This is terrible. But not uncommon. I remember being grilled by a bishop as a young teenager with a ton of sexual questions. I was so proud to be able to answer no. Heck I'd never even kissed a boy. But he was very insistant. "Well have you done this? You know that this and that are also breaking the law of chastity?" I remember thinking at the time that it was almost like he didn't want to believe me. A little odd, but that's his job as a bishop, right? Now as an adult I am HORRIFIED that so many men have used their authority to groom little girls like that behind closed doors. As a mother, if a grown man asked my daughter any of those questions I would probably call the cops and try to get a restraining order.
I s been like you! The bishop was upset I hadn’t done anything. I look back now and see I could have been really hurt. He asked me if I liked to watch boys or men play with themselves ( he was very nasty the way he said it however). I was upset and scared. He kept asking and asking of I had done things and listened them off . All really kinky stuff. I see my daughter now this age I was . How easily harm could happen.
Im hearing more and more stories like this and for the longest time I thought i was the only one this happened to, I told my mother about the questions he asked because of of it I didn't even know what he was talking about, just started telling my father about this meeting he had no clue it happened but my mom never made me go again, thanks for sharing like I said I thought I was the only one.
I remember telling a Bishop in the Ward about a Scoutmaster Abusing me, and crying my eyes out, while telling him.The Bishop turn a blind eye to it.I was told every leader is called by God, Ask NO Question, tell no one, but God knows the truth about everything, but I had to forgive him to be set free.
First time I confessed to a Bishop I was 12 and couldn't say a word. I just cried. I came back with my confession written down. He was upset and I left feeling even worse. I'm 43 now and I would cross the street to avoid him to this day.
That BASTARD bishop! I was 15 when I confessed a sin to him because I saw my brother do the same. This is not right! Controlling people’s sexuality is what a CULT does. These so-called men of God have done emotional and psychological damage to the youth. To HELL with them all!
Don’t try to avoid this asshole, you should walk right up to him and tell him exactly what he did to you. If we continue to walk away and cower from these men it makes them think they were a chosen man of God, but he isn’t. Stand up for yourself and stop allowing him to have power over you. He has no power if you won’t let him have it! God bless you….
My story is similar. I felt like a deer in the headlights. The judgment, shame, and anger broke me. I left the church after that. I thought he was there to help me through, not made me feel worse. I was so wrong. Years later after much anger building, I went back to that same bishop and demanded an apology. He refused at first but then after 40 minutes, I got it. Stand your ground girl. My heart breaks for you 💕
I love Clarissa!! We went to the same small high school, lived in very similar small towns with very similar experiences growing up in the lds church.. I think that she is so brave for this and I’m so sorry that she had an experience like that.. She has been the perfect role model for me and I truly look up to her.
4 year's ago I confessed to my branch president and told him I wanted to repent for having a pornography addiction. I was 24 then and this man had known me since I was a toddler. I told him "I think I need to see a counselor" I was acknowledging that I had a real problem. I asked if the church could help because I couldn't afford counseling. After an hour or so when I was done he said " I'm happy you came and told me but I really don't think you need a counselor" He then told me to read scriptures 30 minutes a day 7 days a week and meet with him to discuss my progress at the end of evert week. I did those things and not only did they not help most of the time it was like he wasn't even listening. I finally counseling after that and through a local agency that provides lot's of different social services. Shortly after that I went inactive and personally I feel better now than I ever did in the church.
I’m a convert and this makes me ill. I’d never tell anyone this personal info! The only mediator is Jesus Christ, not a priest or minister or bishop. This was child abuse. What a perverted man! Should be jailed!
Your church teaches certain sins must be confessed to priesthood authorities or you are not forgiven. When do you think your church will change this damaging teaching?
In the LDS there is always a mediator, in fact there are many mediators, only men, who are between you in Christ. They get to tell you how your relationship with God is, what you need to do, what God says to do, what God wants from you. As someone who was raised in it my entire life, don’t let the fluff they try to tell you now or to your face hide what they’ve taught for 2 centuries.
After my first meeting I was so traumatized by it I never went to another and that's when I lived by the fraise there's only one I have to answer to and he's not anyoney Physically here, never went back to another meeting but I never forgot that one question and that's all I can remember about that whole meeting, I know there had to be more then that but I think it was so bad I've blocked it out, honestly I know he had to of asked more but for the life of me I don't remember and I think that bothers me most of all, what else went on what else did he ask????
Howling Yorkie, you are exactly right. This is not everyone’s experience. This man hopefully wasn’t a bishop for very long. It just goes to show how individual people handle each individual situation. This doesn’t tell me the church is wrong or the church organization is wrong or the restored gospel isn’t true, this only shows me the prevalence of human error. This bishop was a predator. He wanted to hear every slimy detail. Just like John Dehlin, he wanted to hear all about the penises and vaginas also. That’s the kind of creep that he is also.
Poor girl! This was not my experience repenting at all. My bishop didn't ask for any detail and I barely alluded to my sexual sin. He was very sweet and calm and respectful and helped me feel safe. It sucks that there are crappy bishops out there doing this kind of thing.😭😭😭
This idea that anyone's connection with the almighty runs through a third party is one of the great evils religion invented. This poor girl's story is both heartbreaking and horendous.
Totally agree John, As a former bishop of the Mormon church I was never trained in any area of counselling of any sort. I was left my own devices. I am naturally a compassionate person so in one way my natural empathy levels assisted me. However no person should make judgement to any another on any level.
I remember my heart breaking for Clarissa when I saw her full interview on Mormon Stories. And, Clarissa, you WERE brave and should have been proud of yourself. It takes a huge amount of courage to go into this situation. I hope you are in a good place in your life now. I can't imagine why this Bishop thought doing interviews this way (acting like a man child) was a good way to go. My god, the damage the church system does to people's hearts and souls.
Tragic. That bishop is a product of the Mormon church’s culture and teachings. It seems like a good organization on the surface. It’s so important to share what happens beneath the surface
At 67, I have had much exposure to and experience with the LDS Church. I disagree with your assessment. Any cursory research and examination of this organization would reveal it is not a good organization even on the surface.
This is so awful and is not Church policy. This is wrong behavior on the bishop's part. I tend to think this happens in small towns and rural areas. This is NOT Church policy or the way to treat repent members -- ever!!!
I just have to comment, way back when I was around 12 or 13 I had kissed my best friend. I had no idea at the time it was "bad". But I had to talk to my bishop for weeks and he would tell me your not repenting hard enough. And then every year for my interview he would ask me are you still getting urges? I was very uncomfortable. And now that I'm older it just scares me knowing that was so young and this older man was asking me very personal things. That honestly wasn't even a problem. So hearing her talk I just feel her pain. And it breaks my heart. Thank you for sharing
I think the sad part is that a lot of these Bishops get a perverse thrill about hearing all of the juicy details. Otherwise, they wouldn't be so antsy to bring the subject up and pry for details every chance they get. It's just part of their job? Yeah right!
I’ve been where she was and this is so sad. I’ve had a bishop yell at me while repenting. I even read gospel approved books on my own and he would get really mad at me. Compared me to other LDS girls and said I’d never be like them pure and clean because of my sins. I thought that was the point of repenting. Super toxic. It was my first time ever standing up for myself to a bishop. He threatened me saying he could have me leave the college my fate is in his hands. I’ve seen one bishop take notes but barely wrote anything down. Somehow it follows me for years. Every bishop ive ever met with knew about me. Would ask let’s talk in my office. So shameful.
This poor young woman. Subjected to a Bishop’s perversions to make her feel less than a person for his thoughts and sin. I am disgusted. What did Jesus say to the woman at the fountain? Did he force her to speak in such a degrading manner before He told her to “go and sin no more”?? There was no degrading of this woman. He spoke Truth and sent her on her way...forgiven... because she believed. You are a beautiful child of the Father. He loves you with all His heart. We are not perfect, no one is, (you either BISHOP PERVERT). And that is why we have Jesus. He alone makes us perfect. He makes you perfect, too. Not man. Our Savior. ❤️
That's part of the problem. The bishop may well of thought that the anger was justified. Ignoring examples to the contrary, he could just focus on Jesus' demonstrations of anger at sin, or followed the teaching of mormon prophets and apostles of decades past. No matter what claim to god's authority someone may make, we should not provide them with the position to sexually abuse, physically or mentally.
The story of Mary Magdalene explains it all. There was complete love and compassion. The scrutiny and shaming within the church caused much depression and anxiety, which is why Utah is #1 for Rx anti-depressant usage.
Hard video to hear, but it needed to be said. I agree no person should ever go through that. Things like that should be between the parents and the child and never involve an untrained person passing judgment.
@Gabriel Mondragon those are questions between her and God. no one needs to hear every detail. you need to read the emotion/repentant of a person thats what matters not details.
I had a similar experience with an old Bishop. I immediately left, telling him I wasn’t going to stay there when he was being angry and shaming me. I messaged him afterwards and reprimanded him for treating me the way he did. After a few weeks, he eventually apologized but things were never the same. I had other members of my ward come forward at a later time and share similar experiences. Unbelievable!
When I was in an interview growing up, I would just lie if I felt uncomfortable with the question. Now, knowing what I know about the church, I'm glad I did. I never allowed myself to be abused by one of these men. Bless you Clarissa for sharing your story and exposing this.
Love of the Lord’s representative in action; the truth is in the details. Prospective members need to know this may be a possibility if they join church. This is SO wrong.
I became a convert to the Church in 1974 at the age of 26. Since then I have come to understand a lot of things about the LDS culture that neither I then or any 17-year-old now is likely to understand. First of all, the Church is massively obsessed and fixated on its family ideal. The general authorities recently found it necessary to re-emphasize the name of the Church because so many members were worshipping the institution of the family more than the Christ and the things that the Christ taught. The obsession with family inspires the powers that be in the Church to want to channelize our sexual energies into early marriage and, starting on our wedding nights, to start procreating new Church members. Therefore, any kind of sexual expression other than that is proscribed bigtime. Now, about those bishops and stake presidents. They come from the best in the culture, and they come from the worst in the culture. To even be considered as a candidate to be a bishop, one must be a married man. To become and remain a married man, a man must have the financial means to support a family or at least early on to have that potential. Latter-day poor Zoramites (see Alma, Chapters 28-29) like me need not even think about ever being a bishop as long as they are devoid of family. I do not mean at middle age marrying a beautiful crone like I did. I mean umpteen children and/or grandchildren. There are men appointed to be high-up mucketymucks in the Church mainly on the basis of money, family, and career success. I know that is true because I have known high-up mucketymucks in the Church who had nothing else going for them. I have known at least seven profoundly obnoxious, egocentric jerks and other varieties of jerks and two IRS agents who have at one time or another been members of bishoprics or the President of the Provo Temple circa 1978. No one has to share his or her sex life with anyone whom they do not have or want to have sex with. When I was third-degreed on the subject of adultery by a stake president in a temple recommend interview, I finally closed the subject by asserting that adultery was not a temptation to me Had he persisted further, I would have invited him to share his sex fantasies with me. This girl and everyone else needs to understand that they do not need some bishop's approval or even his knowledge to repent about anything. If you have hurt someone, repent to that person. If you feel that you may have disappointed God, repent to Him. If you have let yourself down, repent to yourself, and make changes. You do not need to open yourself to any bureaucrat.
If there is any question whether the the Mormon Church is a positive force or a malevolent one... this interview will settle the question. Much respect for the courage of this woman.
We all had to go through this from a young age with out a parent in the room. And Bishops want intimate details, why? Now that I look back it is soooooo creepy...
I had a bishop ask me extremely inappropriate questions about a sexual experience when I was barely 16 years old. The way he asked and things he said made me so uncomfortable and I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone about it. It still makes me upset to think about 23 years later.
Many of us have had variations of interviews like this. I had to confess to a bishop when I was 12 that I had a masturbation 'problem' so that I could be found worthy to do baptisms for the dead. I was told to go home and speak to my father so he could help me 'overcome' this problem. That set the stage for guilt and shame through the rest of my teen years over normal human sexual behavior. I was tormented by my inability to not become worthy.
That’s is so terrible and it breaks my heart that this happens. When I was part of this cult I talked to the bishop about some of the things that I had done “wrong” and I was not allowed to take the sacrament for 2 months. I just remember how uncomfortable I was talking to him. I hope that this does not continue it’s not right.
My parents used to tell me that god had given up on me and they wouldnt let me take sacrament or bare my testimony. They were super strict, and if i even left my room without permission, i was in trouble! (Yes, i used to get beat if i had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.)
@@amandakidwell1740 that's awful!! May I recommend that you read the book im presently reading and cannot out down?!!?! It is a former Mormon's testimony of growing up in the LDS church, and his time as a missionary, and it is amazing!! His testimony is on You Tube and his book just came out this past summer. It's called Passport to Heaven The True Story of a Zealous Mormon Missionary Who Discovers the Jesus He Never Knew, by Micah Wilder. You'll be so glad you read it!! 💝
This happened to me too, he wanted every detail and I had to go over those details every time I meet with him. My fiancé on the other hand did not have to go over every detail.
This is absolutely disgusting behavior from the bishop. Sure, the church doesn't explicitly encourage this kind of behavior, but if the brethren wanted to stop abhorrent behavior like this, they absolutely could. All it takes is a MINIMAL level of training and vetting to prevent most of this kind of disgusting men from being given trust and power. But they would rather build malls and give speeches about tithing.
Pretty ridiculous. Makes my wife and I angry that these type of “interviews” continues to occur. My wife and I recently left the church and it was because of Men like this. Our kids should never go through something like this. Her mother and father should have defended her, but they were blinded by the bishops “divine” calling...
Why? He was put into this position by the Mormon church, and church leaders have taught its wrong to criticize church leaders even if the criticism is true. /s
We should not let these leaders have this much power over our lives. I was lucky to have a really chill convert to the Church bishop in Indianapolis...but those who grew up in the Church I’ve often found quite inflexible when active
Repent in your heart to God, no one else is as perfect as the Lord. Never repent to church leaders, they are most likely a greater sinner than you!, Pray and talk straight forward to Jesus.....that is it !
The churches with accountability that I have attended (non Mormon) the pastor or counselors always left the door open when speaking with a person of the opposite sex. I am so sorry to hear about this young ladies experience and other's like her. What the first thing that comes to mind is Jesus's words: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
Love the idea of taking a short, powerful part of the interview and sharing it here. Keep up the good work! I remember watching the full interview of Clarissa. Brought tears to my eyes. I wish all Bishops would see this and understand the hurt people feel.
And John did a great job of cutting right to the crucial moment of the video. He should do that with the Cody & Leah Young interview where Leah says to the disciplinary council "John Dehlin saved our marriage!", but I have a feeling that he's too humble to do that. It was another great Mormon Stories moment, and that's when I realized what an amazing guy John is.
I had a surgery on my right thigh while at the MTC. When I learned to walk again, I was sent to the field, and my mission president was angry at me for sleeping in and taking long showers. I told him that I need time to recover and grow back a chunk of my leg. (Showers helped me loosen the joint.) He yelled at me and said that I shouldn't be on a mission if I am not physically fit. A few months later, I started to jog every other morning as an effort to be more awake. A few days into this practice, I had an interview with the mission president. I was super excited to tell him that I solved the problem. As soon as I did, he yelled at me: "WHO TOLD YOU YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?!" I was shocked. I thought I made an extra effort\sacrifice to meet the requirements. Eventually, he explained that the air in my area is polluted, so jogging is not healthy...
I was older 27 and Temple Endowed when I had to go to the Bishop for repentance. I was 4 months pregnant and single(divorced) when I had my "interview". I not only had to tell my story to the Bishop but then The Bishop's Council (C ourt) which is the Bishop, 1st and 2nd Councillors, and the Clerk. This Council is who ultimately decided to excommunicate me. When I look back I can see where theres a unhealthy power dianamic that really isn't what it's claimed to be. There were extenuating circumstance stemming from childhood sexual abuse that contributed to the situation I found myself in but because these 4 men who have no knowledge or training in how to deal with psychological issues and trauma were "Called" to this position of authority their word was law. I was rebaptised after 5 years however in 2007 when my main ride stopped going I fell away too. I met The man who I honestly feel is meant for me and we had sex. I knew exactly what I was and continue to do 13 years later as we are still together but unmarried and I feel 0 need to repent as I feel no remorse. I've not stepped inside a church building since 2007 I have no idea who my assigned priesthood holders are as I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen any of them in the last 13 years. I'm still a member but only in that I never removed my name. Honestly looking back to my previous experience I highly suspect that has played a major part in why I feel no remorse now.
Sounds like a good time to get involved in a good bible based church where you feel comfortable going and learning about Christ and all His forgiving loveing redemption , it dosent have to be Mormon if you have had bad expirence . But never stop studying the scriptures and praying to your Heaenly Father , he gives forgiveness ,
@@dorislacaze8475 Sounds like a good time to stop accepting claims that contradict reality on bad evidence. Its a great time to start thinking critically. The bible condones rape, slavery and murder. The bible is not a moral book or a book to base your life on.
@@georgezeller6046 I tend to agree to this viewpoint the older I get. For me I view the Bible more as a historical text over a life rulebook. Yes there are life impacting lessons within it's pages but like all history those who don't learn from it are doomed to repeat it. The Bible is also not a full true witnessed account of the history contained. The books of the New Testiment for instance that speak about Christ were writed 150 to 200 years after the fact. Something similar is our writings of books or a movies on something from the past. Can I mention Braveheart, Reign, The Tuders, or move Current The Crown none of which are factually accurate. Another thing is the 1st Eclastical Conference in 500 AD or so with Emperor Constantine (don't quote as fact I might be wrong on the name) determined which "books" would ultimately be combined to comprise the collection that became our Bible. It is well known that alot of other "books" were thrown out and now lost to history. As far as how I believe now Well that's open to interpretation l believe in a higher power, l know theres something after death since the departed love to hang around. For sonething organized well l really don't have much there anymow nothing quiet fits. I do know I have a leaning toward nature so we'll see.
Clarissa is showing so much bravery to be so vulnerable and tell her story. This problem is so important for Mormon parents to know about, Mormon youth to know about, or any investigator or person who wants to understand the church to know about. The Mormon church does not support the health and protection of its youth and members while it continues to intentionally not address this problem.
I remember when my son came home from church and said, "I'm not going back Dad, the bishop started asking me a bunch of sex questions and I just walked out, I'm done". I had left a few weeks earlier, It's 18 years later and All seven of my children have found Jesus, and are strong outstanding parents, husbands and wives today. It occurred to me sometime back, that not everybody was going to choose a life of depravity, there had to be a direction for the overachievers, Joseph Smith filled the bill.
When I lived in SLC in 2010 - 11 a leading BYU basketball team member and his girlfriend went to their bishop and fessed up to having had premarital sex. He was kicked off the team. All the mormons in my office were very pleased that the rules were rules, and were enforced.
Thanks for sharing. I went through this too. Having to share details. Bishop wasn’t screaming but did shame me and pour on the guilt. I couldn’t take sacrament for 6 months as a young teenager. I’m almost 50 now and see things so differently now. I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and all of the scriptures. I support the the Prophet and Apostles. The rest of it is just good men trying to do what they think they should do or some are even perverts. I don’t trust anyone below the Apostles. It’s “church culture “ which is not our true religion. There’s so much that needs to change in the culture. I think there have been significant changes in the last couple of years and I think there will be even more changes. Hope you can heal from this and know that you are one of many that have gone through this. It’s wrong. I think how he treated you was far worse than what you did.
That poor girl! I know nothing of psychology but it does make me curious why judgement seems to be among the worst things someone can experience. I remember an interview similar to this in my youth and I felt like it helped me a ton. It was clearly not what she needed at all. I hope that she heals from that experience.
For a Bishop pleasing confession tell the Bishop you made a recording for him and show him a video from the Mormon Girlz website. Ask him after he views it if he has any further questions or needs a demonstration of anything he saw.
These bishops are not trained they are just a bunch of perverts who have been told they are gods their entire life. They have no business doing this. Sickos
@@julesl7679 I agree that many bishops are horrible and abusive and I think that church should change many policies around bishop interviews. I also grew up with many bishops who were good men who didn't want to be called as bishop and they didn't pry during worthiness interviews. Sadly it really is bishop roulette out there. I have my current bishop on video admitting he lied to me in order to cover for our stake president. Because of my recent experience I have my eyes totally opened to believe many other peoples stories now, especially since very few believed me UNTIL I showed them the video.
I've been having my doubts about Mormonism for some time, and I recently -- finally -- came to a decision. But leaving isn't easy. Thirty-plus years of religious indoctrination is going to be difficult to overcome. That said, I've had bishops who were very helpful to me. The thing is, as I was able to answer the law of chastity question with a simple "yes," we simply spent interviews talking about the gospel, how I was doing with my priesthood callings, et al. Mormonism cost me a great deal. I lost the love of my life to suicide. We dated for a few months, then mutually broke up because the church didn't approve of LGBT relationships, or interaction at all, for that matter. Three weeks later, he was dead. Our first kiss was amazing, as was our first night together. But the next day, we felt so guilty about what we had done and decided to go see our respective bishops to repent. When we (the bishop and I) got to the part where my love spent the night, the bishop got angry, just as it was for the woman in this video. He assumed we'd had sex. Nothing had happened. We didn't even sleep in the same bed. We stayed up all night, sitting on the couch, enjoying one another's company. But my bishop had fallen prey to the stereotype that gay men go straight from kissing to sex. It makes no sense. We were told by our respective bishops that we could not be in one another's company, "lest we enter into temptation." After awhile, we gave in to the so-called temptation; this time actually sleeping together. Again, the guilt drove us to the bishop. We wanted to be worthy priesthood holders. Again, the bishop assuming we had sex. We hadn't. Sex wasn't even on the table. Finally, we decided on our own to end our relationship. He took his own life three weeks later. I think about him every day. Never for a moment has he left my thoughts. This was five years ago. Since then, I've been drawing away from the church -- in part, because I just don't have the time for it, and there are other ways to worship. Though I'm more or less inactive, I still enjoy having my home teachers (or, as they are called now, ministers) over and discussing the gospel. And this brings us to two weeks ago. Enter Jeffrey R. Holland, addressing the faculty of Brigham Young University. I won't go too much into what he said, because this is exhausting, but it was more or less an attack on the LGBT population while simultaneously claiming to love us. This more or less pushed me over the edge. The love of my life took his life five years ago, and yet here was Jeffrey R. Holland, feigning love and compassion for us while still telling us that "acting on our LGBT impulses" would be grounds for church discipline. "There's no place for that behavior in Zion," he said. I am leaving the church, and never looking back. The question is how to remove my name from the church records. I appeal to you, those who are also watching this video. Do any of you know what the process for officially leaving the church is?
My mission introduced me to a concept called "chastisement", where mission leaders promoted obedience by using intense language and actions meant to make missionaries feel worse about their mistakes, even if they were already repentant. I wonder if something like this was part of her bishop's reaction.
Clarissa, I am so, so, so, sorry and angry for you. I also had to repent for a similar situation, and my experience was not the same; but it was traumatizing in different ways. This should never have happened - and I have had such a hard time finding similar stories. How many young women have dealt with this? It's immoral, unethical, and cruel. I will always be hurt and angry from my repentance experience and for the experiences of countless others.
"You know what? You're right; I am an adult and I don't need to rely on you for approval. F you." So furious what he did. Hope he gets held responsible for this behavior.
Woah. Very similar to an experience I had with one of my bishops. His last name isn’t Beckstrand is it? Having to expose details to these men is highly uncomfortable and unnecessary. It’s messed up on so many levels.
Yes. Please keep exposing the last names of these individuals. The first names too. They certainly enjoy telling other people the names of people who have confessed in ward council. They also tell their wives, their friends, high council members. It happens way more often than people think. Nothing is confidential. This is why you should never confess anything to a LDS bishop.
My wife's a devout member and I'm a closet atheist. We have two young girls. I'm going to make it clear to my wife and kids that they are not allowed one on one interviews with the church clergy and if they feel a need to repent we will go to a psychologist instead of the bishop.
It is parental dereliction of duty to allow your child to be interviewed by a Mormon bishop without you sitting there. I’m sorry to admit that I allowed my children to be interviewed without my sitting there, in the room. I sat and waited outside of the door but that wasn’t enough.
Me and my then future wife went through this process. I remember that I was ready for the first one on one interview was with my Bishop, the second interview I had to repeat everything that I said in the first interview in front of the Bishop and his counselors which really took me by surprise I was not expecting a group meeting and had to answer and endure even more questions, not a fun experience. I figured out that the church was a fraud at age 50 but I did not leave it till age 59.
It sounds to me like he had his mind in the gutter to ask you for extremely personal details like that. And having you repeat those words multiple times tells me he had no morals or chastity himself. That was no way to go about helping someone move forward and repent. When the pharisees in Jesus time brought a woman to Jesus to be judged and stoned to death, he did not yell at her. He forgave her, and said, "Go your way and sin no more." He saved her. He cared about her. She was a lost sheep, and that's who he came for. We are all lost sheep in need of our Savior. There is hope in Christ.
I had a best friend who was really promiscuous at a young age and with a lot of boys, she told me how she had to give detailed accounts of everything she did to the bishop and this was required. I was squeaky clean, and didn’t go through this myself. My friend was a great example to me of how not to be with boys. I left the church 10 yrs ago, then was born again recently and have come to understand the evil that exists in all organized religion, LDS included.
Prodigal Daughter You will love the book that just came out, by Micah Wilder!! His testimony is on You Tube and it is amazing! I don't want to put his book down, and am halfway through reading it. The title is : Passport to Heaven The True Story of a Zealous Mormon Missionary Who Discovers the Jesus He Never Knew. By Micah Wilder One of the best books ever!!
What do we even say to this? Anger in the confessional? I mean the confessional is the wayward son returning to the father! I recall St John Vianney's joy at sins blotted out in the name of Christ. I'm so sorry this happened. Please seek out a church in the apostolic succession for spiritual guidance, where the SEAL IS ABSOLUTE and the priest may not divulge ON PAIN OF HIS SOUL.
I needed help because my husband had drained our bank account and it totally blindsided me. Because he knew he was leaving he also left me with past due bills: My ex had been living a double life. I showed proof of some pictures I had found of him and his boyfriends after he had left. I asked my bishop if he was going to get excommunicated. I was told this was none of my business. Before I know it, the bishop revoked my temple recommend. I was the victim in all this. I was also told I couldn’t be a burden to the church. I was at my lowest when I went to talk to the bishop. Thinking I would get help and comfort. Instead I left no longer having a valid Temple recommend until I had made things right. I felt like I was drowning and instead of handing me a life jacket he kicked me in my head and almost finished me off.
This is spiritual and emotional abuse of the worst kind. These men have to be damaged themselves to be so cruel and inhumane. Absolutely stupid for the church to think a one on one arrangement is proper. Just let’s them hide their own deranged actions. Guess what? There are people that know this girl and it won’t be hard to connect the dots and people talk talk talk...
As a former bishop I cannot put into words how much this disgusts me that a person who is meant to love, support, and guide would do this to anyone let alone a young woman. Unfortunately I’ve heard about too many others who have done the same sort of thing. I’ve come to believe that even with the kindest most gentle and understanding bishop, confession still inherently fosters shame. Some exceptional bishops take special care to minimize this effect, but it’s very challenging especially with young people. Even if you believe a person needs to repent, if the interaction with the bishop doesn’t help the person heal it is of no value and usually will instead cause harm as it did here.
I'm not sure how mormon bishops can claim to believe in a Jesus who told the woman caught in adultery "Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more". And then traumatize children (and adults) with behavior and inappropriate interrogations like this. It's despicable. Jesus is supposed to be the judge, not your bishop. It's policies like this that I can't reconcile. Repentance should be a private matter between you and your Savior. If Jesus truly were leading this church, there would be no 1-on-1 worthiness interviews/interrogations with any local leader. I can't believe in a God that would permit this to happen to His children in "His church".
Why would anyone want to repent to a earthly MAN who is no better than the rest ? This is something that should be between YOU and the LORD as in a personal prayer. Why does members think they have to confess their deepest sins to a MAN ? It is not because the so called Bishop is called of God, for that notion has been proven wrong countless times..They do not have the power of discernment either..I think most of the Bishops get a cheap thrill asking these sexual questions which is really sick. Its all about shaming people to keep them under the thumb of the ones in authority to obey and submit to all the dogma of the church. So sad this is going on.
That's what a 17 year old CHILD has been taught her entire life, as far as she knew it needed to be done. Everyone told her that's what is necessary to be forgiven. It's LDS docterine. And, she's a kid.
Yep. And when you grow up hearing that breaking the Law of Chastity is second only to murder? You're going to visit the bishop so that you can be in good standing with God again.
Sorry to hear that you had to go through that... unfortunately that was not a good Bishop. I've been in the same situation but my Bishop was very loving and made me feel his love and God's love.. truly sorry you had a bad Bishop in your case..
Certain "sins", like breaking The Law of Chastity, require a confession to the Bishop. And when breaking The Law of Chastity is a sin second only to murder, you're going to visit the Bishop, no matter how humiliating - because you don't want to spend the rest of eternity in Outer Darkness.
I had a bishop ask me inappropriate questions once. He lasted about 3 months as bishop. I have had other experiences with members acting badly as well. Members of the church including all leadership should behave Christlike at all times however the Church has to have humans as members and leaders and some of them are not even following Christ and his gospel at times. Teach you children that no human other than mom and dad should ever speak to them about these intimate topics and immediately report any leader that wants to dig for details in such matters. The Church teaches proper principles but cannot ensure that people always behave as they should.
A grown man should never ask children sexual questions behind closed doors. Never. Just like a grown married man should never groom or have relationships with children. Never.
The boys are slowly but surely, bit by bit, starting at age twelve to feel "called of God". It's an arrogance that slowly, but surely, creeps into the male psyche.
In Websters, the definition of repentance is;” to change one’s ways in the way of error” Nowhere have I read in the Bible where Christ said you must go to your bishop and repent ! Nowhere has Christ said that we have to have a bishop court and include the stake president ! Nowhere, did Christ say he was going to excommunicate anyone from the church ! Nowhere was it said if you sin you might have to get disfellowshipped or excommunicated. Nowhere in the Bible, does it say that after being excommunicated, you must go to the profit and the apostles to get reinstated in the church ! Mormons use, scare tactics to keep people in line and have them look forward to going to the temple and claim they will receive all these blessings if they do the Mormon leaders say including paying tithing, it’s a money making organization they’re taking advantage of the people .
I read something from a church leader recently that astounded me. It said ‘we need to make people who confess •really feel the guilt• during the repentance interviews.’ (paraphrased) It said to get the details about all they did, etc. Unfortunately, I don’t know who wrote it or when. I had always believed that bishops like this one disobeyed what leaders asked them to do. But after I read that, I knew I was wrong! Does anyone here have the source for what I read? 🤔
I am so sorry you went through that. A major silver lining though is that in the long term he did you a favor by showing you how fucked up that cult is. You may have wasted your entire life being sucked into that harmful, exhausting nonsense had you not had this terrible experience with this sick man.
![9 Ex-Mormons share why they left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints [EXPLICIT]](/img/1.gif)
This is terrible. But not uncommon. I remember being grilled by a bishop as a young teenager with a ton of sexual questions. I was so proud to be able to answer no. Heck I'd never even kissed a boy. But he was very insistant. "Well have you done this? You know that this and that are also breaking the law of chastity?" I remember thinking at the time that it was almost like he didn't want to believe me. A little odd, but that's his job as a bishop, right? Now as an adult I am HORRIFIED that so many men have used their authority to groom little girls like that behind closed doors.
As a mother, if a grown man asked my daughter any of those questions I would probably call the cops and try to get a restraining order.
Amen, Patti.
I s been like you! The bishop was upset I hadn’t done anything. I look back now and see I could have been really hurt. He asked me if I liked to watch boys or men play with themselves ( he was very nasty the way he said it however). I was upset and scared. He kept asking and asking of I had done things and listened them off . All really kinky stuff. I see my daughter now this age I was . How easily harm could happen.
That is unacceptable
Im hearing more and more stories like this and for the longest time I thought i was the only one this happened to, I told my mother about the questions he asked because of of it I didn't even know what he was talking about, just started telling my father about this meeting he had no clue it happened but my mom never made me go again, thanks for sharing like I said I thought I was the only one.
I remember telling a Bishop in the Ward about a Scoutmaster Abusing me, and crying my eyes out, while telling him.The Bishop turn a blind eye to it.I was told every leader is called by God, Ask NO Question, tell no one, but God knows the truth about everything, but I had to forgive him to be set free.
First time I confessed to a Bishop I was 12 and couldn't say a word. I just cried. I came back with my confession written down. He was upset and I left feeling even worse. I'm 43 now and I would cross the street to avoid him to this day.
That BASTARD bishop! I was 15 when I confessed a sin to him because I saw my brother do the same. This is not right! Controlling people’s sexuality is what a CULT does. These so-called men of God have done emotional and psychological damage to the youth. To HELL with them all!
So telling. Thanks for sharing Jason.
Don’t try to avoid this asshole, you should walk right up to him and tell him exactly what he did to you. If we continue to walk away and cower from these men it makes them think they were a chosen man of God, but he isn’t. Stand up for yourself and stop allowing him to have power over you. He has no power if you won’t let him have it! God bless you….
My story is similar. I felt like a deer in the headlights. The judgment, shame, and anger broke me. I left the church after that. I thought he was there to help me through, not made me feel worse. I was so wrong.
Years later after much anger building, I went back to that same bishop and demanded an apology. He refused at first but then after 40 minutes, I got it. Stand your ground girl. My heart breaks for you 💕
I love Clarissa!! We went to the same small high school, lived in very similar small towns with very similar experiences growing up in the lds church.. I think that she is so brave for this and I’m so sorry that she had an experience like that.. She has been the perfect role model for me and I truly look up to her.
4 year's ago I confessed to my branch president and told him I wanted to repent for having a pornography addiction. I was 24 then and this man had known me since I was a toddler. I told him "I think I need to see a counselor" I was acknowledging that I had a real problem. I asked if the church could help because I couldn't afford counseling. After an hour or so when I was done he said " I'm happy you came and told me but I really don't think you need a counselor"
He then told me to read scriptures 30 minutes a day 7 days a week and meet with him to discuss my progress at the end of evert week. I did those things and not only did they not help most of the time it was like he wasn't even listening.
I finally counseling after that and through a local agency that provides lot's of different social services. Shortly after that I went inactive and personally I feel better now than I ever did in the church.
I’m a convert and this makes me ill. I’d never tell anyone this personal info! The only mediator is Jesus Christ, not a priest or minister or bishop. This was child abuse. What a perverted man! Should be jailed!
Your church teaches certain sins must be confessed to priesthood authorities or you are not forgiven. When do you think your church will change this damaging teaching?
In the LDS there is always a mediator, in fact there are many mediators, only men, who are between you in Christ. They get to tell you how your relationship with God is, what you need to do, what God says to do, what God wants from you. As someone who was raised in it my entire life, don’t let the fluff they try to tell you now or to your face hide what they’ve taught for 2 centuries.
After my first meeting I was so traumatized by it I never went to another and that's when I lived by the fraise there's only one I have to answer to and he's not anyoney Physically here, never went back to another meeting but I never forgot that one question and that's all I can remember about that whole meeting, I know there had to be more then that but I think it was so bad I've blocked it out, honestly I know he had to of asked more but for the life of me I don't remember and I think that bothers me most of all, what else went on what else did he ask????
This is what you belief system pushes. You might want to think about it.
Howling Yorkie, you are exactly right. This is not everyone’s experience. This man hopefully wasn’t a bishop for very long. It just goes to show how individual people handle each individual situation. This doesn’t tell me the church is wrong or the church organization is wrong or the restored gospel isn’t true, this only shows me the prevalence of human error. This bishop was a predator. He wanted to hear every slimy detail. Just like John Dehlin, he wanted to hear all about the penises and vaginas also. That’s the kind of creep that he is also.
Poor girl! This was not my experience repenting at all. My bishop didn't ask for any detail and I barely alluded to my sexual sin. He was very sweet and calm and respectful and helped me feel safe. It sucks that there are crappy bishops out there doing this kind of thing.😭😭😭
This is how it should be.
I'm glad you had a better experience. My bishop wanted to know if I orgasmed. It was so many questions. I hadn't even had sex yet.
Bishop roulette is real.
@@jpr9863 Yes, and it affects so much more than just the repentance process.
This idea that anyone's connection with the almighty runs through a third party is one of the great evils religion invented. This poor girl's story is both heartbreaking and horendous.
Totally agree John,
As a former bishop of the Mormon church I was never trained in any area of counselling of any sort.
I was left my own devices.
I am naturally a compassionate person so in one way my natural empathy levels assisted me.
However no person should make judgement to any another on any level.
Its bishop roulette . The church needs to be held accountable.
I remember my heart breaking for Clarissa when I saw her full interview on Mormon Stories. And, Clarissa, you WERE brave and should have been proud of yourself. It takes a huge amount of courage to go into this situation. I hope you are in a good place in your life now.
I can't imagine why this Bishop thought doing interviews this way (acting like a man child) was a good way to go. My god, the damage the church system does to people's hearts and souls.
He thought this was a "good way to go" because he was/is a despicable abuser.
Tragic. That bishop is a product of the Mormon church’s culture and teachings. It seems like a good organization on the surface. It’s so important to share what happens beneath the surface
At 67, I have had much exposure to and experience with the LDS Church. I disagree with your assessment. Any cursory research and examination of this organization would reveal it is not a good organization even on the surface.
This is so awful and is not Church policy.
This is wrong behavior on the bishop's part.
I tend to think this happens in small towns and rural areas.
This is NOT Church policy or the way to treat repent members -- ever!!!
I could truly feel her pain! Thank you for sharing Clarissa.
I just have to comment, way back when I was around 12 or 13 I had kissed my best friend. I had no idea at the time it was "bad". But I had to talk to my bishop for weeks and he would tell me your not repenting hard enough. And then every year for my interview he would ask me are you still getting urges? I was very uncomfortable. And now that I'm older it just scares me knowing that was so young and this older man was asking me very personal things. That honestly wasn't even a problem. So hearing her talk I just feel her pain. And it breaks my heart. Thank you for sharing
I think the sad part is that a lot of these Bishops get a perverse thrill about hearing all of the juicy details. Otherwise, they wouldn't be so antsy to bring the subject up and pry for details every chance they get. It's just part of their job? Yeah right!
@@mylesmarkson1686 couldn't have said it better myself
I’ve been where she was and this is so sad. I’ve had a bishop yell at me while repenting. I even read gospel approved books on my own and he would get really mad at me. Compared me to other LDS girls and said I’d never be like them pure and clean because of my sins. I thought that was the point of repenting. Super toxic. It was my first time ever standing up for myself to a bishop. He threatened me saying he could have me leave the college my fate is in his hands.
I’ve seen one bishop take notes but barely wrote anything down. Somehow it follows me for years. Every bishop ive ever met with knew about me. Would ask let’s talk in my office. So shameful.
I’m so sorry Clarissa had to go through this. I understand. I had to go into detail multiple times. I still feel so gross about it.
some men have no business being any kind of a leader.
Women too. My nieces had terrible experiences in young women's. I'm glad they're out.
This poor young woman. Subjected to a Bishop’s perversions to make her feel less than a person for his thoughts and sin. I am disgusted. What did Jesus say to the woman at the fountain? Did he force her to speak in such a degrading manner before He told her to “go and sin no more”?? There was no degrading of this woman. He spoke Truth and sent her on her way...forgiven... because she believed.
You are a beautiful child of the Father. He loves you with all His heart. We are not perfect, no one is, (you either BISHOP PERVERT). And that is why we have Jesus. He alone makes us perfect. He makes you perfect, too. Not man. Our Savior. ❤️
Love this comment
She lost the bishop roulette. Imagine how Jesus would've handled her confession. I don't think with ridicule and anger.
That's part of the problem. The bishop may well of thought that the anger was justified. Ignoring examples to the contrary, he could just focus on Jesus' demonstrations of anger at sin, or followed the teaching of mormon prophets and apostles of decades past. No matter what claim to god's authority someone may make, we should not provide them with the position to sexually abuse, physically or mentally.
The story of Mary Magdalene explains it all. There was complete love and compassion.
The scrutiny and shaming within the church caused much depression and anxiety, which is why Utah is #1 for Rx anti-depressant usage.
@@tagalogkurt bingo
@@janelllorenz1787 Which is more likely, that the whole natural order is suspended or that a Jewish minx should tell a lie?
So un-Christlike on the bishop's part.
Jaw dropping excerpt !! The expert editing packs a punch that listening to the entire podcast does not. Very nice "coda". Thank you JD.
Hard video to hear, but it needed to be said. I agree no person should ever go through that. Things like that should be between the parents and the child and never involve an untrained person passing judgment.
that bishop was angry because HE WAS TURNED ON BY HER. abusers are OFTEN ANGRY AT THEIR VICTIMS.
Bingo
Exactly what I was thinking! Right from the beginning of the video I thought this. Sickening and amounts to abuse!
@Gabriel Mondragon those are questions between her and God. no one needs to hear every detail. you need to read the emotion/repentant of a person thats what matters not details.
Ex-Mormon here. I went though similar things.
I had a similar experience with an old Bishop. I immediately left, telling him I wasn’t going to stay there when he was being angry and shaming me. I messaged him afterwards and reprimanded him for treating me the way he did. After a few weeks, he eventually apologized but things were never the same. I had other members of my ward come forward at a later time and share similar experiences. Unbelievable!
When I was in an interview growing up, I would just lie if I felt uncomfortable with the question. Now, knowing what I know about the church, I'm glad I did. I never allowed myself to be abused by one of these men. Bless you Clarissa for sharing your story and exposing this.
Oh my gosh, I’m so very sorry you had to deal with this EVER!!
You dont need anyone to forgive you. You did nothing wrong ♥️♥️
Love of the Lord’s representative in action; the truth is in the details. Prospective members need to know this may be a possibility if they join church. This is SO wrong.
I became a convert to the Church in 1974 at the age of 26. Since then I have come to understand a lot of things about the LDS culture that neither I then or any 17-year-old now is likely to understand.
First of all, the Church is massively obsessed and fixated on its family ideal. The general authorities recently found it necessary to re-emphasize the name of the Church because so many members were worshipping the institution of the family more than the Christ and the things that the Christ taught. The obsession with family inspires the powers that be in the Church to want to channelize our sexual energies into early marriage and, starting on our wedding nights, to start procreating new Church members. Therefore, any kind of sexual expression other than that is proscribed bigtime.
Now, about those bishops and stake presidents. They come from the best in the culture, and they come from the worst in the culture. To even be considered as a candidate to be a bishop, one must be a married man. To become and remain a married man, a man must have the financial means to support a family or at least early on to have that potential. Latter-day poor Zoramites (see Alma, Chapters 28-29) like me need not even think about ever being a bishop as long as they are devoid of family. I do not mean at middle age marrying a beautiful crone like I did. I mean umpteen children and/or grandchildren. There are men appointed to be high-up mucketymucks in the Church mainly on the basis of money, family, and career success. I know that is true because I have known high-up mucketymucks in the Church who had nothing else going for them. I have known at least seven profoundly obnoxious, egocentric jerks and other varieties of jerks and two IRS agents who have at one time or another been members of bishoprics or the President of the Provo Temple circa 1978.
No one has to share his or her sex life with anyone whom they do not have or want to have sex with. When I was third-degreed on the subject of adultery by a stake president in a temple recommend interview, I finally closed the subject by asserting that adultery was not a temptation to me Had he persisted further, I would have invited him to share his sex fantasies with me.
This girl and everyone else needs to understand that they do not need some bishop's approval or even his knowledge to repent about anything. If you have hurt someone, repent to that person. If you feel that you may have disappointed God, repent to Him. If you have let yourself down, repent to yourself, and make changes. You do not need to open yourself to any bureaucrat.
Very well said!
As TSCC loves to have it's missionaries say, "by their fruits, ye shall know them."
So sorry Clarissa :(
I went to the Bishop and repented, within a few weeks had sister in the ward asking me about it in the halls.
If there is any question whether the the Mormon Church is a positive force or a malevolent one... this interview will settle the question. Much respect for the courage of this woman.
We all had to go through this from a young age with out a parent in the room. And Bishops want intimate details, why? Now that I look back it is soooooo creepy...
I had a bishop ask me extremely inappropriate questions about a sexual experience when I was barely 16 years old. The way he asked and things he said made me so uncomfortable and I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone about it. It still makes me upset to think about 23 years later.
Many of us have had variations of interviews like this. I had to confess to a bishop when I was 12 that I had a masturbation 'problem' so that I could be found worthy to do baptisms for the dead. I was told to go home and speak to my father so he could help me 'overcome' this problem. That set the stage for guilt and shame through the rest of my teen years over normal human sexual behavior. I was tormented by my inability to not become worthy.
That’s is so terrible and it breaks my heart that this happens. When I was part of this cult I talked to the bishop about some of the things that I had done “wrong” and I was not allowed to take the sacrament for 2 months. I just remember how uncomfortable I was talking to him. I hope that this does not continue it’s not right.
My parents used to tell me that god had given up on me and they wouldnt let me take sacrament or bare my testimony. They were super strict, and if i even left my room without permission, i was in trouble! (Yes, i used to get beat if i had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.)
@@amandakidwell1740 that's awful!! May I recommend that you read the book im presently reading and cannot out down?!!?! It is a former Mormon's testimony of growing up in the LDS church, and his time as a missionary, and it is amazing!! His testimony is on You Tube and his book just came out this past summer. It's called Passport to Heaven The True Story of a Zealous Mormon Missionary Who Discovers the Jesus He Never Knew, by Micah Wilder. You'll be so glad you read it!! 💝
This happened to me too, he wanted every detail and I had to go over those details every time I meet with him. My fiancé on the other hand did not have to go over every detail.
Yes. The church would always make you feel judge and feel like crap.
This is absolutely disgusting behavior from the bishop. Sure, the church doesn't explicitly encourage this kind of behavior, but if the brethren wanted to stop abhorrent behavior like this, they absolutely could. All it takes is a MINIMAL level of training and vetting to prevent most of this kind of disgusting men from being given trust and power. But they would rather build malls and give speeches about tithing.
I was robbed of my Youth because of the SCC's over-obsession with the law of chastity.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Jehovah’s witnesses do the same wanting to know details but your having to tell three elders not just one bishop.
Pretty ridiculous. Makes my wife and I angry that these type of “interviews” continues to occur. My wife and I recently left the church and it was because of Men like this. Our kids should never go through something like this. Her mother and father should have defended her, but they were blinded by the bishops “divine” calling...
There is no confidentiality between the Bishop and you. I was mortified when I learned my confession was shared with my peers.
That Man Should Not Have Been A Bishop. PERIOD!
Why? He was put into this position by the Mormon church, and church leaders have taught its wrong to criticize church leaders even if the criticism is true. /s
We should not let these leaders have this much power over our lives. I was lucky to have a really chill convert to the Church bishop in Indianapolis...but those who grew up in the Church I’ve often found quite inflexible when active
Repent in your heart to God, no one else is as perfect as the Lord. Never repent to church leaders, they are most likely a greater sinner than you!, Pray and talk straight forward to Jesus.....that is it !
Exactly, Jesus is the man😎
The churches with accountability that I have attended (non Mormon) the pastor or counselors always left the door open when speaking with a person of the opposite sex. I am so sorry to hear about this young ladies experience and other's like her. What the first thing that comes to mind is Jesus's words: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
Love the idea of taking a short, powerful part of the interview and sharing it here. Keep up the good work!
I remember watching the full interview of Clarissa. Brought tears to my eyes. I wish all Bishops would see this and understand the hurt people feel.
And John did a great job of cutting right to the crucial moment of the video. He should do that with the Cody & Leah Young interview where Leah says to the disciplinary council "John Dehlin saved our marriage!", but I have a feeling that he's too humble to do that. It was another great Mormon Stories moment, and that's when I realized what an amazing guy John is.
Heartbreaking.
I had a surgery on my right thigh while at the MTC. When I learned to walk again, I was sent to the field, and my mission president was angry at me for sleeping in and taking long showers. I told him that I need time to recover and grow back a chunk of my leg. (Showers helped me loosen the joint.) He yelled at me and said that I shouldn't be on a mission if I am not physically fit.
A few months later, I started to jog every other morning as an effort to be more awake. A few days into this practice, I had an interview with the mission president. I was super excited to tell him that I solved the problem. As soon as I did, he yelled at me: "WHO TOLD YOU YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?!" I was shocked. I thought I made an extra effort\sacrifice to meet the requirements. Eventually, he explained that the air in my area is polluted, so jogging is not healthy...
Oh my gosh I had an experience like this and my bishop was mad at me too and I thought it would be ok and go well.
The blessing of an untrained clergy
Yeah. It's less of a "feature" and more of a "bug."
I was older 27 and Temple Endowed when I had to go to the Bishop for repentance. I was 4 months pregnant and single(divorced) when I had my "interview". I not only had to tell my story to the Bishop but then The Bishop's Council (C ourt) which is the Bishop, 1st and 2nd Councillors, and the Clerk. This Council is who ultimately decided to excommunicate me. When I look back I can see where theres a unhealthy power dianamic that really isn't what it's claimed to be. There were extenuating circumstance stemming from childhood sexual abuse that contributed to the situation I found myself in but because these 4 men who have no knowledge or training in how to deal with psychological issues and trauma were "Called" to this position of authority their word was law. I was rebaptised after 5 years however in 2007 when my main ride stopped going I fell away too. I met The man who I honestly feel is meant for me and we had sex. I knew exactly what I was and continue to do 13 years later as we are still together but unmarried and I feel 0 need to repent as I feel no remorse. I've not stepped inside a church building since 2007 I have no idea who my assigned priesthood holders are as I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen any of them in the last 13 years. I'm still a member but only in that I never removed my name. Honestly looking back to my previous experience I highly suspect that has played a major part in why I feel no remorse now.
Sounds like a good time to reach out to quitmormon
Sounds like a good time to get involved in a good bible based church where you feel comfortable going and learning about Christ and all His forgiving loveing redemption , it dosent have to be Mormon if you have had bad expirence . But never stop studying the scriptures and praying to your Heaenly Father , he gives forgiveness ,
@@dorislacaze8475 Sounds like a good time to stop accepting claims that contradict reality on bad evidence. Its a great time to start thinking critically. The bible condones rape, slavery and murder. The bible is not a moral book or a book to base your life on.
@@georgezeller6046 I tend to agree to this viewpoint the older I get. For me I view the Bible more as a historical text over a life rulebook. Yes there are life impacting lessons within it's pages but like all history those who don't learn from it are doomed to repeat it. The Bible is also not a full true witnessed account of the history contained. The books of the New Testiment for instance that speak about Christ were writed 150 to 200 years after the fact. Something similar is our writings of books or a movies on something from the past. Can I mention Braveheart, Reign, The Tuders, or move Current The Crown none of which are factually accurate. Another thing is the 1st Eclastical Conference in 500 AD or so with Emperor Constantine (don't quote as fact I might be wrong on the name) determined which "books" would ultimately be combined to comprise the collection that became our Bible. It is well known that alot of other "books" were thrown out and now lost to history. As far as how I believe now Well that's open to interpretation l believe in a higher power, l know theres something after death since the departed love to hang around. For sonething organized well l really don't have much there anymow nothing quiet fits. I do know I have a leaning toward nature so we'll see.
Clarissa is showing so much bravery to be so vulnerable and tell her story. This problem is so important for Mormon parents to know about, Mormon youth to know about, or any investigator or person who wants to understand the church to know about. The Mormon church does not support the health and protection of its youth and members while it continues to intentionally not address this problem.
I’m so sorry! Hugs . 😢
What a shame that abusive, incompetent bishops can’t be sued into oblivion for committing spiritual malpractice.
I remember when my son came home from church and said, "I'm not going back Dad, the bishop started asking me a bunch of sex questions and I just walked out, I'm done".
I had left a few weeks earlier, It's 18 years later and All seven of my children have found Jesus, and are strong outstanding parents, husbands and wives today.
It occurred to me sometime back, that not everybody was going to choose a life of depravity, there had to be a direction for the overachievers, Joseph Smith filled the bill.
When I lived in SLC in 2010 - 11 a leading BYU basketball team member and his girlfriend went to their bishop and fessed up to having had premarital sex. He was kicked off the team. All the mormons in my office were very pleased that the rules were rules, and were enforced.
It’s so personal and why would they even need to tell their bishop?
I don’t get it.
Thanks for sharing. I went through this too. Having to share details. Bishop wasn’t screaming but did shame me and pour on the guilt. I couldn’t take sacrament for 6 months as a young teenager. I’m almost 50 now and see things so differently now. I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and all of the scriptures. I support the the Prophet and Apostles. The rest of it is just good men trying to do what they think they should do or some are even perverts. I don’t trust anyone below the Apostles. It’s “church culture “ which is not our true religion. There’s so much that needs to change in the culture. I think there have been significant changes in the last couple of years and I think there will be even more changes. Hope you can heal from this and know that you are one of many that have gone through this. It’s wrong. I think how he treated you was far worse than what you did.
I had flashbacks as soon as she said he "Closed the door."
That poor girl! I know nothing of psychology but it does make me curious why judgement seems to be among the worst things someone can experience. I remember an interview similar to this in my youth and I felt like it helped me a ton. It was clearly not what she needed at all. I hope that she heals from that experience.
For a Bishop pleasing confession tell the Bishop you made a recording for him and show him a video from the Mormon Girlz website. Ask him after he views it if he has any further questions or needs a demonstration of anything he saw.
That's so horrible, but it sounds like that is exactly what he wanted.
This is terrible. I was so embarrassed and humiliated as a young mormon girl being asked sexual questions by my bishop.
These bishops are not trained they are just a bunch of perverts who have been told they are gods their entire life. They have no business doing this. Sickos
@@julesl7679 I agree that many bishops are horrible and abusive and I think that church should change many policies around bishop interviews. I also grew up with many bishops who were good men who didn't want to be called as bishop and they didn't pry during worthiness interviews. Sadly it really is bishop roulette out there. I have my current bishop on video admitting he lied to me in order to cover for our stake president. Because of my recent experience I have my eyes totally opened to believe many other peoples stories now, especially since very few believed me UNTIL I showed them the video.
No MAN on earth should DO this to any other human on earth.
No woman either.
I've been having my doubts about Mormonism for some time, and I recently -- finally -- came to a decision. But leaving isn't easy. Thirty-plus years of religious indoctrination is going to be difficult to overcome. That said, I've had bishops who were very helpful to me. The thing is, as I was able to answer the law of chastity question with a simple "yes," we simply spent interviews talking about the gospel, how I was doing with my priesthood callings, et al.
Mormonism cost me a great deal. I lost the love of my life to suicide. We dated for a few months, then mutually broke up because the church didn't approve of LGBT relationships, or interaction at all, for that matter. Three weeks later, he was dead. Our first kiss was amazing, as was our first night together. But the next day, we felt so guilty about what we had done and decided to go see our respective bishops to repent. When we (the bishop and I) got to the part where my love spent the night, the bishop got angry, just as it was for the woman in this video. He assumed we'd had sex. Nothing had happened. We didn't even sleep in the same bed. We stayed up all night, sitting on the couch, enjoying one another's company. But my bishop had fallen prey to the stereotype that gay men go straight from kissing to sex. It makes no sense. We were told by our respective bishops that we could not be in one another's company, "lest we enter into temptation."
After awhile, we gave in to the so-called temptation; this time actually sleeping together. Again, the guilt drove us to the bishop. We wanted to be worthy priesthood holders. Again, the bishop assuming we had sex. We hadn't. Sex wasn't even on the table. Finally, we decided on our own to end our relationship. He took his own life three weeks later. I think about him every day. Never for a moment has he left my thoughts.
This was five years ago. Since then, I've been drawing away from the church -- in part, because I just don't have the time for it, and there are other ways to worship. Though I'm more or less inactive, I still enjoy having my home teachers (or, as they are called now, ministers) over and discussing the gospel.
And this brings us to two weeks ago. Enter Jeffrey R. Holland, addressing the faculty of Brigham Young University. I won't go too much into what he said, because this is exhausting, but it was more or less an attack on the LGBT population while simultaneously claiming to love us. This more or less pushed me over the edge. The love of my life took his life five years ago, and yet here was Jeffrey R. Holland, feigning love and compassion for us while still telling us that "acting on our LGBT impulses" would be grounds for church discipline. "There's no place for that behavior in Zion," he said.
I am leaving the church, and never looking back. The question is how to remove my name from the church records. I appeal to you, those who are also watching this video. Do any of you know what the process for officially leaving the church is?
@mormonstories can you have this person as a guest to interview?
My mission introduced me to a concept called "chastisement", where mission leaders promoted obedience by using intense language and actions meant to make missionaries feel worse about their mistakes, even if they were already repentant. I wonder if something like this was part of her bishop's reaction.
Some people would call this sexual harassment.
Clarissa, I am so, so, so, sorry and angry for you. I also had to repent for a similar situation, and my experience was not the same; but it was traumatizing in different ways. This should never have happened - and I have had such a hard time finding similar stories. How many young women have dealt with this? It's immoral, unethical, and cruel. I will always be hurt and angry from my repentance experience and for the experiences of countless others.
"You know what? You're right; I am an adult and I don't need to rely on you for approval. F you." So furious what he did. Hope he gets held responsible for this behavior.
What’s the statute of limitations here? The bishop sexually assaulted her
Woah. Very similar to an experience I had with one of my bishops. His last name isn’t Beckstrand is it? Having to expose details to these men is highly uncomfortable and unnecessary. It’s messed up on so many levels.
Yes. Please keep exposing the last names of these individuals. The first names too. They certainly enjoy telling other people the names of people who have confessed in ward council. They also tell their wives, their friends, high council members. It happens way more often than people think. Nothing is confidential. This is why you should never confess anything to a LDS bishop.
Wow, so many bishops are like this. Jeff Robinson bishop in my ward was like this
No, he doesn't need to know what happened. He does not need the details. Run from this demonic cult dear friend. Run!
My wife's a devout member and I'm a closet atheist. We have two young girls. I'm going to make it clear to my wife and kids that they are not allowed one on one interviews with the church clergy and if they feel a need to repent we will go to a psychologist instead of the bishop.
It is parental dereliction of duty to allow your child to be interviewed by a Mormon bishop without you sitting there. I’m sorry to admit that I allowed my children to be interviewed without my sitting there, in the room. I sat and waited outside of the door but that wasn’t enough.
Me and my then future wife went through this process. I remember that I was ready for the first one on one interview was with my Bishop, the second interview I had to repeat everything that I said in the first interview in front of the Bishop and his counselors which really took me by surprise I was not expecting a group meeting and had to answer and endure even more questions, not a fun experience. I figured out that the church was a fraud at age 50 but I did not leave it till age 59.
Can we get a link in the description to the full episode? I haven't listened to her interview yet and would like to hear the whole story!
www.mormonstories.org/podcast/clarissa-winter/
It sounds to me like he had his mind in the gutter to ask you for extremely personal details like that. And having you repeat those words multiple times tells me he had no morals or chastity himself.
That was no way to go about helping someone move forward and repent.
When the pharisees in Jesus time brought a woman to Jesus to be judged and stoned to death, he did not yell at her. He forgave her, and said, "Go your way and sin no more." He saved her. He cared about her. She was a lost sheep, and that's who he came for.
We are all lost sheep in need of our Savior. There is hope in Christ.
You would think for their own protection the church would want to distance themselves from being in these situations.
but they don't like giving up control.
That was powerful!
I had a best friend who was really promiscuous at a young age and with a lot of boys, she told me how she had to give detailed accounts of everything she did to the bishop and this was required. I was squeaky clean, and didn’t go through this myself. My friend was a great example to me of how not to be with boys. I left the church 10 yrs ago, then was born again recently and have come to understand the evil that exists in all organized religion, LDS included.
Prodigal Daughter You will love the book that just came out, by Micah Wilder!! His testimony is on You Tube and it is amazing! I don't want to put his book down, and am halfway through reading it. The title is : Passport to Heaven The True Story of a Zealous Mormon Missionary Who Discovers the Jesus He Never Knew. By Micah Wilder One of the best books ever!!
What do we even say to this? Anger in the confessional? I mean the confessional is the wayward son returning to the father! I recall St John Vianney's joy at sins blotted out in the name of Christ. I'm so sorry this happened. Please seek out a church in the apostolic succession for spiritual guidance, where the SEAL IS ABSOLUTE and the priest may not divulge ON PAIN OF HIS SOUL.
I needed help because my husband had drained our bank account and it totally blindsided me. Because he knew he was leaving he also left me with past due bills: My ex had been living a double life. I showed proof of some pictures I had found of him and his boyfriends after he had left. I asked my bishop if he was going to get excommunicated. I was told this was none of my business. Before I know it, the bishop revoked my temple recommend. I was the victim in all this. I was also told I couldn’t be a burden to the church. I was at my lowest when I went to talk to the bishop. Thinking I would get help and comfort. Instead I left no longer having a valid Temple recommend until I had made things right. I felt like I was drowning and instead of handing me a life jacket he kicked me in my head and almost finished me off.
This is spiritual and emotional abuse of the worst kind. These men have to be damaged themselves to be so cruel and inhumane. Absolutely stupid for the church to think a one on one arrangement is proper. Just let’s them hide their own deranged actions. Guess what? There are people that know this girl and it won’t be hard to connect the dots and people talk talk talk...
As a former bishop I cannot put into words how much this disgusts me that a person who is meant to love, support, and guide would do this to anyone let alone a young woman. Unfortunately I’ve heard about too many others who have done the same sort of thing. I’ve come to believe that even with the kindest most gentle and understanding bishop, confession still inherently fosters shame. Some exceptional bishops take special care to minimize this effect, but it’s very challenging especially with young people. Even if you believe a person needs to repent, if the interaction with the bishop doesn’t help the person heal it is of no value and usually will instead cause harm as it did here.
So hard talk to a bishop, but ok with sharing with all the world on a video that will always be available to everyone.
The church really should be investigated for the way it treats people.
I could never grasp the idea of confessing to some well meaning dude across a desk, even though I knew it would take a load off.
I'm not sure how mormon bishops can claim to believe in a Jesus who told the woman caught in adultery "Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more". And then traumatize children (and adults) with behavior and inappropriate interrogations like this. It's despicable. Jesus is supposed to be the judge, not your bishop. It's policies like this that I can't reconcile. Repentance should be a private matter between you and your Savior. If Jesus truly were leading this church, there would be no 1-on-1 worthiness interviews/interrogations with any local leader. I can't believe in a God that would permit this to happen to His children in "His church".
Why would anyone want to repent to a earthly MAN who is no better than the rest ? This is something that should be between YOU and the LORD as in a personal prayer. Why does members think they have to confess their deepest sins to a MAN ? It is not because the so called Bishop is called of God, for that notion has been proven wrong countless times..They do not have the power of discernment either..I think most of the Bishops get a cheap thrill asking these sexual questions which is really sick. Its all about shaming people to keep them under the thumb of the ones in authority to obey and submit to all the dogma of the church. So sad this is going on.
That's what a 17 year old CHILD has been taught her entire life, as far as she knew it needed to be done. Everyone told her that's what is necessary to be forgiven. It's LDS docterine.
And, she's a kid.
Yep. And when you grow up hearing that breaking the Law of Chastity is second only to murder? You're going to visit the bishop so that you can be in good standing with God again.
Sorry to hear that you had to go through that... unfortunately that was not a good Bishop. I've been in the same situation but my Bishop was very loving and made me feel his love and God's love.. truly sorry you had a bad Bishop in your case..
No reason to go to the bishop. You repent with god NOT a bishop. Its none of his business
The mormon cult teaches its members differently.
Certain "sins", like breaking The Law of Chastity, require a confession to the Bishop. And when breaking The Law of Chastity is a sin second only to murder, you're going to visit the Bishop, no matter how humiliating - because you don't want to spend the rest of eternity in Outer Darkness.
I had a bishop ask me inappropriate questions once. He lasted about 3 months as bishop.
I have had other experiences with members acting badly as well.
Members of the church including all leadership should behave Christlike at all times however the Church has to have humans as members and leaders and some of them are not even following Christ and his gospel at times.
Teach you children that no human other than mom and dad should ever speak to them about these intimate topics and immediately report any leader that wants to dig for details in such matters.
The Church teaches proper principles but cannot ensure that people always behave as they should.
A grown man should never ask children sexual questions behind closed doors. Never. Just like a grown married man should never groom or have relationships with children. Never.
My bishop had my ex-wife and my stepsons speak in sacrament service the week after we were separated.
This happens countless times. These men are called by no "god". Absolutely disgusting.
The boys are slowly but surely, bit by bit, starting at age twelve to feel "called of God". It's an arrogance that slowly, but surely, creeps into the male psyche.
I believe those who participate in Free Masonry are the ones called as leaders.
In Websters, the definition of repentance is;” to change one’s ways in the way of error”
Nowhere have I read in the Bible where Christ said you must go to your bishop and repent !
Nowhere has Christ said that we have to have a bishop court and include the stake president !
Nowhere, did Christ say he was going to excommunicate anyone from the church !
Nowhere was it said if you sin you might have to get disfellowshipped or excommunicated.
Nowhere in the Bible, does it say that after being excommunicated, you must go to the profit and the apostles to get reinstated in the church !
Mormons use, scare tactics to keep people in line and have them look forward to going to the temple and claim they will receive all these blessings if they do the Mormon leaders say including paying tithing, it’s a money making organization they’re taking advantage of the people .
I read something from a church leader recently that astounded me. It said ‘we need to make people who confess •really feel the guilt• during the repentance interviews.’ (paraphrased) It said to get the details about all they did, etc. Unfortunately, I don’t know who wrote it or when.
I had always believed that bishops like this one disobeyed what leaders asked them to do. But after I read that, I knew I was wrong!
Does anyone here have the source for what I read? 🤔
I am so sorry you went through that. A major silver lining though is that in the long term he did you a favor by showing you how fucked up that cult is. You may have wasted your entire life being sucked into that harmful, exhausting nonsense had you not had this terrible experience with this sick man.
What a sad story ,how could someone do this to her,heart goes out to her.