Growing up "Ugly" & pretty privilege is REAL | journal entry ep. 3
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- Опубликовано: 22 апр 2023
- It’s been awhile since I looked back at my high school photos. Never being called “pretty” in those 18 years can impact your mindset and confidence. In this video, I showed pictures from high school all the way till now. I talked about pretty privilege & my experience with it. I talked about how growing up ugly also has a role in trust issues, masking your own personality and using an extroverted personality to “make up” for being “ugly” and a lot more other stuff!
I hope you guys enjoyed this video. Feel free to let me know what other topics you guys wanna see me talk about for my next journal entry!
I love you all and I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your week! 🤍🤍🤍🤍
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tags: #prettyprivilege #growingupugly #latebloomer
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REMINDER TO EVERYONE: U ARE BEAUTIFUL ON UR OWN WAY❤ DON'T LET ANYONE TELL U OTHERWISE!
YES YEP YUHHHHHH
fax somebody out there will accept ur flaws to an extent
I will turn 20 this June😭😭
And still looks like a child
Have no fashion sense and yes not comfortable in wearing everything (specially gorgeous dresses) thinking that will not look good on me😭😂🫠💔
But what if u judge urself 😂💔 that's what I do🤌🥴
@@tanukumari991 what helps me not to judge myself is to think/realise that everyone has something that they don't like about themselves. After that i think what and why i feel insecure and try to change my mindset and think more positive. For example try to love and accept yourself and your "flaws". Everyone is beautiful in their own way! Just imagine how boring it would be if everyone looked the same. So don't try to look like someone else instead show of your beauty and be confident!. I know it's not easy so take your time! I hope that i helped you a little ♡
Can we just normalise the awkward teenage years, please? How can people expect middle schoolers or teenagers to be objects of desire? They are literally children!
I don’t know why people expect teenager girls to literally look like goddesses
@@dabriyahharris2066 I think medias play a huge role tbh. When you see shows like euphoria which cast grown adults who seem attractive by most people to play teenagers, obviously younger audiences will want to look like that or think that this is the way they should look like at this age
@@cafe_noir8996 they shouldn’t be watching euphoria anyway
yes i agree. awkward teenage years should be normalized. the purpose of my video is to simply showcase my experience of growing up “ugly” and what i’ve noticed to be different when i gained a bit of access to this pretty privilege. what i’m speaking on about is the pretty privilege people have (teens included) and how that has made their life easier. i don’t think pretty privilege always have to be related to “objects of desire.” pretty privilege can simply make you life easier in society.
@@dabriyahharris2066 yeah you’re right!! It was just an exemple among others.
The thing is my personality didn't change much when I got prettier. It's just that people started accepting my "quirks" because it was seen as cute rather than annoying
ONG
Definitely. You get a pass for soooo much stuff if you’re cute. Just look at kpop celebrities 😭 sometimes I watch clips of aegyo and imagine what the reaction would be if they were considered ugly.
one of my best friends is gorgeous, and i love her to bits, but she is so much more open with her quirks and everyone flocks to her, while me literally just existing has people side eyeing me
Yeah, if I liked something that was considered ‘weird’ I’d be made fun of. If a pretty girl did it, they wouldn’t bat an eye. A lot of my childhood “friends” made fun of me and were constantly being mean.
what I realized is that beauty=status. people will invite you to hang out because they will look good being seen with you. of course during covid you needed to wear a mask. I tried being friendly with someone because they were working at a shop owned by the same owner as mine, but they did not show any interest in talking to me. then the mandate gets lifted and surprise...he wants my socials.
Can we also talk about the “growing up ugly” but never getting pretty? I honestly thought I found my peace with it at least for myself bc I believe I have other traits that define me (define humans in general more than looks) but I still don’t take pictures of myself, don’t like to look in the mirror, my profile pictures are never my face, I don’t get compliments, I always have to dress up more than my friends even for basic events.
The only thing people complimented was my body bc I used to dance a lot and was quite “fit”. Not having the body of a 16 year old anymore who does sports 4 times a week was really hard for me to accept. And that made me realise that I had not found peace with being ugly. Even though I can critically think about the human obsession with looks/attractiveness/beauty standards and how harmful they can be, I still want to be attractive. The funniest thing is that I don’t have these standards for anyone else but me lol.
literally same
I feel the same way. I started using masks during the pandemic and even now i can't stop using them in public. I have a very big and crooked nose so all pictures I take i edit a shit amount of my face so it looks better but it never does. Honestly it's so exhausting feeling this way :/
In my case I wasn't really ugly but growing up I was not the prettiest either because of puberty I have acne outbreaks and some people are making fun of me because of how look. That's why I grow up insecure and thinks that I'm not beautiful
The same, although I never had a fit body
@@lunapotterhead4459 Honestly, what is the point of editing them? You don't look like that and people who know you know you don't look like that so I don't genuinely understand the point. Like, I know it would just make me feel worse and any compliments would be meaningless since I don't look like that
"when people took photos of me I was like this not what I imagined myself to look like"
Bro I can feel it . I never thought that someone else would also be feeling this way ...
Same here. Like I feel so pretty in the mirror but when I take photos of me it looks so ugly
Same! I don’t let people take pictures of me anymore unless it’s my family or it’s a big group picture and even then, I am never happy with how I look but in the mirror I think I’m a beauty
I have the same issue and I end up breaking my own heart. I wonder a lot if this is body dysmorphia on some level.
Going from an "Ugly" to "Pretty" person is a very traumatizing experience because i know that if i looked the same as i did a few years ago, i wouldn't be getting the same attention I'm getting now and people wouldn't be as kind to me. How i use to get treated by people in the past, when i was "unattractive" has given me serious trust issues and even though I've had a "Glow up", i still remember those horrible times when people were Nasty to me.
Imagine if you were born pretty. Then you wouldn't even know what you know now.
@@periechontology I grew up pretty as a kid in Primary School. It wasn't until i got to Secondary School and college that I started experiencing the harsh reality of it! Those were my nerdy Eras lmao People use to take a PISS out of me and never wanted to be my friend because I was "unattractive" back then. But it's a good thing, because now i can see right past people's bullshit and can put my foot down. Certain things that happen to me now, never use to happen to me before. Like people Stare at me, I get approached by strangers and people are just nice to me in general. Those people that bullied and judged me a few years ago, should feel ashamed and feel like idiots now.
omg exactly, i relate so much because i now kind of fit into the standard “pretty privilege” and it’s not easy to trust people when they say “but ur so pretty” because no one would tell me that when my skin was scarred with acne, being overweight and bloated, greasy hair and the like before my so called “glow up”. yes, my own self-confidence has increased but the trauma of people laughing about my thick thighs or my monolids from the past will remain with me forever
This. I was so fucking lonely, it did not help the fact that I had social anxiety, I've moved schools a few times now, and I got a glow up after cutting my hair, and wearing good clothes, it changed my whole appearance, and now I have an amazing friend group, I still have social anxiety but people tend to be patient with me and are more nice and want to talk to me
@@sicksocksocksick SAMEE i remember someone telling me I looked like momo (the scary one not the kpop one lol) and someone else saying that I was the ugliest girl in the year. Those same people now tell me how they love my look and its like ??????
Never getting any validation about your appearance when you’re a teenager or even until you’re a young adult can really mess with your self esteem
this is so true
Yes it is
for realllll :/
As a current 20 year old, I agree☹️
As someone who's 36 it still gets to me because I never bloomed into the pretty girl to fit in, by standards I'm still ugly.. and being bullied in my school days for how I look still haunts me to this day. It doesn't help that when I got to my 30's I developed rosacea so now my face is always red. It's made me a hermit basically. I don't want to go out and face people. It's horrible. 😢
I have facial dysmorphia because of my insecurities. Same photos look so different and my face seems like it’s changing in photos and mirrors when it’s not.
It is horrible. Please people… please don’t make people feel bad about being “ugly”, because they’re not. ❤
Omg! I feel the same way. I be feeling myself, looking good in the mirror, building a high self confidence that day and then I go out and pose for a photo, only to look horrendous. My whole day be ruined because of that.
Righttt
This. I used to look confident in mirrors but always felt ugly in photos. And because of that I never take any photos or myself and delete every single time I take it.
It’s because the camera mainly on phones warps your face a little. And if you aren’t like bone skinny and have a mewwwed facial structure 24/7 it just makes it 10x worse. The back camera is better it doesn’t warp you as much but the mirror never lies and it’s kind of upsetting.
Ive learned to be okay with being "ugly" theres nothing wrong with not looking like the standard. We should normalize being different.
I went from 'ugly' to 'pretty' to 'ugly'. And yes pretty privilege does exist. I was sort of invisible till I was 15. No boys wanted to be friends with me. I was a shadow behind all my pretty friends. Boys just wanted me as a messenger to talk to my pretty friends. After that from 16 to 18 I moved to another school and I was suddenly pretty. Everyone started noticing me. Even the boys that weren't my friends in my old school began talking to me saying I didn't realise you were this pretty before. The attention was really overwhelming. Everybody suddenly wanted to be friends with me. After school life, when I started college I was ugly again. I became invisible as before. Nobody wanted to talk to me especially boys. I sort of developed a detachment to boys because they made me insecure and now I'm not at all comfortable to talk with boys anymore. It doesn't matter whether it is a relationship or friendship I guess beauty matters a lot.
Your situation is similar to mine....i can't help but feel insecure and wary around men.. And I'm a grown ass adult..
Hmm is that why whenever influencers or celebrities post a ton of selfies, they always automatically get dozens of comments and likes whenever theyre on Facebook or Instagram, pretty privilege is disgusting, period
This situation is same as mine .....it is really true
The thing with boys.. yes same they make me insecure
Hey girlll. It's just a reminder to enjoy ur own company and to do self care things not to impress others but for ur self satisfaction ❤
in psychology class i remember learning how people think beautiful people are more likely to be morally good
Its depends on what type of beautiful you are for example cute or adorable or innocent looking cause sometimes if your more intimidating pretty or like really really pretty then people might think your full of yourself or that your mean etc
@@princessaroyale not really. It's called the "halo effect". If you percieve a persons body/face as conventionally attractive, you associate that with positive traits, even if presented with evidence that suggests the contrary.
@@princessaroyale it doesn’t even matter, as long as you are at end , beautiful.
Cuteness in people may make us try to help those people more bc they remind us of babies. And babies are helpless and the only way they could secure living long is by igniting something we have in our basic instincts to protect helpless creatures, that’s why their eyes are so big, nose are small and everything else is exaggerated, studies even found that mothers tend to not complain about the cuter babies as much as about “not so cute babies “, they receive same care , but scientists report way less complaining, and other types of beauty can bring different type of attention, but at end you benefit either way.
@@user-andjebdyu uh oh you've fallen for it as well
I feel like that's because pretty people are usually treated better by people so they wouldn't have a reason to be rude, but of course that's not true. Maybe it's because people want to be validated by beautiful people so in their head they make them up to be perfect.
As someone who has lost pretty privilege, people do treat you completely differently when you're not conventionally attractive (aka perceived as ugly). Most of my guy friends that I thought were friends just started being so cold for apparently no reason. I now have a best friend, and she's really attractive, and even tho I love her, I just feel like a shadow to her sometimes. I feel like me being ugly makes her beauty even more outstanding.
I feel like I can't have crushes, can't be sexual, and basically can't act as if I would like to act simply because I would look entitled. "How dare you be confident and have standards with a face and a body like that?"
At this point, I'm trying to suppress all the parts of myself that aren't welcomed. I actively avoid meeting new people, especially men, not because they would fall for me, but because there would be a possibility for me to fall for them and I don't want to be humiliated like that. When you're ugly and you fancy someone, it's almost as if you were insulting them.
I'm trying to convince myself I'll be happy alone, but some days are really hard.
You could maybe try and get it back? Or come into terms with how you look right now.
But yk attractiveness doesn't have much to do with how you look than it does with how you act, your personality, and your mindset. Even if someone was the prettiest person on the planet, it couldn't justify them acting entitled. I think you're unhappy because you're approaching things the wrong way - you're denying yourself the things you obviously have the right to do. You can have crushes, you can be sexual, you can fall for someone, you can do anything you want as long as it doesn't hurt yourself or anyone else. And everyone else has the same rights as well, no matter how ugly/pretty they are. So they can choose not to fall for you. Why do you think that's a humiliation? So what if they don't like you romantically? You can still be friends and have fun with them. Why would you consider yourself to be alone if you have friends? Is there that much of a difference between a good friend and a significant other?
Ciao, what a cold minded thought. You are brave to admit it: in my teen years, I just gave attention to fictional stuff and hobbies, because I had fear to beign rejected by others. The beauty standard maybe is not included in the "list" ... But I notice sometimes I got anxious to have hair like a normal person (opposite to frizzy and messy, how they are) in order to give me worth. Hugs from a random internet person
These people are not good. I am sure there are people out there who will appreciate you as you are. I know there isn't a lot of them. I also struggle with it. But occasionally and by being myself I find this people
i feel like I'm the one writing this comment because from top to bottom i can relate very much. my pretty era was not really long, but I did get the pretty privileged treatment that I didn't even know it was a thing ( i was a kid back then) and suddenly idk how (i feel like i was cursed) my teeth, my face shape, my nose suddenly to the point ppl didn't believe it was me when i show them my childhood photos. so yeah I'm in college, freshman yr rn and still didn't get braces on. yeah the 'curse' is still there and i wear mask literally everywhere. presentation day is the most thing i hate (i was so confident back then presenting like a teacher 😭 and the fact that my classmate+ teacher likes my presentation 😭) and know all my confidence are gone, mask every 24/7, and i had terrible anxiety when meeting new ppl + in a new environment. I'm so down lately, rethinking my degree, burn out and zero confidence. i hope to graduate excellently. i pray to all ppl in the same situation as me, successful. we are strong. stronger than we think.
i see you. this is a struggle i find myself in constantly, as someone who is not considered conventionally attractive. what gives me some semblance of comfort is knowing that without my "ugly" there would be no "beauty" in retrospect. so i complement others by just being who i am. telling myself I'm "beautiful" doesn't really help in this context because that would be flat out lying. ugly, to me, is not demeaning. being honest with myself made me much more comfortable with my own skin, and in turn, more accepting and open towards others as well. it helped me take care of myself more.
I’m 19 and still struggle with being insecure about my looks. It’s so exhausting, especially with the social anxiety i’ve struggled with my whole life too. My self worth was based on what other people thought of me, I care a lot less now but I still have a big lack of confidence.
i am bad, wrong, stupid, weak, ugly
they are good, right, smart, strong, beautful
@@mikelisteral7863 same
so…i got bullied my whole life for the way i was. Because, yes i was really ugly. I was completely against the beauty standard, dressed in an horrible way, had huge and horrible bangs (lol) and I got “bullied” a lot for that. + i destroyed my whole hair by trying to cut it myself and, during the last year of middle school a “friend of mine” came to me and told me “all the other classmates grew up, they became pretty while you still look ugly” and my crush was standing there, laughing. that hurt and that made me realise that i had to do something. during quarantine i worked on myself, not just my appearance but also psychologically! and i did! i started, slowly , trying to understand that i have this body and i gotta live with it for the rest of my life! i definitely feel pretty now, i became my own standard. don’t get me wrong, i still don’t take many photos but i’m trying, i’m getting better.
UPDATE
hi! this comment is pretty old. many things have changed in these 7 months. Yeah. I’m actually really pretty now :) I have MY conception of beauty and i fully embrace it. Just discovered that basically ALL the people that bullied me used to like me. YEP! one of them asked me out this summer and i was like “ew no thank you”. You can do this! work on yourself, FIND YOUR OWN BALANCE AND EAT THEM UP. I started to take a lot of photos and HEAR ME OUT. If you take a photo of the sky and it turns out horrible, do you blame the sky or the phone? The PHONE obviously seeing yourself through the camera is not the same as seeing yourself in real life!!! I wish you all the best
❤
congratulations 🫶🏻
What they did is so mess up I’m happy you decided to work on yourself and feel confident in your own body
You made me shed some tears cause this is so true I also just started working on my self for almost 2 weeks like physical still haven’t worked on my confidence cause I don’t know how to work on that, but I am working on the outside of myself ❤❤🙁🙁
@@kanasolz You can do it. ❤️
At the age of 14 i just realised that im not a grown woman but infact a developing child. I used to compare myself to 20+ year old women crying because i didnt look like them. And that caused me soooo much emotional baggage and self loathing. I developed an unhealthy ED and all kinds of stuff because i didnt look 20 at 10.
yes i totally agree
we first gotta have our grow-up in order to have a glow-up.
I was similar back then when I was your age. Now I am almost 20, and it is true that I just look way better overall. My body and my face, but also I have grown more into myself and developed my personal style, hobbies, things that I love,... and that has given me a lot of confidence. I also take better care of myself. So, sometimes things just have their time and before their time, they will not happen. My advice? Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, get some physical activity, take care of your hygiene and skin health, discover how to take care of your hair, nails,... And just let time do what it does best, pass. Remember that you will grow up anyways, but you will never be 14 again. Try to enjoy what you have today, even if it is not all you want. Take it easy with yourself and do not become frustrated with not looking your best right now.
Same.
as a 20yo who still feels like a child, I wish I could have spent more of my childhood being a kid, without worrying about what my peers thought. when I was 14, I was basically the same as when I was 9. please don't rush growing up, be a kid while you're a kid 🥹 and don't stress about what other people your age think or what social media think bc we're all just dealing with our own crap and don't even know what we're saying sometimes. just do what you want, and don't stress about what other people think. your childhood is the best time to pursue whatever you want and not beat up yourself about it:)
@@soybeanstudies4837 THIS
Omg as a black girl I relate to this so much like too many of us are considered ugly, like everyone dont want to miss an occasion to remind us that fact, I remember being compared to a monkey and made fun of the color of my skin. The whole summer I avoided the sun
Oh my god i’m so sorry!! that is not okay. people are literally so horrible. You deserve so much better babe. As a poc myself, and growing up ugly, it definitely makes things a lot harder to feel “pretty.” But we need to remind ourselves f society standards, we are literally so beautiful inside out ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
@@via.ilyouu yeah but seeing your vids makes me feel less alone. Im finishing high school and I see too many people glow up while I still look 13. At least I have good grades I guess
@@blacklicorice4917 I'm also finishing high school and I commend you for having good grades. You should be proud of yourself because that takes effort and hard work while beauty isnt something you can control. Im sorry you had those things said to you, and I hope that it won't get you down too much because you have such a bright future ahead of you.
Hey, I love your skin color. It's so beautiful! Really, I'm afraid I scared some black people in my country when I can't stop and look at them because I really find them amazing!
I am so sorry that you had to go through those horrible experiences, I feel you. I hope you will learn to have a healthy relationship with your skin color❤. Black is beautiful!! So are all human beings created by God, he makes no mistakes. Keep working hard, but I hope you will explore yourself and find all of the other things that makes you spécial.
Healing will take time and it might leaves you with scars, but you must not define yourself from people's perception of you. You will Bloom inside and out ! !🫶🏾
I was considered the “ugliest” girl in high school and early college. I wore baggy clothes to hide my body. I was actually skinny, but didn’t feel like it. I also thought I was underdeveloped because all the boys were obsessed with large breasts. Now, I realize people like all shapes and sizes and I feel comfortable wearing fitted clothing. But I still worry. Even now when people compliment me, I don’t believe it. I think they want something or are making fun of me. I made so many changes . But I still don’t wear makeup, or heels. I refuse. Also didn’t realize I had autism until later in life when diagnosed (wondering why people had trouble connecting with me). Now, I think I have the opposite of body dysmorphia. I think I look good until I see myself in the mirror or a photo of myself and I’m grossed out.
Remember that photos aren't always that close to real life. :)
A realistic depiction of what the eyes can render is nearly impossible, so the bad photos are probably not what other people see when they see you in person!
Can relate... I even went to hunch position to hide that I was flat!
I have body dysmorphia and I actually think I'll look amazing until I look at myself. For me, my perception of myself morphs and my self-esteem has been at rock bottom ever since I can remember being alive. It's more so how you feel about yourself and your looks. I don't have autism but my social anxiety definitely causes me to disconnect from so many people that they think I'm weird because I don't like much poplar things
Exactly the same as you
im 12 right now and i feel over developed :( i got my first period at 10 and my 'chest' is wayy abnormally big for my age and i just hate it and i hate my body and honestly i wont lie to you i hate almost everything about me and i have a feeling i may be experiencing some sort of depression or dysmorphia now because i just cant see myself as a cute person i mean all i see when i think of myself is a fat, ance filled face with abnormally large breasts and i absolutely hate it and im trying to be better sorry for ranting under your comment
I also grew up ugly (still haven’t had my glow up😭) and you are speaking STRAIGHT FACTS. I have friends who had proper glow ups and they say they hate it cause they don’t know who to trust etc bc all the attention they get feels fake and they struggle to trust people:(
I don't think you have a clue about how well spoken you are, truly an inspiration
Literally
stop this is so sweet😭😭😭
Fr
I'm sorry; I don't know what to say, other than, get better friends!
I think it's crazy that some people don't think pretty privilege is real. Even now I notice a drastic changes in how I'm treated when I am dressed up nicely with my makeup done vs when I go out in a comfy outfit with my hair and makeup not done. I believe part of it has to do with the energy and attitude I have when I am dressed up and feel pretty and confident vs when I am not.
Being pretty also has disadvantages, as a woman at work everyone will assume you just got there because of your look plus there will be jealousy.
@@rosawolke2788 but these are such small disadvantages that can never compare to the advantages you get when youre pretty. so this doesnt even matter
@@ryoba. You might be right when talking about school but not in working life. You will be declined when your application photos are too beautiful (for men this is the other way around), at university in oral exams you get the difficult questions, your colleagues are more likely to bully you, and so on. These will be serious financial and mental impacts and your only wrongdoings were being interested in elegant styling and taking care of your health (healthy diet, sport, body care).
@@ryoba. Plus in the middle ages those women that were murdered in witch trials were primarily beautiful women that caught the envy of their neighbors. This phenomenon is not new.
Also, in these times beauty products were thought to be devilish and using them could get you killed or imprisoned.
@@rosawolke2788 okay but on what planet do you live, where this weird stuff happens? Cause this is totally unaccurate for where I'm from.
This is so relatable. I grew up “ugly” and just the “funny friend” and I even dimmed myself down at times, wouldn’t wear the things I liked or wanted to wear, felt so out of place, even tried to avoid getting too much attention towards me (I still do all these) cause I didn’t feel “conventionally attractive.” Now I’ve technically “glowed up” (why’s that even a thing?!?) I STILL find it so hard not to compare myself I have anxiety, an eating disorder, and a hard time with self love. I didn’t really grow up being pretty and the fact that people are now treating me so differently and view me so differently I find it hard t believe them and change my thinking is SOOO difficult and something I have to work on every second of the day.
Jesus Christ the “avoided getting too much attention because you are not conventionally attractive” is soooooo relatable. I remember at my old high school I always felt very anxious when I had even the slightest bit off attention on me because I felt like for some reason I shouldn’t be having it. Totally can relate to u
Pretty privilege is very real! And very much alive even today. I’m 72. I started to come into my own the summer I was 16 years old. I grew out my hair, started to try dressing better, more confident. In college I came into who I was. My personality solidified, my style was there. My confidence bloomed. I have only gone to one high school reunion. When I arrived, you would have thought I was one of the most popular girls in school. I was a geek but I knew all the popular girls and got along with them. I got along with the athletic guys because I grew up with most of them. As I got older I started to get more male attention. I got a body, 34/23/36. My features became more like my adult self. I double takes from people I grew up with. I felt good but not head turning.
As a current teen I had friends telling me "I am prettier than you" , "you are the ugliest in our group" even though I honestly dont really care but it still hurt
‘Friends’ thats not good friends ☹️
Get away from these 'friends' asap . They will try to bring you down most of the time and ruin your self confidence
u mean ex friends right??
drop them rn omg 😭
I hope you find better friends and your "friends" realise how wrong they are and regret their actions
Take care of yourself and your heart
Don't let these insecure people hurt you and your precious heart :(
As a 27 year old guy, I can really relate to this video. Growing up I was overweight and never had a girlfriend. I lost the weight at 16, but it wasn't until my early 20s that I "glowed up". The difference in how people treat you is pretty insane actually.
As a boy, who built muscle, grew 11 inches in high school, and got new clothes in adult life, I noticed that too. Used to get made fun of for my size and looks, afterwards it all just magically disappeared, if anything got the sense, some people actually fear you a bit now.
Pretty privilege exists no matter how hard some people deny. People normally tend to perceive beauty in various ways whether positively or negatively ( like jealousy), as long as we’re humans this concept includes ourselves too. The crucial issue comes when people rely on others’ validation to feel validated. It’s okay not being treated special by others based on your looks. Don’t give people the power to make your own life heaven or hell.
"don't give people the power to make your life heaven or hell" is a such a good way of thinking
uh oh be careful or people will think you are going down a redpill rabbit hole. lmfao
right im now somewha attractive and boy has there been a change. ppl I've know for 2+ years started treating me better, ppl smile at me in the hallways and my old friends started treating me differently bc i was no long the comedic relief anymore, i actually have guys interested in me. pretty privilege is def real
I agree, people seek for validation way too much. I have never needed that so I could care less what people think about my looks. Why compare yourself with other miserable people who are way too obsessed about looks?
It’s just so hard to feel that weight on your shoulders that you know, no matter how hard you try it’s immovable because it’s simply human nature. Sometimes the weight feels too much to bear and idk if I can deal with existence. I apologize for the random rant, but if anyone out there can relate to what I just said then just know you’re not alone, and I’m so sorry :/.
grew up ugly too and the way people treat me differently after each major glo up just kept reaffirming me pretty priviledge is real, it's really messing with my head to realize how easy things can be when I'm just a little prettier.
till this day, despite people telling me I look pretty, I just awkwardly say thanks and laugh it off, I don't know why I still can't embrace and accept the term pretty, and even at times I think I'm pretty, voicing it out still feels weird
It's human nature to divert towards the negative more. Especially when you clearly experienced something traumatic like being treated differently by other people because of the way you look. It will be hard to love yourself because you were never really able to love your older self because of your outer environment, for you the glow up was one step at a time so you were used to your face throughout the process...it wasn't like you woke up from sleep and everything about you changed, it took time right? But for people who don't see you on a daily basis it was probably a huge difference, what's normal for you isn't normal for others. You are still the old you(keeping aside the inner growth) deep inside in the heart, somewhere,and it's hard to accept changes.
But i hope someday you'll not be weirded out by saying this out loud.
Take care :)
sorta unrelated but it makes me sad to see people call their child and current selves ugly, even if they would be, according to "beauty standards". It's sad:( I mean can you imagine child-you overhearing you say, oh i was ugly as a kid, and imagine how they would feel? Maybe I'm thinking too much into it, but I literally refuse to refer to my younger self as ugly, because that would mean agreeing with the kids and who messed with my head so young. ofc by no means was I pretty, but I was a child ?? half developed, very confused.
even now, at 20 years old, though I've definitely glowed up wrt personality, hair, clothes and posing in photos (lmao) I still have my "ugly" moments. but I remind myself not to be harsh, as literally everyone, even the hottest celebrities have their "bad angles" and awkward childhood pics.
in short, kids are just clunky half formed adults, and they shouldn't have to be exposed to the world's vain ideals so soon. don't let down child-you and be kind to yourself:)
@@soybeanstudies4837 That's a wonderful perspective. Thank you for sharing!
I prefer staying at home and avoid going anywhere outside BECAUSE i feel like everybody will stare at me and think that I'm the ugliest thing they've ever seen. I even sometimes felt bad for my friends because i thought it'd be embarassing for them to hang out with me. I graduated high school and is waiting for my college admission. I'm absolutely terrified of becoming a loner in college because of my face and of interacting with other people.
That was me a couple of years ago. I hated going to public places cause I thought that people stared at me weirdly. Not until my mother told me , "nobody cares". So nowadays whenever I go out..I'm usually carrying the 'nobody cares' attitude. I imagine myself alone w/o people around. This has really boosted my confidence and self-esteem.
I completely understand how you feel.I hope that you'll one day conquer all you fears and meet genuine friends who will make you feel loved and appreciated.💜❤
if it makes you feel any better, I used to feel the same due to social anxiety but it got better after I pushed myself to go outside anyways. I think the most helpful thing to remember is that most people are always thinking about themselves and how they look, even more than how anyone else aroudn them looks.
@@monbub fax
Go outside 😭😭😭 no one is going to look at u and think ur “the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen”, even if they do it’s them that’s the problem.
I resonate with this so much! Growing up “ugly” especially with bad acne and being on the heavier side, entering middle school was literally like a war zone with the names you’re called or how you’re treated and you basically never feel as worthy as your pretty friends. Fast forward and I hit my “glow up” if you will, clear skin, started working out so a lot more fit, and finally felt the pretty privilege benefits. but then I was in a car accident and I broke my jaw in 6 places and lost half my teeth so it’s like I’m back to square one again and the ugly younger version of myself and all the insecurities are even more amplified🥲🙃
🫂🫂.
I had a very similar story as well. Grew up ugly, ungroomed, unfit, and unpopular. ONLY focused on academics. I was a huge anime and fandom nerd bc I needed an escape from my terrible high school days. Once I graduated, got into my dream uni, I spent the summer furiously learning how to do my makeup/dress better. It’s so fucked because a pretty classmate ignored me all throughout school. After glowing up, suddenly she reached out now that I’m ‘acceptable’ to hang out with.
I had the same experience as you in hs and ghosted everyone in my cohort except for a few close friends. they don't deserve to even know about the person I've grown into. I'd feel sick if people were all fake and friendly in my hs reunion. thinking of skipping the reunion tbh 🤡people that peaked in high school end up being the most miserable unfulfilled adults later in life. they truly do peak in high school.
Hope you gave your superfacial classmate a talk.
Hope you gave your superfacial classmate a talk.
how did you answer her? do you hang out with each other?
hey i know its pretty offtopic but how did you learn to dress better and do makeup? i wanna learn that too please, so if you can tell, it'd e of great help xx
at my teen years, even though i never thought that i was "ugly", i always knew that i wasnt "pretty" enough. i was scared to wear make up or dress up nicely, because i was feeling that people would judge and make fun of me. i wont take selfies or even look in the mirror. i thought people would say "why is she trying to be pretty, when its clear that she is hopeless with that face" and it didnt really bother me at that time, but looking now, i still cant find the courage to wear pretty clothes and fix my make up at public places. thank you for this video 💕
Same. I did the y2k indie sleaze, Make up look with nude lips and smokey thin liner and had girls laughing at my makeup and say there wasn't enough make up to fix my face. :/
I relate to this sooooo harddddd 💔💔
I just hope someday you will have courage to do all that and be confident in you own skin, I know it's not easy gaining confidence and caring for what others think but when you do it will be a great feeling
@@dw9524 sorry about that :/
yo SAME. i was a huge tomboy. i didn't think i was "ugly" but i knew i wasn't pretty for sure. i was also scared of makeup and dressing up, especially wearing more feminine clothing and doing my hair. now i'm in my late 20s! i've only gotten around to learning to do makeup, finding my style, and f-ing what anyone has to say about me! ig bc i feel old now, and i should have taken this leap when i was younger. in the back of my mind, i still think people are going to judge me and laugh at me (including my family who had always looked at me as the plain tomboy), but i don't want regrets as i grow older. i hope you come to a stage where you feel comfortable in your skin and start doing things FOR YOU
The snowball effect it creates is so deep and hard to untangle. Because I was the anxious, shy kid when I first went to school I became the punchbag of the bullies. Even when the bullying got better I was still the one who would never fit like the others because of how I was already perceived. My sense of worth got so messed up, I believed there was something wrong with me, I believed I was ugly. I was the punch bag of the other kids so no guy would be romantically interested and after a while I put in my head that I was not good enough to be loved. I grew up without living the typical teenage love. When you're older and no guys have ever shown interest in you it is extremely scary once it finally happens and your avoidant personality will take over and deny it because you don't have experience and it makes you afraid and feel like you're not prepared, you're still so full of self-sabotage thoughts too like you'll never believe someone finds you truly attractive or interesting. So the longer it goes the harder it feels like to ever engage romantically because you'll look naive and silly with 0 experience when it feels like everyone your age has it. Since you tend to isolate yourself and probably have few friends you don't get invited for things like clubbing, or just going out in general which leads to a feeling that you're living wrong and that you are behind in life and letting life slide without living these things. Because you don't have as many experiences you feel even more insecure. Then if you don't post on social media because you feel ugly and your photos make you so insecure, it feels like another way that you're isolating and not putting yourself out there so ofc it's harder to find people romantically interested in you. And this snowball effect get's so messy that you don't know where to begin, there are so many layers of the "problem" that you lose all motivation just thinking about it.
What’s most annoying about having a “glow up” is that all these years I’ve spent building a personality which hides insecurities while also being a fun person around means nothing to people, I don’t feel pretty, I feel objectified
the part about having no idea what you look like, and developing a completely different version in ur head honestly destroyed my self confidence, i just have no idea how to perceive myself or how others perceive me. i have never really received any compliments for my appearance, whereas my friends around me have always received an abundance of this. i’m working on loving myself but it’s honestly very difficult. love your channel by the way, you’re so comforting!
ikr... i don't even have mirror in my own room (10 years going strong), and that adds more to the "how i look in my head and how i REALLY look".
even in dreams... 23 years of lucid dreaming and never, _not even once_ , i look like my irl self....
@@famishedmonster i hardly ever look in the mirror either, ignorance is bliss lol
Same, and I'm a guy and we get even less compliments regardless of how we look. For me, going from people occasionally roasting my appearance, to people now almost never making fun of my looks seems to be the closest I'll get to compliments that aren't from family members. I did once overhear a girl whisper that I'm hot to a friend, so I'll have to sustain the confidence boost I got from that for as long as until the next compliment I get years later. But I know the best solution is to practice self love and compliment myself instead of expecting validation from others.
Not a subscriber (the algorithm brought me here) but I'm so happy content like this is being made and conversations are being had around pretty privilege/beauty standards. I'm turning 30 in August and never felt attractive in high school, if anything - I felt like I was the friend who helped highlight and heighten the beauty of those around them. It was shitty but gave me the time and space to focus on other things about me: my intellect, my ambitions, my creative passions, etc. And thankfully doing that helped bring me closer to people who thought differently and who were willing to take a step outside of the norm of what others defined as "beautiful". Best advice I ever got from a friend's older sibling was to be fearless and not allow the opinions of others to box me in. Rambling but anyway, younger me would have loved this video. Wishing you well 💕
Aging is terrible because I'm like damn, now I gotta be ugly and old?
@@marinomolina8944 Aging is a blessing fr. I know way too many people who didn't make it to 25 - let alone 30.
As a 47 year old "ugly" woman. I found posture and confidence really helped me find my feminine and sensual energy. It took years to find my inner confidence which came from l3arning who I am. Best lesson. Lovevwho you are for you.
this video is one of the only realistic ones that talks on the topic of going from "ugly" to "pretty" and also shows the traumatizing sides of it. I remember all of elementary and half way through middle school I was always seen as the ugly funny friend before I was ever seen as just a friend, and those feelings still lay within a lot of us, even when we do get a "glow up." i relate heavily to the whole "would these same people still treat me and view me the same if i still looked the way I used to?" because it's still a valid question to ask, because society really does affect how people are treated if they look a certain way, even if they don't realize it. I loved this video and i can't wait to watch more of your content!
thank you so much for being here and watching this video🩷🫶ilysmmm
Jesus same.
literally same, i got a but more attractive and they started being shady i would say "oh that guy is cute" and they'd go "oh i used to talk to him" "someone told me he had a major crush on me" "we dated in like, 3rd grade" we're literally freshman in highschool and ppl still haven't matured.
When I was a kid I was an ugly barnacle. I was so ugly that everyone died. THE END.
First of all thank you for making this video. As an normal Asian girl I felt so ugly. Pretty privilege really exist.
When you are more pretty or cute, people wanna be friend with you.
I don't wanna look myself in mirror.I also don't take pictures myself.I am still trying my best to overcome this mentality. Your video makes me think a lot of things that I unnoticed before.Thank you so much.I hope you will make this kinda video more.
you really speak well.I would like to hear other topics from you.🤍
as a 25 year old who also didn't feel pretty and didn't like mirrors or take pictures (well i still don't and i still don't like how i look) i would encourage you to take pictures often, videos too. don't post them if you feel ugly or if you just don't like posting selfies, but take them and keep them for future you, for memories. take a picture of your room, a video of yourself in it, make a video of a small journal entry of a random boring day
@@coscorrodrift THIS. theres a 4-5ish year era where i used to hate taking pictures and i just wish i was a bit more confident back then, its so fun to look back.
This is so damn relatable. I lost weight and started wearing contacts, styling myself better and the way people treated me changed, i was noticed more, i felt like my self worth was more valuable. Thats pretty fucked up, the world is so shallow 😅
I could really relate to your point of feeling free to be "more yourself" now that you're prettier. You said you feel like you're allowed to be more introvert because you don't have to put yourself "out there" as much when you weren't perceived as pretty to make up for what you lacked in appearance. I experienced the opposite of this. When I was ugly as a child and teenager I felt trapped into being awkward and inferior. My personality was a reflection of my outer appearance, but now that I'm more confident in my appearance I feel more myself because I feel like I'm allowed to have a bubbly and cute personality.
this hit...learning to love myself along my journey of self discovery but being called ugly and fat in middle school and high school always pulls me back. thank you for this and also to all the comments! i don't feel so alone along this journey
i’m so sorry♥️your younger self deserve so much better! however it is never too late to start loving yourself which is still something I am trying to work on to 🤍🤍
I’ve always been deemed conventially attractive, but there was a huge shift when i cut my hair off. Suddenly i wasnt pretty enough anymore and there really was a huge shift in how people treated me. Note that this was in my final 2 years of highschool, so people were pretty judgemental. Thanks to this period of short hair, i learnt to grow thicker skin and work on myself and my insecurites and i am glad i cut my hair off. If i hadn’t done that, i wouldn’t be able to call myself pretty today and wear whatever i want
omg same, short hair really changes how people perceive you, especially men tbh
I can relate. If I compare last year's bob with this year's longer hair..I get more attention now. People seemed to dislike last year's bob. Also think it has to do with beauty standards, longer hair is deemed as pretty.
I want to cut my hair short because I completely killed it by using wrong products and it's completely unrecoverable. But I just think back to the trauma my tomboy phase caused me during highschool years... People were nasty towards me. I don't want to be seen as subhuman again just because I have short hair, but there's no other choice probably... I don't wanna lose all the new friends I made because I "look like a man."
If they don’t wanna be friends all of a sudden just because you cut your hair god forbid then they aren’t your friends to begin with cuz that’s some superficial shit
It’s sucks growing up ugly because I was always questioning if I was ugly because I was actually ugly or if I was ugly because I was Asian. Boys would called me pretty, hot, or ugly. But that was about it. They never wanted to date me. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I don’t know what it’s like to be “pretty” . I just wanna feel pretty enough for someone. I just wanna feel enough. I just wanna be enough 😞
she: "growing up ugly"
me : "growing up ugly and poor"
lets cry together 😭😭😭😭😭
i grew up poor too😭🤚still a broke college student now too☠️☠️
@@via.ilyouu broke, not poor. There is a difference
@@via.ilyouu dude in my country poor ppl sure as hell can't afford braces lmao
Growing up ugly poor as a fearful avoidant 😭✋🏻✋🏻
@@Karasuno86 it’s different country by country lol
im in my awkward teen phase and this is comforting to me because a lot of other girls my age seem to be more put together but ive been struggling a lot with self image and all that
I experienced the exact same thing, from an ugly person to when I gain a little bit of pretty privilege. I went to high school most of the days felt like a walking mess, all my friends were pretty, and they literally knew that they were, and I wasn’t. When ur pretty & confident, attention is so obvious and people treat you different.
Ah so happy I found out about your channel ! It feels like a big sister talking to me.
Also I think so much of this “late bloomer ” is also based on racism. I’m a black girl and all the girls who told me about growing up “ugly” are always very pretty Asian/black girls 😓 we aren’t allowed to be simple teenage girls, we have to walk out the womb looking like Instagram models. Lol
brooo as an Indian I wholeheartedly agree. Like if I don't look like fricking Priyanka Chopra I'm just another nerdy Indian kid who likes science like the stereotyping-
I like your last sentence so much LoL
@@chocolateaddictedartist5924 Totally relatable as a Hispanic nerd. Back then I was super skinny, not curvy at all as it was expected from me.
@@chocolateaddictedartist5924 I HATE THIS SO MUCH- I feel like people never talk to me nowadays because they assume I'm a boring nerdy indian but its so wrong 😭I hate school and I failed science, I just like wearing ponytails and sweats bc its comfy but it always works against me. I've even tried to cut my hair short and dress all goth and stuff, but it only made me feel exhausted everyday from the attention and the feeling of having to be better all the time. plus, the friends I made then all left me because I stopped trying.
@@monbub Dang fr bro. Like when we don't fit a certain stereotype we're just neglected.
I remember my senior year prom I felt like I looked so incredibly good but then I got the pictures back and literally had a melt down. It was baaad. I saw the pictures and legit freaked out; I texted me girl friends, I texted friends that weren’t in my group, I even texted my date asking if I was ugly. I just saw the pictures and thought I looked so ugly and I felt bad that my date was stuck with me because I thought I looked so good at the time but actually looked awful. All my friends told me I looked great, my date said he thought I looked stunning, but I was still not convinced. About a week later I looked back at the pictures and I was stunned because I looked great. I mean I still don’t think I looked the best I could’ve, but I def looked prettier than usual. I don’t know if I just got in my head because of growing up ugly and now being seen as somewhat pretty has thrown me off and, like you were saying, idek how I look now. Idk I was literally going crazy over how bad I looked and then a week later thought I was the bell of the ball. Maybe it’s just teenage hormones? I was so embarrassed afterwards because I probably looked like I was fishing for compliments or something. Luckily my friends and date were all super nice and understanding so I think they kind of understood
I've experienced the same thing. I cant look at pictures right after I have taken them. I assume its because I have an idea of what I look like in my head and the picture doesn't reflect it. But I always think I looked pretty when I look at the pictures after some time.
@ayshaeman8762 This happens to me a lot... I'll feel really nice then see myself later and then be like "Oh no this is what I actually look like" I'm scared to go to prom because of this. I feel like I'm not worth going out and *trying* to be pretty any time I do I feel sick
Growing up ugly, my family was always destroying my confidence. I remember when I was 16 and my dad said how no one would ever like or respect me because i was fat and ugly, the worst part is as 22 y.o now who looks better than before what he said was true. People really do take me more seriously. I didn't loose weight but started wearing clothes I like, found my style,. The society is really mean, but when that evil force comes as a person who's with you for their whole lifetime its gonna be harder. Please be kind to your family and siblings. And don't be afraid to cut off people who hurts you, I glow now because of the confidence and less direct judgement I experience.
I can really relate bc in high school I also didn’t fit the beauty standard and wasn’t not seen as beautiful. However, as time has gone on I have grown in confidence as well as my identity. I use to not wear dresses either since I also was super self conscious of how I would looked. That has drastically changed and now enjoy wearing tube dresses and ones that show my figure. Let me tell you though it took a long time to get to this point. Thank you so much Via for sharing your story. It’s not easy opening up or being vulnerable❤
i’m so proud of you! and yes confidence plays a major role into looking “pretty.” it all comes down to self love and self care and accepting that we deserve good things. once we apply that to ourselves, our energy shifts and it also shows on the outside too.
God this was so relatable, I used to get bullied by so many people for the way that I looked and I wouldn’t say Im “pretty” now, but I’ve definitely grown into myself more and become a little more confident in myself, but sometimes the trust issues and self confidence issues just hit really hard. Growing up “ugly” can be so traumatizing, but I’m glad I have people now who are much nicer than the people in my childhood were :)
wow this is the most relatable thing ive seen. People used to make fun of my looks, and i also wasn't a very fun person to be around so basically without looks and a fun personality i was "nothing." I started going on social media, experimenting with makeup, making a new personality, and changing my style and people started asking to be my friend and they do seem nicer to me definitely. I sometimes wonder how those friends I have now would treat me like if i was who i was back then. I think people judge others too much based on just looks and never give them any chance to talk before they make assumptions, they think your style tells everything about your personality. I became the type of person to never leave others out, I've had experiences when people tell me a joke about someone based on what they're wearing or how they "act," such as, "look at that girl, she thinks she's all that" and it just has me thinking like?? how do you know how that person thinks of themselves, if your only judgement is their looks.
So in middle school I had this crush that was really goth and fashionable. I ended up finding out that they liked me back at like 2 days before the 8th grade dance and it actually made me suffer more than happy because I was overweight. I was constantly questioning myself “am I worthy of them liking me back” “are they really serious about this” because i was an introvert and they wanted me to ask them out. Thinking about it now, I think I might’ve missed one of the best opportunities for a good relationship because of my insecurities. So life lesson learned lmao
I never really noticed the effects of getting bullied for my appearance till high school when I noticed that I hid my face when I laughed in fear of people seeing my teeth, trained myself to smile without showing teeth, and stopped wearing my glasses. No matter how many people call my smile cute or pretty I don't know if I'll ever be able to believe them.
This is so insanely accurate its actually insane how ive been through the exact same thing. I also grew up ugly and was bullied relentlessly, cast aside and rejected which made me extremely depressed. My coping mechanism was food. I didn't know how to do makeup, i had bushy eyebrows and I was overweight. That was my highschool experience. Then came uni. Year one i started to experiment with makeup. I didnt know what suited me and did trendy makeup instead of makeup that suited me. I experimented with my style. Wore a lot of outfits that didn't suit me. It was a very awkward transitional phase. Sidenote im ugly. So unless I put in an insane amount of effort I don't even look average. 3d year of uni I finally found my style. Found what suits me. I took care of my appearance and put effort into my outfits. This is the year I started making friends and getting attention from guys. Until I had my "glow up" no one gave a f about me. If anything they went out of their way to make my life miserable. The difference in the way people treat me is insane. I love this video and im glad im not alone in this experience.
Pretty privilege is SO real.
I changed drastically last year (cut my hair, new glasses, my style also changed) and honestly, I don't know if it's me becoming more extroverted and confident, but now I get regular compliments from people, they pay attention to me more, I also feel like people notice me more and I'm allowed to take up more space.
Also, all your "weird" and "nerdy" personality traits suddently become normal, or quirky. If "ugly" me would tell people I play video games and watch anime, they'd always take it with a weird look or even mock me. Now people are more open to me about their interest in the same things aswell.
I also still get made fun of by some people from my old class that find me annoying or something, but they rather act like I'm annoying or that my insecurities and shyness (that I still have due to being bullied alot) is silly, instead of making fun of my appearance or literally everything I do.
Not to mention, that confidence gain likely only happened because I now looked "better"
I was bullied my entire childhoods bc I was black and ugly. No one liked me and when I got to my 20s I'm not sure if I became prettier (trauma) or bc I just stopped caring?
I find it hard to believe I'm beautiful mainly because of my self worth. I keep convincing myself people be around me bc they pity me etc I'm so tired of myself I hope to fix my negative mindset someday sigh and realize I'm beautiful inside and out.
our lives are so similar omg, except i'm from singapore. before 18, i was so focused on doing well for my A levels that i didn't have the time to care about my appearance. i had severe acne, which i couldn't control anyway and i got made fun of/criticised by classmates, relatives and strangers for it. then i got into university, and i started having more time to explore makeup and fashion. i wore contacts, my braces came off, and i got medicine for my acne too. i'm 22 now, "prettier" and generally more confident, but i still don't know how i actually look like. i also feel "ugly" when i don't dress up. i think subconsciously, i dress up partly for validation or out of fear that i'll be ignored/looked down upon if i'm in my original "ugly" state. i want to feel more comfortable in my own skin, even without contacts, makeup and nice clothes. but sometimes it feels like i'll always be affected by the way i'm perceived and i don't know if i'll truly be able to establish my own identity independent from society's beauty standards. i guess technically it's impossible because we're all social creatures, but being constantly aware of society's judgement might just give me an existential crisis lmao.
This made me cry so hard because I feel so heard. This is so real that not many people talk about it. Thank you so much for this!
when you said "i wanted to be treated like a human being, so i'm going to dress myself up" i felt that so much. i hate going out when i am wearing casual clothes and no makeup (because i struggle with bad acne) and when i make the conscious effort to put myself forward as "put-together," it genuinely makes me feel pretty. maybe i am lying to myself, but that mental switch of "oh, i feel more confident in this than before" is so helpful for me to feel like a person and to socialize more comfortably. this was a really lovely vlog, i am new here and definitely want to check out more of your videos :)
this is so relatable ugh😭
i grew up as a mixed blasian kid in predominantly white areas so i always thought that i was ugly but i was actually pretty cute and now that i'm almost done with high school a lot of ppl think i look good and its so hard changing your perspective of yourself when ppl never paid any mind to you before
High school me would be quaking if they saw how much more confident I’ve become 😅 I’m 21 almost 22 this year but I’d say I’m still trying to find my style in clothing and makeup, it’s very hard as I see all these pretty girls online who are popular. I’m just questioning why I’m not getting popular if I’m doing what they are doing? But I’ve come to realize that I just need to be myself and stop trying to force a style on me.
This video was so comforting! From not wearing certain clothes to feeling like you have to act a certain way to be accepted, I related to you so much. I hope we all start giving ourselves and each other more grace because it is hard enough out here.
this video just randomly showed up on my feed but i had no idea it would be SO real and honest. the most beautiful thing someone can do is live the life they want to live. i feel like aside from the other problematic aspects, “aesthetic culture” is good at opening people up to new ways of living that help them gain the confidence of just trying new things that make them feel good. while the mindset shift itself will follow
I feel so close to your personality …especially when you said that you don’t know how you look like and you look at your flaws. its the same for me. I always struggled with my body and sometimes I like myself and taking photos ect but other times not especially when other people take for me
I’m 26 and I still looking for my real self …
I m also always scared and stress about what other people think about me and how I look like to them
Even post a photo makes me anxious
But I just learned that people actually don’t even care always about how you look like
So I’m working on it trying to don’t care so much about what other think about me every day… it’s not easy especially with social medias standards but I try to stay positive because it’s my life and we live just once
Thank you for share this with us
Xoxo ❤️
yes thank u for sharing this! and exactly. people don’t care as much as we think they do. it’s still hard for me to accept that since we are constantly in our own heads. but we need to learn to be less critical of ourselves 🤍🤍
Hi Via! I totally get it! I couldn't fit in during my high school years because I was overweight and I also didnt really care about my appearance. But during the pandemic where I got to truly focused on myself, I got into shape, took care of my skin and also started experimented in my clothing choices. Now when I get complimented, it definitely does feel funny. And surprisingly enough, I was talking with a very good friend of mine literally just yesterday, on how if we were still the same people years ago, would our friends now still be friends with us? Honestly, growing up ugly definitely gives makes us feel guarded, I only have one friend that I would actually willingly go out with because there's still a fear of being judged. But overall, im glad we finally found ourselves and got to embrace some parts of ourselves that we didnt get to before.
omg i’m so glad you get what i mean! and yeah i totally agree with the guarded up aspect 🫠 but at the end I realize that I can’t go back in time. I just need to trust those who I want to trust because that’s how friendship goes ❣️ but i am confident that those who i trust are good people ♥️♥️♥️
Honestly I related to so many things you said in this video ! Thank you for that ! Like that feeling of not knowing how you actually look like because you have spent years of trying to get over the fact that you’re not the “pretty friend” and then things change and you’re completely overwhelmed by how the world perceives you differently. I still struggle to pose for pictures with my friends and family because I think I won’t like the way I look (or worse, they will see and think I’m ugly) life’s a work in progress…
I love her attitude of not caring about what other people think! It heavily reminds me of myself from a few years ago, and it's so motivational to hear someone say "be yourself" and "do what you love". Someday I'll get there again 😌
growing up as a brown girl in the South I relate to this so much, especially with how you said you tried to be more outgoing freshman year of college cause that's exactly what I've been doing. everyone in college thinks I'm an extrovert but I'm just trying to make sure people have a reason to like me and if I am introverted like I have been my entire life I'll be alone. Seeing this video was like an eye-opener for me I fr need to stop putting on a performance with my personality so that people like me because it is exhausting
Sometimes i can't express my self much but i find things like poems, music, other people speech that can fit all the feelings and words that i couldnt express like this video, the message overall is so wholesome. Thank you !
It’s crazy how much I relate to this. I started tearing up a bit because this just summarized my 19 years of life. I’m genuinely so grateful that you spoke abt this, just because I felt so seen, it felt like wow it’s not only me! Even tho I knew that it’s not only me this felt like a hug from an older sister who experienced life a lil more. Thank you ❤
i literally get treated like shot by boys just bc i’m not pretty enough as other girls.it’s so got wrecking finally awnsering the n1 question of “why am i getting treated differently than other girls?” especially when i had a similar personality to multiple girls hut they would still get treated better and with more respect.
i always have these 2 sides when it comes to my experience,on one side,i think i’m rlly pretty and that i look good but then when you get treated differently for your looks you can’t help to think “am i really that ugly?”
plus i feel like the “growing up ugly” experience is so different when it comes to pocs because we get bullied for features white people get praised for.it’s so infuriating.
this hits too close home. being bullied in middle school bc i was "ugly" has destroyed my self esteem, i didnt even wanna be seen in high school and kept myself back from attending activities bc of it. im 24 now and still dealing with the issues that came with it : trust issues, anxiety etc, even tho i had my so called "glow up". thank you for making this and thanks everyone in the comments! it makes me feel like im not alone lol
After 25 years, I finally feel so seen and validated by someone who has had a similar experience to me! Thank you for voicing all the thoughts I've had. I spent the first 18 years of my life being "ugly", was called all sorts of names at school and when I went to university I had a 'glow up' you could say. I just starting eating healthy, exercising, took care of myself, brought clothes that I felt good in and started wearing a bit of make up, and the way people treated me just shifted completely. Now I get compliments from friends and strangers alike whenever I go out, and whilst it makes me feel happy, some of that trauma from growing up is still there and I struggle to believe I'm truly beautiful. I'm still trying to make sense of it all but this video is a good start for me!
I never watch these kinds of videos and came across this by chance, but this was extremely relatable. Your high school photos felt like I was looking at myself (similar kind of unpopular Asian teenager, not super skinny, that didn’t dress up vibe). And the way you articulated the idea of pretty privilege and standards just made so much sense. Thanks for making this and speaking so genuinely
When you brought up the trust issues that hit hard. I was literally overlooked and nerdy for most of high school. It wasn’t until my first heart break in college I started taking care of myself and noticed the huge difference in how ppl treated me. I also live in the city and notice how ppl hold the door for you, stop the car when your crossing * the street, sometimes you get free food but bruh where was all of this before? It was especially weird when old friends started treating me different. My crush in middle school who never noticed me then is now talking to me. It’s so weird the change up and honestly infuriating. None the less, I really like your video! Thank you for sharing your story!
what you described as your high school self pretty much sums up myself rn haha 😭😭im in 11th grade, overweight, focussed on academics, have only a couple friends. one of my goals this year is to do well in acads but also as a personal goal im trying to be healthier. ive started working out since feb and ive been loving it. my progress is pretty slow so far, but im learning to love the journey more than the outcome ^^
people in my life have always told me that "i have potential" "i can look beautiful if only i just **tried**" "if i was more confident" etc. etc.
so you know what, ive started to try. and i hope what people said is true. because if it isnt, i dont know what ill do with myself to be honest. :')
ty for the video! this topic means a lot to me and i relate to it a lot. i just subscribed
Hope you find success and be happy with life not caring about what others think❤❤❤. sending love
@@faridaakther8248 Awh tysm!! i really appreciate it ^^ i wish the same to you
Hard work always pays off
keep going you’ll get there!!! 🫶🫶
@@fbiagent3998 yesss 100%! "hard work beats talent when talent doesnt work hard"
i'm going through the exact same thing right now of trying to be more extroverted to make up for things that i don't like about myself, and this video resonated with me so much! i also was super concentrated on only studying when i was younger and wasn't treated the best because of my appearance back then, but now i'm not focused on that one goal anymore, i've been trying to get to know myself more and heal the negative thoughts i have about myself from then.
thank u for making this video, it gave me a well-needed reminder that i don't need to shape my personality to make others like me and that i should accept what makes me feel good and like myself! it was also super comforting to just see someone who's been in a similar situation to me, so thank you so much
I can relate with you 100% on this. When I was younger I didn’t do any self care or anything like that. Because I didn’t really fit in to the standards I felt like I was invisible because I would go through the whole day without a single person speaking to me. Heck, even when I graduated I remember people saying to me “wait since when did we have (my name) in our grade?” They didn’t even know that I existed even though I was in the same class with them for 6 years.
Now that I’ve put more self care into myself like working out, skin care and finding out what I like to wear, people actually acknowledge my existence and are nice to me, which i find surprising. I have bad trust issues and anxiety now because I feel like people won’t like me because of how I look. It’s something I’m working on but I feel so bad for younger me.
This was so nice to see ngl . Discovered ur content through insta and this was what i just needed. I never got called out ugly (at least not directly) , so i never felt that growing up and all . But as soon as like i started to understand like these stuffs (idk how to explain lol) , it's been hard . All i can see now is just flaws and defects within myself , stuffs i wanna change about my body and face. Like all those thoughts screaming "what if i just looked better ,so it wouldn't turn out this way " ,they don't seem to leave my mind for even a day. Might be weird for a guy to nag like this ,but ye , i kinda feel so sad whenever i actually see someone i find pretty .
Thanks for uploading this, I feel like this is something a lot of people can relate to. Growing up "ugly" really defined how I acted in life and held me back a lot. I was always made fun of my weight, by students and teachers, even my own family members; I'm mid-sized, at an average healthy weight, and back then I was at a normal weight, but I wasn't skinny, either. It led to one of the eventual causes of my eating disorder. I stopped trying to dress up or do my hair, I would straighten it all the time, and I never bothered to care much for my hygiene and looks -- it was a very bad stage in my depression where all I could focus on was dying than actually doing anything to get better. It's only been a few months of actually building my own sense of style, leaving my hair curly and dying it and getting it styled, working on my body, and taking care of myself, that made me realize how much that also impacts your mental health in a good way. It's safe to say that a lot of the bullying I faced has traumatized me, but I'm also glad it happened, or else I wouldn't be so proud of the person I am today.
Your past self is so me right now... It's literally exactly the same things I'm struggling with, and this video is a very good reminder of what's really important. THANK YOU SO MUCH because you just made one person get out of their comfort zone earlier than they would without you 🧡🧡🧡 this video genuinely is a life-savior rn
god i started crying at the end of the video, all the things you're listing really hit home. I've never really struggled with the not feeling pretty enough bc i never really cared about what i looked like until 2020 where i started looking into "what do i like?" "what are the clothes, haircut, etc i like?" but i struggled, still struggle with the "not feeling good/interesting enough for people to approach me" this defintely also has to do with like you said the 'trust issues' that we develop over time by hearing the most awful things from peope who are supposed to be your friends. Im also at this time where id love to have more friends and trying hard to open myself up to people. But it's hard bc there's always something in you that thinks "if i change myself to be more extraverted or try too hard, is it even worth it? Is it still me? And if i try to explain to people that i normally really struggle to talk they always say "you're talking a lot right now though?" it's always as if im not showing the real me but at the same time it's still me? idk why im typing all of this under your video. But maybe it's because we're the same age and i can really relate to everything you just said that i feel comfortable enough typing this. I really wish i had you as a friend.
i love this video. i definitely fit the beauty standards a lot more than younger me, but i still dont feel pretty. I grew up as the only black girl when features such as big lips and thighs wasnt considered beautiful, i was also overweight a big part of my childhood causing me several eating disorders. it was only recent two years people have started to compliment my looks and not only the compliments, people actually treat me so much more nicely. ive never been loved, no one ever wanted anything to do with me before recent times. i know everyone is beautiful in their own way, but i dont think i'll ever consider myself beautiful. my brain is just programmed to think everyone telling me im pretty is lying or if i ever think so myself, im just being delusional. ive for a long time been the loudest mot extroverted person in the room, just bc i wanna be noticed and thats something im trying to change. i really needed this video, thank you.
Thank you for making this content. I'm literally watching this at 1am (worrying about things that LITERALLY DON'T MATTER) and it's comforting knowing that other people think this way and that I'm not alone
this entire comment section is so wholesome and cute and i wish i could give each and every one of y’all a hug🥺
Hug back
I felt the part where she said she looked different than she imagined herself. I'll have confidence, but only when I imagine myself different :(
this journal entry speaks volumes to my experience, especially in the search of finding my own identity in college. I was told by others around me that “I look different from when I was younger,” which I interpreted as a backhanded compliment to say I now fit more of the conventional beauty standards even tho the journey to improve my self-image came at the detriment of my own mental health. it’s so refreshing to hear your own experiences and perspective on the topic, hope we can continue on this path of acknowledging & prioritizing our own internal worth!!!
yes i totally agree omg. “you look so different now,” i used to take them as a compliment but thinking back, they were very harmful and backhanded. we are all in this journey together 🤍🤍🤍
Honestly this is the best video I have ever seen. The way you talk about it so deeply and share your point of view just helps people understand it so much more. Pretty privilege is real and it's so messed up but honestly I see this video definitely helping people open their eyes and who knows maybe we can fix it for the future generations. But your story is just so touching and I'm sorry you went through it but it's great seeing that your able to grow from it 🩷
I am so thankful to see someone touch on the topic where you can finally express your "true" yourself now that you have become more pretty, and handsome or when you begin to align with their beauty standards. The person we are no matter how we look is still us, but now that we're a bit more presentable our traits, nerdy interest or quirks that once stood out and would be picked on or mocked for become more acceptable, so "unique" and somewhat interesting to others when previously they would be written off or looked at with biased disinterest. It's happy and sad at the same time when we are finally accepted now but not back then, even though we can be happy where we are now it is still tastes bittersweet.
Thank you for your content Via! I hope you and your community achieve your dreams! whatever they may be
Giving a big warm hug to your younger self 🫂💓 Middle school Via is and still beautiful! 🫂💓
You are a beautiful person in and out, Via! ✨
Thank you for this vlog. I am sure a lot of us can relate to this ! ✨💓
thank uuuu🥹🥹🤍🤍love u so much
I clicked on the video thinking "that title is literally me", and then I saw myself in the video, everything she said was exactly the way I saw myself. Sometimes when you go through this transformation you don't notice how you could do it yourself, and how you can fit in different personalities but in the end you are just an introverted struggling in a social world where everybody wants to be accepted.
However, is also weird how we wanna be loved the way we are, and when someone does, we don't believe them, and you keep wondering "but how would it be if I looked like I used to" or "What if I was as sharp as I used to".
Around last year to this year I've been trying to change my self image (to feel more confident), and my social skills but without faking, technically being myself but friendly and outgoing. And it worked, but suddenly right now I have friends and my first boyfriend (I think he's out of my league. I can't believe he likes me that much), and it feels like work. Like I have to get prepared to socialize with any of them, and now I'm stressed out because it's too much. For me, talking to five different people the same day is stressful, cause since I have to keep up with the conversation, I have to think about my behavior towards them and topics. What I like is that nobody thinks that I've changed my personality, they just think that suddenly I like them now, and I always did, they just didn't see it cause I was too quiet. I still like quiet, but I can't be like that all the time... my friends know I'm quiet and serious, but they also feel comfortable with me because I'm showing friendly, approachable vibes :)
Is all new to me, this sudden "social" life. But is necessary to survive. The only thing that matters is NOT to try to imitate others to fit in in something you're not. Is important to always BE YOURSELF ♡
Man, oh man, You are really brave to share such a intimate thing on RUclips. Many people have these thoughts, but they keep these to themselves, including me. Kudos to you for sharing it publicly.
Yes!! I feel super validated by this video, thank you for speaking on this topic. My experience growing up ugly (or just never getting called pretty) vs my experience of pretty privilege was exaaactly like the way you described. And for a long time I was angry at the difference in treatment because it was confirmation that society is in fact this shallow. As time passed (I’m 30 now) I’ve come to accept that looks are truly subjective and if I feel happy and fulfilled by doing things that I enjoy, that energy is reflected in the way that I carry myself and therefore other people’s treatment of me. I wish you the best and hope to see more though provoking journal entries! Wish I had your insight at 22 😅
This was so relatable. Especially the trust issues part. I was never pretty and now i think I'm a bit presentable, as compared to before.
But the trust issues though. ESPECIALLY wrt significant others. I remember when my ex used to compliment me i used to feel so suspicious. The only thing that used to go through my head was : you'd never date me if you saw me earlier. And that itself is such a toxic mindset to have.
This is the most relatable RUclips video that I've ever seen, and I really do appreciate you talking about this. 💛
I honestly deeply appreciate the way you developed your own personal style. Re-parenting and being compassionate to yourself is always hard, taking care of yourself is hard if you did not have healthy models. It is even harder considering all you've been through. All you've said resonates so much with what I experienced, so thank you for sharing
this hits hard. I can feel your words and the comments under this video right in my soul.
We are the same age and I too was “ugly” growing up, and then we had a “glo up” around the same time. I think the only difference is I was always the funny friend from like a young age so I tended to make friends really easily but yea I too also didn’t have romantic experiences (still don’t ?? Kinda my fault now). It’s just weird bc people 100% treat you differently based on your looks. It’s so strange but also affirming the amount of compliments I get, my fashion has also evolved and I enjoy it so much. It’s just sad bc I feel bad for 14-17 year old me, high school was just hard.
"But then it came to the point where [you] have to keep it up" - That hit me really hard 😢 Watching this made me realize why I am the way I am. Thank you for sharing your part!! ❤
growing. up. ugly. my god, you have put the entire experience in words for me. every single internal debate you mentioned I swear I go through the very same. growing up ugly makes you realize the reality of "pretty privilege". you see the world around you transform and people, even older friends, change their behaviour towards you and it doesn't feel good when you think too deep about it bcuz - hey you're still the same person on the inside.
also, in school, I wasn't ugly, I was just how a kid should've been - not too focused on my outward appearances, or weight, or height. but I know making friends would've been easier if I had.