My Abusive 3 Year Relationship Left Me Broken
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2020
- Sorry this isn't as fun or happy as my other content but this video needed to be made...
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Title and thumbnail have been changed and I hope you all are okay with it. I am not trying to hide my mistakes.
I never once said people with NPD are evil, and if you only got that from this video I do apologize.
This video was hard to make and a mess. And I hope we can all respect each other and improve as people.
And to those who kindly educated me, thank you~
People with NPD leave their partners destroyed.
Your art is amazing! Also, what does NPD stand for? I just curious and wanna know.
@@Thatonedumbglitxh narcissistic personality disorder I think. People were upset because the way Pax talked about his ex came off as very ableist and left a lot of people very uncomfortable since there already is a huge stigma around said disability.
Personally I would say it would be best to also add a disclaimer in the discription so people don't need to look at the comments to find out why it was changed
Thank you very much for that!!
being chronically ill, disabled, and trans does NOT make you any less lovable.
everyone-- and I mean everyone-- is worthy of love. no matter who they are, what disorders they may have, or what they are going through.
never think you're unworthy of love❤
I can agree!
This makes me upset. I knew [redacted] had been bad but I wasn’t aware that it was this bad. I actually avoided him in the server a bit because we had some disagreements a few times. And I feel annoyed at myself for donating him money once, I’m not extremely well off and I truly believed he was a good person that needed it. And I feel bad for you, Pax. You deserve to be treated better, even if you may not think that of yourself.
I also find parallels in my own past relationship. I wanted her to get help but the thing is, you can’t force it. Someone who needs help needs to choose to do it themself. You can’t fix someone even though it sucks. Because despite the abuse there’s some good memories and you want that to be who they are. It’ll be okay, and you will recover. You have lovely friends & acquaintances that support you. You’re strong and awesome and we love ya Pax!
I kept believing he’d get better, that he’d finally seek out help. But he never did. And it made me feel like I was going crazy
@@RadPaxOfficial There's a lot of great videos online about healing from narcissistic abuse. It sounds like you have good friends, thats important. People like him are tragically broken and insecure. Very sad. I hope you're doing better.
Was this recent ?
The one dislike is the ex
there is 4 now and that's really hurtful 😟
He have more than one account
The other 6 are other narcissists
@@flame1949 like i said he have more than one account
@@the0black0bullet Dang, jerks out here really be making 16 accounts.
hearing stories like this as someone who’s been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder is something different lemme tell ya lol. because in my relationship i tried as hard as i could to stray away from becoming the stereotypical “narcissistic abuser”, but in the end that’s almost just what i became. surprisingly she took me back, not because i manipulated her into doing so (or at least i hope not. a shitty part of my disorder is that sometimes i truly don’t know when i’m being manipulative or not) but because she actually cared enough for me to see me change, which i always found strange because she was within every right to leave me after the way i had treated her. but her coming back to me and caring for me the way she did, as well as some really deep reflection about my disorder and me, is what helped me to work my ass off to change. i went to behavioral therapy, i’m so careful now with everything i say or do, and i do whatever i can to show her that she didn’t come back for nothing, and that i would be the partner that she had deserved.
i guess what my point is that even if you have something as severe as narcissistic personality disorder, you can change if you really want to and if you really work hard at it. some people don’t want to change though, and those are the really toxic ones. sorry you went through this :( i hope you’re doing much better now
you see the turning point here isn't the disorder itself, but it's the will to change. and that doesn't depend on having a disorder or a mental illness...I don't know what it depends on, but i know there are so many people who doesn't want to change
this actually really spoke to me. alongside a myriad of other (mostly physical) illnesses, i was diagnosed with sociopathy as a result of some trauma and emotional hardening. i always monitor every conversation i have with everybody out of fear of hurting them. it’s hard, but it’s nice to know i’m not alone in this. wishing you the best of luck. :)
this comment and the first reply is making me teary eyed
I bet she’s very proud of you and does not regret taking you back. That’s a sad story in a beautiful way.
There are actually different types of narcissism. That you're able to change and admit your flaws like that means you were either wrongly diagnosed or your narcissism is very light.
Narcissism can be misunderstood for different kind of depression where people reflect their self hate into others. If I were you, I would try another psychologist or someone, just to make sure.
Don't take this as offensive, I'm just saying that it's not typical behavior for a narcissist to change, try to be different or admit that they have a problem.
I was abused as a child and it has manifested into me avoiding relationships entirely. I want to know what it feels like to finally be loved for once, but I can't help but react positively towards love-bombing and manipulation and see actual love and care as indifference. I feel like so many people have tried to help me and given up on me, but I also can't help but wonder how much of that is a result of me not allowing myself to be vulnerable around them despite how much hard work they put into making my life better.
I feel like once you've been abused once, you have this invisible branding mark on your body. One that tells abusers "hey! this person is easier to manipulate than most"
I feel like we are much bigger targets for abusers than people who haven't lived through what we have. And I hate it so much.
this is a bit different but i guess i just want to say this- i never went through anything horrible i guess, but i was stuck in a toxic relationship for years when i was young and after that i was just really clingy to the few people i let get close to me and then trying to distance myself when things started going downhill was really hard. i kept trying to avoid the person completely because i don't want to get hurt again before i went running back to them because i can't stand being on my own. i guess now i have a few close relationships i pretty much rely on and just try not to get close to anyone else because i hate that i keep tearing myself apart over my existing relationships wondering if the person actually loves me at all hhndgh
I'm a young teen. My mother is a helicopter parent and my dad is emotionally abusive to me. I have strayed away too many people for the fact that we were getting too close and that is a bad thing. I can admit that. I get to clingy to people who care about me. Which has not helped with social anxiety that I have developed of many years of being isolated and not being able to go to sleep overs or many peoples houses. No siblings to talk to. Just my parents. At this point I just have 4 good friends and only 2 know about shit that's going on. I have been affected by what my parents do and how they treat me to where I can recognise manipulation just because I have had years on being manipulated.
All's I'm trying to say is that your not alone.
- thanks for listing to my ted talk
I love your pfp and username! I've grown up in a low key toxic household too so I kinda know how you feel :(
im praying for all of you! i hope youre doing better :(
Im a pushover. Im very socially awkward and have anxiety im completely cut off from my dad and his family cuz they are extremely narcissistic and abusive. I dont like to talk to my mom cuz she likes to unconsciously make me feel stupid and sad or kinda just ignores me its not all the time and shes a good mom that works all the time to provide for us 3 and my 2 cats and our dog. I think shes bipolar cuz sometimes shes really nice and likes to talk but other times not. I think it all stems from her childhood and my dad that physically abused her and mentally abused/ neglected us all. Anyway i think i have the same problem as you. I really wanna feel loved but hate physically contact and all sorts of affection given to me.
My father is the same way, he has hurt me and my younger siblings as well as my mother in so many ways of manipulating them and trying to make everyone else the bad guy. He would constantly talk down on my mother about how she wasn't working and not getting money to help him out. The reason for her not working was because she had to stay home and watch over me and my siblings, she wouldn't leave the house with us and him by our selves. He would even stalk us (me, my siblings and mother) when we would go over to my grandmother's house because he would assume that she was cheating on him when he would sleep with her best friends and people we consider as family. He even tried to talk me into believing that my mother is just using him and other people for money. I've never had the greatest bond with my father, hell he doesn't deserve that tittle to be completely honest, for him to say those things about my mother like how she is "manipulating" me into thinking he's the bad guy. He even said that women are stupid and can't do anything without a man to lead them. Him saying that really mad me feel like nothing because it really goes to show how much he cares about not only my mother but me and my younger siblings, we are all females. Thank you so much for sharing this. You do not deserve to go through such pain and abuse, no one deserves it. I'm glad you're much more happy now and safe. You literally make my days worth living for and I'm grateful to be one of your subscribers/fans out there that cares about you. Please stay safe and have a wonderful day. ❤
My father is the same way I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I hope you the best
Kinda same but it's better now, because we started to communicate and talking to each other.
Considering what I know about him now I forgive him. That does not deminish the damage he had done to all of us. But I am not mad nor dead inside. I am just upset I didn't have loving parents.
Omg sameeeee my mum is so miserable but needs to stay with him as we need to be looked after.
I’m soooo sorry. Im actually going through the same thing as u rn,, it is awful
Absolutely same here. I’m going to be an adult soon and move out from my household but unfortunately, my little brother won’t have that option. He has such a hard time dealing with dad, and he hates him so so much. My mom and her boyfriend don’t have a room for him to stay in but once they do my moms gonna try to get full custody
Things can work out, you just need to accept that some people can’t change, and it’s okay to cut toxic people from your life. Even when they’re family
I hope your better now! Stay strong!!!
It’s actually *you’re*
I wouldn't say my ex was a narcissist but he wasn't good for me. The 'this hurts me' but he doesn't' do anything about it, and turns it slightly onto me hit close to home. It took awhile to realize things were toxic, and now things are over, I'm sad because I miss the him I met but I'm doing better now, and I'm proud of you for getting through it
About a year ago, I was friends with an extremely toxic person.
He yelled at me constantly and I felt like I could only do what he wanted.
At some point, I started being toxic toward him as well.
Everything he did annoyed me, and I wanted to never see him again.
We stopped being friends for a while, and he got the help he needed.
I was too scared to.
We now have some mutual friends and I let myself get roped in by him again.
I started ghosting him.
He was pissed for a while, but I think he’s moved on.
I haven’t.
I hope you get the help you need. That person was toxic toward you and had no right to bring you into his mentality. We’re here for you! X
Don’t worry I’m going through the same thing but I have a comfort character, uncle iroh and zuko, I try to be humble like uncle iroh and change for the best like zuko, and I hope you do the same like them
I think a lot of therapists do video calls now. At least mine do so you dont have to wait to get a therapist if they do video calls
He lives in America and is disabled, I doubt an insurance company would take him so a therapist might be a bit too expensive
I’ll look into that! Thank you
@@mme.veronica735 You never know. I was never able to get therapy covered before, but now I get free therapy because the network of doctors I see got some sort of grant. Sometimes you can find something for cheap or free if you look and ask around.
Sorry you had to go through all this. Relationships like this are the worst, and it really hurts to have to deal with. I hope things get better. I'm glad you dumped his ass.
this is a very important topic i dont see much. i feel like in my personal circles, people think relationships like this are 'romantic' (which it is NOT AT ALL.) im sorry you had to go through this. take care
The idea that someone obsessed over you and controls your entire life is romantic is really sad tbh... there’s nothing romantic about it. It sucks
Btw, for those taking this video as “all people with NPD are evil”, that’s not it at all. I said multiple times he abuse came from him REFUSING to get help. I tried to be as respectful as possible to those with NPD and I would never say all people with x or y mental illness are abusive. He happened to be abusive for MANY things but did not get help.
I’d also like to say RUclips will not allow any videos with “abuse” in the title. I can change the title if you all give me recommendations if the title is offensive. But for those I’ve hurt with my words, I am sorry. People with NPD are not bad people. There are some bad eggs in the bunch but that’s with literally anything. My mother as NPD and refuses to get help while others like Travis McElroy who have it do get help and try to be better every day. If you suffer from any mental disorder, I’d say please seek help if you display any of these behaviors so you can be a better person. I have BPD and am getting help to not be a toxic person. My disorder is no excuse to be toxic and I work hard on that.
I hope you all have a wonderful day ❤️ and stay safe
Diagnosed with NPD here,it's very offensive. I'm really sorry. I hope you're doing better,however :)
Thank you so much for sharing! Most therapists are doing video therapy now so you don't have to wait. Look into it today, you deserve it.
Hey, I watched this video and I don't know why you had to get put in that situation when you didn't deserve it. I suffer from having a narcissistic attitude but am not considered a narcissist. I hate having to deal with it since i don't know how it started. By the way, I love the fact that you are trans. If its apart of who you are, then thats amazing. Your wonderful and I'm sorry you had to go through that for three years. Three fucking years. Like, dude. I really am sorry. You shouldn't have gone through that and I hope your feeling better. Your not alone. And all your family and friends and fans are here if you need us. I got your back and btw... Your hair looks fantastic. ITS SOOOOOO PRETTTY!! Like dang! Sorry, had to fangirl over it. Anywy, do you have recommendations on how I can stop having a narcissistic attitude? I hope you have an amazing day and stay safe and BE YOURSELF! Love you Pax and hope you feel better!
you dont have to take down the entire video of course but at least change the title. just small wording like that can cause really bad stigma towards people with NPD
My mother is SUCH a narcissist- but even worse.. she also has anger issues and now I'm getting a therapist at 12. *12?!* AND SHE KEEPS TELLING ME IT'S MY FAULT
I had an abusive friend and being the white red haired with autism kid you have little friends and he did some many things to me that i wish i didn't have to deal with he never once said he was wrong or sorry just blamed everything on me and he told me who was good and who was bad and i was stuck with him for 3 years and when i was finding out that i am trans he told that he hated being told to call me ivy instead of eli and i ditched him 2 years ago i still get msgs from old friends and i have to ignore them he just comes after me the second theirs contact and the only wat i got out was switching schools now im no longer want to die and i now have good meds that work for me and friends that care and i just feel so much for you it really sucks and i wish no one had to deal with it and im happy you made it through
SkyFox 3000 oh my gosh I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I really hope you're doing better now. Also, Ivy's a really pretty name 🍃
@@reamaeflorgelacio7056 thank you
👍
I love rad pax he is just amazing and honest with his fans!
Pax is male.
Please don't misgender him :
Look I'm sorry I said that he was a girl that was a mistake
@@user-wx6dv7lr3j it’s ok you can edit your comment, it’s hard to remember sometimes
@@meowforcats6694 thank u
Also... this made me realize my father is a narcist by definition too. Thank you Pax, you made me see something I refused to acknowledge out of comfort.
Stop. Do NOT diagnose other people.
Hey by the title alone I hope you are doing much better than before and are with much better people at this point.
You don't owe your followers anything as in explanations. Just personal things get in between art and real-life problems and such always go first. You can't create good content and which you enjoy creating. I totally get the trans part of it and it makes love difficult thinking people might only be with you cause they have a thing for that. Personality is more important. It might take a longer time to find people but it'll be fine in the end. Know your community is here for you and it is fine to vent every so often to get it off your chest.
💖💖I hope you are in a better place and this won't be bothering you this much and you'll end up in a better place. 💖💖
yes!! 💖💘
I feel for you so much with this story, Pax. I grew up with a narcissistic mother as well, and a few months ago I cut ties with two toxic friends because I realized they were abusing me as well. In some ways they treated me very similarly to the way my mother treated me, constantly gaslighting me and blaming all of their problems on me etc. They bullied me for any interests I had that they didn't share, and always reminded me of all the ways that their interests were better than mine and how their opinions on any topic were superior to anyone else's. They were siblings and grew up with kind of a crazy mother as well, and it makes me so happy that I didn't turn out the same way they did. For years I recognized that our relationship was toxic, but I felt as though I was lucky anyone at all would talk to me because I was lonely - that was a very wrong way of thinking. When I cut contact with them, I realized I had much better friends who always treated me well. I wasn't as alone as I thought I would be. Wishing you the best in your journey to recovery, I hope you never have to deal with someone like him ever again.
Unfortunately I still have to live with my abusive mother. She’s been diagnosed but refuses to see her flaws and change. She has no will to. And that’s what hurts possibly the most. Not when she told me I was unlovable and that only she could be able to love me, not when she told me to k*ll myself, not when she yelled and screamed, not when she went through my things without my permission, not when she encouraged self harm. When she didn’t want to change for her children because she didn’t care about them. I’m almost out of the woods. In the community I live in, social services and child abuse aren’t taken seriously. So the best option I have is to wait it out. I’m almost out of the woods.
Ok, who the actual hell gets made at their significant other for crushing on a FICTIONAL CHARACTER??? My ex girlfriend and I literally fangirled over DDLC characters together
Fangirl? So you're gay? Nice
@@catkin8330 even guys can be fangirls, well... Fanboys? XD
@@vi8916 yes xD
@@vi8916 that's the thing she said fanGIRL and with a girlfriend so xD
@@catkin8330 they* we don't know their gender, don't assume please, maybe they wrote it like that just because
I can relate. 8 years free from the last one. I reccomend Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, while ur waiting on a therapist.
I literally went thru the exact same things with my ex of almost 3 years. I couldnt do anything on my own without him getting upset at me, and u making this video was super validating to hear. I dont know why people like this do this to others and are completely unaware of how their mental health affects them to the point of being abusive. Thank u for sharing 💜
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad your out of that relationship. You did not deserve to go through this at all, wishing you the best as far as recovery goes, and sending lots of love
Don't wait to get a therapist. They have online therapy available. It's great.
this is fine.
Ok but on a serious note take care
*virtual cuddle* ❤️❤️❤️
Gas lighting and narcissistic behavior is horrible to deal with. I was in a relationship for 5 years, unfortunately I still have to deal with him because we have a child together. I would go to therapy just to validate I wasnt imagining things. I'm now 41 and refuse to date again. I never thought I'd be that person, but I regret for trying to fix it I could have saved myself some severe ptsd and anxiety. Luckily he is allowed only supervised visits because he refuses to go to counseling and get better for his daughter he says means everything to him. It's funny even 3 years later I am still bashed daily on his social media. Done, you need to focus on yourself and better yourself. Cause if you are in a boat and the person that is supposed to be helping you grow is drilling holes then it's time to bail.
hey i notice that a lot of the toxic traits of the guy on the video really fit me. i don’t want to be manipulative, obviously. does anyone have any tips to not be an absolute asshole?
This is really complicated and it kind of depends on where you live. Basically, you may want to seek mental health help of some kind. What that looks like will depend on what country or even what state/province you live in. If you happen to live in Ontario, Bounce Back is a free service that might be able to help you and I think some of their resources are also available to people outside of Ontario. So that might be a good place to start. Healing and becoming better is a long journey, so don't be discouraged when you're lying in bed a year from now and feel like you haven't made much progress. It takes a lot of time, but it's worth it.
Best advice is to seek out therapy and talk with your therapist on these this to improve on yourself
these traits can spring out of trauma or abuse that you might not have even realized, either way its good to consult a therapist
Hey Pax! We're all here! Have all the hugs if you want them!
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that. I think all of us are very glad you've been able to get out of that situation and I hope things get better and better for you
I only dated one Narcissist for 3 weeks. It escalated so much faster but matched this perfectly.
I had a friend that I just managed to drop around a year ago. Watching this video I see these things in her. She was abusive mentally and physically. I suffered for 3 years because she kept saying I was her 'best friend' and I never had many friends so I never questioned her. People with mental issues tend to hover around me because I can tell what people are feeling and going through very well. I can't stand seeing someone upset and/or hurting. I keep questioning if it was the right thing to cut ties. She had a toxic family and lost someone who was there to listen to her, but still I do not regret my discussion.
That’s so sad! Sending love your way💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Hey, by the title I want you to know that you’re very strong for talking about this!!!
For a person that I was mentally abused as a child for 11 years, had a best friend that commit suicide, got bullied, and had suicide thoughts...
Everything is gonna be ok, just try to find help, and be positive, the world might be a horrible place, but, look at the good part
As long you have something that makes you happy, or someone, stay like this, and don't try to think of the negative part of your life
Everyone is special in they're way, and your too
I wish I had this video 3 years ago to help me with a toxic friend. This helped me look back and see where I could've been better.♡♡♡
Always love the videos!!♡♡♡
Oh no- i used to be in servers with both of you a long time ago when i actually had discord and you seemed so good together :( i hope youre doing okay pax 🥺💗
edit: im getting further in the video and i relate to this heavily- my ex did so many similar things to this and emotionally abused me and i broke up with her many times bc of it and she got mad and guilt tripped me into coming back to her. she forced me to do things i didnt want to and then blackmailed me to stay with her and i hated it so much, id go weeks without talking to ANYONE bc i was so tired and drained from her. luckily it wasnt as long, it was only 5-6 months, but i was so glad to get out of it. then me and another girl started dating some time after and she almost cheated on me ( i caught her first and broke up w her ) sOoO yeah i relate to you so much. she (the first girl) was exactly like your situation and im still hurting from it but im not really allowed to date anyone so i cant talk to anyone professional other than my friends but tbh, my friends are good enough for me. im doing a lot better now and im thankful for them. and for you as well, you bring knowledge and overall community to so many people and make us feel like we arent alone, thank you so much for that. you deserve so much better
Literally the “all of the relationships I’ve been in except for one have been toxic” and “the toxicity was coming from both sides” is exactly how my relationships have all been.
I've been through it too
Thank you for sharing your experience- I really saw my story in your life and it is so heartbreaking that you went through this
Don't blame yourself
These people don't have the capacity to see what damage they do by living through their choices
I dont believe that they ever change or can
I went through something similar with an abusive relationship of 3 years. It's been 2 years since I haven't been with that person. What they did to me still effects me today. It's gotten easier to cope and I feel like it's easier to breathe without them around I had to do a lot of self reflection and unlearn bad habits I developed from that toxic relationship in order to cope. The journey is rough and it takes a lot of work to process and work through everything that happened but it's all apart of healing. Give yourself time and patience too.
You're not alone and I hope you can heal from this too. Thanks for sharing your story. Talking about what happened is the first step in a healthy direction. You got this 🧡
I'm so sorry you went through this. Your ex sounds a lot like mine. Relationships like this are hell, and I hope you're able to recover quickly
I find it really sad that most of the people I know who were in relationships with narcissistic people are/were so hard on themselves, and thought "this is wrong but it's the best I'll get"
You deserve love guys, and when someone treats you like that you need to get out of it.
It's not the best you'll get, nobody deserves that
Please don't involve a mental illness with toxic relationships. It's very abliest,please instead refer to "emotional abuse".
Have a hug bb ♡ love you
First video I have watched of your channel and I love you attitude towards what happend in your live. I can relate somewhat not with the the person being toxic but sort of being in a relationship with someone he just assumed we were "dating". I love this story and being single isn't bad you're not "alone" you have your friends and family. I love myself and I hope you completely love yourself as I don't know you but from your description I can tell you are amazing. Hope he gets the help he needs and I hope his sorry for being a buttface.
I am glad you’re in a better place, because you deserve so much love 🌸🌸🌸
You have come so far and im proud of you for escaping this relationship i hope your health continues to get better :D
I am so sorry you went through all of that! I hope you are doing okay now, I am glad you stood up for yourself and left that abusive relationship.
I really feel you, other then like 1 relationship where it was okay and ended well, all of my past relationships have been toxic, manipulative, or unhealthy. it’s not fair.. and I’m sorry you had to go through with it as well. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. I hope your doing better now and I’m glad whoever he is that he’s out of your life. You will find someone who will love you the right way, that goes for you, and everyone.
This wasn't a happy peppy vide, but it was a good video to make. It's good to rant sometimes, get out all the built up emotions. It's good to get everything out, to just take a moment to breathe. It's especially good that you got out of that relationship, that you realized these things, and that you'll be paying more attention to those sorts of behaviours in the future.
Just don't forget to take breathers, take time to relax, to gather yourself. Not that I think you don't, just a reminder, cause everyone can forget sometimes. :) I hope you're doing okay, and if you're not I hope you can get to being okay before it gets worse. Because that's not a good rabbit hole to fall in and lose yourself too.
this sounds like a similiar situation to a friend of mine. whitch sucks. they didnt see their bf was manipulating them, and i tried telling them, and now they see i was right and it really sucks to be right because now they're stuck between a rock and a hard place. they were forced to move far away, and it went from manipulation to physical as well. and then they got married, and i dont think it was by there choice. :< but luckily their dad is saving up money for them so they have a way out, or atleast a plan to get out.
Iv'e been in the same situation. It feels horrible. This video made me cry, but it feels so good to know that you're not alone
Hope your doing better, I understand what it’s like to be in a toxic relationship and I just wanna say to try and think about the present not the past. I don’t know you personally but that advice really helped me.
I've had my fill of manipulative and toxic relationships, I really hope the best for you pax, stay strong!
You explained this in such a mature way. Thank you for sharing your story
I'm glad your doing much better!^^
You deserve happiness and comfort! I am sorry you went through this for so long.
You're one of my favorite content creators and all and all really interesting person. You deserved way better than all of that and I hope it gets better. Getting that toxicity out of your life was a good decision even if it was a difficult one for you. Proud of you 💙
I really hope you're better now Pax! Thank you for talking about such difficult topics, not many people talk about this stuff, and it is super important to learn how to recognize red flags and what to do 😔
My ex stepdad was a narcissist , he was controlling, and never took accountability. He was manipulative, and physically and mentally abusive. He wanted everything HIS way and if you didn't condemn, oh boy it was hell. My mom, sister, brother and I all ran away and moved out of state and they got a divorce, crazy shit dude
thank you for helping me realize it’s good she left.
I’m happy you made a video venting about this. So many people don’t know how damaged you feel once you leave a relationship like that. I spent 1 year in a relationship with a man like that and it’s been a year since the breakup but he still calls emails texts to tell me how horrible I am for leaving for “using him” . All I’m trying to say is your not alone and thank you for being a voice for others
Disclaimer: not defending anyone as this is my own story, this is just to get this off my chest so please no hate
Sorry for long text
I was in a similar relationship, except I was the toxic one. Though we both were toxic in our own ways, I was more toxic because I kept threatening to commit suicide if he ever left me. In the end it was too much for him. I can't put the blame on anything else other than myself but I had depression (diagnosed) for the longest time due to family issues. I was just so scared of losing someone that genuinely meant a lot to me, especially since we made so many dumb plans about the future.. I just couldn't show it the right way and so I didn't realize what harm I've been doing until I lost him anyway. It still pains me to this day, it took me almost a year to really accept it. I still feel ashamed of myself, I feel guilty. I wish I could have done something better, without being toxic at all. He had every chance and right to walk out on me, but he stayed because despite everything, we've been best friends from the start for a whole 2 years... We still talk to each other about anything without feeling judged.. So I still love him (as a friend) for that, I'm sure he feels that way too. He was the first person to ever tell me to get some help with my depression, even though he could've said so in a way that wouldn't hurt my feelings, I'm still grateful that he did. He felt helpless but he didn't give up in that sense. I have gotten help for a few months, even winning a "case" over my emotionally abusive dad recently, so I don't live with him anymore. And I'm waiting to get help again.
It's always possible to get away from your parents even if they are not physically abusive! It's tougher but not impossible!
Anyway, I've learnt from my mistakes and used my past relationship as a stepping stone, and we're still best friends... I try to make up for everything I've done by showing that I have at least been trying to improve as a person.. I like to think that he's proud of me for changing. Now I'm in another relationship, my first IRL one. Everything is going well, we haven't fought once. It isn't toxic for once... Though I'll be honest, I made another well, half mistake, half not so much.. depending on how you look at it.
From my grief of what I've done and him moving on so easily with another, I decided to be with the current person I'm with now even though I knew my heart wasn't ready. I felt like I couldn't move on without doing so. I couldn't keep my feelings to myself about the other guy from my last rel so I told the current one about it, saying that I need time to choose between them. He took it well, understood.. saying that he doesn't mind waiting for however long for me to choose. Funny thing is, he knew that I had problems with depression from the start but he didn't care, he was determined to help me. I just gradually fell in love with him because he was so understanding and didn't judge my past so I chose him. It was also because it would be stupid of me to let myself be stuck in the past. We plan to move in together next year so I guess that's a happy ending if that happens ^^;
TL;DR: I was toxic myself as well as my last boyfriend in some way, but we forgave each other and we're still best friends. Learnt from my mistakes, in a new relationship that isn't toxic and hopefully will be moving our with current bf next year :)
Thank you so much for sharing this. I admire you so much for everything you have and will overcome. I wish only the best for you and your bf.
@gamer Jesus Christ dude they've learnt from their mistakes and have moved on. And that's just a shitty insult - what if they don't want to have sex?
You aren’t alone everyone makes mistakes and it’s not always entirely one person’s fault! People like to point the finger onto one person, but in some cases it’s not just one person!
I can relate to you alooot , and I’m happy you shared this because it made me feel not alone!
@@dovee1 thank you so much! I just saw this but I'm glad you understand :) I was kind of nervous about telling this lol
@@fairymystonight1783 thank youuuuu! it's nice to know that I'm not alone, and I'm glad that it helped you feel better :D
Im glad you were able to get out of that relationship. I'm glad you're feeling better now that you're out of that part in your life, and I hope that things continue to get better for you :-]
this is video first one I've seen but still I wanna say I hope you are well and stay safe
(also the art is amazing)
this goes to people reading the comments too
🥺 I hope your doing alright 😔
This video reminded me of past relationships I've had. As someone who has also faced abuse at the hands of their partner, I offer my empathy to you. Even just as a person, I offer my empathy to you. These types of people take our deepest insecurities and worsen them. We feel low, feel hurt, and yet we hope we can help them get better. But most of us aren't mental health professionals. We're just people who want to love and be loved. I'm glad you got out of the relationship. You deserve to be happy because you are a good person, Pax. You're strong for sharing your story. Stay amazing.
PS. If you don't want to wait to get a therapist, I would reach out and see if there are any therapists who would do calls with you. Video calls specifically if you'd prefer. If that gives you anxiety, then it's okay. I've had to Skype my therapist for the duration of the pandemic.
Aww man. Hope u r better and i am glad u got rid of him.
I hope you feel better about it now :) ton of support and love. You needed to vent that sounded obvious. I think you did something good for you here :).
There is a website where you can get therapy with a psychiatrist online, I don't know if it's what you want but I'll try to look for its name.
Very happy spooktober and wishing you love and comfort for the months and years to come !
We love you Pax 💜💜
This was just recommended to me... I've never viewed your channel, but I appreciate you telling your story. There are a lot of parallels between what you dealt with and what I went through with my mother and my ex-boyfriend. Three years, turning into a hermit because he didn't like my friends or family... his final attempt was trying to turn my parents against me when I'd finally had enough, claiming that I was cheating on him. I wondered strongly what I had done wrong... I'm glad you are in a better place and learning to heal the emotions and trauma that you went through.
I am so sorry about what you've gone through, no one deserves that.
Also, this character is so, so beautiful, and it makes me cry, they're lovely and I love them!
4 dislikes? Why the hell were those people here if they can't listen to a damn vent, it's not a matter of whether you like it or not, this crap was about a situation that required recovery and it ain't fake either
I understand how this feels. Just remember that you are deserving of love even when you don’t feel it. You deserve better Pax.
I’m glad you are not in that relationship anymore and I hope you have a better rest of your year love you and thanks for sharing this💜❤️
to all the people tgat feel like this or going throug this,you will get through this I promise,I know sometimes it gets hard but I believe in you. you WILL get through this,it WILL get better and you ARE loved,even though it hurts or you won't believe it sometimes.....i believe you will get through this
Thank you for making this video.. I’m glad you’re doing better and Ik I’m just a random person on the internet but I’m proud of you for that.. I hope you get to see a therapist soon!
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️ I hope so too. I’m trying to find one currently
I know how that feels. I’m not dating one but my father and sister are narcissists.
i just realized something. my partner is the same way. he does the same things your EX does. (not all of the things, but a LOT)
i don't know what to do right now. he's done so much for me, bought me games, gifts, he's been there for me and i had no idea things he was doing was toxic. i don't want to leave him cause that'd be wrong cause he's done so much but i don't wanna be boxed in like this anymore.
You should consider leaving him. My ex also got me a lot of gifts to “win me over”. It was usually after we’d argue a tone he’d get me things I want. It’s abuse
@@RadPaxOfficial
thank you so much Pax.
i have been considering it for a long time but i can't bring myself to do it, but i'm trying really hard to build up the strength to. seeing your response agreeing that it is infact abusive has helped me feel more confident about the decision i need to make. thank you so much for your help.
@@Echo_Astro
i agree, but i'm trying really hard to build up the strength to leave him. i'm just scared hes gonna hurt himself or take my friends away from me.
Thank you so much for this video. I recently went through a similar experience and this video really helped me, it also let me know that I wasn't the only one that had an experience like that.
I have never watched your videos before but hearing this made me cry I hope you are doing good and that life looks up for you
I may be a bit late but I really appreciate your video. RUclips just recommended it to me and I wish I seen it two days ago. It really helped me understand what a narcissist really is. I’ve been in situations with people whether if it’s platonic or romantic where the person manipulated me in some sort of way and understanding those signs honestly helps me going forward. I send a lot of hugs and I hope you practice a lot of self-care ❤️🌸
I hope you're okay. (I can relate, not by the same circumstances, but regarding fear of letting people in/being hardened from my past experiences.) I wish you consistent healing. ❤
I'm so sorry that happened, you did not deserve any of this. I hope things get better, your amazing ❤💕
I don't like how most people use "narcissistic" as an insult. It's usually associated with NPD, creating a stigma that discourages people with it to get help.
As sad as this is, I'm glad you're willing to move forward in spite of it all. You are brave and no one can ever stop you from being happy.
I hope your comic will be successful!
I’m sorry you went through it for three years. I hope things are getting better for you as you deserve good things in your life.
This makes me think of my ex. I went back to them the first time because I was told they weren't doing good after the break up. I felt like it was my fault, so I tried again. It felt empty trying to make them happy. I felt like I was lying to myself. So I broke up with them, because I couldn't feel anything for them. (I had also been questioning my sexuality.)They had a tendency to make it seemed like their problems mattered more. When others were hurt, they(others) told them. When they had a problem with others, they kept it to themselves and expected others to know. They recently left our server, and haven't reached out to me, this was after I told them if they wanted to stop talking to me it's better if they tell me now. We talked it out, and I thought I'd see them improve. This didn't happen.
I want to wish the best of luck and hope you can start healing and feeling better. Take care of you.
this topic is rough, i think most people have been through not so great relationships that did hurt, but it should be discussed to help the people who are going through this right now, and dude, the guts you need to put out a video like this.. thats amazing!
also take care of yourself
This is so sad I love that your still strong you deserve the best!
I love your art and your comic is interesting. I like it. I am glad you escaped the situation. You have my prayers.
i can definitely relate to this somewhat, and i'm so sorry it happened to you. i hope ur doing better now!
Hugs from me because why not. And hope your okay now and the wounds are healed from that person. Haven't gonna through that but it's sound like something that nobody should go through.
I'm glade your better and I'm happy that you keep on check on what's better for you, traumatic thing ain't easy to get through but you'll learn slowly to ignore it and move on like a paper in a book, i love your art and people with that of personality just need to sometimez stop being selfish.... you have all our support and we will be a shoulder you can lean on if you need one
I watched this and it made me actually cry. Which is rare. It made me think about some of the things and how they've affected me.
Thank you.
Thank you for this mate, i know it’s hard for some people to let go of the bad ones because they thing they need them.
Having gotten out of a similar situation, you have my sympathies for what you've been through and i am /so/ glad you are out of it now. it'll get better, and i genuinely hope it does for you soon
I’m so glad that you got out of that relationship and we are here for you pax and we love you and I hope you get better soon
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are doing ok.
I'm glad you got out of that relationship, I could never imagine only giving attention to only one person in my life. That'd mentally exhaust me because as much as I love being around my friends, I also want to give them space for themselves.
Honestly I came to your video because my mom's a narcissist and due to being around her for a good portion of my life, I picked up some of her bad behavior like making assumptions, lying, and overreacting (which I've worked on bettering). I used to worry that I was becoming a narcissist as I felt I talked too much about myself and that would drive my closest friends away. That eventually came to a head where I was in a bad mood one day and apologized for 'being narcissistic' in our group chat.
I was surprised (and super relieved) to know they didn't think so at all, since I care about them and show that I'm confident by talking about all sorts of [appropriate, of course] goings on around me. I can't imagine a timeline where I don't make friends with every single one of them.
It was very eye opening to get more closure on narcissism from your story.
TL;DR: Could somewhat relate to the video thanks to having a narcissist mother, worried about being narcissistic towards my friends, and am happy to know from them that I was being the big silly and was in no way in any sense of the word a narcissist.
I don’t want to downplay the subject of the video but I love your art! Especially this piece I love the wings and the fade in the hair it’s very pretty. I like your anatomy too