PAIN Behind my SMILE | Van Life is not a Dream
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- Опубликовано: 29 мар 2024
- I'm SAD & Nothing makes me Happy, Not Even Beach Camping in my Van...
Life is not as good as it might seems... I am going through a lot and not even the best campsite on the beach makes me happy anymore. I am grateful for all the things that I can experience like riding my new @kbobikes , all the beautiful flowers and birds, spending time with friends by the campfire, watching movies outside with my projector but I am always missing something important. I don't really know how long I will feel like this but the truth is that behind my smile there is a lot of pain...
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Life is not what you think, just because you see someone smiling doesn't mean that they are happy and doing okay. After getting back online, I am struggling because people seem to assume that I am doing great just because they watched a 10 minute video of me smiling for some seconds. People be thinking that after losing the two most important men of my life and having my life completely destroyed I just have the capacity of being a super human, entertaining you for free every week. Some people is assuming that I should travel, and keep being my old self before all the misfortune events happened to me, but how are you guys even expecting such thing from me if you truly followed my story? The internet is not real life and I needed to bring a reality check here on RUclips. It's great to live in a van sometimes, it's great to be an immigrant sometimes, it's great to be alone sometimes, it's great to post videos on RUclips but the truth guys is that at the same time things are also awful and painful. Be patience and kind with people on the internet, truly listen to them and stop pushing boundaries. Remember that these are free videos for you to get entertained and a way to connect with others, youtubers are real people just like you, and it's time that someone spoke about this... I couldn't keep this inside of me for any longer. I share more details about everything that's happening and happened in my life on my Patreon www.patreon.com/LidiaRico I shared past events that for a lot of people that followed this channel since the beginning are shocking to hear and I want to keep them private, so if you subscribe to my Patreon please respect the privacy of that platform and be kind. Thanks for being here reading this ❤🙏
♥♥♥ Ron/Sweden
🙏( here's a big mom hug 🤗)
Important that you just keep around people and give things time Time is the only healer. It really took my daughter several years before she can just think about her boyfriend that killed himself. Now she can at least talk about it as a thing of the past. Being around people helps pass that time and you experience other great things that outweigh the tragedy
Wait I’m confused the guy u we’re with always in ur video did he die ? Ur x husband?
@@lauramoor7730Laura they split up but yes. Philip passed away six months ago. Lidia posted a video.
Sometimes I think in real life most people aren't happy with their lives even though they make out that they are.😢 Most people in real life are really depressed,sad but don't want others to know how they really feel deep down inside.
The truest comment I’ve read so far ❤
Your So Correct Most people Are Broken 😔 💔
That’s why we need to be free be ourselves and do what we want to do and don’t care what nobody says about us!!! Go live in nature and be kind and happy!!!
be strong i know it is hard i lost my wife 3 years ago and i cry every day, my heart goes out to you god bless you all my love David
I hope you feel better soon David 🥺😘
Lidia, as an outsider watching your videos, it doesn't take a PHD in psychology to know that Phillip loved you with all his heart and soul. YOU are the reason he was around as long as he was. I don't know if it will help but, think of it this way... Phillip isn't missing a beautiful sunset with you, he IS the sunset FOR you. You and Phillip are an example for ALL of us to reach out to those we care about. Let them know how much they mean to you. Only GOD knows what will happen on life's journey.
As always, BIG HUGS and much ❤from Tennessee!
🫂
Bobs, Unfortunately loved one, Men who take their own life do not receive grief or have any explanation /acceptance from individuals (other mankind) who have to constantly put on their pants just like him & get out in this world to fight day to day, making something of ourselves. Make sure you get into your bible because God knows yah soul and taking your own life is not the fruitfulness he has for us.
What a beautiful way to view this situation.
Oh this was beautifully said!😢
Yesterday was my son's 3rd anniversary of passing and I completely feel your grief. Stay strong big hugs.
Thank you for sharing and my heart is with you 💜
@@LidiaRico ruclips.net/video/mB9pWvy2xmw/видео.htmlsi=JudxThGPZferbO_o This song might help on tough days.
Praying for you! 🙏🏾😢
Sometimes, and i mean sometimes. It's often not meant for us to understand why people do what they do, but in time, you'll begin to accept it and begin to live again. There are no right words to what and how you're feeling, but often, that's what we have to do. I love campfires, it's good at keeping the bugs away lol.
❤thank you for sharing your heart and reality. You are valued you are a survivor You are important You are loved! broken and real just the way you are!!!❤
Thank you ❤
Gotta get out ya head! Reach out volunter to help others and life becomes more of a blessing!❤❤ Always gove when you have these self defeating thoughts!
Great advice thank you
Its so hard Lidia. I lost my girl a year and a half ago and the sadness just seems to stay. I don't think it ever gets less sad we just learn to live with it 😢
I can relate to your words and I am deeply sorry 😞 life is not fair
Oh sweet girl! I cried with you. 💔
I just think you’re the sweetest little bad ass!!! I hope my daughter grows up to be as adventurous as you.
I also lost the love of my life, almost 10 years ago. I understand your struggle. I went into a very dark place… but little by little your wounds will start to hurt less. Stay strong and stay by the light ❤ the Depression is real 💕
RIP Philip and Tommy
Your video touched me. I'm a man of 31, my both parents and all my grands parents died 10 years ago, and it's something you live with forever. I mean, you can find happiness in your life for sure but it's like a broken bone that never fully repaired. Only time and acceptation can bring your some reconfort. Even now, sometimes, sadness and tears comes like a river and i can't control it, you have to accept it and walk on.
I can only imagine what you are going through and I wish you the best in your life 🙏
(for clarification, i speak for myself, i'm not telling what you have to do)
Yes, my daughter and I loss my parents, brother, aunt, uncle, and grandmother over a period of just 6 years. Parents passed 2 weeks apart. Last brother died during covid. I often feel so alone growing up in a house of 7😢
I feel bad for you lidia because I lost the love of my life in 2019 to suicide. We too had divorced and i never got over it. It's hard but time will help. I can still go to a very dark place at times with the reality of my life. But i keep trying. Hugs! ❤ 😢❤
Thank you for sharing Paula and I am sorry that we have so much thing sin common... not in the best of circumstances. But I am grateful that somehow we can relate one to another
May God heal your broken heart Lidia.
Amen 🙏🏽 ❤
I saw this van a lot when I was living in Germany. Great van.
I’m sure you saw a van like this one but not this one hehe😅
Lidia, I'm giving you a hug of Love!
🫂
So sorry, sweet girl. Grief is so hard. I totally understand that underneath your smiles, there are lots of tears.😢
You've been through a lot. I'm sure both your dad and husband are watching the sunsets with you. It's hard to understand why someone would take their own life, and I'm sure it had nothing at all to do with you. This life was too hard for him to handle, and it was his time to go home. ❤
Sending you lots of love and hugs.❤❤❤
i lost my soulmate 4yrs ago, the pain will subside but you will have moments of dispair. life for you will continue but just not the same, you'll be ok sweetheart. never forget what you had but be open to what you can. and try and not compare others to what you had, we're all individuals. spend time with you and things will fall in place in time.
Give yourself permission to be sad, to be happy, to be mad, to feel survivor's guilt, .. You are allowed to have all of those feelings and to let them cycle back again. The fact that you feel all of it so deeply just shows what a beautiful person you are. Be true to your feelings, it will be okay. 💌
Just discovered “little camper” if you are bored and haven’t ---- he’s a retired Japanese guy and his love for lighting and vibe in his van is so inspiring !!!! As are you !!! Keep sharing we love ya
I'm so sorry for your loss😥😔😥...I lost a dear friend 14 years ago 2 weeks after my son was born and I miss his smile & laugh and he was such a special person...I am grateful every day that he was a part of my life for many seasons and that he was able to touch so many lives like he did mine....RIP Mark O💗💗💗
We know you’re hurting and appreciate it when you’re able to smile.
I want you to have a support system with people who will let you be you in any form . It was\is how I’m healing from constant grief entering my life. I have old friends who understand my struggle an new friends who didn’t know me until recent. Those new friends only know my present state. I tell them thank you for the love and fun. I surprising met new friends during the depths of my grief. Your heart and heart are bigger than the pain. And people can see that! Big hugs!
Thanks for sharing, some people is able to see and some others no. Since I am being honest and more real I don’t get views on RUclips and the only thing I do is losing subscribers. Not sure why this is happening but it’s a sign that the word is not as kind as we want it to be. People only support you when you look good and happy
The campfire party looked like a lovely setup. 🏕
Tears are the language of the heart. They say the things we can’t verbalize.
I love this ❤
No woman no cry ✌💝💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐👉💚
Your vulnerability and honesty about such a hard subject are commendable. Keep smiling and trying to find happiness
Also, one of my favorite movies, looked like a great movie night.
I've had people in my life commit suicide and I often think of them too. It's something we can never understand.
I'm sorry. I just started watching you, and my condolences to you. If you ever want to visit Arizona and take a weekend break from van life. You are welcome here in my home. Diosito esta siempre contigo. 🙏🌷❤️
Lidia, that’s such a great movie!!!!!!! I LOVE it. I just wanted to say that I see you hurting behind your smile and it is not lost on some. The bravery you are having rn to keep going will pay off, and be so worth it! I’m so sorry for your loss! ❤❤❤
"Grief I've learned is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."
All these comments just shows that no one’s really alone… God has given us life still and we do what we can at our best ❤… There’s Grace in the pain girl ..
I know this video is months old,but I'm sorry for your loss. ❤
My first RV was a white 70s VW. That thing could go just about anywhere to camp. Little tight for two, however, much more useful than a long body custom van.
Lidia, im sending so much love and blessings your way 🤍💖💜💕🩷🩷 thank you for being real on the internet. This was the first time I stumble upon your channel but I feel an immediate genuine connection. Keep being strong.
I hope you can find a support group near you. It helps to have ppl who understand your situation and you can talk it out in a private place with other survivors and share ideas, pain and comfort. ❤
🙏🏽🌞💪🏾💙 stay strong I totally understand
♥️
Praying for your health and healing ❤️🩹
Thank you 🙏
My deepest condolences to you. I wish healing and happiness for you. Very cool campgrounds, thanks for the tour. Beautiful view of the ocean. I really like your bike too. Very cool. Safe travels and best wishes.
I'm so sorry you have the pain of a loved one committing suicide. I just saw that you returned to Spain and I hope that makes you happier. A woman like you who wants to live the van life is precious. I was never lucky enough to find such a woman, and that was my pain, being alone all the time. I wish you good luck in everything ❤
It's okay being alone as long as you accept that is god's plan :)
The looks when you turn to the other seat. Man Lydia, seeing you do everything yourself is so inspiring. I wish I could give you a hug. Sending all the love!
Live is always hard you have to keep pushing never give up never❤❤
It's OK to be not OK sharing helps 💔. Sending my Love 🌹🕊🌹
Thank you for allowing me to express myself
I know exactly how you feel. I’m going through it too. My wife of 35 years passed away in May this year.
I am so sorry you have been through a lot it will take time a broken heart takes time to heal ❤
Yes 😢
Thank you for being vulnerable with us.
Hugs. I empathize with you. Life is a rollercoaster and sometimes everything feels like it all happens at once.
Patience waiting for the emotions to level off is so hard. While you are in the middle of your struggles it is hard to see a way out.
One day you will suddenly realize that things are better.
Persevere, you've got this. You will make it.
Thank you, Lidia.
It is always great to see you. Stay positive and take it one day at a time. You’re not alone.
I’ve been doing van life on-and-off for 3 years, mostly on, and it’s difficult at times to not feel cast away, alone, and unwanted.
Instead of asking why he is not here for another sunset try to find his life in the sunset itself. Don't let the past steal your sunshine. Love your smile and soul total sweetheart ❤
Instead of telling others what they should think, it's okay to just support them and respect their reality. It's not and on and off switch, it's my heart and brain being broken. What I think it's completely normal. Sunshines, sunsets, flowers, everything is bittersweet and it will be for a while and what I would like is people to understand this process and don't recommend me to jump right across the phase of grief and depression after losing love ones to suicide. The past is affecting my present, it's not wise to act like it didn't happened. Thanks for the support tho I see the good intentions behind your words
It takes time, be strong, when your next purpose finds you, your happiness will return as another journey begins. Give it time, keep strong faith. 💚💛🧡💙💜💙🧡💛💚
lets hope so
I totally understand you beautiful I have my son’s spouse that committed suicide last year and we think about him almost every day so I totally understand you 😢praying for God to give you strength 🙏🏻♥️
I am also sorry for your loss 🙏🏽 it will never make sense
First time seeing your vids and I immediately fell in love with your accent and personality! You are such a ray of sunshine hunny ☀️ the pain never goes away but it does get a little easier with time just keep smiling thru it I know it’s hard 🫶🏽
It's going to take time and I know it's not easy to feel like that. I lost my mom 23 years ago and I still miss her so much. I wish I was there to watch a movie with you friend. Take care of yourself and you have a friend who has your back.
Você tem um brilho lindo. A vida é feita de altos e baixos, continua seu caminho sempre com esse sorriso lindo e esse brilho na sua alma.
Deus sempre vai estar ao seu lado 😊
Obrigado
She's crazy to be wide open by herself like that, vulnerable to anyone and anything. Safety should be a must. Wow!
Why are you so afraid?
While riding a bike in booty shorts eating a banana 😅the definition of unbothered
@@LidiaRicoMen.
Cheers Lidia you go girl. Life goes on and "Time" is just the name on a Magazine!!
👍
You have more figured out than you realize. Life goes on and often times its not pleasant, but there are lots of wonderful parts of life as well. you will always feel pain and heartbreak but you will also feel happiness and joy. You're alright Lidia.
Lidia, thank you for sharing your time by the Beach. The feelings the ups and downs. Thank you for showing up authentically. ❤
Shit.... I met you and Philip at that Expo West thing in Flagstaff a couple years ago - Phil and I spoke on the phone a bit after that, talking about the van build stuff and were planning for me to roll down to see you guys. Then the break-up happened, which was obviously hard on the both of you, so I pulled back figuring he wasn't in the right head space - I reached out but didn't hear back, then ran into you in Venice but you weren't in a great mood (understandable as I just walked up to you and you likely didn't remember me) - I did not know Phil left the planet, such a bummer.... I remember the story of how you guys met and how he went to Spain to woo you, that was such a romantic story, This entire thing is so tragic - I'm hoping the best for you....
I live in Canada and we have camp fires all the time because its cool most of the time. I love you show and I'm sorry for your loss I really liked you guys when you were together. God Speed
Thank you ❤
You are so inspiring ❤ You make your dad proud every day i’m sure! He raised a fighter, you will carry on 💪🏼 These broken pieces are coming together in the most beautiful way you’ll see 💐
Prayers and much love to you, Lidia.
Very sorry Lidia. It's a lot of pain to bear. Praying for you that you find peace and healing. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4
Sweet girl, it's okay to not have someone next to you. You're so wonderful. Enjoy your time.
I understand completely. My fiance passed away 7 years ago from a stroke in the prime of her life. It has ruined my life! Changed everything, and has left me all alone in this world that keeps spinning round. My heart goes out to you, may you find peace!
Your vulnerability is so brave. Sending love and healing vibes for your heart and soul. You got this queen🫶🏽✨🌻🌈🪬🧿💞
Thank you but man I am not doing good
Lidia,
I know this pain has left a hole in your heart. A hole that will be there forever unfortunately..... I pray you continue to smile and be strong. Also, it is ok if you're not ok....as long as you remember you are loved and this is not your fault. I'm sorry you are hurting and have so many questions with no answers. I send you good vibes and hope things get a little better for you. Thank you for sharing all you do! Hang in there beautiful! ❤
This world needs you!
Thank you for your videos Lidia! I enjoy them and you are so beautiful! It's not your fault that Philip committed suicide but because of mental illness. You WILL get past this and it has opened doors for you, some that you can now see and others that you can't see YET! I wish you joy and success and know that many people from all over the world are cheering you on and supporting you! I pray for your protection all the time and if you ever need a friend in San Jose, CA, I'd be glad to help!
This has been amazing. Thank you for being so transparent and honest. You are an amazing person! Keep doing what your doing. Everything will come in time. You will find peace, love understanding of all of this. You do the work everyday. With every sunrise and every sunset you are one step closer.....
animo guapa 😢 se fuerte , hay cosas en la vida que no tienen explicacion ... tira palante y lleva el dia a dia.. eres tremenda.
🥹
I admire you so much! Thank you for speaking your truth and showing us your full self. You have so much courage and strength. I see you handling this with grace and beauty. As you said, this pain will continue and will be with you the rest of your life, because that is how love works, but i can assure you that the pain will become less overwhelming with time. The tsunamis will become waves, which will then become ripples. Keep doing what you're doing. Sending you all my love and support 💝
Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty 🌷sending you love and peace of mind
🫂 I appreciate your videos for your honesty. I’d much rather watch you in your 40 year old Westy than someone pretend vanlifing in a $200k Sprinter. You’re pretty talented biking and blogging at the same time!😊 I’d wreck for sure! Campfires are amazing! Thank you so much for your videos Lidia!❤
Thank you so much Matt ❤
The message is really needed for many people. Thank you to open up and share your pain. Namaste 🙏🏻
He now can see the sunsets through your eyes ❤🩹Siento mucho tu pérdida Lidia ❤
Gracias pero la verdad no creo en eso el me dejó mucho antes de morir
@@LidiaRico 😌😘
I love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood! When I saw that in the theater I was in LA so I saw it in Hollywood at the Chinese Theater! I think I've watched it six times now.
Sorry you're having sad days thinking about Philip. Hang strong! Life is never 100% good times. We have to remember the good times when we're struggling.
Thank you and yeah this movie is a classic now
Thank you for being genuine and expressive!
Good Morning Lidia, I wish I was there to give you a hug. I need to put my e-bike in my van and go for a ride with you. Sending lots of love and warm wishes to you.
🫂
Thank you for sharing your truth. So heart breaking the loss of loved ones...currently dealing with grief as well. I make sure to smile though the tears while watching sunsets.
Hope you recover from your sadness as your a good women and beautifull to behold have a great life and fill your dreams of a better love and life god bless and keep you strong amen
Amen 🙏🏽 ❤
Thank u for your time space energy. U r forever spiritually protected by them!
Lidia, you are a wonderful person and nobody can really understand the pain you go through (who hasn’t been in a situation like this). Thank you for being so honest, so real. I wish I could give you a hug. All the very best. Love the Westy ❤
I can understand your pain. I had a very special person in my life who I had the deepest spiritual connection with. Our life paths tooks us in different directions, found out about 6 months ago he passed from OD.
I am so upset, I guess I'm realizing I never grieved the separation.
I find comfort in knowing that now i can speak to him anytime. I ask him to visit in my dreams and he does. This gives me peace.
Talk to Philip, he can hear you and im sure his spirit is with you always, protecting you.
Lidia Bonita! Ser consciente de que no estás bien es el camino a estar bien de nuevo. No desesperes, sigue luchando y aunque estés profundamente triste no dejes de sonreír y disfrutar que es la mejor medicina. Expresar como te sientes y decirlo en voz alta es lo más valiente que puedes hacer. Eres una sabia duendecilla. Hermosa! ÁNIMO! Un beso enorme de una desconocida
You are such a a beautiful soul, we are in a constant battle with our inner feelings. Keep on fighting those battles, pls do not let go. The sunshine will be waiting for your gaze again. These videos are wonderful, and give a lot of your viewers a peace of mind, as myself it's so calming. Much love to you 🫂
Wow! That Sunset was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I’m so sorry for all the pain your in. Please know that I’m praying for you. Also, I love your home and now you can travel and help someone with your beautiful smile.
PeaceAndLove
Lori
This is my first video of you, and I'm so happy I saw this video. Bless you, and I better days will come! You are a inspiration and I'm glad I found your channel!
Take it day by day, keep your head up high. It will get better. Sending you a big hug.
I just want to give you a hug. I will be praying for you to find peace. Its so true you never know what one is going through. 🙏🏼💞✌🏼
It's nice to see you smile even though your in pain and I feel your pain I've lost two friends that I've known just about my whole life and my cousin in the last four months and my mom three years ago. It is hard to deal with and it really fuckin sucks but it have to lean on friends and family for comfort you have lots of fans who care and want the best for you. If you ever want someone to talk to reach out to me or any of your fans people do care and want you be happy again. Stay safe and God bless ❤💯😀
I feel the same whenever I see a sun set or just anything beautiful or have a wholesome experience, see beautiful mountains or flowers. I always think "how could they not want to keep seeing this?" And it's bittersweet because I am so happy to be alive and so sad they're not.
Stay strong, love from Sevilla.
Guau! Se sabe que una persona es realmente especial cuando está sufriendo en su interior pero aun así es capaz de proyectar su buena energia
Gracias❤ no es fácil
i can relate - my best friend of 20 years ended his life. i was in soooo much pain and i too hid it with a smile. i was a wreck and nobody knew it. not even my family. but, eventually, i healed (9 years ago). godspeed to your healing, lidia. you’ll get there and thank you for sharing.
✌🏽 and love.
Perfect video Lidia! Keep doing this! 👍👍👍
lamento tu perdida y te deseo mucha fortaleza para q puedas continuar con tu vida y lo mas q te gusta hacer!!
Thinking about you and praying....... 🙏
Another Lydia! Wow glad I found this channel. Keep going Lidia, you got this❤I am also an immigrant from South America 🇹🇹 here alone in the USA with my daughter. Can’t imagine what that type of pain feels like . Our stories were already written. It’s tough but I believe you’re here for a reason. Your story will help a lot of others heal and come out of trauma too,You WILL heal and you WILL love again. Amen.Sending you love and light. 🙏🏾
He is in an amazing place and is filled with joy and love. Rejoice for him and know that you will see him again. He is not gone
Lidia I understand exactly how you feel about being sad and hurting even when you are in good times on a beautiful day because sometimes I also reflect on losing my mom and some of my family and friends and I often cry because the pain of never seeing them again really hurts and the reality is that it will always be pain from losing our love ones as we navigate through our lives but that pain keeps me fighting for myself and others who truly love me and honestly Lidia even though I don't personally know you I can hear the pain in your voice and I can see the pain in your eyes but the most important thing is that I can feel the love in your heart and that what truly makes you special and gifted and my advice to you is to always be you and do things at your own pace and you will always shine brighter than the brightess star 🌟 in the sky
Thank you Lidia for showing me and others that don't personally know you how to talk about private things in our lives that effect us all instead of holding all that pain inside ..
It is good to let the rivers flow instead of waiting for the dam to break .... 😊
Your tears made me cry. I send you a virtual hug. 💜 Hang in there, beautiful, it doesn't rain all the time.
Hi Lidia, thanks for sharing your day! Been there since Philip was around. Keep fighting! Love lots from the Philippines!
Thank you so much for watching for so many years ❤
Mucho ánimo con tu viaje,tanto exteriormente como interiormente,que lo disfrutes como te mereces y que al final del camino te espere la felicidad
I love that campground. We stayed there when I was a kid back in 76. We had a school field trip to San Diego and we stayed at that park. We got so sunburn