Hey, I just want to tell you hat I think was going on with Logan Paul's co-host. The thing that was happening is that he assumed that being "manly" is inherently virtuous, and that Logan would just automatically agree with him.
Non-binary..... Sure whatever you say "totally" human person and not a robot person trying to blend in society by saying they aren't binary so people won't get suspicious of them Whatever you say
I can explain gender to you in a fairly comprehensive manner if you would like. I know people don't quite understand it themselves which is why we get here to begin with. The only thing i will need to know is if that is (actually) what you are wanting... An answer as to why. Even if not, I would still recommend "Chesterton's fence". Don't destroy what you ultimately don't understand since what "better" thing are you going to replace it with if you don't understand why, it was there to begin with?
Me too! I’m an NB and why don’t any men wear the sorts of art pieces that women do?! Even at the MET Gala where the point is the fashion! It’s ridiculous!
"You get the perfect opportunity to put together any kind of outfit to express yourself through" Men with various different interests, personalities and lifestyles: Put on generic suits only differing in brightness and the absence or presence of a tie.
Wouldn't that outcome mean fashion is working as intended? I'm not an expert but I thought fashion was a way to express identity and sometimes also make a statement. Was I mistaken somewhere?
@@FishSticker Ummm, yeah, both of those things are true. But they didn't say they're enby because male fashion sucks. I think you understood it as "fashion sense is uneven and restrictive for each gender, so it'd be better to get rid of gender", which doesn't make much sense. Sorry if I got it wrong, but that's what I got from your comments. But in any case, it's more of "fashion is meant to help people express themselves but gender norms get in the way, so it'd be better to get rid of gender".
@@magicseahorse it's not complaining for attention, quite the oposite. Is just "lemme do my thing alone". A man can't do his nails or have a nice long hair without bringing unwanted commentary and looks. Not that it matters at the end, but it's annoying af.
There’s not a better way to say it. Gender identity is important for someone’s sense of self within their gender while gender roles are stereotypes that put people in boxes. We won’t be able to fully express our gender identities without consequence or backlash as long as gender roles remain so invasive.
Can someone explain what the difference is? I thought a "gender identity" was just the characteristics and actions performed when playing a gender role
@@powerplayer75There's no difference. People try to skate around it so as not to invalidate transgender people's feelings, but the truth is, gender identity doesnt exist without gender roles. Tbh I say abolish it all. Let people just be people and have the difference purely be about sexual dimorphism. That'd probably leave some people still be uncomfortable with their bodies, but that'd be a relief for all of those that feel boxed in by gender-based societal expectations.
I wore a skirt to school on "wacky Wednesday", a special day at my school based on the doctor suess book of the same name and I got so much attention it was overwhelming. But then, on a normal day, the girls in my class can wear cargo pants, v neck t-shirts, pretty much anything, and no one bats an eye. No idea how this happened. Also nice video btw :3 Edit: yeah it's pretty obvious why this happens now. Thanks for all the replies!
I believe the standard is "masculinity", it's why tomboys aren't judged as harshly as someone who is masculine behaving effeminate. It might also just be misogyny and the objectification of women that result in less judgement in this regard. What it is in reality, idk I'm just spitting my thoughts. Gender is stupid I just want to be pretty and I love estrogen.
@@notBeWitchy "Gender is stupid"... am I connected to your mind or smthn?? Ever since my agender awakening I've been like this, and now I've found someone similar. I couldn't be happier.
@notBeWitchy I agree that masculinity is seen as the standard, but at least in the west, when women were fighting for rights and wages, they were also pushing boundaries on what was considered feminine, including clothing. as women became more established in the workforce, a place that was viewed as masculine, different uniforms and dress codes were created, some of them being more masculine than feminine. and women have continued to fight for the freedom of expression, being aided by the fact that women are seen as and allowed to be more expressive.
Unrelated to the entire video, but I do like it when RUclipsrs have sunglasses on and the backlight reflects off of the glasses and creates "pupils" in a sort of way. Very entertaining to watch.
A teacher of mine once told me, that the reason why men are hated for wearing dresses, but women arent hated for wearing suits, is the fear of most "strong" men, that their ideal image of a men could be damaged by this. Men who decide to "become" feminin are hated, because the strong men becomes the "weak women". So the real reason for the hate is sexism (against women) and the believe, that men and women have to be distinguishable, so men can keep their position as the "stronger gender".
It's women who enforce this shit more than anyone. All attraction from women is dependent on maintaining an ideal masculine image. If that image takes a hit, it does so permenantly, she does not "add points back" next time you do something that reinforces the image positively. Men feel no need to prove that they're the stronger gender, because they know they are. This is a feminist projection onto men, it is what a feminist woman strives to do (by essentially acting man-ish), and assumes that men are trying to do, instead of just doing naturally and effortlessly. Wear a dress in public and guys will crack a friendly joke or ignore you, and forget about it eventually. You will permenantly be seen as defective by a woman though. It's time to stop letting the halo/"women are wonderful" bias effect our thinking. It is complete delusion that women are nicer people than men.
tbh i want to dress more feminely but my biggest issue isn't other men judging me but rather othr women judging me. in my own experience, i was bullied a lot for many years by men and i got used to it. but man oh man, no man has comes close to hurting me then women have. i have tried to open with some women about it and they turned it against me in a pretty nasty way (the same way that strong men say its not masculine). i would wear a dress in front my homies but i would not bring myself to do it around women (unless i pass), though i will say that some strong men as you mention do exist.
@@merlin5662 tbh most women only cared about me when I had a glow up. Although that was like in highschool so I can't speak for adults. I've been able to confide in the women I wanted to without issue. As a teenager and previous, most women were heartless (not all). I assume that extends into the early 20s since I don't see much of a difference in maturity, but I'm curious if this still happens to you in adulthood. Most people from what I see treat random people with respect despite what they look like. That being said, I live in Southern California and your demographic matters.
Our society is badly obsessed with heteronormative culture. There's poverty and crime out there, yet we have people going crazy over someone's gender identity or who can wear a skirt.
Maintaining patriarchy and painting people who stray outside of it as evil degenerates help some people stay in power which is probably why it’s still prevalent
well no, theyre not obsessed with it. our society IS a heteronormative culture. nature is heteronormative. its true that the issue is ridiculous compared to the world collapsing around us.
You're the one who's obsessed: regardless of what you identify with, heterosexuality is normal, and you literally tear down others to pretend it makes you more valid. Plus, if you wanted less crime, you terrorists shouldn't have defunded the police or murdered 30 during the capitol hill occupied protest.
I both hate and love gender. I hate the expectations placed on me but I love presenting more butch or femme as an expression of how I am feeling any given day. I hate the sexism, the homophobia, and the transphobia, but I love the communities that have formed as a result of such injustices. Happy pride!
In a way it's like nationalism. Waving flags, bonding, loyalty, pride - but that inevitably leads to separation, us-vs-them mentality and a loss of individuality. Maybe the only grouping we need is "human", no sub-grouping allowed. Actually, we may need to go a level higher to "creature", or even higher to just "thing that exists", could help with our empathy issue.
@@edumazieri Pride is a response to queerphobia and exclusion. If we were fully accepted in society, then there would be no need for the flag waving or the LGBTQ-specific bonding. Don’t blame queer people for the us vs them mentality-that comes from somewhere else entirely, and all we can do is respond to it.
The thing that gets me is that it biologically makes more sense for males to wear skirts at least some of the time considering their external pieces that need temperature regulation. It can genuinely be harmful in the long term to wear stuffy pants for males. On the flip side, females with internal parts make it simultaneously make sense to wear pants (or pantaloons/underwear) to better protect said parts. Different actions call for different garbs. We all should get all the options.
I think it might be the industrial chain that shaped our view of what women and men should wear. That's the main problem. You are creating corporate standards for gender and men are expected to wear suits by the corporate authorities. Not to mention that most clothing is heavily biased towards media representations of the gender binary. Specifically in childhood, the indoctrination already sets hold. There are also negative stereotypes for certain cultural dressing styles, where long wavy clothing is looked down upon, especially in the Western world. We choose oversized clothing articles instead of gowns, because that's all the corporations allow us to have. This isn't a choice. Many people in the non-binary do not have possession of the means to even have "feminine" clothes in their size or something like that. I mean, it's complicated.
And in addition, many clothing articles are corrupted by "trends" instead of "style". People should have their OWN unique style, NOT follow trends. But that's what is forced onto society at large. If every body is unique and different and has its own construct, then why would we have uniform clothing styles or trends to follow? Does that make sense? People also have different personalities which can't shine through without appropriate nurture and care. I firmly believe that the resentment felt towards people who wear dresses isn't even a matter of "masculinity" or anything like that. It is a matter of the people being envious that the rich people like Harry Styles can even afford to wear such a beautiful dress and to be photographed positively, even though they themselves would most likely be demonized or ridiculed, because most of them didn't find their STYLE of dress.
As a cisgendered male I never got why people can't understand or accept that gender and biological sex can be different concepts. The moment it was explained to me it made perfect sense. How does your X and Y chromosomes have any bearing on what clothes you wear, or what personality you have or your role in society? The simple, scientific answer is it doesn't, or at least there isn't a 1 to 1 correlation for every person. Trying to enforce rigid gender norms that people aren't comfortable with is a infringment of people's freedom and well being. Also gender dysphoria isn't really that hard of a concept to grasp when you think about the even more bizare birth defects people are born with. There are some people born with the two genitalla, no genitalla, tails, extra limbs, etc but for some reason a female brain in a male body or vice-versa is not possible? Despite all the complications of human sexuality and genetics, some people will dismiss the possibility out of hand that it is a medical condition and call it mental illness. Unfortunately I think fear of the unknown and religion plays the biggest role in this bigotry/misunderstanding. I don't know how to rid the world of religious bigotry but fear of the unknown is easy to enough to fix. If you actually talk to people with unconventional gender idenitities and sexual orientiations or simply learn more about them, you quickly realize they are otherwise pretty normal people.
I think it’s more of lack of acceptance of other people wanting to be true to themselves rather than what is seen as morally correct or as an obligation by someone else. I’m Christian myself and I have no issues with the ideas that other people have because they aren’t my ideas. As much as my ideology is true to me, it shouldn’t negatively impact other groups, people, or events, even though I don’t find it true to myself.
@@retropixels873 That's a reasonable take on the matter. Sorry for giving religious people a bad rap. I wish they were all as reasonable as you are. I think most are but unfortunately there will always be people that take things to the extreme.
@@jacobharris3002 no problem. It’s mainly the more extremist groups who create the loudest voice, mainly because the people who are accepting don’t say anything because it’s not a problem in the first place
Religion is never a valid reason to hate anyone. At the core of pretty much every single one, the message is something along the lines of "be a good person". The problem comes when people start trying to twist words into something that gives them power, or using it as a scapegoat when their baseless hate is proven baseless.
@@bannedmann4469 I do, you have to have been misinterpreting what I said on purpose, I very clearly said SMALL BOX beliefs, as in beliefs of gender that box people in in an inflexible and limiting way, like saying that one gender isn't allowed to do something but others are, or one gender has to do something that other genders aren't forced to do, as well by extension of limiting gender beliefs, the belief that you have to be the gender you were given at birth
People who force the idea that nonbinary people should all look androgynous are genuinely part of the problem, I’m a trans boy but often people tell me im probably nonbinary and that I use they/them pronouns, even when I say I’m not, and I don’t use those pronouns, just because I look androgynous. I would prefer to look more masc but I can’t control how I physically look. Trans people are not a fucking monolith, we’re not all gonna present the same or act the same or want the same things, it’s so strange people can’t grasp that concept.
REAL!!!! i'm a trans dude who likes more androgynous/slightly fem fashion but don't pass most of the time, although i want to. what people tell you is absolute sh#t though :( i'm so sorry. i hope your day is euphoric and awesome!!
As a woman, I have alwaysed wondered, why do men have to wear these... Strictly Samey clothing. Especially suits. And they "can't" or "shouldn't" wear feminine clothing. But if I wear masculine clothing, nobody gives a shit lmao. Its literally double standards!!
Idk if this is completely correct, but one take on on it is it’s because of sexism again, that masculinity it seen as better. So when someone does something that’s seen as masculine it’s seen as better, but if you go from being masculine to feminine it would be like going down a step, idk tho
I think it's a combination of masculinity being seen as a default, women being viewed as more expressive, and women having faught for a broader range of expression
When you go into clothing stores, the women's section has so much variety in the majority of the store's floorplan. Whereas the men's section is just in a sad little corner with little to no variety.
That is punk as hell. As a cisgendered man I am also really fed up with the limitations of suits as the only appropriate formal wear. Let me wear colorful fanciful outfits and be revered for my style rather than rejected for my gender expression.
If you don’t wear the right clothes, you are gay. The women made the rules, they tell you how to look how to think and how to feel. What to do when to do it. Men are just supportive character robots who really don’t count as people, this is why we’re are picked for the meat grinders of war, we don’t matter, we were born to not matter, born to be sacrificed for someone else.
hey man, be the change you want to see in the world. I'm all for it. and i think if more guys just stopped giving a fuck and started doing as they pleased, then other guys would start to follow suit, you know? (no pun intended lol) it always takes some brave people in the beginning to buck the norm and shake things up, but then it starts to catch on, a few more people join in, and then next thing you know, you've got a whole movement, and then pretty soon, the cultural norm has shifted. obviously, with sweeping societal change it doesn't happen that fast. But we have to start somewhere, and i am SO ready to start seeing men express themselves more in every possible way. for one it's beautiful, but also, it's about goddamn time, cuz men deserve to express themselves just as much as women
everyone who agrees with this doesn't even comprehend why the traditional way of dressing is good and whatever the hell you want is bad. i mean i just laid it out right here: whatever you FEEL like you want as a man is irrelevant, a man does what needs to be done, not give in to his emotions lol a bunch of emotional men cannot run a society
There's been a certain feeling within me that sometimes I feel like a perfectly cis male, but other times I feel a shadow of femininity, in an emotional, behavioral and mental sense. It's the time I want to dance around, smile, talk in a soft voice, pose differently, think differently. The label of "man" doesn't exactly fit me, despite being assigned male at birth and having male anatomy. And I've been thinking about it for a few months.
Often the labels we assume don't do their intended job of describing us. But rather, a more destructive thing, to define us, to limit us. Gender can be like a prison that we build around ourselves, it stops us from doing and thinking the things we truly want to. And worst of all, we are the ones holding onto the key.
@@EmmaHopmanI think you're overcomplicating it. I'm a cis man, but I recognize when I do things that are “woman-like,” but I know why I'm doing those actions: It was the easiest way to express myself that way. We aren't free; there is always structure around us that keeps us grounded, but that's okay, and we can learn to work around it instead trying to destroy the idea entirely
@@hopelesslyoptimistic8231 it's not about destroying the idea, it's about recognizing it and not letting it limit you. It sounds like you're doing that well.
I feel the exact same. You could be a cis male or a cis male who’s also genderqueer (I think it’s possible) or maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. Depends on the person. It might be of no significance to you (and you may or may not just be a cis man as a result)
I remember a reel on IG about why it's unnatural for men to wear pants since our reproductive parts are external to the rest of your body, so a skirt / dress would be more natural, while womens parts are mostly internal so pants make much more sense for them
Wearing clothes is "unnatural" by itself. Pants are usefull and practical for many jobs and as protective gear, but they have their downsides obviously.
As an AFAB enby that grew up having to wear dresses all the time to formal events (wasn’t until adulthood I was able to explore other options), I always envied men’s suits. Not for their style, but for the simplicity. The easiness of them. I’m not a fancy person, I don’t like formalwear or dressing up, I don’t like getting creative with my outfits. I like to be comfortable. And suits were so simple and straightforward. And you could wear the same black or navy suit to almost any event and no one would bat an eye or even think about how it’s the same suit you wore to the last event. But everyone notices if you repeat a dress twice, especially twice in a row. And I hated that. I just wanted to be plain and neutral. So for me being able to wear suits was something I was completely jealous of.
agree - women certainly don’t get to wear whatever they want. They are judged and scrutinized for anything, too boring, too frivolous, too slutty, too out of date, too trendy - as a women you become an object and it’s so hard to unlearn
Suits are far from comfortable lmao, but when it comes to creativity and if ppl are giving a shit abt what you’re wearing then yeah, suits win in the s sense that you go out to buy one and you’re offered like 4 options all of which look like the same model just either in “boring grey, Dead Sea blue, diarrhea brown, or double boring black”. Pick whichever, it doesn’t matter in the end either way. No one will complement you or even pay attention to it, and there’s no artistic or identity expression in it whatsoever. You’re quite literally framed in this ridiculous square shape with shoulder pads underneath with the most amount of expression mostly coming from your tie/bow tie. Finish it off with some thick, uncomfortable leathery shoes of the same color that you can’t even see beneath your texture-less/color thirsty pants and you’re done. Get to the event and all your homies look the exact same! A sea of dark, trash colored square figures, with flashes of beautiful frills, colors, silhouettes, and flowing, soft petal like garments like flowers growing through thick cement popping through the crowd. Why can’t I look like art on my special day? Why can’t I show my identity through intricate elements of fashion to look, and feel beautiful while also understood? Why can’t I paint myself with vivid colors, and wrap myself in the graceful embrace of sunset colored silk?Why can’t I look like a gliding haze of rose mist under starry skies, under the disco lights, or under my loved one’s eyes? To me the very concept of “masculinity” and suits… it feels… suffocating.
Same, enby bro!! I was never happier the day I put my first suit together after being forced to wear frilly dresses my whole life. So much more comfortable than being cold and restricted! I felt like a super hero.
@@cosmicbeesechurger5907IDK I made an awesome comfortable suit set with formal dressy black yoga leggings, a really nice stretchy women's blazer, and a comfy button up under a super fancy Paisley designed purple vest with a tie. If anything I think I looked fancier than anyone besides the bride at the wedding I went to. The girls all wore the most basic straight tube single color prom dresses. It's possible to really snazz up a suit to the level of a pretty dress, you just gotta be on the lookout.
There's this video "How Conservatives Created (and Cancelled) Gender" that recounts how gender as a social construct was created in reaction to scientific advances which have shown that biological sex doesn't exist as two seperate states but rather a collection of traits, none of which were a source of some divine femininity/masculinity. Being a social construct, gender can be defined and re-defined as you or the society wants. So gender inherited the old meaning of sex and the new meaning of sex is biological muddiness. What that means is that if you took someone from one peak of the bio-sex distribution, and using advanced technology flip them to the other peak, they still coudn't switch genders if society simply insists that it's immutable. (if you go by outside observation instead of self-identification) The conservatives problem with gender (even if it's a thing they created) is that it de-tangles the social and biological. Just by changing the society you interact with you get different models like: gender assigned at birth, presenting as a gender, gender identification, and many mixtures.
Are you being serious? What is there to "question" about your gender? (By gender, I mean biological sex.) Look down at your private parts. It's not that difficult, ffs! "Agender" is bullcrap nonsense. It's not real. It only exists as an unhealthy fantasy/delusion. EVERYONE has a gender - male or female, including those who are hermaphrodites.
@@antigenderideologies Are you being serious? What is there to "question" about your gender? (By question, I mean unhealthy fantasy.) Look down at your private parts. It's not that difficult, ffs! (By private parts, unhealthy fantasy.) "Agender" is bullcrap nonsense. It's not real. It only exists as an unhealthy fantasy/delusion. (By is, unhealthy fantasy.)
I remember when I first started learning more about gender identity, I was initially annoyed when I was referred to as Cis-gendered. To be fair, it was technically correct, but the idea that it was needed at all felt weird. My thought process was basically "Why do i need to called Cis-gendered? That's never been necessary. I've always just been me." Ever since then, that thought has definitely taken on a lot of weight as I've learned more about the topic and this video really helped put that into perspective. Your insights have always helped me understand things in a way I might not have otherwise and this one especially has helped with that, so thanks again!
I'm a trans woman. Once I actually understood what gender is, I finally realized that for most people (being cis) isn't something that feels special to them. In our culture we have strongly assumed that being cisgender is the default. To most people, realizing or learning about being cisgender is literally nothing of a surprise, so much so many even question why the term exists. The reason it exists is because not everyone has the same experience. I'm sure that you'd understand that if you're not trans you'd be something else. And that something else is, well, so common it's unremarkable to even think much of it. It's very much the same way we have terms like gay and straight. Without each, we'd have limited understanding of the other.
@@EmmaHopman Forgive me if the following sounds off, I'm just trying to find the words that make sense to me. It's interesting how the term "cisgender" exists because of the term "transgender", allowing us a language framework that does not set a default, but both terms are still reliant on a relatively coventional understanding of the term "gender" - often assigned at birth and later on often assumed by presentation. While the terms are necessary considering the context in which they were created, they still require assignation and assumption to take place. A broader understanding of gender might require a change both in normative behavior and terminology.
Just be who you wanna be. Wanna kiss the hommies? Do it. Wanna be old school macho gentleman? Do it. Wanna be deinty, strong, athletic, sensible, pragmatic, stylish, gear oriented, art oriented, thing oriented, people oriented, family man, barchelore, etc? Do it. Be the different you in the different stages of life.
This RUclipsr is the first dude I’ve heard who said what I’ve always thought “I don’t associate ANYTHING about my body with my personality”. It’s simply my body and has nothing to do with my personality.
As a man (a trans man, but still a man), I actually agree with a lot about what you say. I found out I was trans a year or 2 ago, but in the past few months, I’ve really harbored this weird feelings of doubt about my gender identity and I didn’t know why. I’ve found out recently that I am indeed still a man, but I don’t like having expectations placed on me on what it’s like to ‘actually be a man.’ The suit thing in the beginning resonated SO MUCH with me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love suits, but men are often expected to wear dark and paler colors and a black/white shirt. Personally, even before and after I identified as trans, I naturally geared towards wearing more colorful outfits, like in the boys’ sections of stores. But it seems that it’s mostly acceptable for young men (boys 0-12 years old) to wear colorful clothing, and the men that do decide to stand out and be a bit more stylish would be considered ‘gay’ or ‘flamboyant.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it relates to the stereotype thing that you mentioned. And even as someone who identifies as male, I sometimes wish the concept of gender was abolished altogether, too. Or at least adjusted ever so slightly to be more fluid and exists merely as only a label without holding such strict standards and expectations for neither men, women, or even LGBTQ people. At this rate, we just need more people to show (not just explain, but SHOW) that there is not a wrong or right way to identify or be a certain gender (or lack there of.) I can’t guarantee that will eliminate the limiting gender expectations that is commonly held, but at least it introduces something for people to reconsider what gender truly is, and maybe leads them to educating themselves more. Thank you for making this video. Keep doing what you’re doing! Thank you for reading this comment (if you did).
gotta agree about the whole abolishing gender standards, it should be an identity and not just a set of rules to follow especially in the marketing space, there will be 2 separate bottles for "men's shampoo" and "women's shampoo" even though they're exactly the same but women's shampoo costs like $5 extra for some bizarre reason
I honestly didn't even know this was a thing when I made it. I knew it was slightly clickbaity, but I didn't realise so many people would immediately read "blackpill" from it
a really really beautifully point little exploration; i'm some random man who feels the same, even going so far to say 'abolish gender' (only just now also realizing that gender is really important to peoples identites) and this was really comforting and something that's gonna linger with me. i just feel i cannot truly be agender or non-binary, i feel like a tick too many stereotypes from the masc box but seeing you, hearing from you, the idea that it's about being yourself and not succumbing to what's expected - i just have to say thank you for this video :)
@@KaiAfterKai I'm actually wondering if the reason why it ends up being really important to people is because of the importance society places on it. If we lived without the concept at all, would it still be that way? Because if not, then potentially removing the idea at all might not have as many negatives, at least in the long run.
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_only Societal expectations are extremely irritating. Instead of people just being allowed to exist and live the human experience; society tries to put us in neat little boxes based on WHAT we are instead of WHO we are.
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_onlyI think that, at a psychological level, while we could place less importance in gender and remove it's roles, it will always be there. As far as research has shown, gender is based upon your brain anatomy, so it is an intrinsic part of someone's being. I think the best way to move forward is to challenge and erase gender roles, so that gender becomes not about how you are perceived by society, but how you perceive yourself.
I'm a uk transfemme and I, like you, can't wait for gender to be homogenised and for nobody to care about what anyone else says they are. I just want to live my life without a terf telling me to piss in a different gendered cubicle, or someone calling me something nobody wants to hear, and to just live my life openly and happily. Lets hope we get a decent government this election who actually cares for people. ❤
No…Gender/sex will always exist. Gender stereotypes will always exist as well. However, what society needs is less misogyny and misandry and less strict gender roles.
I have similar "I hate gender" moment very frequently. Mostly when people imply there's something fundamentally different about men and women and that they can't ever fully understand the other's experiences. Like, what? I'm a person, you're a person. Nothing I've ever done has been driven by my gender. Is that not the case for you too?
Me too honestly. I keep seeing people around me making decisions based on their gender and it just makes no sense to me. Kinda disturbs me too. I don’t mean that men shouldn’t be allowed to be masculine or women aren’t allowed to be feminine, but the fact that people will restrict themselves AND others in their entire lives just because of stereotypes and how they were raised to view gender. Even if it’s something small, I’m surrounded by people who fixate on these little details about me or others that are ‘wrong’ to them just because it defies their narrow standards, like so what if I have hair on my arms and legs, the world isn’t gonna end. The way lots of my family treat women and men as an entirely different species gets on my nerves all the time and I often feel that ‘I hate gender’ thing as well.
thank you for this. the statement "i hate being a man" is not only powerful but feels like allowing yourself such freedom. you give up on trying to fit into the small confines of being a man and choose to be a person. thank you
Even though being a man is being a person, I can see where your coming from, now and day's men constantly fell like there being punished for being born a man by chance and some times when a man is comfortable with being one then there are some people that labele that person as homophonic or pure trash because he's a man by default
Man, I wanted perfume as a birthday gift but my mom insisted on getting me cologne. She woild NOT get me any perfume because I'm a guy... So I just got neither.
Yes literally as an agender afab person, I’ve literally said I feel bad for men that they can’t wear dresses or pretty, sparkly clothes. Sparkles are genderless, everyone deserves the joy of wearing pretty sparkly clothes.
I've thought about that last half a bit since it was a genuine topic in my philosophy course, and the spectrum v.s. binary is really quite a challenge. So much of our lives are built in binaries, or triads, etc.. and we never stop to think about how much importance are placed upon them. If it could be done, the infrastructure in place now would be such an undertaking to evolve out of, and it's been developing and growing more complex for centuries, just for a label really. Great video, happy pride month!
Happy pride month, and I'm glad to hear more people are talking about the idea of spectrums vs binaries. I wish I had someplace IRL like a philosophy class to really get down and talk about it with in-depth.
@@Alright281 You don't really need to celebrate pride month. I know pride right now is just commercialized by companies, all these arguments like "Can straight people go to pride?" "Do bi people belong at pride?" "Does kink belong at pride?". Obviously ignoring the fact that this is just stupid and those arguments are usually just Biphobia, Xenophobia, Racism, Transphobia or a generalized attempt to sterilize pride for companies to swoop in and advertise themselves. Just be aware that Pride Month is a celebration of how we got to the point where we are now. That if people back then didn't fight back we couldn't be able to be ourselves now, and the long way we are still going to go through.
@@unendingpinelate940 Samuel Sanchez "Sans" Gilbert is the frontman of the american rock band Undertale, which achieved major success with their 2002 hit single "6D792062616C6C73"
I personally do not feel that strong about gender, it’s great if others do but it’s just not for me. I’m not NB, I’m not male, I’m not female, I’m just me and I’m just happy being me. I don’t want to put a label on it, I’m not agender, I’m not gender fluid, I’m not trans, I’m just me and I’m comfortable with that.
This video is a literal life vest to my gender identity, or more lack thereof. I've been struggling with self-identification for a while, having myself seen being non-binary as something limited to androgyny, which I do like but don't see as something much applicable to me. I've always described myself as human first, a guy second, but it turned out I don't even want this second appendage there. Thanks to you, Kai, and other sources that are educating me about gender, I can finally start to feel certainty and relief after years of pondering.
i always figured that the way people freak out about men wearing skirts , but dont over women wearing suits is a symptom of misogyny that negatively affects men If you assume that men and masculinity are superior to women and femininity, then it makes a lot of sense. Under patriarchy, women wearing suits would be trying to move up the social ladder, and trying to be better than femininity, which makes sense to a patriarchical worldview. Whereas, men wearing dresses would be moving down the social hierarchy, and lowering themselves to engaging in feminine traits. Doing that is shunning male superiority, and defying the social order. If you are misogynistic, it doesnt make sense to do something people would consider inferior, so most of the time, they assume its a fetish or that something is wrong with you.
This is the most boomer thing I'll say, but I miss the times where any dude was called [british slang for cigarette] because he was tall, short, skinny, fat, had good looking gf, was gay, dressed like his aunt or whatever else reason. I seriously miss the era, when kids were talking and arguing about music, cinema, art in general, or grand ideas. But now? Recently joined big community on discord, and all the kids talked about being whatever sexuality tribe they think they do belong to this week. Kids aged 13+ are hyper focused about things my generation used to figure out privately, and in the long run, without any consequences. And I'm not talking from the perspective of generally open country - I was born and lived trough soviet disintegration transitioning era, in soviet satellite state. Seen worst shit, and people still would find out if they are gay or any other word that best describes/labels them. In the long run, no one seriously gave a flying [flock]. Maybe except crypto, closet homosexuals repressing their urges; mostly neo-nazis/catholic church hierarchs and members as far as I can tell from personal experience. It's so tiresome to be expected to explain and create special rules for every individual person, so they would feel special this evening. I don't care about your skirt or trousers. And you should not care, if I care. It's irrelevant. Go live your life and leave people alone without pushing your identity issues on every single person around you. Go figure things out - it's not healthy to expect random strangers to validate your personality, and especially wearing this or that is something people will forget the very next day, even, if one would act like most obnoxious clown. Monkey in a fez is interesting - you are not.
@@droopy_eyes"You should not care if I care" shows that you don't understand what is the reason for all those labels, empowerment and protest. Do you know the short film "A world where gay is a norm, and straight the minority"? That does also happen to trans people. That is why it's important to talk about it and make people aware of their socially inherited prejudice. As a member of the older generation I understand things simply worked different when you grew up, but the newer generation wants to talk about these things and feels the need to question the structure of the current society. That's nothing new and basically what happened forever in human history. The only difference is that nowadays, cultural evolution takes place faster and much more parallel because of the internet, which exponentially accelerated cultural interference between different cultures. It makes sense that to your eyes, it must seem like random shit young people made up because they didn't have enough problems or want to feel special, and a small portion might be due to that, but you have to trust me that that is not all there is to the gender debates. After all, people are just trying to make society a better place for everyone.
This is ahistoric. Before feminist (and queer) activists changed the standard, women in pants was also scandalous. Men's social issues just haven't ever had an activist movement that achieved anything.
@@droopy_eyesI don't know where you're getting the idea that "nobody cared if you're gay" when kids were being kicked out of their homes, murdered, raped, etc just because of their gender/sexuality. The world is currently the best it's ever been to queer people What it actually sounds like to me, is that you miss being able to ignore it. It's much more visible now, and there are expectations for how to act around it. That can be a lot to remember for someone who doesn't engage with it. But in my opinion it's a very self centered perspective
6:55 The term I think you want is "thought-terminating cliche" - a single sentence or piece of "wisdom" that is treated as so self-evident that it means the time for conversation is over, despite not actually providing an argument. It is almost exclusively used by people who don't understand why they think a certain way and don't want to find out.
Men fashion has been stuck in the early 1900s, and hasn't been questioned ever since. The revolution starts with people like you speaking out. Thanks for using your voice and spreading the message
I beg to differ. Yes, there have always been variations of the modern day suit, but the construction of garments were wholly different and they lay on the body differently as the years went by. The art of tailoring has been significantly lost, there aren’t a lot of people making clothes the way they used to be made-but it’s not dead. Fast fashion really fucked everything up. Suits became impersonal. Early 20th century menswear is really interesting. There was a major shift at the turn of the century, but you could still wear personal clothes and things that were deemed more “feminine”, if that was something you were interested in-although like today, you *would* stick out and people *would* judge you, but there would no doubt be people who smiled. If you wanted to be extravagant, you could wear patterned clothing, pretty colors, mix and match garments, AND THE SHOES
You know, as someone who has for their entire life hated the concept of gender stereotypes, while also constantly being forced INTO those same gender stereotypes, WHILE ALSO desperately trying to break out from this mindset of "you were born this way, it's better for everyone else if you just stay this way, don't fight back it'll only be worse", this video has been kinda of a good reaffirming thingie i really needed on this point of my life. Thank you random stranger on the internet for making this mess of a person a bit happier ^_^ Update: HRT seems really appealing right about now, oh well i'm sure it means nothing haha...
Trans Girl here. The Thumbnail initially scared me a bit bcuz it kinda reminded me of the anti SJW era, but after i watched it i was amazed❤. awesome Video❤. congrats on the egg crack❤. love your style❤.
@@magicseahorse it's a way to convey feelings, which is generally harder to do over text. The video was really heartwarming and i wanted to Express that
I wasn't scared and assumed it was normal like it is, because based on my RUclips activity recently I wouldn't expect that upsetting stupid stuff to show up in my recommendations right now
Ugh I really feel this deeply. I am a high functioning autistic and I just have certain oddities about me like liking my nails to be slightly longer just because it feels right to me and when I have to cut them my fingers will occasionally get sore. I have a lot of sensory issues with my skin so Im stuck wearing sweat shirts because of how it makes me feel but a shirt feels really weird compared to it. Also a lot of textures are pretty bad. I hate cologne and deodorant because of those manly strong smells and its not because I think or want to be a woman I just would like to not have societal norms forced on me. Yeah I also think that mens chocies are incredibly boring and uninteresting
I'm the complete opposite, but somewhat in the same ballpark. I think I have some mild degree of autism (still haven't done an official test, tons of autistic friends peer-diagnosed me lol) but I have ADHD. I absolutely _despise_ having my nails grow a certain length. Like I don't like the feeling of having my nails 2-to-3-days-growth long since I feel like I can physically feel the dirt and grim under my nails, and I feel like I lose some sort of tactile sensation. I dislike wearing shorts (mostly, unless it's solely for the beach), dresses, or skirts because it feels too revealing, it feels uncomfortable (sensory wise), or it is uncomfortable (just doesn't feel _right_ to me). I could pull those looks off, but I just don't like them at the moment. I absolutely love wearing suits, jeans, shirts, cargo pants, all sorts of "masculine" clothing, but even with suits I try to add some flair to it-though it's usually simultaneously simplistic & bold. I got the same thing with textures though, certain clothes or materials give me the ick and are bothersome to me. Funny enough, whenever I'm shopping for clothes, I'm envious of how the men's clothing have options I enjoy moreso than the woman's clothing, been like that since I was a kid too. I dislike most perfumes since some smells are too flowery or sweet for my liking, so I tend to lean towards colognes 'cause they usually have smells I like. Even for the one's that aren't "masculine" scents, such as a Sakura Cherry Blossom, isn't entirely invasive to my olfactory nodes and it smells nice. But I will agree, men's clothing does have some boring options still. Like you, I don't think I want to be a man; I'm grateful that it's more socially acceptable for me to wear masculine clothing since I'm a woman, but at the same time, I dislike the societal expectations that are placed on me to say the least. Like knowing how to do things 'cause "you're a woman and you should know how to do these things" or "acting" like a woman. Don't help that sometimes I want to be a lil more feminine-presenting than my usual self by wearing something that isn't entirely masuculine-presenting, so people take that as an assumption that I just know "womanly things" when I probably don't. Or they think that solely 'cause I am a woman. Sometimes I wish that issue applies to clothing or just one aspect that could be easily fixed, and not on nearly every aspect of my life. So for now, I think I'm just somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum tbh
Kai, I understand this video on such a deep level. I'm also nonbinary, and finally taking that step to aknowledge that the expectations you see put on everyone are not just nonsensical and arbitrary, but actively make you feel worse about yourself. It is freeing. It feels good no longer being in a weirdly rigid bubble. People experience gender so differently, so explaining your discomfort almost feels impossible to someone who does not feel similar. That's why videos like this matter so much. Happy Pride!
This is such a great video! Even though I'm a cis dude, I still think that the concept of gender that society pushes on us is dumb, and should be defined by the self instead. Hanging out with a lot of NB people had also opened my eyes to this, aside from my own observations, most of which resulted in the same conclusions I've reached that you had voiced in this video. Part of the reason why I love the goth/punk/rivethead aesthetics and incorporate them into my own style is because you can look cool and interesting whether you lean more towards your gender assigned at birth in your presentation or say "fuck it" and blur the lines more, and it looks awesome either way.
I can't believe how well you summarised my feelings about gender in such a short time. I was assigned female at birth and always had an odd relationship regarding femininity. It lead to me first rejecting it completely and then forcing it onto me but nothing felt right. Nowadays I understand that a lot of these complicated feelings come from what society teaches us about gender. The world was a different place 30 years ago and I am glad it's slowly adapting to a more diverse and critical thinking. I've been identifying as non binary for roughly two years now and as someone who dressed quite feminine in the past and prefers a more masculine gender representation now it did strike questions in others as well as myself. I wondered if the reason I cut my hair short is because I want to rebel against femininity and how it hurt me in the past or because I actually want to change my gender. Breaking down your own thinking patterns and deconstructing learned behaviour is freaking tough. At 30 years I am not sure what of my feelings are genuine, whats taught behaviour and what's a coping mechanism. I was asked (very politely) by a coworker if I want to be treated as a man now and I just smiled and said "I don't really know. Right now I just want to be me and I am fine with being everything and nothing at the same time." I like the idea of being agender (im AroAce so being a AAA battery sound rad) but as it is at the moment I think too much about my assigned gender to vibe with the label. Maybe I'll be caught in this limbo of wondering if I am trans or agender my whole life but that's fine. I like the way I am right now and I am starting to accelt that I don't need a clear answer or label for that. Thats why the non binary umbrella term is lovely. I don't want to be a woman or a man the way society teaches us. I just want to be me and thats okay
Idgaf abt toxic masculinity. I am a soft sensitive boy who cries a lot, idc abt manning up. Let me cry goddamn it. ꒐ am not crying for no reason, please let me be vulnerable just this once. Anyways, I'd love to wear a skirt or a dress one day. I've always imagined into dancing while wearing one, letting it spin around blissfully. Women with skirts are so pretty. I'd also love to experience gardening, baking, sewing, cooking in peace. I wanna have an army of animals too. I wear pink and pastel clothes all the time its so pretty and colorful. My favorite color is yellow and pink. One time I saw a woman with a pink flower crown, I thought she looked so pretty. I wanna wear a flower crown one day. I love putting flowers around my ear. I also would love to have long hairs and tie it with ribbons and decorations. I wanna do stuff with my boring hair. As a kid I was so sad I can't have ribbons around my short hair. Men barely has any accessories, and I hate that. Just lifeless and unappealing stuff, imo. Sometimes I wished I was a girl, so I can wear whatever I want. And have fun with my hair, nails, make up and body. It's so cute and decorative. Men are so bland, I hate it sm. But either way, I'm happy to be a teenage boy. I just wish I wasn't pressured to do things I don't wanna do. And also made fun of. Like I don't wanna play basketball I'm sorry it's just not my thing. Please stop forcing me, Dad. Oh, sometimes I think of being a dad one day, and see my daughter or son be happy about things they wanna do outside of their gender's norms, something I wouldn't get to experience in this judgmental world. But maybe, me and my children could experience it together at the same time!!!
your feelings are so damn valid bro. just because you're feminine it doesn't make you ANY less of a man. don't let anyone else define you, you're the only one who can do that!
Sending hugs. We are trying to make a world where you can be yourself. I'm sorry it's taking so long. Also, depending where you live, as an adult you already can be free to do all those things. Grow your hair long, live in a cottage in the country where you can look after your animals and garden, bake scones, and sew pretty dresses for yourself to wear. You just need to find one of the havens of acceptance that exists already, and by existing in that space you will make it stronger.
Same, I also have asperger with same patterns you describe, and my though train is going sideways and upside down diagonally. But you'll get better the more you understand that even "normal" people, are whackos, and with time on this beautiful planet. Peace.
the problem with suits is that many people have a limited understanding of what a suit can be; usually just a cool-colored jacket and pants with a white shirt. anything else doesn't register as a suit to most people. a suit is ultimately just a top and a bottom made out of the same material, which can lead to some really interesting outfits if you're willing to put in the effort. a recent favorite celebrity example of mine is Coleman domingo's critics' choice awards outfit.
all clothing is masculine if you are identifying as masculine. cloths do not have a gender just a style and the style is determined by whoever wears it imo :)
As a woman, the clothing rules lol. It is often better quality, has more pockets, more comfortable... That's also a bit sad I guess when you realize the difference between shopping in the men's and women's section, advantages and disadvantages of each. But I wouldn't inherently say men's clothes suck, to me they're more comfortable and practical.
Have you heard the term gender abolitionist? It's a bit flashy or whatever but it's a term I like to use to describe my overall frustration would be excessive need to gender all concepts and all presentations.
There’s a few flavors within the school of thought. The one that I subscribe to is that gender, within the context of a modern society, is a functionally useless concept with one exception. It can be useful as a quick descriptor. For example when trying to point someone out “the woman in the blue shirt,” could be useful if there’s two men in blue shorts also standing near by. Personally I’d prefer femme and masc in place of woman and man but that’s another matter. With that in mind we should chip away at the significance of gender until it holds no more weight in society than hair or eye color. As a side note I personally believe that shrinking the importance of gender to such a degree would also help reduce the level of dysphoria that many trans people deal with. Anyhow there’s a lot more subtlety and nuance to it than that but hopefully this helps.
@@bannedmann4469 and why don't people have that freedom ? seems like there might be some restrictions factors in place that it would be good to, i don't know, chip away at ? i don't really see how your point would counter that
honestly "i hate gender" is by far an amazing way to put it. as a mtf who can't come out, i find that the very label of gender ruins everyone in a sense. i understand why it is there, but i think it needs updating. or i hope it gets updated. also i loved this video a lot, and i look forward to watching more from you for now on!🧡🧡🧡
This video is just based. As a trans woman i think it's so cool that people are willing to exit the gender binary (or gender altogether), and it also winds up helping me in my transition since I basically look GNC whatever i do 😂 seeing other GNC people is such a relief, i just feel safer with y'all 💜
@@magicseahorse They just stated that it's nice seeing other people like them and it makes them feel better. And your response is calling them weird. That's not freedom of speech it's called being rude.
I’m a straight cisgender male, and I’m a “femboy” (sort of I guess). I prefer “feminine” fashion. Now, at anime conventions I am given 80% praise, like people shout “OMG YOU ARE SO COOL!!!!!” And people are excited to hang out with me - EXCEPT at the formal balls. Most conventions have a formal ball. That’s the one place at anime conventions where… people (at least women) seem uncomfortable with me Whenever I ask them to dance, they seem…often disgusted, at the very least, uncomfortable. But back when I wore suits, most women were so excited to dance with me 🤔 But it’s like, as you said at the beginning of the video… masculine fashion is just “suit….white suit…black suit…gray suit….black and gray striped suit…. Suit………” But women BEAUTIFUL BALLGOWNS!!!!! It’s just boring being a man
Yeah, the whole "it sucks that women can wear whatever they want" thing was something I noticed from a young age, but I didn't want to be a man in a dress. Anyway, I'm a woman now. In the defence of the suit (and dinner jacket et al), I appreciate it for what it is, subtle and understated. I understand that's not what everybody wants. Personally, I think 18th century court dress is maybe a direction for a more decorative and colourful form of menswear that men are comfortable with.
oh wow. it is like you are speaking from my soul (german saying translated word by word - sorry but there is no better way to say it for me). in these 10min you said one sentence after another with which i could not agree more. everything you said was spot on exactly what I am thinking and feeling. Never have i felt this understood in some random youtube video. i thank you for that. I wish this reaches many
Heya there, also a nonbinary person. I understand this video on a deep, spiritual level. I've struggled with internal transphobia for years, feeling like I'm not masculine enough for people to not see me as a woman, and vice versa. Anytime I go outside I observe the mannerisms of others around me, typically men, and try to act like that. It's difficult to explain, but because I was AFAB if I do act feminine no one cares about whatever label I have. It's just.. woman. I can't wait until the world just gets rid of the concept of gender and we can simply dress and act the way we want to without people spouting about how "back in my day men were men and women were women." With that being said, happy pride everyone 🌈
I was raised twelve years in a boys only catholic school. After graduating and noticing how noticeably different life is without so much masculine pressure, I started realizing I did, said and thought so many things I now deeply regret and I later realized that the reason for all of that happening in the first place was because “that’s what men do”, “that’s what men are”. And if devoting my identity to a gender that doesn’t have any meaning to me means doing things that I wouldn’t naturally do, then it doesn’t make sense for me to keep considering myself a man. Great video and I’m always so happy to know that I’m not alone with this.
This was fucking fascinating, thank you for sharing your experience. As a trans woman, it's really really refreshing to see someone being open, and, more importantly, unashamed about their experience questioning their gender identity as a person who was assigned male at birth. That's a subscribe from me, for sure
I feel completely the same. It has been like that since i learned what nb meant and even before that i knew. I'm agender too, but many people in my life don't know that. Many people think it's silly, or I'm afraid to think they would. I kinda hate explaining myself. And people love to shit on nb people, even saying "well in a world with no difference between men and women in society you wouldn't be nb!" And I'm always baffled because........... We don't live in that world do we? Really great video, i love your style and your video editing style
omg yeah no ive had these exact same thoughts for the longest time and just never had a word for it. Its such a breath of fresh air to hear someone else say that they don't get gender at all, like i thought i was just going crazy, everyone else seems to be driven by this thing and I can't tell if it's mass hysteria or if I am the delusional one. tysm for existing. Also if you want to be looking into postgenderism you wanna look into gender accelerationism and social constructionism.
The thing is, society views masculine traits as positive traits and feminine traits as negative. That's why a man embracing his feminine traits is more looked down upon than a woman embracing her masculine traits
This is untrue. Look up the Women are Wonderful effect. Listen to all of the people who say that misandry isn't real. Look at the obsession with toxic masculinity but the lack of discussion when it comes to tosic femininity.
@@williamspears1627 Feminine presenting males get persecuted while masculine presenting females rarely get ostracized. A woman wearing men's clothing is seen as fashionable or get brushed off while a man wearing women's clothing is called a sinner. Your thesis on my statement being untrue lacks support. Also, what did toxic masculinity and toxic feminity have to do with my original comment?
@@minimump5248 Feminine presenting males get persecuted because women force men to adhere to strict gender roles. This is why Gay men are able to dress freely and better express themselves compared to their heterosexual counterparts. Women can wear men's clothing because men don't force women to adhere to strict gender roles. Historically the Tomboy archetype is proof that men haven't really forced women to adhere to strict gender roles. If you don't understand the context in which I used toxic masculinity and toxic femininity (you misspelled it as feminity) then re-read my comment. The context is there. If you can't understand it then find someone more intelligent and have them break it down for you.
Real talk, I think a lot of it stems from, how’s the best way to say it… frivolousness? The reason why women wearing suits is okay but not men wearing dresses or “feminine colors” (which by the way back in the 1800s pink was a masculine color!) is because there’s a societal expectation for men to be “reliable” and “pragmatic” and such. “Tall, earns tons of money” is the ideal for a male while “attractive, caring and able to raise children” is the ideal for a female (traditionally). These roles allow for females to be more expressive with their fashion, in fact it kind of demands they do, so they can stand out as being cute or sexy or what have you. The reason females can wear masculine clothing just fine is because we find it endearing that someone who doesn’t “have” to be strong and reliable is doing it anyway, but when we see a man trying to be weak and vulnerable we dislike that. You can see this trend in Asian fashion, where there’s a lot more androgyny but a LOT of it skews to “females wearing masculine clothing” rather than the other way around. Also “We” is the hypothetical royal we of society, I hate it too. Unironically, I think the femboy movement is secretly the biggest counter culture against this. No disrespect to trans people and I think it’s totally fine to transition if you feel dysphoria with your own body, but in the end transfem people end up just leaning on female fashion and gender norms. Meanwhile, femboys are embracing the fact that they’re male while at the same time wearing things that are decidedly feminine and not doing it in a way that is intentionally provocative (ie. “What, you gonna say something about wearing this dress that doesn’t fit me or accentuate anything good about my body?” Like the picture you showed at the start of this video, I hate that picture so much) they actually style it and make themselves look good in the clothing, and most importantly enjoy themselves.
100%. I hope the femboy movement is successful in changing people's minds. Men should be able to wear feminine clothes without being accused of not being men. I've heard one person say that femboys are sort of fighting the final boss of gender roles, and I have to agree.
im always a little bummed out that this kind of conversation typically ends in the way of 'damn being a guy sucks so bad imma get rid of this entire identity' but that last point honestly is so real, guys looking good in dresses and provocative clothing that accentuates the male form? hell yeah
As a trans woman I agree with absolutely everything you said in here, I want gender stereotypes to go away and want it to be a spectrum too, I’ve been so happy ever since I’ve came out as a trans woman, nonbinary people don’t have a certain “look” and the same should be said about all the other genders, happy pride month, stay happy ❤
as somebody who just recently realized i prefer to label myself Agender, watching through the intro it was just point for point, to a T *exactly* what i've experienced. i clicked thinking "oh there's no way that when this person says 'i hate being a man' they mean it in the same way i do, it's probably just some other thing" and then it just. was. i don't know how to describe how validated i feel now, genuinely thank you so much for making this.
As an AMAB person named Kai who has recently been questioning my gender, seeing this particular combination title, thumbnail, and channel name was... a little spooky lmao. Great video, and I agree with a lot of what you're saying!
This is a very interesting, insightful video! I know this is a bit of a nitpick and, but the only bit I disagree with is the bit about suits. As someone who dresses in formal menswear everyday, I know suits can be just as interesting and marvelous as any other kind of clothing. A lot of the suits men wear nowadays are mediocre and uninteresting because formalwear has fallen out of fashion, and interesting cuts, styles, fabrics patterns aren't really manufactured anymore for that reason - but that doesn't necesarily mean formalwear can't be interesting :-)
I feel you SO MUCH on this. I have yet to know if I wanna stick with being an enby or if I wanna become a trans femme, but one thing's for certain: I am tired of gender norms 😔I would feel SO much better if people stopped assuming that I'm a man. I suppose there's some truth in the saying "gender is a social construct."
Dang, I relate to this video way too much. I very recently found out I'm non-binary (But have had feelings for like over a year beforehand), and you just summarized my EXACT thoughts on gender. My 18th birthday is at the end of June/Pride Month and I'm going to be coming out as Non-binary to my family then, so wish me luck lol. Update: I ended up chickening out and not confessing :/
I’ve always supported trans/NB people and the like, but although I completely agree with their reasoning, I just can’t understand the motivation to change gender. (Which is fine. Other people are different than me, of course.) If I’m a guy who likes feminine clothes (which I am), or am not comfortable with traditional masculinity for whatever reason, then why does that mean I have to change my gender accordingly? Isn’t the problem with society’s expectations of gender, not with gender itself? That’s what I mean by understanding the thought process but not the motivation. To me, it would be better if society as a whole stopped carrying assumptions about people because of their gender. I’ve thought this way for a while, and it’s great to know others think sort-of similarly.
What is a "gender" if not a collective of societal expectations assigned to a gender? That's how I see it at least. Regardless, you still know that you're a man despite enjoying "feminine" things? You got as much respect from me as someone who says they don't wanna be a man 🙌🏾 keep doing what you're doing
For me it's gender dysphoria, I just cannot stand having a male body at all (and wished I had a female body instead), I'm an introvert so I care less about gender roles but they still matter.
Gender is just like a vibe. Im a woman because I love being one. Its just a way to say youre similar to other people who use that label. And a 'feminine' body also matches my aesthetic better so thats why I changed that one too.
Nobody is really changing their gender at all. Gender is something within you and it doesn't always match your sex and gendered roles/clothing assigned to you at birth. It's all a matter of changing the outside to be true to the inside
Dear men: If you want to do things more stereotypically masculine, do that If you want to do things more stereotypically feminine, do that Neither of these make you less of a man, everyone has traits built into them that make them them. Many women have "masculine" traits to compliment "feminine" ones, men are no different. If you don't want to identify with man, that's also okay. If you do, but you still want to be traditionally feminine, YOU CAN. BEING YOURSELF IS SO IMPORTANT!!! Keep doing you men, you're great :)
I cashed in my man card decades ago, it wasn't worth anything, I have a me card now, no labels, no ideology's I just do what I want. Having flowers drawn on my work gumboots means no one else wears them and that suits me fine haha. I was going to draw a flower on one and a truck on the other but I didn't think I could draw a good truck so just stuck with flowers.
To build on your point, I’d like to say that honestly, the whole concept of “masculinity” and “femininity”, at its core, is fake. These terms are entirely connotational, and therefore exist only for the sake of stereotype. Gender identity is honestly a matter of neuroscience, and birth sex is a matter of biology, so at their core, they can be objective and are clearly defined. But masculinity and femininity are inherently subjective, and are therefore useless and irrelevant concepts, because they’re defined only as the “traits of a man” or the “traits of a woman”. If a man doesn’t exemplify these traits, then by the definition, he’s not considered a man, and this conflicts with the defined reality of what gender identity and birth sex are, and given that one is based in science and the other based in the practice of shaming those who are different from our stereotypes, I think it’s plain to see that these terms are indeed, useless, and irrelevant.
I just think of it as an aesthetic, i think even just a spectrum is too limiting because it implies there are extremes or limits on it, or that there are focal points of it
I resonate with this take so much. I've socially been going as non-binary for a few years now and I wouldn't want to go back. But I feel like there's still always a push within the non-binary/trans community to fit within a certain category, or to change your appearance in a certain way. I've had trans friends try to convince me that I'm actually trans, and while I entertain the idea more than being cis, I don't want to be put in the other cisgender category. There's also the idea of signalling which I've struggled with as a non-binary person, that what you wear and how you present directly affect the way other people make assumptions about you, but it's difficult to present as non-binary person because it's a somewhat undefined category with no clear ways of indicating your identity (beyond a NB flag pin or something). It feels like with the choices of what you wear, you can only really appear as cis, androgynous (which is stupidly difficult to pull off), or "trans". I don't really know where I'm going with this.
Putting a limit on one's expression is putting a limit on one's world and creativity. With lack of creativity neither the oppressed nor the oppressors evolve and learn. Therefore everyone remains stale, worse with resentment coming from both sides.
As someone born male, I strongly relate to this and also wish that we could have a lot more acceptance of degendered dressing and appearance. For all my life, I've had long hair but it's because I grew up as a west coast skater boy in the USA. For all my life, people would encourage my long hair and tell me that it looks great on men. When I started to be honest about my possibility of identifying as MtF trans, suddenly everyone starts telling me "I could tell you were trans because of your hair!!" and it's annoying because i genuinely look at long hair as something that can 100% be done as a man. All of my ex partners were cis women that never had hair longer than their shoulders. I genuinely do not see gender as a factor for the length of anyone's hair. This is even more annoying when you look at subcultures (Punk, Goth, Rock) where long hair on men was already the norm, or even actual cultures (Nordic, Chinese, Native American) where long hair has literally been a part of its roots and history. gender is exhausting.
![[DRAGON BALL LEGENDS REVEALS ＆ STUFF] LEGENDS FESTIVAL 2024 Special Edition Part 1](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/mV5bGIswTtQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Presave "The Universe Is a God-Shaped Hole" here: ruclips.net/video/ZH4wr_BDCI4/видео.html
Stream/Download Mr. Mx here: song.link/MrMx
Hey, I just want to tell you hat I think was going on with Logan Paul's co-host. The thing that was happening is that he assumed that being "manly" is inherently virtuous, and that Logan would just automatically agree with him.
Non-binary.....
Sure whatever you say "totally" human person and not a robot person trying to blend in society by saying they aren't binary so people won't get suspicious of them
Whatever you say
Based genderabolitionist
I can explain gender to you in a fairly comprehensive manner if you would like. I know people don't quite understand it themselves which is why we get here to begin with. The only thing i will need to know is if that is (actually) what you are wanting... An answer as to why.
Even if not, I would still recommend "Chesterton's fence". Don't destroy what you ultimately don't understand since what "better" thing are you going to replace it with if you don't understand why, it was there to begin with?
As a angelic creature I do not let pitiful ideas define me, I am me, made by God and beautiful at that
We should start dressing like assassin’s creed characters
Your proposal... intrigues me.
And Devil May Cry characters.
Both is good
Now THIS person knows wtf they're talking about! xD
Nah seriously this had me laughing my ass off for a sec, so thanks I needed that today.
yes
I like how your glasses and the ring light make it look like you're a cartoon character with circular white pupil eyes
👁
My thoughts exactly
i cant unsee it how omg, its so weird
Pseudo pupils like a praying mantis
I was about to comment this exact same thing thinking nobody else noticed it lol
We men really should start dressing like a Jojo character
Based
how@lif6737
The ideal male body is a JoJo protagonist
Don't... a lot of those characters wear colorful suits tho???
but yeah, do some wacky shit with your hair!
@@TheDerpyDeed not all suits and even the suits look wayy better
im getting married in a suit of armor and you cant convince me to wear a suit
You are wearing a suit (of armor)
Wear a cape instead! Much more stylish 🦸♂️ ✨
@@koat1153how about both?
Bruh that's the manliest thing ever, you saying we shouldn't get married in a suit of armor?
@@imab0t274 both? both is good
Women in red carpets: 👗🥻👚💃✨️💖
Men: 🕴
even the emojis are gender restricted wtf 💢💢
Not in different countries
Couldnt be more proud to be a member of the male gender 🧍🏻♂️
Couldn't be more ashamed to be a member of the male gender 🤦♂️
Suits are literally goated, they’re not boring, they’re a certified classic of male fashion and its always looked good.
Even as a woman I always thought the suit thing was weird
Me too! I’m an NB and why don’t any men wear the sorts of art pieces that women do?! Even at the MET Gala where the point is the fashion! It’s ridiculous!
Same
im a man but same. i swar if im ever attending something like this its gonna be in republic commando armor
@@Starlight-ue8jymen’s fashion is always so dull, it’s incredibly difficult to find something I actually like that isn’t listed as gender neutral
"You get the perfect opportunity to put together any kind of outfit to express yourself through"
Men with various different interests, personalities and lifestyles: Put on generic suits only differing in brightness and the absence or presence of a tie.
Imagine ruining fashion so bad that you turn someone non binary
Wouldn't that outcome mean fashion is working as intended? I'm not an expert but I thought fashion was a way to express identity and sometimes also make a statement. Was I mistaken somewhere?
@@Katwind the video started off by them saying that male fashion is so cringe and oppressive unlike female fashion, then saying that they’re nonbinary
@@FishSticker Ummm, yeah, both of those things are true. But they didn't say they're enby because male fashion sucks.
I think you understood it as "fashion sense is uneven and restrictive for each gender, so it'd be better to get rid of gender", which doesn't make much sense. Sorry if I got it wrong, but that's what I got from your comments.
But in any case, it's more of "fashion is meant to help people express themselves but gender norms get in the way, so it'd be better to get rid of gender".
@@magicseahorse it's not complaining for attention, quite the oposite. Is just "lemme do my thing alone". A man can't do his nails or have a nice long hair without bringing unwanted commentary and looks. Not that it matters at the end, but it's annoying af.
@@magicseahorse real women and men dont cry in comment sections and lie for attention (you)
Once i read a post saying "destroy gender roles, not gender identity" and that's pretty much how I feel onthe topic
There’s not a better way to say it. Gender identity is important for someone’s sense of self within their gender while gender roles are stereotypes that put people in boxes. We won’t be able to fully express our gender identities without consequence or backlash as long as gender roles remain so invasive.
Can someone explain what the difference is? I thought a "gender identity" was just the characteristics and actions performed when playing a gender role
@@tuxxle8830 Why is gender identity important for people's sense of self? What defined as identifying as a man or a woman?
@@powerplayer75There's no difference. People try to skate around it so as not to invalidate transgender people's feelings, but the truth is, gender identity doesnt exist without gender roles.
Tbh I say abolish it all. Let people just be people and have the difference purely be about sexual dimorphism.
That'd probably leave some people still be uncomfortable with their bodies, but that'd be a relief for all of those that feel boxed in by gender-based societal expectations.
@@skayles4716 I agree fully with this
I wore a skirt to school on "wacky Wednesday", a special day at my school based on the doctor suess book of the same name and I got so much attention it was overwhelming. But then, on a normal day, the girls in my class can wear cargo pants, v neck t-shirts, pretty much anything, and no one bats an eye. No idea how this happened.
Also nice video btw :3
Edit: yeah it's pretty obvious why this happens now. Thanks for all the replies!
I believe the standard is "masculinity", it's why tomboys aren't judged as harshly as someone who is masculine behaving effeminate. It might also just be misogyny and the objectification of women that result in less judgement in this regard.
What it is in reality, idk I'm just spitting my thoughts. Gender is stupid I just want to be pretty and I love estrogen.
This is so real.
@@notBeWitchy
"Gender is stupid"... am I connected to your mind or smthn?? Ever since my agender awakening I've been like this, and now I've found someone similar. I couldn't be happier.
@@Lindasaur. im definitely not agender and very much a binary trans woman but yea no its still stupid lol
@notBeWitchy I agree that masculinity is seen as the standard, but at least in the west, when women were fighting for rights and wages, they were also pushing boundaries on what was considered feminine, including clothing. as women became more established in the workforce, a place that was viewed as masculine, different uniforms and dress codes were created, some of them being more masculine than feminine. and women have continued to fight for the freedom of expression, being aided by the fact that women are seen as and allowed to be more expressive.
Love how you basically ragequit gender, I respect that so much
Perfect phrasing. Absolutely stealing it.
Underrated comment and a frigging half
SO TRUE OMFG
Honestly same 😔💔
I’m just so tired of gender.
*sigh…*
Dud that shit in elementary school because thats how insufferable that was
Unrelated to the entire video, but I do like it when RUclipsrs have sunglasses on and the backlight reflects off of the glasses and creates "pupils" in a sort of way. Very entertaining to watch.
it's terrifying, i was distracted the entire video !!
👁👁
I just noticed that at the end and it looked so funny I couldn't stop looking at it
Thanks, now I can't unsee it!!!!
0v0
A teacher of mine once told me, that the reason why men are hated for wearing dresses, but women arent hated for wearing suits, is the fear of most "strong" men, that their ideal image of a men could be damaged by this.
Men who decide to "become" feminin are hated, because the strong men becomes the "weak women". So the real reason for the hate is sexism (against women) and the believe, that men and women have to be distinguishable, so men can keep their position as the "stronger gender".
It's women who enforce this shit more than anyone. All attraction from women is dependent on maintaining an ideal masculine image. If that image takes a hit, it does so permenantly, she does not "add points back" next time you do something that reinforces the image positively. Men feel no need to prove that they're the stronger gender, because they know they are. This is a feminist projection onto men, it is what a feminist woman strives to do (by essentially acting man-ish), and assumes that men are trying to do, instead of just doing naturally and effortlessly. Wear a dress in public and guys will crack a friendly joke or ignore you, and forget about it eventually. You will permenantly be seen as defective by a woman though. It's time to stop letting the halo/"women are wonderful" bias effect our thinking. It is complete delusion that women are nicer people than men.
@@Kagpaw blah blah blah
Your teacher shouldn't be allowed to teach.
tbh i want to dress more feminely but my biggest issue isn't other men judging me but rather othr women judging me. in my own experience, i was bullied a lot for many years by men and i got used to it. but man oh man, no man has comes close to hurting me then women have. i have tried to open with some women about it and they turned it against me in a pretty nasty way (the same way that strong men say its not masculine). i would wear a dress in front my homies but i would not bring myself to do it around women (unless i pass), though i will say that some strong men as you mention do exist.
@@merlin5662 tbh most women only cared about me when I had a glow up. Although that was like in highschool so I can't speak for adults. I've been able to confide in the women I wanted to without issue. As a teenager and previous, most women were heartless (not all). I assume that extends into the early 20s since I don't see much of a difference in maturity, but I'm curious if this still happens to you in adulthood. Most people from what I see treat random people with respect despite what they look like. That being said, I live in Southern California and your demographic matters.
The modern suit and its unremarkable variations has been a disaster for men's fashion.
Nah I digress. It’s perfect.
We need to go back to Togas. 😂
😂😂@@magicseahorse
@@magicseahorse It was AUTOCORRECT!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!
@@magicseahorse The west has fallen, billion's must wear suit's.
Our society is badly obsessed with heteronormative culture. There's poverty and crime out there, yet we have people going crazy over someone's gender identity or who can wear a skirt.
It’s one of many distractions that conservatives use to distract from the fact they use poverty and crime to get richer
We're actually cooked as a species I swear.
Maintaining patriarchy and painting people who stray outside of it as evil degenerates help some people stay in power which is probably why it’s still prevalent
well no, theyre not obsessed with it. our society IS a heteronormative culture. nature is heteronormative. its true that the issue is ridiculous compared to the world collapsing around us.
You're the one who's obsessed: regardless of what you identify with, heterosexuality is normal, and you literally tear down others to pretend it makes you more valid. Plus, if you wanted less crime, you terrorists shouldn't have defunded the police or murdered 30 during the capitol hill occupied protest.
I both hate and love gender. I hate the expectations placed on me but I love presenting more butch or femme as an expression of how I am feeling any given day. I hate the sexism, the homophobia, and the transphobia, but I love the communities that have formed as a result of such injustices. Happy pride!
As with many things, sometimes you just gotta take the good with the bad.
This is how I feel to!! I love being a sapphic and “girl”, but I don’t want anything to with gender
In a way it's like nationalism. Waving flags, bonding, loyalty, pride - but that inevitably leads to separation, us-vs-them mentality and a loss of individuality. Maybe the only grouping we need is "human", no sub-grouping allowed. Actually, we may need to go a level higher to "creature", or even higher to just "thing that exists", could help with our empathy issue.
@@edumazieri Pride is a response to queerphobia and exclusion. If we were fully accepted in society, then there would be no need for the flag waving or the LGBTQ-specific bonding. Don’t blame queer people for the us vs them mentality-that comes from somewhere else entirely, and all we can do is respond to it.
madtekkerz with the words
The thing that gets me is that it biologically makes more sense for males to wear skirts at least some of the time considering their external pieces that need temperature regulation. It can genuinely be harmful in the long term to wear stuffy pants for males.
On the flip side, females with internal parts make it simultaneously make sense to wear pants (or pantaloons/underwear) to better protect said parts. Different actions call for different garbs. We all should get all the options.
I think it might be the industrial chain that shaped our view of what women and men should wear. That's the main problem. You are creating corporate standards for gender and men are expected to wear suits by the corporate authorities. Not to mention that most clothing is heavily biased towards media representations of the gender binary.
Specifically in childhood, the indoctrination already sets hold. There are also negative stereotypes for certain cultural dressing styles, where long wavy clothing is looked down upon, especially in the Western world.
We choose oversized clothing articles instead of gowns, because that's all the corporations allow us to have. This isn't a choice. Many people in the non-binary do not have possession of the means to even have "feminine" clothes in their size or something like that.
I mean, it's complicated.
And in addition, many clothing articles are corrupted by "trends" instead of "style". People should have their OWN unique style, NOT follow trends. But that's what is forced onto society at large.
If every body is unique and different and has its own construct, then why would we have uniform clothing styles or trends to follow? Does that make sense? People also have different personalities which can't shine through without appropriate nurture and care.
I firmly believe that the resentment felt towards people who wear dresses isn't even a matter of "masculinity" or anything like that. It is a matter of the people being envious that the rich people like Harry Styles can even afford to wear such a beautiful dress and to be photographed positively, even though they themselves would most likely be demonized or ridiculed, because most of them didn't find their STYLE of dress.
Guys you both do know the irish and vikings exist and existed right?
As a cisgendered male I never got why people can't understand or accept that gender and biological sex can be different concepts. The moment it was explained to me it made perfect sense. How does your X and Y chromosomes have any bearing on what clothes you wear, or what personality you have or your role in society? The simple, scientific answer is it doesn't, or at least there isn't a 1 to 1 correlation for every person. Trying to enforce rigid gender norms that people aren't comfortable with is a infringment of people's freedom and well being. Also gender dysphoria isn't really that hard of a concept to grasp when you think about the even more bizare birth defects people are born with. There are some people born with the two genitalla, no genitalla, tails, extra limbs, etc but for some reason a female brain in a male body or vice-versa is not possible? Despite all the complications of human sexuality and genetics, some people will dismiss the possibility out of hand that it is a medical condition and call it mental illness.
Unfortunately I think fear of the unknown and religion plays the biggest role in this bigotry/misunderstanding. I don't know how to rid the world of religious bigotry but fear of the unknown is easy to enough to fix. If you actually talk to people with unconventional gender idenitities and sexual orientiations or simply learn more about them, you quickly realize they are otherwise pretty normal people.
They're the same people that can't distinguish love and sex too, unfortunately.
I think it’s more of lack of acceptance of other people wanting to be true to themselves rather than what is seen as morally correct or as an obligation by someone else. I’m Christian myself and I have no issues with the ideas that other people have because they aren’t my ideas. As much as my ideology is true to me, it shouldn’t negatively impact other groups, people, or events, even though I don’t find it true to myself.
@@retropixels873 That's a reasonable take on the matter. Sorry for giving religious people a bad rap. I wish they were all as reasonable as you are. I think most are but unfortunately there will always be people that take things to the extreme.
@@jacobharris3002 no problem. It’s mainly the more extremist groups who create the loudest voice, mainly because the people who are accepting don’t say anything because it’s not a problem in the first place
Religion is never a valid reason to hate anyone. At the core of pretty much every single one, the message is something along the lines of "be a good person". The problem comes when people start trying to twist words into something that gives them power, or using it as a scapegoat when their baseless hate is proven baseless.
bring back wearing full sets of plate-armor
the only problem with this is that its gonna be expensive as fuck but hell yeah
for what?
what war or conflict r u fighting
for the slay
@@InvertedBread to slay
SLAY YOUR ENEMIES
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@@InvertedBreadthe one in the Middle East
We don't need to abolish gender, we need to abolish limiting/small box beliefs on what gender should be
@@magicseahorse it still is happening genius, so don't pretend you know everything while also being condescending about it
@@magicseahorseit absolutely hasnt
We don’t need to abolish beliefs either.. do you hear what you are saying?
@@bannedmann4469 I do, you have to have been misinterpreting what I said on purpose, I very clearly said SMALL BOX beliefs, as in beliefs of gender that box people in in an inflexible and limiting way, like saying that one gender isn't allowed to do something but others are, or one gender has to do something that other genders aren't forced to do, as well by extension of limiting gender beliefs, the belief that you have to be the gender you were given at birth
depending on how you interpret the word "gender" that might still just be the same thing though. semantics is important !
im a male and im not afraid to wear a whole princess gown. Fight me.
i applaud, but you don’t need anyone’s approval to make you feel good. get into it man, fuck it up💪🗣️🔊
true king shit🎉
i am sadly
*commits fight*
Hell yeah man live your best life
People who force the idea that nonbinary people should all look androgynous are genuinely part of the problem, I’m a trans boy but often people tell me im probably nonbinary and that I use they/them pronouns, even when I say I’m not, and I don’t use those pronouns, just because I look androgynous. I would prefer to look more masc but I can’t control how I physically look. Trans people are not a fucking monolith, we’re not all gonna present the same or act the same or want the same things, it’s so strange people can’t grasp that concept.
REAL!!!! i'm a trans dude who likes more androgynous/slightly fem fashion but don't pass most of the time, although i want to. what people tell you is absolute sh#t though :( i'm so sorry. i hope your day is euphoric and awesome!!
my condolences to both of u. you could have been normal pretty women but you got caught up in the cultist culture :(
@@rara3538nobody who identifies as trans was EVER truly what heteronormative society deemed as normal.
@@rara3538yikes 😬
@@rara3538🤡🫵
As a woman, I have alwaysed wondered, why do men have to wear these... Strictly Samey clothing. Especially suits. And they "can't" or "shouldn't" wear feminine clothing. But if I wear masculine clothing, nobody gives a shit lmao. Its literally double standards!!
Idk if this is completely correct, but one take on on it is it’s because of sexism again, that masculinity it seen as better. So when someone does something that’s seen as masculine it’s seen as better, but if you go from being masculine to feminine it would be like going down a step, idk tho
Its not fair it makes me wanna cry some days
I think it's a combination of masculinity being seen as a default, women being viewed as more expressive, and women having faught for a broader range of expression
@@septanine5936this
@@Eeeeeeeeeeh-that’s how people view trans women as well
i cant unsee the ringlights being your pupils
Haha it's like an anime character.
I can never unsee them with people wearing sunglasses or similar in videos, lol
Yassss it got me making up an original character's design even😭😭😭
That is terorfying why did you do this to me whyyyyyyyyyyyy
same lol 😭
When you go into clothing stores, the women's section has so much variety in the majority of the store's floorplan. Whereas the men's section is just in a sad little corner with little to no variety.
Turns out it mostly gay men that want to dress ostentatiously. Most men do not.
@@jordanthompson8268 oh damn, didnt know u knew most men. Quite cool, quite impressive.
@@milan045 There's a difference between being smart and having a smart mouth. I am the former, you possess the latter.
we are simple. Most men are fine wearing just shorts ane t shirts and a suit when its formal. Women have huge wardrobes
YES SOMEONE WHO GETS IT
That is punk as hell. As a cisgendered man I am also really fed up with the limitations of suits as the only appropriate formal wear. Let me wear colorful fanciful outfits and be revered for my style rather than rejected for my gender expression.
Yeah that's true. Our formal wear should be freer.
If you don’t wear the right clothes, you are gay. The women made the rules, they tell you how to look how to think and how to feel. What to do when to do it. Men are just supportive character robots who really don’t count as people, this is why we’re are picked for the meat grinders of war, we don’t matter, we were born to not matter, born to be sacrificed for someone else.
hey man, be the change you want to see in the world. I'm all for it. and i think if more guys just stopped giving a fuck and started doing as they pleased, then other guys would start to follow suit, you know? (no pun intended lol)
it always takes some brave people in the beginning to buck the norm and shake things up, but then it starts to catch on, a few more people join in, and then next thing you know, you've got a whole movement, and then pretty soon, the cultural norm has shifted.
obviously, with sweeping societal change it doesn't happen that fast. But we have to start somewhere, and i am SO ready to start seeing men express themselves more in every possible way. for one it's beautiful, but also, it's about goddamn time, cuz men deserve to express themselves just as much as women
everyone who agrees with this doesn't even comprehend why the traditional way of dressing is good and whatever the hell you want is bad. i mean i just laid it out right here: whatever you FEEL like you want as a man is irrelevant, a man does what needs to be done, not give in to his emotions lol
a bunch of emotional men cannot run a society
No one that you’d want to hang out with would reject you anyway. Just boring miserable bigots.
Be you and find your crew, Superstar
There's been a certain feeling within me that sometimes I feel like a perfectly cis male, but other times I feel a shadow of femininity, in an emotional, behavioral and mental sense. It's the time I want to dance around, smile, talk in a soft voice, pose differently, think differently. The label of "man" doesn't exactly fit me, despite being assigned male at birth and having male anatomy. And I've been thinking about it for a few months.
You don’t know femininity feeling. You’re lying and stereotyping women. You’re all of that as a man and that’s cool really
Often the labels we assume don't do their intended job of describing us. But rather, a more destructive thing, to define us, to limit us.
Gender can be like a prison that we build around ourselves, it stops us from doing and thinking the things we truly want to. And worst of all, we are the ones holding onto the key.
@@EmmaHopmanI think you're overcomplicating it. I'm a cis man, but I recognize when I do things that are “woman-like,” but I know why I'm doing those actions: It was the easiest way to express myself that way. We aren't free; there is always structure around us that keeps us grounded, but that's okay, and we can learn to work around it instead trying to destroy the idea entirely
@@hopelesslyoptimistic8231 it's not about destroying the idea, it's about recognizing it and not letting it limit you. It sounds like you're doing that well.
I feel the exact same. You could be a cis male or a cis male who’s also genderqueer (I think it’s possible) or maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. Depends on the person. It might be of no significance to you (and you may or may not just be a cis man as a result)
I remember a reel on IG about why it's unnatural for men to wear pants since our reproductive parts are external to the rest of your body, so a skirt / dress would be more natural, while womens parts are mostly internal so pants make much more sense for them
I saw mentioned in some documentary ages ago how this can also affect male fertility. Pants being worse at keeping stuff cool.
Wearing clothes is "unnatural" by itself. Pants are usefull and practical for many jobs and as protective gear, but they have their downsides obviously.
There is no clothong that is "natural" or "unnatural" based on differences of gender
Tbf if the Ottomans conquered the world, men would all wear flowing robes. Unfortunately, the English did so now we're stuck with pants.
@@jeffersonclippership2588 Trust the British empire to ruin everything
Im arkham brainrotted by now, every time i hear man, my mind thinks on man
Worst comment. Well done.
@@KaiAfterKai thx
you must jonkle
@@SuperBroy1 officer balls!
As an AFAB enby that grew up having to wear dresses all the time to formal events (wasn’t until adulthood I was able to explore other options), I always envied men’s suits.
Not for their style, but for the simplicity. The easiness of them. I’m not a fancy person, I don’t like formalwear or dressing up, I don’t like getting creative with my outfits. I like to be comfortable. And suits were so simple and straightforward.
And you could wear the same black or navy suit to almost any event and no one would bat an eye or even think about how it’s the same suit you wore to the last event. But everyone notices if you repeat a dress twice, especially twice in a row. And I hated that.
I just wanted to be plain and neutral. So for me being able to wear suits was something I was completely jealous of.
agree - women certainly don’t get to wear whatever they want. They are judged and scrutinized for anything, too boring, too frivolous, too slutty, too out of date, too trendy - as a women you become an object and it’s so hard to unlearn
Yeah, it's so interesting how everyone has different goals. hope youve found something you like to wear now
Suits are far from comfortable lmao, but when it comes to creativity and if ppl are giving a shit abt what you’re wearing then yeah, suits win in the s sense that you go out to buy one and you’re offered like 4 options all of which look like the same model just either in “boring grey, Dead Sea blue, diarrhea brown, or double boring black”. Pick whichever, it doesn’t matter in the end either way. No one will complement you or even pay attention to it, and there’s no artistic or identity expression in it whatsoever. You’re quite literally framed in this ridiculous square shape with shoulder pads underneath with the most amount of expression mostly coming from your tie/bow tie. Finish it off with some thick, uncomfortable leathery shoes of the same color that you can’t even see beneath your texture-less/color thirsty pants and you’re done. Get to the event and all your homies look the exact same! A sea of dark, trash colored square figures, with flashes of beautiful frills, colors, silhouettes, and flowing, soft petal like garments like flowers growing through thick cement popping through the crowd. Why can’t I look like art on my special day? Why can’t I show my identity through intricate elements of fashion to look, and feel beautiful while also understood? Why can’t I paint myself with vivid colors, and wrap myself in the graceful embrace of sunset colored silk?Why can’t I look like a gliding haze of rose mist under starry skies, under the disco lights, or under my loved one’s eyes? To me the very concept of “masculinity” and suits… it feels… suffocating.
Same, enby bro!! I was never happier the day I put my first suit together after being forced to wear frilly dresses my whole life. So much more comfortable than being cold and restricted! I felt like a super hero.
@@cosmicbeesechurger5907IDK I made an awesome comfortable suit set with formal dressy black yoga leggings, a really nice stretchy women's blazer, and a comfy button up under a super fancy Paisley designed purple vest with a tie.
If anything I think I looked fancier than anyone besides the bride at the wedding I went to. The girls all wore the most basic straight tube single color prom dresses. It's possible to really snazz up a suit to the level of a pretty dress, you just gotta be on the lookout.
I found out the soundtrack on the video is your music and... you've become my favorite "Comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable" artist
Your description honours me.
There's this video "How Conservatives Created (and Cancelled) Gender" that recounts how gender as a social construct was created in reaction to scientific advances which have shown that biological sex doesn't exist as two seperate states but rather a collection of traits, none of which were a source of some divine femininity/masculinity. Being a social construct, gender can be defined and re-defined as you or the society wants.
So gender inherited the old meaning of sex and the new meaning of sex is biological muddiness.
What that means is that if you took someone from one peak of the bio-sex distribution, and using advanced technology flip them to the other peak, they still coudn't switch genders if society simply insists that it's immutable. (if you go by outside observation instead of self-identification)
The conservatives problem with gender (even if it's a thing they created) is that it de-tangles the social and biological. Just by changing the society you interact with you get different models like: gender assigned at birth, presenting as a gender, gender identification, and many mixtures.
Interesting stuff. I'll have to check out the video, thanks for mentioning it.
Hi from another Alexander Avila subscriber! I watched that video when it was still called A People's History of Gender Ideology, and it is great!
I've been questioning my gender for a while and this video just made me realize I'm probably agender, thanks
Are you being serious?
What is there to "question" about your gender? (By gender, I mean biological sex.)
Look down at your private parts. It's not that difficult, ffs!
"Agender" is bullcrap nonsense. It's not real. It only exists as an unhealthy fantasy/delusion.
EVERYONE has a gender - male or female, including those who are hermaphrodites.
@@antigenderideologies hahahaha and by gender i mean refrigerator
@@antigenderideologies Are you being serious?
What is there to "question" about your gender? (By question, I mean unhealthy fantasy.)
Look down at your private parts. It's not that difficult, ffs! (By private parts, unhealthy fantasy.)
"Agender" is bullcrap nonsense. It's not real. It only exists as an unhealthy fantasy/delusion. (By is, unhealthy fantasy.)
@@antigenderideologies intersex* don't call them hermaphrodites
I remember when I first started learning more about gender identity, I was initially annoyed when I was referred to as Cis-gendered. To be fair, it was technically correct, but the idea that it was needed at all felt weird. My thought process was basically "Why do i need to called Cis-gendered? That's never been necessary. I've always just been me." Ever since then, that thought has definitely taken on a lot of weight as I've learned more about the topic and this video really helped put that into perspective.
Your insights have always helped me understand things in a way I might not have otherwise and this one especially has helped with that, so thanks again!
I'm glad to have helped. Wish you luck on your journey, wherever it may lead 🙏🏼
nothin' wrong with bein' cis
I'm a trans woman. Once I actually understood what gender is, I finally realized that for most people (being cis) isn't something that feels special to them. In our culture we have strongly assumed that being cisgender is the default. To most people, realizing or learning about being cisgender is literally nothing of a surprise, so much so many even question why the term exists. The reason it exists is because not everyone has the same experience. I'm sure that you'd understand that if you're not trans you'd be something else. And that something else is, well, so common it's unremarkable to even think much of it.
It's very much the same way we have terms like gay and straight. Without each, we'd have limited understanding of the other.
@@EmmaHopman Forgive me if the following sounds off, I'm just trying to find the words that make sense to me.
It's interesting how the term "cisgender" exists because of the term "transgender", allowing us a language framework that does not set a default, but both terms are still reliant on a relatively coventional understanding of the term "gender" - often assigned at birth and later on often assumed by presentation. While the terms are necessary considering the context in which they were created, they still require assignation and assumption to take place. A broader understanding of gender might require a change both in normative behavior and terminology.
@@edumazieri ya know what's crazy, I wrote something in my notes yesterday night that sounds almost exactly like what you just said.
Just be who you wanna be. Wanna kiss the hommies? Do it. Wanna be old school macho gentleman? Do it. Wanna be deinty, strong, athletic, sensible, pragmatic, stylish, gear oriented, art oriented, thing oriented, people oriented, family man, barchelore, etc? Do it. Be the different you in the different stages of life.
I agree. Simply be as you are. You don't need to redefine who you are to the world with pronouns or gender identity, simply be as you are.
"be whoever you wanna be! Play our mmo now!.
be everything!
@@Mendips just like Barbie! And Condorito, and Mickey Mouse!
This RUclipsr is the first dude I’ve heard who said what I’ve always thought “I don’t associate ANYTHING about my body with my personality”. It’s simply my body and has nothing to do with my personality.
As a man (a trans man, but still a man), I actually agree with a lot about what you say. I found out I was trans a year or 2 ago, but in the past few months, I’ve really harbored this weird feelings of doubt about my gender identity and I didn’t know why. I’ve found out recently that I am indeed still a man, but I don’t like having expectations placed on me on what it’s like to ‘actually be a man.’
The suit thing in the beginning resonated SO MUCH with me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love suits, but men are often expected to wear dark and paler colors and a black/white shirt. Personally, even before and after I identified as trans, I naturally geared towards wearing more colorful outfits, like in the boys’ sections of stores. But it seems that it’s mostly acceptable for young men (boys 0-12 years old) to wear colorful clothing, and the men that do decide to stand out and be a bit more stylish would be considered ‘gay’ or ‘flamboyant.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it relates to the stereotype thing that you mentioned.
And even as someone who identifies as male, I sometimes wish the concept of gender was abolished altogether, too. Or at least adjusted ever so slightly to be more fluid and exists merely as only a label without holding such strict standards and expectations for neither men, women, or even LGBTQ people.
At this rate, we just need more people to show (not just explain, but SHOW) that there is not a wrong or right way to identify or be a certain gender (or lack there of.) I can’t guarantee that will eliminate the limiting gender expectations that is commonly held, but at least it introduces something for people to reconsider what gender truly is, and maybe leads them to educating themselves more.
Thank you for making this video. Keep doing what you’re doing! Thank you for reading this comment (if you did).
I did indeed read it. Thank you for the comment, I'm glad the video spoke to you 🙏🏽
“but still a man” hell yeah brother, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Why not take the Femboy pill? You can still be a man even in a skirt. Don’t let anyone else take that away from you.
gotta agree about the whole abolishing gender standards, it should be an identity and not just a set of rules to follow
especially in the marketing space, there will be 2 separate bottles for "men's shampoo" and "women's shampoo" even though they're exactly the same but women's shampoo costs like $5 extra for some bizarre reason
i aint readin allat
I love videos with these types of titles because I get to play the "Misogynist or Trans" game
I honestly didn't even know this was a thing when I made it. I knew it was slightly clickbaity, but I didn't realise so many people would immediately read "blackpill" from it
@@KaiAfterKaiNaw 'cause during the first minute I was genuinely debating whether this was misogynistic, transphobic, GNC or trans
a really really beautifully point little exploration; i'm some random man who feels the same, even going so far to say 'abolish gender' (only just now also realizing that gender is really important to peoples identites) and this was really comforting and something that's gonna linger with me. i just feel i cannot truly be agender or non-binary, i feel like a tick too many stereotypes from the masc box but seeing you, hearing from you, the idea that it's about being yourself and not succumbing to what's expected - i just have to say thank you for this video :)
I'm glad to hear you got something out of this video, even if you ain't agender. Keep being yourself, whatever that may be✌🏽
@@KaiAfterKai I'm actually wondering if the reason why it ends up being really important to people is because of the importance society places on it. If we lived without the concept at all, would it still be that way? Because if not, then potentially removing the idea at all might not have as many negatives, at least in the long run.
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_only
Societal expectations are extremely irritating.
Instead of people just being allowed to exist and live the human experience; society tries to put us in neat little boxes based on WHAT we are instead of WHO we are.
Stereotypes are not gender
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_onlyI think that, at a psychological level, while we could place less importance in gender and remove it's roles, it will always be there. As far as research has shown, gender is based upon your brain anatomy, so it is an intrinsic part of someone's being. I think the best way to move forward is to challenge and erase gender roles, so that gender becomes not about how you are perceived by society, but how you perceive yourself.
I'm a uk transfemme and I, like you, can't wait for gender to be homogenised and for nobody to care about what anyone else says they are. I just want to live my life without a terf telling me to piss in a different gendered cubicle, or someone calling me something nobody wants to hear, and to just live my life openly and happily. Lets hope we get a decent government this election who actually cares for people. ❤
Yeah, it ain't been easy for us for awhile now has it ^^; here's hoping things get better. Stay safe x
No…Gender/sex will always exist. Gender stereotypes will always exist as well. However, what society needs is less misogyny and misandry and less strict gender roles.
Why even say what you are? Why cant we just be what we are?
@@JuniperGal-ek2pu Well said :).
You have the freedom. Asking for no one to care is a bridge too far really. Especially since you seem to want the government to enforce that.
I have similar "I hate gender" moment very frequently. Mostly when people imply there's something fundamentally different about men and women and that they can't ever fully understand the other's experiences. Like, what? I'm a person, you're a person. Nothing I've ever done has been driven by my gender. Is that not the case for you too?
this is really ignorant
The comment, or other peoples reinforcement of gender rules without ever questioning them?
Me too honestly. I keep seeing people around me making decisions based on their gender and it just makes no sense to me. Kinda disturbs me too. I don’t mean that men shouldn’t be allowed to be masculine or women aren’t allowed to be feminine, but the fact that people will restrict themselves AND others in their entire lives just because of stereotypes and how they were raised to view gender. Even if it’s something small, I’m surrounded by people who fixate on these little details about me or others that are ‘wrong’ to them just because it defies their narrow standards, like so what if I have hair on my arms and legs, the world isn’t gonna end. The way lots of my family treat women and men as an entirely different species gets on my nerves all the time and I often feel that ‘I hate gender’ thing as well.
its people misinterpreting the cultural difference in how men and women are generally raised for a biological difference, its pretty odd
It’s not the case for everyone. Gender is a major part of our society, there’s no need to act like it doesn’t affect us.
The circle of light reflected by the glasses looks like eyes 💀
thank you for this. the statement "i hate being a man" is not only powerful but feels like allowing yourself such freedom. you give up on trying to fit into the small confines of being a man and choose to be a person. thank you
Even though being a man is being a person, I can see where your coming from, now and day's men constantly fell like there being punished for being born a man by chance and some times when a man is comfortable with being one then there are some people that labele that person as homophonic or pure trash because he's a man by default
"I don't like cheese because it's not a vegetable" sounds kinda hard tho
Man, I wanted perfume as a birthday gift but my mom insisted on getting me cologne. She woild NOT get me any perfume because I'm a guy...
So I just got neither.
???
I'm confused as you tbh. I got a brother that buys himself perfume but my mother doesn't really care. Why should perfumes be gendered?
@@r1cceguy No idea.
The dress suit thing is something I've been saying for years! It's no fair women get all the good clothes
Yes literally as an agender afab person, I’ve literally said I feel bad for men that they can’t wear dresses or pretty, sparkly clothes. Sparkles are genderless, everyone deserves the joy of wearing pretty sparkly clothes.
I've thought about that last half a bit since it was a genuine topic in my philosophy course, and the spectrum v.s. binary is really quite a challenge. So much of our lives are built in binaries, or triads, etc.. and we never stop to think about how much importance are placed upon them. If it could be done, the infrastructure in place now would be such an undertaking to evolve out of, and it's been developing and growing more complex for centuries, just for a label really. Great video, happy pride month!
Happy pride month, and I'm glad to hear more people are talking about the idea of spectrums vs binaries. I wish I had someplace IRL like a philosophy class to really get down and talk about it with in-depth.
I'm not homophobic if I don't celebrate pride month am I?
@@Alright281 No, not at all. Nobody actually is _required_ to do anything, just as long as you're respectful to people you're all good
@@Alright281 You don't really need to celebrate pride month. I know pride right now is just commercialized by companies, all these arguments like "Can straight people go to pride?" "Do bi people belong at pride?" "Does kink belong at pride?". Obviously ignoring the fact that this is just stupid and those arguments are usually just Biphobia, Xenophobia, Racism, Transphobia or a generalized attempt to sterilize pride for companies to swoop in and advertise themselves.
Just be aware that Pride Month is a celebration of how we got to the point where we are now. That if people back then didn't fight back we couldn't be able to be ourselves now, and the long way we are still going to go through.
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_onlyYeah. Tolerance and acceptance are quite different.
If I ever make it big, I'll be wearing Riddler type clothing to formal occasions.
i'll be dressing like violet from tekken
generic hoodie and sweatpants because its comfy and expressing yourself feels dumb and draining
@@unendingpinelate940 bro thinks he is sans from undertale 🤣🤣
@@BlameCez who the fuck is sans from undertale
@@unendingpinelate940 Samuel Sanchez "Sans" Gilbert is the frontman of the american rock band Undertale, which achieved major success with their 2002 hit single "6D792062616C6C73"
I personally do not feel that strong about gender, it’s great if others do but it’s just not for me. I’m not NB, I’m not male, I’m not female, I’m just me and I’m just happy being me. I don’t want to put a label on it, I’m not agender, I’m not gender fluid, I’m not trans, I’m just me and I’m comfortable with that.
Exactly how I feel. All I know is that I have a biological s3x and I don't care about it.
Abstaining lol
Gender has nothing to do with being male, female or intersex
@@ExpertContrarian I never said intersex
@@Artomlet33 I didn’t say you did
This video is a literal life vest to my gender identity, or more lack thereof. I've been struggling with self-identification for a while, having myself seen being non-binary as something limited to androgyny, which I do like but don't see as something much applicable to me. I've always described myself as human first, a guy second, but it turned out I don't even want this second appendage there.
Thanks to you, Kai, and other sources that are educating me about gender, I can finally start to feel certainty and relief after years of pondering.
i always figured that the way people freak out about men wearing skirts , but dont over women wearing suits is a symptom of misogyny that negatively affects men
If you assume that men and masculinity are superior to women and femininity, then it makes a lot of sense. Under patriarchy, women wearing suits would be trying to move up the social ladder, and trying to be better than femininity, which makes sense to a patriarchical worldview. Whereas, men wearing dresses would be moving down the social hierarchy, and lowering themselves to engaging in feminine traits. Doing that is shunning male superiority, and defying the social order. If you are misogynistic, it doesnt make sense to do something people would consider inferior, so most of the time, they assume its a fetish or that something is wrong with you.
Same argument for trans men/women. "Why would you want to go down the ladder to the other gender?"
This is the most boomer thing I'll say, but I miss the times where any dude was called [british slang for cigarette] because he was tall, short, skinny, fat, had good looking gf, was gay, dressed like his aunt or whatever else reason.
I seriously miss the era, when kids were talking and arguing about music, cinema, art in general, or grand ideas.
But now?
Recently joined big community on discord, and all the kids talked about being whatever sexuality tribe they think they do belong to this week. Kids aged 13+ are hyper focused about things my generation used to figure out privately, and in the long run, without any consequences. And I'm not talking from the perspective of generally open country - I was born and lived trough soviet disintegration transitioning era, in soviet satellite state. Seen worst shit, and people still would find out if they are gay or any other word that best describes/labels them.
In the long run, no one seriously gave a flying [flock]. Maybe except crypto, closet homosexuals repressing their urges; mostly neo-nazis/catholic church hierarchs and members as far as I can tell from personal experience.
It's so tiresome to be expected to explain and create special rules for every individual person, so they would feel special this evening.
I don't care about your skirt or trousers. And you should not care, if I care. It's irrelevant.
Go live your life and leave people alone without pushing your identity issues on every single person around you. Go figure things out - it's not healthy to expect random strangers to validate your personality, and especially wearing this or that is something people will forget the very next day, even, if one would act like most obnoxious clown.
Monkey in a fez is interesting - you are not.
@@droopy_eyes"You should not care if I care" shows that you don't understand what is the reason for all those labels, empowerment and protest. Do you know the short film "A world where gay is a norm, and straight the minority"? That does also happen to trans people. That is why it's important to talk about it and make people aware of their socially inherited prejudice. As a member of the older generation I understand things simply worked different when you grew up, but the newer generation wants to talk about these things and feels the need to question the structure of the current society. That's nothing new and basically what happened forever in human history. The only difference is that nowadays, cultural evolution takes place faster and much more parallel because of the internet, which exponentially accelerated cultural interference between different cultures. It makes sense that to your eyes, it must seem like random shit young people made up because they didn't have enough problems or want to feel special, and a small portion might be due to that, but you have to trust me that that is not all there is to the gender debates. After all, people are just trying to make society a better place for everyone.
This is ahistoric. Before feminist (and queer) activists changed the standard, women in pants was also scandalous.
Men's social issues just haven't ever had an activist movement that achieved anything.
@@droopy_eyesI don't know where you're getting the idea that "nobody cared if you're gay" when kids were being kicked out of their homes, murdered, raped, etc just because of their gender/sexuality. The world is currently the best it's ever been to queer people
What it actually sounds like to me, is that you miss being able to ignore it. It's much more visible now, and there are expectations for how to act around it. That can be a lot to remember for someone who doesn't engage with it. But in my opinion it's a very self centered perspective
6:55 The term I think you want is "thought-terminating cliche" - a single sentence or piece of "wisdom" that is treated as so self-evident that it means the time for conversation is over, despite not actually providing an argument. It is almost exclusively used by people who don't understand why they think a certain way and don't want to find out.
I would call that an emotional argument
Men fashion has been stuck in the early 1900s, and hasn't been questioned ever since. The revolution starts with people like you speaking out.
Thanks for using your voice and spreading the message
I beg to differ. Yes, there have always been variations of the modern day suit, but the construction of garments were wholly different and they lay on the body differently as the years went by. The art of tailoring has been significantly lost, there aren’t a lot of people making clothes the way they used to be made-but it’s not dead. Fast fashion really fucked everything up. Suits became impersonal.
Early 20th century menswear is really interesting. There was a major shift at the turn of the century, but you could still wear personal clothes and things that were deemed more “feminine”, if that was something you were interested in-although like today, you *would* stick out and people *would* judge you, but there would no doubt be people who smiled. If you wanted to be extravagant, you could wear patterned clothing, pretty colors, mix and match garments, AND THE SHOES
You know, as someone who has for their entire life hated the concept of gender stereotypes, while also constantly being forced INTO those same gender stereotypes, WHILE ALSO desperately trying to break out from this mindset of "you were born this way, it's better for everyone else if you just stay this way, don't fight back it'll only be worse", this video has been kinda of a good reaffirming thingie i really needed on this point of my life.
Thank you random stranger on the internet for making this mess of a person a bit happier ^_^
Update: HRT seems really appealing right about now, oh well i'm sure it means nothing haha...
Trans Girl here. The Thumbnail initially scared me a bit bcuz it kinda reminded me of the anti SJW era, but after i watched it i was amazed❤. awesome Video❤. congrats on the egg crack❤. love your style❤.
Thank you for watching, I'm glad the video found you 🙏🏽
@@magicseahorse so? Just move on if a few hearts triggers you so much lol
@@magicseahorse it's a way to convey feelings, which is generally harder to do over text. The video was really heartwarming and i wanted to Express that
I wasn't scared and assumed it was normal like it is, because based on my RUclips activity recently I wouldn't expect that upsetting stupid stuff to show up in my recommendations right now
Ugh I really feel this deeply.
I am a high functioning autistic and I just have certain oddities about me like liking my nails to be slightly longer just because it feels right to me and when I have to cut them my fingers will occasionally get sore.
I have a lot of sensory issues with my skin so Im stuck wearing sweat shirts because of how it makes me feel but a shirt feels really weird compared to it. Also a lot of textures are pretty bad.
I hate cologne and deodorant because of those manly strong smells and its not because I think or want to be a woman I just would like to not have societal norms forced on me.
Yeah I also think that mens chocies are incredibly boring and uninteresting
World ain’t too kind to neuro divergent people. Keep doing you mate 👊🏾
I'm the complete opposite, but somewhat in the same ballpark. I think I have some mild degree of autism (still haven't done an official test, tons of autistic friends peer-diagnosed me lol) but I have ADHD. I absolutely _despise_ having my nails grow a certain length. Like I don't like the feeling of having my nails 2-to-3-days-growth long since I feel like I can physically feel the dirt and grim under my nails, and I feel like I lose some sort of tactile sensation.
I dislike wearing shorts (mostly, unless it's solely for the beach), dresses, or skirts because it feels too revealing, it feels uncomfortable (sensory wise), or it is uncomfortable (just doesn't feel _right_ to me). I could pull those looks off, but I just don't like them at the moment. I absolutely love wearing suits, jeans, shirts, cargo pants, all sorts of "masculine" clothing, but even with suits I try to add some flair to it-though it's usually simultaneously simplistic & bold. I got the same thing with textures though, certain clothes or materials give me the ick and are bothersome to me.
Funny enough, whenever I'm shopping for clothes, I'm envious of how the men's clothing have options I enjoy moreso than the woman's clothing, been like that since I was a kid too. I dislike most perfumes since some smells are too flowery or sweet for my liking, so I tend to lean towards colognes 'cause they usually have smells I like. Even for the one's that aren't "masculine" scents, such as a Sakura Cherry Blossom, isn't entirely invasive to my olfactory nodes and it smells nice.
But I will agree, men's clothing does have some boring options still. Like you, I don't think I want to be a man; I'm grateful that it's more socially acceptable for me to wear masculine clothing since I'm a woman, but at the same time, I dislike the societal expectations that are placed on me to say the least. Like knowing how to do things 'cause "you're a woman and you should know how to do these things" or "acting" like a woman. Don't help that sometimes I want to be a lil more feminine-presenting than my usual self by wearing something that isn't entirely masuculine-presenting, so people take that as an assumption that I just know "womanly things" when I probably don't. Or they think that solely 'cause I am a woman. Sometimes I wish that issue applies to clothing or just one aspect that could be easily fixed, and not on nearly every aspect of my life.
So for now, I think I'm just somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum tbh
Kai, I understand this video on such a deep level. I'm also nonbinary, and finally taking that step to aknowledge that the expectations you see put on everyone are not just nonsensical and arbitrary, but actively make you feel worse about yourself. It is freeing. It feels good no longer being in a weirdly rigid bubble. People experience gender so differently, so explaining your discomfort almost feels impossible to someone who does not feel similar. That's why videos like this matter so much. Happy Pride!
I'm glad you resonated with this so strongly 🙏🏼🙏🏼 happy pride 🏳️🌈
This is such a great video! Even though I'm a cis dude, I still think that the concept of gender that society pushes on us is dumb, and should be defined by the self instead. Hanging out with a lot of NB people had also opened my eyes to this, aside from my own observations, most of which resulted in the same conclusions I've reached that you had voiced in this video.
Part of the reason why I love the goth/punk/rivethead aesthetics and incorporate them into my own style is because you can look cool and interesting whether you lean more towards your gender assigned at birth in your presentation or say "fuck it" and blur the lines more, and it looks awesome either way.
I can't believe how well you summarised my feelings about gender in such a short time.
I was assigned female at birth and always had an odd relationship regarding femininity. It lead to me first rejecting it completely and then forcing it onto me but nothing felt right. Nowadays I understand that a lot of these complicated feelings come from what society teaches us about gender. The world was a different place 30 years ago and I am glad it's slowly adapting to a more diverse and critical thinking.
I've been identifying as non binary for roughly two years now and as someone who dressed quite feminine in the past and prefers a more masculine gender representation now it did strike questions in others as well as myself. I wondered if the reason I cut my hair short is because I want to rebel against femininity and how it hurt me in the past or because I actually want to change my gender. Breaking down your own thinking patterns and deconstructing learned behaviour is freaking tough. At 30 years I am not sure what of my feelings are genuine, whats taught behaviour and what's a coping mechanism.
I was asked (very politely) by a coworker if I want to be treated as a man now and I just smiled and said "I don't really know. Right now I just want to be me and I am fine with being everything and nothing at the same time."
I like the idea of being agender (im AroAce so being a AAA battery sound rad) but as it is at the moment I think too much about my assigned gender to vibe with the label.
Maybe I'll be caught in this limbo of wondering if I am trans or agender my whole life but that's fine. I like the way I am right now and I am starting to accelt that I don't need a clear answer or label for that. Thats why the non binary umbrella term is lovely. I don't want to be a woman or a man the way society teaches us. I just want to be me and thats okay
Omg, the term being an "AAA battery" so needs to become a thing!
@@laxsjo. Saw the term a few times on Tumblr but we definitely need to spread the word!
Yes. Yes yes yes. Im Not aro/ace but I vibe so much with the rest of what you explained.
@@laxsjo.I think it's already becoming a thing; either AroAce & Agender or A-spec, Agender & Autistic. I'm glad.
or a scream of confusion "AAA!!!"
Idgaf abt toxic masculinity. I am a soft sensitive boy who cries a lot, idc abt manning up. Let me cry goddamn it. ꒐ am not crying for no reason, please let me be vulnerable just this once. Anyways, I'd love to wear a skirt or a dress one day. I've always imagined into dancing while wearing one, letting it spin around blissfully. Women with skirts are so pretty. I'd also love to experience gardening, baking, sewing, cooking in peace. I wanna have an army of animals too. I wear pink and pastel clothes all the time its so pretty and colorful. My favorite color is yellow and pink. One time I saw a woman with a pink flower crown, I thought she looked so pretty. I wanna wear a flower crown one day. I love putting flowers around my ear. I also would love to have long hairs and tie it with ribbons and decorations. I wanna do stuff with my boring hair. As a kid I was so sad I can't have ribbons around my short hair. Men barely has any accessories, and I hate that. Just lifeless and unappealing stuff, imo. Sometimes I wished I was a girl, so I can wear whatever I want. And have fun with my hair, nails, make up and body. It's so cute and decorative. Men are so bland, I hate it sm. But either way, I'm happy to be a teenage boy. I just wish I wasn't pressured to do things I don't wanna do. And also made fun of. Like I don't wanna play basketball I'm sorry it's just not my thing. Please stop forcing me, Dad. Oh, sometimes I think of being a dad one day, and see my daughter or son be happy about things they wanna do outside of their gender's norms, something I wouldn't get to experience in this judgmental world. But maybe, me and my children could experience it together at the same time!!!
your feelings are so damn valid bro. just because you're feminine it doesn't make you ANY less of a man. don't let anyone else define you, you're the only one who can do that!
Sending hugs. We are trying to make a world where you can be yourself. I'm sorry it's taking so long.
Also, depending where you live, as an adult you already can be free to do all those things. Grow your hair long, live in a cottage in the country where you can look after your animals and garden, bake scones, and sew pretty dresses for yourself to wear. You just need to find one of the havens of acceptance that exists already, and by existing in that space you will make it stronger.
What you described are absolutely beautiful.
Same, I also have asperger with same patterns you describe, and my though train is going sideways and upside down diagonally.
But you'll get better the more you understand that even "normal" people, are whackos, and with time on this beautiful planet.
Peace.
Perfectly describes how I felt when I was first exploring my gender. I wish you the best in figuring out who you are 💚
the problem with suits is that many people have a limited understanding of what a suit can be; usually just a cool-colored jacket and pants with a white shirt. anything else doesn't register as a suit to most people. a suit is ultimately just a top and a bottom made out of the same material, which can lead to some really interesting outfits if you're willing to put in the effort. a recent favorite celebrity example of mine is Coleman domingo's critics' choice awards outfit.
this is why i love historical suits 🙏 the accessories add A LOT to an outfit. they can get very intricate and i love it.
as a transmasc person, this sucks. I want to wear masculine clothing but ALL OF IT SUCKS
all clothing is masculine if you are identifying as masculine. cloths do not have a gender just a style and the style is determined by whoever wears it imo :)
Wear armor
As a woman, the clothing rules lol. It is often better quality, has more pockets, more comfortable... That's also a bit sad I guess when you realize the difference between shopping in the men's and women's section, advantages and disadvantages of each. But I wouldn't inherently say men's clothes suck, to me they're more comfortable and practical.
istg the people with the best style never care about what gender's clothes they wear they just wear cool shit and know how to put it together
Have you heard the term gender abolitionist? It's a bit flashy or whatever but it's a term I like to use to describe my overall frustration would be excessive need to gender all concepts and all presentations.
Like I said in the video, I'd love to do some more reading on the topic, but it does sound nice and flashy...
There’s a few flavors within the school of thought. The one that I subscribe to is that gender, within the context of a modern society, is a functionally useless concept with one exception. It can be useful as a quick descriptor. For example when trying to point someone out “the woman in the blue shirt,” could be useful if there’s two men in blue shorts also standing near by. Personally I’d prefer femme and masc in place of woman and man but that’s another matter.
With that in mind we should chip away at the significance of gender until it holds no more weight in society than hair or eye color. As a side note I personally believe that shrinking the importance of gender to such a degree would also help reduce the level of dysphoria that many trans people deal with. Anyhow there’s a lot more subtlety and nuance to it than that but hopefully this helps.
@@magicseahorseGood question. They reveal their true colors saying scary shit like this.
@@TzensaWe don’t need to chip away at anything, people just need the freedom to express themselves. Why do y’all take things so far?
@@bannedmann4469 and why don't people have that freedom ? seems like there might be some restrictions factors in place that it would be good to, i don't know, chip away at ? i don't really see how your point would counter that
honestly "i hate gender" is by far an amazing way to put it. as a mtf who can't come out, i find that the very label of gender ruins everyone in a sense. i understand why it is there, but i think it needs updating. or i hope it gets updated. also i loved this video a lot, and i look forward to watching more from you for now on!🧡🧡🧡
yea fosho cant wait for the gender update 1.2🔥🔥
My fellow orange soul, I agree. Free the gender!!!
FRR
You’re a mobile task force member? Don’t you have an anomaly to contain or something?
@@MrAwesome457 nah i'm off duty since i looked at 096, i was told to run but i am lazy lol
This video is just based.
As a trans woman i think it's so cool that people are willing to exit the gender binary (or gender altogether), and it also winds up helping me in my transition since I basically look GNC whatever i do 😂 seeing other GNC people is such a relief, i just feel safer with y'all 💜
@@magicseahorse How about you 🤏 shush
@@magicseahorse They just stated that it's nice seeing other people like them and it makes them feel better. And your response is calling them weird. That's not freedom of speech it's called being rude.
@@magicseahorse do something useful instead of replyting to every comment on this video and maybe get rid of that ego of yours
@@magicseahorse well perhaps try and understand other peoples prospective
@@magicseahorse and your hypocritical you think something is weird
I’m a straight cisgender male, and I’m a “femboy” (sort of I guess). I prefer “feminine” fashion. Now, at anime conventions I am given 80% praise, like people shout “OMG YOU ARE SO COOL!!!!!” And people are excited to hang out with me - EXCEPT at the formal balls. Most conventions have a formal ball. That’s the one place at anime conventions where… people (at least women) seem uncomfortable with me
Whenever I ask them to dance, they seem…often disgusted, at the very least, uncomfortable. But back when I wore suits, most women were so excited to dance with me 🤔
But it’s like, as you said at the beginning of the video… masculine fashion is just “suit….white suit…black suit…gray suit….black and gray striped suit…. Suit………” But women BEAUTIFUL BALLGOWNS!!!!! It’s just boring being a man
Another good reminder of how easy I have it as a cis dude who likes to wear suits.
Loved the video!
Enjoy your suits, friend. Just don't be shy of mixing things up now and then ;)
Life is nice without complications
Yeah, the whole "it sucks that women can wear whatever they want" thing was something I noticed from a young age, but I didn't want to be a man in a dress. Anyway, I'm a woman now.
In the defence of the suit (and dinner jacket et al), I appreciate it for what it is, subtle and understated. I understand that's not what everybody wants. Personally, I think 18th century court dress is maybe a direction for a more decorative and colourful form of menswear that men are comfortable with.
oh wow. it is like you are speaking from my soul (german saying translated word by word - sorry but there is no better way to say it for me). in these 10min you said one sentence after another with which i could not agree more. everything you said was spot on exactly what I am thinking and feeling. Never have i felt this understood in some random youtube video. i thank you for that. I wish this reaches many
This helped me put into words how I feel about my gender and why I feel that way.
I'm glad it helped you like that. Thank you very much for the support 🙏🏼
The ringlight and glasses combo makes it looks like you got googly eyes which is awesome.
Heya there, also a nonbinary person. I understand this video on a deep, spiritual level. I've struggled with internal transphobia for years, feeling like I'm not masculine enough for people to not see me as a woman, and vice versa. Anytime I go outside I observe the mannerisms of others around me, typically men, and try to act like that. It's difficult to explain, but because I was AFAB if I do act feminine no one cares about whatever label I have. It's just.. woman. I can't wait until the world just gets rid of the concept of gender and we can simply dress and act the way we want to without people spouting about how "back in my day men were men and women were women." With that being said, happy pride everyone 🌈
I was raised twelve years in a boys only catholic school. After graduating and noticing how noticeably different life is without so much masculine pressure, I started realizing I did, said and thought so many things I now deeply regret and I later realized that the reason for all of that happening in the first place was because “that’s what men do”, “that’s what men are”.
And if devoting my identity to a gender that doesn’t have any meaning to me means doing things that I wouldn’t naturally do, then it doesn’t make sense for me to keep considering myself a man.
Great video and I’m always so happy to know that I’m not alone with this.
This was fucking fascinating, thank you for sharing your experience. As a trans woman, it's really really refreshing to see someone being open, and, more importantly, unashamed about their experience questioning their gender identity as a person who was assigned male at birth. That's a subscribe from me, for sure
I feel completely the same.
It has been like that since i learned what nb meant and even before that i knew.
I'm agender too, but many people in my life don't know that.
Many people think it's silly, or I'm afraid to think they would.
I kinda hate explaining myself.
And people love to shit on nb people, even saying "well in a world with no difference between men and women in society you wouldn't be nb!"
And I'm always baffled because........... We don't live in that world do we?
Really great video, i love your style and your video editing style
Umm Akshually🤓...
in a world with no gender binary, no one would be binary therefore everyone would be nonbinary 👁️👄👁️
omg yeah no ive had these exact same thoughts for the longest time and just never had a word for it. Its such a breath of fresh air to hear someone else say that they don't get gender at all, like i thought i was just going crazy, everyone else seems to be driven by this thing and I can't tell if it's mass hysteria or if I am the delusional one. tysm for existing.
Also if you want to be looking into postgenderism you wanna look into gender accelerationism and social constructionism.
I'm glad you enjoyed the video! And cheers for the leads, definitely looking them up later
The thing is, society views masculine traits as positive traits and feminine traits as negative. That's why a man embracing his feminine traits is more looked down upon than a woman embracing her masculine traits
This is untrue. Look up the Women are Wonderful effect. Listen to all of the people who say that misandry isn't real. Look at the obsession with toxic masculinity but the lack of discussion when it comes to tosic femininity.
@@williamspears1627 Okay... And what does it have to do with my original comment?
@@minimump5248 Society does not view masculine traits as positive or feminine traits as negative. That was the point of my comment.
@@williamspears1627 Feminine presenting males get persecuted while masculine presenting females rarely get ostracized. A woman wearing men's clothing is seen as fashionable or get brushed off while a man wearing women's clothing is called a sinner. Your thesis on my statement being untrue lacks support.
Also, what did toxic masculinity and toxic feminity have to do with my original comment?
@@minimump5248 Feminine presenting males get persecuted because women force men to adhere to strict gender roles. This is why Gay men are able to dress freely and better express themselves compared to their heterosexual counterparts.
Women can wear men's clothing because men don't force women to adhere to strict gender roles. Historically the Tomboy archetype is proof that men haven't really forced women to adhere to strict gender roles.
If you don't understand the context in which I used toxic masculinity and toxic femininity (you misspelled it as feminity) then re-read my comment. The context is there. If you can't understand it then find someone more intelligent and have them break it down for you.
Real talk, I think a lot of it stems from, how’s the best way to say it… frivolousness? The reason why women wearing suits is okay but not men wearing dresses or “feminine colors” (which by the way back in the 1800s pink was a masculine color!) is because there’s a societal expectation for men to be “reliable” and “pragmatic” and such. “Tall, earns tons of money” is the ideal for a male while “attractive, caring and able to raise children” is the ideal for a female (traditionally). These roles allow for females to be more expressive with their fashion, in fact it kind of demands they do, so they can stand out as being cute or sexy or what have you.
The reason females can wear masculine clothing just fine is because we find it endearing that someone who doesn’t “have” to be strong and reliable is doing it anyway, but when we see a man trying to be weak and vulnerable we dislike that. You can see this trend in Asian fashion, where there’s a lot more androgyny but a LOT of it skews to “females wearing masculine clothing” rather than the other way around. Also “We” is the hypothetical royal we of society, I hate it too.
Unironically, I think the femboy movement is secretly the biggest counter culture against this. No disrespect to trans people and I think it’s totally fine to transition if you feel dysphoria with your own body, but in the end transfem people end up just leaning on female fashion and gender norms. Meanwhile, femboys are embracing the fact that they’re male while at the same time wearing things that are decidedly feminine and not doing it in a way that is intentionally provocative (ie. “What, you gonna say something about wearing this dress that doesn’t fit me or accentuate anything good about my body?” Like the picture you showed at the start of this video, I hate that picture so much) they actually style it and make themselves look good in the clothing, and most importantly enjoy themselves.
100%. I hope the femboy movement is successful in changing people's minds. Men should be able to wear feminine clothes without being accused of not being men. I've heard one person say that femboys are sort of fighting the final boss of gender roles, and I have to agree.
im always a little bummed out that this kind of conversation typically ends in the way of 'damn being a guy sucks so bad imma get rid of this entire identity' but that last point honestly is so real, guys looking good in dresses and provocative clothing that accentuates the male form? hell yeah
As a trans woman I agree with absolutely everything you said in here, I want gender stereotypes to go away and want it to be a spectrum too, I’ve been so happy ever since I’ve came out as a trans woman, nonbinary people don’t have a certain “look” and the same should be said about all the other genders, happy pride month, stay happy ❤
as somebody who just recently realized i prefer to label myself Agender, watching through the intro it was just point for point, to a T *exactly* what i've experienced. i clicked thinking "oh there's no way that when this person says 'i hate being a man' they mean it in the same way i do, it's probably just some other thing" and then it just. was. i don't know how to describe how validated i feel now, genuinely thank you so much for making this.
lol i saw the title and thought "just be trans then" and thats exactly what you did, cool vid
Same. Was very relieved the person had already come to that conclusion
3:58 THIS!!! It's also so insightful that you're forced to look from the outside perspective so you see both issues
As an AMAB person named Kai who has recently been questioning my gender, seeing this particular combination title, thumbnail, and channel name was... a little spooky lmao. Great video, and I agree with a lot of what you're saying!
THE INTRO REMINDED ME WHEN I WAS LIKE IN 3RD GRADE AND I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND ABOT HOW GUYS DONT GET TO WEAR DRESSES AND SKIRTS AND STUFF
10:15 after you said "I'm happy for you" I had the sudden urge to give a thumbs up (irl) to you in my screen
First time viewer. The background music, the way you talk and the way you present yourself, you give off the vibe of a cyberpunk 2077 character.
This is a very interesting, insightful video! I know this is a bit of a nitpick and, but the only bit I disagree with is the bit about suits. As someone who dresses in formal menswear everyday, I know suits can be just as interesting and marvelous as any other kind of clothing. A lot of the suits men wear nowadays are mediocre and uninteresting because formalwear has fallen out of fashion, and interesting cuts, styles, fabrics patterns aren't really manufactured anymore for that reason - but that doesn't necesarily mean formalwear can't be interesting :-)
Oh sure. Just because I wish there were other, more diverse options doesn’t mean I want them gone; quite the contrary, I'd be sad to lose suits.
I love when the alogrothim just sends me vedios that sum up my gender experience perfectly lol
Happy that it got sent your way ^^
This video is basically me in a daily basis
May we both find out way out 🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@KaiAfterKaisoon enough!
:0 cherry bomb
@@scrungler_boinbusoh hey
I feel you SO MUCH on this. I have yet to know if I wanna stick with being an enby or if I wanna become a trans femme, but one thing's for certain: I am tired of gender norms 😔I would feel SO much better if people stopped assuming that I'm a man. I suppose there's some truth in the saying "gender is a social construct."
Wish you like, whatever path you end up going down 👍🏽
Dang, I relate to this video way too much. I very recently found out I'm non-binary (But have had feelings for like over a year beforehand), and you just summarized my EXACT thoughts on gender.
My 18th birthday is at the end of June/Pride Month and I'm going to be coming out as Non-binary to my family then, so wish me luck lol.
Update: I ended up chickening out and not confessing :/
Good luck dude
Good luck!
I hope it went well!
It's okay if you didn't feel comfortable to do it yet. Take your time
I’ve always supported trans/NB people and the like, but although I completely agree with their reasoning, I just can’t understand the motivation to change gender. (Which is fine. Other people are different than me, of course.)
If I’m a guy who likes feminine clothes (which I am), or am not comfortable with traditional masculinity for whatever reason, then why does that mean I have to change my gender accordingly? Isn’t the problem with society’s expectations of gender, not with gender itself? That’s what I mean by understanding the thought process but not the motivation. To me, it would be better if society as a whole stopped carrying assumptions about people because of their gender.
I’ve thought this way for a while, and it’s great to know others think sort-of similarly.
What is a "gender" if not a collective of societal expectations assigned to a gender? That's how I see it at least. Regardless, you still know that you're a man despite enjoying "feminine" things? You got as much respect from me as someone who says they don't wanna be a man 🙌🏾 keep doing what you're doing
im not trans because i like "feminine things" but because i have gender dysphoria
For me it's gender dysphoria, I just cannot stand having a male body at all (and wished I had a female body instead), I'm an introvert so I care less about gender roles but they still matter.
Gender is just like a vibe. Im a woman because I love being one. Its just a way to say youre similar to other people who use that label. And a 'feminine' body also matches my aesthetic better so thats why I changed that one too.
Nobody is really changing their gender at all. Gender is something within you and it doesn't always match your sex and gendered roles/clothing assigned to you at birth. It's all a matter of changing the outside to be true to the inside
-nonbinary
-xenoblade chronicles 3
-evangelion
-milk
the autism is RESONATING with this one. sub earned. happy pride
💛🤍💜🖤
@Noname-b8n2d "you're definitely not autistic" 🤓
Xenoblade !!!!!!
I swear the reflection on your glasses is now your default eyes for me now, thats awesome
Dear men:
If you want to do things more stereotypically masculine, do that
If you want to do things more stereotypically feminine, do that
Neither of these make you less of a man, everyone has traits built into them that make them them. Many women have "masculine" traits to compliment "feminine" ones, men are no different. If you don't want to identify with man, that's also okay. If you do, but you still want to be traditionally feminine, YOU CAN.
BEING YOURSELF IS SO IMPORTANT!!! Keep doing you men, you're great :)
I cashed in my man card decades ago, it wasn't worth anything, I have a me card now, no labels, no ideology's I just do what I want. Having flowers drawn on my work gumboots means no one else wears them and that suits me fine haha. I was going to draw a flower on one and a truck on the other but I didn't think I could draw a good truck so just stuck with flowers.
So shines a kind comment in a weary world.
To build on your point, I’d like to say that honestly, the whole concept of “masculinity” and “femininity”, at its core, is fake.
These terms are entirely connotational, and therefore exist only for the sake of stereotype. Gender identity is honestly a matter of neuroscience, and birth sex is a matter of biology, so at their core, they can be objective and are clearly defined.
But masculinity and femininity are inherently subjective, and are therefore useless and irrelevant concepts, because they’re defined only as the “traits of a man” or the “traits of a woman”.
If a man doesn’t exemplify these traits, then by the definition, he’s not considered a man, and this conflicts with the defined reality of what gender identity and birth sex are, and given that one is based in science and the other based in the practice of shaming those who are different from our stereotypes, I think it’s plain to see that these terms are indeed, useless, and irrelevant.
The word "man" just makes me cringe idk why probably because of how seriously people take their masculinity lol
at 4:26 you've perfectly described my own perception of myself in such a perfect way and i love it
I just think of it as an aesthetic, i think even just a spectrum is too limiting because it implies there are extremes or limits on it, or that there are focal points of it
I resonate with this take so much. I've socially been going as non-binary for a few years now and I wouldn't want to go back. But I feel like there's still always a push within the non-binary/trans community to fit within a certain category, or to change your appearance in a certain way. I've had trans friends try to convince me that I'm actually trans, and while I entertain the idea more than being cis, I don't want to be put in the other cisgender category. There's also the idea of signalling which I've struggled with as a non-binary person, that what you wear and how you present directly affect the way other people make assumptions about you, but it's difficult to present as non-binary person because it's a somewhat undefined category with no clear ways of indicating your identity (beyond a NB flag pin or something). It feels like with the choices of what you wear, you can only really appear as cis, androgynous (which is stupidly difficult to pull off), or "trans". I don't really know where I'm going with this.
Putting a limit on one's expression is putting a limit on one's world and creativity. With lack of creativity neither the oppressed nor the oppressors evolve and learn.
Therefore everyone remains stale, worse with resentment coming from both sides.
You just described my relationship with my parents
As someone born male, I strongly relate to this and also wish that we could have a lot more acceptance of degendered dressing and appearance. For all my life, I've had long hair but it's because I grew up as a west coast skater boy in the USA. For all my life, people would encourage my long hair and tell me that it looks great on men. When I started to be honest about my possibility of identifying as MtF trans, suddenly everyone starts telling me "I could tell you were trans because of your hair!!" and it's annoying because i genuinely look at long hair as something that can 100% be done as a man. All of my ex partners were cis women that never had hair longer than their shoulders. I genuinely do not see gender as a factor for the length of anyone's hair. This is even more annoying when you look at subcultures (Punk, Goth, Rock) where long hair on men was already the norm, or even actual cultures (Nordic, Chinese, Native American) where long hair has literally been a part of its roots and history.
gender is exhausting.
That’s so funny 😂
you put all my feelings toward my gender into a video, sending this to everyone who ask what I feel