Shaaba! Congrats on your upcoming nuptials:) my partner and I have been together 19 years, he's asked me to marry him 3 times but my fear of commitment relating to my childhood wouldn't let me. This year, we finally did get married!! Best decision!! Make sure to enjoy and be present in the small moments of your wedding. It will be fantastic!
It depends on the wedding but often a bridal shower is a daytime family event with food and "housewifey" type gifts given. A bachelorette party is generally a girls only evening event with friends and generally doesnt have gifts and often has drinking, dancing, etc. Also so happy for you both! :)
Bingo. I think hen do's are more similar to our Bachelorette parties. Bridal showers can also include games, relationship advice and can have men as well. (Ours did)
@@dobetterwithchristian4472 yesss. I see a bridal shower as more like a baby shower. Everyone is invited so it’s all innocent games and fun. The bachelorette party is where the adult fun is 😂
I'm getting married on Saturday and I cannot believe how many people never bothered to RSVP and when we finally chased them on it they were just like "but of course we're coming, we thought that was a given!". Like omg why would I go to all the effort of sending you a thing that literally means RESPOND PLEASE, if I didn't need you to let me know your plans?! As a Type A, I truly don't know how those people have gotten through life
For thank you notes: A thing we did and I enjoyed a lot - while going over all the envelopes (most, if not all, were money), whenever we came across a card from a closer friend that was more colorful/pretty/heartfelt/we saw the thought put into it, we took a selfie with it and sent a personal thank you text with the pic. For the rest of the guests, we just sent out a generic thank you text, but actual (physical) thank you notes are note really a thing here (in Israel). Have a great wedding!
You and the person who posted about being afraid to get married perfectly summarized my feelings before my wedding. I had a legitimate panic attack two weeks beforehand. The day before I was a nervous wreck and then felt guilty for being such a wreck. Resulted in a lot of tears. Luckily, my now husband and I got to spend some time alone together that evening, which helped a lot. The day of the wedding, we both had our moments of being totally overwhelmed. This is NORMAL. I never once doubted that I wanted to be with my husband. But it’s a big moment and the event itself can be super stressful. And due to the pandemic, a lot of us haven’t been around crowds for a long time, so that adds extra stress. The day is going to be a blur. I think it’s best to just accept that. The advice to relax and enjoy it just adds more pressure to those of us who overthink. There are big chunks of my wedding day that I don’t remember. There are also things that will go wrong. They will likely feel big in the moment, but won’t later. I hate the advice of “don’t let it get to you.” If it gets to you, it gets to you. You’re human. We were really glad we did a first look, rather than seeing each other for the first time during the ceremony after being apart for hours getting ready. We both were freaking out a little and felt a million times better after seeing each other. You can see it in our faces in the photos. Also, planning is the worst. Everyone said it would be so much fun, but I hated it. Some parts were okay, like choosing a caterer (we got to eat!) and going online to choose a ceremony script, reading, music, etc. The rest was mostly just stressful. Making the guest list was horrible. Choosing the wedding party resulted in hurt feelings. Getting people to RSVP was like pulling teeth. Society tells us that it’s supposed to be the best day ever and if we aren’t 100% overjoyed, there’s something wrong. It puts so much pressure on everyone! Nerves are totally normal. Enjoy the moments that you can and go easy on yourself for any unexpected emotions that pop up!
Bridal Showers are when a bride's friends and family attend a semi-formal party hosted a couple months before the wedding where you shower the bride with gifts and play wedding themed games. It's the exact same thing as a baby shower but wedding themed and the close friends and family give their gifts at the shower instead of the wedding
It’s also, traditionally, the women in your life who throw it. Your bridesmaids, mother, MIL, sister, SIL, etc. I found that it was more an opportunity to celebrate with the older women in my life, grandmothers and aunts and cousins. I didn’t want one but am glad my mum and MIL insisted. I wish they hadn’t thrown separate ones but it’s COVID so I get it.
Any Bridal Showers that I've been to/seen tend to be more day-time based (versus the typical night out, drinking based hen party). Thus making Bridal showers much more suitable for your granny or your nieces to attend, and just having your closer friends at the hen party/weekend.
A bridal shower is a separate event than a bachelorette/hen party. While a hen party is an event where the bride’s friends - usually her bridesmaids- take her out to have fun before the wedding, a bridal shower is held for the bride’s female family and friends that is focused on preparing the bride for marriage. It’s a “classier” event where the older women and already married women give the bride gifts that will help her adjust to married life, especially home goods if the engaged couple will be moving in together after the wedding. Typically, the bride’s mother(s), future mother(s)-in-law, aunties, and grandmothers will offer marriage advice and recount anecdotes from their own lives.
I've been to dozens of bridal showers and never once has there been an advice portion. LoL It's always just sit there and watch her open presents, eat food, play stupid games like making toilet paper wedding dresses and hats from the gift bows.
The other day I went to a talk about the history of weddings in our community. One thing that stood out was that most weddings up to the 1930s (not that long ago historically) consisted of bride, groom, officiant, and one or two witnesses. Big fancy weddings were for the very wealthy to show iff and to mark the merger of fortunes. My own parents were married ( in the early 1950s) in my mother's parents' living room, and about seven or eight people present total. I think it's a good idea to remember that big expensive weddings are for big wedding service providers, and a wedding doesn't have to rival those extravaganzas staged by royalty.
Preach sib I don't understand why you'd want to pay for a swarm of people to show up. I'd rather just have my partner(s) and a few friends and/or close family.
A wedding show is pretty much exactly like a baby shower but for the people who are getting married. So you bring things that they may need if they are moving in together like kitchen items and other home goods. Congratulations to you and Jamie on getting married!
I was GOING to send thank you notes, but the attendant who was delegated to keep track of who gave what gift left the clipboard with that information at the venue instead of packing it in the car with the gifts (we had a lot of people from out-of state at our wedding who wanted to see us open their gifts, so we had incorporated gift openings into the post-rehearsal celebration and the reception). So we ended up with a pile of gifts and no idea who to thank for each of them. Do not recommend. Bridal showers are a holdover from when the bride & her family were expected to send her into the marriage with pots and pans, dishes, linens, a wardrobe appropriate for a married woman, etc. Bridal showers were a way for the community to subsidize marriages where the bride and her family did not have the means to provide enough for a functional household. They also often served the purpose of being a time for women who are already married to pass on information about how to BE a good wife (for several generations of American women, this was most of their direct sex-ed instruction, for instance.) It remains as a pre-wedding celebration not just because it involves gift-giving but also (perhaps more importantly) as a "clean" or "family friendly" party, as compared with the often alcohol-and-sex themed bachelorette party.
My wedding was so chaotic and insane... I had a registry online, and sent thank-yous through the website the registry was from. I also made sure to sincerely thank everyone individually and specifically the next time I saw them in person.
First: I love your hair!! Second: After any of the happenings (wedding, baptism, confirmation), I always react with a «oh yeah, the card, thanks» when I get it in the mailbox, and what do I do with it? Put it in a box, because I can’t throw it away, but also have nothing else to do with it 😅 so I would love a digital thank you note! Or just no card at all, since I do not think its necessary.
A bridal shower (or wedding shower) is basically the same as a baby shower, basically it's meant to provide the couple with items to begin living together once they're married, traditionally. It made more sense when people were still living at home until they moved in with their spouse after the wedding, not so much now when couples are living together already, but it's definitely nice if you've been using dollar store pans 😆
Aside from the extra chance for gifts lol, it's also a fun way to learn more about the significant other who will be joining the family before the actual day. My family does a lot of games about guessing similarities and differences of the couple, and finding out more about the inlaws, too! At least in my family it's kind of meant for the older generations who aren't interested in getting drunk with the youngins at the bachelor/ette parties
Okay, as someone who has always really struggled to sit down and respond to things, sending thank yous was super stressful and exhausting. I did mainly focus on writing to family, since most everyone else I could thank in person (and even then, it still took a while). There's also a problem of almost no one leaving addresses when they bought us gifts, so I'd have to ask around for someone who might know where to send a thank you if I didn't have direct contact with the person. Which also added more stress. So, I understand thank yous are polite, but also, I completely understand they can be a lot of work and they shouldn't be owed. It's not a gift if you demand and expect something in return.
It’s my 16th wedding anniversary today and I can certainly empathise with all of that wedding anxiety. Just try and remember that even if something doesn’t go as planned, your loved ones won’t care. You are both going to have a beautiful day and I can’t wait to hear all about it 🥰
I'm glad your wedding went well! I agree with you on these posts. But also... I keep hearing that cat meowing in the background and want to see them. Even though there are two cats sitting next to me right now, LOL.
My wife and I had aspirations of thank you cards, but neither of us were raised with thank you cards being part of our family routines, and I know for myself personally, I HATED the feeling of super generic “thank you” notes (or yearbook signings, or whatever) out of some social obligation. I hated giving them, I hated getting them. If I couldn’t say something personal, like in the case of thank you for a gift, how we planned on using the gift, it just was the most painful thing ever. Add in the fact that, not realizing the effort required to DO that meant that we needed somebody to log who gave what, it just turned into a massive overwhelm. Given that I didn’t even like receiving thank you cards to begin with, and my wife’s opinion being similar, we got like 10 done and it just …never happened. We found out *YEARS* later that my wife’s stepmom’s mom, who she was not at all close to, had been holding a grudge for LITERAL YEARS about not getting a thank you card. And just, like, what?!?!? Like if you’re expecting something in return, why on earth are you giving a gift in the first place? It’s just such a weird thing to hold a grudge over. Geez, we’re sorry, but we’re not the ones who held space for that anger for years.
Congrats on finally being able to tie the knot! As a fellow 2020 bride, I understand the anxiety around finally approaching the big day. We had a horrible time pinning down our original date and then the pandemic struck and we had to try again. We cut our guest list which was awful, we even arranged it in rounds so we could make the hard cuts quickly if we needed to. We came first, then parents, then siblings, then grandparents, etc. The whole thing was like walking on eggshells, I was obsessed with the restriction updates and made constant changes to fit around them. Ultimately, I was beyond stressed in the week leading up, especially after a screw up at our venue, that week is a blur. And then the night before, over some unfinished wedding crafts, I broke down and had an anxiety attack. Thankfully my mum was there and she did what she knew was best, she called my husband. He arrived early the next day to help set up the venue, he brought back up and set his sister to lead the way because I was still so freaked out. When I returned for the ceremony, knowing that everything was taken care of, I was completely calm and when I saw him at the end of the aisle, nothing mattered but him. Rely on your partner and support system, talk to them about stresses and concerns, let them help you (not my strong suit) and take a deep breath. What happens, happens, and as long as you’re with the one you love, none of the shit will matter. Best wishes on your big (or littler) day!
So much stress is put on having THE PERFECT WEDDING, that Brides and grooms over stress about the day. If you are married after the ceremony (and the certificate is filed 😉), does anything else really matter? If someone else is wearing white (and you're in white) point them out. Ask them to stand at the reception, a spotlight would be a nice touch. "I would like to thank XXX for also wearing white. To my wedding. It was so courageous of her. That's give her a hand." And everyone claps. They wanted attention.
Congrats!! I’m so glad you guys are getting Married! You’re both adorable and you’re a great couple. Genuinely as a trans guy you guys have given me a lot of hope. Love u guys!!
So. American here and at least the way I understand it is bachelor/bachelorette party is where the couple have separate parties with their friends/peers (a close cousin or sibling might be there but family is not the main focus). Bridal shower is where you have a party with close relatives (this can be for both bride and groom but.. more often just the bride family and the groom stands around awkwardly) more frequently observed in large family systems (or rich ones). I'm married but didn't do either of these.. sooo....
Currently planning our wedding for next year and we've ordered thank you notes with the invitations and will give them with favours as a thank you for coming - saves money posting them out and it's less of a thank you for any gifts, more for sharing the day with us.
Oh man Shaaba, related to when you mentioned that not many of your guests have RSVP’ed “yes” yet: I got married last June and GURL, SAME. We got a mind-boggling amount of rejections for our RSVPs. It’s really hard to say how many of them had to do with the fact that we went for a Friday (🤦♀️ not recommended), how many of them were Covid-related, and how many of them were honestly other random reasons, but in the end less than half the people we invited said “yes”. It was extremely disheartening and really put a damper on that giddy excitement 😞 We knew we weren’t entitled to anyones presence there but at the same time it’s like, haven’t Covid brides/grooms/etc had enough extra shit to pull through vs. couples who married before the pandemic? We eventually adjusted our expectations and found the joy again in focusing on the wonderful loved ones who were able to make it, and when the day came all that mattered was being able to see them there and share the day with them. But I still just felt the need to reach out and say that I felt that struggle in my bones when you said that, it’s not exactly the sort of thing you hope for as a bride-to-be
Yes, I had the same thing with people RSVP-ing! I started to chase people and they were like 'of course we're coming' and I'm like well I need your dietary requirements then please hahaha. In the end, pretty much everyone we invited came, so I wouldn't worry
The day does go by so quickly but what my husband and I did was review the day- our favourite parts, the little things that went wrong (which end up being some of the best parts in my view), the people who came, the music, everything. We talked about things a lot immediately after to help us remember everything we could. Then when the pictures are sent you get to do it all over again and remember even more. We still take time every so often to reminisce about it and I love those chats. So yes, it goes by quickly but if you’ve done it right, it is a day with your favourite people, who love you the most, that you get to look back on for the rest of your life. I’m sure your wedding will be everything you both dreamed of and you will be able to look back on it with such love and joy for many years to come.
I think you'll be relieved when it's over. The stress and strain leading up to the day is pretty awful, but then it's finally time for your party. The happiness I felt that day was proportional to all my anxious feelings, and I cherish the memories of that day. Seeing all the work come together was truly satisfying, and I'm glad I never have to plan something so elaborate again. I'm so excited for you!
I really hate thank you cards, I hate cards. They feel empty. I appreciate the attempts, and understand the expectations, but I hate the things. I got married Jan 2020 and just did a courthouse and a fancy dinner a couple days later. We got some money, and I got cards with us on it, but since I don't have addresses (we invited through text/email), we still have some of the cards that never got to people. We just haven't seen a lot of these people in person. Also, my friend considered her wedding destination, because it was in Arizona and most of her friends and family are from Indiana or Michigan, they live in Arizona. I did not consider it a destination wedding, and I still gave money, even though they didn't expect anything because people paid to travel.
I suppose to just give some context (my sister got married 3 years ago and until then I didn’t know the difference): Bridal shower is an event for friends and family members of the bride to get together and celebrate. May be at some point before the wedding (my sisters was about 3 months prior.) kind of more on par with a baby shower than anything, with games and gifts that are more specifically intended for the bride or the wedding night rather than the more traditional household type gifts you may see at the wedding. Bachelorette party, much like a typical bachelor party, is a bit more of an intimate celebration with the bridal party or otherwise close friends of the bride. Kind of a “last hoorah” kind of event held much closer to the day of the wedding (we had my sister’s the night before). A bachelorette party may or may not be more explicit and is typically shown in media as more explicit, whereas the bridal shower may be more family friendly (I do say maybe because my sister’s was more tame, we went for sushi and bowling, but likewise I feel like the fact that I was the maid of honor and the rest of her bridesmaids/bridesman all see me as the community baby sister, may have contributed to no one pushing for anything more explicit 😂) So, tl;dr: mostly probably a marketing thing, but they’re different ways of celebrating the bride in different contexts. Bridal shower is definitely equal parts an event for involving the family as it is about the bride, while the bachelorette party is a bit more bride focused.
Also, I suppose a more simple explanation I thought of right after posting this text brick: Bridal shower = celebrating the fact that you’re getting married Bachelorette party = celebrating the last days of being unmarried
I haven't received any thank you notes for the weddings I have attended, but my husband and I did send them out after ours. Our older family members really appreciated them even though we literally sent them out a year later.
The Movie Bridesmaids gives a great example of bachelor party and bridal shower. A bridal shower is gathering of loved one to celebrate the bride and give her gifts. Guests will often give an additional wedding gift.
Hi! As a peach spud ( for those who don’t know Jammi calls his subscribers spuds and shaaba calls hers peachs/sweet peas/ whatever she wants) I’m so excited for your wedding! I’ve been watching for awhile been waiting for this for months! Have a great wedding! 👍🏻👍🏼👍🏽👍🏾👍🏿
The 2 pieces of advice my mother gave me about weddings are 1) the wedding is for the family, the marriage is for you so don't stress if your mother or mother-in-law get a bit overly involved. 2) always have a sit down meal. She didn't she had a buffet and with everyone wanting to speak to her, give her things etc she ended up not getting to eat anything.
I did "thank you" notes, but they were slow to get to people. We had a Covid wedding, and we ended up having it that had 15 guests (the max we could have) in-person, and livestreamed it for everyone else who couldn't be there. Deciding who GOT those "thank you" cards ended up being a palava, because my partner and I were unsure of who out of the livestream viewers "should" have gotten one? Otherwise we'd have been sending dozens of cards to people who weren't actually there in person, and hadn't sent us any cards or gifts themselves. (A note that part of this is because my partner and I are quite socially awkward? So it's more about not knowing what the social protocol was) It was actually pretty awful because my mother kept being really snippy about "You have to send these IMMEDIATELY or else everyone's going to be REALLY OFFENDED AND HURT", and it kind of added a real sour note to the whole thing, tbh.
I'm like two or three weeks late but I had to comment about the pickles! Similar to what you did the with new potatoes they could add dill to their bouquets and table arrangments. I love the idea of a pickle bar during cock tail hours (or maybe even a signature cocktail with pickles/pickle juice.) A pickle making kit party favor could be fun too, a mason jar with spices and such. When guest get home all they need is their own cucumbers and brine. Oh and Shaaba, as you said cold feet are very common. Warm em up by remembering that you and Jamie have been through so much of the hard stuff... THIS is the fun! I'm so happy for yall and I can't wait to see what y'all share afterwards (if anything, not sure if you're keeping it private.)
Thank you notes: while I agree that sending a thank you note is very kind of the gift receiver, I do not think it is required. I think if you give someone a gift with expectations on that person’s behavior you will more often than not be disappointed. I think gift should be given with your heart because you want to give with no expectations whatsoever.
Congratulations on being able to have your wedding! I think if someone has taken their time and money to get you a gift a quick thank you shouldn't be too much trouble for the couple, even just a phone call, text, etc. because we all know that if someone didn't give a gift the bridezilla will suddenly have the time to contact you. A bridal shower is a more subdued event where your female friends and family members gather to have sort of a snack/lunch and give the bride her first set of gifts, but a bacheorlette party is usually a more wild event and someone like your mom and grandmother probably won't be there and gifts aren't usually given
the months leading up to my wedding were the WORST. i had cold feet, my mom was being overbearing, i just wanted to run away because i felt so anxious and scared and overwhelmed. and then the day came. i started walking down the aisle on the brink of a panic attack - and then i saw my partner looking at me. his eyes were red with tears, and every single emotion fled from me as i looked at the love he exuded, just standing there. and i immediately resolved not to care about the rest of the day. not the food, not the music, not anything. i didn't want to be one of those people so stressed out about the things that couldn't be changed that i would spend my own wedding day worried. best decision ever. i had the time of my life, and it was absolutely wonderful. so i understand what you mean, and honestly until the day comes you won't be able to do anything about it. but! i want to send you so much joy and love. you will be okay, i promise!
IMO it's worth getting a good photographer for the wedding and reception. The album will be a great memory jogger in future when you're talking to your kids etc. about the day. Also, put captions and notes in it for future generations.
You really nailed it when you said that as long as the anxiety isn’t based off of concerns about being in THIS relationship; then your feelings are completely normal and fine. There are a lot of expectations that go along with becoming legally married. And there is a certain loss of autonomy in giving up your single status. Those are things that you can grieve and that’s perfectly fine! You can feel multiple different things all at once! Because you can have all those anxieties and still be super excited about the future you are planning with your beloved.
congratulations for you and jammie! After all the pandemic fiasco. Mine is in 3 months and absolutely give me headache. Wish you a smooth sailing wedding whatever you and jammie planning to and also for sure a smooth sailing marriage life!
Omg! I soooo want to know how Jamie reacted to the potatoes in your floral arrangements!!!!! If those aren't couple goals, I don't know what is! I love the two of you so much and I wish you the best ceremony and wedding the two of you can imagine!
A bridal shower in Canada is a lunch or gathering with the women invited to the wedding. Some people are two, one with family and the other with friends. It is a time to hang out and give physical gifts to help the couples start their lives together. Typically people give money for gifts at the wedding and that is often enough to cover their dinner at the wedding. These are general rules but not expectations. A bachelorette party is a party at night with typically, close friends of the bride at night. It is the last chance for them to go wild before getting married. Really now it is just a chance to hang out and spend way too much money before an expensive wedding.
I think it's a nice gesture to send thank you notes and it's nice to receive one, but if you go to a wedding completely *expecting* something in return, that I'd disagree with
destination weddings that are held at very expensive resorts drive me nuts! We( family of 4) are going to one next summer: total including hotel rooms, food, clothes & then the gift its going to cost us around 5K !!
Love the ‘pickle surprise’ person! I’m quite the fan of just about anything pickled - I would drink straight brine, if I could. (I cannot; sodium hates me) The pickle bar is a brilliant idea
Hi Shaaba! I wanted to say congratulations and good luck with you and Jamie's wedding! Also a pickle pun: "Don't be sour and leave us in a pickle, bring your own pickle!". Have a nice day!
1:35 I think thank you notes are falling out of fashion nowadays and most of the people who do them now do them digitally as to not waste paper. Above all, it’s personal preference. A lot of people just verbally thank people at the event.
I was absolutely hounded by my mom to send out thank you notes. I've never been good about being able to sit down and write thank yous. I have ADHD and it's extremely difficult to do it. I personally don't care if someone sends me one, I'll glance at it and toss it. It really is a waste.
At the end of the day while a thank you note is nice, if I’m giving a gift (any gift not just for weddings) it’s cause I want to and I don’t need to be thanked with a card
Bachelorette parties are for your besties, crew, or friends that are the same age as you (but do whatever you want). And bridal/wedding showers are for the moms, aunties, or older folks/those who aren’t into your bachelorette activities (this custom is on its way out as folks are getting married later in life). You get some of the big presents on your registry from wealthy family at the bridal shower so it’s also an excuse for more presents lol
An interesting thing about the thank you notes from the weddings I've been to. Instead of notes, the bride and groom give a keepsake at the wedding to the guests, it depends on the couple what they want to give, a friend gave out one piece of fudge with a little thank you sticker on. My cousin had water bottles with their faces on them (that's a bit weird to reuse), at one point magnets with the date and a thank you was kind of a trend. I got a super tiny jar of honey once and another friend is going to give little bottles of bath salts at his wedding later in the year.
I’m really not sure I could do a wedding, but it makes me feel guilty. My family dynamics are..complicated to say the least. My parents can’t stand each other, my mother freaks out for months every time she has to see my dad, they both have a super complicated relationship with my brother, and half my family tend to drink way to much. I’m really not good at being the centre of attention or the hostess in that way. I was recently a toastmaster at my best friend’s wedding and that was fine, but I think I’d feel really anxious if it was my wedding. And my boyfriend is the most private person in the world, who would hate the whole thing. In other words - the only way we could enjoy a wedding is if we eloped. But I’m really, really worried about what that would do to our families. And I sort feel like I should “pay back” our friends who have involved us in their weddings.
Take time to look into each others eyes. Make it a thing to lock eyes and be present. I have worked as a wedding-banquet-server and have noticed time and time again that couples make it through the entire Wedding looking past each other, missing glances, focusing on anything and everyone else. Even during the ceremony and sometimes even during the vows. And i just can't fathom how one could miss each other in that exceptional moment.
I'm so happy for you, Shaaba :3 You are wonderful and I'm so, so thankful I found your channel. My boyfriend and me have been together for 12 years this year. He is calm, cool and collected. I am passionate and powerful and very emotional. We always say we are "Independent Together" (Yes, it's a Steven Universe reference ❤️).
I had a group of friends I was close with in high school. Me and one of those friends moved to a different city for college. I've always been really bad at maintaining long distance relationships, but the friend I moved with maintained contact with the group that stayed in our home town. A few years later when one of the friends in our home town got married, everyone from the high school friend group except me was a bridesmaid. I was a little bit sad, because it made me realize that I had drifted so far apart from these people I used to be really close with, but I wasn't mad at her because she was right. We weren't that close anymore. I would understand the lady from the second story having some misplaced sadness about not being a bridesmaid, but making a TikTok about it is too much.
I know it's well past your shared Big Day, but ...... I feel compelled to comment here, and now. I think your fears about your wedding could have been alleviated relatively easily if you had only surrounded yourself at the wedding and the reception with dozens of pickle enthusiasts. ;)
i'm not even sure if i would want a traditional wedding. everyone says it's the happiest/biggest/most important day of your life but i don't think i want it to be. i don't want to think of my life like that. plus that's a lot of pressure to put on one day lol
My first cousin to get married didn't even invite us to the wedding, both he and his wife had parents who divorced and remarried, so there was double the number of immediate family members. But they did send out some lovely announcement cards. I tend to forget about thank-you cards after weddings, so if I do get one it's always a nice surprise. Sometimes I get them from parents after sending birthday pr Christmas presents to their kids, and that always makes me extra happy because they usually include cute photos. Without a response, I might worry if it was delivered properly or wonder how it was received, but if I'm close enough to someone to care that much, I can just text them and ask.
When my Spritelings godmothers got married they sent a text saying thanks for your ( present ) followed by a hilarious picture with them and the item. My favorite was someone sent them a toaster and they took a photo of both of them and the toaster on the beach with a pretty drink ... Yes the toaster had a drink and a bikini top. It was AMAZING
As far as I’ve seen, a bridal shower is where the couple make a list of household items that they need (dishes, appliances, linens, etc.) and people purchase them to get the couple started on a home. They are loosely based on the idea that a couple will move in together only after a wedding, so they have somewhat fallen out of fashion as more couple cohabitate pre-nuptialy-often, both partners attend the shower though, so very different from a “bachelorette” type do.
Bridal shower is like a afternoon tea with gifts type thing, generally for the parent/grandparent generation. Bachelorette/hen dos are more for your own generation and there’s no gifts involved. Some people do both, one or the other, or neither.
My Fiancé and I are thinking about getting married in Mauritius (he is Mauritian) most of our close family and friends are in the UK so it will effectively be a "destination wedding". I'd feel guilty expecting guests to have to travel as it's expensive and a long flight, so planning on having a second party in the UK for anyone who can't travel out there. This all came from us only wanting a small and inexpensive wedding but also a holiday to Mauritius 😅
I sent one of my friends friend a wedding gift being they were trans and I wanted to support them. My friend went off on them for not sending me a thank you card, even though I told her I didn't mind at all, the couple getting married were busy starting their new life together. She bugged them until they sent me an apology and a gift of their own, and I feel like a jerk, even though I'm the one who didn't mind not getting a thank you back from my original gift 😳 I would love to see you do some "after wedding" ones too, just to see the difference in how people deal with it/what kind of help they may need afterwards? My best friend is getting married Aug 20th, and if she needs me for any type of support, I wouldn't mind being a bit prepared! Much love and of course, we can't wait to see how your wedding goes as well! 🥰
I live in NY in the states. Bridal showers is when the bridal party (ie bride’s maids and maid of honor) throw a special party for the bride before the wedding. May or may not include strippers. Also sometimes invites other women from the guest list of wedding to join the bridal shower.
A bridal shower is like a baby shower for brides. It's a hen-do you would invite your grandma to. I had a bridal shower with my family then a hen do with my sister's and friends
Bridal shower vs. Bachelorette party vs. Engagement party Bachelorette Party is your close friends and female members of the wedding party having a a more wild party away from your home. Bridal shower happens much earlier in the engagement. This party is more sedated and often includes all of the women involved, heavy emphasis on the women of the both families. You would never be wild or drunk at a bridal shower. Where it would be strange to invite your future mother-in-law to your Bachelorette; it would be rude (unless you are no contact) to not invite her to your Bridal shower. The bridal shower also celebrates the engagement, but more importantly welcomes the bride and the celebrates the joining of the women of the two families. (In theory) Engagement party is the earliest celebration and is open to both genders and both engaged persons. It is a celebration of the engagement and the possibilities and happiness to come.
I feel guilty about wanting to have a wedding party because our friends and family live all over the States. So, even if it's not a "destination wedding" we would either have the wedding near where we live now or in our home town and the majority of people would still have to travel to come see us. It makes me sad thinking if I plan a wedding and send out invites, no one will come, but I also don't want to elope and alienate people who might want to be there. And weddings are SO expensive for no reason. I'm just torn about what to do
No, a bridal shower and a hen party are not the same thing. In North America, hen parties are called bachelorette parties. That's where the bride and the bridal party go out and get s***-faced essentially. Bridal showers are like baby showers. So a month or so before the wedding there's a big party for all of the women in the bride's life and they all have to buy her a gift, any food and play stupid games. Traditionally the bridal shower is planned and organized by the bride's ants, but nowadays that's not always the case. Some people even have multiple bridal showers with the different groups of people in their life. For example, one at work, one with family, one with friends. It's just another way to get gifts from people.
I got married in 1998. When we opened our presents and cards I made sure to have Pen and paper to write down what people gave us. I sent out ( late) thank you cards but I always mentioned what was given to us. I had been to weddings and not gotten a thank you card and wondered if they got the present? Did they like it? Usually if you get a birthday present- you open it while the person is their, or call them later if its opened it later. Same with Xmas prezzies. So why would I not acknowledge wedding presents? PS: So so happy it’s actually happening!! Congrats to you both!
#1 Im sorry if im rude, but i dont have much energy for social stuff, i would rather say thank you in person and AT the wedding than sending out a standard "copy paste" letter saying thank you. In these days it seems redicoulus to do voth to the envirorment but also because we have the internet, a letter is just as bland as a email or text saying thank u.
A gift should be acknowledged. I personally don't think it matters whether it's in person, a text, phone call, email, or note, as long as you have expressed thanks for the gift, you're good.
oh goodness, Congrats! The day is finally almost here! I have so many thoughts on weddings! I'm just starting to plan my wedding, which is a big thing because I never thought I would be getting married. I would love your opinions. First, AITA? We are getting a city hall marriage next month, but I am planning the big party/ceremony for Fall, in a year. My older brother and mom aren't on speaking terms. She is a bit much so I get where he is coming from. So I haven't told my mom about the city hall ceremony and have invited him since I don't think he will want to come to the actual party. I feel bad about it but she also has the tendency of steamrolling everything, whether she's in a good or bad mood, I don't feel like anything can ever just be if she's involved. But I am stressed about when she does find out about the city hall ceremony. ugh, so much. Second. I have disabilities that cause chronic fatigue and I'm trying to figure out how to leave time for an emergency nap if needed. Recently, at a friend's wedding where my partner was part of the wedding party, this was driven home to me because I was even in the party and I was sooo exhausted with the little bit I was helping with. I was able to last through the dinner, but as soon as the cake was cut and the dance party part of the evening began, we ducked out and took a nap in our room, then woke up for the after-party. Would it be weird to be just like "have fun all, I'm gonna go take a nap, see you in a couple of hours" at my own wedding? Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and especially if you have some advice.
I think bridal showers and bachelorette parties are separate things. One is more for like the mums, grandmas, like more family friendly? bachelorette is more of the hen night calibre
Shaaba! Congrats on your upcoming nuptials:) my partner and I have been together 19 years, he's asked me to marry him 3 times but my fear of commitment relating to my childhood wouldn't let me. This year, we finally did get married!! Best decision!! Make sure to enjoy and be present in the small moments of your wedding. It will be fantastic!
Congratulations!!!!!
Congratulations
Aww, congrats!! Thank you for sharing as I'm dealing with commitment issues even though I love my fiancé so much.
Congrats!!
What a lovely testament! Congratulations and I wish you many more years together happily in the future.
It depends on the wedding but often a bridal shower is a daytime family event with food and "housewifey" type gifts given. A bachelorette party is generally a girls only evening event with friends and generally doesnt have gifts and often has drinking, dancing, etc.
Also so happy for you both! :)
Bingo. I think hen do's are more similar to our Bachelorette parties. Bridal showers can also include games, relationship advice and can have men as well. (Ours did)
@@dobetterwithchristian4472 yesss. I see a bridal shower as more like a baby shower. Everyone is invited so it’s all innocent games and fun. The bachelorette party is where the adult fun is 😂
I'm getting married on Saturday and I cannot believe how many people never bothered to RSVP and when we finally chased them on it they were just like "but of course we're coming, we thought that was a given!". Like omg why would I go to all the effort of sending you a thing that literally means RESPOND PLEASE, if I didn't need you to let me know your plans?! As a Type A, I truly don't know how those people have gotten through life
For thank you notes: A thing we did and I enjoyed a lot - while going over all the envelopes (most, if not all, were money), whenever we came across a card from a closer friend that was more colorful/pretty/heartfelt/we saw the thought put into it, we took a selfie with it and sent a personal thank you text with the pic. For the rest of the guests, we just sent out a generic thank you text, but actual (physical) thank you notes are note really a thing here (in Israel).
Have a great wedding!
That seems like a really nice mix, for me that would be perfectly fine :)
The selfie idea is nice - less work than writing out thank you cards, and your loved ones get to see your smiling faces enjoying their card or gift.
You and the person who posted about being afraid to get married perfectly summarized my feelings before my wedding. I had a legitimate panic attack two weeks beforehand. The day before I was a nervous wreck and then felt guilty for being such a wreck. Resulted in a lot of tears. Luckily, my now husband and I got to spend some time alone together that evening, which helped a lot. The day of the wedding, we both had our moments of being totally overwhelmed.
This is NORMAL.
I never once doubted that I wanted to be with my husband. But it’s a big moment and the event itself can be super stressful. And due to the pandemic, a lot of us haven’t been around crowds for a long time, so that adds extra stress.
The day is going to be a blur. I think it’s best to just accept that. The advice to relax and enjoy it just adds more pressure to those of us who overthink. There are big chunks of my wedding day that I don’t remember. There are also things that will go wrong. They will likely feel big in the moment, but won’t later. I hate the advice of “don’t let it get to you.” If it gets to you, it gets to you. You’re human.
We were really glad we did a first look, rather than seeing each other for the first time during the ceremony after being apart for hours getting ready. We both were freaking out a little and felt a million times better after seeing each other. You can see it in our faces in the photos.
Also, planning is the worst. Everyone said it would be so much fun, but I hated it. Some parts were okay, like choosing a caterer (we got to eat!) and going online to choose a ceremony script, reading, music, etc. The rest was mostly just stressful. Making the guest list was horrible. Choosing the wedding party resulted in hurt feelings. Getting people to RSVP was like pulling teeth.
Society tells us that it’s supposed to be the best day ever and if we aren’t 100% overjoyed, there’s something wrong. It puts so much pressure on everyone! Nerves are totally normal. Enjoy the moments that you can and go easy on yourself for any unexpected emotions that pop up!
this is super reassuring, thanks for sharing!
(also omg some of this planning sucks balls - guest lists and rsvps, never again please! 😅) x
"I wouldn't only not invite you to my wedding, I would not invite you to the rest of my life." WHAT A LINE, I love that.
Bridal Showers are when a bride's friends and family attend a semi-formal party hosted a couple months before the wedding where you shower the bride with gifts and play wedding themed games. It's the exact same thing as a baby shower but wedding themed and the close friends and family give their gifts at the shower instead of the wedding
It’s also, traditionally, the women in your life who throw it. Your bridesmaids, mother, MIL, sister, SIL, etc. I found that it was more an opportunity to celebrate with the older women in my life, grandmothers and aunts and cousins. I didn’t want one but am glad my mum and MIL insisted. I wish they hadn’t thrown separate ones but it’s COVID so I get it.
I think that’s a very US thing - never heard of this in Germany. Same goes for baby showers.
Any Bridal Showers that I've been to/seen tend to be more day-time based (versus the typical night out, drinking based hen party). Thus making Bridal showers much more suitable for your granny or your nieces to attend, and just having your closer friends at the hen party/weekend.
A bridal shower is a separate event than a bachelorette/hen party. While a hen party is an event where the bride’s friends - usually her bridesmaids- take her out to have fun before the wedding, a bridal shower is held for the bride’s female family and friends that is focused on preparing the bride for marriage. It’s a “classier” event where the older women and already married women give the bride gifts that will help her adjust to married life, especially home goods if the engaged couple will be moving in together after the wedding. Typically, the bride’s mother(s), future mother(s)-in-law, aunties, and grandmothers will offer marriage advice and recount anecdotes from their own lives.
I've been to dozens of bridal showers and never once has there been an advice portion. LoL
It's always just sit there and watch her open presents, eat food, play stupid games like making toilet paper wedding dresses and hats from the gift bows.
Congratulations!!!!, you and Jamie are the best couple!!!
The other day I went to a talk about the history of weddings in our community. One thing that stood out was that most weddings up to the 1930s (not that long ago historically) consisted of bride, groom, officiant, and one or two witnesses. Big fancy weddings were for the very wealthy to show iff and to mark the merger of fortunes. My own parents were married ( in the early 1950s) in my mother's parents' living room, and about seven or eight people present total.
I think it's a good idea to remember that big expensive weddings are for big wedding service providers, and a wedding doesn't have to rival those extravaganzas staged by royalty.
Preach sib
I don't understand why you'd want to pay for a swarm of people to show up. I'd rather just have my partner(s) and a few friends and/or close family.
I know this is months old but that third story really tickled my pickle. 🤣
A wedding show is pretty much exactly like a baby shower but for the people who are getting married. So you bring things that they may need if they are moving in together like kitchen items and other home goods. Congratulations to you and Jamie on getting married!
I was GOING to send thank you notes, but the attendant who was delegated to keep track of who gave what gift left the clipboard with that information at the venue instead of packing it in the car with the gifts (we had a lot of people from out-of state at our wedding who wanted to see us open their gifts, so we had incorporated gift openings into the post-rehearsal celebration and the reception). So we ended up with a pile of gifts and no idea who to thank for each of them. Do not recommend.
Bridal showers are a holdover from when the bride & her family were expected to send her into the marriage with pots and pans, dishes, linens, a wardrobe appropriate for a married woman, etc. Bridal showers were a way for the community to subsidize marriages where the bride and her family did not have the means to provide enough for a functional household. They also often served the purpose of being a time for women who are already married to pass on information about how to BE a good wife (for several generations of American women, this was most of their direct sex-ed instruction, for instance.) It remains as a pre-wedding celebration not just because it involves gift-giving but also (perhaps more importantly) as a "clean" or "family friendly" party, as compared with the often alcohol-and-sex themed bachelorette party.
My wedding was so chaotic and insane...
I had a registry online, and sent thank-yous through the website the registry was from. I also made sure to sincerely thank everyone individually and specifically the next time I saw them in person.
First: I love your hair!!
Second: After any of the happenings (wedding, baptism, confirmation), I always react with a «oh yeah, the card, thanks» when I get it in the mailbox, and what do I do with it? Put it in a box, because I can’t throw it away, but also have nothing else to do with it 😅 so I would love a digital thank you note! Or just no card at all, since I do not think its necessary.
A bridal shower (or wedding shower) is basically the same as a baby shower, basically it's meant to provide the couple with items to begin living together once they're married, traditionally. It made more sense when people were still living at home until they moved in with their spouse after the wedding, not so much now when couples are living together already, but it's definitely nice if you've been using dollar store pans 😆
Aside from the extra chance for gifts lol, it's also a fun way to learn more about the significant other who will be joining the family before the actual day. My family does a lot of games about guessing similarities and differences of the couple, and finding out more about the inlaws, too! At least in my family it's kind of meant for the older generations who aren't interested in getting drunk with the youngins at the bachelor/ette parties
Okay, as someone who has always really struggled to sit down and respond to things, sending thank yous was super stressful and exhausting. I did mainly focus on writing to family, since most everyone else I could thank in person (and even then, it still took a while). There's also a problem of almost no one leaving addresses when they bought us gifts, so I'd have to ask around for someone who might know where to send a thank you if I didn't have direct contact with the person. Which also added more stress. So, I understand thank yous are polite, but also, I completely understand they can be a lot of work and they shouldn't be owed. It's not a gift if you demand and expect something in return.
ACCIDENTAL PICKLE LEAKAGE 🤭🥒
omg Shaaba, that just brightened my week!! (I don't even know why, but the way you said it just ticked me 😂)
"I would not invite you to the rest of my life" GOLD!!! I'm going to keep this in my arsenal against toxic people!
CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎉🎉! I'm so happy you and Jamie can finally get married! I love love!
It’s my 16th wedding anniversary today and I can certainly empathise with all of that wedding anxiety. Just try and remember that even if something doesn’t go as planned, your loved ones won’t care. You are both going to have a beautiful day and I can’t wait to hear all about it 🥰
I'm glad your wedding went well! I agree with you on these posts.
But also... I keep hearing that cat meowing in the background and want to see them. Even though there are two cats sitting next to me right now, LOL.
My wife and I had aspirations of thank you cards, but neither of us were raised with thank you cards being part of our family routines, and I know for myself personally, I HATED the feeling of super generic “thank you” notes (or yearbook signings, or whatever) out of some social obligation. I hated giving them, I hated getting them. If I couldn’t say something personal, like in the case of thank you for a gift, how we planned on using the gift, it just was the most painful thing ever. Add in the fact that, not realizing the effort required to DO that meant that we needed somebody to log who gave what, it just turned into a massive overwhelm. Given that I didn’t even like receiving thank you cards to begin with, and my wife’s opinion being similar, we got like 10 done and it just …never happened.
We found out *YEARS* later that my wife’s stepmom’s mom, who she was not at all close to, had been holding a grudge for LITERAL YEARS about not getting a thank you card. And just, like, what?!?!? Like if you’re expecting something in return, why on earth are you giving a gift in the first place? It’s just such a weird thing to hold a grudge over. Geez, we’re sorry, but we’re not the ones who held space for that anger for years.
The pickle one was adorable!
Congrats on finally being able to tie the knot! As a fellow 2020 bride, I understand the anxiety around finally approaching the big day.
We had a horrible time pinning down our original date and then the pandemic struck and we had to try again. We cut our guest list which was awful, we even arranged it in rounds so we could make the hard cuts quickly if we needed to. We came first, then parents, then siblings, then grandparents, etc. The whole thing was like walking on eggshells, I was obsessed with the restriction updates and made constant changes to fit around them.
Ultimately, I was beyond stressed in the week leading up, especially after a screw up at our venue, that week is a blur. And then the night before, over some unfinished wedding crafts, I broke down and had an anxiety attack. Thankfully my mum was there and she did what she knew was best, she called my husband.
He arrived early the next day to help set up the venue, he brought back up and set his sister to lead the way because I was still so freaked out. When I returned for the ceremony, knowing that everything was taken care of, I was completely calm and when I saw him at the end of the aisle, nothing mattered but him.
Rely on your partner and support system, talk to them about stresses and concerns, let them help you (not my strong suit) and take a deep breath. What happens, happens, and as long as you’re with the one you love, none of the shit will matter.
Best wishes on your big (or littler) day!
So much stress is put on having THE PERFECT WEDDING, that Brides and grooms over stress about the day.
If you are married after the ceremony (and the certificate is filed 😉), does anything else really matter?
If someone else is wearing white (and you're in white) point them out.
Ask them to stand at the reception, a spotlight would be a nice touch. "I would like to thank XXX for also wearing white. To my wedding. It was so courageous of her. That's give her a hand." And everyone claps.
They wanted attention.
Congrats!! I’m so glad you guys are getting Married! You’re both adorable and you’re a great couple. Genuinely as a trans guy you guys have given me a lot of hope. Love u guys!!
So. American here and at least the way I understand it is
bachelor/bachelorette party is where the couple have separate parties with their friends/peers (a close cousin or sibling might be there but family is not the main focus).
Bridal shower is where you have a party with close relatives (this can be for both bride and groom but.. more often just the bride family and the groom stands around awkwardly) more frequently observed in large family systems (or rich ones).
I'm married but didn't do either of these.. sooo....
Currently planning our wedding for next year and we've ordered thank you notes with the invitations and will give them with favours as a thank you for coming - saves money posting them out and it's less of a thank you for any gifts, more for sharing the day with us.
I can't relate with the wedding talk but overthinking is a specialty of mine. I felt you💗
Oh man Shaaba, related to when you mentioned that not many of your guests have RSVP’ed “yes” yet: I got married last June and GURL, SAME.
We got a mind-boggling amount of rejections for our RSVPs. It’s really hard to say how many of them had to do with the fact that we went for a Friday (🤦♀️ not recommended), how many of them were Covid-related, and how many of them were honestly other random reasons, but in the end less than half the people we invited said “yes”. It was extremely disheartening and really put a damper on that giddy excitement 😞
We knew we weren’t entitled to anyones presence there but at the same time it’s like, haven’t Covid brides/grooms/etc had enough extra shit to pull through vs. couples who married before the pandemic? We eventually adjusted our expectations and found the joy again in focusing on the wonderful loved ones who were able to make it, and when the day came all that mattered was being able to see them there and share the day with them. But I still just felt the need to reach out and say that I felt that struggle in my bones when you said that, it’s not exactly the sort of thing you hope for as a bride-to-be
Yes, I had the same thing with people RSVP-ing! I started to chase people and they were like 'of course we're coming' and I'm like well I need your dietary requirements then please hahaha. In the end, pretty much everyone we invited came, so I wouldn't worry
The day does go by so quickly but what my husband and I did was review the day- our favourite parts, the little things that went wrong (which end up being some of the best parts in my view), the people who came, the music, everything. We talked about things a lot immediately after to help us remember everything we could.
Then when the pictures are sent you get to do it all over again and remember even more.
We still take time every so often to reminisce about it and I love those chats.
So yes, it goes by quickly but if you’ve done it right, it is a day with your favourite people, who love you the most, that you get to look back on for the rest of your life.
I’m sure your wedding will be everything you both dreamed of and you will be able to look back on it with such love and joy for many years to come.
I think you'll be relieved when it's over. The stress and strain leading up to the day is pretty awful, but then it's finally time for your party. The happiness I felt that day was proportional to all my anxious feelings, and I cherish the memories of that day. Seeing all the work come together was truly satisfying, and I'm glad I never have to plan something so elaborate again. I'm so excited for you!
I really hate thank you cards, I hate cards. They feel empty. I appreciate the attempts, and understand the expectations, but I hate the things. I got married Jan 2020 and just did a courthouse and a fancy dinner a couple days later. We got some money, and I got cards with us on it, but since I don't have addresses (we invited through text/email), we still have some of the cards that never got to people. We just haven't seen a lot of these people in person. Also, my friend considered her wedding destination, because it was in Arizona and most of her friends and family are from Indiana or Michigan, they live in Arizona. I did not consider it a destination wedding, and I still gave money, even though they didn't expect anything because people paid to travel.
On the destination wedding, l should not have to take out a loan to be a guest at a wedding 🤣🤣🤣
I'm so addicted to your hair!!! (And your content!)
I suppose to just give some context (my sister got married 3 years ago and until then I didn’t know the difference):
Bridal shower is an event for friends and family members of the bride to get together and celebrate. May be at some point before the wedding (my sisters was about 3 months prior.) kind of more on par with a baby shower than anything, with games and gifts that are more specifically intended for the bride or the wedding night rather than the more traditional household type gifts you may see at the wedding.
Bachelorette party, much like a typical bachelor party, is a bit more of an intimate celebration with the bridal party or otherwise close friends of the bride. Kind of a “last hoorah” kind of event held much closer to the day of the wedding (we had my sister’s the night before). A bachelorette party may or may not be more explicit and is typically shown in media as more explicit, whereas the bridal shower may be more family friendly (I do say maybe because my sister’s was more tame, we went for sushi and bowling, but likewise I feel like the fact that I was the maid of honor and the rest of her bridesmaids/bridesman all see me as the community baby sister, may have contributed to no one pushing for anything more explicit 😂)
So, tl;dr: mostly probably a marketing thing, but they’re different ways of celebrating the bride in different contexts. Bridal shower is definitely equal parts an event for involving the family as it is about the bride, while the bachelorette party is a bit more bride focused.
Also, I suppose a more simple explanation I thought of right after posting this text brick:
Bridal shower = celebrating the fact that you’re getting married
Bachelorette party = celebrating the last days of being unmarried
I feel like a batularette is like a party for your friends and a bridal shower is what you invite your granny and aunties to
I haven't received any thank you notes for the weddings I have attended, but my husband and I did send them out after ours. Our older family members really appreciated them even though we literally sent them out a year later.
The Movie Bridesmaids gives a great example of bachelor party and bridal shower. A bridal shower is gathering of loved one to celebrate the bride and give her gifts. Guests will often give an additional wedding gift.
Hi! As a peach spud ( for those who don’t know Jammi calls his subscribers spuds and shaaba calls hers peachs/sweet peas/ whatever she wants) I’m so excited for your wedding! I’ve been watching for awhile been waiting for this for months! Have a great wedding! 👍🏻👍🏼👍🏽👍🏾👍🏿
The 2 pieces of advice my mother gave me about weddings are 1) the wedding is for the family, the marriage is for you so don't stress if your mother or mother-in-law get a bit overly involved. 2) always have a sit down meal. She didn't she had a buffet and with everyone wanting to speak to her, give her things etc she ended up not getting to eat anything.
I did "thank you" notes, but they were slow to get to people. We had a Covid wedding, and we ended up having it that had 15 guests (the max we could have) in-person, and livestreamed it for everyone else who couldn't be there. Deciding who GOT those "thank you" cards ended up being a palava, because my partner and I were unsure of who out of the livestream viewers "should" have gotten one? Otherwise we'd have been sending dozens of cards to people who weren't actually there in person, and hadn't sent us any cards or gifts themselves. (A note that part of this is because my partner and I are quite socially awkward? So it's more about not knowing what the social protocol was)
It was actually pretty awful because my mother kept being really snippy about "You have to send these IMMEDIATELY or else everyone's going to be REALLY OFFENDED AND HURT", and it kind of added a real sour note to the whole thing, tbh.
I'm like two or three weeks late but I had to comment about the pickles! Similar to what you did the with new potatoes they could add dill to their bouquets and table arrangments. I love the idea of a pickle bar during cock tail hours (or maybe even a signature cocktail with pickles/pickle juice.) A pickle making kit party favor could be fun too, a mason jar with spices and such. When guest get home all they need is their own cucumbers and brine.
Oh and Shaaba, as you said cold feet are very common. Warm em up by remembering that you and Jamie have been through so much of the hard stuff... THIS is the fun! I'm so happy for yall and I can't wait to see what y'all share afterwards (if anything, not sure if you're keeping it private.)
Gifts should have no strings attached.
Thank you notes:
while I agree that sending a thank you note is very kind of the gift receiver, I do not think it is required. I think if you give someone a gift with expectations on that person’s behavior you will more often than not be disappointed. I think gift should be given with your heart because you want to give with no expectations whatsoever.
Thank you notes are VERY important! No emails!!!!
Congratulations on being able to have your wedding! I think if someone has taken their time and money to get you a gift a quick thank you shouldn't be too much trouble for the couple, even just a phone call, text, etc. because we all know that if someone didn't give a gift the bridezilla will suddenly have the time to contact you. A bridal shower is a more subdued event where your female friends and family members gather to have sort of a snack/lunch and give the bride her first set of gifts, but a bacheorlette party is usually a more wild event and someone like your mom and grandmother probably won't be there and gifts aren't usually given
the months leading up to my wedding were the WORST. i had cold feet, my mom was being overbearing, i just wanted to run away because i felt so anxious and scared and overwhelmed. and then the day came. i started walking down the aisle on the brink of a panic attack - and then i saw my partner looking at me. his eyes were red with tears, and every single emotion fled from me as i looked at the love he exuded, just standing there. and i immediately resolved not to care about the rest of the day. not the food, not the music, not anything. i didn't want to be one of those people so stressed out about the things that couldn't be changed that i would spend my own wedding day worried. best decision ever. i had the time of my life, and it was absolutely wonderful.
so i understand what you mean, and honestly until the day comes you won't be able to do anything about it. but! i want to send you so much joy and love. you will be okay, i promise!
this is honestly so sweet, thank you so much for sharing! x
IMO it's worth getting a good photographer for the wedding and reception. The album will be a great memory jogger in future when you're talking to your kids etc. about the day. Also, put captions and notes in it for future generations.
You really nailed it when you said that as long as the anxiety isn’t based off of concerns about being in THIS relationship; then your feelings are completely normal and fine.
There are a lot of expectations that go along with becoming legally married.
And there is a certain loss of autonomy in giving up your single status.
Those are things that you can grieve and that’s perfectly fine! You can feel multiple different things all at once! Because you can have all those anxieties and still be super excited about the future you are planning with your beloved.
congratulations for you and jammie! After all the pandemic fiasco. Mine is in 3 months and absolutely give me headache. Wish you a smooth sailing wedding whatever you and jammie planning to and also for sure a smooth sailing marriage life!
Omg! I soooo want to know how Jamie reacted to the potatoes in your floral arrangements!!!!! If those aren't couple goals, I don't know what is! I love the two of you so much and I wish you the best ceremony and wedding the two of you can imagine!
A bridal shower in Canada is a lunch or gathering with the women invited to the wedding. Some people are two, one with family and the other with friends. It is a time to hang out and give physical gifts to help the couples start their lives together. Typically people give money for gifts at the wedding and that is often enough to cover their dinner at the wedding. These are general rules but not expectations.
A bachelorette party is a party at night with typically, close friends of the bride at night. It is the last chance for them to go wild before getting married. Really now it is just a chance to hang out and spend way too much money before an expensive wedding.
I think it's a nice gesture to send thank you notes and it's nice to receive one, but if you go to a wedding completely *expecting* something in return, that I'd disagree with
destination weddings that are held at very expensive resorts drive me nuts! We( family of 4) are going to one next summer: total including hotel rooms, food, clothes & then the gift its going to cost us around 5K !!
Good for you for getting married! Can’t relate haha but still happy for you
Love the ‘pickle surprise’ person! I’m quite the fan of just about anything pickled - I would drink straight brine, if I could. (I cannot; sodium hates me) The pickle bar is a brilliant idea
Hi Shaaba! I wanted to say congratulations and good luck with you and Jamie's wedding! Also a pickle pun:
"Don't be sour and leave us in a pickle, bring your own pickle!".
Have a nice day!
1:35 I think thank you notes are falling out of fashion nowadays and most of the people who do them now do them digitally as to not waste paper. Above all, it’s personal preference. A lot of people just verbally thank people at the event.
I was absolutely hounded by my mom to send out thank you notes. I've never been good about being able to sit down and write thank yous. I have ADHD and it's extremely difficult to do it. I personally don't care if someone sends me one, I'll glance at it and toss it. It really is a waste.
At the end of the day while a thank you note is nice, if I’m giving a gift (any gift not just for weddings) it’s cause I want to and I don’t need to be thanked with a card
Bachelorette parties are for your besties, crew, or friends that are the same age as you (but do whatever you want). And bridal/wedding showers are for the moms, aunties, or older folks/those who aren’t into your bachelorette activities (this custom is on its way out as folks are getting married later in life). You get some of the big presents on your registry from wealthy family at the bridal shower so it’s also an excuse for more presents lol
So happy you and Jamie are finally getting married, have the best time!!
An interesting thing about the thank you notes from the weddings I've been to. Instead of notes, the bride and groom give a keepsake at the wedding to the guests, it depends on the couple what they want to give, a friend gave out one piece of fudge with a little thank you sticker on. My cousin had water bottles with their faces on them (that's a bit weird to reuse), at one point magnets with the date and a thank you was kind of a trend. I got a super tiny jar of honey once and another friend is going to give little bottles of bath salts at his wedding later in the year.
I’m really not sure I could do a wedding, but it makes me feel guilty. My family dynamics are..complicated to say the least. My parents can’t stand each other, my mother freaks out for months every time she has to see my dad, they both have a super complicated relationship with my brother, and half my family tend to drink way to much. I’m really not good at being the centre of attention or the hostess in that way. I was recently a toastmaster at my best friend’s wedding and that was fine, but I think I’d feel really anxious if it was my wedding. And my boyfriend is the most private person in the world, who would hate the whole thing. In other words - the only way we could enjoy a wedding is if we eloped. But I’m really, really worried about what that would do to our families. And I sort feel like I should “pay back” our friends who have involved us in their weddings.
Take time to look into each others eyes. Make it a thing to lock eyes and be present. I have worked as a wedding-banquet-server and have noticed time and time again that couples make it through the entire Wedding looking past each other, missing glances, focusing on anything and everyone else. Even during the ceremony and sometimes even during the vows. And i just can't fathom how one could miss each other in that exceptional moment.
I'm so happy for you, Shaaba :3 You are wonderful and I'm so, so thankful I found your channel.
My boyfriend and me have been together for 12 years this year. He is calm, cool and collected. I am passionate and powerful and very emotional. We always say we are "Independent Together" (Yes, it's a Steven Universe reference ❤️).
🥳 Congrats!!! Sending positive vibes and virtual confetti 🎉🥂 You both deserve the best and happiest wedding day! Here's to your next adventure!
I love writing thank you notes, but... it is a lot of time and energy. Also a big fan of the in person thank you
congrats whenever the hell you guys get married, sorry about any hate you might get love you guys you bring me such Joy
I had a group of friends I was close with in high school. Me and one of those friends moved to a different city for college. I've always been really bad at maintaining long distance relationships, but the friend I moved with maintained contact with the group that stayed in our home town. A few years later when one of the friends in our home town got married, everyone from the high school friend group except me was a bridesmaid. I was a little bit sad, because it made me realize that I had drifted so far apart from these people I used to be really close with, but I wasn't mad at her because she was right. We weren't that close anymore.
I would understand the lady from the second story having some misplaced sadness about not being a bridesmaid, but making a TikTok about it is too much.
Shaaba!! I love your hair! It suits you so well!
You and Jamie are my favorite Internet power couple.💕
I know it's well past your shared Big Day, but ...... I feel compelled to comment here, and now. I think your fears about your wedding could have been alleviated relatively easily if you had only surrounded yourself at the wedding and the reception with dozens of pickle enthusiasts. ;)
This was so great! Please do more Wedding content!😊
i'm not even sure if i would want a traditional wedding. everyone says it's the happiest/biggest/most important day of your life but i don't think i want it to be. i don't want to think of my life like that. plus that's a lot of pressure to put on one day lol
When you're married, will you guys be "Shamie" or "Jaaba"?
My first cousin to get married didn't even invite us to the wedding, both he and his wife had parents who divorced and remarried, so there was double the number of immediate family members. But they did send out some lovely announcement cards.
I tend to forget about thank-you cards after weddings, so if I do get one it's always a nice surprise. Sometimes I get them from parents after sending birthday pr Christmas presents to their kids, and that always makes me extra happy because they usually include cute photos. Without a response, I might worry if it was delivered properly or wonder how it was received, but if I'm close enough to someone to care that much, I can just text them and ask.
When my Spritelings godmothers got married they sent a text saying thanks for your ( present ) followed by a hilarious picture with them and the item. My favorite was someone sent them a toaster and they took a photo of both of them and the toaster on the beach with a pretty drink ... Yes the toaster had a drink and a bikini top. It was AMAZING
THIS IS AMAZING x
Weeeee never had thankyou notes here, it was never a thing... we do get souvenirs however... are thankyou notes instead of souvenirs?
As far as I’ve seen, a bridal shower is where the couple make a list of household items that they need (dishes, appliances, linens, etc.) and people purchase them to get the couple started on a home. They are loosely based on the idea that a couple will move in together only after a wedding, so they have somewhat fallen out of fashion as more couple cohabitate pre-nuptialy-often, both partners attend the shower though, so very different from a “bachelorette” type do.
Bridal shower is like a afternoon tea with gifts type thing, generally for the parent/grandparent generation. Bachelorette/hen dos are more for your own generation and there’s no gifts involved. Some people do both, one or the other, or neither.
I think you and Jamie are the most gorgeous couple! xxx
My Fiancé and I are thinking about getting married in Mauritius (he is Mauritian) most of our close family and friends are in the UK so it will effectively be a "destination wedding". I'd feel guilty expecting guests to have to travel as it's expensive and a long flight, so planning on having a second party in the UK for anyone who can't travel out there.
This all came from us only wanting a small and inexpensive wedding but also a holiday to Mauritius 😅
I'd love a spud wedding! A spudding? XD
I sent one of my friends friend a wedding gift being they were trans and I wanted to support them. My friend went off on them for not sending me a thank you card, even though I told her I didn't mind at all, the couple getting married were busy starting their new life together. She bugged them until they sent me an apology and a gift of their own, and I feel like a jerk, even though I'm the one who didn't mind not getting a thank you back from my original gift 😳
I would love to see you do some "after wedding" ones too, just to see the difference in how people deal with it/what kind of help they may need afterwards? My best friend is getting married Aug 20th, and if she needs me for any type of support, I wouldn't mind being a bit prepared!
Much love and of course, we can't wait to see how your wedding goes as well! 🥰
I live in NY in the states. Bridal showers is when the bridal party (ie bride’s maids and maid of honor) throw a special party for the bride before the wedding. May or may not include strippers. Also sometimes invites other women from the guest list of wedding to join the bridal shower.
A bridal shower is like a baby shower for brides. It's a hen-do you would invite your grandma to. I had a bridal shower with my family then a hen do with my sister's and friends
Good luck for your wedding!! I hope that everything goes well!
Bridal shower vs. Bachelorette party vs. Engagement party
Bachelorette Party is your close friends and female members of the wedding party having a a more wild party away from your home.
Bridal shower happens much earlier in the engagement. This party is more sedated and often includes all of the women involved, heavy emphasis on the women of the both families. You would never be wild or drunk at a bridal shower. Where it would be strange to invite your future mother-in-law to your Bachelorette; it would be rude (unless you are no contact) to not invite her to your Bridal shower. The bridal shower also celebrates the engagement, but more importantly welcomes the bride and the celebrates the joining of the women of the two families. (In theory)
Engagement party is the earliest celebration and is open to both genders and both engaged persons. It is a celebration of the engagement and the possibilities and happiness to come.
I feel guilty about wanting to have a wedding party because our friends and family live all over the States. So, even if it's not a "destination wedding" we would either have the wedding near where we live now or in our home town and the majority of people would still have to travel to come see us. It makes me sad thinking if I plan a wedding and send out invites, no one will come, but I also don't want to elope and alienate people who might want to be there. And weddings are SO expensive for no reason. I'm just torn about what to do
No, a bridal shower and a hen party are not the same thing. In North America, hen parties are called bachelorette parties. That's where the bride and the bridal party go out and get s***-faced essentially.
Bridal showers are like baby showers. So a month or so before the wedding there's a big party for all of the women in the bride's life and they all have to buy her a gift, any food and play stupid games. Traditionally the bridal shower is planned and organized by the bride's ants, but nowadays that's not always the case. Some people even have multiple bridal showers with the different groups of people in their life. For example, one at work, one with family, one with friends.
It's just another way to get gifts from people.
I got married in 1998. When we opened our presents and cards I made sure to have Pen and paper to write down what people gave us. I sent out ( late) thank you cards but I always mentioned what was given to us. I had been to weddings and not gotten a thank you card and wondered if they got the present? Did they like it?
Usually if you get a birthday present- you open it while the person is their, or call them later if its opened it later. Same with Xmas prezzies. So why would I not acknowledge wedding presents?
PS: So so happy it’s actually happening!! Congrats to you both!
I would no invite you to the rest of my life, is massive mood ♡
#1 Im sorry if im rude, but i dont have much energy for social stuff, i would rather say thank you in person and AT the wedding than sending out a standard "copy paste" letter saying thank you.
In these days it seems redicoulus to do voth to the envirorment but also because we have the internet, a letter is just as bland as a email or text saying thank u.
A gift should be acknowledged. I personally don't think it matters whether it's in person, a text, phone call, email, or note, as long as you have expressed thanks for the gift, you're good.
oh goodness, Congrats! The day is finally almost here! I have so many thoughts on weddings! I'm just starting to plan my wedding, which is a big thing because I never thought I would be getting married. I would love your opinions.
First, AITA? We are getting a city hall marriage next month, but I am planning the big party/ceremony for Fall, in a year. My older brother and mom aren't on speaking terms. She is a bit much so I get where he is coming from. So I haven't told my mom about the city hall ceremony and have invited him since I don't think he will want to come to the actual party. I feel bad about it but she also has the tendency of steamrolling everything, whether she's in a good or bad mood, I don't feel like anything can ever just be if she's involved. But I am stressed about when she does find out about the city hall ceremony. ugh, so much.
Second. I have disabilities that cause chronic fatigue and I'm trying to figure out how to leave time for an emergency nap if needed. Recently, at a friend's wedding where my partner was part of the wedding party, this was driven home to me because I was even in the party and I was sooo exhausted with the little bit I was helping with. I was able to last through the dinner, but as soon as the cake was cut and the dance party part of the evening began, we ducked out and took a nap in our room, then woke up for the after-party. Would it be weird to be just like "have fun all, I'm gonna go take a nap, see you in a couple of hours" at my own wedding?
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and especially if you have some advice.
oh also, trying to figure out the whole Ms. vs Mrs thing, as an enby and a feminist I hate it.
I think bridal showers and bachelorette parties are separate things. One is more for like the mums, grandmas, like more family friendly? bachelorette is more of the hen night calibre
I just want to say that you are really beautiful and I love your eyebrows!