We are swans. Beautiful and calm on the surface, paddling madly underneath. And prone to biting people's faces off with minimal warning when we finally snap and melt down
I was 30 ish when I discovered that I probably had ADHD while leafing through "Why Johnny Can't Concentrate" and thought " has this guy been spying on me for 30 years ?"
Swans indeed! lol I was assessed in middle school for ADHD, mum denied it, no official mark on my records. I'm self assessed AuDHD. Best I ever did in school was when I got kicked out and went to a self-schooling thing, work through modules at your own pace (breakneck XD), then the damned school wouldn't let me move on to more coursework because I wasn't "in that grade yet". 🙄
@@pollyrg97 on my first hike as a Boy Scout on Long Island though one of the more picturesque North Shore neighborhoods I was bit by an overly protective law swan.
Can we just take a beat to recognize the EFFORT Jessica put in to filming this video with all the different "characters" throughout the whole video? The scripting for this is just so SPOT ON! ❤
As a child, I used to joke that I was an "under-achieving over-achiever" - I was ambitious and smart and got into the most advanced classes/programs/schools with relative ease, but once I got into them, I would get the bare minimum grades needed to progress to the next stage. I only got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 22. I studied English in university, because that was the only subject that I could depend upon doing well in, the one hyper-fixation of my life that never left me. At the end of my first year, however, I didn't do too well in my exams (a little below average, by no means catastrophic). At a meeting afterwards, my professor insinuated that I hadn't worked hard enough, and asked me "can you honestly tell me that you did your best?". And I honestly didn't know what to tell him, because I fully believed that I hadn't performed to my potential, but it wasn't because I didn't care enough. I'd cried for hours after getting my results back. It took another year for me to realise it was ADHD, during which I learned that I had actually broached the possibility of ADHD with my mother when I was SEVEN, but she had figured I was just throwing around wild theories because I did pretty well in school. I spent my entire childhood checking every box that the education system could throw at me, and I still felt like it wasn't enough, that I never would be what they wanted, that the game was somehow still stacked against me even though I had learned how to play it very, very well. Can't believe it took my professor being an asshole for me to finally figure it out.
Oh my goodness, do I relate to this, so HARD! Your comment is bringing me to tears because I lived that, too! Everything in this video, I have lived it! But until I was 44, I didn't know that our was ADHD! I didn't know that I was different, I just felt different. All of this is so validating and yet frustrating. WHY couldn't my teachers and parents SEE this in me? HOW did they not notice? (Because I was REALLY GOOD at masking!) 😢
Omg I don’t think I’ve ever related more to someone who easily got accepted into advanced programs but seriously floundered once they were in them. I can’t tell you how many times my teachers called for a conference with me because I wasn’t “living up to my potential” as a student, how can I tell someone that this really is 100% of the energy I can give in the moment and I can’t just will myself to perform my best when it matters? And I was medicated! My mom advocated for a diagnosis in middle school because she could see the signs of her own ADHD in me. I was diagnosed and medicated through all of high school and college and STILL struggled! And that’s how you graduate with honors in high school but burn out and drop out of your prestigious engineering program at one of the best state universities in the country within the first year of college. Had things gone differently (and not had multiple severe anxious breakdowns as a result of struggling with executive functioning), I would’ve graduated college just before the pandemic hit just like all my high-achieving high school friends, instead of floundering in and out of community college after dropping out of my university, working minimum wage retail jobs, and ultimately leaving school altogether when everything went remote because my ADHD just isn’t compatible with online school (I’ve tried, it just doesn’t work). And now I have plenty of student debt and no degree. Anyway, all that to say I relate hard. I wish I had the vocabulary and emotional maturity to recognize what was happening to me and talk about it to the people around me who were supposed to be my support system, because even though I had a diagnosis for several years, I still felt all this pressure to “conquer” my ADHD and excel regardless.
@unnotabelle A couple of weeks or maybe a few days ago I was watching a vlog by another creator and he explained things differently. He states that if schools were to stop with all the dizzying curriculum that leads to sitting around and reading and remembering, to make it more hands-on and interactive, more fun! If schools were to stop setting up multiple choice questionnaires and opt for a page or two summary detailing the chapter and even verbal presentation. It will make the students more aware that they have the options of written essays, drawings, or verbal/visual presentations, they'd feel more at ease. Personally, I am a visual learner and have always been, even hands-on in my biology, cosmology, mathematics, and art classes. My teacher Mr G gave us the option to do a visual presentation of the three chapters and we had to solve the equations and simplify them. We got an A+ for the presentation and he's continued to do that for other groups of students. It wasn't until I was almost 30 years of age that I was finally diagnosed with AuDHD and ASD. My foster family laughed it off and told me I was making things up. The other half of my family apologized for their behaviour over the years and I accepted. I even contacted my art and math teachers, they are retired, and they were happy to hear the good news. They have done many great things for us their students, they have changed lives. Teachers are unsung heroes!
The way Jessica embodies herself as the girl who is adhd but doesn't think of herself in those terms yet is one of the most relatable experiences I've ever had.
When I went in for my ADHD diagnosis a couple years ago, the doctor asked me if I got good grades in school and I said, "Yes," because, well, I did. He said, "You very probably don't have ADHD" but he did the tests anyway. It was so satisfying having to hear him admit he was wrong. Neurotypical people don't read the month long assigned book at 5 pm on a Sunday, write the 3 page paper, AND complete the side project by 3:00 AM before heading to school at 7:00 and still get an A. (as a very *cough* non-specific example)
Truth! For years I felt like a failure for doing this--it took me so long to figure out that teachers will never ever know the difference; given the insipid drivel most students write, the unique thought process and synthesis that ADHD, AuDHD, and etc bring to the table is such a breath of fresh air! (I say this as someone who became a teacher--I put so much pressure and guilt on myself for not doing my homework in the piecemeal way that everyone else did, for nothing! People who naturally do this stuff in chunks do it that way because they have to, we do it all at once because once you get on the brain superhighway, everything just flows. Both are valid, but only one approach is validated in schools. Tbf, they are just trying to teach healthy habits!) When you can reel off five to ten page papers in an hour between classes and still ace them routinely, that's just undiagnosed ADHD! Stop feeling ashamed for not doing it "right" any kids out there reading this, just get yourself diagnosed. Knowledge is power! Now that I know, I clear my schedule and/or once I am in "task mode", I just do it until it's done whenever I can. Having kids really messes up this approach, though--they are the best, but it takes a lot of effort to carve out your brain superhighway space once you have them AND you need to essentially put most of your needs on hold for the first few years, all without meds if you are the carrying partner. It's a lot, it's worth it if it's what you want, but get diagnosed now, seriously! It will change your life mostly for the better (except for how mad you will be that no one believed you for so long if you are late diagnosed!)
I wrote my university dissertation in a week of sleep deprivation and energy drinks. Got a 2:1. At the time i thought i was just fundamentally lazy as a person and this was my punishment. Now i suspect I have ADHD (2 year waiting lists for assessment are not fun)
Yes doctor, I get good grades. Because I actually do the homework. Yes doctor, it takes me thrice the amount of time to get it all done, not because my reading comprehension is bad, but because I cannot hold a thought for longer than 2.5 seconds. When I keel over, I need my brain to be studied. How did this happen, why? Why was I cursed to be able enough to do homework and think complex thoughts, but disabled enough to where my brain drives with a flat tire and broken windows?
I think I used to have that, but I don't remember, because in 6th grade I finally learned maladaptive daydreaming and my favourite activity became to sit perfectly still and somehow successfully tune out everything around me! I became so good at being a quiet and a not disruptive child, exactly what the education system wanted!
My husband (possible ADHD) and I (confirmed AuDHD) were discussing daydreaming in the car. We both work in fields where the ability to visualise potential actions and outcomes is important to success. We question whether the term 'maladaptive' is fair, given both the benefits of creative thinking and having an internal outlet for addressing the stressors we face as ND people in a NT world
@@pollyrg97 there is a difference between immersive daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming. daydreaming becomes maladaptive when it starts to become an addiction and affecting your daily life. i have adhd and my daydreaming has been maladaptive at times - it made me less social, my daydreams kept me from sleeping because i wanted to keep going, and one time i was so immersed in a daydream while i was cooking that i poured boiling water all over my stove and floor (thankfully avoiding any scalding). if you dont think daydreaming should be called maladaptive, then you're not a maladaptive daydreamer.
@@pollyrg97you clearly aren't doing it constantly to the point it distracts you from snd gets in the way of conversations or anything else you're supposed to be doing.
Thiiiis. I’m AuDHD, gifted, plus some learning and processing issues, and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me physically. Likely some chronic illness, so yeah. I love this channel. Lmao.
I’ve been watching Jessica for a while and over time her videos have had increasing relevance to my life. I have ADHD, EDS, and dysautonomia and am also queer! Next I need to dress vintage and then I’ll basically be indistinguishable from her lol.
I’m nearing 50, was labeled gifted as a child, and just dx’d with ADHD this summer. A first assessment in my 20s showed I had all the signs of ADHD but couldn’t have it because girl, you know. I’m trying to deal with the resentment for how much better I could have been, not just school, but mental health too.
I just turned 50 myself. I’m not sure if younger people appreciate just how below the radar ADHD was in the 80s. It was regarded as a rare condition that boys got and mostly grew out of.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Sadly it’s still pervasive, but it’s getting better. I was diagnosed at 16-17 and I know that sounds EARLY to you, and it is, but still was sadly too late for me to really get help in any K-12, or prevent some of tthe ableism caused PTSD.
@@scaredyfishin 2000-2006 it was still being TAUGHT in educational psychology and special education courses that ADHD was 9x more common in boys than in girls. I think the numbers were even higher for autism.
Being a Black girl and having undiagnosed ADHD, I relate to this so hard. Adding to the fact that in a lot of communities of color, especially Black ones, our families often go into denial about mental illnesses and/or neurodivergence. Like my mom had her suspicions about my ADHD for a long time, but my dad didn’t believe in its existence, so you can imagine how that went.
This video should be required for teachers and parents. The way Jessica gives examples of what she did to get through school, was so powerful. No one should have to go through that. A little understanding would go a long way to help a child (or someone of any age really) being diagnosed. ❤
The 'some kids learn faster' thing is such a mood honestly, my 'reading age' was always way above my actual one, i was always the 'smart nerd' in my class helping the younger kids i knew and feeling incredibly bored at the lessons i was having to sit through because i already knew most of what we were doing
God yeah, the reading lessons in primary school were so incredibly boring because we had to read out loud, and I had already read the next three chapters, and had to wait until it was my turn to read half a page, and then read the next 4 chapters and then wait for my turn again.
Oh I was very much the hyperactive boy who ran around the class and also was obsessively into dinosaurs. Now I'm a woman who forgets stuff all the time 😂
I was the quiet boy who always did exactly what they were told, did well at school because I could focus so hard the world disappeared, and no one worried about. For a long time I thought I had no underlying issues to address, I was just certifiably cute. Now I’m also a woman who forgets stuff all the time, plus is addicted to social media and is barely organised enough to manage daily life, let alone transition.
Omg the “reading in class” and the “engaging in class” part. Omg that was/is me. When the teacher purposely stopped calling on me or letting me engage I would just start reading and then get in trouble for that. There was no winning.
I was a straight A student so I never considered I had ADHD. My brother was diagnosed as a kid, struggled in school and we were very different. But just got diagnosed with the inattentive type! My mom got diagnosed in her 50s after she stopped smoking.
After my daughter was diagnosed, we were at a family party with 8 people having 10 different conversations, she just looked at me and said “My ADHD should not be surprising to anyone, because they all have it too.”
My Mum was like that, very good in school, horribly depressed, and found out later as an adult after I got diagnosed. I bombed in school, and got diagnosed in HS, but till I was 20 didn’t know I also had major processing issues and learning disabilities.
@@jennifers5560this is every family gathering I have ever had. When new people meet my family they come away with a headache. None of us are diagnosed but I know we all have it. We tick all the boxes but I have only started to realise in the last year. So many things make sense now. I am unsure about going for an assessment as I know it can be a really long process in the UK and not sure if a diagnosis would make a difference really
@@libbybaker86 ❤️It is completely valid if you don’t want to go through an assessment. Especially if you don’t see any benefit of doing it. (In the U.S. you need it if you want accommodations for school or if you want medication.) Some people also want a diagnosis to confirm/validate what is happening to them.
I was always told I was "gifted", but it was just the ADHD. I have ADHD-I type. It was so refreshing once I finally got on the meds. I know they don't work for everyone, but they really help me. I focus more and forget less.
Same here. I put minimal effort in highschool and did well (not top of my class, but upper half of the middle) College was a different beast, and i didn't do well when I first tried. (Although, at the time I was off my meds and self medicating with 4-5 monsters a day minimum.) Now im on meds (might go up to a higher dose soon) and doing much better.
I’m glad that worked for you! In my case meds made me sick and were used as an excuse to not follow my 504. And turned out I also had undiagnosed learning disabilities, giftedness, and an auditory processing disorder, so on the outside I appeared “normal” when inside it was constant push, pull, compensating, and manipulation or lying for survival.
I mean, you can be gifted AND have ADHD at the same time too. It's called 2E (twice exceptional). I have that and my intelligence masked the adhd, and the adhd masked my giftedness for only being "smart". I would've loved to jump up one class, but we always had to do ALL the easy stuff before we got to the more difficult stuff. And since the easy stuff was boring it took me quite a while to get through it (my adhd), so I never got to the fun difficult stuff. So much of school was just a waste of time for me.
I used to get straight A’s when I was in “the zone” and then starting failing when I was out of it :( made me feel not smart. I still struggle today but at least I know what works best for me in adulthood!!
Big challenge with ADHD: managing extreme levels of performance between hyperfocus and executive dysfunction. And it's actually possible to abuse hyperfocus, leading to burnout.
@jennifers5560 Thank you! I hope that I'm on a referral list! I'm not sure if my physician has placed me on one even though she diagnosed my twelve-year-old daughter. I was told you have to have had traits by age twelve. I told her that everything the school was concerned about for my daughter was one hundred percent me!
@TamarKnochel Thank you! I found out a year ago that my daughter has ADHD and all of the concerns the school had for my daughter were the exact same for me at 12. I will be 47 in December
@lyndanickerson1373 and they just get worse the older you get! It took a nervous breakdown, losing my memory, and going on disability for me to get diagnosed. Funny story, though, my first day in the therapists office about halfway through my visit, she was like, "Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD?" And I was like, "No, but both my kids have..." "Maaaaybe we should put that on our list of things to think about..."🤣
Jessica, as a bi-ace with OCD (rather than ADHD) I found this video very informative and so very supportive, and I thank you for all the time and effort you put into producing this for all of us out there who know the struggle of trying to fit in and appear "normal". Thank you for all that you do for us. 😇🙏🌈💙💙💙
ADHD and dyslexia. This hit hard. I'm 36, unmedicated (nothing works for me) but I love my strange brain the way it is. It's like having super powers. It has downsides but if I get in the grove there's no stopping me. Mostly, I was lucky to have supportive parents (both ADHD, my dad is also dyslexic) who fought for me every step of the way.
In the 1980s in the USA, it was called "hyperkinesis" and "only boys had it". Meanwhile, I was a generally well-behaved girl who got put out in the hallway to keep me away from the distractions of my classmates or whatever was going on outside the window. Still took me forever to do my classwork and my homework. I got good grades, though! Still don't know how to study.
Genuine question: can you learn about things that interest you? For me, if I'm curious about something, I can spend hours and days learning all about it, but if something is boring, I really struggle to stay focused, especially if there's no external force holding me accountable.
I don’t know how to study either, and it’s hard for me to read after school shaming me for it for years. But I love collecting encyclopedias, a, trying to read again, and typically watch videos on, do art of, and make stories about things that interest me to learn about them. Like plants, marine life, and basically natural sciences.
When my parents were told I scored a “standard deviation” below qualifying for an ADHD diagnosis (mid-1980s), they were told I instead had something called “developmental output failure.” Something that pretty much no one else has heard of. When I tried reading a book by the guy who came up with this, I absolutely did not recognize myself at all. And that name! “Developmental” and “failure” are TERRIBLE labels to apply to anyone, but especially to a child, who is also gifted, so doesn’t quite understand why these words also apply to her. (Me. It was me. I didn’t understand how “gifted” and “development” and “failure” could all apply to me. Other than I was smart and short.)
Just had a little cry because this was so relatable, as a grammar school kid who 'didn't struggle' with my grades until the end of uni (of course I struggled, I did my homework in between classes, on the bus, then would stay up all night making a huge notebook on what was meant to be a 2 page project because I liked it), I'm 32, and struggling with life. After years of struggling to get a GP to listen I'm now on the 2+year waiting list.... Yay. But it is videos like this that reinforce that at least I am finally going for diagnosis, I'm not wasting anyones time, I may not just be lazy. I mean, I'm not diagnosed yet, I may just be lazy. But, at the very least, I feel seen. Called out, but seen.
Hey it's me! I was able to get by with just reading the textbook and my notes surrounded by doodles the night before the test, and get really good grades. But then I went to university and suddenly there was simply too much material for me to start the night before and I couldn't keep up with my deadlines anymore. I got my adhd diagnosis last year, when I was 37.
I am currently studying to become a teacher in a secondary school in Germany (Gymnasium, something like a grammar school in Britain). We have exactly four classes in the realm of pedagogical psychology during the bachelors AND the masters. The class on adhd and autism in the classroom is not mandatory and they only take 30 students per semester... It's unbelievable how some really important topics can be left out and still in the end you can be a fully qualified teacher :((
Yeah. I find it baffling how basically the whole university education of teachers is aimed at neurotypical kids when we know there are neurodivergent kids in every class. Wouldn't hurt to know a thing or two.
With how significant the impact of neurodevelopmental conditions is, and how common some of these are (ex. 6-7% of the population having ADHD equals having 2 out of 30 students in class be ADHDers, or 1/36 of children being autistic means there's a good chance you'll meet one in some of the classes), I feel it's grossly irresponsible to not introduce this kind of information and an essential requirement of pedagogy education / training.
My partner started noticing that I have a lot of inattentive ADHD traits about a year ago, and since then I've been learning about it and it would explain so many things in my life. I was/am the "gifted" child with "so much potential" yet I constantly forgot things I was supposed to bring and was always a mess and struggled to pay attention unless something was very interesting. I was always late and my mind always seemed to wander too much during class. I got horrible grades in chemistry when it was just introduced as a subject because the teacher was boring and then got a university-level book that I found very interesting and suddenly became best in class. I had violin lessons every week but I'd forget to take the violin with me at least a few times a month. I pulled an all-nighter when I was 15 to make an elaborate collage for an art class. But getting diagnosed and treated is hard in the country I'm currently in, so for now I'm trying to figure it out as I go
Jessica, can you please cut out the last minute of that video and make a separate reel so I can listen to this as my daily affirmations? More seriously, thank you! I was diagnosed at age 31 (though I started thinking that I had ADHD seriously three years before) for similar reasons. I got through school thanks to being hypermnesic and basically not *needing* to study for anything, was basically school valedictorian but when I left home I ended up a complete mess because of the mental load. Literally could not make myself get out of bed, let alone study, and had to drop our of art school because of that. (For anyone reading this and identifying with the struggle I'd like to say I'm doing much better now thanks to allowing myself the time I needed to learn autonomy, good therapy, making my surroundings more friendly, support from my family, and last but not least medication! It's possible to be doing better and to get help.) This is a super clear video and I might actually send it to some people in the future if they seem not to understand what I'm telling them. Thank you for your work! ❤
Good video! Hadn’t heard any of your ADHD content before. I was diagnosed at age 40. I thought I was having early onset dementia, but turns out my coping mechanisms for my garbage working memory were completely overwhelmed after I had my two kids. Thanks, ADHD! My 7 year old daughter was diagnosed AuDHD shortly after me. So glad to be aware of this early for her so maybe she can grow up with more supports and less anxiety and internalized shame than I did. We were very lucky to have my perceptive doctor and her awesome first grade teacher pointing us in the right direction. Medication has been incredibly helpful for me.
Tbh many gifted people are both (never mind the combo Audhd which makes it even more invisible) Female presenting are often much later diagnosed as well.
My parents always encouraged me to tell them if someone was bullying me, that I could always ask for help. One problem - no one taught me how to notice gaslighting and manipulation. Cause that only later in my life I understand what my grandma did to me this. My parents were shocked. Also I know what my parents never ask make perfect grades. But I still pushed myself to learn as good as I can only to make a facade "I don't struggle with school". Only later I understand what I learned from school how to mask my true "I"
As a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, I feel it’s really important to talk about how some ADHD medications are not as effective for us as they are for males. I tried stimulant based medications for years and while it was a slight improvement it was nothing like how they said it would work. Nearly ten years after my diagnosis I requested non-stimulant meds (something you take every day instead of as needed for classes) which has literally never been offered to me even when I said u didn’t thing the stimulants were helpful, and it’s been a huge change
And, a counterpoint to this, re: stimulants, as this was really meaningful to me when I had concerns about them myself (and I'm really glad you found something that worked for you, first of all, that is amazing and stimulants definitely don't work for everyone.) : it's now beginning to be acknowledged that it's generally better to continue taking stimulants routinely. For example, you wouldn't take someone's crutches or walker away at home because they plan to stay home for the day. They might not need to walk all the way to the store, but they still need to move in their house, and to do that, they probably need their mobility aid to do that safely and comfortably. Same with glasses--I got glasses because I couldn't see the board at school, but I also couldn't see anything at all without them! It was just my school who noticed first. That's how my dr explained current best practices for meds to me anyway --she said that there remains a lot of fear and prejudice related to taking medication every day, but that no one questions daily heart meds or epilepsy meds... So why should we pretend like people with ADHD don't also need brain help at home? Emotional regulation, executive function... These things don't only magically turn on because we need them at work. I personally find that an even baseline dose is really key for me, at least. Just food for thought, as there are so many different brains out there! :)
I started watching you years ago, I think 2019, when I got diagnosed with EDS and was searching for disability content. Got absolutely hooked and adore all your videos. Turns out you got diagnosed with EDS after I did, and then I've been diagnosed with AuDHD after watching your videos and thinking "wow I relate to everything about this" so I went to get assessed. On top of you being a queer gal like me. Thank you, Jessie! I learn so much from you and feel a sense of comfort and understanding when I watch your videos. You're wonderful. ❤
When you described how you passed your GCSEs for French it absolutely shook me as I have the exact same problem learning Italian. Figure out how to pass the exam and retain no knowledge of the language afterwards - I felt so alone in this struggle
Neurodivergency aside, I just wanted to come here to thank Jessica for her videos. Some of the first of hers I ever saw were disability related and they helped me realize how much I had going on that wasn't normal. I have since gone through a handful of specialists and am now much more informed about my own disorders and I don't think I'd have gotten this far if it weren't for creators like Jess teaching their audience so generously❤❤
Here is something I learnt recently: While I knew that coffee (or really any source of caffeine) doesn't work normally on people with ADHD, since it just regulates you to normal amounts - that same base system is also why people with ADHD might seek out sugar, caffeine or pleasure in low periods, to self regulate!
Just got a diagnosis this year. I had an appointment to see how the medication was doing and the doctor was pretty surprised when I said the main difference I noticed is I went from around 8 coffees a day to 1. In university, I worked in a candy store and made sure I had some for every exam and study session and had so much caffeine I even had caffeinated lip-chap. But hey I made honour roll That self-medication is no joke.
I once got told off for being to far ahead in a book too! I finally got diagnosed last year, though it didn’t seem as in depth an evaluation as others have said theirs were. I was certain i had it for years though. I need to talk a lot too, so much that I talk to myself very often. I'd go on but just so much of this is relatable.
even though i am not diagnosed with any neurodivercity, i still struggle with doing tasks i am set to do and feel like i have a dysfunction that stops me from being good enaugh, but this video gave me so much comfort♥tsm Jessica!!
Thank you for this video. I grew up profoundly deaf, received a cochlear implant four years ago. I’ve ended up with a lot of resentment that teachers, support teachers, audiologists, my mum etc… blaming my focus issues on growing up with hearing loss alone. Add in being in the closet at that too. Your anecdotes are scarily similar to me just trying to skirt and survive school from what’s expected from a star pupil. The last sentences made me shed a few tears, especially the Maths part.
i got diagnosed with adhd as a child a few teachers didn’t want to actually help me with my work and assignments because i fidgeted to much even though that’s how i focused and now i’m in college studying to become a college professor in creative writing something that actually has my interests
I’m so happy for you! Teachers who don’t wanna help mainstreamed students, bar significant different needs you aren’t trained for and are their own profession of tutor, really shouldn’t be teachers.
28:25 I wasn't expecting to cry happy tears during this video. Thank you for putting your experience and thoughts out into the world. This former gifted kid is feeling a bit more seen today thanks to you.
I was diagnosed in elementary school because of my parents' diligence. My teachers pushed back, saying I was smart and not bouncing off the walls, so I must just be lazy.... Nope, it was AD[H]D
I breezed through school, though with a lot of ‘he has so much potential if he would just apply himself’, but it all fell apart at university. Turns out applying myself is kind of the issue. It doesn’t help that I have a kind of anxiety response towards applying myself, probably, as you say, as a learned behaviour. Even at 50, my most common dream is being back at university, forgetting to go to class, or forgetting where the class even is.
Pushing yourself too hard when you have anxiety causes a very serious spiral. Same applies with ADHD which can present as either anxiety and depression when you push yourself too hard OR as ADHD specific burnout. (It’s like normal burnout but with extreme emotional distress.)
Hi Jessica, I have been lurking around for a bit, but I am here crying. Thank you very much, it felt like a walk through my beautiful middle child mind. She struggles with a severe dyslexia and has been diagnosed with no working memory, but when she was assessed for ADHD, nothing come out of it, in all three major assessments she had so far. I would love to watch this with her, but English (and French) are white noise to her. Maybe I will translate on the fly some bits. I rarely interact with RUclipsrs, but this really hit me harder than I expected.
Thank you so, so much for this. I’m really struggling as a full-time student in college right now, as a former gifted student. I’ve had ADHD (diagnosed but untreated) since childhood and I feel like it is now well and truly destroying my life. I almost cried at the end of this.
Do you have on campus health services? Please see them asap. It's so so so hard to make yourself do it, but please just show up and make someone listen to you. Tell them the impact that this is having on your life and ask for help seeking accommodations (personally, had I had a diagnosis back then, what I would have actually needed was someone to sit with me every day for a week while I got myself sorted out, and then someone to hold me to deadlines with real consequences before the real teacher deadline. In short, body doubling! The semesters where every prof assigned a semester long project and they were all due the week before finals almost finished me. I feel for you, truly, especially if this is the kind of hole you are in right now!) Campus health, in coordination with your Dean or dept head, might be able to help you coordinate with your professors to help you, as well! Sending you positive thoughts--tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet!
This video was very healing and honestly had me pausing multiple times to have a little cry. At some points I felt like Jessica was talking to little Jessica too. Probably something we all needed to hear. Thank you. Now, for an anecdote: I used to be able to stare out the window but be able to recite word for word what the teacher said. I secondary, I dropped a level because I struggled with exact subjects since I couldn’t get myself to understand and apply. And this happened while unknowingly burning myself out. I ended up not getting a bachelors degree, but a band 4 (uk terms) and now work in a field that fortunately is very adhd friendly. Never in my entire life has someone gone: she struggles with a lot of things, does she have AD(H)D? And when I brought things up, also when people who were diagnosed told me of their struggles and I wholly related, I was shot down and told I didn’t have it and should forget it because I wasn’t struggling.
My 11 year old is top of his class and bounces off the walls. We have just got a diagnosis in time for secondary school. I am so grateful for videos like this as they help me to understand what he can't articulate and give me ideas to watch out for in what may lie ahead. Thank you
Dear Lord I desperately needed this video. I'm crying right now because I felt like such a failure since high school. I've dropped out of college twice and I felt like I was broken beyond repair and wasn't meant to live this long. Obviously a 30 minutes long video isn't going to solve all my problems, but it really reassured me. I hope I'll learn to accept to ask for help, and I hope I can get a diagnosis + proper accommodations soon. I hope life will be kind to you because I can't thank you enough for making this video.
i got diagnosed when i was 21 but i was completely certain i had adhd since like age 14. i actually was able to speak to a psychologist before but it was super casual and she went "no you're too smart, you can't have adhd. people with adhd are stupid." when i was a kid i used to zone out reguarly during class but i never got called out on it because i was a "good student" and got good grades so teachers assumed i was listening. and if they ever asked me a question to trick me i always knew the answer because i could pick up stuff really easily. i told my parents all the time that i get really bored in class because they're always just going over things i already know but they were no help. they basically just kind of smiled and nodded and then talked about how i'm so smart because i'm ahead of my peers. i had a really good memory at the time and was good at picking up new things so whenever we'd start a new chapter in school i would just read the entire thing on my own a couple of times and remember all relevant information. no one ever realized i have adhd and no one even tried to teach me anything more advanced because i was "gifted" so i was just bored CONSTANTLY. no one ever really taught me how to study either so i suffered for that when i got older. went the material stopped being laughably easy i didn't know what to do with myself. i'm 25 now and i still don't really know how to study. if i don't understand something after reading it like 2 times i'm lost. i started struggling with studying when i was in like 9th grade. i went from being a straight a student to being an a and b student and then a b and c student. and everyone just kind of assumed i'm choosing to not study because i used to be good at school. they didn't understand that in 5th grade i didn't have to study. i was interested in all my subejcts and i would just read the textbook and then i would understand the material and then i would do the test and get an a. then the material got harder and my strategy stopped workin. i somehow got through all of college like this too but without glowing grades and it took me a hell of a long time and was really expensive. in my earlier schools too asking questions or for help or for clarification was seen as a sign that you're stupid. so i never learnt how to do that either and then my parents got mad at me when i was like 15 because i would just silently struggle instead of asking for help, but they used to praise me for never having to ask questions when i was a kid. they taught me to never ask for help and then they got mad that i don't ask for help. even today i have to actively fight all my instincts to ask for help with things. half the reason i struggled so much in uni was if i struggled with some of the material i would just try to figure it out myself anyway and then fail the exam. going to the professor to ask for help was so anxiety inducing for me that i would literally walk up to their office door and then have a panic attack and leave. i would start writing an email to ask a question and then give up because i got a panic attack. even asking my own parents a question when i was in school would make me feel really stupid. i always felt like i was debasing myself by asking questions because this is what everyone around me told me was the case when i was a child. in my elementary school, the teachers would literally insult students who asked questions. you weren't supposed to be curious and want to know stuff not in the syllabus. and if you couldn't understand the teacher's one explanation of the topic immediately as soon as they were done speaking, that made you a stupid idiot who no one respects, including your own teacher and all of your peers. and if you're adhd this just means zoning out during class. and if you're adhd and good enough at school, it means no one is going to realize you need help because your grades are fine. and teachers praise the fact that you never interrupt them because they care more about being mildly annoyed than about the fact that a student in their class is compeltely zoned out and not learning anything.
I seriously can not "like" this video enough! So, I've commented 3 times, and I'm going to watch it again to make sure the algorithm understands! I just feel so SEEN right now! Jessica, thank you so so so much for doing this video! 💜 💗 ❤️ 💖 💓 💕 💜
I remember getting to university and realising I just could not pay attention in lectures because I'd trained myself to Look like I was paying attention and taking notes instead of actually learning how to do that. And it was so frustrating because then I had to spend all my time outside of class teaching myself what had been covered in the class and it felt like such a waste of time. Somehow I still didn't put together that I had ADHD until years later
In university, the lecturer's job is to answer questions and ramble about the subject. You are expected to teach the material to yourself. So your experience doesn't seem that odd (to me).
Thanks so much for this video, especially the masking section. I've discussed my diagnosed AuDHD at length with pyschs, therapists, supportive informed friends... and I have NEVER had anyone identify my hypervigilance, last-minute cramming, and hyper-punctuality (if I'm not 15 mins early to anything my brain thinks I'm LATE) as masking!
Wow Jessica, I didn’t expect to cry over an ADHD video, but that speech at the end really hit home. I was going to say my younger self really needed to hear it, but hell, “I”really needed it. Thank you ❤
You describing your school experience was most definitely ME. I always wondered what was wrong with me and why it seemed the other kids just breezed through everything and I struggled all the time. And yet, teachers were always saying how intelligent I was and I would do so well if only... The out of sight out of mind you mention... issues with working memory... and so much more. I'm in my 50s and never diagnosed but the more I see videos like this the more I wish I'd been born a bit later once they recognized and treated these things. I wonder if my life would have ended up better somehow. I've never been able to hold a job for more than a few years and hated every job I've had. I was blessed to be able to quit once my kids came along. But I've never really done anything with my life beyond that. I don't feel capable these days of taking on anything new that may actually be challenging and potentially productive. I have chronic illness and foggy brain on top of what's probably been a lifetime of ADHD. Trying to learn anything these days it all just goes in one ear and out the other. It all feels impossible and a bit sad.
What a brilliant mind you must have, Jessica, to have taught yourself AND figured out a way to somehow please the unreasonable system too. And how exhausting! I also love the “little Jessica” character in this video. I always had trouble not talking too much in class, too. I just had so much to say! Regarding your question about what other ADHD-related videos we’d like to see: I’d love to see one about supporting friends with ADHD. I don’t have it (as far as I know), but a good friend was diagnosed as an adult, and it’s really f’d up her life. I’m trying to learn as much as I can about the subject to support and understand her (and not to resent it when she can’t respond to me or do things I want to do, like talk on the phone), and I’d love your perspective. 🎀💖🎀
I wasn't expecting to cry today, but here we are. What a wonderful video, it's obvious you put so much effort into it! I was "diagnosed" with giftedness at age 5 and now recently with ADHD at age 22, and it really took me so long to get the diagnosis because school was a game to me. I was able to absorb knowledge like a sponge and earned the teachers' attention and praise in return. Now that I'm in university, it all came crumbling down and it's really where the things you described hit me. Being unable to take care of my home, needing someone else to remind me of everything, having absolutley no feel for the passing of time, new information slipping off my brain like a bar of soap, and always, ALWAYS feeling like I was set up to achieve everything but am too lazy to do it. Unlike you, I never learned how to sit down and study properly, so when my attention in lectures wanders away, catching up feels like having to lift a damn mountain. And it's so hard to find people who really understand. I've been told too many times that I can achieve anything if I just *sit down and do it*, and they make it sound like executive dysfunction wasn't a thing. Sometimes I feel guilty for disappointing their hopes and their trust in me. And of course there's not knowing what to do after uni, because I really wanted to become a teacher, but I'm more and more worried that my brain is wired too differently to explain anything to neurotypicals. And, you know, being late to school virtually every single day. Existing is hard.
I was considered too far ahead in elementary school, and was punished because of it. I taught myself how to read at the age of 3, and was reading college level books (the classics, Jane Eyre, etc) by the 3rd grade. They wouldn't let me into the back of the library even when my parents begged them to because I was "too young to understand those books, and only big kids get to go in the back of the library". In the 6th grade, I was told by my teacher that I needed to "quit pretending I can understand those books for attention. You need to read something you can actually comprehend. It's not a funny game". I was reading Jane Eyre. For probably the 7th-10th time. The book was falling apart because of how much I carried it around. I could recite multiple pages from near memory and certain scenes in perfect detail, that's how much I had read it.
The amount of us with both means there is actually a term for this- twice exceptional! I managed to get through undiagnosed because my parents were able to help me find strategies to cope that were more adaptive. But i did still get anxiety in the bargain. The joys of being a smart girl child in the 90s 😅.
Thank you. Just a couple of days ago i had a doctor's appointment to speak about adhd and the doctor just looked at my school grades and said that they are too good so my symptoms are just depression and not adhd. Apparently people with adhd " just have a problem paying attention" and therefore a "gifted child" like me can't have adhd. She soooo thought i was following in "the trend". Worst part is that i kinda believed her because in the moment i could not remember why i felt like i had adhd... I'm going to get a second opinion once i remember to actually make an appointment with a person who actually knows about adhd and is not just a general medicine doctor.
thanks a lot now I can’t stop crying. Seriously, where is all this moisture coming from?It’s not like I drank water today? But genuinely thank you, now I think I might actually have to go talk to a therapist or something
I'm AFAB and have recently started the process of getting diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD. Despite exhibiting symptoms throughout all of my childhood and being referred to as "different" for as long as I can remember, I flew under the radar because I wasn't bouncing off the walls or doing badly in school. Not to mention that my Dad has Hyperactive ADHD and so nobody in my family clocked that I might be neurodivergent because I was, from a surface level perspective, very different to him. In fact I was the opposite of him, I was a pretty calm, quiet kid (unless you got me talking about a hyperfixation) and I was great at academics and even went to a programme for gifted children. Then I started getting to the end of high school and my mental health went down hill along with my grades and my ADHD became a lot more apparent. I could no longer just coast through school without studying and it confused me because I'd been doing so well before. Turns out that I'd been masking pretty heavily my whole life and because I'd come to associate poor grades with being a disappointment or a failure, I never asked for help when I needed it and developed coping mechanisms which stopped working for me the older I got. Case in point, ADHD presents itself in many unique ways and just because your child isn't bouncing off the walls and doing poorly in school doesn't mean they aren't dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder such as ADHD.
I was diagnosed with ADHD 2.5 months ago. Finding someone qualified to make the diagnosis took 6 months and a ton of effort. As a woman and former "gifted student," so many points in this video struck a nerve. I was homeschooled, and it's fascinating to compare my experience with what it could have been if I'd been in a classroom. I always knew that homeschooling had worked well for me, but I'm just recently starting to see how it was a hugely necessary accommodation. Thank you Jessica. ❤
I'm 24 and I wasn't Diagnosed with adhd dyslalia depression anxiety autism tell I was 19 and it's all Severe. Mine is impulsive hyperactive hyperfocus and can't focus at all at the same time. But basically not just that, but everything gets. Jumpaled up my head.
23:00 Additionally, Vygotsky's 'zone of proximal learning' suggests that the best people to teach those who don't understand something are those who've only just got it themselves. Both because they remember what t was like to not know, and are more empathetic, biut also the act of packaging it up to explain it to someone else is a superior way to broadn and build your own learning.
I don't often comment on RUclips but I really related to this video! I've not been diagnosed yet but I am pretty sure I have the inattentive type of ADHD. I did really well at school, have a degree, quit a PhD and am now a teacher. I only realised I might have ADHD after becoming a teacher. I assumed it had never been picked up because I was a girl who was quiet and good at school but, when I mentioned it to my mum, she actually told me that my music teacher suspected I had ADHD when I was at school but she decided she didn't want to get me diagnosed. I understand her reasoning based on what little she knew about ADHD at the time but I do wish I'd known this about myself when I was younger and I didn't just think of myself as lazy!
I’m not diagnosed and I’m not sure if I have ADHD but I definitely would struggle to pay attention in class unless I was making notes, or doodling or something while the teacher was talking. I actually got told off by a physics teacher for taking notes several times when he wanted us to just listen. I also would do the thing Jessica mentioned about reading ahead when we were given a book and being told off for not being where the class is
Thank you, once again, for all the work you put into your videos. Also, hello, welcome back h best wishes to Clara. I appreciate your hard work too. I'm so glad you are available to help Jessica make such lovely videos!
this would have been a fantastic video for me (and my parents) to see like 8 years ago lol. also i *really* internalized the “not asking for help” thing. my parents still get so frustrated with me because i tend to forget that that’s even an option
19:30 - 19:44 this part was so frustratingly relatable it made me want to smash my head through a wall. All the way through middle school I coasted on things being easy. English? Easy. Math? Easy. Natural sciences? Easy AND especially interesting. I was "smart" and "full of potential" but that "potential" seems to have waned throughout high school and university (much more severely in university, but it definitely first showed in high school with math)
I hate the school system so much, because I went in eager to learn and got out of it with severe depression, social anxiety, selective mutism, an ed and traumatized from bullying... and after four years of getting treatment, I finally met my current therapist, who realised, that I have inattentive ADHD, and that this was the root issue that caused all my issues and made me such an easy target
Hell, I *was* diagnosed in 4th grade in the early 90's (which, as a girl, was remarkable), but the experiences of people who were diagnosed later in life mirrors mine with distressing accuracy. We know so much more about ADHD now.
Truth. I am a bit of a special case, as I’m AuDHD and gifted with a processing auditory issue and like a bunch of learning disabilities. But I wasn’t diagnosed as ANYTHING till I was 16-17. The trauma from that, and from being undiagnosed with other things, the learning disabilities and processing issues, till 20, is too real. Like, the only way to prove you have ADHD and need help/accommodations, is to….do something ADHD makes difficult, like EF functioning for paperwork.
My mom realizing she had adhd in her late 50s/early 60s was simultaneously the most euphoric and frustrating thing for her. They thought it was a different thing she had affecting her memory, but once she got that treated: nope! Her brain is just wired differently. It definitely impacted her parenting and lack of accommodations contributed to her having to navigate things like parent teacher meetings, school trips, etc.
OMG - I love that your content popped up on RUclips for me again! Love your aesthetic. Diagnosed with ADHD age 48 (and autism now too) I never identified as gifted ... but the 'following people to class though they might be headed to a different class' wow that rings true. There's a lot about my childhood I'm still unpacking ... :)
I know a couple men in their 30s who are only just getting diagnosed because they have inattentive ADHD. It's been interesting to see that it's not just women with this type who get ignored. But as a woman who was diagnosed with *hyperactive* type in her late 20s, I think women are still overlooked more because even our hyperactive symptoms are different
Thank you for this video! I relate so hard and it gave my brain something to chew on so i could actually focus on work for 30min 😅😅😅 Im a Woman in Engineering who got by with extream masking, very helpful friends and parents who would remind me about hw constantly and even bring it to school when i left it at home, quickly solving the question on board after being called, asked for things to be repeated the time, ect. Diagnosed at 28 and now medicated some.
Nearly nodded my head off watching this 🤗 Also, another vote for Jessica to make a short vid of the last beautiful couple of minutes to play every morning with my cuppa
Thank you for this video! I was the child who got diagnosed with "intellectual giftedness", because I was bored in class and giving me extra work that was not boring, was a way to keep me entertained. I always had good grades, because, as you explained, I interacted with the teachers, answering almost every question etc. I only got diagnosed as an adult, as it was harder and harder to keep up with uni, my relationships were chaotic and I was feeling really stressed. And my psychiatrist actually said that it was not uncommon for women with adhd to be seen as "gifted" when they were younger. It's really good to know that I am not alone!
I'm not the ADHD type (I was the kind who would sit and learn just from listening to the teacher with no need to ever study for tests afterwards), did very well within the school system as it was and loved going to school... with one exception: the year I spent in Scotland at age 15. For all the issues with school systems in general, it seemed like the UK/Scotland had all the worst problems of them all: inflexible, teachers pressures to have their lessons planned almost to the minute to fit a curriculum culminating in one single exam to decide a kid's entire future... no wonder everyone had a horrible time (and neurodiverse kids even more so). I was fortunate to go to some very good schools that actually focused on learning to learn beyond exams and develop critical thinking. And it helped that access to further education was by doing entrance exams to the specific university you and could be repeated year after year rather than "get your Highers or be done with school forever". Paulo Freire has been writing about this for ages - students being taught things that make sense to their own life experiences. How long until the UK gets off its tradition-high-horse and actually moves on with the times?
My school classified me as both "gifted" and "learning delayed". I was pulled out of class for part of the day for individual teaching - which sometimes included advanced lessons that I apparently was *not* meant to use in the regular classroom. My second grade teacher got upset with me for learning cursive writing and negative numbers "too soon". Regarding the over-engaging with the teachers, I remember being asked to, I think even in these words, "let the other kids have a turn answering questions." I started a little game with myself where, after being called on, I couldn't raise my hand again until five of my classmates "had a turn". I'm sure keeping track of how many people had spoken did *great things* for my ability to absorb the subject being taught! /sarcasm 'Hyperfocus' either wasn't known back then or wasn't properly described to us, because Mom accepted my ADD diagnosis but rejected the ADHD diagnosis, on the logic that getting fidgety when expected to sit still for long periods of time was natural behaviour for a kid and I wasn't hyperactive in other ways.
Thanks so much for posting this. I have autism and suspected adhd and this video is so well articulated how this nurodivergent experience can effect someone through school. I always felt so ashamed of having to learn/teach myself different ways and you have nailed down the concept very well in this. I have dyscalcula (like dylexia but math/numbers) and i would often draw out my math problems like a diagram to figure them out, then erase the work to write down what they wanted to see. This double work just burnt me out so badly by the time i hit college that i stopped trying. I dodnt even bother to buy the text book. I hope this can become more widely known so more generations can support nurodivergent and learning disabled kids better. Its so rough growing up with that shame and unlearning it as an adult
Thank you so much, Jessica. I have tears in my eye right now. So much of what you said I relate to. I am an Early Childhood Teacher ,because of my love for children. I have felt so defeated that I cant function as easily as my colleagues in this extremely busy environment. I have taught for 20 years, so I have brought all my strengths and strategies to 'mask". Recently, I had to leave my permanent teaching role as it was too busy, I dont what might have happened if I had the right words to express what I needed, or if the staff had been more supportive, but I know it would have made a difference. I am tired of people being frustrated at me, I don't blame them, I just try so hard, it is exhausting.😢
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We are swans. Beautiful and calm on the surface, paddling madly underneath.
And prone to biting people's faces off with minimal warning when we finally snap and melt down
Oh I LOVE this!
I was 30 ish when I discovered that I probably had ADHD while leafing through "Why Johnny Can't Concentrate" and thought " has this guy been spying on me for 30 years ?"
Swans indeed! lol
I was assessed in middle school for ADHD, mum denied it, no official mark on my records. I'm self assessed AuDHD.
Best I ever did in school was when I got kicked out and went to a self-schooling thing, work through modules at your own pace (breakneck XD), then the damned school wouldn't let me move on to more coursework because I wasn't "in that grade yet". 🙄
@@pollyrg97 on my first hike as a Boy Scout on Long Island though one of the more picturesque North Shore neighborhoods I was bit by an overly protective law swan.
Brilliant!!
Can we just take a beat to recognize the EFFORT Jessica put in to filming this video with all the different "characters" throughout the whole video? The scripting for this is just so SPOT ON! ❤
@@TamarKnochel yes I was thinking the same thing! Also @jessicaoutofthecloset you are a really good actor!
Author! Author!
As a child, I used to joke that I was an "under-achieving over-achiever" - I was ambitious and smart and got into the most advanced classes/programs/schools with relative ease, but once I got into them, I would get the bare minimum grades needed to progress to the next stage.
I only got diagnosed with ADHD when I was 22. I studied English in university, because that was the only subject that I could depend upon doing well in, the one hyper-fixation of my life that never left me. At the end of my first year, however, I didn't do too well in my exams (a little below average, by no means catastrophic). At a meeting afterwards, my professor insinuated that I hadn't worked hard enough, and asked me "can you honestly tell me that you did your best?".
And I honestly didn't know what to tell him, because I fully believed that I hadn't performed to my potential, but it wasn't because I didn't care enough. I'd cried for hours after getting my results back. It took another year for me to realise it was ADHD, during which I learned that I had actually broached the possibility of ADHD with my mother when I was SEVEN, but she had figured I was just throwing around wild theories because I did pretty well in school.
I spent my entire childhood checking every box that the education system could throw at me, and I still felt like it wasn't enough, that I never would be what they wanted, that the game was somehow still stacked against me even though I had learned how to play it very, very well. Can't believe it took my professor being an asshole for me to finally figure it out.
Oh my goodness, do I relate to this, so HARD! Your comment is bringing me to tears because I lived that, too! Everything in this video, I have lived it! But until I was 44, I didn't know that our was ADHD! I didn't know that I was different, I just felt different.
All of this is so validating and yet frustrating. WHY couldn't my teachers and parents SEE this in me? HOW did they not notice? (Because I was REALLY GOOD at masking!) 😢
Omg I don’t think I’ve ever related more to someone who easily got accepted into advanced programs but seriously floundered once they were in them. I can’t tell you how many times my teachers called for a conference with me because I wasn’t “living up to my potential” as a student, how can I tell someone that this really is 100% of the energy I can give in the moment and I can’t just will myself to perform my best when it matters?
And I was medicated! My mom advocated for a diagnosis in middle school because she could see the signs of her own ADHD in me. I was diagnosed and medicated through all of high school and college and STILL struggled! And that’s how you graduate with honors in high school but burn out and drop out of your prestigious engineering program at one of the best state universities in the country within the first year of college.
Had things gone differently (and not had multiple severe anxious breakdowns as a result of struggling with executive functioning), I would’ve graduated college just before the pandemic hit just like all my high-achieving high school friends, instead of floundering in and out of community college after dropping out of my university, working minimum wage retail jobs, and ultimately leaving school altogether when everything went remote because my ADHD just isn’t compatible with online school (I’ve tried, it just doesn’t work). And now I have plenty of student debt and no degree.
Anyway, all that to say I relate hard. I wish I had the vocabulary and emotional maturity to recognize what was happening to me and talk about it to the people around me who were supposed to be my support system, because even though I had a diagnosis for several years, I still felt all this pressure to “conquer” my ADHD and excel regardless.
@@swimmyswim417 i also relate to both of you
@unnotabelle A couple of weeks or maybe a few days ago I was watching a vlog by another creator and he explained things differently. He states that if schools were to stop with all the dizzying curriculum that leads to sitting around and reading and remembering, to make it more hands-on and interactive, more fun! If schools were to stop setting up multiple choice questionnaires and opt for a page or two summary detailing the chapter and even verbal presentation. It will make the students more aware that they have the options of written essays, drawings, or verbal/visual presentations, they'd feel more at ease.
Personally, I am a visual learner and have always been, even hands-on in my biology, cosmology, mathematics, and art classes. My teacher Mr G gave us the option to do a visual presentation of the three chapters and we had to solve the equations and simplify them. We got an A+ for the presentation and he's continued to do that for other groups of students.
It wasn't until I was almost 30 years of age that I was finally diagnosed with AuDHD and ASD. My foster family laughed it off and told me I was making things up. The other half of my family apologized for their behaviour over the years and I accepted. I even contacted my art and math teachers, they are retired, and they were happy to hear the good news. They have done many great things for us their students, they have changed lives. Teachers are unsung heroes!
The way Jessica embodies herself as the girl who is adhd but doesn't think of herself in those terms yet is one of the most relatable experiences I've ever had.
Little Jessica, told to stop talking.... grows up to make her living TALKING on RUclips. Win!
When I went in for my ADHD diagnosis a couple years ago, the doctor asked me if I got good grades in school and I said, "Yes," because, well, I did. He said, "You very probably don't have ADHD" but he did the tests anyway. It was so satisfying having to hear him admit he was wrong. Neurotypical people don't read the month long assigned book at 5 pm on a Sunday, write the 3 page paper, AND complete the side project by 3:00 AM before heading to school at 7:00 and still get an A. (as a very *cough* non-specific example)
Truth! For years I felt like a failure for doing this--it took me so long to figure out that teachers will never ever know the difference; given the insipid drivel most students write, the unique thought process and synthesis that ADHD, AuDHD, and etc bring to the table is such a breath of fresh air! (I say this as someone who became a teacher--I put so much pressure and guilt on myself for not doing my homework in the piecemeal way that everyone else did, for nothing! People who naturally do this stuff in chunks do it that way because they have to, we do it all at once because once you get on the brain superhighway, everything just flows. Both are valid, but only one approach is validated in schools. Tbf, they are just trying to teach healthy habits!)
When you can reel off five to ten page papers in an hour between classes and still ace them routinely, that's just undiagnosed ADHD! Stop feeling ashamed for not doing it "right" any kids out there reading this, just get yourself diagnosed. Knowledge is power! Now that I know, I clear my schedule and/or once I am in "task mode", I just do it until it's done whenever I can.
Having kids really messes up this approach, though--they are the best, but it takes a lot of effort to carve out your brain superhighway space once you have them AND you need to essentially put most of your needs on hold for the first few years, all without meds if you are the carrying partner. It's a lot, it's worth it if it's what you want, but get diagnosed now, seriously! It will change your life mostly for the better (except for how mad you will be that no one believed you for so long if you are late diagnosed!)
I wrote my university dissertation in a week of sleep deprivation and energy drinks. Got a 2:1.
At the time i thought i was just fundamentally lazy as a person and this was my punishment. Now i suspect I have ADHD (2 year waiting lists for assessment are not fun)
Yes doctor, I get good grades. Because I actually do the homework. Yes doctor, it takes me thrice the amount of time to get it all done, not because my reading comprehension is bad, but because I cannot hold a thought for longer than 2.5 seconds.
When I keel over, I need my brain to be studied. How did this happen, why? Why was I cursed to be able enough to do homework and think complex thoughts, but disabled enough to where my brain drives with a flat tire and broken windows?
I think I used to have that, but I don't remember, because in 6th grade I finally learned maladaptive daydreaming and my favourite activity became to sit perfectly still and somehow successfully tune out everything around me! I became so good at being a quiet and a not disruptive child, exactly what the education system wanted!
I consider myself to be an immersive daydreamer and I love it. I'm just too free at the moment...
My husband (possible ADHD) and I (confirmed AuDHD) were discussing daydreaming in the car. We both work in fields where the ability to visualise potential actions and outcomes is important to success.
We question whether the term 'maladaptive' is fair, given both the benefits of creative thinking and having an internal outlet for addressing the stressors we face as ND people in a NT world
@@pollyrg97 there is a difference between immersive daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming. daydreaming becomes maladaptive when it starts to become an addiction and affecting your daily life.
i have adhd and my daydreaming has been maladaptive at times - it made me less social, my daydreams kept me from sleeping because i wanted to keep going, and one time i was so immersed in a daydream while i was cooking that i poured boiling water all over my stove and floor (thankfully avoiding any scalding).
if you dont think daydreaming should be called maladaptive, then you're not a maladaptive daydreamer.
God, I wish I could tune things out. I literally have to put in headphones or cover my ears and hum to block out the noise.
@@pollyrg97you clearly aren't doing it constantly to the point it distracts you from snd gets in the way of conversations or anything else you're supposed to be doing.
Your content is incredibly relatable as a queer person with ADHD and chronic fatigue
Thiiiis. I’m AuDHD, gifted, plus some learning and processing issues, and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me physically. Likely some chronic illness, so yeah. I love this channel. Lmao.
Haha same. Suspected ADHD, chronic illness, queer, 😅. I'm just not a parent lol. I love these videos.
I’ve been watching Jessica for a while and over time her videos have had increasing relevance to my life. I have ADHD, EDS, and dysautonomia and am also queer! Next I need to dress vintage and then I’ll basically be indistinguishable from her lol.
I’m nearing 50, was labeled gifted as a child, and just dx’d with ADHD this summer. A first assessment in my 20s showed I had all the signs of ADHD but couldn’t have it because girl, you know. I’m trying to deal with the resentment for how much better I could have been, not just school, but mental health too.
I just turned 50 myself. I’m not sure if younger people appreciate just how below the radar ADHD was in the 80s. It was regarded as a rare condition that boys got and mostly grew out of.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Sadly it’s still pervasive, but it’s getting better. I was diagnosed at 16-17 and I know that sounds EARLY to you, and it is, but still was sadly too late for me to really get help in any K-12, or prevent some of tthe ableism caused PTSD.
Yep, it makes me so sad / angry when I think about what life could have been like. (Diagnosed age 48 and autism 1.5 years later)
@@scaredyfishin 2000-2006 it was still being TAUGHT in educational psychology and special education courses that ADHD was 9x more common in boys than in girls.
I think the numbers were even higher for autism.
I don't recall ever seeing "dx'd" as shorthand for "diagnosed" but that's very handy and sensible!
Being a Black girl and having undiagnosed ADHD, I relate to this so hard.
Adding to the fact that in a lot of communities of color, especially Black ones, our families often go into denial about mental illnesses and/or neurodivergence.
Like my mom had her suspicions about my ADHD for a long time, but my dad didn’t believe in its existence, so you can imagine how that went.
This video should be required for teachers and parents. The way Jessica gives examples of what she did to get through school, was so powerful. No one should have to go through that. A little understanding would go a long way to help a child (or someone of any age really) being diagnosed. ❤
The 'some kids learn faster' thing is such a mood honestly, my 'reading age' was always way above my actual one, i was always the 'smart nerd' in my class helping the younger kids i knew and feeling incredibly bored at the lessons i was having to sit through because i already knew most of what we were doing
Crazy how many of us have this same experience! I would read books to the other kids 😂
@@covertperspective such a mood honestly, i was reading 500 page novels by junior school
God yeah, the reading lessons in primary school were so incredibly boring because we had to read out loud, and I had already read the next three chapters, and had to wait until it was my turn to read half a page, and then read the next 4 chapters and then wait for my turn again.
Oh I was very much the hyperactive boy who ran around the class and also was obsessively into dinosaurs. Now I'm a woman who forgets stuff all the time 😂
😂😂😂
Haha why'd i think you were a trans woman at first lol XD
@Just_Mila I am lol!
I was the quiet boy who always did exactly what they were told, did well at school because I could focus so hard the world disappeared, and no one worried about. For a long time I thought I had no underlying issues to address, I was just certifiably cute.
Now I’m also a woman who forgets stuff all the time, plus is addicted to social media and is barely organised enough to manage daily life, let alone transition.
The only one missing is the combined type, so you might brace yourself for being a non-binary that interrupts everyone and zones out ;)
Omg the “reading in class” and the “engaging in class” part. Omg that was/is me. When the teacher purposely stopped calling on me or letting me engage I would just start reading and then get in trouble for that. There was no winning.
Also, was way younger than most of my class due to moving and being born in October.
I was a straight A student so I never considered I had ADHD. My brother was diagnosed as a kid, struggled in school and we were very different. But just got diagnosed with the inattentive type! My mom got diagnosed in her 50s after she stopped smoking.
After my daughter was diagnosed, we were at a family party with 8 people having 10 different conversations, she just looked at me and said “My ADHD should not be surprising to anyone, because they all have it too.”
My Mum was like that, very good in school, horribly depressed, and found out later as an adult after I got diagnosed. I bombed in school, and got diagnosed in HS, but till I was 20 didn’t know I also had major processing issues and learning disabilities.
@@jennifers5560 Omg my processing issue is crying Lmao. The ADHD can only save me so far from that noise. 😅
@@jennifers5560this is every family gathering I have ever had. When new people meet my family they come away with a headache. None of us are diagnosed but I know we all have it. We tick all the boxes but I have only started to realise in the last year. So many things make sense now.
I am unsure about going for an assessment as I know it can be a really long process in the UK and not sure if a diagnosis would make a difference really
@@libbybaker86 ❤️It is completely valid if you don’t want to go through an assessment. Especially if you don’t see any benefit of doing it.
(In the U.S. you need it if you want accommodations for school or if you want medication.) Some people also want a diagnosis to confirm/validate what is happening to them.
I was always told I was "gifted", but it was just the ADHD. I have ADHD-I type. It was so refreshing once I finally got on the meds. I know they don't work for everyone, but they really help me. I focus more and forget less.
Same here.
I put minimal effort in highschool and did well (not top of my class, but upper half of the middle)
College was a different beast, and i didn't do well when I first tried. (Although, at the time I was off my meds and self medicating with 4-5 monsters a day minimum.)
Now im on meds (might go up to a higher dose soon) and doing much better.
I’m glad that worked for you! In my case meds made me sick and were used as an excuse to not follow my 504. And turned out I also had undiagnosed learning disabilities, giftedness, and an auditory processing disorder, so on the outside I appeared “normal” when inside it was constant push, pull, compensating, and manipulation or lying for survival.
NO SHAME for taking meds! Stimulant medication is the proven, best treatment for ADHD. If that’s what you need, that’s what you need.
I mean, you can be gifted AND have ADHD at the same time too. It's called 2E (twice exceptional).
I have that and my intelligence masked the adhd, and the adhd masked my giftedness for only being "smart". I would've loved to jump up one class, but we always had to do ALL the easy stuff before we got to the more difficult stuff. And since the easy stuff was boring it took me quite a while to get through it (my adhd), so I never got to the fun difficult stuff. So much of school was just a waste of time for me.
I used to get straight A’s when I was in “the zone” and then starting failing when I was out of it :( made me feel not smart. I still struggle today but at least I know what works best for me in adulthood!!
Big challenge with ADHD: managing extreme levels of performance between hyperfocus and executive dysfunction. And it's actually possible to abuse hyperfocus, leading to burnout.
I just found out that I may have ADHD at 45 so now I am working for a diagnosis
I hope you get a diagnosis soon. ❤
@jennifers5560 Thank you! I hope that I'm on a referral list! I'm not sure if my physician has placed me on one even though she diagnosed my twelve-year-old daughter. I was told you have to have had traits by age twelve. I told her that everything the school was concerned about for my daughter was one hundred percent me!
I just got diagnosed at 44, and it has completely changed my life! Good luck!!!
@TamarKnochel Thank you! I found out a year ago that my daughter has ADHD and all of the concerns the school had for my daughter were the exact same for me at 12. I will be 47 in December
@lyndanickerson1373 and they just get worse the older you get! It took a nervous breakdown, losing my memory, and going on disability for me to get diagnosed. Funny story, though, my first day in the therapists office about halfway through my visit, she was like, "Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD?" And I was like, "No, but both my kids have..."
"Maaaaybe we should put that on our list of things to think about..."🤣
Jessica, as a bi-ace with OCD (rather than ADHD) I found this video very informative and so very supportive, and I thank you for all the time and effort you put into producing this for all of us out there who know the struggle of trying to fit in and appear "normal". Thank you for all that you do for us. 😇🙏🌈💙💙💙
Please make that end speech into a short. It's such a beautiful
ADHD and dyslexia. This hit hard.
I'm 36, unmedicated (nothing works for me) but I love my strange brain the way it is. It's like having super powers. It has downsides but if I get in the grove there's no stopping me.
Mostly, I was lucky to have supportive parents (both ADHD, my dad is also dyslexic) who fought for me every step of the way.
Yes having a mom who understood made such a difference
In the 1980s in the USA, it was called "hyperkinesis" and "only boys had it". Meanwhile, I was a generally well-behaved girl who got put out in the hallway to keep me away from the distractions of my classmates or whatever was going on outside the window. Still took me forever to do my classwork and my homework. I got good grades, though! Still don't know how to study.
Genuine question: can you learn about things that interest you? For me, if I'm curious about something, I can spend hours and days learning all about it, but if something is boring, I really struggle to stay focused, especially if there's no external force holding me accountable.
@@emilyrln We're best at learing about things that interest us.
I don’t know how to study either, and it’s hard for me to read after school shaming me for it for years. But I love collecting encyclopedias, a, trying to read again, and typically watch videos on, do art of, and make stories about things that interest me to learn about them. Like plants, marine life, and basically natural sciences.
When my parents were told I scored a “standard deviation” below qualifying for an ADHD diagnosis (mid-1980s), they were told I instead had something called “developmental output failure.” Something that pretty much no one else has heard of. When I tried reading a book by the guy who came up with this, I absolutely did not recognize myself at all. And that name! “Developmental” and “failure” are TERRIBLE labels to apply to anyone, but especially to a child, who is also gifted, so doesn’t quite understand why these words also apply to her. (Me. It was me. I didn’t understand how “gifted” and “development” and “failure” could all apply to me. Other than I was smart and short.)
Sorry to ignore the rest of the comment but hyperkinesis sounds like an epic superpower lol
Just had a little cry because this was so relatable, as a grammar school kid who 'didn't struggle' with my grades until the end of uni (of course I struggled, I did my homework in between classes, on the bus, then would stay up all night making a huge notebook on what was meant to be a 2 page project because I liked it), I'm 32, and struggling with life. After years of struggling to get a GP to listen I'm now on the 2+year waiting list.... Yay. But it is videos like this that reinforce that at least I am finally going for diagnosis, I'm not wasting anyones time, I may not just be lazy. I mean, I'm not diagnosed yet, I may just be lazy. But, at the very least, I feel seen. Called out, but seen.
Hey it's me! I was able to get by with just reading the textbook and my notes surrounded by doodles the night before the test, and get really good grades. But then I went to university and suddenly there was simply too much material for me to start the night before and I couldn't keep up with my deadlines anymore. I got my adhd diagnosis last year, when I was 37.
I am currently studying to become a teacher in a secondary school in Germany (Gymnasium, something like a grammar school in Britain). We have exactly four classes in the realm of pedagogical psychology during the bachelors AND the masters. The class on adhd and autism in the classroom is not mandatory and they only take 30 students per semester... It's unbelievable how some really important topics can be left out and still in the end you can be a fully qualified teacher :((
Yeah. I find it baffling how basically the whole university education of teachers is aimed at neurotypical kids when we know there are neurodivergent kids in every class. Wouldn't hurt to know a thing or two.
With how significant the impact of neurodevelopmental conditions is, and how common some of these are (ex. 6-7% of the population having ADHD equals having 2 out of 30 students in class be ADHDers, or 1/36 of children being autistic means there's a good chance you'll meet one in some of the classes), I feel it's grossly irresponsible to not introduce this kind of information and an essential requirement of pedagogy education / training.
My partner started noticing that I have a lot of inattentive ADHD traits about a year ago, and since then I've been learning about it and it would explain so many things in my life. I was/am the "gifted" child with "so much potential" yet I constantly forgot things I was supposed to bring and was always a mess and struggled to pay attention unless something was very interesting. I was always late and my mind always seemed to wander too much during class. I got horrible grades in chemistry when it was just introduced as a subject because the teacher was boring and then got a university-level book that I found very interesting and suddenly became best in class. I had violin lessons every week but I'd forget to take the violin with me at least a few times a month. I pulled an all-nighter when I was 15 to make an elaborate collage for an art class. But getting diagnosed and treated is hard in the country I'm currently in, so for now I'm trying to figure it out as I go
Jessica, can you please cut out the last minute of that video and make a separate reel so I can listen to this as my daily affirmations?
More seriously, thank you! I was diagnosed at age 31 (though I started thinking that I had ADHD seriously three years before) for similar reasons. I got through school thanks to being hypermnesic and basically not *needing* to study for anything, was basically school valedictorian but when I left home I ended up a complete mess because of the mental load. Literally could not make myself get out of bed, let alone study, and had to drop our of art school because of that.
(For anyone reading this and identifying with the struggle I'd like to say I'm doing much better now thanks to allowing myself the time I needed to learn autonomy, good therapy, making my surroundings more friendly, support from my family, and last but not least medication! It's possible to be doing better and to get help.)
This is a super clear video and I might actually send it to some people in the future if they seem not to understand what I'm telling them.
Thank you for your work!
❤
Good video! Hadn’t heard any of your ADHD content before. I was diagnosed at age 40. I thought I was having early onset dementia, but turns out my coping mechanisms for my garbage working memory were completely overwhelmed after I had my two kids. Thanks, ADHD! My 7 year old daughter was diagnosed AuDHD shortly after me. So glad to be aware of this early for her so maybe she can grow up with more supports and less anxiety and internalized shame than I did. We were very lucky to have my perceptive doctor and her awesome first grade teacher pointing us in the right direction. Medication has been incredibly helpful for me.
Someone send this video back in time, I needed that about 30 years ago.
Tbh many gifted people are both (never mind the combo Audhd which makes it even more invisible) Female presenting are often much later diagnosed as well.
My parents always encouraged me to tell them if someone was bullying me, that I could always ask for help. One problem - no one taught me how to notice gaslighting and manipulation. Cause that only later in my life I understand what my grandma did to me this. My parents were shocked. Also I know what my parents never ask make perfect grades. But I still pushed myself to learn as good as I can only to make a facade "I don't struggle with school". Only later I understand what I learned from school how to mask my true "I"
As a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, I feel it’s really important to talk about how some ADHD medications are not as effective for us as they are for males. I tried stimulant based medications for years and while it was a slight improvement it was nothing like how they said it would work. Nearly ten years after my diagnosis I requested non-stimulant meds (something you take every day instead of as needed for classes) which has literally never been offered to me even when I said u didn’t thing the stimulants were helpful, and it’s been a huge change
And, a counterpoint to this, re: stimulants, as this was really meaningful to me when I had concerns about them myself (and I'm really glad you found something that worked for you, first of all, that is amazing and stimulants definitely don't work for everyone.) :
it's now beginning to be acknowledged that it's generally better to continue taking stimulants routinely. For example, you wouldn't take someone's crutches or walker away at home because they plan to stay home for the day. They might not need to walk all the way to the store, but they still need to move in their house, and to do that, they probably need their mobility aid to do that safely and comfortably. Same with glasses--I got glasses because I couldn't see the board at school, but I also couldn't see anything at all without them! It was just my school who noticed first. That's how my dr explained current best practices for meds to me anyway --she said that there remains a lot of fear and prejudice related to taking medication every day, but that no one questions daily heart meds or epilepsy meds... So why should we pretend like people with ADHD don't also need brain help at home? Emotional regulation, executive function... These things don't only magically turn on because we need them at work. I personally find that an even baseline dose is really key for me, at least.
Just food for thought, as there are so many different brains out there! :)
Your kindness always makes me feel less alone
As someone who works in a secondary school, I agree so much about the system does not work for everyone, the whole system needs a complete overhole, ❤
I started watching you years ago, I think 2019, when I got diagnosed with EDS and was searching for disability content. Got absolutely hooked and adore all your videos. Turns out you got diagnosed with EDS after I did, and then I've been diagnosed with AuDHD after watching your videos and thinking "wow I relate to everything about this" so I went to get assessed. On top of you being a queer gal like me. Thank you, Jessie! I learn so much from you and feel a sense of comfort and understanding when I watch your videos. You're wonderful. ❤
When you described how you passed your GCSEs for French it absolutely shook me as I have the exact same problem learning Italian. Figure out how to pass the exam and retain no knowledge of the language afterwards - I felt so alone in this struggle
Neurodivergency aside, I just wanted to come here to thank Jessica for her videos. Some of the first of hers I ever saw were disability related and they helped me realize how much I had going on that wasn't normal. I have since gone through a handful of specialists and am now much more informed about my own disorders and I don't think I'd have gotten this far if it weren't for creators like Jess teaching their audience so generously❤❤
Here is something I learnt recently: While I knew that coffee (or really any source of caffeine) doesn't work normally on people with ADHD, since it just regulates you to normal amounts - that same base system is also why people with ADHD might seek out sugar, caffeine or pleasure in low periods, to self regulate!
Just got a diagnosis this year. I had an appointment to see how the medication was doing and the doctor was pretty surprised when I said the main difference I noticed is I went from around 8 coffees a day to 1.
In university, I worked in a candy store and made sure I had some for every exam and study session and had so much caffeine I even had caffeinated lip-chap. But hey I made honour roll
That self-medication is no joke.
I once got told off for being to far ahead in a book too! I finally got diagnosed last year, though it didn’t seem as in depth an evaluation as others have said theirs were. I was certain i had it for years though. I need to talk a lot too, so much that I talk to myself very often. I'd go on but just so much of this is relatable.
even though i am not diagnosed with any neurodivercity, i still struggle with doing tasks i am set to do and feel like i have a dysfunction that stops me from being good enaugh, but this video gave me so much comfort♥tsm Jessica!!
This is the video I needed years ago and now makes me feel far less alone, thank you so much for everything that went into making this.
Thank you for this video. I grew up profoundly deaf, received a cochlear implant four years ago. I’ve ended up with a lot of resentment that teachers, support teachers, audiologists, my mum etc… blaming my focus issues on growing up with hearing loss alone. Add in being in the closet at that too.
Your anecdotes are scarily similar to me just trying to skirt and survive school from what’s expected from a star pupil. The last sentences made me shed a few tears, especially the Maths part.
i got diagnosed with adhd as a child a few teachers didn’t want to actually help me with my work and assignments because i fidgeted to much even though that’s how i focused and now i’m in college studying to become a college professor in creative writing something that actually has my interests
I’m so happy for you! Teachers who don’t wanna help mainstreamed students, bar significant different needs you aren’t trained for and are their own profession of tutor, really shouldn’t be teachers.
28:25 I wasn't expecting to cry happy tears during this video. Thank you for putting your experience and thoughts out into the world. This former gifted kid is feeling a bit more seen today thanks to you.
I was diagnosed in elementary school because of my parents' diligence. My teachers pushed back, saying I was smart and not bouncing off the walls, so I must just be lazy.... Nope, it was AD[H]D
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That is why I love audiobooks because they don't get Jumbled or mushed together. They just go right in.
OMG, this.
Until you realise you zoned out 5 minutes ago and have to rewind it, then rinse and repeat forever xd
I'm not good with audio books, i literalle zone out after like 1 min
@@mandarinadreux9572I can't even read a news article without using a screen reader. Brains are weird.
I breezed through school, though with a lot of ‘he has so much potential if he would just apply himself’, but it all fell apart at university. Turns out applying myself is kind of the issue.
It doesn’t help that I have a kind of anxiety response towards applying myself, probably, as you say, as a learned behaviour. Even at 50, my most common dream is being back at university, forgetting to go to class, or forgetting where the class even is.
Pushing yourself too hard when you have anxiety causes a very serious spiral. Same applies with ADHD which can present as either anxiety and depression when you push yourself too hard OR as ADHD specific burnout. (It’s like normal burnout but with extreme emotional distress.)
Hi Jessica, I have been lurking around for a bit, but I am here crying. Thank you very much, it felt like a walk through my beautiful middle child mind. She struggles with a severe dyslexia and has been diagnosed with no working memory, but when she was assessed for ADHD, nothing come out of it, in all three major assessments she had so far. I would love to watch this with her, but English (and French) are white noise to her. Maybe I will translate on the fly some bits. I rarely interact with RUclipsrs, but this really hit me harder than I expected.
❤
Thank you so, so much for this. I’m really struggling as a full-time student in college right now, as a former gifted student. I’ve had ADHD (diagnosed but untreated) since childhood and I feel like it is now well and truly destroying my life. I almost cried at the end of this.
Do you have on campus health services? Please see them asap. It's so so so hard to make yourself do it, but please just show up and make someone listen to you. Tell them the impact that this is having on your life and ask for help seeking accommodations (personally, had I had a diagnosis back then, what I would have actually needed was someone to sit with me every day for a week while I got myself sorted out, and then someone to hold me to deadlines with real consequences before the real teacher deadline. In short, body doubling! The semesters where every prof assigned a semester long project and they were all due the week before finals almost finished me. I feel for you, truly, especially if this is the kind of hole you are in right now!) Campus health, in coordination with your Dean or dept head, might be able to help you coordinate with your professors to help you, as well!
Sending you positive thoughts--tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet!
As someone diagnosed in middle age I am genuinely saddened by the complete lack of understanding throughout my school years. Another great video!
This video was very healing and honestly had me pausing multiple times to have a little cry. At some points I felt like Jessica was talking to little Jessica too. Probably something we all needed to hear. Thank you.
Now, for an anecdote:
I used to be able to stare out the window but be able to recite word for word what the teacher said. I secondary, I dropped a level because I struggled with exact subjects since I couldn’t get myself to understand and apply. And this happened while unknowingly burning myself out. I ended up not getting a bachelors degree, but a band 4 (uk terms) and now work in a field that fortunately is very adhd friendly. Never in my entire life has someone gone: she struggles with a lot of things, does she have AD(H)D? And when I brought things up, also when people who were diagnosed told me of their struggles and I wholly related, I was shot down and told I didn’t have it and should forget it because I wasn’t struggling.
My 11 year old is top of his class and bounces off the walls. We have just got a diagnosis in time for secondary school. I am so grateful for videos like this as they help me to understand what he can't articulate and give me ideas to watch out for in what may lie ahead. Thank you
Dear Lord I desperately needed this video. I'm crying right now because I felt like such a failure since high school. I've dropped out of college twice and I felt like I was broken beyond repair and wasn't meant to live this long.
Obviously a 30 minutes long video isn't going to solve all my problems, but it really reassured me. I hope I'll learn to accept to ask for help, and I hope I can get a diagnosis + proper accommodations soon.
I hope life will be kind to you because I can't thank you enough for making this video.
i got diagnosed when i was 21 but i was completely certain i had adhd since like age 14. i actually was able to speak to a psychologist before but it was super casual and she went "no you're too smart, you can't have adhd. people with adhd are stupid."
when i was a kid i used to zone out reguarly during class but i never got called out on it because i was a "good student" and got good grades so teachers assumed i was listening. and if they ever asked me a question to trick me i always knew the answer because i could pick up stuff really easily. i told my parents all the time that i get really bored in class because they're always just going over things i already know but they were no help. they basically just kind of smiled and nodded and then talked about how i'm so smart because i'm ahead of my peers. i had a really good memory at the time and was good at picking up new things so whenever we'd start a new chapter in school i would just read the entire thing on my own a couple of times and remember all relevant information. no one ever realized i have adhd and no one even tried to teach me anything more advanced because i was "gifted" so i was just bored CONSTANTLY.
no one ever really taught me how to study either so i suffered for that when i got older. went the material stopped being laughably easy i didn't know what to do with myself. i'm 25 now and i still don't really know how to study. if i don't understand something after reading it like 2 times i'm lost. i started struggling with studying when i was in like 9th grade. i went from being a straight a student to being an a and b student and then a b and c student. and everyone just kind of assumed i'm choosing to not study because i used to be good at school. they didn't understand that in 5th grade i didn't have to study. i was interested in all my subejcts and i would just read the textbook and then i would understand the material and then i would do the test and get an a. then the material got harder and my strategy stopped workin. i somehow got through all of college like this too but without glowing grades and it took me a hell of a long time and was really expensive.
in my earlier schools too asking questions or for help or for clarification was seen as a sign that you're stupid. so i never learnt how to do that either and then my parents got mad at me when i was like 15 because i would just silently struggle instead of asking for help, but they used to praise me for never having to ask questions when i was a kid. they taught me to never ask for help and then they got mad that i don't ask for help. even today i have to actively fight all my instincts to ask for help with things. half the reason i struggled so much in uni was if i struggled with some of the material i would just try to figure it out myself anyway and then fail the exam. going to the professor to ask for help was so anxiety inducing for me that i would literally walk up to their office door and then have a panic attack and leave. i would start writing an email to ask a question and then give up because i got a panic attack. even asking my own parents a question when i was in school would make me feel really stupid. i always felt like i was debasing myself by asking questions because this is what everyone around me told me was the case when i was a child. in my elementary school, the teachers would literally insult students who asked questions. you weren't supposed to be curious and want to know stuff not in the syllabus. and if you couldn't understand the teacher's one explanation of the topic immediately as soon as they were done speaking, that made you a stupid idiot who no one respects, including your own teacher and all of your peers. and if you're adhd this just means zoning out during class. and if you're adhd and good enough at school, it means no one is going to realize you need help because your grades are fine. and teachers praise the fact that you never interrupt them because they care more about being mildly annoyed than about the fact that a student in their class is compeltely zoned out and not learning anything.
I seriously can not "like" this video enough! So, I've commented 3 times, and I'm going to watch it again to make sure the algorithm understands!
I just feel so SEEN right now! Jessica, thank you so so so much for doing this video! 💜 💗 ❤️ 💖 💓 💕 💜
I remember getting to university and realising I just could not pay attention in lectures because I'd trained myself to Look like I was paying attention and taking notes instead of actually learning how to do that. And it was so frustrating because then I had to spend all my time outside of class teaching myself what had been covered in the class and it felt like such a waste of time. Somehow I still didn't put together that I had ADHD until years later
In university, the lecturer's job is to answer questions and ramble about the subject. You are expected to teach the material to yourself. So your experience doesn't seem that odd (to me).
Thanks so much for this video, especially the masking section. I've discussed my diagnosed AuDHD at length with pyschs, therapists, supportive informed friends... and I have NEVER had anyone identify my hypervigilance, last-minute cramming, and hyper-punctuality (if I'm not 15 mins early to anything my brain thinks I'm LATE) as masking!
Wow Jessica, I didn’t expect to cry over an ADHD video, but that speech at the end really hit home. I was going to say my younger self really needed to hear it, but hell, “I”really needed it. Thank you ❤
You describing your school experience was most definitely ME. I always wondered what was wrong with me and why it seemed the other kids just breezed through everything and I struggled all the time. And yet, teachers were always saying how intelligent I was and I would do so well if only... The out of sight out of mind you mention... issues with working memory... and so much more.
I'm in my 50s and never diagnosed but the more I see videos like this the more I wish I'd been born a bit later once they recognized and treated these things. I wonder if my life would have ended up better somehow. I've never been able to hold a job for more than a few years and hated every job I've had. I was blessed to be able to quit once my kids came along. But I've never really done anything with my life beyond that. I don't feel capable these days of taking on anything new that may actually be challenging and potentially productive. I have chronic illness and foggy brain on top of what's probably been a lifetime of ADHD. Trying to learn anything these days it all just goes in one ear and out the other. It all feels impossible and a bit sad.
Wow! Except for the fact that you said you have kids I felt like I was reading about myself!
I needed to hear this 15 years ago but better late than never. Thank you for yet another beautiful, thought-provoking video.
I'm at the end of the video and now I'm crying. I really needed to hear this. Thank you
What a brilliant mind you must have, Jessica, to have taught yourself AND figured out a way to somehow please the unreasonable system too. And how exhausting! I also love the “little Jessica” character in this video. I always had trouble not talking too much in class, too. I just had so much to say!
Regarding your question about what other ADHD-related videos we’d like to see: I’d love to see one about supporting friends with ADHD. I don’t have it (as far as I know), but a good friend was diagnosed as an adult, and it’s really f’d up her life. I’m trying to learn as much as I can about the subject to support and understand her (and not to resent it when she can’t respond to me or do things I want to do, like talk on the phone), and I’d love your perspective. 🎀💖🎀
Me watching this while I should probably do homework:
I wasn't expecting to cry today, but here we are. What a wonderful video, it's obvious you put so much effort into it!
I was "diagnosed" with giftedness at age 5 and now recently with ADHD at age 22, and it really took me so long to get the diagnosis because school was a game to me. I was able to absorb knowledge like a sponge and earned the teachers' attention and praise in return. Now that I'm in university, it all came crumbling down and it's really where the things you described hit me. Being unable to take care of my home, needing someone else to remind me of everything, having absolutley no feel for the passing of time, new information slipping off my brain like a bar of soap, and always, ALWAYS feeling like I was set up to achieve everything but am too lazy to do it.
Unlike you, I never learned how to sit down and study properly, so when my attention in lectures wanders away, catching up feels like having to lift a damn mountain. And it's so hard to find people who really understand. I've been told too many times that I can achieve anything if I just *sit down and do it*, and they make it sound like executive dysfunction wasn't a thing. Sometimes I feel guilty for disappointing their hopes and their trust in me.
And of course there's not knowing what to do after uni, because I really wanted to become a teacher, but I'm more and more worried that my brain is wired too differently to explain anything to neurotypicals. And, you know, being late to school virtually every single day. Existing is hard.
I was considered too far ahead in elementary school, and was punished because of it. I taught myself how to read at the age of 3, and was reading college level books (the classics, Jane Eyre, etc) by the 3rd grade. They wouldn't let me into the back of the library even when my parents begged them to because I was "too young to understand those books, and only big kids get to go in the back of the library". In the 6th grade, I was told by my teacher that I needed to "quit pretending I can understand those books for attention. You need to read something you can actually comprehend. It's not a funny game". I was reading Jane Eyre. For probably the 7th-10th time. The book was falling apart because of how much I carried it around. I could recite multiple pages from near memory and certain scenes in perfect detail, that's how much I had read it.
Loved this within moments of you starting! Thank you so much!
The amount of us with both means there is actually a term for this- twice exceptional! I managed to get through undiagnosed because my parents were able to help me find strategies to cope that were more adaptive. But i did still get anxiety in the bargain. The joys of being a smart girl child in the 90s 😅.
Thank you.
Just a couple of days ago i had a doctor's appointment to speak about adhd and the doctor just looked at my school grades and said that they are too good so my symptoms are just depression and not adhd. Apparently people with adhd " just have a problem paying attention" and therefore a "gifted child" like me can't have adhd. She soooo thought i was following in "the trend".
Worst part is that i kinda believed her because in the moment i could not remember why i felt like i had adhd...
I'm going to get a second opinion once i remember to actually make an appointment with a person who actually knows about adhd and is not just a general medicine doctor.
Thank you for doing this topic.
I’m 53, was “gifted & talented” in school. Currently being evaluated for both ASD and ADHD.
Same here! I'm 31.
Thank you for posting this, as an educator who has students who do not conform to the norm, this was extremely useful.
Thank you Jessica ❤️ Wish I had seen this video when I was still in school 🌷 I'm sure it will help a lot of people
thanks a lot now I can’t stop crying. Seriously, where is all this moisture coming from?It’s not like I drank water today? But genuinely thank you, now I think I might actually have to go talk to a therapist or something
I'm AFAB and have recently started the process of getting diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD. Despite exhibiting symptoms throughout all of my childhood and being referred to as "different" for as long as I can remember, I flew under the radar because I wasn't bouncing off the walls or doing badly in school. Not to mention that my Dad has Hyperactive ADHD and so nobody in my family clocked that I might be neurodivergent because I was, from a surface level perspective, very different to him. In fact I was the opposite of him, I was a pretty calm, quiet kid (unless you got me talking about a hyperfixation) and I was great at academics and even went to a programme for gifted children. Then I started getting to the end of high school and my mental health went down hill along with my grades and my ADHD became a lot more apparent. I could no longer just coast through school without studying and it confused me because I'd been doing so well before. Turns out that I'd been masking pretty heavily my whole life and because I'd come to associate poor grades with being a disappointment or a failure, I never asked for help when I needed it and developed coping mechanisms which stopped working for me the older I got. Case in point, ADHD presents itself in many unique ways and just because your child isn't bouncing off the walls and doing poorly in school doesn't mean they aren't dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder such as ADHD.
watching this nearly made me cry in the best way. i felt so relieved i wasn’t the only one who felt this way! thank you ❤️
I was diagnosed with ADHD 2.5 months ago. Finding someone qualified to make the diagnosis took 6 months and a ton of effort. As a woman and former "gifted student," so many points in this video struck a nerve. I was homeschooled, and it's fascinating to compare my experience with what it could have been if I'd been in a classroom. I always knew that homeschooling had worked well for me, but I'm just recently starting to see how it was a hugely necessary accommodation. Thank you Jessica. ❤
I'm 24 and I wasn't Diagnosed with adhd dyslalia depression anxiety autism tell I was 19 and it's all Severe. Mine is impulsive hyperactive hyperfocus and can't focus at all at the same time. But basically not just that, but everything gets. Jumpaled up my head.
Beautiful video - thank you 💚💚💚🥹🥹🥹
23:00 Additionally, Vygotsky's 'zone of proximal learning' suggests that the best people to teach those who don't understand something are those who've only just got it themselves. Both because they remember what t was like to not know, and are more empathetic, biut also the act of packaging it up to explain it to someone else is a superior way to broadn and build your own learning.
I don't often comment on RUclips but I really related to this video! I've not been diagnosed yet but I am pretty sure I have the inattentive type of ADHD. I did really well at school, have a degree, quit a PhD and am now a teacher. I only realised I might have ADHD after becoming a teacher. I assumed it had never been picked up because I was a girl who was quiet and good at school but, when I mentioned it to my mum, she actually told me that my music teacher suspected I had ADHD when I was at school but she decided she didn't want to get me diagnosed. I understand her reasoning based on what little she knew about ADHD at the time but I do wish I'd known this about myself when I was younger and I didn't just think of myself as lazy!
I’m not diagnosed and I’m not sure if I have ADHD but I definitely would struggle to pay attention in class unless I was making notes, or doodling or something while the teacher was talking. I actually got told off by a physics teacher for taking notes several times when he wanted us to just listen. I also would do the thing Jessica mentioned about reading ahead when we were given a book and being told off for not being where the class is
Thank you, once again, for all the work you put into your videos.
Also, hello, welcome back h best wishes to Clara. I appreciate your hard work too. I'm so glad you are available to help Jessica make such lovely videos!
Soooo relatable. I'll have to catch the rest when I can focus!!!
Lol
this would have been a fantastic video for me (and my parents) to see like 8 years ago lol. also i *really* internalized the “not asking for help” thing. my parents still get so frustrated with me because i tend to forget that that’s even an option
19:30 - 19:44 this part was so frustratingly relatable it made me want to smash my head through a wall. All the way through middle school I coasted on things being easy. English? Easy. Math? Easy. Natural sciences? Easy AND especially interesting. I was "smart" and "full of potential" but that "potential" seems to have waned throughout high school and university (much more severely in university, but it definitely first showed in high school with math)
I hate the school system so much, because I went in eager to learn and got out of it with severe depression, social anxiety, selective mutism, an ed and traumatized from bullying... and after four years of getting treatment, I finally met my current therapist, who realised, that I have inattentive ADHD, and that this was the root issue that caused all my issues and made me such an easy target
Hell, I *was* diagnosed in 4th grade in the early 90's (which, as a girl, was remarkable), but the experiences of people who were diagnosed later in life mirrors mine with distressing accuracy. We know so much more about ADHD now.
Truth. I am a bit of a special case, as I’m AuDHD and gifted with a processing auditory issue and like a bunch of learning disabilities. But I wasn’t diagnosed as ANYTHING till I was 16-17. The trauma from that, and from being undiagnosed with other things, the learning disabilities and processing issues, till 20, is too real.
Like, the only way to prove you have ADHD and need help/accommodations, is to….do something ADHD makes difficult, like EF functioning for paperwork.
I know SO MANY people who have to watch this
I feel like everyone should watch this!
@jennifers5560 True!
My mom realizing she had adhd in her late 50s/early 60s was simultaneously the most euphoric and frustrating thing for her. They thought it was a different thing she had affecting her memory, but once she got that treated: nope! Her brain is just wired differently. It definitely impacted her parenting and lack of accommodations contributed to her having to navigate things like parent teacher meetings, school trips, etc.
OMG - I love that your content popped up on RUclips for me again! Love your aesthetic.
Diagnosed with ADHD age 48 (and autism now too) I never identified as gifted ... but the 'following people to class though they might be headed to a different class' wow that rings true. There's a lot about my childhood I'm still unpacking ... :)
I know a couple men in their 30s who are only just getting diagnosed because they have inattentive ADHD. It's been interesting to see that it's not just women with this type who get ignored.
But as a woman who was diagnosed with *hyperactive* type in her late 20s, I think women are still overlooked more because even our hyperactive symptoms are different
Thank you for this video! I relate so hard and it gave my brain something to chew on so i could actually focus on work for 30min 😅😅😅 Im a Woman in Engineering who got by with extream masking, very helpful friends and parents who would remind me about hw constantly and even bring it to school when i left it at home, quickly solving the question on board after being called, asked for things to be repeated the time, ect. Diagnosed at 28 and now medicated some.
Nearly nodded my head off watching this 🤗
Also, another vote for Jessica to make a short vid of the last beautiful couple of minutes to play every morning with my cuppa
Thank you for this video! I was the child who got diagnosed with "intellectual giftedness", because I was bored in class and giving me extra work that was not boring, was a way to keep me entertained. I always had good grades, because, as you explained, I interacted with the teachers, answering almost every question etc. I only got diagnosed as an adult, as it was harder and harder to keep up with uni, my relationships were chaotic and I was feeling really stressed. And my psychiatrist actually said that it was not uncommon for women with adhd to be seen as "gifted" when they were younger. It's really good to know that I am not alone!
I'm not the ADHD type (I was the kind who would sit and learn just from listening to the teacher with no need to ever study for tests afterwards), did very well within the school system as it was and loved going to school... with one exception: the year I spent in Scotland at age 15.
For all the issues with school systems in general, it seemed like the UK/Scotland had all the worst problems of them all: inflexible, teachers pressures to have their lessons planned almost to the minute to fit a curriculum culminating in one single exam to decide a kid's entire future... no wonder everyone had a horrible time (and neurodiverse kids even more so).
I was fortunate to go to some very good schools that actually focused on learning to learn beyond exams and develop critical thinking. And it helped that access to further education was by doing entrance exams to the specific university you and could be repeated year after year rather than "get your Highers or be done with school forever".
Paulo Freire has been writing about this for ages - students being taught things that make sense to their own life experiences. How long until the UK gets off its tradition-high-horse and actually moves on with the times?
Add/dyslexic hsp, add discovered at university. I broke down. Everything made sense. Began my healing journey. Traumas weren't my fault
My school classified me as both "gifted" and "learning delayed". I was pulled out of class for part of the day for individual teaching - which sometimes included advanced lessons that I apparently was *not* meant to use in the regular classroom. My second grade teacher got upset with me for learning cursive writing and negative numbers "too soon".
Regarding the over-engaging with the teachers, I remember being asked to, I think even in these words, "let the other kids have a turn answering questions." I started a little game with myself where, after being called on, I couldn't raise my hand again until five of my classmates "had a turn". I'm sure keeping track of how many people had spoken did *great things* for my ability to absorb the subject being taught! /sarcasm
'Hyperfocus' either wasn't known back then or wasn't properly described to us, because Mom accepted my ADD diagnosis but rejected the ADHD diagnosis, on the logic that getting fidgety when expected to sit still for long periods of time was natural behaviour for a kid and I wasn't hyperactive in other ways.
This is so fitting for Jessica to discuss school because she's our best teacher. :D
You deserve an Oscar by your acting skills.
Ok… the end of the video literally has me all teary eyed 😭😭
You don‘t know you need to hear things until you do sometimes…
Thanks so much for posting this. I have autism and suspected adhd and this video is so well articulated how this nurodivergent experience can effect someone through school. I always felt so ashamed of having to learn/teach myself different ways and you have nailed down the concept very well in this. I have dyscalcula (like dylexia but math/numbers) and i would often draw out my math problems like a diagram to figure them out, then erase the work to write down what they wanted to see. This double work just burnt me out so badly by the time i hit college that i stopped trying. I dodnt even bother to buy the text book. I hope this can become more widely known so more generations can support nurodivergent and learning disabled kids better. Its so rough growing up with that shame and unlearning it as an adult
Thank you so much, Jessica. I have tears in my eye right now. So much of what you said I relate to. I am an Early Childhood Teacher ,because of my love for children. I have felt so defeated that I cant function as easily as my colleagues in this extremely busy environment. I have taught for 20 years, so I have brought all my strengths and strategies to 'mask". Recently, I had to leave my permanent teaching role as it was too busy, I dont what might have happened if I had the right words to express what I needed, or if the staff had been more supportive, but I know it would have made a difference. I am tired of people being frustrated at me, I don't blame them, I just try so hard, it is exhausting.😢
This video was uploaded on the right time. Thank you so much for this