and even did not want his own daughter (from another woman) at the funeral or on the obituary! I called her out on it at the time of course, even to the extent of saying my step dad would be so disappointed to hear her talk that way. She also only ever boasted about my talents if it made her look good, otherwise she would criticize everything I did. Oh and at family gatherings (large family) she would make it a point to always be in the kitchen even when she did not need to be and get mad at the people that are having fun enjoying themselves instead of worrying about cleaning and everythingelse that really does not matter at a family event until that event is over. If any one of us is in a happy relationship she will make up lies about them , and if I decorate my home nicely or buy my kids something she will always say "must be nice to have money to spend on that stuff" like I should feel bad that I just bought a new mattress for myself since we had the same used one for ten years! Even if it is stuff we need and not nonsense she will make me feel bad for spending money on it. Don't know if that's a trait or not but it feels like it should be lol
I’m so glad I came across ur channel right now I’m quarantined with someone I’m dating and she shows all these signs of narcissism and I always wondered why she hates peace and happiness it’s weird now I know smh 🤦🏽♂️ wish me luck
VALIDATED!!!! I thought maybe I was thinking strangely. My son's father( a narcissist) get's upset every time I express any loving emotion towards my son. He has even tried to hint that I was making sexual advances?!?!? I now realize why-Thank you!!!
Thank you! It’s frustrating on the receiving end of a narcissist... I’m on my way getting away from it. I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s too much. Thanks again, your video brought 100% clarity on a big argument that happened two days ago... I was the blame for his drinking, got in big trouble when I had conversations with strangers... I’ve been isolated under his control for almost ten years, he gets weird when I try to make money. I used to be financially independent and miss it so much. We started strong, then I found out about some shenanigans he pulled/lied to me for almost a year. I had a nervous breakdown when I found out. Decided to try (dumb on my part) to make it work... bad decision. His house, his money and when he’d get mad he’d threaten to file a court order to have me kicked out in thirty days... at that time I had medical issues and couldn’t work, had no money and had no where to go. I’m far away from where I’m actually from, I don’t know anyone here or even have friends here. So every half hour on the hour for an evening and during the night, I would be woken by angry intense screaming that I had thirty days to get out... Jesus Christ. Fast forward seven years, toxic loops of his drinking, I’m walking on eggshells I hate alcohol. Things are changing this year, I’ve came into my power and shit is getting real. I’m creating my own job from home, I’m hoping it works out and someday I can have my own house, money, peace of mind and freedom once again 😌
You are literally describing me and my position in life with my “fiancé” of EIGHT years to an alcoholic malignant narcissist sociopath. He just found out he has cancer and decided to leave me and our 7 year old daughter for I have no idea what. He won’t respond to me in any way. Have no money, living in HIS house with our child who cries for him every night. He got me stuck even worse than I was for 8 years. Don’t have friends or family here either. I have no clue what to do from here! Good luck with your job and escape!
Wow! You just described my previous marriage precisely! My ex was so jealous of our kids and the affection we shared he would take his anger out on them to punish ME. We left him 20 years ago and despite therapy and a wonderful life now, those years with him still haunt me. I really appreciate your video because it gives me perspective on how far I've come and reminds me that his behaviour "wasn't my fault ".🤗
Great video,i met a few narcissists in my life I always felt uncomfortable being around them.after setting strong boundaries for my self,I never let a narcissist get to me,they now leave me alone as they sense they cant get to me.
OMG that's so true. I was not aware about this stupidity till three years ago. Some thing happened in my family and I started searching on RUclips channels such as this one and reading books. I have started noticing many sick behavior around me. Even a Simple pause and a smile can distrub them. And funniest thing my Good Morning messages carry : Lovepeacejoy💞💞 🌹🙏 Even this one disturb them😂 . I tell them on their face that your anger and happiness is not my responsibility😂😂 Thanks 💞🌹🙏
Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
I still have their name tattooed on me.
I can’t get on the site you are offering to be a possible life coach.
Yes. It has taken a lifetime to understand what happened. My life is shattered into shards of glass. Thank you. Each word you say has meaning.
I am a 58 year old female and by the grace of God experienced relationships with narcissist, the last being a social path. I have found out that I have become a super empath. I won they lost. I look at it as experiences God has put me thru as part of his plan for something else. I’m ready.. ❤️Be strong people, believe in yourself (number 1)
I appreciate this video a lot. It seems like several things on the list are basically the same thing, though, so it's longer than it probably needs to be.
The thing that a narcissist hates the most is that you are mentally healthy. They will always destroy the things that make you strong.
Yes, thats why they project their insanity to the target.
Nice try though. Laugh and leave them on their own misery, their worst enemy is their own self..
That describes my boss to the T
Em Yat Exactly! They try to make you think you are the one that is mentally unhealthy! And they also project any other defect on whoever is around.
Yes that's probably why they often project their mental state on others by saying you have a mental problem while they are the ones looking for division, trouble and acting unstable / moody.
Claudia Castillo yes
Do not lose yourself trying to please a narcissist. Stop walking on eggshells and start walking away.
They can not be pleased
Yea just leave and block them on ur phone
I've been there, done that.
Stop walking on eggshells, was the name of the first book I read that totally opened my eyes to what all the insanity was about.
I went through most of this pre internet, so I didn't have RUclips. I just kept reading self help books and psychology books.
what if the Narcissists is your father? Your stuck being abused until you turn 18 and can move out.
Things malignant narcissists get angry about in their partners.
1. Enjoying yourself.
2. Talking to healthy people.
3. Any accomplishment.
4. ‘Happiness’.
5. No affection allowed except to the malignant narcissist.
6. Any pride about a talent.
7. If you focus yr attention on anyone but them. They put up the boundaries, but get angry if you assert yr boundaries.
8. Compliments made to their partners.
9. If you point out a flaw in them. How dare you find fault with them. They’re perfect.
10. Imagined slights.
From my expirience simple"NO" can cause their full out rage and later will remember it for years and blame you.
Thank you for the breakdown! I've rewound the video 4 times, and it's really good, but it's confusing... seems to go from 2 to 5.
Everything and everyone is an accessory. Some accessories are more valuable.
@@LukiGames0 "no" whether word or action is perceived as insults or betrayal to them.
So true. I never noticed for years, but felt the pain of the rejection and criticism every time I felt happy or accomplished in the last 30 years. They are truly dispicable examples of humanity.
My mother in law is a malignent narcissist, her daughter (my sister in law) is a covert narcissist and my wife is a victim of both! My wife finally stood up for herself and now she' been labelled as "antisocial" by both cows.
Thanks to your videos, I'm getting a clearer picture of what's been going on and am better able to help my wife, who I see as a victim of a narcissist parent.
God bless you. I come from the same and my ex husband noticed before I did. Instead of helping me, he separated me from my friends and family and used me for himself. My life was a black hole as long as I was married to him.
@@patriciarose2342 Wow! That's truly cruel! I've always supported my wife even if, for years, she tolerated it and would tell me to not make a fuss and avoid confrontation. I guess her mother "programmed" her (and her sister) that way. I would always encourage my wife to go ahead, get healthy friends and hang out with them, go shopping with them etc... but she was and still is so damaged that she's still afraid. Why would anyone want to stop someone from being happy?
You wrote "ex husband" and "was" married to him. I'm hoping that you were able to escape, make changes in your life that YOU wanted and were able to find happiness.
@@gilleslefebvre882 yes I did finally divorce him. Among other things he left me a few times (good thing I was the one working) and the last time I finally realized it was over and I was able to see that I was abused. The Lord has been with me through it all though. And life hasn't been easy. I have hardly dated since and even though I have been through alot of healing and counseling, it seems I still attract the same people.
Right on my wife has the same issues with her sister and mom.
Tell your wife from me my own mother and sister called me anti-social for not kowtowing to my narc father. They were his enablers. I left. Maybe you could persuade her to go no contact w them for 3 months. That might wake her up
The one thing I noticed with my children's mother was if there wasn't something to be angry about, she would look and look and dig and dig until she found the most trivial thing to get angry about. Couldn't go more than 4-5 days between "episodes" and the cycle would restart like clockwork. It'll absolutely drive you crazy that you just can't live in a peaceful home.
Oh God the drama! If I remember anything besides the lies, gossip and gaslighting, it’s the drama! And like you said, if there isn’t any, the narc will create one! I remember this one time where he was standing right outside my door, upkeeping our motorcycles, and all the sudden he yelled at the upstairs neighbors and calling them names. I said what’s happening as I walked towards him, and there was nobody there. He said he was yelled at, like how stupid do you think I am 😂
My mother was exactly like that. If you were at home there was no escape from her crazy making. If you tried to keep out of her way she would pick up on that and that would make her more angry and spiteful.
Yes I know this one. My mate would get really quiet. Turned out there was something he wished had gone better, or something that he messed up about and was trying to figure a way to make it my fault. It was subtle but deadly. The upsets were all about trivial things but it became clear that he needed a reason to be upset so he had someone else to make wrong and blame. Covert narcissists need this mechanism as much as they need air to breath.
@@gtaylor6937maybe its a drug problem? I noticed that people with addictions start fights so they can use drugs. This is not your fault.
The narc will tie you up in knots. I would go for weeks being unable to draw a full breath. Everything must be ugly and a contentious fight in order for them to be satisfied.
They also hate the word NO
B Love annndd “do it yourself!” 😅😂 they are such babies😑🙄😅
Exactly
AMEN. My dad hits every single thing on the list ...including your item, the word no.
But they don't have a problem telling you no. Lol
Not necessarily true.
She continually tells me that she NO'S everything that I do not........... Except spelling B-))
I found they hate when children are experiencing childhood happiness and fun. They hate their laughter, their silliness, their innocence
They seem to hate children in general...
They hate to hear them cry too.
my story :-(
This narc hated my children, but at the same time wanted us to move in with him. If they were having fun laughing being kids he would find something wrong and become very angry. This was the first sign there was something wrong.
Yikes so true
In short, everything that you like to do makes them angry ...
You've hit the nail on the head. They want to deny you of life but since they are unlikely to be able to kill you and get away with it, they try to kill you slowly over time by destroying everything that you are leaving you a broken empty shell of your former self and taking life away from you in every way that they can.
Narcissist, sociopaths, antisocial personality disorder, psychopaths they are all the same thing its just the psychopathic powers that run this world don't want us to figure out the truth of what they are so they try to confuse us by constantly changing the terminology. I mean "narcissist " does not describe an entitled, exploitative person. Narcissist is just a description of some one who loves them selves too much. That's what the general public understands when they hear that word. And we the victims of narcissistic abuse act like parrots just repeating whatever new term they give us. I think we should settle for sociopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare says in his book without conscience that the human species is made of two races. Empathic humans and psychopaths The psychopaths are an intra-species predator and I agree with him.
Dr George Simon jr ( author of "In sheepskin clothing" is alluding to the same thing.
My mother actually smirks if another family member's day gets ruined. But she is covert narcissist, and she plays the sweet, helpless old lady who can do know wrong, and talks about how "sensitive" and sweet she is, lol. Seems like only the two of us (me and my oldest daughter) she decided to subtly verbally abuse know the real her. It's maddening.
@@anajadwa6875 if they can't make you angry when your laughing they will throw away break or give the stuff you cherish just remember no reaction you smile and it either stops them or they have to work on something else
They are on some fucked up frequency 👽
Yesssssssss......like pouring holy water on the devil....just infuriates them...
They also hate the words "I", "me", and "my" when used by anyone other than themselves.
True
That is just cold hard evidence, isn’t it? Evidence that, well basically, they’re just empty shells. Also, they all tend to end up the same way in the end. All alone, and unloved.
That's a good marker.
@@AStarAlmost They're always alone though, even with others. Crazy.
Yes because their reality is the only reality (in their minds.)
Girl, I was raised with a narcissistic family who disowned me for being successful. So many different scales in narcissism. As you know I had ten different narcissistic siblings and me being the youngest. Crazy childhood memories of my family. All wicked people.
Like my dad i would never want to see him or have anything to do with him ever again.
Im in one.All of them are evil.Theyll make evil untruthful stories to destroy you.They hate it when they see you happy.
My son outsmarted his Narcissist wife, he left. Haven't seen him this happy in years. It was more of a relief for him than anything else.
Aaaww congratulations to you and your son. I envy you
Goo for your Son! Lots of blessings!!!💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@anyahollnderrasmussen7183 .
AWESOME good for him! Way to go, whoa! Sending light and love 😍❤
Bless your son !! Good news
Yes they do hate to see you enjoying yourself.
They are a BLIGHT to humanity as they do not have what are basic human and decent charachteristics.
Yes any positivity will annoy them.
I think they also can't bare when they see you are feeling complete, content with simply being there bc they are always looking for something / energy from others.
i love rubbing it in their faces .. 🤣
Um this wasent even remotley surprisning I think they dont understand that people can enjoy diffrent things in life. Everything is about them so they just dont understand.
Lovely
.it.s DEFINITELY a spiritual issue as its simply evil. Either demomic infestation or outright possession.
Cut out toxic people. Totally.
lk8856 totally yes!!!! Cut them all off
It's harder when you have children together.
Ik8856 unfortunately they stalk so won't let you get away
Stalkers are basically obsessed. They need a real incentive to stop. Like a REAL INCENTIVE ! Like a permanent one.
100% zero tolerance
What makes them angry? Easy. Having an opinion.
I was having a good time in a game with my granddaughter. Our narcissistic son in law who disrespects me saw the fun we were having and acted like we were doing something wrong by saying in a mean tone, "what's so funny." He had no part in the game, was across the room and could not stand that we were enjoying one another. He tried to ruin the tone of our happiness. We ignored him and kept enjoying one another. But it was interesting that he wanted to make our happiness look stupid. A kind person would have enjoyed our playfulness with one another, perhaps even joining in.
Yes, that bizarre look they give to you when you're having fun.
My covert-narc ex-gf always have gave me that look every time I was enjoying myself outside of her circle.
Yes! This weird look they give that somehow implies you're doing something wrong.
They give a look that is more of a Disgust look because they can't stand not being the center of attention.
My entire childhood was filled with 'those' looks. My narc parents killed my mojo.
yea its like a deer in headlights but its gunna charge at you more like a rino than a deer
They HATE THEMSELVES, so how do we expect them to love others.
The old addage " you can't give what you don't have", hence they don't have love
Actually Endtime servant- I would say according to the Bible they love themselves. Lovers of self as Paul wrote in the book of Timothy. They hate God and anything good because they have demons and demons and the devil love evil and come to kill, steal, and destroy. Jezebel loves herself - they are all out to destroy ! God bless !
Dear one- then from what you are saying you are calling God a liar. I am a caregiver for a covert narcissist and yes the Bible does tell us how to handle these people. Jesus was surrounded by narcs and so was King David so we learn from them how to handle these people. When the Lord exposed this whole narcissist thing to me - few years ago and I attract them but I can detect them now very fast because I have been thru this for a long time.
You sound like a scoffer just as the Bible says will happen in the book of 2 Peter. . God is long suffering not willing that any should perish but all should come to repentance! Perhaps The Lord is waiting for you to come to Him. God wants a relationship with you not religion. I was raised Lutheran and by 9th grade I wanted nothing to do with church. God in his mercy saved me some almost 25 years later. I have a relationship with the Living God & Creator through Jesus Christ the Lord.
Lord open your eyes Rebecca.
They really do.
@Rebecca Buschhorn I feel the same way, although I have embraced atheism but retain some of my spiritual sensibilities. You speak from a sensible and realistic pov.
A covert narcissist uses underhanded insults masked as compliments to insult you and then says you're too sensitive or that it was a joke, when you confront them about their underhanded bs.
The covert vulnerable narc is the biggest coward!
Yesthats what mil does
@@musiclover1994mjh i hate that kind of person. Perhaps that's why i hate mother in law. She is a piece of work
Classic negging
My ex does this. She'll say out of pocket shit and then make me feel guilty for getting insulted by a "joke". Another thing she does is starts stomping through the house if I start having too much fun playing a video game with people. It got to the point where I was asking for permission to do anything and she'd be so confused that I'm asking for permission when i just have anxiety she's gonna freak out once I start doing said thing like the video games
@@yungfoodstampzzz9878 I hope you ran far away from that creature. They are poison for the soul!
Mine would get mad if I talked too much to people in our business, if I stood there not doing anything, if I WAS doing something while standing there, he'd get mad if I yawned, if I needed to go to the BATHROOM, if I wanted to go to bed....if I tried a new recipe for dinner, if there were no bowls or no wash clothes clean....he'd get mad if I was on the phone or if I was tired. What a bizarre person! Soooo miserable was he! I got OUT! He didn't see that one coming 🤗
I'm happier than EVER!
Numer 6: I took up photography - at my ex-husband's urging. When we moved to a picturesque area, I began taking photos for the purpose of making a book. He suggested I organize the book as a story, not just a collection of pictures. An excellent idea. However, once I did 100% of the work, including a simple storyline, he insisted that he be credited as a co-author. I was shocked and dismayed. He wouldn't back down from his demand, and I consequently abandoned my book project. I still have the sample printed book, and now that I've divorced him (after 10 more years of increasingly painful abuse), I've resurrected my book project.
The story of my life. 51 years of it. 11 months no contact with the whole clan! Hallelujah!
Heather Lynn wooooohoooooo!!! ❤️🙏🏻🎉🎊🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈
Jenn J. Yay!! 😂
Awesome!!😁😁
Malignant narcissist are extremely dangerous people. When I walked away. She told me , if she cannot have me. Nobody will want me. Let the lies fly. She also told me. By the time she is through with me , I will commit suicide. That did not work. She told a cocaine dealer that I was trying to turn him in. If that is not trying to commit murder , what is ? I'm a good person , I believe in giving roses ....just because. One day I gave her a dozen roses. She asked , what's the occasion. I smiled and said happy Tuesday. Lose , lose situation.
I had to burn my family tree (metaphorically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, etc). Start a new one with ME as the top dog! Then my children and their offspring are the buds or branches that sprout from my nurturing, wisdom, love building a great legacy. No more generational curses! You feel me?
Was dumped by a narcissist. Best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you April🙏
Matthew Kann AMEN!!!!!
Be careful they usually come back so prepare yourself so your not sucked back in. Watch HG TUDOR'S RUclips videos on the different types of hoovers (ways they try to suck you back in) . They can't stand to see you happy and doing well so once you're back on you're feet again they come back to try to destroy you again.
Matthew feel blessed she discarded you that means you werent good enough of a supply to dump her emotional baggage on to you. Consider yourself lucky
and for me, Thank you Breanna.
Get on your knees and thank God almighty that you didn.t have her spawn..now that you know what the heck this evil is. I.m 62 and just learning about this..picking up the pieces of my life.
Narcs are empty inside that's why they are envious, hateful etc.
This is so spot on. My wife would insult me because I didn't read books, I was stupid etc. When I would pick up a book, she would watch me- I would get maybe 10 pages or so in and then there always was something that needed done etc
Or- I would get, "you think you can just sit and read a book, I don't get to, your selfish and entitled"
Soon I will be gone
Good luck brother
There are several types of narcissists. This makes them hard to spot unless you’re hyperaware. But regardless of the type of narc, there is one thing they all have in common. They require other humans to get their narc supply from. If you are human (let’s presume that!) and you are empathic, terribly insecure, have low self esteem, or really hate being alone you are a magnet for narcs.
They thrive if your sad or mad, happiness is only allowed when we finally have the courage to leave. I don’t miss any of the mental abuse.
Amen 🙏🏽
Beautiful J Have a Glorious Sunday, My Ex Narc USED to say “Who loves you baby?” I replied “ JESUS “
Believe In love my ex just left me for the 1000 time and we been together for 12 years, he always leave me then come back weeks or months later saying he misses me. I’m not going back this time I moved to Hawaii and I’m just bless to start a new chapter at age 30. God is so good 🙏🏽🥰 I agree, who loves me Jesus Christ
Beautiful J Yes, do not ever take him back, YOU deserve to have peace of mind.
Believe In love thank you so much for your words of encouragement
I knew a narcissist who hated see me come into work every morning with a smile on my face and would spend hours a day spewing poison and negativity just to wipe that smile away and make me as unhappy as she was. Sadly it worked, but just for a short while until I figured her out.
They hate seeing you happy, confident, secure and loved by others.
Great video ,thank you.
So do I...She got me fired but guess what 2 yrs later she was let go the company lost the contract now she knows what it feels like to be unemployed! I never stopped smiling when one door closes another one opens God is in control
Im in the same situation right now i come into work in a good mood first order of the day for this guy is start crap till im no longer in a good mood and ive figured out this guy has been hard on my confidence i have in my work skills
me too from my dad ☹
Yes - hating others being happy. I watched a series of people being bullied at work. Each person was very competent and happy in their work. It was hard to see who was behind the bullying (theft of work resources, a needle in a chair, etc etc). Then I realised one colleague had described each target as being happy. That bully was a bitter domineering person- targeting happiness in others. That behaviour is SO costly for the employer. Staff too often choose to retreat in order to avoid the harassment which makes it hard to function in their jobs. Why aren’t managers better at dealing with it???
They will also accuse you of all of these things and tell everyone false stories that prove it. Again and again...
Exactly!
Omg so true
You got that right
Yes they do! Mil made up things about me too
Correct!
I remember that day when I appeared extremely devastated and depressed because they turned the whole environment around me so toxic and everybody were against me, the smile they had on their faces was beyond my cognitive capacity. I really couldn't get it why they're doing all those things and lived in confusion for so long. It has been such an important lesson for me. Thank you so much for sharing this information because many people are suffering in silence and they don't even know what they are going through. Atleast this knowledge will help them to endure the toxicity.
@rubidirrojnamcha8470.
Thats because these pathetic narcissists derive SADISTIC PLEASURE of inflicting pain on others.. And they enjoy seeing those pained reactions.. Sick 🤮 🤮.. These narcissists are beyond pathetic.. 💯💯
I also experienced this
Yes! My narcissist ex got very upset when I read to our children or showed them attention beyond feeding and dressing them.
This video is exactly why I left my wife on March 9th 2020 after15 years of marriage. Wish our mutual friends could see this... not 1 person has reached out to me for my side of things. I am sleeping on a cot in my office .
Stay strong and never ever look back.. your good and happy fullfiling life is waiting ahead of you.
Trust and know that when you get through on the other side of this; you took care of yourself. It will get better and others will see the truth.
Seeking Freedom they’re not going to reach out bro...my ex wife is a narcissist too...she was able to turn my own brother against me
The Best is yet to Come
Blind Faith, Trust and Know that you deserve better
Your Happiness is Priceless
Stay True to You ✌️
Keep moving forward, no matter what. You did the right thing for you and that's all that matters. I've been where you are, but I did it with my 3 young kids and despite the early struggles, we're all better off. Sending you strength and love!
At my graduation from nursing school, my mother demanded that I give her a hug because in her words "you couldn't have done this if it weren't for me" which is the furthest thing from the truth. I paid my own way through school and she never offered any support in any way. It was all about her
That's not being a narrasstist
Your mom loves u she just want the best for u
My husband used to tell me that I wouldn’t survive a week without him. When confronted, he would say he was joking. When I told him it wasn’t funny, he stormed off. Well, the joke’s on him. I’ve been free for nearly 4 months now.
@@nadiayofav8 shut up😊
@@nadiayofav8 No, don't say this. So many parents don't want the best for you, and when you've internalized their hatred, it hurts so much and makes you doubt yourself when people say your abusers want the best for you. They don't.
The average, decent person can't truly grasp the mind of a malignant narcissist, therefore they tend to downplay the narc's behavior, excusing it, rubber stamping and enabling the bizarre behavior.
Chad Hart sad. I’m going through this right now with a malignant narcissist female. Everyone sugar coats and enables her outlandish behavior. It’s sickening and toxic.
@@DarkFemmeJen i feel for you. I was married to a malignant female narc from 2017-2019. You're totally correct about the outlandish behavior. The worst was the outlandish, over the top reactions - the punishment never fit the crime. For example: once she was going to change the locks on my house because she claimed i "gave her a dirty look" when i got up in the morning. But the thing is she gave me dirty looks EVERY morning. Pure insanity!! Crazy making.
That is so true! it was even more crushing when I tried to describe my mother's abuse, and hear people say things like, It's just a mother daughter thing, or, you only have 1 mother, you have to love her... NO I DON'T!! Not when you have a mother who enjoys and feels great satisfaction when she can see that something she said makes you miserable. Only people who have experienced narcissism can understand.
I feel the whole country is down playing a certain Narc"s outlandish and dangerous behavior.
@@TheWhisperTexan I do too. It has been so damaging to the country. It's like everybody is afraid to tell the emperor he is walking around naked!
Yes , if you are a strong person in your mind and body and spirit , they hate that. To combat these people is a crazy road to go down. Get away from them the sooner the better ! Peace to all.
I can totally relate to a narcissist being jealous of their own children. My ex was so mean to particularly our middle child, which I can not explain. Maybe I can explain, that child was closer to me. I think he had anxiety problems because he was afraid of his father. When we divorced my ex married a woman who was cruel to all of our children particularly the middle child. He seemed to enjoy her degradation of our children. She was so cruel to him once in front of me. It was everything I could do not to slap her. She was angry because he used a word that she didn't know the meaning of. He has an IQ of 131.
They be mad asf when people say things they can not comprehend or even imagine the though or feeling guilty so.eone else is smarter then them fuckem I would've smacked her ass
My narc mother has always been horribly jealous of me. Growing up with her was a nightmare! She was unbelievably cruel to me, while my sister was the "golden child" who she showered all her affection on. It's so weird that a parent could actually be jealous of their own child, but that's how sick they are!
Procrastination ! I had to stop the video there! I’ve been observing this state in me for a while. “They train you to not enjoy...” “... not to be proud of your achievements ...” “which leads to a lot of procrastination”... I would like to hear more on that I learn how reprogram ... please 👏🏻
That was the word that got me to sit up too. I've never procrastinated so much in my life than when I was with my ex. I was literally going round in circles trying to make decisions, afraid what I decided was wrong,
Me to a T
Ughh the walking on eggshells is what causes this
Yesssss!!!
My 40th and first birthday with my partner was on May 9th. My intuition was telling me he was going to do whatever he could to shit on my joy. He proved my intuition right like always. Next month would have been a year together. All of the severe damage he’s done to me emotionally and mentally (a few times physically) in just one year, it makes my blood run cold to imagine dealing with this for multiple years. My heart genuinely goes out to the people who are suffering at the hands/words of a toxic person for ANY length of time. Even in one month these people know EXACTLY what will bring you to your knees. I promised myself I wouldn’t drag this pain into my 40’s. I know I’m a great, loving woman with so much heart to give. This year I am going to focus on healing myself and come out on the other side of this stronger, wiser, and incredibly grateful I didn’t waste myself. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and deal with, but some how I’m going to break this trauma bond and know what peace feels like again. Being on quarantine during a pandemic, laid off from your job like millions of others, you’d think you’d be able to lean on your partner for support. Silly me for expecting a miracle to occur out of nowhere. It’s hard enough out there, man. I’m scared to be 40 and single having to completely start over emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I’m REALLY scared, but I know I’m doing what’s right for me. I’m putting ME first for the first time in my life. I wish all of you nothing but peace and love. This is no way to live. If you can get out of it, do yourself a favor. It hurts like hell and it is heartbreaking. Everyone deserves love and compassion and not feel terrified to leave a comment on a RUclips video. Everyone one deserves someone to feel joy WITH. Not be punished for being happy. Any sign of strength and growth from the pain they cause will get ripped away from you the moment you express it. Today I learned that my person gets pleasure out of traumatizing me. Giving me a big fat dose of disappointment for my birthday was the nail in the coffin for me. I’m grateful for it because now I can enjoy the last half of my life free from trauma and the sickest abuse. Whoever actually took the time to read what has turned into a journal entry, bless your heart. Please reach out if you are suffering. You’re never alone. So much love, light, and wishes for your healing, from my heart to all of yours. ❤️
Same here. I experienced this and now have several more narcissists around me. It seems that you cannot get away from them. Horrible....
@@lonerhappy You definitely can get away from them. It's incredibly difficult, but when you're free from never-ending drama and abuse it's all worth it! ❤
Jaime Nicole -my partner passed but left rumors about me. He was a covert narcissist. Now my next door neighbor. We were friends but I ended the friendship. But she's trying to say I am a monster and has spread rumors I'm going to hurt her. Even goes as far to scream when I sit on my porch. She's a real psycho that has gotten other neighbors to believe her. But one thing is for sure I ain't leaving my home. I realize this will never stop. I go to work but have limited my time outside. I'm not unhappy but I know she's miserable and a very jealous witch.
I'm glad you left. good for you I liked your journal entry. thank you! lol!
1st things come to my mind:
Other's success
Festival holidays
Your ability to move on
Birthdays, always your birthday
@@chrisgould101
Okay, but why did my ex make such a big deal of mine? Because I don't like to celebrate it? It was so annoying 🙄
Okay I have to write these down because most of these had me with my mouth on the floor by how true it they were.
Number 1: anything that you are passionate about. They hate to see you enjoying yourself. They will overtly insult you or make you feel bad for enjoying it. “Why are you always wasting your time”
Number 2: talking to healthy ppl on the phone. They don’t like it because it will interfere with their trying to force their reality onto you. If you have healthy relationships then you are going to have a healthy perspective to what they’re doing and saying.
Number 3: any accomplishment, they will find ways to devalue you. They’re subconsciously training you to not be proud of yourself and to not enjoy what you’re doing or your achievements which causes and leads to later on in life, a latter of procrastination.
Number 4: happiness. When you’re happy, they will fling you this look, look of contempt. Causes you to think ‘what did I do, why are they angry’ it causes you to get you out of that happiness and into a negative state. It’s because they don’t feel real happiness they just fake it, so when they see you having real happiness, they shoot it down for an exchange and now your depressed, confused not in your best element. They see you like that and think, the ya re not happy, they aren’t feeling something I can’t feel, I’m the one that’s happy.
Number 5: not allowed to show love to others (kids, family). Which is buzz are. No not a person would have a problem with that. But they see it in 2 ways: you’re focused on someone other than them. They know you have an emotional connection with them, they know it’s real and they hate that because they don’t have the capability to have a real emotional connection with their kids or loved ones because they see them as extensions for themselves.
Number 6: Another thing: if you are proud of a talent you have, they will make you feel selfish or arrogant- making you feel like it’s a bad quality unless they can take full credit for your talent. It’s all about what they have allowed you to do, they want the credit for everything that you can do. They’ll get angry if you try to feel like you deserve the credit.
Number 7: Angry that they are not the center of attention. They need to be the center.
Number 8: they will hate if their with their partner and other ppl are complimenting their significant other. Other people would be so honored to have someone say that. But a malignant narcissist, they’re mind tells them you’re noticing someone other than me’. It irritates them that you get the compliment and not them.
Number 9: of you point out that their behavior was anything less than perfect, they get angry. They have no problem telling you all the things they think you’re flawed in, but they get extremely angry when anyone thinks they are anything less than perfect. They have no problem telling you things to ‘help you’ but if you say something they’re angry.
Number 10: they get angry at imagines slights. Even if you are maybe joking, they will imagine that you are trying to insult them. They take everything bad and always on alert. They’ll get mad at the silliest little things.
If you are living you’re life trying to do everything you can to not make them angry. Always trying hard to find the formula for them to never get angry. Hopefully you realize their anger has nothing to do with you. The truth is that they get angry for the most bizarre things- then they use gaslighting and expert manipulation, making you feel like you’re always wrong.
It’s time to stop. Haven’t you noticed no matter hard hard you run and how much you yank your personality out to please them, they are still always angry.
God bless y’all ♥️
thx. at least they shift blame and accuse YOU of all that 10.
Thank you! I screenshot your list to refer back to! ❤
OMG everything I have heard points to the worst narcissist there could be and I'm living with him I've been trying to get out for over three years now
When I heard 1 and 2 I IMMEDIATELY thought of my covert narcissist mother. My mom would always take credit for my accomplishments or talents! That's one reason why I stopped singing and never got formal training bc the whole time my mom was acting supportive really she was taking credit for my talent and secretly jealous of her child for having a talent! Now as an adult I'm finally taking my singing serious again!
Yeah makes me think of my mom she finds ways to devalue me.
9
Wow. I’m pretty sure I’ve gone through this with Atleast three people. Mostly family 😕. They make you feel like you’re not allowed to be an individual and that you are somehow unworthy of basic respect . I’ve learned to keep my passions and ideas to myself not just because I don’t want to get hurt, but because these people don’t deserve to know anything about me and what I’m working on. Such evil, miserable and petty individuals.
points true 1) keep passions and ideas to yourself 2) dont assert that you are an individual
3)dont let them know about you and what you are working on
TheJenJen
We discovered that our 52 y/o sibling is a malignant Narc. She wants to get all the credit for how I single-handedly raised my now successful 3 orphaned children. Mind you she has no participation whatsoever. Time, money or whatever ! NADA! But now feels so entitled to whatever we are enjoying
Toxic, evil and envious people
Gone NO CONTACT
G Money I agree. My family has tried to force me to have conversations with certain people even after I’ve explained all the things that were said and done. They try to guilt trip and manipulate me by saying “you can’t divorce your family”. Ummm yes I sure as hell can if I want to and NEED to for my own peace of mind and self preservation. And they wonder why I distance myself.
@@DarkFemmeJen Yess
Four with malignant personalities disorders in my family. I have never for a moment regretted leaving at 17. It was like walking out of a prison, having been imprisoned for just being born.
My ex-husband used to brag about being married to a professional musician but then he constantly complained when I was out of the house playing gigs. So glad to be free! Never again!
Michelle B ah, my ex would tell people he married up. But he sure crapped all over me back at home.
My ex would only say nice things with an audience, Also would try to humiliate me infront of strangers who were 20 feet away saying Look out you are so rude. It was weird. I would look around confused.
I hear you.
I can relate. Mine does that to me. He brags about the fact that I have a doctorate degree and he delights in telling people about it, but when I was working on my degree he would complain about me working on it.
I can relate to this. I left my husband 2 years ago. I retrained as a hairdresser, ended up having my own business. He would tell anyone that would listen that he supported me in my new path, yet when it came to studying complained I was ignoring him. When it came to the business he sucked it dry of the profits by getting me spend on trips, things for the house. I had no idea I was being financially abused never mind emotionally and mentally.
A lot of this is so true. Rules with my narc = no friends, no fun without him, no compliments for anyone but him, no vacations with my family, he didn't like me making food for anyone but him like potlucks for work, if I visited my mom, he would call me 3 or 4 times in two hours. I remember him getting upset if I went for a walk, listen to the radio instead of him or even showed joy by signing with the radio... It was hell. He sucked the life out of me. I am safe and healing. It's been 4 years. I was with him for over 20. I really had no idea about narc abuse until I was out. These people are really evil, but come across as angels. It's like a true scary Lifetime movie.
Back in the day we had a word for these types of people. We didn't know the clinical term so we just called them a$$holes.
"Yank your personality inside out" is the EXACT wording to describe desperately trying to please this person that can never be pleased.
Soooooo true 🥺
Absolutely true! I became a person even I didn't like! But I'm back now, better than ever!
@@deecarr9171 Same here. I don't even like gossip and I started gossiping. Smh. Anyway, I know what it's like to turn into some weird, version of yourself that you look at and you say to yourself in your healed state, "what the hell did I turn into when I was dealing with that narc?"
Dee Vaper me too the problem is I’m still in this situation
I’ve suggested double dates and all kinds of things including others but it just doesn’t Halle
A narcissist feeds off our emotions. I no longer let her control me. When she is pissed at me for no apparent reason, I just keep it moving. I've made it far and I'm not stopping! Thank you for this!
The narcs I deal with hates it when I listen to videos on this topic he says your all dumber than (you know the word ) and their wrong I tell him it's a word by word of his cruel and evil likings
@@kimberleyking5025 sorry to hear that! Never stop watching the videos and always keep an eye out. Narcs are jealous and deadly. Stay strong, sending you positive vibes!
@@TheRealMrRobles you know the tactic your using just keep moving and no reaction really does work even when he keeps digging for something else to upset me thanks for your worfs
Words
It's worse when you're a little kid just being a little kid and they get angry and freak out and shame you for being you. They will take good attributes and shame you and turn off that attribute.
Sounds familiar to me
Very familiar to me too. Luckily for me, his own parents and my other grandfather were good, normal people and I consider them to be my real parents as they taught me everything good in my life
I was raised that way...
my "mother" is a covert narc, ruined my reputation for 40 years, split me and my sister with lies. She has no power over me anymore, my IQ and EQ is top. I am a strong powerfull woman 🙏
Exactly. As a child.I loved reading. My mother could not stand to see me reading. I had to hide to be able to read. Many times I climbed a high tree, next to the hase, and read my books there. O made sure I would not display enjoyment or hsppiness.
Imagined slights.........OMG!!!! They take EVERYTHING OUT OF CONTEXT!!! Emotional basket case!!!!!
It's really sad how much they envy and selfish jealousy that is so apparent. It's like they try to play it off but they can't and you feel the energy. Immature and uncomfortable.
They hate everything.
You’re right💯!!! Especially themselves!
Russell Sova he hated the food I would make and everyone else loved it
😂🤣 like Grumpy Smurf 🤬, 😆😁
That should have been numero uno on this list!
@@YellowPaint100 😂❤
You should talk about financial abuse and greed in narcissist relationship s !
My favorite: They hate the idea of celebrating your birthday. My covert narc of years ago made sure he had plenty of excuses for why he could never do anything nice for me on my birthday. His best excuse was that it was too much pressure to get it right. If you ever hear your mate tell you that, RUN!
Or if they do take you somewhere, they complain constantly about how expensive it was to take you anywhere. Whereas when it’s there birthday they will sulk if they don’t get what they want
Malignant narcissists are described as sadistic psychopaths on the Wikipedia page on malignant narcissists and boy did that describe my mother to a T.
It always baffles me when I hear that people say this was caused by trauma. Obviously you were abused. My question is did you EVER at any time desire to take the dark path to get back at these monsters. Also, it.s obvious that they know what they are doing, as they know they woulfn.t want to be treated this way and their behaviors and interactions involve a great deal of manipulation, planning and deception. With that being said would you concur that this is a free will choice.
I view it as simply evil.
I.d really like to hear your response.
Many thanks.
@@miraclesforus2 ~ when it came to my malignant narcissistic monster / mother I never took the "dark path" to get back at her because I didn't understand what I was going through while I was going through it. As far as it being a "free will choice", my belief is that they work off of what they have to work with. Since they went through such a bad early life it seems to me that the choices they believe they have, based on the life they had, lead them down the path they're on. Just my belief. I could expand on that if you'd like. Let me know...
Endorphin..if you want to expand I.d be very interested. I.m almost 63 and finally UNDERSTAND that this a common pattern of behavior and is actually identified..with common behaviors and patterns. Although you might not have understood what was going on at the time you certainly on some level cognitively realized it was rotten..or just plain evil..and still had the presence of mind to not repeat or enter that path. This question is something I seek insight on.
Any feedback to this ong ramble would be appreciated. Best of luck.
@@miraclesforus2 I have noticed, that after being with him for almost 20 years now, I stand up for myself. Not every time, because my punishment back, is a thousand times worse .I pray alot, because I want to really attack him and call him names, because he has really said and done some things to me and our grandkids, emotionally, and mentally, that I just don't understand. I can't even ask him how his day is, without him thinking o am questioning him.
I plan on moving out in Late spring, but our granddaughter is going through an illness right now, so I feel I have to stay here, until she gets better. Because our grandbabies come here after school, and they stay with us, when they have to take sissy for her treatments in st. Louis.
I am understanding more, and more, but in my heart I'm struggling, but my focus is on God, and knowing, that , one day, I will be free.
Tammy Patrick..in the mighty name of Jesus..I come now boldly to the throne of grace on behalf of Tammy.
Father, I humbly and solely ask you that all of the principalities, powers and demonic entities that are being sent forth from her husband, who REFUSES to repent, be obliterated and sent back from where they came.
Father it is NOT your will that your daughter not be set free. I take this man to the seat of judgment for you to deal with justly and in the belief that you are a just God, for you to rectify this situation personally in your wisdom, might and timing. FATHER, bless Tammy and her children and grandchildren as I rely on your word in Isaiah 44:3-4 For I will pour water on him who is thirsty,and floods on the dry ground; I will pour My Spirit on your descendants, and My blessing on your offspring. THey will spring up among the grass like willows by the watercourses.
Psalm 103:17 But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children.
Proverbs 11:2 Though hand join in hand, the WICKED shall not be unpunished; but the seed of the righteous SHALL be delivered.
Father thank you for hearing this prayer on behalf of my sister Tammy knowing in FULL faith that you WILL rescue her and set her and her family free from this bondage.
I will be holding you in prayer knowing that God is just to those who love him.
May he hasten to your aid, heal and protect you and your grandchildren.
Be blessed in Jesus' mighty name.💝🎁
The narcs happyness is always relative to others happyness because the narc is entirely jealous. So the worse others feel, the better it is for the narc because for narcs it's all about competition, always the need to compete.
My husband of 13 years is always competing with me, he even told me he is. How am I playing games with him when I never wanted 2 play in the 1st place? I wasnt aware he was trying 2 out do me. Does this mean I intimidate him?
@@laurenm9563 Everything intimidates a narcissist because he can not trust anyone or anything anymore. His ability to trust has been destroyed in early childhood so that he, his soul - deep down on a place he can't even reach by himself anymore - got stuck in a continous trauma, a bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness. That's why he always has to fight for his superiority. So what you are dealing with is the mind of your husband only but his soul is not there like there is nobody home.
@@moshiachhasawakened6781 what do U think happened 2 him in early childhood 2 make him this way?! Any theories?!
@@laurenm9563 Imagine you are walking over the street and out of nothing a giant truck blows his horn beside you. Immedietly your brain based reflex system let you run in panic until you feel being out of danger zone. A narcissist is stuck in this panic mode where is never rest, comfort or peace.
However, with puberty the soul begins to takeover the lead over the body, the person becoms himself a good mother or father, begins to walk his own way and with it the ability to stay calm even in strange situations like a truck is blowing his horn beside you. But on a narcissist this did never happen.
So if you treat a child over and over again that way that being a winner let you escape from being punished like denunciated most likely in public as a looser or not good enough or even worse get punished with food shortage, prisioned in his room or any other punishment, this can result into a continous panic mode and he can not become himself a good father. And if you can not be a good father for yourself, you of course can never be a good father for others who can give you rest, peace and comfort.
Like there's no-one home is spot on. They have empty hearts.
My husband of 20 years is a narcissist. When I'm happy, he makes me feel miserable. The dismissals & silent treatment is life draining.
Silent treatment is an emotional abuse..
I’m sorry to hear that. It took him cheating for me to leave him. It was rough. My kids hate that their home is broken. But I am grateful to be out of it. I am so much calmer, so much more myself.
He should be your ex husband
I've only been away from my husband, who I've known for nearly 3 decades, nearly 2 years now. If it's not already happened you will reach your enough is enough moment. Love and strength
Same. Married to my wife for 22yrs. Always berating me and pointing out my flaws, rarely giving me a compliment. Would get angry and annoyed if I was helping out others, even if it was my parents, or volunteering time at church. She was always afraid that I would cheat on her, and would bring up my past relationships. She had an affair last year which I had suspected and found out about last May. When I found out it was like being hit by a truck. After the initial shock, I tried to forgive her, to which she responded that she was expecting it. After about 3 months where it appeared as though I was the only one making any effort, I basically lost it in September and had to take time off work as I couldn’t focus on anything and was just too sad and depressed to do anything. But here we are in February and I just cannot get myself to leave. I am slowly getting back to work and to working on my hobbies. I am really stuck between staying and leaving. I see her being sad and I feel bad but I try not to get sucked in. She wants to stay together for the kids. I have been meaning to talk to her to see if we give this another go, or if we just split. I am afraid of both leaving and staying. I don’t want to hurt the kids.
I am soooo sad that my mother is number 1 narcissist in my life, 2nd to my inlaws. Thank God I saw this video to educate me and open my awareness. ❤️
I know what made my ex narc angry.
She had always wanted to be a film star or a beauty queen or a model but knew it would never happen and so she wanted our girls to achieve it so she could live her fantasy through them.
One day while our family were all out walking we came across a building that was holding auditions for various parts in a film, they were looking for men, women and children. Naturally we had to go in as she was desperatley hoping our girls would be chosen. Neither her, our girls or our boys were chosen but I was. The funny thing is that I did not care whether I was chosen or not. She was mad. What made it worse was they even discussed my potential part and it was not a bit part or an extra as most of the parts on offer were, she got madder. They wanted me to potentially play the part of a Polish resistence fighter during WW2 who was also a talented ametuer football player. They photgraphed me so they could send the images to the casting directer. and she got madder still but tried to suppress it. I remember rubbing it in as we walked back home by singing that disney tune (Pinochio I think) "Hey diddly dee, an actors life for me" and "Hey diddly dum, an actors life is fun" The only time I was able to kick back and enjoy it.
The odd thing was, I thought that I was the one who was angry all the time when we were together. It never dawned on me to wonder why my happiness came back when we were apart and left when I was back with him. That is, until I was as angry and upset as he was.....and then he was calm and happy......even smiling. I thank God that I have made it out of that very dark place.
You know you have been with one when you feel happier without them.
OMG Yes!!!!🤨😉
Girl, when did you meet my father?
I came out of a 10 year arranged marriage...my ex checks out every trait on the list...scary. I am grateful I got a second chance as being indian I never thought it was possible. The culture just fuels them.
also they won’t take ownership for their mistakes
So sad to be with a Narcissist.
We have to get out of these relationships.🙏🙏🙏
Thank You 🌹🙏🙏🙏💕💕
It’s not my fault that he can’t regulate his own self-esteem.
This has always been a tough one for me...I am finally feeling that it’s okay to be me....and understanding what is behind this person’s anger has NOTHING to do with me. Also realizing this person really doesn’t have a good word to say about anybody.
My sister is this way. I recently just got a bf & he’s the most amazing kind , sweetest person. He treats me & my mom like a queen. I’ve been single for years & had terrible dating experiences ( which she loved to criticize me for) saying I need to find a real man that treats me right & now that I have one she can’t stand it , still talking 💩 insulting my relationship & my bf. It’s just crazy. I stopped including her in my personal life which she hates. It’s like damn if you do , damn if you don’t lol I’m extremely happy & that’s all that matters 🥰
It is scary, but my mum is the same and my father too. And it is sad, but i also do not want her in my life, because she would destroy my happines with my boyfriend. She never changed. Protect you relationship at all costs, because a good lovelly partner is not easy and sometimes, people never will meet one. Stay strong and fullfilef. Bless you both.
_sonflowerr _ Not trying to hit on you (I’m too old for that), but you are a beautiful young lady. Sometimes sisters can be jealous and she definitely is so remember the Cinderella story, they were jealous of her too. Hope you get your prince and live happily ever after. And I hope he treats and respects you like a princess too.
💐No one understands what it's like to have a narc. for a sister. I went no contact in 1998, and plan on staying that way for life for all that she has done to me in my childhood. She also criticized all of my friends. She got close to my boyfriend's in High School and kept them in her little book. She would go out with them and visit them years after I broke up. Narcs are F-ing nuts. When people ask if I have any family I don't invite any arguments. I say no.
The thing is, I actually knew people like this. At the time, I was just lacking in wisdom and experience in dealing with them. What you are saying in this video is exactly right. These people actually exist and it's quite exhausting to be anywhere near them.
Absolutely! I achieved a Doctorate in psychology. My ex husband would say “your not a real doctor” or if my email address had doctor Janet he would say “of course it is” with rolling his eyes. YET... when we were with his colleagues he would INTRODUCE me as Doctor Janet Benjamin... ownership much!!!
I'm with a malignant narcissist. He gets obsessively crazy if I show any positive emotion to another person or pet. I can see that he actually gets so angry when I loved on my fur baby - he actually has had to leave the room. I'm on here because I'm in such a dark place, and I need hope of getting out of this. I've lost all power over myself. The tantrums .. Every word I say is seen as an attack. I stopped talking many months ago to save myself. I've lost myself . Gas lighting stopped a long time ago . Now it's just full on rejection.
BLESS YOUR ❤️. GO. . DEAR ONE. . SAVE MONEY AND GO!!! U CAN DO IT. . U MAY HAVE TO LEAVE THE STATE IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT. . PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU. . FIND SOMEONE. . . A COUNSELLER. . A FRIEND. . ❤😢 BE VERY QUIET. . AND GO FAST AS U CAN. . THIS POST OF YOURS IS 3 YRS OLD. . I SO HOPE YOU R FREE AND HAPPY. . . U R IN MY PRAYERS❤
GO. . GIRL . GO
@MUSIC2MYEARS
Or the dirty scowling look when you're happy with something
The excovnarc never said I was pretty or beautiful. He never complimented my smile or dimples or my hair or body. He ignored me for 14 years.
My fiancé showers me with compliments and I'm still in shock. I thought I was ugly. Undesirable. A waste of space.
Not anymore!! I see my beauty. I feel beautiful and I LOVE myself!!
Mine ignored me for 13
I’m so happy your happy now!!!
I can relate. Mine never complimented me but he always complimented other women right in front of me. He even commented on how hot one of the neighbors is.
@@heathersmith6144 thank you! I am too! ❤️💕💕 3 years in and he's still amazing! And I'm still healing ☺️
It’s amazing your knowledge for such a young woman. I’m just starting to realize how many people in my life from my young age were Naracists and how I’ve fallen victim to so many more my whole life. I’m 66 now and finally getting some self esteem back because I finally realize the pattern with the men I choose. Thank you so much!
I m 70 and it took me until a few years ago with the help on RUclips.
Woooow. This is so accurate. My wife is grilling me sins 2010 for going for a jogg once a week. I am conditioned to have a bad conscience when I am doing something for myself now.
U make me realize I'm normal again. Thank you
👍Wow, a lot of that describes my husband exactly! I can't even recieve a compliment on my fingernails without him throwing his unkempt man hands out and saying "what about mine" like a royally spoiled attention-hogging toddler! I hate to even go in public with him because of such!😔
Anytime we bring up issues we are having with the narcissist or are having a good time in front of her she will change the subject to off the wall random statements “I’m uncomfortable in your house”, “how old are the kids, they’re going to leave you soon”, “you remind me of my friend, plain, no makeup”, “you hate Christmas”....Ridiculous unrelated things that have nothing to do with anything that’s going on in the moment. We can never have fun or a reasonable conversation, we are always left confused by her comments.
The worst thing for me was leaving and not being there to care for and protect his two young children from his abuse. He hated the son for having any enjoyment in life. He constantly screamed at his two year old boy to shut up. He loved to frighten him, shake him and throw things at him. To the point the boy was shrinking away in fear. I called CPS and asked them if the abuse was enough for them to get involved and it wasn’t. I have to live with the guilt and I try to be happy I was able to give the little boy a year of love and safety.
My father had a memorial service held by his colleagues in state government. When my narc mother arrived with my young brother, one colleague went to comfort the bereaved teenager first, rather than the widow. My narc mother started yelling at him and he left, even though he had been scheduled to speak at the ceremony.
This describes my mom. It really felt like she hated my existence.
You are so right Michelle. My ex wife of 22 years (divorced 3 years now) got me to the point of no interests, no hobbies, no activists at all. She wouldn’t even let me do things with our kids to build interests. When I tried to get involved with my son when he was younger building a computer, she absolutely objected to spending money on such an activity so that I had to sneak behind her back and make up stories about how I got the computer parts. There are so many examples of these sorts of things it is horrible. The day that our kids didn’t want to go shopping with her rather, they preferred to stay home with my mother and bake cookies, that was the last time my ex-wife let them stay at my parents house and prevented them from spending any further time with them. My parents are so upset at hardly seeing their grandkids grow up. Of course, since we divorced, she has alienated the kids from me too.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your kids. Although, being the daughter of a narc mother (or genitor as I call her) your kids will probably realize one day how she truly is as I did. I hope during that time you heal yourself and work on expanding your potentials and realizing desires you couldn't do before.
This is happening to me. When you get the chance, tell her one day, she will realize she has shot herself in the foot. This might resonate. When the kids turn 14 or 15, she really can't stop them from running away from home.
Yep, I've had to lie about stuff when i wasn't even doing anything wrong in the first place. They want control over everything like if they're a puppet master and you're the puppet. It is so so sick.
Both sisters (one lives in a different state) have made sure that I didn't bond with their children, so since our beautiful mum & dad died 23 years ago, I haven't seen my nieces for 23 years nor my other sister's children for about that long too. They've ghosted me and on top of my virtually turning myself inside out to impress or get through to them which has affected my life adversely they've now got me as the Whipping Post of the family that the kids all bash so that the two Crocodile Narcs can look good in the eyes of their children. There's no holds barred on their behaviour now that our parents have passed away, and having them as children caused my parents to die young. When I say 'crocodile' I can't think of a more appropriate visage one could use to describe such HIDEOUS personas as my sisters. They have to keep me away from their kids and keep the lie going about how bad, mean, uncool I am because if the kids ever had any contact with me they'd discover that a) they actually have a human being for a relative and b) how bad and ugly their mothers really are.
You GOT slto save them children! Because no one else WILL BUT YOU!
Oh my this is so true. My husband gets mad when anyone say i do something good at all
I was told that I am like the jack of all trades and i do a good job with the kids. He gets so angry when someone shows me favor or praise which is ridiculous.... I am now speaking up for myself and he would say that my family was telling me what to say or he would take credit for anything I do or accomplished..... He hates when other men look at me and smile..... I get in trouble for everytime. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells....😞😞😞😖😫😩😭😵
Its good to hear you are sticking up for yourself. Learn as much as you can about toxic behaviour. @Michellealee has been my saviour over the past 3 years. I'm no longer living with my husband, I reached my enough is enough point. I hope you do too. Don't let this man steal your sparkle
I quit drinking alcohol cause I was down pretty bad with it and instead of congratulating me she would say things like "you act so high and mighty cause you quit drinking"
Reading, talking to others, accomplishments, happiness, unable to show affection to children, talent...the list goes on...yes!! All true and bizarre
#1 I call them the fun police... when they see someone having fun they have just have to stomp it out
I don’t share joy or happiness with my spouse that way he can’t steal it away .. I have to protect my self !.
You can’t trust them around YOUR animals/pets either.
Yeah..mine poisoned our kids dog...just one of the many ways to get back at you for leaving
Never.
Your pets are an extension of you so they hurt you by hurting them.
for sure. my mother got someone to kill my stepfathers cats while he was away
This is true. Devastatingly true.
@@Horseluvver yes.. my narc ex would say that I didn't love our deceased cat and that my relationship with the cat was fake... That was the most mean thing my ex could ever say.. and what's even worse is that when I left I had to leave my cats behind (couldn't bring them with me and he didn't want to split them; we though had 4) and to this day I still worry and hope that they are okay.. especially because I took care of them the most (scooping the poop, cutting their nails, give meds when needed and kept a close eye just in case one of them got sick, I would always call the vet etc)... and the ashes of my deceased cat are still there too.. it sucks 😭
I LIVE AROUND ALL THE NARCS MY MOTHER SISTER EX HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER AND THEY MAKE SURE I AM NEVER HAPPY. I DO THINK IT TIME I MOVED AWAY AND FORGET ABOUT THEM ALL...
Thank you for this video. It's amazing what makes narcissists jealous and angry. The story about the woman who had to secretly kiss her own children goodnight struck a chord with me. My n-ex was jealous of our dog. He would get angry if he saw me stroking or patting our dog and would make comments like, "he gets more love than I do" and, "you talk to the dog more kindly than you do to me." It wasn't true, but meant that whenever my n-ex was in the room and the dog came over to me my n-ex would stare at me I would have to secretly drop my hand and the dog would slowly and quietly sneak under it to get a stroke! My n-ex never hurt our dog, but the dog and I both knew not to upset him.
I understand this. I have never understood why my partner couldn't bear me if I saw my grandchildren. I would be ghosted for days. Or he would sabotage our trips to see my family who lived 4 hrs away by stating I'd done something to upset him - hours before we were due to leave and he would say "I'm not coming..." I'd go on my own and feel so unhappy and he would often block me in the phone, in the end i felt relieved he wasn't there but I'd be ignored days on my return. He didn't have grandchildren and yet i was always kind and welcoming towards his 2 girls. It ended. Thank god. By him I somehow think I was there until I reached 59. When he would criticise my face and say i looked old. I was 4 years younger than him. I was shocked when he started to call me by my mother name. I was very attractive when we met, but I think my looks took a battering because I was so often unhappy and confused. We lasted too long together. I haven't had a lot of confidence in life. He saw this in me. Anyone else would have ended it much sooner. I was independent, solvent, good job, educated and with my own home. I went from being happy and fun to having to deal with something completely outrageous. And I stuck it out nearly 5 years. I'm still recovering.
If your friends are saying it isn't right. LISTEN
When a waitress gave me a nice compliment, the narc said "What about me?!" They looked at him like he's crazy but he still kept doing it. If they asked for my ID to have a glass of wine, he'd get angry and say loudly "She's thirty years old!"
A waitress said " Oh, I thought she was alot younger." He says "She doesn't to me!" This whole back and forth happening right in front of me like I'm not even there. Then the narc stays angry because someone thought I was younger?!
Now I realize it's just that I was getting attention and not him. But when waitresses have ignored me and were a little flirty with him, I'd tell him I'm uncomfortable and he'd dismiss me and laugh and say "I didn't notice anything." But he'd be in a great mood so I know he was loving it and didn't care how they treated me.
My narc cried when a man told me I have an angelic face...laugh. He wanted me to feel bad because he did not feel good about the fact I received a compliment. These people are flippen crazy.
This sounds like my fiancé. He even gets mad when people comment on my pictures, he blocks them but it’s okay when females compliment him, he doesn’t shut up about it. Every time post on my Snapchat he logs into my Snapchat and post himself then compare the number of views
I listened to this wondering if my husband fit the bill and not at all. But as soon as you got to the Mother comment about kissing goodnight and the husband not being able to comprehend those feelings... it made me realize my mother has many of these bizarre traits. She does not say I love you to any of her kids unless someone dies, she kept saying not to put my step dads interests and hobbies on his obituary because "the only reason he was into these hobbies was because of me" and even did not want his own daughter (from another woman) at the funeral or on the obituary! I called her out on it at the time of course, even to the extent of saying my step dad would be so disappointed to hear her talk that way. She also only ever boasted about my talents if it made her look good, otherwise she would criticize everything I did. Oh and at family gatherings (large family) she would make it a point to always be in the kitchen even when she did not need to be and get mad at the people that are having fun enjoying themselves instead of worrying about cleaning and everythingelse that really does not matter at a family event until that event is over. If any one of us is in a happy relationship she will make up lies about them , and if I decorate my home nicely or buy my kids something she will always say "must be nice to have money to spend on that stuff" like I should feel bad that I just bought a new mattress for myself since we had the same used one for ten years! Even if it is stuff we need and not nonsense she will make me feel bad for spending money on it. Don't know if that's a trait or not but it feels like it should be lol
I’m so glad I came across ur channel right now I’m quarantined with someone I’m dating and she shows all these signs of narcissism and I always wondered why she hates peace and happiness it’s weird now I know smh 🤦🏽♂️ wish me luck
VALIDATED!!!! I thought maybe I was thinking strangely. My son's father( a narcissist) get's upset every time I express any loving emotion towards my son. He has even tried to hint that I was making sexual advances?!?!? I now realize why-Thank you!!!
I was so scared to hear I might be a narcissist instead of a truther but this isn't of me so I give a huge sigh of relief 🙌
Thank you! It’s frustrating on the receiving end of a narcissist... I’m on my way getting away from it. I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s too much. Thanks again, your video brought 100% clarity on a big argument that happened two days ago... I was the blame for his drinking, got in big trouble when I had conversations with strangers... I’ve been isolated under his control for almost ten years, he gets weird when I try to make money. I used to be financially independent and miss it so much. We started strong, then I found out about some shenanigans he pulled/lied to me for almost a year. I had a nervous breakdown when I found out. Decided to try (dumb on my part) to make it work... bad decision. His house, his money and when he’d get mad he’d threaten to file a court order to have me kicked out in thirty days... at that time I had medical issues and couldn’t work, had no money and had no where to go. I’m far away from where I’m actually from, I don’t know anyone here or even have friends here. So every half hour on the hour for an evening and during the night, I would be woken by angry intense screaming that I had thirty days to get out... Jesus Christ. Fast forward seven years, toxic loops of his drinking, I’m walking on eggshells I hate alcohol. Things are changing this year, I’ve came into my power and shit is getting real. I’m creating my own job from home, I’m hoping it works out and someday I can have my own house, money, peace of mind and freedom once again 😌
Get out, go to a abused woman's shelter and don't tell him your leaving.
You are literally describing me and my position in life with my “fiancé” of EIGHT years to an alcoholic malignant narcissist sociopath. He just found out he has cancer and decided to leave me and our 7 year old daughter for I have no idea what. He won’t respond to me in any way. Have no money, living in HIS house with our child who cries for him every night. He got me stuck even worse than I was for 8 years. Don’t have friends or family here either. I have no clue what to do from here! Good luck with your job and escape!
Wow! You just described my previous marriage precisely! My ex was so jealous of our kids and the affection we shared he would take his anger out on them to punish ME.
We left him 20 years ago and despite therapy and a wonderful life now, those years with him still haunt me. I really appreciate your video because it gives me perspective on how far I've come and reminds me that his behaviour "wasn't my fault ".🤗
Great video,i met a few narcissists in my life I always felt uncomfortable being around them.after setting strong boundaries for my self,I never let a narcissist get to me,they now leave me alone as they sense they cant get to me.
OMG that's so true.
I was not aware about this stupidity till three years ago. Some thing happened in my family and I started searching on RUclips channels such as this one and reading books. I have started noticing many sick behavior around me. Even a Simple pause and a smile can distrub them. And funniest thing my Good Morning messages carry :
Lovepeacejoy💞💞 🌹🙏
Even this one disturb them😂 . I tell them on their face that your anger and happiness is not my responsibility😂😂
Thanks 💞🌹🙏