I worked for four years as a teacher in a tiny private school for emotionally and psychologically challenged teenagers. I had six students in a small classroom and four of them had ADHD, the other two were autistic. Once one of the ADHD students told me, “You know, you’re crazy. You don’t get mad at us, you just laugh and hug us.” What greater reward can a teacher have?
That actually makes me a little sad. If your lovely behaviour towards them was so strange for them, it really shows what kind of reactions they ususally get 😔Happy though, that they had you!
Teachers like you are a true Godsend, as one of the kids that was often yelled at or punished without getting why myself. We need more of y’all! Not just cause natural born conditions but also a lot of traumatized kids need compassionate safe teachers that encourage em. Can’t ever build anyone up with tear downs ❤
Ah yes, the old: buy one disability, get 7 comorbities for free- thing.... I have: Autism, ADHD, POTS, hEDS, and the plentiful accompanying mental health issues you get when you don't know of/cope with these disabilities properly. Ah and they threw in some extra freebies of IBS and several food intolerances/allergies because I was such a good loyal customer 😆 I don't know whether to laugh or cry about it anymore 😅
Now I'm picturing an infomercial, the kind where they talk really fast and tell you "but wait! There's more! You don't just get the physical disabilities, not just the mental issues, for a limited time now we'll throw in food intolerance and rampant flatulence for FREE! But act now because this deal won't last!" 😂 I feel you on the comorbidities. Your comment made me laugh.
Hello Jessica! (waves animatedly) Have you looked into Prolotherapy? I don't know if anyone does this type of therapy in the UK. It seems to help EDS/ POTS/migraine people. The doctor over here that does it seems to be this guy, ruclips.net/video/IwdZ6tFE7kg/видео.html I don't work for them or anything but just wanted you to know some people can help with EDS. Just found out about this treatment myself and it has made a huge difference.
Only a few minutes in but "Wait, other people do this? That's REAL?!?!?" is an experience I keep having regarding both being neurodivergent AND being asexual
That's how I convinced myself to call my doctor to get diagnosed medically. Seeing things on social media was validating--knowing it wasn't just because I'm "weird"--and very helpful for getting the care I deserve.
Omg same here! I literally did not understand when in highschool my friends would talk about sex like it wasn't gross and I never understood that when you call someone hot that most people don't think of it in an aesthetic way but in a sexual attraction way and I never knew there was a difference.
Oh hey, me too!! My last 5 years or so have been having this identity realisation moment that I'm both not what I assumed AND there was a community of people like me, a solid 3-4 times. Each time adding another A to a fittingly phrased identity label, of basically, AAAA
I believe I fall under the category of demisexual, so when I hear people talk about being sexually attracted to a stranger or viewing adult videos regularly, it feels very jarring, which is the best way I can describe it.
Reminder, fellow fans, that Jessica is still new to the whole Knowing-About-ADHD thing so she isn't the law. Make sure to do further research into your questions! It's always good to look into multiple sources. /neu
this is a great point! no matter much how much you connect with a creator, we are all individuals and all are symptoms are going to be different in some way!
Yes! Even trained and certified professionals have biases, and gaps in their knowledge about things. Ideally people are aware of their gaps, and can say "I don't know...". Also, neurodiversities have "spiky profiles", and symptoms/traits are generally better described as "significantly different than peers" because they can be either "advanced OR deficit", and some traits for an individual will likely be advanced, while others deficit. Such as "hyperlinguistic or hypolinguistic". And also remember, that if the traits/symptoms are being described from an outside perspective rather than what a person experiences in their own brain - can have drastically different interpretations.
You reading the parenting books feels just like the start of my autism self-diagnosis. In college I took several elective courses in educational psychology and also frequently volunteered with a group of autistic teens. Every time someone briefed us on common autistic traits/experiences to be aware of, I'd just sit there thinking "And that's...unusual?" At the time I dismissed it because I didn't think I was "autistic enough" to really count, but more than a decade later, here we are. Turns out I was just so used to masking that I'd also fooled myself.
I recognised that, of being so used to masking that i was fooling myself. I got my diagnosis of being autistic at 58 and it was such a relief though i was asking myself at age 25 if i was autistic because i could lose myself so much in focussing deeply on a task that when someone interrupted me i felt as if they slapped me and it irritaties the hell out of me. I am def autistic but the kind of person that can look people in their eyes and can show empathy easily. But i also suspect now that i have also ADHD. These two often go together.
I had a very similar experience where I did a school project on children with disabilities and when I learned about autism, was like ‘oh wait… that’s me’
@@lalaillustrator6295 I wrote a whole honors thesis about best practices for employing autistic adults and still managed to be like "Oh wow it's so cool how well I can relate to this population that I'm super passionate about helping for no reason in particular."
I'm severely limited by my ADHD, and I'm genuinely mystefied by how you can produce so much great work so consistently, while also dealing with all of the other ways in which you're marginalised, AND being a parent, all while looking so damn glamourous and put-together. I'm 5 years post-diagnosis, and I'm still at the stage where brushing my teeth three days in a row is a victory. I suppose I'd describe my feelings as a sort of aspirational, good-natured envy. All power to you!
I would caution quite a bit against advertising Better Help to anyone w/ ADHD. Their rep is bad generally, but they will not be of much if any assistance (keeping in mind there are always exceptions), and they cannot help at all with diagnosis/medications. I'd urge anyone seeking help for ADHD to look elsewhere, even if it's just to other online support groups. I promise they will be far more useful than anything you can get through BH and other gig-economy therapy options. EDIT: Keep in mind also that in the US especially, there are a lot of therapists and psychiatrists out there that will try to convince you that you're *not* ADHD before they'll even consider that you are, and even once they allow that maybe you are, there is a strong chance they'll have no idea what to do with you/give you crap advice. The medical field has just as poor an understanding of the disorder as the world at large, see: the nonsense US doctors will just casually shit out about ADHD & adderall.
People have been saying things the last couple of BetterHelp sponsorships (I know this is the 3rd or 4th that I have commented on). I looked through their FAQ's and they only talk about helping stress, anxiety, relationships, parenting, depression, addictions, eating, sleeping, trauma, anger, family conflicts, LGBT matters, grief, religion, self esteem, and more. That does seem like it is the easy to treat/manage mental health issues in the scheme of things (not saying that they can't be debilitating just there is a big difference between treating someone for anxiety and if they are having psychosis for example). In the past they have gotten into trouble for saying that their therapists are licenced (it turned out that some of them weren't) but then saying that it is up to you to verify that for yourself as they are only a platform not their employer. They have also in the past sold any data that they can that doesn't violate HIPAA (or the equivalent in your country). Those things don't even touch on the bad experiences that people have had with them or the fact that if a creator is critical of them they will send a cease and desist letter to them.
I appreciate this thread. I by no means want to create any hardship or shame for Jessica. Better Help is quite problematic in more ways than is mentioned here. It's just useful to know that they are problematic and of course everyone is entitled to make their own decisions and assessments.
Thank you for commenting this, it's been a sad seeing so many youtubers getting sponsored by them lately because only about half a decade ago they were rightly attacked for false advertising at the time (pretty sure a big RUclipsr at the time promoted them and a lot of people had bad experiences with better health as a result). I hope Jessica (or anyone connected to her) see's this comment and, refuse's to accept better health sponsorships for future videos, but for now I hope people watching find this comment (or better, do research) before jumping into trying better health.
Yep, I'm in the US and I had a psychiatrist tell me I couldn't have ADHD because I'd graduated from high school- without even checking first that I actually did. Like I did, but he just straight up assumed. Ugh.
Being a teacher with adhd makes teaching neurodivergent kids so much fun bc we’re all just problem solving together and regulating ourselves the way we need to without interference
I really appreciate you letting us see the adhd-masking slipping off, allowing yourself to stim and speak as you naturally do, and to not hide your adhd. It's so validating and normalizing ❤
8:08 I totally feel this, I think something like "Attention Dysregulation Hyperactivity Disorder" would fit better than "defecit". And hey, you wouldn't even have to change the acronym!
I like that. Like ADHD is not about a lack of attention, it's about a lack of attention *regulation.* I think the "attention deficit" part makes some people think we just don't pay attention, and then when they see us paying attention to something, especially with hyperfocus, they think we just don't want to pay attention because "Well you can pay attention to [insert high dopamine activity here]".
19:20 “It felt really lovely to get diagnosed. I felt a great sense of relief.” I totally relate to that. When I was diagnosed, I felt like it gave me an explanation for what I was experiencing. What seemed like all kinds of chaos to me, was actually a known phenomenon, it had a name, and other people experienced it too. True relief.
About the question "Why does a diagnosis matter?" So, for me, getting diagnosed as first ADHD and then also ASD in my early and late 20s, I feel like I was finally being told "It's not your fault - you are not a bad person or a failure and you aren't alone". Now I can finally start healing the trauma around growing up feeling like an alien without any tools or any appropriate parenting to guide me and to help me figure out myself and how I belong in this world. There is so much damage done already to both body and mind and I just wish I could have had just any amount of insight and help growing up to prevent some of it. And so that I didn't have to struggle to parent myself as a grownup with all the other struggles I have in just trying to get by. When people around you (especially your caregivers) expect neurotypical behaviour or maybe even perfection from you and they think you are just confused or making up nonsense when you try to share your experiences and ask for validation and help - the effect of that is that you are gaslighted about your own reality and you eventually stop expressing your feelings or dissociate from them. For me it led to CPTSD, rejection sensitivity and anxiety disorder and a complete lack of identity as I was suppressing myself in order to not be rejected by people. It really fucking sucks.
This is exactly it. It's like having a pain somewhere in your body. To be told there's nothing wrong sucks because you're still in pain. To get a diagnosis, to get a reason, is so relieving and validating.
Even good and caring parents can unknowingly do things that are counterhelpful for their child, when assuming a neurotypical kid - who is in fact neuroatypical (with adhd or autism mostly - I assume Tourette gets more easily diagnosed, though I don't actually know). Especially as kids can be awfully good at masking unknowingly, and mask even with their own family - and they learn their own expectations from people around them. Which may not fit their personal situation at all.
I think one of the things most people who ask "Why does a diagnosis matter?" don't understand is that you already have the thing and the diagnosis is just telling you why something is more difficult, challenging or complicated for you. It doesn't matter if it's ADHD or asthma. Someone with asthma doesn't struggle to breathe when they run because they are out of shape, they struggle to breathe when they run because their lungs don't work the same way. It's the same for ADHD, our brains don't work the same way.
I haven't seen this yet but I already appreciate you making this I'm currently in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD and I love learning as much as I can about it
It’s interesting that you say you are never bored because of your busy brain. That sounds really helpful. For many ADHDers boredom is a big problem, we dopamine seek to relieve feelings of boredom probably due to low dopamine levels and hence a feeling of under stimulation. Research shows that people with ADHD usually show higher levels of boredom. So I’m really glad to hear that this doesn’t impact you. As a fellow chronic illness ADHDer (actually auDHDer) I find being physically unable to dopamine seek intolerable at times.
It's so nice hearing people my age talking about these things. ADHD was brought up when I was a teenager but always brushed off as anxiety and depression. It wasn't until this past October that I was able to find a doctor to take it seriously and evaluate me. So now at 33 I am finally diagnosed with ADHD. I also deal with migraines, and this past month was diagnosed with non-POTS specific Dysautonomia. I've dealt with the symptoms since I was a teenager but it was always brushed off as all in my head. Finding a doctor who actually listened and didn't just brush it off as in my head, or because I am a woman, was really helpful in finally taking steps to manage my symptoms and improve how I am feeling.
Hi! Would love to see you collaborate with Jessica from how to adhd. Would like to hear more about maintainging and gaining friendships as someone with ADHD. What hardships have you had and what have you learned? 😄
I totally get the relief of the feeling of having a name to the diagnosis when you know you been going through something,I’m currently in that boat with some other health issues and having a name to go with it makes me feel so much relief
I always say my stimulant meds cured my anxiety. What I actually mean is that antidepressants and anti anxiety meds never really helped, but stimulants made it actually manageable. I get what I’d consider “normal people” levels of anxiety nowadays… instead of, you know, panic attacks or anxiety attacks that would last for days at a time. The reduced swelling may be because stimulants can have a diuretic effect… and also, I just realized that my dramatic increase in PMS bloating coincided with the med shortage and me changing prescriptions…
It is interesting how medications effect people differently. My daughter was diagnosed in college and the ADHD medication triggered terrible anxiety. She had to come off of the meds, get on anti-anxiety meds, build up to the right level, get back on ADHD meds, then change the doses of each until they found the right mix. It took months, and her emotions were all over the place, but she said she would not have been able to finish college without them.
Similar story! I got an ADHD dx at 43 years of age. I have had just about every mood/anxiety dx throughout my life and only after starting stimulant medication have a truly felt better. Decades of meds that only helped a little and talk therapy that made me feel worse… being labeled with Borderline (I have no lingering symptoms after taking my stimulant meds)… being an excellent student probably kept me from getting a proper diagnosis and treatment at a younger age. My life was torturous at times and now I can handle things so much better.
@@IgnacioCheese A big thing the diagnostic people mentioned to me (also late dx here) was that in my case, they said I had both ADHD and anxiety, but they weren't sure what was "first". Was my anxiety a thing first with ADHD just on top of that, or did I have anxiety BECAUSE of the (untreated) ADHD? So this kind of makes a lot of sense to me actually. Having a co-morbidity, especially anxiety, I can easily imagine that treating something like ADHD can make the other thing better. Specifically attention and focus issues, in a social setting, I can actually remember things people say, not space out and seem like I am disinterested etc. Ironically, I was also diagnosed with borderline as a kid hahaha But I really hope with more people talking about it, more diverse research will be done so that less people will go missed. Since I had my dx just this year, I still really struggle knowing that my whole life up until now could have been easier or at least, I could have found an actual path to go down if I had known....
I have ADHD and chronic fatigue from Lyme (and likely POTS). Anyways, last year when I got diagnosed with ADHD and started a stimulant I also got an improvement in my fatigue. At first I was scared it was "fake energy" and I would crash hard afterwards. But over time the energy has become more stable and I've been able to do a lot more. It also greatly improved my brainfog. I had no idea ADHD treatment would have such a big impact on my physical health for the better. I hope your improvements continue!
I've been following you for years and I got diagnosed with adhd last year too! It is bittersweet to get a diagnosis later in life. While I'm happy to finally have words for the things I'm struggling with, it makes me sad to think about things I could've done if I got help so much sooner..
same! and one of my parents got diagnosed with autism at 60!! it’s hard to not imagine what could have been but we know now and we have so much time to enjoy!
You should totally collaborate with Jessica from How to ADHD! I love ADHD content on accommodating yourself through organization, routines, creating ways to make things visible so you don't forget, etc. Those would be my personal picks. Also the pros and cons of ADHD, since we tend to excel at out of the box thinking, hyperfocus, and creativity.
A great book for you and Roo: 'You Choose'. My son and I had years of fun with it as no day is ever the same. But the options are still the same. Thank you for this video...I've been researching for several years and no doubt I have adhd. My GP said "what will you gain from a diagnosis?" I'm 49 and battling life my entire life. I'm so glad you have some answers 😊❤✌️💃
I just remembered, my younger sibling (8 years younger) had these books when they were little, "You Read To Me, I'll Read To You"! Something about no day being the same reminded me
It's so refreshing when I hear of women in thier 30s being newly diagnosed with adhd. I was diagnosed finally last year at the age of 30. It was huge. After being on antidepressants and suppressants since 13 due to crippling depression and anxiety to no avail. It was unrelenting to the point that I was suicidal. An elementary school teacher had suspected it, but my mother didn't believe in adhd. Still doesn't. She really thought that beating me every day and telling me that I was just a bad kid would do something, but as you can imagine, it DID NOT. Yeah I don't talk to her now, so I guess it did do that. But anyway, finally, a doctor had me try Adderall, just kindof on a whim, because I had literally tried every other antidepressant and anxiety medication they could offer. Genuinely all of them, name one, I've tried it. I took one Adderall and sobbed for days. Cause I realized that I was never anxious, I just couldnt organize my thoughts, I wouldn't process incoming information, I couldn't function and it made me feel so overwhelmed that I was expected to. I wasn't depressed, I was isolated Cause being around people, going places, even driving, was so hard for me and I felt like it shouldn't have been. Within 2 months of starting Adderall, I got off of all my other medications. I'm not broken or stupid or a "bad kid". I have adhd. Imagine how different my life would have been if my mom would have just ignored her own biases and heard the teacher out. Imagine how much medicine I pumped into my body over the years that I DID NOT NEED. I'm so grateful for my diagnosis. I don't care what anyone says, stimulants saved my life. ❤
Super proud of you for making this video ♡ Neurodiversity hits everyone differently and as someone who is disabled and neurodiverse it was really nice to hear some of my own thoughts voiced by others ♡
Never felt anything more than filling up maths books with the fibonacci sequence ! I'm audhd and did this in my mock gcses rather than answering the questions lol
re: the deficit part of ADHD, I've heard lately people are moving towards attention dysregulation rather than deficit, for exactly the reason you described--sometimes we're unable to pay attention to any one thing for longer than 5 seconds, but sometimes we're able to hyperfocus on one thing for hours to the detriment of other things. I've personally found dysregulation a much better explanation for the way my adhd works (though mine's complicated by autism so that could be why).
I am so glad you're talking about this. And I hope you'll collab with How to ADHD, her videos have been incredibly helpful and the online community she's built is great.
Welcome to officially joining the ADHD club! 🙂 I have been diagnosed since I was 2 years (I am currently almost 33) so if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out 🙂 Also highly recommend ADHD Toolkit for Women: (2 books in 1) Workbook & Guide to Overcome ADHD Challenges and Win at Life.
I think the what does a label do for you answer was perfect. Its not like I was perfectly happy with how things were before. I had a lot of issues which I thought were due to personal failings so i worked and worked to make it better but even doing all the work and being the best me i was still different and disorganised and, well, ADHD. Now I know that at least some of my issues are not because I'm a garbage human, they're because of things about my brain that i can't change.
I was put on my path to understanding my neurodivergence (bipolar 1 and ADHD) when a brief acquaintance and I were chatting about doctors and testing and she suggested I talk to my doctor about being tested for ADHD, since I reminded her so strongly of her own issues before diagnosis. I knew I was on track for being bipolar, but ADHD never crossed my mind. So sometimes speaking up can really help a person sort out what's happening with their brain.
I’m not saying this will happen for you but my bipolar diagnosis got removed because my adhd (and recently diagnosed pmdd) symptoms actually properly explained what was happening and the doctors i saw just defaulted to bipolar cos i was a young woman struggling with spending and moods. I wish you love, luck and support on your journey!
@@adammackenroth2864 that is true! but women where i am from are over diagnosed with bipolar just because it’s easier for the doctor. i don’t want to dismiss or minimise! just it’s a thing that people should be aware of especially cos it is so hard to push to get a diagnosis looked into or turned over.
Jessica, this channel means a lot to me. I love watching you and Claudia build this absolutely beautiful life, and I’m so happy and proud to watch you so happy. Yours was one of the first queer channels I started to watch when I was questioning my sexuality, and it was just such a relief to have you as an example of a happy queer couple and family, with disabilities and struggles but overall just how Happy you were and are. It gave me so much hope and I thank you for that. Your neurodivergency just makes you even more relatable to me and I love that you’re so open about your journey. This means a lot to me and I’m sure it does for many other people too. Thank you Jessica
I would be so happy if you made a video about the correlation between adhd and chronic illness. It's a subject I'm really curious about but I can't say I've found that much information about it. As someone who has adhd and a chronic illness, I see this as something that would be incredibly important to study more. Anyone bringing more awareness to this would be so so helpful. Also, thanks for sharing your adhd story.
Writing forward with your dominant hand and backward with your other hand is a new coping symmetry on me. That's awesome! I'm left dominant so just living in a right handed world taught me to be ambidextrous, but your method is amazing. I'm going to try that as a dexterity exercise for both my hands and my brain.
i loved the end of this video because in my daydreaming about being a future parent, i always thought that my adhd would make a lot of things more enjoyable for both me and my kids. i have no qualms with watching the same shows, listening to the same songs, reading the same books, etc. for months at a time because i do that on my own constantly with whatever my latest hyperfixation is. i also am up for pretty much any spontaneous activity as long as my physical disabilities don't get in the way. if i'm not too fatigued or in much pain and i'm asked to go to the zoo, then why the hell not? plus, i find that neurodivergent people have less internal judgment about having "childish" interests like enjoying video games or legos or plush toys or things like that. we just seem to more often gladly dress up in silly costumes or get a bit too enthusiastic while playing board games. i think part of this is also why a lot of neurodivergent people can make particularly great teachers, daycare workers, camp counselors, or other jobs that work with kids.
I was officially diagnosed last year at 34 and while it’s been helpful to know what’s “wrong”, it’s been hard to find what works for me. I’ve been watching your channel for years, thank you for sharing your story. 🙏
I'm currently 7 months pregnant, and both my husband and I have adhd (I also have ASD and chronic fatigue). It's always reassuring to see other people who are in similar positions not just living, but thriving. Gives me hope that even though it's going to be tough, we'll make it work and have fun while doing it :)
Co morbid conditions are WILD. It’s like “Oh, you have autism? Amazing! That is SUPER hard to deal with, definitely enough to be a major challenge and obstacle in and of itself. Just to clarify, would you like to add several other equally debilitating conditions on top of that?”
Colab with the other ADHD Jessica! (How to ADHD). Also, when I first found you I was getting into ASL and Deaf Studies. I thought you were so interesting, but didn't feel super connected to the content myself. You fell out if my algorithm for a while but I had some of your videos saved as go tos for explaining things to others. I've known I had ADHD since I was a teen, but going through discovering I also have hEDS I sure feel silly thinking I was so interested in content that had no relation to me. I had a memory moment when I said I'd never heard of EDS before until I remembered you and your "floppy joints". Your channel has been so helpful for learning to navigate compounding disabilities and your content fills me with hope for better management and success in the future. Thanks for being you Jessica! You being vulnerable and sharing is at the very least improving my life. Would live to see more about managing compounding disabilities with conflicting needs. My mental health amd ADHD really gets in the way of being able to do my diet and physio to get out of deconditoning and learning to stabilize my joints. And lord would I love to learn how to get by with all the planning, and down time for pain with only 24hrs in a day and a poor ability to manage time lol
Judging from the relatability of this video i think it might be time for a trip to the doctor. Why is it a nice thing to get diagnosed? Because you may have found an answer to why you are different to others or just simply because humans are curious creatures.
I have been in and out of therapy for my chronic depression since my first attacks of deep depression and panic attacks at age 21. The therapies i could get with my kind of insurance were standard and did not help. Also i had to learn how to describe what happened inside of me when i am in the midst of an attack (depression and panic. tracks and anxiety). Because i am thinking in feelings and images and associations and at those moments of the attack i am so overwhelmed by feeling that i cant find the words. Many autistic people have this. Some autistic children and people experience so many layers and levels of feelings, inner images and associations all at once that it is impossible to name them. And sometimes we forget what they are called and sometimes we dont know what the difference is. I had to learn how a feeling or emotion or a inner experience was called. That took me years. Then at 55 i started to write scripts for each therapy sessions and also the diagnosis of autism helped with getting there right type of therapy. I found that systemic therapy helped me more than cognitive therapy. More is known about neurodiverent brains nowadays then when i was 21, or 30 or 40 and here in the Netherlands i find that the regular psychotherapists are much more aware that people might be neurodivergent. I do have chronic depression but never understood why. When i got the diagnosis of autism i understood much better how hard i had to work to be able to work in a job 38 or 40 hours a week and could not do a course to improve my career options next to working full time. Before that i went along with what my family thought, that i lacked backbone and was lazy. Although deep inside me i felt this was not true and also that my real self is a positive, can do person instead of a depressed person. I never felt i was different than other peoplwle but other people often did not understand me and did think i was weird. Whereas to me they were without common sense, playing very loud music, going to places where there was much noise and many many people, getting drunk or.stoned and sleeping in after staying up most of the weekend, missing the lovely beauty of the early morning light. I could make more sense of these differences. I begin to see now more and more my masking, how and what i mask, even for myself and masking is sometimes necessary and i am glad i learned from a young age to mask. These techniques made my life when interacting with others a bit easier. I am now declared disabled, since 2018, but every year i have to be assessed again. I dont think i can ever work for money again. I have been so stressed most of my childhood and also my whole adult life that my body protests in so many ways when i feel the slightest bit of stress. I am glad for the wonderful welfare system we have still here in the Netherlands but the intolerance for people who are chronically sick, esp when these chronic illnesses are mental illnesses, is growing here just like in many countries. I was too strict and too demanding for and of myself before my diagnosis. I understand myself and what i need to feel better and make my life run more smoothly. I also understand how i can interact with others better. But my emotions still run away with me and that can make interactions with others difficult. I am still learning in that respect. It is interesting. It is a journey. But we are all on a journey, esp in these very uncertain times with all the chaos in climate, many people migrating, advancing technologies that can have very scary consequences, and old structures like capitalism and conservatism falling apart and questions like what is or is not.gender, what does sex have tondomwith the attachment we call love etc.
I was seeing a psychiatrist for help with my anxiety and depression, and he suggested I may have difficulty with attention. I thought he was being silly, mentioned it to my mother and she agreed with him. So then I thought they were both being silly. It's been a few years, and now that I've started paying more attention to my thought processes at work, I've realised that I really struggle to stick to one task or train of thought. My mind hops around from topic to topic and it can be really difficult to remember what task I was intending to do even a few seconds before. Add to that how much I struggle to stay organised in general and struggles with punctuality, memory issues, rambling, getting distracted really easily, getting overwhelmed when there are multiple things going on at the same time because it means I can't concentrate on anything... I'm now seeking a diagnosis and treatment, just waiting for a referral. 😅
Love watching you talk about having neurodevelopmental dsorder as well as being physically diasbled. For me it was the other way around, first mental illness, finding out about ADD, then just a few months ago EDS and fibromyalgia. So yeah, would like to learn more about how they affect each other vause I thonk it would mean I would understand myself better
The amount of things you mentioned that you used as coping mechanisms as a child that people always thought were weird that I liked doing was so many. I got really into origami because folding paper was relaxing. I am hearing and don't have anyone in my life that is deaf or HOH but I learned a bit of ASL in highschool and now I will often fingerspell my thoughts or the name of random objects that I see as a way of stimming or to regulate myself. I also realized that I had ADHD as a result of going to college where I didn't have a strict daily routine that was the same everyday. All my symptoms that impeded my daily life I had under control to an extent during a routine and that completely messed me up and all the sudden I was like uhhhh somethings wrong. However, as an ADHDer, it's so hard to remember to do things and keep a routine so it's a hard cycle
I relate again sooo much to this! I have ME/CFS, and other things, as well as ADHD. I say I “have a mommy bag” where I have so much stuff always on me just in case for my physical illnesses and I still always forget 1 or 2 items.
Hey Jessica, just a heads up, Betterhelp has been involved in some very sketchy situations, from my understanding. I'm not sure if they've since improved or not, but just wanted to let you know in case you weren't aware. Thanks! I hope you and Claudia and Rupert and your guys' family in general are doing well! :)
I’m laughing so hard at all of this. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 36, a couple of months after my six-year-old son was diagnosed. And yes, Jessica I am not at all surprised you have a ADHD. Welcome to the club! P.s. I ❤❤❤ my colour coded systems. 😂
I graduated today and I was so excited to see you in the video! I was watching this video while getting ready this morning so it was so exciting to see you an hour later!
@@kents.2866I had an employee with ADHD. Some of her projects had hard deadlines that absolutely could not be missed. When I would give her those projects, the calendar came out and we worked back the days so she could visually see how much time she had to work on it and why. She would then set her schedule and we would agree on when I would check on her progress. It did take more planning on both our parts, but she was very good at her job and amazingly creative. The final result was always better than what I envisioned. We just needed to work out a process that worked for all of us.
18ish minutes “is this helpful?” YES your childhood experiences about what body movements helped before medication and knowledge of the conditions is super validating and interesting to me, a fellow neurodiverse person, and im sure makes others of us feel less alone for how we coped as kids. Thanks for the video!
I don’t have physical disabilities-just ADHD. And taking care of myself already seems like a lot of work sometimes! Carefully developed routines help me stay fed (usually), rested (mostly), showered (usually), and exercised. And I know I have to prioritize all that, because I don’t have the margin for error that many NTs do. My brain is barely cooperative even when I’m well-rested. A small amount of sleep deprivation is enough to cancel out what good my meds do. On my bad brain days, I accept that taking care of myself may be my big achievement of the day. If I manage to also respond to a work email, great. So yeah, the way you manage your physical health-including knowing when to get other people to help-is amazing. Keeping yourself in one piece is a lot of work, and you’re doing it beautifully!
Telling someone outright they have a condition (autism or adhd) can often be too much - sometimes people ask if it's already on their mind and they know you are the same - but often people struggle with smaller things like procrastination, distraction, memory loss or sensory issues which are definitely signs of neurodivergence - but can also exist in a neurotypical mind - sharing helpful methods or tips on these shared issues will make people feel heard and might work, might not, might get them to look into reasons behind these symptoms once they are not exhausted.
I have ADHD with inattention, was diagnosed at twenty one! At forty six, back then the term " only children have this, you grow our of it!" Attitude with doctors were the general answers. I was lucky enough to have professor wolke diagnose me. Thank you for a very informative video Jessica . God bless you. X
Thanks so much for being brave and talking about your ADHD diagnosis. I've been a fan of yours for years now, and it's so beautiful to hear your experience and how similar it is to my own in regards to what a relief it is to get diagnosed. Having more successful people publicly talk about having ADHD does wonders for our whole community because I think it really helps destigmatize the condition to people without it. Keep up the amazing work!!!
I also used to fold paper as an undiagnosed adhd child, and I had a combination pattern I'd count with my fingers to keep myself quiet and not bother people while waiting in line or sitting in class where I'd already understood the lesson but the teacher hadn't finished teaching
I still really struggle with the differences between ADHD and Autism, especially because the people closest to me have both and so they blur together for me. I know it might not be your area, but I would love any insight you have, particularly as you have additonal gender and disability knowledge/experience. A collab could also be a good way to approach it, if it was something you wanted to speak to. Thank you for your honesty and sharing with us! I really appreciate hearing your own experiences
It was a lovely video, thank you. As a teacher I have some insight in if tell someone they have adhd. If we think one of our students is neurodivergent we have to tell the parents, we might even do some internet test with them or give them a list of therapists to look into. That’s why it’s so important that we are prepared and we know our stuff. So there is actually contexts where you have to do it. But the point in the video remains true, you canto just tell someone that because they are a little bit distracted that day, let the people in the right context tell them please.
Thanks for sharing this. I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and mild OCD when I was 12. Then after years of trying to figure out what was causing some of the issues I had, I was finally diagnosed with Autism in 2019 at the age of 31 (Some of my dad's family are on the spectrum). At the time such a relief to find out that I have Autism, but since then I have thought I have ADHD as well. Some of my symptoms that made me think this are: Being unable to sit still for long without feeling the need to fidget There are times I can have hyperfocus and very little will break my concentration which is part of having Autism, other times I find it hard to concentrate and focus on anything for long and I can get distracted easily which I really need help with. I have had problems with social anxiety due to my Autism so I can sometimes find it hard to talk to people, but when I do get into conversations, I have caught myself during conversations starting to talk a little faster than I normally do, and or trying to change subjects quickly and when that happens I have to stop myself before it goes on too long. While I have a very good memory, there are times I find it hard to remember some things. An example is that if I was asked when the last time I had a dentist appointment was or what I was told at my last eye test (even if it was only a few weeks back from when I was asked this) I won't be able to remember that unless I wrote it down and or had other evidence like audio,video or photographs from the event to help me recall specific details. Its like I remember the event, but not always when it happened or specific things that happened at the event. I'd probably be useless if I had to give evidence in court. I can start a task, and unless I am able to finish it at that time, I will find it hard to start doing it again later. I have often told people that I have to do (insert task here) straight away or I probably won't get around to doing it. This even happens with things I like to do.Even with those I sometimes find hard to actually get myself to do them. It is not that I am lazy, far from it and that does frustrate me when it happens. There is a lot more than that. A year after getting diagnosed with Autism and learning a lot about it and the symptoms I had and how to deal with them, I thought that it wasn;t just that I had and that I might have ADHD as well based on some of the symptoms I mentioned plus a lot more, and some that seem to conflict with my autistic symptoms such as having hyperfocus with Autism and also not being able to concentrate or focus for long and getting distracted easily. In 2021, I was talking to the woman who diagnosed me with Autism and told her about my issues and that I thought I might have ADHD as well. She sent a letter off to get me an ADHD diagnosis appointment. After waiting and waiting, about 6 months later I asked about the ADHD test and I was told it could take over a year to get an appointment and just to wait. That was in 2022 I was told that. SInce then I have even asked her and also GP and they said it could take up to 4 years to get an appointment which was frustrating to hear.
Describing not recognizing potential consequences before doing things... Here's the thing. Neurodiversities are complex. You may have some traits, and others not at all. A diagnosis (or identifying without a diagnosis) is about a constellation if symptoms at a level that causes *you* difficulty. It's not required that you have a max on all of them. I happen to be very good at assessing cause and effect and predicting outcomes, and evaluating risk/benefit. For me, it's actually a feature of my ADHD brain running on multiple channels at all times, assessing situations is a thing it does pretty much constantly. 🤷♀️
Yep. The whole my brain never shuts up thing is huge. I have to distract my brain to even sleep because if I don't, it doesn't happen and sleeping tablets don't work. Lemongrass essential oil does. It gets interesting.
My thing about the words in ADHD is that it's a really poor description of what the disorder is. It doesn't describe the disorder, it describes the way caregivers of people with ADHD are inconvenienced by it, what it looks like from the outside. That's not really a thing with most names of disorders. I'd be an advocate for something more like AARD, Attention and Activity Regulation Disorder. (I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with that but I just invented it on the spot randomly, I can feel the rabbit hole coming where I go find out what other names for ADHD people are advocating for.) IRD, Impulse Regulation Deficiency. Or just DDD, Dopamine Deficiency Disorder. That's believed to be the root of ADHD, essentially -- our baseline dopamine is too low, so we're constantly having to seek it, and stimulants work by raising it. Also, SAMESIES re: stimulant meds and blood pressure. I don't have POTS, but my "resting" blood pressure is low enough that I have to be careful with things like standing up too fast or I'll get woozy. I've gone from around 80/50 to around 115/80, which is still well within healthy range but mostly eliminates the problems you get from blood pressure that's too low, which has been awesome lmao.
I'm 36 and recently diagnosed with ADHD and can 100% agree that the diagnosis was a relief. I felt a weight lifted of my shoulders. That's because I no longer wondered why I am the way I am. I stopped having thoughts of being lesser or stupider than other people because I couldn't do the same things the same way or in the same amount of time as other people. Am I not motivated enough? Why can't I never remember birthdays or be on time with appointments? Do I not love my friends and family enough to do so? No, It's just that my brain is wired differently. with a diagnosis I have a starting point for creating systems that works for me (without comparing myself to others) and help me being more functional. Like calendars, alarms, to do lists with priorities etc (remembering to check them is the really tricky part here). It would have been nice if I knew from a young age. My life would have been easier. (But that's done now so no dwelling). So please don't be afraid to get diagnosed and pay attention to your children. The sooner someone is diagnosed the better to put systems in place and get used to them. In my generation (and country) the only thing educators and parents knew how to look for was dyslexia. Now we have so much information that it would be a shame not to put it in good use.
I have ADHD and fibromyalgia (and a hyperflexablity disorder) and the ADHD is the one I understand the least. I'm still learning things about it, including strategies like writing things down, keeping a social diary and working out my week in advance at work in a dedicated diary. (This has been SO helpful.) I enjoy how easy it is for me to switch tasks though. I feel so content if I have 3 things to do at once :D
A stim I do is take receipts and put tiny tiny rips as close together as I can (still connected) then fold and unfold it a lot then rip it more as carefully as I can before I cant do anything but crumple it and throw it out I also use my special interests and hyperfixations as a coping mechanism- especially pre-events because those are difficult on my anxiety
Hello to me watching your videos about your adhd, relating to everything, questioning if i might have adhd for 6 years and wondering what will finally push me over the edge to call my doc and ask for research. Today? Nah, not today. I'll do it another time. Perhaps.
I'm really appreciating your gentle humor and candor as you discuss this. This is a good and welcome way to learn more about ADHD and how it might present for folks. Thank you.
For me, getting my diagnosis at 45, it just made sense of a lot of things in my life that I just felt like a terrible person for doing or being. I was 99.9% certain I had it before I ever pursued the diagnosis, and having those answers was good, but getting the professional diagnosis was just the final piece that made it fall into place. I hardcore identify with the love of systems! The number of failed planners and organizational methods I've started and stopped is quite astounding, really. And alarm fatigue is a real thing that I suffer from. Oddly enough, I won't answer an alarm on my phone about going out to change the laundry over, but if I set that same timer on the microwave, I'll get up and take care of it? Brains are weird.
Getting answers to questions that you had and to questions you never thought you had is comforting. For those who are neurotypical it is hard to truly understand why we do the things we do. And why we say "try harder" doesn't work. Doing a collab with @ADHD_love (Rich - Neurotypical, Rox - ADHD AF) would be wonderful.
@kate1021 Also, allergies, asthma, digestive problems, and migraines go on that list. It's almost as if connective tissue is everywhere in the body, and it being messed up messes other things up (which Jessica talked about as cogs). Signed: allergic, asthmatic, autistic, dyslexic, gluten and milk intolerant, hypermobile & brittle tendon suffering, ADHDer and migraineur with SAD and C-PTSD
Fun fact, being able to write forwards with one hand and backwards with the other hand is also a dyslexia trait. I'm so happy you're learning about how your brain works. I myself have ADHD, dyslexia. I also think I'm a bit autistic as well. I find that I'm much kinder to myself after being diagnosed.
i've never heard anyone talk about the symmetry thing ! i also have ocd so i've always attributed mine to that but it's so cool to know that i'm not the only person to experience things like that
i had never thought about my relationship with the words deficit & disorder in relation to my ADHD, but i realized i think of the term disorder differently in this context. to me, "disorder" isnt coming from my brain being different from the "standard", but because my ADHD causes disorder in my life. its cool seeing how two people with the same disorders can think differently about the meaning of them
Hi Jessica. I learnt more about ADHD from you than I did. Thank you for making the two videos about it. Looking forward to future ones. You look good as always in your two outfits which I love like the others you wear.
They gave those out in our start-of-year packs in highschool and collage. They were very helpful, (for writing tasks and assignments, etc) Writing things down and making lists by hand really, really helps in a way an online journal or calendar never can. The gorgeous Instagram-worth hand drawn ones give me ADD fits just looking at them, as expectations of perfection and neatness would just give me "task paralysis". Especially the "toxically positive" ones overly focused on constant goals and self improvement. Like, let me just be happy I am keeping up with the everyday/don't make me feel bad for just keeping up, and not constantly "improving".
@@megleland6320 Yes! I also have found that having a normal notebook as my planner rather than a normal planner has been soo helpful for my ADHD. I know I will not use it every day. In fact, sometimes I'll go months without using it, then start back up again. With a traditional planner, I'd feel bad about all the wasted pages, but with a normal notebook, I can just get started where I left off! Literally, this year I picked my BuJo back up and it was two days and a *full year* since my last use (with that journal). Also, a day can take up as much or little space as I want. A few lines? Cool. Three pages? Also cool. Also! It helps me so much with just taking notes on things I need to do when they come to mind. For instance, if I'm working and then remember I need to call the dentist, I can just write it down for later instead of going, "I need to do that right now or I'll forget!" which of course ruins the flow of my activity.
I was suprised to see this video pop-up. Was looking into my own adhd a little and suddenly I see one my favorite youtubers discover they have adhd. It's very interesting how adhd expresses itself in different people. I relate to some things, but other things, like your calander, are actually too overwhelming for me. If I block out times, it requires me to use functional time, all the time, and I run low real quick lol It's a really eye opening, and for me, slightly upsetting, looking back at my life and seeing what was very, this situation was entirely undiagnosed adhd. Gosh I could go on about that lol So I'll just say, thank you for sharing your story, it's really good mentally to know that my brand of mental spicyness is not just me in an isolated box lol
id loce to see a video about how you use routines with your adhd! i know you rely on other people for external structure- but id love to see how you deal with transitioning. how do you figure out how much time to alot for dinner? does the routine have a set of steps you must complete? like cook, eat, dishes? how do you transition from one part of the routine to another? Love your videos!
A friend has it. A pretty severe case and one thing he did as a kid was lean against a hot heater and his jacket was melting his mum had to pull him off before he notticed He also took apart his playstation and broke it. He tried to make breakfast by pouring milk and cereal everywhere all over the floor. But he was tidy. He's never been messy with his belongings. where his sister is extremely messy always has been. Her house has always been a complete mess. His was spotless. He lives with his hoarder dad now. His room, tidiest in the house.
This was very relatable. Without my meds the amount I fidget is insane. Oh course I still fidget a ton with meds. I was wondering, sometime could you do a video about people having comorbid mental issues? Thanks and keep up the great videos!!!
I’ve never heard someone else who did symmetry! If I didn’t tap each of my fingers (for example) the same amount of times in the same order I would get anxious af. It was worse as a kid but I do still do it now.
The two things that made it easier to get my ADHD brain shut up at night were taking prescription stimulants during the day and taking melatonin before going to bed. Just don’t confuse the two, because whichever way you do that, it’s not pleasant.
This works for me, too. Caveat, if someone gets curious: every brain and every metabolism is different, so always test new medications and new supplements in active and open communication with health care professionals who respect you and appreciate your point of view. And if you have not found health care professionals like that, please rant e.g. here until you manage to find at least one. They do exist, but should be way more common, if this was a just world.
👣 CAUTION: Melatonin can make Restless Legs Syndrome worse if you have it! 👯 (So can antihistamines such as Benadryl, SSRIs and some other antidepressants, and any dopamine antagonists. I'd guess that each person is different, but those are the main drug classes that an RLS Foundation webinar told me are known to worsen RLS.) (I recall that Jessica from the "How To ADHD" channel has RLS as well; not sure about this Jessica.)
It's so interesting hearing you break this down.. it just role models to me how someone with good self esteem considers themselves, without letting the outside world pin them down.. that labels are only there to serve you and make your life easier, not defining yourself on someone else's submissive terms I guess you have a much deeper sense of self, beyond just your physical self or mental state of mind, and I wonder if that comes from your spiritual practice and the respect on a spiritual level that you've been raised with, to consider yourself autonomous and inherently respectworthy regardless of anything else that someone might project on you from their opinion of the world I also think that is a function of neurodivergence, in what I'd previously thought of as your dyslexia .. but might also be other parts of neurodivergence.. but whatever it is, having a sense of faith in your own internal world and who you are at the core, asides from anyone else's judgement. It seems secure and so so healthy Jessica.. I'm sure you have your struggles too, thats only human, but it's really lovely to see, because so many of us have suffered societal abuse through being judged and pushed around for being neurodivergent in mainstream schooling and by people and workplaces that are not accommodating and bullying, and that naturally takes its toll Thank you, once again, for just being you and genuinely sharing, to share life skills and uplift, learn from us, share with us, and just being an all round good person
I also have multiple disabilities, and was nervous about telling people my autism diagnosis, especially friends with autistic children whose support needs were higher than mine. But people were lovely about it, and the only mild skepticism I got came from a couple of people close to me purely lacking awareness of what adult autism can look like, and not from any kind of "that's over-diagnosed/you can't be right cos you're a woman talking about your own health" place. I suspect that hearing I was autistic explained a lot about me to most people in my life, like they always knew there was SOMETHING, and also I came to them like, "So guess what, this is so interesting and it looks like it's going to help me to know this? which helped.
I worked for four years as a teacher in a tiny private school for emotionally and psychologically challenged teenagers. I had six students in a small classroom and four of them had ADHD, the other two were autistic. Once one of the ADHD students told me, “You know, you’re crazy. You don’t get mad at us, you just laugh and hug us.” What greater reward can a teacher have?
How sweet!
That actually makes me a little sad. If your lovely behaviour towards them was so strange for them, it really shows what kind of reactions they ususally get 😔Happy though, that they had you!
Teachers like you are a true Godsend, as one of the kids that was often yelled at or punished without getting why myself. We need more of y’all! Not just cause natural born conditions but also a lot of traumatized kids need compassionate safe teachers that encourage em. Can’t ever build anyone up with tear downs ❤
Your comment got me right in the feels @jerrihadding2534 🖤
Ah yes, the old: buy one disability, get 7 comorbities for free- thing.... I have: Autism, ADHD, POTS, hEDS, and the plentiful accompanying mental health issues you get when you don't know of/cope with these disabilities properly. Ah and they threw in some extra freebies of IBS and several food intolerances/allergies because I was such a good loyal customer 😆 I don't know whether to laugh or cry about it anymore 😅
Now I'm picturing an infomercial, the kind where they talk really fast and tell you "but wait! There's more! You don't just get the physical disabilities, not just the mental issues, for a limited time now we'll throw in food intolerance and rampant flatulence for FREE! But act now because this deal won't last!" 😂
I feel you on the comorbidities. Your comment made me laugh.
@@bossyboots5000 haha 🤣 totally!
I got the two for one special, too. So much fun, not.
Hahaha! Loved your opening line 😂😂😂
Gotta catch them all! 😅
The captions are up now, thank you for your patience. ❤
Hello Jessica! (waves animatedly) Have you looked into Prolotherapy? I don't know if anyone does this type of therapy in the UK. It seems to help EDS/ POTS/migraine people. The doctor over here that does it seems to be this guy, ruclips.net/video/IwdZ6tFE7kg/видео.html I don't work for them or anything but just wanted you to know some people can help with EDS. Just found out about this treatment myself and it has made a huge difference.
Captions are great, big props to the person who did the transcription, it's hard work :)
Only a few minutes in but "Wait, other people do this? That's REAL?!?!?" is an experience I keep having regarding both being neurodivergent AND being asexual
That's how I convinced myself to call my doctor to get diagnosed medically. Seeing things on social media was validating--knowing it wasn't just because I'm "weird"--and very helpful for getting the care I deserve.
Omg same here! I literally did not understand when in highschool my friends would talk about sex like it wasn't gross and I never understood that when you call someone hot that most people don't think of it in an aesthetic way but in a sexual attraction way and I never knew there was a difference.
Oh hey, me too!!
My last 5 years or so have been having this identity realisation moment that I'm both not what I assumed AND there was a community of people like me, a solid 3-4 times. Each time adding another A to a fittingly phrased identity label, of basically, AAAA
I believe I fall under the category of demisexual, so when I hear people talk about being sexually attracted to a stranger or viewing adult videos regularly, it feels very jarring, which is the best way I can describe it.
Same on both accounts. 🙌❤
Reminder, fellow fans, that Jessica is still new to the whole Knowing-About-ADHD thing so she isn't the law. Make sure to do further research into your questions! It's always good to look into multiple sources. /neu
this is a great point! no matter much how much you connect with a creator, we are all individuals and all are symptoms are going to be different in some way!
Yes! Even trained and certified professionals have biases, and gaps in their knowledge about things. Ideally people are aware of their gaps, and can say "I don't know...".
Also, neurodiversities have "spiky profiles", and symptoms/traits are generally better described as "significantly different than peers" because they can be either "advanced OR deficit", and some traits for an individual will likely be advanced, while others deficit. Such as "hyperlinguistic or hypolinguistic".
And also remember, that if the traits/symptoms are being described from an outside perspective rather than what a person experiences in their own brain - can have drastically different interpretations.
Plus people have different experiences with adhd! There are many different experiences
You reading the parenting books feels just like the start of my autism self-diagnosis. In college I took several elective courses in educational psychology and also frequently volunteered with a group of autistic teens. Every time someone briefed us on common autistic traits/experiences to be aware of, I'd just sit there thinking "And that's...unusual?" At the time I dismissed it because I didn't think I was "autistic enough" to really count, but more than a decade later, here we are. Turns out I was just so used to masking that I'd also fooled myself.
I recognised that, of being so used to masking that i was fooling myself. I got my diagnosis of being autistic at 58 and it was such a relief though i was asking myself at age 25 if i was autistic because i could lose myself so much in focussing deeply on a task that when someone interrupted me i felt as if they slapped me and it irritaties the hell out of me. I am def autistic but the kind of person that can look people in their eyes and can show empathy easily. But i also suspect now that i have also ADHD. These two often go together.
I had a very similar experience where I did a school project on children with disabilities and when I learned about autism, was like ‘oh wait… that’s me’
@@lalaillustrator6295 I wrote a whole honors thesis about best practices for employing autistic adults and still managed to be like "Oh wow it's so cool how well I can relate to this population that I'm super passionate about helping for no reason in particular."
@@the.jamie.turnerloool thats actually hilarious
@@niencatthey often go hand in hand. My son is both.
I'm severely limited by my ADHD, and I'm genuinely mystefied by how you can produce so much great work so consistently, while also dealing with all of the other ways in which you're marginalised, AND being a parent, all while looking so damn glamourous and put-together. I'm 5 years post-diagnosis, and I'm still at the stage where brushing my teeth three days in a row is a victory. I suppose I'd describe my feelings as a sort of aspirational, good-natured envy. All power to you!
I would caution quite a bit against advertising Better Help to anyone w/ ADHD. Their rep is bad generally, but they will not be of much if any assistance (keeping in mind there are always exceptions), and they cannot help at all with diagnosis/medications.
I'd urge anyone seeking help for ADHD to look elsewhere, even if it's just to other online support groups. I promise they will be far more useful than anything you can get through BH and other gig-economy therapy options.
EDIT: Keep in mind also that in the US especially, there are a lot of therapists and psychiatrists out there that will try to convince you that you're *not* ADHD before they'll even consider that you are, and even once they allow that maybe you are, there is a strong chance they'll have no idea what to do with you/give you crap advice. The medical field has just as poor an understanding of the disorder as the world at large, see: the nonsense US doctors will just casually shit out about ADHD & adderall.
They've also been fined nearly $8mil by the FTC for violating privacy regulations and abusing their users' data in the name of profit and advertising
People have been saying things the last couple of BetterHelp sponsorships (I know this is the 3rd or 4th that I have commented on).
I looked through their FAQ's and they only talk about helping stress, anxiety, relationships, parenting, depression, addictions, eating, sleeping, trauma, anger, family conflicts, LGBT matters, grief, religion, self esteem, and more.
That does seem like it is the easy to treat/manage mental health issues in the scheme of things (not saying that they can't be debilitating just there is a big difference between treating someone for anxiety and if they are having psychosis for example).
In the past they have gotten into trouble for saying that their therapists are licenced (it turned out that some of them weren't) but then saying that it is up to you to verify that for yourself as they are only a platform not their employer. They have also in the past sold any data that they can that doesn't violate HIPAA (or the equivalent in your country).
Those things don't even touch on the bad experiences that people have had with them or the fact that if a creator is critical of them they will send a cease and desist letter to them.
I appreciate this thread. I by no means want to create any hardship or shame for Jessica. Better Help is quite problematic in more ways than is mentioned here. It's just useful to know that they are problematic and of course everyone is entitled to make their own decisions and assessments.
Thank you for commenting this, it's been a sad seeing so many youtubers getting sponsored by them lately because only about half a decade ago they were rightly attacked for false advertising at the time (pretty sure a big RUclipsr at the time promoted them and a lot of people had bad experiences with better health as a result).
I hope Jessica (or anyone connected to her) see's this comment and, refuse's to accept better health sponsorships for future videos, but for now I hope people watching find this comment (or better, do research) before jumping into trying better health.
Yep, I'm in the US and I had a psychiatrist tell me I couldn't have ADHD because I'd graduated from high school- without even checking first that I actually did. Like I did, but he just straight up assumed. Ugh.
Being a teacher with adhd makes teaching neurodivergent kids so much fun bc we’re all just problem solving together and regulating ourselves the way we need to without interference
I really appreciate you letting us see the adhd-masking slipping off, allowing yourself to stim and speak as you naturally do, and to not hide your adhd. It's so validating and normalizing ❤
8:08 I totally feel this, I think something like "Attention Dysregulation Hyperactivity Disorder" would fit better than "defecit". And hey, you wouldn't even have to change the acronym!
I like that, since it also fits the hyperfocus side of ADHD, and is a much better description of what it feels like from the inside.
I like that. Like ADHD is not about a lack of attention, it's about a lack of attention *regulation.* I think the "attention deficit" part makes some people think we just don't pay attention, and then when they see us paying attention to something, especially with hyperfocus, they think we just don't want to pay attention because "Well you can pay attention to [insert high dopamine activity here]".
19:20 “It felt really lovely to get diagnosed. I felt a great sense of relief.” I totally relate to that. When I was diagnosed, I felt like it gave me an explanation for what I was experiencing. What seemed like all kinds of chaos to me, was actually a known phenomenon, it had a name, and other people experienced it too. True relief.
About the question "Why does a diagnosis matter?"
So, for me, getting diagnosed as first ADHD and then also ASD in my early and late 20s, I feel like I was finally being told "It's not your fault - you are not a bad person or a failure and you aren't alone". Now I can finally start healing the trauma around growing up feeling like an alien without any tools or any appropriate parenting to guide me and to help me figure out myself and how I belong in this world. There is so much damage done already to both body and mind and I just wish I could have had just any amount of insight and help growing up to prevent some of it. And so that I didn't have to struggle to parent myself as a grownup with all the other struggles I have in just trying to get by.
When people around you (especially your caregivers) expect neurotypical behaviour or maybe even perfection from you and they think you are just confused or making up nonsense when you try to share your experiences and ask for validation and help - the effect of that is that you are gaslighted about your own reality and you eventually stop expressing your feelings or dissociate from them. For me it led to CPTSD, rejection sensitivity and anxiety disorder and a complete lack of identity as I was suppressing myself in order to not be rejected by people. It really fucking sucks.
This is exactly it. It's like having a pain somewhere in your body. To be told there's nothing wrong sucks because you're still in pain. To get a diagnosis, to get a reason, is so relieving and validating.
Even good and caring parents can unknowingly do things that are counterhelpful for their child, when assuming a neurotypical kid - who is in fact neuroatypical (with adhd or autism mostly - I assume Tourette gets more easily diagnosed, though I don't actually know).
Especially as kids can be awfully good at masking unknowingly, and mask even with their own family - and they learn their own expectations from people around them. Which may not fit their personal situation at all.
I think one of the things most people who ask "Why does a diagnosis matter?" don't understand is that you already have the thing and the diagnosis is just telling you why something is more difficult, challenging or complicated for you. It doesn't matter if it's ADHD or asthma. Someone with asthma doesn't struggle to breathe when they run because they are out of shape, they struggle to breathe when they run because their lungs don't work the same way. It's the same for ADHD, our brains don't work the same way.
@@annikan42 ouch... this is too real
'Adulting. Is a bit complex...sometimes.' I need this on a t-shirt!!!
Your little tangents mid talking and parentheses and everything work so well with my ADHD brain because I think and text the same way.
I haven't seen this yet but I already appreciate you making this I'm currently in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD and I love learning as much as I can about it
Same friend 😊
It’s interesting that you say you are never bored because of your busy brain. That sounds really helpful. For many ADHDers boredom is a big problem, we dopamine seek to relieve feelings of boredom probably due to low dopamine levels and hence a feeling of under stimulation. Research shows that people with ADHD usually show higher levels of boredom. So I’m really glad to hear that this doesn’t impact you. As a fellow chronic illness ADHDer (actually auDHDer) I find being physically unable to dopamine seek intolerable at times.
It's so nice hearing people my age talking about these things. ADHD was brought up when I was a teenager but always brushed off as anxiety and depression. It wasn't until this past October that I was able to find a doctor to take it seriously and evaluate me. So now at 33 I am finally diagnosed with ADHD. I also deal with migraines, and this past month was diagnosed with non-POTS specific Dysautonomia. I've dealt with the symptoms since I was a teenager but it was always brushed off as all in my head. Finding a doctor who actually listened and didn't just brush it off as in my head, or because I am a woman, was really helpful in finally taking steps to manage my symptoms and improve how I am feeling.
Hi!
Would love to see you collaborate with Jessica from how to adhd.
Would like to hear more about maintainging and gaining friendships as someone with ADHD.
What hardships have you had and what have you learned? 😄
That would be the best collab.
I totally get the relief of the feeling of having a name to the diagnosis when you know you been going through something,I’m currently in that boat with some other health issues and having a name to go with it makes me feel so much relief
I always say my stimulant meds cured my anxiety. What I actually mean is that antidepressants and anti anxiety meds never really helped, but stimulants made it actually manageable. I get what I’d consider “normal people” levels of anxiety nowadays… instead of, you know, panic attacks or anxiety attacks that would last for days at a time.
The reduced swelling may be because stimulants can have a diuretic effect… and also, I just realized that my dramatic increase in PMS bloating coincided with the med shortage and me changing prescriptions…
It is interesting how medications effect people differently. My daughter was diagnosed in college and the ADHD medication triggered terrible anxiety. She had to come off of the meds, get on anti-anxiety meds, build up to the right level, get back on ADHD meds, then change the doses of each until they found the right mix. It took months, and her emotions were all over the place, but she said she would not have been able to finish college without them.
Similar story! I got an ADHD dx at 43 years of age. I have had just about every mood/anxiety dx throughout my life and only after starting stimulant medication have a truly felt better. Decades of meds that only helped a little and talk therapy that made me feel worse… being labeled with Borderline (I have no lingering symptoms after taking my stimulant meds)… being an excellent student probably kept me from getting a proper diagnosis and treatment at a younger age. My life was torturous at times and now I can handle things so much better.
@@IgnacioCheese ❤️
@@IgnacioCheese A big thing the diagnostic people mentioned to me (also late dx here) was that in my case, they said I had both ADHD and anxiety, but they weren't sure what was "first". Was my anxiety a thing first with ADHD just on top of that, or did I have anxiety BECAUSE of the (untreated) ADHD? So this kind of makes a lot of sense to me actually. Having a co-morbidity, especially anxiety, I can easily imagine that treating something like ADHD can make the other thing better. Specifically attention and focus issues, in a social setting, I can actually remember things people say, not space out and seem like I am disinterested etc. Ironically, I was also diagnosed with borderline as a kid hahaha
But I really hope with more people talking about it, more diverse research will be done so that less people will go missed. Since I had my dx just this year, I still really struggle knowing that my whole life up until now could have been easier or at least, I could have found an actual path to go down if I had known....
I have ADHD and chronic fatigue from Lyme (and likely POTS). Anyways, last year when I got diagnosed with ADHD and started a stimulant I also got an improvement in my fatigue. At first I was scared it was "fake energy" and I would crash hard afterwards. But over time the energy has become more stable and I've been able to do a lot more. It also greatly improved my brainfog. I had no idea ADHD treatment would have such a big impact on my physical health for the better. I hope your improvements continue!
I've been following you for years and I got diagnosed with adhd last year too! It is bittersweet to get a diagnosis later in life. While I'm happy to finally have words for the things I'm struggling with, it makes me sad to think about things I could've done if I got help so much sooner..
❤
Same. I have no diagnosis, but at 49 and enough ability to see what it is, I have no doubt. Wishing you hope in your journey ❤
@@karenpaxton I wish you the same, thank you 🥺💕
same! and one of my parents got diagnosed with autism at 60!! it’s hard to not imagine what could have been but we know now and we have so much time to enjoy!
You should totally collaborate with Jessica from How to ADHD! I love ADHD content on accommodating yourself through organization, routines, creating ways to make things visible so you don't forget, etc. Those would be my personal picks. Also the pros and cons of ADHD, since we tend to excel at out of the box thinking, hyperfocus, and creativity.
Too many Jessicas? Or exactly the correct amount
A great book for you and Roo: 'You Choose'. My son and I had years of fun with it as no day is ever the same. But the options are still the same. Thank you for this video...I've been researching for several years and no doubt I have adhd. My GP said "what will you gain from a diagnosis?" I'm 49 and battling life my entire life. I'm so glad you have some answers 😊❤✌️💃
I just remembered, my younger sibling (8 years younger) had these books when they were little, "You Read To Me, I'll Read To You"! Something about no day being the same reminded me
It's so refreshing when I hear of women in thier 30s being newly diagnosed with adhd. I was diagnosed finally last year at the age of 30. It was huge. After being on antidepressants and suppressants since 13 due to crippling depression and anxiety to no avail. It was unrelenting to the point that I was suicidal. An elementary school teacher had suspected it, but my mother didn't believe in adhd. Still doesn't. She really thought that beating me every day and telling me that I was just a bad kid would do something, but as you can imagine, it DID NOT. Yeah I don't talk to her now, so I guess it did do that. But anyway, finally, a doctor had me try Adderall, just kindof on a whim, because I had literally tried every other antidepressant and anxiety medication they could offer. Genuinely all of them, name one, I've tried it. I took one Adderall and sobbed for days. Cause I realized that I was never anxious, I just couldnt organize my thoughts, I wouldn't process incoming information, I couldn't function and it made me feel so overwhelmed that I was expected to. I wasn't depressed, I was isolated Cause being around people, going places, even driving, was so hard for me and I felt like it shouldn't have been. Within 2 months of starting Adderall, I got off of all my other medications. I'm not broken or stupid or a "bad kid". I have adhd. Imagine how different my life would have been if my mom would have just ignored her own biases and heard the teacher out. Imagine how much medicine I pumped into my body over the years that I DID NOT NEED. I'm so grateful for my diagnosis. I don't care what anyone says, stimulants saved my life. ❤
Super proud of you for making this video ♡
Neurodiversity hits everyone differently and as someone who is disabled and neurodiverse it was really nice to hear some of my own thoughts voiced by others ♡
Never felt anything more than filling up maths books with the fibonacci sequence ! I'm audhd and did this in my mock gcses rather than answering the questions lol
re: the deficit part of ADHD, I've heard lately people are moving towards attention dysregulation rather than deficit, for exactly the reason you described--sometimes we're unable to pay attention to any one thing for longer than 5 seconds, but sometimes we're able to hyperfocus on one thing for hours to the detriment of other things. I've personally found dysregulation a much better explanation for the way my adhd works (though mine's complicated by autism so that could be why).
I am so glad you're talking about this. And I hope you'll collab with How to ADHD, her videos have been incredibly helpful and the online community she's built is great.
Yes i love how structured her videos are and how clear they are. She is wonderful and her videos helped me a lot to self diagnose as adhd.
And her name is also Jessica😂
@@niencat Jessica² 😂
Welcome to officially joining the ADHD club! 🙂 I have been diagnosed since I was 2 years (I am currently almost 33) so if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out 🙂 Also highly recommend ADHD Toolkit for Women: (2 books in 1) Workbook & Guide to Overcome ADHD Challenges and Win at Life.
I think the what does a label do for you answer was perfect.
Its not like I was perfectly happy with how things were before. I had a lot of issues which I thought were due to personal failings so i worked and worked to make it better but even doing all the work and being the best me i was still different and disorganised and, well, ADHD.
Now I know that at least some of my issues are not because I'm a garbage human, they're because of things about my brain that i can't change.
I was put on my path to understanding my neurodivergence (bipolar 1 and ADHD) when a brief acquaintance and I were chatting about doctors and testing and she suggested I talk to my doctor about being tested for ADHD, since I reminded her so strongly of her own issues before diagnosis. I knew I was on track for being bipolar, but ADHD never crossed my mind. So sometimes speaking up can really help a person sort out what's happening with their brain.
I’m not saying this will happen for you but my bipolar diagnosis got removed because my adhd (and recently diagnosed pmdd) symptoms actually properly explained what was happening and the doctors i saw just defaulted to bipolar cos i was a young woman struggling with spending and moods. I wish you love, luck and support on your journey!
They often go hand in hand. I am both bipolar and ADHD.
@@adammackenroth2864 that is true! but women where i am from are over diagnosed with bipolar just because it’s easier for the doctor. i don’t want to dismiss or minimise! just it’s a thing that people should be aware of especially cos it is so hard to push to get a diagnosis looked into or turned over.
Jessica, this channel means a lot to me. I love watching you and Claudia build this absolutely beautiful life, and I’m so happy and proud to watch you so happy. Yours was one of the first queer channels I started to watch when I was questioning my sexuality, and it was just such a relief to have you as an example of a happy queer couple and family, with disabilities and struggles but overall just how Happy you were and are. It gave me so much hope and I thank you for that.
Your neurodivergency just makes you even more relatable to me and I love that you’re so open about your journey. This means a lot to me and I’m sure it does for many other people too. Thank you Jessica
I would be so happy if you made a video about the correlation between adhd and chronic illness. It's a subject I'm really curious about but I can't say I've found that much information about it. As someone who has adhd and a chronic illness, I see this as something that would be incredibly important to study more. Anyone bringing more awareness to this would be so so helpful. Also, thanks for sharing your adhd story.
The extra struggle of caring for yourself when you have adhd and chronic illness is so real
Writing forward with your dominant hand and backward with your other hand is a new coping symmetry on me. That's awesome! I'm left dominant so just living in a right handed world taught me to be ambidextrous, but your method is amazing. I'm going to try that as a dexterity exercise for both my hands and my brain.
I definitely have a color coded google calendar as well. Best way to remember everything. I also have white boards with lists in my room
i loved the end of this video because in my daydreaming about being a future parent, i always thought that my adhd would make a lot of things more enjoyable for both me and my kids. i have no qualms with watching the same shows, listening to the same songs, reading the same books, etc. for months at a time because i do that on my own constantly with whatever my latest hyperfixation is. i also am up for pretty much any spontaneous activity as long as my physical disabilities don't get in the way. if i'm not too fatigued or in much pain and i'm asked to go to the zoo, then why the hell not? plus, i find that neurodivergent people have less internal judgment about having "childish" interests like enjoying video games or legos or plush toys or things like that. we just seem to more often gladly dress up in silly costumes or get a bit too enthusiastic while playing board games. i think part of this is also why a lot of neurodivergent people can make particularly great teachers, daycare workers, camp counselors, or other jobs that work with kids.
I was officially diagnosed last year at 34 and while it’s been helpful to know what’s “wrong”, it’s been hard to find what works for me. I’ve been watching your channel for years, thank you for sharing your story. 🙏
I'm currently 7 months pregnant, and both my husband and I have adhd (I also have ASD and chronic fatigue). It's always reassuring to see other people who are in similar positions not just living, but thriving. Gives me hope that even though it's going to be tough, we'll make it work and have fun while doing it :)
Co morbid conditions are WILD. It’s like “Oh, you have autism? Amazing! That is SUPER hard to deal with, definitely enough to be a major challenge and obstacle in and of itself. Just to clarify, would you like to add several other equally debilitating conditions on top of that?”
Colab with the other ADHD Jessica! (How to ADHD).
Also, when I first found you I was getting into ASL and Deaf Studies. I thought you were so interesting, but didn't feel super connected to the content myself. You fell out if my algorithm for a while but I had some of your videos saved as go tos for explaining things to others.
I've known I had ADHD since I was a teen, but going through discovering I also have hEDS I sure feel silly thinking I was so interested in content that had no relation to me. I had a memory moment when I said I'd never heard of EDS before until I remembered you and your "floppy joints".
Your channel has been so helpful for learning to navigate compounding disabilities and your content fills me with hope for better management and success in the future.
Thanks for being you Jessica! You being vulnerable and sharing is at the very least improving my life.
Would live to see more about managing compounding disabilities with conflicting needs. My mental health amd ADHD really gets in the way of being able to do my diet and physio to get out of deconditoning and learning to stabilize my joints. And lord would I love to learn how to get by with all the planning, and down time for pain with only 24hrs in a day and a poor ability to manage time lol
Same, same, same!
Judging from the relatability of this video i think it might be time for a trip to the doctor.
Why is it a nice thing to get diagnosed? Because you may have found an answer to why you are different to others or just simply because humans are curious creatures.
I have been in and out of therapy for my chronic depression since my first attacks of deep depression and panic attacks at age 21. The therapies i could get with my kind of insurance were standard and did not help. Also i had to learn how to describe what happened inside of me when i am in the midst of an attack (depression and panic. tracks and anxiety). Because i am thinking in feelings and images and associations and at those moments of the attack i am so overwhelmed by feeling that i cant find the words. Many autistic people have this. Some autistic children and people experience so many layers and levels of feelings, inner images and associations all at once that it is impossible to name them. And sometimes we forget what they are called and sometimes we dont know what the difference is. I had to learn how a feeling or emotion or a inner experience was called. That took me years. Then at 55 i started to write scripts for each therapy sessions and also the diagnosis of autism helped with getting there right type of therapy. I found that systemic therapy helped me more than cognitive therapy. More is known about neurodiverent brains nowadays then when i was 21, or 30 or 40 and here in the Netherlands i find that the regular psychotherapists are much more aware that people might be neurodivergent.
I do have chronic depression but never understood why. When i got the diagnosis of autism i understood much better how hard i had to work to be able to work in a job 38 or 40 hours a week and could not do a course to improve my career options next to working full time. Before that i went along with what my family thought, that i lacked backbone and was lazy. Although deep inside me i felt this was not true and also that my real self is a positive, can do person instead of a depressed person. I never felt i was different than other peoplwle but other people often did not understand me and did think i was weird. Whereas to me they were without common sense, playing very loud music, going to places where there was much noise and many many people, getting drunk or.stoned and sleeping in after staying up most of the weekend, missing the lovely beauty of the early morning light.
I could make more sense of these differences. I begin to see now more and more my masking, how and what i mask, even for myself and masking is sometimes necessary and i am glad i learned from a young age to mask. These techniques made my life when interacting with others a bit easier. I am now declared disabled, since 2018, but every year i have to be assessed again. I dont think i can ever work for money again. I have been so stressed most of my childhood and also my whole adult life that my body protests in so many ways when i feel the slightest bit of stress. I am glad for the wonderful welfare system we have still here in the Netherlands but the intolerance for people who are chronically sick, esp when these chronic illnesses are mental illnesses, is growing here just like in many countries. I was too strict and too demanding for and of myself before my diagnosis. I understand myself and what i need to feel better and make my life run more smoothly. I also understand how i can interact with others better. But my emotions still run away with me and that can make interactions with others difficult. I am still learning in that respect. It is interesting. It is a journey. But we are all on a journey, esp in these very uncertain times with all the chaos in climate, many people migrating, advancing technologies that can have very scary consequences, and old structures like capitalism and conservatism falling apart and questions like what is or is not.gender, what does sex have tondomwith the attachment we call love etc.
It's so interesting that you never get bored. My constant need to seek out dopamine makes me constantly bored
And honestly one of the most boring things is waiting about for medication and stuff - my follow up isn't for another 8 days and I'm going insane
I was seeing a psychiatrist for help with my anxiety and depression, and he suggested I may have difficulty with attention. I thought he was being silly, mentioned it to my mother and she agreed with him. So then I thought they were both being silly. It's been a few years, and now that I've started paying more attention to my thought processes at work, I've realised that I really struggle to stick to one task or train of thought. My mind hops around from topic to topic and it can be really difficult to remember what task I was intending to do even a few seconds before. Add to that how much I struggle to stay organised in general and struggles with punctuality, memory issues, rambling, getting distracted really easily, getting overwhelmed when there are multiple things going on at the same time because it means I can't concentrate on anything... I'm now seeking a diagnosis and treatment, just waiting for a referral. 😅
Love watching you talk about having neurodevelopmental dsorder as well as being physically diasbled. For me it was the other way around, first mental illness, finding out about ADD, then just a few months ago EDS and fibromyalgia. So yeah, would like to learn more about how they affect each other vause I thonk it would mean I would understand myself better
I’d love to know your RUclips planning process with ADHD! I REALLY struggle with trying to plan whilst having so many ideas it’s overwhelming 😭😭
The amount of things you mentioned that you used as coping mechanisms as a child that people always thought were weird that I liked doing was so many. I got really into origami because folding paper was relaxing. I am hearing and don't have anyone in my life that is deaf or HOH but I learned a bit of ASL in highschool and now I will often fingerspell my thoughts or the name of random objects that I see as a way of stimming or to regulate myself. I also realized that I had ADHD as a result of going to college where I didn't have a strict daily routine that was the same everyday. All my symptoms that impeded my daily life I had under control to an extent during a routine and that completely messed me up and all the sudden I was like uhhhh somethings wrong. However, as an ADHDer, it's so hard to remember to do things and keep a routine so it's a hard cycle
I relate again sooo much to this! I have ME/CFS, and other things, as well as ADHD. I say I “have a mommy bag” where I have so much stuff always on me just in case for my physical illnesses and I still always forget 1 or 2 items.
Hey Jessica, just a heads up, Betterhelp has been involved in some very sketchy situations, from my understanding. I'm not sure if they've since improved or not, but just wanted to let you know in case you weren't aware. Thanks! I hope you and Claudia and Rupert and your guys' family in general are doing well! :)
I’m laughing so hard at all of this. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 36, a couple of months after my six-year-old son was diagnosed.
And yes, Jessica I am not at all surprised you have a ADHD. Welcome to the club!
P.s. I ❤❤❤ my colour coded systems. 😂
I graduated today and I was so excited to see you in the video! I was watching this video while getting ready this morning so it was so exciting to see you an hour later!
I have ADHD and I struggle with it because people don't understand that it's something that you can't control, especially when in class
Or work. My sense of time is very off. I think I'm on time with a task, turns out I'm spending two or three times longer on it than most people.
@@kents.2866I had an employee with ADHD. Some of her projects had hard deadlines that absolutely could not be missed. When I would give her those projects, the calendar came out and we worked back the days so she could visually see how much time she had to work on it and why. She would then set her schedule and we would agree on when I would check on her progress. It did take more planning on both our parts, but she was very good at her job and amazingly creative. The final result was always better than what I envisioned. We just needed to work out a process that worked for all of us.
18ish minutes “is this helpful?” YES your childhood experiences about what body movements helped before medication and knowledge of the conditions is super validating and interesting to me, a fellow neurodiverse person, and im sure makes others of us feel less alone for how we coped as kids. Thanks for the video!
I don’t have physical disabilities-just ADHD. And taking care of myself already seems like a lot of work sometimes! Carefully developed routines help me stay fed (usually), rested (mostly), showered (usually), and exercised. And I know I have to prioritize all that, because I don’t have the margin for error that many NTs do. My brain is barely cooperative even when I’m well-rested. A small amount of sleep deprivation is enough to cancel out what good my meds do.
On my bad brain days, I accept that taking care of myself may be my big achievement of the day. If I manage to also respond to a work email, great.
So yeah, the way you manage your physical health-including knowing when to get other people to help-is amazing. Keeping yourself in one piece is a lot of work, and you’re doing it beautifully!
Spontaneity
within the frame of a schedule
is fun!
🙃
Telling someone outright they have a condition (autism or adhd) can often be too much - sometimes people ask if it's already on their mind and they know you are the same - but often people struggle with smaller things like procrastination, distraction, memory loss or sensory issues which are definitely signs of neurodivergence - but can also exist in a neurotypical mind - sharing helpful methods or tips on these shared issues will make people feel heard and might work, might not, might get them to look into reasons behind these symptoms once they are not exhausted.
I have ADHD with inattention, was diagnosed at twenty one! At forty six, back then the term " only children have this, you grow our of it!" Attitude with doctors were the general answers. I was lucky enough to have professor wolke diagnose me. Thank you for a very informative video Jessica . God bless you. X
Thanks so much for being brave and talking about your ADHD diagnosis. I've been a fan of yours for years now, and it's so beautiful to hear your experience and how similar it is to my own in regards to what a relief it is to get diagnosed. Having more successful people publicly talk about having ADHD does wonders for our whole community because I think it really helps destigmatize the condition to people without it. Keep up the amazing work!!!
I also used to fold paper as an undiagnosed adhd child, and I had a combination pattern I'd count with my fingers to keep myself quiet and not bother people while waiting in line or sitting in class where I'd already understood the lesson but the teacher hadn't finished teaching
I still really struggle with the differences between ADHD and Autism, especially because the people closest to me have both and so they blur together for me. I know it might not be your area, but I would love any insight you have, particularly as you have additonal gender and disability knowledge/experience. A collab could also be a good way to approach it, if it was something you wanted to speak to.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing with us! I really appreciate hearing your own experiences
It was a lovely video, thank you. As a teacher I have some insight in if tell someone they have adhd. If we think one of our students is neurodivergent we have to tell the parents, we might even do some internet test with them or give them a list of therapists to look into. That’s why it’s so important that we are prepared and we know our stuff. So there is actually contexts where you have to do it. But the point in the video remains true, you canto just tell someone that because they are a little bit distracted that day, let the people in the right context tell them please.
Thanks for sharing this. I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and mild OCD when I was 12. Then after years of trying to figure out what was causing some of the issues I had, I was finally diagnosed with Autism in 2019 at the age of 31 (Some of my dad's family are on the spectrum). At the time such a relief to find out that I have Autism, but since then I have thought I have ADHD as well. Some of my symptoms that made me think this are:
Being unable to sit still for long without feeling the need to fidget
There are times I can have hyperfocus and very little will break my concentration which is part of having Autism, other times I find it hard to concentrate and focus on anything for long and I can get distracted easily which I really need help with.
I have had problems with social anxiety due to my Autism so I can sometimes find it hard to talk to people, but when I do get into conversations, I have caught myself during conversations starting to talk a little faster than I normally do, and or trying to change subjects quickly and when that happens I have to stop myself before it goes on too long.
While I have a very good memory, there are times I find it hard to remember some things. An example is that if I was asked when the last time I had a dentist appointment was or what I was told at my last eye test (even if it was only a few weeks back from when I was asked this) I won't be able to remember that unless I wrote it down and or had other evidence like audio,video or photographs from the event to help me recall specific details. Its like I remember the event, but not always when it happened or specific things that happened at the event. I'd probably be useless if I had to give evidence in court.
I can start a task, and unless I am able to finish it at that time, I will find it hard to start doing it again later. I have often told people that I have to do (insert task here) straight away or I probably won't get around to doing it. This even happens with things I like to do.Even with those I sometimes find hard to actually get myself to do them. It is not that I am lazy, far from it and that does frustrate me when it happens.
There is a lot more than that.
A year after getting diagnosed with Autism and learning a lot about it and the symptoms I had and how to deal with them, I thought that it wasn;t just that I had and that I might have ADHD as well based on some of the symptoms I mentioned plus a lot more, and some that seem to conflict with my autistic symptoms such as having hyperfocus with Autism and also not being able to concentrate or focus for long and getting distracted easily.
In 2021, I was talking to the woman who diagnosed me with Autism and told her about my issues and that I thought I might have ADHD as well. She sent a letter off to get me an ADHD diagnosis appointment. After waiting and waiting, about 6 months later I asked about the ADHD test and I was told it could take over a year to get an appointment and just to wait. That was in 2022 I was told that. SInce then I have even asked her and also GP and they said it could take up to 4 years to get an appointment which was frustrating to hear.
Describing not recognizing potential consequences before doing things...
Here's the thing. Neurodiversities are complex. You may have some traits, and others not at all.
A diagnosis (or identifying without a diagnosis) is about a constellation if symptoms at a level that causes *you* difficulty. It's not required that you have a max on all of them.
I happen to be very good at assessing cause and effect and predicting outcomes, and evaluating risk/benefit. For me, it's actually a feature of my ADHD brain running on multiple channels at all times, assessing situations is a thing it does pretty much constantly. 🤷♀️
Yep. The whole my brain never shuts up thing is huge. I have to distract my brain to even sleep because if I don't, it doesn't happen and sleeping tablets don't work. Lemongrass essential oil does. It gets interesting.
My thing about the words in ADHD is that it's a really poor description of what the disorder is. It doesn't describe the disorder, it describes the way caregivers of people with ADHD are inconvenienced by it, what it looks like from the outside. That's not really a thing with most names of disorders. I'd be an advocate for something more like AARD, Attention and Activity Regulation Disorder. (I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with that but I just invented it on the spot randomly, I can feel the rabbit hole coming where I go find out what other names for ADHD people are advocating for.) IRD, Impulse Regulation Deficiency. Or just DDD, Dopamine Deficiency Disorder. That's believed to be the root of ADHD, essentially -- our baseline dopamine is too low, so we're constantly having to seek it, and stimulants work by raising it.
Also, SAMESIES re: stimulant meds and blood pressure. I don't have POTS, but my "resting" blood pressure is low enough that I have to be careful with things like standing up too fast or I'll get woozy. I've gone from around 80/50 to around 115/80, which is still well within healthy range but mostly eliminates the problems you get from blood pressure that's too low, which has been awesome lmao.
I'm 36 and recently diagnosed with ADHD and can 100% agree that the diagnosis was a relief. I felt a weight lifted of my shoulders. That's because I no longer wondered why I am the way I am. I stopped having thoughts of being lesser or stupider than other people because I couldn't do the same things the same way or in the same amount of time as other people. Am I not motivated enough? Why can't I never remember birthdays or be on time with appointments? Do I not love my friends and family enough to do so? No, It's just that my brain is wired differently. with a diagnosis I have a starting point for creating systems that works for me (without comparing myself to others) and help me being more functional. Like calendars, alarms, to do lists with priorities etc (remembering to check them is the really tricky part here). It would have been nice if I knew from a young age. My life would have been easier. (But that's done now so no dwelling). So please don't be afraid to get diagnosed and pay attention to your children. The sooner someone is diagnosed the better to put systems in place and get used to them. In my generation (and country) the only thing educators and parents knew how to look for was dyslexia. Now we have so much information that it would be a shame not to put it in good use.
I have ADHD and fibromyalgia (and a hyperflexablity disorder) and the ADHD is the one I understand the least. I'm still learning things about it, including strategies like writing things down, keeping a social diary and working out my week in advance at work in a dedicated diary. (This has been SO helpful.) I enjoy how easy it is for me to switch tasks though. I feel so content if I have 3 things to do at once :D
A stim I do is take receipts and put tiny tiny rips as close together as I can (still connected) then fold and unfold it a lot then rip it more as carefully as I can before I cant do anything but crumple it and throw it out
I also use my special interests and hyperfixations as a coping mechanism- especially pre-events because those are difficult on my anxiety
Hello to me watching your videos about your adhd, relating to everything, questioning if i might have adhd for 6 years and wondering what will finally push me over the edge to call my doc and ask for research. Today? Nah, not today. I'll do it another time. Perhaps.
I'm really appreciating your gentle humor and candor as you discuss this. This is a good and welcome way to learn more about ADHD and how it might present for folks. Thank you.
For me, getting my diagnosis at 45, it just made sense of a lot of things in my life that I just felt like a terrible person for doing or being. I was 99.9% certain I had it before I ever pursued the diagnosis, and having those answers was good, but getting the professional diagnosis was just the final piece that made it fall into place.
I hardcore identify with the love of systems! The number of failed planners and organizational methods I've started and stopped is quite astounding, really. And alarm fatigue is a real thing that I suffer from. Oddly enough, I won't answer an alarm on my phone about going out to change the laundry over, but if I set that same timer on the microwave, I'll get up and take care of it? Brains are weird.
All the ADHD content! 💙 I love hearing about others' experiences with it.
Getting answers to questions that you had and to questions you never thought you had is comforting. For those who are neurotypical it is hard to truly understand why we do the things we do. And why we say "try harder" doesn't work.
Doing a collab with @ADHD_love (Rich - Neurotypical, Rox - ADHD AF) would be wonderful.
You are an inspiration, Jessica! ❤️ I love your channel. 😊
I have an entire drawer of Post-it Notes, and an entire wall that they go on when I write a note!
You should totally arrange to talk to the How to ADHD channel host!
Jessica, just wanted to say thank you. You are so relatable.
Since there's a high comorbidity between ADHD and ASD, have you considered also getting evaluated for ASD?
and eds! the overlap between autism, adhd, pots, and eds is practically a circle lol
(obviously another assessment/diagnosis could be really overwhelming and of course there's no pressure from anyone)
@kate1021 Also, allergies, asthma, digestive problems, and migraines go on that list. It's almost as if connective tissue is everywhere in the body, and it being messed up messes other things up (which Jessica talked about as cogs).
Signed: allergic, asthmatic, autistic, dyslexic, gluten and milk intolerant, hypermobile & brittle tendon suffering, ADHDer and migraineur with SAD and C-PTSD
I love this channel , I cant wait for them to get to 1m
Literally filling out my adhd assessment form as this dropped
🥰
Fun fact, being able to write forwards with one hand and backwards with the other hand is also a dyslexia trait.
I'm so happy you're learning about how your brain works. I myself have ADHD, dyslexia. I also think I'm a bit autistic as well. I find that I'm much kinder to myself after being diagnosed.
She has dyslexia she's talked about it years ago in some of her videos.
i've never heard anyone talk about the symmetry thing ! i also have ocd so i've always attributed mine to that but it's so cool to know that i'm not the only person to experience things like that
I like the way you described the word “disorder” because I really relate to that. My brain is REALLY disorderly lol
I love seeing you stimming so much in the video! Stimming is SO helpful
i had never thought about my relationship with the words deficit & disorder in relation to my ADHD, but i realized i think of the term disorder differently in this context. to me, "disorder" isnt coming from my brain being different from the "standard", but because my ADHD causes disorder in my life. its cool seeing how two people with the same disorders can think differently about the meaning of them
Hi Jessica. I learnt more about ADHD from you than I did. Thank you for making the two videos about it. Looking forward to future ones. You look good as always in your two outfits which I love like the others you wear.
Bullet Journals are great, too! Not the fancy ones everyone sees, but the true, original bullet journal, which was created by someone with ADHD.
They gave those out in our start-of-year packs in highschool and collage. They were very helpful, (for writing tasks and assignments, etc) Writing things down and making lists by hand really, really helps in a way an online journal or calendar never can.
The gorgeous Instagram-worth hand drawn ones give me ADD fits just looking at them, as expectations of perfection and neatness would just give me "task paralysis". Especially the "toxically positive" ones overly focused on constant goals and self improvement. Like, let me just be happy I am keeping up with the everyday/don't make me feel bad for just keeping up, and not constantly "improving".
@@megleland6320 Yes! I also have found that having a normal notebook as my planner rather than a normal planner has been soo helpful for my ADHD. I know I will not use it every day. In fact, sometimes I'll go months without using it, then start back up again. With a traditional planner, I'd feel bad about all the wasted pages, but with a normal notebook, I can just get started where I left off! Literally, this year I picked my BuJo back up and it was two days and a *full year* since my last use (with that journal). Also, a day can take up as much or little space as I want. A few lines? Cool. Three pages? Also cool.
Also! It helps me so much with just taking notes on things I need to do when they come to mind. For instance, if I'm working and then remember I need to call the dentist, I can just write it down for later instead of going, "I need to do that right now or I'll forget!" which of course ruins the flow of my activity.
I was suprised to see this video pop-up. Was looking into my own adhd a little and suddenly I see one my favorite youtubers discover they have adhd.
It's very interesting how adhd expresses itself in different people. I relate to some things, but other things, like your calander, are actually too overwhelming for me. If I block out times, it requires me to use functional time, all the time, and I run low real quick lol
It's a really eye opening, and for me, slightly upsetting, looking back at my life and seeing what was very, this situation was entirely undiagnosed adhd.
Gosh I could go on about that lol
So I'll just say, thank you for sharing your story, it's really good mentally to know that my brand of mental spicyness is not just me in an isolated box lol
id loce to see a video about how you use routines with your adhd! i know you rely on other people for external structure- but id love to see how you deal with transitioning. how do you figure out how much time to alot for dinner? does the routine have a set of steps you must complete? like cook, eat, dishes? how do you transition from one part of the routine to another? Love your videos!
My friends and I had a chat about identity first language in relation to ADHD and apparently the most used term is ADHDer
And for us who are both autistic and ADHDers, AuDHDer or AutDHDer
A friend has it. A pretty severe case and one thing he did as a kid was lean against a hot heater and his jacket was melting his mum had to pull him off before he notticed He also took apart his playstation and broke it. He tried to make breakfast by pouring milk and cereal everywhere all over the floor. But he was tidy. He's never been messy with his belongings. where his sister is extremely messy always has been. Her house has always been a complete mess.
His was spotless. He lives with his hoarder dad now. His room, tidiest in the house.
This was very relatable. Without my meds the amount I fidget is insane. Oh course I still fidget a ton with meds. I was wondering, sometime could you do a video about people having comorbid mental issues? Thanks and keep up the great videos!!!
I’ve never heard someone else who did symmetry! If I didn’t tap each of my fingers (for example) the same amount of times in the same order I would get anxious af. It was worse as a kid but I do still do it now.
I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until I was 45. I'm still struggling to tease out what's caused by my ADHD and what's caused by my other issues.
The two things that made it easier to get my ADHD brain shut up at night were taking prescription stimulants during the day and taking melatonin before going to bed. Just don’t confuse the two, because whichever way you do that, it’s not pleasant.
This works for me, too. Caveat, if someone gets curious: every brain and every metabolism is different, so always test new medications and new supplements in active and open communication with health care professionals who respect you and appreciate your point of view.
And if you have not found health care professionals like that, please rant e.g. here until you manage to find at least one. They do exist, but should be way more common, if this was a just world.
👣 CAUTION: Melatonin can make Restless Legs Syndrome worse if you have it! 👯
(So can antihistamines such as Benadryl, SSRIs and some other antidepressants, and any dopamine antagonists. I'd guess that each person is different, but those are the main drug classes that an RLS Foundation webinar told me are known to worsen RLS.)
(I recall that Jessica from the "How To ADHD" channel has RLS as well; not sure about this Jessica.)
It's so interesting hearing you break this down.. it just role models to me how someone with good self esteem considers themselves, without letting the outside world pin them down.. that labels are only there to serve you and make your life easier, not defining yourself on someone else's submissive terms
I guess you have a much deeper sense of self, beyond just your physical self or mental state of mind, and I wonder if that comes from your spiritual practice and the respect on a spiritual level that you've been raised with, to consider yourself autonomous and inherently respectworthy regardless of anything else that someone might project on you from their opinion of the world
I also think that is a function of neurodivergence, in what I'd previously thought of as your dyslexia .. but might also be other parts of neurodivergence.. but whatever it is, having a sense of faith in your own internal world and who you are at the core, asides from anyone else's judgement. It seems secure and so so healthy Jessica.. I'm sure you have your struggles too, thats only human, but it's really lovely to see, because so many of us have suffered societal abuse through being judged and pushed around for being neurodivergent in mainstream schooling and by people and workplaces that are not accommodating and bullying, and that naturally takes its toll
Thank you, once again, for just being you and genuinely sharing, to share life skills and uplift, learn from us, share with us, and just being an all round good person
Collab with How to ADHD! I’d love to see a chat about ADHD in women and the difference between getting an adult diagnosis and a childhood diagnosis
Collabs with others that have ADHD is a great idea!
Would love to see you and Luxeria do a collab. She recently hot her ADHD diagnosis as well!!🥹🥹
I also have multiple disabilities, and was nervous about telling people my autism diagnosis, especially friends with autistic children whose support needs were higher than mine. But people were lovely about it, and the only mild skepticism I got came from a couple of people close to me purely lacking awareness of what adult autism can look like, and not from any kind of "that's over-diagnosed/you can't be right cos you're a woman talking about your own health" place.
I suspect that hearing I was autistic explained a lot about me to most people in my life, like they always knew there was SOMETHING, and also I came to them like, "So guess what, this is so interesting and it looks like it's going to help me to know this? which helped.